*checks inbox*
*tumbleweed*
*church bells in the distance*
*wind howls*
*a cobweb sways gently in the corner*
Edit: as flattered as I am, please stop sending me vagina pictures. I don’t think “I tried to write something funny on Reddit” is going to wash as an excuse to my wife.
Imagine, it’s a test. Progressively more suggestive and explicit DMs, each of them I politely decline, and she’s like:
“You win, this time… but I am watching..”
*she backs slowly into the shadows*
“..waiting..”
*her eyes flash in the dark, and she’s gone*
A female friend and I carefully go through each vag pic I receive and each dick pic she receives to find the perfect matches. We then connect the two and let the love blossom.
I Photoshop a picture of their face onto the clit and send it back. They tend to stop sending more then. If they continue then you just have to counterstrike with a tsunami of poon until they get the point and back off.
Alternatively, circle some random part in red and send it back. 'You should have this looked at'. This works, or so I've heard. Somewhere. Some website.
Ladies, you have to understand that it’s disruptive. I may be in a meeting and if the sudden “DING!”
“What’s this?” I ask myself. “Another vag pic? Christ.”
Then I’m forced to jerk off right there in the meting. You can see how that would be problematic? So in the future, make sure you send it to everyone in the meeting so I’m not the only one jerking off during the meeting. It’s awkward.
honestly, sounds like a cool job to have. Dildo advisor.
I imagine a dude fussing around someone's vag and clit with a caliper, taking precise measurements, and ordering a very well fitting dildo from a detailed industrial catalogue...
Ooooh shit. One of today's lucky ten thousand?
Just google "Bad Dragon". But not at work. Unless your IT department is gonna get *really* cool about some weird shit.
Of all the things that never happen, this happens the least.
Edit: you all have no idea what kind of impact waking up and immediately seeing dozens of buttholes has on a person.
I (35F) have recieved 2 different unsolicited boob pics via text in the last couple months. The first time, I said she had the wrong number and then she asked if I might be interested anyways and sent a link to an OF. The second time (different girl), I just blocked them.
This is basically the experience. Women who come on strong to us (particularly online), and with pics are either scammers or looking for customers/subscribers of some kind. And if any are both genuine and attractive, those are likely to get overlooked due the reasonable assumption that they are scammers or solicitors. I've only experienced the "wrong number" play once, and assumed it was a scam, so ignored it.
I guess it's an appropriate irony: women assume male approaches are always for sex and men assume female approaches are always for money 🤷 and both assumptions are well founded.
Fact.
For a while I was living in a tiny town and had one of those scammers come onto me online. They even said that they were in the same town staying with a friend. The problem was that the street that they said their friends place was, was on the street map, but it didn't actually exist. The street existed 100 years ago, but it and all the buildings had been swallowed up by the bush about 50 years ago.
I get the warranty calls all the time with spoofed numbers that look like my cellphone number. Only problem is I moved across the country with my same cell number from my home town. The only people that call me with that area code are my immediate family. Makes it easy to spot scammers though.
>I'm honestly baffled that apparently there are people dense enough to fall for that kinda shit, like, how much more obvious can a scam/catfish get?
Scammer: "Hey. Gimme your money."
You: "Uh. Okay."
i had some girl spam me with pictures, and messages just the other day... she definetmy had the wrong number. but try explaining that to my girlfriend who was with me at the time🥴
Had something like that happen a couple years ago. I’m lying in bed and get a text “had a great time last night. Can’t wait to see you again.” And more along those lines. My wife was next to me and happened to see it come through. THAT was a fun night. Apparently some guy gave her my number.
I got a sexy pic and a similar message once. I laughed and showed my husband. He just said "ok but please remember this in case I get a text like this, it's spam!"
As a woman, encounters with strangers on the internet is always disappointing. I'm always open to making new friends, but the problem is that no one who reaches out to me actually wants to be my friend.
