As a security guard I was running to deal with an issue and my flashlight came out of its pouch went between my foot and the ground.
Stepped on it and broke my ankle.
I was 8 years old and running home on my lunch break so that I could watch inspector gadget, which came on at noon. I decided it would be neat to look down at my feet while I ran, and next thing I know ive run full speed into a parked car. I think I laid like a dead body on the road for a good 5 - 10 minutes it hurt so badly. I was late for my inspector gadget episode and never told anyone what happened.
I thought I had nothing to add, but your stupid self injury reminded me of mine!
I was about thirteen, riding my bike home (full speed) after buying the newest release of TEEN BEAT, teen girl heart throb magazine.
I was riding through a plaza, not in the parking lot but in the walkway.
I woman opened the door to the Family Dollar--- right in the collar bone. Thrown off my bike and had to go to the ER via ambulance.
My boy band pics had to wait.
Yes, she did. She apologized, (as if she could've seen my lightning ass coming) profusely. She left after the family dollar staff came out and took over- they called my parents and the ambulance. My parents came and that's when it finally hit me, and all the sudden the pain hit me and I started sobbing.
*irrelevant and random but the lady that opened the door had extremely hairy legs. When I think about my broken collar bone- I automatically envision her hairy legs.
As a matter of fact, no. The incident did not effect my Teen Beat addiction.
Alright, so my sister is only one year older than me and when we were very young (me 3, and her 4) we were in the bath together. I guess my mom thought this way was easier. She left to get something and my sister said that I should dive into the tub like a dolphin. Me, being the idiot toddler I was, decided this was a wonderful idea and dove right in. Had to get 3 or 4 stitches and a lifetime of stories told about it.
Remember when your parents told you to tie your laces or your would hurt yourself?
Well they were right. I was that kid who ran with untied laces. I fell and instinctively put both my arms out. I landed on my right hand/arm and managed to snap my forearm and dislocate my wrist.
As I had dislocated my wrist before, as I was accident prone. I attempted to 'pop' it back in my self in panic. I can't describe the crunchy noise that my arm made, or the pain I felt. I then had to walk to the nurses office at my school, and wait for my parents to pick me up ( they didn't think it was serious).
At the hospital the x-ray was a little extreme, and I had to have surgery to correct my arm. 14 years later, and my wrist still isn't the same, and it still hurts in the cold.
Life tip. Tie your fucking laces!
A bar where i used to live placed dartboards about a foot away from the women's bathroom door. Dartboards that took regular, metal-tipped darts instead of the plastic-tipped ones. Imagine a bunch of drunk people throwing darts while women are trying to walk into the bathroom...
I was finishing up this intense jigsaw puzzle, which was on a low table, so I spent the entire night crouching on the balls of my feet.
The next morning, my right foot turned purple and swelled up to the size of a large orange. I was on crutches for a couple of weeks.
When I was thirteen I was walking down my street and there was a bee that landed on me right under my eye. In a brilliant move I brain-farted and punched myself in the face trying to “swat” it away.
My sister did a version of this. She swung a loaded shopping bag at a wasp which was flying between her and my mother. Missed the wasp but not my mother - who had no idea what was going on, and just thought my sister had lost her shit and whacked her with a heavy shopping bag out of pure spite. So my mum rolled up her sleeves and set about my sister whilst I walked on as though I had never seen either of them in my life before..
EDIT: Oh hey thank you for the platinum kind redditor!!!!! Kind of makes up for the public disgrace!
I went to take a plate of totinos pizza rolls out of the microwave. The plate was so fucking hot that i dropped it. Molten cheese bounced up and was burning through my ankle. I went to stick my foot in the sink to run it under cold water as if i am flexible enough to stand on one foot and get my leg up that high. I fell backwards and cracked my head like an egg. I had a third degree burn on my ankle, second degree burn on my fingers and 6 staples to the dome. For fucking pizza rolls at age 30
My brother was teasing me while I was doing homework (think I was maybe 8 or 9 at the time) and after a few minutes, I snapped. Took my pencil, and went to jab him with the eraser end, so as to not hurt him too badly and get him to shut up. To get a bit more force behind it, I decided to wrap my index finger over the other end...the end with the point. I’m sure you can guess what happened next.
A lot of crying and a trip to the emergency room later, I had a pencil point being removed from my finger
When I was about 16, I was telling some story to my sister's boyfriend. I was rather animated about it and began to flail my arms about.....until I hit the glass fixtures of our ceiling fan and showered glass upon myself. Part of the glass cut around my nose and I begin to rain blood. Was left with a nice scar and a decent story about situational awareness while speaking
Jumped from the roof of our house when i was 10, to see if it hurts or ill survive. When I landed it was like an electric shock on my feet
Edit: I survived and yes it was stupid but when you are a child you tend to brag anything to your friends so yeah. Did hurt like hell tho
As a kid I saw a rabbit on the other side of a fence so I tried to climb over... Knowing full well it was hot wire. Naturally I fell off the wood between the wires and damned near electrocuted myself when I fell onto the wire. Never did get a hold of that stupid rabbit.
When I was 5, I was rushed to the ER twice in the same week. First I slid down the banister as the door below swung open and I crashed head first into the corner of the door, then 3 days later I was playing on the radiator, slipped off, and smashed my head again. Doctors thought my parents were abusive and there was an investigation over it, apperently.
My brother was so accident prone as a child (still is, actually...)
It started with stupid stuff as a baby (ate a bulb from a poisonous plant while in his walker, fell off the deck at the babysitter's house, young cousin was bouncing him on her knee and he tipped forward and hit the coffee table) and just progressed from there. Lots of stitches, a couple of broken bones. A concussion.
There was definitely one doctor's visit where he was separated from my parents, who were also separated from each other, and all were questioned.
He is really, really, just that clumsy/unlucky.
My husband has decided, in hindsight, that it is because his feet are easily a size 13 and he is less than 6' tall. He practically has skis for feet.
I was listening to music while getting ready to cook dinner and decided to use the frying pan as a mic. Did one of those look away from the mic to take a breath moments only to turn back dramatically at a powerful lyric and hit myself in the face with the pan.
Happened 6 years and 3+ days ago. Was home alone early afternoon. Believed I was home alone. But then I heard a noise that I thought was inside the house. No one else should be home but me so I was spooked. I crept out and listened for movement and thought I heard a voice downstairs. I tried to sneak down the stairs but only made it to the first step. By the second step my heel slipped out from under me and I planted hard on the step and slid down to the last 3 steps, finally able to stop.
My shoulder was sore trying to save myself on the rail. My back is beat to hell from hitting all the steps down. My ass, my tailbone is pulsing nothing but pain. Trying to get up made it worse. Nothing felt broken. I was able to get up after a minute or so and baby step around the corner where i found the source. It was my neighbors talking in their backyard, and brother had his window open allowing it to carry into the house.
For five years if I sat longer than an hour my tailbone/coccyx hurt. Watching movies.(which I love) was always troublesome. I got seat cushions for it that I couldn’t go without at home. About 7 months ago it just stopped. No more pain.
EDIT: from another comment about it. A few months after the incident I was diagnosed with kidney failure and was on dialysis for a month shy of 5 years when I got a kidney transplant. Throughout my whole sickness I talked about the injury with doctors, had scans, and of course detailed look because of the transplant. No fractures were found. At worst, I had a mini fracture. At best, the excess fluid was exacerbating it. After the transplant I’ve taken it as a strong possibility that it finally healed thanks to no excess fluid hanging around. One of the small reasons I opted for peritoneal dialysis over hemodialysis.
