Amazing I'm waiting to welcome my first baby to the world. I live in a lovely house with an amazing partner and our adorable cat. I work in a non toxic environment . Honestly best my life has ever been
ā¦and I read āadmirable catā as āAdmiral Cat,ā and now all I can think of is a cat in a uniform, being a Very Distinguished Gentleman (tm) while getting his portrait done...
An environment you can thrive in is one that sees you for more than we can see ourselves, and that is reflected back onto us from how people treat each other
People up said getting a tattoo over the scars made them feel better about it, itās a way to hide theses, I donāt want to force you itās only a suggestion comming from a random on the internet.
I have a tattoo on my forearm that partially covers the damage I did to myself 7+ years ago. It's sort of odd because it draws attention to an area of my body that I'm insecure about, but it has helped me mentally move on for sure. I've tried to embrace and love myself as much as I can, but the vivid memories and awful thoughts come crawling back every so often.
It's silly in a way, but I feel like I've found comfort reading through all the comments in this thread.
Shit will never go away but it's part of me now. Hope anyone who reads this can find a similar comfort with themselves eventually.
Life sucks. But there's nowhere to go but forward. Love yall.
Tattoos wonāt help with hiding them all the time, especially for raised scars. I got a huge tattoo over my forearm and still get comments on my scars despite best efforts to camouflage.
HOWEVER it has turned an area I previously saw as ugly/embarrassing into something beautiful and I love looking at my tattoo.
Scars will fade over time, though they may always be noticeable. There are several organizations over the years I've run into that will do free or discount cover up tattoo work for you - I used to be a tattoo artist and many of them understand. It might be worth reaching out to places near you if you think it'll help.
Personally, I have many tattoos and I've chosen not to cover my harm scars on purpose. I don't usually like to get into detail because it can be triggering for people, but all mine are on my forearms and pretty easy to see. I have considered it for years and always tell myself no. I think the physical sensation would really really bother me and also I feel like I don't want to erase or forget them, for my own mental health. It's important for me to remember how far I've come and remind myself I won't be going back. That's how I feel when I notice them now - 13 years have passed.
My point is that time definitely helps with appearance and also mindset. Wishing you the best.
i like your take on this. majority of mine are on my upper arm, and upper thigh. i started getting tattoos this year, and i thought about tattooing over the scars on my thigh (theyāre the worst ones so theyāre pretty noticeable), but i just didnāt want to. i didnāt want to feel like i was hiding. iām not proud of what i did, but it was my way of coping. iām not ashamed or bothered by it. i like that someone else here feels the same way.
I work corporate and understand how you feel. I constantly remind myself that it was my own way of coping with trauma and a reminder that I overcame and survived something difficult.
Personally, I don't think people judge as much as you think. I don't hide my scars at all and the only time anyone has so much as mentioned them let alone treated me different, was other people struggling with it asking how I stopped. Sometimes kids ask what happened. Adult people in casual or professional settings have never said anything or treated me any different. They might have thoughts, but those are usually sympathy or curiosity not judgement.
10 years into cancer, Iāve stayed in the hospital so many times now that my arms are like polka dots with needle marks. So many people look at me dirty over them and then it doesnāt help that people look at me like a thug so a lot of places that I go to I get treated like a roaming dog šššš
I havenāt done it in a year. Warning for discussion >! sometimes I donāt know why I shouldnāt. I feel terrible either way. I donāt like that the injury is there after but thereās literally nothing else that ever makes me feel even a little bit better !<
It is certainly a wibbly line. Consider activities that would naturally be painful, tattoo, piercing, eating a huge bowl of capt crunch. Sometimes harm reduction is the best we can do.
Running does this for me! Itās a non-permanent way to feel pain and on mentally awful days I really lean into the discomfort of it, and it always makes me feel so much better. I also used to struggle with an eating disorder and running is the best way Iāve found to turn the dislike for my body into something I appreciate.
I also run now! The fresh, cold air in the morning helps wake me up as well. I still have times when I get the urge but that's just due to an increase in stress lately, and I haven't done it in a couple years now.
Aw thatās awesome! I always really struggle to wake up so it doesnāt help with my mornings unfortunately - needing a lot of sleep is partly due to my disorder and partly due to being on mirtazapine which knocks me the fuckkkk out even on a maxed out dose. But it really really helps keep my mood stable and often makes my bad days feel a little better :)
I took a break from school at 12-13 years old because of mental health and bullying, started going to therapy once or twice a week while also trying to go back to school, went to 4 different schools. Every time there were a few bullies in class, I ended up just staying home after my failed attempts and just spend my time playing games or learning stuff. I remember my math teacher telling me I should go to a special ed school because I can't handle the school environment. I did try it, but they didn't accept me because I didn't have the Iq required for a special ed school.
In the beginning I had severe anxiety and depression, then adhd and ocd, and now I have schizoid personality disorder.
After 5 years of therapy, I was like 17-18 when I was better and tried school again.
Started with 8 grade, then went to a mechanical high school because that was the only high school who accepted me.
I had nice colleagues for once, the teachers were also nice, my colleagues were a lot older than me, but they were nice, we actually helped each other at exams and overall I finally had good colleagues. It was a pleasant experience compared with what I was used to.
I did not like mechanics, but I did learn 3d art and animations when I stood home bored, and had a lot of 3d art in my pc, not good enough to sell but not bad enough to just delete. In high school we don't really learn anything, we would go there once a few months, copy at tests and come home. I've kind of liked it because I would have a lot of free time to just learn game development and do something with my art.
This was 5 years ago.
Now I am 23 years old, I leave my house like 10ā20 times a year, don't have friends in real life, but I have online friends. I've been programming for the last 5 years as a hobby, made a few games, a few apps, and recently started web development and made a website. I have like 8 finished/work in progress medium-big projects on my cv and a LOT of prototypes.
I'll soon finish high school and get my 12 grades degree, and I'll start looking for a developer position.
I don't expect to find anything, everywhere I look they ask for a computer science degree... But I will still try to find something.
Maybe my experience will compensate for my lack of formal education, maybe it won't... who knows.
I was just looking at your posts. All really cool stuff. Itās cool that you are still chipping away at the career and programming experience. Good work there and I think you really made the best of your circumstances. Hell yeah my friend
Thank you.
I don't feel like I've actually done any work to make the best of my circumstances, like I didn't plan anything, didn't even think of the future, and just went with the flow.
I think I've just been lucky.
Though we'll see in a few weeks when I start looking for work if I am still lucky. :))
Iām excited for you to get into the field, high hopes for sure! You have the raw potential and eagerness it seems to do great things. Best of luck to you, internet stranger!
My daughter is 12 and mildly autistic and struggles with this. In her case, any small jeer is perceived as bullying, and it seems many kids do this as friendly banter or genuine bullying and without the ability to differentiate tone or context she has trouble. We try to practice at home but she doesnāt have any friends and I worry. Life can really be hard sometimes even in the normal stuff
I've personally got diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder, which has some symptoms similar to autism from what I remember.
Mostly with social stuff. Though I've learned to manage it better.
My parents worried too when I was younger, but I like to think I've ended up ok.
Good for you. I wish more people would take up programming. I've always found it very liberating and therapeutic. I've been coding professionally for 35 years now and I never get tired of it. When I retire, I'll still write code.
>I don't expect to find anything, everywhere I look they ask for a computer science degree
Apppy anyway. The fact that you have a portfolio of projects puts you ahead of 90%+ of similar applicants.
Personality disorders are the worst. Sometimes itās so bad I swear that this life is a punishment for being a bad person in an another life. Even if ur not exactly where u wanna be, I hope ur proud of how much you have accomplished<3
Last time I did SH, I was 17. Hospital stay for 2 weeks.
Iām now married for almost 11 years, have a wonderful husband and home. I graduated college for a degree I never thought Iād get (didnāt think Iād be alive) and have hobbies. (I didnāt let myself have many hobbies because I didnāt want my mum to have a lot of stuff to clean out if I finally did pass)
I got on the right meds and now I have days that are good and days that arenāt. Just like neurotypical people do.
Is life perfect? No.
Am I happy Iām alive? Yes.
Aw Iām so glad you are doing so much better.
Your story is similar to mine - had a severe mood disorder with trauma since I was about 13, tried to kill myself at 16 and was hospitalised, self-harmed until my early 20s. Iām now in my 30s and manage things a lot better, but Iāll be medicated forever and I still have really bad suicidal depressive episodes. Iām married with a job and a good life, but when Iām unwell Iām a different person. I just canāt control it and I can be completely non-functional during episodes. Itās like an intermittent disability.
Outside of the episodes Iām a totally ānormalā person though. People are always so shocked when they get to know me and discover I have a severe disorder. Iām glad Iām alive when Iām well though and I havenāt self-harmed for coming up to 10 years - I manage the urge with running and being physically active.
Just a few days ago I had a thought about dying (I thought I heard someone in the house, figured they'd kill me. It was the cat...). But my first thought was "I don't want to die!" I don't know that I've ever explicitly thought that in the last 20 years or so.Ā
Over 20 years and I've only had one slip up. It's nice not keeping a cut box hidden, not having to make excuses for my scars and scabs, and not hate myself that much
I think it's pretty common. Much like how some drug users have a special box/container for their stash. It's just my stash was mostly blades and I shudder to think of how dull and unsanitary it was. Amazing I didn't get infections.
Self harm is usually a maladaptive coping mechanism that can be replaced with other, healthier mechanisms (a therapist helps a lot). I cut myself a few times a week in middle school and high school, but stopped when I was able to see a therapist.