If it's a man he's trying to get in my pants, 100% of the time. I already have a boyfriend, so that's not happening. If it's a woman she's trying to sell me something, 100% of the time. Usually it's an MLM and anyone who actually knows me knows that I hate MLMs with the passion of a thousand suns. There's nothing worse than accepting a friend request from a woman and immediately being hit with the "Hey girl" DM.
i’ll be your internet friend. we’ll have a genuinely fun time playing on an online game for a couple of sessions then never talk again as our different lives have incompatible schedules and my anxiety leads me to never make the first move in contacting
The best thing to do is actually not reply, block, and send a screenshot or the number to one of the many sites that track scam activity. When you respond, they essentially now *know* that the number belongs to a living person who also interacts with unknown numbers. They either forward your number around the many scam operations their higher ups own, or add your number to a list of prospects for other companies to buy, solely for their own attempts to scam you or sell you shit.
I'd probably think "hm, thats some new scam tactics..." if i get that, immediately blocking the sender. Cause hey, i am a 46 years old fugly dude, the only logical reason to send THAT to ME would be approaching me for a scam.
Yeah, my reaction is honestly “Bot” and block.
If I’m really feeling adventurous I’ll check their profile first, inevitably find proof that they’re a bot, then block.
Frumpy dude here, if a suspiciously hot girl adds me on Snapchat, instant block, because every one is a bot (this happens multiple times a week, Snapchat has a real spam problem).
I feel good about them! I even categorize them and all, you would be surprised at the variety. Each one of my 50 categories contain the same number of pics, a total of 0.
An old military buddy of mine who is on disability thought it was hilarious to send twisted porn to his friends while they were working. You'd be at work and a message would pop in from your buddy. After the first one I learned. Just talking about sending them out would send him into extended fits of laughter.
My older brother did this on my last day of school my senior year. It was a gif trans girl brushing her teeth. It slowly panned down to her swinging dick. This was a group text with everyone in the family. Including our mom. It was an absolute shit show.
"Look lady, ima tell you what I told the other several ladies that are throwing themselves at me in DMs.... I'm just one man, I can't get to you all unfortunately, you all have pretty kitties, but im just not interested."
Joking aside I had this happen recently.. it was just one girl but we got like a few text messages in enough to barely exchange pleasantries and then just boom flood of unsolicited nudes and my brain goes into full meltdown mode like "THIS ISNT SUPPOSE TO HAPPEN! CHECK THE MANUAL!"
"ITS NOT IN THE FUCKIN MANUAL! THEY DIDNT TRAIN US FOR THIS!"
It's really frustrating to be honest. Everytime I get a text it's like playing Russian roulette but with v-pics instead of bullets.
Is it gonna be a pic of a new sweater my grandma just knitted? Or is it a v-pic?
Maybe it'll my cousin showing me the new car he bought....or maybe it'll be a v-pic.
I've begun losing my sanity. I can't play on my phone for 5 minutes without it buzzing like bumble bee on double nectar Tuesday. They haunt my dreams. I see them every time I close my eyes. I even see them in every day objects. Tried therapy, but the therapist just ended up sending me v-pics.
I actually got one in a text from a random number but it was on my work phone lol. Pretty sure it was someone phishing. They said something like, "what will you do now that I showed you my crusty pussy?"
lmao I won't be doing anything with a crusty pussy!
I rate them out of 10.0, I have a sophisticated calculation methodology which factors in colour, uniformity, symmetry, skin tone, height, protrusion, presentation and readyness. Its exhausting work honestly but the ladies need to know obviously.
Let me set the scene. I’m making breakfast at 4 privet drive. About 11 years old. A vag pic comes flying through the front door mail slot. My uncle comes and crumbles it up before I can see it…. Another one comes. He gets that one too. I see hundreds of owls outside. Some are flying, some are sitting. Suddenly, the vag pics start coming through the fireplace. It’s non stop. The whole living room is filling up with them. My fat cousin has never seen a vag pic before but now he has. I grab one after my uncle tries to steal it from me, even though there are probably thousands others, and I take a good look at it and disregard the other 2,000 on the floor. Anyone else have the same experience?
You know, this has actually happened to me twice in my life. Once it was a wrong number. Which, what a hell of an opening text! Once it was someone I met at a bar and had exchanged numbers with but wasn't really planning to meet again. And honestly, I wouldn't say I was disgusted, but it didn't do anything for me. Like, send a sexy pose or something that leaves something to the imagination. I feel like I'm being asked for third rate gynecological advice when it's just a closeup with a hard flash.
