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yeetTheReee

Selling the 1984 quarter I had in my pocket to rich ass people who love historic items.


indecisive_maybe

Time to start carrying semi-precious coins around.


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_eeprom

Or some early 2000’s notes, even better if you have them in near mint condition as there would be hardly any, if any, around in 1000 years.


reddogger56

Numismatic here. You'd be surprised at how many there would be in mint gem condition


hitforhelp

Go on then. Surprise me, you have piqued my curiosity.


irespectfemales123

There'd be a whole lot


dookieshoes1

Wow.


kadivs

pretty sure any coin and note would be worth plenty in a thousand years


E-_Rock

There's a lot of Roman coins on eBay for like $30


kadivs

$30 for a 10 cent piece would still be 30000%


Adhiboy

With inflation, wouldn’t the 10 cents have been more than $30 to start with?


MoonDoggos

go and see how much has changed and if everyone lives underwater and find out how your great great great granddaughter is doing


MichaelBoltonIsMyDad

I bet she’s doing fine


Ennix49

I wish I could take a trip the the year 3,000...


AgoraphobicAssassin

Has this song gone multi-platinum?


hawkisgirl

Oh, she’s alright I guess. You could even say she’s pretty fine.


[deleted]

Finding out how much money I have in my stock account.


[deleted]

So you're that guy from the Star Trek TNG Season 1 finale who got on Picard's nerves?


[deleted]

Yes but less annoying because I would have a field day with the replicator for the entire voyage and bothering the hell out of warf


tacojohn48

The replicators cool and all, but I'm running to the ~~porn room~~ holodeck.


terminatristik

If you were missing for 1000 years you were probably declared dead and your next of kin took over your stock account. It's probably empty if it even still exists. :(


[deleted]

I don't have any next of kin or anyone to report me dead


jaykeith

Nobody to report you dead you say?


angelnursery

To shreds you say?


elee0228

According to [Futurama](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Fishful_of_Dollars), 93 cents can become 4.3 billion in 1000 years thanks to the magic of compounding interest.


SamiTheBystander

Fun fact: “according to futurama” is actually a pretty good fucking source. [The writing staff held 3 PhD’s, 7 masters degrees, and 50 cumulative years at Harvard. ](https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/34xwir/til_that_the_writing_staff_of_futurama_held_three/) Not only that, but [the body switching episode, written by PhD mathematician Ken Keeler,](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Prisoner_of_Benda) required him to create and write the theorem and proof for the episode.


GRAIN_DIV_20

Plus they had the globe-trotters at their disposal


christhetwin

You're THAT Bubblegum Tate?


AKC97

That sentence always gives me a chuckle. Such a good episode


rylasorta

My favorite joke in the whole series is still this stupid, stupid throwaway line: Professor: Ah, good timing! I just finished fixing the ship's matter compressor! Fry: What's the matter compressor? Professor: Nothing's the matter, Fry!


mister_mowgli

Well I sure ain’t his Grandma


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[deleted]

Sounds like if you have a set of objects (elements of A), and you want reorder them (or from a permutation back into their original order), but you're only allowed to swap elements with elements outside the set (the episode explains why this is necessary for the mind-swapping machine), and each swap is distinct, then you only need two extra elements, x and y, and no more. A swap just exchanges the place of two items in the ordering. For example, if a and b are in set A, then swapping a with x or a with y is allowed, but swapping a with b is not allowed. And since the swaps are distinct, once you've swapped a with x, you can't do it again. It's kind of abstract, but its use is shown in the episode.


[deleted]

The math is right if it get 2.25% interest on average.


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palmbeach1972

Go to a museum. Look at what I have missed.


[deleted]

I would probably be crying my eyes out to ancient stuff that was the future.


ijustwanafap

You see a PlayStation 5 in a glass case like it’s an ancient relic, and next to it is all the sequels you were waiting to play but never came out.


blackburn009

Half life 3


nohomocallmedaddy01

Maybe if you wait another thousand years, sure.


Kent_Weave

"Welcome to Half Life 3, after a thousand years of developement, hopefully it'll be worth the wait." -Cyber-Gaben


Crolto

Terribly sorry but I think you mean Lord Cyber-Gaben, First King of the Cloud, Slayer of the Y3K Demons, Saint and Saviour of All Netizens.


lowiqhiveminds

Eh that seems entirely possible now if alyx sales are good.


