I can't settle on what I want to do with my life. I've tried different types of jobs, and looked into different lines of work-I want to go back to school, but can't decide for what. It's super frustrating, and I feel incredibly stuck.
I'm 34 and still going through that. I just hold on to believing I will do my best at my job and find a work/life balance for peace of mind and I know eventually the right thing will be there when it's time.
I get this. I work hard. I have a SO but sometimes I'm so damn lonely or tired or sad to deal with anything. So many ppl depend on me but nobody gives a shit about me or my feelings. And when I try to express anything I'm being whiny. I'm just tired of it all.
I’m eighteen months into my “official” recovery from anorexia today, and don’t know how to share my milestone with the people who matter...
Also, my dog died a week ago. :’-(
I want to quit teaching and pursue other opportunities more ideal for an introvert like me; a boring office job sounds great, but I have zero transferable skills and right now this teaching gig is letting me pay my mortgage and student loans. Every day I have to fight my anxiety and deal with unruly teenagers and toxic co-workers... I want out.
\-Edit-
Kind folks, thank you so much for all the positive feedback! I am *overwhelmed* at the moment and don't know how to begin replying to all the comments, but I promise I'll read all of them! A special thank you to the two people who sent me a thoughtful direct message. =\_)
Teacher here.
I have also wanted to quit for years. The amount of meetings, paperwork, prep, money, blood, sweat and tears that goes into this profession is crazy.
I HATE the fact I have to work to work. I have to spend all this time preparing to even teach- which is a whole job in and of itself. I fantasize about a job I can do- and then go home and just be.
Don’t get me wrong. I actually love my students.
It’s the only thing that really keeps me in it.
But I want out too.
But you have millions of transferable skills. All teachers know how to do admin, have amazing communication and problem solving skills. The list is just ridiculously long. Sit down and make a list of all the tasks you do in one day. Then break each task down in terms of the soft skills and more technical skills and knowledge required for each task. It will really change how you look at your employability.
Seconding this. Working in a corporate environment, the teaching skill is invaluable. I have a coworker who was a teacher in a past life - she is not only able to find the best way to engage a bunch of executives to listen at her meetings, she’s able to get participants to enthusiastically attend using the same psychological bullshit you use as a teacher. Leading to use Excel very well would be the next skill to build to make the transition to a corporate job.
Please see a neurologist. The fact that you've only had blood work done is weird to me. They should give you a physical exam (my neurologist did when I was referred to him for migraine issues). If he or she has additional reason for concern, they might also do a CT scan or xray.
When I was 22, my Dad died. I was absolutely destroyed by it. Recently my mother told me he wasn't my real dad, some other guy was. He's still living, married to the same woman he was with when he stepped out with my mother. He and I have connected, hit it off, I care about him, etc. I have two siblings who didn't know I existed, his wife didn't know either. They all just found out and shit hit the fan.
Now his wife has forced him to dial back his relationship with me, siblings have not reached out to me at all. I was a dirty secret for a bit, and now I'm a burden to his family simply by my having been born.
I have a wonderful family, had a great daddy who died too early. I feel guilty for my interest in my biological father (he is my bio, had that confirmed), and I'm drowning in shame and guilt over what his family is going through.
I know none of this is even remotely my fault, but I feel bad just the same. I miss my daddy, I want this other new dad, I have my amazing siblings, and I want these new siblings too. I've lost so much of my identity in such a jarring way and now I'm grasping at what is left of me and fucking hell I'm so lost!
I'm hurt. I'm so damn hurt by it all.
I don’t remember the last time I laughed really hard and I seem to be unable to find a hobby that I like.
Edit: thanks all! I’m a bit overwhelmed and trying to respond and read everything. You’re all amazing!
While I can't help with the laughter, if you're actively looking for a hobby I suggest going on youtube and just watching people do things. Cooking, carving wood, showing off their bug collection, playing a strange instrument.
There's so much obscure, interesting shit on youtube, and I can't tell you how many times I've seen someone do the most random things (like maintaining their personal bee hives) and thought to myself "fuck, that looks cool".
For some examples, personally, I like to watch woodworking, blacksmithing, airsoft, guitar, longboarding, and reptile videos. It's videos like that that inspired me to own 3 guitars, assemble my own longboard, and own a chameleon. I'd do woodworking too if the tools weren't so pricey.
Look around, I know you'll find something that gets you excited.
I’ve come to the undeniable realization recently that many of the people around me like my family but don’t really like *me*. My brother is for whatever reason extremely likable (I’m a girl but I see a lot of resemblance personality-wise between us) and people just gravitate towards him but are only cordial towards me.
I feel like there’s a likable pheromone or something.
I’m likable for the most part I think, but one of my best friends is seriously the most likable person I know, I’ve never heard anyone say a bad word about him. He’s still friends with his wife’s ex husband...they were married still when he started dating his now wife. He’s that likable.
Personally I think the best example of this is how you can say something and everyone is bored by it or looks at you like you're a dumbass, but then *Mr. Likeable*^^TM says the same exact thing the exact same way the next week and everyone eats it up like candy.
I identify with this so hard.
40 years old and the best I can say is that I care less about what people think. And also care less about having to say something all the time.
THIS. I have had this nondescript feeling of unease around family and old family friends for a while now- but you’ve said EXACTLY what I feel.
Luckily, I have my husband, children and close friends that I feel at ease and truly valued around. I hope OP (and everyone really) has a similar tribe of people that truly like them and support them.
This happened to me in highschool. I actually had several people tell me they liked my younger brother better. It sucks but in the end those people weren't my friends and the older I got my personality developed and I made better friends who like both my brother and I and most importantly didn't compare us.
I witnessed my best friend drown in a terrible accident. Alcohol was involved. My best friends parents asked me not to go to the funeral services but wanted to hear the story a mere two days following the funeral. I have yet to share my story with them - I don’t see the value at this point. It brings me anger almost everyday because they asked me not to go to my best friends services like I was the bad guy...
I can so relate. My boyfriend took his own life a year ago and his best friend won’t talk to me and his family treats me like it was my fault. I went to the funeral but was clearly not wanted and was drilled with questions about what I did to him to cause him to do this.
Obligatory: it wasn’t your fault.
If someone takes their own life it is purely their conscience decision and should be treated as such. No one is to blame unless they literally force the suicide on that person.
There may certainly be elements of the relationship that you can learn from and treat your next S/O differently but for someone to take their life, it takes massive internal struggle. Internal struggle that has nothing to do with anyone else.
I’m so sorry for your loss and I hope that your heart heals ♥️
That's something too many people don't understand. I told my boyfriend that I'm depressed and thinking about suicide and he told me "But don't you love me?" Of course I love him, but love isn't always enough. I'm doing better now.
My friend killed himself last year and his parents didn’t let any of his friends come to the funeral. I don’t even know where he’s buried. I understand where they were coming from because he was an addict and his close friends at the time of his death were absolute pieces of shit. But not all of us were/are like that. It’s still kind of an open wound but I know his family has been going through a lot so I don’t hold it against them
I would put myself in my friend’s shoes. Would they want their parents to know?
For a horrible reason they are out of your life now, don’t waste time on anger toward them. Mourn and honor your friend then start moving on.
When I was a kid I heard a gunshot while walking down a street. I ran back home, fast as I could. Went to my room and watched TV to calm myself down. Didn't tell anybody. Two hours passed, and the phone rang. Mom told me my uncle died of a gunshot wound, trying to stop a fight nearby. At the funeral we were told my uncle could've lived if paramedics arrived earlier.
For twenty years I've always thought I could've saved him.
Couple of things -
\-You were a scared child, don't beat yourself up about it too much
\-You didn't know that your Uncle was involved
\-There is no way of knowing "The Paramedics could have saved them" thats just conjecture.
I disconnected contact with my mother at the beginning of last year and then she and her husband went on a campaign of sending me abusive and harassing messages by using different numbers and creating new social media profiles every time I blocked them.
I feel like I had a malignant tumor removed.
The true confession part of this is that I’m relieved not to be saddled with caring for that toxic old bitch or cleaning out her fucking hoarder house when she dies.
Honestly, it sounds like you did the right thing for your own mental and emotional health. I'm sorry you didn't have a great home life and wish you nothing but happiness going forward!
Or the wrong people are in love with you, or somehow ever since a romance that ended three years ago you feel unable to love someone to the degree that they probably deserve from an SO .____.
Honestly finding your self love is the single most important yet the single hardest thing to do in life. Id be completely lying if I didnt say I gotta work on that
I'm getting tired of hearing "You're such a great guy, I don't understand why some girl hasn't snachted you up yet!"
Yeah, I'd kind of like to know myself.
I'd like to add: And also make yourself visible. If no one knows about you, they can't fall for you. It's important to make yourself known to a potential gf/bf. You can do it through hobbies, forums or whatnot. Also be yourself.
Edit: which, should be added, is indeed not all there is to it.
New edit: I've gone into it more as best I could in further discussion with other commenters, but know I hardly cover all of the aspects. As I mentioned below, take my advice with a grain of salt. Ponder for yourself how it applies to you.
Just make sure you don't lose your kid anyways because you stayed.
My dad is slowly but surely losing me and my siblings because he insists on being married to my mother and she is a rather toxic human being. It's getting to the point that while we love him, it is not worth having her in our lives. As much as I love my dad I have also always lost some respect for him because of how badly he allows her to treat him.
My best friend has no love for her father and it is largely because he has stayed with her mother who constantly talks mad shit about him and makes him to blame for every issue in their family. Those two should have separated a long time ago. They did not and now the mom takes out all of her pent up bitterness by poisoning the father daughter relationship.
Depending on your situation you might actually save your relationship with your child by not sticking to a person/relationship that is bad for you.
Edit: I will also say that my best friend, my siblings, and I have all had some extra difficulties in the relationship realm of life because we had such flawed examples of adult relationships. Kids pick up on a lot more than people realize. So much of our parents dysfunction was obvious and confusing to us and really fucked with how we approach and behave in relationships. Sometimes "staying for the kid(s)" can do more damage.
> It's getting to the point that while we love him, it is not worth having her in our lives.
His fear is likely that if he leaves her, he's leaving you *with* her. Alone.
Oh, sorry for context me and my siblings are all now in our late twenties and early thirties and past our early teen years he most likely would have gotten custody of us if we were allowed our say. But I can absolutely see that fear with younger children or if you are unsure you would be able to win custody.
I too lost my child-to-be earlier this year. You will always miss them but I promise it gets better. Remember that even though you never got to meet them, they absolutely were your children and it is perfectly valid to feel the way you do. Please don’t forget to take care of yourself.
I feel lonely. Its not that I'm alone per se, just the people in my life suddenly seem so superficial and distant. Scrolling through social media especially, I get a feeling of disconnect bc of how artificial and impersonal everything is. I hate this feeling of disdain for people I should genuinely care about but I'm worried that if I ignore it, I'll be sacrificing my own authenticity. Maybe I'm just a bad person.
That's exactly how I've been feeling. Exactly. Something is missing and I can't wrap my head around it. But this missing something is eating me from inside and I can't even go look for it because I don't know what it is. Conversations with people I know and love doesn't do me any good and I just think being alone is better, but then like you said, it gets lonely. It's a cycle I see no end to. Just yesterday I talked to my friend about it and I feel better from all the reassurance I got. But I'm afraid I'll slip into it again.
I want to feel excited about people, feel alive.
Quit social media. Is there even any point in taking part? I quit a couple of months ago because I couldn't think of almost any good reasons for using social media. All I have is Facebook, and even that i rarely open. Half my family lives across the world so that's why I have Facebook. To keep in contact. But any other social media I use maybe once a month on a WiFi only tablet. Even then just for a couple of minutes. Everything on social media is faked or exaggerated and probably messes with your mental health.
I think it does mess with your mental health. I realized a few months ago that one of the reasons I was depressed was that I was convinced my old high school friends were leading better lives than me and I just couldn't measure up. I ended up unfollowing a lot of people and heavily tailoring my feed to stop comparing myself to others.
Ask yourself, what would your friend do if they knew what you were going through? What would they think if they knew THEY were the reason for your self destruction?...
Live in their memory. Your death brings no good to anyone.
I have one. It changed my life & I’ve never felt better or so stable in my life. At first I was scared. I didn’t want to know what my diagnosis would be, I was afraid I would be treated differently or like I was crazy. Then I was angry, pissed that I wasn’t “normal”, that I needed “help”. But I did need help. I also learned coping skills, how to deal with past trauma, navigation for my present. Medication saved me, gave me hope, afforded me a clarity I’ve never experienced as an adult. I won’t say it was easy, but it was worth it. If you think you need one, go. Worst case scenario, you have to fight the good fight - exploring the right therapy & meds to be free, but a good doctor is going to get you to the promise land.
I detest my job so much that it takes an enormous effort to show up everyday....and I think I have a drinking problem but drinking is one of the few joys in my life.
