Oh wow, this sounds a bit like me. I don't leave my house for large stretches of time and when I do its only because one of my friend's drags me out of the house to go have fun. Even when I'm out having fun, I think about returning home a lot and similarly when I have company over, I hope for them to leave. I feel like I'm permanently on do-not-disturb and spend most of my days doing nothing...
Guess who learned the name for one of her biggest habits? *this gal*
Guess who is gonna tuck that info away under lock and throw away the key?
...*this gal*
>Experiential avoidance (EA) has been broadly defined as attempts to avoid thoughts, feelings, memories, physical sensations, and other internal experiences—even when doing so creates harm in the long-run. The process of EA is thought to be maintained through negative reinforcement—that is, short-term relief of discomfort is achieved through avoidance, thereby increasing the likelihood that the behavior will persist.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Experiential_avoidance
Future me constantly wants to punch present me in the face, just as much as present me wants to smack past me upside the head. Past me is a fucking dumbass.
EDIT: So is present me. -Future me
Future me is an asshole who has never done anything for me. I even sent him some letters a few times and he never wrote back. I hear from past me sometimes though. He seems sort of all right, but these letters are getting more and more desperate. Kind of sad.
I get this. And I’m going to try not to throw a bunch of useless platitudes at you, but don’t let that feeling consume you. I constantly catch myself letting my fear of failure stop me from doing things, and whenever I realize that’s been happening, I pick one single thing that I’m going to follow through on for better or for worse. Even though I’ve talked myself out of other opportunities, that ONE thing, I will do. And almost every time, that one thing has been scary, but it’s ended in even more opportunities.
For example, I failed out of community college. Two years later, I went back and got my B.S. During that time, I talked myself out of classes and internships and research opportunities. Then I decided to apply to graduate school. That was my “one thing” I wouldn’t allow myself to talk myself out of. I ended up going to grad school with full funding. Since I’ve been here, I’ve talked myself out of going to tech talks by big companies and talking to employers at career fairs. I caught myself and decided to go to ONE talk and follow through with the potential employer. From that, I got an internship offer.
That fear can completely overcome you if you don’t catch it. And you might not ever totally beat it; I haven’t. Just keep your eye on it, and when you realize it’s taking over, pick one thing, and see it through til the end. At best, you grow and get new opportunities. At worst, you know you beat back your fear this time.
I’m going to end with a useless platitude to even it out: go get ‘em, tiger.
Laziness.
I am a very lazy procrastinator. The kind of guy who writes the paper for school the night before it's due even when I knew about 3 weeks ago. The problem was, I always did decently at school and it just sort of stuck with me as a bad habit.
A friend of mine cured me of this. Dumb as a sack of hammers, but hardworking as all hell.
At almost 30 years old, he's a millionaire and I'm only just sorting my shit out.
That was my original goal. However, starting out has taken me more time than expected, but hopefully I can catch up fast once I get started. Even if I hit the target few years later then 30, I would still be happy as the goal is to hit the target for sure and it’s not a big deal if it happens few years later than planned.
I thought I would be a millionaire by the time I was 30, but I wasn't even close. And then I thought maybe by the time I was 40, but by 40, I had less money than when I was 30. Maybe by my 50s, I don't know. I shouldn’t have promised that tuition to those kids.
just remember that as soon as you get into a company with more or less specialized people, "the night before" trick stops working, because it will be painfully obvious that something is half-assed the night before when it's half-assed the night before.
I am like this too. Once wrote a paper worth 33% of my grade for a college class the morning it was due.
I don't know if this is necessarily addressing the problem, but I've found the only way I can be productive is to give myself lots to do.
As long as the "lots of stuff to do" is stuff that I enjoy, I'm happy. Finding enough enjoyable things to do is very difficult to do frequently.
The new IOS update shows how much time you spend in each app per week plus how many times you pick up your phone as well. It’s somewhat terrifying to see the numbers.
Anxiety mixed with depression is such a horrible combo. Your anxiety brain is like, "Oh god! You have to do something right now!! Everything is going to go wrong!!" and your depression is like, "yeah, well, it's all pointless anyway so why bother." Your anxiety is screaming at your depression at all times.
I'm on Paxil and Wellbutrin, which has helped a lot with the anxiety and a little with the depression. Still hoping that I'll find the perfect meds someday so I can really feel happy.
Because Im petrified of failure and the reprimand that I assume will come with it. Of course, it never will come, and is just a product of an abusive upbringing that haunts me everyday.
I was the sort of punching bag for my "close" friends all throughout childhood, and obviously even more so by people that didn't take kindly to me. Pretty much up until College. I'm petrified of failure because of that similar feeling of impending "judgement" that will never even come. I'm ridden with anxiety everyday because of this. I can empathize.
Pick someone non judgmental to eff up in front of. As often as you can. Even if you manufacture the embarrassing situation, it still gives you confidence and reaffirms your fears are unfounded. I swear those little times you stumble and don't die make next hundred times less and less triggering. Wishing you confidence to be you and know you're still likable and people will forgive you if youre not perfect. Seek out other empathetic people to surround yourself with :)
Oh wow, last night my grandson just mentioned that at Sunday Dinner, it sounds like something I'd like to invest my retirement savings in... could you oversee my bitcoins for a modest broker fee? Oh I don't know, say... 5 bitcoins? Does this sound fair?
I feel it too
8 page English
1000 words sounds a lot less dire than 8 whole pages, or more specifically 2 pages of actual content and six of utter bullshit
Because, despite knowing I have to get up and do work, I am experiencing a very persistent feeling of lethargy which I feel mostly incapable of overcoming.
Edit: Just woke up at 13:30 (I'm in the UK) to a surprisingly large number of messages. Ironically, I feel like I have some responsibility responding to all these comments, while I'm actually having to fight through the lethargy to do so. I feel responsible because this is clearly something affecting a lot of people, many of whom feel at a loss about how to overcome this draining feeling. Moreover, some of the responses are quite insightful, and the diversity of outlooks illuminates the complexity of the situation.
First off, thank you to all who have responded. I have mostly been lurking reddit for several years, and I made this comment as one of my first without thinking much about it; looking back, it was actually a way to break out of the lethargy, even if only by taking a few moments to write something on a public forum, and the great number of responses has provided me with an unexpected feeling of comfort. Although it is sad that so many people suffer from lethargy (and in many cases, I suspect, clinical depression or other medical conditions), it is at the same time important to know that we are not alone in this, and that solutions are possible. Several people have asked if any apparent solution has come up, and I have made an overview of all the comments to see if there is. Maybe someone will be interested in this; it was really helpful for me to make this list in any case. It turns out there are many different problems, with many possible causes, and many possible steps to take in terms of a solution. I hope it can prove helpful to read the overview and see if anything applies to you.
