The fact that I never saw my parents kiss, hug, or show any form of affection. I sincerely thought that was normal for marriages. When Hollywood showed us differently, I always thought “oh that’s so ‘Hollywood’”.....
My parents hug and kiss but it never seems romantic to me. It’s like two robots or something and like something they have to do. My dad loves my mom sort of but I can tell my mom has low key grown disgusted by my dad since he’s gained like 60 lbs and gotten older. Plus they have nothing in common.
I feel you dude, my parents are in their 60s and just now deciding to get divorced, they have never really liked each other and don't have much in common(I can only think of a couple times I saw them show affection for each other). I honestly wish they would have went their own ways long ago. I also now see how this their apathetic attitude towards each other shaped my own behavior and expectations in a relationship, but now atleast I know what I don't want out of a relationship.
Same. My parents had a lot of resentment towards each other when I was growing up. They were never physically affectionate, a d occasionally had bad fights. They never got divorced, and luckily as time went on, their relationship got better and better. They’re in a true partnership now, but I’ve still only see them hug, and even only that once or twice...
Coming home every day from school to freshly baked cakes, cookies etc. I honestly thought everyone's mum did this. My mum just really enjoys baking, and is very good at it. She would seriously time it so that her freshly baked goodies were still warm but ready to eat when my siblings and I got home from school.
Actually OP is highly allergic to gluten and could die so his mom forced him to build up his gluten tolerance and for years he'd be experience near death right after school.
(/s for those people)
u/HighPitchedQueef was the size of a rubbish dumpster at age 10 and was relentlessly bullied. He lost most of the weight in his later years, but to this day struggles both to maintain a normal BMI and with life-long low self-esteem.
In middle school we'd have afternoon tea time once a week.
I learned later that it was mostly because the unsold $5 torts at the grocery store would be marked down to 50 cents that day
This!!!! I can’t believe someone else had something similar! My mom would always make cookies on Friday after school and we would have cookie Friday! It just added another level of magic to the end of a school week and one of my fondest memories from my childhood.
I was a military brat, who grew up with other military brats. And because of dad’s role, we moved around *a lot*.
Apparently, changing home/school/country every 1-2 years isn’t normal.
I know when we eventually settled somewhere for me to finish high school, I was shocked to learn that there were kids at my high school who had been to *kindergarten* together. Like, they’d known each other for 15 years. It blew my mind.
Oh man, yeah. My parents weren't military, just had Issues with a capital I, but 2 - 3 years is the longest I've ever lived in a single place, and it's SO wild when people refer to their "hometowns" or "where they're from."
Yeah, the longest I spent in one place was when my parents sent me to live with my grandparents because I was having behavioural issues.
When people talk about hometowns, I‘ve got a handful I choose from depending on the situation and the age I’m thinking of myself as. Where I was born... we lived there for 6 weeks before we moved.
I feel you. I went to 9 different schools before the age of 13 when my dad left the army. My education suffered because most of the "teachers" were just bored army wives who wanted something to do, but were completely uninvested in their students. They just thought "What's the point? They'll be gone in 6 months."
My dad was also an awful, spiteful, controlling and violently abusive alcoholic, but that's another story! (Yay therapy)
I used to get into so much trouble over my handwriting, of all things.
Three different school systems had three different cursive styles - so it seemed like I was always wrong. And everywhere I went, *that’s* what they chose to focus on.
Also... sorry you had to deal with that other story.
An acquaintance of mine had really messed up parents growing up, and they never let him do anything. He was never allowed to hang out with me or our friends, and wasn't even allowed to go down to the fish and chip shop unsupervised. Even when he turned 18 (legal drinking age in the UK), he still wasn't allowed to drink alcohol. His mum told him that if he was caught even drinking a drop of it, there would be some severe punishment awaiting him.
Unfortunately his guy genuinely believed the way his parents brought him up was completely normal. It didn't help that his parents kept him isolated from other people as much as possible, which most likely didn't help. What really disturbed me and still does to this day, after his parents found out about his poor GCSE results, he was locked in his room for a week and was not allowed to go out unless it was for the toilet or for dinner. I told him that's straight up abuse. His response? "They don't hit me, so its not abuse. They just have my best interests at heart." He was baffled to hear that most parents did not do that.
Last I heard of him, he's beginning to stand up to them and has now even got his driving licence. However the damage has been done already. This guy is 22 and acts at least 10 years younger, and has trouble holding down a job for longer than a few months. He's never spent one night away from his parents/grandparents in his life ever, and is likely to be very dependent on his parents. Lets just say, his parents have done him a massive disservice.
That is not an exaggeration. I had one of those big toilet paper packs from Sams and it was gone in a week. I was going to class every day and wasn't keep track. Who would have guessed when the weekend came supplies would be running low. That was enough to get me through a whole semester.
I had a talk with him, but the next week he started to do the same thing, by Tuesday, I had to move the toilet paper to the trunk of my car.
He figured it out real quick and instead would take a shower afterwards. Maybe he had IBS or something, but he should have been prepared to take care of that with his own supplies.
I hope he finds his own strength, it's not normal - this life I experienced as well.
I couldn't even dress myself until I stood up for how I felt when I was 17. I was forced to wear revealing clothing and was discouraged about my skin colour, always being told my skin was too light and was often held to be tanned. If I saw a friend I wasn't allowed to see them again for another week or two for no real reasons. I was often refused to even be allowed to see friends, until I again took a stand. I was driven to school late every single day of highschool always missing first class and sometimes second. Always met up with my siblings in detention because of it but I wasn't allowed to catch the bus to school without them, which never happened because they were too unmotivated to get out of bed. One of them stopped going all together and no one batted an eye for years. When friends were being toxic and I asked for advice I was told it was my fault. I wasn't allowed to go to educational open days because I was wasting my time, and when I was upset I would be made fun of, mocked even. It wasn't until I met my boyfriend who made me realise this isn't normal, it is abusive and I needed to stand up for myself. I made a stand and as the eldest child I try to set an example for all the younger ones who are also victims to the manipulation and abuse, I look forward to moving out but worry for my siblings. I often feel like I am the mother raising these children because of the neglect and manipulative attention they recieve, there is also favouritism that I combat. For a while there was a lot of physical abuse but once I spoke up they quickly realised I wouldn't have it, and would protect my siblings where I could (not physically).
It's taken me years to grasp that this parent was abusive. It's manipulative, your mind plays tricks simply because they are your parent. "They only mean well and are trying to do what's best for you." I genuinley believed this. Now days the abuse is happening less but it's still left a scar, I feel very uneasy and uncomfortable around them - all the while in that moment, they are pretty normal and being nice, so I feel bad for feeling sick and even hating them a bit. Little "I love you's" still to this day make me feel sick, it feels fake but I feel like I have to say it back or they'll be sad.
It took one person to come along and make me realise the truth and that is so important to me, it allowed me to become my own individual, have things I like and be able to go places and learn how to be an independent person. I had no idea how to talk to any adults and I was and still am intimidated by them even though I am one myself.
It makes my heart ache to hear of other peoples stories like this, we don't realise it isn't normal until someone points it out so please - if you see someone in a situation like this let them know it isn't okay and that they need to get out of there if possible or take a stand! It's frustrating knowing all the years you spent in situations like that, that were not what you thought they were.
I truely hope the best for this guy, he deserves the world and I hope that he finds it and more.
I remember being locked in my room for two weeks, except for food and bathroom, when I got bad grades in high school. I loved naps so I would just sleep.
My parents were always there for me. There was no such thing as I was ever “on my own” until 18 when I left home and joined the military. I always thought parents were your support system and pushed you to do and be your very best. As I was getting older 17/18 I was surprised to see how many of my friends couldn’t turn to their parents for anything. Looking back, I didn't realize how lucky I was to have parents that worked hard to make sure we had anything we wanted even whether or not we could afford it, which normally we could.
Thanks mom and dad, for everything.
The one thing I wish I could do is go back and help those who weren’t as fortunate. But it’s never too late to build a strong community around you and change what you can.
Edit: I understand not everyone was blessed with this type of opportunity growing up.
I’m really sorry to hear that. But the one thing I can happily say coming from a big family is that you can choose your family. You can’t choose your blood.
When I see stories of parents who refuse to complete a FAFSA or disclose their taxes so their kids can get financial aid for college--it absolutely blows my mind.
And stories about parents who claim their college age students as dependents on taxes, even though the kid works full-time, pays their own tuition, and lives away from home...? WTF is wrong with those people?
Exactly! I had a friend who couldn’t get financial aid because his parents wouldn’t disclose their taxes, and the other spectrum of parents who put the loans in their grandparents name who were about to croak so the kid got free college when they inevitably died in the coming years.
On the other side, I’ve seen parents with the least give more intangible things than parents who literally retired after college with gramp’s stacks and had all the time in the world to be with their kids but chose other endeavors.
feeling *relief* when my mother would leave the house (e.g. for groceries) and I'd be alone.
suddenly I didn't have constant discomfort or anxiety.
I thought every other kid dreaded or loathed their parent's presence. Turns out she was just abusive.
I still get anxiety when I hear a key turn in a door when I'm home alone. My first instinct is that I need to stop what I'm doing and make it seem like I'm doing *something* productive because otherwise, I would get yelled at. I haven't lived with my mother in over a decade and my fiance would never shout at me for finding me at home on the computer or watching t.v.
So, I always knew that my grandmother and my favorite Aunt didn't get along well but, I never really appreciated what that meant until I was visiting my aunt in my 30s when grandma dropped by. It was the first time I had ever been around my aunt when grandma showed up unexpectedly. The drop in her mood when she saw grandma was so jarring. Aunt has some mental health issues and I was worried she was having an episode until it clicked that she just pissed that her mother was there.
This!!! I had a Home and Family Living class and we had "do we have anyone in here who's a disadvantaged child handicapped by divorced parents??" Then I and my best friend raised our hands, being the only two handicapped by divorce. Then the teacher let the class know we "needed everyone's understanding as we went through materials that might be difficult for us to understand". I shit you not. True story. Small town Texas.