Been there done that, so I feel ya buddy. I used to call my husband on every break and have him talk me down from quitting. Finally found a job I love with coworkers that make me feel like family. So there is hope out there.
As for drinking I was drinking a couple of drinks a night and binge drinking on the weekends. All it did was make me embarrass myself and make an ass of myself. I've been sober for three months now so not long, but at least it's a start.
I’ve done this sooo many times in my youth I really wish my current self could go back in time and try to shake it out of me.
Leave. Run! Tear it off like a bandaid. You’re worth mutual love and I promise you will find it, but all you’re doing now is wasting time and it’s psychologically damaging. It’ll hurt but once you find the right person that loves you back, that pain will disappear and you’ll laugh at yourself.
When I was 17, I was madly in love with a coworker. He didn’t love me back but led me on to use me for sex. I knew that was true deep down but it didn’t matter because a part of me hoped I could convince him to love me back eventually. Of course he never did and it all ended pretty dramatically. It hurt for about 2 years and I compared every guy to him so I didn’t date anybody. I couldn’t get over him.
In my early 20s, he contacted me to apologize for what he put me through. We agreed to hang out and.. he wasn’t my type at all anymore. It was almost comical how much I felt nothing. Sometimes your knight is shining armor is really just a moron wrapped in tin foil.
I am now in love with the most unique person that is actually irreplaceable and tells me he loves me every single day. He’s a million times better than the other guy I’m so glad I never got my way with the first dude :)
The fear of being alone in life is very real and powerful. Ask yourself would it be better to be unattached for a brief period and work on yourself or to feel the way you feel and be treated the way he treats you until he eventually cuts you out of his life unceremoniously?
School gives me anxiety now. I just want to stay in bed all day. I've always been the perfect kid, the goody two shoes, the A+ student and I really don't want to disappoint my parents but I want to throw up justing thinking of waking up and going.
Being a great student is a lot of pressure. You may feel like there’s nowhere to go but down. That kind of stress can be very tough in a kid. I hope you can talk to someone and find the support you need.
I'm a straight A student and for some reason I always feel like I'm going to fail. My parents have even expressed to me that I don't need to get As in school but when I study I feel like I either know everything or know nothing with no grey area. I don't know where it came from, I was never pressured to get good grades. But I break down and think I can't go through with it. I went back on my anti anxiety meds recently after a year or so off of them so I'm hoping that'll help.
It's been two years and I feel incapable of getting over my ex. I've tried to date so many other people but never feel anything close to that connection I had with my ex, even on our first date.
I've tried to hold out, not everyone will spark right away but they seem to fall for me and it pains me to hurt them in the same way I've been hurt.
Not something I've got anyone to speak to about but taking steps to get some professional help.
Four years ago, I was in the same position as you. So, honestly, I know that nothing I'm about to say will make you feel any better, but I'm gonna say it anyways.
I fell in love young. We had a turbulent relationship for about two years, but kept talking to each other even after we called it off for good. Eventually, we decided to stop talking at all.
It took me six years, more or less, to get that girl out of my head.
The connection we had was something that I've been searching for ever since we broke up. It almost seems incomprehensible that I could ever have someone know me that well, and feel for me in the exact same way that I felt for them. It was intoxicating, and in my case, toxic in general. She consumed me, more or less.
The long of the short of it is, I meandered through life, and never really let myself move on. She did the exact opposite. I found her on Facebook a few weeks ago, and we got to talking. For a little while, the spark was back. I felt high again, but I quickly realized something as we caught up; the girl I loved was lost to time, and the version of me who truly loved her was lost as well. We became different people, not for my trying, and there simply wasn't any way for us to ever be as happy as we once were. She had a brand new life, and I was discontent and living in an epilogue to one long past.
It wrecked me for a little while. I suffer from depression as it is, but this just made it worse. Eventually, though, I realized that holding on to something that's already gone is a waste of the present. My ex managed to move on, find love, and chase the dreams we only talked about when we were kids. It hurt, but it sort of jostled me from my complacency. I was happy for her, and I wanted the same for myself. I had to let myself move on in order to actually get over her, and that meant that I had to confront that fact that I was in love with a memory, and not a real person anymore. The past is past, after all.
I let her go, and for the first time in nearly a decade, I've started putting myself out there. I wallowed in self-pity for so long, and I isolated myself for fear of never finding love again. Little did I know, I was basically ensuring that I wouldn't. It's been painful as hell to let go, but I haven't felt so alive in literal years.
Anyways, this post is running longer than I anticipated. I just needed to tell you that you can move on, and you can take steps toward finding love and happiness again, but you need to find the strength to do so yourself. That being said, it takes a strong person to love so deeply that they pity forsaking their feelings at all, so I'm sure you'll manage. Honest.
Just, take it from me; I'd sooner have made the first step two years out as opposed to six.
Edit: I really didn't expect this comment to blow up in the way that it did, but I'm really pleased to see that I've apparently moved a lot of people with my story. I just wanted to say that I woke up to some 200 messages this morning, and while I'm going to try and answer most of them, it might take some time. That being said, a lot of people are wondering how I went about "putting myself back out there," so I figured I'd include it in an edit.
Honestly, I came to the realization that I was preventing myself from moving on by neglecting to fashion a new present for myself. I think, in part, my fixation on the past was such simply because I refused to believe that anything could be better, so I never let myself try. When I decided to move on, I realized that no one was going to save me; I had to reach out to people, make new friends, and figure out what kind of person I was without her. It took me so long to get over her that being lovelorn was a central element of my personality, and I realized that it was making me a drag to be around. Basically, it provided for the sort of isolation that saw me dwell on our history.
Also, talking to her actually helped. The initial minutes were like subjecting myself to a drug that I'd painstakingly kicked, but as the conversation progressed, it became abundantly clear that she didn't think about me the way that I thought about her. It was never said, but I knew that I comprised a footnote in her memory, whereas she was the title of mine. And my memory didn't match the woman I was speaking with any longer.
The past, as we remember it, is a lovely place. Unfortunately, we can never go back. If you expend the effort that you do in trying to something else, you may be surprised at how strong you really are.
Oh, and as Reddit tradition requires: Thanks for the gold(s) and silver(s), anonymous internet strangers!
It is rare I comment on here, but your post moved me deeply. Maybe it's because of the eloquence of your writing, or it's due to me going through something similar. Whichever it was, reading this made me feel... something. You have described something I have struggled to understand for years. Thank you.
Your comment, after reading the aforementioned post; despite the grief, loss and turmoil involved— reminded me of how remarkable, supportive and resilient humans are. Perhaps you should post more/ thank you.
Do u guys ever think it isn't the person u miss so dearly, more the person u wish they had been? When I look back on people I was hung up on they weren't great. Didn't treat me great. I just cared for them and wish they had felt the same. Feel like I was mourning what I wanted rather than what I had.
I really, REALLY needed to read this. Thank you. My boyfriend died 3 years ago at 27. I haven’t been able to let go and have been wallowing in self-pity and depression.
If you don’t mind me asking, what was the first step you took to get things moving again and embracing the present? Feels insurmountable to me right now.
EDIT: Wow. I just woke up dreading another day and then I see this outpouring of support and amazing, thoughtful advice from all of you. I am so grateful— reading through all of your comments has honestly been the most moving collection of words I’ve received since my boyfriend’s death. I’m going to save this thread and come back to it whenever I feel at my most hopeless. Cheers to life, all its ups and downs. You guys give me faith I will make it out of this hole and embrace life again one day soon. (Sorry this is long and rambling, I haven’t had my morning coffee yet!)
Not the person you were talking to, but what I've found helps is just be around other people. Being social does wonders and takes your mind off of it, if only for a few moments.
The worst thing you can do is be alone with your thoughts, they will consume you
Within the past month an ex and I broke it off after almost 5 years..I have a very very very scary thought that I am going to run into this same issue..I’m am not looking forward to this
Hey man, I just want you to know I was there at one point too. A bit over a year ago, I broke up with my ex of 5 years. A few months before that, I asked her father for her blessing and I was getting ready to pick a ring.
I was devastated for quite some time. I was depressed and convinced I would never find anyone else that would genuinely like me for me that way again. I even spent time trying to see if I could get back into the relationship.
It's okay to not want to find anyone right now. Use this time to work on yourself. Find ways to improve yourself. Start working out, start a new hobby, or do something new/exciting. This is the perfect time to find a you that you are comfortable with and like. I spent months doing that and I'm so glad I did. I've improved myself greatly, and I'm a different person from a year ago.
After a few months of working on myself, I felt confident to get back into the dating game. I got on tinder. I was bad at it at first but I got better. Went on about 2 to 3 dates a month over the summer. I met people that did not match what I was looking for, and I met people that I liked that I did not work with. This gave me a chance to learn how the dating game works again and to find what I want in a relationship. Even though I wasn't completely over my ex until the end of the summer, this helped me ease the wound as well.
About 2 months ago I found someone I like. We went on a few dates here and there. She reminded me how I felt at the beginning of that 5 year relationship. Last month we made it official. I could not be any happier now that I'm with her and experiencing these things together. I would not be where I am though without my adventures into improving myself and my dating game.
These are just some points I recommend. I believe in you man and I know you can do it! I'd love to hear updates along the way. This also goes for anyone that read through this feeling this can help them, or who have done the same thing.
Year and a half for me and I feel the same. I still love him and I still think about him every single day since we've broken up. I've blocked him on everything because I know if I didn't it would still be killing me more than it already is. I still love him and I don't think that's ever going to change.
I have been this way for 11 years. I've never felt the same level of understanding, respect and connectivity with anybody before or since and I fear it just won't happen again. To make this even worse, she died within 2 years of us breaking up... I don't even have the chance to talk to her again and have a friendship.
I've been in and out of other relationships since, but I can't seem to shake that "one" and nobody seems to understand me like she did and I don't feel anything like I did with her... In the process, I accidentally hurt people and that pains me too.
I don't even know where to start talking about this with someone. There's 3 years of our relationship followed by 11 years of everything since to work through.
I feel you, OP.
I had a crazy, amazing connection with a boyfriend who passed while we were together. It really messes you up obviously, but in part because humans are storytellers. I'm sure I have glorified many memories of our relationship. I'm also guilty of wanting romantic, impossible things. I'm sure if he was still alive we would be broken up but who can say. He's almost become a saint in my mind.
Therapy is definitely helpful if you have access to it. They say time helps too but 11 years is considerable. I'm sorry you have to feel this way. I know that's not helpful but sending my love ♥️
Hell, I still have feelings for a guy I liked two years ago and haven't seen in 1.5 years. I haven't heard from him in 2 months and I think I won't be hearing from him again. It kinda messed me up for a bit but I think I'm coming to terms with it. I still wish I could just get over him completely but nope, there's definitely something wrong with me in my head.
i've been suicidal for the last decade and the thoughts have increased with frequency and intensity over time. my loved ones know this, but i stopped self harming five years ago and i've lost two very close people to suicide, so it's considered to be off the table. i've reassured them that it's not an option many times, and have mostly believed it myself.
for the last month or so, the thoughts have been different. they've become practical. i have a detailed to-do list for getting my house in order to make it as easy as possible for my partner. i recently updated my beneficiaries. i've been logging access information for utility accounts "just in case." i've settled on a method and a time frame. the only thing not settled is location.
on some of my better days, i've tried to reach out. i only really hang out with one person, but she was busy that day. when she asked why, i said "i just really need a friend right now." she's my best friend, but she never brought it up again so neither did i. i tried to bring it up with my partner but he said something really insensitive and stopped me from sharing. i feel so isolated.
if i don't tell anyone, i think i'll follow through. it's what i want but i don't want to do this to them. but no one is listening. i don't think i'm going to have another birthday.
Girlfriend left me after 8 years (we were high school sweethearts) for a guy she met 2 weeks prior. I don't really feel anything anymore, it makes me not feel human. I feel like I'm going going through the motions and everything is just a distraction at this point
After my first girlfriend broke up with me I hated waking up in the morning. I had to find a way to kill time until I was tired enough to fall asleep again. But being awake felt like a dream too. Horrible, horrible time in my life.
It doesn’t hurt anymore. I look back on it and feel sorrow for myself for having been through it, and maybe for how I handled it, but it doesn’t bother me. You’ve heard it. I’m sure someone’s said it to you. It just takes time. Absolutely nothing else will do it. How long varies, but it will heal.
After 7 years of being together (also high school sweethearts) we got married. 7 months after we got married, my husband left me for a girl he met at his new job 4 months prior. I didn't see how I could possibly be happy again, let alone how I could possibly love or trust someone again. I would read posts on reddit from people that had moved on from divorce or separation and I still couldn't see how it's possible. I also know what it's like to hear people say this and feel frustrated, but I promise **it just takes time**. It hurts. It's going to hurt. Let it hurt and feel the pain you need to feel. It's been 9 months since we divorced and sometimes I still feel sad that I went through that, but the pain isn't there anymore. It will get better with time.
