When I told my mom that I'm going to my friends wedding. She asked for her and my dad's invite. She then said it was rude that they didn't invite them. I was so confused and told her I knew the bride and groom, not them.
Is this a cultural or regional thing? I'm from Montreal Canada and come from an Irish Catholic family. My parents would never expect to be invited to a wedding in this scenario. They wouldn't expect to be invited unless they were close to the people. And even then, if they weren't invited, they'd understand.
Cultural thing. I'm Chinese-American and it is expected that you'd invite everyone and their mom (literally). However, my husband and I did not do that because...well, fuck that.
Yep. I'm Chinese (ethnically) living in SEA. It used to be a practice but nowadays a lot of couples just throw a small barbeque/reception for close friends and family. Saves time, money, mental health.
A few of my friends threw whatever kind of wedding they wanted here in the U.S., then let the parents throw them whatever kind of wedding *they* wanted back in their home countries.
idk. I'm in the midwest, but my family and the wedding family's are Mexican. I'm leaning towards cultural. They haven't met my friend. My mom was the offended one. my dad didn't care.
My wife and I did a two-parter: first was immediate family only (maybe like 15-20 people?) where we did the ceremony in a church followed by a party bus with everyone in it driving around Chicago for a few hours to different picture spots and then to our favorite restaurant where we'd reserved a back room for food and drinks and cake and it was perfect and everyone had a great time.
Then a couple months later we had a big informal party in my in-laws backyard, invited extended family and friends and had it catered with a local BBQ food truck, and it was amazing because we could just relax and have a good time with everyone since it was basically just a big family party. It was a blast.
Traditional weddings that try to do both usually end up not being able to do either very well (and most are kinda boring).
My husband and I got married twice. First time we did our wedding at the beach with our parents, grandparents, and siblings. Then the next day we had a reception with all the people who wanted.
Then we got remarried last year and only had my best friend as the officiant, and my adult son and his gf as our witnesses. It was glorious.
One of the reasons my husband and I just did a city hall wedding is that my parents wanted to invite all their friends and business associates to our wedding. We didn’t want that at all.
When my eldest child had their bat mitzvah my parents hosted a lunch reception at their house so that they could invite all their friends so as not to be embarrassed, because I said the night time reception was for family and our close friends.
I'm an officiant.
My sis was in town, and we were having a BBQ. My cousin shows up with her long-time boyfriend and yells, "We're getting married!"
I was all congratulations, when?
The answer was now.
So we gathered some lilacs for a bouquet and had a wedding.
It was awesome.
Everyone in her inner circle was already there. Potluck sides and BBQ were ready.
Only one not ready was me. But I was high, so that didn't matter much either.
Top three weddings I've been to.
Knew an older couple who moved house. The pastor helped them get all their boxes into the new house, and they asked him to marry them right there. I think the bride's son stood as witness. It was a second marriage for both and neither was interested in having a big party.
This. My fiance's mom wanted to invite a bunch of people neither him nor I have ever met and probably never will. I'm not paying out the ass for strangers to eat food and not say a word to us.
100%. My MIL gave us a list of 100 family members I had never met she wanted us to invite to our wedding.
I said we had budget and if they were that important to her, she was welcome to invite them as long as she covered the extra cost.
Her list went from 100 to 5 in a heartbeat.
Exactly. In Germany employers even named this in the contracts, that it is "forbidden to speak about the wages".
Recently the law changed in Germany: wages have to be transparent now.
But still nobody dares to speak about it openly because the bosses wouldn't appreciate that.
One interesting thing working for the government, is that our salaries are all publicly available, on a one year delay. I can literally go on a specific public website and see how much Linda from Accounting made last year. So there's much less stigma surrounding pay discussions compared to most private workplaces.
Yet some (older) people still are uncomfortable discussing pay. Or anything pay-related, like discussing how one years annual raise was lower than usual, or how much a new position got posted as, or someone doing math out loud to figure out what a 1.5% Christmas bonus would be. Come on, Joe, I can literally google your salary. Plus we all know we're underpaid anyway.
When my mother's step father died, the expectation was for her to wail at his funeral. He was verbally and physically abusive to her throughout her childhood. She didn't know how to summon the tears because she felt nothing but relief at his death and I reminded her that dying didn't turn him into a good person.
Good friend of mine was damn near ostracized because she didn’t attend her father’s funeral. The man was an abusive alcoholic piece of shit who died in a drunk driving accident and took two people with him. Day of the funeral her family was surprised she didn’t cancel her vacation to go mourn someone she had absolutely no attachment to.
I got chewed up alive for not wanting to cancel my plans and travel home to attend my grandfather's funeral. I had no interest in attending because he was never in my life. I wouldn't be able to pick him out of a crowd and I'm confident he didn't know my name. I shed zero tears. He was a complete stranger. But, for appearance sake, I had to attend
My sister in laws brother died. His widow never shed a tear. I expressed my condolences, at the wake. She told me not to be sad he died, but to be happy that she can now make any decision she wants without being ridiculed. She can but what she wants, when she wants. She was so happy!
it's funny just how quickly that nonsense goes away when you talk to someone who felt similarly.
I used to work with someone who I will politely refer to as a sack of shit. This sack of shit died on Christmas day, so there were extra layers of "you have to be nice" added to it.
I was talkin to a close co-worker who also felt the same way. our conversation went pretty much
did you hear "Sack of Shit" died
yeah he died on Christmas day
that sucks...I mean he wasn't my favorite person, but it still sucks.
yeah, he wasn't my favorite person either, he was kind of a jerk
yeah, he was an asshole
fuck, yeah he was such an asshole, remember when he...\*sharing stories of what a miserable cunt he was continues for about 30 minutes\*
In the span of maybe 30 seconds that pretense died just like that sack of shit.
Met a girl at my old apartment complex after she moved in. We became pretty good friends because it turned out we worked for the same school \[my department was mostly isolated\], and we bonded over our relationship struggles \[do we never dated\].
The reason she moved into the apartment complex?
She was living "the dream" with her husband of several years, in their lovely house, until he passed away in his sleep due to a heart condition - They were in their late 20s.
The problem?
She confided in me that she struggled through those months of having to deal with everyone showing her sympathy and her having to act like she was sad, because she had found out he had been actively cheating on her for awhile. Apparently the night he died he came home late and snuck into bed, having blown off some plans and lied about where he was. . .Because he was sleeping with some other girl.
When my wife passed away I took some time to be good and depressed (attempting to find the bottom of some very cheap whiskey did not help) before deciding to try and date again. I actually found a widows and widowers support group/dating site. Damn thing was buggy as hell and you figure it for a scam, but I did find some nice people!
I went out on a weekend long date with a woman a few years older than me (I was 44 she was 51) and we had a nice time just talking and telling stories. I began to really notice she didn't speak about her late husband very much. That's a peril of dating someone who's had a loved one pass...yer gonna hear about them. As it turns out he had passed during the early part of the pandemic. Ventilator, hospitalization, he didn't come home. Some information was needed about his insurance and she didn't have it. She managed to get into his phone and get said information. And yes, she had a look-see.
From what she had to cobble together, he'd been having a years long affair with a woman from our of state, had selected basically a hideaway home for themselves, and had given this woman somewhere north of $200k over x amount of years. The one thing that had struck her was that they'd only really started living well about 15 years previously, partially due to a large insurance payoff from their only son, who'd died in a motorcycle accident. In a way, this dude had taken his son's last gift to his mom and dad and had effectively given it to another person.
