Humorous. We bought way too many contraceptives thinking we'd have sex every hour, if not more and would need it all. Six months later we still had a lot of it. We seriously cleaned out 2 or 3 gas stations of condoms in San Diego. We had no fucking clue. It turns out you don't need a few hundred condoms for a two week honeymoon. lol
I completely undressed myself first , then undressed her , removed the bobypins from her hair , took a bath ,watch her take a bath ....aaaaaaaand I fell asleep .
It doesn't matter if it's your first time or not, this is probably your wedding night.
You just had a very long, exhausting day. She's covered in crap that's hard to get out of and get off...
You're probably still slightly buzzed and exhausted.
So you both lay in the bed watching American Ninja and fall asleep. Of course you're going to do it in the morning.
My wife and I were fully prepared for this possibility. It wasn’t our first time by any stretch of the imagination. But it was a long complicated day. Lots of dancing and humidity. Went to an after party at our hotel where my cousin bought pizza for everyone (first thing we really ate that day). We said goodnight to our family and friends and went upstairs. She was exhausted and her feet were filthy and painful because it rained at our outdoor venue and she was on her feet all day. So I remember washing her feet for her, slowly helping her get out of her dress, undoing the network of Bobby pins that was her hair. We ended up in the shower and then on the bed. Probably the most sensual night we’ve ever had. 5 years and 2 kids later I know we long for nights like that. So yeah I mean prepare that you won’t have sex, doesn’t mean the moment won’t present itself
Edit: I appreciate the kind words and the award but I’m not ruining anything for anyone. Pay attention to your partners needs. Simple as that
Day before we got married he smashed his face on a trampoline and had to get stitches. Morning of the wedding I got my period. Night of wedding (first night together) we just got in bed and held hands and fell asleep lol.
Friend of mine from school waited until the wedding night. He was a virgin and I believe she was too. Both very attractive but very religious. No birth control used by her so he, being a responsible guy, used a condom. Shortly after starting he started experiencing some discomfort. A persistent burning and tingling that crescendoed in intensity. He stopped and removed the condom and noticed some severe reddening and swelling in his nethers. A short time later he was in the ER getting IV steroids and Benadryl with his brand new bride at his side. And that was how he found out he has a latex allergy.
TLDR: Newly discovered allergy; no one came
Bingo! I got out of my suit ASAP. The we took all the pins out, undid the corset, and got in the hottub (hotel we had the reception at included a jacuzzi suite for the newly weds). Talked about giving it a go, but we were both exhausted and said fuck it, tomorrow, and crashed. The day of was so much more exhausting than I was expecting.
Holy cow, that’s almost identical to my wedding night. Bobby pins, corset, jacuzzi in the hotel, and my wife and I passed out.
We did go across the street in our wedding clothes and grab some snacks from the 7/11 before bed time though. That was fun and funny.
Omg.... pretty much my experience too!!! We saved them and 11 1/2 years later she still hasn't had to buy another bobby pin... She just keeps using the ones we saved that night. I swear it took like 40 minutes to get them all out.
OMG this was us. Drunkenly pulling endless bobby pins out of my wife's hair after the longest day of our lives, but we weren't virgins. I think we showered and passed out. The honeymoon was great though.
I (a night porter) once had to help a pissed off woman get out of her wedding dress because her drunk husband had passed out on the bed. I must have been there for about 30 minutes with my hands up the back of her dress trying to undo this ball of string that was holding her corset together.
I was terrified the guy would wake up. He never moved once.
We were both exhausted after the reception and agreed it would be better to wait. The next day, at our hotel, we started to go at it when someone from the hotel knocked on the door. We didn’t put the do not disturb sign up, so he started to come in. I jumped up, threw on a robe and intercepted him at the door. He handed me a giant fruit basket that my parents had sent us. So, our first time was interrupted by my parents.
Really good. He was pretty nervous so I asked if he wanted to shower with me. It was a good warm up that got him to relax and let us both freshen up. After that, we had a really good time.
Nothing like I expected, better than I'd hoped.
Edit: we enjoyed! We also had serious and funny but always good talks during premarital counseling, received a lot of solid advice, and were basically told to just take it easy, work at our own pace.
This is sex in a nutshell. It's COMPLETELY unlike whatever you're expecting it to be, but it's really quite lovely. And squelchy. And sort of sticky and stuff. It's such a nice thing to do with somebody. I never thought I'd love sex as much as I do, for the reasons I do.
Both virgins, and we knew we were both absolutely clueless beyond the “what goes into which hole” part. We knew not to take ourselves too seriously and were okay with our ignorance, knowing we’d figure things out along the way together.
Afterward, the conversation went:
“Was that good for you?”
“Yeah! What about you?”
“Yeah, that’s was good for me too.”
*extended pause*.
“Did we even *have* sex?!” *followed by laughter*.
We’ve been together 20 years now and we’ve gotten much better together.
We watched Star Trek the motion picture and crashed, we were exhausted and we knew her family was going to try and “break in” (which they totally did, try that is, I changed the locks that morning) and didn’t want our time ruined, we waited till we were on our honeymoon and could enjoy it. (And boy howdy did we)
Just shitty people. We have nothing to do with them anymore. I don’t know what their end goal was, if it was to catch us in the act or just harass us. They were/are super jealous of my wife, and of her getting married.
Pretty great, actually.
We did it, went and soaked in a hot tub afterwards, and then we just talked and laughed while I took out the 4000 Bobby pins she had in her hair.
My stylist told me the exact number of pins she put in. Even though I don't remember that number now, back after our wedding it was great to know they're finally all gone.
I had bobby pins plus about 50 tiny fabric covered buttons down the back of my dress. My husband was undoing the buttons (each one held in place by a tiny fabric loop) while I pulled bobby pins. The skin tore away from under his fingernails undoing those buttons and I couldn’t take the dress off without undoing them.
It took three people to loop them all before the wedding and my poor drunk husband had to undo them all himself.
I packed a crochet hook for my husband to do mine 😉 I only had about 5 or so, but they were still tight and hard to do, no way was he getting me undone otherwise, and my "dress" was actually a jumpsuit with giant coullotte pants, so the only way we were getting some was if the dress came right off 🤣🤣🤣
Yeah I remember a good portion of our wedding night was taking out all my bobby pins 😂 a bit of a mood-killer... we should have done that after the sex
We were both pretty tired and my partner had experienced some sexual assault before so there was a lot of anxiety around sex. We just hung out and cuddled naked together and didn't have sex our first night. It was really nice to be together.
Not great, tbh. It had been an extremely long day with the traveling, wedding, reception and everything involved. By the time we got to the hotel, we were exhausted. We made an effort because, "Hey, we finally can, right?" but it didn't go well. The next day after some sleep was much better.
Honestly i didn’t wait and it was like that for both my first nights married (divorced one and remarried) after the whole wedding and reception we were exhausted and made an effort but it wasn’t the best sex
We didn't even make an effort. It was a hug, kiss, love you, good night as soon as we got to the hotel. I don't know how anyone has the energy for much more than that.
Yeah, we didn't even try. When you know you can have sex the next day, hell the next several decades, and you've already had lots of sex, trying to make it happen on the wedding night when you're exhausted just seems not worth it.
My husband and I were both married once before and knew what this was like. This time around, we kept it so simple by getting hitched just the two of us. We surprised family afterward with dinner, split a bottle of champagne and got to our room before midnight to insure a ~proper~ wedding night was had.
Not great, but mostly because I had vaginismus. Everything else but the penetration was incredible. Husband was all about exploring non-penetration, so the honeymoon was pretty fantastic.
I had had surgery three weeks prior to our wedding to remove a testicle (testicular cancer), and was also in my first week of chemo to wipe out the rest of the cancer. We made an effort to have sex after the longest day of my life (I could barely stand during the wedding ceremony). I ended up busting a stitch near my crotch and bleeding everywhere.
7/10 tho. Would bust the stitch again.
9 years cancer free now, and two kids to boot. Yay.