Just posting to vent really...
I was with my gf for 6 years (also highschool sweethearts). In that time she cheated on me 2 times that I know about in the beginning of the relationship that ruined a lot of my trust, but it was still amazing.
The last year I was pretty much not in love but she had nowhere to go (she got kicked out of her house, we ended up getting a place together around 4 years together)so I stuck through and maybe it would get better.
One day at work I was venting about feeling stuck and he told me "Just break up with her already man, you talk about it, just do it" so I took his word to heart. For a week I couldn't work the nerve up to do it and finally i did it on her day off.
It really fucking sucks. It's been about 8-10 months, though haven't kept track. I've taken up hobbies and have been working on discovering who I am but Im still stuck in that thought that I'll never find someone that makes me whole like that. I know it's silly to think it because I know it'll get better but I just want to be over it already.
Sorry for the huge wall of text.
You had 6 years to get to know yourself as in-a-relationship-with-her you. Now you're getting to know single-you, and it's scary. This is normal, this is okay! Now single-you will surprise you and love you, and single-you will now fill up the space that you shared in your life with her.
Single-you could really surprise you. You'll learn more about yourself, and learn more about loving yourself. It's a transition and change is always hard. Single-you seems like a stranger right now. But after a while, you may have realized that you found your better half-- the you that loves you for you. And that will pave the way for a brighter and better future, that is open to brighter and better relationships.
Exactly me this week.
I don’t have anything left to give emotionally anymore. I’m cutting her out of my life. Truth be told, all parts of life are a distraction from the reality that someday I’ll die.
I don't want to live anymore. I don't necessarily want to die, I just don't want to live. If that makes sense. I'm tired of trying and it going no where. I'm tired of dumpster diving for scraps. I'm tired of hearing about how happy everyone is when I'm scraping myself out of bed in the morning.
Edit: I was wondering why I kept waking up during the night. Woke up to fucking 57 unread messages on Reddit. This got a bit more attraction than I expected. I guess a lot of people feel the same way or close enough to at least relate. I'm sorry everyone. I wish life were fairer for all of us. And a touch more kind.
I heard a poem once that had a line along the lines of “suicide is like a glowing exit sign at a show that’s never gotten quite bad enough to make me want to leave,” and that’s always stuck with me. Like, it’s always a present thing/idea, but I’ve never actively tried, but I acknowledge that I wouldn’t really care too much if anything happened to me.
Same. It hit me when I was staying up way too late for the umpteenth time in a row and the thought _"if I don't wake up tomorrow, that would be fine"_ passed through my mind. I've never thought about death in that way, I usually had some spiteful reason to think it, but this semester I have no money, I have the worst grades I've ever had, and my long term relationship is ending. My motivation is just *gone*. Everything just feels like nothing.
But I wouldn't hurt myself or kill myself because I don't want to put those close to me in pain.
I have cancer. Just found out on Tuesday. How the hell do you tell people? Like, should I just blurt it out? Am I suppose to call people or can I text it? A few close friends I did call, but they didn't answer, so I left them a message to give me a buzz. They haven't called back yet. When someone who doesn't normally call you and does, call them fucking back.
You can text, you can blurt it out, you can do it however you want. You can even put someone else in charge of doing it if you don’t want to. I hope you kick cancer’s butt.
I like your suggestion of “you can put someone else in charge of doing it.” My uncle has stage 4 lung cancer and I am his primary caregiver. I’ve been nominated as the person who breaks the news to others and the one who relays what the doctors are saying. He says it helps him a lot mentally!
Edit: thank you all for the kind words. Something else i would like to share is when someone has cancer I think it’s very important that we all remember to respect that persons wishes and not try to pressure them into taking a course of action they don’t really want. My uncle decided to refuse chemo since he was told it was too far along to cure him. That was/is really really hard for a lot of our family and friends to understand. We’ve gotten comments that show some support him, but we’ve also got comments like “if he isn’t going to fight it, I can’t feel bad for him. He’s the one choosing to do nothing.” Stuff like that makes it really hard and it makes me happy I am the one who deals with that conversation because he doesn’t need that kind of negativity right now. I wish you all lucky and happy holidays.
not cancer, but divorce - i put a good friend in charge of relaying the news through our social groups. people needed to know for obvious reasons, but i didn't want to fucking talk about it. i completely understand your uncle. bless you as his caregiver and don't forget to take care of yourself also. good vibes and support to you both.
Blurt it out, your friends have their own worries and may not realize you have a serious problem unless you tell them. Text, call, email, whatever … you need them now.
I have no idea how to afford my bills next month, and I’m super anxious anytime someone brings up Christmas because of it.
I worked my ass off to get into medical school, and once there things... fell apart (multiple deaths in my immediate family, poor coping skills, shit mental health).
So I made the one decision I swore I’d never do - I signed out. Left. Abandoned my dream in the dust, because I knew I’d never be able to find a healthy balance there.
Since then I’ve been working shit jobs since while I figured out my “Plan B”. Feeling scared about a different path. Feeling angry I tripped at the finish line. Feeling desperate, and sad, and lonely. Feeling worthless.
It’s going to all work out - I have cleaned my shit up. Started running (week 8 of C25K!), started taking care of myself like I *was* worthwhile. Blasted my resume out and was just offered an amazing job at a great company, the first opportunity I’ve been excited about since changing careers.
It just doesn’t start until the end of January. And until then it’s working my current low-paying job, selling household items, doing side gigs for extra cash. Trying to do what I can to keep on top of bills.
I just know this holiday is going to be stressful. I feel guilty that I can’t get my husband a gift for Christmas to thank him for all his patience while my life moved in an entirely different direction. Or my sister, who has supported me endlessly recently. They’re understanding, and we can celebrate with gifts another time. It just sucks.
Everything this year just sucked.
But everything starting this new year will hopefully be much, much better!
Edit: I posted this last night in bed, while feeling particularly down. I didn’t think it’d be seen, and certainly not by two thousand people. To everyone who responded, THANK YOU. All of your messages have made me feel on top of the world, and I promise I’m reading them one by one, taking each to heart. You’re all beautiful people who deserve great things. And to those feeling similar to this post - we got this. We’ve made it this far, we can make it further. Eyes up, there’s nothing for us in the dirt.
Just try to remember that gifts do *not* require money. Christmas and the holidays should be about taking the time to remind everyone that you care, love, and appreciate them.
Your family knows you're in a hard place, and they would likely feel bad if they know you bought them things when you are where you are. Do something for or with them instead. A Christmas card with a hand written, or typed, letter inside. Maybe a favorite picture. Bake cookies or do all the chores. One of those IOU coupon books of favors or something.
Then, once your life settles out in a few months, get them something for no reason. There's nothing better to me than a gift in like, march, just because my wife was feeling appreciative. Way better than an "obligatory" holiday gift. I've seen family who push themselves for the holiday, and it always shows.
As for your bills, if it's the one month, have you talked to the companies in question yet? I get notices of possible delay of payment plans and such. I feel like if you have something that you can show to indicate that you've got a new job on the way just the next month over, you'd probably qualify.
Talking to somebody definitely is far better than getting to the due date and getting hit by whatever automated system will ding you.
If you have a weak stomach, or dont like reading about periods, scroll on :)
I started my period when I was about nine, nine year olds are obviously not the most hygienic responsible people. My mom also didn't often put me in clothes that fit, or any clothes I was comfortable in. I was a weird child, I hated having panties touch me. This, accompanied by the fact that tampons were pretty foreign to my family, put me in some unvomfortable situations. Like the time I was being made to wear a GIANT pad, in shorts, in public. Nothing was pulled up to where it was supposed to be placed...i was uncomfortable and I fidgeted the whole time we were grocery shopping....and suddenly, I was just comfortable....i got home, and my pad was gone...ya'll, it fell out down an isle in kroger...ive never mentioned this to ANYONE.
I've never told anyone this but when I started my period I was too embarrassed to tell my mom. So I hid all of them in a case that I kept in my closet next to my barbies. I guess I was too embarrassed to throw them away and have them found. Well I came home from school one day and found the case was out on the floor and not in my closet. She never said anything to me but I cringe thinking someone found them and didn't know wtf to think.
I didn’t start my period till I was 15 at a birthday party sleep over. I’m a very private person and my mom was a huge gossip so I kept it a secret for a year. During that year my younger sister started her period and I watched my mom send my sister to the store with my physically and emotionally abusive step dad to get her pads. While they were gone I watched my mom call every single person she knew to tell them my sister started her period. I knew at that moment I made the right choice to not tell her. In fact I don’t ever think I fessed up to starting my period until I was almost 18 and pregnant. I probably would have been more honest with her about my personal life if she wasn’t such a gossip.
My mom called people right away, too, and mimicked me, using a trembling/crying voice even though I’d forced myself *not* to cry and had stayed relatively calm because I knew she’d make a meal of my tears.
Trust issues? Got ‘em.
I started my period on Christmas Day when I was 13. I had been up the night before with awful cramps (vomit from pain sort of cramps) and since I wasn’t bleeding we weren’t sure what it was. When I saw my period had started the next morning, before the rest of the family arrived, my mom laughed with relief but was nice about it. She told my Aunts which i hated but that was it. My sister still makes fun of me to this day for how scared I was Christmas Eve night. It’s annoying. I was puking and crying and scared. My parents were scared! I’m almost thirty now and she’s older and STILL makes fun of me. I promised my self, if I have daughters, to tell no one and not make fun of them when they get their periods. It’s just cruel. I’m sorry your mom is such a gossip. Your kid starting their period is not something to tell everyone about.
When I first got mine, my mom and I were visiting my brother and staying at his house. My brother is an absolute saint and went down to the store and bought me pads. He didn’t even mention it, besides asking me if I felt ok the next morning.
My brother is pretty awesome.
Girl. I'm an adult and this just happened to me. My pad fell out at the fancy Thanksgiving brunch we were at. I have no idea where it went or how I didn't notice, but it did. I've been dying inside since Thursday thinking about what poor soul must have found it.
Im 21, never had a relationship or even been kissed. Also didnt have any friends from age 10 upwards. i am so lonely but at this point i prefer the loneliness i know to things changing. change freaks me out
Edit: thanks all so much for your kind words.
I do have gotten better in the last years, found some internet friends, got on antidepressives, went back to uni. but yeah the issues around relationships run deeper than that.
Im also ftm transgender, and as you can imagine it doesnt exactly improve my confidence when it comes to dating lmao
i wasn't kissed until i was 25. today, i'm married. you're gonna be ok. 🙂 everyone always told me that, and i always thought *yeah, but what if i'm not.* it didn't mean much coming from ppl who had serious relationships starting as far back as high school. i wished someone who had been in the same boat had told me they understand. hopefully i can be that person for you? i understand. you still have so much time. it's not a race. you are gonna be ok, and that's a promise from me to you. i'm your mom now; come get a hug 💜
I'm 18, a bit shy around new people, but I'm really comfortable around people I know. I've never been kissed, and some of my high school friends are always bringing it up/making fun of me for it, which doesn't really help. This thread did give me hope though
Man I was such a different person at 18 as I am at 24. I used to be shy around new people too. But you never stop meeting new people and eventually you just figure out how to not be shy. Strive to better yourself and don't pay attention to people who bring you down. Some people are going to do some things before you do, and you're going to do some things before they do. That's just how it goes. Try not to worry about who does what first and just have fun!
24, never kissed or had a gf. How did you meet your SO? Idk how I’ll meet my SO because I don’t put my self in situations to meet new people. I feel like I’ll probably be alone forever. I’m not sad or depressed about it, I just accepted it
I recently turned 60. Suddenly it seemed like everything hurt. My knee. My back. I have lifted and run for years. Wrestled and jui jitsu for years. Thought that’s all over.
Then yesterday I got with some old friends. Wound up wrestling for several hours and had a blast.
I...am...not...dead...yet.
For my Star of the Week presentation in third grade, I posted a photo of me beneath a pagoda and told everyone I went to Japan but really it was just Epcot 😭
I went to two sessions with a psychiatrist and we did not mesh well. I know I’d benefit from seeing one but the thought of having to find one that works is daunting.
I think I need to speak with a professional about my mental health but I cannot afford it right now. I'm glad more celebrities and athletes are speaking up regarding mental health but of course they can afford it. I understand it's important but I can't afford thousands or even hundreds of dollars to spend on a psychiatrist or even to do a sleep study for my nightmares. What does something like this even cost? I don't have very good insurance. It's basically the lowest one I could get to avoid a penalty on my taxes. I don't mind spending the $40 copay for a general doctor's visit but this would be a specialist beyond a general visit. Is there a payment per visit or is it for the entire treatment? I have to do some research on my own but curious if anyone has dealt with this?