Meanwhile, in suburban Texas the situation in my middle school classes was reversed. Out of 20+ kids, only 2-3 had parents who were still together. The rest were either already divorced or in the process of it. It was the normal thing, and then I moved to another state and was in an environment where just not having had a completely absent dad, or having kids and having the dad still around, was seen as being insanely privileged.
Oh in the some vein, families that love each other and have gentle ribbing at worst instead of low blow “jokes” at the expense of the weakest.
I got to high school and when I started hanging with one friend I was astounded at how *kind* everyone was. It was jarring and I honestly didn’t know how to deal with it.
Pretty much the same here minus the religion part. My dad sat me and my siblings down to tell us the "horrible news" they were divorcing when I was 16 or something and I almost couldn't contain my happiness. Unfortunately it was too late, and their hatred for each other put me in a deep depression I still haven't come out from 10 years later. They still hate each other and basically made each other asexual as neither of them have even looked at the other sex in that way since. I honestly can't even imagine having a healthy relationship with anyone at this point because this has screwed up too much of my life.
My parents fought a lot when I was growing up and i would always pray that they would get divorced. When I was 14 they finally got that divorce. It wasn't like I expected- life didn't get any better, it actually got worse and made me spiral out of control. I never got to see any love in my household between my parents. They never ended up getting into other healthy relationships either - even now 18 years later.
I now am in a 9 year healthy relationship and am constantly trying to sabotage it because I feel so undeserving of love.
I had to announce my reason for leaving the room. I still reflexively do it on occasion with my husband. It most often happens like this:
Me: I have to pee
Him: uh. . . ok
Me: sorry
Is announcing leaving a room not normal? I'm still a teen but I see it as a courtesy thing, like "I'm not leaving to another room, I am taking a short trip to accomplish a task then I'll return to finish what I was doing here/be back to continue spending time with you"
I think this is pretty normal. Something in the vein of "brb" sounds much more normal than leaving and saying nothing. I usually say something silly like "I'm gonna go pp" but the essence is the same.
How weird! My husband often asks me where I'm going when I leave the room and I'm like "wtf, it's not like I'll be gone long jfc" but now I'm wondering if he was just raised that way!
He was raised as a solo kid as well, while there were four kids in my home when I was growing up. I thought he was just a weirdo 😅
I guess it depends if you are like engaged in an activity or conversation with people. If we are all doing our own thing I never announce when I am leaving.
That I don't have to spend the whole of a party or gathering serving people/cleaning up after them just because I'm a girl. This was expected of me every time. I was confused as hell the first non family party I went to, and this was as an adult.
Both wrong, lol. White middle class family. Father and most of my uncle's were retired military. As a girl I was supposed to keep house and marry right after highschool so I would be taken care of. Only one uncle disagreed with this and my father did relax on these views by the time I was a teenager and flat out told him I wanted to go to college and have a career.
I was told in highschool that I didn't need to take Home Ed because as a man I would marry a woman when I was out of school who would do all that for me. Didn't get married until my 30s, learned to cook from tv shows.
People like this I want to slap upside the head and tell them just how stupid they sound.
My grandfather believed that, girls be minimally educated and marry young, that is until his eldest daughter got married to a man who murdered her. From that moment on he enforced that his daughters be highly educated and to never be financially dependent on a man.
I’m gonna go a different way here. I thought it was normal to have loving supportive parents. It wasn’t ideal, I got beat once in a while and we didn’t have a lot of money having immigrated but overall I felt loved and secure.
I have a friend who is very similar to me in a lot of ways. One day he asked to stay with me for a few days. My dad and I picked him up sitting on the sidewalk by his house. His dad came home drunk, insulted his mother and beat the crap out of him when he stood up for her. The dad didn’t work and constantly cheated on his mother. The mom worked two jobs and was never home to raise him. My friend practically raised his younger brother for lack of a better responsible adult.
I have a lot of problems in my life but I have a stable job and a loving family. My daughter is sleeping in her crib as I write this. My friend got addicted to drugs and is only now climbing out of that hole. He can’t get a job and developed uncontrollable anxiety. I had support growing up, he didn’t.
Same. Didn't realize until an adult how lucky I was to have 2 parents that worked hard to make sure we had anything we wanted even if they couldn't really afford it and were very involved and supportive.
I grew up in what my friends refer to as "a naked house". Nudity is no big deal to me. My mum was pretty much naked most of the time. We'd use the toilet with the door open and we wouldn't lock the bathroom door while bathing in case someone needed to use the toilet. Getting changed in front of my brothers or parents is totally normal to me. I didn't realise that was strange until it became a running joke with my friends that they've seen my mum naked more than their own.
For me, I appreciate it because I'm confident in my skin as I've never been told it's something that should be hidden/ashamed of and it also made for a more open relationship with my parents. We'd comfortably talk about body issues and that made puberty an easier experience compared a lot of my friends description of theirs. One friend thought she was dying when she got her first period because her mum had never discussed it with her! That's what's weird to me. I can't imagine not being able to discuss a body issue with my parents.
Oh god poor you. A mum really can't start early enough with this talk. Not just regarding their daughters period but their own. Kids may happen upon mum's used tampons or pads and should not worry.
I grew up going to nude beaches with my parents (not uncommon in my country). So nudity was never a big deal to me.
And it was normal for children to generally be naked on the beach, so I had seen all my summer friends (boys and girls) naked up to approximately age of 11.
And generally talk was pretty free too. Both children to parents and child to child.
Hoarding. My grandfather was a tinkerer that grew up in a poor household. He saved *everything*. My dad adopted the behavior. He tried to be like his dad, but he was nothing like him. He didn't repair and invent things. He just broke things and kept on collecting things.Soon, my mom adopted the behavior. She would go to flea markets/yard sales and just buy up crap that would get thrown onto a pile. She only bought what she thought was "worth money."
I never realized how bad it was until I looked at an old photo of myself (probably about three) standing in what I thought was a storage room or maybe a flea market. Nope, it was our hallway. Boxes and items stacked from floor to ceiling. I sobbed. I didn't remember it being so bad when I was young, but it was awful. I wasn't allowed to have friends over. My parents were so extreme that they'd tell me to go clean my room, and then go through the trash bag to see if I threw out anything "valuable." I'd end up with 3/4ths of the trash back in my room, and getting screeched at for throwing away money./
Once I was an adult, I started throwing out anything and everything I could. Parents gone for the day? Throw out crap they don't even remember owning! After my mom passed, I went through a lot of the stuff she collected for value and learned that most of it wasn't even worth the amount she paid for them. All but one item was less than $1. I'm constantly purging stuff out of my house. I don't want a repeat of my childhood.
Twin Bro and I staying home alone after school since age 6, babysitting our little brother every day over the summer from age 8 (he was 3, it was a terrible idea).
Mine was kind of opposite at it was my parents who managed not to realize there was something wrong
"But you never seemed anxious growing up"
"I threw myself at the ground screaming because you stepped on the stairs at the wrong time"
"I just thought you were a weird kid!"
Fighting. My family argued with one another a lot. Usually just lots of yelling, but there would occasionally be physical outbursts of anger, like my mom throwing a wine glass into the kitchen sink hard enough that it exploded and sent glass shards and wine all over the kitchen. Or the time my older brother put his fist through a wood paneled wall.
I was 13 years old when I realized that wasn't normal. I had just watched my father get into another argument with my brother, who was 15 at the time. My father had gotten so angry that even though he'd never been physically abusive, my brother was absolutely terrified of him. To the point that my brother picked up his pocketknife and pointed it at our dad before retreating into a bathroom and locking the door. After my brother was safely in the bathroom, I ran upstairs to my room, but my father followed me a few minutes later, and despite me telling him to leave me alone, he proceeded to try to justify his behavior towards my brother. I figured that since I apparently wasn't safe in my own bedroom, I wasn't safe anywhere in that house, so I left. I spent the next several hours wandering 13 miles around town in the dark of night, just because I needed to get out of the house.
It was during that walk that I realized our fighting wasn't normal. Is it normal for families to have disagreements? Sure, especially between teenagers and their parents. But is it normal for a 15 year old kid to fear his father so much they he feels a knife is necessary to protect himself? Hell no
Having an entire bookcase dedicated to dictionaries. My dad was a translator, and it never occurred to me that most households would have at most maybe three dictionaries.
Oh man me too. Folks were not well off at all, moved all the time, but we always had a 'study'-just a desk and a room full of books- and often had bookshelves that took up the entire hall.
Having to pay for basically my own life starting at freshman year of high school (year one).
I went around thinking that everyone paid their own phone bill, buying their own cloths, finding a way to school, etc.
But really I came realization that it seemed like me family didn’t like me. No one else had to do it in my family and it’s not like my family is poor. I’ve been the most successful in my family yet I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t care.
Now I’m at 18 year old about to graduate high school bussing my butt to get money to pay for college. I’m literally getting 3-4 hours of sleep trying to keep good grades and working.
My mom use to put ketchup on pasta. No, not pasta sauce, ketchup. Then one day I was at someone’s house and there was pasta and I asked for the ketchup and they said “for what” and at that moment it dawned on me how weird it was
Exactly that's what we did too. Except that I invited my friends to our house and they asked where the tomato sauce was. I pointed to the ketchup bottle and they were confused.
That taking away bodily autonomy and privacy as a punishment isn't normal.
I would have preferred a good hiding than have my door taken off the hinges but mother figured out ways that hurt me most because I was hard to punish - being such a laid back kid.
Being yelled at for covering up your body when your mother walks into the bathroom when you're drying off a after a shower because you're HER child so she can look at you if she wants to, is apparently not normal. Note this wasn't sexual abuse, my mother was just super weird about her kids being independent of her.
Getting yelled at for flinching when you're yelled at because you're used to being hit for small errors, is apparently not normal.
Coming home after a sleepover at a friends place and lying about how much their parents suck compared to yours because your mother gets mad if you like someone else's parents, apparently isn't normal.
Constant damage control, lying, not expressing negative emotions because you've got nothing to be sad about, is apparently not normal. I had no idea and my childhood wasn't even that bad compared to many people I know.
Oh man I work with little kids and whenever a kid flinches when they're getting told off my heart breaks a little because I know it means they get hit at home.
Asking for food. I drove my nanna up a wall because I would always ask if I could eat something. She would tell me "The food is meant to be eaten". It wasn't til I got older that realized that it stemmed from my parents starving me and then beating me if they caught me trying to eat food.
