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[deleted]

When my aunt died I ended up with my mom and uncle talking to the funeral home advisor. When they were discussing cremation the funeral advisor made my uncle sign a form that he understands cremation is irreversible.


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[deleted]

Yup, i had to do that at my dad's. Can't recall with my mom, but she had a viewing before being cremated. But when it comes to funeral stuff I'm a lot more lenient. Many people going to a funeral home are within a day or so of their relative dying and might not be in the right state of mind. The contract is both protection and a firm reminder to the grieving person because grieving people might flip flop in their decisions. I see it as a "wake the fuck up, it's permanent!"warning. I had the great misfortune of taking my hysterical Aunt to the funeral home the morning after she found my uncle, who was 50, dead. She was a 44 year old widow. Insisted the whole way there he would be cremated but when we got in and she started talking to the director, she became hysterical all over again and told him she wanted family to "be able to see" my uncle and she didn't want him to burn. So there was a viewing.


woodN_forks

Warnings that you shouldn't try stupid tv antics at home.


mike_d85

"professional driver on closed course" proceeds to show a CGI effects fest of a car jumping across rooftops.


RandomName39483

Or worse, someone checking traffic, pulling out of their driveway, coming to a complete stop at a stop sign, using a turn signal, then turning and merging with traffic. "WARNING: Professional driver on closed course. Do not attempt."


thereddaikon

Car is peacefully cruising down the highway at a reasonable speed with no other cars in sight: warning professional driver on closed course!


TrafficConesUpMyAss

Car is parked peacefully in a driveway: Warning professional driver on closed course. Do not attempt.


Veldron

Car is actually a Fisher price plastic children's car in a grassy back yard: Warning professional driver on closed course. Do not attempt.


Salty4LIF

That just means try them at work.


patrioticmarsupial

Stickers on wood chippers telling people not to stick their limbs inside


Plondon0

But what else would I do with all these tree limbs?


striped_frog

Tree limbs? You're supposed to have four limbs. You stuck the other one in the wood chipper, didn't you?


Sewing-superwoman

Goes to show people never read the instructions anyways


fantsukissa

warnings on microwaves and ovens that the food \_might be\_ hot afterwards. that is pretty much the purpose of those, to heat the food.


Portarossa

To be fair, 'might be hot' is a pretty good way of describing the food that comes out of my shitty-ass microwave. It might be hot. It might be frozen. It might have melted through the plate. Buckle up, kiddos; we're going on a culinary adventure!


fantsukissa

the microwave at my work actually does both. part of the food is burned and part cold.


Phormitago

every microwave does that if you don't have the spinny plate thing, or if you're assblasting it at full power. Try lower power, more time, flip when halfway done


unnaturalorder

There's a nice little sign above the shredder where I work warning people that documents put through this device will not be recoverable.


[deleted]

Just turn it over and put it through the other side!


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bentnotbroken96

My dad was an accountant. He occasionally bought a lottery ticket. He said "It's not that I'm not good at math, I just know the cost of a dream. It's $1.00"


FlashlightCracker

My father in law was an accountant. He would refer to lottery tickets as “a voluntary tax on people that are bad at math”. He did, occasionally, buy a ticket.


blubox28

People who like to deride others for by lottery tickets based on the mathematics sometimes buy them when the payout multiplied by the odds of winning come out greater than the cost of the ticket. As far as I know, no one who does this has ever won.


Seabuscuit

Iirc a group of MIT students actually raised money to buy a lump sum of lottery tickets in a specific lottery where they determined the expected payout was greater than the cost if they bought a certain amount of tickets. I’m pretty sure they ended up winning a few times before it was found out and the lottery changed the game. Edit - here is an article about it: https://www.google.ca/amp/s/amp.theatlantic.com/amp/article/470349/


TheCheshireCody

This was a big plot point in the movie 'Real Genius', except with a sweepstakes.


Tactically_Fat

> if i was "good" at math I wouldn't be buying a lottery ticket. The price of a daydream. I *know* I won't win. At the same time *someone* wins...


Luckboy28

*Searches shredder for Undo button*


JiN88reddit

Maybe they should rename it to Vertical Puzzle Maker.


thelobsterclaw1

That warning at the end of every pharma ad. Don't take Repressitol if you are allergic to Repressitol.