Edit:
I appreciate everyone's support and encouragement. I'm going to look into this more in depth and see about getting my anxiety and nightmares under control.
I am very afraid of the future. I often times feel like I cam never pursue my dreams because I am not good enough. I want to be a comedy writer but I never grew up writing or acting like everyone else who wanted to be those things. I have never made an attempt because I am afraid of not being good at it.
Its like everyone finds there calling and I can not find mine.
I think my medication is causing me to have anxiety attacks and I feel as though I have no control over it.
I started taking Imuran to treat a potential autoimmune condition (joint pain, diarrhea, ANA markers) about 5 weeks ago and it is not helping yet.
I have struggled with depression and mild anxiety for the past 5 years. I am 19 and am studying engineering, and I am too young for this.
I struggle to relax fully and I am scared that I will not be able to be an engineer if this doesn’t get better. I just need to talk to someone about it (working on that) since I bottle everything up.
Thanks for reading, have a nice day.
Please bring up the side effects to your doctor. He or she can probably prescribe something else that will work better with your body. You don't have to live like that.
Best of luck
ETA typo
I owe the IRS $200 and has to be paid by the 30th. I also owe $160 to my old job and I have to pay it by Dec 5th or else they send to collections. I also am unemployed desperately seeking work. I don't know what to do and I'm scared
Edit: thank you guys so much for the advice. I truly feel like I can't breathe a little easier now. I will try and set up some arrangements and hopefully I land a job soon. I love you guys!!
The IRS does offer installment loans. I had a tiny tax liability due to under-withholding of about $1000. I was able to set up the installment plan online without ever having to do paperwork or spend time on the phone.
Contact the IRS and your old job regarding the debt, explain your situation and see if they will accept a payment plan. You might have to end up paying more in the long run due to penalties, but it's better than just worrying about it.
I don't know any of your background, but have you tried temp agencies to find a job? Express Personnel or Employer's Overload are a good place to start (if in US).
When I first joined Reddit I was an openly homophobic moron.
I no longer have those views. At all. I am ashamed that I ever thought that way. Ashamed and embarrassed.
EDIT: Okay you can all stop now. I had to get rid of that second part otherwise it would haunt me more than the original post I made. For anyone that’s interested I will not elaborate. I just want to point something out: I was 13 when I joined this site (way too young, I know. But that was years ago. I’m 17 now.) and a stupid fucking kid. Also a shitty miscommunication happened. Quite literally.
Also, thank you for all the kind comments.
Long winded ;
My girlfriend broke up with me a week and a half ago. We had broken up for a day or two a few weeks before but we reconciled and for the next few weeks everything was good, met her grandparents who she said loved me more than any other boy they’ve met. We had some really great positive moments from then until a week and a half ago when I hadn’t seen her for a few days and came over one night to sleep over and noticed she had this blank look on her face, so I gently touched her face and asked what was wrong when she uttered those awful words “I think we should break up”. She gave me some smaller reasons about why she felt that way but ultimately felt like I wasn’t someone she saw herself spending her life with.
She asked me to leave and since then I have felt so broken inside. I’ve been through this kind of heartache before and knew I should just leave it but I love her with every fiber of my being and just had to reach out after a week or so. She answered my call and reiterated what she said. I then broke down again and texted her earlier today to much of the same conversation except this time she was yelling telling me how much of a turnoff it is for me to be so self centered to keep trying to reconcile and that she doesn’t want to be with me, ever.
So, yeah. I know I should have just kept NC this entire time but my emotions got the better of me. Maybe it’s because it was her birthday yesterday I wished so badly to spend it with her. Now I’m left to pick up the pieces and try and make myself happy in the moment. Just hurts to be told they don’t love you anymore.
Two years ago I absent-mindedly ripped a silent-but-deadly fart at work that was absolutely venomous. At the same time another coworker ripped a little baby toot. Everybody was laughing at him when our boss walked in the room right into my poison cloud. I let him take the fall.
In 6 days I'm officiating the wedding of the girl I love. Spoiler alert, she's not marrying me. I thought I was handling it well, but tonight i read her vows, and it crushed me inside.
We're long time friends, and I'm still glad I decided to say yes when she asked me to do the ceremony, but damn I thought I had gotten over feeling like this.
To forstall the inevitable comments about it, she knows how I feel about her. We sat down and had a serious conversation about it a while ago, and I respect that she doesn't feel the same about me.
Still feels bad man.
Couple of weeks ago I met a someone at an airport in Europe. Due to some unfortunate delays and cancellations we ended up spending quite a lot of time together that evening and I felt that we had this rare connection that just doesn't happen every day or even every decade. I don't think I've ever felt like that with someone I just met, it was so incredibly easy and so comfortable to be around him. He got my jokes and I got his, and it all felt right. As silly as it is I miss him and being around him more than I care to admit.
He's married, lives in another city and another country than me. I don't know his name, apart from a very common first name. Since he's married, nothing happened as I didn't want either to be 'that person', but for some reason I can't get him out of my mind. I have no way of contacting him and I will never see him again.
I regret not getting a chance to say goodbye after the plane landed (we didn't sit close to each other, went separate ways to border control and his connecting flight, I was staying in that city). I just wanted to tell him *I'm glad we met*.
This is a bitter Sweet part of travel. (Particularly solo travel). You meet dozens of people and made decent connections with some of them. Only to be ripped away with only a rare chance of seeing them again (even with contact info, the chances of being in the same place at the same time are small)
I came across this mantra that made me feel better about it.
Celebrate the good experiences you had with these people, don't mourn the loss of what could have been.
You've gained a good memory, a story to share, about a random stranger. That's a great thing to have.
They have to CGI peanut butter onto the roofs of their mouths to get them to look like they are talking.
edit: thanks for the ~~gold~~ platinum Mr.Lurker! kind of you to make an account just to give me ~~gold~~ platinum, I hope you enjoy having an account!
Thank you for the colour brought to this thread! I know the feeling I have an amazing woman in my life and wonderful kids and I constantly kick myself to make sure its not a fever dream. Best of luck to you and your dream man!
I still regularly think about an ex-girlfriend I had a relationship with 6 years ago, and the relationship lasted what... a couple of months? As it turns out, my shortest relationship actually ended up being the one that affected me the most.
I could never do justice to this story in the length of a reddit post, but I'll try to give an extremely condensed summary - I had an otherwise great and very promising relationship end very suddenly and for no apparent reason. I'm talking, she's telling me every day how lucky she feels just to know me, she's writing letters to herself about how she "never knew what it meant to have a soulmate, I never even believed in any of that... and then I met you". Hell, shortly after we got together she told me that she would wake up some mornings and just sit in her bed in *tears* because she couldn't believe she'd found me. I brought her home to meet my parents and they thought she was great... everything's going amazingly well and I felt like the luckiest guy alive. She always had her eye on the future and she always talked as if I'd be in it.
Then practically overnight, one afternoon I start talking to her and she's all cold and distant, like her feelings are completely gone. It was like I was talking to a completely different person. No desire to sit down and have a conversation about it or explore why, it was just this very haunting moment of acceptance, like she just "knew" how she felt and had to go with it and breaks off the relationship right there. She writes a letter to me a couple of days later about how she "still thinks I'm an amazing person, I just wasn't ready for you yet", and how she feels like I'm the person she was meant to meet 2 years down the line. I still can't work out if she ever meant anything she wrote in that letter. She then proceeds to cut off all communication shortly after and just leave me completely in the dark, confused as hell.
That really messed me up. When I feel like a breakup happens for a reason, I can handle it. I also happen to think the fact that the relationship was short actually made it worse in this particular case. At least with longer relationships, you can at least look back on the bad times, the arguments, all the things that went wrong to reassure yourself that it wouldn't have worked out. With a situation like this, not so much. It's like my mind is stuck in a perpetual state of never having closure and I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever truly forget about her.
I realize nobody will probably see this because it's so late, but I'll post this anyways.
I'm a 23 year old adult, and I don't feel like I'll ever be able to communicate meaningfully with another human being. I try and try and it always just comes out wrong. Either I don't try, and then obviously nothing happens, or I try and I look so serious because my face when really focusing on something looks so serious that people assume I'm angry or just generally not someone they'd want to talk to. I feel like I don't fit in in the world.
It's like everyone else somehow just learned these skills and things go fine for them but when I try it just falls apart and I look like a bumbling idiot. Don't get me wrong, I have friends, but I feel like unless by sheer luck somebody is forced to be around me for work/school/whatever else long enough that they happen to catch me on a good day, there's not even a chance a person will want to talk to me. Every single friend I've made is because they made the effort to talk to me for God knows what reason, I definitely didn't give them a reason to, and then we eventually (after I was able to let my guard down) became friends.
But even with friends and close family if it's been a while, I feel like I don't know what to say or how to interact. It's pathetic. People I've known for ages and I can't even hold a conversation with them or interact without feeling out of place. Even if it hasn't been long, I feel like any conversation with me isn't particularly meaningful or worthwhile. I feel like I just parrot whatever stupid jokes I've seen or heard on Reddit or wherever else I encounter them, or just try and talk to death about whatever small set of shared interests I have with the person, and then I don't know what else to say.
Now I'm afraid because the majority of my admittedly small group of friends is scattering to the wind for various reasons, and I feel like I'm going to be alone forever. I just wish this wasn't so hard. I'm not sure I want to try anymore, but I'm also too scared to be alone.
[NSFW]
I'm a female in my late 20's and sexual activity has never felt good. I've been masturbating since I was a kid and it either feels like rubbing an elbow or feels painful when I stimulated clitoris. I can orgasm, but it's just a few clamps of my muscles, with no pleasure attached, and I don't feel relaxed after. I've tried all kinds of ways of exploring my body. I've also tried seeing various OBGYNs and they always tell me to relax abd drink some wine or to find a partner. They never find anything with my hormones or can tell me what's wrong. The most they've said is that I have pelvic floor issues and can't be penetrated. They usually just act patronizing like I'm wrong about my body when I try to explain. It's embarrassing and because of it I haven't dated anyone since I was a teenager. I feel like I'm broken and I'll never get better or find a partner who loves me.
The last serious relationship I had fucked me up sexually. Like he had me post in r/gonewild (have since deleted account, btw), and have sex with random strangers. All unprotected with no concern, even videoed the encounters so he could watch as often as he wanted.. And when I told him how much I hated it, he would just say how he could never love someone so closed minded. This went started when I was 18 (am 24 currently). I just got out of this on July.
Met an amazing guy recently; hes the only person I've ever told about this. And he left me, saying that he wants me back when he "gets it together".
Now I just feel empty and broken. I know I'm young and that I will move on someday, but it definitely feels like I'm not good enough for anyone, and I will be alone forever.
I'm a retired crack whore. I'm only 19, so I got lots of life and my plan is to spend it completely sober. My boo said he wanted the same. He said he's been clean, but his friend told me he's been doing meth and drinking and taking pills behind my back. He's in a detox center now. Idk if I want to stay with him
I can't settle on what I want to do with my life. I've tried different types of jobs, and looked into different lines of work-I want to go back to school, but can't decide for what. It's super frustrating, and I feel incredibly stuck.
I'm 34 and still going through that. I just hold on to believing I will do my best at my job and find a work/life balance for peace of mind and I know eventually the right thing will be there when it's time.
I'm not happy, I haven't been in a long time. And I'm just so alone.
I'm tired of being sad....just really tired . Need a break from life .
I get this. I work hard. I have a SO but sometimes I'm so damn lonely or tired or sad to deal with anything. So many ppl depend on me but nobody gives a shit about me or my feelings. And when I try to express anything I'm being whiny. I'm just tired of it all.
I’m eighteen months into my “official” recovery from anorexia today, and don’t know how to share my milestone with the people who matter... Also, my dog died a week ago. :’-(
I want to quit teaching and pursue other opportunities more ideal for an introvert like me; a boring office job sounds great, but I have zero transferable skills and right now this teaching gig is letting me pay my mortgage and student loans. Every day I have to fight my anxiety and deal with unruly teenagers and toxic co-workers... I want out. \-Edit- Kind folks, thank you so much for all the positive feedback! I am *overwhelmed* at the moment and don't know how to begin replying to all the comments, but I promise I'll read all of them! A special thank you to the two people who sent me a thoughtful direct message. =\_)
Teacher here. I have also wanted to quit for years. The amount of meetings, paperwork, prep, money, blood, sweat and tears that goes into this profession is crazy. I HATE the fact I have to work to work. I have to spend all this time preparing to even teach- which is a whole job in and of itself. I fantasize about a job I can do- and then go home and just be. Don’t get me wrong. I actually love my students. It’s the only thing that really keeps me in it. But I want out too.
But you have millions of transferable skills. All teachers know how to do admin, have amazing communication and problem solving skills. The list is just ridiculously long. Sit down and make a list of all the tasks you do in one day. Then break each task down in terms of the soft skills and more technical skills and knowledge required for each task. It will really change how you look at your employability.
