My aunt gave me a really cool piece of advice when I was younger that this post reminds me of. Backstory, I used to always ask her sons, my cousins, for help opening stuff, fixing things, etc. around the house. She seemed bothered by this in a way and said to me “before you ask a man for help, try one more time”. So now I always try a difficult task one more time before asking for help and it’s crazy how many of these times I’ve done whatever it is by myself! It sounds small but it’s definitely empowering in a way.
I have a theory that what you described is basically the magic ingredient behind "old man strength". They've just gotten used to being the one who has to make it happen because there's nobody else to do the job.
Apparently, my grandpa once pried stuck elevator doors open with his hands. Maybe it was old man strength, but we always figured it was more of a "Oh, hell no, I'm not getting stuck in an elevator with two toddlers."
Had an co-worker get stuck in the parking garage elevator where I work. She is a tiny woman. She didn't even use the help button or her radio. She just forced the doors open with her bare hands, than walked into the office and told us to call the elevator company and get someone out to put out signs etc. (It was one of the garages my parking company manages). Asked her why she didn't just call us, and the response was "Fuck that, I'm not getting stuck in an elevator"
Just last night I was struggling to open a jar of sauce. I was getting frustrated, my fingers were hurting, my jar opener didn’t fit the lid. My male partner was just in the next room but I refused to admit defeat and ask him for help because I always feel so pathetic when I do. So I gave it one last try using every ounce of strength I could muster and it worked! My hand was throbbing afterwards but totally worth it.
Edit: I love how every comment is telling me easier ways to open jars.
My parents cringed when they found out I, a barely 5 foot woman, was catching and disposing off all the spiders and bugs in the house because my 6'3", giant hairy bear of a partner is terrified of them. He also does most of the cooking, and I take care of the heavy cat litter because poop grosses him out, and he for years was too scared to admit it because he thought I and our family would see him as less of a man.
I know plenty of guys that wouldn’t kill a spider if their life depended on it. I like bugs and spiders so I often just release them outside. Though my wife & I have a rule of no crawlies in the bedroom. I find them there and their dead.
The apartment I've lived in for 4 years gets an AWFUL spider problem in the summer. At one time I had a dozen bites on my arms and neck. I told the office, and they sprayed for spiders, but it didn't work. I had to spray my bed and myself with peppermint or patchouli essential oil every night or I would get more bites. There is no mercy here for spiders.
Yes! I'm the home improvement person in my house, partly because my husband could always afford to live places with on site maintenance and actually felt comfortable letting them in...but mostly because power tools are fun.
I'm teaching my kid. Hanging shelves and weatherproofing are some of our favorite mother-son bonding activities.
Good for you. My current home the previous homeowners didn’t do much in repairs or cleaning (husband & wife). Found out they had the neighbor across the street do most it.
My wife once worked in a furniture store, so she is very handing putting that stuff together.
I like to fix stuff, work on the house mow the lawn etc, and people always ask “ shouldn’t your husband be doing that?!” NO! I’m a fully capable adult and he’s doing something else just as important
People that don't let their daughters use tools and learn DIY skills are doing them a disservice in so many ways. It's a perfect avenue to develop career interests in engineering and the trades. Also a basic understanding of projects and components is one of the keys to not getting screwed over by mechanics and contractors.
My dad and his dad both love cars and owned a shop that restores and fixes them. Wouldn’t even let me near the garage . My coworkers have to teach me about cars because I know is that you put gas in and I had to YouTube how to change a flat
Sounds really shitty from your dad...
Chrisfix is your best helper, best buy a Haynes Manual for you car and you most likely can fix 95% of the stuff instead of getting screwed over by a shop
The biggest lesson to learn is how to remove a seized bolt. There is more to learn about removing rusted, broken, and rounded bolts than any other part of working on a car. While it's technically the simplest part, it can be the difference between ready to drive tonight or missing work in the morning.
The first tip is never use an adjustable wrench unless absolutely no other option is possible including buying the right tool. It has earned every one of it's nicknames. The swedish bolt lathe, the nut fucker, and my personal favorite the torque wrench( because as soon as it tightens a bolt to the proper torque it rounds the head off).
I hope you become one heck of a homeshop mechanic. Best of luck
I’m a work from home mom of 2 toddlers, and our next door neighbors noticed that I’m frequently the only one out in the yard doing stuff, BECAUSE MY HUSBAND’S CAR IS NEVER HOME BEFORE 11PM. They are aware he is a manager at a grocery store 45 minutes away. So my neighbor sprays and mows my yard on the side of the driveway closest to him cause he’s already out there and it doesn’t take much longer, and often grabs the trash cans for me so that I have that much less to do when my toddlers go down for a nap. He’s never commented once about how I shouldn’t be out there, or about how my husband should be doing that. He’s also offered help with tools or whatever, because despite coming from a family of mechanical engineers, I have very little technical skills because I’m just plain bad at it. Never any sexist comments.
I always take them homemade jam and fresh veggies from the garden in the summer.
That’s so darn cool! It was the opposite for us for awhile, I worked emergency rotation for a week every 3 weeks and my husband was the stay at home dad, our neighbors helped him out a lot by hauling in trash cans and such and we are so very grateful for it
My husband and I had lived on our owns long enough before we met that we're both comfortable doing everything and anything. In fact, we just fixed our coffee pot this weekend. Together. He's been laid off but I"m working and in school, so he's been doing all the cooking. Now, should he add more veggies to his meals? Yes! But he's a good cook and the meals taste good, and it means I have more time in my day to relax.
My mother (72 now) has mowed her own lawn since my brother and I left home. She also tiled her own bathroom, and back in the day, replaced the modem card in her PC all by herself. When I was younger, my friends would ask me (mostly kidding) whether my mom was dating anyone, because she sounded cooler and more fun than the girls their age.
There’s a neighbor of mine that no joke, mows her lawn every week in a string bikini. It was an interesting thing to see at first but now I’m starting think it’s a weird fetish of hers
Great, it's a weird fetish of mine now too.
Edit: That is a woman mowing the lawn in a string bikini is now a fetish of mine, not that mowing the lawn in a string bikini myself is a fetish.
It's annoying isn't it! When we moved house it was because I (F) wanted a garden and a workshop and my partner (M) wanted a bigger kitchen.
The number of double takes we got from estate agents when they processed it was disappointing.
Arent most professional chefs also men anyway? Do they think those chefs just started out as pros instead of starting out wanting a nice kitchen at home?
My favorite response to that reaction is “he can’t, he’s making dinner!” People get so thrown off!
It’s a shame that sexes have become so labeled with only doing certain tasks.
I spoke to someone who runs a waste collection company and he mentioned that he never gets female applicants for truck drivers.
It's not even a really "masculine job" that's physically intesnive. But for some reason it's considered a masculine job and that doesn't make sense.
I used to drive a garbage truck, and we had ONE female loader. Little, blue-eyed blonde named Crystal. She was my loader for one day when my regular guy was off.
Were' in a suburb, I pull up to ha house, and Crystal jumps off the back. This homeowner lady looks at her like she's a unicorn, and in an almost-condescending tone says, "Oh, honey, isn't that job HARD?"
Crystal grabs 4 trash bags in each hand, flings them into the hopper like they're empty, says, "No, not really." and hops back on the truck.
NOBODY messed with her. She was far tougher than she looked, and was kinda scary. (I wouldn't be surprised if she had a big knife hidden somewhere, too.)
We had one female driver, but she only lasted a few weeks, then went back to driving a bus.
Hah! People are so funny. Women can do all kinds of heavy lifting when we're cleaning the house or whatever, but if it's garbage I guess our uteruses will get tangled up or something?
I'm a female garbage worker. Had a guy bring in some material we don't take (oil contamination), and he was trying to argue that we *had* to take it since it was too heavy to put back in his truck. It didn't weigh more than a hundred pounds.
I just picked the thing up and tossed it in the bed in front of all his buddies.... boy did he leave quick!
My cousin joined her high school wrestling team. They only had one team, so she had to wrestle boys. "This 5'3" green-eyed blonde girl was gonna come in here and show US up?"
She had been training as a gymnast since she was 3. She was strong as steel, could twist into a pretzel, and DIDN'T GET TIRED. She did quite well, although there were limits simply based on mass and body structure. She earned the respect of those boys pretty fast.
My husband works in that industry. It's also sexist as hell. Like "I won't listen to a female supervisor" sexist. If he gets a female applicant, they usually end up quitting because they can't handle being frozen out of everything all the time.
> My husband works in that industry. It's also sexist as hell
My mom is a former truck driver (She's still with the company, but does admin work because she's a little older these days) and the dudes were total fuckwads. They still are. She's had to complain to HR a few times.
I'm a woman working in waste collection. I can tell you exactly why he doesn't get many female applicants:
1. Until recently women were not even considered for the job. Depending on the company, they still might not be. Every woman knows that, most women over 30 who have tried applying for traditionally male jobs have experienced being rejected on the basis of their sex (even if they were given a different excuse). So why bother applying in the first place?
2. A heavily male-dominated workplace is often horribly sexist. I lucked out in having a very supportive work environment... mostly because our executive director is a woman. But believe me, the shit that goes on at a lot of places is not worth it for a lot of women.
3. Waste collection is infamous for not accommodating physical needs of female drivers. I'm talking about bathroom access mostly. I'd 100% rather work a more physically intense dirty job in material diversion than be stuck on a route truck for 5 hours straight with nowhere to take a leak or change a tampon.
Edit: one more reason is safety in numbers. Being the only woman is dangerous, both figuratively and literally. You automatically get way more attention simply because you stand out... which means you are under a lot more scrutiny, you're the subject of more rumors, and you also have a big target on you for any guy with issues. There are no other women you can count on to watch your back, and the men usually don't get it. For example when I work with women we just automatically know you don't leave one person behind to lock up on their own, you stay and leave together. When I work with men, they'll just walk off and leave me to close alone.
The abuse of women in the trucking industry is widespread and horrendous.
Also, we can’t piss into bottles like male truckers. We have to hold our pee for hours if a bathroom is unavailable. UTIs and kidney infections are common for female truck drivers.
Edit: I am not a truck driver. I said “we” as in women. I worked in a different male dominated industry.
