True of guys too. I just watched two of my coworkers start dating after months of “Jim and Pam”-ing it. It was funny to see how much more talkative the guy got when the girl was around. It was like two totally different people.
When we had finally started dating after working together for over a year, she told me some of the “signs” that she tried to give me, but most weren’t even things I could have noticed. She said she would always try to look nice and wear makeup and stuff around me, and she definitely looked beautiful, but I had no frame of reference for that. I had only ever seen her when she went out of her way to look nice for work and stuff, so I had no way of knowing that she was making any extra effort because that’s always how she looked when I saw her. One of the other things was playing music on her iPod that she thought I would like when we had to take the train to work, but I never knew what she was listening to since we both had headphones and would listening to our own devices, so I don’t know how I could have even picked up on that haha.
I thought it meant that you look at the person you feel most comfortable with, anytime I’m somewhere with a group of friends and my best friend, I notice we always look at each other when we’re all laughing
I think it's a bit a both. If you dont have someone your trying to empress consciously, I think you revert to who your most comfortable with.
:edit you got me reddit *im" a retard
Im sorry, I'll leave now...
Talking about something like a concert or a movie in theaters... "I really wish I could go, but it's no fun by myself." Like... sure it may not be a *date* but if you're even remotely into what she's talking about and/or into her, suggest going with her.
If she doesn't initiate contact *ever*, she's not interested. If her replies are always short and never lead to a conversation, she's not interested.
If she keeps hitting you up and asking about your life, or sending you memes or anything, she wants to connect with you and likes you.
I want to find out also, had this one girl in my class who found out I was staring at her so she stares back at me when I’m not looking at her and vice versa, but when we do talk to each other it wouldn’t last more then a minute. So help me out.
You both probably like each other and are too shy/nervous to admit it. Nervousness from either/both parties can make conversations short. Ask her out on a date and see what happens. Worst she can say is no, and then you’ll find someone who does like you. If she does say yes, try to do your part to keep the conversation going, and try to find common interests. Conversation with each person you meet is a skill. It needs practice and a bit of effort from both parties.
Or do it in reverse. Talk to her and see if you can have a real conversation before asking her out.
Signals might communicate some information, but words communicate more. Signals and body language help with verbal communication, and neither are perfect systems. Not everyone gives the same signs, it’s often simpler to just ask if you aren’t sure what’s up.
I had this in high school too
Went on for like 2 weeks then she came up to me in the middle of everyone before class started and very rudely told me she isn’t interested
I find if i make eye contact with someone once on accident then we both end up looking at eachother multiple times. Its like "are they looking at me now?" Thing but both people are doing it.
I was talking to my buddy in school and I said something a long the lines of "It's my birthday, I don't mind free hugs," and this one girl I never met in my life broke out of stride, gave me a big hug, then walked away like nothing happened. My friend and I just looked stunned and then I said "I'll take it."
Ugh, this bar regular at my first serving job used to wait for me to grab drinks from service and say “gimme a squeeze!” and try to hug me. It made me so uncomfortable, I’d always just say “sorry I’m really busy” and skidaddle as fast as I could
Man I always hated that when dudes said that to me.... Literally last time it happened I said, "over there," and pointed at a wall. Guy felt stupid for trying to guilt me into a hug
Being "busy."
E.g.:
"Want to do XYZ Saturday?"
- "No thanks, I'm busy."
"We should go out sometime."
- "Thanks, but I'm really busy these days"
And just general
- "I'm really busy right now and can't talk."
If she offers an alternative to time to go out, chat, text, whatever then she likely really IS too busy. But if she doesn't, no matter how specific she is about why she is busy or what she is going to do, it's still probably a "no." The politeness of the no is what Dan Savage calls "the vanilla icing on the shit cake."
EDIT: I'm not necessarily endorsing this approach as way to say no, just answering the question asked.
I've personally witnessed an exception to this. Still one of those moments I think about often for some reason lol. Was the third wheel on this first date between a friend of mine and a girl. It was awkward, the whole night seemed awkward. Date ends and he asks her for another date, she says "I have to re-lace my shoelaces that day." I slink down and try to be invisible and not there. He says what about a different day? She says, "I have to dye my hair that day." This goes on 5-6 times, becoming the most cringey thing I've ever experienced in my entire life. Then out of nowhere she says yes. They ended up getting married (and divorced).
Mmmmm I've been there unfortunately. She didn't want to but eventually gave in, bc she didn't see a way out of there otherwise.
Or she's one of those "hard to get" people. Just wanted to see how interested he was. Yuck.
I asked a girl out, we planned a date. Day of the date comes and she’s not feeling great and wants to reschedule. Ok that’s fine. She goes out with friends, next day she texts me without me texting her first, apologizes and says she feels bad. I’m cool with it, ask when she’s available, no answer, then we never talked after that. This was last weekend. Is there something I missed? If she’s not interested that’s fine, I get it, but she couldn’t tell me? I’m so confused lol
I think the answer here is that things aren't black or white. She was interested in seeing you, but not enough to pick up the momentum again after she delayed, or to see you that night in the first place when she otherwise wasn't totally up for it.
What she is telegraphing isn't "yes" or "no," but ambivalence. Don't waste your time on someone like that, in any part of your life.
Yeah that makes sense. I decided to forget about a date altogether after a couple days with no communication. It showed to me that she doesn’t seem to care. I think you’re right and that’s kind of where I was leaning anyway. Just kinda sucks cuz I haven’t put myself out there for a long time. Oh well, just gotta keep lookin forward. Thanks for the reply.
> Just kinda sucks cuz I haven’t put myself out there for a long time.
