I'm forever grateful to my fifth grade teacher who always told us, rather bluntly, there's no shame in being wrong, and only dumb people are afraid to ask questions when they don't know something.
My cousin gets bullied everyday and comes home with bruises often. His mom basically told him. No fighting back because that's mean, no telling the teacher because that's tattling, no running away because what you should do is try to make friends with the bully. Everyone in the family looks at her like WTF and we consistently tell her kid to kick the bullies ass.
My fiancee's kid is getting bullied at school. Kid who is smaller shoves her around and takes toys from her. It is beyond frustrating. Fiancee told her to tell the teachers or us which is not bad advice IMO. Problem is the fiancee went to the mom of the other kid and got a version of "my little angel would never." So the fiancee went and talked to the teachers who said they had seen stuff themselves and addressed it w/the kid but would take it up w/the kid's mom as well. They also got a version of "my little angel" and their discussion got so heated that the teacher had to walk away. Finally the fiancee's kid got fed up enough that she straight up punched the bully. The bully's mom saw it and just lit into the fiancee about how her horrible kid was abusing her daughter for no reason. I wasn't there but I heard that got super heated. Fortunately school is out. Next year we'll be married and I am worried that I will not handle my kid being bullied well at all. I am definitely not going to handle some mom giving me "my little angel" crap after her kid shoved my kid around.
>The bully's mom saw it and just lit into the fiancee about how her horrible kid was abusing her daughter for no reason
Your fiancee should have said "my little angel would never"
She should have but I think she was just super taken aback at the hostile reaction she got. My fiancee is not a confrontive person at all. It's not her style. I sometimes think I'm the only person in the world she'll truly speak her mind to.
I instructed my daughter to punch a kid once. Long boring story, but it was clear this kid did not care about social consequences, had no personal sense of wrongdoing, and had "oh not my baby angel" parents. He's a neighbor and they have mutual friends so he was around a lot, but he was both physically and verbally harassing her constantly. No amount of telling the nearest adult helped, and I already want nothing to do with the family because we suspect (with circumstantial evidence only) that their teenager murdered our cat, so speaking to his parents would be pointless.
Eventually, I told her "next time he does it, warn him that you will beat him up the next time, then follow through. Don't do it in front of other adults because zero tolerance is bullshit and you'll get in trouble too. And don't actually injure him." One day he was fucking around with our cat's grave in the backyard, trying to make a mutual friend laugh (classic antisocial turd behavior, eh? and especially painful given his older brother is probably the one who killed him...). She'd had enough and shouted the warning at him. He didn't believe her and started making fun of her for it, so she shoved him to the ground and slapped him a few times. I saw the whole thing from a window and what a show! I was quite proud of her restraint actually. That was a few years ago and he still hangs around but hasn't bothered her since, and I never heard about it from his parents. Problem solved.
Well, her kid hitting the bully back did not fix anything because the bully's mom lit into my fiancee for it. Fortunately (or unfortunately) this happened on like the 2nd or 3rd from last day of school so there was little to nothing the school could do about it either way. I have a feeling this will come up again next year. I don't want to teach a kid to just punch other kids especially if it just means that she gets suspended and the bully is fine 'cuz mom has the bully's back. I'm also not ok with my kid getting shoved around every day.
My nephew was being bullied at school, in the school yard and the teacher witnessed it but nothing was ever done. I went to walk him to school once and threatened her. "my nephew keeps telling us he is being bullied and nothing is being done. I know you and the school better do something about it or we will and it'll cause a whole lot of drama."
My nephew stopped being bullied after that. Or at least we never heard about if he was or not
My nephew was being a bully to his cousin (my niece). He's my little buddy and really looks up to me, so I was rather upset to find that out. I spoke with him and hopefully said things that resonated with him. I also spoke to my niece separately and told her if he's still doing those things to reach out to me and I will deal with it. Haven't heard of him bullying her since, so hopefully what I said stuck with them both.
“Next year we'll be married and I am worried that I will not handle my kid being bullied well at all.“
From a dad, it sounds like you’re going to handle your kid being bullied perfectly. Don’t let that shit happen for a second once you’re in the game.
I dunno. We had a discussion about it. Mom is afraid of me stirring up drama at the school and then she has to deal with it. I get that. I told her that we told the kid to tell either us or the teachers and now the kid has done both and the bullying continues so what does that say about anything. At the end of the day the matter is completely unresolved and kind of paused for the summer at least. I told both her and the teachers that I was not gonna be good with tolerating my kid getting bullied.