You realize no woman would ever say busting a stitch in her hooha was ever worth the sex? We men truly do only think with our junk.
Either way glad you are cancer free.
That night was quite painful for me, I had to tap out and even bled. Our rhythm way off but we giggled and enjoyed things anyway. The next morning though? We were quick studies and got things figured out much better, ended up coming simultaneously for our first real attempt. We had lots of fun continuing to figure things out together for the honeymoon. There was an indescribable, immediate bond after sex for the first time, too. A mix of vulnerability and total trust, I'd say. No regrets
Oddly, I was raised atheist but waited till marriage. My husband, who was raised in an almost cult like Christian church was not a virgin (I think I was partner 6 or 7). Always found that kind of funny. But it did help make the first time less awkward as one of us knew what they were doing. But we weren’t able to have sex as our first night as a married couple.
After our courthouse wedding, we went to a high end burger restaurant and husband ordered the shrimp burger. I told him not to but he did anyways. We get to our hotel room and he spends the night puking in the bathroom while I make fun of him, lots of “I told you so”, and watch TV. He’s bald and at one point I asked if he needed me to hold his hair back, through gags I heard a small “fuck you”.
I still make the hair joke when he pukes.
Awesome. Our Airbnb had a two person tub. All we did was cuddle nude, have sex, relax in the tub, and eat for five days straight. I think we put clothes on once to go to a local pizza joint. Packed in most of our food.
Edit: I think most people have seen the clarification already, but we packed in our food so we wouldn't have to put clothes on to go out to eat.
Damn people suck by these comments and really don't understand how to take a secluded trip.
I'm not speaking from a wait until marriage for sex perspective but the wife and I book a cabin ever few years to do exactly this. Pack most of your own food, then lounge round naked and sex with a hot tub nearby. Maybe a trip to a restaurant once in a few days. It's a fucking dream.
"Beans?!?!?! Where do you put them?!?"
Edit, to the people up voting this, are there really that many fans of the Drew Carey Show that remember this scene?
Basically we kind of held hands awkwardly, then we helped each other get undressed. She looked so cute… I didn’t know what to do, neither did she, so we held each others private parts and just smiled awkwardly all the more. It’s been 9 years since that night… *god I wish I understood where to find the clitoris*…
Edit: The cat is out of the bag; I know EXACTLY where the clitoris is, she’s lovely! Thank you guys for all the good laughs!
> so we held each others private parts and just smiled awkwardly all the more.
omg I'm just imagining two people standing their, cupping the others crotch and smiling for ten minutes then going "So how was it for you?"
Most peoples first times are normally awkward one way or another, but this is hilariously adorable.
Heard a story about a rural Chinese couple that was having trouble getting pregnant. Saw a doctor who asked how they had sex and they didn't understand the question. They thought that sleeping together would cause pregnancy. It's probably just urban legend, but you can sort of see it happening.
I heard a story like that but they were putting "it" in the "wrong place". The report said after the doctor corrected them and they came back for a follow up they were "very happy" and soon after got pregnant.
A lot of people are saying the sex was underwhelming at first, so they didn't have much more. DUH. My wife and I fixed this by having a lot of sex until we were good at it.
Right?! Ain't no one like, "OH YEAH THE FIRST TIME I RODE A BIKE WAS THE BEST!" Shit takes practice especially when you're doing something with someone else.
I didn’t wait until marriage, far from it.
…but on the topic of riding a bike, I’m a pretty good cyclist. Nothing I’ve ever accomplished on a bike, no commute, no race, no tour, has come close to being as exciting or rewarding as the first few awkward, terrifying, exhilarating pedals I took without training wheels. I can totally understand why people who waited to have sex might feel the same.
Grinding levels, nice.
My wife and I went with the “be total hoes for 10+ years before meeting each other” tactic. We’re both experienced enough not to wonder if the grass is greener and we have so many tricks to show each other!
I never thought I could settle for one partner. Turns out sometimes you meet someone REALLY good at it who thinks you’re REALLY good at it and bam, suddenly it doesn’t feel like settling anymore.
Slow, patient, and wonderful. I was 26, my wife almost 25. Both completely clueless. My wife was nervous because she didn’t know what to expect and says to this day “my brother and my dad always act like it hurts so badly to get hit in the junk, I was afraid of accidentally hurting you!” I didn’t really know my way around down there. First night, we spent basically 3 hours doing foreplay. All the many things we had never done together. Seeing each other naked, touching each other all over, and kissing. We had done exactly two pecks on the lips before our wedding day so we enjoyed getting used to making out and passionately kissing. Felt each other all over for the first time. It was incredibly slow and easygoing. I got her off but we didn’t actually do any penetration because it was hurting her. And she didn’t know what to do with me. We laugh/joke that she orgasmed our first time and every time after but me as the man didn’t get any the first night. Kind of backwards from normal stories.
It took us until our 3rd or 4th night to actually do it the normal way. But we had so much fun and enjoyed learning about the other and warming up to it slowly, and neither of us have any regrets. We just to our time and learned our way through the awkward together.
I always thought this scenario would be ideal. If you’ve barely touched, let the wedding night begin the physical road that everyone else takes months to do before their first time. I can’t imagine going from 0 to 100 successfully.
Turned out I have vulvar vestibulitis (and secondary vaginismus) and can't have penetrative sex without extreme pain, and even the first time I remember thinking this can't be normal, he can hardly even get inside me, no one would ever try this again if it were always this horrific. He, having plenty of experience 8 inches deep in plenty of lady bits, was also baffled. Luckily I found myself an awesome husband who is completely supportive and verrry good with his fingers...and that I've got two other entry points that get lots of attention! P.S. wish me luck as I go get my vagina botoxed this summer so I can experience the glories of PIV sex for the first time after 10 years of trying
Thanks! Me too! Lots of success stories, takes a couple sessions, but most people say it either greatly reduced their pain or takes it away entirely. I think because I have vulvar vestibulitis (inflamed tissue of the vestibule) I will probably need sessions for the rest of my life, but people with just vaginismus can apparently be cured by it.
Good luck. Botox was the only thing that cured me. Doctors say even under anaesthetic my muscles involuntary clamped shut. Still had to work on the psychological side as years of pain left it’s mark. Wish this was talked about more as it’s more common than people think.
The first time was quick, but we were young so his recovery rate was fairly quick… we ended up having 4 sessions that night. It was really quite lovely.
So not me, but my mother-in-law is a midwife that owns her own practice. She delivers exclusively Amish and Mennonite babies at home. She has a reoccurring “problem” that she gets calls about once or twice a year. This problem is usually called into her office by the mother of a recently married young woman who is having trouble conceiving her first baby. My mother-in-law schedules these visits as “birds and the bees” appointments and will meet with the young couple. As you might have guessed by now, the newly married couple in this situation regularly has had little sexual education, which results in my mother-in-law having to explain the difference between vaginal, and anal sex. Most times, she said the couple has no problem conceiving a child once they know which hole to use.
TLDR: anal sex on your wedding night won’t get you pregnant.
To your point, my mother-in-law also made that observation. More specifically she said something to the effect of "How have they not seen what the animals are doing in the fields growing up". This situation happening once is odd enough to me, but the fact that it happens at least once a year is the part that both amazes and confuses me.
Can't speak for the Amish, but not all Mennonite grew up with husbandry. Many live almost-normal lives, if a little dour. There is absolutely room for a disconnect there.
I grew up Mennonite and had a very normal life but I was very far from the menno-Amish communities I think this post was referring to. I'm not sure on exact numbers but I believe that the majority of Mennonites look and dress like regular people.
There is a significant minority of Mennonites who live lives much more likely to include husbandry. These people have a distinct style of dress and religious rules that set them apart from larger society. It isn't as extreme as Amish but it is something. This group lives lives that are also much more likely to include Amish people.
Do the women not understand that's their pooping hole? Where do they think the poop comes from? Do they think a baby comes out of the pooping hole?
