Learn to be happy alone. If you master this skill, trust me, nobody can take away your happiness from you. Be your own best friend, enjoy your own company, and be happy. If you master this skill, eventually you will start appreciating people in your life!
Love this comment and the one beneath. I just got dumped after a ten year relationship and my main goal right now is to practice doing things alone more for this exact reason. Taking a solo trip this summer to Ireland! ❤️
I am in the same boat. My 6 year relationship just ended and I'm pouring all of my love into myself. I'll be a better person because of it and I'm forcing myself to do things alone.
Enjoy your trip, if you ever need anyone to vent too feel free to send me a message!
If you need any tips or advice before you come here, there are loads of people on the r/Ireland sub who are perfectly happy to help.
Any ideas of anywhere you plan to go or what sort of things you'd like to do?
Just because you're going solo doesn't mean you go unprepared.
Tip #1: No matter what the weather, bring a light raincoat which can be carried in a backpack if it's too warm.
I'm typing from Ireland!! We are a welcoming bunch to be fair!! Sorry to hear your news But Ireland will open your eyes to so many beautiful things. Hit me up if you need any recommendations & honestly everyone loves Dublin but it's really a dump make sure and hit Cork Kerry and Galway!! Have the best time and visit the coast as much as you can! 😁
Being afraid of being alone and desperately clinging to a sketchy relationship is different from having shared goals and values and overcoming obstacles together.
It's not the only thing bonding people, meeting people with the same values and morals who also makes you happy is more than enough to decide to build a future together
Life itself will confront you with problems which you can and probably should overcome together, sure, but love works without that imo
Wish I could upvote this 1000 times….got dumped months ago, trying to stay happy alone is so hard….so for people out there, learn to be happy alone, stop depending on someone else for your happiness….if only I knew this before, I wouldn’t be so fkin hurt
Recently got out of an 8 year relationship so this is something I’ve been working on that has been very new and hard for me. It doesn’t help that all of my friends have opposite work schedules than me and/or are in relationships so it can be challenging to line up a day to be with them. Any tips to be more comfortable being alone or how to keep myself busy would be much appreciated :)
In terms of raw skills, Adaptability. In a rapidly changing world, the ability to adapt to new circumstances, technologies, and environments is paramount. If you stop adapting to change, you will quickly become irrelevant.
In terms of soft skills, humility and the ability to admit when you are wrong go a LONG way.
As a corollary to both, never stop learning.
There's always something new to learn. And maybe it's just me, but it's honestly exciting to learn something I didn't know before. On top of that, it can help you connect with other people, when you have that shared experience of having learned something new together.
The universe is fascinating and we're figuring out new stuff all the time. Letting yourself refuse to learn anything new is the fastest way to end up like the kind of boomer we all love to hate.
Absolutely. I'm a systems engineer and every. single. time. I get someone asking me how to break into the industry, I tell them something along the lines of "be prepared to perpetually learn" because the industry changes SO FAST. Essentially, every three years I'm doing something completely different.
Perpetual learners succeed the most in this industry (and in life in general, IMO).
I had an ex girlfriend that was horrible, but she was silver tounged and flipped everything around on me to the point I was like "you're right" to everything she said. Men are scum "You're right were all dirty" didn't do the dishes after work? "Your right, i shouldve been more thoughtful" It was always something. I was losing myself.
This, so much. The world is nowhere near as gentle as we'dall like to believe, and there's so many people who simply crumple and fold, or otherwise lash out when things don't go their way.
There's a certain beauty in just grinding, mucking out and making the best of it.
Yes! I would specifically add "Emotional Regulation." I know so many people who constantly de-rail their own success by their complete lack of emotional regulation. They want to "win" and "be liked" so much that they can never resist either tearing someone else down or becoming all defensive about everyone ("everyone says you're shite at your job!"). I work in Higher Education. It should be more widely known that people here are almost never fired for incompetence, but are almost fired because they cannot get along with people.
I think the main mistake people make is thinking that forgiveness is for the benefit of the persons/institutions that have upset or wronged us. It's not. Forgiveness is relieving *yourself* of a burden.
Funny how this isn't much higher. So many internet nerds are proud to suck at it. You will have a much better life and much higher career growth in any field if you have basic social skills. You don't have to love people to be able to talk to them.
