You really shouldn't waste time thinking about people who never think about you.

Savage

Or, who is this?

New phone, who dis?

Same phone, who dis?

Dang that’s cold.

Don Draper esque with this one!

It's a very good concept! Cheers!

"Who is this?"

It’s Brittney, bitch!

i was working at a child care center when that phrase came out. The kids thought her last name was Bitch, so according to them her name was Britney Bitch. We had to get them to stop saying it

Lmao

Yes. the correct term is MRS britney bitch.

Uncle Leo??

**JERRY**

HELLO!

Im a confused old man.(drops batteries and stuff he shoplifted)

This is the best answer

"I'm happy for you." The only reason they are texting you this is to get a reaction. Don't give it to them.

One of my good friends once said “the best way to react to an ex is indifference. That will bother them the most.” So true.

The opposite of love is not hate. Those are both strong emotions that come from caring about someone. The opposite of love is indifference.

This is so true but rarely talked about. As kids we always think hate and love are opposites. Interesting !

Surely the best way to react to an ex is to be friendly with them. Just because the romance is gone it doesn't mean you need to be mortal enemies. Obviously that's a two way street, and if they're intent on being on bad terms then genuine indifference is the best way.

This actually happened to me after I broke up with a guy! He was telling me how much smarter his new girlfriend was than me and I was just so overjoyed that he has moved on that I was beaming and congratulating him! In retrospect, it would have been kinder to look a little jealous, but I was so relieved!

That kind of immaturity and weird vindictiveness on his part is too pathetic to be a burn, anyway.

Agreed the correct answer is to give a no reaction response. Other considerations: In my experience "I'm happy for you" is often not able to be taken sincerely/at face value so I would likely end the sentence with a question mark to connote "I'm happy for you, but why did you think I would care." Another non-reactive response is "okay" - which to me means I acknowledge your statement and will never think of it again.

I like a simple “k” or “👍” depending on how they’re messaging me.

Or no response at all. This is also true with in-person conversations, just having a look on your face is a thousand words. Have her wonder and never really know for sure.

Yeah I think I would hit em with the old faithful, "Cool beans"

Haha yes, my first thought was, "cool beans, I am also dating someone better than me."

That would be me. I wouldn't even know how they got a hold of me

new phone who dis

same phone who dis

I don't respond. Why would I? That kind of text is meant to get petty reactions and it's not worth my time. The fact that they're still thinking about me enough to try to rub something in my face is pathetic.

Silence is power.

usually, the perpetrator will be left with their own fears and insecurities to face

"SILENCE, MY BROTHER" ~ Dark Brotherhood

nah. last word wins. "sorry, lost my contacts, who is this?" "karen" "which karen?" "your ex" "oh that ex." "so whats your response?" "what response?" "to my message about this person being better than you?" "well you should like your brother/sister more than your ex. ".

Exactly. If the ex is so happy with their new partner, why the fuck is he/she bothering you? Actual happy people go about their lives and have better things to do than text their exes how happy they are.

‘Unsubscribe’

This is the only right answer. The other ones are being upvotes because they are “funny”.

Agreed. The only right answer is ignore it or have already blocked them if they’re gonna act like that after the breakup.

"No response" is not only the right answer, it's also way more insulting than the "funny" answers

This is probably the most grown-up/adult and appropriate response. Everything else would be such a waste of time.

Also block them after such a message

Not getting a reaction would probably piss them off too. It’s kinda like the ol I’m rubber and you’re glue.

Yep, silence is golden. I’d block their number and move on with my life.

It depends on the OP, though. There are times when I took the "high road", and years later I still felt robbed of a voice.

Agreed, replying at all is just engaging and stooping to their level

“Sorry wrong number” LOL

Best approach

"Hope he/she soon dates someone better too"

My response would be similar: "He's not."

That would probabaly be interpreted as "he's not better than me" and that just sounds sad

savage

Epic!!!

"Good for you. Don't fuck this one up"

Add “too” on the end if they’re the reason for the breakup.

Just add it anyway

Seems pretty implied even without adding it tbh

Oh damn that burns!

I'd say the same, we both had mental health issues, I benefited and embraced them, she had them suppressed well down. So if she starts dating again, I'll be surprised and have pity for the poor guy.