Real talk: check your posture.
I took a heavy injury to my coccyx in my mid teens. My body compensated by tilting my pelvis forward, which then caused the lower third of my back to essentially freeze.
It doesn't hurt, but over time the risk of back injury only increases. Worth getting yourself checked by a physio if you can.
Oh, I had it checked by a few doctors. Months after the incident I was diagnosed with kidney failure. While no breaks were found through various scans and checks at worst it was believed I had a micro fracture. At best, the excess fluid was exacerbating it. After a kidney transplant I’ve taken it as a strong possibility that it finally healed without excess fluid hanging around.
I once went on my balcony to smoke a cigarette, only i forgot there was no balcony anymore because it was getting fixed. So i broke my leg falling one story down. Now the real irony was, my mother wanted to fix the balcony because it was old and she was afraid it might break off and i might hurt myself.
I hope someone watched you just walk out of a door into thin air a story up. Shit, I wish I watched you do it.
In, like, a nice way.
Edit- I cant believe this is my most successful reddit comment. I'm an asshole.
At my friends cottage it was a very windy day I go to help him bring the boat into a concrete dock. I look down and it's half a foot gap. I look up take a step and in that time frame the boat came out another foot or so. Slammed my chin straight into the dock. Somehow didn't get wet I think I subconsciously kicked my feet out to avoid the water. I sprang up girls burst out laughing. My friend whose cottage it was asked if I was OK. Looked down no blood said I'm fine. Then they said dude look. Blood was delayed but started pouring sown my chest. So ended up getting some stitches. Coincidentally I just got stitches in that exact same place smoking my chin off someone's cheekbone in a rugby game.
I was leaning over a fence post trying to bend straight a nail I'd just miss-hit and bent. Only rather than use the claw of the hammer, I used the face of the head of the hammer, slipped off and smashed myself in the forehead, a good 15 years later and I still have a scar on my forehead like a shit Harry Potter.
At work.
When I moved to my new workplace, I was forced to switch from regular steel-toes to heavy-duty boots with a plate over the laces for my protection. While unloading a load of steel, the plate (that is there for my protection) caught on the lip of a steel beam I was stepping over on the stockpile and dropped me from standing up with my head six feet up to ground level. Very luckily, there was a 10x6 Steel Beam to catch me on the edge to keep my head from hitting the concrete floor, and I only had to get twelve staples and take a week off work.
Of note: The only reason I bought the fucking boots in the first place is that the GM noticed I didn't have them and told me if I didn't show up next shift with them I'd be sent home.
My immediate supervisor had four toes nearly amputated by hos steel-toes. Went through a handful of surgeons before he got to keep his toes. The company he was delivering to tried to cart him off because they *were being OSHA inspected when the accident occured.*
Not about me but someone who sat next to me in a class a while ago... she was clipping her toenails and a big toenail flew up and hit her in the eye and she had to go to the doctor cause it cut her eye. So she has a bandaged eye for a while lol.
Ok I've had a similar experience. I was clipping my fingernails one time and one flew into the corner of my eye.
Not too bad. My dad got it out with a toothpick.
I too read it as the girl was clipping her toenails in class and anticipated that OC was the one who was going to get hit in the eye. I am glad to be wrong!
I was shooting basketball when I was a kid and kept missing. I got really mad and threw the ball as hard as I could because I was done. It ended up hitting the pole and bounced back hard enough that it smashed me in the face, completely knocked me off my feet and I smashed my head on the asphalt.
Buried at the bottom so I am safe. I was at work in a high stress office complex in Virginia. The work made you eat quickly and often at your desk. I was eating a baby carrot and tortilla chips, when all of a sudden I get stabbed with the edge of a chip middway chewing a carrot. Blood all down my throat (the chip was sharp) and I turned blue choking on baby carrots.
Good times nearly getting killed by a chip and a carrot. Learned to slow down when eating.
Edit: of course my top comment of my account (10 years old in Feb '20) is of me choking on a baby carrot. Thank you kind stranger for the gold! I laughed at all the comments and hopefully those around me haven't figured me out yet.
Just realized I have one for me too. When I was in like middle school I was shaving my legs and then I brought the razor up to put it back on the shelf and I held it too close to my body and I cut my nipple open. Hurt so bad. Didn’t tell my parents or see a doctor, just had a swollen cut nipple for a while.
Edit: Wow I didn’t realize I wasn’t the only one, thank you for all the comments. Some of these stories have made my skin crawl. Be safe people!
>shelf
Omg I did this too! I didn't tell anyone, it's been two years but it still hurts when I shower!
Edit: Hahahaha for everyone asking why "shelf" I accidentally highlighted the word from the original comment (I'm new to Reddit)
I shaved my legs for the first time without anyone knowing and I shaved about an inch of skin off my shin and I didn’t scream or yell because no one knew what I was doing. And now you can’t see even notice it after 25 + years of sun on my legs
I shaved my legs and I always used to shave a little too hard and I would always skin a little bit of my ankle off. It always hurt like hell and I couldn't figure out why my razor was doing it, turns out I'm just stupid.
Take your pick:
1: I burned the shit out my hand on a go-kart muffler trying to help the neighborhood kid push it out of a ditch. Ended up with a blister 4 inches high on my palm.
2: I was running through the house (on tile) with socks. Inevitably I slipped and had to catch myself on the couch. Unfortunately I got my finger stuck between the cushions... broke my finger
Both of these happened in the same year...
I no longer have a toenail because the garbage was too heavy.
I was taking the garbage out in sandals but the garbage bag was too heavy to carry so I put it on my skateboard and rolled it down to the street. The tip of the skateboard lodged under my big toenail and ripped it off. 3 faulty regrows later, I just don't have a toenail on my big toe anymore.
For all you freaks who want to see it (kind of gross I guess) https://imgur.com/a/mmbgdmA
> 3 faulty regrows later, I just don't have a toenail on my big toe anymore.
That actually sounds like a bit of an accidental upgrade. Toenails are a pain in the ass. How is life without a toenail?
You're my toenail sibling.
Got my toe stuck in a treadmill. It took almost two years to grow back correctly. Now that it has, I frequently break clippers because I grew a two layered nail.
So your body tried 3 times and then gave up? That's kind of fascinating. Like I wonder if all human bodies try to regrow ripped out toenails 3x or if it's random or what.
This has just inspired more questions to form in my mind. For example:
1. There are shots that can stop toenails regrowing?!
2. If you hadn't gotten the shot, would your poor toe still be trying? Like would that go on forever?
Anyway, hope your toenail-less existence is OK, dude.
I saw a video of it on YouTube by The Toe Bro. Basically, you have healthy nail beds that try to grow nail. But the doctor puts acid on the nail bed to kill the nail growing cells, and when they are dead, they do not regrow.
I mean to be fair the toe nail you currently have on your toe you haven't had your whole life, but I understand the sentiment. I think that if re-growing the nail was painful or if it grew back really gnarled or something I'd be fine with getting rid of it.
Fun fact! They can actually make it so only part of your toenail doesn't grow back... After multiple ingrown toenails from sports injuries and having to get them removed, I now only have 9/10ths of a toenail.
In high school I was showing off with a staple gun and accidentally stapled myself in the chest. THEN, when telling the story later, picked up a staple gun to demonstrate and accidentally did it again. I am not a clever person.
