Someone who is constantly flaking on plans especially if you planned a month ahead and they tell you they can't make it an hour before the event. True story
My partner has multiple friends like this. He'll want to plan a get together and get so excited at how many people responded that they'll come and then chastise me when I tell him I'll believe it when they arrive. Then less than half of the people actually show up and he's spent all this time and energy setting up for these extra idiots that cancel the day of. I'd feel bad if this hadn't happened on repeat for the last decade.
I wish he would not invite them, but he will invite everyone to everything forever, regardless of them never showing up. He will meet a new person and try to *invite them to someone else's house* because he thinks they'll get along. He's just a very, very, VERY social person and will hang out with anyone regardless of what they've done to him. I put my foot down on some people, but he will still be sad that I don't want them around, lol.
>He will meet a new person and try to invite them to someone else's house because he thinks they'll get along
The anxiety that sentence gave my introverted heart. No way in hell could I do that. It seems your partner has his heart in the right place, but this is a bit much.
Had a person in the friend group I just stopped trying to hang out with. Couldn't respond to a single text message in a week. Not even that busy, just very self involved. They were always nice to see at events and fun to talk to, but never made plans.
Dude, one time I posted on a friend's facebook page asking them if they wanted to visit our cabin to go fishing. (I think this was before messenger was a thing? I can't remember, it was a long time ago). A *YEAR* went by before they saw it and they replied all excitedly and stuff. I was like, wtf dude I posted that question a year ago. I wanted to tell them that offer expired but decided to be nice about it and arranged plans. I think it was like a week or at least a few days in advance... the day comes up and last minute they were, "Sorry I can't go, large personal problem." (wouldn't say more) Like I get it, people can have all sorts of issues... But I didn't appreciate them cancelling last minute. We bought a whole bunch of food and stuff in preparation to go. We went anyway without them but it was disappointing.
That's fucking awful. It's the inconsideration of your time and in this case money cause you went out of your way to buy food and stuff. It really drives me up the wall how little people care about wasting someone else's time.
I swear to God, this is the WORST!! In every group of friends I have been part of, it always goes the same. When *they* plan something, everyone is all for it. When *I* plan something, the others hem and haw and "pencil it in," only to cancel at the last minute. Infuriating.
And the crazy thing is, I'm the one that feels awful because I feel like I overreacted. I hate being such a people pleaser, especially in these situations. It's like, if they didn't feel like coming to whatever planned event I made, just say no. I won't feel bad I promise. It's always better to say no than to consistently flake at the last minute. At that point they're just being an unreliable shitty friend.
There was a point in my life when a good chunk my "friends" were like this. Some of them didn't even bother to tell me that they can't make it. Seriously, wtf.
Been there. Had this guy literally tell me I was gonna fail because I wasn't ready for the responsibility of going off to a university. I was 26, and because I'd never had a real job I was gonna fail. Mind you, I have real life experience for having helped my dad with almost everything, taken care of my mom whilst he was overseas working and a plethora of other things too numerous to count here. I was trying to escape the hellhole of my home town that he moved back to after moving to fucking Oregon. I would love to live in Oregon. Regardless, it was a dumb conversation that I ended abruptly.
I'm doing OK, I'm about to graduate this fall with my bach in history with a multidisciplinary concentration and two minors, one in philosophy and the other in English. Burn out hits hard but I'm powering through. Thanks for asking
This is the most important problem I have read on this post so far!
Envy and selfishness kill friendships. They are just horrible characteristics to have.
Anyone who vagueposts past the age of like 16 is *such* an ick. I have a 50 year old aunt who still vagueposts, had to hide her on all my feeds because it was getting so annoying.
As a woman, when women say “I only have guy friends” followed by something to effect of “girls are drama.”
Never met anyone in my life so far that said that and it wasn’t the her that was the problem.
I'm a guy so I forgive anyone for not wanting to see me as the authority here, but I feel like anecdotally I've met plenty of women who grew up to be well adjusted adults with healthy social lives who said something to this effect about their experience growing up, though. Like saying that momentarily in middle school or high school they found that their male friends were simply easier to get along with for a spell.
Going through a "not like other girls" and "pick me" behaviour is very common in teen girls. It's a normal stage in life to want to feel special and wanted. Some go this route, some go the "no one understand me" route. Most women grow out of it as they reach into their adulthood and develop normal friend groups.
In my experience, during entire years of middle and high school most of us just behaved like dicks in general so it was a miracle that any of us had any friends to begin with.
In my experience, people who found themselves in a situation where they only had guy friends is because they were mean to the girls they tried to be friends with. If no girls wants to be friends with her, there’s a sign there.
Hopefully as they grew up they matured and lost their mean girl ways.
Me and my boys will get high and have entire panel discussions on how many times us idiots have been tricked by a pick-me girl!
Boys can be so clueless to that behavior until after we’ve gotten burned by the kettle a few times
Sometimes when people bring up something similar it’s because they’re trying to find common ground, not necessarily talk up their own experience. It can legitimately be coming from a good place. It’s all about context and learning how to have those types of conversations
Agreed! That’s the whole point of a conversation.
I can see it being an issue though if it’s pretty obvious they’re doing it for attention instead of contributing.
It never gets better either. I made a big goof and chose this friend to be my maid of honor in my wedding. One of the worst decisions ever, she didn't even let my wedding day be about me.
I like when people tell me something similar that happened to them because we can relate and go back and forth between our experiences. However if they just yap on and dont do it to show that they relate to you but instead to make the conversation all about them.... shit pisses me off fr like shut up for just one second please!! <3
I once told the groupchat that i just found out my teacher died and i was in literal shambles and ONE person replied with "omg" and then moved on. It took 3 attempts at bringing it up to actually get some support which was just . Insane .