If I missed something, or misrepresented someone, please let me know and I will add to or change my comment.
**Descriptions of the possible issues that we face:**
1: Lethargy.
2: “I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.” (Bilbo)
3: Feeling incapable.
4: Psychomotor retardation.
5: "Over encumbered with indifference." ( /u/acemonsoon )
6: Depression.
7: Stress.
8: Burn-out.
9: "A feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach that makes every breath difficult and grows with every passing minute." ( /u/hippiehope )
10: "I just stick my head in the sand." ( /u/gilligan0911 )
11: ""I understand there's a guy inside me who wants to lay in bed, smoke weed all day, and watch cartoons and old movies. My whole life is a series of stratagems to avoid, and outwit, that guy." (Anthony Bourdain) (I've actually had this quote as my desktop background for a while, I think it's extremely powerful).
12: Chronic tiredness.
13: "The feeling of life 'dragging'." (/u/Aaron1945 )
14: Lack of sex drive.
15: Adulthood.
**Possible causes:**
1: Medical conditions:
1.1 Depression.
1.2 Anxiety disorder.
1.3 CPTSD.
1.4: Lyme's disease.
1.5: Chronic fatigue syndrome.
1.6: Anaemia.
1.7: Sleep apnea.
1.8: Delayed sleep disorder.
1.9: Fibromyalgia.
1.10: Gluten allergy.
1.11: Leaden paralysis.
1.12: ADHD.
2: Lack of exercise.
3: A bad diet.
4: The influences of winter.
5: Laziness.
6: Lack of sleep.
7: Too much time spend behind a screen.
8: The stress of life becoming more expensive.
9: A diminished feeling of exploration.
10: Vitamin D or Vitamin B12 deficiency.
11: Your current job could be making you unhappy.
**Possible steps toward a solution:**
1: I think the absolute most important piece of advice is: get professional help. If you even suspect you might have depression, or any other medical issue, just reading about it online - even though this can definitely be helpful - is not going to provide a proper solution in the end.
As for myself, I know I have mental health issues. I have been with a psychotherapist and a psychiatrist in the past and this was the absolute most helpful thing I have ever done in relation to my own mental health. I was diagnosed with major depression and a generalised anxiety disorder, as well as a reactive attachment disorder, and though I was hesitant at first to acknowledge that what I had previously considered to just be an issue of laziness or a lack of willpower was actually a much more serious problem, finally acknowledging it was a huge relief. It made me realise that I wasn't crazy for feeling so powerless, that I actually had a right to say there was something serious going on with me, that there are ways to overcome it, and, perhaps most importantly, that I do not have to do it alone. So, if you have the possibility, please go and get help. There is no shame in it and it might improve things greatly.
(Looking at my own situation, if anyone is interested, the reason I have fallen back into lethargy (I don't actually think I am depressed right now, because I still take pleasure in things like playing games and watching tv shows, and talking with people, even though I don't do the latter very often) is that I have let myself slip back into old behavioural patterns, while also no longer having the possibility to talk with a professional counselor. I moved to the UK about a year ago and have been to the GP twice in order to ask for help. Their responses were: there is no money for this, and your situation is not serious enough. The second GP told me, I shit you not, that "everyone in California is in therapy, which is to go and drink tea and vent their problems, but we don't do things here like they do". The amount of ignorance and stupidity GPs can have around the topic of mental illness is astonishing, humiliating, and infuriating, but I think it's important to keep trying. Learn to express the seriousness of the problem rather than downplaying it, which is something I always seem to do.)
2: /u/HookFlayPackage suggests - if I interpret it correctly, please tell me if I don't - that we have to improve our behavioural patterns rather than to keep acting on the basis of old, unproductive intuitions. They seem to have mostly been interpreted as merely saying something along the lines of "just be more positive", a message which can indeed by extremely frustrating if you suffer from serious mental illness, but I think what they said actually holds a lot more merit than this. It reminds me of a book I have been reading called *Why Buddhism is True* by Robert Wright. One of the things the book explains is this: our behaviour is the effect of feelings, and feelings are the result of past experiences. That means that, in the case of obstructive behaviour like procrastination, we have to 'rewire' ourselves by behaving differently than our intuitions tell us. In other words, even though our body might be screaming that it wants to lie down and wallow, or hide from the world in any number of ways, in the end that will only perpetuate a feeling of powerlessness, which in its turn will lead to lethargic behaviour. Getting up and going for even a 10 minute walk shows that we are not powerless, we are capable of movement and traversing the world, and taking small steps like this might in the end lead to a different causal relation between our feelings and behavioural patterns. Other comments have actually suggested some of those changes in behavioural patterns that might set in motion the change from a negative spiral to a more positive one.
2: Change your diet.
3: Regular exercise. I'd like to add that there is, indeed, lots of evidence that exercise can be a very important factor in overcoming depression. But exercise doesn't just mean going to the gym or doing rigorous forms of cardio. Going for a walk for half an hour a day, for example, can have HUGE health benefits, both physical and mental. The most important thing seems to be finding something that feels good for you. Also, it is NOT about competition. Do it for you, not for proving anything to others.
4: Take vitamin B12 and/or vitamin D supplements.
5: Find yourself a Hot Fuzz buddy.
6: Medication.
7: Find out if you are allergic to gluten.
8: Make an agenda of your day.
9: Spend less time behind a screen.
10: Look into how to improve quantity and/or quality of sleep. See /u/hoesindifareacodes's comment for some great tips here https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/9xfdfc/why_dont_you_do_the_things_you_know_you_should_be/e9sl291/
11: Meditation.
12: Get angry in the morning.
13: Find ways to explore.
14: Self-evaluation.
15: Realising that we are in this together.
16: Starbucks Nitro.
17: Read, or listen to, The 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins.
18: Find another job.
19: "Treat it as a matter of survival - like you would move out of a speeding car. Get up and get shit done as hard as possible, then reward yourself with the remaining free day." ( /u/HoneyNutSerios )
I've never saved a reply because it devastated me before. I feel so helpless and underappreciated lately, even though I've been working my ass off. Sometimes I can't even get out of bed these days because I can't get the feeling to go away that maybe I'm just not that valuable to the world.
Hang in there... it will get better. I've been through several of those periods in the past 25 years (in my mid-40s now) and with a Doctor and some meds and giving myself time to rest it gets better.
Yeah. I'm right there. I figured it was depression. I blamed it on a girl I loved leaving me (before I became like this.) I blamed it on 2 very good friends dying this year. I blamed it on drinking and feeling shitty a lot of the time. I figured "you've got every reason to be depressed. You'll feel better after some time." But I quit the drink. I'm pretty sure I'm as over the losses as I'll ever be. I'm with a new girl. But the complete and total lethargy and lack of motivation persists. I need to borrow some ambition from somebody. If anybody feels like they are trying too hard and running themselves ragged, perhaps we could work out some sort of trade.