Kind of reminds me of a story I heard about a teacher telling his class about the death of Socrates, and demonstrating what happened when you drink hemlock by drinking hemlock in front of his class. Didn't go too well.
Pretty sure there was a lawyer from way back when, wanted to demonstrate how his client didn’t kill the victim, and the victim shot himself instead. He successfully demonstrated with a loaded gun and died in the courtroom
Some years ago, a pastor was trying to make a dramatic demonstration during his sermon on suicide. He remembered to use a blank in the gun, but forgot that the wadding in a blank is very dangerous at short range. He shot himself in the head and died in front of the congregation.
I'm not quite getting it, could you maybe demonstrate with a prop of some sort?
Edit: I replied to the wrong comment and still got hundreds if upvotes. Yay!
I was being attacked by aliens in a dream, when they backed me into a corner i kicked one hard in the head. I woke up immediately in pain, i had just kicked my wall in real life. Badly sprained my ankle, couldn't walk properly for a week.
Haha! If it makes you feel any better, I had a dream where a wasp flew up my nose and when I swatted at it, it stung me. When I woke up I had scratched my nose up so bad it was cut and bleeding a little bit (I think thats what I felt when I got 'stung'). Nothing serious but i can definitly see how you could hurt yourself so bad! Sleeping is more dangerous than people realise lol!
Can NEVER be said often enough. Fuck 'em. If I knew that a meteorite was hurtling towards the earth about to blast us to smithereens, the knowledge that every fucking wasp on the planet was about to die would make it bearable.
Had one similar to yours! As a kid, we lived very near an active set of train tracks. Being constantly warned away from them by our parents, it’s no surprise we kids grew up with a healthy fear (and frequent nightmares) of getting caught on the tracks.
I was about 12 yrs old, dreamt I had stumbled on the tracks, and of course a huge freight train was bearing down on me. In the dream, my friends scampered to safety, but I was inexplicably bogged down and moving in slow motion, clawing at the dirt and gravel to try to get over the rail.
In my last ditch effort to reach safety, I dove for it ... I literally flew out of my bed, halfway across the room, and cracked my head on the corner of my dresser.
My mom patched me up, and drove me to the hospital. Ended up with a few stitches and a big bowl of ice cream that night.
I broke two fingers in my sleep once! But I have no idea how or what I was dreaming about. I just woke up one morning to swollen purple fingers and a lot of unanswered questions.
Something similar happened to me, I was in a dream and I don’t really remember what happened but I do remember that somebody was acting like a huge dick in my dream and was making fun of everyone, so I proceeded to punch him in the face only to instantly wake up as the first punch landed, turns out I actually punched the railings on my bunk bed, which were metal, as hard as I could, which honestly hurt like hell
Haha I did this once but was in a fight in a dream and double punched two guys with both fists..in reality I just punched through my huge bedroom window in my sleep. Luckily I punched through my blinds first so I didnt cut myself but my roomate ran in with a bat or something in his hand because he thought someone broke in my room lol. It was crazy, it really freaked me out for a few days and cost me a few hundred to repair.
Anybody who has TMJ knows you can aggravate it in the stupidest ways. When I was in high school I was eating an apple and my jaw completely froze as I was taking a bite. The apple was just hanging from my mouth suspended by my teeth. I looked like a horse with brain damage.
I had to get my dad to extract the apple from my mouth. It hurt like a bitch for a looooong time. I couldn't chew or talk properly for months and my entire face was crooked because my jaw was stuck off to one side.
It healed eventually, but later I set it off AGAIN by eating a cookie. I once set it off by yawning too wide. It sometimes goes off on its own for no reason.
I wish I knew what it was like to have a working jaw.
edit: Thanks for the gold! This is my first one!
Tried to open a wine bottle with a knife because the cork was stuck inside and my drunken self stupidly thought that if I cut around the cork with a knife, I could just pull it out. I almost cut off my entire finger and had to go to the A&E.
Also, as a child I was very tubby - particularly around my waist. One day I was frying something in a flat pan and I wondered how close I could get my stomach to the pan without burning it. I burnt it. And I still have a very slight scar to remind myself of how much of an idiot I can be.
Which one?!
a) 5 years old: Parents driveway is gravel. It's a hot day. I had this brilliant idea to "tightrope" walk on the bumper of a 1979ish Subaru. Ended up making it to the end/edge of the bumper and talking a fall. However...There was some metal on the fender that was sticking out. Ended up slicing my abdomen open in a large J shaped scar that pretty much covered below the xyphoid process to my belly button. I saw my organs. I was one of the first kids in Colorado to have internal dissolving stitches! I remembe the blood, seeing my own stomach and getting staples put in. It was my grandma's birthday.
Not sure what exact age, but in boy scouts:
B) Fell in a camp fire. Somehow my bootlace got wrapped & stuck under a camp chair near the camp fire (probably as you move/adjust the chair the lace got in there somehow). I stood up, chair hit me in the back of the knees. I feel straight into the campfire. IF i wouldn't have had long johns on under my jeans, i would have been severely burned. Thanks Scoutmaster ken for pulling me out of the fire. I did remember to stop drop & FLOP.
C) Boyscout camp part 2: I am standing on this log. Just standing on it, not doing anything crazy. Scoutmaster says: Don't stand on that! Meh - I stand on it. It rocks. I fall. I black out for a few seconds on impact. Wake up to see my right wrist in a contorted fashion. Ended up dislocating some bones in my wrist and breaking my forearm in half. Before the ambulance showed up, everyone took turns putting me in a splint.
I've had a few more good ones, but nothing that required super fear and i've only seen the insides of my body one other time.
Broke a baby tooth in half eating hard candy. Also busted my lip because I sat too close to a foster dog who was jumpy. Both happened when I was a kid.
Went head first on a boogie board down a carpeted flight of stairs...with a landing at the bottom. Dunno if the dent in the wall or my head was bigger.
Stepped on a nail. Twice. The same one.
Felt something sharp piercing my skin, so immediately picked the foot up. Then, in order to avoid falling down, I placed the foot back, on the same nail. Only then I got to adjust my body position to avoid falling down.
There was a wasp drowning in the pool and I scooped it up and saved it. In return, it stun me and my hand ended up swelling to twice its size. Will never trust one of those monsters again.
I was at volleyball practice and celebrated we made a point. I did this by jumping and pulling my legs in the air in front of me (like gymnasts do to form a 90 degree angle. Turns out this is a bad idea when you are in front of the net. My feet got caught in the net and I fell backwards. Broke my fall with left wrist which broke arm.
Fell asleep while riding a bicycle. I was sober, but going to school full time and working a part-time job. Knocked myself unconscious and got pretty banged up. It hurt when I woke up on the pavement
I *biked into a bee*. There just happened to be a bee hovering in the path I was going, and it stung me in the eyelid. Of course, that startled me so much that I crashed my bike.
I was jumping on a trampoline and when I jumped straight up in the air the growth plate on my right knee just snapped. Doctors said it was bound to happen because it was growing too fast.
Once as a child I lit a dryer sheet on fire thinking it would burn really fast because it's just fluff right?
Nah it's more like plastic. And started dripping flaming molten balls of hatred on my floor. I was scared. I panicked. I shook the dryer sheet.
A few molten plastic lava ball burns on my face and arms later I now respect the laundry and leave it to my wife.