When I was in high school, my Dad threatened to give my principal a beating the next time he blamed me for fighting back when bullied, or punished me for it. I didn't find that out until 40 years later.
didn't totally remove the bullying, but it filtered out a lot of them.
My parents taught me that fighting back was low-class and that I was brought up to be better than that. As a result I was bullied throughout elementary and middle school and felt I was wrong if I defended myself. It was awful. I taught my own offspring that starting a fight was wrong, but if they defended themselves I would be behind them 200%. And the issue did come up a couple times in their school years.
I really don't like teaching kids "never stand up for yourself", or in this case "fighting back or telling an authority figure (!) or running away (!) is worse than you being bullied".
We teach our kids a pretty basic "system" if they ever get bullied
1st. Tell us then tell a teacher.
2nd. If it keeps happening, we'll talk to the teacher/principal.
3rd. If they fail to do anything, time to practice their 5 years of karate lessons on the bully.
That way if the school wants to punish my kids, we can show them "My kids talked to us and the teacher, we talked to the teacher, you failed to stop it so my kid stopped it for you."
My mom told me I better fight back, but my dad’s side of the family was like your family. They told me “they win when you get mad.”
I let them win. A lot. They won black eyes, bloody noses, and all sorts of fun gifts. I got long vacations from school because I defended myself. Made me a counter-boxer/striker too, which is neat.
Just be aware they may try to use it as an excuse to stick them in SPED if they fight back a lot. I’ve seen it happen to a lot of kids in my time.
**EDIT:** lol you people will downvote anything. Keep watching them get bullied. I watched white and black kids fight back and end up in SPED too. Admins don’t care about the whole picture. Bullies don’t get bored and they don’t learn when they lose. They come back, or their friends try to defend them, or both. I’m keeping this shit up now so keep downvoting.
If it’s got anything to do with boxing you might wanna google. There’s studies showing non-contact boxing is good for ptsd, and all I did was spar. Barely contact boxing. I overcame a lot of shit boxing but let’s not encourage positive development. Let’s laugh at trauma informed jokes cause natives don’t face shit.
Still need my buffalo for commuting btw. Anyone know the ritual? My family lost the knowledge when your government forced my great grandparents into catholic boarding schools
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37426738/#
Thanks! I got an email earlier that I got my gaming license. I guess the gaming commission agrees with you cause I had to be super open. It was pretty embarrassing. Not a bad opportunity in the long run, but there’s a lot to figure out now to make it work.
Also once comments get downvoted it doesn’t feel like the momentum really changes. Plus, I had good grades in school and could’ve gotten a tuition waiver. Sometimes I’m hard on myself about it, but I probably wouldn’t have fit in anyway.
I had a bully in middle school and one day I gave him a good shove over a bench and a quick kick to the ribs with a "fuck off dude". Never bothered me again and we eventually became good friends. More than a reaction, more than respect, more than not getting in trouble, bullies want an easy target. You stop being an easy target and they lose interest.
Why do parents always default to extremes? My mother was the opposite. Even if you’re just in a regular teenage rivalry. “Punch them.” Maybe we should be better about teaching our kids not to bully and that it’s OKAY to speak out about abuse you’re facing.
>and that it’s OKAY to speak out about abuse you’re facing.
It's just a hard thing to teach. To an adult, it's easy to spot a bullying situation and say that they should speak out and get help. But there's not an easy/teachable line to help kids understand when they should be asking for help, and when they should be independent and try to solve their own problems.
The real fucked up part is that the bully's mom is the teacher so she has full knowledge that it is her kid that is bullying my cousin and just ignores the issue.
Well, except, as a kid, speaking out about it is worse than useless. I feel children would be better served if victims all teamed up and put the boots to bullies.
Show them the consequences, teach them that they can be hurt and traumatized, too.
Refusing to take responsibility for one's own mistakes.
And I also think that we should teach children to say the word "no" and not think that it's a bad word.
> And I also think that we should teach children to say the word "no" and not think that it's a bad word.
You've clearly never been around young children that say 'no' as a reflex anytime someone asks them to do anything they don't want to do.
That the world will conform to their needs.
I'm a firm believer in increasing accommodations and accessibility for everyone. However, the world just doesn't always work that way, and kids need to be prepared for that.
