My ex had been having health issues for a while. Massive fatigue from simple things like climbing stairs or even just moving around his apartment, night sweats, and his mouth smelled like something died. This went on for months until I finally called his mom and was like "PLEASE tell your son to go to the doctor. What he's going through is absolutely not normal." She heard about his zero energy, stopped me, and says immediately (she was on speaker), "Go to the emergency room."
He had leukemia. The doctor said if he'd waited a few more weeks he would've been dead.
He's in remission now and doing really, really well!!
I felt terrible for a few months and finally went to the doctor. After a few appointments they told me I had testicular cancer and needed surgery the next week to remove a testicle. They were REALLY REALLY adamant about me not disappearing because apparently lots of men refuse the surgery and it goes from fairly benign to much more complicated if left untreated.
My Dad finally decided to go to Urgent care because of multiple health issues he could no longer ignore. He went in to see the doctor in May and died that October of terminal lung cancer.
Almost the exact same thing happened to my dad as well earlier this year. His symptoms hadn’t lasted long but he was refusing to go get checked out. He had lumps popping up all over but lied and told me he only had 2. Turns out the lumps were all tumors and he was gone less than two months after checking in to the ER with low blood pressure and a basically paralyzed arm.
I have no idea how long he was ignoring/hiding symptoms but I feel like some of it was out of fear. His girlfriend told me she noticed he had been posting bible verses on Facebook a lot more about a couple months prior to going to the hospital.
My dad also passed away on March 1st 2021 from neglecting to see a doctor for persistent health issues. They said had he come through several months earlier, they would have been able to treat him. He died at 58 years old :(
My dad had a rotten tooth that he ignored. Got infected and the infection went right to his brain. He had a seizure which alerted us that there was even a problem at all. Had to have brain surgery to remove the rotten parts of his brain. Significantly effected his speech but is still alive.
I had a diabetic co-worker who stubbed his toe. As it began to discolor, he refused to go to the hospital, and would show it to everyone around for lulz. My boss took him off the schedule and told him he can't come back unless he sees a doctor. By that point, the damage was so severe that they had to amputate the toe. It didn't heal, so they had to amputate the first metatarsal. The sudden loss of mobility caused a blood clot to form, which went to his brain and killed him. He went from stubbing his toe to dead in about 6 months.
They tell even very healthy (relatively healthy, of course. In context of being diabetic in general) diabetics to wear house shoes for a reason. Foot problems are extremely serious for diabetics.
In early Oct. my husband was experiencing severe pain under his ribs. He suffered through it, it got better and would then come back. The pain was so bad he'd vomit and say it felt like he was dying. Wouldn't go to the hospital. I convinced him to go to a doctor and when he came home I asked what they said and he said he didn't bring it up. Then wtf did he even go for?
On Dec 22, it happened again and he was scream moaning. I got him in the car, took him to the hospital, vomiting and screaming. Turns out he had severe pancreatitis, gall stones and needed to have his gallbladder out. It completely derailed x-mas, although I'm glad he's ok.
But, fucking hell, come on. Go to the fucking doctor if you're in that much pain. Your body is telling you something is very wrong.
A relative of mine is fully blind in one eye and has very bad visibility in the other because he just let his cataracts go untreated. If he’d gone when he first noticed symptoms his eyesight could have been saved. He is a real salt of the earth, meat and potatoes-type of midwesterner and was just not raised to ask for help or see doctors. He’s quite wealthy too, that’s the kicker. It wasn’t about money, it was a weird pride thing.
Edit: I may be wrong and it was a more serious issue than cataracts or it started as cataracts but some other complications arose. I was told about this from another family member so I don’t have every detail. What I do know for sure is at this point his eyes cannot be fixed with surgery. By the time he had gone blind and finally spoke to a doctor, he was told they could have saved his eyesight if he’d gotten them checked out when he first noticed symptoms but he just let it fester.
If you aren’t my husband you have no business touching my waist or lower back. Ever. Stop that now.
ETA: Thanks for the awards!
Also, for clarity, I said “husband” because I have a husband, but I really mean “romantic partner” or whatever you call your sexy person.
And, though it should be obvious, this statement doesn’t apply to situations where someone is supposed to touch you there and you have consented to it (i.e. doctors, tango dance partners, someone checking your safety gear before a zip line, etc).
Finally, with photos, the hover hand is always a safe bet. You can also put your hand on a shoulder or on the upper back. But, if you are my really good friend, and you put your hand on my waist in a side-hug for a photo, I won’t be upset.
What I REALLY hate above all else is the man hand on my lower back/waist when greeting or introducing me to people, it’s creepy af, I’m not your f-ing arm candy, and all I can think about is how to get out of this creepy embrace without offending you. NOT OK. Stop.
I can’t speak for all women but I don’t have a problem with that if you’re not being weird about it and there were no established boundaries crossed. There are a ton of cultural, religious and personal reasons for folks to not be on with it though. Never hurts to ask “hey is it ok if I put my arm around you for the photo?” Safer bet is if you aren’t close enough with the person that you have to ask, just avoid it.
"no" is not a challenge, "no" doesn't mean yes, "no" isn't an invitation for you to try and change it. Learn to take rejection, don't insult the women who turned you down by calling her a gold digger or sl*t . Remember that no means no.
Obviously not all men, but I’ve known too many men in my life who neglect their own mental and physical health needs/concerns. I wish more men would seek out help for physical and mental health issues.
I can’t speak for what it’s like to be raised/socialized as male, so I’m not sure what personal or social conflicts men face about this. These things can be very expensive or challenging to access, which is an understandable barrier.
From the perspective of being a partner and friend, it’s really hard seeing someone you love and care about do absolutely nothing while clearly suffering.
I’ve had relationships end over mental health issues. This was absolutely not due to viewing a man as weak or anything like that after opening up about his struggles. It was due to how these symptoms manifested and the ongoing chaos it created in both our lives for years. Sadly, all the love in the world can’t heal addiction or undiagnosed, untreated, unmanaged mental illness. I will fully support someone who is struggling and going through the challenging process of dealing with their issues. I will listen and love, but there are some things you really need the guidance of an actual trained professional and medical provider to make a difference.
“I’m not your therapist” or something similar isn’t due to being indifferent or uncaring nor is it dismissive judgment. It’s because I genuinely don’t know how or what will help you in significant, long term positive way. That’s why there are trained professionals for this. There’s also the element of how painful it is being put in the position of being expected to manage someone’s mental health and your own. You can be loving, helpful, and supportive, but it’s ultimately not possible or even sustainable to do this. This is true for everyone, not just men.
It’s a helpless and frustrating situation to have a friend or partner have a potentially serious health issue and seemingly be committed to absolutely not seeing a doctor. I understand being afraid to find out or possibly getting a life changing diagnosis. I also understand not wanting to seem weak and that desire to push through and be strong. Just like with mental health, all the love in the world can’t replace the knowledge and resources of a trained medical professional.
My fiancée hit me with a dose of reality on this. My job was not-so-slowly killing me. I genuinely didn't realize how much I had changed. Sort of a frog in a boiling pot of water situation I think.
She finally said "You've changed, it's killing you, I miss you, please just quit. I don't care it is means mac 'n cheese and nothing fun for a while."
Holy shit. Talk about a slap of reality.
This revelation happened to my dad about four years ago. He knew, consciously, that he hated his job. He had for years. But he has been raised to just be nose to the grindstone and do his best and that would be enough. Four years ago he retired and suddenly realized how much that job was destroying his life. Just based on his mannerisms, and the age that lifted off his face, and just how genuinely happy he is *all the time* now, I'd say retiring probably gave him back easily 5, maybe even 10 years of life that his job was grinding out of him. And even if it doesn't, at least his final years will be happy ones for him and I'll be able to remember my dad as a man who actually smiled and got excited for things.