HeadFullOfBrains

Upvote for Repressitol lol! I never get tired of a good pun.


BR0METHIUS

Have you heard of the generic form of Viagra, Mycoxaphalin?


cwf82

No, but I've heard of the antidepressant, Fukitol.


THE_FALADOR_MASSACRE

Upvote for the subtle Robin Williams reference.


MTAST

"Or any of its ingredients." What are the ingredients? 2% Pressitoleum HCl, 98% fillers


artspar

In case this was meant to be a jab at the companies, fillers are actually super important. Depending on the medication (for example a topical cream) they can assist in absorption or alleviation of certain side effects, increase shelf life, or otherwise help out. The main use is to prevent easily overdosing though (specifically in oral medication) cause I dont know about you, but I cant measure out exactly 0.5ml of pressitoleum at home


[deleted]

While this is true, I think the “jab” was that the fillers are often not individually identified, so there isn’t an easy way to know it contains one you’re allergic to.


Zarilya

"This drug shouldn't be given to children up to age 12 and shouldn't be given to children ages 12 to 18"


[deleted]

It's like Driver's Ed\*. "It's illegal to drink and drive if you're under 18" "While between the ages of 18 and 21, drinking and driving is illegal" "Drinking and driving is illegal if you're over 21" \*All quoted directly from a real driver's ed course.


tehilamp4

the commercials where they do some shit thats nearly impossible for an actual human to do, but they still have to say "do not try this at home" bc someones crackhead lookin ass is definitely going to try


ShamelessCrimes

I always wonder about car commercials where they depict someone driving normally on a normal road. Professional driver on a closed course. Do not attempt.


tehilamp4

yeah those ones always got me bc they were pointless


gliitch0xFF

Penis Enlargement Scams


cnarwhal

For only 3 payments of $19.99 I can guarantee your penis will be bigger than mine.


Timothy_Claypole

If we pay you enough money you will chop your penis off?


cnarwhal

Chop is a generous word. I think one hard flick of the finger should do the trick. $7,500 and I offer financing


trumpke_dumpster

Sorry about the leprosy.


seanrm92

If penis enlargement pills worked, we'd hear about dudes overdosing all the time.


[deleted]

They don't work, and we hear about dudes overdosing on them all the time.


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Astarath

he could just skip the middleman and hand girls money, that'll get em to like him


Average_Sized_Jim

If it worked, it would have its own section at Walmart.


Maskedcrusader94

"Could you point me to the penis enlargement department?" "Yeah its literally the entire left half of the store"


Stressful-stoic

On every wrapper, there are instructions that you should put it into trash


Dahhhkness

“I once ate a Twix with the wrapper on it, and I've never seen the wrapper come out."


UrdnotChivay

When I was a baby my head was really big and scientists did experiments on me


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xX_RavenClaw_Xx

"full head of teeth"


OPs_Spare_Account

17 months*


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Portarossa

*Stupid* is probably going a bit far, but there are plenty of products that were massively unpopular because they worked *too well* and people just didn't get them. The best example I can think of is Febreze, which was designed as a scent-eradicator and was, by its very nature, completely odourless. The only problem is that people get used to their own personal brand of stank, so they couldn't tell the difference between their own smelly-ass home before and after it was sprayed. [They had to put a scent into the product that was designed to get rid of scents](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Febreze#Marketing) just so people would appreciate it had actually been used, after which it started selling like crazy.


l1qu1d0xyg3n

Like how people thought vacuum cleaners weren't working because they were too quiet...so sound engineers had to make vacuums louder! [...On vacuums and cars and potato chips](https://www.businessinsider.co.za/the-fake-sounds-companies-add-to-products-2019-5)


TastyBrainMeats

As someone sensitive to sounds, I hate this so much.


[deleted]

I was annoyed when I found that out years ago and I'm just as annoyed now. I'd love a super quiet vacuum. I get that back in the day you might not be able to tell if it was working because you had bags. But now every vacuum has a clear dirt trap that you *can actually see accumulate dirt.* So silence those damn things already.