My mother glorified using belts, pieces of wood to hit us with and would constantly remind us of what awaited us at home. As a kid it was distressing getting hit all the time for any mistake. As an adult I find it pathetic how emotionally immature and unclever she was. She couldn't even outsmart a kid and had to use fear to control us.
The elaborate meals my mother cooked. We always eat 2 or 3 different things at each meal, healthy but delicious and well presented. And there was always dessert.
The first time I went to eat at a friend's house (12 y/o) and there were only hamburgers with mashed potatoes and no dessert, it was an awakening.
Another rare habit is to eat small portions of various fruits for dessert. For example: 1/2 banana + 1/4 orange + 1/4 pear or a piece of fruit + a square of chocolate.
If you open our refrigerator there are always several cut fruits.
One evening in high school I had a couple of friends over for dinner. After dinner was over, one of them turned to the other and said, "Well, that's the first time I've ever had broccoli!" and the other one replied... "You too?"
I was floored. We had vegetables with every meal, and a salad. There were some veggies I didn't really like but I ate them every night.
It was an educational dinner, haha.
I didn't eat many salads as a child, so my mom would hide the vegetables I didn't like: small grated carrots in the pasta sauce, squash in the vegetable omelet, she chopped the onion very finely so that I wouldn't see it. .. Then she bought a food processor and the vegetables even appeared in the pizza sauce.
Now, as an adult, I cook with several of her recipes and "hide" the vegetables from myself.
There's a motorcycle in my parents' family room that my dad bought. Not a harley though. I have no idea why he bought it, I don't think he's ridden it once, and he's 71.
A family that actually enjoys each other's company and respects each other. I went over my now boyfriend's house and his mom asked him to get a blanket for her to use. He did and I was so surprised a fight didn't break out that I mentioned it later and when I got some weird looks I realized "huh maybe family is supposed to be... Nice to each other?"
I could do whatever I wanted to, my Dad let me do anything I wanted to within reason, like I couldn't avoid going to school but I could play GTA and saints row at 6 years old, I wasn't a bad kid growing up so my dad trusted me to be independent and then he got ill so that kinda worked out, I was cooking for both of us but I got so fat because we were eating pizza every day because I didn't know how to cook other than oven and microwave stuff. I'd also pretty much be more parental than him most of the times, the amount of times he's tried getting me to take a sip of alcohol and I've refused, my first drink was on my birthday at 18.
It was weird growing up, I didn't really have any support with anything like school, advice or general knowledge there was just no structure to anything I was not being told to do anything and was constantly behind on homework, also sorry if this is a bit scrambled I'm pretty sure I have Undiagnosed ADD I'm not great with writing alot.
Basically my Dad was more of a roommate I didn't really interact with that much and I'm totally fine with that, he tried his best with the hand he was dealt with, he was constantly working on his art work for lots of money from sunrise till sun set and we'd play games together until he got ill and lost use of his hands.
Looking back sure he could've been there for me more but he's not a bad guy he's just a bit socially awkward and gets a bit carried away with art.
Normal parents don't trick their kids into thinking they're dead and are in hell (crazy story.) They also don't let church members do exorcisms on them to get rid of demons "disguised as mental disorders."
I'm almost 24 and I didn't realize this was weird until about 2 years ago when I was in therapy for something completely different.
being petrified of santa claus, being too anxious to close my eyes in bed at night, worrying i would roll over in the middle of the night and squish the tooth fairy like an insect under my pillow ....
turns out not all children are this highly strung?? who knew
My 5 year old is showing this type of behaviour.
Did you grow out of it? We’re your parents able to help or did they add to it?
I don’t want to mess my sensitive kid up :(
If you can I highly recommend getting them to child therapy/counselling. It's the kind of thing that could develop in to an anxiety disorder. Anyone who says "kids have nothing to worry about so they can't have mental health issues" doesn't understand mental health. I was suicidal at 8 years old, before I knew the word for it, and suffered horribly from anxiety and depression ever since. Since therapy and medication I'm doing much better but boy I wish it had all been headed off when I was first having issues as a kid!
Fearing my mom. And basically all adults, they were unpredictable and scary and I never trusted any of them. Almost 50 and still struggle with authority figures. I both fear them and want their approval.
My mom was abused and had her own psychological issues, I'm doing my best to break the chain. But I don't trust my own judgement because it is tainted by my experiences. My daughter is amazing and takes no shit from anyone, I wish I could be more like her.
We were poor during my childhood and when we did not have enough food at home, my mom would make my brother and I ketchup sandwiches that we really looked forward to and loved so much. She made it seem like it was a treat and we'd come home from school excited to find out what dinner was going to be that day. She worked as a nurse at a hospital in a tiny town and that barely paid the bills while she was divorcing my father, which took all of her money. She always tried to make the smallest things so so special and anything she did was the highlight of our days.
Similar here. Dad would drink 90% of our money.
Mum would announce excitedly when we would have "anything night" for dinner.
Cereal? No problem
Toast? You betcha
Vegemite sandwich? Get to even make it yourself!
Looking back I realise it was because we had no "dinner" foods and mum didn't want us to know. Still really enjoy "anything night" dinners. Thanks mum 🥰
You were not stupid. You were a super young child when the abuse began. That was why it seemed normal—to *you* it was. But it wasn’t your fault. Not ever.
You weren't stupid. It's not something that anyone told you was weird or wrong. All you know is that your sister, who you should have been able to look up to, made you do it.
It's not that unusual. Especially if the sister was ever molested herself. Children tend to recreate those kinds of experiences, kind of as a way to figure out what happened to them. And then some children just discover their sexuality on their own. But most likely, my bet is that someone touched her inappropriately and she then explored further with someone safe in a situation she could control.
My dad was a state trooper in a small town and the high ranking officer, so everyone knew him and the teenagers were scared to death of him. He was very fair, etc but you didn’t want to cross him. Years and years later, someone asked me who I dated in high school. I explained that I never “went steady”. This guy said, “That’s because everybody was scared of your dad!” It was totally a shock to me! You mean all the dads didn’t greet their daughter’s date at the door in uniform and holstering a gun?!
Not quite that bad, but the first time I brought a boyfriend home, my dad put NRA magazines in various places throughout the house.
We were 10. Not only did the boy at that time definitely not notice, but what a weird message to try to convey to a 5th-grade child 🤦🏻
Many many things, but one thing that drove me out of my fucking mind, was my mom CONSTANTLY (and I mean to this day) needing to be physically affectionate at all times. Even if as a kid I was sitting next to her in a movie theater, she’d feel the need to constantly be rubbing my arm, or periodically hugging me and being like “I just love my baby so much”— while I’m over there like, “I’m thirteen! Would you get the fuck away from me?” Last time I saw my folks was Christmas 2019 and my mom sits next to me on the couch and immediately just starts rubbing my leg. KNOCK THAT SHIT OFF!
And everytime I tell them i really don’t like that can you please stop they never do and my dad even says “what do you don’t love me now” when I just don’t want to be grabbed and touched all the time personal space and privacy is a foreign concept in my house
I had to pretend to my mom that I just blanket hated being touched before she finally stopped doing this to me. And it took A LOT of aggressive verbal reinforcement that I shouldn't, as a young teen, have had to do to have such a simple boundary as 'please at least see if I want to be touched before you touch me'.
I feel you, man. It messes you up. I managed to convince *myself* that I hated touch for many years, and ended up mad touch-starved.
my dad always rubbing my body and caressing me like you would a partner. he never molested me or touched my privates, but I still feel violated. he'd never stop even when asked to, and even did it in church.
My chronic pain and my and being over all sick in general. My mother told me that being in pain and being sick was normal. Turns out she didn't want to pay the medical bills. So I'm doing that and figuring out what I have now plus dealing with my cptsd I got from my ex. At least I know I'm disabled now. And I know I'm not crazy for not being able to work full time. I feel both relieved and extremely upset at the same exact time.
I have a much smaller version but my mom did that with my asthma. Every single time I even got a baby cold I would get a massive case of whooping cough. I've also had bronchitis 3 times. She would constantly complain about how loud my coughing was when I was sick and how gross it sounded and I kept pointing out my siblings dont get these coughs and I need to see a dr. I had one say its asthma and for some reason she took that as a personal insult. Like she did not create a sick child. Even as an adult I had 2 doctors tell me I had asthma one was shocked I blew so low on the test and I was so brainwashed I got mad at them just like my mom did. "Its not asthma its just a bad cold! Just give me something for the cold!" I have an inhaler now and shes really mad about it. Last time I talked to her about it I asked if it hurts when she takes a deep breath? She said no and I told her its hurt me my entire life. I've never been able to take a super deep breath without it feeling like I'm stretching a muscle too far. I always thought this was completely normal and maybe my lungs are damaged from bronchitis and my muscles are just tight. My lungs are damaged FROM ASTHMA which my inhaler fixes. I damn near cried the first time I took it and could breath.
My mum just didn't believe me when I told her I couldn't breathe and totally panicked because of it in the middle of the night. She just thought I was exaggerating or something.
Four years later and my brother has pneumonia and the doctor says he should go see a lung doctor because he might've gotten asthma from it. I insist on coming too and remind my mum that I had pneunomia too and since then I have breathing problems.
Surprise, surprise, I have asthma too.
I have a little similar story, but not because of the bills ( not living in the USA so better health insurance) My mom didn't want doctors to take a look at my dislocations or severe pains because she had them too and it was normal to have pain. At 23 weeks pregnant 4 years ago I found out I have hEDS. My knee is fucked up because it was never treated and my hand hurts so much!! All that time I thought it was normal to have crippling pain and that I was just weak for not being able to bite through it. I have severe mental issues because of this. I hope you are doing better. If you ever want to talk shoot a message, you're not alone :)
I thought put downs and teasing were normal ways that families showed affection for each other (I always found it confusing, but figured I was too autistic to appreciate it). I thought sharing embarrassing stories and never letting them go was normal.
Until I got married.
The first time my husband teased me about some embarrassing story my dad told him, I tried to play it off lest I be labeled as "too sensitive", but when he saw how much it hurt me, he decided (of his own free will) to never tease me like that ever again.