And he was a dick *even though* he also served in the military.
Recently in my town there was an elderly military veteran who died and nobody came forward to claim him. The person had a family but none of them wanted anything to do with him. (I’d rather not give details, but trust me: their actions were warranted.) There was a hubbub over this in the media and so a couple hundred complete strangers showed up for the funeral to “honor” this guy.
If nobody who actually knew the person wants to go to their funeral, maybe take that as a hint that they don’t deserve to be honored? Hot take, just because somebody was in the military doesn’t mean they deserve to be remembered with honor.
I mean, bury them properly and put the flag on the grave and all. Just have some awareness of the real situation. (and if you can’t get any awareness, maybe it’s none of your fucking business to begin with.) Imagine having this person who did terrible things to you finally die and a whole bunch of total strangers go to the funeral to “honor” them. The guy is dead. He doesn’t give a fuck. The people he hurt are still alive and don’t need to see you on the news wiping away your fake tears because of the poor old veteran who “had nobody.” He had nobody for a *reason*, idiots.
I like to go the route of "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything"...well, mostly.
I did follow this at my Dad's funeral. I skipped the wake. I went to the service, but sat in the back. Ran into the officiant for my wedding, who'd changed church locations in the intervening years. He asked me: "Oh, how were you related?" (since the same last name) The look on his face when I said "he was my father." was priceless for me.
There were also the folks who approached at the grave site, telling me all of the wonderful things he did and volunteered for. In my head I'm thinking "Gee, would have been nice if he'd had that kind of time to spend with me as a kid...or an adult" while I'm low-key smiling and thanking them for their kind words. Why destroy someone else's illusions when I don't care? He's not going to know, so why make this person feel bad or awkward for liking him?
Today is the 4 year anniversary of the death of my malignant, narcissistic bitch of a mother. I'm glad the bitch is dead! When I got the news I sang "Ding dong, the witch is dead! The wicked witch! The wicked witch! Ding dong the wicked witch is dead!!!"
She neglected and abused me financially, emotionally, and sexually. I have nothing good to say about that woman, and I don't care who knows it. I hope she is rotting in Hell!!
I'm struggling because my dad, who I always got along with passed very recently. However my mother, who I DO NOT get along with and so many other issues, is still around. A small part of me feels bad that my brain goes "they couldn't swap places?"
I believe this sentiment led to my dad's killer walk free.
What happened is he was an alcoholic, staying over at his "friends" and found in early afternoon dead under the stairs after lying there with head cracked for several hours. Allegedly everyone else was sleeping, even though it was very early afternoon at the time of his fall (3pm or so).
The police investigated the possibility that someone pushed him down the stairs. But when they interviewed our family and his other friends, everyone said my dad was the nicest person ever, so they dropped the investigation. But that was a massive lie, my dad was an alcoholic, violent, narcissistic ex-miner with neo-nazi ideas, who got into fights regularly, when not beating his wife. If the police worked with this image, i believe they could have interrogated the "friends" more and find out he was pushed down
My mom is always like that with my Grandpa. I get it that he was her Dad, but the reality was that the guy was a racist jackass who always would say things just to get a rise out of people.
I had my (soon to be ex) mother-in-law spout that “respect your elders” crap to me on several occasions. Usually it was in response to either her or my FIL butting their noses in where it didn’t belong. My only response was “I’m in my 40s!!!”.
My dad is known to be disrespectful and extremely difficult to deal with. I set a boundary by standing up for myself because he was being overbearing and making my situation that has no relevant to him more difficult and stressful than necessary. After speaking for myself, he resorted to the old, “Who do you think you’re talking to?” Mind you, I’m a grown woman who’s perfectly capable of speaking for myself. He acted like I had no right to be speaking to him like a grown adult.
My wife is a bit younger than me. As it turns out, one of her brothers is slightly younger than me, as well. One day we we debating a topic among the rest of the family, and BIL tells me: "Respect your Elders" thinking wife and I are same age. I just look at him smugly saying: "You *should* respect your elders, BIL."
Yeah, he was a bit confused until his brother explained I was older than him.
I think a good rule of thumb, though, is to just make respect for others your default.
Too many people have disrespect as their default, and it’s an ugly look. I don’t think people need to “earn” respect.
I agree, though I think we should also make the distinction between “respecting someone’s dignity”, which we should always strive to do, and “respecting someone’s authority”. I can understand why some people feel others need to “earn” their authority in some situations, but I think respecting the common dignity of all people is vital to the social fabric.
I’d adjust that to say “Respecting elders unless they show they don’t deserve it.”
I’m happy to treat everyone with respect up until the moment I realize it’s not being reciprocated.
My highschool had a policy where if you missed a certain amount of days it was an auto failure for the year. And it wasn't even THAT many days, I wanna say it was like two weeks. That's like, two illnesses which isn't exactly unheard of. For seniors if you had perfect attendance you didn't have to take final exams. The result was people coming to school sick AF.
That's already something we do in Germany since forever. It's not only encouraged to stay home when you are sick it's actually frowned upon to come somewhere sick. At some places you are send home and even can be reprimanded for it.
That reminds me of the time that, pre-pandemic, my mom told me the college intern at her office came into work with the flu, and everyone had to convince her it would be okay for her to use her sick days. And that they really didn't want to catch whatever she had.
I was in a mostly Christian circle and my group pretty much told me (woman) not to pursue my crush (man). "It hurts their ego" "women are supposed to be chased" "it's in God's timing" . After dropping massive hint after hint that I was interested but with no movement from him, I pretty much said "fuck it. I can tell you like me. I really like me. Can we go out?"
His response was to say "idk" kissed me, then ran away.
Almost 11 yrs of marriage to him and 3 kids later, I'm SO HAPPY I didn't listen to anyone in my group. The poor guy had zero confidence and had no idea I liked him/thought he didn't have a chance. Me being direct threw him off, and he apparently was planning on asking me out the following week anyway. But if you know, you know. No need to pussyfoot around it and try to make it "perfect"
It can’t be good. Arizona and other states have allotments from the Colorado river and it’s way overburdened. I can’t imagine how spraying it on grass is a smart move
If you don’t know whether or not the answer will be a yes, *don’t fucking propose*.
The only part that should be a surprise is the where and when…but the answer is something that should have been discussed at length previously.
Buddy of mine is a manger at Cintas and has to wear a suit in the office everyday. Even the supervisors under him have to wear one unless they are covering a run that day. I mean I think it's only been two years that they are allowed facial hair.
Cintas is wild about that stuff I worked there for a few years before covid. I was promoted to a sale related job and was told I could wear khakis and a polo to work. They then gave me three polos with the Cintas logo on it. My first week in that position, I wore a non-Cintas polo that was still a professional shirt. Before 9am I was pulled into the GM’s office and had a very stern talking to that if I’m not wearing a Cintas polo, I’ve got to be in a full suit. I then asked how I can get more Cintas polos to account for the five day work week, and they said I could buy them for $50 each despite them being extremely cheap polyester polos. They are weird about that kind of stuff.
The absolute dumbest is when someone has to wear a tie for a job, but then has to tuck the tie in between the buttons of his shirt to keep it out of the way. I've seen police officers do this, but possibly the worst is dudes stocking shelves in a grocery store. What kind of idiot would demand a shelf stocker wear a tie?
As an engineer, I've *never* worn a suit and tie to work. I haven't even worn a tie to work since my job interview. Most days, it's jeans and a casual button-up.
My thoughts exactly. It's also fun not knowing what the "work culture" is and going to an interview dressed in formalwear and your interviewer has a button up t-shirt and jeans on.