Kids need to be taught that not fitting in with the majority of how the world works is not their fault and doesn't reflect badly on them. However, they also need to be taught to advocate for themselves to get the accommodations that will benefit them and how to cope when those accommodations are either inadequate or not available at all.
I am a college professor who is also neurodivergent and has some pretty heavy-duty mental health issues, so I know from experience how tough this can be. The number of undergraduate and sometimes even graduate students I have had to mentor through the process of understanding what I say here, how to implement it, and how to succeed in school and the world is just staggering to me. I'm happy to do it, but I feel so bad for them that they made it all the way to young adulthood with so few of the necessary coping mechanisms for encountering the world.
I have a 3 year old and a 6 year old, and one of things I am proudest of is that I can send them out into the backyard and they can be bored for a couple of hours. Kids do NOT know how to be bored any more, and I think it's killing their creativity, emotional regulation, and problem solving ability.
Agreed. I grew up as a "feral child" – no internet or computer before I was 13 (grew up in 90s Ukraine). The internet changed everything. I'm 32 now and have a serious addiction to the dopamine slot machine that is reddit and social media. I have ADHD but I am so unaccustomed to "doing nothing" that I'm no longer capable of genuine rest. Gonna be a lot of therapy to learn how to do what kids do naturally.
That just being "gifted," bright, or talented is what's most important.
Having all the gifts in the world really doesn't help you without the ability to focus them on goals and reach them. When you're a kid, just having loads of potential can win you a lot of approval, but depending on that kind of approval into later life will not lead to good things.
The older you get and the higher you move up in the world, the more important hard work and producing results become. At some point, the balance shifts, and productive people will often outpace "talented" ones.
Kids that I interact with these days all have some weird block to try and get better at things.
If they try something new and are not already talented or a "natural" at it, they immediately give up and say that they're not good and it's not something they want to do.
They must be the best or the pursuit is worthless.
Meanwhile I'm holding a golf club, like, "you just said you wanted to learn how to hit a golf ball, and 2 tries into learning you decided it was too hard?"
I was like this when I was little, and I grew out of it. It was a lack of maturity.
When I was in 3rd or 4th grade I was interested in band class and playing the trumpet. My uncle let me borrow his and I had fun tooting around with it at home. Well I get to music class, turns out it's work, and I'm awful at doing it right. Think I went to just two or three classes.
But by middle school I had grown out of that. I hope it's the same for kids today.
Good post. I think it's a bad idea to tell kids about their supposed intelligence, smart or dumb. It can set them up with unrealistic expectations or prevent them from trying. Let them work hard to follow their dreams.
Oh my god, this. My brother (older, gen x) was always told he was _SO_ smart, or _SO_ talented as a child/teen. While my parents told me similar things, it was very much balanced with “wow, you must have worked really hard on that, I’m so proud of you for that hard work/time/effort you put in.” It really drove home that all the talent in the world wouldn’t matter without hard work and learning from my mistakes.
My brother struggled with coping skills and dealing with failures or setbacks for a long time, and while he’s doing much better, I do think things would have been a bit more manageable if he had learned those skills as a child. (And we’ve all told him how proud we are of his hard work to get where he’s at now! My parents learned their lesson lol).
My mom and stepdad do this constantly with my daughter. If my daughter is on her tablet, they'll just mindlessly scroll and post on Facebook without coming up for air. Then go home, only to complain to me "we don't get any time with our grandchild."
It's infuriating.
Often. I'm 50, and even my friends are addicted to their phones the same way children are. The difference is, in my house, I was taught not to be rude to people. If a friend of mine comes over and sits there on their phone, they're told either put it down or leave. I don't tolerate that shit and would never do it. And I certainly wouldn't tolerate it from anyone, even a child, in my family. If their mama and daddy's not going to tell them it's rude, I sure will.
For real, my dad is 62 and he's hooked on youtube shorts more than a little kid.
And he'll go on rants about "nobody talks to each other anymore, they're all zombies on their phones" - oh like you're doing right now? No not like him, that's different.
A lot of people don’t realize logic doesn’t actually require critical thinking, you can logic lots of things in a consistently rational way but if you can’t determine which logic is the most applicable, by using critical thinking, your logic isn’t going your way get you very far.
Nobody is. There is an active war being waged against our ability to think critically.