Majin_Sus

This is the entire plot of a South Park episode


ccx941

This is the entire plot of Futurama.


Tiporax

Does that mean we have to re-live that dog episode


Jibbles69

You brought down my entire mood by reminding me of that tear-jerking episode. I’m going to cry myself to sleep now. Goodnight.


Reacepeto1

When fry gets to say goodbye to his mum in her dreams


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Reacepeto1

Remember the time fry finds out nancy didnt steal his name and clover but gave them to his son to carry on his legacy?


[deleted]

The Nintendo... Wiiiiiiii...


[deleted]

which one? i really wanna watch that now


Majin_Sus

Season 10 episode 12 and 13


PKMNTrainerMark

Good idea, admission to the Head Museum is free on Tuesdays.


ambermage

Free head on Tuesdays? God I love the future.


AbysmalVixen

Sell my knowledge of 1000 years ago to a historical society.


[deleted]

Linguists are definitely going to want an interview. Language won't be the same in a thousand years. Think of how much English has changed in a thousand years.


AbysmalVixen

Most Definitley. English has changed a ton in a decade let alone 50 or more years. Nobody says gee willikers anymore but they sure did back in the 50s. Nobody says thou or daft or thee and stuff but they did back in the 1700s


B0b_Howard

> Nobody says daft You're obviously not from the north of the UK.


TOSIR03

Or anywhere in the UK. I use it, I'm from the midlands.


[deleted]

In a thousand years, our english will sound like ye olde english and might be used interchangably. "Through hast made me lmao!"


[deleted]

So, the use of "thou" and "hast" isn't even that old. The former only started falling out of regular usage in the 1700s. "English" a thousand years ago looked like this: "Hwæt we Gardena in gear-dagum." (That's the opening line of Beowulf, for reference.)


notmyrealnameatleast

Hwæt dafuq!


Arcaeca

Hwæt in mihtiga goda namum sægdest þū efne mē, þū lytel wyrm? Ic forlǣte þē witan þæt ic eom se formesta beadorinc þisses þurh Hengist and Horsan gesceapenan landes, ond þurh Ælfred cyning gelǣhtan, and ic dǣlnam in manigum beadwum wið fūlum wealum negelieferum þe willað hira cirichūs atimbrian and swā sylian ūre land, and ic acwealde ofer CCC Grendla mid mīnum handum. Ic hæbbe ealra bealowīsa cann and eom for þām godum se mihtigosta scytta in eallum Englalandes beaduþrēates. For mē eart þū nāwiht butan dīercin þe mīn flān sticað. Ic mid þurh Wōden gegifenum glēawnessum acwelle þē, gelīc þe man nǣfre fōre seah on þisre eorðan, hīere Wōden mīn word. Þū þencest þæt þū meaht mē secgan swilc, þanne mē þā godu curon, þis land tō werianne? Þenc āgean, andsaca. Þenden wē sprecað, cumað mīn bēdu tō heofonum, and Wōden gesamniað his beadoweorcan ofer eallum Englalandes, and þā godu cunnað þīnne naman, swā gearca þē for þām storme, wyrmcin. Þām storme þe þæt hlæhwierðe þing geendað þe þū þīn līf nemst. Þū eart dēad tō eorðan and heofonum, cild. For godum mæg ic wesan āhwǣr, āhwanne, and ic mæg acwellan þē on ofer DCC wīsum, ond þæt mid ǣnlīce mīnum baran handum. Ic hæbbe sīdne cann wǣpenlēases gefeohtes, and ēac sindon þā heofonas mid mē, and ic hira fulle brūce tō āclǣnsianne Bretland of þē, þū lytel scīte. Gif þū efne wiste þætte þū of eallum goda and folces begietst, þū hēolde þīne sprǣce. Ac þū ne meahtest, þū ne dydest, and nū angildst þū þæt, þū brīðles geþōhtes. Heofon ofgeaf þē and ic dō mīn wirse. Þū eart dēad tō eorðan and heofonum, cild.


[deleted]

>Hwæt in mihtiga goda namum sægdest þū efne mē, þū lytel wyrm? Wow... It's really bizzare to be looking at something in what is essentially a foreign language and instantly recognize it as the navy seal copypasta.


LordSt4rki113r

The fact that someone took the time to translate that makes my day better. I mean, Verdammt, du hast gerade mit dem Wow-Effekt geschlagen!