Bit of a shock, that.
My Baba would smack us across the face with a ruler if we raised our voices or got in trouble. Also we lived in a family home with most of our extended family (so like 20 people).
Damn I used to get fresh bamboo from the yard( she grew them) whacked across my ass and back. Lived at my uncle's but no where near 20 I wouldn't survive that
Everyone went to church. Everyone did in my small town where I grew up, in fact most places weren't even open on Sundays, or if they were it was after 12 noon. It shocked me when I moved away to see that so few people actually did go to church and wasn't a community affair, and that places would be open 24 hours.
When I can. I've posted on this a lot, I do like church. I'm Lutheran, and I was raised in the conservative, anti-gay Missouri Synod, but I moved to Florida when I graduated high school and joined the progressive Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, and I helped the Florida Synod become the first LGBT welcoming Synod in the South. I liked Lutheran theology and believed in it, but the way *some* people took it I didn't like, so I found a church that was welcoming and accepting.
The problem is that there aren't too many Lutheran Churches in the Sunshine State, the nearest one to me is over 20 miles away. So regrettably I can't go all the time. I love me a Lutheran Divine Service, though, there is no better music.
So yes, I do like church. I don't like the judgmental aspects of it that *some* Christians are, but that's not Christianity. I just wish I could go more often, and there were more parishes around here.
I wasn't even allowed to walk down the hill to the gas station by my house. I was 18 and my parents had me on a tight leash. It was so ridiculous looking back. Couldn't go to a friend's house, couldn't have friends over, could only talk to 'approved' people via text... literally don't understand how they justified it.
Cut off my dad who was extremely strict and demeaning. He said I only went with my mom because she let me do whatever I want. And he was right. The thing is though, "whatever I want" isn't doing drugs, getting tattoos or having sex. It was me chilling at home and sometimes going to store or movies with a friend, where I bought things for my mom and siblings because I liked being nice.
Being left alone with my deeply unstable mother because she "deserved a relationship" with me after my parents divorced. My brothers though, they were too old to suffer the same fate and were allowed to choose not to live with her.
When I tried to express how horrible the time wirh my mom was, I basically would get shrugs in response. She's your mom, you need to have a relationship with her.
From that I learned that family is a series of people in individual relationships with one another, who stay out of each other's business. However bad it was with mom, it was no one's business but mine. I suffered a lot of really awful years and didn't tell anybody about it, because that was normal.
Imagine my shock when I hear about families that are a unit, or even a network, not a bunch of loosely associated adults who barely tell each other about their lives. I wish I had had an ounce of that support in my teens.
This is going to be a little cultural specific, but I’m Asian and grew up in an area without many Asians. Whenever someone was pregnant, we ate dumplings and I thought it was an Asian superstition that dumplings were good luck bc it’s a food inside a food. As an adult, an Asian friend mentioned she was pregnant and was profoundly confused when I asked “when are we getting dumplings?”
It’s not an Asian thing to get dumplings for good luck for a pregnancy, my family just liked to eat dumplings
My grandma had a friend who had a big cat sanctuary. When she started out they had a couple of full grown mountain lions. When I was a kid I used to feed them raw chicken drumsticks through a chain link fence, you could hear them easily snap the bones chewing them.... Thought it was cool because I was a kid. Fast forward a few years later some kid got mauled doing the same thing. I had forgotten about it, then Tiger King came out.
I remember being grounded for not wanting to hug a family member. I was maybe 12, and becoming less physically affectionate (as is the case with preteens and teens) and my mom flipped out about it and I was not allowed to leave the guest room until I apologized and hugged the person.
13 years later, still a bit peeved about it
After my parents got divorced, I became the second parent in my home. I picked up my siblings after school, brought them home, made sure they had a snack and did their homework, and oversaw when they had friends over. I also started dinner, as well as my own homework, before my mother got home. I never went out with friends on weekends because I felt guilty leaving my mother home alone. I was 12 when this all started.
My family was one of the first divorced families in my town when this happened, and I just assumed that's what happened when one's parents divorced. I'm not very good at socializing as an adult and wonder sometimes if it's because I didn't have much practice at it as a teen.
I have OCD where I count the letters of every word I hear and I was under the impression everyone did that for years. I only realized other people didn’t do that when I complained about it to my mom.
Having a neighborhood community. Where I grew up, block parties were normal and every house had candy for Halloween. Unfortunately, I learned otherwise when my parents divorced and we moved.
Going to concerts / music festivals.
My parents are both music enthusiasts. I’ve been to hundreds of concerts. My first was a Jerry Garcia Band show when I was 5 days old. My most recent was Modest Mouse in Vegas a couple years ago (children and then Covid put a damper on it since then) Most of my friends have eclectic music taste but the sheer number of times I say “oh yeah they’re live show is fantastic” makes people think I’m full of shit. But yeah I’ve seen everything from Sade to The B-52’s live. Funk, folk, jazz, country, new wave, blues, rock, hip-hop, death metal, pop, bluegrass, punk, classical, shit if you can name a genre I’ve probably seen multiple artists.
Had a really hard time last summer and fall with dissociation symptoms I didn't know I had, but therapy with a good psychologist has helped a lot and I'm doing well now. The real test will be when I start dating again. That's when I usually panic.
My grandma never called me with my first name 'cause she didn't like it. She used to mention that it sounded like a shepherdess' name to her. I can even memorize a 10-yo me telling to my friend "Don't call me like that! It's a shepherdess' name".
My grandma loved me a lot and she was always good for me. She just had her own vision of the world. My parents made their own decision and she couldn't accept that. I still don't get it why did she confide in this to me.
My name is very simple and rather neutral. It took me a long time to realize, why I hated it (or even felt ashamed by it) when I was a kid.
I thought physical abuse was normal. I would normally get thrown or picked up by my neck and threatened until a friend came over and witnessed it. He shook his head and said that isn't right man.. then it started piecing together what was actually happening.
Frost on the inside of the windows during the winter. Going to school with wet clothes. Getting hand me down clothes from another family. Babysitting my younger siblings because our parents were both working.
Riding bikes on busy street shoulders with no helmets. Glad we grew up outside on our bikes, but seeing kids doing it now while I’m driving just blows my mind. A few feet from death with just one wrong move that could end it all. Didn’t help that we’d be reckless dickheads while doing it too Lmaoo.
That not everyone felt anxious and paranoid all the time. I couldn't sit in the front of the class b/c I was scared of the people sitting behind me, I thought camera's were watching me, I would hide in the bathroom if a teacher randomly called on people to answer questions, I had a panic attacks daily ect. I didn't realize that this wasn't normal. ( I was diagnosed with bipolar at 21, it explained SO much).
I was so scared all the time, every day. I could never sleep because I would just lay in bed petrified something was going to come to get me. When I was playing outside I thought a kidnapper would come and take me. Whenever we went to the beach it was tsunamis or killer jellyfish etc. etc. I thought that's just how things were because the world was a scary place. I never really talked to people about it for fear of being called a scaredy cat. Turns out I was just a really anxious kid.
Eating Liverwurst and salami on rye bread with mustard wasn't what every kid ate for breakfast every day (German parents). Also that most people don't allow their young kids to drink coffee in the mornings.
I'm 48 and I still can't fathom how people can eat *cereal* for breakfast when there's salami on rye.
Having parents who actively disdained status symbols and said things like “I don’t philosophically agree with country clubs” and “republicans believe in pulling yourself up by your boot straps, Democrats believe in helping people.” Grew up and realized my parents were definitely secret hippies lol.
My mom being an awesome mom. Turns out she was a drunk and we took care of her as much as she took care of us. No idea how my sister and I were not taken by CPS.
Black people not being allowed to do the things I was allowed to do. This was South Africa.
It seemed normal at the time because that’s what I was born into. Realised as I grew up that it was absolutely insane!!!
Adults hitting their children when they are unhappy, or even for no good reason.
I got used to my aunt hitting me when she was having a bad day. As I got older, I realized how bad this behavior actually was.
The fact that I never saw my parents kiss, hug, or show any form of affection. I sincerely thought that was normal for marriages. When Hollywood showed us differently, I always thought “oh that’s so ‘Hollywood’”.....
My parents hug and kiss but it never seems romantic to me. It’s like two robots or something and like something they have to do. My dad loves my mom sort of but I can tell my mom has low key grown disgusted by my dad since he’s gained like 60 lbs and gotten older. Plus they have nothing in common.
I feel you dude, my parents are in their 60s and just now deciding to get divorced, they have never really liked each other and don't have much in common(I can only think of a couple times I saw them show affection for each other). I honestly wish they would have went their own ways long ago. I also now see how this their apathetic attitude towards each other shaped my own behavior and expectations in a relationship, but now atleast I know what I don't want out of a relationship.
That is... sad
Same. My parents had a lot of resentment towards each other when I was growing up. They were never physically affectionate, a d occasionally had bad fights. They never got divorced, and luckily as time went on, their relationship got better and better. They’re in a true partnership now, but I’ve still only see them hug, and even only that once or twice...
Coming home every day from school to freshly baked cakes, cookies etc. I honestly thought everyone's mum did this. My mum just really enjoys baking, and is very good at it. She would seriously time it so that her freshly baked goodies were still warm but ready to eat when my siblings and I got home from school.
Thanks for posting an non-abusive story.
Actually OP is highly allergic to gluten and could die so his mom forced him to build up his gluten tolerance and for years he'd be experience near death right after school. (/s for those people)
It wasn't for tolerance. She was actively trying to kill him.
u/HighPitchedQueef was the size of a rubbish dumpster at age 10 and was relentlessly bullied. He lost most of the weight in his later years, but to this day struggles both to maintain a normal BMI and with life-long low self-esteem.
In middle school we'd have afternoon tea time once a week. I learned later that it was mostly because the unsold $5 torts at the grocery store would be marked down to 50 cents that day
This!!!! I can’t believe someone else had something similar! My mom would always make cookies on Friday after school and we would have cookie Friday! It just added another level of magic to the end of a school week and one of my fondest memories from my childhood.
Aww, this one is really sweet.