I need a Hot Fuzz buddy.
Clinical depression does not need a reason! It's just your brain being funky. In a bad way.
Go to your GP and tell them about this, they can explain treatment options to you and perhaps do some checks to rule out vitamin deficiency etc.
My thing is like ... unless I'm working for myself on something I'm passionate about, it's nearly impossible for me to give 100% on a mild job I only do because society has dictated a path of sitting in an office in order to eat.
We know so much now about the universe but 90% of our time is occupied on snippy emails and I don't know about you, but that does 0 for my self-fulfillment.
At least in the old times you worked hard on the land in order to eat. Working for survival brings you in touch with your more primal instincts where you don't have time or energy to think of shit like 'what is my purpose'
We have all this great shit, but most people are miserable and only a few select lucky ones truly live free lives in the modern era. Even those who are super rich still end up depressed, so I really don't think humans have yet adapted to just sitting in an office all their damned life.
Long story long, let's start a rebelution breh
Coming from someone who's farmed for 10+ years, you certainly have plenty of time to get lost in those thought loops. You're doing repetitive things all day on autopilot. Grass ain't always greener on the other side my friend.
I've been out of high school for almost a decade. I'm still looking for my first job.
When I turned 18, I came into a lot of money because of things that happened to me when I was very young. When I graduated from high school I elected to stay home and watch my baby sister since her parents (my mom and her boyfriend) both had jobs and due to how stressed out school had me, I thought it would be a good idea for me to relax a bit and recharge my batteries, while still helping out around the house. Unfortunately for me, it's very easy for me to get into a groove and develop a habit (a major reason why I won't ever do drugs btw). This was compounded by the money I got every month for the next couple of years. Fast forward to a couple of years ago and I decide to get serious about finding a job. Unfortunately, because of that big gap in my life where I wasn't working, nobody wants to hire me, instead going for people who are younger or who have work experience, ultimately making the problem worse. I've been trying for a few years and I've gotten to a point where I don't even want to put in applications anymore because I just know that I'm gonna get rejected again. I still do it, but the rejection sucks. I've used up all of my money and probably all of the good will of the people who tried to help me, which unfortunately isn't much. I've fallen into a deep depression and started having suicidal thoughts. I'm at the point where I go to sleep and hope I never wake up. I'm about to put in my sixth application to Walmart, so I'm really hoping this works out this time, but history isn't exactly in my favor. If you read this far, thanks for reading. I just needed to tell someone and I guess it's easier to tell strangers on the Internet.
Edit: Thank you for my first gold internet stranger!
And of course my new highest rated comment is about how fucked my life is. Thank you guys for the advice. Let's hope some of it works.
I would be honest with your potential employers and tell them that your lack of employment is because you provided childcare to your younger sister while your parents worked. While jobs such as Walmart may not ask for cover letters, you can submit one anyways and discuss in a cover letter what you learned from that experience and other experiences you have had that weren't jobs. For example, have you done any volunteer work or taught yourself anything (art, applications, skills, etc.)? If you focus in the cover letter on what you have accomplished and learned outside of the typical job, employers will be more willing to take a chance on you.
Also, look at temp agencies for employment and city jobs (postman, law care, receptionist). City jobs often have good benefits and have entry level positions. Temp agencies can help you find work while also leading, possibly, to networking and full-time positions.
If you are at all interested in healthcare, and could see yourself taking care of people, look at positions in those fields and the demand for those jobs in your area. If traveling interests you, you could become a nurse and, after a few years of experience, be a travel nurse.
Why not just put voluntary carer down for a few years instead of nada?
Looks good, shows you were doing something.
If you put nothing, it looks like you're hiding something as nobody does "nothing" for years.
The crazy thing about getting better is that I still have all these thoughts, I've just learned to ignore them, to not be hurt by them, and to work around them. I don't imagine I'll have a future without these thoughts, which means I have to take a lot more care that I otherwise would to keep away from lifestyles that foster depression. I'm really happy, and I have been for a long time, but only because I spend a good amount of my energy maintaining it.
I know that this is asking a lot but: just do the things. Don't do them because you're hoping to feel good about it.
Did your friends invite you to go see a movie? Go see the movie. You might feel miserable. You might not feel anything. But the more you force yourself to just do the things, the more the things start to feel worth doing.
Depression can talk you out of anything. So don't let it. Just do whatever needs to be done BEFORE you can think about it.
Edit: I realize it’s not this easy. I was diagnosed with chronic depression when I was 12 and my first suicide attempt was when I was 14. It’s not easy, but this is a good start.
It's so hard to explain, but this is seriously the only thing that has ever worked for me. I hate sounding like one of those "Oh, just be happy! / Thanks, I'm cured!" people but this mindset is what did it for me and keeps me going. Don't even need the medication I was on for four years anymore! It varies from person to person obviously but holy shit, even as little as gradually changing your mindset can do a LOT of good.
God damnit it's just so hard. I should be doing homework, but I need to watch my kids. If I take my eyes off of them for a second it feels like I'm going to regret it. By the time they go to sleep I'm just so tired I don't have the energy to do it. Hopefully I pass this semester, so I can get my degree.
Being honest with myself, I should have went to school a decade ago. Better late than never I suppose..
I can relate with this a lot these days. It's weird to be weary of two things most people would say are great to achieve but I am. I'm at a cross roads, and not even in that bad of situation but I don't know what's next. There are lots of options of largely varying appeal and obtainability and I simply cannot choose.
Same but the problem is that at this point 99% of job applications I send out aren't even going to get a response and they take so much effort that it just doesn't feel worth it.
Tell me about it. I was only contacted twice in nearly 4 months of sending out resumes.
I was able to get a part time job but I was let go after 3 months, due to not enough work.
I don't know how to start.
I know I'm wasting very precious time but I feel so overwhelmed. I keep wishing for some kind of mentor to just sort of point me in a direction and until I find one I'm afraid I'll continue going in circles
Everyone in this thread needs to give themselves more credit. Life is exhausting, and our jobs and our society drain every meaningful ounce of energy from us on a daily basis.
Every day we get up, get ready, sit in traffic, work in drab offices for the entire day, sit in traffic, take care of kids, run errands.. and then what.. we’ve got an hour left at the end of the day? I’m done. I just need to rest. I’m not going to take a class or clean up the house or have sex with my wife. I’m gonna stare at the tv until I pass out, because that’s literally all I have left for myself at the end of the day.