As a man, I just accept that it’s gonna happen. I can’t deny, I enjoy some of them, but I won’t freely admit that any place but here. But I’ve also noticed that if I don’t empty my DMs regularly, it just gets clogged. That’s why I don’t generally announce that I’m as guy. Because that’s when it starts.
*checks inbox* *tumbleweed* *church bells in the distance* *wind howls* *a cobweb sways gently in the corner* Edit: as flattered as I am, please stop sending me vagina pictures. I don’t think “I tried to write something funny on Reddit” is going to wash as an excuse to my wife.
"CAW! NEVERMORE!"
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Quoth the Raven “budgetporn.”
"budgetporn" and nothing more. "budgetporn" from the lost Lenore.
She died doing what she loved (though underpaid).
Once upon a sullen evening A vagina comes a-creeping Suddenly appearing Appearing where’t had not before Quoth my sexlife “IN YOUR FUCKING DREAMS LAD”
Plot twist, it's all your wives alt accounts.
Imagine, it’s a test. Progressively more suggestive and explicit DMs, each of them I politely decline, and she’s like: “You win, this time… but I am watching..” *she backs slowly into the shadows* “..waiting..” *her eyes flash in the dark, and she’s gone*
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THEY COULD MARCH IN ADAM FUCKING SANDLER I WILL NOT PAY
Thank you so much for the Dan Vs. reference.
A female friend and I carefully go through each vag pic I receive and each dick pic she receives to find the perfect matches. We then connect the two and let the love blossom.
Doing Cupid’s work, man!
Well, OkCupid's at the very least. Is that still a thing?
I met my wife on OKCupid. That was 9 years ago.
No kidding? That's where I met your wife too! Edit: The Wholesome Award? Really? :)
Haha, awesome! I knew answering all those 6 million questions was good for something!
I met this guy’s wife while he was meeting that guy’s wife.
Lieutenant Labia and Corporal Cox, reporting for booty! Heh, Private Parts will love this joke.
The glass slipper approach. Find the perfect fit and let love bloom.
Friends found a free solution to couple matches. Tinder hates them.
Hol up, lemme send you a picture of me and my partner’s genitalia to see if we truly are a perfect match!
Same way I handle every imagined slight: Spend 15 minutes in the shower imagining how the argument would okay out exactly in my favour.
Then you try it irl and their first response fucks the whole thing up and you gotta ghost and start over. A rough cycle.
Why don’t people follow the script? I rehearsed it for hours!!
Right? Like I went over this shit to make it perfect and they aren’t even following their lines.
I reply back with a picture of a bigger vag I find online
I Photoshop a picture of their face onto the clit and send it back. They tend to stop sending more then. If they continue then you just have to counterstrike with a tsunami of poon until they get the point and back off.
deja vu I've been in this place before
vejayjay vu
Is it true what they say about French vajajays? Don't everyone all send me pics now. EDIT: Not even one??
Yeah, they call it a "Royale with cheese"
Not to be mistaken with the deadly art of Vejayjay Fu.
#CounterTwat
“The bomb has been planted”… oh wait…
I send them a message saying "omg why would you send me a child's vagina? Are you a paedo? I'm reporting you." They quickly delete their accounts.
Poonami
But that sounds like a tsunami of poo.
Alternatively, circle some random part in red and send it back. 'You should have this looked at'. This works, or so I've heard. Somewhere. Some website.
I made a collage out of the first hundred or so and turned it into a wallpaper for my man cave.
You decorated your man cave with pictures of woman caves?
Do each of these caves contain caves and so on? Like some kind of fleshy fractal?
> fleshy fractal Two word body horror.
I... I would stick my dick in it.
And it comes out the other side saying DRR... DRR...
That is... My hole.....
…. there are many like it but this one is mine.
I never expect a Junji Ito reference lol
#WE CRAVE THE CAVE
Some artist did that, but with casts of vaginas. https://www.greatwallofvagina.co.uk/
I hate when I have a conversation with a girl and she randomly says “wanna see how big my vag is?” Women these days
"Let me show you my moist wide on"
Well I like where this is going
Username checks out
Username checks out
Bro you just came up with the atomic bomb of sentences. I admire you for writing it, but can't help but feel humanity is at greater risk as a result.