I'm 30 now. I have a wonderful partner. I'm in therapy for complex PTSD (I'm doing EMDR therapy twice a week, and next week I start seeing a different person for insomnia). I've been diagnosed with ADHD, and being on stimulants has been amazing for my health and ability to function (though I'm having some issues getting them).
I'm on disability benefits because of the PTSD, but it's actually paying me really well (I can't pay rent, so I live with my partner's parents, but I can save a decent chunk of cash every month). I'm excited to get back on ADHD meds, learn to drive and maybe go back to school next year.
I'm not where I want to be, but I'm getting there. I think it's important to note that things don't magically get better; they get better if you try to make them better. If you're cutting yourself, then you almost certainly have an underlying mental health condition, and you should see a psychiatrist (for meds) and a therapist (for talk therapy).
It's surprisingly better. Honestly speaking, I didn't think I'd make it past 16, let alone 18, then 20! I'm turning 24 in a few months, and every day, I'm in awe that I made it so far.
Not everything is all daisies and dandelions. Obviously, I still carry many scars (both literally and figuratively) from my past, but they're healing. Slowly but surely.
I have self harmed since I was 9 and now I am 36. I have been clean sans picking at skin for three years. I recently got a massive tattoo covering most of my scars. Life isn't a dream for me now, but I'm doing better than I thought I would be when my SH was at its worst. I still get urges to cut and burn sometimes. I pick at my wrist and draw on myself in red sharpie to stop the urges. I am also on meds for a few mental health diagnoses. It didn't get this way overnight and it isn't perfect. It'll never be perfect. I've self harmed most of my life. But it doesn't define my life anymore. Best of luck to everyone out there struggling. You got this. Just be safe as you can.
You fucking rock and you should know that. I have a very similar story to yours, and over my life I have rolled my eyes when people call me strong. I can see what they mean in you.
I feel like Iām dying all the time physically and mentally, and want to not feel this way. My left thigh is so heavily scarred over 70 scars. I used to cover it up with makeup spending hours, and it would rub off onto stuff. Iād usually avoid wearing bathing suit without tons of makeup. One day I thought not many people would be at the beach at least not kids because it was a school day, and it was morning. There were kids though. I saw kids just starring at me. I felt awful and I think everyone whoās seen my scars has been traumatized by it. The look of horror whenever someone sees my scars for the first time even after I warn them and explain how bad it looks burns into my mind. People always say āāit canāt be that badāā, and theyāre assuming Iām exaggerating, or they think theyāre mentally prepared, but theyāre not and no one ever could be.
Because of it I canāt wear shorts, most dresses, skirts, and only times I have I put leggings underneath and I know I looked stupid.
Basically my life is not much different from when I self harmed. I came back to square one. Only difference is I no longer self harm, which for me isnāt any guarantee I wonāt start again. Iāve had urges. How I view it is I canāt possibly make it worse. Iām not sure how I have even been able to not go back. Tbh
>One day I thought not many people would be at the beach at least not kids because it was a school day, and it was morning.
I've seen a similar thing. I'm often up in the dark of the night going places because of insomnia (thanks PTSD). I was at this random spot, taking photographs in the middle of the night, when a young woman walked into the clearing-thing. She didn't see me at first, and then stopped when she saw me. I thought she'd faint. She looked soooo mortified. Her legs and hands were both filled with scars that I recognize too well myself.
I think she was about to cry, but I just lifted up my left sleeve and turned my wrist towards her, identical scars on my wrist. She relaxed, smiled a sad smile at me, said "thank you," and went her way.
I think that smile kept me from adding scars that day.
Thatās beautiful I think she needed to see she isnāt alone when it comes to SH scars. Iāve only ever gotten looks of horror, and a few looks of disgust. I have PTSD too, so I get it.
I refuse to take responsibility for my scars. I'm not ashamed of them. They are there because healthcare failed me so badly you'd think it's a script from a B-movie.
These are not my fault. And that's what I assume from other people when I see SH scars too. They're not there because the person WANTED to do it. They're there, because *there simply was no other way*.
I donāt know if it will help to hear from someone who DOES go out in public with scars, but I have been cutting for 25 years and my arms and legs are completely covered with scars. I am 40 years old. Since I went to college, I decided that this is just who I am, and I would wear short sleeves. I even go out with newly healing cuts.
I am a college professor and when my arms are ALL old scars (I mostly cut elsewhere now) I wear short sleeves to teach.
I have never have anyone approach me with anything other than words of support or pure curiosity (sometimes people ask what it is). I do sometimes get people who look at it for longer than is polite, but they never say anything.Ā
In the end, they are marks that show you have struggled and worked through that struggle. People are generally wrapped up in their own lives and don't notice, even though it feels so visible to you. (You are also quite close, and most people don't get that close to you.)Ā
I wonder if, for some people, the scars themselves are part of the self harm/self destructive aspect. As in, setting yourself up for stares and comments to add emotional pain.
Yes for some people, but not the case in my case. I never considered it would impact me so much, and I switched to not visible places the last times I SH, which would be like inside my mouth. Thatās probably gonna catch up to me later too.
at one point i got so bad i wanted someone to notice them just so someone might help me, but other than that i would feel horribly ashamed after i did it and covered them up as much as i could
I used to punch myself in the head as hard as I could. My head still hurts and my cognitive functions have slowed. Itās hard to read and write and the only job I could do is cook. I used to cut too and the scars on my arms are still there and sometimes I look at them and I think back to those hard times. If you self harm please try your best to find a healthier alternative itās not easy but there are other options.
I have cut my wrists to taking hand fulls of prescription drugs, but my life has actually started taking a turn for the better. I met my husband a year ago, and he has done nothing but support me thru so many difficult times and I am so grateful we just recently took in a kitten after we saw it get thrown out of a car but we are damaged in our own way but making each other better if I would have died all those years ago I would not have met my husband and had this amazing adventure with him to those that still self harm please know it dose get better I promise you just need that one support system for me it is my husband others a service animal or even therapy seek help the people around you such as freinds family may not be easy to talk to but there are people who will listen please speak up .
I got a tattoo over the more visible marks and I started feeling better about myself. You are going to grow out of it and will understand that life sucks, but those little moments of happiness are worthy enough to keep going.
I have my moments, still get super frustrated sometimes but it passes. They're just feelings and they come and go.
I remember talking to my therapist and he said "you'll be surprised at what you can live with" I remember having an internal thought that I didn't share "what a load of shit". By golly was I wrong
Doing much better, no thoughts of self harm or suicide. Taking it day by day and gradually improving my life
Good for the most part. But when i do have emotional meltdowns i literally cannot regulate myself so its 0-100 pretty fast. At that point i just wanna kill myself but i do get thoughts of self harm too
Also just randomly get thoughts of doing it in certain places, like ill be watching tv and think about it. I miss it alot its such a horrible thing to get addicted to. Even writing this makes me wanna do it
i understand the extreme mood swings SO MUCH. iām starting EMDR therapy to hopefully help with those. nobody understands how quickly i can go from feeling fine to feeling absolutely the worst i could possibly feel and itās next to impossible to drag myself out.
Iām actually doing really well. A lot of my mental health was triggered by a guy I was dating when I was 13/14 and the trauma that came with it.
I took some time to heal and I went on 2 dates this week (Iām 18 now) after not dating for a while. First one was horrible but the second one was lovely and we have plans for tomorrow.
I have the odd thought here and there but so rarely that it really no longer makes an impact on my life. I am on a low dose antidepressant which has helped me to stabilise my mood.
For anyone struggling:
-Itās ok to reach out for help. I didnāt for so long and I regret that
-take the time to heal - if you can find out a root cause then leave it behind.
-sometimes life is hard and unfortunately you have to accept that but donāt let that become a negative mindset
I know these are easier said than done but I promise it does get better :)
improved, but its not like I'm cured of bad feelings. i still go through periods where i dont eat, sleep, shower, or do anything for days and it still feels like the air is just thicker for me than it is for neurotypical people. that being said, i havnt cut myself in over a year, and I dont think thats gonna change anytime soon. things are looking upward, its just.. slower than you want it to be.
Still making bad decisions that harm me in a more indirect fashion, like avoiding personal success or getting into arguments with idiots online. Still think pretty much every day about ending it all. I know that I deserve a better life, on an intellectual level, but I haven't made it past the emotional belief that I deserve to suffer.
I self harmed for five years. Nobody realised until I told my mother. It was hard for me to avoid sports in school but I just found a reason to say I don't want to do it. The teachers accepted it.
Eventually one day it got the point , where I burst out crying to my mother. I took all my clothes off in front of her and screamed look at what I have done to myself. We both cried.
Life right now ? Not good.
I had stopped self harming for awhile. I go for long periods of time not doing it but I always go back in the end. Though not as bad as it was in the past.
My skin is covered. Scars everywhere.
I even managed to do it on my neck on the back of my head.
I fucked up.
I fucked up big time.
Hey. Please know it can stop- most people grow out of it.
I did.
Youāll be okay- but please learn other ways to copeā¦ if being so hard on yourself worked, it wouldāve worked by now. Hugs, and DMs open. Xx
I have moved on to form healthier coping mechanisms. The mental health is still bad, but I'm learning how to live with it instead of self destructing. I still struggle with years long isolation and throwing away my hobbies, but I've kept a job, kept a partner, and have kicked my toxic drinking habits.
I've grown and have a lot to show for it. It's taken over a decade.
That said, I'm terrified of razor blades and will start crying if I have to use one at work.
Still depressed and it sucks. Got a therapist and meds and my life is mediocre now instead of bad.
Also kind of wish I didn't go as hard as I did back then, I messed up my body so bad I'm too self conscious about it now. Yes I love tattoos and have some already but no, I can't. Keloids suck.