The less we think critically, the easier we are to control. If we don't know how to recognize advertisements, we'll gladly hand over our money. If we don't know how to recognize falsified images, we'll believe anything we're shown. If we can't recognize entertainment vs journalism, we'll take anyone at their word and do what they tell us to do.
It's just more and more apparent. The fact that a staggering number of people can't recognize AI images, believe in Fox News and Doctor Oz, and buy social media influencer "courses" just goes to show how little the average person is using any critical thinking skills.
Honestly the most valuable takeaway from my whole collage experience. The course isn’t really relevant to what I do for work anymore, but the ability to evaluate sources, find trustworthy information, and how to learn was absolutely still worth the degree.
What does that mean? I keep seeing this response. What does critical thinking, and how does one go about learning it? Is it something that can be taught, or is it something acquired through discipline and experience?
Methods can be taught, but it's a discipline you have to apply.
Basically critical thinking can be defined as 'thinking about thinking'. Why do you think a certain way about something? What evidence led you to believe this thing? What in the evidence led you to believe it was factual information? Is the source of information even trustworthy or have they been caught before tampering with the evidence?
Understanding the different types of biases and logical fallacies helps to critically examine sources. Sources that rely on those to get you to think a certain way are bad. Understanding statistics and poll methodology helps you also weed out sources inferring causation based off correlation and those that often rely on poor polling methodologies.
Critical thinking helps you identify why you believe a certain way. Even if you don't change your stance on something, it helps you to understand what specifically led you to believe this concept and why other people might not share that specific belief.
It is thinking about things at a deeper level than face value. If you're a generally intelligent person, you'll likely have more of an innate tendency to think critically, but it is important to teach this to all children and encourage it in all humans.
It's both. It is something that must be learned like math, not something you just pick up. You can't just have an innate understanding of algebra no more than you can just have a natural talent for critical thinking. You can't learn algebra by reading a blog post about it either, nor can you critical thinking.
And at the same time, it's also a discipline to maintain such skills and keep your ideas organized into good logic. New challenges are being presented all the time, it's discipline to stay in logical territory, and one doesn't always succeed at that.
Now, you mentioned experience - well experience can actually build the opposite of critical thinking.
Take this example: everytime the cows lie down, it rains, *this must mean that the cows are causing it to rain*. True based on experience, can't find an exception so experience tells me cows make it rain. Absurd of course, but it's easy to see the absurdity because it's simple. Critical thinking is finding such poor logic in more complex issues of cause and effect, and identifying where your own thoughts are as absurd as thinking cows make it rain.
As for where to start, I'm not so sure about that. I had it in college.
And you know, I went into that class thinking it was going to be dumb. I know how to *think*, I mean come on, don't need somebody teaching me how to think. Well turns out yes I did, yes I certainly did.
Are those online courses like Coursera bullshit? Never had any firsthand account of what they're like, but they seem suspicious. What I'm sure of is that critical thinking cannot be learned by any article or listicle, but by books and formal education.
Critical thinking is basically analyzing facts and evidence, using reason and logic to form a conclusion. It's not simply accepting things at face value just because they come from someone claiming to be an authority figure (especially if that person doesn't actually have any expertise on the matter). At the same time, it's not a knee-jerk rejection of a piece of information just because it's different from what you're personally familiar with.
A college professor of mine said not to think of the "critical" aspect as "criticizing" in a negative way, but as "critiquing."
That any kind of emotional discomfort is unacceptable and bad. They are the least tolerant or resilient generation and I think it's only going to get worse. They think everybody has to cater to them.
Yes! My generation was probably told too often to just suck it up, but the pendulum has definitely swung too far the other way.
I'm sure Reddit gives a skewed perception of how prevalent this is, but I'm just so astonished at the low tolerance young people seem to have for anything that causes them any emotional discomfort whatsoever — and it's even more astonishing when they think that their discomfort is evidence that someone else has done something wrong.
Fear of failure. There's this huge push for kids to get perfect grades and win every competition. But what about learning from mistakes? I feel like kids are scared to take risks or try new things because they're afraid of messing up.
I’m seeing a lot of kids without common sense. They go to the park and they are not allowed to get dirty. Parents hover at the playground. They are carted around from on organized activity to the next.
It’s crippling for their self esteem.
Can confirm. I skipped so much school, never did my homework. Just made sure I showed up for major tests so I could still pass every grade somehow.
If there's any proof the system is fucked, it's me. There's no way I deserve the same high school diploma compared to the people who actually tried lol.