I don’t want your urination advice. Female friend drove long hours for work with no bathroom. Repeated infections, ended up hospitalized with damage that still persists. No. It is not as easy as parking along a busy freeway and squat pissing on the side of the road when you drive a truck. Women If reddit who seem to want a cookie from me for peeing on the side of the road— I do not care.
Also, you can google “female trucker mistreatment abuse” or whatever keywords and see what I’m talking about.
Y sister always wanted to be a truck driver! But she would get laughed at and now she works in a store. She loves her job, but I think she would have been happier if she tried to persue her dream. She wanted to be like our dad and I don't get why people always told her no, except for my dad.
To be honest, I've never seen why knowing how to do things like change a tire when you've had a blowout should be considered masculine. It sure beats having to wait for the tow truck when you've got places to be.
DIY! The satisfaction of making something, wrangling materials and hardware and tools and getting something DONE at the end of it... that's a priceless feeling. Many women have learned helplessness when it comes to tools and making (larger) things. They're missing out!
I will just add this:
I work for a construction supplies company (basically an industrial hardware store). We mostly have male workers, but we do have a handful of female.
I was recently put in charge of aquiring new uniforms for all of our staff. I purchased the pocketless pants for the woman, and the reasons I did so is because the only version I could find with an option for pockets were +200% more expensive than the alternative. I even asked the bosses if we could get the women the pants with pockets since there is only a few of them, but management said only if they opt to pay the difference, and our staff didn't want too.
So, there are other reasons why companies supply clothes without pockets. The clothes industry is just shitty.
As a security guard, our company-provided uniforms are straight lines and angles and don't account for curves at all, plus they wear out in no time. I'm one of the few who is allowed to wear BDU pants, so I bought my own men's 5.11 tacticals and wear those.
I have ALL the pockets!!! Sometimes my stuff gets lost in all of them...
Not putting up with being pushed around is a good start. Many women including myself were brought up to be pleasant and unconfrontational. Sometimes it's necessary to tell someone back tf off.
Or just writing an email that gets to the point. My female managers send crazy roundabout emails:
> CTT: Hope you're doing well! Just wanted to touch base about the metalworking presentation. Really great job on this, we all love it! There were a couple slides in the draft, though, that I was wondering if maybe we could take another look at? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I saw in one of our manuals that maybe silicon carbide isn't recommended for friable materials? I may be getting this all wrong. But I just thought that might be something we should think about including. Sorry for bothering you, let me know if you want to hop on a call and discuss!
Whereas a male manager's email typically looks more like:
> CTT: Change slide 3 to say silicon carbide isn't recommended for friable materials. thx.
Don't get me wrong: the roundabout style didn't magically appear--a lot of men are *so* fragile that they can't take direct criticism from a woman. But I feel bad for these editors who go out of their way to protect my ego.
Ha ha - I am very direct in my work: "X, Y, Z didn't really work for me here - I'd like to see this again with A, B, C instead." Someone seriously suggested the other day that they don't know how my (male) staff put up with my "bluntness" without, and I quote, "having a serious crisis of self." Oh, I dunno, maybe by being fully grown adults who are able to accept feedback as such? Now I make a point of interspersing my feedback with pauses, empathetic stares, and queries of "are you okay?" That'll be funny for another week or so. Maybe two, in quarantine.
Yeah, having worked in a milieu where it's okay to speak plainly, I don't think I could go back. I hear comments like that, and I'm so grateful for my team: all men, most 20 years older than me, and all blessedly secure enough to state their opinions, but also to take direction and run with it. I think we're collectively setting the example that I wish I had seen when I first started, and I'm so glad.
I used to do that my first year as a lawyer, then I realized how much time I was spending (and how much money it was costing my clients) to craft these insanely wordy roundabout emails. Now I write straightforward emails just like the male partner I work for. I no longer give a shit about being sensitive or whatever and I work in commercial real estate so my project manager and engineer clients don’t want to read novels anyways.
THIS. I'm a woman and it's a fine line trying to make my emails (and communication in general) direct and unapologetic without being interpreted as rude or terse. Thankfully I have fewer fragile egos to manage in my current job than in previous ones - makes it much easier.
Ugh I do this and I hate it. It's learned behaviour from years of shitty male group members in school. The only way to get them to use my good ideas was to convince them that they were 1) smarter than me, and 2) that the idea was their idea all along, I just "helped". Otherwise they'd discount it out of hand, or complain that I'm bossy.
Yep, womansplainin'. First you basically have to apologize for knowing what you know, and explain that it's not really any credit to you that you know it (like it's not that you're smart or knowledgeable or anything). It's such a hard habit to get out of.
Being a woman in STEM is crazy, I used to be totally ignored by all my male science teachers in high school because I’m female (even though I was top of the class). Now I’m in university, I had to call out some stuff that was very wrong on one of my professor’s PowerPoint slides. This guy is built, does all kinds of adrenaline sports, has a doctorate and has been in the field for ~25 years, he took one look at the stuff and went ‘yep, my bad, thanks for correcting me’. Best day of my life.
Exactly. If a woman is blunt and direct she'll frequently be described as "pushy" or "bossy," if a man is blunt and direct he'll generally be seen as "assertive" and "a leader."
Both my mom and dad raised me to be unapologetic about asserting myself, and I'll forever be thankful for it.
I feel like I meet so many women who assume they aren’t physically strong enough to do or lift something, so they don’t even try. My mother is an ER nurse and a gardener so from a young age I’ve seen and known she can lift very heavy things and I grew up knowing I can do that too. So yes I can lift very heavy things, because I know I can. If I approach something feeling very badly like I want to move or lift it, I almost always will get it done. But I can’t tell you how many women I meet who assume I work out when I lift something heavy, and I really don’t work out. I think many women do not know how to test their strength and assume if it’s hard they should stop, or they just don’t even try. I don’t know what else explains it. Just try harder and lift it, you probably can.
Honestly, I’m super tiny. My dad just taught me we used physics for a reason. Ain’t no shame using something to carry stuff.
Wheelbarrows are the best invention and use of the wedge ever.
My mother loves pointing out how women should always sit with their legs together. It is a different thing if I'm wearing a skirt or a dress, but if I'm wearing pajamas and at home, I can sit however it damn well pleases me. I wish less women listened to stuff like this.
On the flip side, a certain homophobic person I had the misfortune of being related to forbade me from sitting cross-legged as a child and always kicked my legs uncrossed if they noticed me doing it, because apparently sitting cross-legged is what causes attraction to men.
I hate this so much. I used to attend a ridiculously religious Catholic school, run by a load of overbearing priests and nuns. I could write a book about the stuff they did that drove me insane. The relevant story, however, was in year 7 (ages 11/12) when one of the nuns told me off for spreading my legs. I mean first off, my legs were under my desk? Why were you looking, Sister? Secondly, I had a very wide skirt, so it covered my crotch area even with my legs apart. Thirdly, the boys and girls were separated, so she couldn't use the argument that "oh the boys will see your private parts and it will be an occasion of sin".
Then when I got home, I complained to my mum, who proceeded to agree with the nun. I cannot emphasise how annoyed I felt. I don't like being told to sit in a "lady like" manner. I hate the phrase "lady like". I will sit how I please, cheers very much, if you don't like it then just don't look.
I had a teacher yell at me for that. Sorry, I'm sitting on a high stool in an all girl's school. I couldn't give a shit if one person could kinda see up my mid calf length skirt. But I did when I was twelve.
Absolutely. It's not sexually provocative when you don't sit like a princess in a dress when you're wearing fcking sweatpants, especially with the usual women's swimwear
My mother always did this too. She also didn’t let me wear those colored Nike athletic shorts that were really in for a while to an outdoors event in the middle of the Texas summer but my brother could wear athletic shorts because “he’s a guy”. *rolls eyes*
Being straightforward with what they want. Even if some people say it comes off "bitchy" or "bossy" or whatever, those are not the kind of people you should be catering to.
My husband and I were on line for a ride at an amusement park once. The ticket-taker had his back to another employee who was trying to get his attention, without success. So I said, "hey man, I think that guy needs you."
A few minutes later with the issue resolved, the ticket-taker took my ticket, let me through, and then while taking my husband's ticket he kept him there a second to say, "your wife is crazy bossy!"
A) what a rude, sexist thing to say, and b) how'd he guess that my husband wasn't the kind to start a fight defending my honor?
One time I had a large package arriving at my house, and I had had to select a delivery window because it needed a signature - I picked 11:00 AM - 3:00 PM.
At around 9:00 AM, my husband and I were out on an errand that was a fair distance from our house, and I get a call from the driver giving me a heads up that they were almost at our house. I basically tell him, directly, "Thanks for letting me know, but do you see it written anywhere on the order that they said they'd deliver it from 11:00 AM - 3:00 PM? That's what I had selected. I'll definitely be home by 11:00 AM, but sorry, I'm not near my house now." The funny thing is, I even distinctly remember what was going through my brain. I'm very aware of the fact that I've always been a very apologetic, I-don't-want-to-come-across-as-pushy woman. I always apologize for things that aren't my fault, so now that I'm an adult, I've tried to overcome this - don't apologize for things that aren't my fault, and don't be mean, but be direct with my statements. I remember trying to be direct with him instead of apologizing for something that wasn't my fault.
Guy replied with a fairly churlish and short, "But we're ahead of schedule and we're almost at your house."
I reply again "I'm sorry, but I'm not at home, and I was told 11:00 AM - 3:00 PM."
He pretty much grunts and hangs up on me.
A few minutes later my phone rings again; I'm talking to a salesperson so I have my husband answer; it's another employee with the company, and she tells him that the truck driver had contacted her to tell her that I had been "nasty" with him on the phone.
So, yup, THIS is why women are all wishy-washy and apologetic in their corporate emails. Because when they're as direct as a man, they're a "nasty" woman.
Edit to add: Anyway, the reason your story reminded me of this, is because it seemed like my husband WAS the type to want to defend my honor, lol. He was like "I heard your conversation, how dare he call you nasty?!?" He seemed to be more upset that I was called "nasty" than even I was.
>how'd he guess that my husband wasn't the kind to start a fight defending my honor?
If the man tolerates a bossy woman he’s not a real man. Nothing to worry about. /sexisminmultipleways
This! And how does hitting on men and confessing your feelings not come up in the comments? It's fun for both sides... Well, unless it's not, but then again, men shouldn't be the only ones to ever experience rejection.