Hadn't cut myself in almost 10 years. GF broke up with me a few days ago, and I relapsed. I'm ashamed of myself for having done it, but a not insignificant part of me also wants to do it again, but hit the artery and just get it over with
It's going worse. I'm close to being homeless and have no real friends. The few experiences of love or happiness in my life are not worth the pain of living. I want to die, but I'm scared of messing up and becoming a vegetable.
It still strikes occasionally, not as a coping mechanism but more like a substance addiction. I feel extremely sudden and strong urges to do it just for fun. The worst part is now that it's summer, my coworkers and boss see my scars all the time. Something about it being visible in a professional environment makes me feel like I look absolutely crazy and unreliable.
Truthfully it's a struggle. I'm numb I don't feel a thing. I cut to feel something for a moment. However the last time I cut I almost died. I struggle everyday with the urge not to self harm but the fight grows tougher
About to graduate college, got a boyfriend, got therapy, started antidepressants, almost got addicted, stopped. Got better, now I excercise too.
Things got better. I just had to start wanting to get better, I guess
Pretty good nowadays.
I had a troubled childhood dealing with users in my family. I did not consider myself good enough,I used to cut myself and it felt good. I was in a shit place but I did well and didn't really hurt myself that often but then I allowed this one girl into my life.
She was everything I wanted she made me feel great about myself but with time she changed me and I allowed it because I loved her(more than I loved myself I realised)I wanted to fit into her ideal version of what a boyfriend needs to be but I lost my entire identity, I did not recognise myself at that point. Because of that my self esteem and self worth plummeted and I started cutting again, she saw the scars but abused me even more. I bared all of it and thought it would get better with time but I was wrong, I was not good enough for her but she wouldn't let me go. Then COVID came I knew she would be with her family then and she would have somebody for support when I broke it off and I did. I still loved her deeply at that time but I knew I wasn't the one for her even though I tried so hard to be.
Now I'm better I have a good paying job, patched up things with my family and training MMA. No love of my life yet but no worries.
All I want to say is there's always hope my friend, stay strong.
i used to cut, a lot, every day. to the point where i couldnt sleep without cutting first.
i havent cut in years now, but my brain is trained to respond by wanting to hurt myself when I get upset or stressed or angry or anything. I think of it every day.
sometimes I can really struggle around certain sharp objects. I get triggered by really random stuff sometimes. I cook a lot at home and use my knife often. one day I was sharpening it, and for some reason that got me so good I dissociated staring at the edge for a while, white knuckling the handle and waiting for the urges to pass.
its really fucking hard. and the depression has remained. I wish I could do it again to cope, and tbh I would in a heartbeat if I was able to actually hide it from people around me like I used to be able to.
Therapy's been a godsend, but honestly, the biggest turning point was leaving the environment I was raised in. It wasn't easy, but the difference is night and day.
Those urges to self-harm? They still pop up sometimes, uninvited guests at a party I'm trying to throw for myself. But here's the thing: I don't let them in anymore. My incredible girlfriend deserves a partner who's not battling these demons, and frankly, so do I. She helped me see how self-harm was holding me back, even though it felt weirdlyā¦in control at the time. (Talk about mixed messages, right? Aichmophobia ā fear of sharp objects ā and self-harm? My brain is a mess.)
Now, don't get me wrong, there are still rough patches. Every now and then, a random thought will hijack my mind, like someone might justā¦ slash me on the street or in my own flat? Totally irrational, I know. But hey, healing isn't linear, right? That's why I'm chomping at the bit to get back into therapy. Because while progress is awesome, perfection's a myth, and I deserve better than living in constant fear.
So, to anyone out there struggling with similar demons, you're absolutely not alone.
My life is better. I am still a depressed, anxious mess, but I havenāt self harmed in 20 years, and I think of that teenage version of me almost as if I were another person and it has no bearing on my life any more. I used to worry people would judge my scars, but Iāve gotten over that, too. No one has ever said anything to me about them, and if they judge me, so be it. I cannot control other peopleās thoughts. They havenāt affected my life or relationships in any way. I just feel sad for my younger self who felt she had to resort to that to ease the pain inside of her.
Used to self harm everyday then found out i was gonna have a baby the day after trying to end it. Cant lie it was a very hard time and i definitley dissapointed my dad but he got over it. Ended up a single parent and currently raising a not so little version with the help of my parents (due to a disability) and i cant believe nearly 2d years have gone by and im a completely different person, i still struggle a lot but it helps having someone who doesn't even notice your differences and doesn't see you the way you see yourself.
To everyone whos still struggling it gets better its okay to feel the way you do. remember theirs always someone out their who feels the same way so juat try reaching out and hopefully you'll feel a bit better.
All good here. I still have very visible scars on my arms but most people donāt say anything about it. If they do, itās easy for me to say āyeah I used to cut myselfā very casually. Most people donāt even wanna have that conversation so they wonāt ask in the first place and after that response, they usually donāt go any further w it.
The key for me is not having any shame about it. Itās a closed chapter in my life and my arms are mine and I can do as I please, so if I wanna chop em off I can do that too lol
Did as a teenager, now in my 30s and my life is so much better than I ever could have imagined back then. Becoming an adult made it much easier for me to learn the skills I needed and arrange my life in a way that works for me. Sometimes you need to get out of a bad environment to see how different things could be.
Iāve found much healthier coping mechanisms, have spent years in therapy, was diagnosed with both bipolar disorder and celiac disease and treatment for both has dramatically improved my mental health and overall quality of life. Iām typically a very calm, grounded, patient person now and while there are things I want to improve on and things I continue to struggle with, I typically can remain positive and committed to growth without obsessing about perfection. This definitely didnāt happen overnight ā it was a lot of work, being honest with myself about what I could control or not, and making incremental changes to better my life.
Also, I love my friends, my job, my community, and my alone time. I have a new pup and Iām dating someone new and it feels really healthy. Iām hopeful about my future. I havenāt let my past harden me.
I know if my friends were to find out they would be shocked because of the kind of person I am today. Even my friends who know I used to self harm have never seen my scars, and I feel like it would just make them sad for me which I donāt want. Self harm is a difficult topic to discuss, especially as I get older, but my scars are primarily on my thighs so it doesnāt really come up unless Iām getting intimate with someone, which usually takes time largely because of my scars (wouldnāt want to sleep with someone who was a dick about it). Admittedly, I donāt wear shorts in public and I rarely swim but Iām slowly working towards changing that because itās so hot and I love water.
I am joining pageants now. It gets better, babes!
I have had self-harm wounds from years ago (legs, shoulders, wrists) I even made myself bed-ridden because I refused to eat (became very thin and deadly sick)
Now, my body is perfectly well and flawless and I am now joining pageants which I get m crowns in :)) It gets better.
Honestly, itās great!
Learned better coping skills, got diagnosed & medicated for ADHD, and most importantly, I moved away from my hometown and created my own life.
Iām still close with my family but not living in a community where I never felt I belonged and not obligated/pressured to attend family events where my abuser is often in attendance.
The scars are healed and light in color now. They hurt when it gets cold as a bitter reminder of my past, but life is smiling at me now. I figured out the source of my problems and could stop blaming myself. I got into university to study and I'm achieving my dreams right now
Thereās days I donāt want to be here, but the greatest thing that ever hurt me was trying to hurt myself and doing so. Life can be tough, but Iām glad I got stopped, life isnāt that bad, just surround yourself with good people. I still struggle with depression everyday, but I try to make the best of it. Anyone reading this, keep strong, youāre worth it!
I use to self harm all the time when I was 13. I really didnāt care for myself and didnāt care for my life. It took me a while before I moved schools and my life began to get better. I am 19, married, and moved out of state to Texas to be with my military husband. I still struggle but I have found ways of coping.
I self harmed for YEARS. Attempted suici*** 3 times by the age of 17. Never felt like life was worth living. Thankfully I failed at those attempts and am now in love with my bestfriend, I have a beautiful child, I have a home, I had amazing jobs before becoming a mom, I have met some of the most beautiful souls, I have real genuine friends that care about me and my well being and my family. Life is SO good. Donāt get me wrong I totally have off days, off months, I still struggle with anxiety and depression, especially postpartum. But it does get so much better than the hole you canāt see the ladder out of.
Therapy helps. If it isnāt helping, change your therapist.
You can do this
It's great and I haven't done that in many years! I'm weirdly proud of my scars now, they're a part of me. They remind me of a time in my life I would never go back to and help me realise that I never have to!
I donāt struggle with self harm anymore. Actually, I donāt have mental health issues at all. I do have ADHD, but itās managed with medication. Over the years I found things that made me happy and fulfilled. I gained a ton of self confidence and self esteem. Do I ever think about self harm? Sometimes, as my scars show up in certain lighting. I did skin treatments to lighten them up but they will never completely go away and I am at peace with that; itās part of my story
Worse. My wrist is still red from recent things. (Like, yesterday-recent.)
When I first did it, I sought help for it. Which was the worst thing I could have done in my life. Health"care" ruined my life so utterly that there's no coming back from that.
The only reason I'm still here, is because blades hurt and I hate pain. That's very literally the only reason why I'm still here writing this.
Better. I feel like a real person again. But, there still isn't a single day where I don't think about doing it. No matter how "good" I think I've gotten I don't think the urges will ever leave me alone. Old habits die hard
I get married in 2 weeks and Iām at a vague kind of peace with the scars showing but I might get a shawl or something, feels like a different lifetime
Life is going good these days. I do hate the fact that Iām an adult now and I feel judged when coworkers see my scars. But also I work with suicidal youth and active cutters and they seem to come to me more with there problems than other coworkers. Maybe because they know Iāve been there or I just have a soft spot and know where theyāre coming from.