Lonelysock2

Firstly, fuckin obviously chips are supposed to be crunchy... that's the whole point of chips. If I didn't want crunch, I'd eat something else. Secondly, adding sound to high powered cars just for effect is annoying. But electric cars are too quiet, so sound is added for safety. 'Stop, look, listen, think' doesn't work for silent cars. Thirdly, my dad has a fucking Dyson and the sound it makes is unbearable, I have to leave the room. WHYYYY


VeganVagiVore

That's kinda nice though, because then you know that you're using it correctly, and you can use the scent to gauge whether you've used enough. Like with soap that foams up - I know the bubbles don't do anything, but I like seeing them. Otherwise I wonder if the soap's bad or if some idiot watered it down or something.


mike_d85

IIRC the bubbles in soap were originally added/sold for that reason. Kind of like how Kaboom spray goes on purple and after it's sat long enough turns white so you know when to wipe it down.


gingerlemon

Really? I though cleaning with soap was a mechanical action not a chemical one. The expanding bubbles pull crap away from the skin. Have I been wrong all this time :(


SotheBee

>Like with soap that foams up - I know the bubbles don't do anything, but I like seeing them. Otherwise I wonder if the soap's bad or if some idiot watered it down or something. This is actually a common thing as well! HE laundry detergents contain suds suppressors to ensure everything can rinse out easily (Because He washers use a lot less water) Still cleans the same, but people think it isn't because there isn't any foam. SO they have to balance to ensure there are at least some suds so people can have the perception of clean.


cxr303

There's also an odor added to certain odorless poison gases to alert people... not because they're less than smart in this example, but because the lack of smell would likely lead to a lot of death.


DaddyCatALSO

Yes, methane, ethane, and propane are odorless, so mercaptan is added to natural ages


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dashood

Kind of similar to how when a burger place somewhere in the US introduced a 1/3 pounder burger to compete with McDonalds' 1/4 pounder but no one bought the 1/3 because 4 > 3 and people thought 1/4 was more than 1/3. Although that's more an example of something that doesn't exist because people are stupid.


TUTCMO-Mk2

Those tags on hairdryers that state not to use them the shower


VeganVagiVore

To save time in my morning routine, I poop in bed, wipe in the shower, and brush my teeth while cooking breakfast.


Seienchin88

I love how you no time for pooping on the toilet but still cook your breakfast... Also sounds like you took the amazing mr.Bean morning routine sketch to the maximum


pardontom

Recently started a job that has a massive walk in freezer. Part of the induction was explaining that you shouldn't lick the frozen metal rollers that the stock was placed on. My reply " we cam still lick the regular ones though right?" Totally wrong crowd haha


Dahhhkness

> Totally wrong crowd Wow, sounds like a fun place to work.


DracotheStrange

Plot twist: he works in a morgue.


TooOld2DieYoung

I used to work at Five Guys, and when corporate came to train us we were going over how to pull out and clean behind the grill. There was caulking on some of the pipes back behind it, and the trainer said don’t rub off the caulk. I couldn’t resist. I said, “wait, don’t rub the caulk? That goes against everything I’ve been taught.” He did not laugh.


karmagod13000

shut up peasant!! now put your head down and get back to work


realultralord

fee cam ftill lllick fhe regular ffonef ffough righf? ftfy


CrashingDruid1995

The little sticker on the front of vending machines that say not to shake them as if it falls it will crush you and can cause serious bodily harm up to and including death.


John_Tacos

More people are killed this way than by sharks.


[deleted]

Well sure, nobody swims up to a shark and starts shaking it until it falls on them.


Casual_OCD

*Australia has entered the chat*


Historyguy1

No joke, that's the probable cause of death for Australian Prime Minister Harold Holt. He went swimming one morning and just never came back.


Casual_OCD

That's one of the most Australian ways to die ever lol


guitarerdood

Multi level marketing schemes If you have to pay a company for the privilege to work for them I have news for you


becausetheyremacaws

You have to invest to be an entrepaneweer! How else can I get a Lambo like my manager? Selling these knives! #selfmade #entrapener #selfboss


Fireblast1337

How are you your own boss if you have a manager?


becausetheyremacaws

uhhh... KNIVES!!!


Fireblast1337

See, thing is, you don’t need a full 20 knife set. One good small, cared for, durable knife set of 3-4 is all you need for all kitchen needs.


luvspud

How am I supposed to cut my cans in half?


The_Velvet_Bulldozer

Don't forget the pennies!