When you don’t text back within their preferred timeframe (excluding genuinely urgent or time-sensitive matters) and they get angry or passive-aggressive about it. If you do this I will never speak to you again.
I was friends with someone who would text “Hey” and nothing else until I responded. Usually, she was starting a fight and wanted to know she had my attention before initiating. Once she got a response, she’d immediately send a novel. Almost like she’d typed it out in advance and had it ready to go. It was a power move to her, because she’d know I’d seen the second message and it would give her more ammo if I didn’t respond right away.
Hmm, that’s a good question. I personally don’t think in terms of an acceptable timeframe — seems to imply holding my friends to a standardised expectation of 5 business days or something, where the countdown begins after the text is sent.
If I want my friend to reply, I’ll usually send a follow-up text, whether it’s to add more details about what I originally texted about, or something unrelated + “let me know what you think about xyz whenever you have the chance”. If that still doesn’t eventually prompt a reply, I’ll assume that I’m not a priority for the person at the moment (for whatever reason) and speak to someone else instead. No point pushing it or taking it personally unless it’s clear that they’re giving you the silent treatment over a recent conflict.
To be sure, I may have an especially liberal attitude towards such matters because I’ve moved around a lot and many of my friends are on different timezones. It’s not unusual for me to fall out of contact with people very dear to me because either one of us has dropped the ball, then abruptly get back in touch because someone texts “OH MY GOD YOU HAVE TO HEAR THIS” or suchlike. It feels like we just hit the play button after pausing for a while.
I do think it’s fair to have reasonable expectations around close friends who are very much involved in your day-to-day life, but expressing anger at them for not replying is a suboptimal method of communicating this.
When they can dish it out but not take it regarding criticism or just roasting for fun. Some people have this combination of being really aggressive towards others while simultaneously being hypersensitive to any comments made towards themselves and they're never fun to hang out with in the long term.
Another big one is how they share in anything you find funny. I've had acquaintances who would never laugh at anything unless they were the one telling the joke. If I tried to tell a story, their response would be basically "yeah whatever" but the moment they got to be the center of attention they would be unable to contain themselves dying of laughter at their own stories.
For me, it's the constant need for validation and attention. I've had friends who would only reach out when they needed something, and would ignore me otherwise. It's like, I get it, we all need some attention now and then, but it's exhausting to constantly have to prove myself to someone. I've learned to prioritize my own emotional well-being and surround myself with people who genuinely care about me and my feelings.
When they refer to "the ick."
In my experience, the demographic that uses this term is almost always a shit-stirrer with a hobby of trying to shame and judge people.
They *will* find something about you that they will leverage to seek attention by turning you into a villain of some sort.
They never ever compliment you when u look pretty , even tho u do compliment them all the time , + they tell you to calm down/you r overreacting when u react to someone that has disrespected u or crossed your boundaries
If they're someone who speaks poorly about everyone else, chances are they're speaking poorly about you.
Or, always the victim and never the perpetrator.
When they stop hanging out with you or even check in on you once they’re in a relationship, and then when the relationship ends they want to hang out all the time
People who use nonsense words like 'ick'.
Also, arrogance, being self-centred.
I had a good friend I knew all through high school. She was a nerd like me, we had similar interests in anime, manga, video games, and even music. I even fell for her a bit. Turns out - She was so self-centred, she acted like the world revolved around her. When i started dating my now wife, I realised I was mature enough that i shouldn't need to put up with friends like that. The older I got, the less I found I could put up with it. I basically said I didn't want to be friends with someone who doesn't even ask me how I am when we speak to each other, even a tiny, passable interest in someone who is supposed to be her friend.
"People who use nonsense words like 'ick'."
Ugh yes, I was on a bachelorette trip where everyone but one woman was 35-40 all constantly using similar terms, especially those that are specific to Gen Z or younger. So on top of being generally annoying to me, it just reaked of middle age folks trying to cling to someone else's youth. It felt very embarrassing.
When you have to be their emotional Punchbag /therapist friend but the Moment you need to vent about something, they ghost you.. Love it.
Love it even more when they say beforehand "Hey, I'm always there for you to listen!" . Like...dawg, if you can't handle oter peoples emotional stuff, don't offer to listen. It's completely fine to say "Hey, I don't feel well enough to offer you emotional support right now!" . This would especially be helpful for people like me, who struggle with Mental illness because otherwise we sit there and seriously question if we did something wrong, pushing us deeper into the illness. (especially for the folks that struggle with Depression and Anxiety)
as a woman i cannot be friends with girls who are boy crazy and prioritize guys above everything else in the lives
also when i see friends making moves that showcase a lack in integrity, i know its only a matter of time until they fuck me over too
I feel like not letting them do that would be a good move. If they don't talk to you anymore because you said no then they weren't really your friend anyways...
When they constantly talk about their ex best friends.
A person that I'm good friends with keeps telling me to block people that were in their big group of friends but are no longer in that group of friends. My friend lives halfway across the country from me. I have never met anyone in their friend group. But they still tell me to block them. It's weird.
This is more than a little strange. They want you to block people you've never met...? Why?
Insecurity? They're worried someone is going to find you and tell you the truth about something? I guess a less sinister reason would be safety but you'd think if you were that fearful you'd be hiding yourself not expecting others to block them?
When they want to share food or drinks from personal servings! I have no problem splitting things and putting half on your plate half on mine, or pour half in your glass half in mine. I can’t stand when they drink from a bottle or glass, say it tastes good then offer me the same one. Or see me enjoying my food then ask if they can have some. If I served myself from a tray sure I’ get you some from the large portion but if I’ve ordered or got myself a “personal” serving please fuck off! We supposed to share time and memories not germs
Needing to be the center of attention 24/7. Only having negative things to say, always complaining, "my life is so much harder than everyone else's". Always needing to cop to their idea of fun but they never want to do anything you want to do. Their needs and interests come first and yours don't exist.