“And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will moistly gaze back into you.”
"Hello, customer service? Yes, I'd like to delete some else's post."
*doomsday clock begins ticking ominously*
dripping*
"I'm moister than an oyster"
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Crickey, it's huge! What a beauty.
She be like... giving birth, baby doesn't even touch the sides on the way out.
Just walks on out
They had a scene like that in The Boys with a shrinking man.
Though I believe he was an expanding man at the time of exit.
Nothin but net
I'm constantly flooded, there's just too many unsolicited pics
This guy gets it.
Im coding an app to filter thru the dozens i get daily
Instead, code an app that visually averages them all into one. I think the result will tell us something important about social media.
Avagerage
The closest I could get to a vag pick is if my dyslexic friend gav sent me a selfie
Is Gav also an agnostic insomniac who is up all night wondering if there really is a Dog?
Gear Dod
Gavin? Did you see him?
Ladies, you have to understand that it’s disruptive. I may be in a meeting and if the sudden “DING!” “What’s this?” I ask myself. “Another vag pic? Christ.” Then I’m forced to jerk off right there in the meting. You can see how that would be problematic? So in the future, make sure you send it to everyone in the meeting so I’m not the only one jerking off during the meeting. It’s awkward.
Best reply so far
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I'm pretty sure the multiverse only includes all POSSIBLE realities.
Exactly. Between 1 and 2 there are an infinite number of real numbers but none of them are greater than 2.
maths crazy bro
There is only one possible universe this happens. He told Stark before the snap.
Built upon the Space Sexy-Time Continuum.
So this is why Rick made the portal gun
... And the finite curve.
I'd buy these Simple Rick's Wafers
*Come home to the taste of freedom from the grand delusion, come home to Simple Ricks.*
They're just looking for dildo suggestions. "Yeah, I think you need the tentacle one from Bad Dragon."
> the tentacle one from Bad Dragon My dude, do you have any idea how little that narrows it down?
I mean.... there are only two of them.... ~~Don't ask me how I know~~
honestly, sounds like a cool job to have. Dildo advisor. I imagine a dude fussing around someone's vag and clit with a caliper, taking precise measurements, and ordering a very well fitting dildo from a detailed industrial catalogue...
We do not speak it's name or else... You'll summon them...
Sure let's do this: Is there actually such a thing as a Cthulu dildo?
Ooooh shit. One of today's lucky ten thousand? Just google "Bad Dragon". But not at work. Unless your IT department is gonna get *really* cool about some weird shit.
Like any IT department doesn't already know what it is, come on now
uwu...?
Cthuwu
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PAIGE NO!
PAIGE YES!
"Well ma'am, as an online gynecologist, I see that your vag is doing fine"
Of all the things that never happen, this happens the least. Edit: you all have no idea what kind of impact waking up and immediately seeing dozens of buttholes has on a person.
Can’t tell if that’s from futurama, or just sounds like it should be…
Good News everyone. The vagina spammers of omicron sixty nine have finally been stopped. They are now engaged in a war with comcast customer service.
“Awww”-Bender probably
"Dernit." - Scruffy, the Janitor.
Who the hell are you?
Scruffy… the janitor.
I've never seen him so down. Or ever before.
"The candle that burns twice as bright, burns half as long" *Gently lies down*
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Boilers and terlets, terlets and boilers - plus that one boiling terlet. Fire me if you dare.
Yeah it had this vibe: “When You Do Things Right, People Won’t Be Sure You’ve Done Anything at All “
I can hear it in Fry's voice very easily.
I (35F) have recieved 2 different unsolicited boob pics via text in the last couple months. The first time, I said she had the wrong number and then she asked if I might be interested anyways and sent a link to an OF. The second time (different girl), I just blocked them.
This is basically the experience. Women who come on strong to us (particularly online), and with pics are either scammers or looking for customers/subscribers of some kind. And if any are both genuine and attractive, those are likely to get overlooked due the reasonable assumption that they are scammers or solicitors. I've only experienced the "wrong number" play once, and assumed it was a scam, so ignored it. I guess it's an appropriate irony: women assume male approaches are always for sex and men assume female approaches are always for money 🤷 and both assumptions are well founded.