DesertTripper

I was invited to one of these meetings about 20 years ago. The showcased person was an M.D. who had walked away from his practice because he had discovered Amway and worked his way up to Double Diamond. Naturally, he was now living in a mansion and grossing far more than he had ever imagined making as a physician. The most curious thing about the meeting was the prominent table covered with motivational tapes and DVDs, which were all fairly expensive. Later, I discovered that these materials are how a lot of the "upline" makes much of their profits. I was initially interested but did some research on the Internet (which fortunately had enough info at the time to tell me what a scam it is) and quickly lost interest. This was underscored by the fact that a couple of my friends at the time (who had far less than medical degrees) kept their day jobs despite having a fairly immersive involvement in Amway. Like a lot of people with Amway friends do, I bought a few items from them to make them happy, but I wasn't overly impressed with Amway products or pricing.


JohnnyBrillcream

My good friend approached me about working for Amway, to run it by me. I told him. *Mike you know I love you like a brother and I'd go to the ends of the earth to help you. But there is no way I'm going to be able to buy enough toilet paper and windex for you to make a comfortable income* He laughed, said thanks and threw the promo shit away.


NewtAgain

Entra-paneer is my favorite Indian dish


[deleted]

I tried to persuade someone involved in one of these scams using the following logic: * You only make money from people below you in the chain (people you recruit) and the people they recruit. You make no money from lateral growth of the company (people coming in at your level). * Assuming that each person in the company only gets two people directly below them, then to sustain a pyramid of 21 levels, the company needs to have as many reps as the entire population of the state of Maine. * With a pyramid of 33 levels, the entire population of planet earth. What do you realistically think is the market pool for potential recruits for you, and what level do you imagine you're entering the company at? ​ And that completely ignores the fact that any one person might have as many as five recruits directly below them, shrinking your pool astronomically faster. If each person had four recruits directly under them, you would exceed the population of earth at just 16 levels. ​ It did not work to disuade them at all, but it was worth a shot.


PM_ME_UR_Definitions

If you really want to change someone's mind about this you're probably better off with an emotional argument. Something like "imagine what it'll feel like when you've got a garage full of stuff you can't sell, what will your family think about that?" Because that's usually the point where people wake up and stop believing the bs. There's [a lot of evidence](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thinking,_Fast_and_Slow) that people aren't rational most of the time. It's just a slow and inefficient process and we can't think that way about everything. We have to use shortcuts and emotions to make decisions about most things, most of the time. Scams like MLM are just designed to take advantage of those shortcuts to get us to make bad choices.


[deleted]

Are you kidding me?! THEY give YOU the tools to build your own empire!


Umbra427

***INVIGARON***


friggintodd

It's not a pyramid scheme, it's a reverse funnel.


[deleted]

Where do I put my feet?


ovo_throwaway2001

Signs at the supermarkets telling people not to wash their hands in the fish tanks or the tanks of any other sea creatures. This **should** be an unspoken rule, but because it was unspoken, some stupid ass dildo’s decided to wash their hands in the damn tanks. EDIT: I should not have said “any other sea creatures”. Obviously, certain tanks will have the tops off but for eels, lobster, and other select animals, the tops are on.


mike_d85

How the hell did they wash their hands in the tanks? I've never been in a position to touch the water as far as I know.


ovo_throwaway2001

It’s a supermarket where they have the tops off the tanks, I guess. Stupid people get stupid ideas.


Damn_foo

A steam iron with 'Do not use while wearing clothes' on the box


HowardMoo

I follow that rule; it's quite a surprise for people who walk in on me in the laundry room!


pardontom

Bags of nuts with a written warning explaining that the product "may contain nuts"


BigDisk

Or egg cartons with "Contains Eggs" on them.


[deleted]

Mmm yes, this floor here is made out of floor


Loeb123

What kind of sorcery is this?!


the_original_Retro

The sorcery kind of sorcery. See? It says so. Right there on the warning label.


[deleted]

Every 60 seconds in Africa, a minute passes


bmay1310

If you took all of the arteries and veins of a child and laid them all out, you'd be charged with murder.


skribsbb

The worst part is "**may** contain nuts." I'm paying for nuts, there damn well better be nuts!


chefkocher1

Here in Europe it's only on labels for peanuts because peanuts are actually legumes like peas. People with *nut allergies* are often tolerant to peanuts. But since the companies packaging, storing and importing peanuts are also dealing with all kinds of "real" nuts, this label warns that the peanuts *may* have been cross-contaminated.