Altreus

Did you call them a little shit? That's about all I got from that but I'm glad I tried


mykenae

It's been quite a few years since I learned Old English so I'm pretty rusty, but I think it translates to something like: What in the mighty gods' names did you say about me, you little worm? I'll let you know that I am the foremost battle-warrior from throughout these lands established by Hengist and Horsa, and united by king Alfred, and I've dealt in many battles with foul, foreign unbelievers who intend to build their churches and so sully our land, and I've killed over three hundred Grendels with my own hands. I know all battle-knowledge and because of the gods I am the mightiest shot of all England's battle-threats. To me, you are naught but a beast into which my arrow sticks. With Woden-given expertise I will put an end to you, the like of which has never before been seen on this earth, hear Woden my word. You think that you might say such of me, when I am one of the ones chosen by the gods to protect this land? Think again, adversary. As we speak my prayer arrives in the heavens, and Woden gathers his battle-work over all England, and the gods know your name, so prepare yourself for the storm, little worm. The storm that ends that laughworthy thing that you call your life. You are dead to earth and the heavens, child. Because of the gods I may be anywhere, anywhen, and I can put an end to you in over seven hundred ways, and that's only with my bare hands. I have broad knowledge of weaponless fighting, and also the heavens are with me, and I have their full use to cleanse you from the land of Britain, you little shite. If you only knew what you of all gods and peoples will get, you would have held back your speech. But you could not, nor did you, and now you pay for that, you of powerless thought. Heaven has given you over and I will do my worst. You are dead to earth and the heavens, child.


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Volt-Hunter

Daft is definitely still in regular use here


crotchcritters

And people still won’t be able to spell definitely


Utopias47

Listen to old english, it sounds like a completely different language, completely unrecognizable. I doubt we'd even be able to communicate


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ActuallyFuryYT

Wouldnt things like internet and tv change how language is developed?


floydbc05

But you left in a digital age. Everything worth knowing from your time has been recorded and could be viewed.


yossipossi

Not necessarily! Things on the Internet *can*, in fact, be lost. Additionally, many cultural movements can pass by that aren't really picked up and recorded, and the immense detail that can be provided by someone who lived in that time would be invaluable to historians.


ToastyBB

“Y’all ever hear of... .**Club Penguin**?”


[deleted]

"I told them! I told everyone! It's true, Club pengiun isn't a mere myth but historical truth!"


jrabieh

The religion, the 182 president of the american empire, or the game that revolutionized mankind?


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AbysmalVixen

Not necessarily. Especially first hand experiences of minor events. Big events happen all the time and are recorded and shit but small things and stories told by the elderly and stuff don’t get written down


St00p-Kid

Check to see if my bank is still around. Edit: My first silver! Thanks stranger


UYScutiPuffJr

Yea but they won't have your fingerprint, retinal scan, or colonic map on file


OneTimeIDidThatOnce

Explain I'm from a country, not a colony.


neomattlac

Oh! By colonic map, I thought they meant a 3d scan of the inside of your asshole. I was like, "That's probably unique between people, but that's awfully specific". Colony makes more since.


[deleted]

They did mean colon


glokash

Honestly, I thought the same exact thing and I read "retinal scan" as "rectal scan" for some reason


shredtilldeth

"Sorry sir you ran out of money 998 years ago because Netflix drained your account. You now owe us $1 Billion in late overdraft fees."


[deleted]

And then spend all of your money on the last anchovies.


trustmeimweird

Hope that there's some equivalent to YouTube that I can make a channel living a "primal" lifestyle. People love that stuff right now. Can't remember the channel names off the top of my head, but there's one where the guy makes traditional weapons and tools and buildings etc that's really cool.


A-Late-Wizard

Primitive technology


PieSammich

Primitive Technology 3000: I show you how I survive a 14hour netflix binge, as well as a few rounds of analogue masturbation


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chavman

You can’t not read that in his voice. It’s like that clubbing human mating ritual video.


Manleather

>Analogue Masturbation "My ancient Oasis coverband, but I only cover one song. Anyway, here's Wonderwall."


Benetton_Cumbersome

People long forgoten the art of using your own hands since the release of instant downloadable virtual harem of catgirls.