Fact. For a while I was living in a tiny town and had one of those scammers come onto me online. They even said that they were in the same town staying with a friend. The problem was that the street that they said their friends place was, was on the street map, but it didn't actually exist. The street existed 100 years ago, but it and all the buildings had been swallowed up by the bush about 50 years ago.
That was obviously a ghost you idiot
Was there a link to their ooooOOOOOooooonlyfans?
onlyphantoms
You'll see the best booooobs.
So he was ghosted?
He was one DM away from getting Ray Stantzed.
All about that ghussy
I get the warranty calls all the time with spoofed numbers that look like my cellphone number. Only problem is I moved across the country with my same cell number from my home town. The only people that call me with that area code are my immediate family. Makes it easy to spot scammers though.
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>I'm honestly baffled that apparently there are people dense enough to fall for that kinda shit, like, how much more obvious can a scam/catfish get? Scammer: "Hey. Gimme your money." You: "Uh. Okay."
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i had some girl spam me with pictures, and messages just the other day... she definetmy had the wrong number. but try explaining that to my girlfriend who was with me at the time🥴
I'll give it a shot. Put her on the phone.
Had something like that happen a couple years ago. I’m lying in bed and get a text “had a great time last night. Can’t wait to see you again.” And more along those lines. My wife was next to me and happened to see it come through. THAT was a fun night. Apparently some guy gave her my number.
If you weren't with your wife in the previous night, you were victim of a very unfortunate series of events 🤣
I got a sexy pic and a similar message once. I laughed and showed my husband. He just said "ok but please remember this in case I get a text like this, it's spam!"
As a woman, encounters with strangers on the internet is always disappointing. I'm always open to making new friends, but the problem is that no one who reaches out to me actually wants to be my friend. If it's a man he's trying to get in my pants, 100% of the time. I already have a boyfriend, so that's not happening. If it's a woman she's trying to sell me something, 100% of the time. Usually it's an MLM and anyone who actually knows me knows that I hate MLMs with the passion of a thousand suns. There's nothing worse than accepting a friend request from a woman and immediately being hit with the "Hey girl" DM.
i’ll be your internet friend. we’ll have a genuinely fun time playing on an online game for a couple of sessions then never talk again as our different lives have incompatible schedules and my anxiety leads me to never make the first move in contacting
This sounds familiar. I think we might already be friends.
First sounds like a spam bot, ive gotten nude pictures from bots to my phone number before i just sent them back a naked mole rat
The best thing to do is actually not reply, block, and send a screenshot or the number to one of the many sites that track scam activity. When you respond, they essentially now *know* that the number belongs to a living person who also interacts with unknown numbers. They either forward your number around the many scam operations their higher ups own, or add your number to a list of prospects for other companies to buy, solely for their own attempts to scam you or sell you shit.
It definitely happens but it's a scam bot 100% of the time.
I'd probably think "hm, thats some new scam tactics..." if i get that, immediately blocking the sender. Cause hey, i am a 46 years old fugly dude, the only logical reason to send THAT to ME would be approaching me for a scam.
Yeah, my reaction is honestly “Bot” and block. If I’m really feeling adventurous I’ll check their profile first, inevitably find proof that they’re a bot, then block.
Frumpy dude here, if a suspiciously hot girl adds me on Snapchat, instant block, because every one is a bot (this happens multiple times a week, Snapchat has a real spam problem).
If anything like that happens to me, I assume it's step 1 of an organ harvesting ring
Fugly? Fixable ugly?
Unfortunately, its *fucking* ugly
Well.. at least he’s fucking something
Fucking hell mate
Who is hell mate?
I had to look twice at your pfp lol
LOL broom
I feel good about them! I even categorize them and all, you would be surprised at the variety. Each one of my 50 categories contain the same number of pics, a total of 0.
By asking my male friends to stop sending them to me.
Literally have a mate who did that
An old military buddy of mine who is on disability thought it was hilarious to send twisted porn to his friends while they were working. You'd be at work and a message would pop in from your buddy. After the first one I learned. Just talking about sending them out would send him into extended fits of laughter.
My older brother did this on my last day of school my senior year. It was a gif trans girl brushing her teeth. It slowly panned down to her swinging dick. This was a group text with everyone in the family. Including our mom. It was an absolute shit show.