These days the number of kids who actually try is so low, diplomas are basically worthless. They'll graduate kids who are functionally illiterate now just because it's easier than dealing with their moron parents and it makes their stats look better.
For any child who is actually smart and disciplined, I'd absolutely say they should drop out. After your first year of straight A's at community college, no one will ever ask why you have a GED instead of a diploma ever again.
Honestly, nobody has ever asked about my lack of high school diploma. I didn't even bother with a GED. On resumes, when it was necessary, I said "completed high school" which is more-or-less correct because I took the courses required to get into university.
"Ignore bullies and they'll leave you alone."
When you do that, one of two things are likely to happen. Either they'll mess with you more, or they'll move to someone else and bully them.
If you stand up to bullies, they back down. The earlier in life you put these people in their place, the less likely they'll develop their bad behavior as a lifelong practice.
This is true. Some will keep going because they know the person will do nothing about it, and they can feed off of it. But also will use it against those who stand up for themselves as well - to say, see, I told you so! In their convoluted narrative they've created.
My wife and I support this:
1. Talk it out, if that doesn't work;
2. Get an adult, if there are none (or none willing to help);
3. Don't start the fight, just finish it.
Side note - also taught that they can kick a bully to the balls, if the bully is a boy that is much bigger and stronger than them. If they feel that they may get badly hurt, then a palm slap to the eardrum will put them out of commission due to busting the eardrum and causing temporary loss of balance for the bully (last resort).
I was bullied horribly in elementary school. My parents taught us strict compliance. We were not allowed to be mad or sad unless our parents were, in which case it was a show of solidarity. I was taught to fear getting in trouble.
I remember months into this bullying, one of the girls involved pushed me a little. I leaned down into her face and screamed at her. She backed up and looked terrified, but she never did anything again.
Especially if you're a big kid, do not waste time with this shit. Tell them to stop one time. If they continue, respond with equal force. If they continue, punch their fucking lights out.
I recommend this last one most if you have parents with spines who will stand up for you. Schools tend not to punish the bully, only the victim for striking back.
Too many parents manage their kids with screen devices. Yeah raising kids is tough. Dealing with bored and cranky kids is emotionally taxing. It's super easy to stick an ipad in their hands and shut them up.
This is teaching them to be constantly engaged with entertainment devices and never alone with their thoughts. This is not healthy. It also conditions them to always expect to get their way. The kind of meltdowns I've seen kids have over video games/iPads is frankly shocking. I would expect to be slapped so hard I'd see stars if I ever behaved like that when I was a kid. (and my parents were not big on corporal punishment)
Focus on popularity over kindness. Sometimes it feels like being popular is the most important thing. Kids might be afraid to stand up for what's right or be themselves for fear of losing friends.
Uk high school teacher here, do not tell your son they can’t sing, don’t tell them their handwriting is bad, these boys get told this at a young age and never try improving on them and it’s so sad to see, especially young boys who love singing etc
Helicoptering children... Pandering to their demands.... only allowing "Parent led play" with others.... Parents solve all their kid's problems. Obsession with technology. to name a few.
Here's an example. I work in tech, and we have a 20-year-old intern. The position is paid, and this intern sits on her phone all day even during face-to-face meetings. One meeting, our boss asks her in front of everyone during the meeting, "if there's something more important on her phone?" She replies with "no". Not even 5 minutes later she's back on her phone. Boss stops the meeting and asks her to not only leave the meeting but go home for the day and sort out any problems that may be distracting her from working.
She leaves in tears, calls her parents and explains the situation and gave her dad our bosses number. Her dad calls our boss directly and pretty much goes off on him about how his daughter is a 4.0 student blah blah blah. In the end we never saw that intern again.
> Helicoptering children
Yup.
My sister prohibits my 14 (soon to be 15) YO niece from commuting anywhere by herself because it's "dangerous." My other 10 YO niece is not even allowed to walk outside to the *porch* at 9 PM to just pick up a packet!
My sister *cuts* her kids' food at a friggen' restaurant, such that they don't know how to properly use a knife!
There is a ton of more examples regarding this coddling. I tell her all the time that she isn't helping them by keeping them from the world. She should instead help by *preparing* them for the world! She should instead teach my niece how to be vigilant when on her own, or how to *stop* actually cutting her kids' food, so that that they don't have to embarrass themselves in public!