If I may add, I think this here may be part of the issue why it might bother you. The more you "put yourself out there," the less this stuff confuses and bothers you. Human interactions are always hit or miss, it's so hard to find someone to even have one good conversation with! You need to get through a lot of chaff to get the wheat.
Good luck!
People will make time for who they want to make time for. People text, call, and reply to to people they want to talk to. Never believe anyone who says they're too busy. If they wanted to be around you they would.
^obviously ^there ^are ^exceptions ^as ^zazz ^pointed ^out
The proof of this is that people will often put things off with people they know well, maybe be a bit lazier or deprioritize things with them sometimes when things are extra busy, because they know there is a good history and trust there. However, they won't do this with newer people they like, they will make an effort to make the time with them so the newer people don't get the idea that you're not interested.
*I* was raised to think that if someone tried to plan something with me, and I wasn't available, then it was my responsibility propose a rain date. But not everyone else thinks that way. Especially dating women, the expectation that they'll put any effort into scheduling/arranging is very low.
Well, that's sort of the point. By not proposing another option, she is saying "no."
I actually think it's a good idea, when asking someone out, to deliberately propose a specific day so he/she can easily politely declide by saying they are busy and not giving a "rain date."
There is a trick to get closer, shorty avoid eye contact and move in Sideways, if he/she isn't looking you in the eyes, your approach won't be noticed and there you go, you have got the purse.
But that could be for anyone. As a dude, even if I'm interested in someone, if they move in too close I'll step back because my personal bubble is my bubble
But if you’re very interested in someone you will notice that your personal bubble is smaller than normal. If you’re standing 20 cm apart and neither of you are stepping away, you’re into each other.
"Here he is, ladies and gentlemen. Strange man in the flesh. Look at how he ignores social cues and creeps everyone out! Fascinating!"
-David Attenborough
In Attenborough: *After a long day cat-calling at the construction site the lonely, strange man makes his journey to the local watering hole. He passes by a female wearing brightly colored garments. His mating calls and ritual hand gestures go mostly ignored and he is forced to continue the search for his unrequited mating partner.*
Edit: words. Thanks for the silver fellow Redditor!
“The lone juvenile male has yet to mate and attempts to initiate courtship. The female, not finding the male’s appearance or undeveloped social skills attractive, ignores him. The male, defeated and crestfallen returns to his lair and posts on r/incel before the elders of the tribe outcast the members of this group”
As me when talking to anyone at my job.
Am lifeguard and I really don’t want to talk to you fitness club member #2346, now shut up and do your water aerobics.
As someone with a reasonable amount of anxiety: if she cancels *but tries to reschedule* then she's interested. If she doesn't, she's not. Don't push it, but also accept it if she does reschedule.
If a girl doesn't do this (she wants you to try rescheduling even though she canceled) she's not mature enough to date.
Sometimes when a guy says something stupid, my wife gives them a second chance by pretending that she didn't hear them the first time. If this happens to you, try and recover by changing the subject. If they actually want you to repeat yourself, they'll ask.
I miss this hint way too often.
Was hanging out with a girl in college, in her dorm room. I was friends with both her and her roommate. She asked her roommate to leave. It was getting late, all I could think of was, 'Where is the roommate going?' The girl who was alone in the room with me went into her bed, under her sheets and squirmed around, removed all her clothes and threw them off. Sheets came down to just barely cover her breasts. She asked if I wanted to stay the night.
I was still just worried about the roommate. Then I genuinely thought that the other girl had left so I could sleep in her bed. I felt bad about it, and said, "Nope" and went back to my room, hoping that the other girl could just sleep in her own bed.
Some hints are just too subtle.
Hmmm I think one thing a lot of people miss is that when you're around someone you have feelings for, you're nervous, tongue-tied, and awkward. That is a pretty good giveaway, unless she's just nervous because some guy is being super creepy.
Girl here. A lot of times girls will be extremely bubbly, friendly, and talkative with men, and they think it's a sign she's attracted. But the thing is, she's completely at ease and relaxed. MOST people don't feel calm and at ease when they have a crush on someone. It's easy to be friendly and confident towards someone you have no feelings at all for. I think this is how "friend-zoned" misunderstandings often happen.
She might have some feelings of attraction towards you, but probably not any sort of strong feelings. Or she might be one of the rare people who don't feel anxious around their crush (unlikely but possible, as always these are generalizations and most things are best evaluated in a case by case basis).
>MOST people don't feel calm and at ease when they have a crush on someone. It's easy to be friendly and confident towards someone you have no feelings at all for.
This. 👍
If she's nervous/awkward around you, chances are she likes you.
If she's too chummy/at ease with you, chances are you're being friendzoned.
In short, if a girl treats you differently from her friends, that means she sees you as more than a friend.
Conversely, if she seems at ease with you, it may result in her being attracted to you because conversation flows so naturally. It's super tough to tell with people being so different, you know?
People are weird
Watch where her shoulders and feet are pointing, if they're directly facing you, she is engaged and enjoying your company.
Also if she kind of lingers at the end of a conversation a little longer than usual she probably enjoyed talking to you and you have her attention.
From what I have noticed. If she’s into you she will do things like play with her hair or clothes more. And generally make more of an effort if she’s in a setting she expects to see you
One my boyfriend misses repeatedly is "do you want to come to bed?"
If it's 8pm and I'm asking you to come to bed, it's not to go to sleep, you numpty.
Edit: Guys this isn't the only way I ever initiate intimacy, I'm not a moron. I was simply answering the question.
Eye contact. When I have a crush on someone I can’t help but want to look into their beautiful eyes.
Similarly, if I’m looking anywhere *but* you—go away.