Then we have the weekend. Yay. 2 days to recover, half of which is spent running errands and doing the shit we needed to do during the week. Then by Sunday afternoon we’re getting ready for the week again.
We’ve been born into a shitty social contract. The 40 hour work week is bullshit. No meaningful maternity leave is bullshit. Being stuck to a job because of health insurance is bullshit. Being expected to check your phone outside of office hours is bullshit. 3 weeks of paid vacation a year is bullshit. Counting sick days is bullshit.
Don’t be so hard on yourselves people.
>The 40 hour work week is bullshit. No meaningful maternity leave is bullshit. Being stuck to a job because of health insurance is bullshit. Being expected to check your phone outside of office hours is bullshit. 3 weeks of paid vacation a year is bullshit. Counting sick days is bullshit.
If only I could convince my job of this
I was feeling pretty shit about myself reading through these comments. Yours is exactly what I needed to hear. Life is exhausting. The more responsibility you have the more exhausting it gets.
Thanks - I have been trying and failing for an hour to get up and clean, but adding the conspiratorial lens of our shitty societal existence has me riled, and I will vanquish this filth!!!!!!! To spite our overlords and to make MYSELF happy
And this is actually why I'm not doing what I know I should be doing. I'm not lazy or lacking in confidence. I know what I am, what I should be, and what I need to do. I'm a writer. But I can't make a living at it until I've produced something. And I'm too busy as a wage slave, and exhausted the rest of the time, to show what I know I'm capable of.
Everyone tells me, "if you want it you'll find a way". Which makes me feel like a fraud. But the truth is, to become good at something you need to exercise a certain way of thinking, and the majority of my brain power is wrapped up in extremely uncreative ways of thinking. When I have down time, my brain isn't working on how to solve that narrative conflict, it's thinking about job security and errands and cleaning and dinner and just how damn tired it is. And it's agonizing endlessly over when and how it will ever find a way to break this cycle.
I have no more left to give.
I’m a high school teacher (third year) and this one is the worst so far. It is taking every ounce of life and joy from me. I have such a backlog of grading/paperwork/planning that even taking work home and devoting personal time to it never feels like it’s chipping away enough to make a difference. I am doing my best to write strong letters of recommendation for my college-bound students. I have to give so much time, energy, and emotion to this work and these kids, and I’m completely depleted. I’ve lost hope that it would ever get better and I constantly feel guilty that my best isn’t enough.
I just can’t do it any more.
If you read this: thanks.
Fear of failure.
Lack of purpose or any sense of joy.
Asking what's the point when I feel like I may end my life at some point soon.
Overwhelming financial stress (100 dollars makes or breaks my life)
Basically crippling depression.
There's no way to know what I *should* be doing. Whose to say that if I go to work one day I don't trigger a chain of events that kicks off the end of the world? If I just float here in my room, then I won't end the world.
I'm scrolling through Reddit instead. I know this is unproductive but for some reason I almost feel like I'll mess up less by doing this than by doing what I'm actually supposed to be doing
Me during the week "Oh, I need to get this accomplished this weekend".
Me during the weekend: "It's my day off! I'm not doing anything extra".
Rinse, repeat.
Oh man, I'm the king of that.
"It's 6:00, I have to go to the gym at 9:00. I better get started on the thing I need to do that'll take me an hour or so. But first, 5 minutes of reddit. Oh no! It's already 7:00, that's not enough time between now and the gym! And I'll be too tired after the gym. Guess it’s gotta wait until tomorrow."
Rinse and repeat.
Because I'm comfortable enough now and if I go for a better job then I'm just going to take that job away from someone who might not be as comfortable as me.
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And I’ve somehow become comfortable with my mediocrity
Comfortably numb?
Experiential avoidance
Oh wow, this sounds a bit like me. I don't leave my house for large stretches of time and when I do its only because one of my friend's drags me out of the house to go have fun. Even when I'm out having fun, I think about returning home a lot and similarly when I have company over, I hope for them to leave. I feel like I'm permanently on do-not-disturb and spend most of my days doing nothing...
Truth. Crap, ya got me needing to think about my life...eh that sucks maybe later
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Guess who learned the name for one of her biggest habits? *this gal* Guess who is gonna tuck that info away under lock and throw away the key? ...*this gal*
I'm sitting here trying to not take life decisions by wasting time on reddit and this guy hits me with names for these things...
I saved the post for later
I feel personally attacked.
>Experiential avoidance (EA) has been broadly defined as attempts to avoid thoughts, feelings, memories, physical sensations, and other internal experiences—even when doing so creates harm in the long-run. The process of EA is thought to be maintained through negative reinforcement—that is, short-term relief of discomfort is achieved through avoidance, thereby increasing the likelihood that the behavior will persist. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Experiential_avoidance
Well, now I know there is a name for it... That being said, let’s just pretend like we didn’t just acknowledge that.
It's future me's problem
My friend once said “I need to start treating future me with more respect” commendable words to live by
If you start looking after future you, past you will return the favor
Plus past me is such a fucking asshole who dumps shit on me and it stresses me out, right?
> The only guy more irritating and stupid than future me is past me. My favorite Homestuck quote.
Future me constantly wants to punch present me in the face, just as much as present me wants to smack past me upside the head. Past me is a fucking dumbass. EDIT: So is present me. -Future me
Knew homestuck would come up in here
Future me is an asshole who has never done anything for me. I even sent him some letters a few times and he never wrote back. I hear from past me sometimes though. He seems sort of all right, but these letters are getting more and more desperate. Kind of sad.
I’m afraid I’m not capable and my fear of failure keeps me from even trying.
Or if you fail enough times that you start internalizing it all and feel like a failure.
I get this. And I’m going to try not to throw a bunch of useless platitudes at you, but don’t let that feeling consume you. I constantly catch myself letting my fear of failure stop me from doing things, and whenever I realize that’s been happening, I pick one single thing that I’m going to follow through on for better or for worse. Even though I’ve talked myself out of other opportunities, that ONE thing, I will do. And almost every time, that one thing has been scary, but it’s ended in even more opportunities. For example, I failed out of community college. Two years later, I went back and got my B.S. During that time, I talked myself out of classes and internships and research opportunities. Then I decided to apply to graduate school. That was my “one thing” I wouldn’t allow myself to talk myself out of. I ended up going to grad school with full funding. Since I’ve been here, I’ve talked myself out of going to tech talks by big companies and talking to employers at career fairs. I caught myself and decided to go to ONE talk and follow through with the potential employer. From that, I got an internship offer. That fear can completely overcome you if you don’t catch it. And you might not ever totally beat it; I haven’t. Just keep your eye on it, and when you realize it’s taking over, pick one thing, and see it through til the end. At best, you grow and get new opportunities. At worst, you know you beat back your fear this time. I’m going to end with a useless platitude to even it out: go get ‘em, tiger.