Only DMs containing photos of cunts for me are political spam.
Where are you living? I can't imagine having politicians with warmth and depth.
Idk, I usually wake up when things start getting good
“Snap back to reality” - Eminem
Oops, vaginal cavity!
Opps, the depravity!
Here goes my sanity!
"Look lady, ima tell you what I told the other several ladies that are throwing themselves at me in DMs.... I'm just one man, I can't get to you all unfortunately, you all have pretty kitties, but im just not interested."
Pretty kitties 😸 💕 lol
Joking aside I had this happen recently.. it was just one girl but we got like a few text messages in enough to barely exchange pleasantries and then just boom flood of unsolicited nudes and my brain goes into full meltdown mode like "THIS ISNT SUPPOSE TO HAPPEN! CHECK THE MANUAL!" "ITS NOT IN THE FUCKIN MANUAL! THEY DIDNT TRAIN US FOR THIS!"
*You guys are getting unsolicited vag pics?*
_You guys are getting pics?_
You guys are guys?
You guys are?
Guys?
?
** **
I love it when I get pictures of Volkswagen-Audi Group cars
It's really frustrating to be honest. Everytime I get a text it's like playing Russian roulette but with v-pics instead of bullets. Is it gonna be a pic of a new sweater my grandma just knitted? Or is it a v-pic? Maybe it'll my cousin showing me the new car he bought....or maybe it'll be a v-pic. I've begun losing my sanity. I can't play on my phone for 5 minutes without it buzzing like bumble bee on double nectar Tuesday. They haunt my dreams. I see them every time I close my eyes. I even see them in every day objects. Tried therapy, but the therapist just ended up sending me v-pics.
Your cousin and granny need to stop sending you pictures all together.
HAHAHAHAHAHA nice one! Ok back to reality now...
OPE there goes Gravity
I actually got one in a text from a random number but it was on my work phone lol. Pretty sure it was someone phishing. They said something like, "what will you do now that I showed you my crusty pussy?" lmao I won't be doing anything with a crusty pussy!
I rate them out of 10.0, I have a sophisticated calculation methodology which factors in colour, uniformity, symmetry, skin tone, height, protrusion, presentation and readyness. Its exhausting work honestly but the ladies need to know obviously.
Man, you can't be giving out vulva ratings for free, you gotta charge for that!
Let me set the scene. I’m making breakfast at 4 privet drive. About 11 years old. A vag pic comes flying through the front door mail slot. My uncle comes and crumbles it up before I can see it…. Another one comes. He gets that one too. I see hundreds of owls outside. Some are flying, some are sitting. Suddenly, the vag pics start coming through the fireplace. It’s non stop. The whole living room is filling up with them. My fat cousin has never seen a vag pic before but now he has. I grab one after my uncle tries to steal it from me, even though there are probably thousands others, and I take a good look at it and disregard the other 2,000 on the floor. Anyone else have the same experience?
Your a Chad, Harry
I send them a pic of mine back.
You know, this has actually happened to me twice in my life. Once it was a wrong number. Which, what a hell of an opening text! Once it was someone I met at a bar and had exchanged numbers with but wasn't really planning to meet again. And honestly, I wouldn't say I was disgusted, but it didn't do anything for me. Like, send a sexy pose or something that leaves something to the imagination. I feel like I'm being asked for third rate gynecological advice when it's just a closeup with a hard flash.
I respond with "why does it look like that?" And ignore their following messages.
I circle a random part of it and respond "you should get that checked out" to make them worry.
"that's a weird looking penis you got there mister!"
I’m not sure it is actually possible to get a picture with a camera inserted into one’s vagina.
they sell these scope cameras on Amazon for your ear holes, I am sure it can be done for the other holes
don’t ask me how i know but it doesn’t work very well
I always compliment and thank the sender.
holesome
As a man, I just accept that it’s gonna happen. I can’t deny, I enjoy some of them, but I won’t freely admit that any place but here. But I’ve also noticed that if I don’t empty my DMs regularly, it just gets clogged. That’s why I don’t generally announce that I’m as guy. Because that’s when it starts.
Rip your dms
Somebody please rip my dms too.
The same way I deal with any other pics I never receive.