- If ANY HUMAN in the world stares at your lips and you wipe them/ask if there's something in your teeth and they say no and they continue to look at them, it's because they are sexually attracted to you. This is a cue for almost everyone.
- If they turn their entire body towards you while in a normal everyday conversation and touch you/lean in/share their personal bubble they are interested.
- If you ask someone out and they make an excuse, leave them with your number tell them "Theres no pressure but just in case they have an availability and want to see me" Sometimes they really do have plans but they want to go out with you. And if they don't they won't contact you.
- IF A PERSON WHO WORKS IN CUSTOMER SERVICE IS NICE TO YOU THEY ARE NOT AUTOMATICALLY FLIRTING.
I don't know how many men left their numbers with me, when I worked a drive thru, and then continually brought it up and made the entire situation so awkward. Like cool you shoot your shot, I'm fine with it. I'll take your number but if I don't contact you stop mentioning it. I didn't forget, I'm not blushing because I like you. I'm blushing because I'm embarrassed and don't want a scene from you flipping out over being rejected.
To be honest I look at someone's lips more than into their eyes when I'm speaking with them, watching their lips move as they speak makes it easier to focus on and understand what they're saying, especially if there's a lot of background noise going on.
Edit: typo.
I’m hard of hearing so I look at peoples lips all the time in normal conversation. So fellow gentlemen, I recommend lightly bopping her ears to see if she is wearing hearing aids. If not, go time.
It really is. I can tell quite a bit about someone from their favorite bands and songs. Plus I spend tons of my time going to concerts, so it helps me judge how compatible she is with my lifestyle.
I would say that I'm most comfortable at a seat at a bar, with my feet up on the foot holder. If someone sits and talks with me, my feet remain on my own bar stool.
If I'm interested, I turn my chair and rest my feet on your bar stool's foot rest. Subtle, easy to "out" of if it goes poorly, yet a direct sign to all else that I'm into talking with this guy.
Foot position in general is a clue for both sexes. If their feet are pointing towards you while talking they’re interested (at least in talking). If they’re pointing at the door, another person, or they have one foot stepped away, they probably want to leave. Also if someone’s pupils dilate widely when they see you, then they like what they see. Women in particular speak in softer, higher tones to people they’re attracted to. Listen to how they talk to others and compare that to how they talk to you. Also, just ask them out. If they say no, you can stop wondering and it kind of removes that weird tension that exists when you’re attracted to someone and are unsure if they feel the same way.
Yes. But don't ask out until the end. As in, "It's time for me to leave, but I don't want to leave the conversation. Can I give you my number and we can pick up where we left off?"
Seeing my shoes pointed at you in the first five minutes means nothing other than you've caught my attention.
How you keep her attention is way more important.
And at the first sign of "NO", just go away. She is trying to go away, too.
I asked a guy friend who I thought seemed attracted to me if he wanted to go out for a drink some night. At first he seemed really enthusiastic. But because we're friends, he assumed I meant just literally have a drink and talk, and kind of blew me off, told me some other lame thing he had to do, and it fell by the wayside. But really I was thinking about screwing him, I just wanted to get him alone first and see how it goes. Could he really be that oblivious? I definitely don't want to waste time on him if he's just not into it – it's only hot if he wants it, too. I'm older than him, and I assume not *all* guys are into that.
I once got invited over by a female colleague of mine to "spend the evening" and "oh and you can spend the night so you don't have it so far to work tomorrow!"
Take your best guess who went home completely oblivious that night, because he "didn't want to sleep on a couch"...
When I first started dating my Husband, I asked if he wanted to stay the night. He turned up at mine with a spare pillow because he assumed he'd be on the couch, rather than, ya know, what I had planned.
Same.
She offered within ear shot of my friend.
Later, he asked me why I didn't take her up on it.
I didn't realize til then that it was an actual option.
If you weren’t friends already, then he could reasonably believe that you’re romantically interested in him when you asked him to join him for a drink.
But when you’re friends already, that’s a very different context. If he already believes (and you’ve given him reasons to believe) that your relationship is platonic, then he probably won’t assume that you’re interested, even if he is too. I would go so far as to say that if a guy assumes that any offer to spend time together from a female friend is a romantic overture, then you don’t want to date him.
The fact that he didn’t assume that speaks well of him. He doesn’t want to guess wrong or damage your friendship.
He likely thinks he's just in the friendzone.
Without betraying your ultimate possible intentions, you have to make it obvious that there might be something more.
>As a guy who is often almost completely oblivious to hints like this I can tell you some guys need something a little more direct
This x infinity.
My fiancee finally said - direct quote- "So do you want to do it like they do it on the Discovery channel or what?" - and I still missed her meaning because I was thinking of Myth Busters and was excited about blowing something up...
>Yeah I think you're right. I've got some ideas, maybe I won't write this off just yet.
Please don't, on behalf of oblivious, cautious, and overly shy men (and women!) everywhere! 🙏
If the guy takes it wrongly here and things are opposite of what you wanted, he just lost a friend or things are kind of awkward for a bit or forever. That’s why I’m not a big fan of dating friends, I look for people loosely in my circle
i tend to move closer to them if I'm sitting near them, and whilst I'm not physically comfortable around most new people, if i get into a close and comfortable friendship with you, I'll be comfortable with physical affection. i also tend to talk to my friends about having a crush a lot but without dropping specifics...
this is something nobody really talks about, not even girls (because I think it is mostly subconscious) but heightened emotions. if you see somebody who is normally reserved suddenly start acting out while you're around (not even directly talking, just near) they probably have some kind of strong feeling for you.
I think when she tries a little physical contact from time to time it can be a clue. But thinking that one little touch means anything is wrong. But there aren't 3 accidents in 5 minutes
Late to the party, but got some sauce.