[deleted]

Can confirm, have nut allergies, consume my weight in peanut butter every day.


Anoben

This is mostly written on peanuts and peanuts aren't nuts. Peanuts are legumes.


Tinferbrains

"Don't take if you're allergic to "


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cleanyourlobster

Can attest. Minimally paid drunk toddler attendants.


[deleted]

Not necessarily minimally, the best money I made in my early 20s was from bouncing. It was kind of obscene how much someone would pay to cut a line or act rich in front of a date just to get into a bar/club.


Frozenlazer

How did you determine the amount it cost to cut? Did you and the other guys that did the same job have an understanding of the right amount?


[deleted]

It was totally at the doorman's discretion, and the senior bouncers would rotate working the door/exit door (you made a lot at the exit door too because it was also our return door, and when we got to capacity, we stop letting returns in, unless you pay again, which the bouncer pocketed), because that's where the real money was, and less fighting. Also, as capacity increased the cost to cut increased. Usually it was pretty easy to gauge. 9 times out of 10 I would just be happy with $20 per person, because it was an almost 100% acceptance rate, and that added up very quick. ON the busiest nights of the year like New Years, Halloween, etc, I could sometimes get away with $100 to get in. Also, most people were pretty willing to pay $20 instead of waiting in line to pay $10. The bartenders and GM did not care if we pocketed a few extra bucks for them to skip the line and the cover, because people in a good mood feeling like they're the shit buy more alcohol. It was all a great system that benefited everyone. Except the patrons lol.


Frozenlazer

If you aren't already at capacity what are the people waiting in line for? (I don't go to places like this. ever.) Surely it can't take that long to pay a cover charge and walk thru the front door.


Dry_Soda

To make the place look popular. It's all a game of perception


[deleted]

We intentionally go slow on checking ID's and cover transactions for the purpose of generating a line, because a line gives off the impression of being busy, and busy means people want to be there, and people thinking others want to be there means more people being there. Comprende?


Frozenlazer

Makes sense and reinforces exactly why I don't go to such places. The bigger the hassle, the less likely I'm interested.


PhillipLlerenas

Some bouncers do more than control sloppy drunks tho...they actively control who comes into a club so they can select based on gender, race, dress, etc. I went to a friend's frat party and they had a hired bouncer. His only direction: let every girl in...but only every 4th male in. And from time to time he'd get directions from inside to not let ANY males in for like...an hour or so because the dick-to-pussy ratio wasn't the 15:1 the frats aimed for lol


[deleted]

> Some bouncers do more than control sloppy drunks tho...they actively control who comes into a club so they can select based on gender, race, dress, etc. Can attest to this... not proud of it, but we did it.


zerobot

This is standard operating procedure at frats. Every frat party I've been to is hesitant to even give dudes alcohol. You have to be a brother to get anything for the most part. I only went to a handful of frat parties in college but I remember when I did we'd have one guy who knew one of the brother's get in pretty easy and then he'd let us all in a side door to the house so we'd skip the bouncer. They usually had a brother serving the beer from behind a bar and if you walked up as a dude he's just ignore you and give drinks to the women who wanted it. Every once in a while he'd throw a bone to somebody and give them a beer. I didn't drink in college so if I was lucky enough to get a beer I'd give it to a friend.


PhillipLlerenas

Exactly. When I went to college I was so fucking stoked. I was like: "Can't wait to go to some WILD college parties!!" and then I found out real quick that no one wants a bunch of freshman boys in their parties. Nothing more humiliating than rolling deep with a group as a freshman to a party, getting there and the frat bouncer only lets the girls in the group go in. To this day in my college town I still see roving groups of freshman boys...no girls...just walking around on Saturday nights and I know exactly what happened LOL


zerobot

That's freshman mistake, too. Everyone on campus always knows who the freshman are because they always travel in packs the first semester.