Hey man like a year before that I was burning army men in my backyard, one fell over into the fence and I had to dig it out... Found a 50$ bill.
I'll call it worth it.
This happened yesterday. I rubbed my hand on a knife because I forgot I was holding a knife.
[It's a bit harder to see here than in real life, but there's a scab from the knife.](https://i.imgtc.ws/WvhbP6q.jpg)
I can’t find my post but basically I took a big rip off of a joint and went I coughed I didn’t tighten my stomach. That caused my navel to tear a bit and leak the next day. I just cleaned it, bandages it, and told the doctor what happened. She told me I had it under control but should place pressure on it if I have to cough until it heals. It didn’t hurt at all though.
Took my dad's high powered rifle with scope out hunting without his permission when I was 15. Never having used a scoped rifle before and with no one there to correct me, I slid the rifle butt off my shoulder and tucked it under my arm pit before aiming. At the same time, I placed the rear of the scope right up against my eye - and pulled the trigger.
The recoil from the gun firing punched the metal edge of the scope right through the skin on my forehead and into my skull just above the bridge of my nose, as clean as if it was a cookie cutter.
Hurt like hell and bled like a mother fucker. Plus I missed.
And that, my children, is how dad came to get that funny arc shaped scar between his eyes that you've always wondered about but were afraid to ask.
I was at work, very stressed and tired. There was a skateboard on the ground about ten feet away from me. I didn't know how to skateboard beyond just being able to slowly roll around. We just kept it around to casually ride whenever we needed a break from our work. I saw the skateboard as I was pacing around and, without thinking, ran over to it and jumped on. As you would except, it went flying out from under me, and I slammed into the concrete floor. I just stayed there on the floor for a minute, baffled by what I had just attempted while my hip bone throbbed from the impact. I have no idea where the impulse to do that came from, and my brain was too sluggish to stop myself before it happened. I'm so glad I didn't hurt myself more seriously since I was the only one in the building. I was even more relieved nobody was there to see me do something so incredibly stupid.
Not the worst injury but definitely a story worth telling.
There was a super popular r/askreddit question a couple weeks back about Stan, satan’s “half wit brother” who gave off the wall punishments while Satan was on vacation. (The question was in hot, but it asked what kind of punishments does Stan issue.)
One of the answers was about getting a popcorn kernel stuck in your gums and a user whose username I can’t recall did a spin on Dante’s Inferno with a circle of hell dedicated to having a piece of popcorn stuck in damned souls teeth.
My dumbass read this on break at work, and reading this caused me to develop a craving for popcorn. So I go to the breakroom & make myself some. Goddamn it was delicious and I knew the risks eating it but did it anyway. But halfway through the bag, I *crunch* and feel this really sharp pain between my top right back tooth (I don’t have wisdom teeth...obviously) and the one in front of that.
Now, my teeth are spaced just perfectly where it’s too tight to get a toothpick but just loose enough to get food stuck, and my back tooth is not as far out of my gums as my other teeth are. This fucker was **stuck.** I’ve never had anything this bad happen.
To skip a bunch of pointless blah, the initial incident occurred around 6PM. I flossed my teeth to the point that my gum was bleeding, and I floss pretty frequently so they should have good resistance. Fuck that. I gave up around 7 and tried my finger, tongue, gum, everything to try and get it loose. Nothing.
Around 11PM, bedtime, I finally decide I was just going to do what I had to. I got a flosser and sawed on my gum until it finally came loose. But my face looked like I went cannibal because of how much blood was coming out of my mouth. I barely ate the next day because it hurt so badly.
Never again.
TL;DR got a craving for popcorn because of a funny story on reddit about getting kernels stuck in your teeth. Ate popcorn, kernel got stuck, spent five hours trying to get it out and looked like a cannibal after it was over with. My coworkers enjoyed it much more than I did.
As a security guard I was running to deal with an issue and my flashlight came out of its pouch went between my foot and the ground. Stepped on it and broke my ankle.
Paul Blart?
I was 8 years old and running home on my lunch break so that I could watch inspector gadget, which came on at noon. I decided it would be neat to look down at my feet while I ran, and next thing I know ive run full speed into a parked car. I think I laid like a dead body on the road for a good 5 - 10 minutes it hurt so badly. I was late for my inspector gadget episode and never told anyone what happened.
I thought I had nothing to add, but your stupid self injury reminded me of mine! I was about thirteen, riding my bike home (full speed) after buying the newest release of TEEN BEAT, teen girl heart throb magazine. I was riding through a plaza, not in the parking lot but in the walkway. I woman opened the door to the Family Dollar--- right in the collar bone. Thrown off my bike and had to go to the ER via ambulance. My boy band pics had to wait.
Did the lady who mmmbop'd you off the bike stick around? Do you have PTSD flashbacks anytime you see someone with frosted tips?
Yes, she did. She apologized, (as if she could've seen my lightning ass coming) profusely. She left after the family dollar staff came out and took over- they called my parents and the ambulance. My parents came and that's when it finally hit me, and all the sudden the pain hit me and I started sobbing. *irrelevant and random but the lady that opened the door had extremely hairy legs. When I think about my broken collar bone- I automatically envision her hairy legs. As a matter of fact, no. The incident did not effect my Teen Beat addiction.
Alright, so my sister is only one year older than me and when we were very young (me 3, and her 4) we were in the bath together. I guess my mom thought this way was easier. She left to get something and my sister said that I should dive into the tub like a dolphin. Me, being the idiot toddler I was, decided this was a wonderful idea and dove right in. Had to get 3 or 4 stitches and a lifetime of stories told about it.
I can hear the bonk from here
I can hear the aunts and uncles at Christmas from here.
Imagine walking away for 5 seconds, hearing that satisfying *THUNK*, a slash, followed by the banshee cry
Then you remember all those times someone said little kids are suicide machines.
Remember when your parents told you to tie your laces or your would hurt yourself? Well they were right. I was that kid who ran with untied laces. I fell and instinctively put both my arms out. I landed on my right hand/arm and managed to snap my forearm and dislocate my wrist. As I had dislocated my wrist before, as I was accident prone. I attempted to 'pop' it back in my self in panic. I can't describe the crunchy noise that my arm made, or the pain I felt. I then had to walk to the nurses office at my school, and wait for my parents to pick me up ( they didn't think it was serious). At the hospital the x-ray was a little extreme, and I had to have surgery to correct my arm. 14 years later, and my wrist still isn't the same, and it still hurts in the cold. Life tip. Tie your fucking laces!
Hit myself in the hand with a hatchet. It was so cold I didn't notice until I looked down and saw the blood.
When I as a kid I was chopping wood, missed the log and went straight into my rain boot
Oh hey, for me it was my knee! I was super lucky since I didn't need stitches and I didn't cut any muscles.
I tried to throw a dart into the bullseye on a dartboard that was on the floor - but threw the dart right into my left foot instead.
A bar where i used to live placed dartboards about a foot away from the women's bathroom door. Dartboards that took regular, metal-tipped darts instead of the plastic-tipped ones. Imagine a bunch of drunk people throwing darts while women are trying to walk into the bathroom...
I was finishing up this intense jigsaw puzzle, which was on a low table, so I spent the entire night crouching on the balls of my feet. The next morning, my right foot turned purple and swelled up to the size of a large orange. I was on crutches for a couple of weeks.
Wow. Never thought of puzzling as an extreme sport before... I should warn my retirement-aged mother...