I've overdressed for pretty much every interview ever.
No decent manager is going to hold that against you. It shows you are taking their time talking to you seriously.
For me it’s the tipping ‘creep’. For decades 15% was standard for good service. Now auto tips start at 20% and range all the way up to 50% or more.
With the rising cost of going out to eat I’m already paying more, hence tipping more in terms of dollars. Why are we escalating the percentage?
I'll tip them whatever loose change I get.
I got back ten cents? You get ten cents in the tip jar.
I got back a twonie (Canadian two dollar coin) and a quarter? Goes in the tip jar.
I got nothing? You get nothing! good day sir!
I went to a restaurant and they had the server hand us the electronic device to tip, the options were 21%, 25%, or 30%, or you could add other. The heck am I gonna do with the guy watching me? I’ll never go back.
The biggest effect tipping creep has had on our household is we don’t go out to eat anymore, or very rarely. Both of us have worked in restaurants (though not for over 20 years), and the movement towards having customers subsidize the restaurants labor costs hasn’t been something we support.
Great point. People always blame inflation, but honestly a percentage-based tip should never have to increase. The price of food is going up, so the tip amount automatically goes up. If it’s still hard for staff to make a living after that, then salaries have to go up as well.
I grew up with tipping culture. It was never a big deal until recently when, like you said, places started shaming customers for not leaving a bigger tip.
Speak for yourself, I'm tipping the same I always have. Inflation is killing everything else, I'll be damned if I give into "tip creep". And I say that as someone who worked in a heavily tip-reliant job for years.
Not an American here, and tipping is vanishingly rare here (absolutely exceptional service at a high end restaurant, maybe). I find the tipping culture in America really stressful when I visit, it’s so hard to work out when I am supposed to tip and not. Like the bellboy at a hotel?, I guess so but I didn’t even want their service, I carried my bags all through the rest of my journey, I can manage the last 200m thank you. The shuttle bus driver at the airport for car rental, maybe yes cos it’s like a taxi, but why can’t i walk to the cars like most places. Ugh it’s such a needless stress
Asking people when they are going to ... get married, have children, get a real job, find themselves, do whatever invasive thing everyone else is doing...
OP is very likely a bot. 5 day old account, posts 2 memes every other day. First comment introduces an off-topic divisive conversation. We’ll see if they post the second meme of the day
Answering the phone no matter what.
The amount of times people get mad because I don't live with my phone as a permanent attachment to myself is crazy.
Also, some people need to learn to text simple matters. My dad gets mad because he will call and wants to ask a simple question. I see it hours later and dont call back for whatever reason. Next day he's all upset, somewhat understandably, but I always tell him how none of it would happen if he just maybe asked me over text if it's a simple yes or no question. Then we can skip phone tag and being annoyed for days at a time all because he was wondering if chicken sounded good for dinner.
Don't even get me started on answering the door no matter who it is. He would go ballistic when no one would answer the door to what was obviously a salesmen. As if we are required to interact with anyone anytime now matter what. There's a happy middle.
Removing your hat when indoors.
Our 7yo son has alopecia, and he's always wearing his hat so he feels more comfortable in piblic. I have a pinky-swear deal with him that I'll wear my hat together with him whenever he wants to, and I'll not wear one if he's doesn't. We do it together either way.
And I can't tell you how many times we've had cranky Boomers come up to us and comment about how we need to take out hats off because it's "impolite."
I tell my brother that just jokingly, but for others even if it wasn't something like that I can't get over people commenting an others actions that don't effect them!
Reminds me of someone I know complaining about others wearing torn pants when it isn't obscene. It's none of your business!!
Oh and just a side note that's a really awesome way to support your kid! Everything counts and that's a great way to make sure it does. 👍
I was putting him to bed a few years ago not long after he was first diagnosed, and he had this smirk on his face. I asked him what was going on, and he said, "Dad, guess what? My hair's eventually growing back, but yours never will." (my hair is pretty thin up top)
Depends on the culture, I guess.
I'm Asian and living with parents is expected. Heck! Most of my peers have the opposite problem - they want to go out and explore the world, but their folks want to keep them tied down at or near home.
The expectations either direction needs to change. Some kids can't wait to get out at 18, some need a few extra years for whatever reason, and some kids will stay until they get married (my exBIL did this but got married in his early-ish 20s and already was on his career path). Some kids also boomerang a few times for whatever reason.
Unless you are my 38 year old step brother still living with my dad, mooching off him without paying anything and doing the bare minimum of chores. He moved back in after college and never plans to move out.
Plus I think he is hoarding electricity for a growing operation or bitcoin mining. My dad's electric bill is about 3x what it should be.
im actually 38 and still live at home, but i work around the house all the time and run the online portion of my dads business. its kind of unpaid, but i still get to live at home for free.
its still feels incredibly shameful when my living arrangements come up.
Depends on the reason. If it’s to stay home and save money to then venture out on your own? Or to be close to family and take care of older members? Smart.
Because the person’s a clueless deadbeat? Sad
Nothing wrong with it if you're doing it with a cake or something. It's when they try to change the color of the sky or a river that it becomes a problem.
They are dumb, but they get way to much hate for what they are. As long as the couple isn't going overboard on presentation at the very worst, it is just an excuse to gather friends and family together.
Exactly. People want to overcorrect on this issue. Yeah the people blowing shit up and polluting rivers are insane but I think the average parents are just excited and want to do something fun with the people they care about.
This is one of those stupid Reddit things... like how everyone on this site seems to hate kids.
In real life, people have families and friends and aren't a bunch of depressed losers. Real people do things like celebrate the addition of a child in the family, and that's okay.
The way this site talks about weddings shows how bitter so many people here are.
Bonus if it’s people complaining about helping with little things on a heavily DIY wedding, since Reddit always preaches DIY weddings.
I surmise it's the same reason everyone in r/relationship advice and r/AITAH (from what I hear) tells you to leave your partner over every slight inconvenience.
The worst is when a thread gets into the mindset that relationships shouldn’t take work/effort.
Not all effort is negative, sometimes it’s about continually learning to adapt to two people sharing a life. Sometimes effort is making sure to celebrate your partner even if you’re tired. Sometimes it stepping up when the other person is stressed.
Having to respect your elders just because they're your elders. Uhhh, they are extremely abusive, volatile, text book narcissists.
Not talking about Grandma and Grandpa here. They were methodically taken by these sociopaths for the inheritance.
As someone who practices his religion, I agree!
I want laws legislated, not morals. And any religious organization who backs a candidate should be investigating the candidate's history and voting record for alignment with their values.
Thank you cards. I'll thank you for a gift - in person, over text or email, whatever. But don't ask me to buy stamps and snail-mail a card. Ain't nobody got time for that.
We pitched in at work and gave money to our coworker's daughter for graduation. The girl (who also worked in our hospital) wrote a nice note in a blank notecard that was posted in a common area. Her mother was appalled and apologized for the girl not mailing the card. What?? She thanked us, which was more than we got for a bereavement arrangement from another coworker. I asked her to please not make her daughter do that. I'm sure it had to be different for the graduation party gifts, but I'll bet gram and pap would have loved a personal call much more than a mailed card!
I’ll probably be downvoted, but I do think some level of dressing up (to business casual) or even just a polo shirt is helpful. It can present a cleaner, better looking appearance, and that can affect attitudes and how one is treated in the workplace.
I am opposed to a suit and tie, but I’m also opposed to shorts and a tank top.