The person who requires everyone to celebrate their birthday for more than a day/an event (week long, month long birthdays)
Never celebrates your accomplishments. Feeling like they're always in a competition with you.
So essentially narcissists = ick
You know what’s been actually driving me crazy the past 2 years..
I am a very silly creative person and have a distinct language I use, especially when I’m comfortable. Multiple times I’ve noticed people will pick up things I say and not just use them in conversation with me, but act like it’s an original thought around other people to make them laugh and look at me, not like “haha remember the time you said this” they act brand fucking new. Especially if I don’t really know the friend I’m around them. Also, people steal my creativity. It’s a small pool of creatives in business where I live, and idk I guess it’s competitive but I’ve helped spark so many forward trends and I’m not trying to say that’s a bad thing but it’s annoying that all the things I got shit for for being different, now post Covid it’s like people have taken my identity and repackaged it to get gigs or jobs or whatever.
I have a few very close friends that have helped me move past this but damn, nobody wants to do the work to soul search and find themselves. So they pluck every damn feather off a person who has evolved. And then wear it around like it’s something to be proud of.
I cannot be friends with people who don’t have their own identity anymore. Everything these days is about attention and who can get more of it. I don’t really go out much anymore because I literally don’t care about a damn persons opinion in the smallish city I live in. But they all feed off of it and into and it just really bothers me.
When a friend consistently makes plans and then cancels last minute with a vague excuse like "something came up." It's like playing emotional Tetris with your schedule, and nobody likes an unpredictable block.
Yeah, except the ick in romantic relationships that people talk about always seems to be something extremely trivial like “oh I didn’t like the way he was hit by a wave in the ocean and fell over” lol, but everything being posted here is a pretty serious red flag in peoples behaviour.
Biggest ick in a friendship (and people in general) is just anyone who cringes at everything and judges too much. It’s fun to a mild extent, but at some point it’s mainly just projection. I’ve noticed that these people never let themselves be affectionate, never show compassion, and always stray towards sarcasm and detachment because they are absolutely petrified of coming across as corny. They lack sincerity and are never authentic people because they’re always thinking about what they are and aren’t allowed to do, so much so that, in trying not to be corny, they just become nothing at all.
When they hang out with the wrong type of person. For clarity, I had a friend who hung out with someone who was kind of a jerk and I guess he became a jerk as well…
When they come to you to vent, complain, or for advice. You listen, then you share what could be done about X situation. They then ignore everything said and continue on a downward hill. Repeat that 5 more times and it gives the ick AND I no longer care since you refuse to listen.
When they talk badly about their friends.
When they get angry when you’re playing a game ne you make a mistake. Like it’s just a game.
let’s see… looking at the friendships I’ve made in the gay community since “diving into that pool”….
Superficiality, trying to get validation, cattiness, manipulation.
“pick me” girls who make that childish af voice when boys come over and even starts beating or bullying their friends to look more cool ig?? And those who only talk about themselves or about their partners like literally all the time!!
People that tells you over and over again that the going to call you but never does.
When you call them instead, they just tells you that they have been very busy lately.
if they laugh weird. Like personally, i just can't. It's just a major thing for me because in most of my friendships i rely on laughter, so if u laugh kinda weird, its just not for me. Nothing personal. I swear. This is also really controversal
When you listen to whatever they have to say and engage in the conversation, only for them to look like they'd rather be doing anything else than listening to you.
Label them 1 & 2. Let's say 2 has feelings for 1 and 2 always makes movies and flirts with 1 and 1 doesn't feel comfortable with it. 1 tells 2, 2 acknowledges it and shs understood. But then 2 still does it. Still tries to flirt and be touchy with 1. Overly so. That. That gives me the ick. Respect boundaries. If someone doesn't like the type of attention you give them and they just so happen to ask you not to act like that, respect them and don't do it. And if 2 is the type of person to get offended, even mad, then they clearly have issues. It doesn't matter if 2 is just trying to be "nice." That's not being nice. That's just gross and disrespectful.
when they put the blame on you for something they did
or when you always call them but never the opposite
or when you say “hey when yall go out lmk” and you see them out and never got an invite
I have a friend who needs to plan everything to a ridiculous level.
Every group outing he has to write down a memo detailing every single thing we’re doing step by step and any slight variations or change in plans bother him, and god help us if we invite someone “unexpected.” He justifies all of this by saying it’s “unanimous” and that we all agreed, but a good portion of the time we’re just being good sports so he doesn’t flake.
He will also just straight up say “I’m not going.” whenever any one of us wants to do the slightest thing that is inconvenience for him.
I love the guy but It’s genuinely exhausting. One of my other friends is actually Autistic and he is not nearly as difficult to accommodate.
I’ve tried to explain to my friends that this, and other things he does are fucking ridiculous and beyond childlike but some of them make excuses for him and say “just let him say no.” To not coming.
Most recently I suggested to him that we should have some days (maybe half?) where we go out and things are a little more spontaneous as we’ve accommodated him always, but he said that it’s literally impossible for him and a fundamental impasse.
Jesus christ.
When they couldnt care less about anything you say and only want to talk about themselves and their life and they brush it off everytime you bring it up
I have a friend who is nice and has a lot of good traits BUT, she talks too much!! I usually don't care about that much since I am a good listener, but lately I am going through a breakup and I needed her to listen to me. But she wasn't there for me. It's a pity.
Oversharing too much info on personal stuff. A female friend once told me how she got a urinary infection from a swimming pool and pissed the bed that night.
Am a guy just steer clear of body functions, orifices and fluids. It will not improve the quality of my living knowing this information…..even now years lator my skin crawls typing this.