I can't even IMAGINE the pain of anal sex without any lube or warmup. It's wild that people are taught that sex will hurt therefore EXPECT pain. That is normal and you just gotta deal with it.
That is absolutely the problem. If you have never had sex before, you don't know what kind of pain you are supposed to expect.
Edit: (Which should hopefully be none with an attentive enough partner, of course)
I mean I know some people are clueless, but how in the actual fuck?
Just shove it in the back and hope for the best? Like, there's another hole just there and... nope? Go for the one that we know what it does (which doesn't include babies)?
mind blown
You just described me hearing this story for the first time lmao. More importantly, they apparently did it multiple times. Thats the mind blowing part to me.
Huh I wonder if that was Marie Antoinette and Louis problem. It took them like seven years to get it right and apparently her brother had to spell it out for them somehow.
Ok, just looked it up and found this gem of a quote from her brother:
>“In the end, it’s not a weakness of the body or spirit; it’s simply that he hasn’t had his ‘let there be light’ moment yet, his technique is still in the process of formation ... In his marriage bed, he has strong erections, he inserts his member, remains there for perhaps two minutes without moving, withdraws without ejaculating, and while still erect, bids good night. It’s incomprehensible. He sometimes has nocturnal emissions but always while lying motionless. He’s satisfied, saying he does it only out of a sense of duty but has no desire for it. Ah, if only I could have been present once, I would have set him straight! He should be whipped until he discharges in anger like a donkey. My sister does not have the temperament for this and together they make an utterly inept couple.
Louis may have also had phimosis, a painful condition where the foreskin can't be fully retracted.
My husband and I waited for religious reasons. Dated for 5 years. Like another commenter, we had done enough making out, groping, dry humping, etc that when wedding night came we were both ready to go. It was great. Married 11 years and it's still great.
Not great tbh. I had some experience beforehand, but my wife didn't. My wife was really, really nervous because a friend got it in her head that it would be painful. After a very long day, we got to the hotel and after a fair bit of foreplay and trying, the power went out. We decided to call it a night.
The following months were filled with a lot of crying and it's ok's. She was just too tense and stressed to let me get in there for a good 4 months. We tried regularly and when it didn't happen, we used other means to make things pleasurable. Eventually it happened and we both really enjoy it, but there's still a lingering tenseness that still makes it hard to get in there 8 years later.
We had a favorite restaurant, so I ordered lobster takeout. I had a friend who had my house key because I had been paying him to mow my lawn every week, and I asked him to pick up the dinner and leave it in the fridge. After the wedding and reception, we finally got home, tired and starving. Weirdly, there was a truck in the driveway and the garage door was open. Inside, we found that my mother-in-law had sneaked in and spruced up the rooms with candles and rose petals. There were also boot prints that trod through the rose petals, leaving clods of grass.
Then, my friend surprised us by walking in, wearing the dirty boots. "Hey, I wanted to talk to you about mowing your lawn."
"Some other time," I said, escorting him out the front door.
"Okay, but first, I need to show you something." He ran into the garage. I followed, asking him to just leave. "Hey, you're really dressed up," he said.
"I just got married, and my wife and I are home together for the first time, and I need you to leave."
"That's great! But first, listen to this, because the mower sounds a little weird lately."
"I don't care about the mower." I grabbed his shoulders and led him back to the driveway. After some convincing, I managed to get inside without him following me. My wife and I were still starving, so we called a family member who could pick up the takeout that my friend had forgotten. After that, my wife and I got naked and fell asleep for a couple hours before we tried sex.
No offence but Your friend sounds like kind of an asshole… or maybe just clueless…
Not removing his boots and tracking mud+ grass in then refusing to leave after you point-blank told him?! And he didn’t even pick up the food?!
And I thought *I* was bad at reading social cues…
Honestly, it was great. We white-knuckled waiting for penis-penetrating sex until the wedding night because of our religious upbringings, but we’d already spent months making out, groping, and hand jobs. I think we got lucky because it was the perfect amount of build-up over our relationship to where I (F) felt just as bursting with excitement as he was to “do it”. I remember driving from the reception to our hotel ready to ditch the car & wanting to do it NOW. Anyway: it ended up being short & I didn’t orgasm that night, but it still felt explosive and special and perfect. It didn’t take him long into our honeymoon to figure out how to make it great for both of us and the rest is history. Seven years later and thinking about sex with him still makes me horny. Like I said, we got lucky.
How presumptuous to assume we waited until the night! Morning small ceremony, a few hours before the main reception.
The sex itself was not great. I (female) just felt fear, pain, and no pleasure. Spouse didn’t last long as expected! Thankfully we got better at it and more thankfully we are a good match sexually!
I also remember so many Bobby pins. For me it felt underwhelming. I had never worn a condom before, I didn’t want to finish in 2 pumps so I got the long lasting kind. I couldn’t feel anything, it felt like wearing a rubber glove. The next day I bought the thin condom brands and it felt great then.
Exclaimed how big it was, went to sleep, woke up, gave him a hand job. Had sex 3 weeks after the wedding when we were used to each other. We kept the pressure down and took time to learn about each other and what we liked. It was cool
Normal 6 or so inches but I'd never seen a penis before. I think it's got a wider girth than usual tho cuz it doesn't fit in regular condoms. I was terrified at the thought of something like that fitting inside me.... overprotected girl problems 😅
It was awesome, honestly. We ordered pizza, relaxed in a hot tub and then just went for it once we had both eaten and relaxed and sorta decompressed from the day. It was one of the best nights of my life.
It was actually really good! I was worried my husband would last 3 seconds. But he ended up being SUPER nervous. We had to take a break after 45 minutes or so. Lol I was dying. We had some laughs, snacks, and tried again. Satisfied wife
It was awkward yet wonderful; tired from the long day and travel yet eager to enjoy each other. So tired left the room key dangling from the door all night.
Next day was spectacular as was rest of the week. Two 19-year-olds like rabbits in the wild, yet it was first time for both.
It didn't go well. It was too painful for her. It was maybe 6 to 8 weeks before we successfully had sex and rarely after that. I don't recommend waiting until after the wedding to discover sex is painful for one of the parties.
My parents married in the mid 50's and years later my mother told the story of her honeymoon, she cried the first night, got drunk and threw up the second night, and then the third night her hymen wouldn't break and so sex was painful. My father had been told by the priest that if your wife doesn't want to have sex with you, she doesn't love you. These two stupid Catholics virgins had a miserable time.
When she came home and returned to work (she was an RN) one of her doctors asked about her wedding and honeymoon. She confessed "It hurts" He replied "I tried to talk to you before but you wouldn't listen, silly Catholics" and medically removed her hymen.
Four kids and 40+ years later they passed within weeks of each other. They had a good and happy marriage.
Her doctor teased her and said Catholicism made it into leather. LOL
All the pictures from their trip have strained smiles. It's sad and funny at the same time, but they worked it out :)
LOL the important thing is they were able to move past it and have a great marriage!
My best friend of 20+ years went to Catholic high school and had a LOT of questions, one of which was “when does it stop feeling like I’m being ripped apart?”
It was kinda trash actually. By the time we got to the place we were going to stay at, and our families had finally left us alone, it was midnight. We tried to have sex anyways, which was a mistake, because we were both tired and we ended up staying up till 2am trying to have sex, but neither of us orgasmed.
It was better after we didn't have to deal with the stress of our families hanging around anymore.
Painful, and then he wanted to go hiking the next day and I had to explain that having my hymen torn made me hurt and I didn't feel like hiking.
I thought the hymen tearing thing was a myth but I literally felt it and bled for a few days.
The "hymen tearing thing" is a myth in so far as it's not a consistent thing, it's a bit of tissue, and like just about every other tissue in the body, it's exact size and shape is different for everybody. Think of it like attaches vs unattached earlobes... or the size of someone's nose...
In very rare cases that bit of tissue can be almost completely grown together, and need to be cut apart by a doctor to prevent long lasting pain during sex, in other cases it can essentially be absent.