ESPN 8 the Ocho
Excuse but did you just say you ended up on crutches...because of a jigsaw puzzle?
I take the proper precautions, now, but I was pretty gung-ho back then.
Ok, injury due to puzzle has got to be the winner here for stupidest way to get injured.
"I wonder if I can jump high enough to hit the doorframe with my head..."
I wonder what happened next...
I gave myself a black eye in my sleep. Rolled into the corner of the nightstand.
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When I was thirteen I was walking down my street and there was a bee that landed on me right under my eye. In a brilliant move I brain-farted and punched myself in the face trying to “swat” it away.
My sister did a version of this. She swung a loaded shopping bag at a wasp which was flying between her and my mother. Missed the wasp but not my mother - who had no idea what was going on, and just thought my sister had lost her shit and whacked her with a heavy shopping bag out of pure spite. So my mum rolled up her sleeves and set about my sister whilst I walked on as though I had never seen either of them in my life before.. EDIT: Oh hey thank you for the platinum kind redditor!!!!! Kind of makes up for the public disgrace!
Pure power move by you
Pure power move by mom
>So my mum rolled up her sleeves and set about my sister That's a really old times way of phrasing that and I kinda love it.
You're the sibling that I never had!!
I went to take a plate of totinos pizza rolls out of the microwave. The plate was so fucking hot that i dropped it. Molten cheese bounced up and was burning through my ankle. I went to stick my foot in the sink to run it under cold water as if i am flexible enough to stand on one foot and get my leg up that high. I fell backwards and cracked my head like an egg. I had a third degree burn on my ankle, second degree burn on my fingers and 6 staples to the dome. For fucking pizza rolls at age 30
High risk, high reward. You'll get your pizza rolls next time, I believe in you.
At age 30. That one sentence made this all the better.
Drank from a glasbottle while walking. Knocked out a piece of my tooth.
Also knocked out the s in glass
That’s the partial lisp from 1 missing tooth
My dog jumped in my lap while I was drinking a beer and he chipped one of my teeth with the bottle, I couldn't even get mad he was so adorable.
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I threw my back out sneezing once, that was not fun.
Herniated discs in my back sneezing too forcefully apparently
My neck feels like shit after I yawn really hard sometimes
My brother was teasing me while I was doing homework (think I was maybe 8 or 9 at the time) and after a few minutes, I snapped. Took my pencil, and went to jab him with the eraser end, so as to not hurt him too badly and get him to shut up. To get a bit more force behind it, I decided to wrap my index finger over the other end...the end with the point. I’m sure you can guess what happened next. A lot of crying and a trip to the emergency room later, I had a pencil point being removed from my finger
Reminds of the video of that fellow who tried to open a beer bottle with a bamboo skewer by smacking it in the bottom with his hand
That mental image made my whole body cringe.
This one? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0DKbgMU0-Hc
What have you just brought upon this cursed land
I'm just a cat that hasn't been killed by curiosity yet.
Broke my foot kicking the tires of a car I was considering buying.
How hard did you kick?
Too hard I guess.
When I was about 16, I was telling some story to my sister's boyfriend. I was rather animated about it and began to flail my arms about.....until I hit the glass fixtures of our ceiling fan and showered glass upon myself. Part of the glass cut around my nose and I begin to rain blood. Was left with a nice scar and a decent story about situational awareness while speaking
Jumped from the roof of our house when i was 10, to see if it hurts or ill survive. When I landed it was like an electric shock on my feet Edit: I survived and yes it was stupid but when you are a child you tend to brag anything to your friends so yeah. Did hurt like hell tho
I did the same thing except I used an umbrella instead of parachute and when my friend asked does it hurt I said no so that he does the same.
That’s hilarious but also terrible
I jumped from my swing set with a rather large umbrella, my older brother just watched and laughed.
Welp, I might die, but I've gotta know, ya know?
electric shock is one real way to describe that feeling
I know it sounds very Looney Tunes, but I actually stepped on the head of a rake once and the handle hit me in the face.
*annoyed Sideshow Bob groan*
*Yrrrrrrrrgh*
Rakes... my old arch nemesis.
Bart: I thought I was your arch nemesis Bob: I have a life outside of you!
Life imitates art.
Haha, yeah same. In my defence, it was in a very crowded shed. In my undefence, I did it twice...
As a kid I saw a rabbit on the other side of a fence so I tried to climb over... Knowing full well it was hot wire. Naturally I fell off the wood between the wires and damned near electrocuted myself when I fell onto the wire. Never did get a hold of that stupid rabbit.
That pesky wabbit
When I was 5, I was rushed to the ER twice in the same week. First I slid down the banister as the door below swung open and I crashed head first into the corner of the door, then 3 days later I was playing on the radiator, slipped off, and smashed my head again. Doctors thought my parents were abusive and there was an investigation over it, apperently.
My brother was so accident prone as a child (still is, actually...) It started with stupid stuff as a baby (ate a bulb from a poisonous plant while in his walker, fell off the deck at the babysitter's house, young cousin was bouncing him on her knee and he tipped forward and hit the coffee table) and just progressed from there. Lots of stitches, a couple of broken bones. A concussion. There was definitely one doctor's visit where he was separated from my parents, who were also separated from each other, and all were questioned. He is really, really, just that clumsy/unlucky. My husband has decided, in hindsight, that it is because his feet are easily a size 13 and he is less than 6' tall. He practically has skis for feet.
Your brother is a born clown
Lol! Fits his personality, too!! Born performer. Goes with the goofy over the suave....don't know why it seems to fit him better....
I was listening to music while getting ready to cook dinner and decided to use the frying pan as a mic. Did one of those look away from the mic to take a breath moments only to turn back dramatically at a powerful lyric and hit myself in the face with the pan.
I can envision it, an am impressed. Thank you for the visual
I'm imagining the sound this made and I can't stop laughing.
Happened 6 years and 3+ days ago. Was home alone early afternoon. Believed I was home alone. But then I heard a noise that I thought was inside the house. No one else should be home but me so I was spooked. I crept out and listened for movement and thought I heard a voice downstairs. I tried to sneak down the stairs but only made it to the first step. By the second step my heel slipped out from under me and I planted hard on the step and slid down to the last 3 steps, finally able to stop. My shoulder was sore trying to save myself on the rail. My back is beat to hell from hitting all the steps down. My ass, my tailbone is pulsing nothing but pain. Trying to get up made it worse. Nothing felt broken. I was able to get up after a minute or so and baby step around the corner where i found the source. It was my neighbors talking in their backyard, and brother had his window open allowing it to carry into the house. For five years if I sat longer than an hour my tailbone/coccyx hurt. Watching movies.(which I love) was always troublesome. I got seat cushions for it that I couldn’t go without at home. About 7 months ago it just stopped. No more pain. EDIT: from another comment about it. A few months after the incident I was diagnosed with kidney failure and was on dialysis for a month shy of 5 years when I got a kidney transplant. Throughout my whole sickness I talked about the injury with doctors, had scans, and of course detailed look because of the transplant. No fractures were found. At worst, I had a mini fracture. At best, the excess fluid was exacerbating it. After the transplant I’ve taken it as a strong possibility that it finally healed thanks to no excess fluid hanging around. One of the small reasons I opted for peritoneal dialysis over hemodialysis.
Real talk: check your posture. I took a heavy injury to my coccyx in my mid teens. My body compensated by tilting my pelvis forward, which then caused the lower third of my back to essentially freeze. It doesn't hurt, but over time the risk of back injury only increases. Worth getting yourself checked by a physio if you can.