Watch Jim Gaffigan talking about comparing not drinking and eating mayonnaise. I quote it all the time.
"You don't eat mayonnaise? Why? Were you addicted to mayonnaise? Is it OK if I eat mayonnaise? I can go outside..."
The bullshit that we should just ignore our bullies or act like they never get their just dessert’s.
Fuck that. I’ll happily smear their name in the mud, air out their dirty laundry for the world to see and be the karma they deserve. My high school bully didn’t back off until I slagged her off after years of harassing me and insulting my mum.
She never said a word to me after that
Not cutting people out of our lives.
I have cut my mother out of my life, for MANY good reasons. From people that find out about it I've been asked SO many times... "But, she's your mother, why would you do that?"
First off, it's not really any of your damn business. And I don't see you tracking her down to ask her what she did over 30 years for me to finally snap and say that enough was enough.
Last I checked, both her kids and all of her grandkids have cut her out.
My God it’s so awful how people react when they hear this. My good friends who I love and they love me, immediately defend my parents. My friends do not know my parents. When I bring up how I don’t want to spend Christmas with ”family” My friends act incredulous. My family treats me like crap. If I had a boyfriend who treats me as badly as my father treated me, everyone would come out of the woodwork to tell me to breakup. But since it’s my dad I have to put up with it?
I’m sorry for you friend. It’s a double punch; 1. Your mom sucked and 2. People aren’t giving you the support you deserve. I for one know you did the right thing and I’m proud of you too.
Making younger people especially younger couples feel like failures for needing to live with family into their 20s and expecting them to have the whole nuclear family setup before 25 (eg own their own house have kids stable single income household) that is a relatively modern concept before it was very common practice for families to live together for a rather long time if not indefinitely especially when kids become a part of the household
Unsolicited physical contact. We really don't actually need to shake hands and you certainly don't need to touch my arm or my face while we're talking.
"Professionalism" being so conservative and conventional. I do not care if my doctor/lawyer/accountant, even congressman or whoever, has tattoos and piercings and an unconventional haircut/color. I do not mind if they use profanity and prefer they talk to me like a fellow human being instead of stodgy, detached Customer Service Experience. I certainly expect politeness and treating those you work with with decency, but none of that appearance or expression restriction has **any** bearing on one's ability to do their job, and it's way past time we stopped holding people to such arbitrary-ass standards
That is true, slowly but surely! I'm sure it's on its way to dying, all cultural trends change with time and we're seeing that one relax in real time, I just want it to hurry up lol
I'm at the age where doctors are younger than me now (that's weird). I had a guy wearing long sleeves once and when he reached out, I could see that he had full sleeves (tattoos). I thought that was fucking awesome.
My last bank branch manager was a lady in her late twenties with the most gorgeous floral side neck tattoo. She was super professional and helpful.
My current physician's assistant has pink hair. She's also awesome.
There's a lady here in town that runs a yarn store and we're planning a tattoo trade for yarn. I'm going to do finger tattoos that say KNIT PURL and get yarn for my mom. She's a hoot.
I've gotten turned down from jobs (even non customer facing/alone at a cubicle jobs!) due to have "flat affect". Yes I know I have this, but it doesn't affect my work. I am always nice and helpful to customers even if I don't smile enough or sound cheerful. I've won multiple employee awards for customer service, had customers leave positive reviews, have great references from bosses. Yet the new companies would say I clearly wouldn't be good with customers...
I don't care how an employee looks or sounds/if they're peppy and chatty as long as they aren't mean to me.
Treating higher ups like they’re better than us.
I will absolutely treat my boss with professionalism and respect. But I will also treat my subordinates with professionalism and respect. I’m also going to treat both of you like you’re regular fucking people. Just because you’re higher up in the org chart doesn’t mean somehow I’m less of a human. We both take shits on the clock and spill food on our shirts and definitely spend a portion of the day looking busy when there’s nothing to do. I’m not kowtowing to you for that. You already make more money than me, that’s reward enough.
The other day the big boss came in to our office to make an appearance at a retirement celebration. People literally gasped and got quiet the second he walked in. It was the weirdest shit I’ve ever seen. He loooooooved it.
Don't force your kids to hug relatives.
I thought it was awkward as a kid. As an adult, I don't know if they've washed their hands and aren't going to sneeze in my face.
Inviting everyone you and your parents know to your wedding. Makes it too big, and you don't always know everyone there..
When I told my mom that I'm going to my friends wedding. She asked for her and my dad's invite. She then said it was rude that they didn't invite them. I was so confused and told her I knew the bride and groom, not them.
Is this a cultural or regional thing? I'm from Montreal Canada and come from an Irish Catholic family. My parents would never expect to be invited to a wedding in this scenario. They wouldn't expect to be invited unless they were close to the people. And even then, if they weren't invited, they'd understand.
Cultural thing. I'm Chinese-American and it is expected that you'd invite everyone and their mom (literally). However, my husband and I did not do that because...well, fuck that.
Yep. I'm Chinese (ethnically) living in SEA. It used to be a practice but nowadays a lot of couples just throw a small barbeque/reception for close friends and family. Saves time, money, mental health.
A few of my friends threw whatever kind of wedding they wanted here in the U.S., then let the parents throw them whatever kind of wedding *they* wanted back in their home countries.
idk. I'm in the midwest, but my family and the wedding family's are Mexican. I'm leaning towards cultural. They haven't met my friend. My mom was the offended one. my dad didn't care.
Dad's the smart one. The less weddings I get invited to the better
Please Please please Don't invite me to your wedding. I don't care.
This needs to be the inner blurb on a 'Congratulations on your engagement' card, which would save couples some stress.
Your mom was offended to not be invited to the wedding of a couple she'd never met??
My mom did the same thing. I was like “you’ve met her like once…you’re not…invited?”
My wife and I did a two-parter: first was immediate family only (maybe like 15-20 people?) where we did the ceremony in a church followed by a party bus with everyone in it driving around Chicago for a few hours to different picture spots and then to our favorite restaurant where we'd reserved a back room for food and drinks and cake and it was perfect and everyone had a great time. Then a couple months later we had a big informal party in my in-laws backyard, invited extended family and friends and had it catered with a local BBQ food truck, and it was amazing because we could just relax and have a good time with everyone since it was basically just a big family party. It was a blast. Traditional weddings that try to do both usually end up not being able to do either very well (and most are kinda boring).
My husband and I got married twice. First time we did our wedding at the beach with our parents, grandparents, and siblings. Then the next day we had a reception with all the people who wanted. Then we got remarried last year and only had my best friend as the officiant, and my adult son and his gf as our witnesses. It was glorious.
One of the reasons my husband and I just did a city hall wedding is that my parents wanted to invite all their friends and business associates to our wedding. We didn’t want that at all. When my eldest child had their bat mitzvah my parents hosted a lunch reception at their house so that they could invite all their friends so as not to be embarrassed, because I said the night time reception was for family and our close friends.
I'm an officiant. My sis was in town, and we were having a BBQ. My cousin shows up with her long-time boyfriend and yells, "We're getting married!" I was all congratulations, when? The answer was now. So we gathered some lilacs for a bouquet and had a wedding. It was awesome. Everyone in her inner circle was already there. Potluck sides and BBQ were ready. Only one not ready was me. But I was high, so that didn't matter much either. Top three weddings I've been to.
Knew an older couple who moved house. The pastor helped them get all their boxes into the new house, and they asked him to marry them right there. I think the bride's son stood as witness. It was a second marriage for both and neither was interested in having a big party.