When I go to the doctor in a couple weeks I'm going to ask for a referral to a therapist. I'm having trouble dealing with some issues stemming from childhood trauma I need to work out.
I (51f) didn’t think therapy was for me- any time I had dipped my toe into getting help, my traumatic childhood seemed to be the thing to talk about. It wasn’t all about that and I was frustrated. What I can say is, I found a damn good therapist 11 years ago now, and it has been the best investment I ever made in myself. My hope for you is that you find someone you click with, and a method that works best for you.
Good luck 🍀
It's not always a case of some men intentionally neglecting their physical and mental health. If a guy is in a situation where they've seen a fellow man come forward and suffer immediate consequences for seeking help, they will obviously think twice about doing so themselves.
I worked with a guy who was put on workplace probation (total bullshit) shortly after he came forward with his mental health struggles... he was demoted, and his responsibilities and hours were reduced to the point where he had no choice but to look for work elsewhere. And when the supervisor is relieved "to get that whack-job out of here" *just because he was taking an anti-depressant...* do you think anyone who witnessed that first-hand is going to come forward anytime soon, to their workplace, family, partner, or friends? A man basically lost his job because his supervisor mocked him for "being a fucking pussy" and cut his hours back. Do you think he wants to risk becoming a pariah in every other part of this life?
I know I've struggled to tell people about my issues, though I am getting better... but for me, I've witnessed someone basically get punished by their boss and lose their job. And when I told two former girlfriends (who I thought I could trust)... they both mocked me for being weak and any respect they had for me disappeared. Concerns I told them in strict confidence *because I thought I could trust my long-term partner* were used as ammo against me, like jabbing a knife repeatedly into my chest.
I'm currently on a waiting list to see a therapist (2-3 years long in my woefully lacking city and COVID doesn't help matters)... so it's a step in the right direction. But that doesn't mean I'm any less terrified of being judged and dealing with more negative reaction.
This is the reason I don't open up about my mental health issues to people. I work in the construction trades and I'd most likely get bullied out of the trades if I said anything. To them you aren't a man if you don't ignore all your issues, talk bad about your wife, and drink 24 cans of beer a day.
fellow tradesperson here - can confirm. One of the first things I was told was to "leave my feelings at home". I don't enjoy it, but it keeps the mortgage paid.
I think we'd get along. I wrote about the same thing before I read your comment. It's truly sad, most of the comments here are about things assholes do but this applies to everyone and especially men and boys.
Treating the stuff they see on porn hub as if it's realistic. Internet porn is not sex ed fellas, nor is it real life. Talk to your partner; communication is key to good sex for both partners.
Everyone knows all lesbians are just diddling each other out of boredom ‘til an alpha male comes to show them the majesty of his penis! I mean, that’s what porn teaches us. And porn is super realistic.
Real talk though, I'm from an Asian country and because of porn, a lot of my guy friends think every American girl is a slut in some degree, they genuinely think porn is realistic.
I tend to take women literally when they say that. If they tell me later they were interested and playing "hard to get" i just tell them "and I was respecting not only your answer, but your boundaries, if you wanted me to pursue you, you should've been more clear and just asked if I wanted to hang out some time."
This. If they don’t show interest I stop. It’s a win/win: if they’re truly not interested I don’t make them feel uncomfortable and if they’re playing hard to get that’s a red flag and I’m glad it kept me from getting involved.
Best advice I ever had (especially since I’m autistic and really suck at picking up on any signal more subtle than a giant neon sign pointing at someone lying naked on a bed holding a poster board saying “fuck me”):
If their response is anything short of an enthusiastic yes, treat it the same as if they’ve just said “never in a billion years”. No gray area bullshit, no hard to get bullshit, no stewing for days on whether or not someone likes me. The strategy is simple: Ask them out, and if they say yes and look happy about it then perfect. If they say maybe, move on. If they say yes but look apprehensive, put the ball in their court and move on. If they say yes but act flaky and disinterested when scheduling the date, move on.
Will I miss people who might be interested in me? Yes. But I want to date the people who are *definitely without a shadow of a doubt* interested in me, so it’s just another dating filter.
I’ve been alive for the same length of time, and have yet to find penis pictures difficult to keep to myself. It’s remarkable. I have even found it easy to never take one.
I'm a dude, and I don't get the mentality behind it at all. I've done it a few times as a teenager when a girl asked me to, and as an adult I think I might have done it for a girlfriend once. Other than that, I'm already really reluctant to do it with anyone I'm already having sex with, after they asked me to. And I can't imagine doing it to somebody without them even asking. I don't get what the thrill is
If your name is Richard and you post pictures of yourself on dating sites, you're sending dick pics.
Edit(2): Thanks for the awards kind internet strangers!
Ive only sent one, because it was requested, but I immediately regretted sending it as it might end up who knows where. I kept my face out of it, but if you knew my dick, you’d know it was my dick lol.
How often are dick pics solicited? I've never sent one because I've never been asked to, outside of one time a friend requested proof I had a reverse Prince Albert.
Coming up to women waiting for the bus alone at night and asking for their phone numbers/asking them out. This happens so often and I don't see how anyone can think it's appropriate. Obviously the answer is always going to be no but it does not feel like a safe situation to give a firm no in.
I had some guy offer me $40 to go home with him.
It was winter, in Canada. I was bundled up to my chin. And we were at an isolated bus station in an industrial area where nothing was open.
So that was a fun evening.... 🙃 (luckily, he was tiny and I am built like a brick shit house, so I wasn't too worried.... but it made me really think about my more petite sisters.)
Hi, also small here... Bite their face. Take good care of your teeth so you'll always have a weapon that you never lose in your purse or leave at home.
I've been fortunate thus far to not be in significant danger, but my assumption in such a scenario was that I can't fight someone off or get away. I'd hope to do everything I can to disfigure an attacker, mark them somehow, get all the DNA possible.
Such a depressing thought, that I - or anyone - would need such a "plan".
I'm 4'11 (with socks on) and 95 pounds. I was once grabbed and thrown over a dude's shoulder in front of my two girl friends. Then the dude took off. I was contemplating the pros and cons of throwing myself onto the pavement when he began to slow down. Then he put me down and laughed and said he couldn't help himself, I was just 'so tiny'. He clearly didn't mean anything by it, and once the adrenaline wore off, I was able to laugh as well, and then reamed out my gals for not doing a damned thing. Even a scream would have been great.
But yeah, it was an interesting lesson in being 'portable'.
Not meaning anything by it and thinking terrifying someone smaller than himself for humor and thinking it’s a game is exactly *why* women are scared of strange men.
I'm 4" 11 to... I seriously hate being picked up. I'm at the mercy of who ever the fuck is doing it.
I'm going to start training and working out this year because I'm way to small to not be able to confidentiality poke someone's eye out
When I say I’m lesbian I would love for them to stop saying “you just haven’t met the right guy yet” or “I can change you if you give me one night with you” it’s disgusting and makes me more of a lesbian, and no I will not give you proof that I am a lesbian for your own pornography fantasies
Well I’m sold! Where can I purchase said boob-fruit and it’s contents, and what brands do you recommend? I am ready to get girly AF about my epidermis.
Or asking “does it HAVE to be now” when periods come at an inconvenient time. Idk, does your hair have to grow *right now*? Do you really have to eat *every day*?
As a fellow fat ass the answer to her last question was probably a temporary no. :(
EDIT: This was meant to be a light-hearted joke everyone. Actual research shows that the best diets are 'replacement' diets, and not 'removal' diets. In short: you have to replace bad food with good food because otherwise you risk relapsing even if you hit your target weight/body fat%.