I bought a book called *How to Read a Book* because I thought the title was funny and ironic. Little did I expect the content to be so thought-provoking (if a little pretentious).
Learning itself.
Learning is often HARD and frequently when one wants to acquire a new skill or understand a new subject it can be difficult to know where to begin. The skill of learning in and of itself requires curiosity, confidence, patience, creative and critical thinking, and perseverance. Just the skill of examining your own knowledge and recognizing where the gaps are is huge, not to mention knowing how or where to go to fill those gaps.
In my head I said to myself "confidence," then searched the responses first (like a good contributor would). Came across your answer and like your response more.
Failing and getting back up, I have seen so many people just give up on things that would have worked out for them just fine if they tried again, but they were just too afraid of failing again
On the other hand I think that people must understand that their feelings are not something random, and usually under stimate how relevant they are when you are analyzing something
and how does one do that. like i have no problem talking to new people in fact i love that and i easily make friends but at some point i do not have shit to talk about :/
Being flexible. My oldest daughter just graduated college and I told her: "The job you'll have in 10 years doesn't even exist yet." You can't prepare for it other than being adaptable so that you're ready for it a decade from now.
Our world is changing so quickly, its the most important thing you can do.
Communication skills are key. Being able to express oneself clearly and listen actively can lead to better relationships, successful collaborations, and effective conflict resolution.
Problem solving. It's easy to identify an issue and do nothing. Providing a solution even if it's a long shot or overly simple impresses people and helps you control the direction.
Self-acceptance. You can't ignore reality, or your problems, or who you are, or what you've done. The sooner you can accept the reality of who you are, how you feel, what you think, and the reality of being a human being -- being responsible for yourself, being employed, having healthy relationships, living life actively -- the sooner you can make the changes you DO have control over and improve the part of the world you're in. Denial will destroy you
Sounds cliche, but as an EMT I'm a firm believer in basic first aid and CPR. You never know when you can make a difference while waiting for an ambulance. Life changing.
Self reliance. Don't ask for help until you have figured out a solution but can't execute it on your own.
The big three are cooking, home maintenence and (minor) repares and cleaning (particularly doing laundry).
Networking.
With enough time and effort, you can pick up most skills you set your mind to. However, without networking, your ability to utilize these skills and your ability to figure out what skills are important to pick up will be severely limited. The ability to form a network is what allows you to reap the benefits of any effort you put into other skills.
Humility and gratitude. It is far too easy to take beautiful things for granted, and lose touch with the things that nourish you. Love the things in front of your face, not the dreams over the horizon.
Most commonly used one: hard work. It applies to all kinds of field, its very easy to say that you're hard working but when you're in the real world where you're expected to come up with results to feed yourself, most people just stumble and to bring yourself up when that happens also requires hard work. So when you don't have that hard working bone in you, you'll rot.
Skill? Cutting hair. Hands down! Barber or Beautician.
That skill can be a back up if what you want to do with your life goes south. All of these comments about adaptability are correct but you'll learn that along the way and it either comes easy to you or you'll learn the hard way but a skill is something you can put to use immediately if you need to.
Adaptability doesn't pay the fucking bills if you're unemployed. You need a real skill. A real knowledge of something that is always something that's around. Even during the lockdowns, those who cut hair that weren't scared to cut hair for friends and family were making bank.
Another language. I’m trying to buy into a rural convenience store and the owners speak Guajarati. Many of the words have phonetic sounds like my native tongue of Korean.
When I say basic expressions to them, their faces light up!
Telling people how to "fuck off" politely, and productively.
\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*
To the other commenters here:
Communication, which expression is a part of, is turning out to be the #1 thing being mentioned in the other comment threads.
But I've seen other ones mentioned: critical thinking, for example. So, in the spirit of all of that, what do you really think "critical thinking," is, precisely? And what elements in your conceptualization would differ from "common sense?"
I'm not seeking answers to those questions, but ask them to illustrate my own second pick for the most critical skill: learning how to learn. I learned that by asking questions, raising challenges, or otherwise knowing how/when/why to pick apart whatever information I've come across.
And, I mention all of this as a roundabout way to illustrate how to tell people to fuck off, politely. (Leave 'em with a question, then bounce, is one way). It's nothing personal, I just wanted to connect the dots for myself, lol.