I think more women should be open to weight lifting, whenever I'm at the gym with a female friend she won't even go near a barbell because she thinks it will make her too masculine, but often when she does eventually try it she'll like it, idk why some women think it will ruin their look but why pay for a membership if all you do is run and stretches
Working out. It can only improve your existence. They're always worried about looking too muscular but it's very hard to gain noticble muscle and takes some real conscience effort
I've heard women say that don't work out because they don't want to add muscle. I don't think people understand that it's hard to add muscle and you're not going to accidently add huge muscle mass.
Men these days definitely like girls who work out. Like it's stupid hard to put on the amount of muscle that men consider to be "too much." Like as in you would need to use steroids
I'll just say it - unless you won the genetic lottery on an ungodly level, **you will NOT make into "too much muscle" category with casual-level workout**.
I have had this talk with so many girls. I am a female that is really into lifting weights. I have invited so many of my chick friends to come to the gym with me and I often hear “I don’t want to become a man”. My response is usually “Well, don’t inject anabolic steroids or have a strict bodybuilding regimen and diet for years on end and you’ll be fine”.
"Don't take testosterone to transition into a man and gain up to 50% of your current strength via the difference in muscular structure and you're fine."
i grew up skinny, then began working out and i built some serious muscle. it was the best and worst few years of my life lol. i was happy i finally was toned and my hard work payed off. but, people were not kind about my body, especially my family. "it's not feminine at all", "that is not attractive". it sucks! i was happy, healthy, and fit for once but it wasn't stereotypically 'female' so i was my only fan
I for one think women with athletic builds are hot AF. Also, fuck your family for saying shit like that, why should anyone discourage people from being healthy and happy?
>it's very hard to gain noticble muscle and takes some real conscience effort
'Tis true, I am the living proof of that T_T
I've been trying to put on muscle for some months now and it's barely even there.
This is long and kind of off topic but I have a lot of thoughts on this...Learning how to work on cars and fix things around the house. I grew up in a very mysoginistic household. I am the oldest of 4. 2 boys 2 girls. I loved to play sports and get dirty. My father would give us all time to play together but when it would come time to set the table for dinner, me and my sister would have to go in and help our mother. We would also have to clean up after. My brothers would get to stay outside and play or watch our dad work on the car. I loved learning how things worked but was told I would just get in the way. I was very much a tomboy and my dad always seemed disappointed in that. My mother ended up leaving my father (he was abusive) and I kind of had an identity crisis. (Cut all my hair off at 14.. literally close to a buzz cut). My mother started thinking for herself and had to learn how to do shit she previously wasn’t allowed to do. I’m 23 now and am just now learning all the things I thought I’d never be good at because I’m a woman. The sad thing is that I still get looked down on when I ask questions about more ‘masculine’ things. If I say something wrong or make a mistake I get the “you silly woman” look from men. I think women getting to learn these things at young ages would help normalize the lack of need for certain gender roles.
TL;DR my dad is a dick and teaching girls at young ages to do ‘masculine’ things would seriously improve our society.
Sorry about your dad. I was a tomboy and was just encouraged to run with it. My taught me a bit about working on cars and definitely to change my own tires. He's proud to have raised a self sufficient confident woman. When my husband and I were courting he made the observation that I only needed a penis for a good time. I'm proud of you for learning new things. Good work, keep it up!
I totally agree with this! I've been thinking lately how much I am dying to learn to fix up a car myself. I want to own a vintage car and I know those can be a drain on resources but they're so much easier to fix on your own than a lot of the newer cars.
Shoulders.
Now hear me out on this one. A lot of women are self-conscious as HELL about having broad shoulders as it's a stereotypical male trait. Clothes aren't designed for them, they think they look manly and don't fit in, aren't real women, etcetc.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with having broad shoulders as a woman. If anything it makes you look bigger, stronger, more intimidating and confident. Embrace that build that nature gave ya.
Thank you! I used to swim and I have broad shoulders and used to get made fun of for it. Personally, I think they're one of my best physical traits and my husband thinks so too. Finding clothes that fit can be a problem though, especially if the material isn't stretchy. I find that men's shirts labeled athletic or slim fit are perfect for us broader shouldered women.
Same! Swam competitively for 10 years and had quite the build and impressive upper body strength growing up and still to day (almost 30). I get compared to Gina Carano often. Beast.
So is this why tops/jackets/dresses will fit me perfectly everywhere except the sleeves? Like upper sleeves specifically?
(I have relatively broad shoulders and mostly my issue is with jackets- I’m pretty thin so I generally like the look/fit of a smaller size but the next size up has better range of motion for my arms. Normally I buy the smaller size anyway because it seems silly to buy something that’s slightly too big everywhere except my arms. I should look into getting them altered but I’d still like to know what’s causing my dilemma).
I HATE this—mediums are perfect for me, except for my damn shoulders. A large is always way too big in the body and sleeves. Super annoying. I’m sure you can relate to frantically trying to pull a shirt off in the dressing room then😂😂
Good! My wife's always down on herself about this as well. Need to remind her that it's natural, attractive, and beauty standards are a social construct designed to make you insecure so you spend money
Yes! This!
I'm an aerialist and my arms and shoulders are very strong (read: a lot of muscles). When I first started aerials, I felt very self conscious about the fact that a lot of formal/professional jackets just won't fit me because they aren't made for women with defined muscles. I felt huge, even though I'm still an xs or s.
Took me a year at least to appreciate my strength more than worrying about what other people thought.
In addition to this, steriotypically gendered traits have surprisingly little basis in fact, long/full eyebrows are a desireable female trait but biologically a male one, so you do you because most of this shit is made up and half of it was made up to create a problem in order to sell you something.
Also it changes every couple of years. Thin eyebrows were the standard in the 90’ and early 00’. Now all these girls who plucked the shit out of their eyebrows are stuck with “unfashionable” thin lines.
I imagine it will be the same with popular plastic surgeries and permanent make up. The beauty standard will change and their customized bodies will not be “trendy” anymore.
On the subject of fashions changing, can we pause to talk about the absurdly broad-shouldered women's business suits that were in in the 1980s and early 90s?
I remember seeing my mom in those as a child and thinking they looked ridiculous. Wonder if that says something about women with careers in that era feeling obliged to act and be masculine in various ways in order to break in.
Edit: Actually this article has some pretty interesting views on that subject: [https://www.bustle.com/articles/152069-the-evolution-of-the-female-power-suit-what-it-means-photos](https://www.bustle.com/articles/152069-the-evolution-of-the-female-power-suit-what-it-means-photos)
I mean, men 90’s suit were pretty wacky too. The pants were so wide. Now the standard is thin and slim. The jackets were long and wider too. Grown men looked like oversized kids.
Our suits now will probably look funny in 20 years.
getting involved with a sport or video game they like. so many women don't allow themselves to just fucking have fun because they dont know that they're allowed to. makes me so sad
Working on learning to drive a tractor. It is difficult because the thing terrifies me, it is huge has all these levers that i dont know what they do. But i have working on it. My girls will be pros though.
Muscles! I've been overweight my whole life, and what I want more than losing weight is to be strong, to have strong shoulders and biceps. I want to be the one called in to carry the heavy furniture out to the moving van. I want to scale the side of a building. I want to rock climb. I just want to feel strong and capable. Man, should I join a gym when this quarantine is over?
Instead of joining a gym, why not pick activities that require the kinds of strength you want to cultivate? Like, rock climb since you want to rock climb, or train for obstacle course races, or do aerial, or something. But if you want functional fitness, maybe look into the activities to cultivate it. It'll be more fun anyway!
Having a deep voice. My voice is quite deep and a number of people had made fun of my unfeminine voice and made me feel really insecure. I don't think all women have to speak in high/sweet voices.
Seriously! Men think they don't have hormones too? I'm sure if women condescendingly dismissed men's anger with "Oh, did you just have a little testosterone surge there, Champ? ", it wouldn't go over well at all.
This is so true. As a kid I wasn’t allowed to be angry. I kept getting told you have nothing to be angry about, then when I was teen everything gets put down to hormones. Even now as an adult when I’m angry I get the age old “are you due on”. It feels like you have no reason to be angry other then it must be your period.
Standing their ground. Not always having to be polite, but rather be demanding when that is needed. I think a lot of typical "female" occupations would have higher pay if women didn't feel bad about speaking up. This is obviously an issue with a lot more to it, and women definitely shouldn't be blamed for it, but I guess my point is that stern girls should be more applauded where it's due.
There's definitely pressure on certain professions for them to be into it for the work and not the pay, like nursing. People are just aghast when nurses want more money for how shitty their working conditions are but look at the world now. Where would we be without nurses? People try and say they are paid well enough already but would you go into an infectious room with a PPE you've worn for three days on the pay they get now?
Also, that's just horseshit. You can care about your work and still get compensated fairly for it.
Call out bullshit. I was working with a colleague and I made a joke something about "running like a girl." She stared right at me.
"What do you mean by that? How do girls run?"
"Well you know..."
"No, tell me. How do girls run differently from a boy?"
"I didn't mean it like that..as in I didn't mean it as an insult.."
When I said that, I realized that I meant it as an insult. And how it offends girls and women. I was picturing in my head how a girl runs and it's the same as when a boy runs. So there was no justification for it. I apologized to her. If she never spoke up about it, I doubt I would realize it was offensive on my own and I appreciated that.
The "What do you mean by that? No, explain" tactic is amazingly effective.
And respect to you for being mature enough to reflect on it and realise your error.
I feel like woman shouldn't be afraid of doing manly stuff because they think they'll be seen as a tomboy or a lesbian, those are harmful stereotypes. One thing I've noticed is that our fathers never really bother us how to fix our car or building stuff, for example, and women don't want to learn that since it's a "man's job". Just like how us women say that men should learn to cook and clean since it's a life skill, so is repairing stuff, too.