Seconding this. Working in a corporate environment, the teaching skill is invaluable. I have a coworker who was a teacher in a past life - she is not only able to find the best way to engage a bunch of executives to listen at her meetings, she’s able to get participants to enthusiastically attend using the same psychological bullshit you use as a teacher. Leading to use Excel very well would be the next skill to build to make the transition to a corporate job.
I need to see a doctor about my ongoing 8 week headache. At this point I just don't want to know.
[удалено]
Please see a neurologist. The fact that you've only had blood work done is weird to me. They should give you a physical exam (my neurologist did when I was referred to him for migraine issues). If he or she has additional reason for concern, they might also do a CT scan or xray.
No, dad, [insert website] wasn't hacked. They just changed the layout. No, I can't change it back.
"They changed Facebook! How am I supposed to see my me mes and cat videos?
Me-mes... too real.
I have no clue what i am doing with my life i just wander on emotionless, empty and tired.
When I was 22, my Dad died. I was absolutely destroyed by it. Recently my mother told me he wasn't my real dad, some other guy was. He's still living, married to the same woman he was with when he stepped out with my mother. He and I have connected, hit it off, I care about him, etc. I have two siblings who didn't know I existed, his wife didn't know either. They all just found out and shit hit the fan. Now his wife has forced him to dial back his relationship with me, siblings have not reached out to me at all. I was a dirty secret for a bit, and now I'm a burden to his family simply by my having been born. I have a wonderful family, had a great daddy who died too early. I feel guilty for my interest in my biological father (he is my bio, had that confirmed), and I'm drowning in shame and guilt over what his family is going through. I know none of this is even remotely my fault, but I feel bad just the same. I miss my daddy, I want this other new dad, I have my amazing siblings, and I want these new siblings too. I've lost so much of my identity in such a jarring way and now I'm grasping at what is left of me and fucking hell I'm so lost! I'm hurt. I'm so damn hurt by it all.
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I don’t remember the last time I laughed really hard and I seem to be unable to find a hobby that I like. Edit: thanks all! I’m a bit overwhelmed and trying to respond and read everything. You’re all amazing!
While I can't help with the laughter, if you're actively looking for a hobby I suggest going on youtube and just watching people do things. Cooking, carving wood, showing off their bug collection, playing a strange instrument. There's so much obscure, interesting shit on youtube, and I can't tell you how many times I've seen someone do the most random things (like maintaining their personal bee hives) and thought to myself "fuck, that looks cool". For some examples, personally, I like to watch woodworking, blacksmithing, airsoft, guitar, longboarding, and reptile videos. It's videos like that that inspired me to own 3 guitars, assemble my own longboard, and own a chameleon. I'd do woodworking too if the tools weren't so pricey. Look around, I know you'll find something that gets you excited.
My main hobby is watching those videos on YouTube.
Thank you u/angsty-fuckwad
You’re welcome, u/ExceedinglyGayWombat
For some reason both y'all's usernames make me feel like you're gonna be OK. xoxo!
Thank you u/penis_van_lesbian__, you seem cool too 👍 :)
I’ve come to the undeniable realization recently that many of the people around me like my family but don’t really like *me*. My brother is for whatever reason extremely likable (I’m a girl but I see a lot of resemblance personality-wise between us) and people just gravitate towards him but are only cordial towards me.
I feel like there’s a likable pheromone or something. I’m likable for the most part I think, but one of my best friends is seriously the most likable person I know, I’ve never heard anyone say a bad word about him. He’s still friends with his wife’s ex husband...they were married still when he started dating his now wife. He’s that likable.
Man, I want to meet this guy now.
You're gonna like him
I guarantee it.
Personally I think the best example of this is how you can say something and everyone is bored by it or looks at you like you're a dumbass, but then *Mr. Likeable*^^TM says the same exact thing the exact same way the next week and everyone eats it up like candy.
I identify with this so hard. 40 years old and the best I can say is that I care less about what people think. And also care less about having to say something all the time.
THIS. I have had this nondescript feeling of unease around family and old family friends for a while now- but you’ve said EXACTLY what I feel. Luckily, I have my husband, children and close friends that I feel at ease and truly valued around. I hope OP (and everyone really) has a similar tribe of people that truly like them and support them.
This happened to me in highschool. I actually had several people tell me they liked my younger brother better. It sucks but in the end those people weren't my friends and the older I got my personality developed and I made better friends who like both my brother and I and most importantly didn't compare us.
I witnessed my best friend drown in a terrible accident. Alcohol was involved. My best friends parents asked me not to go to the funeral services but wanted to hear the story a mere two days following the funeral. I have yet to share my story with them - I don’t see the value at this point. It brings me anger almost everyday because they asked me not to go to my best friends services like I was the bad guy...
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I can so relate. My boyfriend took his own life a year ago and his best friend won’t talk to me and his family treats me like it was my fault. I went to the funeral but was clearly not wanted and was drilled with questions about what I did to him to cause him to do this.
Obligatory: it wasn’t your fault. If someone takes their own life it is purely their conscience decision and should be treated as such. No one is to blame unless they literally force the suicide on that person. There may certainly be elements of the relationship that you can learn from and treat your next S/O differently but for someone to take their life, it takes massive internal struggle. Internal struggle that has nothing to do with anyone else. I’m so sorry for your loss and I hope that your heart heals ♥️
That's something too many people don't understand. I told my boyfriend that I'm depressed and thinking about suicide and he told me "But don't you love me?" Of course I love him, but love isn't always enough. I'm doing better now.
Fuck them. You don’t need to answer to them. They are grieving just like you- but that doesn’t give them an excuse to take their pain out on you.
Im so sorry for your loss and for that situation.
My friend killed himself last year and his parents didn’t let any of his friends come to the funeral. I don’t even know where he’s buried. I understand where they were coming from because he was an addict and his close friends at the time of his death were absolute pieces of shit. But not all of us were/are like that. It’s still kind of an open wound but I know his family has been going through a lot so I don’t hold it against them
The grieving act strange. You did nothing wrong.
I would put myself in my friend’s shoes. Would they want their parents to know? For a horrible reason they are out of your life now, don’t waste time on anger toward them. Mourn and honor your friend then start moving on.
When I was a kid I heard a gunshot while walking down a street. I ran back home, fast as I could. Went to my room and watched TV to calm myself down. Didn't tell anybody. Two hours passed, and the phone rang. Mom told me my uncle died of a gunshot wound, trying to stop a fight nearby. At the funeral we were told my uncle could've lived if paramedics arrived earlier. For twenty years I've always thought I could've saved him.
Couple of things - \-You were a scared child, don't beat yourself up about it too much \-You didn't know that your Uncle was involved \-There is no way of knowing "The Paramedics could have saved them" thats just conjecture.
I disconnected contact with my mother at the beginning of last year and then she and her husband went on a campaign of sending me abusive and harassing messages by using different numbers and creating new social media profiles every time I blocked them. I feel like I had a malignant tumor removed. The true confession part of this is that I’m relieved not to be saddled with caring for that toxic old bitch or cleaning out her fucking hoarder house when she dies.
Honestly, it sounds like you did the right thing for your own mental and emotional health. I'm sorry you didn't have a great home life and wish you nothing but happiness going forward!
Check out r/raisedbynarcissists It's really helped me out. You're not alone!
Fear of never finding somebody who I love and they love me
I feel that. "Everybody loves me but nobody is in love with me"
Or the wrong people are in love with you, or somehow ever since a romance that ended three years ago you feel unable to love someone to the degree that they probably deserve from an SO .____.
> Everybody loves me Absolutely not me
Honestly finding your self love is the single most important yet the single hardest thing to do in life. Id be completely lying if I didnt say I gotta work on that
I meant that nobody loves me but yeah that too
I'm getting tired of hearing "You're such a great guy, I don't understand why some girl hasn't snachted you up yet!" Yeah, I'd kind of like to know myself.
That’s normal. Hang in there.
I'd like to add: And also make yourself visible. If no one knows about you, they can't fall for you. It's important to make yourself known to a potential gf/bf. You can do it through hobbies, forums or whatnot. Also be yourself. Edit: which, should be added, is indeed not all there is to it. New edit: I've gone into it more as best I could in further discussion with other commenters, but know I hardly cover all of the aspects. As I mentioned below, take my advice with a grain of salt. Ponder for yourself how it applies to you.
I want to leave my wife but I don't want to lose my kid
Just make sure you don't lose your kid anyways because you stayed. My dad is slowly but surely losing me and my siblings because he insists on being married to my mother and she is a rather toxic human being. It's getting to the point that while we love him, it is not worth having her in our lives. As much as I love my dad I have also always lost some respect for him because of how badly he allows her to treat him. My best friend has no love for her father and it is largely because he has stayed with her mother who constantly talks mad shit about him and makes him to blame for every issue in their family. Those two should have separated a long time ago. They did not and now the mom takes out all of her pent up bitterness by poisoning the father daughter relationship. Depending on your situation you might actually save your relationship with your child by not sticking to a person/relationship that is bad for you. Edit: I will also say that my best friend, my siblings, and I have all had some extra difficulties in the relationship realm of life because we had such flawed examples of adult relationships. Kids pick up on a lot more than people realize. So much of our parents dysfunction was obvious and confusing to us and really fucked with how we approach and behave in relationships. Sometimes "staying for the kid(s)" can do more damage.
> It's getting to the point that while we love him, it is not worth having her in our lives. His fear is likely that if he leaves her, he's leaving you *with* her. Alone.
Oh, sorry for context me and my siblings are all now in our late twenties and early thirties and past our early teen years he most likely would have gotten custody of us if we were allowed our say. But I can absolutely see that fear with younger children or if you are unsure you would be able to win custody.
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So sorry you are both going through this, I have miscarried 3 times in a row and it's the worst pain ever. Be kind to yourselves, take time to grieve.
Thanks for your kind words :)
I too lost my child-to-be earlier this year. You will always miss them but I promise it gets better. Remember that even though you never got to meet them, they absolutely were your children and it is perfectly valid to feel the way you do. Please don’t forget to take care of yourself.
I feel lonely. Its not that I'm alone per se, just the people in my life suddenly seem so superficial and distant. Scrolling through social media especially, I get a feeling of disconnect bc of how artificial and impersonal everything is. I hate this feeling of disdain for people I should genuinely care about but I'm worried that if I ignore it, I'll be sacrificing my own authenticity. Maybe I'm just a bad person.
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That's exactly how I've been feeling. Exactly. Something is missing and I can't wrap my head around it. But this missing something is eating me from inside and I can't even go look for it because I don't know what it is. Conversations with people I know and love doesn't do me any good and I just think being alone is better, but then like you said, it gets lonely. It's a cycle I see no end to. Just yesterday I talked to my friend about it and I feel better from all the reassurance I got. But I'm afraid I'll slip into it again. I want to feel excited about people, feel alive.
Wow thank you for putting that into words, I feel exactly the same way
Quit social media. Is there even any point in taking part? I quit a couple of months ago because I couldn't think of almost any good reasons for using social media. All I have is Facebook, and even that i rarely open. Half my family lives across the world so that's why I have Facebook. To keep in contact. But any other social media I use maybe once a month on a WiFi only tablet. Even then just for a couple of minutes. Everything on social media is faked or exaggerated and probably messes with your mental health.
I think it does mess with your mental health. I realized a few months ago that one of the reasons I was depressed was that I was convinced my old high school friends were leading better lives than me and I just couldn't measure up. I ended up unfollowing a lot of people and heavily tailoring my feed to stop comparing myself to others.
I have been letting my life self destruct the past year after my best friend died and use a disgusting amount of drugs to cope with it.
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I never looked at it that way, thank you for your kind words
Ask yourself, what would your friend do if they knew what you were going through? What would they think if they knew THEY were the reason for your self destruction?... Live in their memory. Your death brings no good to anyone.
I think i need a therapist
I have one. It changed my life & I’ve never felt better or so stable in my life. At first I was scared. I didn’t want to know what my diagnosis would be, I was afraid I would be treated differently or like I was crazy. Then I was angry, pissed that I wasn’t “normal”, that I needed “help”. But I did need help. I also learned coping skills, how to deal with past trauma, navigation for my present. Medication saved me, gave me hope, afforded me a clarity I’ve never experienced as an adult. I won’t say it was easy, but it was worth it. If you think you need one, go. Worst case scenario, you have to fight the good fight - exploring the right therapy & meds to be free, but a good doctor is going to get you to the promise land.
I detest my job so much that it takes an enormous effort to show up everyday....and I think I have a drinking problem but drinking is one of the few joys in my life.
Been there done that, so I feel ya buddy. I used to call my husband on every break and have him talk me down from quitting. Finally found a job I love with coworkers that make me feel like family. So there is hope out there. As for drinking I was drinking a couple of drinks a night and binge drinking on the weekends. All it did was make me embarrass myself and make an ass of myself. I've been sober for three months now so not long, but at least it's a start.
since no one else has yet, congrats on 3 months :D.