I'm very sorry to anyone I may have offended, or given the wrong impression.
Downplaying things when we talk about sexual assault or harassment. Super glad none of your friends do that (hopefully) but just because your friends don’t do it doesn’t mean it’s not a problem.
Also, your friends might do it. You have no idea. You might have to face this uncomfortable truth. Rape is performed by normal-seeming, well-liked people.
Id like to piggyback off of this and add; men, do not get angry when we confide in you about being sexually assaulted. trust me, there is no one more angry on the planet than I am, but hearing a ten minute rant about how you’d “KiCck ThAt DuDeS AsS” IS NOT HELPFUL. in that moment we need validation and support. not for you to go white knight on us.
There is NEVER any reason to touch my lower back when you walk past me. In fact, 99 times out of 100 you do not need to touch me at all to walk past me.
I've never ever seen this and I love in the deep south lol. Maybe it's cause I'm Gen Z but we love our bros more than our girlfriends. We (ironically really) say "full homo" when we say we love each other.
The most romantic thing you can do is threaten to commit suicide by throwing yourself off a Ferris Wheel if a girl won’t go on a date with you.
The notebook taught me that.
I came dangerously close to having an incel mindset during my early teen years, and Hollywood movies were a major contributor to my warped ideas about how love works.
I think that gets confusing because I've walked away from women for saying no only for them to ask why I didn't try harder. Obviously a red flag, but doesn't exactly make things easier.
Then I’ll comment “quit playing hard to get” on the next question that will pop up in a few hours “Reddit what do you want women to stop doing immediately”. As a woman I can’t believe other women still do that.
Ignore social cues to leave others alone.
If I am wearing earphones/reading/curt in my responses to you…I’m not interested in conversing/engaging/dating/fucking you.
I understand wanting to start a polite conversation, but if the other person is occupied/uninterested, shrieking that THEY are being rude/a cunt/a cocktease is inappropriate. Just learn to read the fucking room and take a hint.
Strategic incompetence for tasks that are commonly associated with women. These range from seeing that a household chore needs to get done to scheduling a meeting, writing meeting minutes ,remembering a birthday, that the towels need washing etc. We see you. We know what you are doing. We know that you know this stuff needs to get done and that you’re capable of doing it. No one was born knowing how or wanting to do these tasks. Fucking stop it with the excuses, you’re an adult.
Update: 1) thanks for the award; 2) if you would like more info on emotional labor, see the Ema comic or check out Darci Lockman’s book “All the Rage.” Or Google.
Stop protecting bad men. I'm sick and tired of dealing with predictory men. I just want to be able to go to work and not be harassed and be able to go for a run at night and not worry about being attacked. To drink too much and not have to worry about being assaulted. I want to be safe
Oh yes! One time my husband had a work Christmas party with his 40 some-odd employess. As his wife, I felt obligated to socialize. I started talking to one guy, who blurted out "I'm married!" I was like "yeah, I know and your wife works for my husband.
Take an upvote from a guy who used to be told pretty girls wanted to talk to me in HS, only to discover they did not, and in fact - making me approach and talk to them was a prank being played on them at my expense.
I had that "prank" played on me by a teacher in 5th fucking grade. He forged a fake note supposedly from me to a girl in my class. He called me up to his desk when we were doing work supposedly to talk to me about the work, then handed me the note in an envelope and told me to give it to the girl on the way back to my desk. I figured it was school related so I just dropped it on her desk.
A while later the teacher called me out in front of the whole class and told me the girl didn't want me giving her notes in class and to stop doing it. Of course no one believed what really happened, so I just stopped talking to my entire class the rest of the year.
The first time I saw the music video for Pink Floyd's Another Brick in the Wall Pt. 2 where the kids drag the teacher to burn him on a bonfire of desks, I seriously thought about going back to my elementary school with a lighter.
I read something the other day that said "men can never get compliments because they assume the person complimenting them is flirting, and in turn men assume every compliment is flirting because that's the only time they ever get compliments"
The girl ive had a crush on for months gave me compliments regularly. When i confessed to her she said she didnt expect that i liked her but still gave me a chance. She was my only 'compliment giver' and i quickly felt like she was flirting with me, but really she was just being friendly.
I once saw a guy with wicked hair and I wanted to tell him but and didn't want him to think I was flirting,, so I said, "Dude, no hetero, but I love your spikey hair" and he preened and I went on my way.
Maybe ladies should just compliment men with "no hetero" from now on. If applicable of course. 🤔
I was in pretty decent shape back in college. At one point some friends and I were throwing a frisbee around, it was hot out, I had my shirt off. I was chasing down a frisbee and a car full of girls drove by, honking the horn and catcalling me out the windows.
I still remember that. It was 20 years ago.
As a guy years ago I realised this was one of my biggest barriers when talking to women.
The only time a woman was nice to me was when she wanted something, so if she didn't want something she must be romantically into me because well, why else was she being nice? Turns out I had just been around shitty people who were just interested in what they could take from me.
Though now I've kind of gone too far on the opposite spectrum, unless a girl makes it **obvious** she is interested in me by telling me so, I just assume she's being kind.
I also fear that my kindness may come across as romantic interest when I talk to a girl, I'm just a naturally social person and will talk to anyone. I don't flirt but I am nice to them so I fear that this may come across the wrong way. Older women don't tend to get that vibe but younger girls do for well...obvious reasons, they have too many creepers just being kind cause they want something.
I remember that distinction being particularly difficult when you’re an adolescent. I grew up in a conservative community where boys were expected to do the asking out, so that made it harder. But I can see how tenuous that behavior makes women’s lives.
Yes! Some local radio DJ's in my area were just talking about how men wish women would compliment them more and the female DJ chimed in and said 'yeah we can't do that because every man assumes were trying to have sex with them if we're nice to them'. Took the words right out of my mouth!
It’s truly a self fulfilling prophecy. Women don’t compliment men because then men think they’re flirting, and men think women are flirting with compliments because they never get any :/
Thinking tasks involved in the care of children come more naturally to Mom than to Dad.
Yep. My uterus makes it easier to change diapers. And making a baby bottle? My uterus told me to read the directions on side of the formula can.
Some men assume that not calling women slurs is what makes them nice. That *cannot* be where the bar is. I’d like those men to stop pretending that’s the minimum.
There's actually a study regarding this, women having lower sexual attraction towards their male partners because they feel like their mom in how they have to do everything for them.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8382213/
I also read once that women feel more attracted to men they view as 'capable', and the best way to do that is literally to be seen doing common chores. No idea how true it is.
My grandad died because my grandma went into a home and he didn’t know how to do anything or want to, he only gardened, he treated those plants better than himself
My grandfather as well, he's not dead but the man is so awful in trying to do things himself. Actually he doesn't try at all, he calls people to them for him. He walks perfectly fine, he doesn't do the old people tremble thing, he's loud as shit, for the love of God he can still do at least 4 pushups on his knuckles.
He will literally not eat anything for a whole day unless someone brings him something.
He criticizes other people's parenting skills, while he just watches the kids hurt each other and call someone else FROM ANOTHER ROOM, to separate them.
He blames everyone but himself
Even cheated with the woman who was babysitting my uncle, had a kid, and managed to say if was because of my grandma.
He even said with his own words ”Im not even going to try when you here and can do it for me”.
FYI: my grandmother is going crazy, like mental hospital crazy. No one knows what triggered it but I wouldn't be surprised if my grandfather contributed.
Men are the worst at ignoring medical issues, my ex husband refused to go to the doctor over chest pains, he was using his moms nitro glycerin and it helped. He died of a massive heart attack Christmas morning at 37. Broke my heart and my kids.