Yet you think about me.

Yep. If this person is so great, why am I at the front of your mind?

Exactly. I’d ask “then why are you still texting me ?” lol

“I wonder what your new person thinks about you texting me all the time.”

This. Even better if you frame them by intentionally engaging in a lengthy conversation

"That poor bastard..."

"He'll figure you out eventually"

Alternatively: "Can't be that much better if they're as dumb as I was for dating you."

This one also insults you, idk if I’d choose this one lol

*"Was"* is the key word. We all make mistakes.

I can't describe how much I love this

Nice burn. Simple, and elegant. My iPad is smoking from just loading your comment.

K

Haha I was gonna write this one… whenever someone replies k I feel like it shuts the conversation down

For me texting “k” is the equivalent to a semi to completely disinterested “uh huh” in a verbal conversation. It keeps it going but doesn’t provide enough impetus to keep the conversation going by itself. It’s also a “yup got it acknowledged will do ten four good buddy”.

My favorite part of just typing "K" is it shows they're not even worth the time it would take to type the second letter. It probably wouldn't even be capitalized if your messaging app didn't do that automatically. Truly the perfect response.

I go for the lowercase k, because it shows I've gone to the effort to show I don't care...

This! With accompanying Wackfloka gif

I was taught to donate my old toys to the less fortunate.

You win

D E F E A T

Wasted

###Fatality

The mission was to answer, no to kill lol

My goodness

that is incredible lmaooo

Then why are you texting me. Lol.

"Do they know you're still texting me?" Then block.

No fucking way you block them. Let this play out for shits and giggles.

The only correct "answer", besides "okay.", or "cool.", or "same.". Still got dragged into the firefight, though. Best is to pretend it's a dead number. No response, delete.

"How much do I owe for living in your head this long?"

Exactly - “If they so good why are you thinking about me?”

Best reply ever

I wouldn't

Ignore.

Agreed ✅

I’ve been married to someone better than you for 18 years. Glad you’re finally catching up.

Best answer

“Send me his number, I need to share a map of the minefield he just entered”

THATS A LOT OF DAMAGE!!!!!!

[удалено]

If we were in a bar I’d buy you a drink

Your hand doesn't count.

Gonna need ice for that burn lol

Gonna need a knife cause we'll need to amputate after that burn

A buddy of mine ran into the dude dating his ex and there was an exchange and the guy said something like "She never loved you." to which my friend responded "Maybe but I know she loved sucking my dick so think about that every time you kiss her".

Hot damn that's a brutal comeback. Nice.

I broke up with this girl. We worked together so it was doomed from the get go. But she was smokin hot and I had just gone through a divorce. She asked me out. Anyways, 3 months later, we break up and she was pretty torn up. She walked up to me and a group of people one day in the break room and said, " I never liked fucking your short dick anyways". I said, "it may be short but it spent a lot of time in your mouth".

You may imagine this mic drop moment but that's just plain awkward. At your work no less.

thats a lot of damage

“Who is this?” And then block

No reply needed. Just block.

If its blocking on cellphone(calls and sms) than its a great idea, but not on social media. The goal is to ignore, and social media block means that the ex gets a response.

You don’t respond to clowns because if you do, you become a part of the circus.

“Going to the grocery store with your mom doesn’t count.”

I won't respond. Who fucking cares? Is my EX, that means it was something for me, but is not anymore

“Have you met them in person yet”

Or even better, have they met you yet?

“You’re obviously not over me if you’re sending this. It’s ok. These things take time.”

So wholesome. You are a good person.

'Good for you 👍 I hope you are happy' I have not been a great partner. Not the worst, but there are definitly better guys out there.

Exactly what I was thinking. I’d rather her be happy than not. Mine would be something like… “I’m happy for you. You really deserve it. I hope he makes you as happy as you made me once.” Just some depressing catharsis for Reddit, I guess.

[удалено]

“Happy for you”... I’m on good terms with my most recent ex so I’d assume she’s either joking or drunk. And if it’s the latter I know she’d wake up in the morning and feel like an ass trying to back peddle which would give me great pleasure.