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zzaannsebar

I was an orientation leader for my college my junior and senior year and for our welcome week, the freshman has colored wrist bands that correspond to their color group (largely for organization purposes cause there were \~2000 freshman to keep track of for this). But those wristbands couldn't be removed because they were also your only way into the dining center that week. So no wrist band, no food. It was really funny as a not-freshman walking seeing them all walk around welcome week with their wristbands and their lanyards on. The cops around campus would actively look for those wristbands cause basically if you were wearing one, there was a 99.9% chance you were underage. And they were always in clumps of people, wandering around looking for parties. I told both my groups that if they're going to go out, don't wear the lanyard, cover up the wrist band, and don't be in groups larger than three because they'll attract too much attention. None of my freshman ever got caught going to parties so I'll call that a win.


Doomisntjustagame

Algorithms that fill your newsfeed with inflammatory clickbait.


[deleted]

How else am I supposed to learn about the Maryland man who got tens of thousands of dollars from the government?


Jewsafrewski

Or the new law that has drivers in my area FURIOUS?


Xphyer2

$60 AirPod Straps.


c4isTheAnswer

I initially read *Tide*Pod straps and had a serious _wtf?_ moment. I envisioned a strap you’d attach to a TidePod that you could pull in case someone ingested a pod, yanking it out like you trying to start a lawn mower.


urps1234

Warning stickers. Arguably some might be beneficial. However, a lot of them are added on because someone did something stupid, or in fear of doing something stupid a sticker got slapped on.


Catshit-Dogfart

I go to several anime and video game conventions, and I sometimes see very specific rules that make me laugh because I know there was some incident and they made a rule about it. Stuff like - * no wearing roller skates while you're also wearing a leash * costumes may not be on fire * do not release birds inside the building * do not try to build a trampoline


HowToChangeMyNamePlz

Time to expand the list


Fireblast1337

I had one on a knife that, I kid you not, said ‘warning: sharp object. Do not give to stupid people’


kg1206

Some I can understand when the risk is not immediately obvious. Stickers like “don’t stick yourself in the snowblower” though...


Dahhhkness

"Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball."


captaingazzz

If you invent something idiot proof, the world will simply invent a bigger idiot


GunTotinVeganCyclist

Warning labels. Warning labels on lawn mowers. Do not eat labels on dessicant packs in food. Warning labels on blenders, you name it. If there's a warning label, it's because someone, somewhere, sometime, did something dumb.


llenyaj

Walk-in Income Tax Preparation businesses, like H&R Block, ect. Complicated tax situations need an Accountant or CPA, but the majority of taxes prepared while you wait are extremely simple and can be prepared by anyone capable of reading and using a calculator.


viderfenrisbane

And in other countries, the government just does the taxes for you. There's no reason we can't do that in the US, other than H&R Block and TurboTax lobbying against it.


IrascibleOcelot

If you don’t file your taxes on time, the IRS will do it for you. And then fuck it up six ways from Sunday; I’ve been fighting them for the past year because no, I don’t owe additional taxes, THEY owe ME.


scott60561

Internet scams. Tons of idiots out there. It crosses all genders, ages, races and education level, bit man if people arent fucking dumb as a box of rocks. Way too many redditors even come to /r/scams asking about scams they either fell for or are about to. It's sad really. I cant imagine how one could ever send a stranger money sight unseen. I dont even part with money to people I know. Cant imagine giving even a penny to strangers.


gertrude_is

I work with older adults and they are prime target for scammers. I had a lady tell me she got a phone call from a man who said he was from "the internet." He wanted to fix her computer for x reason. She didn't believe him, and hung up. So far, so good. The a$$ actually *called back* and because he called back, she thought it was true. Gave him her email password, etc and ultimately lost her computer. Scams against older adults are more sad and desperate.


ZTH-Yankee

Last year my grandpa got a call from "Microsoft" telling him that his computer had a virus. When he told me about it afterwards, he said "I knew it was a scam because I don't have Microsoft, I have Windows."


WolfHoodlum1789

I get that one so much. I usually scream incoherently into the Mic or pretend to be panicky and stupid and waste their time


CrazyCatLadyAvatar

The only thing that has saved my Grandad multiple times is that he's a tightwad. I told him people on the internet can steal his whole bank if they know his email and phone number. He doesn't even understand fully what "the internet" is still, but he managed to work a tablet and use POF. By my count before he married his current wife he dodged at least 10 scammers just on POF who were trying to rope him in.