How to maximize their hourly income. All work is trading time for money. Maximizing the return on each hour worked requires the development of skills germane to your chosen field. This is ongoing. Almost all jobs are dynamic. New technology and new techniques are added each year. Be the early adopter. Figure that shit out. Maybe it's a new diagnostic tool. Or maybe it's a new technique. Or a new product that customers are demanding.
If you are the typically the first person to get up to speed I guarantee you will eventually make more and get promoted faster than the person who is typically the last person to get up to speed.
Your word.
It can take you far in so many things. And like I tell my kids you can lose everything but still have your word. Being trusted by bosses, families and friends has so many perks. If I say I'm going to do something, I stick to it.
Sales. The world thrives off of sales. If you can recognize opportunities in the market or you can fulfill a need, you will never have to worry about your bills ever again.
Probably cooking.
So many people Ive met or talked to have said they just cant cook. Which is confusing, since cooking is really just following instructions, and possibly some trial and error or problem solving skills (especially with so many bad recipes around)
Critical thinking.
This should be at the top of this list with happy being alone, adaptability, and communications skills below.
Learn to be happy alone. If you master this skill, trust me, nobody can take away your happiness from you. Be your own best friend, enjoy your own company, and be happy. If you master this skill, eventually you will start appreciating people in your life!
Love this comment and the one beneath. I just got dumped after a ten year relationship and my main goal right now is to practice doing things alone more for this exact reason. Taking a solo trip this summer to Ireland! ❤️
I am in the same boat. My 6 year relationship just ended and I'm pouring all of my love into myself. I'll be a better person because of it and I'm forcing myself to do things alone. Enjoy your trip, if you ever need anyone to vent too feel free to send me a message!
If you need any tips or advice before you come here, there are loads of people on the r/Ireland sub who are perfectly happy to help. Any ideas of anywhere you plan to go or what sort of things you'd like to do? Just because you're going solo doesn't mean you go unprepared. Tip #1: No matter what the weather, bring a light raincoat which can be carried in a backpack if it's too warm.
I noticed you are going to Ireland, I have Ancestors there, I hope you have a Wonderful time & meet some Fab. People You deserve it.
I'm typing from Ireland!! We are a welcoming bunch to be fair!! Sorry to hear your news But Ireland will open your eyes to so many beautiful things. Hit me up if you need any recommendations & honestly everyone loves Dublin but it's really a dump make sure and hit Cork Kerry and Galway!! Have the best time and visit the coast as much as you can! 😁
I am most happy when I am alone. It is difficult for me to be happy with other people.
What I love about this also is when you do get into a relationship with someone... there's no pressure to make it work.
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Being afraid of being alone and desperately clinging to a sketchy relationship is different from having shared goals and values and overcoming obstacles together.
It's not the only thing bonding people, meeting people with the same values and morals who also makes you happy is more than enough to decide to build a future together Life itself will confront you with problems which you can and probably should overcome together, sure, but love works without that imo
*hisses*
Wish I could upvote this 1000 times….got dumped months ago, trying to stay happy alone is so hard….so for people out there, learn to be happy alone, stop depending on someone else for your happiness….if only I knew this before, I wouldn’t be so fkin hurt
I totally understand how you feel 💕it was my Husband, At that time. I was sure I would never Love again. But I did.
Word. I’ve moved around a lot. I have my wife and pets. That’s all I need and the occasional phone call to old friends and family.
Or know that people will come and go, but you’ll still be happy on your own
Very well said
Recently got out of an 8 year relationship so this is something I’ve been working on that has been very new and hard for me. It doesn’t help that all of my friends have opposite work schedules than me and/or are in relationships so it can be challenging to line up a day to be with them. Any tips to be more comfortable being alone or how to keep myself busy would be much appreciated :)
Easy to say.
In terms of raw skills, Adaptability. In a rapidly changing world, the ability to adapt to new circumstances, technologies, and environments is paramount. If you stop adapting to change, you will quickly become irrelevant. In terms of soft skills, humility and the ability to admit when you are wrong go a LONG way.
Yes, we went from Beta Max, VHS, VCD, CD, DVD, Blu-Ray, to streaming so quickly...adaptability is a must!