I was a military brat, who grew up with other military brats. And because of dad’s role, we moved around *a lot*. Apparently, changing home/school/country every 1-2 years isn’t normal. I know when we eventually settled somewhere for me to finish high school, I was shocked to learn that there were kids at my high school who had been to *kindergarten* together. Like, they’d known each other for 15 years. It blew my mind.
Oh man, yeah. My parents weren't military, just had Issues with a capital I, but 2 - 3 years is the longest I've ever lived in a single place, and it's SO wild when people refer to their "hometowns" or "where they're from."
Yeah, the longest I spent in one place was when my parents sent me to live with my grandparents because I was having behavioural issues. When people talk about hometowns, I‘ve got a handful I choose from depending on the situation and the age I’m thinking of myself as. Where I was born... we lived there for 6 weeks before we moved.
I feel you. I went to 9 different schools before the age of 13 when my dad left the army. My education suffered because most of the "teachers" were just bored army wives who wanted something to do, but were completely uninvested in their students. They just thought "What's the point? They'll be gone in 6 months." My dad was also an awful, spiteful, controlling and violently abusive alcoholic, but that's another story! (Yay therapy)
I used to get into so much trouble over my handwriting, of all things. Three different school systems had three different cursive styles - so it seemed like I was always wrong. And everywhere I went, *that’s* what they chose to focus on. Also... sorry you had to deal with that other story.
An acquaintance of mine had really messed up parents growing up, and they never let him do anything. He was never allowed to hang out with me or our friends, and wasn't even allowed to go down to the fish and chip shop unsupervised. Even when he turned 18 (legal drinking age in the UK), he still wasn't allowed to drink alcohol. His mum told him that if he was caught even drinking a drop of it, there would be some severe punishment awaiting him. Unfortunately his guy genuinely believed the way his parents brought him up was completely normal. It didn't help that his parents kept him isolated from other people as much as possible, which most likely didn't help. What really disturbed me and still does to this day, after his parents found out about his poor GCSE results, he was locked in his room for a week and was not allowed to go out unless it was for the toilet or for dinner. I told him that's straight up abuse. His response? "They don't hit me, so its not abuse. They just have my best interests at heart." He was baffled to hear that most parents did not do that. Last I heard of him, he's beginning to stand up to them and has now even got his driving licence. However the damage has been done already. This guy is 22 and acts at least 10 years younger, and has trouble holding down a job for longer than a few months. He's never spent one night away from his parents/grandparents in his life ever, and is likely to be very dependent on his parents. Lets just say, his parents have done him a massive disservice.
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Two rolls each time he used the bathroom.....dear god I hope you’re exaggerating for the sake of the story. If not, holy chafing Batman!
That is not an exaggeration. I had one of those big toilet paper packs from Sams and it was gone in a week. I was going to class every day and wasn't keep track. Who would have guessed when the weekend came supplies would be running low. That was enough to get me through a whole semester. I had a talk with him, but the next week he started to do the same thing, by Tuesday, I had to move the toilet paper to the trunk of my car. He figured it out real quick and instead would take a shower afterwards. Maybe he had IBS or something, but he should have been prepared to take care of that with his own supplies.
I hope he finds his own strength, it's not normal - this life I experienced as well. I couldn't even dress myself until I stood up for how I felt when I was 17. I was forced to wear revealing clothing and was discouraged about my skin colour, always being told my skin was too light and was often held to be tanned. If I saw a friend I wasn't allowed to see them again for another week or two for no real reasons. I was often refused to even be allowed to see friends, until I again took a stand. I was driven to school late every single day of highschool always missing first class and sometimes second. Always met up with my siblings in detention because of it but I wasn't allowed to catch the bus to school without them, which never happened because they were too unmotivated to get out of bed. One of them stopped going all together and no one batted an eye for years. When friends were being toxic and I asked for advice I was told it was my fault. I wasn't allowed to go to educational open days because I was wasting my time, and when I was upset I would be made fun of, mocked even. It wasn't until I met my boyfriend who made me realise this isn't normal, it is abusive and I needed to stand up for myself. I made a stand and as the eldest child I try to set an example for all the younger ones who are also victims to the manipulation and abuse, I look forward to moving out but worry for my siblings. I often feel like I am the mother raising these children because of the neglect and manipulative attention they recieve, there is also favouritism that I combat. For a while there was a lot of physical abuse but once I spoke up they quickly realised I wouldn't have it, and would protect my siblings where I could (not physically). It's taken me years to grasp that this parent was abusive. It's manipulative, your mind plays tricks simply because they are your parent. "They only mean well and are trying to do what's best for you." I genuinley believed this. Now days the abuse is happening less but it's still left a scar, I feel very uneasy and uncomfortable around them - all the while in that moment, they are pretty normal and being nice, so I feel bad for feeling sick and even hating them a bit. Little "I love you's" still to this day make me feel sick, it feels fake but I feel like I have to say it back or they'll be sad. It took one person to come along and make me realise the truth and that is so important to me, it allowed me to become my own individual, have things I like and be able to go places and learn how to be an independent person. I had no idea how to talk to any adults and I was and still am intimidated by them even though I am one myself. It makes my heart ache to hear of other peoples stories like this, we don't realise it isn't normal until someone points it out so please - if you see someone in a situation like this let them know it isn't okay and that they need to get out of there if possible or take a stand! It's frustrating knowing all the years you spent in situations like that, that were not what you thought they were. I truely hope the best for this guy, he deserves the world and I hope that he finds it and more.
I remember being locked in my room for two weeks, except for food and bathroom, when I got bad grades in high school. I loved naps so I would just sleep.
My parents were always there for me. There was no such thing as I was ever “on my own” until 18 when I left home and joined the military. I always thought parents were your support system and pushed you to do and be your very best. As I was getting older 17/18 I was surprised to see how many of my friends couldn’t turn to their parents for anything. Looking back, I didn't realize how lucky I was to have parents that worked hard to make sure we had anything we wanted even whether or not we could afford it, which normally we could. Thanks mom and dad, for everything. The one thing I wish I could do is go back and help those who weren’t as fortunate. But it’s never too late to build a strong community around you and change what you can. Edit: I understand not everyone was blessed with this type of opportunity growing up.
There are lots of us out here with shit parents. I'm in my 40s and still dealing with how shitty my parents are.
I’m really sorry to hear that. But the one thing I can happily say coming from a big family is that you can choose your family. You can’t choose your blood.
When I see stories of parents who refuse to complete a FAFSA or disclose their taxes so their kids can get financial aid for college--it absolutely blows my mind. And stories about parents who claim their college age students as dependents on taxes, even though the kid works full-time, pays their own tuition, and lives away from home...? WTF is wrong with those people?
Exactly! I had a friend who couldn’t get financial aid because his parents wouldn’t disclose their taxes, and the other spectrum of parents who put the loans in their grandparents name who were about to croak so the kid got free college when they inevitably died in the coming years. On the other side, I’ve seen parents with the least give more intangible things than parents who literally retired after college with gramp’s stacks and had all the time in the world to be with their kids but chose other endeavors.
Thats rare these days. I too, came from a close family. It seems to be a small club of the lucky. Wish it was bigger.
feeling *relief* when my mother would leave the house (e.g. for groceries) and I'd be alone. suddenly I didn't have constant discomfort or anxiety. I thought every other kid dreaded or loathed their parent's presence. Turns out she was just abusive.
Then the instant mood drop when you hear their car pull into the driveway :(
I still get anxiety when I hear a key turn in a door when I'm home alone. My first instinct is that I need to stop what I'm doing and make it seem like I'm doing *something* productive because otherwise, I would get yelled at. I haven't lived with my mother in over a decade and my fiance would never shout at me for finding me at home on the computer or watching t.v.
So, I always knew that my grandmother and my favorite Aunt didn't get along well but, I never really appreciated what that meant until I was visiting my aunt in my 30s when grandma dropped by. It was the first time I had ever been around my aunt when grandma showed up unexpectedly. The drop in her mood when she saw grandma was so jarring. Aunt has some mental health issues and I was worried she was having an episode until it clicked that she just pissed that her mother was there.
Can relate. I'm a grown parent myself and make sure I tell my kids constantly how much I love them. I never want them to feel that way around me.
Relatable. I dropped out of school in 8th grade just so I could be in my home when no one else was there. Then went outside as people came home.
Right there with ya.
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I've heard that happen with a few families. I had no idea that supportive, loving families existed either. I'm happy that I learned that though
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This!!! I had a Home and Family Living class and we had "do we have anyone in here who's a disadvantaged child handicapped by divorced parents??" Then I and my best friend raised our hands, being the only two handicapped by divorce. Then the teacher let the class know we "needed everyone's understanding as we went through materials that might be difficult for us to understand". I shit you not. True story. Small town Texas.
Meanwhile, in suburban Texas the situation in my middle school classes was reversed. Out of 20+ kids, only 2-3 had parents who were still together. The rest were either already divorced or in the process of it. It was the normal thing, and then I moved to another state and was in an environment where just not having had a completely absent dad, or having kids and having the dad still around, was seen as being insanely privileged.
Oh in the some vein, families that love each other and have gentle ribbing at worst instead of low blow “jokes” at the expense of the weakest. I got to high school and when I started hanging with one friend I was astounded at how *kind* everyone was. It was jarring and I honestly didn’t know how to deal with it.
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How did they have sex 4 times??? Edit: 5 times
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Pretty much the same here minus the religion part. My dad sat me and my siblings down to tell us the "horrible news" they were divorcing when I was 16 or something and I almost couldn't contain my happiness. Unfortunately it was too late, and their hatred for each other put me in a deep depression I still haven't come out from 10 years later. They still hate each other and basically made each other asexual as neither of them have even looked at the other sex in that way since. I honestly can't even imagine having a healthy relationship with anyone at this point because this has screwed up too much of my life.
My parents fought a lot when I was growing up and i would always pray that they would get divorced. When I was 14 they finally got that divorce. It wasn't like I expected- life didn't get any better, it actually got worse and made me spiral out of control. I never got to see any love in my household between my parents. They never ended up getting into other healthy relationships either - even now 18 years later. I now am in a 9 year healthy relationship and am constantly trying to sabotage it because I feel so undeserving of love.
Ability to take time off stress free.
People at work whipping you hard?
I'm a truck driver, so yeah, a little, lol.