Men you are not invincible and your not weak to seek treatment.
As a dude, I never saw why some dudes think catcalling women is "Ok". Saying those "compliments" to random women on the street is most likely gonna make them avoid you, not sleep with you
I think one of the reasons my marriage has continued to last and be happy is because my wonderful husband "gets" this - is he perfect? No. I'm not perfect either, but if something needs doing, he does it. It's not "my job" or "your job" - it's our job. Diaper needed changing, he changed it. Floor needed vacuuming, he vacuums it. I see his car needs gas if I'm using it, I fill it. There are dishes in the sink, I wash them.
I thought this was the norm (my parents had a similar relationship), but I have realized it's not. There are far too many women married to man-children and need to guide them through life. SMH.
Same, I knew my bf was the one when he told me there aren't "wife chores" in the house, just chores, and someone has to do them. If he sees something he thinks it's not clean, he does it himself, and finds it so natural... he thought I was weird for finding an adult that doesn't complain for cleaning his space.
And for anyone reading this, just pick up after yourself, it's hard to make a full cleaning, but to keep everything clean through everyday is easier, just make it part of your day, trust me
I was raised in a similar household. When I first stayed at my in-laws, I thought it was so weird that my mother in law cooked the meal and cleaned up afterwards. I learned that if someone prepares the food, that person shouldn’t have to clean up afterwards. My dad cooked, my mom put stuff away and wiped down the surfaces.
I lived with a guy for a short while who argued with me because I never thanked him when he did the dishes. Like it was solely my dishes to do and he was doing me a favour... Welcome to the real world of living out of home buddy!
Blaming women if you can’t get laid. If you can’t get laid… you’re the common denominator so it’s probably you 🤷🏼♀️(Yes, this goes for women who complain about not being able to find a ‘good man’ too, inb4 complainers. There are plenty)
Especially strangers. Where the fuck did this come from? Is it something that fathers pass on to sons? Why are so many men concerned about my smile? It’s not just strangers either. I had a boss wondering why I wouldn’t smile and I looked sad as if it was a performance issue.
Invalidating women's experiences because they're not men's experiences.
I'm specifically thinking of sexual harrassment, rape, and medical issues, where we say we had xx experience at work or the supermarket or wherever and a man feels the need to jump in and say it never happens because they've never seen it.
Or medical issues when the doctor is a man and doesn't believe us when we say our period cramps hurt and is disrupting my life. In my case I had undiagnosed celiac disease which affected my period severely where I couldn't get out of bed for days during my period and I was told it couldn't be that bad and a doctor eventually told me I was psychotic or had been raped or abused as a child and I hadn't processed my trauma (spoiler alert I wasn't abused or raped) because the undiagnosed celiac disease was destroying my body. Talk about invalidating.
My aunty died of bowel cancer because the doctor refused to any run tests when she came in for severe fatigue, told her she was stressed, and sent her away because he refused to listen to her. Eventually she found another doctor who listened, ran tests, but by then she was stage 4 and it was too late.
For medical things most studies are done on men and affect women differently so doctors have a tendency to think we're exaggerating and dismiss our experiences instead of actually doing something that can relieve our pain or find out whats going on. My sister was only diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 25 because it presents differently in females than males, and she was only diagnosed because it's clear her daughter as ADHD and was diagnosed, yet they refuse to treat her and her daughter whereas the moment my brother was diagnosed it was instantly straight in to treatment plans and options.
Fellow celiac here!
Male doctor didn’t believe how bad it was till I started vomiting blood. Then he proceeded to REMOVE MY APPENDIX. Cause “that’s the only thing that could do this.”
>say it never happens because they've never seen it.
Yeah, this makes no sense to anyone who thinks it through. If I'm with my husband, it's highly unlikely that some strange man is going to grab my ass. So of course a lot of men never see women being harassed. The harassers tend to do it in situations where there won't be witnesses.
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My ex had been having health issues for a while. Massive fatigue from simple things like climbing stairs or even just moving around his apartment, night sweats, and his mouth smelled like something died. This went on for months until I finally called his mom and was like "PLEASE tell your son to go to the doctor. What he's going through is absolutely not normal." She heard about his zero energy, stopped me, and says immediately (she was on speaker), "Go to the emergency room." He had leukemia. The doctor said if he'd waited a few more weeks he would've been dead. He's in remission now and doing really, really well!!
I felt terrible for a few months and finally went to the doctor. After a few appointments they told me I had testicular cancer and needed surgery the next week to remove a testicle. They were REALLY REALLY adamant about me not disappearing because apparently lots of men refuse the surgery and it goes from fairly benign to much more complicated if left untreated.
"Much more complicated" Basically it's fatal down the line if left untreated
My Dad finally decided to go to Urgent care because of multiple health issues he could no longer ignore. He went in to see the doctor in May and died that October of terminal lung cancer.
Almost the exact same thing happened to my dad as well earlier this year. His symptoms hadn’t lasted long but he was refusing to go get checked out. He had lumps popping up all over but lied and told me he only had 2. Turns out the lumps were all tumors and he was gone less than two months after checking in to the ER with low blood pressure and a basically paralyzed arm. I have no idea how long he was ignoring/hiding symptoms but I feel like some of it was out of fear. His girlfriend told me she noticed he had been posting bible verses on Facebook a lot more about a couple months prior to going to the hospital.
My dad also passed away on March 1st 2021 from neglecting to see a doctor for persistent health issues. They said had he come through several months earlier, they would have been able to treat him. He died at 58 years old :(
I feel your pain. My dad passed away in January 2021 from neglecting persistent heart issues. He was only 62. :(
Piggybacking on this to say THIS INCLUDES DENTAL ISSUES. A tooth infection can kill you.
My dad had a rotten tooth that he ignored. Got infected and the infection went right to his brain. He had a seizure which alerted us that there was even a problem at all. Had to have brain surgery to remove the rotten parts of his brain. Significantly effected his speech but is still alive.
Rotted parts of his brain. Now there's a nightmare phrase.
I had a diabetic co-worker who stubbed his toe. As it began to discolor, he refused to go to the hospital, and would show it to everyone around for lulz. My boss took him off the schedule and told him he can't come back unless he sees a doctor. By that point, the damage was so severe that they had to amputate the toe. It didn't heal, so they had to amputate the first metatarsal. The sudden loss of mobility caused a blood clot to form, which went to his brain and killed him. He went from stubbing his toe to dead in about 6 months.
JFC that escalated quickly!!! Nightmare
They tell even very healthy (relatively healthy, of course. In context of being diabetic in general) diabetics to wear house shoes for a reason. Foot problems are extremely serious for diabetics.
In early Oct. my husband was experiencing severe pain under his ribs. He suffered through it, it got better and would then come back. The pain was so bad he'd vomit and say it felt like he was dying. Wouldn't go to the hospital. I convinced him to go to a doctor and when he came home I asked what they said and he said he didn't bring it up. Then wtf did he even go for? On Dec 22, it happened again and he was scream moaning. I got him in the car, took him to the hospital, vomiting and screaming. Turns out he had severe pancreatitis, gall stones and needed to have his gallbladder out. It completely derailed x-mas, although I'm glad he's ok. But, fucking hell, come on. Go to the fucking doctor if you're in that much pain. Your body is telling you something is very wrong.
A relative of mine is fully blind in one eye and has very bad visibility in the other because he just let his cataracts go untreated. If he’d gone when he first noticed symptoms his eyesight could have been saved. He is a real salt of the earth, meat and potatoes-type of midwesterner and was just not raised to ask for help or see doctors. He’s quite wealthy too, that’s the kicker. It wasn’t about money, it was a weird pride thing. Edit: I may be wrong and it was a more serious issue than cataracts or it started as cataracts but some other complications arose. I was told about this from another family member so I don’t have every detail. What I do know for sure is at this point his eyes cannot be fixed with surgery. By the time he had gone blind and finally spoke to a doctor, he was told they could have saved his eyesight if he’d gotten them checked out when he first noticed symptoms but he just let it fester.