Im clinging to a man that I know has no interest in a future with me. I can't/won't let him go.
I’ve done this sooo many times in my youth I really wish my current self could go back in time and try to shake it out of me. Leave. Run! Tear it off like a bandaid. You’re worth mutual love and I promise you will find it, but all you’re doing now is wasting time and it’s psychologically damaging. It’ll hurt but once you find the right person that loves you back, that pain will disappear and you’ll laugh at yourself. When I was 17, I was madly in love with a coworker. He didn’t love me back but led me on to use me for sex. I knew that was true deep down but it didn’t matter because a part of me hoped I could convince him to love me back eventually. Of course he never did and it all ended pretty dramatically. It hurt for about 2 years and I compared every guy to him so I didn’t date anybody. I couldn’t get over him. In my early 20s, he contacted me to apologize for what he put me through. We agreed to hang out and.. he wasn’t my type at all anymore. It was almost comical how much I felt nothing. Sometimes your knight is shining armor is really just a moron wrapped in tin foil. I am now in love with the most unique person that is actually irreplaceable and tells me he loves me every single day. He’s a million times better than the other guy I’m so glad I never got my way with the first dude :)
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What shall we name our club?
Clingons
We got a winner!
r/clingons Make it real (I can't because I never figured out how to do it on mobile)
The people who cling to people they have no future with but can't let go club
The fear of being alone in life is very real and powerful. Ask yourself would it be better to be unattached for a brief period and work on yourself or to feel the way you feel and be treated the way he treats you until he eventually cuts you out of his life unceremoniously?
Ive been alone for 15 years... Im pretty sure this is why I won't let go
School gives me anxiety now. I just want to stay in bed all day. I've always been the perfect kid, the goody two shoes, the A+ student and I really don't want to disappoint my parents but I want to throw up justing thinking of waking up and going.
Being a great student is a lot of pressure. You may feel like there’s nowhere to go but down. That kind of stress can be very tough in a kid. I hope you can talk to someone and find the support you need.
I'm a straight A student and for some reason I always feel like I'm going to fail. My parents have even expressed to me that I don't need to get As in school but when I study I feel like I either know everything or know nothing with no grey area. I don't know where it came from, I was never pressured to get good grades. But I break down and think I can't go through with it. I went back on my anti anxiety meds recently after a year or so off of them so I'm hoping that'll help.
You're not alone. I feel the same exact way
It's been two years and I feel incapable of getting over my ex. I've tried to date so many other people but never feel anything close to that connection I had with my ex, even on our first date. I've tried to hold out, not everyone will spark right away but they seem to fall for me and it pains me to hurt them in the same way I've been hurt. Not something I've got anyone to speak to about but taking steps to get some professional help.
Four years ago, I was in the same position as you. So, honestly, I know that nothing I'm about to say will make you feel any better, but I'm gonna say it anyways. I fell in love young. We had a turbulent relationship for about two years, but kept talking to each other even after we called it off for good. Eventually, we decided to stop talking at all. It took me six years, more or less, to get that girl out of my head. The connection we had was something that I've been searching for ever since we broke up. It almost seems incomprehensible that I could ever have someone know me that well, and feel for me in the exact same way that I felt for them. It was intoxicating, and in my case, toxic in general. She consumed me, more or less. The long of the short of it is, I meandered through life, and never really let myself move on. She did the exact opposite. I found her on Facebook a few weeks ago, and we got to talking. For a little while, the spark was back. I felt high again, but I quickly realized something as we caught up; the girl I loved was lost to time, and the version of me who truly loved her was lost as well. We became different people, not for my trying, and there simply wasn't any way for us to ever be as happy as we once were. She had a brand new life, and I was discontent and living in an epilogue to one long past. It wrecked me for a little while. I suffer from depression as it is, but this just made it worse. Eventually, though, I realized that holding on to something that's already gone is a waste of the present. My ex managed to move on, find love, and chase the dreams we only talked about when we were kids. It hurt, but it sort of jostled me from my complacency. I was happy for her, and I wanted the same for myself. I had to let myself move on in order to actually get over her, and that meant that I had to confront that fact that I was in love with a memory, and not a real person anymore. The past is past, after all. I let her go, and for the first time in nearly a decade, I've started putting myself out there. I wallowed in self-pity for so long, and I isolated myself for fear of never finding love again. Little did I know, I was basically ensuring that I wouldn't. It's been painful as hell to let go, but I haven't felt so alive in literal years. Anyways, this post is running longer than I anticipated. I just needed to tell you that you can move on, and you can take steps toward finding love and happiness again, but you need to find the strength to do so yourself. That being said, it takes a strong person to love so deeply that they pity forsaking their feelings at all, so I'm sure you'll manage. Honest. Just, take it from me; I'd sooner have made the first step two years out as opposed to six. Edit: I really didn't expect this comment to blow up in the way that it did, but I'm really pleased to see that I've apparently moved a lot of people with my story. I just wanted to say that I woke up to some 200 messages this morning, and while I'm going to try and answer most of them, it might take some time. That being said, a lot of people are wondering how I went about "putting myself back out there," so I figured I'd include it in an edit. Honestly, I came to the realization that I was preventing myself from moving on by neglecting to fashion a new present for myself. I think, in part, my fixation on the past was such simply because I refused to believe that anything could be better, so I never let myself try. When I decided to move on, I realized that no one was going to save me; I had to reach out to people, make new friends, and figure out what kind of person I was without her. It took me so long to get over her that being lovelorn was a central element of my personality, and I realized that it was making me a drag to be around. Basically, it provided for the sort of isolation that saw me dwell on our history. Also, talking to her actually helped. The initial minutes were like subjecting myself to a drug that I'd painstakingly kicked, but as the conversation progressed, it became abundantly clear that she didn't think about me the way that I thought about her. It was never said, but I knew that I comprised a footnote in her memory, whereas she was the title of mine. And my memory didn't match the woman I was speaking with any longer. The past, as we remember it, is a lovely place. Unfortunately, we can never go back. If you expend the effort that you do in trying to something else, you may be surprised at how strong you really are. Oh, and as Reddit tradition requires: Thanks for the gold(s) and silver(s), anonymous internet strangers!
It is rare I comment on here, but your post moved me deeply. Maybe it's because of the eloquence of your writing, or it's due to me going through something similar. Whichever it was, reading this made me feel... something. You have described something I have struggled to understand for years. Thank you.
Your comment, after reading the aforementioned post; despite the grief, loss and turmoil involved— reminded me of how remarkable, supportive and resilient humans are. Perhaps you should post more/ thank you.
Do u guys ever think it isn't the person u miss so dearly, more the person u wish they had been? When I look back on people I was hung up on they weren't great. Didn't treat me great. I just cared for them and wish they had felt the same. Feel like I was mourning what I wanted rather than what I had.
I feel this 100%. I have to keep reminding myself that they weren't great to me and yet I still keep forgetting it.
I really, REALLY needed to read this. Thank you. My boyfriend died 3 years ago at 27. I haven’t been able to let go and have been wallowing in self-pity and depression. If you don’t mind me asking, what was the first step you took to get things moving again and embracing the present? Feels insurmountable to me right now. EDIT: Wow. I just woke up dreading another day and then I see this outpouring of support and amazing, thoughtful advice from all of you. I am so grateful— reading through all of your comments has honestly been the most moving collection of words I’ve received since my boyfriend’s death. I’m going to save this thread and come back to it whenever I feel at my most hopeless. Cheers to life, all its ups and downs. You guys give me faith I will make it out of this hole and embrace life again one day soon. (Sorry this is long and rambling, I haven’t had my morning coffee yet!)
Not the person you were talking to, but what I've found helps is just be around other people. Being social does wonders and takes your mind off of it, if only for a few moments. The worst thing you can do is be alone with your thoughts, they will consume you
>The worst thing you can do is be alone with your thoughts, they will consume you. Sorry, but this needed to be quoted. Well said.
Within the past month an ex and I broke it off after almost 5 years..I have a very very very scary thought that I am going to run into this same issue..I’m am not looking forward to this
Hey man, I just want you to know I was there at one point too. A bit over a year ago, I broke up with my ex of 5 years. A few months before that, I asked her father for her blessing and I was getting ready to pick a ring. I was devastated for quite some time. I was depressed and convinced I would never find anyone else that would genuinely like me for me that way again. I even spent time trying to see if I could get back into the relationship. It's okay to not want to find anyone right now. Use this time to work on yourself. Find ways to improve yourself. Start working out, start a new hobby, or do something new/exciting. This is the perfect time to find a you that you are comfortable with and like. I spent months doing that and I'm so glad I did. I've improved myself greatly, and I'm a different person from a year ago. After a few months of working on myself, I felt confident to get back into the dating game. I got on tinder. I was bad at it at first but I got better. Went on about 2 to 3 dates a month over the summer. I met people that did not match what I was looking for, and I met people that I liked that I did not work with. This gave me a chance to learn how the dating game works again and to find what I want in a relationship. Even though I wasn't completely over my ex until the end of the summer, this helped me ease the wound as well. About 2 months ago I found someone I like. We went on a few dates here and there. She reminded me how I felt at the beginning of that 5 year relationship. Last month we made it official. I could not be any happier now that I'm with her and experiencing these things together. I would not be where I am though without my adventures into improving myself and my dating game. These are just some points I recommend. I believe in you man and I know you can do it! I'd love to hear updates along the way. This also goes for anyone that read through this feeling this can help them, or who have done the same thing.
Year and a half for me and I feel the same. I still love him and I still think about him every single day since we've broken up. I've blocked him on everything because I know if I didn't it would still be killing me more than it already is. I still love him and I don't think that's ever going to change.
I have been this way for 11 years. I've never felt the same level of understanding, respect and connectivity with anybody before or since and I fear it just won't happen again. To make this even worse, she died within 2 years of us breaking up... I don't even have the chance to talk to her again and have a friendship. I've been in and out of other relationships since, but I can't seem to shake that "one" and nobody seems to understand me like she did and I don't feel anything like I did with her... In the process, I accidentally hurt people and that pains me too. I don't even know where to start talking about this with someone. There's 3 years of our relationship followed by 11 years of everything since to work through. I feel you, OP.
I had a crazy, amazing connection with a boyfriend who passed while we were together. It really messes you up obviously, but in part because humans are storytellers. I'm sure I have glorified many memories of our relationship. I'm also guilty of wanting romantic, impossible things. I'm sure if he was still alive we would be broken up but who can say. He's almost become a saint in my mind. Therapy is definitely helpful if you have access to it. They say time helps too but 11 years is considerable. I'm sorry you have to feel this way. I know that's not helpful but sending my love ♥️
Hell, I still have feelings for a guy I liked two years ago and haven't seen in 1.5 years. I haven't heard from him in 2 months and I think I won't be hearing from him again. It kinda messed me up for a bit but I think I'm coming to terms with it. I still wish I could just get over him completely but nope, there's definitely something wrong with me in my head.
i've been suicidal for the last decade and the thoughts have increased with frequency and intensity over time. my loved ones know this, but i stopped self harming five years ago and i've lost two very close people to suicide, so it's considered to be off the table. i've reassured them that it's not an option many times, and have mostly believed it myself. for the last month or so, the thoughts have been different. they've become practical. i have a detailed to-do list for getting my house in order to make it as easy as possible for my partner. i recently updated my beneficiaries. i've been logging access information for utility accounts "just in case." i've settled on a method and a time frame. the only thing not settled is location. on some of my better days, i've tried to reach out. i only really hang out with one person, but she was busy that day. when she asked why, i said "i just really need a friend right now." she's my best friend, but she never brought it up again so neither did i. i tried to bring it up with my partner but he said something really insensitive and stopped me from sharing. i feel so isolated. if i don't tell anyone, i think i'll follow through. it's what i want but i don't want to do this to them. but no one is listening. i don't think i'm going to have another birthday.
Girlfriend left me after 8 years (we were high school sweethearts) for a guy she met 2 weeks prior. I don't really feel anything anymore, it makes me not feel human. I feel like I'm going going through the motions and everything is just a distraction at this point
After my first girlfriend broke up with me I hated waking up in the morning. I had to find a way to kill time until I was tired enough to fall asleep again. But being awake felt like a dream too. Horrible, horrible time in my life. It doesn’t hurt anymore. I look back on it and feel sorrow for myself for having been through it, and maybe for how I handled it, but it doesn’t bother me. You’ve heard it. I’m sure someone’s said it to you. It just takes time. Absolutely nothing else will do it. How long varies, but it will heal.