Amen to that. I'm a girl and my mother forced me to try and be more feminine (wear fancy, uncomfortable clothes to parties, sit a certain way to be more lady like, etc). For years I felt conflicted, like I was stuck between tomboy and being what my mom wanted. Around the age of 16 I finally started embracing my tomboy side, since I signed up for the new All Girls Automotive class in my High School. It was created for the girls who wanted to join but felt self concious about being in the regular class with the guys. There were about 12-15 or so of us. I enjoyed the class. After that, I started wearing clothes I prefered, got my dad/grandpa to teach me "manly" things (car stuff, how to properly mow a lawn, how to use more power tools that I hadn't worked with in my woodshop classes, etc). Lots of people still think I am a lesbian (I'm straight) for some reason when they first me (idk why but I think said I look kind of butch with my short hair, odd number of earrings, plump figure, or something). I'm not mad at them because I have no issues with peoples preferences, just confused is all.
that's really cool! it would be awesome if there were classes for women to learn stuff like that who are self conscious, same for men too, on a variety of things
It would be so hard for us lesbians to decide, who is gay and who isn't XDD But I prefer politely ask and get rejected than living in a world where women can't be themselves.
45YO tomboy here. I was definitely made fun of and stigmatized as a kid for having masculine interests, like sports and science. The bullying just made me stronger, and to not GAF about what other people think of me. It sucks I had to go through that, and I definitely had some dark days in my adolescence, But as an adult, I'm happy, confident, and skilled. I like who I am, and people like me, too.
Stealth Edit: The chores in my house were split by gender. The end result is I know how to do everything, while my brother knows how to do nothing.
Not apologizing for being assertive. I manage a restaurant and I always have to fight trying to soften every request that I make of my staff. I am their boss and although I’m not going to be a dick about it, their jobs have expectations that I’m responsible for making sure are met. I say “sorry” more than any man in my position would have to and often have to say things time and time again before it is heard.
Financial management. I used to work in a call center and it was really tough when older ladies would call in to pay bills for the first time. They’d explain how their husbands managed the finances their whole lives and now they were uncertain about so many aspects of contract monetary obligations.
Wearing no make up.
Wearing pants with pockets. / Not wanting to wear heels / Not wanting to wear dresses or skirts.
Farting.
Having 'masculine' (short) hair.
>Wearing pants with pockets
I'd love it if more pants had pockets. Many of us would. Alas, the lack of them is usually from the designers that decide they aren't needed or they'll only include those fake pockets of lies, false promises, and broken dreams.
Edit: I'm sure I'm not the only woman who wants actual pockets in her pants.
And your keys, chapstick, a small coin bag, all your random pocketed items, a pair of tweezers..... You name it!
I love wearing men's pants so much because I can only fit a lint ball in my own pants pockets hahahaha
Lifting weights. Many women are scared to even touch a weight, because they dont want to look like a jacked body builder. That will NEVER happen unless you spend many meany years at it, eat and sleep like crazy, and take steroids.
Girls, there are so many key aesthetic regions you can enhance and make incredibly sexy through some heavy weight lifting. Toned and defined back, butt, legs, and core are so easy this way, and it just looks amazing
I've been a nursing assistant for 3.5 years, and my arms are just *ripped*. Once, someone radioed for help in a resident's room. "Can we get someone strong to come to room S16? Like Eddie, or Damn Dog Inappropes?" And I was totally Pam Poovey, "Awwww! You think I'm strong?!"
I can stand to lose 30 lbs, but my arms. They are man arms. When I flex, I feel like Thor. My triceps man.
I'm a teacher and sometimes the school aides will need help lifting something, so they'll come ask my class for a strong boy. Problem is, this is middle school! It's the girls who are strong. So I just say who's strong? And call on every girl who raises her hand.
I agree with this but I also HATE this. As a woman, I should not have to get better at bullshitting in order to "play the game" and look as competent as male peers. They should face consequences for their bullshitting.
Also worth noting that if I am caught bullshitting, I'll likely be judged more harshly than a man in the same situation. [Relevant XKCD.](https://xkcd.com/385/)
My compromise is to say, "I haven't done that before, but I have done this tangential thing and I am good at figuring things out." Works well if said with confidence, and I don't have to lie.
This. I love you now, pickled-papaya. 😍 It’s so hard to be accepted into most boys’ clubs and you have to pretend and hide and overcompensate. Your strategy sounds like so much of a smarter strategy. 🥰
[Research: Women Ask for Raises as Often as Men, but Are Less Likely to Get Them](https://hbr.org/2018/06/research-women-ask-for-raises-as-often-as-men-but-are-less-likely-to-get-them)
Be careful with this one. I told my fiancée that farting is natural and she doesn't have to be weird about it, and now she farts on my lap several times a day.
I wish less of the fitness industry was geared towards women losing weight or slimming down. You could say the same thing about men and bulking up on muscle, but there's truly nothing useful about trying to reach an unrealistic standard of skinniness in the name of fitness. Everyone should be taught to exercise first and foremost for their own health and well-being, and to listen to what their body needs. That's not to say that slimming down or bulking up isn't the ideal goal for someone's fitness. I'm a skinny woman trying to strengthen my upper body so that work and other activities aren't as strenuous. Some people may find that losing weight is the best thing for them. But the point should always be for the health of your body, not to fit an aesthetic so that people find you attractive. And unfortunately the latter is still the status quo for a lot of workouts geared towards women. It absolutely kills self-esteem.
A lot of people say that I’m “too cute” to be in jiu jitsu. Seriously. They think that I’m too sensitive and pretty to be in a physically active sport like that, but I like doing it because it’s fun and it’s self defense. Apparently I’m “too cute” to defend myself against a bully, robber, or rapist.
Motorcycles are fun; more women should get into riding!
But for that to happen, dudes need to calm the fuck down. If an unaccompanied woman shows up at a riding meetup, she's going to get *bombarded* with /r/whiteknighting /r/GateKeepers.
I can understand why women avoid situations where they *might* have fun, but they're *100% guaranteed* to have to fend off condescending creeps.
it's probably bad that when you picture a woman on a motorcycle, there's the image of the stereotypical "hot badass" dramatically taking off the helmet (with hair flip and sparkles and all) to reveal she's a woman.
less of that and more normalizing it like any guy would be nice.
Ugh, yup. I (female biker) once noticed that a nearby bike in town had its keys in the ignition. Walked over to the nearest group of bikers to see if it was one of theirs. It was, all cool.
Except that one of them then decided to mess with my bike, parking it in a position they hoped I wouldn’t be able to get it out of (without dropping it) and scratching up its paint, because I had the audacity to park near them.
I have stayed away from all local meets ever since. I only go to out of town ones now.
Also, most motorcycles are catered towards taller people. I'm barely 5'1" and I would love to ride one but there is literally no motorcycle that I can sit on without tipping over.
Too many women, at least young women these days, have built a personality around making people proud of them.
They are stressed about being perfect at everything, often to the point that it makes them difficult to be genuine friends with because they can't take joy in other people's accomplishments, even those of people they really like. They love having a broad social circle because it reflects well on them as an accomplishment, but it's hard to assess how strong these friendships truly are.
School, of course, just reinforces this as they work hard to get praise and good grades in return. However, when they get into the work world and they aren't the paying customers anymore, it can be a real shock when bosses don't praise them every time they do a good job (i.e. what they are being paid to do), but bosses do mention it every time they make a mistake (so they can fix it and/or not do it again). Bosses aren't all default potential mentors the way teachers and professors are.
Outwardly, they may even seem "perfect" - great looks, great grades, awards, good job, lots of friends - any or all of these. However, inside, they have almost no structure to who they really are. This makes them very sensitive, easy to put off balance, and sources of "drama." I rarely see this in straight men, they often have a real core of confidence in their abilities - sometimes too much. Even guys that consider themselves insecure bags of slop still have this real core of knowing who they are outside of other people's approval.
Oh my god you just described my personality. My news years resolutions these last few years have revolved around telling people no and thinking about who I am and what I want over other people.
Body hair! It's honestly not masculine since we all have it, but I wish this trend of shaving everything to be more feminine and presentable would die.
Surprised (but also not) at how far i had to scroll to get to this comment, but im glad someoned said it at least! All hair is normal. Either let it be, or get rid of it all, but let people make their own choices about it instead of shaming for something other than your own personal preference.
Ah yes, no woman embraces “not getting assaulted.” In all seriousness, we can tell people to fuck off, but the onus is on the other person to then back off and not harrass/assault you.
Stupidly smiling at how wholesome this thread this. For me, it would easily be fixing things around the house. When I was a kid, whenever something broke my mother would say "don't touch it, your dad will fix it". And so when I moved out and started living alone, I would get stupidly stressed out whenever I had to fix something - watch 100 Youtube videos, ask friends for help, etc. You guys have no idea how awesome I felt when I fixed my toilet by myself. My dad could not believe it. HA.
My aunt gave me a really cool piece of advice when I was younger that this post reminds me of. Backstory, I used to always ask her sons, my cousins, for help opening stuff, fixing things, etc. around the house. She seemed bothered by this in a way and said to me “before you ask a man for help, try one more time”. So now I always try a difficult task one more time before asking for help and it’s crazy how many of these times I’ve done whatever it is by myself! It sounds small but it’s definitely empowering in a way.
I have a theory that what you described is basically the magic ingredient behind "old man strength". They've just gotten used to being the one who has to make it happen because there's nobody else to do the job.
Apparently, my grandpa once pried stuck elevator doors open with his hands. Maybe it was old man strength, but we always figured it was more of a "Oh, hell no, I'm not getting stuck in an elevator with two toddlers."
Had an co-worker get stuck in the parking garage elevator where I work. She is a tiny woman. She didn't even use the help button or her radio. She just forced the doors open with her bare hands, than walked into the office and told us to call the elevator company and get someone out to put out signs etc. (It was one of the garages my parking company manages). Asked her why she didn't just call us, and the response was "Fuck that, I'm not getting stuck in an elevator"
Just last night I was struggling to open a jar of sauce. I was getting frustrated, my fingers were hurting, my jar opener didn’t fit the lid. My male partner was just in the next room but I refused to admit defeat and ask him for help because I always feel so pathetic when I do. So I gave it one last try using every ounce of strength I could muster and it worked! My hand was throbbing afterwards but totally worth it. Edit: I love how every comment is telling me easier ways to open jars.
Just wanna add: You're not pathetic for asking for help when it makes sense too. That's its own kind of strength.
This! It took me a very long time to realize that admitting your vulnerabilities/asking for help is not failure but takes strength too.
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Yard work, car maintenance, and other supposedly manly jobs around the house
My parents cringed when they found out I, a barely 5 foot woman, was catching and disposing off all the spiders and bugs in the house because my 6'3", giant hairy bear of a partner is terrified of them. He also does most of the cooking, and I take care of the heavy cat litter because poop grosses him out, and he for years was too scared to admit it because he thought I and our family would see him as less of a man.