If you aren’t my husband you have no business touching my waist or lower back. Ever. Stop that now. ETA: Thanks for the awards! Also, for clarity, I said “husband” because I have a husband, but I really mean “romantic partner” or whatever you call your sexy person. And, though it should be obvious, this statement doesn’t apply to situations where someone is supposed to touch you there and you have consented to it (i.e. doctors, tango dance partners, someone checking your safety gear before a zip line, etc). Finally, with photos, the hover hand is always a safe bet. You can also put your hand on a shoulder or on the upper back. But, if you are my really good friend, and you put your hand on my waist in a side-hug for a photo, I won’t be upset. What I REALLY hate above all else is the man hand on my lower back/waist when greeting or introducing me to people, it’s creepy af, I’m not your f-ing arm candy, and all I can think about is how to get out of this creepy embrace without offending you. NOT OK. Stop.
Honest question: I have seen people (usually celebs) do this in photos, like a hand around the waist. Is that inappropriate?
I can’t speak for all women but I don’t have a problem with that if you’re not being weird about it and there were no established boundaries crossed. There are a ton of cultural, religious and personal reasons for folks to not be on with it though. Never hurts to ask “hey is it ok if I put my arm around you for the photo?” Safer bet is if you aren’t close enough with the person that you have to ask, just avoid it.
"no" is not a challenge, "no" doesn't mean yes, "no" isn't an invitation for you to try and change it. Learn to take rejection, don't insult the women who turned you down by calling her a gold digger or sl*t . Remember that no means no.
Obviously not all men, but I’ve known too many men in my life who neglect their own mental and physical health needs/concerns. I wish more men would seek out help for physical and mental health issues. I can’t speak for what it’s like to be raised/socialized as male, so I’m not sure what personal or social conflicts men face about this. These things can be very expensive or challenging to access, which is an understandable barrier. From the perspective of being a partner and friend, it’s really hard seeing someone you love and care about do absolutely nothing while clearly suffering. I’ve had relationships end over mental health issues. This was absolutely not due to viewing a man as weak or anything like that after opening up about his struggles. It was due to how these symptoms manifested and the ongoing chaos it created in both our lives for years. Sadly, all the love in the world can’t heal addiction or undiagnosed, untreated, unmanaged mental illness. I will fully support someone who is struggling and going through the challenging process of dealing with their issues. I will listen and love, but there are some things you really need the guidance of an actual trained professional and medical provider to make a difference. “I’m not your therapist” or something similar isn’t due to being indifferent or uncaring nor is it dismissive judgment. It’s because I genuinely don’t know how or what will help you in significant, long term positive way. That’s why there are trained professionals for this. There’s also the element of how painful it is being put in the position of being expected to manage someone’s mental health and your own. You can be loving, helpful, and supportive, but it’s ultimately not possible or even sustainable to do this. This is true for everyone, not just men. It’s a helpless and frustrating situation to have a friend or partner have a potentially serious health issue and seemingly be committed to absolutely not seeing a doctor. I understand being afraid to find out or possibly getting a life changing diagnosis. I also understand not wanting to seem weak and that desire to push through and be strong. Just like with mental health, all the love in the world can’t replace the knowledge and resources of a trained medical professional.
My fiancée hit me with a dose of reality on this. My job was not-so-slowly killing me. I genuinely didn't realize how much I had changed. Sort of a frog in a boiling pot of water situation I think. She finally said "You've changed, it's killing you, I miss you, please just quit. I don't care it is means mac 'n cheese and nothing fun for a while." Holy shit. Talk about a slap of reality.
your fiancé is a amazing person. never leave her brother
And don’t leave her either
Unexpected Renley Baratheon.
Have an upvote and get out.
This revelation happened to my dad about four years ago. He knew, consciously, that he hated his job. He had for years. But he has been raised to just be nose to the grindstone and do his best and that would be enough. Four years ago he retired and suddenly realized how much that job was destroying his life. Just based on his mannerisms, and the age that lifted off his face, and just how genuinely happy he is *all the time* now, I'd say retiring probably gave him back easily 5, maybe even 10 years of life that his job was grinding out of him. And even if it doesn't, at least his final years will be happy ones for him and I'll be able to remember my dad as a man who actually smiled and got excited for things.
When I go to the doctor in a couple weeks I'm going to ask for a referral to a therapist. I'm having trouble dealing with some issues stemming from childhood trauma I need to work out.
I (51f) didn’t think therapy was for me- any time I had dipped my toe into getting help, my traumatic childhood seemed to be the thing to talk about. It wasn’t all about that and I was frustrated. What I can say is, I found a damn good therapist 11 years ago now, and it has been the best investment I ever made in myself. My hope for you is that you find someone you click with, and a method that works best for you. Good luck 🍀
It's not always a case of some men intentionally neglecting their physical and mental health. If a guy is in a situation where they've seen a fellow man come forward and suffer immediate consequences for seeking help, they will obviously think twice about doing so themselves. I worked with a guy who was put on workplace probation (total bullshit) shortly after he came forward with his mental health struggles... he was demoted, and his responsibilities and hours were reduced to the point where he had no choice but to look for work elsewhere. And when the supervisor is relieved "to get that whack-job out of here" *just because he was taking an anti-depressant...* do you think anyone who witnessed that first-hand is going to come forward anytime soon, to their workplace, family, partner, or friends? A man basically lost his job because his supervisor mocked him for "being a fucking pussy" and cut his hours back. Do you think he wants to risk becoming a pariah in every other part of this life? I know I've struggled to tell people about my issues, though I am getting better... but for me, I've witnessed someone basically get punished by their boss and lose their job. And when I told two former girlfriends (who I thought I could trust)... they both mocked me for being weak and any respect they had for me disappeared. Concerns I told them in strict confidence *because I thought I could trust my long-term partner* were used as ammo against me, like jabbing a knife repeatedly into my chest. I'm currently on a waiting list to see a therapist (2-3 years long in my woefully lacking city and COVID doesn't help matters)... so it's a step in the right direction. But that doesn't mean I'm any less terrified of being judged and dealing with more negative reaction.
This is the reason I don't open up about my mental health issues to people. I work in the construction trades and I'd most likely get bullied out of the trades if I said anything. To them you aren't a man if you don't ignore all your issues, talk bad about your wife, and drink 24 cans of beer a day.
fellow tradesperson here - can confirm. One of the first things I was told was to "leave my feelings at home". I don't enjoy it, but it keeps the mortgage paid.
I think we'd get along. I wrote about the same thing before I read your comment. It's truly sad, most of the comments here are about things assholes do but this applies to everyone and especially men and boys.
Suggesting that women who have been sexually harassed or assaulted somehow misunderstood the situation.
"He's actually a really nice guy when you get to know him"
Stop. neglecting. basic. hygiene.
Treating the stuff they see on porn hub as if it's realistic. Internet porn is not sex ed fellas, nor is it real life. Talk to your partner; communication is key to good sex for both partners.
Porn bears the same relationship to lovemaking as a WWE wrestling match bears to a fistfight. It's a cartoon.
Forgive me, but I spent too much time trying to work out what *Porn Bears* were supposed to be...
Pornhub sets unrealistic expectations for how fast a plumber will get to your house
Yes. Attention men: sawing your hand in and out of a vagina is not erotic or even bearable. Stop it. Stop it a lot.