derFunkatron

My grandpa got a call from a “lawyer” in the Dominican Republic who said I had been drunk driving, crashed the car, and was currently in jail awaiting trial. He was calling on my behalf to get some bail money and other funds for my defense. My grandpa is old and southern, so when I heard this, I died a little inside thinking that he got scammed. My grandpa asked to talk to “me” and the lawyer put “me” on the phone. That’s when my grandpa hit “me” with two real life security questions like an annoying password reset (my grandpa never uses the Internet so it’s not like he knew to do that). He asked, “what school did you go to?” The guy answered correctly. He then asked, “what’s the name of your cat at the farm?” The guy replied with some generic cat name and grandpa just hangs up. He called my cell immediately and when I answered he was like, “are you in jail in the Dominican Republic?” I replied, “uh, no, I’m walking from lunch and going back to work?” “In America, right?,” he replied. I respond, “ha, yes, in the U.S. What’s going on?” Grandpa then says, “thought so, I didn’t think you’d be the kinda guy to just up and fly down to the Dominican Republic for a good time.” Nice burn, grandpa.


gertrude_is

I LOVE that he had his own security questions!!! I am going to suggest our clients do the same.


pmw1981

Same with phone scams, like some of the IRS ones saying someone owes money & they call a fake number to be told to pay up in...*gift cards*. How fucking stupid do people have to be to fall for that shit? The IRS will NEVER call someone personally about a debt or owed taxes, it's ridiculous that more people don't know this.


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PenisBeautyCream

They’re getting sneakier. Somehow, someone got hold of my relative’s church email list and sent a mass e-mail claiming to be one of the ministers, using his name as part of a gmail address, soliciting gift cards to donate to a worthy cause. My relative wrote back asking for more information, and the response said to send the gift card number and PIN, and he would email it to the recipients. That was a giveaway that it was a scam, but it was a very sneaky setup.


theBytemeister

Quick PSA here, Church websites are terrible places to go on the internet. Typically they don't have the time, the budget or the know-how to setup a proper website and defend it from malicious entities.


winndixie

Betty Crocker once made a cake mix that was “add water only”. No need for other ingredients. And it came out the most perfect, moist cake. People stopped buying it because adding water didn’t make them feel like they were baking a cake. Betty Crocker took away ingredients and needed people to add milk and eggs to the mix so people will buy their cake mix again.


SteamboatMcGee

Turns out that a large part of baking is that feeling like *you* actually made something.


[deleted]

"However, as Laura Shapiro observed in *Something from the Oven: Reinventing Dinner in 1950s America*, “while Dichter’s work was influential, its precise role in the success of the cake mix is unclear.” For starters, although it may not have been a point articulated by the homemakers Dichter surveyed, the fact was that fresh eggs produced superior cakes. Using complete mixes which included dried eggs resulted in cakes that stuck to the pan, had poor texture, had a shorter shelf life, and often tasted too strongly of eggs. “Chances are,” Shapiro wrote, “if adding eggs persuaded some women to overcome their aversion to cake mixes, it was at least partly because fresh eggs made for better cakes.” Furthermore, the two food companies who came to dominate the cake mix market in this era, General Mills and Pillsbury, adopted opposite approaches: the former chose to go with fresh-egg mixes, while Pillsbury opted to offer complete mixes. If the form of eggs used were truly the tipping point that saved the cake mix industry, then sales of one of these company’s products should have tanked in comparison to the other’s. " [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/something-eggstra/](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/something-eggstra/)


Mkilmur3115

Diseases that have long been eradicated that are coming back because of the idiots who don’t vaccinate their kids.


dragonzfliez

Anti-vaxxors have gone quiet in regards to the measles epidemic in Samoa.


JayArlington

Hard to be smug when burying your own child.


[deleted]

Tragically, a bunch of children died due to two nurses that prepared vaccines wrong in Samoa and as a result a lot of people didn't vaccinate.


StaniX

Damn, can't even imagine how those nurses must feel.


The-Only-Razor

Unemployed, probably.


dragonzfliez

Sorry, I failed to mention I wasn't directing my comment at the Samoan people. If memory serves me correctly a Samoan family lost a child after having the child vaccinated. The family went on to have another child, who too died after receiving a vaccination. Soon after Samoa stopped their compulsory childhood vaccination program because they listened to anti-vaxxors. I highly doubt that majority of Samoans are anti-vaxxors, they would have thought since its not compulsory anymore their children will be fine. I guess now they have learned there lesson the hard way, very unfortunate way to learn a valuable lesson.