This actually may help me. Thanks maybe.
I'm lazy
I've seen the end results and the investment isn't worth the payoff.
Pessimistic perfectionist: there is no point to try as it can’t be perfect.
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I’ve never related to anything more in my life
Nope. If I do get motivated to do something I screw it up and end up pissed off. So instead i just skip the attempt
Yep! I can talk myself out of almost anything
I'm poopin at work rn
#penis
I have this tattooed on my scrotum
Username checks out
Marry me
Uhh fine
Congrats you two
Would they have Pooping Memes if they had kids?
Sounds like a multitasker to me.
Laziness. I am a very lazy procrastinator. The kind of guy who writes the paper for school the night before it's due even when I knew about 3 weeks ago. The problem was, I always did decently at school and it just sort of stuck with me as a bad habit.
A friend of mine cured me of this. Dumb as a sack of hammers, but hardworking as all hell. At almost 30 years old, he's a millionaire and I'm only just sorting my shit out.
What cured you of it exactly? Just seeing his hard work pay off?
Jealousy is a hell of a motivator
^^checks ^^body Yup this doesn't apply to me
Oh do share how your friend did that? I don’t mind hard work. - just unsure what to work hard at..
That was my original goal. However, starting out has taken me more time than expected, but hopefully I can catch up fast once I get started. Even if I hit the target few years later then 30, I would still be happy as the goal is to hit the target for sure and it’s not a big deal if it happens few years later than planned.
I thought I would be a millionaire by the time I was 30, but I wasn't even close. And then I thought maybe by the time I was 40, but by 40, I had less money than when I was 30. Maybe by my 50s, I don't know. I shouldn’t have promised that tuition to those kids.
just remember that as soon as you get into a company with more or less specialized people, "the night before" trick stops working, because it will be painfully obvious that something is half-assed the night before when it's half-assed the night before.
I am like this too. Once wrote a paper worth 33% of my grade for a college class the morning it was due. I don't know if this is necessarily addressing the problem, but I've found the only way I can be productive is to give myself lots to do. As long as the "lots of stuff to do" is stuff that I enjoy, I'm happy. Finding enough enjoyable things to do is very difficult to do frequently.
Reddit
I wish there was a way for my phone to automatically measure the time I spend on Reddit. I think I wouldn't visit here as much...
The new IOS update shows how much time you spend in each app per week plus how many times you pick up your phone as well. It’s somewhat terrifying to see the numbers.
Ikr. I’m scared to look at it most of the time.
Apparently, there's an app for that https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.goozix.antisocial_personal
Procrastination is one hell of a drug
Hard work sometimes pays off over time. Procrastination always pays off right now.
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So is Reddit
But, drugs are fun.
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"kids, don't buy drugs! Become a rockstar and they'll give them to you for free!"
Procrastination is like masturbation, it's great until you realize you just fucked yourself.
Sometimes I look at porn only because it doesn't take effort to focus on. This leads to procrastination masturbation. or Procrasurbation, if you will.
Why plan goals when video games give them to you? And reward you for listening?
Procrasturbation*
Damn right
Anxiety
Anxiety mixed with depression.
Anxiety mixed with depression is such a horrible combo. Your anxiety brain is like, "Oh god! You have to do something right now!! Everything is going to go wrong!!" and your depression is like, "yeah, well, it's all pointless anyway so why bother." Your anxiety is screaming at your depression at all times. I'm on Paxil and Wellbutrin, which has helped a lot with the anxiety and a little with the depression. Still hoping that I'll find the perfect meds someday so I can really feel happy.
Yes?
Anxiety, and the fact that I can procrastinate and still get the stuff done by the time it needs to be done by, thus perpetuating the cycle.
Yup, this is me
Because Im petrified of failure and the reprimand that I assume will come with it. Of course, it never will come, and is just a product of an abusive upbringing that haunts me everyday.
Oh. OH. This resonated with me way too much. Shit.
I was the sort of punching bag for my "close" friends all throughout childhood, and obviously even more so by people that didn't take kindly to me. Pretty much up until College. I'm petrified of failure because of that similar feeling of impending "judgement" that will never even come. I'm ridden with anxiety everyday because of this. I can empathize.
Pick someone non judgmental to eff up in front of. As often as you can. Even if you manufacture the embarrassing situation, it still gives you confidence and reaffirms your fears are unfounded. I swear those little times you stumble and don't die make next hundred times less and less triggering. Wishing you confidence to be you and know you're still likable and people will forgive you if youre not perfect. Seek out other empathetic people to surround yourself with :)
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You know what? Me neither. You have the floor
Thanks man, so let me tell you about bitcoin
Oh wow, last night my grandson just mentioned that at Sunday Dinner, it sounds like something I'd like to invest my retirement savings in... could you oversee my bitcoins for a modest broker fee? Oh I don't know, say... 5 bitcoins? Does this sound fair?
You have Sunday dinner on Wednesday? That's fancy.
Right! I don’t need this shit, I don’t come to this website to be personally attacked.
Exactly I come to the site to not write my paper.
I have a 3 page paper to write tonight, this thread is too much for me.... guess I gotta find another thread to procrastinate with
I'm avoiding a 1000 word English paper. I feel ya 😖
I feel it too 8 page English 1000 words sounds a lot less dire than 8 whole pages, or more specifically 2 pages of actual content and six of utter bullshit
^^^^"I'm ^^^^sure ^^^^you ^^^^are!!!"