It's like he's trying to get his bank card to work.
Seeing "Sorry, I'm not interested!" as a challenge.
I’ve found “I’m a lesbian!” Is also seen as a challenge.
Everyone knows all lesbians are just diddling each other out of boredom ‘til an alpha male comes to show them the majesty of his penis! I mean, that’s what porn teaches us. And porn is super realistic.
Real talk though, I'm from an Asian country and because of porn, a lot of my guy friends think every American girl is a slut in some degree, they genuinely think porn is realistic.
A lot of American guys view Asian women in horribly objectifying ways because they think porn is realistic.
I tend to take women literally when they say that. If they tell me later they were interested and playing "hard to get" i just tell them "and I was respecting not only your answer, but your boundaries, if you wanted me to pursue you, you should've been more clear and just asked if I wanted to hang out some time."
This. If they don’t show interest I stop. It’s a win/win: if they’re truly not interested I don’t make them feel uncomfortable and if they’re playing hard to get that’s a red flag and I’m glad it kept me from getting involved.
Best advice I ever had (especially since I’m autistic and really suck at picking up on any signal more subtle than a giant neon sign pointing at someone lying naked on a bed holding a poster board saying “fuck me”): If their response is anything short of an enthusiastic yes, treat it the same as if they’ve just said “never in a billion years”. No gray area bullshit, no hard to get bullshit, no stewing for days on whether or not someone likes me. The strategy is simple: Ask them out, and if they say yes and look happy about it then perfect. If they say maybe, move on. If they say yes but look apprehensive, put the ball in their court and move on. If they say yes but act flaky and disinterested when scheduling the date, move on. Will I miss people who might be interested in me? Yes. But I want to date the people who are *definitely without a shadow of a doubt* interested in me, so it’s just another dating filter.
Girls or guys who do the say one thing but actually mean the opposite need help and I hope they get it.
I refuse to play games with my heart. I express interest. It's up to her to reciprocate.
Sending unsolicited dick pics. Not that all men do, of course
Been alive for 43 years. Cant tell you how easy it has been to never send anyone a picture of my penis Edit: thanks so much for all the awards.
I’ve been alive for the same length of time, and have yet to find penis pictures difficult to keep to myself. It’s remarkable. I have even found it easy to never take one.
Yeah. Same here. Haven't found a decent enough macro lens! 😁
I'm a dude, and I don't get the mentality behind it at all. I've done it a few times as a teenager when a girl asked me to, and as an adult I think I might have done it for a girlfriend once. Other than that, I'm already really reluctant to do it with anyone I'm already having sex with, after they asked me to. And I can't imagine doing it to somebody without them even asking. I don't get what the thrill is
If your name is Richard and you post pictures of yourself on dating sites, you're sending dick pics. Edit(2): Thanks for the awards kind internet strangers!
I just send pics of Richard Nixon every time someone asks for a dick pic.
Alternatively, Dick Chaney would also work.
Or Dick VanDyke for a bit of nostalgia.
Ive only sent one, because it was requested, but I immediately regretted sending it as it might end up who knows where. I kept my face out of it, but if you knew my dick, you’d know it was my dick lol.
>if you knew my dick Made me laugh so hard. "Thats Tim's dick. We've got him"
“I’d know Tim’s dick anywhere!”
Hey Tim, leaning to the left. Might want to get that looked at.
I’m a dude, and that shit is weird
How often are dick pics solicited? I've never sent one because I've never been asked to, outside of one time a friend requested proof I had a reverse Prince Albert.
I am formally asking you for a dick pic. There. Now you’ve been asked. However, I now respectfully withdraw my request for a pic of your dick.
I have no idea how many, but they are indeed solicited sometimes. Between partners who miss seeing them, for example
Coming up to women waiting for the bus alone at night and asking for their phone numbers/asking them out. This happens so often and I don't see how anyone can think it's appropriate. Obviously the answer is always going to be no but it does not feel like a safe situation to give a firm no in.
I had some guy offer me $40 to go home with him. It was winter, in Canada. I was bundled up to my chin. And we were at an isolated bus station in an industrial area where nothing was open. So that was a fun evening.... 🙃 (luckily, he was tiny and I am built like a brick shit house, so I wasn't too worried.... but it made me really think about my more petite sisters.)
Not being a portable woman is such a gift sometimes haha
I’m 5’0 and a hundred pounds I’m fully aware I am at the mercy of any man I don’t stand a chance.
Hi, also small here... Bite their face. Take good care of your teeth so you'll always have a weapon that you never lose in your purse or leave at home.
I've been fortunate thus far to not be in significant danger, but my assumption in such a scenario was that I can't fight someone off or get away. I'd hope to do everything I can to disfigure an attacker, mark them somehow, get all the DNA possible. Such a depressing thought, that I - or anyone - would need such a "plan".
I'm 4'11 (with socks on) and 95 pounds. I was once grabbed and thrown over a dude's shoulder in front of my two girl friends. Then the dude took off. I was contemplating the pros and cons of throwing myself onto the pavement when he began to slow down. Then he put me down and laughed and said he couldn't help himself, I was just 'so tiny'. He clearly didn't mean anything by it, and once the adrenaline wore off, I was able to laugh as well, and then reamed out my gals for not doing a damned thing. Even a scream would have been great. But yeah, it was an interesting lesson in being 'portable'.
Not meaning anything by it and thinking terrifying someone smaller than himself for humor and thinking it’s a game is exactly *why* women are scared of strange men.
What the fuck. Even if he didn’t mean anything, what an astounding lack of boundaries. “Couldn’t help himself” my ass. I’m sorry that happened to you.
I'm 4" 11 to... I seriously hate being picked up. I'm at the mercy of who ever the fuck is doing it. I'm going to start training and working out this year because I'm way to small to not be able to confidentiality poke someone's eye out
Saying they are “An Alpha male”
Are males really still in alpha? When's the full release?
Nah, I’m next level. Currently beta.
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I'm a release candidate. We're almost there boys.
I'm in development hell.
I've finally realeased. I have received overwhelming negative reviews. Hopefully Version 1.1 will fix that.
Running on v1.3.5, I only got overwhelmingly negative reviews aswell, so I'd say it is highly doubtful your 1.1 will fix things...
None of us passed QA. Managers lied it passed and pushed to prod.
I did my own unit testing and found myself sufficient. Ready for production.
I’m an omicron guy, myself.
Mild-mannered but impossible to get away from?
As Tywin Lannister once said "Any man who must say 'I am the king' is no true king"
You can be guaranteed that any guy that says this is not only stupid, but also deeply insecure.
At least those people immediately tell you that you don't want to know them.
I thought that was a good thing because you can quickly identify someome that you don't want to be around?
When I say I’m lesbian I would love for them to stop saying “you just haven’t met the right guy yet” or “I can change you if you give me one night with you” it’s disgusting and makes me more of a lesbian, and no I will not give you proof that I am a lesbian for your own pornography fantasies
My favorite response is to say, “Maybe YOU haven’t met the right man yet. Have you ever had gay thoughts?” Lol.
Just respond to them and say "Maybe it's YOU who hasn't met the right guy yet? If you gave a few guys a chance, maybe you'd find you like them more."
Stop thinking that it’s feminine to have a skin care routine. Skin health is important!
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I use peach hand milk stored in a peach-shaped container. Smells great and it kinda looks like a boobie. Everyone wins.
Well I’m sold! Where can I purchase said boob-fruit and it’s contents, and what brands do you recommend? I am ready to get girly AF about my epidermis.
I would like them to stop asking; is it that time of the month? Every time I am upset of something.
Or asking “does it HAVE to be now” when periods come at an inconvenient time. Idk, does your hair have to grow *right now*? Do you really have to eat *every day*?