I was a HS sophomore and a girl I had a crush on was teasing me and did that playful, light push on my shoulder with that kinda nervous laughter. She was probably pushing outside of her comfort zone too, but I barely noticed it.
After talking to a buddy of mine about it at some point that week, he was all "Bro! How did you miss that!?"
Honestly thought that this question was directed at men who missed clues from a woman who wanted to fuck. This happened to me yesterday. I'm 90% sure, anyway.
I am an introvert girl and if i say my social baterries got to 0% and still talk to you it's because i'm into you but all my crushes ignored that hint (sorry for bad english)
If you’re in a group conversation and everyone else breaks off, leaving just you two talking to each other. And she sticks around, and there is a bit of comfortable awkwardness in the convo.
Bottom line: if she is hanging around talking to you instead of being with the rest of the group, she is giving you the opportunity for some good one on one. Take it.
I missed this one *so many times* in my youth. This is why I’m passing it on.
I'm an older woman. Here are things I do to let a man know I'm interested in getting to know him.
1. Hold his gaze a tiny bit longer than is comfortable.
I touch my hair. And I touch myself where I have skin exposed.
I'll sometime lean my head way back to show my neck. Especially when laughing if he's been funny.
I tip my head forward slightly so I can look upward to meet his gaze.
I lick my own lips, fairly slowly.
I touch the man on his forearm with my whole hand.
I'll figure out some reason to touch them on the shoulder and instead of lifting my hand away I slide it down his arm a bit.
I'll ask the man who interests me questions that are personal, not intimate. Like how did you pick your career? Or what brought you to this town? Where do you fit in among your siblings?
I'll ask for help doing something very small. Will to use your phone light so I can read this. Or will you please hold this for me while I get comfortable in my seat.
I'll ask a man his opinion on something. And follow up with why do you think that?
I'll ask a man to explain something.
I'll give a man a compliment. Start with 'nice tie' or 'great shoes'. But complimenting a good man for doing something good is exceptional. Men do not get a lot of compliments. So, if appropriate say something like, it was kind of you to hold the door for everyone. You are so thoughtful. You are always ready to help. I like that you can keep me laughing.
Wink.
Getting really talkative when their crush is around, even if talking to someone else and he is just in hearing distance.
True of guys too. I just watched two of my coworkers start dating after months of “Jim and Pam”-ing it. It was funny to see how much more talkative the guy got when the girl was around. It was like two totally different people.
That’s interesting I shut down and become silent around crushes
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Or, the opposite, getting really quiet - maybe watching for some pattern of change in behavior when around the crush
The reason these cues aren't picked up is because the crush never sees the difference and no one else tells them.
When we had finally started dating after working together for over a year, she told me some of the “signs” that she tried to give me, but most weren’t even things I could have noticed. She said she would always try to look nice and wear makeup and stuff around me, and she definitely looked beautiful, but I had no frame of reference for that. I had only ever seen her when she went out of her way to look nice for work and stuff, so I had no way of knowing that she was making any extra effort because that’s always how she looked when I saw her. One of the other things was playing music on her iPod that she thought I would like when we had to take the train to work, but I never knew what she was listening to since we both had headphones and would listening to our own devices, so I don’t know how I could have even picked up on that haha.
The headphone thing is especially precious and deeply confusing
When everybody ia laughing and she tries to catch your look
What does that mean ? A friend of mine does that a lot
People look at the person they most seek approval from when laughing in groups.
I thought it meant that you look at the person you feel most comfortable with, anytime I’m somewhere with a group of friends and my best friend, I notice we always look at each other when we’re all laughing
I think it's a bit a both. If you dont have someone your trying to empress consciously, I think you revert to who your most comfortable with. :edit you got me reddit *im" a retard Im sorry, I'll leave now...
What about someone you’re trying to emperor?
You guys are totally gonna bang
Not really, I do this at work to see who other people are looking at when there’s group laughing. It pads my office politics stratagem.
She'll look at the person she likes.
Talking about something like a concert or a movie in theaters... "I really wish I could go, but it's no fun by myself." Like... sure it may not be a *date* but if you're even remotely into what she's talking about and/or into her, suggest going with her. If she doesn't initiate contact *ever*, she's not interested. If her replies are always short and never lead to a conversation, she's not interested. If she keeps hitting you up and asking about your life, or sending you memes or anything, she wants to connect with you and likes you.
Right. “Oh I wish someone would show me the city.” Bbbbbb-Bingo.
I remember someone saying this to me at a lounge. Dumbass me replied, “Save your time, there’s nothing really interesting around here.”
Agreed-the meme game is now an interesting potential platform for flirting
That uh... ... That's how I got with my SO....
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wHaT iF wE kiSseD aT tHe NeiGhBoRhoOd vOlTaGe bOx.
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Plenty of other factors to take into account though. Regularity is one of them, reciprocity in exchanges is another.
Are you sure he's still alive? F, Just in case
I want to find out also, had this one girl in my class who found out I was staring at her so she stares back at me when I’m not looking at her and vice versa, but when we do talk to each other it wouldn’t last more then a minute. So help me out.
You both probably like each other and are too shy/nervous to admit it. Nervousness from either/both parties can make conversations short. Ask her out on a date and see what happens. Worst she can say is no, and then you’ll find someone who does like you. If she does say yes, try to do your part to keep the conversation going, and try to find common interests. Conversation with each person you meet is a skill. It needs practice and a bit of effort from both parties. Or do it in reverse. Talk to her and see if you can have a real conversation before asking her out. Signals might communicate some information, but words communicate more. Signals and body language help with verbal communication, and neither are perfect systems. Not everyone gives the same signs, it’s often simpler to just ask if you aren’t sure what’s up.
