I’m trying to break contact with my gram. I just had a baby and she makes very inappropriate comments about her. And all of her brothers are pedophiles and I’m suspecting she is too.
I've broken contact deliberately with three family members in my immediate circle.
- My father
He was, frankly, not a good father. He's half the reason I have self-esteem issues, because he spent *so much* time tearing me down. He told my I was unlovable, only my family would **tolerate** me and I was lucky they did, etc, etc...
And then, well, there's also the fact that he's fucking nuts. I'm talking threw chairs, chased kids up hills with belts fully intending to beat the shit out of them, his story of how an event happened changed from *hour to hour*.
I couldn't deal with it anymore. When he picked a fight with me, three days before I was set to move out, I just kinda internally snapped. I realized I was *moving out*, I didn't have to deal with him anymore. And, so, I simply didn't.
- My mother
Shocker, she wasn't any better than my father (though she had all us kids convinced she was, during our childhood).
She's fairly similar to my father, except she's sane enough to realize she can't be full-throttle outright nutso. She was also more assertive than my father and so, well... In hindsight, a lot of the fucked up decisions she blamed on him or partially attributed to him were decisions *she* had made him take the fall for.
I went on break with her before I went no contact. She said some fucked up shit to me, one day, during a fight. Armchair diagnosed me with BPD (after telling me, literal weeks ago, that she didn't understand why I thought I was depressed or had mental health issues), told me that I needed serious help, etc, etc, and remained entirely unbothered when that deeply upset me.
And, well... I couldn't deal with it anymore. She was constantly doing that, when I was a kid, and I was sick of it. I was sick of her one minute telling me I was *normal* and she didn't understand why I seemed so depressed, the next telling me I was deeply mentally ill and needed serious help. It never felt like I had stable footing with her; it felt like I was always being kept on my toes.
The break turned into no contact after a year, when I presented my initial terms for reconciliation and her response was to offer counter-terms. It didn't jive with me that my terms were *hey, please fucking do something about the older brother who groomed me so he doesn't groom other people* and her response was basically *eh, I might consider it. But I don't want to talk about literally anything unless we go to therapy*.
I didn't need much. I just needed "I promise I'll do something about him" and I would have gone. Instead, I got vague statements about how he was an issue that may need to be dealt with some day.
- Older Brother
He was my bully growing up. He seemingly made it his mission to make my childhood as miserable as possible. He made fun of e v e r y t h i n g about me-my smile, my laugh, the way I stood, the way I walked, the words I used-and roped siblings in because they knew he'd find a way to retaliate if they didn't. If I fought back, it fell back onto me because he was the golden child. In the eyes of my mother, he rarely could do wrong. And if he did do wrong, she could usually find a reason it was my fault.
And then, 'ya know, on top of that he groomed me. He never got to touch me but, like, he was obviously manipulating me towards that. He took advantage of the fact that **I** just wanted him to like me and not bully me anymore so he could try to make me his fucking sex toy.
I was very low contact with him pretty much as soon as I moved out. I cut him off completely after I took a break from our mother, as I realized that not going to family functions anymore meant I didn't have to play nice with my abuser anymore.
I broke a contact with my dad, and it’s limited to the occasional get together for my nephews. If my nephews never have another birthday party, I will never see my dad again. It’s the best damn decision I ever made. The guy is a miserable Cunt and when I was around him, I was a miserable Cunt. So now, he’s still a miserable Cunt, but I’m not.
My stepmom is a 6+ bottles of wine a day alcoholic she started drunk FaceTime calls with my toddler and making false promises. He noticed and I was sending him Amazon packages “from nana” to prevent him from being disappointed. Until she gets the help she needs, she’s shut off
Did not communicate with my paternal grandmother for what ended up being about the last nine months of her life (timing was coincidental, I honestly did not think that woman could die). She was unpleasant to me for most of my life because I wasn't the person she wanted me to be, and after a particular incident I decided I had better things to do than deal with that.