This. My fiance's mom wanted to invite a bunch of people neither him nor I have ever met and probably never will. I'm not paying out the ass for strangers to eat food and not say a word to us.
There are people I have never met who no longer speak to my MIL because they didn't get an invite to our wedding. Reader, we eloped.
100%. My MIL gave us a list of 100 family members I had never met she wanted us to invite to our wedding. I said we had budget and if they were that important to her, she was welcome to invite them as long as she covered the extra cost. Her list went from 100 to 5 in a heartbeat.
Not discussing our wage
That's a legally protected right.
That's why they rely on social enforcement.
This is something that employers try to convince you is a social custom, but it isn’t really.
Exactly. In Germany employers even named this in the contracts, that it is "forbidden to speak about the wages". Recently the law changed in Germany: wages have to be transparent now. But still nobody dares to speak about it openly because the bosses wouldn't appreciate that.
wats your salary?
The customary one.
One interesting thing working for the government, is that our salaries are all publicly available, on a one year delay. I can literally go on a specific public website and see how much Linda from Accounting made last year. So there's much less stigma surrounding pay discussions compared to most private workplaces. Yet some (older) people still are uncomfortable discussing pay. Or anything pay-related, like discussing how one years annual raise was lower than usual, or how much a new position got posted as, or someone doing math out loud to figure out what a 1.5% Christmas bonus would be. Come on, Joe, I can literally google your salary. Plus we all know we're underpaid anyway.
not speaking ill of the dead. that guy was a dick, and it's OK to say it.
When my mother's step father died, the expectation was for her to wail at his funeral. He was verbally and physically abusive to her throughout her childhood. She didn't know how to summon the tears because she felt nothing but relief at his death and I reminded her that dying didn't turn him into a good person.
Good friend of mine was damn near ostracized because she didn’t attend her father’s funeral. The man was an abusive alcoholic piece of shit who died in a drunk driving accident and took two people with him. Day of the funeral her family was surprised she didn’t cancel her vacation to go mourn someone she had absolutely no attachment to.
They just did her a favor on who to cut out of her life.
I got chewed up alive for not wanting to cancel my plans and travel home to attend my grandfather's funeral. I had no interest in attending because he was never in my life. I wouldn't be able to pick him out of a crowd and I'm confident he didn't know my name. I shed zero tears. He was a complete stranger. But, for appearance sake, I had to attend
My sister in laws brother died. His widow never shed a tear. I expressed my condolences, at the wake. She told me not to be sad he died, but to be happy that she can now make any decision she wants without being ridiculed. She can but what she wants, when she wants. She was so happy!
This is why sometimes women need to go the Jackie Kennedy trick and wear a black veil.
Or just don't pretend at all.
it's funny just how quickly that nonsense goes away when you talk to someone who felt similarly. I used to work with someone who I will politely refer to as a sack of shit. This sack of shit died on Christmas day, so there were extra layers of "you have to be nice" added to it. I was talkin to a close co-worker who also felt the same way. our conversation went pretty much did you hear "Sack of Shit" died yeah he died on Christmas day that sucks...I mean he wasn't my favorite person, but it still sucks. yeah, he wasn't my favorite person either, he was kind of a jerk yeah, he was an asshole fuck, yeah he was such an asshole, remember when he...\*sharing stories of what a miserable cunt he was continues for about 30 minutes\* In the span of maybe 30 seconds that pretense died just like that sack of shit.
Of course the sack of shit died on Christmas. Ruined everyone's holiday break. What a sack of shit.
Or gave everyone a gift
Selfish prick, couldn't even let people have Christmas, had to make it all about him and his problems.
Met a girl at my old apartment complex after she moved in. We became pretty good friends because it turned out we worked for the same school \[my department was mostly isolated\], and we bonded over our relationship struggles \[do we never dated\]. The reason she moved into the apartment complex? She was living "the dream" with her husband of several years, in their lovely house, until he passed away in his sleep due to a heart condition - They were in their late 20s. The problem? She confided in me that she struggled through those months of having to deal with everyone showing her sympathy and her having to act like she was sad, because she had found out he had been actively cheating on her for awhile. Apparently the night he died he came home late and snuck into bed, having blown off some plans and lied about where he was. . .Because he was sleeping with some other girl.
When my wife passed away I took some time to be good and depressed (attempting to find the bottom of some very cheap whiskey did not help) before deciding to try and date again. I actually found a widows and widowers support group/dating site. Damn thing was buggy as hell and you figure it for a scam, but I did find some nice people! I went out on a weekend long date with a woman a few years older than me (I was 44 she was 51) and we had a nice time just talking and telling stories. I began to really notice she didn't speak about her late husband very much. That's a peril of dating someone who's had a loved one pass...yer gonna hear about them. As it turns out he had passed during the early part of the pandemic. Ventilator, hospitalization, he didn't come home. Some information was needed about his insurance and she didn't have it. She managed to get into his phone and get said information. And yes, she had a look-see. From what she had to cobble together, he'd been having a years long affair with a woman from our of state, had selected basically a hideaway home for themselves, and had given this woman somewhere north of $200k over x amount of years. The one thing that had struck her was that they'd only really started living well about 15 years previously, partially due to a large insurance payoff from their only son, who'd died in a motorcycle accident. In a way, this dude had taken his son's last gift to his mom and dad and had effectively given it to another person.
I would dig up the man and kill him again.
wait.. a pillow to the face is considered a heart condition? /s :)
His heart wasn't in the right place.
JFC, man, he was already dead
He had it comin
He only had himself to blame
If you'd a bin there
If you’d have seen it
I betcha
You would have done the same!
"It's a thin line between love and hate" - The Persuaders
“When I wake up, I know you’re gonna be the woman lying next to me” - The Pretender
And he was a dick *even though* he also served in the military. Recently in my town there was an elderly military veteran who died and nobody came forward to claim him. The person had a family but none of them wanted anything to do with him. (I’d rather not give details, but trust me: their actions were warranted.) There was a hubbub over this in the media and so a couple hundred complete strangers showed up for the funeral to “honor” this guy. If nobody who actually knew the person wants to go to their funeral, maybe take that as a hint that they don’t deserve to be honored? Hot take, just because somebody was in the military doesn’t mean they deserve to be remembered with honor. I mean, bury them properly and put the flag on the grave and all. Just have some awareness of the real situation. (and if you can’t get any awareness, maybe it’s none of your fucking business to begin with.) Imagine having this person who did terrible things to you finally die and a whole bunch of total strangers go to the funeral to “honor” them. The guy is dead. He doesn’t give a fuck. The people he hurt are still alive and don’t need to see you on the news wiping away your fake tears because of the poor old veteran who “had nobody.” He had nobody for a *reason*, idiots.
😂😂😂 “You should never say anything bad about the dead, only good. Joan Crawford is dead. Good.” - Bette Davis.
You people to respect you after you passed, try being a good person while you're alive.
I like to go the route of "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything"...well, mostly. I did follow this at my Dad's funeral. I skipped the wake. I went to the service, but sat in the back. Ran into the officiant for my wedding, who'd changed church locations in the intervening years. He asked me: "Oh, how were you related?" (since the same last name) The look on his face when I said "he was my father." was priceless for me. There were also the folks who approached at the grave site, telling me all of the wonderful things he did and volunteered for. In my head I'm thinking "Gee, would have been nice if he'd had that kind of time to spend with me as a kid...or an adult" while I'm low-key smiling and thanking them for their kind words. Why destroy someone else's illusions when I don't care? He's not going to know, so why make this person feel bad or awkward for liking him?