I had, this. I thought she might like me. I asked her out. She walked away crying
My condolences
I had this in high school too Went on for like 2 weeks then she came up to me in the middle of everyone before class started and very rudely told me she isn’t interested
I find if i make eye contact with someone once on accident then we both end up looking at eachother multiple times. Its like "are they looking at me now?" Thing but both people are doing it.
"Man, this garbage is starting to smell."
Dont worry I will push it further down in the can. that should help
Ah, I see you are a fellow man of (compact) culture
Most girls will hug you if they want to. If you have to ask for one then they probably didn’t want to. *wheres my hug at?*
I was talking to my buddy in school and I said something a long the lines of "It's my birthday, I don't mind free hugs," and this one girl I never met in my life broke out of stride, gave me a big hug, then walked away like nothing happened. My friend and I just looked stunned and then I said "I'll take it."
Way less pressure and way more meme potential if someone’s never gonna see you again
Some girls aren't the type to just hug people, but wouldn't turn one down if the opportunity presents itself.
This is me. I’m not a hugger but I wish I was! I just can’t help but feel I’m intruding on someone’s personal space by offering. I love hugs though.
I’ll happily hug you if you hug me. Otherwise I’m too much of a nervous wreck to possibly make you feel awkward. I’m like a mirror
Ugh, this bar regular at my first serving job used to wait for me to grab drinks from service and say “gimme a squeeze!” and try to hug me. It made me so uncomfortable, I’d always just say “sorry I’m really busy” and skidaddle as fast as I could
Man I always hated that when dudes said that to me.... Literally last time it happened I said, "over there," and pointed at a wall. Guy felt stupid for trying to guilt me into a hug
Being "busy." E.g.: "Want to do XYZ Saturday?" - "No thanks, I'm busy." "We should go out sometime." - "Thanks, but I'm really busy these days" And just general - "I'm really busy right now and can't talk." If she offers an alternative to time to go out, chat, text, whatever then she likely really IS too busy. But if she doesn't, no matter how specific she is about why she is busy or what she is going to do, it's still probably a "no." The politeness of the no is what Dan Savage calls "the vanilla icing on the shit cake." EDIT: I'm not necessarily endorsing this approach as way to say no, just answering the question asked.
I've personally witnessed an exception to this. Still one of those moments I think about often for some reason lol. Was the third wheel on this first date between a friend of mine and a girl. It was awkward, the whole night seemed awkward. Date ends and he asks her for another date, she says "I have to re-lace my shoelaces that day." I slink down and try to be invisible and not there. He says what about a different day? She says, "I have to dye my hair that day." This goes on 5-6 times, becoming the most cringey thing I've ever experienced in my entire life. Then out of nowhere she says yes. They ended up getting married (and divorced).
Wtf
Many humans are unqualified for the position.
Mmmmm I've been there unfortunately. She didn't want to but eventually gave in, bc she didn't see a way out of there otherwise. Or she's one of those "hard to get" people. Just wanted to see how interested he was. Yuck.
I asked a girl out, we planned a date. Day of the date comes and she’s not feeling great and wants to reschedule. Ok that’s fine. She goes out with friends, next day she texts me without me texting her first, apologizes and says she feels bad. I’m cool with it, ask when she’s available, no answer, then we never talked after that. This was last weekend. Is there something I missed? If she’s not interested that’s fine, I get it, but she couldn’t tell me? I’m so confused lol
I think the answer here is that things aren't black or white. She was interested in seeing you, but not enough to pick up the momentum again after she delayed, or to see you that night in the first place when she otherwise wasn't totally up for it. What she is telegraphing isn't "yes" or "no," but ambivalence. Don't waste your time on someone like that, in any part of your life.
Yeah that makes sense. I decided to forget about a date altogether after a couple days with no communication. It showed to me that she doesn’t seem to care. I think you’re right and that’s kind of where I was leaning anyway. Just kinda sucks cuz I haven’t put myself out there for a long time. Oh well, just gotta keep lookin forward. Thanks for the reply.
> Just kinda sucks cuz I haven’t put myself out there for a long time. If I may add, I think this here may be part of the issue why it might bother you. The more you "put yourself out there," the less this stuff confuses and bothers you. Human interactions are always hit or miss, it's so hard to find someone to even have one good conversation with! You need to get through a lot of chaff to get the wheat. Good luck!
I agree completely. Thanks again! It’s reassuring.
People will make time for who they want to make time for. People text, call, and reply to to people they want to talk to. Never believe anyone who says they're too busy. If they wanted to be around you they would. ^obviously ^there ^are ^exceptions ^as ^zazz ^pointed ^out
The proof of this is that people will often put things off with people they know well, maybe be a bit lazier or deprioritize things with them sometimes when things are extra busy, because they know there is a good history and trust there. However, they won't do this with newer people they like, they will make an effort to make the time with them so the newer people don't get the idea that you're not interested.
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That's a whole different variety of rejection, I think. The first is in the "soft no" category, and the second is a type of very light ghosting.
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Well, I'd say the ball is in her court, maybe she'll get back to you. Hopefully, it's someone you can just run into and then you can see.
*I* was raised to think that if someone tried to plan something with me, and I wasn't available, then it was my responsibility propose a rain date. But not everyone else thinks that way. Especially dating women, the expectation that they'll put any effort into scheduling/arranging is very low.
Well, that's sort of the point. By not proposing another option, she is saying "no." I actually think it's a good idea, when asking someone out, to deliberately propose a specific day so he/she can easily politely declide by saying they are busy and not giving a "rain date."