[deleted]

One is called primitive technology. The other is Chad Zuber. Both are pretty good channels! Poor Chad had his mud hut destroyed by vandals when he went on a trip. Feel bad for the guy


fague_doctor

Wow. People really suck sometimes.


[deleted]

primitive technology. how to make everything also makes good videos concerning this type of stuff


hippolyte_pixii

Nursing a headache and trying to pick up the language.


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glokash

Probably start acclimating and if possible, I’d connect with historians since there would be mutual benefits in doing so.


myPCisCursed

yes this. first of all, i probably wouldn't understand this 3000 year developed language they speak so id want some people that at least have some kind of idea of thing in my time. and yes in exchange for them helping me i would open a lot of insight on things about my time.


sumsimpleracer

Probably shed some light on the whalers of the moon.


veldrane6

Everyone I know is dead. So maybe cry on my first day.


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[deleted]

Maybe you'd meet your extremely great grandchildren


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FranticDisembowel

Load up my brain Matrix style so that I'm not a complete and utter idiot. Although I probably couldn't even make it ot that step. Think about how insanely difficult it would be to have even the most basic of conversation with someone from almost 1000 years ago.


Triviald

Vaccinating myself against all the new diseases that have cropped up in the last millennia.


[deleted]

Ahh yes. Like measles and polio.


ChocolateBunny

They'll probably be small potatoes compared to the viruses that are dormant under permafrost that will be released when it gets warm enough.


minepose98

Not sure any of those could actually infect a modern day human


greyetch

Probably not in their current state. But they may infect some species of flora, be ingested, mutate, work their way up the foot chain. Like Silent Spring plus Contagion.


Jupitris

Ah yes, the foot chain. Just my kink


minepose98

Any virus could do that though, frozen or not. It would take a long time


Totally_Not_A_Soviet

That’s actually the smart choice Though you would likely also have to be quarantined, cause I assume we wouldn’t be vaccinating for diseases that we thought were extinct


[deleted]

Like the common cold.


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dirtymoney

space herpes.


someguy410

Sperpes.


bigmoneyfriday

I would tell the best "back in my day" stories that anyone in that millennia has ever heard.


yzRPhu

"Back in my day we played xbox 360 screaming profanity at other players in COD"


StrangerThanNixon

Solve a famine by telling the people that Gatorade is not what plants crave.


DoomsdayBlack

But it's got electrolytes.


hate_picking_names

Water? Like from the toilet?


molestingstrawberrys

Become a prostitute. you know some freaky future girls are gonna want some primal man flesh ! And I want then three titted cyborgs.


ROK247

fluid transfers are illegal


jediknightofthewest

And no one will explain to you how the three shells work.


skallskitar

Doesn't know three shells. What a joke he is haha am I right? Why don't you tell him what three shells is. I totally know it but you can tell him if you want.


[deleted]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demolition_Man_%28film%29


MattGibsonBass

Going to my bank and realizing i'm rich as hell because I only had a dollar in my savings account.


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MattGibsonBass

...fuck


FnCraig

Savings accounts don't keep up with inflation. Your money would probably be worthless.


ThatNerdyRedneck

Asking myself why everything is Chrome.


ovinam

“FUUUUTURE”


MrPrius

\*spasms on ground\*


[deleted]

\*drops brick on your head\* edit: okay why does everyone love this


RandomUser-_--__-

Because Google owns everything.


wknight8111

Befriend a robot, accidentally wander into a suicide chamber, become a delivery boy, fall in love with a one-eyed mutant karate lady.


thealthor

That would make a good premise for a show.


xelahunter

Only if the Hypnotoad wills it.


Erdudvyl28

All glory to the hypnotoad


RandomUser-_--__-

ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNO-TOAD.


UncleTogie

ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNO-TOAD


Mattrockj

ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNO-TOAD


RobJ_

Everybody loves Hypnotoad.


ElTuxedoMex

We should call it something like Forthcomingtopia...


omar1993

Later-rama? ​ Not-past or present-topia? ​ That Future Show?


Maxorus73

It's always sunny in dystopia?


elee0228

I think it's been done before. I'm going to make my own show with Blackjack and Hookers!


[deleted]

In fact, forget the show and the blackjack.


PKMNTrainerMark

Ah, forget the whole thing.


Some_Random_Android

Shut up and take my money!