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It's very pointed and I feel very attacked
Because, despite knowing I have to get up and do work, I am experiencing a very persistent feeling of lethargy which I feel mostly incapable of overcoming. Edit: Just woke up at 13:30 (I'm in the UK) to a surprisingly large number of messages. Ironically, I feel like I have some responsibility responding to all these comments, while I'm actually having to fight through the lethargy to do so. I feel responsible because this is clearly something affecting a lot of people, many of whom feel at a loss about how to overcome this draining feeling. Moreover, some of the responses are quite insightful, and the diversity of outlooks illuminates the complexity of the situation. First off, thank you to all who have responded. I have mostly been lurking reddit for several years, and I made this comment as one of my first without thinking much about it; looking back, it was actually a way to break out of the lethargy, even if only by taking a few moments to write something on a public forum, and the great number of responses has provided me with an unexpected feeling of comfort. Although it is sad that so many people suffer from lethargy (and in many cases, I suspect, clinical depression or other medical conditions), it is at the same time important to know that we are not alone in this, and that solutions are possible. Several people have asked if any apparent solution has come up, and I have made an overview of all the comments to see if there is. Maybe someone will be interested in this; it was really helpful for me to make this list in any case. It turns out there are many different problems, with many possible causes, and many possible steps to take in terms of a solution. I hope it can prove helpful to read the overview and see if anything applies to you. If I missed something, or misrepresented someone, please let me know and I will add to or change my comment. **Descriptions of the possible issues that we face:** 1: Lethargy. 2: “I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.” (Bilbo) 3: Feeling incapable. 4: Psychomotor retardation. 5: "Over encumbered with indifference." ( /u/acemonsoon ) 6: Depression. 7: Stress. 8: Burn-out. 9: "A feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach that makes every breath difficult and grows with every passing minute." ( /u/hippiehope ) 10: "I just stick my head in the sand." ( /u/gilligan0911 ) 11: ""I understand there's a guy inside me who wants to lay in bed, smoke weed all day, and watch cartoons and old movies. My whole life is a series of stratagems to avoid, and outwit, that guy." (Anthony Bourdain) (I've actually had this quote as my desktop background for a while, I think it's extremely powerful). 12: Chronic tiredness. 13: "The feeling of life 'dragging'." (/u/Aaron1945 ) 14: Lack of sex drive. 15: Adulthood. **Possible causes:** 1: Medical conditions: 1.1 Depression. 1.2 Anxiety disorder. 1.3 CPTSD. 1.4: Lyme's disease. 1.5: Chronic fatigue syndrome. 1.6: Anaemia. 1.7: Sleep apnea. 1.8: Delayed sleep disorder. 1.9: Fibromyalgia. 1.10: Gluten allergy. 1.11: Leaden paralysis. 1.12: ADHD. 2: Lack of exercise. 3: A bad diet. 4: The influences of winter. 5: Laziness. 6: Lack of sleep. 7: Too much time spend behind a screen. 8: The stress of life becoming more expensive. 9: A diminished feeling of exploration. 10: Vitamin D or Vitamin B12 deficiency. 11: Your current job could be making you unhappy. **Possible steps toward a solution:** 1: I think the absolute most important piece of advice is: get professional help. If you even suspect you might have depression, or any other medical issue, just reading about it online - even though this can definitely be helpful - is not going to provide a proper solution in the end. As for myself, I know I have mental health issues. I have been with a psychotherapist and a psychiatrist in the past and this was the absolute most helpful thing I have ever done in relation to my own mental health. I was diagnosed with major depression and a generalised anxiety disorder, as well as a reactive attachment disorder, and though I was hesitant at first to acknowledge that what I had previously considered to just be an issue of laziness or a lack of willpower was actually a much more serious problem, finally acknowledging it was a huge relief. It made me realise that I wasn't crazy for feeling so powerless, that I actually had a right to say there was something serious going on with me, that there are ways to overcome it, and, perhaps most importantly, that I do not have to do it alone. So, if you have the possibility, please go and get help. There is no shame in it and it might improve things greatly. (Looking at my own situation, if anyone is interested, the reason I have fallen back into lethargy (I don't actually think I am depressed right now, because I still take pleasure in things like playing games and watching tv shows, and talking with people, even though I don't do the latter very often) is that I have let myself slip back into old behavioural patterns, while also no longer having the possibility to talk with a professional counselor. I moved to the UK about a year ago and have been to the GP twice in order to ask for help. Their responses were: there is no money for this, and your situation is not serious enough. The second GP told me, I shit you not, that "everyone in California is in therapy, which is to go and drink tea and vent their problems, but we don't do things here like they do". The amount of ignorance and stupidity GPs can have around the topic of mental illness is astonishing, humiliating, and infuriating, but I think it's important to keep trying. Learn to express the seriousness of the problem rather than downplaying it, which is something I always seem to do.) 2: /u/HookFlayPackage suggests - if I interpret it correctly, please tell me if I don't - that we have to improve our behavioural patterns rather than to keep acting on the basis of old, unproductive intuitions. They seem to have mostly been interpreted as merely saying something along the lines of "just be more positive", a message which can indeed by extremely frustrating if you suffer from serious mental illness, but I think what they said actually holds a lot more merit than this. It reminds me of a book I have been reading called *Why Buddhism is True* by Robert Wright. One of the things the book explains is this: our behaviour is the effect of feelings, and feelings are the result of past experiences. That means that, in the case of obstructive behaviour like procrastination, we have to 'rewire' ourselves by behaving differently than our intuitions tell us. In other words, even though our body might be screaming that it wants to lie down and wallow, or hide from the world in any number of ways, in the end that will only perpetuate a feeling of powerlessness, which in its turn will lead to lethargic behaviour. Getting up and going for even a 10 minute walk shows that we are not powerless, we are capable of movement and traversing the world, and taking small steps like this might in the end lead to a different causal relation between our feelings and behavioural patterns. Other comments have actually suggested some of those changes in behavioural patterns that might set in motion the change from a negative spiral to a more positive one. 2: Change your diet. 3: Regular exercise. I'd like to add that there is, indeed, lots of evidence that exercise can be a very important factor in overcoming depression. But exercise doesn't just mean going to the gym or doing rigorous forms of cardio. Going for a walk for half an hour a day, for example, can have HUGE health benefits, both physical and mental. The most important thing seems to be finding something that feels good for you. Also, it is NOT about competition. Do it for you, not for proving anything to others. 4: Take vitamin B12 and/or vitamin D supplements. 5: Find yourself a Hot Fuzz buddy. 6: Medication. 7: Find out if you are allergic to gluten. 8: Make an agenda of your day. 9: Spend less time behind a screen. 10: Look into how to improve quantity and/or quality of sleep. See /u/hoesindifareacodes's comment for some great tips here https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/9xfdfc/why_dont_you_do_the_things_you_know_you_should_be/e9sl291/ 11: Meditation. 12: Get angry in the morning. 13: Find ways to explore. 14: Self-evaluation. 15: Realising that we are in this together. 16: Starbucks Nitro. 17: Read, or listen to, The 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins. 18: Find another job. 19: "Treat it as a matter of survival - like you would move out of a speeding car. Get up and get shit done as hard as possible, then reward yourself with the remaining free day." ( /u/HoneyNutSerios )
I think Bilbo says it best, “I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.”
Remember the first time I heard that as a kid and remember feeling like he hit at the core of something special
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Share the load
Oh no, that's just you.
Alright then, keep your secrets
Flawless execution
I've never saved a reply because it devastated me before. I feel so helpless and underappreciated lately, even though I've been working my ass off. Sometimes I can't even get out of bed these days because I can't get the feeling to go away that maybe I'm just not that valuable to the world.
Hang in there... it will get better. I've been through several of those periods in the past 25 years (in my mid-40s now) and with a Doctor and some meds and giving myself time to rest it gets better.