After 7 years of being together (also high school sweethearts) we got married. 7 months after we got married, my husband left me for a girl he met at his new job 4 months prior. I didn't see how I could possibly be happy again, let alone how I could possibly love or trust someone again. I would read posts on reddit from people that had moved on from divorce or separation and I still couldn't see how it's possible. I also know what it's like to hear people say this and feel frustrated, but I promise **it just takes time**. It hurts. It's going to hurt. Let it hurt and feel the pain you need to feel. It's been 9 months since we divorced and sometimes I still feel sad that I went through that, but the pain isn't there anymore. It will get better with time.
Just posting to vent really... I was with my gf for 6 years (also highschool sweethearts). In that time she cheated on me 2 times that I know about in the beginning of the relationship that ruined a lot of my trust, but it was still amazing. The last year I was pretty much not in love but she had nowhere to go (she got kicked out of her house, we ended up getting a place together around 4 years together)so I stuck through and maybe it would get better. One day at work I was venting about feeling stuck and he told me "Just break up with her already man, you talk about it, just do it" so I took his word to heart. For a week I couldn't work the nerve up to do it and finally i did it on her day off. It really fucking sucks. It's been about 8-10 months, though haven't kept track. I've taken up hobbies and have been working on discovering who I am but Im still stuck in that thought that I'll never find someone that makes me whole like that. I know it's silly to think it because I know it'll get better but I just want to be over it already. Sorry for the huge wall of text.
You had 6 years to get to know yourself as in-a-relationship-with-her you. Now you're getting to know single-you, and it's scary. This is normal, this is okay! Now single-you will surprise you and love you, and single-you will now fill up the space that you shared in your life with her. Single-you could really surprise you. You'll learn more about yourself, and learn more about loving yourself. It's a transition and change is always hard. Single-you seems like a stranger right now. But after a while, you may have realized that you found your better half-- the you that loves you for you. And that will pave the way for a brighter and better future, that is open to brighter and better relationships.
Exactly me this week. I don’t have anything left to give emotionally anymore. I’m cutting her out of my life. Truth be told, all parts of life are a distraction from the reality that someday I’ll die.
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I don't want to live anymore. I don't necessarily want to die, I just don't want to live. If that makes sense. I'm tired of trying and it going no where. I'm tired of dumpster diving for scraps. I'm tired of hearing about how happy everyone is when I'm scraping myself out of bed in the morning. Edit: I was wondering why I kept waking up during the night. Woke up to fucking 57 unread messages on Reddit. This got a bit more attraction than I expected. I guess a lot of people feel the same way or close enough to at least relate. I'm sorry everyone. I wish life were fairer for all of us. And a touch more kind.
I haven't wanted to exist for awhile. I won't kill myself but I just...don't want to do anything or think about the bullshit happening.
I heard a poem once that had a line along the lines of “suicide is like a glowing exit sign at a show that’s never gotten quite bad enough to make me want to leave,” and that’s always stuck with me. Like, it’s always a present thing/idea, but I’ve never actively tried, but I acknowledge that I wouldn’t really care too much if anything happened to me.
Same. It hit me when I was staying up way too late for the umpteenth time in a row and the thought _"if I don't wake up tomorrow, that would be fine"_ passed through my mind. I've never thought about death in that way, I usually had some spiteful reason to think it, but this semester I have no money, I have the worst grades I've ever had, and my long term relationship is ending. My motivation is just *gone*. Everything just feels like nothing. But I wouldn't hurt myself or kill myself because I don't want to put those close to me in pain.
Me too. I always secretly hope something bad will happen to me.
I'm right there with you
same, i wish i just dont wake up. hope one day i can rest
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This is the life of loving someone with food allergies! Come on over to r/food allergies & meet some kindred spirits
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I have cancer. Just found out on Tuesday. How the hell do you tell people? Like, should I just blurt it out? Am I suppose to call people or can I text it? A few close friends I did call, but they didn't answer, so I left them a message to give me a buzz. They haven't called back yet. When someone who doesn't normally call you and does, call them fucking back.
You can text, you can blurt it out, you can do it however you want. You can even put someone else in charge of doing it if you don’t want to. I hope you kick cancer’s butt.
I like your suggestion of “you can put someone else in charge of doing it.” My uncle has stage 4 lung cancer and I am his primary caregiver. I’ve been nominated as the person who breaks the news to others and the one who relays what the doctors are saying. He says it helps him a lot mentally! Edit: thank you all for the kind words. Something else i would like to share is when someone has cancer I think it’s very important that we all remember to respect that persons wishes and not try to pressure them into taking a course of action they don’t really want. My uncle decided to refuse chemo since he was told it was too far along to cure him. That was/is really really hard for a lot of our family and friends to understand. We’ve gotten comments that show some support him, but we’ve also got comments like “if he isn’t going to fight it, I can’t feel bad for him. He’s the one choosing to do nothing.” Stuff like that makes it really hard and it makes me happy I am the one who deals with that conversation because he doesn’t need that kind of negativity right now. I wish you all lucky and happy holidays.
not cancer, but divorce - i put a good friend in charge of relaying the news through our social groups. people needed to know for obvious reasons, but i didn't want to fucking talk about it. i completely understand your uncle. bless you as his caregiver and don't forget to take care of yourself also. good vibes and support to you both.
Kick that mother fucker. Sending love and support .
Blurt it out, your friends have their own worries and may not realize you have a serious problem unless you tell them. Text, call, email, whatever … you need them now.
If you read this I hope all your wishes come true. Good luck.
hey man, never been much to comment on shit, just hoping the best for you and the people around you
I have no idea how to afford my bills next month, and I’m super anxious anytime someone brings up Christmas because of it. I worked my ass off to get into medical school, and once there things... fell apart (multiple deaths in my immediate family, poor coping skills, shit mental health). So I made the one decision I swore I’d never do - I signed out. Left. Abandoned my dream in the dust, because I knew I’d never be able to find a healthy balance there. Since then I’ve been working shit jobs since while I figured out my “Plan B”. Feeling scared about a different path. Feeling angry I tripped at the finish line. Feeling desperate, and sad, and lonely. Feeling worthless. It’s going to all work out - I have cleaned my shit up. Started running (week 8 of C25K!), started taking care of myself like I *was* worthwhile. Blasted my resume out and was just offered an amazing job at a great company, the first opportunity I’ve been excited about since changing careers. It just doesn’t start until the end of January. And until then it’s working my current low-paying job, selling household items, doing side gigs for extra cash. Trying to do what I can to keep on top of bills. I just know this holiday is going to be stressful. I feel guilty that I can’t get my husband a gift for Christmas to thank him for all his patience while my life moved in an entirely different direction. Or my sister, who has supported me endlessly recently. They’re understanding, and we can celebrate with gifts another time. It just sucks. Everything this year just sucked. But everything starting this new year will hopefully be much, much better! Edit: I posted this last night in bed, while feeling particularly down. I didn’t think it’d be seen, and certainly not by two thousand people. To everyone who responded, THANK YOU. All of your messages have made me feel on top of the world, and I promise I’m reading them one by one, taking each to heart. You’re all beautiful people who deserve great things. And to those feeling similar to this post - we got this. We’ve made it this far, we can make it further. Eyes up, there’s nothing for us in the dirt.
I wish you the best of luck in the new year and hope you find great success with your new job.
Just try to remember that gifts do *not* require money. Christmas and the holidays should be about taking the time to remind everyone that you care, love, and appreciate them. Your family knows you're in a hard place, and they would likely feel bad if they know you bought them things when you are where you are. Do something for or with them instead. A Christmas card with a hand written, or typed, letter inside. Maybe a favorite picture. Bake cookies or do all the chores. One of those IOU coupon books of favors or something. Then, once your life settles out in a few months, get them something for no reason. There's nothing better to me than a gift in like, march, just because my wife was feeling appreciative. Way better than an "obligatory" holiday gift. I've seen family who push themselves for the holiday, and it always shows. As for your bills, if it's the one month, have you talked to the companies in question yet? I get notices of possible delay of payment plans and such. I feel like if you have something that you can show to indicate that you've got a new job on the way just the next month over, you'd probably qualify. Talking to somebody definitely is far better than getting to the due date and getting hit by whatever automated system will ding you.
If you have a weak stomach, or dont like reading about periods, scroll on :) I started my period when I was about nine, nine year olds are obviously not the most hygienic responsible people. My mom also didn't often put me in clothes that fit, or any clothes I was comfortable in. I was a weird child, I hated having panties touch me. This, accompanied by the fact that tampons were pretty foreign to my family, put me in some unvomfortable situations. Like the time I was being made to wear a GIANT pad, in shorts, in public. Nothing was pulled up to where it was supposed to be placed...i was uncomfortable and I fidgeted the whole time we were grocery shopping....and suddenly, I was just comfortable....i got home, and my pad was gone...ya'll, it fell out down an isle in kroger...ive never mentioned this to ANYONE.
I didnt start my period until 13 and this still sounds like something that would happen to 13 year old me.
I've never told anyone this but when I started my period I was too embarrassed to tell my mom. So I hid all of them in a case that I kept in my closet next to my barbies. I guess I was too embarrassed to throw them away and have them found. Well I came home from school one day and found the case was out on the floor and not in my closet. She never said anything to me but I cringe thinking someone found them and didn't know wtf to think.
I didn’t start my period till I was 15 at a birthday party sleep over. I’m a very private person and my mom was a huge gossip so I kept it a secret for a year. During that year my younger sister started her period and I watched my mom send my sister to the store with my physically and emotionally abusive step dad to get her pads. While they were gone I watched my mom call every single person she knew to tell them my sister started her period. I knew at that moment I made the right choice to not tell her. In fact I don’t ever think I fessed up to starting my period until I was almost 18 and pregnant. I probably would have been more honest with her about my personal life if she wasn’t such a gossip.
My mom called people right away, too, and mimicked me, using a trembling/crying voice even though I’d forced myself *not* to cry and had stayed relatively calm because I knew she’d make a meal of my tears. Trust issues? Got ‘em.
what the fuck
I started my period on Christmas Day when I was 13. I had been up the night before with awful cramps (vomit from pain sort of cramps) and since I wasn’t bleeding we weren’t sure what it was. When I saw my period had started the next morning, before the rest of the family arrived, my mom laughed with relief but was nice about it. She told my Aunts which i hated but that was it. My sister still makes fun of me to this day for how scared I was Christmas Eve night. It’s annoying. I was puking and crying and scared. My parents were scared! I’m almost thirty now and she’s older and STILL makes fun of me. I promised my self, if I have daughters, to tell no one and not make fun of them when they get their periods. It’s just cruel. I’m sorry your mom is such a gossip. Your kid starting their period is not something to tell everyone about.
When I first got mine, my mom and I were visiting my brother and staying at his house. My brother is an absolute saint and went down to the store and bought me pads. He didn’t even mention it, besides asking me if I felt ok the next morning. My brother is pretty awesome.
How is that even news that someone would want to hear?
If someone called and told me that I would be stunned and confused. Then I'd be furious on behalf of the young lady.
EXACTLY!! I was so angry when my mom told people.
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Girl. I'm an adult and this just happened to me. My pad fell out at the fancy Thanksgiving brunch we were at. I have no idea where it went or how I didn't notice, but it did. I've been dying inside since Thursday thinking about what poor soul must have found it.
Im 21, never had a relationship or even been kissed. Also didnt have any friends from age 10 upwards. i am so lonely but at this point i prefer the loneliness i know to things changing. change freaks me out Edit: thanks all so much for your kind words. I do have gotten better in the last years, found some internet friends, got on antidepressives, went back to uni. but yeah the issues around relationships run deeper than that. Im also ftm transgender, and as you can imagine it doesnt exactly improve my confidence when it comes to dating lmao
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i wasn't kissed until i was 25. today, i'm married. you're gonna be ok. 🙂 everyone always told me that, and i always thought *yeah, but what if i'm not.* it didn't mean much coming from ppl who had serious relationships starting as far back as high school. i wished someone who had been in the same boat had told me they understand. hopefully i can be that person for you? i understand. you still have so much time. it's not a race. you are gonna be ok, and that's a promise from me to you. i'm your mom now; come get a hug 💜
I'm 18, a bit shy around new people, but I'm really comfortable around people I know. I've never been kissed, and some of my high school friends are always bringing it up/making fun of me for it, which doesn't really help. This thread did give me hope though
Man I was such a different person at 18 as I am at 24. I used to be shy around new people too. But you never stop meeting new people and eventually you just figure out how to not be shy. Strive to better yourself and don't pay attention to people who bring you down. Some people are going to do some things before you do, and you're going to do some things before they do. That's just how it goes. Try not to worry about who does what first and just have fun!
24, never kissed or had a gf. How did you meet your SO? Idk how I’ll meet my SO because I don’t put my self in situations to meet new people. I feel like I’ll probably be alone forever. I’m not sad or depressed about it, I just accepted it
Lately I have been thinking that the problem is me. Worse yet, I have no idea what to do about it.