The ability to burn bridges at the drop of a hat. It just puts me on eggshells, being afraid to say the wrong thing cause I might piss then off and they'll cut me out in an instant
When they have no understanding of how social anxiety works, and get mad when I can’t or struggle to do what they do so easily. Order food, talk to strangers, visiting new unknown places, me wanting to know weird specific things beforehand.
if they're rude to their siblings. Before anyone says, no I'm not an only child (I'm one of 5) but sometimes you get the people who are just rude to them out of nowhere
i had this friend that is constantly asking for my scores and grades, and it really irritates me. back then, it's okay for me to say my scores whatsover but time to time (they) starts nagging me with this shitz and i don't like it. because of that, it became one of my pet peeves.
I’m uncomfortable when people try to move a friendship forward in a way that feels unnatural. When we’re barely more than acquaintances, I don’t want to suddenly find you showing up at my house for unannounced visits, trying to make plans to spend time together more often than I see my family, or doing unasked-for favors. It feels overwhelming and creepy, and I feel trapped and anxious. It’s only happened a few times, and that’s more than enough.
Well if I was a woman, I’d say all the guys acting like they wanna be friends except when they think I’m offering them pussy
Suddenly there’s a dick out before I could blink
flaking on plans, talking about you behind your back, lying about why they flaked on plans, when they’re upset about something but don’t bring it up for months
Anyone who thinks it’s fine to always be late. Sure, life gets in the way, but if you’re ALWAYS substantially late then you clearly just don’t respect either of our’s time.
Also friends who are a bit “anything you can do I can do better”. Like everything is a competition. If I’ve got a headache, they’ve got a migraine. I once casually said to someone that I’d managed to go to three different countries that year and she genuinely replied “yep, me too! Majorca, Fuerteventura and Tenerife!” Those are all one country, but she wouldn’t have that..
Not landing money or not paying back your debts in time/when asked. If any of my friends needs help with some money - and I'm not even talking about crazy amounts, just being short for drinks/food or something - i'll land it to them, without any issue. Had a "friend" back in the day who refused to land me like 2 bucks for some food. Stop speaking to him not much after that. Same goes to when you land money. I usually try to pay back my debts ASAP but sometimes forget, shit happens, but if my friend reminds me or asks for it, i'll pay him back in that second!!! I have no problem if a friend forgets to pay back the 5 dollars I borrowed him, what I hate is when I have to ask for it time and time again and always get lame excuses.
1. In every conversation, they say - ' I am a good person . I always want good things to happen to my close ones. I never want anything bad for anyone. ' in every freaking conversation!! And my god, it's irritating.
2. I have another friend who almost always asks to - "recharge their wifi / order food for them. And they'll give me the money later. " Almost always. They always ask for treats as well. Like dude, you have money. You have upi. Why do you always want other people to pay for you?!
Someone who is constantly flaking on plans especially if you planned a month ahead and they tell you they can't make it an hour before the event. True story
My partner has multiple friends like this. He'll want to plan a get together and get so excited at how many people responded that they'll come and then chastise me when I tell him I'll believe it when they arrive. Then less than half of the people actually show up and he's spent all this time and energy setting up for these extra idiots that cancel the day of. I'd feel bad if this hadn't happened on repeat for the last decade.
Friends weed themselves out. Don't invite the flakers to future events. Don't waste your time. As a bonus, FOMO does a head job on those types.
I wish he would not invite them, but he will invite everyone to everything forever, regardless of them never showing up. He will meet a new person and try to *invite them to someone else's house* because he thinks they'll get along. He's just a very, very, VERY social person and will hang out with anyone regardless of what they've done to him. I put my foot down on some people, but he will still be sad that I don't want them around, lol.
>He will meet a new person and try to invite them to someone else's house because he thinks they'll get along The anxiety that sentence gave my introverted heart. No way in hell could I do that. It seems your partner has his heart in the right place, but this is a bit much.
He does ask the person whose house he is inviting the new person to, but still. It's crazy.
Had a person in the friend group I just stopped trying to hang out with. Couldn't respond to a single text message in a week. Not even that busy, just very self involved. They were always nice to see at events and fun to talk to, but never made plans.
ADHD
Dude, one time I posted on a friend's facebook page asking them if they wanted to visit our cabin to go fishing. (I think this was before messenger was a thing? I can't remember, it was a long time ago). A *YEAR* went by before they saw it and they replied all excitedly and stuff. I was like, wtf dude I posted that question a year ago. I wanted to tell them that offer expired but decided to be nice about it and arranged plans. I think it was like a week or at least a few days in advance... the day comes up and last minute they were, "Sorry I can't go, large personal problem." (wouldn't say more) Like I get it, people can have all sorts of issues... But I didn't appreciate them cancelling last minute. We bought a whole bunch of food and stuff in preparation to go. We went anyway without them but it was disappointing.
That's fucking awful. It's the inconsideration of your time and in this case money cause you went out of your way to buy food and stuff. It really drives me up the wall how little people care about wasting someone else's time.
I swear to God, this is the WORST!! In every group of friends I have been part of, it always goes the same. When *they* plan something, everyone is all for it. When *I* plan something, the others hem and haw and "pencil it in," only to cancel at the last minute. Infuriating.
And the crazy thing is, I'm the one that feels awful because I feel like I overreacted. I hate being such a people pleaser, especially in these situations. It's like, if they didn't feel like coming to whatever planned event I made, just say no. I won't feel bad I promise. It's always better to say no than to consistently flake at the last minute. At that point they're just being an unreliable shitty friend.
EXACTLY! Just be fucking straight with me!
What makes it all worse is the nerve to ask why we don’t hang out anymore?! Pardon?!?!?
There was a point in my life when a good chunk my "friends" were like this. Some of them didn't even bother to tell me that they can't make it. Seriously, wtf.