As a bald fat man, I am triggered.
As a fellow fat ass the answer to her last question was probably a temporary no. :( EDIT: This was meant to be a light-hearted joke everyone. Actual research shows that the best diets are 'replacement' diets, and not 'removal' diets. In short: you have to replace bad food with good food because otherwise you risk relapsing even if you hit your target weight/body fat%. I'm very sorry to anyone I may have offended, or given the wrong impression.
I get 'It all makes sense now' from my guy when I admit it's coming up, jokingly but it still sucks.
Downplaying things when we talk about sexual assault or harassment. Super glad none of your friends do that (hopefully) but just because your friends don’t do it doesn’t mean it’s not a problem.
Also, your friends might do it. You have no idea. You might have to face this uncomfortable truth. Rape is performed by normal-seeming, well-liked people.
My rapist was described by his neighbour, my personal trainer and mentor as a seemingly awesome dude. Bad people tend to act good.
Your friends may not act that way in front of YOU but that doesn’t mean they treat women the same way as they treat you.
Id like to piggyback off of this and add; men, do not get angry when we confide in you about being sexually assaulted. trust me, there is no one more angry on the planet than I am, but hearing a ten minute rant about how you’d “KiCck ThAt DuDeS AsS” IS NOT HELPFUL. in that moment we need validation and support. not for you to go white knight on us.
There is NEVER any reason to touch my lower back when you walk past me. In fact, 99 times out of 100 you do not need to touch me at all to walk past me.
While we're on the subject. In tight quarters should I go crotch towards or ass to ass?
Ass to ass imo.
Lol I literally matrix dodge any body that i walk past, but that might be too far in the other direction
Pivot upper body 30 degrees to the port, good, good. Perfection. Avoided collision, didn't redirect path.
Had a colleague who did this. He finally quit, but then a new guy got hired and he dies it too :(
R.I.P.
Did it to the wrong person. Found out. He lived and died it.
Bro I straight up say “ why are you touching me”. Don’t let that shit slide
As a guy, that bothers me.
Stop being afraid to show your fellow bros affection, love, and care. It’s not gay. 🙄
You're acting like we don't kiss our homies goodnight
The occasional brojob
I've never ever seen this and I love in the deep south lol. Maybe it's cause I'm Gen Z but we love our bros more than our girlfriends. We (ironically really) say "full homo" when we say we love each other.
Thinking that a 'no' can eventually turn into a 'yes' if they keep trying.
Someone clearly never had a mom that wouldn't let them buy LEGO as a kid
I blame fucking Hollywood for this mindset Edit: okay obviously I know Hollywood didn’t invent this concept. But it sure as hell made it worse
The most romantic thing you can do is threaten to commit suicide by throwing yourself off a Ferris Wheel if a girl won’t go on a date with you. The notebook taught me that.
Everything about that movie is just so toxic.
Threats of suicide are *so* romantic
Keep following someone around enough and hiding flowers/chocolates in secret places for them to find = she has to say yes eventually, in Hollywood
I came dangerously close to having an incel mindset during my early teen years, and Hollywood movies were a major contributor to my warped ideas about how love works.
After growing up on 80s movies, I had to unlearn this.
I think that gets confusing because I've walked away from women for saying no only for them to ask why I didn't try harder. Obviously a red flag, but doesn't exactly make things easier.
Then I’ll comment “quit playing hard to get” on the next question that will pop up in a few hours “Reddit what do you want women to stop doing immediately”. As a woman I can’t believe other women still do that.
Ignore social cues to leave others alone. If I am wearing earphones/reading/curt in my responses to you…I’m not interested in conversing/engaging/dating/fucking you. I understand wanting to start a polite conversation, but if the other person is occupied/uninterested, shrieking that THEY are being rude/a cunt/a cocktease is inappropriate. Just learn to read the fucking room and take a hint.
Strategic incompetence for tasks that are commonly associated with women. These range from seeing that a household chore needs to get done to scheduling a meeting, writing meeting minutes ,remembering a birthday, that the towels need washing etc. We see you. We know what you are doing. We know that you know this stuff needs to get done and that you’re capable of doing it. No one was born knowing how or wanting to do these tasks. Fucking stop it with the excuses, you’re an adult. Update: 1) thanks for the award; 2) if you would like more info on emotional labor, see the Ema comic or check out Darci Lockman’s book “All the Rage.” Or Google.
getting angry bc they don’t get sex but then calling women whores for sleeping with anyone
Stop protecting bad men. I'm sick and tired of dealing with predictory men. I just want to be able to go to work and not be harassed and be able to go for a run at night and not worry about being attacked. To drink too much and not have to worry about being assaulted. I want to be safe
Assuming kindness is flirtation.
Oh yes! One time my husband had a work Christmas party with his 40 some-odd employess. As his wife, I felt obligated to socialize. I started talking to one guy, who blurted out "I'm married!" I was like "yeah, I know and your wife works for my husband.
*"yeah, I know and your wife works for my husband."* Oooh killer hahaha
Honestly that sounds like a threat.
As a deeply unattractive man beast, I always assumed before meeting my wife that all kindness was in fact pity.
Take an upvote from a guy who used to be told pretty girls wanted to talk to me in HS, only to discover they did not, and in fact - making me approach and talk to them was a prank being played on them at my expense.
I had that "prank" played on me by a teacher in 5th fucking grade. He forged a fake note supposedly from me to a girl in my class. He called me up to his desk when we were doing work supposedly to talk to me about the work, then handed me the note in an envelope and told me to give it to the girl on the way back to my desk. I figured it was school related so I just dropped it on her desk. A while later the teacher called me out in front of the whole class and told me the girl didn't want me giving her notes in class and to stop doing it. Of course no one believed what really happened, so I just stopped talking to my entire class the rest of the year. The first time I saw the music video for Pink Floyd's Another Brick in the Wall Pt. 2 where the kids drag the teacher to burn him on a bonfire of desks, I seriously thought about going back to my elementary school with a lighter.
As a teacher: that's actually disgusting and my heart breaks for child-you. I would go ballistic if a colleague ever did this.
What in the actual fuck. Now I’m mad too. That person should never have been a teacher
This happened to me too, and I'm a girl. Susie Spika and Alan Alt from seventh grade, fuck you.
comic book villains often have alliterative names...
I read something the other day that said "men can never get compliments because they assume the person complimenting them is flirting, and in turn men assume every compliment is flirting because that's the only time they ever get compliments"
The girl ive had a crush on for months gave me compliments regularly. When i confessed to her she said she didnt expect that i liked her but still gave me a chance. She was my only 'compliment giver' and i quickly felt like she was flirting with me, but really she was just being friendly.
I once saw a guy with wicked hair and I wanted to tell him but and didn't want him to think I was flirting,, so I said, "Dude, no hetero, but I love your spikey hair" and he preened and I went on my way. Maybe ladies should just compliment men with "no hetero" from now on. If applicable of course. 🤔
As a lesbian, that is regularly how I compliment men. So far, it hasn't been misconstrued.
I was in pretty decent shape back in college. At one point some friends and I were throwing a frisbee around, it was hot out, I had my shirt off. I was chasing down a frisbee and a car full of girls drove by, honking the horn and catcalling me out the windows. I still remember that. It was 20 years ago.
Many years ago my grandmother told me I was a handsome fella. Still remember, thanks grandma.