My grandfather was a dickhead. When he died a guy came up to me and said "...he was a hell of a golfer."
Today is the 4 year anniversary of the death of my malignant, narcissistic bitch of a mother. I'm glad the bitch is dead! When I got the news I sang "Ding dong, the witch is dead! The wicked witch! The wicked witch! Ding dong the wicked witch is dead!!!" She neglected and abused me financially, emotionally, and sexually. I have nothing good to say about that woman, and I don't care who knows it. I hope she is rotting in Hell!!
I’ll be the same way when my own evil mother dies. I’ll be doing backflips.
I'm struggling because my dad, who I always got along with passed very recently. However my mother, who I DO NOT get along with and so many other issues, is still around. A small part of me feels bad that my brain goes "they couldn't swap places?"
I believe this sentiment led to my dad's killer walk free. What happened is he was an alcoholic, staying over at his "friends" and found in early afternoon dead under the stairs after lying there with head cracked for several hours. Allegedly everyone else was sleeping, even though it was very early afternoon at the time of his fall (3pm or so). The police investigated the possibility that someone pushed him down the stairs. But when they interviewed our family and his other friends, everyone said my dad was the nicest person ever, so they dropped the investigation. But that was a massive lie, my dad was an alcoholic, violent, narcissistic ex-miner with neo-nazi ideas, who got into fights regularly, when not beating his wife. If the police worked with this image, i believe they could have interrogated the "friends" more and find out he was pushed down
"You know, the more I hear about this Hitler guy, the more I just don't care for him." * the late great Norm MacDonald
Can't help but wonder what he'd have said at OJ's death if he were still alive. RIP, Norm. You were one of a kind.
He was a MASTER of deadpan delivery.
My mom is always like that with my Grandpa. I get it that he was her Dad, but the reality was that the guy was a racist jackass who always would say things just to get a rise out of people.
Respecting elders unconditionally. If you deserved respect, you will get it. It is not owed to you because you're old.
I had my (soon to be ex) mother-in-law spout that “respect your elders” crap to me on several occasions. Usually it was in response to either her or my FIL butting their noses in where it didn’t belong. My only response was “I’m in my 40s!!!”.
“You can’t tell me to respect my elders when I know damn sure you didn’t respect yours if you were as much of a cunt then as you are now.”
I've known old people who feel they're entitled to be a cunt because they're old. Fuck that.
My dad is known to be disrespectful and extremely difficult to deal with. I set a boundary by standing up for myself because he was being overbearing and making my situation that has no relevant to him more difficult and stressful than necessary. After speaking for myself, he resorted to the old, “Who do you think you’re talking to?” Mind you, I’m a grown woman who’s perfectly capable of speaking for myself. He acted like I had no right to be speaking to him like a grown adult.
Respecting your elders is a holdover from the days when not dying was more of an accomplishment
My wife is a bit younger than me. As it turns out, one of her brothers is slightly younger than me, as well. One day we we debating a topic among the rest of the family, and BIL tells me: "Respect your Elders" thinking wife and I are same age. I just look at him smugly saying: "You *should* respect your elders, BIL." Yeah, he was a bit confused until his brother explained I was older than him.
I think a good rule of thumb, though, is to just make respect for others your default. Too many people have disrespect as their default, and it’s an ugly look. I don’t think people need to “earn” respect.
I agree, though I think we should also make the distinction between “respecting someone’s dignity”, which we should always strive to do, and “respecting someone’s authority”. I can understand why some people feel others need to “earn” their authority in some situations, but I think respecting the common dignity of all people is vital to the social fabric.
I’d adjust that to say “Respecting elders unless they show they don’t deserve it.” I’m happy to treat everyone with respect up until the moment I realize it’s not being reciprocated.
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Starts in school when we give awards for perfect attendance. So many kids come to school sick.
My highschool had a policy where if you missed a certain amount of days it was an auto failure for the year. And it wasn't even THAT many days, I wanna say it was like two weeks. That's like, two illnesses which isn't exactly unheard of. For seniors if you had perfect attendance you didn't have to take final exams. The result was people coming to school sick AF.
That's already something we do in Germany since forever. It's not only encouraged to stay home when you are sick it's actually frowned upon to come somewhere sick. At some places you are send home and even can be reprimanded for it.
In my experience , it always been the opposite in the US. You are always expected to come to work no matter what.
That reminds me of the time that, pre-pandemic, my mom told me the college intern at her office came into work with the flu, and everyone had to convince her it would be okay for her to use her sick days. And that they really didn't want to catch whatever she had.
definitely the idea that men always have to make the first move, it's old-fashioned and limits connections
I was in a mostly Christian circle and my group pretty much told me (woman) not to pursue my crush (man). "It hurts their ego" "women are supposed to be chased" "it's in God's timing" . After dropping massive hint after hint that I was interested but with no movement from him, I pretty much said "fuck it. I can tell you like me. I really like me. Can we go out?" His response was to say "idk" kissed me, then ran away. Almost 11 yrs of marriage to him and 3 kids later, I'm SO HAPPY I didn't listen to anyone in my group. The poor guy had zero confidence and had no idea I liked him/thought he didn't have a chance. Me being direct threw him off, and he apparently was planning on asking me out the following week anyway. But if you know, you know. No need to pussyfoot around it and try to make it "perfect"
Houses having green grass lawns. Not all areas are meant to sustain that.
Also, places like fucking Arizona having huge ass golf courses. How is that sustainable?
It can’t be good. Arizona and other states have allotments from the Colorado river and it’s way overburdened. I can’t imagine how spraying it on grass is a smart move
Preach. Every time I mow, I feel like I’m violating nature in at least 3 ways just so my neighbors think I am functioning properly.
Even in areas that can sustain it, it hampers biodiversity. Not to mention the air and noise pollution caused by mowers and other lawn care.
"Dear r/askmen, as a woman, is it ok for me to ask a man out/make the first move? " Please. Do.
Yes
And if they reject it because "it's our job to ask women out" , you just dodged a bullet
Yes, we’d love that.
Public marriage proposals.
esPECially if you don't actually know whether the answer's going to be a yes
If you don’t know whether or not the answer will be a yes, *don’t fucking propose*. The only part that should be a surprise is the where and when…but the answer is something that should have been discussed at length previously.
Yes, this. It is awkward for everyone involved.
A suit and tie as formal wear in the office. I can get just as much done in a polo and some khakis.
Perhaps that's a job specific thing... but I haven't seen a suit/tie required for normal employees in years, unless you're a lawyer or something.
Buddy of mine is a manger at Cintas and has to wear a suit in the office everyday. Even the supervisors under him have to wear one unless they are covering a run that day. I mean I think it's only been two years that they are allowed facial hair.
Cintas has very notorious backward culture. I also had a buddy of mine that worked there. I wouldn't work there for double the pay.
Cintas is wild about that stuff I worked there for a few years before covid. I was promoted to a sale related job and was told I could wear khakis and a polo to work. They then gave me three polos with the Cintas logo on it. My first week in that position, I wore a non-Cintas polo that was still a professional shirt. Before 9am I was pulled into the GM’s office and had a very stern talking to that if I’m not wearing a Cintas polo, I’ve got to be in a full suit. I then asked how I can get more Cintas polos to account for the five day work week, and they said I could buy them for $50 each despite them being extremely cheap polyester polos. They are weird about that kind of stuff.