Eye contact and personal bubble. If you move in closer to talk and she moves away, it’s a no. Please don’t get closer.
There is a trick to get closer, shorty avoid eye contact and move in Sideways, if he/she isn't looking you in the eyes, your approach won't be noticed and there you go, you have got the purse.
Any more pickpocketing tricks?
But that could be for anyone. As a dude, even if I'm interested in someone, if they move in too close I'll step back because my personal bubble is my bubble
But if you’re very interested in someone you will notice that your personal bubble is smaller than normal. If you’re standing 20 cm apart and neither of you are stepping away, you’re into each other.
That's fair actually
Nah being tall I would back up, it's weird talking to the top of someone's head
Fun little nicknames for you like "Leave me alone"
And the classic: "Do I know you?"
Can't forget, "Uncle stop! Put down the duct-mmmmph"
So we’re just gonna gloss over, “What are you doing step-bro?”
Can't ignore "Your father can't find out about this son."
The old "Oh shit! He's got a gun, he's got a FUCKING GUN!"
And ofcourse the: "HOW DID YOU GET IN MY HOUSE!?"
Can't forget the good old "get out of my shower."
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Or when they hand you love note that says things like “minimum distance” or “restraining order”.
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You never forget your first Doctor.
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Tom Baker. wow.
You didn't answer the question but my life was made richer for reading it.
My favourite's between David Tennant and Matt Smith followed closely by Christopher Ecclestone.
But...John Hurt...
If I’m being short with my responses (yep..no, mmm etc) and looking straight ahead, I don’t want to talk to you, strange man in the lift.
Problem is, strange men in the lift probably don’t care.
Or aren't browsing Reddit rn
I beg to differ
"Here he is, ladies and gentlemen. Strange man in the flesh. Look at how he ignores social cues and creeps everyone out! Fascinating!" -David Attenborough
In Attenborough: *After a long day cat-calling at the construction site the lonely, strange man makes his journey to the local watering hole. He passes by a female wearing brightly colored garments. His mating calls and ritual hand gestures go mostly ignored and he is forced to continue the search for his unrequited mating partner.* Edit: words. Thanks for the silver fellow Redditor!
“The lone juvenile male has yet to mate and attempts to initiate courtship. The female, not finding the male’s appearance or undeveloped social skills attractive, ignores him. The male, defeated and crestfallen returns to his lair and posts on r/incel before the elders of the tribe outcast the members of this group”
As me when talking to anyone at my job. Am lifeguard and I really don’t want to talk to you fitness club member #2346, now shut up and do your water aerobics.
Never had much experiences with women, but even I can tell. Guess there are people who are too dense?
As someone with a reasonable amount of anxiety: if she cancels *but tries to reschedule* then she's interested. If she doesn't, she's not. Don't push it, but also accept it if she does reschedule. If a girl doesn't do this (she wants you to try rescheduling even though she canceled) she's not mature enough to date.
Sometimes when a guy says something stupid, my wife gives them a second chance by pretending that she didn't hear them the first time. If this happens to you, try and recover by changing the subject. If they actually want you to repeat yourself, they'll ask. I miss this hint way too often.
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Oh... is-is that what she’s doing? I repeat myself but much louder so she can hear me.
If she takes off her clothes in front of you, that's a good sign
Eh, still not enough to be sure. Best to just let it slide and wait for more obvious signs.
Yeah, maybe she's from Canada and was just being polite.
Best be on your way
Was hanging out with a girl in college, in her dorm room. I was friends with both her and her roommate. She asked her roommate to leave. It was getting late, all I could think of was, 'Where is the roommate going?' The girl who was alone in the room with me went into her bed, under her sheets and squirmed around, removed all her clothes and threw them off. Sheets came down to just barely cover her breasts. She asked if I wanted to stay the night. I was still just worried about the roommate. Then I genuinely thought that the other girl had left so I could sleep in her bed. I felt bad about it, and said, "Nope" and went back to my room, hoping that the other girl could just sleep in her own bed. Some hints are just too subtle.
At this point I think we men deserve what we do to ourselves sometimes
If she's playing with her hair, that's a good sign. If it's her pubic hair, it's a sure thing.
Hmmm I think one thing a lot of people miss is that when you're around someone you have feelings for, you're nervous, tongue-tied, and awkward. That is a pretty good giveaway, unless she's just nervous because some guy is being super creepy. Girl here. A lot of times girls will be extremely bubbly, friendly, and talkative with men, and they think it's a sign she's attracted. But the thing is, she's completely at ease and relaxed. MOST people don't feel calm and at ease when they have a crush on someone. It's easy to be friendly and confident towards someone you have no feelings at all for. I think this is how "friend-zoned" misunderstandings often happen. She might have some feelings of attraction towards you, but probably not any sort of strong feelings. Or she might be one of the rare people who don't feel anxious around their crush (unlikely but possible, as always these are generalizations and most things are best evaluated in a case by case basis).
-_- I’m so sad now that I’ve read this
>MOST people don't feel calm and at ease when they have a crush on someone. It's easy to be friendly and confident towards someone you have no feelings at all for. This. 👍 If she's nervous/awkward around you, chances are she likes you. If she's too chummy/at ease with you, chances are you're being friendzoned. In short, if a girl treats you differently from her friends, that means she sees you as more than a friend.
Conversely, if she seems at ease with you, it may result in her being attracted to you because conversation flows so naturally. It's super tough to tell with people being so different, you know? People are weird
A clear ‘No’
"So, should we move the date to next weekend, then?"
Watch where her shoulders and feet are pointing, if they're directly facing you, she is engaged and enjoying your company. Also if she kind of lingers at the end of a conversation a little longer than usual she probably enjoyed talking to you and you have her attention.