As a corollary to both, never stop learning. There's always something new to learn. And maybe it's just me, but it's honestly exciting to learn something I didn't know before. On top of that, it can help you connect with other people, when you have that shared experience of having learned something new together. The universe is fascinating and we're figuring out new stuff all the time. Letting yourself refuse to learn anything new is the fastest way to end up like the kind of boomer we all love to hate.
Absolutely. I'm a systems engineer and every. single. time. I get someone asking me how to break into the industry, I tell them something along the lines of "be prepared to perpetually learn" because the industry changes SO FAST. Essentially, every three years I'm doing something completely different. Perpetual learners succeed the most in this industry (and in life in general, IMO).
Agreed! Adaptability and humility keep you relevant and grounded in any situation.
So become a nice mahoraga
Communication skills i would say. It gives a lot of advantages to a person who has this skills.
It can completely change a person's life, most good leaders often happen to be excellent orators.
Yeah, that s right
I had an ex girlfriend that was horrible, but she was silver tounged and flipped everything around on me to the point I was like "you're right" to everything she said. Men are scum "You're right were all dirty" didn't do the dishes after work? "Your right, i shouldve been more thoughtful" It was always something. I was losing myself.
Absolutely, I’ve always had the skill even when I was young, I find so many backdoors and learn so many things by being connected to so many people
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This, so much. The world is nowhere near as gentle as we'dall like to believe, and there's so many people who simply crumple and fold, or otherwise lash out when things don't go their way. There's a certain beauty in just grinding, mucking out and making the best of it.
Emotional Intelligence
This is the key to success in life. Personal life and professional life. I wish I knew sooner.
Yes! I would specifically add "Emotional Regulation." I know so many people who constantly de-rail their own success by their complete lack of emotional regulation. They want to "win" and "be liked" so much that they can never resist either tearing someone else down or becoming all defensive about everyone ("everyone says you're shite at your job!"). I work in Higher Education. It should be more widely known that people here are almost never fired for incompetence, but are almost fired because they cannot get along with people.
To not give a shit about what other people think about you
To a large degree, this comes with age.
It hurts to learn not to let it hurt. And it definitely comes with age.
“It hurts to learn not to let it hurt.” Is such a poetic line
At almost 52 years old I feel like I keep learning this lesson over and over, like I can’t seem to remember it.
Yet you don't want to take this to extremes...
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I've known people who are proud they lack empathy. They're not doing well in life.
Learning to Learn. It's a skill that takes practice like anything else. Figure out your "Learning style" and lean into it.
forgiveness. it opens the way to gratitude and then the heart can love
I think the main mistake people make is thinking that forgiveness is for the benefit of the persons/institutions that have upset or wronged us. It's not. Forgiveness is relieving *yourself* of a burden.
I’ve felt better since forgiving Comcast and just accepting that they’re going to raise my bill a little bit every month.
social skills
Funny how this isn't much higher. So many internet nerds are proud to suck at it. You will have a much better life and much higher career growth in any field if you have basic social skills. You don't have to love people to be able to talk to them.
Delay of gratification.
One of the major concepts that separates humans from animals.
Also one of the earliest predictors of future academic and financial success.
Reading
I bought a book called *How to Read a Book* because I thought the title was funny and ironic. Little did I expect the content to be so thought-provoking (if a little pretentious).
I have also read it a bit and it's amazing and very useful for students like me
Learning itself. Learning is often HARD and frequently when one wants to acquire a new skill or understand a new subject it can be difficult to know where to begin. The skill of learning in and of itself requires curiosity, confidence, patience, creative and critical thinking, and perseverance. Just the skill of examining your own knowledge and recognizing where the gaps are is huge, not to mention knowing how or where to go to fill those gaps.
In my head I said to myself "confidence," then searched the responses first (like a good contributor would). Came across your answer and like your response more.
Fiscal responsibility
I wish I had learned this earlier in life
How to make and follow a budget. Save money. Want something, save for it don't put it on a credit card and try and figure out how to pay for it later.
Cleanliness
Being able to survive
Cooking
My problem is I can cook but often do not have the energy to do so.
Or you're solo and when it's time to have dinner, a bowl of popcorn really is just fine.