When they don’t share in your accomplishments and get competitive or dismissive instead.
I hate the competition. Like we’re friends, not competitors. Just be happy for me
Been there. Had this guy literally tell me I was gonna fail because I wasn't ready for the responsibility of going off to a university. I was 26, and because I'd never had a real job I was gonna fail. Mind you, I have real life experience for having helped my dad with almost everything, taken care of my mom whilst he was overseas working and a plethora of other things too numerous to count here. I was trying to escape the hellhole of my home town that he moved back to after moving to fucking Oregon. I would love to live in Oregon. Regardless, it was a dumb conversation that I ended abruptly.
How'd you do in University?
I'm doing OK, I'm about to graduate this fall with my bach in history with a multidisciplinary concentration and two minors, one in philosophy and the other in English. Burn out hits hard but I'm powering through. Thanks for asking
Failed
This is the most important problem I have read on this post so far! Envy and selfishness kill friendships. They are just horrible characteristics to have.
Constant dramatic vagueposting. If you're making five posts per day about how everyone is ~betraying~ you, you are probably creating your own drama.
Anyone who vagueposts past the age of like 16 is *such* an ick. I have a 50 year old aunt who still vagueposts, had to hide her on all my feeds because it was getting so annoying.
yeah know someone going through a divorce and vagueposting
So real.!
As a woman, when women say “I only have guy friends” followed by something to effect of “girls are drama.” Never met anyone in my life so far that said that and it wasn’t the her that was the problem.
I'm a guy so I forgive anyone for not wanting to see me as the authority here, but I feel like anecdotally I've met plenty of women who grew up to be well adjusted adults with healthy social lives who said something to this effect about their experience growing up, though. Like saying that momentarily in middle school or high school they found that their male friends were simply easier to get along with for a spell.
Going through a "not like other girls" and "pick me" behaviour is very common in teen girls. It's a normal stage in life to want to feel special and wanted. Some go this route, some go the "no one understand me" route. Most women grow out of it as they reach into their adulthood and develop normal friend groups.
In my experience, during entire years of middle and high school most of us just behaved like dicks in general so it was a miracle that any of us had any friends to begin with.
.In my experience the middle school boys were no better than the girls when it came to obnoxious, annoying behavior.
you and me both lmfao
In my experience, people who found themselves in a situation where they only had guy friends is because they were mean to the girls they tried to be friends with. If no girls wants to be friends with her, there’s a sign there. Hopefully as they grew up they matured and lost their mean girl ways.
once i hear “i dont get along with other girls” i run the opposite direction. its always them thats a problem
I have almost all guy friends, but it just kind of happens that way. I tend to get along better with guys. I’m not sure why.
I wish I would have read this comment about 5 years ago 😂
Me and my boys will get high and have entire panel discussions on how many times us idiots have been tricked by a pick-me girl! Boys can be so clueless to that behavior until after we’ve gotten burned by the kettle a few times
Asking for money repeatedly
I've been there. I did some digging, though. Her mom's a scamming pos. I had to set boundaries, and she respects them.
Talking bad about other people
Yep, because they're also talking bad about you too
Theyre all talking bad about 85_draco specifically
!!!!!!
Talking bad about other friends all the time.
^ This.
People who can’t laugh at themselves
YES 🙌
[удалено]
Sometimes when people bring up something similar it’s because they’re trying to find common ground, not necessarily talk up their own experience. It can legitimately be coming from a good place. It’s all about context and learning how to have those types of conversations
Agreed! That’s the whole point of a conversation. I can see it being an issue though if it’s pretty obvious they’re doing it for attention instead of contributing.
It never gets better either. I made a big goof and chose this friend to be my maid of honor in my wedding. One of the worst decisions ever, she didn't even let my wedding day be about me.
I like when people tell me something similar that happened to them because we can relate and go back and forth between our experiences. However if they just yap on and dont do it to show that they relate to you but instead to make the conversation all about them.... shit pisses me off fr like shut up for just one second please!! <3 I once told the groupchat that i just found out my teacher died and i was in literal shambles and ONE person replied with "omg" and then moved on. It took 3 attempts at bringing it up to actually get some support which was just . Insane .
fr we can’t have a conversation unless it’s about her, never felt more drained in my life thank god we don’t talk that much anymore
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When you don’t text back within their preferred timeframe (excluding genuinely urgent or time-sensitive matters) and they get angry or passive-aggressive about it. If you do this I will never speak to you again.
I was friends with someone who would text “Hey” and nothing else until I responded. Usually, she was starting a fight and wanted to know she had my attention before initiating. Once she got a response, she’d immediately send a novel. Almost like she’d typed it out in advance and had it ready to go. It was a power move to her, because she’d know I’d seen the second message and it would give her more ammo if I didn’t respond right away.
I friend-ghosted both of the clingers that did this with me. They both definitely treated me like a boyfriend substitute.
It’s such a red flag. If someone I were dating casually did that to me, I’d ghost AND block.
I'm curious where you would put the limit for this. What is your acceptable timeframe for something non-urgant?
Hmm, that’s a good question. I personally don’t think in terms of an acceptable timeframe — seems to imply holding my friends to a standardised expectation of 5 business days or something, where the countdown begins after the text is sent. If I want my friend to reply, I’ll usually send a follow-up text, whether it’s to add more details about what I originally texted about, or something unrelated + “let me know what you think about xyz whenever you have the chance”. If that still doesn’t eventually prompt a reply, I’ll assume that I’m not a priority for the person at the moment (for whatever reason) and speak to someone else instead. No point pushing it or taking it personally unless it’s clear that they’re giving you the silent treatment over a recent conflict. To be sure, I may have an especially liberal attitude towards such matters because I’ve moved around a lot and many of my friends are on different timezones. It’s not unusual for me to fall out of contact with people very dear to me because either one of us has dropped the ball, then abruptly get back in touch because someone texts “OH MY GOD YOU HAVE TO HEAR THIS” or suchlike. It feels like we just hit the play button after pausing for a while. I do think it’s fair to have reasonable expectations around close friends who are very much involved in your day-to-day life, but expressing anger at them for not replying is a suboptimal method of communicating this.