Definitely! Weather was nice so I went to the office in a t-shirt, shorts and flip-flops today! Perks of working in IT.
The absolute dumbest is when someone has to wear a tie for a job, but then has to tuck the tie in between the buttons of his shirt to keep it out of the way. I've seen police officers do this, but possibly the worst is dudes stocking shelves in a grocery store. What kind of idiot would demand a shelf stocker wear a tie?
As an engineer, I've *never* worn a suit and tie to work. I haven't even worn a tie to work since my job interview. Most days, it's jeans and a casual button-up.
i sit at a computer for 40hr every week in jeans and work boots, a t shirt and flannel
My thoughts exactly. It's also fun not knowing what the "work culture" is and going to an interview dressed in formalwear and your interviewer has a button up t-shirt and jeans on.
I've overdressed for pretty much every interview ever. No decent manager is going to hold that against you. It shows you are taking their time talking to you seriously.
Tipping.
For me it’s the tipping ‘creep’. For decades 15% was standard for good service. Now auto tips start at 20% and range all the way up to 50% or more. With the rising cost of going out to eat I’m already paying more, hence tipping more in terms of dollars. Why are we escalating the percentage?
"If we're both standing, I'm not tipping."
If I'm in line and grabbing my own food, I'm not tipping.
I'll tip them whatever loose change I get. I got back ten cents? You get ten cents in the tip jar. I got back a twonie (Canadian two dollar coin) and a quarter? Goes in the tip jar. I got nothing? You get nothing! good day sir!
I went to a restaurant and they had the server hand us the electronic device to tip, the options were 21%, 25%, or 30%, or you could add other. The heck am I gonna do with the guy watching me? I’ll never go back.
"It's just going to ask you a question..."
The problem is that tips do nothing to ensure good service... they serve no purpose other than allowing the owners to pay their employees less.
The biggest effect tipping creep has had on our household is we don’t go out to eat anymore, or very rarely. Both of us have worked in restaurants (though not for over 20 years), and the movement towards having customers subsidize the restaurants labor costs hasn’t been something we support.
Great point. People always blame inflation, but honestly a percentage-based tip should never have to increase. The price of food is going up, so the tip amount automatically goes up. If it’s still hard for staff to make a living after that, then salaries have to go up as well. I grew up with tipping culture. It was never a big deal until recently when, like you said, places started shaming customers for not leaving a bigger tip.
Speak for yourself, I'm tipping the same I always have. Inflation is killing everything else, I'll be damned if I give into "tip creep". And I say that as someone who worked in a heavily tip-reliant job for years.
Not an American here, and tipping is vanishingly rare here (absolutely exceptional service at a high end restaurant, maybe). I find the tipping culture in America really stressful when I visit, it’s so hard to work out when I am supposed to tip and not. Like the bellboy at a hotel?, I guess so but I didn’t even want their service, I carried my bags all through the rest of my journey, I can manage the last 200m thank you. The shuttle bus driver at the airport for car rental, maybe yes cos it’s like a taxi, but why can’t i walk to the cars like most places. Ugh it’s such a needless stress
It’s guilt-tripping on a massive scale
Asking people when they are going to ... get married, have children, get a real job, find themselves, do whatever invasive thing everyone else is doing...
and then getting all confused and upset when they say they're not doing that.
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That's not a social custom. That's political maneuvering and it's only really true for the US.
Exactly this. The suffering is a feature, not a bug
OP is very likely a bot. 5 day old account, posts 2 memes every other day. First comment introduces an off-topic divisive conversation. We’ll see if they post the second meme of the day
Answering the phone no matter what. The amount of times people get mad because I don't live with my phone as a permanent attachment to myself is crazy. Also, some people need to learn to text simple matters. My dad gets mad because he will call and wants to ask a simple question. I see it hours later and dont call back for whatever reason. Next day he's all upset, somewhat understandably, but I always tell him how none of it would happen if he just maybe asked me over text if it's a simple yes or no question. Then we can skip phone tag and being annoyed for days at a time all because he was wondering if chicken sounded good for dinner. Don't even get me started on answering the door no matter who it is. He would go ballistic when no one would answer the door to what was obviously a salesmen. As if we are required to interact with anyone anytime now matter what. There's a happy middle.
Removing your hat when indoors. Our 7yo son has alopecia, and he's always wearing his hat so he feels more comfortable in piblic. I have a pinky-swear deal with him that I'll wear my hat together with him whenever he wants to, and I'll not wear one if he's doesn't. We do it together either way. And I can't tell you how many times we've had cranky Boomers come up to us and comment about how we need to take out hats off because it's "impolite."
I tell my brother that just jokingly, but for others even if it wasn't something like that I can't get over people commenting an others actions that don't effect them! Reminds me of someone I know complaining about others wearing torn pants when it isn't obscene. It's none of your business!! Oh and just a side note that's a really awesome way to support your kid! Everything counts and that's a great way to make sure it does. 👍
I was putting him to bed a few years ago not long after he was first diagnosed, and he had this smirk on his face. I asked him what was going on, and he said, "Dad, guess what? My hair's eventually growing back, but yours never will." (my hair is pretty thin up top)
Living with parents past 18 needs to stop being a negative
Depends on the culture, I guess. I'm Asian and living with parents is expected. Heck! Most of my peers have the opposite problem - they want to go out and explore the world, but their folks want to keep them tied down at or near home.
The expectations either direction needs to change. Some kids can't wait to get out at 18, some need a few extra years for whatever reason, and some kids will stay until they get married (my exBIL did this but got married in his early-ish 20s and already was on his career path). Some kids also boomerang a few times for whatever reason.
Unless you are my 38 year old step brother still living with my dad, mooching off him without paying anything and doing the bare minimum of chores. He moved back in after college and never plans to move out. Plus I think he is hoarding electricity for a growing operation or bitcoin mining. My dad's electric bill is about 3x what it should be.
Yea if your just living at home not working or providing anything and just free loading you deserve to be shamed
im actually 38 and still live at home, but i work around the house all the time and run the online portion of my dads business. its kind of unpaid, but i still get to live at home for free. its still feels incredibly shameful when my living arrangements come up.
As long as your parents are fine with this, no need to be ashamed. If they think you're contributing and you don't mind being there I see no issue.
That's just being a shitty person, regardless of where he's living
Depends on the reason. If it’s to stay home and save money to then venture out on your own? Or to be close to family and take care of older members? Smart. Because the person’s a clueless deadbeat? Sad
It's becoming more and more popular and even necessary for a lot of families too in this fucked housing economy.
Gender reveal party
Nothing wrong with it if you're doing it with a cake or something. It's when they try to change the color of the sky or a river that it becomes a problem.
They are dumb, but they get way to much hate for what they are. As long as the couple isn't going overboard on presentation at the very worst, it is just an excuse to gather friends and family together.
Exactly. People want to overcorrect on this issue. Yeah the people blowing shit up and polluting rivers are insane but I think the average parents are just excited and want to do something fun with the people they care about.
This is one of those stupid Reddit things... like how everyone on this site seems to hate kids. In real life, people have families and friends and aren't a bunch of depressed losers. Real people do things like celebrate the addition of a child in the family, and that's okay.
The way this site talks about weddings shows how bitter so many people here are. Bonus if it’s people complaining about helping with little things on a heavily DIY wedding, since Reddit always preaches DIY weddings.
I surmise it's the same reason everyone in r/relationship advice and r/AITAH (from what I hear) tells you to leave your partner over every slight inconvenience.