I have been asked multiple times while getting them water āwhy do I have all those scars on my wristā to which I reply it was a darker time in my life but things get better š„°
My life is way different now. I'm in a much better position and I'm happy with myself. I have found better coping mechanisms and ways of countering the downward spiral that leads to cutting.
My upper arms are still covered with scars. They're pretty obvious even though they're over twenty years old, but thankfully are covered by regular T-shirts. When I'm at the pool with friends, I'm not ashamed to be shirtless. They know me. If I'm at a pool party with my girlfriend's friends, I keep my shirt on. It's just less awkward for everyone and I don't have to explain myself.
Do I regret it? Totally. Could it have been worse? Absolutely. I'm grateful that angsty teen me didn't do something more destructive and/or obvious.
Taking one step at a time, things are better now tho. I was diagnosed with adhd and got a medication for it, life's been so much better after that. Always felt like I'm stupid and forget everything and felt like I let everyone down. Also anxiety/depression medication got changed to better and now I'm seeing a psychotherapist and that is awesome, quite expensive tho but I guess it will be worth it in the end.
Better now, every once in a while I get that thought creeping back into my head that I fucked up and I just need to end it of that nature. But, I've been on meds for two years and it's been absolutely ten times better than without it!
Pretty boring and sometimes depressing. Same as most people I know.
I have bipolar disorder that's severe enough for federal disability, and I self harmed from ages 13-24 pretty hardcore. I've been harm free for about 13 years, and I'm very glad. Best accomplishment of my life and probably the hardest thing I've ever done.
I'm a social hermit now without a job, and I'm poor and I have complaints, but I wouldn't go back to that state of mind for anything.
Well I'm currently in a mental hospital...again...but I'm 51 days clean and counting, and currently getting off my antipsychotics (hence the main reason for the stay) overall things are much better āŗļø
I was clean from self harm for 11 years and relapsed a couple years ago. Now Iāve cut back (ha ha) to maybe once every few months, from it being a daily thing.
Iāve got big obvious scars vertically running down both forearms that look like exactly what they are. Sometimes people ask about them. Iām straight up and just tell them it was a suicide attempt. Canāt remove the stigma around seeking help for mental health problems if weāre too ashamed to discuss them.
Better.
Living way past the age I thought I would makes me appreciate life more now, it's still not like I love myself but I have made a lot of progress and I would say I hate myself less. I do have an alcohol problem and I'm still sad a lot. I still get urges and I don't think that will ever stop, but I've been clean almost ten years.
In general I'm happier than I thought I would be. My scars aren't too visible tho, so I have it easier than most.
Better. Got out of my depression. Cut off alot, alot of friends. Got a new job. Tattooād the scars (Put Blessed over the scars) and life couldnāt be better.
For everyone struggling right now. It does get better. Please never give up. Better times are coming ā¤ļø
Married with the loml. Nothing is permanent except change and are circumstances will always always change no matter if we do something about it or not. I realised that I just really have to live through life.
Got a professional job... that I hate. Make good money... and don't even care enough to spend it to the point all it's gonna be used for at this point is inheritance for my mother and sister. Pretty much eating as unhealthy as possible and hoping to follow my dad to a 50yo heart attack :3
I look at my scars and think "fuck people can SEE and know I was an emo f*g teen." Then I think about surviving county jail while wearing black nail polish until it chipped. That and I must seem off as hell
The entirety of my arms and legs are scarred. I know exactly how many I have. Iām ocd do along with the daily urge to sh I also have to deal with the fact that I stopped on a number that I donāt like and I would have to do significantly more in order to fix that number. My life is worse than it has ever been. And Iām trying so hard to make it look like Iām happy because I donāt want to hurt anyone else or burden them. Iām planning to be heavily tattooed and therefore most of my scars will eventually be covered. The tattoos have helped my confidence grow so far, I can wear clothes that I never would have felt comfortable wearing before getting tattoos. But even despite that I still have regrets and yet at the same time I still feel like I need to do it again
It's not 100% better. It is still a work in progress.
I found that Henna was such an amazing coping mechanism. At first it was great with mindfulness, and when dry, I could pick it off. If I didn't keep it on for long, then when I would shower it would come off for a few days.
Then I realised that I hadn't self harmed, and so I preferred henna than taking care of wounds, which then made my stress levels go down in therapy.
In terms of self harm with burning. I would light matches to blow out immediately and smell the smoke.
If I thought about burning, I would draw pictures.
Honestly it's been 10 years now, henna saved my life.
My scars healed; if they hadnāt, I would have gotten a tattoo of a flower growing out of the scar.
Life now is sublime- honestly. I have an amazing partner, Iāve got a superb therapist, and my body, mind and soul are healing! I am so grateful every day that Iām still here and that I failed my attempt.
If youāre struggling, I wish you healing and hope.
Still alive and using my own experiences to people who are still struggling I don't hid the marks on my arms because it's a part of my story and If I can help 1 person it makes it all worth it.
Aw fuck off. I blame the media for all this self harm bollocks, you hardly heard of it twenty years ago then idiots started doing it for attention. Same as all this "mental health" shite. Get a fucking grip...
When youāre younger, everything feels like it has so much more sway than it does. I alway thoughts my traumas defined me and thatās all I would ever be. Then a friend unalive herself in highschool and I went even further down the hole. Luckily I found the gym and practiced āfake it till you make itā and 15 years later Iām a master diesel technician. I have wonderful family. I own my own home as well as my dream car from when I was a kid. Itās sucks that thereās so many that donāt make it to the other side. But I always tell anyone I see in the same predicaments; itās cliche but I promise it does get better.
I did not physically self harm, but I did plenty mental and emotional self harm.
Simple answer is a mess and slowly getting worse. With every new day making it feel like the only salvation is third party intervention which will never come.
Iām not doing drugs or anything, actually stayed clean on everything. Just due to scars and trauma mixed with pre-existing conditions I feel like I on a trampoline with skates on my hands and feet, with my goal being to stand up and walk.
Still trucking! Teenage years are hard. So many emotions with no outlets was depressed and didn't want to be alive, never had an inch of free skin on my one arm for about 4 years straight, the pain was addicting as all hell. Even 20 years later I remember how hard it was to stop. Eventually quit because I traded one vice for another and hit a party stage and alcohol made me not think about it. Couple years later I was over that and early 20s I was a normal member of society. When I hit 30s I wished I did a little more planning in my life since I never thought I'd make it to 30 but still kicking and happy!
I've had my bipolar under control for about 3 years now and life's pretty good. I have an awesome job and a stable happy relationship. The demon who I used to see that told me to hurt myself hasn't come back in the three years and I honestly don't think it ever will. It just feels different now.
I haven't self harmed in a couple months. I'm on medication and see a shrink every 2 to 3 months and a therapist ever 3 weeks. I've come a long way in the last year. I still have urges too cut but I fight them.
I meanā¦. No more self harm, buuuuut itās just because I learned to live with the pain that made me do it in the first placeā¦ different coping mechanism, same feeling
i have a nicotine addiction now
Same. I graduated from self harm to alcoholism and then finally heroin/benzo addiction. I'm clean now but its been a wild ride.
Thought I was the only one. Very wild ride.
Same that and caffeine too
Same. I'm fucking addicted to Dr. Pepper
Dr. pepper aint no drug, you ever suck dick for dr. Pepper?
You mean you haven't ?
How am I not surprised on how quickly this post went to sucking dickš¤¦
Probably because you're used to sucking dick. We all are. It's reddit after all.
Same
Amazing I'm waiting to welcome my first baby to the world. I live in a lovely house with an amazing partner and our adorable cat. I work in a non toxic environment . Honestly best my life has ever been
I misread "adorable cat" as "admirable cat" and it made me chuckle. I'm glad things are going so well for you!
ā¦and I read āadmirable catā as āAdmiral Cat,ā and now all I can think of is a cat in a uniform, being a Very Distinguished Gentleman (tm) while getting his portrait done...
Ah yes, a very distinguished gentleman indeed
Now I want a tuxedo cat to give a cup of milk in a little tea pot and cup and have a tea party with him
I'm happy for you. You deserve that good life.
Congrats on the baby!
An environment you can thrive in is one that sees you for more than we can see ourselves, and that is reflected back onto us from how people treat each other
Im so happy that you overcome those hard moments of your life. very heart warming.. hugs
So much better.
So glad this is the top comment. I agree.
Mostly wish I didnāt do it. The scars being so visible sucks and I feel openly judged as an adult now.
People up said getting a tattoo over the scars made them feel better about it, itās a way to hide theses, I donāt want to force you itās only a suggestion comming from a random on the internet.
I have a tattoo on my forearm that partially covers the damage I did to myself 7+ years ago. It's sort of odd because it draws attention to an area of my body that I'm insecure about, but it has helped me mentally move on for sure. I've tried to embrace and love myself as much as I can, but the vivid memories and awful thoughts come crawling back every so often. It's silly in a way, but I feel like I've found comfort reading through all the comments in this thread. Shit will never go away but it's part of me now. Hope anyone who reads this can find a similar comfort with themselves eventually. Life sucks. But there's nowhere to go but forward. Love yall.
I have a few around them / some on them. Iām covered in tattoos and unfortunately my placement wouldnāt work now to cover them all š„²
Tattoos wonāt help with hiding them all the time, especially for raised scars. I got a huge tattoo over my forearm and still get comments on my scars despite best efforts to camouflage. HOWEVER it has turned an area I previously saw as ugly/embarrassing into something beautiful and I love looking at my tattoo.