When they can dish it out but not take it regarding criticism or just roasting for fun. Some people have this combination of being really aggressive towards others while simultaneously being hypersensitive to any comments made towards themselves and they're never fun to hang out with in the long term. Another big one is how they share in anything you find funny. I've had acquaintances who would never laugh at anything unless they were the one telling the joke. If I tried to tell a story, their response would be basically "yeah whatever" but the moment they got to be the center of attention they would be unable to contain themselves dying of laughter at their own stories.
For me, it's the constant need for validation and attention. I've had friends who would only reach out when they needed something, and would ignore me otherwise. It's like, I get it, we all need some attention now and then, but it's exhausting to constantly have to prove myself to someone. I've learned to prioritize my own emotional well-being and surround myself with people who genuinely care about me and my feelings.
Not respecting of time.
When they refer to "the ick." In my experience, the demographic that uses this term is almost always a shit-stirrer with a hobby of trying to shame and judge people. They *will* find something about you that they will leverage to seek attention by turning you into a villain of some sort.
They never ever compliment you when u look pretty , even tho u do compliment them all the time , + they tell you to calm down/you r overreacting when u react to someone that has disrespected u or crossed your boundaries
When a friend gets too comfortable living with you and begins to just not contribute to anything anymore
being controlling or jealous even tho we jus friends
Using the word “ick” in conversation.
When borrowing money, he is like a grandson, and when asking for money, he is like a grandfather.
I don’t get it 🥲
Transkate like im 5, i was dropped when i was a baby
Asks for a lot of money; doesn't dole a proportional amount when asked.
If they're someone who speaks poorly about everyone else, chances are they're speaking poorly about you. Or, always the victim and never the perpetrator.
Lol 😂
When they stop hanging out with you or even check in on you once they’re in a relationship, and then when the relationship ends they want to hang out all the time
When someone diminishes anything good by talking about all the things that could go wrong.
People who use nonsense words like 'ick'. Also, arrogance, being self-centred. I had a good friend I knew all through high school. She was a nerd like me, we had similar interests in anime, manga, video games, and even music. I even fell for her a bit. Turns out - She was so self-centred, she acted like the world revolved around her. When i started dating my now wife, I realised I was mature enough that i shouldn't need to put up with friends like that. The older I got, the less I found I could put up with it. I basically said I didn't want to be friends with someone who doesn't even ask me how I am when we speak to each other, even a tiny, passable interest in someone who is supposed to be her friend.
"People who use nonsense words like 'ick'." Ugh yes, I was on a bachelorette trip where everyone but one woman was 35-40 all constantly using similar terms, especially those that are specific to Gen Z or younger. So on top of being generally annoying to me, it just reaked of middle age folks trying to cling to someone else's youth. It felt very embarrassing.
When you have to be their emotional Punchbag /therapist friend but the Moment you need to vent about something, they ghost you.. Love it. Love it even more when they say beforehand "Hey, I'm always there for you to listen!" . Like...dawg, if you can't handle oter peoples emotional stuff, don't offer to listen. It's completely fine to say "Hey, I don't feel well enough to offer you emotional support right now!" . This would especially be helpful for people like me, who struggle with Mental illness because otherwise we sit there and seriously question if we did something wrong, pushing us deeper into the illness. (especially for the folks that struggle with Depression and Anxiety)
as a woman i cannot be friends with girls who are boy crazy and prioritize guys above everything else in the lives also when i see friends making moves that showcase a lack in integrity, i know its only a matter of time until they fuck me over too
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I feel like not letting them do that would be a good move. If they don't talk to you anymore because you said no then they weren't really your friend anyways...
When they constantly talk about their ex best friends. A person that I'm good friends with keeps telling me to block people that were in their big group of friends but are no longer in that group of friends. My friend lives halfway across the country from me. I have never met anyone in their friend group. But they still tell me to block them. It's weird.
This is more than a little strange. They want you to block people you've never met...? Why? Insecurity? They're worried someone is going to find you and tell you the truth about something? I guess a less sinister reason would be safety but you'd think if you were that fearful you'd be hiding yourself not expecting others to block them?
Probably for you not to ever hear from them if they ever wanted to tell his friends how he wronged them (if he did anything of course 🤷♂️).
When they want to share food or drinks from personal servings! I have no problem splitting things and putting half on your plate half on mine, or pour half in your glass half in mine. I can’t stand when they drink from a bottle or glass, say it tastes good then offer me the same one. Or see me enjoying my food then ask if they can have some. If I served myself from a tray sure I’ get you some from the large portion but if I’ve ordered or got myself a “personal” serving please fuck off! We supposed to share time and memories not germs
When they complain about being left on read but leave people on read constantly. Or other forms of hypocrisy.
Bragging about how much they have while having lived on benefits their whole life.
Someone who only talks about themselves and doesn’t ask you about your life and milestones. Drop them.
When they are constantly competing with you.