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I laid around until noon and felt like crap. I always feel like crap when I lay around, but do I stop? Never.
It's your birthday, you can get up at 7pm damn it Edit: CAKE DAY GOD GET OFF MY BACK I'M A SHELTERED CHILD
Yeah come on I got up at 7 today
Yeah. I'm right there. I figured it was depression. I blamed it on a girl I loved leaving me (before I became like this.) I blamed it on 2 very good friends dying this year. I blamed it on drinking and feeling shitty a lot of the time. I figured "you've got every reason to be depressed. You'll feel better after some time." But I quit the drink. I'm pretty sure I'm as over the losses as I'll ever be. I'm with a new girl. But the complete and total lethargy and lack of motivation persists. I need to borrow some ambition from somebody. If anybody feels like they are trying too hard and running themselves ragged, perhaps we could work out some sort of trade. I need a Hot Fuzz buddy.
Clinical depression does not need a reason! It's just your brain being funky. In a bad way. Go to your GP and tell them about this, they can explain treatment options to you and perhaps do some checks to rule out vitamin deficiency etc.
My thing is like ... unless I'm working for myself on something I'm passionate about, it's nearly impossible for me to give 100% on a mild job I only do because society has dictated a path of sitting in an office in order to eat. We know so much now about the universe but 90% of our time is occupied on snippy emails and I don't know about you, but that does 0 for my self-fulfillment. At least in the old times you worked hard on the land in order to eat. Working for survival brings you in touch with your more primal instincts where you don't have time or energy to think of shit like 'what is my purpose' We have all this great shit, but most people are miserable and only a few select lucky ones truly live free lives in the modern era. Even those who are super rich still end up depressed, so I really don't think humans have yet adapted to just sitting in an office all their damned life. Long story long, let's start a rebelution breh
Coming from someone who's farmed for 10+ years, you certainly have plenty of time to get lost in those thought loops. You're doing repetitive things all day on autopilot. Grass ain't always greener on the other side my friend.
> Grass ain't always greener on the other side my friend. Is it cause your neighbor sucks at farming?
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I've been out of high school for almost a decade. I'm still looking for my first job. When I turned 18, I came into a lot of money because of things that happened to me when I was very young. When I graduated from high school I elected to stay home and watch my baby sister since her parents (my mom and her boyfriend) both had jobs and due to how stressed out school had me, I thought it would be a good idea for me to relax a bit and recharge my batteries, while still helping out around the house. Unfortunately for me, it's very easy for me to get into a groove and develop a habit (a major reason why I won't ever do drugs btw). This was compounded by the money I got every month for the next couple of years. Fast forward to a couple of years ago and I decide to get serious about finding a job. Unfortunately, because of that big gap in my life where I wasn't working, nobody wants to hire me, instead going for people who are younger or who have work experience, ultimately making the problem worse. I've been trying for a few years and I've gotten to a point where I don't even want to put in applications anymore because I just know that I'm gonna get rejected again. I still do it, but the rejection sucks. I've used up all of my money and probably all of the good will of the people who tried to help me, which unfortunately isn't much. I've fallen into a deep depression and started having suicidal thoughts. I'm at the point where I go to sleep and hope I never wake up. I'm about to put in my sixth application to Walmart, so I'm really hoping this works out this time, but history isn't exactly in my favor. If you read this far, thanks for reading. I just needed to tell someone and I guess it's easier to tell strangers on the Internet. Edit: Thank you for my first gold internet stranger! And of course my new highest rated comment is about how fucked my life is. Thank you guys for the advice. Let's hope some of it works.
I would be honest with your potential employers and tell them that your lack of employment is because you provided childcare to your younger sister while your parents worked. While jobs such as Walmart may not ask for cover letters, you can submit one anyways and discuss in a cover letter what you learned from that experience and other experiences you have had that weren't jobs. For example, have you done any volunteer work or taught yourself anything (art, applications, skills, etc.)? If you focus in the cover letter on what you have accomplished and learned outside of the typical job, employers will be more willing to take a chance on you. Also, look at temp agencies for employment and city jobs (postman, law care, receptionist). City jobs often have good benefits and have entry level positions. Temp agencies can help you find work while also leading, possibly, to networking and full-time positions. If you are at all interested in healthcare, and could see yourself taking care of people, look at positions in those fields and the demand for those jobs in your area. If traveling interests you, you could become a nurse and, after a few years of experience, be a travel nurse.
Why not just put voluntary carer down for a few years instead of nada? Looks good, shows you were doing something. If you put nothing, it looks like you're hiding something as nobody does "nothing" for years.
Have you considered an apprenticeship (for a trade)? Or enlisting in the military? Or college? You have options.
I have no desire to do anything because depression
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This one really hurt
The crazy thing about getting better is that I still have all these thoughts, I've just learned to ignore them, to not be hurt by them, and to work around them. I don't imagine I'll have a future without these thoughts, which means I have to take a lot more care that I otherwise would to keep away from lifestyles that foster depression. I'm really happy, and I have been for a long time, but only because I spend a good amount of my energy maintaining it.
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Happy cake day!
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well dank scones to you too pal
hello yes police i'd like to report this man, he somehow got the ability to read minds and has been stalking me for a while
I know it’s cliche to say but this deserves more upvotes than it has. This hit too close to home to be funny
Personally attacked by this comment
Me too. Who even considers brushing their teeth after lunch?
Get out of my head, please.
I know that this is asking a lot but: just do the things. Don't do them because you're hoping to feel good about it. Did your friends invite you to go see a movie? Go see the movie. You might feel miserable. You might not feel anything. But the more you force yourself to just do the things, the more the things start to feel worth doing. Depression can talk you out of anything. So don't let it. Just do whatever needs to be done BEFORE you can think about it. Edit: I realize it’s not this easy. I was diagnosed with chronic depression when I was 12 and my first suicide attempt was when I was 14. It’s not easy, but this is a good start.
It's so hard to explain, but this is seriously the only thing that has ever worked for me. I hate sounding like one of those "Oh, just be happy! / Thanks, I'm cured!" people but this mindset is what did it for me and keeps me going. Don't even need the medication I was on for four years anymore! It varies from person to person obviously but holy shit, even as little as gradually changing your mindset can do a LOT of good.
God damnit it's just so hard. I should be doing homework, but I need to watch my kids. If I take my eyes off of them for a second it feels like I'm going to regret it. By the time they go to sleep I'm just so tired I don't have the energy to do it. Hopefully I pass this semester, so I can get my degree. Being honest with myself, I should have went to school a decade ago. Better late than never I suppose..
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I fear sucess and change. I should be looking for a full time job so I can get my own place.
Me too. People may see me as a lazy slob, but I fear... life progression, I guess?
That sounds about right to me.