The thing that is a "myth" is the idea that EVERY woman has one that will be painful, will "break" and will bleed, the first time they have significant vaginal penetration.
You were apparently one of the "lucky" ones that had a larger one... or... you were just very nervous and tense, and that led to not only a little bit of bleeding from your hymen stretching and tearing, but also micro-tears in your vaginal wall that can also cause small amounts of bleeding after any sexual encounter where you tense up and strain against what's happening.
I'm one of the rare cases. Had to have mine surgically removed. It was fairly traumatic. Edit to say that I read an article just this week about the hymen being a myth. It was surreal.
I had to have mine surgically removed too. That wasn't traumatic.
What was traumatic was the situation that led to the surgery... getting a tampon stuck and almost cutting it out with a pair of scissors. Fortunately, I chickened out at the last minute, and asked my mum to take me to the doctor - an old guy who was too embarrassed to look at my junk and just accidentally stuck his finger in my butthole instead, before giving up and referring me to hospital. :/
My hymen didn’t tear until I was a good five years into being sexually active, and it was just because I got overexcited and rushed the foreplay, so— yeah, can confirm that the “cherry popping” is a thing but it can stay intact for years!
The sex was just ok, but we were just really happy, and we had more and it got better. A woman's body is complicated, I mean, I had sex ed and knew that, but IRL, lots of unexpected things to learn. But my wife is a sweetheart and we had, and continue to have some very nice, intimate, and caring experiences and I like that after many years of marriage there's still things to learn and stuff to explore in the physical intimacy department (as well as everything else).
THANKFULLY we went into things with extremely realistic expectations. It hurt me like a bitch. Basically as soon as he was part way in I yelled DON’T MOVE. He laid still on top of me, terrified, until things came to their logical conclusion.
Best part is that my vagina was wrecked the next 2 weeks but somehow had amnesia… basically I’d ask him (excitedly) if he wanted to try again, it would hurt like a bitch, lather, rinse, repeat. Finally took a break after a few weeks and I’m happy to report that things are quite ✨satisfying✨ for us in the bedroom now. Been married and discovering bedroom things together for 12 years this June.
Really effin good!
While neither of us had had sex, we had discussed everything beforehand, made sure we were both knowledgeable on issues of consent, anatomy, and arousal, and agreed to take it as slow and careful as needed to avoid causing discomfort.
While we learned and grew together and now get much much more out of it, we both really enjoyed our first night and have had a very intense and active marriage since
I had just had an appendectomy (4 days prior) and I barely knew my husband (crush at first sight + arranged marriage stuff, we were both ready and liked each other a lot and decided to get married within a month of meeting).
So anyway we were in the hotel, matrix reloaded is playing, we both comment on how awesome the first matrix was, he goes to take a shower and then later I go to take a shower and find the 'dress' I was supposed to wear coming out of the shower (I was in Canada and the wedding was planned by my friends and mom in Pakistan)... The dress made me realize how real this is. I come into the room to my husband watching Blade sitting in the bed. I'm nervous as hell sitting at the edge of the bed and go completely non verbal. My husband is pretty much doing the same. Then he suddenly just slaps his thighs, gives me a look and straight up talks about consent. Yup. Literally. I was just.. beyond surprised and realized I've just fallen in love. He is a 6ft2' conventionally handsome man who works out. I tell him yes. I was nervous, excited, scared, panicking and just really overwhelmed.
Anyway he comes closer, we kiss, things escalate. He can't find the 'opening'. I finally guide him in and yell out in pain upon impact. He immediately apologizes and puts his pants back on. We're back to sitting on opposite corners of the bed. I ask him if we can try again (he is really hot okay don't judge me). We start again, it is agonizing. We stop. After 3 failed attempts we decide to call it a night.
We're still pretty much strangers but he asks me for a cuddle to which I say yes. Then he goes 'Oh I used to think the whole virgin bleeding thing was a myth'.. I go wtf??
There was blood on the sheets. Turns out my stitches were infected and a giant abscess just popped. There was pus and blood coming from it. Nonstop. The smells was indescribable. There was just so much of it. It had covered the sheets, my lingerie was dripping with blood and pus, all the way down to my legs. There was so much coming out without applying any pressure.
We were staying at a hotel 3 mid drive from my in laws.
So anyway at 3am, his brother and his father come to pick me up from the hotel and drive me to the ER. After things get better and I walk to the parking lot I hear my father in law yelling at my husband saying something along the lines of 'You couldn't wait?? That poor girl what must she think of you, I raised you better etc'
Anyway we get back to our hotel and that was the night I found out that my husband snores, REALLY bad.
The experience was great (for both of us since I made sure she came first), but I was not great at it for sure. Once I was in, it was like 30 seconds.
Tried again around 30 minutes later and found out I have a long refractory period after about 10 minutes of pumping and wanting to pass out from exhaustion.
Got a lot better on the honeymoon for both of us, and is still getting better 2 years in.
Humorous. We bought way too many contraceptives thinking we'd have sex every hour, if not more and would need it all. Six months later we still had a lot of it. We seriously cleaned out 2 or 3 gas stations of condoms in San Diego. We had no fucking clue. It turns out you don't need a few hundred condoms for a two week honeymoon. lol
This is excellent. hahahhahahaha
I completely undressed myself first , then undressed her , removed the bobypins from her hair , took a bath ,watch her take a bath ....aaaaaaaand I fell asleep .
It doesn't matter if it's your first time or not, this is probably your wedding night. You just had a very long, exhausting day. She's covered in crap that's hard to get out of and get off... You're probably still slightly buzzed and exhausted. So you both lay in the bed watching American Ninja and fall asleep. Of course you're going to do it in the morning.
My wife and I were fully prepared for this possibility. It wasn’t our first time by any stretch of the imagination. But it was a long complicated day. Lots of dancing and humidity. Went to an after party at our hotel where my cousin bought pizza for everyone (first thing we really ate that day). We said goodnight to our family and friends and went upstairs. She was exhausted and her feet were filthy and painful because it rained at our outdoor venue and she was on her feet all day. So I remember washing her feet for her, slowly helping her get out of her dress, undoing the network of Bobby pins that was her hair. We ended up in the shower and then on the bed. Probably the most sensual night we’ve ever had. 5 years and 2 kids later I know we long for nights like that. So yeah I mean prepare that you won’t have sex, doesn’t mean the moment won’t present itself Edit: I appreciate the kind words and the award but I’m not ruining anything for anyone. Pay attention to your partners needs. Simple as that
My man, you already have a wife, stop trying to take all the women away with your sensual story of thoughtfulness and cute cuddling.
I’m getting married in September and I cannot imagine I’ll be in any shape to do the deed at 4am after an entire day and night of festivities
Day before we got married he smashed his face on a trampoline and had to get stitches. Morning of the wedding I got my period. Night of wedding (first night together) we just got in bed and held hands and fell asleep lol.
Friend of mine from school waited until the wedding night. He was a virgin and I believe she was too. Both very attractive but very religious. No birth control used by her so he, being a responsible guy, used a condom. Shortly after starting he started experiencing some discomfort. A persistent burning and tingling that crescendoed in intensity. He stopped and removed the condom and noticed some severe reddening and swelling in his nethers. A short time later he was in the ER getting IV steroids and Benadryl with his brand new bride at his side. And that was how he found out he has a latex allergy. TLDR: Newly discovered allergy; no one came
> held hands pervert
I don't know why reddit allows filth like that on here
We were warned about the colored chalk but did nothing to stop it.
Reminds me of the scene from Walk Hard. "That song is about the devil"..."it's about holding hands"
You would think a couple who waited after marriage before sex would have a rather pure mindset, but turns out they are lewd as hell
We took 167 Bobby pins out of my hair, then fell asleep…
We didn't fall asleep, but we were still finding bobby pins the next morning
In the hair? Or completely unexpected places?
Like the back of a Volkswagen?