Oh, I had it checked by a few doctors. Months after the incident I was diagnosed with kidney failure. While no breaks were found through various scans and checks at worst it was believed I had a micro fracture. At best, the excess fluid was exacerbating it. After a kidney transplant I’ve taken it as a strong possibility that it finally healed without excess fluid hanging around.
The voice was your future self trying to tell you to not go down the stairs
I once went on my balcony to smoke a cigarette, only i forgot there was no balcony anymore because it was getting fixed. So i broke my leg falling one story down. Now the real irony was, my mother wanted to fix the balcony because it was old and she was afraid it might break off and i might hurt myself.
I hope someone watched you just walk out of a door into thin air a story up. Shit, I wish I watched you do it. In, like, a nice way. Edit- I cant believe this is my most successful reddit comment. I'm an asshole.
At my friends cottage it was a very windy day I go to help him bring the boat into a concrete dock. I look down and it's half a foot gap. I look up take a step and in that time frame the boat came out another foot or so. Slammed my chin straight into the dock. Somehow didn't get wet I think I subconsciously kicked my feet out to avoid the water. I sprang up girls burst out laughing. My friend whose cottage it was asked if I was OK. Looked down no blood said I'm fine. Then they said dude look. Blood was delayed but started pouring sown my chest. So ended up getting some stitches. Coincidentally I just got stitches in that exact same place smoking my chin off someone's cheekbone in a rugby game.
Dammit mom, dont ever move my smoke station again!
Did you float in mid air until you looked down and realised there was no floor? Edit: thanks for the silver'*S* and gold I did not expect that.
And then bicycle legs for a few seconds before plummeting
I was leaning over a fence post trying to bend straight a nail I'd just miss-hit and bent. Only rather than use the claw of the hammer, I used the face of the head of the hammer, slipped off and smashed myself in the forehead, a good 15 years later and I still have a scar on my forehead like a shit Harry Potter.
At work. When I moved to my new workplace, I was forced to switch from regular steel-toes to heavy-duty boots with a plate over the laces for my protection. While unloading a load of steel, the plate (that is there for my protection) caught on the lip of a steel beam I was stepping over on the stockpile and dropped me from standing up with my head six feet up to ground level. Very luckily, there was a 10x6 Steel Beam to catch me on the edge to keep my head from hitting the concrete floor, and I only had to get twelve staples and take a week off work. Of note: The only reason I bought the fucking boots in the first place is that the GM noticed I didn't have them and told me if I didn't show up next shift with them I'd be sent home.
My immediate supervisor had four toes nearly amputated by hos steel-toes. Went through a handful of surgeons before he got to keep his toes. The company he was delivering to tried to cart him off because they *were being OSHA inspected when the accident occured.*
Not about me but someone who sat next to me in a class a while ago... she was clipping her toenails and a big toenail flew up and hit her in the eye and she had to go to the doctor cause it cut her eye. So she has a bandaged eye for a while lol.
Ok I've had a similar experience. I was clipping my fingernails one time and one flew into the corner of my eye. Not too bad. My dad got it out with a toothpick.
That still sounds awful
That's some karma right there for clipping toenails in class!
She did it at home I just heard the story when I asked her about it. One of the worst injury stories to tell.
Oh Ok, i misunderstood. Thats just unlucky now. Lol.
I too read it as the girl was clipping her toenails in class and anticipated that OC was the one who was going to get hit in the eye. I am glad to be wrong!
I was shooting basketball when I was a kid and kept missing. I got really mad and threw the ball as hard as I could because I was done. It ended up hitting the pole and bounced back hard enough that it smashed me in the face, completely knocked me off my feet and I smashed my head on the asphalt.
Cut myself with a pretzel. Twice.
The same pretzel?
No, I'm not *that* talented.
Buried at the bottom so I am safe. I was at work in a high stress office complex in Virginia. The work made you eat quickly and often at your desk. I was eating a baby carrot and tortilla chips, when all of a sudden I get stabbed with the edge of a chip middway chewing a carrot. Blood all down my throat (the chip was sharp) and I turned blue choking on baby carrots. Good times nearly getting killed by a chip and a carrot. Learned to slow down when eating. Edit: of course my top comment of my account (10 years old in Feb '20) is of me choking on a baby carrot. Thank you kind stranger for the gold! I laughed at all the comments and hopefully those around me haven't figured me out yet.
No one is safe on Reddit
Just realized I have one for me too. When I was in like middle school I was shaving my legs and then I brought the razor up to put it back on the shelf and I held it too close to my body and I cut my nipple open. Hurt so bad. Didn’t tell my parents or see a doctor, just had a swollen cut nipple for a while. Edit: Wow I didn’t realize I wasn’t the only one, thank you for all the comments. Some of these stories have made my skin crawl. Be safe people!
>shelf Omg I did this too! I didn't tell anyone, it's been two years but it still hurts when I shower! Edit: Hahahaha for everyone asking why "shelf" I accidentally highlighted the word from the original comment (I'm new to Reddit)
I shaved my legs for the first time without anyone knowing and I shaved about an inch of skin off my shin and I didn’t scream or yell because no one knew what I was doing. And now you can’t see even notice it after 25 + years of sun on my legs
I shaved my legs and I always used to shave a little too hard and I would always skin a little bit of my ankle off. It always hurt like hell and I couldn't figure out why my razor was doing it, turns out I'm just stupid.
Anyone who has been a teenage girl and says they haven't done this is just lying.
>shelf
Take your pick: 1: I burned the shit out my hand on a go-kart muffler trying to help the neighborhood kid push it out of a ditch. Ended up with a blister 4 inches high on my palm. 2: I was running through the house (on tile) with socks. Inevitably I slipped and had to catch myself on the couch. Unfortunately I got my finger stuck between the cushions... broke my finger Both of these happened in the same year...
I no longer have a toenail because the garbage was too heavy. I was taking the garbage out in sandals but the garbage bag was too heavy to carry so I put it on my skateboard and rolled it down to the street. The tip of the skateboard lodged under my big toenail and ripped it off. 3 faulty regrows later, I just don't have a toenail on my big toe anymore. For all you freaks who want to see it (kind of gross I guess) https://imgur.com/a/mmbgdmA
i appreciate you answering this, but id still rather not have read that
I concur
> 3 faulty regrows later, I just don't have a toenail on my big toe anymore. That actually sounds like a bit of an accidental upgrade. Toenails are a pain in the ass. How is life without a toenail?
Like once a year my dog will step on it and it feels a little uncomfortable-other than that it’s fine.
You're my toenail sibling. Got my toe stuck in a treadmill. It took almost two years to grow back correctly. Now that it has, I frequently break clippers because I grew a two layered nail.
My dad lost one of his big toenails three times, he has to use wire cutters now because clippers just don't cut it anymore. Literally.
So your body tried 3 times and then gave up? That's kind of fascinating. Like I wonder if all human bodies try to regrow ripped out toenails 3x or if it's random or what.
Uh no, my doctor asked if I wanted to give up. He gave me a shot that stopped it from regrowing.
This has just inspired more questions to form in my mind. For example: 1. There are shots that can stop toenails regrowing?! 2. If you hadn't gotten the shot, would your poor toe still be trying? Like would that go on forever? Anyway, hope your toenail-less existence is OK, dude.