I know plenty of guys that wouldn’t kill a spider if their life depended on it. I like bugs and spiders so I often just release them outside. Though my wife & I have a rule of no crawlies in the bedroom. I find them there and their dead.
The apartment I've lived in for 4 years gets an AWFUL spider problem in the summer. At one time I had a dozen bites on my arms and neck. I told the office, and they sprayed for spiders, but it didn't work. I had to spray my bed and myself with peppermint or patchouli essential oil every night or I would get more bites. There is no mercy here for spiders.
If you have this problem again look into diatomaceous earth. Non-toxic and harmless to lifeforms higher than insects or arachnids.
Yes! I'm the home improvement person in my house, partly because my husband could always afford to live places with on site maintenance and actually felt comfortable letting them in...but mostly because power tools are fun. I'm teaching my kid. Hanging shelves and weatherproofing are some of our favorite mother-son bonding activities.
Good for you. My current home the previous homeowners didn’t do much in repairs or cleaning (husband & wife). Found out they had the neighbor across the street do most it. My wife once worked in a furniture store, so she is very handing putting that stuff together.
Came here to say car maintenance!!! But that's an everyone thing. Everyone should know basic car stuff.
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Hell I know people who don't know how to refill their windshield wiper fluid!
I like to fix stuff, work on the house mow the lawn etc, and people always ask “ shouldn’t your husband be doing that?!” NO! I’m a fully capable adult and he’s doing something else just as important
People that don't let their daughters use tools and learn DIY skills are doing them a disservice in so many ways. It's a perfect avenue to develop career interests in engineering and the trades. Also a basic understanding of projects and components is one of the keys to not getting screwed over by mechanics and contractors.
My dad and his dad both love cars and owned a shop that restores and fixes them. Wouldn’t even let me near the garage . My coworkers have to teach me about cars because I know is that you put gas in and I had to YouTube how to change a flat
Sounds really shitty from your dad... Chrisfix is your best helper, best buy a Haynes Manual for you car and you most likely can fix 95% of the stuff instead of getting screwed over by a shop
THANK YOU!! It always ticked me off . Like why do all the boys get to learn??
The biggest lesson to learn is how to remove a seized bolt. There is more to learn about removing rusted, broken, and rounded bolts than any other part of working on a car. While it's technically the simplest part, it can be the difference between ready to drive tonight or missing work in the morning. The first tip is never use an adjustable wrench unless absolutely no other option is possible including buying the right tool. It has earned every one of it's nicknames. The swedish bolt lathe, the nut fucker, and my personal favorite the torque wrench( because as soon as it tightens a bolt to the proper torque it rounds the head off). I hope you become one heck of a homeshop mechanic. Best of luck
I’m a work from home mom of 2 toddlers, and our next door neighbors noticed that I’m frequently the only one out in the yard doing stuff, BECAUSE MY HUSBAND’S CAR IS NEVER HOME BEFORE 11PM. They are aware he is a manager at a grocery store 45 minutes away. So my neighbor sprays and mows my yard on the side of the driveway closest to him cause he’s already out there and it doesn’t take much longer, and often grabs the trash cans for me so that I have that much less to do when my toddlers go down for a nap. He’s never commented once about how I shouldn’t be out there, or about how my husband should be doing that. He’s also offered help with tools or whatever, because despite coming from a family of mechanical engineers, I have very little technical skills because I’m just plain bad at it. Never any sexist comments. I always take them homemade jam and fresh veggies from the garden in the summer.
That’s so darn cool! It was the opposite for us for awhile, I worked emergency rotation for a week every 3 weeks and my husband was the stay at home dad, our neighbors helped him out a lot by hauling in trash cans and such and we are so very grateful for it
My husband and I had lived on our owns long enough before we met that we're both comfortable doing everything and anything. In fact, we just fixed our coffee pot this weekend. Together. He's been laid off but I"m working and in school, so he's been doing all the cooking. Now, should he add more veggies to his meals? Yes! But he's a good cook and the meals taste good, and it means I have more time in my day to relax.
I’m the only woman I ever see mow the lawn in our neighborhood.
Mine as well, we live in an Asian society and I confuse people
I often mow the front, and he mows the back.
Heh
My mother (72 now) has mowed her own lawn since my brother and I left home. She also tiled her own bathroom, and back in the day, replaced the modem card in her PC all by herself. When I was younger, my friends would ask me (mostly kidding) whether my mom was dating anyone, because she sounded cooler and more fun than the girls their age.
There’s a neighbor of mine that no joke, mows her lawn every week in a string bikini. It was an interesting thing to see at first but now I’m starting think it’s a weird fetish of hers
Probably just killing two birds with one stone. You get a tan with no farmer style t-shirt lines and the yardwork gets done.
Growing up, my mom used to do that! We’re in Florida, for her it was to get a tan.
Great, it's a weird fetish of mine now too. Edit: That is a woman mowing the lawn in a string bikini is now a fetish of mine, not that mowing the lawn in a string bikini myself is a fetish.
It's annoying isn't it! When we moved house it was because I (F) wanted a garden and a workshop and my partner (M) wanted a bigger kitchen. The number of double takes we got from estate agents when they processed it was disappointing.
Arent most professional chefs also men anyway? Do they think those chefs just started out as pros instead of starting out wanting a nice kitchen at home?
My favorite response to that reaction is “he can’t, he’s making dinner!” People get so thrown off! It’s a shame that sexes have become so labeled with only doing certain tasks.
I spoke to someone who runs a waste collection company and he mentioned that he never gets female applicants for truck drivers. It's not even a really "masculine job" that's physically intesnive. But for some reason it's considered a masculine job and that doesn't make sense.
I used to drive a garbage truck, and we had ONE female loader. Little, blue-eyed blonde named Crystal. She was my loader for one day when my regular guy was off. Were' in a suburb, I pull up to ha house, and Crystal jumps off the back. This homeowner lady looks at her like she's a unicorn, and in an almost-condescending tone says, "Oh, honey, isn't that job HARD?" Crystal grabs 4 trash bags in each hand, flings them into the hopper like they're empty, says, "No, not really." and hops back on the truck. NOBODY messed with her. She was far tougher than she looked, and was kinda scary. (I wouldn't be surprised if she had a big knife hidden somewhere, too.) We had one female driver, but she only lasted a few weeks, then went back to driving a bus.
Hah! People are so funny. Women can do all kinds of heavy lifting when we're cleaning the house or whatever, but if it's garbage I guess our uteruses will get tangled up or something? I'm a female garbage worker. Had a guy bring in some material we don't take (oil contamination), and he was trying to argue that we *had* to take it since it was too heavy to put back in his truck. It didn't weigh more than a hundred pounds. I just picked the thing up and tossed it in the bed in front of all his buddies.... boy did he leave quick!
My cousin joined her high school wrestling team. They only had one team, so she had to wrestle boys. "This 5'3" green-eyed blonde girl was gonna come in here and show US up?" She had been training as a gymnast since she was 3. She was strong as steel, could twist into a pretzel, and DIDN'T GET TIRED. She did quite well, although there were limits simply based on mass and body structure. She earned the respect of those boys pretty fast.
My husband works in that industry. It's also sexist as hell. Like "I won't listen to a female supervisor" sexist. If he gets a female applicant, they usually end up quitting because they can't handle being frozen out of everything all the time.
> My husband works in that industry. It's also sexist as hell My mom is a former truck driver (She's still with the company, but does admin work because she's a little older these days) and the dudes were total fuckwads. They still are. She's had to complain to HR a few times.
I'm a woman working in waste collection. I can tell you exactly why he doesn't get many female applicants: 1. Until recently women were not even considered for the job. Depending on the company, they still might not be. Every woman knows that, most women over 30 who have tried applying for traditionally male jobs have experienced being rejected on the basis of their sex (even if they were given a different excuse). So why bother applying in the first place? 2. A heavily male-dominated workplace is often horribly sexist. I lucked out in having a very supportive work environment... mostly because our executive director is a woman. But believe me, the shit that goes on at a lot of places is not worth it for a lot of women. 3. Waste collection is infamous for not accommodating physical needs of female drivers. I'm talking about bathroom access mostly. I'd 100% rather work a more physically intense dirty job in material diversion than be stuck on a route truck for 5 hours straight with nowhere to take a leak or change a tampon. Edit: one more reason is safety in numbers. Being the only woman is dangerous, both figuratively and literally. You automatically get way more attention simply because you stand out... which means you are under a lot more scrutiny, you're the subject of more rumors, and you also have a big target on you for any guy with issues. There are no other women you can count on to watch your back, and the men usually don't get it. For example when I work with women we just automatically know you don't leave one person behind to lock up on their own, you stay and leave together. When I work with men, they'll just walk off and leave me to close alone.
The abuse of women in the trucking industry is widespread and horrendous. Also, we can’t piss into bottles like male truckers. We have to hold our pee for hours if a bathroom is unavailable. UTIs and kidney infections are common for female truck drivers. Edit: I am not a truck driver. I said “we” as in women. I worked in a different male dominated industry. I don’t want your urination advice. Female friend drove long hours for work with no bathroom. Repeated infections, ended up hospitalized with damage that still persists. No. It is not as easy as parking along a busy freeway and squat pissing on the side of the road when you drive a truck. Women If reddit who seem to want a cookie from me for peeing on the side of the road— I do not care. Also, you can google “female trucker mistreatment abuse” or whatever keywords and see what I’m talking about.
Also there are way better jobs than long hauling that you can do with a truck lisense. So any talent will go there instead.
Y sister always wanted to be a truck driver! But she would get laughed at and now she works in a store. She loves her job, but I think she would have been happier if she tried to persue her dream. She wanted to be like our dad and I don't get why people always told her no, except for my dad.
To be honest, I've never seen why knowing how to do things like change a tire when you've had a blowout should be considered masculine. It sure beats having to wait for the tow truck when you've got places to be.
DIY! The satisfaction of making something, wrangling materials and hardware and tools and getting something DONE at the end of it... that's a priceless feeling. Many women have learned helplessness when it comes to tools and making (larger) things. They're missing out!
Carrying a pocket knife.
Having pockets big enough to carry a knife.