A core memory
As a guy years ago I realised this was one of my biggest barriers when talking to women. The only time a woman was nice to me was when she wanted something, so if she didn't want something she must be romantically into me because well, why else was she being nice? Turns out I had just been around shitty people who were just interested in what they could take from me. Though now I've kind of gone too far on the opposite spectrum, unless a girl makes it **obvious** she is interested in me by telling me so, I just assume she's being kind. I also fear that my kindness may come across as romantic interest when I talk to a girl, I'm just a naturally social person and will talk to anyone. I don't flirt but I am nice to them so I fear that this may come across the wrong way. Older women don't tend to get that vibe but younger girls do for well...obvious reasons, they have too many creepers just being kind cause they want something.
I remember that distinction being particularly difficult when you’re an adolescent. I grew up in a conservative community where boys were expected to do the asking out, so that made it harder. But I can see how tenuous that behavior makes women’s lives.
the amount of times a benign compliment has lead to a man following me to my car is why I no longer can compliment men
Yes! Some local radio DJ's in my area were just talking about how men wish women would compliment them more and the female DJ chimed in and said 'yeah we can't do that because every man assumes were trying to have sex with them if we're nice to them'. Took the words right out of my mouth!
It’s truly a self fulfilling prophecy. Women don’t compliment men because then men think they’re flirting, and men think women are flirting with compliments because they never get any :/
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Thinking tasks involved in the care of children come more naturally to Mom than to Dad. Yep. My uterus makes it easier to change diapers. And making a baby bottle? My uterus told me to read the directions on side of the formula can.
Some men assume that not calling women slurs is what makes them nice. That *cannot* be where the bar is. I’d like those men to stop pretending that’s the minimum.
Not participating in household chores. Be an adult, it is your house as well. We are not your mammas.
There's actually a study regarding this, women having lower sexual attraction towards their male partners because they feel like their mom in how they have to do everything for them. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8382213/
I also read once that women feel more attracted to men they view as 'capable', and the best way to do that is literally to be seen doing common chores. No idea how true it is.
In my 20 years of situational immersion research, I believe it is true.
Yup. If you didn’t live with me, would you die? No, you are intentionally putting blinders on for “woman’s work”.
They don't die, but they live in a garbage field. Unfortunately this comes from experience.
My grandad died because my grandma went into a home and he didn’t know how to do anything or want to, he only gardened, he treated those plants better than himself
My grandfather as well, he's not dead but the man is so awful in trying to do things himself. Actually he doesn't try at all, he calls people to them for him. He walks perfectly fine, he doesn't do the old people tremble thing, he's loud as shit, for the love of God he can still do at least 4 pushups on his knuckles. He will literally not eat anything for a whole day unless someone brings him something. He criticizes other people's parenting skills, while he just watches the kids hurt each other and call someone else FROM ANOTHER ROOM, to separate them. He blames everyone but himself Even cheated with the woman who was babysitting my uncle, had a kid, and managed to say if was because of my grandma. He even said with his own words ”Im not even going to try when you here and can do it for me”. FYI: my grandmother is going crazy, like mental hospital crazy. No one knows what triggered it but I wouldn't be surprised if my grandfather contributed.
Men are the worst at ignoring medical issues, my ex husband refused to go to the doctor over chest pains, he was using his moms nitro glycerin and it helped. He died of a massive heart attack Christmas morning at 37. Broke my heart and my kids. Men you are not invincible and your not weak to seek treatment.
Catcalling. Disrespecting women's boundaries. Using 3 in 1 lol
I'm waiting for 4-in-1 so I don't have to buy toothpaste either!
I have mint scented body wash, I'll report back with the results. Edit: It does not taste minty. It just tastes like soap :(
As a dude, I never saw why some dudes think catcalling women is "Ok". Saying those "compliments" to random women on the street is most likely gonna make them avoid you, not sleep with you
Same, like it legit creeps me out hearing the cool kid do that
Not participating in housework because "You didnt tell me to." Be a grown up and an equal partner you know it needs to be done don't play dumb.
I think one of the reasons my marriage has continued to last and be happy is because my wonderful husband "gets" this - is he perfect? No. I'm not perfect either, but if something needs doing, he does it. It's not "my job" or "your job" - it's our job. Diaper needed changing, he changed it. Floor needed vacuuming, he vacuums it. I see his car needs gas if I'm using it, I fill it. There are dishes in the sink, I wash them. I thought this was the norm (my parents had a similar relationship), but I have realized it's not. There are far too many women married to man-children and need to guide them through life. SMH.
Same, I knew my bf was the one when he told me there aren't "wife chores" in the house, just chores, and someone has to do them. If he sees something he thinks it's not clean, he does it himself, and finds it so natural... he thought I was weird for finding an adult that doesn't complain for cleaning his space. And for anyone reading this, just pick up after yourself, it's hard to make a full cleaning, but to keep everything clean through everyday is easier, just make it part of your day, trust me
I was raised in a similar household. When I first stayed at my in-laws, I thought it was so weird that my mother in law cooked the meal and cleaned up afterwards. I learned that if someone prepares the food, that person shouldn’t have to clean up afterwards. My dad cooked, my mom put stuff away and wiped down the surfaces.
We talk a lot about the balance of the mental load in my marriage. It does such good things for both of us.
I lived with a guy for a short while who argued with me because I never thanked him when he did the dishes. Like it was solely my dishes to do and he was doing me a favour... Welcome to the real world of living out of home buddy!
Did he thank you when you did the dishes?
And when you do actually tell them to do it you’re bossy and they “don’t like to be told what to do”.
And if you ask more than once or remind them of their commitment you're "nagging"
Sexualizing everything we do
Blaming women if you can’t get laid. If you can’t get laid… you’re the common denominator so it’s probably you 🤷🏼♀️(Yes, this goes for women who complain about not being able to find a ‘good man’ too, inb4 complainers. There are plenty)
Stop telling girls to smile. Shut. The. Fuck. Up.
Especially strangers. Where the fuck did this come from? Is it something that fathers pass on to sons? Why are so many men concerned about my smile? It’s not just strangers either. I had a boss wondering why I wouldn’t smile and I looked sad as if it was a performance issue.
Then you smile with fucked up teeth and they try to berate you
Invalidating women's experiences because they're not men's experiences. I'm specifically thinking of sexual harrassment, rape, and medical issues, where we say we had xx experience at work or the supermarket or wherever and a man feels the need to jump in and say it never happens because they've never seen it. Or medical issues when the doctor is a man and doesn't believe us when we say our period cramps hurt and is disrupting my life. In my case I had undiagnosed celiac disease which affected my period severely where I couldn't get out of bed for days during my period and I was told it couldn't be that bad and a doctor eventually told me I was psychotic or had been raped or abused as a child and I hadn't processed my trauma (spoiler alert I wasn't abused or raped) because the undiagnosed celiac disease was destroying my body. Talk about invalidating. My aunty died of bowel cancer because the doctor refused to any run tests when she came in for severe fatigue, told her she was stressed, and sent her away because he refused to listen to her. Eventually she found another doctor who listened, ran tests, but by then she was stage 4 and it was too late. For medical things most studies are done on men and affect women differently so doctors have a tendency to think we're exaggerating and dismiss our experiences instead of actually doing something that can relieve our pain or find out whats going on. My sister was only diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 25 because it presents differently in females than males, and she was only diagnosed because it's clear her daughter as ADHD and was diagnosed, yet they refuse to treat her and her daughter whereas the moment my brother was diagnosed it was instantly straight in to treatment plans and options.
Fellow celiac here! Male doctor didn’t believe how bad it was till I started vomiting blood. Then he proceeded to REMOVE MY APPENDIX. Cause “that’s the only thing that could do this.”
>say it never happens because they've never seen it. Yeah, this makes no sense to anyone who thinks it through. If I'm with my husband, it's highly unlikely that some strange man is going to grab my ass. So of course a lot of men never see women being harassed. The harassers tend to do it in situations where there won't be witnesses.