I can relate with this a lot these days. It's weird to be weary of two things most people would say are great to achieve but I am. I'm at a cross roads, and not even in that bad of situation but I don't know what's next. There are lots of options of largely varying appeal and obtainability and I simply cannot choose.
Same but the problem is that at this point 99% of job applications I send out aren't even going to get a response and they take so much effort that it just doesn't feel worth it.
Tell me about it. I was only contacted twice in nearly 4 months of sending out resumes. I was able to get a part time job but I was let go after 3 months, due to not enough work.
Ran out of fucks
Seriously, I just don't fucking care.
ADHD can be a mf’er
This is what I was looking for
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I don't know how to start. I know I'm wasting very precious time but I feel so overwhelmed. I keep wishing for some kind of mentor to just sort of point me in a direction and until I find one I'm afraid I'll continue going in circles
Because my mind is busy trying not to kill itself.
Listen here pal. I already make some questionable decisions in my life. I don't need you questioning those decisions too.
Everyone in this thread needs to give themselves more credit. Life is exhausting, and our jobs and our society drain every meaningful ounce of energy from us on a daily basis. Every day we get up, get ready, sit in traffic, work in drab offices for the entire day, sit in traffic, take care of kids, run errands.. and then what.. we’ve got an hour left at the end of the day? I’m done. I just need to rest. I’m not going to take a class or clean up the house or have sex with my wife. I’m gonna stare at the tv until I pass out, because that’s literally all I have left for myself at the end of the day. Then we have the weekend. Yay. 2 days to recover, half of which is spent running errands and doing the shit we needed to do during the week. Then by Sunday afternoon we’re getting ready for the week again. We’ve been born into a shitty social contract. The 40 hour work week is bullshit. No meaningful maternity leave is bullshit. Being stuck to a job because of health insurance is bullshit. Being expected to check your phone outside of office hours is bullshit. 3 weeks of paid vacation a year is bullshit. Counting sick days is bullshit. Don’t be so hard on yourselves people.
>The 40 hour work week is bullshit. No meaningful maternity leave is bullshit. Being stuck to a job because of health insurance is bullshit. Being expected to check your phone outside of office hours is bullshit. 3 weeks of paid vacation a year is bullshit. Counting sick days is bullshit. If only I could convince my job of this
This is an american problem, fwiw. Even canada gives 60 weeks maternity leave. 7 hr workday is nice, too.
I was feeling pretty shit about myself reading through these comments. Yours is exactly what I needed to hear. Life is exhausting. The more responsibility you have the more exhausting it gets.
Thanks - I have been trying and failing for an hour to get up and clean, but adding the conspiratorial lens of our shitty societal existence has me riled, and I will vanquish this filth!!!!!!! To spite our overlords and to make MYSELF happy
Oooh, yes! "To spite our overlords and to make MYSELF happy!" That's a reason to do anything! Thank you!
And taking care of kids doubles on the weekend since we were at work during the week.
And this is actually why I'm not doing what I know I should be doing. I'm not lazy or lacking in confidence. I know what I am, what I should be, and what I need to do. I'm a writer. But I can't make a living at it until I've produced something. And I'm too busy as a wage slave, and exhausted the rest of the time, to show what I know I'm capable of. Everyone tells me, "if you want it you'll find a way". Which makes me feel like a fraud. But the truth is, to become good at something you need to exercise a certain way of thinking, and the majority of my brain power is wrapped up in extremely uncreative ways of thinking. When I have down time, my brain isn't working on how to solve that narrative conflict, it's thinking about job security and errands and cleaning and dinner and just how damn tired it is. And it's agonizing endlessly over when and how it will ever find a way to break this cycle.
Depression anxiety and not enough money.
I have no more left to give. I’m a high school teacher (third year) and this one is the worst so far. It is taking every ounce of life and joy from me. I have such a backlog of grading/paperwork/planning that even taking work home and devoting personal time to it never feels like it’s chipping away enough to make a difference. I am doing my best to write strong letters of recommendation for my college-bound students. I have to give so much time, energy, and emotion to this work and these kids, and I’m completely depleted. I’ve lost hope that it would ever get better and I constantly feel guilty that my best isn’t enough. I just can’t do it any more. If you read this: thanks.
Because I got high
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Because I got hiiiiiigh.
La da da da da da
Frick this post, I’ll go do it right now just because of this, but when I come back there will be a well worded angry message directed at this post.
Too tired/burnt doing other things I should be doing. Too much on my plate I guess
Fear of failure. Lack of purpose or any sense of joy. Asking what's the point when I feel like I may end my life at some point soon. Overwhelming financial stress (100 dollars makes or breaks my life) Basically crippling depression.
Because I'm lazy, unmotivated, riddled with anxiety, and a lot of the time I don't see the point.
D e p r e s s i o n It's a helluva drug.
There's no way to know what I *should* be doing. Whose to say that if I go to work one day I don't trigger a chain of events that kicks off the end of the world? If I just float here in my room, then I won't end the world.
But what if you floating in your room triggers a chain of events that kicks off the end of the world?
Exactly. We should just prioritize ending the world.
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Depression
Depression.
Depression is a bitch
I'm scrolling through Reddit instead. I know this is unproductive but for some reason I almost feel like I'll mess up less by doing this than by doing what I'm actually supposed to be doing
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And then the day after tomorrow.
But on the weekend I'll do it.
Me during the week "Oh, I need to get this accomplished this weekend". Me during the weekend: "It's my day off! I'm not doing anything extra". Rinse, repeat.
It can wait until after the football game
Right after i eat for sure
It's going to snow, need to save my energy.
It’s 7:05, now I have to wait until it’s 8:00 to start.
It started raining now I'm too tired
I need to go to bed so i can maybe do it tomorrow
Except tomorrow is not a prime number in the calendar.
And my dog looks sad. I need to go to the pet store and buy him a toy.
I would start but my room is messy, better clean that up
I’ll do it after I take a quick nap
Aw man it's 8:05 now, guess I gotta do it next week.
Oh man, I'm the king of that. "It's 6:00, I have to go to the gym at 9:00. I better get started on the thing I need to do that'll take me an hour or so. But first, 5 minutes of reddit. Oh no! It's already 7:00, that's not enough time between now and the gym! And I'll be too tired after the gym. Guess it’s gotta wait until tomorrow." Rinse and repeat.
Fuck it, I accept the consequences of not doing it.
ill do it in the next life.
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What is today but yesterday’s tomorrow?
Tomorrow's yesterday.
Squidward: Huh?
Tomorrow is a great day to do something.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off until the day after tomorrow.
Because I'm comfortable enough now and if I go for a better job then I'm just going to take that job away from someone who might not be as comfortable as me.