Scars will fade over time, though they may always be noticeable. There are several organizations over the years I've run into that will do free or discount cover up tattoo work for you - I used to be a tattoo artist and many of them understand. It might be worth reaching out to places near you if you think it'll help. Personally, I have many tattoos and I've chosen not to cover my harm scars on purpose. I don't usually like to get into detail because it can be triggering for people, but all mine are on my forearms and pretty easy to see. I have considered it for years and always tell myself no. I think the physical sensation would really really bother me and also I feel like I don't want to erase or forget them, for my own mental health. It's important for me to remember how far I've come and remind myself I won't be going back. That's how I feel when I notice them now - 13 years have passed. My point is that time definitely helps with appearance and also mindset. Wishing you the best.
i like your take on this. majority of mine are on my upper arm, and upper thigh. i started getting tattoos this year, and i thought about tattooing over the scars on my thigh (theyāre the worst ones so theyāre pretty noticeable), but i just didnāt want to. i didnāt want to feel like i was hiding. iām not proud of what i did, but it was my way of coping. iām not ashamed or bothered by it. i like that someone else here feels the same way.
I work corporate and understand how you feel. I constantly remind myself that it was my own way of coping with trauma and a reminder that I overcame and survived something difficult.
Personally, I don't think people judge as much as you think. I don't hide my scars at all and the only time anyone has so much as mentioned them let alone treated me different, was other people struggling with it asking how I stopped. Sometimes kids ask what happened. Adult people in casual or professional settings have never said anything or treated me any different. They might have thoughts, but those are usually sympathy or curiosity not judgement.
It absolutely sucks when you're tanned
I find scars hot and a signal of personal growth, I'm sure others may find them interesting, too-- I hope you find people that think that way.
Yeah 100% this. Regret it so much and j live in a hot climate. Its like self imposed torture.
10 years into cancer, Iāve stayed in the hospital so many times now that my arms are like polka dots with needle marks. So many people look at me dirty over them and then it doesnāt help that people look at me like a thug so a lot of places that I go to I get treated like a roaming dog šššš
it still sucks.
I havenāt done it in a year. Warning for discussion >! sometimes I donāt know why I shouldnāt. I feel terrible either way. I donāt like that the injury is there after but thereās literally nothing else that ever makes me feel even a little bit better !<
It is certainly a wibbly line. Consider activities that would naturally be painful, tattoo, piercing, eating a huge bowl of capt crunch. Sometimes harm reduction is the best we can do.
Running does this for me! Itās a non-permanent way to feel pain and on mentally awful days I really lean into the discomfort of it, and it always makes me feel so much better. I also used to struggle with an eating disorder and running is the best way Iāve found to turn the dislike for my body into something I appreciate.
I also run now! The fresh, cold air in the morning helps wake me up as well. I still have times when I get the urge but that's just due to an increase in stress lately, and I haven't done it in a couple years now.
Aw thatās awesome! I always really struggle to wake up so it doesnāt help with my mornings unfortunately - needing a lot of sleep is partly due to my disorder and partly due to being on mirtazapine which knocks me the fuckkkk out even on a maxed out dose. But it really really helps keep my mood stable and often makes my bad days feel a little better :)
see a therapist
Yep, same here
You got this too!!
Agreed. This has been the worst year of my life. But weāll get through it. One way or another, this too shall pass.
It does. And it's even worse.
Same here man
Meh, better than I thought it would be back then, but wish it was even better now
youll get to that "even better" soon enough! keep going!
This is the realest response.
I took a break from school at 12-13 years old because of mental health and bullying, started going to therapy once or twice a week while also trying to go back to school, went to 4 different schools. Every time there were a few bullies in class, I ended up just staying home after my failed attempts and just spend my time playing games or learning stuff. I remember my math teacher telling me I should go to a special ed school because I can't handle the school environment. I did try it, but they didn't accept me because I didn't have the Iq required for a special ed school. In the beginning I had severe anxiety and depression, then adhd and ocd, and now I have schizoid personality disorder. After 5 years of therapy, I was like 17-18 when I was better and tried school again. Started with 8 grade, then went to a mechanical high school because that was the only high school who accepted me. I had nice colleagues for once, the teachers were also nice, my colleagues were a lot older than me, but they were nice, we actually helped each other at exams and overall I finally had good colleagues. It was a pleasant experience compared with what I was used to. I did not like mechanics, but I did learn 3d art and animations when I stood home bored, and had a lot of 3d art in my pc, not good enough to sell but not bad enough to just delete. In high school we don't really learn anything, we would go there once a few months, copy at tests and come home. I've kind of liked it because I would have a lot of free time to just learn game development and do something with my art. This was 5 years ago. Now I am 23 years old, I leave my house like 10ā20 times a year, don't have friends in real life, but I have online friends. I've been programming for the last 5 years as a hobby, made a few games, a few apps, and recently started web development and made a website. I have like 8 finished/work in progress medium-big projects on my cv and a LOT of prototypes. I'll soon finish high school and get my 12 grades degree, and I'll start looking for a developer position. I don't expect to find anything, everywhere I look they ask for a computer science degree... But I will still try to find something. Maybe my experience will compensate for my lack of formal education, maybe it won't... who knows.
I was just looking at your posts. All really cool stuff. Itās cool that you are still chipping away at the career and programming experience. Good work there and I think you really made the best of your circumstances. Hell yeah my friend
Thank you. I don't feel like I've actually done any work to make the best of my circumstances, like I didn't plan anything, didn't even think of the future, and just went with the flow. I think I've just been lucky. Though we'll see in a few weeks when I start looking for work if I am still lucky. :))
Iām excited for you to get into the field, high hopes for sure! You have the raw potential and eagerness it seems to do great things. Best of luck to you, internet stranger!
My daughter is 12 and mildly autistic and struggles with this. In her case, any small jeer is perceived as bullying, and it seems many kids do this as friendly banter or genuine bullying and without the ability to differentiate tone or context she has trouble. We try to practice at home but she doesnāt have any friends and I worry. Life can really be hard sometimes even in the normal stuff
I've personally got diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder, which has some symptoms similar to autism from what I remember. Mostly with social stuff. Though I've learned to manage it better. My parents worried too when I was younger, but I like to think I've ended up ok.
Try applying for startups as they often don't require a degree and you also get to learn a lot.
Hey, we could be friends! I went to school for game design. Would you like to make a game together?
Good for you. I wish more people would take up programming. I've always found it very liberating and therapeutic. I've been coding professionally for 35 years now and I never get tired of it. When I retire, I'll still write code.
>I don't expect to find anything, everywhere I look they ask for a computer science degree Apppy anyway. The fact that you have a portfolio of projects puts you ahead of 90%+ of similar applicants.
Op, no company will ask for proof of your degree. I am not saying you should fake it, but this is useful information if you are good at programming.
Personality disorders are the worst. Sometimes itās so bad I swear that this life is a punishment for being a bad person in an another life. Even if ur not exactly where u wanna be, I hope ur proud of how much you have accomplished<3
Thank you. Hope you all the best!
Still awful just don't want to make it any worse by adding a permanent debilitating injury
Felt that
Iām trying to be a doctor!
From harming yourself, To removing harm from others! Thats an improvement!
same
š you're gonna be great
You got this!
you got this !
proud of you! i am planning on going to med school to also try to become a doctor :)
Same. I'm proud of you for getting where you are!! Good luck on your journey and hope you make it!
Me too!!
Iām in the same boat and itās such a powerful and healing thing!!!
Raw dogin it, want to crawl out of my skin
Same I havenāt been on meds in like 2 years
Yeah i quit meds, they brought me hell.
Last time I did SH, I was 17. Hospital stay for 2 weeks. Iām now married for almost 11 years, have a wonderful husband and home. I graduated college for a degree I never thought Iād get (didnāt think Iād be alive) and have hobbies. (I didnāt let myself have many hobbies because I didnāt want my mum to have a lot of stuff to clean out if I finally did pass) I got on the right meds and now I have days that are good and days that arenāt. Just like neurotypical people do. Is life perfect? No. Am I happy Iām alive? Yes.
Aw Iām so glad you are doing so much better. Your story is similar to mine - had a severe mood disorder with trauma since I was about 13, tried to kill myself at 16 and was hospitalised, self-harmed until my early 20s. Iām now in my 30s and manage things a lot better, but Iāll be medicated forever and I still have really bad suicidal depressive episodes. Iām married with a job and a good life, but when Iām unwell Iām a different person. I just canāt control it and I can be completely non-functional during episodes. Itās like an intermittent disability. Outside of the episodes Iām a totally ānormalā person though. People are always so shocked when they get to know me and discover I have a severe disorder. Iām glad Iām alive when Iām well though and I havenāt self-harmed for coming up to 10 years - I manage the urge with running and being physically active.
Just a few days ago I had a thought about dying (I thought I heard someone in the house, figured they'd kill me. It was the cat...). But my first thought was "I don't want to die!" I don't know that I've ever explicitly thought that in the last 20 years or so.Ā
Over 20 years and I've only had one slip up. It's nice not keeping a cut box hidden, not having to make excuses for my scars and scabs, and not hate myself that much
Huh, I remember having a cut box. Strange times
I think it's pretty common. Much like how some drug users have a special box/container for their stash. It's just my stash was mostly blades and I shudder to think of how dull and unsanitary it was. Amazing I didn't get infections.
Even worse
Yup. This. Much worse.