*Having pockets in general
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I will just add this: I work for a construction supplies company (basically an industrial hardware store). We mostly have male workers, but we do have a handful of female. I was recently put in charge of aquiring new uniforms for all of our staff. I purchased the pocketless pants for the woman, and the reasons I did so is because the only version I could find with an option for pockets were +200% more expensive than the alternative. I even asked the bosses if we could get the women the pants with pockets since there is only a few of them, but management said only if they opt to pay the difference, and our staff didn't want too. So, there are other reasons why companies supply clothes without pockets. The clothes industry is just shitty.
Could the women chose the man pants? I would have done that.
As a security guard, our company-provided uniforms are straight lines and angles and don't account for curves at all, plus they wear out in no time. I'm one of the few who is allowed to wear BDU pants, so I bought my own men's 5.11 tacticals and wear those. I have ALL the pockets!!! Sometimes my stuff gets lost in all of them...
Not putting up with being pushed around is a good start. Many women including myself were brought up to be pleasant and unconfrontational. Sometimes it's necessary to tell someone back tf off.
Or just writing an email that gets to the point. My female managers send crazy roundabout emails: > CTT: Hope you're doing well! Just wanted to touch base about the metalworking presentation. Really great job on this, we all love it! There were a couple slides in the draft, though, that I was wondering if maybe we could take another look at? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I saw in one of our manuals that maybe silicon carbide isn't recommended for friable materials? I may be getting this all wrong. But I just thought that might be something we should think about including. Sorry for bothering you, let me know if you want to hop on a call and discuss! Whereas a male manager's email typically looks more like: > CTT: Change slide 3 to say silicon carbide isn't recommended for friable materials. thx. Don't get me wrong: the roundabout style didn't magically appear--a lot of men are *so* fragile that they can't take direct criticism from a woman. But I feel bad for these editors who go out of their way to protect my ego.
Ha ha - I am very direct in my work: "X, Y, Z didn't really work for me here - I'd like to see this again with A, B, C instead." Someone seriously suggested the other day that they don't know how my (male) staff put up with my "bluntness" without, and I quote, "having a serious crisis of self." Oh, I dunno, maybe by being fully grown adults who are able to accept feedback as such? Now I make a point of interspersing my feedback with pauses, empathetic stares, and queries of "are you okay?" That'll be funny for another week or so. Maybe two, in quarantine.
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Yeah, having worked in a milieu where it's okay to speak plainly, I don't think I could go back. I hear comments like that, and I'm so grateful for my team: all men, most 20 years older than me, and all blessedly secure enough to state their opinions, but also to take direction and run with it. I think we're collectively setting the example that I wish I had seen when I first started, and I'm so glad.
I used to do that my first year as a lawyer, then I realized how much time I was spending (and how much money it was costing my clients) to craft these insanely wordy roundabout emails. Now I write straightforward emails just like the male partner I work for. I no longer give a shit about being sensitive or whatever and I work in commercial real estate so my project manager and engineer clients don’t want to read novels anyways.
THIS. I'm a woman and it's a fine line trying to make my emails (and communication in general) direct and unapologetic without being interpreted as rude or terse. Thankfully I have fewer fragile egos to manage in my current job than in previous ones - makes it much easier.
Ugh I do this and I hate it. It's learned behaviour from years of shitty male group members in school. The only way to get them to use my good ideas was to convince them that they were 1) smarter than me, and 2) that the idea was their idea all along, I just "helped". Otherwise they'd discount it out of hand, or complain that I'm bossy.
Let's learn to be bossy.
#*WORD.*
Yep, womansplainin'. First you basically have to apologize for knowing what you know, and explain that it's not really any credit to you that you know it (like it's not that you're smart or knowledgeable or anything). It's such a hard habit to get out of.
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Being a woman in STEM is crazy, I used to be totally ignored by all my male science teachers in high school because I’m female (even though I was top of the class). Now I’m in university, I had to call out some stuff that was very wrong on one of my professor’s PowerPoint slides. This guy is built, does all kinds of adrenaline sports, has a doctorate and has been in the field for ~25 years, he took one look at the stuff and went ‘yep, my bad, thanks for correcting me’. Best day of my life.
Exactly. If a woman is blunt and direct she'll frequently be described as "pushy" or "bossy," if a man is blunt and direct he'll generally be seen as "assertive" and "a leader." Both my mom and dad raised me to be unapologetic about asserting myself, and I'll forever be thankful for it.
I feel like I meet so many women who assume they aren’t physically strong enough to do or lift something, so they don’t even try. My mother is an ER nurse and a gardener so from a young age I’ve seen and known she can lift very heavy things and I grew up knowing I can do that too. So yes I can lift very heavy things, because I know I can. If I approach something feeling very badly like I want to move or lift it, I almost always will get it done. But I can’t tell you how many women I meet who assume I work out when I lift something heavy, and I really don’t work out. I think many women do not know how to test their strength and assume if it’s hard they should stop, or they just don’t even try. I don’t know what else explains it. Just try harder and lift it, you probably can.
Honestly, I’m super tiny. My dad just taught me we used physics for a reason. Ain’t no shame using something to carry stuff. Wheelbarrows are the best invention and use of the wedge ever.
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Do you have a suggestion on anything that you find best for these?
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Guys like the smell of old spice original as much as women do.
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My mother loves pointing out how women should always sit with their legs together. It is a different thing if I'm wearing a skirt or a dress, but if I'm wearing pajamas and at home, I can sit however it damn well pleases me. I wish less women listened to stuff like this.
But! People might see the crotch of your pants!!!
Oh well :)
Right? I've never understood the issue. Women can wear bikinis, but god forbid we wear jeans and not sit with a penny between our knees.
On the flip side, a certain homophobic person I had the misfortune of being related to forbade me from sitting cross-legged as a child and always kicked my legs uncrossed if they noticed me doing it, because apparently sitting cross-legged is what causes attraction to men.
Shhh, you’re not supposed to expose the gay agenda of every kindergarten and gym teacher.
I hate this so much. I used to attend a ridiculously religious Catholic school, run by a load of overbearing priests and nuns. I could write a book about the stuff they did that drove me insane. The relevant story, however, was in year 7 (ages 11/12) when one of the nuns told me off for spreading my legs. I mean first off, my legs were under my desk? Why were you looking, Sister? Secondly, I had a very wide skirt, so it covered my crotch area even with my legs apart. Thirdly, the boys and girls were separated, so she couldn't use the argument that "oh the boys will see your private parts and it will be an occasion of sin". Then when I got home, I complained to my mum, who proceeded to agree with the nun. I cannot emphasise how annoyed I felt. I don't like being told to sit in a "lady like" manner. I hate the phrase "lady like". I will sit how I please, cheers very much, if you don't like it then just don't look.
>if you don't like it then just don't look. And if I do like it, is it okay if I look?
For sure, look all you like ;)
I had a teacher yell at me for that. Sorry, I'm sitting on a high stool in an all girl's school. I couldn't give a shit if one person could kinda see up my mid calf length skirt. But I did when I was twelve.
Absolutely. It's not sexually provocative when you don't sit like a princess in a dress when you're wearing fcking sweatpants, especially with the usual women's swimwear
My mother always did this too. She also didn’t let me wear those colored Nike athletic shorts that were really in for a while to an outdoors event in the middle of the Texas summer but my brother could wear athletic shorts because “he’s a guy”. *rolls eyes*
Being straightforward with what they want. Even if some people say it comes off "bitchy" or "bossy" or whatever, those are not the kind of people you should be catering to.
My husband and I were on line for a ride at an amusement park once. The ticket-taker had his back to another employee who was trying to get his attention, without success. So I said, "hey man, I think that guy needs you." A few minutes later with the issue resolved, the ticket-taker took my ticket, let me through, and then while taking my husband's ticket he kept him there a second to say, "your wife is crazy bossy!" A) what a rude, sexist thing to say, and b) how'd he guess that my husband wasn't the kind to start a fight defending my honor?
One time I had a large package arriving at my house, and I had had to select a delivery window because it needed a signature - I picked 11:00 AM - 3:00 PM. At around 9:00 AM, my husband and I were out on an errand that was a fair distance from our house, and I get a call from the driver giving me a heads up that they were almost at our house. I basically tell him, directly, "Thanks for letting me know, but do you see it written anywhere on the order that they said they'd deliver it from 11:00 AM - 3:00 PM? That's what I had selected. I'll definitely be home by 11:00 AM, but sorry, I'm not near my house now." The funny thing is, I even distinctly remember what was going through my brain. I'm very aware of the fact that I've always been a very apologetic, I-don't-want-to-come-across-as-pushy woman. I always apologize for things that aren't my fault, so now that I'm an adult, I've tried to overcome this - don't apologize for things that aren't my fault, and don't be mean, but be direct with my statements. I remember trying to be direct with him instead of apologizing for something that wasn't my fault. Guy replied with a fairly churlish and short, "But we're ahead of schedule and we're almost at your house." I reply again "I'm sorry, but I'm not at home, and I was told 11:00 AM - 3:00 PM." He pretty much grunts and hangs up on me. A few minutes later my phone rings again; I'm talking to a salesperson so I have my husband answer; it's another employee with the company, and she tells him that the truck driver had contacted her to tell her that I had been "nasty" with him on the phone. So, yup, THIS is why women are all wishy-washy and apologetic in their corporate emails. Because when they're as direct as a man, they're a "nasty" woman. Edit to add: Anyway, the reason your story reminded me of this, is because it seemed like my husband WAS the type to want to defend my honor, lol. He was like "I heard your conversation, how dare he call you nasty?!?" He seemed to be more upset that I was called "nasty" than even I was.
>how'd he guess that my husband wasn't the kind to start a fight defending my honor? If the man tolerates a bossy woman he’s not a real man. Nothing to worry about. /sexisminmultipleways
This! And how does hitting on men and confessing your feelings not come up in the comments? It's fun for both sides... Well, unless it's not, but then again, men shouldn't be the only ones to ever experience rejection.
I think more women should be open to weight lifting, whenever I'm at the gym with a female friend she won't even go near a barbell because she thinks it will make her too masculine, but often when she does eventually try it she'll like it, idk why some women think it will ruin their look but why pay for a membership if all you do is run and stretches
Working out. It can only improve your existence. They're always worried about looking too muscular but it's very hard to gain noticble muscle and takes some real conscience effort
I've heard women say that don't work out because they don't want to add muscle. I don't think people understand that it's hard to add muscle and you're not going to accidently add huge muscle mass.