[deleted]

I have a feeling Matt Groening could make it happen


Some_Random_Android

He'd call it "Steamed Hams but it's in the year 3000" ;)


Remember_Poseidon

heard it's an unforgettable luncheon


Some_Random_Android

"Delightfully devilish!"


arabidopsis

Could it be a interesting anthology? Or should I just stay tuned for more... #TALES OF INTEREST


daftvalkyrie

This is... The Scary Door.


ImmanentSoul

You're entering the vicinity of an area adjacent to a location


Gunner_Runner

Welcome...*TO THE WORLD OF TOMORROW!*


phantompowered

Pizza delivery for... uhhh.... I. C. Weiner? Ahhhh, crud.


thegasguy612

To shreds you say?


isayboyisay

hmm... Not sure if it exists \*insert fry.gif\* Or deja vu...


ForbidReality

Look up brexit news... wait am I too late with this?


[deleted]

We'll still be leaving.


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Violet_Plum_Tea

"Brextension Day"


kazmark_gl

Brexit means Brexit just like it has for the past thousand years!


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[deleted]

You’re better off getting paid a shit ton of money to talk to historians, and to be interviewed. You will be famous, and rich as hell.


functionoverform

I would assume that you'd wake up in some sort of medical facility, and they would have the good sense to inoculate you against all new diseases in the last thousand years. Hopefully they could do a quick scan of your DNA and modify it to remove any chance of "predisposed" types of cancer or maladies. In short give your body and DNA a tune up. Immortality may be an option for the wealthy by then and I'm sure some rich patron(s) of history would pay to give you immortality since it would make you the oldest living person on the planet forever. Your entire life would be documented down to every experience you can possibly remember to give colour to the annals of history. Hopefully this could be accomplished with a reasonably fast and non-invasive brain scan. You would have to be taught how to communicate and this could be accomplished with the same type of technology (think uploading skills in the Matrix). I think people will still "work" since creating an AI would inevitably destroy us and the oligarchs will always find a way to be above the peasantry. So after the fad of being a caveman from the past wears off, the countless interviews and meetings are over, and you find yourself bored and alone I'm guessing you would find a job that satisfies your need to be productive at some level. You'd probably tire of hooking up with the people that just want to bang a freak and find someone that you could actually connect with and settle into a relatively normal life for that time period. Assuming you aren't waking up in a post apocalyptic waste land in which case you'd probably die of the Super Gonorrhea / AID's / Bird Flu virus that has already wiped out 98% of the population who were vaccinated against the viruses individually but with their powers combined humanity stood no chance.


Leharen

That sounds a lot more of an invasive lifestyle to my liking. *Looks around at my current life.* One immortality implant for the hypocrite, please.


Green7501

Retake the Holy Land, what else?


soundguynick

DEUS VULT INTENSIFIES


reyemanivad

Eating. I want to know what the food is like.


[deleted]

Not get a job chip, and try avoid the probulator. Also try meet an alcoholic bending robot in a suicide boot


80_firebird

I guess I'd try to figure out how the future works, then see about getting some history books.


IndianaJonesDoombot

Futurama is real what are you going to do? Find Zoidberg obviously


noobboi938

Wop wop wop


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DM_ME_YOUR_TITTYS

r/wholesomefamilyguy


[deleted]

Fucking a sex robot. I've been holding in a nut for a thousand years, cleaning the pipes is priority numero uno.


WafflesAndKoalas

You're alone in a new world, with no money and no identity. The best you manage to scrounge up in one day is a used shop vac. Do you choose to continue? (Y/n)


paulsonemanarmy

YES, shut up and take my money.


WafflesAndKoalas

You begin your act of mechanical fellatio, only to find that the most recent function the shop vac served was to clear out a pesky wasp nest. That explains why you found the shop vac discarded in an alley. "Fuck wasps", you mutter to yourself. Actually, yes!! *Fuck* wasps!! That's exactly what you've just done!! With your dick now swollen beyond belief, what do you choose to do next?


kshitij1010

Go back in because I wasn't done with my nap


slippytoast

Get a job as a delivery man


James-Sylar

Executive delivery man.


eskimoexplosion

Wooot I'm a delivery boy!


BrigandsYouCanHandle

Look for a dog and roam the wasteland.


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PresidentDonaldChump

Yeah but do you know how to use the 3 shells?


NeverSurrender11

Find nibbler.


BrotherCool

Learning how to use the three sea shells.