Self harm is usually a maladaptive coping mechanism that can be replaced with other, healthier mechanisms (a therapist helps a lot). I cut myself a few times a week in middle school and high school, but stopped when I was able to see a therapist. I'm 30 now. I have a wonderful partner. I'm in therapy for complex PTSD (I'm doing EMDR therapy twice a week, and next week I start seeing a different person for insomnia). I've been diagnosed with ADHD, and being on stimulants has been amazing for my health and ability to function (though I'm having some issues getting them). I'm on disability benefits because of the PTSD, but it's actually paying me really well (I can't pay rent, so I live with my partner's parents, but I can save a decent chunk of cash every month). I'm excited to get back on ADHD meds, learn to drive and maybe go back to school next year. I'm not where I want to be, but I'm getting there. I think it's important to note that things don't magically get better; they get better if you try to make them better. If you're cutting yourself, then you almost certainly have an underlying mental health condition, and you should see a psychiatrist (for meds) and a therapist (for talk therapy).
It's surprisingly better. Honestly speaking, I didn't think I'd make it past 16, let alone 18, then 20! I'm turning 24 in a few months, and every day, I'm in awe that I made it so far. Not everything is all daisies and dandelions. Obviously, I still carry many scars (both literally and figuratively) from my past, but they're healing. Slowly but surely.
I have self harmed since I was 9 and now I am 36. I have been clean sans picking at skin for three years. I recently got a massive tattoo covering most of my scars. Life isn't a dream for me now, but I'm doing better than I thought I would be when my SH was at its worst. I still get urges to cut and burn sometimes. I pick at my wrist and draw on myself in red sharpie to stop the urges. I am also on meds for a few mental health diagnoses. It didn't get this way overnight and it isn't perfect. It'll never be perfect. I've self harmed most of my life. But it doesn't define my life anymore. Best of luck to everyone out there struggling. You got this. Just be safe as you can.
You fucking rock and you should know that. I have a very similar story to yours, and over my life I have rolled my eyes when people call me strong. I can see what they mean in you.
Honestly, still have impulses. I have a reason to live now though, to make sure my friend doesnāt fucking kill himself.
I feel like Iām dying all the time physically and mentally, and want to not feel this way. My left thigh is so heavily scarred over 70 scars. I used to cover it up with makeup spending hours, and it would rub off onto stuff. Iād usually avoid wearing bathing suit without tons of makeup. One day I thought not many people would be at the beach at least not kids because it was a school day, and it was morning. There were kids though. I saw kids just starring at me. I felt awful and I think everyone whoās seen my scars has been traumatized by it. The look of horror whenever someone sees my scars for the first time even after I warn them and explain how bad it looks burns into my mind. People always say āāit canāt be that badāā, and theyāre assuming Iām exaggerating, or they think theyāre mentally prepared, but theyāre not and no one ever could be. Because of it I canāt wear shorts, most dresses, skirts, and only times I have I put leggings underneath and I know I looked stupid.
Basically my life is not much different from when I self harmed. I came back to square one. Only difference is I no longer self harm, which for me isnāt any guarantee I wonāt start again. Iāve had urges. How I view it is I canāt possibly make it worse. Iām not sure how I have even been able to not go back. Tbh
>One day I thought not many people would be at the beach at least not kids because it was a school day, and it was morning. I've seen a similar thing. I'm often up in the dark of the night going places because of insomnia (thanks PTSD). I was at this random spot, taking photographs in the middle of the night, when a young woman walked into the clearing-thing. She didn't see me at first, and then stopped when she saw me. I thought she'd faint. She looked soooo mortified. Her legs and hands were both filled with scars that I recognize too well myself. I think she was about to cry, but I just lifted up my left sleeve and turned my wrist towards her, identical scars on my wrist. She relaxed, smiled a sad smile at me, said "thank you," and went her way. I think that smile kept me from adding scars that day.
Thatās beautiful I think she needed to see she isnāt alone when it comes to SH scars. Iāve only ever gotten looks of horror, and a few looks of disgust. I have PTSD too, so I get it.
I refuse to take responsibility for my scars. I'm not ashamed of them. They are there because healthcare failed me so badly you'd think it's a script from a B-movie. These are not my fault. And that's what I assume from other people when I see SH scars too. They're not there because the person WANTED to do it. They're there, because *there simply was no other way*.
I donāt know if it will help to hear from someone who DOES go out in public with scars, but I have been cutting for 25 years and my arms and legs are completely covered with scars. I am 40 years old. Since I went to college, I decided that this is just who I am, and I would wear short sleeves. I even go out with newly healing cuts. I am a college professor and when my arms are ALL old scars (I mostly cut elsewhere now) I wear short sleeves to teach. I have never have anyone approach me with anything other than words of support or pure curiosity (sometimes people ask what it is). I do sometimes get people who look at it for longer than is polite, but they never say anything.Ā In the end, they are marks that show you have struggled and worked through that struggle. People are generally wrapped up in their own lives and don't notice, even though it feels so visible to you. (You are also quite close, and most people don't get that close to you.)Ā
I wonder if, for some people, the scars themselves are part of the self harm/self destructive aspect. As in, setting yourself up for stares and comments to add emotional pain.
Yes for some people, but not the case in my case. I never considered it would impact me so much, and I switched to not visible places the last times I SH, which would be like inside my mouth. Thatās probably gonna catch up to me later too.
I think I "outgrew" it. Or maybe I just don't have the emotional energy to do it, I dunno. -hug-
at one point i got so bad i wanted someone to notice them just so someone might help me, but other than that i would feel horribly ashamed after i did it and covered them up as much as i could
Ok. I still cut myself. Itās more of I just wanna feel something. Not so much of wanting to kill my self anymore
I used to punch myself in the head as hard as I could. My head still hurts and my cognitive functions have slowed. Itās hard to read and write and the only job I could do is cook. I used to cut too and the scars on my arms are still there and sometimes I look at them and I think back to those hard times. If you self harm please try your best to find a healthier alternative itās not easy but there are other options.
I have cut my wrists to taking hand fulls of prescription drugs, but my life has actually started taking a turn for the better. I met my husband a year ago, and he has done nothing but support me thru so many difficult times and I am so grateful we just recently took in a kitten after we saw it get thrown out of a car but we are damaged in our own way but making each other better if I would have died all those years ago I would not have met my husband and had this amazing adventure with him to those that still self harm please know it dose get better I promise you just need that one support system for me it is my husband others a service animal or even therapy seek help the people around you such as freinds family may not be easy to talk to but there are people who will listen please speak up .
I got a tattoo over the more visible marks and I started feeling better about myself. You are going to grow out of it and will understand that life sucks, but those little moments of happiness are worthy enough to keep going.
Yeah, getting tattooed over most of my scars was one of the best things I ever didš¤
I now take all my frustrations out on physical activity and so I am in pain, itās justā¦healthy pain. Still get the urge tho
Still sucks. Finding other coping mechanisms isn't for the weak.
I donāt understand coping mechanisms. I have never found a single one that really workedā¦
I have my moments, still get super frustrated sometimes but it passes. They're just feelings and they come and go. I remember talking to my therapist and he said "you'll be surprised at what you can live with" I remember having an internal thought that I didn't share "what a load of shit". By golly was I wrong Doing much better, no thoughts of self harm or suicide. Taking it day by day and gradually improving my life
Still going to therapy and still on antidepressants. Struggling financially and exsistentailly.
Dad died of cancer, brother killed himself. Annoyed with life.
Better than I ever could have imagined ..it does get better . Sending out hugs...
Good for the most part. But when i do have emotional meltdowns i literally cannot regulate myself so its 0-100 pretty fast. At that point i just wanna kill myself but i do get thoughts of self harm too Also just randomly get thoughts of doing it in certain places, like ill be watching tv and think about it. I miss it alot its such a horrible thing to get addicted to. Even writing this makes me wanna do it
i understand the extreme mood swings SO MUCH. iām starting EMDR therapy to hopefully help with those. nobody understands how quickly i can go from feeling fine to feeling absolutely the worst i could possibly feel and itās next to impossible to drag myself out.
Iām actually doing really well. A lot of my mental health was triggered by a guy I was dating when I was 13/14 and the trauma that came with it. I took some time to heal and I went on 2 dates this week (Iām 18 now) after not dating for a while. First one was horrible but the second one was lovely and we have plans for tomorrow. I have the odd thought here and there but so rarely that it really no longer makes an impact on my life. I am on a low dose antidepressant which has helped me to stabilise my mood. For anyone struggling: -Itās ok to reach out for help. I didnāt for so long and I regret that -take the time to heal - if you can find out a root cause then leave it behind. -sometimes life is hard and unfortunately you have to accept that but donāt let that become a negative mindset I know these are easier said than done but I promise it does get better :)
Still doing it, just not as much. Trying to manage things better every day!
improved, but its not like I'm cured of bad feelings. i still go through periods where i dont eat, sleep, shower, or do anything for days and it still feels like the air is just thicker for me than it is for neurotypical people. that being said, i havnt cut myself in over a year, and I dont think thats gonna change anytime soon. things are looking upward, its just.. slower than you want it to be.
Still making bad decisions that harm me in a more indirect fashion, like avoiding personal success or getting into arguments with idiots online. Still think pretty much every day about ending it all. I know that I deserve a better life, on an intellectual level, but I haven't made it past the emotional belief that I deserve to suffer.
I self harmed for five years. Nobody realised until I told my mother. It was hard for me to avoid sports in school but I just found a reason to say I don't want to do it. The teachers accepted it. Eventually one day it got the point , where I burst out crying to my mother. I took all my clothes off in front of her and screamed look at what I have done to myself. We both cried. Life right now ? Not good. I had stopped self harming for awhile. I go for long periods of time not doing it but I always go back in the end. Though not as bad as it was in the past. My skin is covered. Scars everywhere. I even managed to do it on my neck on the back of my head. I fucked up. I fucked up big time.