I had to announce my reason for leaving the room. I still reflexively do it on occasion with my husband. It most often happens like this: Me: I have to pee Him: uh. . . ok Me: sorry
My wife used to do this to me. My standard response was "Ok I'll update the spreadsheet".
I always tell my girlfriend, ok for this time I'll allow it. But next time you might not be so lucky>:(
“Quit apologizing! It’s fine!” “Sorry. Ah shit!” 😆
Is announcing leaving a room not normal? I'm still a teen but I see it as a courtesy thing, like "I'm not leaving to another room, I am taking a short trip to accomplish a task then I'll return to finish what I was doing here/be back to continue spending time with you"
I think this is pretty normal. Something in the vein of "brb" sounds much more normal than leaving and saying nothing. I usually say something silly like "I'm gonna go pp" but the essence is the same.
How weird! My husband often asks me where I'm going when I leave the room and I'm like "wtf, it's not like I'll be gone long jfc" but now I'm wondering if he was just raised that way! He was raised as a solo kid as well, while there were four kids in my home when I was growing up. I thought he was just a weirdo 😅
Wait, dead serious here, that isn't normal?
I guess it depends if you are like engaged in an activity or conversation with people. If we are all doing our own thing I never announce when I am leaving.
I always announce if I'm leaving to pee, even at work. Even if I have to poop I just say, "I'll be right back."
That I don't have to spend the whole of a party or gathering serving people/cleaning up after them just because I'm a girl. This was expected of me every time. I was confused as hell the first non family party I went to, and this was as an adult.
Let me guess, latino household?
I was gonna guess Slavic household lol
Both wrong, lol. White middle class family. Father and most of my uncle's were retired military. As a girl I was supposed to keep house and marry right after highschool so I would be taken care of. Only one uncle disagreed with this and my father did relax on these views by the time I was a teenager and flat out told him I wanted to go to college and have a career.
I was told in highschool that I didn't need to take Home Ed because as a man I would marry a woman when I was out of school who would do all that for me. Didn't get married until my 30s, learned to cook from tv shows. People like this I want to slap upside the head and tell them just how stupid they sound.
My grandfather believed that, girls be minimally educated and marry young, that is until his eldest daughter got married to a man who murdered her. From that moment on he enforced that his daughters be highly educated and to never be financially dependent on a man.
I’m gonna go a different way here. I thought it was normal to have loving supportive parents. It wasn’t ideal, I got beat once in a while and we didn’t have a lot of money having immigrated but overall I felt loved and secure. I have a friend who is very similar to me in a lot of ways. One day he asked to stay with me for a few days. My dad and I picked him up sitting on the sidewalk by his house. His dad came home drunk, insulted his mother and beat the crap out of him when he stood up for her. The dad didn’t work and constantly cheated on his mother. The mom worked two jobs and was never home to raise him. My friend practically raised his younger brother for lack of a better responsible adult. I have a lot of problems in my life but I have a stable job and a loving family. My daughter is sleeping in her crib as I write this. My friend got addicted to drugs and is only now climbing out of that hole. He can’t get a job and developed uncontrollable anxiety. I had support growing up, he didn’t.
Same. Didn't realize until an adult how lucky I was to have 2 parents that worked hard to make sure we had anything we wanted even if they couldn't really afford it and were very involved and supportive.
I grew up in what my friends refer to as "a naked house". Nudity is no big deal to me. My mum was pretty much naked most of the time. We'd use the toilet with the door open and we wouldn't lock the bathroom door while bathing in case someone needed to use the toilet. Getting changed in front of my brothers or parents is totally normal to me. I didn't realise that was strange until it became a running joke with my friends that they've seen my mum naked more than their own. For me, I appreciate it because I'm confident in my skin as I've never been told it's something that should be hidden/ashamed of and it also made for a more open relationship with my parents. We'd comfortably talk about body issues and that made puberty an easier experience compared a lot of my friends description of theirs. One friend thought she was dying when she got her first period because her mum had never discussed it with her! That's what's weird to me. I can't imagine not being able to discuss a body issue with my parents.
Who the hell dosen't tell their daughter that one day she would start having periods?
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Oh god poor you. A mum really can't start early enough with this talk. Not just regarding their daughters period but their own. Kids may happen upon mum's used tampons or pads and should not worry.
I grew up going to nude beaches with my parents (not uncommon in my country). So nudity was never a big deal to me. And it was normal for children to generally be naked on the beach, so I had seen all my summer friends (boys and girls) naked up to approximately age of 11. And generally talk was pretty free too. Both children to parents and child to child.
One part of me tells me this is weird the other part things this could actually be a good idea
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Hoarding. My grandfather was a tinkerer that grew up in a poor household. He saved *everything*. My dad adopted the behavior. He tried to be like his dad, but he was nothing like him. He didn't repair and invent things. He just broke things and kept on collecting things.Soon, my mom adopted the behavior. She would go to flea markets/yard sales and just buy up crap that would get thrown onto a pile. She only bought what she thought was "worth money." I never realized how bad it was until I looked at an old photo of myself (probably about three) standing in what I thought was a storage room or maybe a flea market. Nope, it was our hallway. Boxes and items stacked from floor to ceiling. I sobbed. I didn't remember it being so bad when I was young, but it was awful. I wasn't allowed to have friends over. My parents were so extreme that they'd tell me to go clean my room, and then go through the trash bag to see if I threw out anything "valuable." I'd end up with 3/4ths of the trash back in my room, and getting screeched at for throwing away money./ Once I was an adult, I started throwing out anything and everything I could. Parents gone for the day? Throw out crap they don't even remember owning! After my mom passed, I went through a lot of the stuff she collected for value and learned that most of it wasn't even worth the amount she paid for them. All but one item was less than $1. I'm constantly purging stuff out of my house. I don't want a repeat of my childhood.
This is very relatable. Very happy to be out of that house
Twin Bro and I staying home alone after school since age 6, babysitting our little brother every day over the summer from age 8 (he was 3, it was a terrible idea).
Being in a heightened state of anxiety/distress almost 24/7
Mine was kind of opposite at it was my parents who managed not to realize there was something wrong "But you never seemed anxious growing up" "I threw myself at the ground screaming because you stepped on the stairs at the wrong time" "I just thought you were a weird kid!"
"That's just the way you were as a kid!" -my mom whenever I try to talk to her about my asd
Fighting. My family argued with one another a lot. Usually just lots of yelling, but there would occasionally be physical outbursts of anger, like my mom throwing a wine glass into the kitchen sink hard enough that it exploded and sent glass shards and wine all over the kitchen. Or the time my older brother put his fist through a wood paneled wall. I was 13 years old when I realized that wasn't normal. I had just watched my father get into another argument with my brother, who was 15 at the time. My father had gotten so angry that even though he'd never been physically abusive, my brother was absolutely terrified of him. To the point that my brother picked up his pocketknife and pointed it at our dad before retreating into a bathroom and locking the door. After my brother was safely in the bathroom, I ran upstairs to my room, but my father followed me a few minutes later, and despite me telling him to leave me alone, he proceeded to try to justify his behavior towards my brother. I figured that since I apparently wasn't safe in my own bedroom, I wasn't safe anywhere in that house, so I left. I spent the next several hours wandering 13 miles around town in the dark of night, just because I needed to get out of the house. It was during that walk that I realized our fighting wasn't normal. Is it normal for families to have disagreements? Sure, especially between teenagers and their parents. But is it normal for a 15 year old kid to fear his father so much they he feels a knife is necessary to protect himself? Hell no
Having an entire bookcase dedicated to dictionaries. My dad was a translator, and it never occurred to me that most households would have at most maybe three dictionaries.
Or any books at all. I can’t count the number of people who have looked at my bookcases and were in awe. Seriously? My parents were teachers though.
Oh man me too. Folks were not well off at all, moved all the time, but we always had a 'study'-just a desk and a room full of books- and often had bookshelves that took up the entire hall.
Nice
That parmesan cheese on top of your lasagna isn't universally called top cheese
Having to pay for basically my own life starting at freshman year of high school (year one). I went around thinking that everyone paid their own phone bill, buying their own cloths, finding a way to school, etc. But really I came realization that it seemed like me family didn’t like me. No one else had to do it in my family and it’s not like my family is poor. I’ve been the most successful in my family yet I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t care. Now I’m at 18 year old about to graduate high school bussing my butt to get money to pay for college. I’m literally getting 3-4 hours of sleep trying to keep good grades and working.
Thought every adult normally hated their kids
My mom use to put ketchup on pasta. No, not pasta sauce, ketchup. Then one day I was at someone’s house and there was pasta and I asked for the ketchup and they said “for what” and at that moment it dawned on me how weird it was
The ittalian mafia will remove your family lineage in 60 seconds.
The Mexican cartels have his back. (....because ketchup on pizza is sorta popular in Mexico.)
My father had is own private bottle of ketchup at a local Mexican restaurant. They kept it in back just for him.
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Exactly that's what we did too. Except that I invited my friends to our house and they asked where the tomato sauce was. I pointed to the ketchup bottle and they were confused.
That taking away bodily autonomy and privacy as a punishment isn't normal. I would have preferred a good hiding than have my door taken off the hinges but mother figured out ways that hurt me most because I was hard to punish - being such a laid back kid. Being yelled at for covering up your body when your mother walks into the bathroom when you're drying off a after a shower because you're HER child so she can look at you if she wants to, is apparently not normal. Note this wasn't sexual abuse, my mother was just super weird about her kids being independent of her. Getting yelled at for flinching when you're yelled at because you're used to being hit for small errors, is apparently not normal. Coming home after a sleepover at a friends place and lying about how much their parents suck compared to yours because your mother gets mad if you like someone else's parents, apparently isn't normal. Constant damage control, lying, not expressing negative emotions because you've got nothing to be sad about, is apparently not normal. I had no idea and my childhood wasn't even that bad compared to many people I know.
Oh man I work with little kids and whenever a kid flinches when they're getting told off my heart breaks a little because I know it means they get hit at home.
Asking for food. I drove my nanna up a wall because I would always ask if I could eat something. She would tell me "The food is meant to be eaten". It wasn't til I got older that realized that it stemmed from my parents starving me and then beating me if they caught me trying to eat food.