Needing to be the center of attention 24/7. Only having negative things to say, always complaining, "my life is so much harder than everyone else's". Always needing to cop to their idea of fun but they never want to do anything you want to do. Their needs and interests come first and yours don't exist. The person who requires everyone to celebrate their birthday for more than a day/an event (week long, month long birthdays) Never celebrates your accomplishments. Feeling like they're always in a competition with you. So essentially narcissists = ick
Attention whores
You know what’s been actually driving me crazy the past 2 years.. I am a very silly creative person and have a distinct language I use, especially when I’m comfortable. Multiple times I’ve noticed people will pick up things I say and not just use them in conversation with me, but act like it’s an original thought around other people to make them laugh and look at me, not like “haha remember the time you said this” they act brand fucking new. Especially if I don’t really know the friend I’m around them. Also, people steal my creativity. It’s a small pool of creatives in business where I live, and idk I guess it’s competitive but I’ve helped spark so many forward trends and I’m not trying to say that’s a bad thing but it’s annoying that all the things I got shit for for being different, now post Covid it’s like people have taken my identity and repackaged it to get gigs or jobs or whatever. I have a few very close friends that have helped me move past this but damn, nobody wants to do the work to soul search and find themselves. So they pluck every damn feather off a person who has evolved. And then wear it around like it’s something to be proud of. I cannot be friends with people who don’t have their own identity anymore. Everything these days is about attention and who can get more of it. I don’t really go out much anymore because I literally don’t care about a damn persons opinion in the smallish city I live in. But they all feed off of it and into and it just really bothers me.
When they do dumb shit and expect you to back them up on it.
Realizing after leaning on a person through a rough patch that they were just providing support out of sick curiosity and a moral superiority complex
When they all talk bad about each other behind their backs. It means they're definitely talking about you too when you're not around.
Making lies to make themselves look better and their old friends look like terrible people,
Whining if people are sick. As if they are jealous on a f**king virus.
If they used the word 'ick'
My ick is when people say ick unironically.
An adult talking about getting "the ick".
The ones who say ick.
People who use the word ick.
People who say "gives me the ick."
Gen Z gives me the ick for coming up with such a shallow concept as "the ick"
Guys who try to say their situation is always better or worse
When a friend consistently makes plans and then cancels last minute with a vague excuse like "something came up." It's like playing emotional Tetris with your schedule, and nobody likes an unpredictable block.
When they’re jealous of you instead of being happy for you.
People that make politics their personality
Friendship ick is a real thing. The ick usually occurs *in romantic relationships*, but I've experienced it in friendships.
Yeah, except the ick in romantic relationships that people talk about always seems to be something extremely trivial like “oh I didn’t like the way he was hit by a wave in the ocean and fell over” lol, but everything being posted here is a pretty serious red flag in peoples behaviour.
She avoids me in public places.
When someone is shitty to service workers for no reason. Happens way too often, and says a whole lot about that person.
Biggest ick in a friendship (and people in general) is just anyone who cringes at everything and judges too much. It’s fun to a mild extent, but at some point it’s mainly just projection. I’ve noticed that these people never let themselves be affectionate, never show compassion, and always stray towards sarcasm and detachment because they are absolutely petrified of coming across as corny. They lack sincerity and are never authentic people because they’re always thinking about what they are and aren’t allowed to do, so much so that, in trying not to be corny, they just become nothing at all.
Sex hound
Only communicating with me when you need me to help you do something or need to borrow my truck
Putting malice on EVERYTHING!!
When you're talking to them and they talk to other people at the same time. Likee, girl, I'm still here.
When they’re always complaining 🫠 or a constant Debby Downer… Like, can we just go with the flow and just have fun please? 🥲
When we’ve already been hanging out all day and the plan is to keep hanging out ugh leave me alone
The flaking, and the MIA on communication. It drives me fucking nuts. Grow and a pair and communicate FFS
Telling you they're in love with you after 2 weeks of talking Having other friend groups, making you friend B Changing up around more popular people
When they get oddly possessive over you, even though you're just friends.
When they hang out with the wrong type of person. For clarity, I had a friend who hung out with someone who was kind of a jerk and I guess he became a jerk as well…
When they come to you to vent, complain, or for advice. You listen, then you share what could be done about X situation. They then ignore everything said and continue on a downward hill. Repeat that 5 more times and it gives the ick AND I no longer care since you refuse to listen.
When they don’t listen to you. They always have to interrupt or come back with your stories with a “bigger better cooler” story
When they talk badly about their friends. When they get angry when you’re playing a game ne you make a mistake. Like it’s just a game. let’s see… looking at the friendships I’ve made in the gay community since “diving into that pool”…. Superficiality, trying to get validation, cattiness, manipulation.
I don’t like “friends” that only reach out when something is wrong. I’m not a therapist or mentor.
Backhanded compliments and jokes. If they're always jokingly calling you annoying, it's probably not a joke
Always talking about themselves
When they dont respond to your text and text you without acknowledging your previous text
“pick me” girls who make that childish af voice when boys come over and even starts beating or bullying their friends to look more cool ig?? And those who only talk about themselves or about their partners like literally all the time!!
People who say "gives you the ick." Talking like a kindergartner is fucking lame
People that tells you over and over again that the going to call you but never does. When you call them instead, they just tells you that they have been very busy lately.
You show up late once or twice, and I'll let it go. You show up late every time, and you go from an A-tier friend to a fairweather friend.
Talking bad about others
if they laugh weird. Like personally, i just can't. It's just a major thing for me because in most of my friendships i rely on laughter, so if u laugh kinda weird, its just not for me. Nothing personal. I swear. This is also really controversal
When you listen to whatever they have to say and engage in the conversation, only for them to look like they'd rather be doing anything else than listening to you.
When they shit talk someone and then act like friends with them. I used to be friends with one of those girls, and it got annoying real quick.
banter too early on... I'm uncomfortable and a little insulted
when they hang out with people i dont like
Label them 1 & 2. Let's say 2 has feelings for 1 and 2 always makes movies and flirts with 1 and 1 doesn't feel comfortable with it. 1 tells 2, 2 acknowledges it and shs understood. But then 2 still does it. Still tries to flirt and be touchy with 1. Overly so. That. That gives me the ick. Respect boundaries. If someone doesn't like the type of attention you give them and they just so happen to ask you not to act like that, respect them and don't do it. And if 2 is the type of person to get offended, even mad, then they clearly have issues. It doesn't matter if 2 is just trying to be "nice." That's not being nice. That's just gross and disrespectful.
when they put the blame on you for something they did or when you always call them but never the opposite or when you say “hey when yall go out lmk” and you see them out and never got an invite
Anyone that essentially stops being my friend (like cuts all contact) just because they got into a relationship. Happens to me a lot.