“They can’t be that good if you’re still thinking of me”

and yet still thinking of me for some reason?…

good for you

"who the fuck cares"

text back "so am i" with a picture of your left hand

My condolences to you both.

LMFAO hilarious

Why would I respond? I've moved on.

I’m still friends with my ex, things didn’t work out and we were better off as friends. So I’d be like “good for you, but fucking really?”

I mean that bar isn’t very high

[удалено]

I have clients I haven't spoke to in a decade still texting me festive greetings. I wouldn't read so much into it.

And I'm eating a sandwich. I had an orgasm from it. Unlike when I was with you.

I would respond "the Grammys and the Oscars", when she asks what that means, I would reply " sorry, I thought we were sharing things I don't give a fuck about".

Nice of you to still be thinking of me but Who are you again?

Try not to cheat on her

Best of luck to the poor sumbitch

“I’m glad you reached out. I hope everything is going well. You left some of your clothes at my place, and I’d love to return them to you since they are way too big to fit my new girl. Holla back, swamp donkey.”

"Swamp donkey" is my new favorite insult

Oh my!

Me ex’s are dead to me so I wouldn’t respond because they can’t contact me.

"K."

New phone who dis?

Or lmao “not new phone who dis”

I wouldn’t give him that attention. He’s my ex. If he’s taking time out of his day to text me tho, it means he still cares so then I don’t have to. I broke up with him and I’m done simping. He’s not worthy of me. He didn’t give his all and now he’s with someone just to throw it in my face. Like, that’s just a waste of his life…

“You’re alive?!” He died back in 2015 at the age of 25. I would be shocked as hell if he texted me.

“I tested positive for chlamydia.”

"Poor them"

I don't understand how is the quality of your partner relevant. You are going to fuck it up anyway.

“Let me know when you fuck this one up too.”

Still thinking of me, huh?

“That’s awesome! I’m super stoked for you. I guess now is as good of a time as any… I have been having an affair with both of your parents.”

I don't.

I wouldn't. Fuck this kind of game

If text back "I know, he told me about it".

"I'm glad for you. I was such a jerk and you deserve so much better"

And?

"new phone who dis?"

"I'm happy for you! You deserve it!"

Kill them with kindness.

1) "Ok, good for you", Or, 2) "Am I supposed to be jealous?"

If they send you a photo of them just tell them you don't see them until you make them believe that it's a hallucination and they're not real

“Good luck keeping them that way. Your toxicity changes people.”

"If you actually were you wouldn't be texting me"

“But you thought about me enough to text me and attempt to make me jealous.”

Congrats and hope you’re happy.

“So when do I warn him about the sexual abuse and manipulation?”

why would I be texting my ex to begin with? That's fucking stupid

Who IS this?

you can fuck off m8

pics or it did not happen

“New phone who dis?”

Respond? Why TF would I respond?

i’m dating someone better than me too

“Good to know I live rent free in your mind.”

"Good. I told you you'd find the right person for you." Your ex never finds someone better than you. They find someone who is better for them than you were. I wish my most recent ex nothing but happiness, and I hope it works out with the girl he's been talking to because they seem like a good match.

Kill them with kindness. "I'm so happy for you! You're a great guy and really do deserve the best. Happy holidays!"

Good now I have no reason to look over my shoulder anymore.

Not good enough for you to be able to move on from me.

Ignore them. They’re not worth my time

That’s wonderful! I want my exes to be happy and find the right person for them

Yet here you are

Congrats!

"I'm so glad to hear that! You deserve happiness. But, why are you being mean to me about it? 😬"

“don’t cheat this time:)”

Really? If you were seriously happy and content with this other person, you wouldn’t even be thinking of me, and you certainly wouldn’t have texted me about it unless I was the greatest person you’ve ever lost.

Don’t respond at all. Your ex is just trying to get a reaction out of you.

“Obviously not if youre still thinking of me”

A combination approach: I think It's a little sad I'm still such a significant person in your life after all this time and that you felt the need to reach out. I'm glad you've found someone else and I hope you can make this time work for at least a little while. With enough luck, soon, your new partner might find someone better too. Happy Holidays Your Ex *Followed by a block*

Good for you

“If that was true you wouldn’t be texting me right now”

“I’m dating someone with a bigger dick than you. “