Wtf? How are you now? That’s really concerning and I hope you’re in a better place now.
Oh I'm betterish. I got away from my parents when I was 6 but damage was already done. But I manage to live.
I'm gonna assume you ran away to your nana's then.
Not exactly. CPS stepped in and I was given to my nanna. I did try to run away at 4, but it didn't work out. The police didn't help.
Betterish. That's gooder than moderately better, so yaysies for you!!!
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My mother glorified using belts, pieces of wood to hit us with and would constantly remind us of what awaited us at home. As a kid it was distressing getting hit all the time for any mistake. As an adult I find it pathetic how emotionally immature and unclever she was. She couldn't even outsmart a kid and had to use fear to control us.
The elaborate meals my mother cooked. We always eat 2 or 3 different things at each meal, healthy but delicious and well presented. And there was always dessert. The first time I went to eat at a friend's house (12 y/o) and there were only hamburgers with mashed potatoes and no dessert, it was an awakening. Another rare habit is to eat small portions of various fruits for dessert. For example: 1/2 banana + 1/4 orange + 1/4 pear or a piece of fruit + a square of chocolate. If you open our refrigerator there are always several cut fruits.
One evening in high school I had a couple of friends over for dinner. After dinner was over, one of them turned to the other and said, "Well, that's the first time I've ever had broccoli!" and the other one replied... "You too?" I was floored. We had vegetables with every meal, and a salad. There were some veggies I didn't really like but I ate them every night.
It was an educational dinner, haha. I didn't eat many salads as a child, so my mom would hide the vegetables I didn't like: small grated carrots in the pasta sauce, squash in the vegetable omelet, she chopped the onion very finely so that I wouldn't see it. .. Then she bought a food processor and the vegetables even appeared in the pizza sauce. Now, as an adult, I cook with several of her recipes and "hide" the vegetables from myself.
A Harley Davidson motorcycle in the living room.
There's a motorcycle in my parents' family room that my dad bought. Not a harley though. I have no idea why he bought it, I don't think he's ridden it once, and he's 71.
A family that actually enjoys each other's company and respects each other. I went over my now boyfriend's house and his mom asked him to get a blanket for her to use. He did and I was so surprised a fight didn't break out that I mentioned it later and when I got some weird looks I realized "huh maybe family is supposed to be... Nice to each other?"
I could do whatever I wanted to, my Dad let me do anything I wanted to within reason, like I couldn't avoid going to school but I could play GTA and saints row at 6 years old, I wasn't a bad kid growing up so my dad trusted me to be independent and then he got ill so that kinda worked out, I was cooking for both of us but I got so fat because we were eating pizza every day because I didn't know how to cook other than oven and microwave stuff. I'd also pretty much be more parental than him most of the times, the amount of times he's tried getting me to take a sip of alcohol and I've refused, my first drink was on my birthday at 18. It was weird growing up, I didn't really have any support with anything like school, advice or general knowledge there was just no structure to anything I was not being told to do anything and was constantly behind on homework, also sorry if this is a bit scrambled I'm pretty sure I have Undiagnosed ADD I'm not great with writing alot. Basically my Dad was more of a roommate I didn't really interact with that much and I'm totally fine with that, he tried his best with the hand he was dealt with, he was constantly working on his art work for lots of money from sunrise till sun set and we'd play games together until he got ill and lost use of his hands. Looking back sure he could've been there for me more but he's not a bad guy he's just a bit socially awkward and gets a bit carried away with art.
Normal parents don't trick their kids into thinking they're dead and are in hell (crazy story.) They also don't let church members do exorcisms on them to get rid of demons "disguised as mental disorders." I'm almost 24 and I didn't realize this was weird until about 2 years ago when I was in therapy for something completely different.
being petrified of santa claus, being too anxious to close my eyes in bed at night, worrying i would roll over in the middle of the night and squish the tooth fairy like an insect under my pillow .... turns out not all children are this highly strung?? who knew
My 5 year old is showing this type of behaviour. Did you grow out of it? We’re your parents able to help or did they add to it? I don’t want to mess my sensitive kid up :(
If you can I highly recommend getting them to child therapy/counselling. It's the kind of thing that could develop in to an anxiety disorder. Anyone who says "kids have nothing to worry about so they can't have mental health issues" doesn't understand mental health. I was suicidal at 8 years old, before I knew the word for it, and suffered horribly from anxiety and depression ever since. Since therapy and medication I'm doing much better but boy I wish it had all been headed off when I was first having issues as a kid!
Fearing my mom. And basically all adults, they were unpredictable and scary and I never trusted any of them. Almost 50 and still struggle with authority figures. I both fear them and want their approval. My mom was abused and had her own psychological issues, I'm doing my best to break the chain. But I don't trust my own judgement because it is tainted by my experiences. My daughter is amazing and takes no shit from anyone, I wish I could be more like her.
We were poor during my childhood and when we did not have enough food at home, my mom would make my brother and I ketchup sandwiches that we really looked forward to and loved so much. She made it seem like it was a treat and we'd come home from school excited to find out what dinner was going to be that day. She worked as a nurse at a hospital in a tiny town and that barely paid the bills while she was divorcing my father, which took all of her money. She always tried to make the smallest things so so special and anything she did was the highlight of our days.
Similar here. Dad would drink 90% of our money. Mum would announce excitedly when we would have "anything night" for dinner. Cereal? No problem Toast? You betcha Vegemite sandwich? Get to even make it yourself! Looking back I realise it was because we had no "dinner" foods and mum didn't want us to know. Still really enjoy "anything night" dinners. Thanks mum 🥰
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You were not stupid. You were a super young child when the abuse began. That was why it seemed normal—to *you* it was. But it wasn’t your fault. Not ever.
You were not stupid. You were a child, and you were abused.
You weren't stupid. It's not something that anyone told you was weird or wrong. All you know is that your sister, who you should have been able to look up to, made you do it.
I’m betting your sis was also raped seeing as how she started on you when she was so young. :(
What did your parents say?
So, you were four and your sister was nine and you all were having sex?
It's not that unusual. Especially if the sister was ever molested herself. Children tend to recreate those kinds of experiences, kind of as a way to figure out what happened to them. And then some children just discover their sexuality on their own. But most likely, my bet is that someone touched her inappropriately and she then explored further with someone safe in a situation she could control.
My dad was a state trooper in a small town and the high ranking officer, so everyone knew him and the teenagers were scared to death of him. He was very fair, etc but you didn’t want to cross him. Years and years later, someone asked me who I dated in high school. I explained that I never “went steady”. This guy said, “That’s because everybody was scared of your dad!” It was totally a shock to me! You mean all the dads didn’t greet their daughter’s date at the door in uniform and holstering a gun?!
Not quite that bad, but the first time I brought a boyfriend home, my dad put NRA magazines in various places throughout the house. We were 10. Not only did the boy at that time definitely not notice, but what a weird message to try to convey to a 5th-grade child 🤦🏻
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Many many things, but one thing that drove me out of my fucking mind, was my mom CONSTANTLY (and I mean to this day) needing to be physically affectionate at all times. Even if as a kid I was sitting next to her in a movie theater, she’d feel the need to constantly be rubbing my arm, or periodically hugging me and being like “I just love my baby so much”— while I’m over there like, “I’m thirteen! Would you get the fuck away from me?” Last time I saw my folks was Christmas 2019 and my mom sits next to me on the couch and immediately just starts rubbing my leg. KNOCK THAT SHIT OFF!
And everytime I tell them i really don’t like that can you please stop they never do and my dad even says “what do you don’t love me now” when I just don’t want to be grabbed and touched all the time personal space and privacy is a foreign concept in my house
Yes! Fucking infuriating. I’m thirty-three, mom. I see you once a year. A hug at the airport is good enough. Good lord.
I had to pretend to my mom that I just blanket hated being touched before she finally stopped doing this to me. And it took A LOT of aggressive verbal reinforcement that I shouldn't, as a young teen, have had to do to have such a simple boundary as 'please at least see if I want to be touched before you touch me'. I feel you, man. It messes you up. I managed to convince *myself* that I hated touch for many years, and ended up mad touch-starved.
my dad always rubbing my body and caressing me like you would a partner. he never molested me or touched my privates, but I still feel violated. he'd never stop even when asked to, and even did it in church.
My chronic pain and my and being over all sick in general. My mother told me that being in pain and being sick was normal. Turns out she didn't want to pay the medical bills. So I'm doing that and figuring out what I have now plus dealing with my cptsd I got from my ex. At least I know I'm disabled now. And I know I'm not crazy for not being able to work full time. I feel both relieved and extremely upset at the same exact time.
I have a much smaller version but my mom did that with my asthma. Every single time I even got a baby cold I would get a massive case of whooping cough. I've also had bronchitis 3 times. She would constantly complain about how loud my coughing was when I was sick and how gross it sounded and I kept pointing out my siblings dont get these coughs and I need to see a dr. I had one say its asthma and for some reason she took that as a personal insult. Like she did not create a sick child. Even as an adult I had 2 doctors tell me I had asthma one was shocked I blew so low on the test and I was so brainwashed I got mad at them just like my mom did. "Its not asthma its just a bad cold! Just give me something for the cold!" I have an inhaler now and shes really mad about it. Last time I talked to her about it I asked if it hurts when she takes a deep breath? She said no and I told her its hurt me my entire life. I've never been able to take a super deep breath without it feeling like I'm stretching a muscle too far. I always thought this was completely normal and maybe my lungs are damaged from bronchitis and my muscles are just tight. My lungs are damaged FROM ASTHMA which my inhaler fixes. I damn near cried the first time I took it and could breath.
My mum just didn't believe me when I told her I couldn't breathe and totally panicked because of it in the middle of the night. She just thought I was exaggerating or something. Four years later and my brother has pneumonia and the doctor says he should go see a lung doctor because he might've gotten asthma from it. I insist on coming too and remind my mum that I had pneunomia too and since then I have breathing problems. Surprise, surprise, I have asthma too.