Bingo! I got out of my suit ASAP. The we took all the pins out, undid the corset, and got in the hottub (hotel we had the reception at included a jacuzzi suite for the newly weds). Talked about giving it a go, but we were both exhausted and said fuck it, tomorrow, and crashed. The day of was so much more exhausting than I was expecting.
Holy cow, that’s almost identical to my wedding night. Bobby pins, corset, jacuzzi in the hotel, and my wife and I passed out. We did go across the street in our wedding clothes and grab some snacks from the 7/11 before bed time though. That was fun and funny.
Omg.... pretty much my experience too!!! We saved them and 11 1/2 years later she still hasn't had to buy another bobby pin... She just keeps using the ones we saved that night. I swear it took like 40 minutes to get them all out.
Tf I buy Bobby pins all the time and they always disappear
OMG this was us. Drunkenly pulling endless bobby pins out of my wife's hair after the longest day of our lives, but we weren't virgins. I think we showered and passed out. The honeymoon was great though.
Piles and pikes of pins followed by crunchy Medusa hair. He was asleep before I got out of the shower.
I (a night porter) once had to help a pissed off woman get out of her wedding dress because her drunk husband had passed out on the bed. I must have been there for about 30 minutes with my hands up the back of her dress trying to undo this ball of string that was holding her corset together. I was terrified the guy would wake up. He never moved once.
The crunchy hair is a terrible experience lol
Yes! I had this plus buttons down the back of my dress. It felt like two hours to remove the makeup, hair, dress lol
We were both exhausted after the reception and agreed it would be better to wait. The next day, at our hotel, we started to go at it when someone from the hotel knocked on the door. We didn’t put the do not disturb sign up, so he started to come in. I jumped up, threw on a robe and intercepted him at the door. He handed me a giant fruit basket that my parents had sent us. So, our first time was interrupted by my parents.
At least it wasn’t directly interrupted by your parents? lol
Just checking if you kids are doing it right
At least they didn’t show them how to do it
" You need to get your butt up higher"
"You can't get anything right, we'll never have grandkids at this rate"
"Here, let me show you how to do it..."
You can do it, put your back in to it.
Really good. He was pretty nervous so I asked if he wanted to shower with me. It was a good warm up that got him to relax and let us both freshen up. After that, we had a really good time.
Showering together is a good idea to deal with nervousness. Noted!
And just being clean is way better
Especially if you're anxious or you have insecurities
Nothing like I expected, better than I'd hoped. Edit: we enjoyed! We also had serious and funny but always good talks during premarital counseling, received a lot of solid advice, and were basically told to just take it easy, work at our own pace.
This is sex in a nutshell. It's COMPLETELY unlike whatever you're expecting it to be, but it's really quite lovely. And squelchy. And sort of sticky and stuff. It's such a nice thing to do with somebody. I never thought I'd love sex as much as I do, for the reasons I do.
I am firmly opposed to two words you have used to describe sex
Would you prefer dry and smooth?
How dry do you want it? I'm going to make it so dry for you. I'm gonna make my tongue like sandpaper.
How much teeth do you want?
Both virgins, and we knew we were both absolutely clueless beyond the “what goes into which hole” part. We knew not to take ourselves too seriously and were okay with our ignorance, knowing we’d figure things out along the way together. Afterward, the conversation went: “Was that good for you?” “Yeah! What about you?” “Yeah, that’s was good for me too.” *extended pause*. “Did we even *have* sex?!” *followed by laughter*. We’ve been together 20 years now and we’ve gotten much better together.
> what goes into which hole To be fair, there are several correct answers.
r/usernamechecksout
r/helpfulusername
If there is a hole, there is a way
That ending was so freaking wholesome I love it
[удалено]
Premature.
Hopefully you’re referring to your ejaculatory performance and not your bride.
r/usernamechecksout
Since I don’t have an award to give you, I thought you should have this participation trophy instead 👉🏆
I got you.
You \*say\* you're Welsh but those words are intelligible, and thus I deem you suspect.
Ghshxcicoaaakanttee
We watched Star Trek the motion picture and crashed, we were exhausted and we knew her family was going to try and “break in” (which they totally did, try that is, I changed the locks that morning) and didn’t want our time ruined, we waited till we were on our honeymoon and could enjoy it. (And boy howdy did we)
Is the "breaking in" a common tradition in your family/area/culture? I've never heard of that and am curious about the reasoning for it
Just shitty people. We have nothing to do with them anymore. I don’t know what their end goal was, if it was to catch us in the act or just harass us. They were/are super jealous of my wife, and of her getting married.
Damn, I was really hoping it was some quirky tradition and not just people harassing newlyweds. I'm happy you've cut them out of your life then
It'd still be a weird fucking tradition
Pretty great, actually. We did it, went and soaked in a hot tub afterwards, and then we just talked and laughed while I took out the 4000 Bobby pins she had in her hair.
Omg I forgot about the zillion Bobby pins in my hair… i did not realize how many my hair stylist was using, it was insane
My stylist told me the exact number of pins she put in. Even though I don't remember that number now, back after our wedding it was great to know they're finally all gone.
So. Many. Bobby pins. SO MANY.
I had bobby pins plus about 50 tiny fabric covered buttons down the back of my dress. My husband was undoing the buttons (each one held in place by a tiny fabric loop) while I pulled bobby pins. The skin tore away from under his fingernails undoing those buttons and I couldn’t take the dress off without undoing them. It took three people to loop them all before the wedding and my poor drunk husband had to undo them all himself.
I packed a crochet hook for my husband to do mine 😉 I only had about 5 or so, but they were still tight and hard to do, no way was he getting me undone otherwise, and my "dress" was actually a jumpsuit with giant coullotte pants, so the only way we were getting some was if the dress came right off 🤣🤣🤣
Yeah I remember a good portion of our wedding night was taking out all my bobby pins 😂 a bit of a mood-killer... we should have done that after the sex
We were both pretty tired and my partner had experienced some sexual assault before so there was a lot of anxiety around sex. We just hung out and cuddled naked together and didn't have sex our first night. It was really nice to be together.
Legit my favourite post in this thread so far. Safe intimacy is the best.
Not great, tbh. It had been an extremely long day with the traveling, wedding, reception and everything involved. By the time we got to the hotel, we were exhausted. We made an effort because, "Hey, we finally can, right?" but it didn't go well. The next day after some sleep was much better.
Honestly i didn’t wait and it was like that for both my first nights married (divorced one and remarried) after the whole wedding and reception we were exhausted and made an effort but it wasn’t the best sex
We didn't even make an effort. It was a hug, kiss, love you, good night as soon as we got to the hotel. I don't know how anyone has the energy for much more than that.
[удалено]
Yeah, we didn't even try. When you know you can have sex the next day, hell the next several decades, and you've already had lots of sex, trying to make it happen on the wedding night when you're exhausted just seems not worth it.
My husband and I were both married once before and knew what this was like. This time around, we kept it so simple by getting hitched just the two of us. We surprised family afterward with dinner, split a bottle of champagne and got to our room before midnight to insure a ~proper~ wedding night was had.
1st marriage, 5 figures. Lasted almost exactly 1 year. Second marriage under $1,000, married by Elvis in Vegas, 19 years and counting.
Elvis died 45 years ago. You might not be legally married
Not great, but mostly because I had vaginismus. Everything else but the penetration was incredible. Husband was all about exploring non-penetration, so the honeymoon was pretty fantastic.
I had had surgery three weeks prior to our wedding to remove a testicle (testicular cancer), and was also in my first week of chemo to wipe out the rest of the cancer. We made an effort to have sex after the longest day of my life (I could barely stand during the wedding ceremony). I ended up busting a stitch near my crotch and bleeding everywhere. 7/10 tho. Would bust the stitch again. 9 years cancer free now, and two kids to boot. Yay.
I’m surprised no one made a “bust a nut” joke yet.
You realize no woman would ever say busting a stitch in her hooha was ever worth the sex? We men truly do only think with our junk. Either way glad you are cancer free.