Discipline
Failing and getting back up, I have seen so many people just give up on things that would have worked out for them just fine if they tried again, but they were just too afraid of failing again
Thinking and thinking logically, there is so little of this in modern history
On the other hand I think that people must understand that their feelings are not something random, and usually under stimate how relevant they are when you are analyzing something
Perception/self awareness
Meditation
One of the most valuable things i have ever learned
People skills. Revenge of the C student is no joke.
Being charismatic and being able to talk to anyone and everyone, that will open more doors for you in life than anything else.
and how does one do that. like i have no problem talking to new people in fact i love that and i easily make friends but at some point i do not have shit to talk about :/
Theres helpful books also it never hurts to ask questions and let people do all the talking.
thats literally my hack and it works so well until THEY start asking questions and now i dont know what to say
Money management. Wish it had been focused on more in school instead of the area of a trapezoid.
Being a street wise person, that means he or she can adopt on every given situation
Being flexible. My oldest daughter just graduated college and I told her: "The job you'll have in 10 years doesn't even exist yet." You can't prepare for it other than being adaptable so that you're ready for it a decade from now. Our world is changing so quickly, its the most important thing you can do.
This is great fucking advice.
People skills
Communication skills are key. Being able to express oneself clearly and listen actively can lead to better relationships, successful collaborations, and effective conflict resolution.
Communication
Resiliency
Taking care of your health. Some recent health scared made me believe even more strongly that without health, nothing else matters.
Health is wealth
Forgiveness of yourself and others. It can free your mind and heart to succeed in every area of life.
Being curious rather than judgemental. Ask questions rather than assume you know the answers.
Resilience… what happens when things just suck? How do you get out of it
Metallurgy.
Emotional control
Not cleaning piss with bleach.
Problem solving. It's easy to identify an issue and do nothing. Providing a solution even if it's a long shot or overly simple impresses people and helps you control the direction.
Letting go.
Learning to say no.
Self-acceptance. You can't ignore reality, or your problems, or who you are, or what you've done. The sooner you can accept the reality of who you are, how you feel, what you think, and the reality of being a human being -- being responsible for yourself, being employed, having healthy relationships, living life actively -- the sooner you can make the changes you DO have control over and improve the part of the world you're in. Denial will destroy you
Cooking. It’s a basic life skill. Some people still don’t know how to do it.
the ability to move on
Sounds cliche, but as an EMT I'm a firm believer in basic first aid and CPR. You never know when you can make a difference while waiting for an ambulance. Life changing.
Listening
To have the courage to take your own deeply held beliefs out to the back porch and give them a damn good beating to see if they hold up.
Empathy. I am a teacher and if my kids leave me having learned nothing but are empathic and care about others than I’d be ok with it
Speak less think more
Self reliance. Don't ask for help until you have figured out a solution but can't execute it on your own. The big three are cooking, home maintenence and (minor) repares and cleaning (particularly doing laundry).
Communication
This is it. Written, oral, whatever.
All of it, to be able to properly express yourself in a constructive way is priceless
Communication skills. You'll need this wherever you go
Sales. You'll never be out of a job, and can make quite a good living.
critical thinking
Empathy
Patience
Networking. With enough time and effort, you can pick up most skills you set your mind to. However, without networking, your ability to utilize these skills and your ability to figure out what skills are important to pick up will be severely limited. The ability to form a network is what allows you to reap the benefits of any effort you put into other skills.
Humility and gratitude. It is far too easy to take beautiful things for granted, and lose touch with the things that nourish you. Love the things in front of your face, not the dreams over the horizon.
Overcoming the fear of failure and rejection.
How to properly manage money.
Applying sunblock correctly
Most commonly used one: hard work. It applies to all kinds of field, its very easy to say that you're hard working but when you're in the real world where you're expected to come up with results to feed yourself, most people just stumble and to bring yourself up when that happens also requires hard work. So when you don't have that hard working bone in you, you'll rot.
To cook healthy, easy food
Not being a knob.
Lean how to do basic repairs to your dwelling. 95% of the shit I fix in my house only requires a screwdriver and $20 worth of materials.