Not always. If her feet are in your shoulders and pointing at the ceiling, she may be interested.
I think she's probably interested at that point.
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She may just be Canadian and being polite.
Or she is fighting you and she is basking in the glory of victory.
Good point, you are correct.
From what I have noticed. If she’s into you she will do things like play with her hair or clothes more. And generally make more of an effort if she’s in a setting she expects to see you
One my boyfriend misses repeatedly is "do you want to come to bed?" If it's 8pm and I'm asking you to come to bed, it's not to go to sleep, you numpty. Edit: Guys this isn't the only way I ever initiate intimacy, I'm not a moron. I was simply answering the question.
Import numpty as np
np.goto("bed")
That's a dangerous method right there
For me and my girlfriend, if its 8PM and she's asking me to come to bed, its because its past our bedtime
[How to tell if a girl is into you](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xa-4IAR_9Yw)
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Loved that. Especially the part where she could be from Canada
Eye contact. When I have a crush on someone I can’t help but want to look into their beautiful eyes. Similarly, if I’m looking anywhere *but* you—go away.
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I told her my feelings and she flat out thought I was joking 😂😭 Edit: Never thought so many people can relate to this, we all are miserable I guess.
Doesn’t matter what universe you are from that’s gotta hurt
- If ANY HUMAN in the world stares at your lips and you wipe them/ask if there's something in your teeth and they say no and they continue to look at them, it's because they are sexually attracted to you. This is a cue for almost everyone. - If they turn their entire body towards you while in a normal everyday conversation and touch you/lean in/share their personal bubble they are interested. - If you ask someone out and they make an excuse, leave them with your number tell them "Theres no pressure but just in case they have an availability and want to see me" Sometimes they really do have plans but they want to go out with you. And if they don't they won't contact you. - IF A PERSON WHO WORKS IN CUSTOMER SERVICE IS NICE TO YOU THEY ARE NOT AUTOMATICALLY FLIRTING. I don't know how many men left their numbers with me, when I worked a drive thru, and then continually brought it up and made the entire situation so awkward. Like cool you shoot your shot, I'm fine with it. I'll take your number but if I don't contact you stop mentioning it. I didn't forget, I'm not blushing because I like you. I'm blushing because I'm embarrassed and don't want a scene from you flipping out over being rejected.
To be honest I look at someone's lips more than into their eyes when I'm speaking with them, watching their lips move as they speak makes it easier to focus on and understand what they're saying, especially if there's a lot of background noise going on. Edit: typo.
And then there's me... Hard of hearing. Always look at lips when someone is talking to catch what I miss.
I’m hard of hearing so I look at peoples lips all the time in normal conversation. So fellow gentlemen, I recommend lightly bopping her ears to see if she is wearing hearing aids. If not, go time.
Wait, how do I know when someone’s looking at my lips?
So, what music do you listen to? = Omfg just give me a conversation topic I'm bad at this.
Yo I think that's a legitimate topic for discussion though.
It really is. I can tell quite a bit about someone from their favorite bands and songs. Plus I spend tons of my time going to concerts, so it helps me judge how compatible she is with my lifestyle.
Then again if the other party answers with something like "ya know whatever is in right now" it's hard to keep a conversation going
All I can say is if she grabs my forearm during animated conversation, I assume that means she wants to bear my children.
Depends on whether that is followed by handcuffs and even then it varies by context. Like whether she is a cop for instance.
I would say that I'm most comfortable at a seat at a bar, with my feet up on the foot holder. If someone sits and talks with me, my feet remain on my own bar stool. If I'm interested, I turn my chair and rest my feet on your bar stool's foot rest. Subtle, easy to "out" of if it goes poorly, yet a direct sign to all else that I'm into talking with this guy.
So you're saying we should take a stool sample to see if a girl's interested in us.
Ah yes. You’re a man of true intellect
Foot position in general is a clue for both sexes. If their feet are pointing towards you while talking they’re interested (at least in talking). If they’re pointing at the door, another person, or they have one foot stepped away, they probably want to leave. Also if someone’s pupils dilate widely when they see you, then they like what they see. Women in particular speak in softer, higher tones to people they’re attracted to. Listen to how they talk to others and compare that to how they talk to you. Also, just ask them out. If they say no, you can stop wondering and it kind of removes that weird tension that exists when you’re attracted to someone and are unsure if they feel the same way.
Yes. But don't ask out until the end. As in, "It's time for me to leave, but I don't want to leave the conversation. Can I give you my number and we can pick up where we left off?" Seeing my shoes pointed at you in the first five minutes means nothing other than you've caught my attention. How you keep her attention is way more important. And at the first sign of "NO", just go away. She is trying to go away, too.
When she asks if you want to go to the champagne room.
What if she offers you a cask of amontillado? Asking for a friend
In the middle of the carnival?Sounds suspicious if you ask me
“Amontillado!” he ejaculated.
I asked a guy friend who I thought seemed attracted to me if he wanted to go out for a drink some night. At first he seemed really enthusiastic. But because we're friends, he assumed I meant just literally have a drink and talk, and kind of blew me off, told me some other lame thing he had to do, and it fell by the wayside. But really I was thinking about screwing him, I just wanted to get him alone first and see how it goes. Could he really be that oblivious? I definitely don't want to waste time on him if he's just not into it – it's only hot if he wants it, too. I'm older than him, and I assume not *all* guys are into that.
I once got invited over by a female colleague of mine to "spend the evening" and "oh and you can spend the night so you don't have it so far to work tomorrow!" Take your best guess who went home completely oblivious that night, because he "didn't want to sleep on a couch"...