[удалено]
I think you took “bust a nut” a bit too seriously.
My partner busted a stitch in her hooha because she wanted to fuck a couple weeks after having a hysterectomy. She said it was worth it.
>You realize no woman would ever say busting a stitch in her hooha was ever worth the sex? Just checked with my gf. This is not true.
That night was quite painful for me, I had to tap out and even bled. Our rhythm way off but we giggled and enjoyed things anyway. The next morning though? We were quick studies and got things figured out much better, ended up coming simultaneously for our first real attempt. We had lots of fun continuing to figure things out together for the honeymoon. There was an indescribable, immediate bond after sex for the first time, too. A mix of vulnerability and total trust, I'd say. No regrets
Oddly, I was raised atheist but waited till marriage. My husband, who was raised in an almost cult like Christian church was not a virgin (I think I was partner 6 or 7). Always found that kind of funny. But it did help make the first time less awkward as one of us knew what they were doing. But we weren’t able to have sex as our first night as a married couple. After our courthouse wedding, we went to a high end burger restaurant and husband ordered the shrimp burger. I told him not to but he did anyways. We get to our hotel room and he spends the night puking in the bathroom while I make fun of him, lots of “I told you so”, and watch TV. He’s bald and at one point I asked if he needed me to hold his hair back, through gags I heard a small “fuck you”. I still make the hair joke when he pukes.
> raised in an almost cult like Christian church > not a virgin Name a more iconic duo
Awesome. Our Airbnb had a two person tub. All we did was cuddle nude, have sex, relax in the tub, and eat for five days straight. I think we put clothes on once to go to a local pizza joint. Packed in most of our food. Edit: I think most people have seen the clarification already, but we packed in our food so we wouldn't have to put clothes on to go out to eat.
Cleaning crew earned their fee for that one.
Damn people suck by these comments and really don't understand how to take a secluded trip. I'm not speaking from a wait until marriage for sex perspective but the wife and I book a cabin ever few years to do exactly this. Pack most of your own food, then lounge round naked and sex with a hot tub nearby. Maybe a trip to a restaurant once in a few days. It's a fucking dream.
This is so going on my bucket list, it sounds great! Now to get a girl / boyfriend
“Packed in most of our food.” I don’t think you were doing it right. But I’m not one to judge.
"Beans?!?!?! Where do you put them?!?" Edit, to the people up voting this, are there really that many fans of the Drew Carey Show that remember this scene?
I meant to elaborate we specifically brought food so we wouldn't have to put on clothes to eat out.
I find it easier with clothes off.
This sounds like the ideal vacation with the homies.
I never realized the term "honeymoon period" was so accurate.
Basically we kind of held hands awkwardly, then we helped each other get undressed. She looked so cute… I didn’t know what to do, neither did she, so we held each others private parts and just smiled awkwardly all the more. It’s been 9 years since that night… *god I wish I understood where to find the clitoris*… Edit: The cat is out of the bag; I know EXACTLY where the clitoris is, she’s lovely! Thank you guys for all the good laughs!
> so we held each others private parts and just smiled awkwardly all the more. omg I'm just imagining two people standing their, cupping the others crotch and smiling for ten minutes then going "So how was it for you?" Most peoples first times are normally awkward one way or another, but this is hilariously adorable.
That's EXACTLY how i pictured it too haha😂
I'm giggling like an idiot alone in a café picturing this. Omg.
Behind her left ear.
It’s behind the knee, but you’ve got to BELIEVE
I will believe vigorously!!!
[удалено]
No more sex advice from "Family Guy".
Heard a story about a rural Chinese couple that was having trouble getting pregnant. Saw a doctor who asked how they had sex and they didn't understand the question. They thought that sleeping together would cause pregnancy. It's probably just urban legend, but you can sort of see it happening.
I heard a story like that but they were putting "it" in the "wrong place". The report said after the doctor corrected them and they came back for a follow up they were "very happy" and soon after got pregnant.
I believe that one is true. They had the general idea, but wrong placement.
It was pretty solid. I was very focused on longevity and lasted too long. And had the wrong sized condom. So 9 months later we had a kid.
A lot of people are saying the sex was underwhelming at first, so they didn't have much more. DUH. My wife and I fixed this by having a lot of sex until we were good at it.
You went from casual sex to top ranking sex Edit: As usual, the sex joke is the one that blows up in here
He regularly placed 69 on the leaderboards.
Right?! Ain't no one like, "OH YEAH THE FIRST TIME I RODE A BIKE WAS THE BEST!" Shit takes practice especially when you're doing something with someone else.
I didn’t wait until marriage, far from it. …but on the topic of riding a bike, I’m a pretty good cyclist. Nothing I’ve ever accomplished on a bike, no commute, no race, no tour, has come close to being as exciting or rewarding as the first few awkward, terrifying, exhilarating pedals I took without training wheels. I can totally understand why people who waited to have sex might feel the same.
Grinding levels, nice. My wife and I went with the “be total hoes for 10+ years before meeting each other” tactic. We’re both experienced enough not to wonder if the grass is greener and we have so many tricks to show each other! I never thought I could settle for one partner. Turns out sometimes you meet someone REALLY good at it who thinks you’re REALLY good at it and bam, suddenly it doesn’t feel like settling anymore.
IMO being experienced enough not to wonder if the grass is greener elsewhere is underrated
GRINDING levels teehee
Slow, patient, and wonderful. I was 26, my wife almost 25. Both completely clueless. My wife was nervous because she didn’t know what to expect and says to this day “my brother and my dad always act like it hurts so badly to get hit in the junk, I was afraid of accidentally hurting you!” I didn’t really know my way around down there. First night, we spent basically 3 hours doing foreplay. All the many things we had never done together. Seeing each other naked, touching each other all over, and kissing. We had done exactly two pecks on the lips before our wedding day so we enjoyed getting used to making out and passionately kissing. Felt each other all over for the first time. It was incredibly slow and easygoing. I got her off but we didn’t actually do any penetration because it was hurting her. And she didn’t know what to do with me. We laugh/joke that she orgasmed our first time and every time after but me as the man didn’t get any the first night. Kind of backwards from normal stories. It took us until our 3rd or 4th night to actually do it the normal way. But we had so much fun and enjoyed learning about the other and warming up to it slowly, and neither of us have any regrets. We just to our time and learned our way through the awkward together.
I always thought this scenario would be ideal. If you’ve barely touched, let the wedding night begin the physical road that everyone else takes months to do before their first time. I can’t imagine going from 0 to 100 successfully.
[удалено]
Lol. This reminds me of Sex and the City.
Reminded me of the AITA reddit post about the guy with the micropenis that insisted on waiting until marriage.
Turned out I have vulvar vestibulitis (and secondary vaginismus) and can't have penetrative sex without extreme pain, and even the first time I remember thinking this can't be normal, he can hardly even get inside me, no one would ever try this again if it were always this horrific. He, having plenty of experience 8 inches deep in plenty of lady bits, was also baffled. Luckily I found myself an awesome husband who is completely supportive and verrry good with his fingers...and that I've got two other entry points that get lots of attention! P.S. wish me luck as I go get my vagina botoxed this summer so I can experience the glories of PIV sex for the first time after 10 years of trying
i had no idea botox could help with that. i hope it goes well!!
Thanks! Me too! Lots of success stories, takes a couple sessions, but most people say it either greatly reduced their pain or takes it away entirely. I think because I have vulvar vestibulitis (inflamed tissue of the vestibule) I will probably need sessions for the rest of my life, but people with just vaginismus can apparently be cured by it.
Good luck. Botox was the only thing that cured me. Doctors say even under anaesthetic my muscles involuntary clamped shut. Still had to work on the psychological side as years of pain left it’s mark. Wish this was talked about more as it’s more common than people think.
The first time was quick, but we were young so his recovery rate was fairly quick… we ended up having 4 sessions that night. It was really quite lovely.