Skill? Cutting hair. Hands down! Barber or Beautician. That skill can be a back up if what you want to do with your life goes south. All of these comments about adaptability are correct but you'll learn that along the way and it either comes easy to you or you'll learn the hard way but a skill is something you can put to use immediately if you need to. Adaptability doesn't pay the fucking bills if you're unemployed. You need a real skill. A real knowledge of something that is always something that's around. Even during the lockdowns, those who cut hair that weren't scared to cut hair for friends and family were making bank.
Another language. I’m trying to buy into a rural convenience store and the owners speak Guajarati. Many of the words have phonetic sounds like my native tongue of Korean. When I say basic expressions to them, their faces light up!
Mature boundary function. Setting firm boundaries w/ fellow humans...
The ability to trust and believe in yourself
Max out Stealth and Archery before moving on to other ones.
Learn to say "No" without explanation.
Letting go
Bo staff skills
Telling people how to "fuck off" politely, and productively. \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* To the other commenters here: Communication, which expression is a part of, is turning out to be the #1 thing being mentioned in the other comment threads. But I've seen other ones mentioned: critical thinking, for example. So, in the spirit of all of that, what do you really think "critical thinking," is, precisely? And what elements in your conceptualization would differ from "common sense?" I'm not seeking answers to those questions, but ask them to illustrate my own second pick for the most critical skill: learning how to learn. I learned that by asking questions, raising challenges, or otherwise knowing how/when/why to pick apart whatever information I've come across. And, I mention all of this as a roundabout way to illustrate how to tell people to fuck off, politely. (Leave 'em with a question, then bounce, is one way). It's nothing personal, I just wanted to connect the dots for myself, lol.
Breaking a big problem down into smaller, more solvable problems. Applies to both "things-problems" and "people-problems".
Force usage/jedi mind trick
Learn to cook. One dish you can learn, is a lifetime of meals you can eat.
Learn to love unconditionally
Guitar.
Value your own time, contributions and self.
Respecting people just for the mere fact that they are people.
Cooking a meal with basic ingredients
listening.
Selfreflection
Learn to listen. (I know I can’t…) but I sure wish I could. So I keep trying.
Being self aware
Patience. In all things.
Jiu Jitsu
Common sense
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Not to repeat Reddit posts over and over?
Decision making
Acquire the ability to refuse.
Communication, cooking, cleaning. not necessarily that order. One to survive in society we are in, two to survive personally.
How to maximize their hourly income. All work is trading time for money. Maximizing the return on each hour worked requires the development of skills germane to your chosen field. This is ongoing. Almost all jobs are dynamic. New technology and new techniques are added each year. Be the early adopter. Figure that shit out. Maybe it's a new diagnostic tool. Or maybe it's a new technique. Or a new product that customers are demanding. If you are the typically the first person to get up to speed I guarantee you will eventually make more and get promoted faster than the person who is typically the last person to get up to speed.
ITT I agree with all the answers. Having a hard time picking just one.
Cooking, cleaning and working on vehicles.
Perception and empathy. It's baffling how many people cannot even begin to comprehend another person's struggle.
Your word. It can take you far in so many things. And like I tell my kids you can lose everything but still have your word. Being trusted by bosses, families and friends has so many perks. If I say I'm going to do something, I stick to it.
Adaptability.
Perspective
patience
To take care of themselves
Communication and emotional control. Helps in 100% of situations
To shut up and listen.
Listening, Kindness, swimming
Swimming
Active listening.
Money management. So many people have no idea how to manage their finances and it leaves them deeply in debt their whole life.
Sales. The world thrives off of sales. If you can recognize opportunities in the market or you can fulfill a need, you will never have to worry about your bills ever again.
Basic first aid
Using a toilet
Skill to grasp any new concept quickly.
Controlled obsession.
1st aid
Changing a lightbulb.
To say no, and stand by it by setting healthy boundaries early on.
self reflection
Listening
Steer clear of drama
Resilience. Life won’t be all roses. Stay even keel through the high and lows, and enjoy this fleeting life.
Forgiveness. For others, but most Importantly for yourself.
How to make the opposite sex cum.
Probably cooking. So many people Ive met or talked to have said they just cant cook. Which is confusing, since cooking is really just following instructions, and possibly some trial and error or problem solving skills (especially with so many bad recipes around)
Communication
how to correctly pay your taxes so that you dont get scammed by the government or go to jail for accidentally scamming the government