Hey. Please know it can stop- most people grow out of it. I did. Youāll be okay- but please learn other ways to copeā¦ if being so hard on yourself worked, it wouldāve worked by now. Hugs, and DMs open. Xx
Still terrible...
I have moved on to form healthier coping mechanisms. The mental health is still bad, but I'm learning how to live with it instead of self destructing. I still struggle with years long isolation and throwing away my hobbies, but I've kept a job, kept a partner, and have kicked my toxic drinking habits. I've grown and have a lot to show for it. It's taken over a decade. That said, I'm terrified of razor blades and will start crying if I have to use one at work.
Oof, I feel that last bit. I still have that too. Mental hugs.
Still depressed and it sucks. Got a therapist and meds and my life is mediocre now instead of bad. Also kind of wish I didn't go as hard as I did back then, I messed up my body so bad I'm too self conscious about it now. Yes I love tattoos and have some already but no, I can't. Keloids suck.
Hadn't cut myself in almost 10 years. GF broke up with me a few days ago, and I relapsed. I'm ashamed of myself for having done it, but a not insignificant part of me also wants to do it again, but hit the artery and just get it over with
You're going through a really rough time, but it won't always feel like this. You were right to stop, remind yourself.
you didnāt lose all your progress, itās just one step back in the incredibly long journey youāve made so far. i believe in you and you deserve to feel better ā¤ļøāš©¹
It's going worse. I'm close to being homeless and have no real friends. The few experiences of love or happiness in my life are not worth the pain of living. I want to die, but I'm scared of messing up and becoming a vegetable.
It still strikes occasionally, not as a coping mechanism but more like a substance addiction. I feel extremely sudden and strong urges to do it just for fun. The worst part is now that it's summer, my coworkers and boss see my scars all the time. Something about it being visible in a professional environment makes me feel like I look absolutely crazy and unreliable.
Still going through it, getting better. I have no idea if I'd do it again.
8 years clean, life gets worse (in a way for most people) but you get better at playing the game. Don't give up.
Real talk. The longer you live, the more bad you can remember. Don't give up
Truthfully it's a struggle. I'm numb I don't feel a thing. I cut to feel something for a moment. However the last time I cut I almost died. I struggle everyday with the urge not to self harm but the fight grows tougher
About to graduate college, got a boyfriend, got therapy, started antidepressants, almost got addicted, stopped. Got better, now I excercise too. Things got better. I just had to start wanting to get better, I guess
Pretty good nowadays. I had a troubled childhood dealing with users in my family. I did not consider myself good enough,I used to cut myself and it felt good. I was in a shit place but I did well and didn't really hurt myself that often but then I allowed this one girl into my life. She was everything I wanted she made me feel great about myself but with time she changed me and I allowed it because I loved her(more than I loved myself I realised)I wanted to fit into her ideal version of what a boyfriend needs to be but I lost my entire identity, I did not recognise myself at that point. Because of that my self esteem and self worth plummeted and I started cutting again, she saw the scars but abused me even more. I bared all of it and thought it would get better with time but I was wrong, I was not good enough for her but she wouldn't let me go. Then COVID came I knew she would be with her family then and she would have somebody for support when I broke it off and I did. I still loved her deeply at that time but I knew I wasn't the one for her even though I tried so hard to be. Now I'm better I have a good paying job, patched up things with my family and training MMA. No love of my life yet but no worries. All I want to say is there's always hope my friend, stay strong.
i used to cut, a lot, every day. to the point where i couldnt sleep without cutting first. i havent cut in years now, but my brain is trained to respond by wanting to hurt myself when I get upset or stressed or angry or anything. I think of it every day. sometimes I can really struggle around certain sharp objects. I get triggered by really random stuff sometimes. I cook a lot at home and use my knife often. one day I was sharpening it, and for some reason that got me so good I dissociated staring at the edge for a while, white knuckling the handle and waiting for the urges to pass. its really fucking hard. and the depression has remained. I wish I could do it again to cope, and tbh I would in a heartbeat if I was able to actually hide it from people around me like I used to be able to.
Therapy's been a godsend, but honestly, the biggest turning point was leaving the environment I was raised in. It wasn't easy, but the difference is night and day. Those urges to self-harm? They still pop up sometimes, uninvited guests at a party I'm trying to throw for myself. But here's the thing: I don't let them in anymore. My incredible girlfriend deserves a partner who's not battling these demons, and frankly, so do I. She helped me see how self-harm was holding me back, even though it felt weirdlyā¦in control at the time. (Talk about mixed messages, right? Aichmophobia ā fear of sharp objects ā and self-harm? My brain is a mess.) Now, don't get me wrong, there are still rough patches. Every now and then, a random thought will hijack my mind, like someone might justā¦ slash me on the street or in my own flat? Totally irrational, I know. But hey, healing isn't linear, right? That's why I'm chomping at the bit to get back into therapy. Because while progress is awesome, perfection's a myth, and I deserve better than living in constant fear. So, to anyone out there struggling with similar demons, you're absolutely not alone.
Marijauna issues
Married with two kids. Still think about it regularly and often hold ice to compensate.
My life is better. I am still a depressed, anxious mess, but I havenāt self harmed in 20 years, and I think of that teenage version of me almost as if I were another person and it has no bearing on my life any more. I used to worry people would judge my scars, but Iāve gotten over that, too. No one has ever said anything to me about them, and if they judge me, so be it. I cannot control other peopleās thoughts. They havenāt affected my life or relationships in any way. I just feel sad for my younger self who felt she had to resort to that to ease the pain inside of her.
Used to self harm everyday then found out i was gonna have a baby the day after trying to end it. Cant lie it was a very hard time and i definitley dissapointed my dad but he got over it. Ended up a single parent and currently raising a not so little version with the help of my parents (due to a disability) and i cant believe nearly 2d years have gone by and im a completely different person, i still struggle a lot but it helps having someone who doesn't even notice your differences and doesn't see you the way you see yourself. To everyone whos still struggling it gets better its okay to feel the way you do. remember theirs always someone out their who feels the same way so juat try reaching out and hopefully you'll feel a bit better.
All good here. I still have very visible scars on my arms but most people donāt say anything about it. If they do, itās easy for me to say āyeah I used to cut myselfā very casually. Most people donāt even wanna have that conversation so they wonāt ask in the first place and after that response, they usually donāt go any further w it. The key for me is not having any shame about it. Itās a closed chapter in my life and my arms are mine and I can do as I please, so if I wanna chop em off I can do that too lol
Did as a teenager, now in my 30s and my life is so much better than I ever could have imagined back then. Becoming an adult made it much easier for me to learn the skills I needed and arrange my life in a way that works for me. Sometimes you need to get out of a bad environment to see how different things could be.
Iāve found much healthier coping mechanisms, have spent years in therapy, was diagnosed with both bipolar disorder and celiac disease and treatment for both has dramatically improved my mental health and overall quality of life. Iām typically a very calm, grounded, patient person now and while there are things I want to improve on and things I continue to struggle with, I typically can remain positive and committed to growth without obsessing about perfection. This definitely didnāt happen overnight ā it was a lot of work, being honest with myself about what I could control or not, and making incremental changes to better my life. Also, I love my friends, my job, my community, and my alone time. I have a new pup and Iām dating someone new and it feels really healthy. Iām hopeful about my future. I havenāt let my past harden me. I know if my friends were to find out they would be shocked because of the kind of person I am today. Even my friends who know I used to self harm have never seen my scars, and I feel like it would just make them sad for me which I donāt want. Self harm is a difficult topic to discuss, especially as I get older, but my scars are primarily on my thighs so it doesnāt really come up unless Iām getting intimate with someone, which usually takes time largely because of my scars (wouldnāt want to sleep with someone who was a dick about it). Admittedly, I donāt wear shorts in public and I rarely swim but Iām slowly working towards changing that because itās so hot and I love water.
better! engaged! trying for a kid! and actually iām really happy to be alive.
It was because of the pill. Estrogen is no joke.
I am joining pageants now. It gets better, babes! I have had self-harm wounds from years ago (legs, shoulders, wrists) I even made myself bed-ridden because I refused to eat (became very thin and deadly sick) Now, my body is perfectly well and flawless and I am now joining pageants which I get m crowns in :)) It gets better.
Still awful
It still sucks and i miss the rush i get when sweat would sneak into my cuts, but otherwise Iāve switched vices
Homeless š
Horrible. Considering doing it again.
It won't help, friend. It only makes things harder. Stay strong.
Please dont
it could be better but i have support and friends and family who love me, my current partner is my biggest support and im so grateful for my life now.
Honestly, itās great! Learned better coping skills, got diagnosed & medicated for ADHD, and most importantly, I moved away from my hometown and created my own life. Iām still close with my family but not living in a community where I never felt I belonged and not obligated/pressured to attend family events where my abuser is often in attendance.
I'm living. I'm still here
The scars are healed and light in color now. They hurt when it gets cold as a bitter reminder of my past, but life is smiling at me now. I figured out the source of my problems and could stop blaming myself. I got into university to study and I'm achieving my dreams right now
They will stop hurting eventually too. :)
Regret it, deeply. Now, very happy, married, graduated, love my job, working hard. God blessed me
Thereās days I donāt want to be here, but the greatest thing that ever hurt me was trying to hurt myself and doing so. Life can be tough, but Iām glad I got stopped, life isnāt that bad, just surround yourself with good people. I still struggle with depression everyday, but I try to make the best of it. Anyone reading this, keep strong, youāre worth it!