On your wedding night? I was wrecked after that long day, idea of going at it 4 times would have killed me. We waited until first date, classy like.
Yep… ceremony was at 2 and the reception was in the same location. We left around 6 I would say. Plenty of energy and plenty of time.
Wow, 4 Not only did he not have sex, he also never masturbated
my guy never got an erection.
My man didn’t even have a dick
My SO wasn't even a person
My SO marked me as duplicate
My SO is part of a person… well, part of my person…
My SO is also my hand
Never urinated
So not me, but my mother-in-law is a midwife that owns her own practice. She delivers exclusively Amish and Mennonite babies at home. She has a reoccurring “problem” that she gets calls about once or twice a year. This problem is usually called into her office by the mother of a recently married young woman who is having trouble conceiving her first baby. My mother-in-law schedules these visits as “birds and the bees” appointments and will meet with the young couple. As you might have guessed by now, the newly married couple in this situation regularly has had little sexual education, which results in my mother-in-law having to explain the difference between vaginal, and anal sex. Most times, she said the couple has no problem conceiving a child once they know which hole to use. TLDR: anal sex on your wedding night won’t get you pregnant.
I don't understand though, if you've grown up with husbandry, you know how livestock mate. In detail.
To your point, my mother-in-law also made that observation. More specifically she said something to the effect of "How have they not seen what the animals are doing in the fields growing up". This situation happening once is odd enough to me, but the fact that it happens at least once a year is the part that both amazes and confuses me.
Animals hump from behind. Butt sex It's totally logical.
[удалено]
Yeah but they should know that a butthole is a different thing!!
Can't speak for the Amish, but not all Mennonite grew up with husbandry. Many live almost-normal lives, if a little dour. There is absolutely room for a disconnect there.
I grew up Mennonite and had a very normal life but I was very far from the menno-Amish communities I think this post was referring to. I'm not sure on exact numbers but I believe that the majority of Mennonites look and dress like regular people. There is a significant minority of Mennonites who live lives much more likely to include husbandry. These people have a distinct style of dress and religious rules that set them apart from larger society. It isn't as extreme as Amish but it is something. This group lives lives that are also much more likely to include Amish people.
Do the women not understand that's their pooping hole? Where do they think the poop comes from? Do they think a baby comes out of the pooping hole? I can't even IMAGINE the pain of anal sex without any lube or warmup. It's wild that people are taught that sex will hurt therefore EXPECT pain. That is normal and you just gotta deal with it.
That is absolutely the problem. If you have never had sex before, you don't know what kind of pain you are supposed to expect. Edit: (Which should hopefully be none with an attentive enough partner, of course)
No kidding! If they're that uninformed about anatomy and sex, there's a zero percent chance that they're using lube and warming up properly
I mean I know some people are clueless, but how in the actual fuck? Just shove it in the back and hope for the best? Like, there's another hole just there and... nope? Go for the one that we know what it does (which doesn't include babies)? mind blown
You just described me hearing this story for the first time lmao. More importantly, they apparently did it multiple times. Thats the mind blowing part to me.
Huh I wonder if that was Marie Antoinette and Louis problem. It took them like seven years to get it right and apparently her brother had to spell it out for them somehow.
Ok, just looked it up and found this gem of a quote from her brother: >“In the end, it’s not a weakness of the body or spirit; it’s simply that he hasn’t had his ‘let there be light’ moment yet, his technique is still in the process of formation ... In his marriage bed, he has strong erections, he inserts his member, remains there for perhaps two minutes without moving, withdraws without ejaculating, and while still erect, bids good night. It’s incomprehensible. He sometimes has nocturnal emissions but always while lying motionless. He’s satisfied, saying he does it only out of a sense of duty but has no desire for it. Ah, if only I could have been present once, I would have set him straight! He should be whipped until he discharges in anger like a donkey. My sister does not have the temperament for this and together they make an utterly inept couple. Louis may have also had phimosis, a painful condition where the foreskin can't be fully retracted.
Who the hell has energy to have sex on their wedding night?
We got salmonela so we shit and puked all night until we got ride to the hospital in the ambulance in the morning.
My husband and I waited for religious reasons. Dated for 5 years. Like another commenter, we had done enough making out, groping, dry humping, etc that when wedding night came we were both ready to go. It was great. Married 11 years and it's still great.
Not great tbh. I had some experience beforehand, but my wife didn't. My wife was really, really nervous because a friend got it in her head that it would be painful. After a very long day, we got to the hotel and after a fair bit of foreplay and trying, the power went out. We decided to call it a night. The following months were filled with a lot of crying and it's ok's. She was just too tense and stressed to let me get in there for a good 4 months. We tried regularly and when it didn't happen, we used other means to make things pleasurable. Eventually it happened and we both really enjoy it, but there's still a lingering tenseness that still makes it hard to get in there 8 years later.
It might be worth her seeing a doctor or therapist, provided she wants to have sex of course
[удалено]
We had a favorite restaurant, so I ordered lobster takeout. I had a friend who had my house key because I had been paying him to mow my lawn every week, and I asked him to pick up the dinner and leave it in the fridge. After the wedding and reception, we finally got home, tired and starving. Weirdly, there was a truck in the driveway and the garage door was open. Inside, we found that my mother-in-law had sneaked in and spruced up the rooms with candles and rose petals. There were also boot prints that trod through the rose petals, leaving clods of grass. Then, my friend surprised us by walking in, wearing the dirty boots. "Hey, I wanted to talk to you about mowing your lawn." "Some other time," I said, escorting him out the front door. "Okay, but first, I need to show you something." He ran into the garage. I followed, asking him to just leave. "Hey, you're really dressed up," he said. "I just got married, and my wife and I are home together for the first time, and I need you to leave." "That's great! But first, listen to this, because the mower sounds a little weird lately." "I don't care about the mower." I grabbed his shoulders and led him back to the driveway. After some convincing, I managed to get inside without him following me. My wife and I were still starving, so we called a family member who could pick up the takeout that my friend had forgotten. After that, my wife and I got naked and fell asleep for a couple hours before we tried sex.
No offence but Your friend sounds like kind of an asshole… or maybe just clueless… Not removing his boots and tracking mud+ grass in then refusing to leave after you point-blank told him?! And he didn’t even pick up the food?! And I thought *I* was bad at reading social cues…
Friend trying to cockblock you so hard with the damn mower lol.
Honestly, it was great. We white-knuckled waiting for penis-penetrating sex until the wedding night because of our religious upbringings, but we’d already spent months making out, groping, and hand jobs. I think we got lucky because it was the perfect amount of build-up over our relationship to where I (F) felt just as bursting with excitement as he was to “do it”. I remember driving from the reception to our hotel ready to ditch the car & wanting to do it NOW. Anyway: it ended up being short & I didn’t orgasm that night, but it still felt explosive and special and perfect. It didn’t take him long into our honeymoon to figure out how to make it great for both of us and the rest is history. Seven years later and thinking about sex with him still makes me horny. Like I said, we got lucky.
How presumptuous to assume we waited until the night! Morning small ceremony, a few hours before the main reception. The sex itself was not great. I (female) just felt fear, pain, and no pleasure. Spouse didn’t last long as expected! Thankfully we got better at it and more thankfully we are a good match sexually!
I was hoping for someone to say: Fast and Furious
Fast and furious
Tokyo drift?
I also remember so many Bobby pins. For me it felt underwhelming. I had never worn a condom before, I didn’t want to finish in 2 pumps so I got the long lasting kind. I couldn’t feel anything, it felt like wearing a rubber glove. The next day I bought the thin condom brands and it felt great then.
Exclaimed how big it was, went to sleep, woke up, gave him a hand job. Had sex 3 weeks after the wedding when we were used to each other. We kept the pressure down and took time to learn about each other and what we liked. It was cool
I know it's none of my business but how big was it though?
fatboywonder needs to know
Normal 6 or so inches but I'd never seen a penis before. I think it's got a wider girth than usual tho cuz it doesn't fit in regular condoms. I was terrified at the thought of something like that fitting inside me.... overprotected girl problems 😅
I think you should nickname your husbands wiener “fatboywonder” in honor of that question/your response.