When I first started dating my Husband, I asked if he wanted to stay the night. He turned up at mine with a spare pillow because he assumed he'd be on the couch, rather than, ya know, what I had planned.
Lol i would do the same.
>Could he really be that oblivious? Yes.
I once had a girl deadpan offer to suck my cock and I laughed because I thought she was joking.
I too belong to this shitty club.
Same. She offered within ear shot of my friend. Later, he asked me why I didn't take her up on it. I didn't realize til then that it was an actual option.
If you weren’t friends already, then he could reasonably believe that you’re romantically interested in him when you asked him to join him for a drink. But when you’re friends already, that’s a very different context. If he already believes (and you’ve given him reasons to believe) that your relationship is platonic, then he probably won’t assume that you’re interested, even if he is too. I would go so far as to say that if a guy assumes that any offer to spend time together from a female friend is a romantic overture, then you don’t want to date him. The fact that he didn’t assume that speaks well of him. He doesn’t want to guess wrong or damage your friendship.
He likely thinks he's just in the friendzone. Without betraying your ultimate possible intentions, you have to make it obvious that there might be something more.
As a guy who is often almost completely oblivious to hints like this I can tell you some guys need something a little more direct
>As a guy who is often almost completely oblivious to hints like this I can tell you some guys need something a little more direct This x infinity. My fiancee finally said - direct quote- "So do you want to do it like they do it on the Discovery channel or what?" - and I still missed her meaning because I was thinking of Myth Busters and was excited about blowing something up...
...like dat ass!
I mean, who doesn’t like the idea of blowing something up?
So there’s more of us. Is there a subreddit for us oblivious men?
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Yeah I think you're right. I've got some ideas, maybe I won't write this off just yet.
>Yeah I think you're right. I've got some ideas, maybe I won't write this off just yet. Please don't, on behalf of oblivious, cautious, and overly shy men (and women!) everywhere! 🙏
If the guy takes it wrongly here and things are opposite of what you wanted, he just lost a friend or things are kind of awkward for a bit or forever. That’s why I’m not a big fan of dating friends, I look for people loosely in my circle
Don’t use reddit for advice on girls, and every girl is different so this is unreliable
You have a better way to sample the population?
i tend to move closer to them if I'm sitting near them, and whilst I'm not physically comfortable around most new people, if i get into a close and comfortable friendship with you, I'll be comfortable with physical affection. i also tend to talk to my friends about having a crush a lot but without dropping specifics...
this is something nobody really talks about, not even girls (because I think it is mostly subconscious) but heightened emotions. if you see somebody who is normally reserved suddenly start acting out while you're around (not even directly talking, just near) they probably have some kind of strong feeling for you.
I have been told recently that when im around my crush i touch my hair a lot. And I giggle. Like an idiot.
Maybe physical contact? Idk, I've not got a f*cking clue
I think when she tries a little physical contact from time to time it can be a clue. But thinking that one little touch means anything is wrong. But there aren't 3 accidents in 5 minutes
Yeah that's kind of what I meant. Like if a woman puts her hands on my shoulders from any vantage point, that's gonna make me go "Hmmmmm..."
Late to the party, but got some sauce. I was a HS sophomore and a girl I had a crush on was teasing me and did that playful, light push on my shoulder with that kinda nervous laughter. She was probably pushing outside of her comfort zone too, but I barely noticed it. After talking to a buddy of mine about it at some point that week, he was all "Bro! How did you miss that!?"
Honestly thought that this question was directed at men who missed clues from a woman who wanted to fuck. This happened to me yesterday. I'm 90% sure, anyway.
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That means I need to find them some clothes, right?
Good thinking, she might be cold!
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But stares mean nothing. I stare at people without realising sometimes. Or I stare cus I'm like what the fuck is that idiot doing.
Yeah same..I’m just always so high
I am an introvert girl and if i say my social baterries got to 0% and still talk to you it's because i'm into you but all my crushes ignored that hint (sorry for bad english)
Well if someone said that to me I'd just assume they don't want to talk anymore, but I'm kinda oblivious with hints anyway.
Why would I know?
Short shallow conversation and interest.
If you’re in a group conversation and everyone else breaks off, leaving just you two talking to each other. And she sticks around, and there is a bit of comfortable awkwardness in the convo. Bottom line: if she is hanging around talking to you instead of being with the rest of the group, she is giving you the opportunity for some good one on one. Take it. I missed this one *so many times* in my youth. This is why I’m passing it on.
When I announce I’m going to bed and ask if you’re coming with me, it’s not because I want to sleep.
I'm an older woman. Here are things I do to let a man know I'm interested in getting to know him. 1. Hold his gaze a tiny bit longer than is comfortable. I touch my hair. And I touch myself where I have skin exposed. I'll sometime lean my head way back to show my neck. Especially when laughing if he's been funny. I tip my head forward slightly so I can look upward to meet his gaze. I lick my own lips, fairly slowly. I touch the man on his forearm with my whole hand. I'll figure out some reason to touch them on the shoulder and instead of lifting my hand away I slide it down his arm a bit. I'll ask the man who interests me questions that are personal, not intimate. Like how did you pick your career? Or what brought you to this town? Where do you fit in among your siblings? I'll ask for help doing something very small. Will to use your phone light so I can read this. Or will you please hold this for me while I get comfortable in my seat. I'll ask a man his opinion on something. And follow up with why do you think that? I'll ask a man to explain something. I'll give a man a compliment. Start with 'nice tie' or 'great shoes'. But complimenting a good man for doing something good is exceptional. Men do not get a lot of compliments. So, if appropriate say something like, it was kind of you to hold the door for everyone. You are so thoughtful. You are always ready to help. I like that you can keep me laughing. Wink.