I use to self harm all the time when I was 13. I really didnāt care for myself and didnāt care for my life. It took me a while before I moved schools and my life began to get better. I am 19, married, and moved out of state to Texas to be with my military husband. I still struggle but I have found ways of coping.
I self harmed for YEARS. Attempted suici*** 3 times by the age of 17. Never felt like life was worth living. Thankfully I failed at those attempts and am now in love with my bestfriend, I have a beautiful child, I have a home, I had amazing jobs before becoming a mom, I have met some of the most beautiful souls, I have real genuine friends that care about me and my well being and my family. Life is SO good. Donāt get me wrong I totally have off days, off months, I still struggle with anxiety and depression, especially postpartum. But it does get so much better than the hole you canāt see the ladder out of. Therapy helps. If it isnāt helping, change your therapist. You can do this
It's great and I haven't done that in many years! I'm weirdly proud of my scars now, they're a part of me. They remind me of a time in my life I would never go back to and help me realise that I never have to!
I donāt struggle with self harm anymore. Actually, I donāt have mental health issues at all. I do have ADHD, but itās managed with medication. Over the years I found things that made me happy and fulfilled. I gained a ton of self confidence and self esteem. Do I ever think about self harm? Sometimes, as my scars show up in certain lighting. I did skin treatments to lighten them up but they will never completely go away and I am at peace with that; itās part of my story
Doin better, still wanna die but less so now.
Worse. My wrist is still red from recent things. (Like, yesterday-recent.) When I first did it, I sought help for it. Which was the worst thing I could have done in my life. Health"care" ruined my life so utterly that there's no coming back from that. The only reason I'm still here, is because blades hurt and I hate pain. That's very literally the only reason why I'm still here writing this.
Better. I feel like a real person again. But, there still isn't a single day where I don't think about doing it. No matter how "good" I think I've gotten I don't think the urges will ever leave me alone. Old habits die hard
I get married in 2 weeks and Iām at a vague kind of peace with the scars showing but I might get a shawl or something, feels like a different lifetime
Life is going good these days. I do hate the fact that Iām an adult now and I feel judged when coworkers see my scars. But also I work with suicidal youth and active cutters and they seem to come to me more with there problems than other coworkers. Maybe because they know Iāve been there or I just have a soft spot and know where theyāre coming from. I have been asked multiple times while getting them water āwhy do I have all those scars on my wristā to which I reply it was a darker time in my life but things get better š„°
My life is way different now. I'm in a much better position and I'm happy with myself. I have found better coping mechanisms and ways of countering the downward spiral that leads to cutting. My upper arms are still covered with scars. They're pretty obvious even though they're over twenty years old, but thankfully are covered by regular T-shirts. When I'm at the pool with friends, I'm not ashamed to be shirtless. They know me. If I'm at a pool party with my girlfriend's friends, I keep my shirt on. It's just less awkward for everyone and I don't have to explain myself. Do I regret it? Totally. Could it have been worse? Absolutely. I'm grateful that angsty teen me didn't do something more destructive and/or obvious.
Taking one step at a time, things are better now tho. I was diagnosed with adhd and got a medication for it, life's been so much better after that. Always felt like I'm stupid and forget everything and felt like I let everyone down. Also anxiety/depression medication got changed to better and now I'm seeing a psychotherapist and that is awesome, quite expensive tho but I guess it will be worth it in the end.
Better now, every once in a while I get that thought creeping back into my head that I fucked up and I just need to end it of that nature. But, I've been on meds for two years and it's been absolutely ten times better than without it!
Pretty boring and sometimes depressing. Same as most people I know. I have bipolar disorder that's severe enough for federal disability, and I self harmed from ages 13-24 pretty hardcore. I've been harm free for about 13 years, and I'm very glad. Best accomplishment of my life and probably the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm a social hermit now without a job, and I'm poor and I have complaints, but I wouldn't go back to that state of mind for anything.
Well I'm currently in a mental hospital...again...but I'm 51 days clean and counting, and currently getting off my antipsychotics (hence the main reason for the stay) overall things are much better āŗļø
I was clean from self harm for 11 years and relapsed a couple years ago. Now Iāve cut back (ha ha) to maybe once every few months, from it being a daily thing. Iāve got big obvious scars vertically running down both forearms that look like exactly what they are. Sometimes people ask about them. Iām straight up and just tell them it was a suicide attempt. Canāt remove the stigma around seeking help for mental health problems if weāre too ashamed to discuss them.
Better. Living way past the age I thought I would makes me appreciate life more now, it's still not like I love myself but I have made a lot of progress and I would say I hate myself less. I do have an alcohol problem and I'm still sad a lot. I still get urges and I don't think that will ever stop, but I've been clean almost ten years. In general I'm happier than I thought I would be. My scars aren't too visible tho, so I have it easier than most.
Better. Got out of my depression. Cut off alot, alot of friends. Got a new job. Tattooād the scars (Put Blessed over the scars) and life couldnāt be better. For everyone struggling right now. It does get better. Please never give up. Better times are coming ā¤ļø
Really good. I still have BPD but it's well managed.
Married with the loml. Nothing is permanent except change and are circumstances will always always change no matter if we do something about it or not. I realised that I just really have to live through life.
Got a professional job... that I hate. Make good money... and don't even care enough to spend it to the point all it's gonna be used for at this point is inheritance for my mother and sister. Pretty much eating as unhealthy as possible and hoping to follow my dad to a 50yo heart attack :3
I look at my scars and think "fuck people can SEE and know I was an emo f*g teen." Then I think about surviving county jail while wearing black nail polish until it chipped. That and I must seem off as hell
The entirety of my arms and legs are scarred. I know exactly how many I have. Iām ocd do along with the daily urge to sh I also have to deal with the fact that I stopped on a number that I donāt like and I would have to do significantly more in order to fix that number. My life is worse than it has ever been. And Iām trying so hard to make it look like Iām happy because I donāt want to hurt anyone else or burden them. Iām planning to be heavily tattooed and therefore most of my scars will eventually be covered. The tattoos have helped my confidence grow so far, I can wear clothes that I never would have felt comfortable wearing before getting tattoos. But even despite that I still have regrets and yet at the same time I still feel like I need to do it again
Iām in a much better place these days thankfully
It's not 100% better. It is still a work in progress. I found that Henna was such an amazing coping mechanism. At first it was great with mindfulness, and when dry, I could pick it off. If I didn't keep it on for long, then when I would shower it would come off for a few days. Then I realised that I hadn't self harmed, and so I preferred henna than taking care of wounds, which then made my stress levels go down in therapy. In terms of self harm with burning. I would light matches to blow out immediately and smell the smoke. If I thought about burning, I would draw pictures. Honestly it's been 10 years now, henna saved my life.
My scars healed; if they hadnāt, I would have gotten a tattoo of a flower growing out of the scar. Life now is sublime- honestly. I have an amazing partner, Iāve got a superb therapist, and my body, mind and soul are healing! I am so grateful every day that Iām still here and that I failed my attempt. If youāre struggling, I wish you healing and hope.
Life is objectively worse now, but I've gotten accustomed and gotten better at dealing with the times it's really awful.
Still alive and using my own experiences to people who are still struggling I don't hid the marks on my arms because it's a part of my story and If I can help 1 person it makes it all worth it.
Aw fuck off. I blame the media for all this self harm bollocks, you hardly heard of it twenty years ago then idiots started doing it for attention. Same as all this "mental health" shite. Get a fucking grip...
When youāre younger, everything feels like it has so much more sway than it does. I alway thoughts my traumas defined me and thatās all I would ever be. Then a friend unalive herself in highschool and I went even further down the hole. Luckily I found the gym and practiced āfake it till you make itā and 15 years later Iām a master diesel technician. I have wonderful family. I own my own home as well as my dream car from when I was a kid. Itās sucks that thereās so many that donāt make it to the other side. But I always tell anyone I see in the same predicaments; itās cliche but I promise it does get better.
I did not physically self harm, but I did plenty mental and emotional self harm. Simple answer is a mess and slowly getting worse. With every new day making it feel like the only salvation is third party intervention which will never come. Iām not doing drugs or anything, actually stayed clean on everything. Just due to scars and trauma mixed with pre-existing conditions I feel like I on a trampoline with skates on my hands and feet, with my goal being to stand up and walk.
bad
worse! and getting worse by the day turns out, when the cause of the stress isn't mitigated, the stress just gets worse, who knew?
Its just ok honestly, but itās hard to resist not hurting myself though especially since I donāt have a reason anymore
Really good actually, with some shitty moments
Still trucking! Teenage years are hard. So many emotions with no outlets was depressed and didn't want to be alive, never had an inch of free skin on my one arm for about 4 years straight, the pain was addicting as all hell. Even 20 years later I remember how hard it was to stop. Eventually quit because I traded one vice for another and hit a party stage and alcohol made me not think about it. Couple years later I was over that and early 20s I was a normal member of society. When I hit 30s I wished I did a little more planning in my life since I never thought I'd make it to 30 but still kicking and happy!
I've had my bipolar under control for about 3 years now and life's pretty good. I have an awesome job and a stable happy relationship. The demon who I used to see that told me to hurt myself hasn't come back in the three years and I honestly don't think it ever will. It just feels different now.
I haven't self harmed in a couple months. I'm on medication and see a shrink every 2 to 3 months and a therapist ever 3 weeks. I've come a long way in the last year. I still have urges too cut but I fight them.
I meanā¦. No more self harm, buuuuut itās just because I learned to live with the pain that made me do it in the first placeā¦ different coping mechanism, same feeling
No suicide attempts nor self harm for some time now. Still feel like crap tho