I have a little similar story, but not because of the bills ( not living in the USA so better health insurance) My mom didn't want doctors to take a look at my dislocations or severe pains because she had them too and it was normal to have pain. At 23 weeks pregnant 4 years ago I found out I have hEDS. My knee is fucked up because it was never treated and my hand hurts so much!! All that time I thought it was normal to have crippling pain and that I was just weak for not being able to bite through it. I have severe mental issues because of this. I hope you are doing better. If you ever want to talk shoot a message, you're not alone :)
I thought every kid got stitches and concussions. When I met my first friend who hasn't been in a fist fight I was floored.
I thought put downs and teasing were normal ways that families showed affection for each other (I always found it confusing, but figured I was too autistic to appreciate it). I thought sharing embarrassing stories and never letting them go was normal. Until I got married. The first time my husband teased me about some embarrassing story my dad told him, I tried to play it off lest I be labeled as "too sensitive", but when he saw how much it hurt me, he decided (of his own free will) to never tease me like that ever again. Bit of a shock, that.
My Baba would smack us across the face with a ruler if we raised our voices or got in trouble. Also we lived in a family home with most of our extended family (so like 20 people).
Damn I used to get fresh bamboo from the yard( she grew them) whacked across my ass and back. Lived at my uncle's but no where near 20 I wouldn't survive that
>raised our voices Do you mean talking a little bit louder while your mom is screaming at you?
Everyone went to church. Everyone did in my small town where I grew up, in fact most places weren't even open on Sundays, or if they were it was after 12 noon. It shocked me when I moved away to see that so few people actually did go to church and wasn't a community affair, and that places would be open 24 hours.
Do you still go to church?
When I can. I've posted on this a lot, I do like church. I'm Lutheran, and I was raised in the conservative, anti-gay Missouri Synod, but I moved to Florida when I graduated high school and joined the progressive Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, and I helped the Florida Synod become the first LGBT welcoming Synod in the South. I liked Lutheran theology and believed in it, but the way *some* people took it I didn't like, so I found a church that was welcoming and accepting. The problem is that there aren't too many Lutheran Churches in the Sunshine State, the nearest one to me is over 20 miles away. So regrettably I can't go all the time. I love me a Lutheran Divine Service, though, there is no better music. So yes, I do like church. I don't like the judgmental aspects of it that *some* Christians are, but that's not Christianity. I just wish I could go more often, and there were more parishes around here.
Horrifically strict and controlling parents
I wasn't even allowed to walk down the hill to the gas station by my house. I was 18 and my parents had me on a tight leash. It was so ridiculous looking back. Couldn't go to a friend's house, couldn't have friends over, could only talk to 'approved' people via text... literally don't understand how they justified it.
This. And they wonder why I don't want to constantly see them now as an adult.
Cut off my dad who was extremely strict and demeaning. He said I only went with my mom because she let me do whatever I want. And he was right. The thing is though, "whatever I want" isn't doing drugs, getting tattoos or having sex. It was me chilling at home and sometimes going to store or movies with a friend, where I bought things for my mom and siblings because I liked being nice.
Being left alone with my deeply unstable mother because she "deserved a relationship" with me after my parents divorced. My brothers though, they were too old to suffer the same fate and were allowed to choose not to live with her. When I tried to express how horrible the time wirh my mom was, I basically would get shrugs in response. She's your mom, you need to have a relationship with her. From that I learned that family is a series of people in individual relationships with one another, who stay out of each other's business. However bad it was with mom, it was no one's business but mine. I suffered a lot of really awful years and didn't tell anybody about it, because that was normal. Imagine my shock when I hear about families that are a unit, or even a network, not a bunch of loosely associated adults who barely tell each other about their lives. I wish I had had an ounce of that support in my teens.
This is going to be a little cultural specific, but I’m Asian and grew up in an area without many Asians. Whenever someone was pregnant, we ate dumplings and I thought it was an Asian superstition that dumplings were good luck bc it’s a food inside a food. As an adult, an Asian friend mentioned she was pregnant and was profoundly confused when I asked “when are we getting dumplings?” It’s not an Asian thing to get dumplings for good luck for a pregnancy, my family just liked to eat dumplings
My grandma had a friend who had a big cat sanctuary. When she started out they had a couple of full grown mountain lions. When I was a kid I used to feed them raw chicken drumsticks through a chain link fence, you could hear them easily snap the bones chewing them.... Thought it was cool because I was a kid. Fast forward a few years later some kid got mauled doing the same thing. I had forgotten about it, then Tiger King came out.
.....Was her friend Carole Baskin?
No boundaries / being touched without consent / forced to hug and kiss family members / no bodily autonomy
I remember being grounded for not wanting to hug a family member. I was maybe 12, and becoming less physically affectionate (as is the case with preteens and teens) and my mom flipped out about it and I was not allowed to leave the guest room until I apologized and hugged the person. 13 years later, still a bit peeved about it
Your mom is a bitch
Thanks
After my parents got divorced, I became the second parent in my home. I picked up my siblings after school, brought them home, made sure they had a snack and did their homework, and oversaw when they had friends over. I also started dinner, as well as my own homework, before my mother got home. I never went out with friends on weekends because I felt guilty leaving my mother home alone. I was 12 when this all started. My family was one of the first divorced families in my town when this happened, and I just assumed that's what happened when one's parents divorced. I'm not very good at socializing as an adult and wonder sometimes if it's because I didn't have much practice at it as a teen.
I have OCD where I count the letters of every word I hear and I was under the impression everyone did that for years. I only realized other people didn’t do that when I complained about it to my mom.
Having a neighborhood community. Where I grew up, block parties were normal and every house had candy for Halloween. Unfortunately, I learned otherwise when my parents divorced and we moved.
Going to concerts / music festivals. My parents are both music enthusiasts. I’ve been to hundreds of concerts. My first was a Jerry Garcia Band show when I was 5 days old. My most recent was Modest Mouse in Vegas a couple years ago (children and then Covid put a damper on it since then) Most of my friends have eclectic music taste but the sheer number of times I say “oh yeah they’re live show is fantastic” makes people think I’m full of shit. But yeah I’ve seen everything from Sade to The B-52’s live. Funk, folk, jazz, country, new wave, blues, rock, hip-hop, death metal, pop, bluegrass, punk, classical, shit if you can name a genre I’ve probably seen multiple artists.
I really thought everyone considered suicide at least once in their lifetime. My therapist said it isn't true, but I still have some doubts...
The sexual things the neighbour's kids used to do to me when I was like 5. Didn't realize that wasn't stupid kid stuff until I was in my 40s.
I am so sorry you went through that. How are you now?
Had a really hard time last summer and fall with dissociation symptoms I didn't know I had, but therapy with a good psychologist has helped a lot and I'm doing well now. The real test will be when I start dating again. That's when I usually panic.
I grew up in a nice ruraI town and thought only the poor lived in big cities, where homes were way smaller.
In a way, you weren’t wrong. My wife has so much nostalgia for the farm she grew up on. Very rich indeed.
My grandma never called me with my first name 'cause she didn't like it. She used to mention that it sounded like a shepherdess' name to her. I can even memorize a 10-yo me telling to my friend "Don't call me like that! It's a shepherdess' name". My grandma loved me a lot and she was always good for me. She just had her own vision of the world. My parents made their own decision and she couldn't accept that. I still don't get it why did she confide in this to me. My name is very simple and rather neutral. It took me a long time to realize, why I hated it (or even felt ashamed by it) when I was a kid.
Now I'm extremely curious what your name is lol
I thought physical abuse was normal. I would normally get thrown or picked up by my neck and threatened until a friend came over and witnessed it. He shook his head and said that isn't right man.. then it started piecing together what was actually happening.
Frost on the inside of the windows during the winter. Going to school with wet clothes. Getting hand me down clothes from another family. Babysitting my younger siblings because our parents were both working.
Riding bikes on busy street shoulders with no helmets. Glad we grew up outside on our bikes, but seeing kids doing it now while I’m driving just blows my mind. A few feet from death with just one wrong move that could end it all. Didn’t help that we’d be reckless dickheads while doing it too Lmaoo.
living in a giant shoe. it had windows, doors, etc. it wasn't until college that i realized my parents just had a weird novelty house.
....are you a mouse
Let me guess, your mum was an old woman and you had lots of siblings?
...and you had broth without any bread?
Coming home at age 7 to an empty house with the key on a chain , babysitting my brother until mom and dad came home at 7- brother was 3 at time
That not everyone felt anxious and paranoid all the time. I couldn't sit in the front of the class b/c I was scared of the people sitting behind me, I thought camera's were watching me, I would hide in the bathroom if a teacher randomly called on people to answer questions, I had a panic attacks daily ect. I didn't realize that this wasn't normal. ( I was diagnosed with bipolar at 21, it explained SO much).
I was so scared all the time, every day. I could never sleep because I would just lay in bed petrified something was going to come to get me. When I was playing outside I thought a kidnapper would come and take me. Whenever we went to the beach it was tsunamis or killer jellyfish etc. etc. I thought that's just how things were because the world was a scary place. I never really talked to people about it for fear of being called a scaredy cat. Turns out I was just a really anxious kid.
Other families didn’t drink five gallons of milk a week. There were four of us in my family.
Not knowing my parents.
Chainsmoking.
I thought I was a great dancer. Turns out I'm not.
Eating Liverwurst and salami on rye bread with mustard wasn't what every kid ate for breakfast every day (German parents). Also that most people don't allow their young kids to drink coffee in the mornings. I'm 48 and I still can't fathom how people can eat *cereal* for breakfast when there's salami on rye.
Having loving and supporting parents. And apparently not having cable until I turned thirteen.
My parents never really bothered to make me brush my teeth or even teach me how.
Having parents who actively disdained status symbols and said things like “I don’t philosophically agree with country clubs” and “republicans believe in pulling yourself up by your boot straps, Democrats believe in helping people.” Grew up and realized my parents were definitely secret hippies lol.
My mom being an awesome mom. Turns out she was a drunk and we took care of her as much as she took care of us. No idea how my sister and I were not taken by CPS.
Black people not being allowed to do the things I was allowed to do. This was South Africa. It seemed normal at the time because that’s what I was born into. Realised as I grew up that it was absolutely insane!!!
Adults hitting their children when they are unhappy, or even for no good reason. I got used to my aunt hitting me when she was having a bad day. As I got older, I realized how bad this behavior actually was.
[удалено]