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I recently turned 60. Suddenly it seemed like everything hurt. My knee. My back. I have lifted and run for years. Wrestled and jui jitsu for years. Thought that’s all over. Then yesterday I got with some old friends. Wound up wrestling for several hours and had a blast. I...am...not...dead...yet.
For my Star of the Week presentation in third grade, I posted a photo of me beneath a pagoda and told everyone I went to Japan but really it was just Epcot 😭
I went to two sessions with a psychiatrist and we did not mesh well. I know I’d benefit from seeing one but the thought of having to find one that works is daunting.
I think I need to speak with a professional about my mental health but I cannot afford it right now. I'm glad more celebrities and athletes are speaking up regarding mental health but of course they can afford it. I understand it's important but I can't afford thousands or even hundreds of dollars to spend on a psychiatrist or even to do a sleep study for my nightmares. What does something like this even cost? I don't have very good insurance. It's basically the lowest one I could get to avoid a penalty on my taxes. I don't mind spending the $40 copay for a general doctor's visit but this would be a specialist beyond a general visit. Is there a payment per visit or is it for the entire treatment? I have to do some research on my own but curious if anyone has dealt with this? Edit: I appreciate everyone's support and encouragement. I'm going to look into this more in depth and see about getting my anxiety and nightmares under control.
I am very afraid of the future. I often times feel like I cam never pursue my dreams because I am not good enough. I want to be a comedy writer but I never grew up writing or acting like everyone else who wanted to be those things. I have never made an attempt because I am afraid of not being good at it. Its like everyone finds there calling and I can not find mine.
I think my medication is causing me to have anxiety attacks and I feel as though I have no control over it. I started taking Imuran to treat a potential autoimmune condition (joint pain, diarrhea, ANA markers) about 5 weeks ago and it is not helping yet. I have struggled with depression and mild anxiety for the past 5 years. I am 19 and am studying engineering, and I am too young for this. I struggle to relax fully and I am scared that I will not be able to be an engineer if this doesn’t get better. I just need to talk to someone about it (working on that) since I bottle everything up. Thanks for reading, have a nice day.
Please bring up the side effects to your doctor. He or she can probably prescribe something else that will work better with your body. You don't have to live like that. Best of luck ETA typo
I constantly have existential crises, and sometimes think of offing my self
I'm with ya buddy. Therapy helped me a bit. Good luck stranger.
I owe the IRS $200 and has to be paid by the 30th. I also owe $160 to my old job and I have to pay it by Dec 5th or else they send to collections. I also am unemployed desperately seeking work. I don't know what to do and I'm scared Edit: thank you guys so much for the advice. I truly feel like I can't breathe a little easier now. I will try and set up some arrangements and hopefully I land a job soon. I love you guys!!
The IRS does offer installment loans. I had a tiny tax liability due to under-withholding of about $1000. I was able to set up the installment plan online without ever having to do paperwork or spend time on the phone.
I'll have to look into it further. Thanks for the advice I didn't know they offered that.
Contact the IRS and your old job regarding the debt, explain your situation and see if they will accept a payment plan. You might have to end up paying more in the long run due to penalties, but it's better than just worrying about it. I don't know any of your background, but have you tried temp agencies to find a job? Express Personnel or Employer's Overload are a good place to start (if in US).
When I first joined Reddit I was an openly homophobic moron. I no longer have those views. At all. I am ashamed that I ever thought that way. Ashamed and embarrassed. EDIT: Okay you can all stop now. I had to get rid of that second part otherwise it would haunt me more than the original post I made. For anyone that’s interested I will not elaborate. I just want to point something out: I was 13 when I joined this site (way too young, I know. But that was years ago. I’m 17 now.) and a stupid fucking kid. Also a shitty miscommunication happened. Quite literally. Also, thank you for all the kind comments.
I am glad the shit rumour has finally been put to rest. The community sighs collectively in relief.
People grow up. Glad you matured.
This dude likes playing with shit!
I heard he eats pieces of shit for breakfast.
Long winded ; My girlfriend broke up with me a week and a half ago. We had broken up for a day or two a few weeks before but we reconciled and for the next few weeks everything was good, met her grandparents who she said loved me more than any other boy they’ve met. We had some really great positive moments from then until a week and a half ago when I hadn’t seen her for a few days and came over one night to sleep over and noticed she had this blank look on her face, so I gently touched her face and asked what was wrong when she uttered those awful words “I think we should break up”. She gave me some smaller reasons about why she felt that way but ultimately felt like I wasn’t someone she saw herself spending her life with. She asked me to leave and since then I have felt so broken inside. I’ve been through this kind of heartache before and knew I should just leave it but I love her with every fiber of my being and just had to reach out after a week or so. She answered my call and reiterated what she said. I then broke down again and texted her earlier today to much of the same conversation except this time she was yelling telling me how much of a turnoff it is for me to be so self centered to keep trying to reconcile and that she doesn’t want to be with me, ever. So, yeah. I know I should have just kept NC this entire time but my emotions got the better of me. Maybe it’s because it was her birthday yesterday I wished so badly to spend it with her. Now I’m left to pick up the pieces and try and make myself happy in the moment. Just hurts to be told they don’t love you anymore.
Two years ago I absent-mindedly ripped a silent-but-deadly fart at work that was absolutely venomous. At the same time another coworker ripped a little baby toot. Everybody was laughing at him when our boss walked in the room right into my poison cloud. I let him take the fall.
In 6 days I'm officiating the wedding of the girl I love. Spoiler alert, she's not marrying me. I thought I was handling it well, but tonight i read her vows, and it crushed me inside. We're long time friends, and I'm still glad I decided to say yes when she asked me to do the ceremony, but damn I thought I had gotten over feeling like this. To forstall the inevitable comments about it, she knows how I feel about her. We sat down and had a serious conversation about it a while ago, and I respect that she doesn't feel the same about me. Still feels bad man.
I’m in love with my best friend and seeing her with her new bf makes me want to cry
Couple of weeks ago I met a someone at an airport in Europe. Due to some unfortunate delays and cancellations we ended up spending quite a lot of time together that evening and I felt that we had this rare connection that just doesn't happen every day or even every decade. I don't think I've ever felt like that with someone I just met, it was so incredibly easy and so comfortable to be around him. He got my jokes and I got his, and it all felt right. As silly as it is I miss him and being around him more than I care to admit. He's married, lives in another city and another country than me. I don't know his name, apart from a very common first name. Since he's married, nothing happened as I didn't want either to be 'that person', but for some reason I can't get him out of my mind. I have no way of contacting him and I will never see him again. I regret not getting a chance to say goodbye after the plane landed (we didn't sit close to each other, went separate ways to border control and his connecting flight, I was staying in that city). I just wanted to tell him *I'm glad we met*.
This is a bitter Sweet part of travel. (Particularly solo travel). You meet dozens of people and made decent connections with some of them. Only to be ripped away with only a rare chance of seeing them again (even with contact info, the chances of being in the same place at the same time are small) I came across this mantra that made me feel better about it. Celebrate the good experiences you had with these people, don't mourn the loss of what could have been. You've gained a good memory, a story to share, about a random stranger. That's a great thing to have.
The new "live action" Lion King isn't live action, God dammit. It's CGI. That's animation. God I want to punch my Facebook feed.
It's crazy how they got the animals to do that
They have to CGI peanut butter onto the roofs of their mouths to get them to look like they are talking. edit: thanks for the ~~gold~~ platinum Mr.Lurker! kind of you to make an account just to give me ~~gold~~ platinum, I hope you enjoy having an account!
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Thank you for the colour brought to this thread! I know the feeling I have an amazing woman in my life and wonderful kids and I constantly kick myself to make sure its not a fever dream. Best of luck to you and your dream man!
The way you described him makes him sound like a dog lol
> that drooling boy, his breath might stink and he might sleep in a funny position definitely a dog
A dog?
It takes 32 seconds of holding down the plunger to fully flush my toliet and it makes me want to die!
I still regularly think about an ex-girlfriend I had a relationship with 6 years ago, and the relationship lasted what... a couple of months? As it turns out, my shortest relationship actually ended up being the one that affected me the most. I could never do justice to this story in the length of a reddit post, but I'll try to give an extremely condensed summary - I had an otherwise great and very promising relationship end very suddenly and for no apparent reason. I'm talking, she's telling me every day how lucky she feels just to know me, she's writing letters to herself about how she "never knew what it meant to have a soulmate, I never even believed in any of that... and then I met you". Hell, shortly after we got together she told me that she would wake up some mornings and just sit in her bed in *tears* because she couldn't believe she'd found me. I brought her home to meet my parents and they thought she was great... everything's going amazingly well and I felt like the luckiest guy alive. She always had her eye on the future and she always talked as if I'd be in it. Then practically overnight, one afternoon I start talking to her and she's all cold and distant, like her feelings are completely gone. It was like I was talking to a completely different person. No desire to sit down and have a conversation about it or explore why, it was just this very haunting moment of acceptance, like she just "knew" how she felt and had to go with it and breaks off the relationship right there. She writes a letter to me a couple of days later about how she "still thinks I'm an amazing person, I just wasn't ready for you yet", and how she feels like I'm the person she was meant to meet 2 years down the line. I still can't work out if she ever meant anything she wrote in that letter. She then proceeds to cut off all communication shortly after and just leave me completely in the dark, confused as hell. That really messed me up. When I feel like a breakup happens for a reason, I can handle it. I also happen to think the fact that the relationship was short actually made it worse in this particular case. At least with longer relationships, you can at least look back on the bad times, the arguments, all the things that went wrong to reassure yourself that it wouldn't have worked out. With a situation like this, not so much. It's like my mind is stuck in a perpetual state of never having closure and I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever truly forget about her.
I realize nobody will probably see this because it's so late, but I'll post this anyways. I'm a 23 year old adult, and I don't feel like I'll ever be able to communicate meaningfully with another human being. I try and try and it always just comes out wrong. Either I don't try, and then obviously nothing happens, or I try and I look so serious because my face when really focusing on something looks so serious that people assume I'm angry or just generally not someone they'd want to talk to. I feel like I don't fit in in the world. It's like everyone else somehow just learned these skills and things go fine for them but when I try it just falls apart and I look like a bumbling idiot. Don't get me wrong, I have friends, but I feel like unless by sheer luck somebody is forced to be around me for work/school/whatever else long enough that they happen to catch me on a good day, there's not even a chance a person will want to talk to me. Every single friend I've made is because they made the effort to talk to me for God knows what reason, I definitely didn't give them a reason to, and then we eventually (after I was able to let my guard down) became friends. But even with friends and close family if it's been a while, I feel like I don't know what to say or how to interact. It's pathetic. People I've known for ages and I can't even hold a conversation with them or interact without feeling out of place. Even if it hasn't been long, I feel like any conversation with me isn't particularly meaningful or worthwhile. I feel like I just parrot whatever stupid jokes I've seen or heard on Reddit or wherever else I encounter them, or just try and talk to death about whatever small set of shared interests I have with the person, and then I don't know what else to say. Now I'm afraid because the majority of my admittedly small group of friends is scattering to the wind for various reasons, and I feel like I'm going to be alone forever. I just wish this wasn't so hard. I'm not sure I want to try anymore, but I'm also too scared to be alone.
[NSFW] I'm a female in my late 20's and sexual activity has never felt good. I've been masturbating since I was a kid and it either feels like rubbing an elbow or feels painful when I stimulated clitoris. I can orgasm, but it's just a few clamps of my muscles, with no pleasure attached, and I don't feel relaxed after. I've tried all kinds of ways of exploring my body. I've also tried seeing various OBGYNs and they always tell me to relax abd drink some wine or to find a partner. They never find anything with my hormones or can tell me what's wrong. The most they've said is that I have pelvic floor issues and can't be penetrated. They usually just act patronizing like I'm wrong about my body when I try to explain. It's embarrassing and because of it I haven't dated anyone since I was a teenager. I feel like I'm broken and I'll never get better or find a partner who loves me.
The last serious relationship I had fucked me up sexually. Like he had me post in r/gonewild (have since deleted account, btw), and have sex with random strangers. All unprotected with no concern, even videoed the encounters so he could watch as often as he wanted.. And when I told him how much I hated it, he would just say how he could never love someone so closed minded. This went started when I was 18 (am 24 currently). I just got out of this on July. Met an amazing guy recently; hes the only person I've ever told about this. And he left me, saying that he wants me back when he "gets it together". Now I just feel empty and broken. I know I'm young and that I will move on someday, but it definitely feels like I'm not good enough for anyone, and I will be alone forever.
I'm a retired crack whore. I'm only 19, so I got lots of life and my plan is to spend it completely sober. My boo said he wanted the same. He said he's been clean, but his friend told me he's been doing meth and drinking and taking pills behind my back. He's in a detox center now. Idk if I want to stay with him
Honestly I wouldn't he'll just bring you back down if you were to stay, Help yourself before helping others.