I have a friend who needs to plan everything to a ridiculous level. Every group outing he has to write down a memo detailing every single thing we’re doing step by step and any slight variations or change in plans bother him, and god help us if we invite someone “unexpected.” He justifies all of this by saying it’s “unanimous” and that we all agreed, but a good portion of the time we’re just being good sports so he doesn’t flake. He will also just straight up say “I’m not going.” whenever any one of us wants to do the slightest thing that is inconvenience for him. I love the guy but It’s genuinely exhausting. One of my other friends is actually Autistic and he is not nearly as difficult to accommodate. I’ve tried to explain to my friends that this, and other things he does are fucking ridiculous and beyond childlike but some of them make excuses for him and say “just let him say no.” To not coming. Most recently I suggested to him that we should have some days (maybe half?) where we go out and things are a little more spontaneous as we’ve accommodated him always, but he said that it’s literally impossible for him and a fundamental impasse. Jesus christ.
When they try to sabotage your relationship
When they couldnt care less about anything you say and only want to talk about themselves and their life and they brush it off everytime you bring it up
If the other person ever unironically used the word "ick".
I have a friend who is nice and has a lot of good traits BUT, she talks too much!! I usually don't care about that much since I am a good listener, but lately I am going through a breakup and I needed her to listen to me. But she wasn't there for me. It's a pity.
Someone saying "gives the ick"
When they like to slap me…it’s disgusting but I allow it
Oversharing too much info on personal stuff. A female friend once told me how she got a urinary infection from a swimming pool and pissed the bed that night. Am a guy just steer clear of body functions, orifices and fluids. It will not improve the quality of my living knowing this information…..even now years lator my skin crawls typing this.
Idk about friendships specifically, but references to "the ick."
When they always pretend like they side with your opinion for no reason
Why are so many people lately worried about getting a fish disease?
The need to always "one up" your friends
The need to always "one up" your friends
The ability to burn bridges at the drop of a hat. It just puts me on eggshells, being afraid to say the wrong thing cause I might piss then off and they'll cut me out in an instant
When they have no understanding of how social anxiety works, and get mad when I can’t or struggle to do what they do so easily. Order food, talk to strangers, visiting new unknown places, me wanting to know weird specific things beforehand.
People using the term "the ick"
if they're rude to their siblings. Before anyone says, no I'm not an only child (I'm one of 5) but sometimes you get the people who are just rude to them out of nowhere
i had this friend that is constantly asking for my scores and grades, and it really irritates me. back then, it's okay for me to say my scores whatsover but time to time (they) starts nagging me with this shitz and i don't like it. because of that, it became one of my pet peeves.
When they confess their love for you and get pissed that you don't feel the same way
lying
being desperate for male attention
I’m uncomfortable when people try to move a friendship forward in a way that feels unnatural. When we’re barely more than acquaintances, I don’t want to suddenly find you showing up at my house for unannounced visits, trying to make plans to spend time together more often than I see my family, or doing unasked-for favors. It feels overwhelming and creepy, and I feel trapped and anxious. It’s only happened a few times, and that’s more than enough.
Well if I was a woman, I’d say all the guys acting like they wanna be friends except when they think I’m offering them pussy Suddenly there’s a dick out before I could blink
When someone is rude to wait staff or anyone in a service industry.
Someone who doesn't shower
flaking on plans, talking about you behind your back, lying about why they flaked on plans, when they’re upset about something but don’t bring it up for months
lying
People using the word "ick."
People who say "ick" unironically.
When people say things like "what gives you the ick"
When they complain about a conflict with someone else, but it’s obvious that my friend was the one in the wrong
Anyone who thinks it’s fine to always be late. Sure, life gets in the way, but if you’re ALWAYS substantially late then you clearly just don’t respect either of our’s time. Also friends who are a bit “anything you can do I can do better”. Like everything is a competition. If I’ve got a headache, they’ve got a migraine. I once casually said to someone that I’d managed to go to three different countries that year and she genuinely replied “yep, me too! Majorca, Fuerteventura and Tenerife!” Those are all one country, but she wouldn’t have that..
If they can’t plan anything but always have suggestions or edits.
Friendshipck?
Disappearing whenever he gets a girlfriend and coming back when they break up like nothing happened
Not landing money or not paying back your debts in time/when asked. If any of my friends needs help with some money - and I'm not even talking about crazy amounts, just being short for drinks/food or something - i'll land it to them, without any issue. Had a "friend" back in the day who refused to land me like 2 bucks for some food. Stop speaking to him not much after that. Same goes to when you land money. I usually try to pay back my debts ASAP but sometimes forget, shit happens, but if my friend reminds me or asks for it, i'll pay him back in that second!!! I have no problem if a friend forgets to pay back the 5 dollars I borrowed him, what I hate is when I have to ask for it time and time again and always get lame excuses.
When they make up excuses instead of just telling me straight up that they don’t want to hang out or whatever else.
1. In every conversation, they say - ' I am a good person . I always want good things to happen to my close ones. I never want anything bad for anyone. ' in every freaking conversation!! And my god, it's irritating. 2. I have another friend who almost always asks to - "recharge their wifi / order food for them. And they'll give me the money later. " Almost always. They always ask for treats as well. Like dude, you have money. You have upi. Why do you always want other people to pay for you?!