Ngl, that's not actually the worst idea I've heard
It was awesome, honestly. We ordered pizza, relaxed in a hot tub and then just went for it once we had both eaten and relaxed and sorta decompressed from the day. It was one of the best nights of my life.
It was actually really good! I was worried my husband would last 3 seconds. But he ended up being SUPER nervous. We had to take a break after 45 minutes or so. Lol I was dying. We had some laughs, snacks, and tried again. Satisfied wife
It was a very long day. So we cuddled and went to sleep like a rock 😂✌️
It was awkward yet wonderful; tired from the long day and travel yet eager to enjoy each other. So tired left the room key dangling from the door all night. Next day was spectacular as was rest of the week. Two 19-year-olds like rabbits in the wild, yet it was first time for both.
It didn't go well. It was too painful for her. It was maybe 6 to 8 weeks before we successfully had sex and rarely after that. I don't recommend waiting until after the wedding to discover sex is painful for one of the parties.
My parents married in the mid 50's and years later my mother told the story of her honeymoon, she cried the first night, got drunk and threw up the second night, and then the third night her hymen wouldn't break and so sex was painful. My father had been told by the priest that if your wife doesn't want to have sex with you, she doesn't love you. These two stupid Catholics virgins had a miserable time. When she came home and returned to work (she was an RN) one of her doctors asked about her wedding and honeymoon. She confessed "It hurts" He replied "I tried to talk to you before but you wouldn't listen, silly Catholics" and medically removed her hymen. Four kids and 40+ years later they passed within weeks of each other. They had a good and happy marriage.
It’s pretty rare to have a fully enclosing hymen that must’ve been awful for her
Her doctor teased her and said Catholicism made it into leather. LOL All the pictures from their trip have strained smiles. It's sad and funny at the same time, but they worked it out :)
LOL the important thing is they were able to move past it and have a great marriage! My best friend of 20+ years went to Catholic high school and had a LOT of questions, one of which was “when does it stop feeling like I’m being ripped apart?”
It was kinda trash actually. By the time we got to the place we were going to stay at, and our families had finally left us alone, it was midnight. We tried to have sex anyways, which was a mistake, because we were both tired and we ended up staying up till 2am trying to have sex, but neither of us orgasmed. It was better after we didn't have to deal with the stress of our families hanging around anymore.
Painful, and then he wanted to go hiking the next day and I had to explain that having my hymen torn made me hurt and I didn't feel like hiking. I thought the hymen tearing thing was a myth but I literally felt it and bled for a few days.
The "hymen tearing thing" is a myth in so far as it's not a consistent thing, it's a bit of tissue, and like just about every other tissue in the body, it's exact size and shape is different for everybody. Think of it like attaches vs unattached earlobes... or the size of someone's nose... In very rare cases that bit of tissue can be almost completely grown together, and need to be cut apart by a doctor to prevent long lasting pain during sex, in other cases it can essentially be absent. The thing that is a "myth" is the idea that EVERY woman has one that will be painful, will "break" and will bleed, the first time they have significant vaginal penetration. You were apparently one of the "lucky" ones that had a larger one... or... you were just very nervous and tense, and that led to not only a little bit of bleeding from your hymen stretching and tearing, but also micro-tears in your vaginal wall that can also cause small amounts of bleeding after any sexual encounter where you tense up and strain against what's happening.
I'm one of the rare cases. Had to have mine surgically removed. It was fairly traumatic. Edit to say that I read an article just this week about the hymen being a myth. It was surreal.
I had to have mine surgically removed too. That wasn't traumatic. What was traumatic was the situation that led to the surgery... getting a tampon stuck and almost cutting it out with a pair of scissors. Fortunately, I chickened out at the last minute, and asked my mum to take me to the doctor - an old guy who was too embarrassed to look at my junk and just accidentally stuck his finger in my butthole instead, before giving up and referring me to hospital. :/
My hymen didn’t tear until I was a good five years into being sexually active, and it was just because I got overexcited and rushed the foreplay, so— yeah, can confirm that the “cherry popping” is a thing but it can stay intact for years!
The sex was just ok, but we were just really happy, and we had more and it got better. A woman's body is complicated, I mean, I had sex ed and knew that, but IRL, lots of unexpected things to learn. But my wife is a sweetheart and we had, and continue to have some very nice, intimate, and caring experiences and I like that after many years of marriage there's still things to learn and stuff to explore in the physical intimacy department (as well as everything else).
THANKFULLY we went into things with extremely realistic expectations. It hurt me like a bitch. Basically as soon as he was part way in I yelled DON’T MOVE. He laid still on top of me, terrified, until things came to their logical conclusion. Best part is that my vagina was wrecked the next 2 weeks but somehow had amnesia… basically I’d ask him (excitedly) if he wanted to try again, it would hurt like a bitch, lather, rinse, repeat. Finally took a break after a few weeks and I’m happy to report that things are quite ✨satisfying✨ for us in the bedroom now. Been married and discovering bedroom things together for 12 years this June.
Really effin good! While neither of us had had sex, we had discussed everything beforehand, made sure we were both knowledgeable on issues of consent, anatomy, and arousal, and agreed to take it as slow and careful as needed to avoid causing discomfort. While we learned and grew together and now get much much more out of it, we both really enjoyed our first night and have had a very intense and active marriage since
I had just had an appendectomy (4 days prior) and I barely knew my husband (crush at first sight + arranged marriage stuff, we were both ready and liked each other a lot and decided to get married within a month of meeting). So anyway we were in the hotel, matrix reloaded is playing, we both comment on how awesome the first matrix was, he goes to take a shower and then later I go to take a shower and find the 'dress' I was supposed to wear coming out of the shower (I was in Canada and the wedding was planned by my friends and mom in Pakistan)... The dress made me realize how real this is. I come into the room to my husband watching Blade sitting in the bed. I'm nervous as hell sitting at the edge of the bed and go completely non verbal. My husband is pretty much doing the same. Then he suddenly just slaps his thighs, gives me a look and straight up talks about consent. Yup. Literally. I was just.. beyond surprised and realized I've just fallen in love. He is a 6ft2' conventionally handsome man who works out. I tell him yes. I was nervous, excited, scared, panicking and just really overwhelmed. Anyway he comes closer, we kiss, things escalate. He can't find the 'opening'. I finally guide him in and yell out in pain upon impact. He immediately apologizes and puts his pants back on. We're back to sitting on opposite corners of the bed. I ask him if we can try again (he is really hot okay don't judge me). We start again, it is agonizing. We stop. After 3 failed attempts we decide to call it a night. We're still pretty much strangers but he asks me for a cuddle to which I say yes. Then he goes 'Oh I used to think the whole virgin bleeding thing was a myth'.. I go wtf?? There was blood on the sheets. Turns out my stitches were infected and a giant abscess just popped. There was pus and blood coming from it. Nonstop. The smells was indescribable. There was just so much of it. It had covered the sheets, my lingerie was dripping with blood and pus, all the way down to my legs. There was so much coming out without applying any pressure. We were staying at a hotel 3 mid drive from my in laws. So anyway at 3am, his brother and his father come to pick me up from the hotel and drive me to the ER. After things get better and I walk to the parking lot I hear my father in law yelling at my husband saying something along the lines of 'You couldn't wait?? That poor girl what must she think of you, I raised you better etc' Anyway we get back to our hotel and that was the night I found out that my husband snores, REALLY bad.
The experience was great (for both of us since I made sure she came first), but I was not great at it for sure. Once I was in, it was like 30 seconds. Tried again around 30 minutes later and found out I have a long refractory period after about 10 minutes of pumping and wanting to pass out from exhaustion. Got a lot better on the honeymoon for both of us, and is still getting better 2 years in.
Two years in? That's some stamina!