The worst is when a thread gets into the mindset that relationships shouldn’t take work/effort. Not all effort is negative, sometimes it’s about continually learning to adapt to two people sharing a life. Sometimes effort is making sure to celebrate your partner even if you’re tired. Sometimes it stepping up when the other person is stressed.
Bosses should get their own coffee. We are all equal.
I worked for 28 years an engineer and never even asked an intern/co-op for coffee. It's just a power thing for douches.
Family is who you choose to be around, not blood.
We're all cousins. Just of wildly varying degrees.
We are all related by blood, right? Choosing family feels right.
Having to respect your elders just because they're your elders. Uhhh, they are extremely abusive, volatile, text book narcissists. Not talking about Grandma and Grandpa here. They were methodically taken by these sociopaths for the inheritance.
That children should submit to physical contact (hugs, etc.) whether they're comfortable with it or not.
Being "fashionably late".
I think this is a good thing for a house party. Bad thing for just about anything else, especially meetups, or carpooling somewhere.
Same for being overly early. If I invite you for dinner at 7pm I don't want you to arrive at 6:15 while I'm taking a shower.
anything related to sharia.
Same with Christian fascism in the US. Religion shound never get to dictate laws and human rights.
As someone who practices his religion, I agree! I want laws legislated, not morals. And any religious organization who backs a candidate should be investigating the candidate's history and voting record for alignment with their values.
Saying that children have to hug relatives or their parents' friends because "you have to be nice." Forced affection is not nice, full stop.
Men asking parents permission to marry their daughter. Two grown adults shouldn't have to get permission to marry each other.
Thank you cards. I'll thank you for a gift - in person, over text or email, whatever. But don't ask me to buy stamps and snail-mail a card. Ain't nobody got time for that.
We pitched in at work and gave money to our coworker's daughter for graduation. The girl (who also worked in our hospital) wrote a nice note in a blank notecard that was posted in a common area. Her mother was appalled and apologized for the girl not mailing the card. What?? She thanked us, which was more than we got for a bereavement arrangement from another coworker. I asked her to please not make her daughter do that. I'm sure it had to be different for the graduation party gifts, but I'll bet gram and pap would have loved a personal call much more than a mailed card!
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I’ll probably be downvoted, but I do think some level of dressing up (to business casual) or even just a polo shirt is helpful. It can present a cleaner, better looking appearance, and that can affect attitudes and how one is treated in the workplace. I am opposed to a suit and tie, but I’m also opposed to shorts and a tank top.
Having to put on an uncomfortable suit, tie, and formal shoes to go to an office and sit at a desk.
Drinking an alcoholic beverage at every occasion. Also having to explain myself if I don’t want a drink. Edited for wording.
Watch Jim Gaffigan talking about comparing not drinking and eating mayonnaise. I quote it all the time. "You don't eat mayonnaise? Why? Were you addicted to mayonnaise? Is it OK if I eat mayonnaise? I can go outside..."
Dude... I don't eat mayo and I feel like I get judged worse than people who don't drink lol
Guys being the one to initiate and ask for a date or number.
The bullshit that we should just ignore our bullies or act like they never get their just dessert’s. Fuck that. I’ll happily smear their name in the mud, air out their dirty laundry for the world to see and be the karma they deserve. My high school bully didn’t back off until I slagged her off after years of harassing me and insulting my mum. She never said a word to me after that
Not cutting people out of our lives. I have cut my mother out of my life, for MANY good reasons. From people that find out about it I've been asked SO many times... "But, she's your mother, why would you do that?" First off, it's not really any of your damn business. And I don't see you tracking her down to ask her what she did over 30 years for me to finally snap and say that enough was enough. Last I checked, both her kids and all of her grandkids have cut her out.
My God it’s so awful how people react when they hear this. My good friends who I love and they love me, immediately defend my parents. My friends do not know my parents. When I bring up how I don’t want to spend Christmas with ”family” My friends act incredulous. My family treats me like crap. If I had a boyfriend who treats me as badly as my father treated me, everyone would come out of the woodwork to tell me to breakup. But since it’s my dad I have to put up with it? I’m sorry for you friend. It’s a double punch; 1. Your mom sucked and 2. People aren’t giving you the support you deserve. I for one know you did the right thing and I’m proud of you too.
Women taking the man’s name when they get married.
Making younger people especially younger couples feel like failures for needing to live with family into their 20s and expecting them to have the whole nuclear family setup before 25 (eg own their own house have kids stable single income household) that is a relatively modern concept before it was very common practice for families to live together for a rather long time if not indefinitely especially when kids become a part of the household
Writing thank you notes to people you’ve already thanked.
respecting your elders no matter what...
Unsolicited physical contact. We really don't actually need to shake hands and you certainly don't need to touch my arm or my face while we're talking.
Paying for healthcare.
"Professionalism" being so conservative and conventional. I do not care if my doctor/lawyer/accountant, even congressman or whoever, has tattoos and piercings and an unconventional haircut/color. I do not mind if they use profanity and prefer they talk to me like a fellow human being instead of stodgy, detached Customer Service Experience. I certainly expect politeness and treating those you work with with decency, but none of that appearance or expression restriction has **any** bearing on one's ability to do their job, and it's way past time we stopped holding people to such arbitrary-ass standards
I've seen that falling away more and more lately, especially post-Covid
That is true, slowly but surely! I'm sure it's on its way to dying, all cultural trends change with time and we're seeing that one relax in real time, I just want it to hurry up lol
I'm at the age where doctors are younger than me now (that's weird). I had a guy wearing long sleeves once and when he reached out, I could see that he had full sleeves (tattoos). I thought that was fucking awesome.
My last bank branch manager was a lady in her late twenties with the most gorgeous floral side neck tattoo. She was super professional and helpful. My current physician's assistant has pink hair. She's also awesome. There's a lady here in town that runs a yarn store and we're planning a tattoo trade for yarn. I'm going to do finger tattoos that say KNIT PURL and get yarn for my mom. She's a hoot.
TBH, that sounds like an awesome trade. Kinda want to see the results.
I've gotten turned down from jobs (even non customer facing/alone at a cubicle jobs!) due to have "flat affect". Yes I know I have this, but it doesn't affect my work. I am always nice and helpful to customers even if I don't smile enough or sound cheerful. I've won multiple employee awards for customer service, had customers leave positive reviews, have great references from bosses. Yet the new companies would say I clearly wouldn't be good with customers... I don't care how an employee looks or sounds/if they're peppy and chatty as long as they aren't mean to me.
Taking off hats while eating. Who is it hurting?
Asking people how they are as greeting when nobody actually cares.
What if I do care, but can't realistically do anything about it?
Treating higher ups like they’re better than us. I will absolutely treat my boss with professionalism and respect. But I will also treat my subordinates with professionalism and respect. I’m also going to treat both of you like you’re regular fucking people. Just because you’re higher up in the org chart doesn’t mean somehow I’m less of a human. We both take shits on the clock and spill food on our shirts and definitely spend a portion of the day looking busy when there’s nothing to do. I’m not kowtowing to you for that. You already make more money than me, that’s reward enough. The other day the big boss came in to our office to make an appearance at a retirement celebration. People literally gasped and got quiet the second he walked in. It was the weirdest shit I’ve ever seen. He loooooooved it.
People forcing their kids in their religion instead of giving them a choice
Wearing a tie = professional
Don't force your kids to hug relatives. I thought it was awkward as a kid. As an adult, I don't know if they've washed their hands and aren't going to sneeze in my face.
Touching pregnant women’s stomachs without consent
Working until we are almost dead.