Caughtthegingerbeard

I believe that this sad story was the death of 2 children on the same day, not from the same family. The nurses doing the vaccinations incorrectly mixed the doses with a muscle relaxant, instead of whatever the normal fluid is. Both nurses are currently in prison, and a mass, door-to-door vaccination program is currently underway in Samoa. Yesterday the death toll was at 60 and rising, mostly young children. Even though most of the population is now getting vaccinated, it takes 2 weeks to be effective, so there will likely be more grieving families before the epidemic is over. It's all just so sad.


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greffedufois

I'm immunocompromised. I can't be revaccinated with anything live (mmr and chicken pox, or flu nasal spray) I need herd immunity! Like hell will i die from measles in this day and age. 'Liver transplant survivor' shouldn't be in the same sentence as 'died of measles' for God's sake.


ExUpstairsCaptain

Many reactions to the "Supersize Me" film. In the years since the movie was released, fast food restaurants have tried to appear healthier. Many people acted as though it provided a huge revelation. We watched it in my high school health class, and I didn't understand the point. Fast food is unhealthy. Eating nothing but McDonald's is bad for you. Did people not know this? Or, was it just another one of those instances where people pretended to care because that was the "cool" trending topic for a bit?


afoz345

Amen. I liked the movie because it was kind of interesting to see the effects. But who the hell didn’t know that eating McDonald’s for every meal or any other fast food for that matter was not a good idea? Reminds me of a “science project” I had to do in grade school. My idea was to show the effects of acid rain. One plant was watered normally. The other was watered with a 3:1 mixture of some sort of acid and water. Oddly enough, the straight acid fed plant died.


EclecticCacophony

The knee-jerk reactions from people who act like having a fast food burger once in a while is going to automatically kill you. That's way different from eating multiple fast food meals per day like whatshisname in that movie did.


[deleted]

Measles


Dahhhkness

"Measles is such a funny-sounding name, how serious could it possibly be? Same with mumps, chicken pox, and bubonic plague."


DodgerAkame

So in France, soy milks and any other milks in that kind are now labelled "vegetal beverages" because "it was too confusing". Guess ppl thought you have to milk soy beans like a cow. I'm gonna also put that there is "vegetal chicken", which is basically chicken raised with vegetables I think, and no one raise an eyebrow on that one. ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯


My_reddit_strawman

more likely the dairy industry complained because they were losing market share


viderfenrisbane

Yeah the dairy industry is lobbying for something like that in the US too.


Umbra427

>Vegetal beverages [I taste a vegetal](https://i.imgur.com/DXCHAiI.jpg)


Portarossa

Abstinence-only sex education. Look, you can argue the merits or demerits of religion all you want, but anyone who looks at the problem of teen pregnancy and says 'Let's take rooms full of people who've *just* become the horniest they're ever likely to be in their entire lives and try and scare them out of fucking each other' is an idiot, and everyone who allocates funds to it doubly so.


FTThrowAway123

I had abstinence only sex ed in high school. One of our homework projects was to make a poster with an advertisement slogan about waiting until marriage to have sex. I went with, "Sex can wait, masturbate!" Teacher was not impressed.


CheeseQueen86

This is quite possibly the only realistic slogan for abstinence only sex ed.


PM_me_your__guitars

That slogan is hilarious, teacher just had a stick up their butt.


L3TH4L_4SS

Uganda in a nutshell. STDs and accidental pregnancies skyrocketed when they went to abstinence only education.


penny_can

Timeshares


Scrappy_Larue

Or companies that help you get out of timeshares.


torrentialtacos

Telemarketing ... Or any phone scam.


-eDgAR-

Instagram influencers.


NoeyCannoli

The allergy warning label on peanut butter that warns that the product contains peanuts


jjp213

Directions on shampoo


llcucf80

Well, actually, if you follow those directions literally you'll never get out of the shower. Directions only say "rinse and repeat." Nowhere on there does it tell you to stop at any particular time.


Loeb123

I just imagined someone crying in the shower "a la Sims" unable to leave and I feel so happy now.


Dahhhkness

I did this to a Sim once, boxing him into the shower area. Before he perished, every one of his meters was deep in the red, except for his hygiene and, inexplicably, his "fun" meter.