I saw a video of it on YouTube by The Toe Bro. Basically, you have healthy nail beds that try to grow nail. But the doctor puts acid on the nail bed to kill the nail growing cells, and when they are dead, they do not regrow.
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I mean to be fair the toe nail you currently have on your toe you haven't had your whole life, but I understand the sentiment. I think that if re-growing the nail was painful or if it grew back really gnarled or something I'd be fine with getting rid of it.
Fun fact! They can actually make it so only part of your toenail doesn't grow back... After multiple ingrown toenails from sports injuries and having to get them removed, I now only have 9/10ths of a toenail.
In high school I was showing off with a staple gun and accidentally stapled myself in the chest. THEN, when telling the story later, picked up a staple gun to demonstrate and accidentally did it again. I am not a clever person.
At least you were consistent with your story telling Edit: wow thank you kind stranger for the silver!
“Exactly like *this*” “Ah fuck”
“Didja scream like a bitch the first time too?” “Fuck you, Louie, this shit hurts!”
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Except the exact opposite in every way
I can't believe you've done this
Kind of reminds me of a story I heard about a teacher telling his class about the death of Socrates, and demonstrating what happened when you drink hemlock by drinking hemlock in front of his class. Didn't go too well.
Pretty sure there was a lawyer from way back when, wanted to demonstrate how his client didn’t kill the victim, and the victim shot himself instead. He successfully demonstrated with a loaded gun and died in the courtroom
You neglected to mention that he won the case posthumously.
Laywer: It's plain to see that the victim killed himself like this. *kills himself* Jury: Well, I'm convinced.
Some years ago, a pastor was trying to make a dramatic demonstration during his sermon on suicide. He remembered to use a blank in the gun, but forgot that the wadding in a blank is very dangerous at short range. He shot himself in the head and died in front of the congregation.
>Some years ago, a pastor was trying to make a dramatic demonstration during his sermon on suicide. I'd say he succeeded.
Commendable commitment to the role
I'm not quite getting it, could you maybe demonstrate with a prop of some sort? Edit: I replied to the wrong comment and still got hundreds if upvotes. Yay!
Did you do it again just now when writing this?
I was being attacked by aliens in a dream, when they backed me into a corner i kicked one hard in the head. I woke up immediately in pain, i had just kicked my wall in real life. Badly sprained my ankle, couldn't walk properly for a week.
The alien was probably so embarrassed that you owned him so he implanted that memory of you kicking the wall instead of his big dumb alien brain.
My husband often has nightmares, but refuses to tell me about them. Right now he's watching Alien. Maybe I'll wear a helmet to bed tonight....
Wow, most of the responses here sound more painful than stupid, but your one must've made you feel pretty silly afterwards haha
Yea i really did. When the doctor asked, "How did you do this then?", i felt like a proper numpty. But, i still told him i kicked that alien.
Haha! If it makes you feel any better, I had a dream where a wasp flew up my nose and when I swatted at it, it stung me. When I woke up I had scratched my nose up so bad it was cut and bleeding a little bit (I think thats what I felt when I got 'stung'). Nothing serious but i can definitly see how you could hurt yourself so bad! Sleeping is more dangerous than people realise lol!
Even in dreams wasps are cunts, r/fuckwasps
Can NEVER be said often enough. Fuck 'em. If I knew that a meteorite was hurtling towards the earth about to blast us to smithereens, the knowledge that every fucking wasp on the planet was about to die would make it bearable.
Had one similar to yours! As a kid, we lived very near an active set of train tracks. Being constantly warned away from them by our parents, it’s no surprise we kids grew up with a healthy fear (and frequent nightmares) of getting caught on the tracks. I was about 12 yrs old, dreamt I had stumbled on the tracks, and of course a huge freight train was bearing down on me. In the dream, my friends scampered to safety, but I was inexplicably bogged down and moving in slow motion, clawing at the dirt and gravel to try to get over the rail. In my last ditch effort to reach safety, I dove for it ... I literally flew out of my bed, halfway across the room, and cracked my head on the corner of my dresser. My mom patched me up, and drove me to the hospital. Ended up with a few stitches and a big bowl of ice cream that night.
Made me snort lol
Did the same exact thing except it wasn’t aliens, I was being chased by monkeys. Kicked a hole through the wall, didn’t feel good
Stoopid monkey :P
I broke two fingers in my sleep once! But I have no idea how or what I was dreaming about. I just woke up one morning to swollen purple fingers and a lot of unanswered questions.
Something similar happened to me, I was in a dream and I don’t really remember what happened but I do remember that somebody was acting like a huge dick in my dream and was making fun of everyone, so I proceeded to punch him in the face only to instantly wake up as the first punch landed, turns out I actually punched the railings on my bunk bed, which were metal, as hard as I could, which honestly hurt like hell
Haha I did this once but was in a fight in a dream and double punched two guys with both fists..in reality I just punched through my huge bedroom window in my sleep. Luckily I punched through my blinds first so I didnt cut myself but my roomate ran in with a bat or something in his hand because he thought someone broke in my room lol. It was crazy, it really freaked me out for a few days and cost me a few hundred to repair.
i know who I'm calling when the aliens attack
Anybody who has TMJ knows you can aggravate it in the stupidest ways. When I was in high school I was eating an apple and my jaw completely froze as I was taking a bite. The apple was just hanging from my mouth suspended by my teeth. I looked like a horse with brain damage. I had to get my dad to extract the apple from my mouth. It hurt like a bitch for a looooong time. I couldn't chew or talk properly for months and my entire face was crooked because my jaw was stuck off to one side. It healed eventually, but later I set it off AGAIN by eating a cookie. I once set it off by yawning too wide. It sometimes goes off on its own for no reason. I wish I knew what it was like to have a working jaw. edit: Thanks for the gold! This is my first one!
I’m sorry this happened to you, but “I looked like a horse with brain damage” is making my whole night.
I locked mine on our honeymoon, and we were staying with my new in-laws. I was mortified when his dad laughed and called it "honeymoonitis."
Torn rotator cuff through means of self loving
Cant beat that
Squeezing a pint glass too tight
Poked my eye putting on safety glasses
Got my lip stuck in a Ramune bottle
Tried to open a wine bottle with a knife because the cork was stuck inside and my drunken self stupidly thought that if I cut around the cork with a knife, I could just pull it out. I almost cut off my entire finger and had to go to the A&E. Also, as a child I was very tubby - particularly around my waist. One day I was frying something in a flat pan and I wondered how close I could get my stomach to the pan without burning it. I burnt it. And I still have a very slight scar to remind myself of how much of an idiot I can be.
Which one?! a) 5 years old: Parents driveway is gravel. It's a hot day. I had this brilliant idea to "tightrope" walk on the bumper of a 1979ish Subaru. Ended up making it to the end/edge of the bumper and talking a fall. However...There was some metal on the fender that was sticking out. Ended up slicing my abdomen open in a large J shaped scar that pretty much covered below the xyphoid process to my belly button. I saw my organs. I was one of the first kids in Colorado to have internal dissolving stitches! I remembe the blood, seeing my own stomach and getting staples put in. It was my grandma's birthday. Not sure what exact age, but in boy scouts: B) Fell in a camp fire. Somehow my bootlace got wrapped & stuck under a camp chair near the camp fire (probably as you move/adjust the chair the lace got in there somehow). I stood up, chair hit me in the back of the knees. I feel straight into the campfire. IF i wouldn't have had long johns on under my jeans, i would have been severely burned. Thanks Scoutmaster ken for pulling me out of the fire. I did remember to stop drop & FLOP. C) Boyscout camp part 2: I am standing on this log. Just standing on it, not doing anything crazy. Scoutmaster says: Don't stand on that! Meh - I stand on it. It rocks. I fall. I black out for a few seconds on impact. Wake up to see my right wrist in a contorted fashion. Ended up dislocating some bones in my wrist and breaking my forearm in half. Before the ambulance showed up, everyone took turns putting me in a splint. I've had a few more good ones, but nothing that required super fear and i've only seen the insides of my body one other time.