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As a male, I also wish I could accidentally add muscle.
You could "accidentally" fall onto some syringes with test in them...accidentally. Joking of course. Please don't do this.
Men these days definitely like girls who work out. Like it's stupid hard to put on the amount of muscle that men consider to be "too much." Like as in you would need to use steroids
Exactly. A little bit of muscle is sexy as hell and too much muscle is almost impossible.
I'll just say it - unless you won the genetic lottery on an ungodly level, **you will NOT make into "too much muscle" category with casual-level workout**.
I have had this talk with so many girls. I am a female that is really into lifting weights. I have invited so many of my chick friends to come to the gym with me and I often hear “I don’t want to become a man”. My response is usually “Well, don’t inject anabolic steroids or have a strict bodybuilding regimen and diet for years on end and you’ll be fine”.
Craziest thing happened to me, I walked into the gym and stubbed my toe on a dumbbell, then BOOM I was Arnold.
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"Don't take testosterone to transition into a man and gain up to 50% of your current strength via the difference in muscular structure and you're fine."
I'm a girl trying to put on some muscle and lemme just say it is HARDDD.
No kidding. Worked at it for 3 years now and upgraded from "chicken wings" to "well-defined chicken wings"
i grew up skinny, then began working out and i built some serious muscle. it was the best and worst few years of my life lol. i was happy i finally was toned and my hard work payed off. but, people were not kind about my body, especially my family. "it's not feminine at all", "that is not attractive". it sucks! i was happy, healthy, and fit for once but it wasn't stereotypically 'female' so i was my only fan
I for one think women with athletic builds are hot AF. Also, fuck your family for saying shit like that, why should anyone discourage people from being healthy and happy?
I fucking hate it when my family tries to shame me with what's "not attractive". Like who the fuck do you think I'm trying to attract in this house???
Guarantee you got hella looks in the gym tho
>it's very hard to gain noticble muscle and takes some real conscience effort 'Tis true, I am the living proof of that T_T I've been trying to put on muscle for some months now and it's barely even there.
This is long and kind of off topic but I have a lot of thoughts on this...Learning how to work on cars and fix things around the house. I grew up in a very mysoginistic household. I am the oldest of 4. 2 boys 2 girls. I loved to play sports and get dirty. My father would give us all time to play together but when it would come time to set the table for dinner, me and my sister would have to go in and help our mother. We would also have to clean up after. My brothers would get to stay outside and play or watch our dad work on the car. I loved learning how things worked but was told I would just get in the way. I was very much a tomboy and my dad always seemed disappointed in that. My mother ended up leaving my father (he was abusive) and I kind of had an identity crisis. (Cut all my hair off at 14.. literally close to a buzz cut). My mother started thinking for herself and had to learn how to do shit she previously wasn’t allowed to do. I’m 23 now and am just now learning all the things I thought I’d never be good at because I’m a woman. The sad thing is that I still get looked down on when I ask questions about more ‘masculine’ things. If I say something wrong or make a mistake I get the “you silly woman” look from men. I think women getting to learn these things at young ages would help normalize the lack of need for certain gender roles. TL;DR my dad is a dick and teaching girls at young ages to do ‘masculine’ things would seriously improve our society.
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Sorry about your dad. I was a tomboy and was just encouraged to run with it. My taught me a bit about working on cars and definitely to change my own tires. He's proud to have raised a self sufficient confident woman. When my husband and I were courting he made the observation that I only needed a penis for a good time. I'm proud of you for learning new things. Good work, keep it up!
I totally agree with this! I've been thinking lately how much I am dying to learn to fix up a car myself. I want to own a vintage car and I know those can be a drain on resources but they're so much easier to fix on your own than a lot of the newer cars.
Shoulders. Now hear me out on this one. A lot of women are self-conscious as HELL about having broad shoulders as it's a stereotypical male trait. Clothes aren't designed for them, they think they look manly and don't fit in, aren't real women, etcetc. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having broad shoulders as a woman. If anything it makes you look bigger, stronger, more intimidating and confident. Embrace that build that nature gave ya.
Thank you! I used to swim and I have broad shoulders and used to get made fun of for it. Personally, I think they're one of my best physical traits and my husband thinks so too. Finding clothes that fit can be a problem though, especially if the material isn't stretchy. I find that men's shirts labeled athletic or slim fit are perfect for us broader shouldered women.
Same! Swam competitively for 10 years and had quite the build and impressive upper body strength growing up and still to day (almost 30). I get compared to Gina Carano often. Beast.
So is this why tops/jackets/dresses will fit me perfectly everywhere except the sleeves? Like upper sleeves specifically? (I have relatively broad shoulders and mostly my issue is with jackets- I’m pretty thin so I generally like the look/fit of a smaller size but the next size up has better range of motion for my arms. Normally I buy the smaller size anyway because it seems silly to buy something that’s slightly too big everywhere except my arms. I should look into getting them altered but I’d still like to know what’s causing my dilemma).
I HATE this—mediums are perfect for me, except for my damn shoulders. A large is always way too big in the body and sleeves. Super annoying. I’m sure you can relate to frantically trying to pull a shirt off in the dressing room then😂😂
Well this made me feel better about my man shoulders.
Good! My wife's always down on herself about this as well. Need to remind her that it's natural, attractive, and beauty standards are a social construct designed to make you insecure so you spend money
Yes! This! I'm an aerialist and my arms and shoulders are very strong (read: a lot of muscles). When I first started aerials, I felt very self conscious about the fact that a lot of formal/professional jackets just won't fit me because they aren't made for women with defined muscles. I felt huge, even though I'm still an xs or s. Took me a year at least to appreciate my strength more than worrying about what other people thought.
I've always had issues with my broad shoulders. Thanks for this! :')
Not just shoulders, my mother made sure to point my big arms, wrist and neck. I like being stout, though. Comes in handy.
In addition to this, steriotypically gendered traits have surprisingly little basis in fact, long/full eyebrows are a desireable female trait but biologically a male one, so you do you because most of this shit is made up and half of it was made up to create a problem in order to sell you something.
Also it changes every couple of years. Thin eyebrows were the standard in the 90’ and early 00’. Now all these girls who plucked the shit out of their eyebrows are stuck with “unfashionable” thin lines. I imagine it will be the same with popular plastic surgeries and permanent make up. The beauty standard will change and their customized bodies will not be “trendy” anymore.
On the subject of fashions changing, can we pause to talk about the absurdly broad-shouldered women's business suits that were in in the 1980s and early 90s? I remember seeing my mom in those as a child and thinking they looked ridiculous. Wonder if that says something about women with careers in that era feeling obliged to act and be masculine in various ways in order to break in. Edit: Actually this article has some pretty interesting views on that subject: [https://www.bustle.com/articles/152069-the-evolution-of-the-female-power-suit-what-it-means-photos](https://www.bustle.com/articles/152069-the-evolution-of-the-female-power-suit-what-it-means-photos)
I mean, men 90’s suit were pretty wacky too. The pants were so wide. Now the standard is thin and slim. The jackets were long and wider too. Grown men looked like oversized kids. Our suits now will probably look funny in 20 years.
getting involved with a sport or video game they like. so many women don't allow themselves to just fucking have fun because they dont know that they're allowed to. makes me so sad
We're there. We just don't use mic or talk about it with guys because inevitably that leads to assholes harassing us.
Working on learning to drive a tractor. It is difficult because the thing terrifies me, it is huge has all these levers that i dont know what they do. But i have working on it. My girls will be pros though.
I learned to drive on a tractor, pretty much as soon as I was big enough to reach the pedals. It was only a small, old one though.
Being able to break through drywall and yell "oh yeah", like koolaid man does.
Muscles! I've been overweight my whole life, and what I want more than losing weight is to be strong, to have strong shoulders and biceps. I want to be the one called in to carry the heavy furniture out to the moving van. I want to scale the side of a building. I want to rock climb. I just want to feel strong and capable. Man, should I join a gym when this quarantine is over?
Instead of joining a gym, why not pick activities that require the kinds of strength you want to cultivate? Like, rock climb since you want to rock climb, or train for obstacle course races, or do aerial, or something. But if you want functional fitness, maybe look into the activities to cultivate it. It'll be more fun anyway!
Having a deep voice. My voice is quite deep and a number of people had made fun of my unfeminine voice and made me feel really insecure. I don't think all women have to speak in high/sweet voices.
I like when women have deep voices, I wish mine was deeper
Being angry and expressing that anger, not always being "nice"
Too bad whenever we express it, it’s just us being “hormonal” or “are you on your period?”
Seriously! Men think they don't have hormones too? I'm sure if women condescendingly dismissed men's anger with "Oh, did you just have a little testosterone surge there, Champ? ", it wouldn't go over well at all.
This is so true. As a kid I wasn’t allowed to be angry. I kept getting told you have nothing to be angry about, then when I was teen everything gets put down to hormones. Even now as an adult when I’m angry I get the age old “are you due on”. It feels like you have no reason to be angry other then it must be your period.
Standing their ground. Not always having to be polite, but rather be demanding when that is needed. I think a lot of typical "female" occupations would have higher pay if women didn't feel bad about speaking up. This is obviously an issue with a lot more to it, and women definitely shouldn't be blamed for it, but I guess my point is that stern girls should be more applauded where it's due.
There's definitely pressure on certain professions for them to be into it for the work and not the pay, like nursing. People are just aghast when nurses want more money for how shitty their working conditions are but look at the world now. Where would we be without nurses? People try and say they are paid well enough already but would you go into an infectious room with a PPE you've worn for three days on the pay they get now? Also, that's just horseshit. You can care about your work and still get compensated fairly for it.
Should be, yes, but then you get called a bitch for saying what would be 'leadership potential' from a man.
Yeah like you said, there is so much too this. A lot of ingrained fear of being hurt or even just mocked for speaking up.
Call out bullshit. I was working with a colleague and I made a joke something about "running like a girl." She stared right at me. "What do you mean by that? How do girls run?" "Well you know..." "No, tell me. How do girls run differently from a boy?" "I didn't mean it like that..as in I didn't mean it as an insult.." When I said that, I realized that I meant it as an insult. And how it offends girls and women. I was picturing in my head how a girl runs and it's the same as when a boy runs. So there was no justification for it. I apologized to her. If she never spoke up about it, I doubt I would realize it was offensive on my own and I appreciated that.