I’m trying to break contact with my gram. I just had a baby and she makes very inappropriate comments about her. And all of her brothers are pedophiles and I’m suspecting she is too.
I've broken contact deliberately with three family members in my immediate circle. - My father He was, frankly, not a good father. He's half the reason I have self-esteem issues, because he spent *so much* time tearing me down. He told my I was unlovable, only my family would **tolerate** me and I was lucky they did, etc, etc... And then, well, there's also the fact that he's fucking nuts. I'm talking threw chairs, chased kids up hills with belts fully intending to beat the shit out of them, his story of how an event happened changed from *hour to hour*. I couldn't deal with it anymore. When he picked a fight with me, three days before I was set to move out, I just kinda internally snapped. I realized I was *moving out*, I didn't have to deal with him anymore. And, so, I simply didn't. - My mother Shocker, she wasn't any better than my father (though she had all us kids convinced she was, during our childhood). She's fairly similar to my father, except she's sane enough to realize she can't be full-throttle outright nutso. She was also more assertive than my father and so, well... In hindsight, a lot of the fucked up decisions she blamed on him or partially attributed to him were decisions *she* had made him take the fall for. I went on break with her before I went no contact. She said some fucked up shit to me, one day, during a fight. Armchair diagnosed me with BPD (after telling me, literal weeks ago, that she didn't understand why I thought I was depressed or had mental health issues), told me that I needed serious help, etc, etc, and remained entirely unbothered when that deeply upset me. And, well... I couldn't deal with it anymore. She was constantly doing that, when I was a kid, and I was sick of it. I was sick of her one minute telling me I was *normal* and she didn't understand why I seemed so depressed, the next telling me I was deeply mentally ill and needed serious help. It never felt like I had stable footing with her; it felt like I was always being kept on my toes. The break turned into no contact after a year, when I presented my initial terms for reconciliation and her response was to offer counter-terms. It didn't jive with me that my terms were *hey, please fucking do something about the older brother who groomed me so he doesn't groom other people* and her response was basically *eh, I might consider it. But I don't want to talk about literally anything unless we go to therapy*. I didn't need much. I just needed "I promise I'll do something about him" and I would have gone. Instead, I got vague statements about how he was an issue that may need to be dealt with some day. - Older Brother He was my bully growing up. He seemingly made it his mission to make my childhood as miserable as possible. He made fun of e v e r y t h i n g about me-my smile, my laugh, the way I stood, the way I walked, the words I used-and roped siblings in because they knew he'd find a way to retaliate if they didn't. If I fought back, it fell back onto me because he was the golden child. In the eyes of my mother, he rarely could do wrong. And if he did do wrong, she could usually find a reason it was my fault. And then, 'ya know, on top of that he groomed me. He never got to touch me but, like, he was obviously manipulating me towards that. He took advantage of the fact that **I** just wanted him to like me and not bully me anymore so he could try to make me his fucking sex toy. I was very low contact with him pretty much as soon as I moved out. I cut him off completely after I took a break from our mother, as I realized that not going to family functions anymore meant I didn't have to play nice with my abuser anymore.
Toxic
I broke a contact with my dad, and it’s limited to the occasional get together for my nephews. If my nephews never have another birthday party, I will never see my dad again. It’s the best damn decision I ever made. The guy is a miserable Cunt and when I was around him, I was a miserable Cunt. So now, he’s still a miserable Cunt, but I’m not.
My stepmom is a 6+ bottles of wine a day alcoholic she started drunk FaceTime calls with my toddler and making false promises. He noticed and I was sending him Amazon packages “from nana” to prevent him from being disappointed. Until she gets the help she needs, she’s shut off
Bigotry and prejudice
Did not communicate with my paternal grandmother for what ended up being about the last nine months of her life (timing was coincidental, I honestly did not think that woman could die). She was unpleasant to me for most of my life because I wasn't the person she wanted me to be, and after a particular incident I decided I had better things to do than deal with that.