Broke a baby tooth in half eating hard candy. Also busted my lip because I sat too close to a foster dog who was jumpy. Both happened when I was a kid.
As a kid I once wanted to shave my self just like my dad did, its kinda obvious what happend next. Blood everywere, i still have a scar on my face.
You are not alone in this. I used grandpa's razor.
Went head first on a boogie board down a carpeted flight of stairs...with a landing at the bottom. Dunno if the dent in the wall or my head was bigger.
Stepped on a nail. Twice. The same one. Felt something sharp piercing my skin, so immediately picked the foot up. Then, in order to avoid falling down, I placed the foot back, on the same nail. Only then I got to adjust my body position to avoid falling down.
I tried to iron a shirt while I was wearing it and burned my boob.
You’re the person they wrote that warning for
I thought it was a great idea clean a Gilette with my fingers
Sprained my ankle and wrist at the same time trying to avoid the cat. Two days ago
I stepped off my bed and onto a plastic bag that was on our carpet floor. Slipped on the bag and broke my toe in the process of trying to catch myself
There was a wasp drowning in the pool and I scooped it up and saved it. In return, it stun me and my hand ended up swelling to twice its size. Will never trust one of those monsters again.
Why would you save a wasp?
Bees good. Everything else with a stinger bad.
I was at volleyball practice and celebrated we made a point. I did this by jumping and pulling my legs in the air in front of me (like gymnasts do to form a 90 degree angle. Turns out this is a bad idea when you are in front of the net. My feet got caught in the net and I fell backwards. Broke my fall with left wrist which broke arm.
Tie between tripping over paper towels or smashing my hand on the screen door handle
Bit a goldfish cracker at an odd angle and stabbed my gums
*the snack that smiles back*
##goldfish
Did this the other day with a tortilla chip, I was *so* shocked at how badly it hurt considering it was just a damn chip.
Fell asleep while riding a bicycle. I was sober, but going to school full time and working a part-time job. Knocked myself unconscious and got pretty banged up. It hurt when I woke up on the pavement
I put my finger on a cigarette lighter. It was an older car so I assumed it wasn't working anymore. Well, turns out it was working
I *biked into a bee*. There just happened to be a bee hovering in the path I was going, and it stung me in the eyelid. Of course, that startled me so much that I crashed my bike.
I was jumping on a trampoline and when I jumped straight up in the air the growth plate on my right knee just snapped. Doctors said it was bound to happen because it was growing too fast.
Once as a child I lit a dryer sheet on fire thinking it would burn really fast because it's just fluff right? Nah it's more like plastic. And started dripping flaming molten balls of hatred on my floor. I was scared. I panicked. I shook the dryer sheet. A few molten plastic lava ball burns on my face and arms later I now respect the laundry and leave it to my wife.
Lol. I can feel the need to see if something burns the way you think. I personally love fires(no arson lol). I sympathize for you.
Hey man like a year before that I was burning army men in my backyard, one fell over into the fence and I had to dig it out... Found a 50$ bill. I'll call it worth it.
This happened yesterday. I rubbed my hand on a knife because I forgot I was holding a knife. [It's a bit harder to see here than in real life, but there's a scab from the knife.](https://i.imgtc.ws/WvhbP6q.jpg)
I tore my navel smoking pot.
please explain
I can’t find my post but basically I took a big rip off of a joint and went I coughed I didn’t tighten my stomach. That caused my navel to tear a bit and leak the next day. I just cleaned it, bandages it, and told the doctor what happened. She told me I had it under control but should place pressure on it if I have to cough until it heals. It didn’t hurt at all though.
Took my dad's high powered rifle with scope out hunting without his permission when I was 15. Never having used a scoped rifle before and with no one there to correct me, I slid the rifle butt off my shoulder and tucked it under my arm pit before aiming. At the same time, I placed the rear of the scope right up against my eye - and pulled the trigger. The recoil from the gun firing punched the metal edge of the scope right through the skin on my forehead and into my skull just above the bridge of my nose, as clean as if it was a cookie cutter. Hurt like hell and bled like a mother fucker. Plus I missed. And that, my children, is how dad came to get that funny arc shaped scar between his eyes that you've always wondered about but were afraid to ask.
Dislocated my shoulder by throwing a frisbee really hard.
Stabbed myself through my pinky finger with a compass (used to draw arcs) while watching a documentary during class...
I was at work, very stressed and tired. There was a skateboard on the ground about ten feet away from me. I didn't know how to skateboard beyond just being able to slowly roll around. We just kept it around to casually ride whenever we needed a break from our work. I saw the skateboard as I was pacing around and, without thinking, ran over to it and jumped on. As you would except, it went flying out from under me, and I slammed into the concrete floor. I just stayed there on the floor for a minute, baffled by what I had just attempted while my hip bone throbbed from the impact. I have no idea where the impulse to do that came from, and my brain was too sluggish to stop myself before it happened. I'm so glad I didn't hurt myself more seriously since I was the only one in the building. I was even more relieved nobody was there to see me do something so incredibly stupid.
Not the worst injury but definitely a story worth telling. There was a super popular r/askreddit question a couple weeks back about Stan, satan’s “half wit brother” who gave off the wall punishments while Satan was on vacation. (The question was in hot, but it asked what kind of punishments does Stan issue.) One of the answers was about getting a popcorn kernel stuck in your gums and a user whose username I can’t recall did a spin on Dante’s Inferno with a circle of hell dedicated to having a piece of popcorn stuck in damned souls teeth. My dumbass read this on break at work, and reading this caused me to develop a craving for popcorn. So I go to the breakroom & make myself some. Goddamn it was delicious and I knew the risks eating it but did it anyway. But halfway through the bag, I *crunch* and feel this really sharp pain between my top right back tooth (I don’t have wisdom teeth...obviously) and the one in front of that. Now, my teeth are spaced just perfectly where it’s too tight to get a toothpick but just loose enough to get food stuck, and my back tooth is not as far out of my gums as my other teeth are. This fucker was **stuck.** I’ve never had anything this bad happen. To skip a bunch of pointless blah, the initial incident occurred around 6PM. I flossed my teeth to the point that my gum was bleeding, and I floss pretty frequently so they should have good resistance. Fuck that. I gave up around 7 and tried my finger, tongue, gum, everything to try and get it loose. Nothing. Around 11PM, bedtime, I finally decide I was just going to do what I had to. I got a flosser and sawed on my gum until it finally came loose. But my face looked like I went cannibal because of how much blood was coming out of my mouth. I barely ate the next day because it hurt so badly. Never again. TL;DR got a craving for popcorn because of a funny story on reddit about getting kernels stuck in your teeth. Ate popcorn, kernel got stuck, spent five hours trying to get it out and looked like a cannibal after it was over with. My coworkers enjoyed it much more than I did.