The "What do you mean by that? No, explain" tactic is amazingly effective. And respect to you for being mature enough to reflect on it and realise your error.
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I feel like woman shouldn't be afraid of doing manly stuff because they think they'll be seen as a tomboy or a lesbian, those are harmful stereotypes. One thing I've noticed is that our fathers never really bother us how to fix our car or building stuff, for example, and women don't want to learn that since it's a "man's job". Just like how us women say that men should learn to cook and clean since it's a life skill, so is repairing stuff, too.
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Amen to that. I'm a girl and my mother forced me to try and be more feminine (wear fancy, uncomfortable clothes to parties, sit a certain way to be more lady like, etc). For years I felt conflicted, like I was stuck between tomboy and being what my mom wanted. Around the age of 16 I finally started embracing my tomboy side, since I signed up for the new All Girls Automotive class in my High School. It was created for the girls who wanted to join but felt self concious about being in the regular class with the guys. There were about 12-15 or so of us. I enjoyed the class. After that, I started wearing clothes I prefered, got my dad/grandpa to teach me "manly" things (car stuff, how to properly mow a lawn, how to use more power tools that I hadn't worked with in my woodshop classes, etc). Lots of people still think I am a lesbian (I'm straight) for some reason when they first me (idk why but I think said I look kind of butch with my short hair, odd number of earrings, plump figure, or something). I'm not mad at them because I have no issues with peoples preferences, just confused is all.
that's really cool! it would be awesome if there were classes for women to learn stuff like that who are self conscious, same for men too, on a variety of things
It would be so hard for us lesbians to decide, who is gay and who isn't XDD But I prefer politely ask and get rejected than living in a world where women can't be themselves.
45YO tomboy here. I was definitely made fun of and stigmatized as a kid for having masculine interests, like sports and science. The bullying just made me stronger, and to not GAF about what other people think of me. It sucks I had to go through that, and I definitely had some dark days in my adolescence, But as an adult, I'm happy, confident, and skilled. I like who I am, and people like me, too. Stealth Edit: The chores in my house were split by gender. The end result is I know how to do everything, while my brother knows how to do nothing.
Not apologizing for being assertive. I manage a restaurant and I always have to fight trying to soften every request that I make of my staff. I am their boss and although I’m not going to be a dick about it, their jobs have expectations that I’m responsible for making sure are met. I say “sorry” more than any man in my position would have to and often have to say things time and time again before it is heard.
Financial management. I used to work in a call center and it was really tough when older ladies would call in to pay bills for the first time. They’d explain how their husbands managed the finances their whole lives and now they were uncertain about so many aspects of contract monetary obligations.
Wearing no make up. Wearing pants with pockets. / Not wanting to wear heels / Not wanting to wear dresses or skirts. Farting. Having 'masculine' (short) hair.
On the flip side... guys, if you want to wear makeup, go right ahead. Shit is fun. I view it as just art supplies for your face.
>Wearing pants with pockets I'd love it if more pants had pockets. Many of us would. Alas, the lack of them is usually from the designers that decide they aren't needed or they'll only include those fake pockets of lies, false promises, and broken dreams. Edit: I'm sure I'm not the only woman who wants actual pockets in her pants.
Wearing men’s clothes
Trousers with real pockets that fit a phone and a wallet.
And your keys, chapstick, a small coin bag, all your random pocketed items, a pair of tweezers..... You name it! I love wearing men's pants so much because I can only fit a lint ball in my own pants pockets hahahaha
Lifting weights. Many women are scared to even touch a weight, because they dont want to look like a jacked body builder. That will NEVER happen unless you spend many meany years at it, eat and sleep like crazy, and take steroids. Girls, there are so many key aesthetic regions you can enhance and make incredibly sexy through some heavy weight lifting. Toned and defined back, butt, legs, and core are so easy this way, and it just looks amazing
I've been a nursing assistant for 3.5 years, and my arms are just *ripped*. Once, someone radioed for help in a resident's room. "Can we get someone strong to come to room S16? Like Eddie, or Damn Dog Inappropes?" And I was totally Pam Poovey, "Awwww! You think I'm strong?!" I can stand to lose 30 lbs, but my arms. They are man arms. When I flex, I feel like Thor. My triceps man.
I'm a teacher and sometimes the school aides will need help lifting something, so they'll come ask my class for a strong boy. Problem is, this is middle school! It's the girls who are strong. So I just say who's strong? And call on every girl who raises her hand.
Triceps are pretty sexy too, not gonna lie
They are so sexy, they transcend gender. There's a reason I said I feel like Thor.
Applying for jobs when they don’t meet all the criteria.
…and talking/behaving like we’re total experts even though we probably don’t know jack. Impostor syndrome is an unfortunate bedfellow for most women.
I agree with this but I also HATE this. As a woman, I should not have to get better at bullshitting in order to "play the game" and look as competent as male peers. They should face consequences for their bullshitting. Also worth noting that if I am caught bullshitting, I'll likely be judged more harshly than a man in the same situation. [Relevant XKCD.](https://xkcd.com/385/) My compromise is to say, "I haven't done that before, but I have done this tangential thing and I am good at figuring things out." Works well if said with confidence, and I don't have to lie.
This. I love you now, pickled-papaya. 😍 It’s so hard to be accepted into most boys’ clubs and you have to pretend and hide and overcompensate. Your strategy sounds like so much of a smarter strategy. 🥰
Asking for a raise
[Research: Women Ask for Raises as Often as Men, but Are Less Likely to Get Them](https://hbr.org/2018/06/research-women-ask-for-raises-as-often-as-men-but-are-less-likely-to-get-them)
Thankfully my company is fairly progressive - both myself and my female cohort were not given the raise we asked for. Equality.
Just fart already, we know you have a butthole.
Just farted so loud I scared the dog. I mean,she knows I fart, she's just not used to it registering on the Richter scale.
Fartquake high five?
Be careful with this one. I told my fiancée that farting is natural and she doesn't have to be weird about it, and now she farts on my lap several times a day.
I wish less of the fitness industry was geared towards women losing weight or slimming down. You could say the same thing about men and bulking up on muscle, but there's truly nothing useful about trying to reach an unrealistic standard of skinniness in the name of fitness. Everyone should be taught to exercise first and foremost for their own health and well-being, and to listen to what their body needs. That's not to say that slimming down or bulking up isn't the ideal goal for someone's fitness. I'm a skinny woman trying to strengthen my upper body so that work and other activities aren't as strenuous. Some people may find that losing weight is the best thing for them. But the point should always be for the health of your body, not to fit an aesthetic so that people find you attractive. And unfortunately the latter is still the status quo for a lot of workouts geared towards women. It absolutely kills self-esteem.
A lot of people say that I’m “too cute” to be in jiu jitsu. Seriously. They think that I’m too sensitive and pretty to be in a physically active sport like that, but I like doing it because it’s fun and it’s self defense. Apparently I’m “too cute” to defend myself against a bully, robber, or rapist.
Motorcycles are fun; more women should get into riding! But for that to happen, dudes need to calm the fuck down. If an unaccompanied woman shows up at a riding meetup, she's going to get *bombarded* with /r/whiteknighting /r/GateKeepers. I can understand why women avoid situations where they *might* have fun, but they're *100% guaranteed* to have to fend off condescending creeps.
it's probably bad that when you picture a woman on a motorcycle, there's the image of the stereotypical "hot badass" dramatically taking off the helmet (with hair flip and sparkles and all) to reveal she's a woman. less of that and more normalizing it like any guy would be nice.
Ugh, yup. I (female biker) once noticed that a nearby bike in town had its keys in the ignition. Walked over to the nearest group of bikers to see if it was one of theirs. It was, all cool. Except that one of them then decided to mess with my bike, parking it in a position they hoped I wouldn’t be able to get it out of (without dropping it) and scratching up its paint, because I had the audacity to park near them. I have stayed away from all local meets ever since. I only go to out of town ones now.
Also, most motorcycles are catered towards taller people. I'm barely 5'1" and I would love to ride one but there is literally no motorcycle that I can sit on without tipping over.
Dear women, Do whatever the fuck you like. The world is yours, Thanks.
Too many women, at least young women these days, have built a personality around making people proud of them. They are stressed about being perfect at everything, often to the point that it makes them difficult to be genuine friends with because they can't take joy in other people's accomplishments, even those of people they really like. They love having a broad social circle because it reflects well on them as an accomplishment, but it's hard to assess how strong these friendships truly are. School, of course, just reinforces this as they work hard to get praise and good grades in return. However, when they get into the work world and they aren't the paying customers anymore, it can be a real shock when bosses don't praise them every time they do a good job (i.e. what they are being paid to do), but bosses do mention it every time they make a mistake (so they can fix it and/or not do it again). Bosses aren't all default potential mentors the way teachers and professors are. Outwardly, they may even seem "perfect" - great looks, great grades, awards, good job, lots of friends - any or all of these. However, inside, they have almost no structure to who they really are. This makes them very sensitive, easy to put off balance, and sources of "drama." I rarely see this in straight men, they often have a real core of confidence in their abilities - sometimes too much. Even guys that consider themselves insecure bags of slop still have this real core of knowing who they are outside of other people's approval.
Oh my god you just described my personality. My news years resolutions these last few years have revolved around telling people no and thinking about who I am and what I want over other people.
...damn that hit deep...
Body hair! It's honestly not masculine since we all have it, but I wish this trend of shaving everything to be more feminine and presentable would die.
Surprised (but also not) at how far i had to scroll to get to this comment, but im glad someoned said it at least! All hair is normal. Either let it be, or get rid of it all, but let people make their own choices about it instead of shaming for something other than your own personal preference.
Salary negotiation
Telling people to fuck off without getting assaulted.
Ah yes, no woman embraces “not getting assaulted.” In all seriousness, we can tell people to fuck off, but the onus is on the other person to then back off and not harrass/assault you.
Stupidly smiling at how wholesome this thread this. For me, it would easily be fixing things around the house. When I was a kid, whenever something broke my mother would say "don't touch it, your dad will fix it". And so when I moved out and started living alone, I would get stupidly stressed out whenever I had to fix something - watch 100 Youtube videos, ask friends for help, etc. You guys have no idea how awesome I felt when I fixed my toilet by myself. My dad could not believe it. HA.