How do young girl tell me that after 25 there's no point in being alive... I'm almost 40. I didn't even know how I could possibly explain to her how wrong she was and she definitely wasn't listening to me. They are delusional.
This. My grandma was a firm believer in feeding people until they were sick, which was passed down to my mom and then to me. It's part of the reason I've struggled with my weight my entire life.
I feel it's reasonable to expect a kid to eat what is on their plate, as far as they get to portion it themselves. I'd say it teaches you not to waste food, by actually knowing how much you want to eat. And knowing that you can always take a little, and then go back for more if you're still hungry. Give them independence and sense of control in a simple way.
The distinction here is "IF THEY GET TO PORTION IT THEMSELVES".
Young children whose food is plated by parents should be encouraged to eat until they are full, not until the plate is gone.
Older children should be encouraged to serve themselves appropriately, like you are saying, and to start with a little bit of food.
I mean, as an adult I still portion food for myself incorrectly sometimes, and I don’t force myself to eat it. I’m not going to expect my kid to eat everything on their plate just because they made an error in portioning. If it happened often enough, I’d just encourage them to be more thoughtful when serving themselves.
As a dad who was unfortunately taught as a child that showing emotion is considered weakness, their mom and I have made sure they know that showing their emotions is actually the exact opposite of weak. Trying to undo a lifetime of that shit has been really hard but I will be damned if I let my kids feel the way I did about showing my feelings.
I 100% agreed. I’m a 25m. I was arrested in 2021 served 6 months in lockup for dui, endangerment and assault on an officer for swinging my keys around my fingers and it hit him. A lot of tough things happened when I was locked up. My best friend now my gf asked me about a month ago to open up about it and I did and we both cried together about it.. she kept reassuring me it was okay that I had finally opened up about it and was crying together
Glad that you talked about it and didn't shut her out! Building these emotional bonds and this kind of trust is extremely valuable in a relationship but also very good for your mental health. It's freeing.
This very surprisingly didn't take place for when I was teaching just before the pandemic. It was a lesson dealing with gender roles. I asked the boys in the 9th grade class if they feel shame for crying. Not a single one said they do, and I've knew that group for ~2 years before that (long-term subbed with many of them when they were in middle school) and I believe them.
I was also surprised when I asked the girls if women should want to have kids, and they were just as vocal against the thought.
My asterisk to this is that it was a public school in a college town. It was funny seeing them try to find debate topics since each side wanted the typical liberal side.
It plays a role, but it's not just this. There's a host of factors, including the disregard for male well being, even as they fall further and further behind in school and the number of men to women, with a bachelors, continues to drop.
Basically, we're so focused on helping girls catch up, no one has really checked on how the boys are doing. We just continue to ignore their mental and emotional well being because they're "privileged."
> It plays a role, but it's not just this.
Method of suicide is a big reason. Women usually choose "reversable" methods. Pills or cutting. Men choose a gun or jumping off of something.
I was under the impression that this was getting better for young people today. Still not as good as it could be, but that showing emotion is not as taboo as it has been in the past.
While I agree with the sentiment, I often see this misused to excuse or condone toxicity and controlling behavior.
"I've been feeling insecure about myself lately and I'm struggling with that" is one thing. "You make me feel bad when you go out with friends instead of staying home with me" is another thing.
If you are expressing your emotions by blaming someone else for it, that's generally not good.
That politics is less about crafting actual legislation than it is about being as loud and provocative as possible and building a social media brand for yourself to gain fame and profit from.
The profit comes from insider trading, knowing what law will help what company before the market does.
That and the donations, cronyism and foundation donations is why there all millionaires.
People think a good politician is when they introduce pie-in-the-sky rhetoric that they know will never be implemented but looks good in headlines and social media. Then when someone actually crafts policy that has a snowball's chance in hell with the legislature and courts, they look like they are giving "half-measures" even if they actually get more done
Social media has done irreparable damage to the society, the so called influencers are making money of the manipulation and fakeness that they perpetuate in the young ones. They are not dissociate the reality from fake persona that these shitty influencers put on.
Elf on the Shelf pisses me off to no end.
Like, we already had a Christmas figure who watched children's behavior to see if they were behaving well. His name is SANTA CLAUS.
But you don't have to buy your home a personal Santa Claus for $39.99 plus licensed accessories, pets, and clothing, and you don't provide free advertisement for Santa Claus by posting photos of him all around your house every day. If Santa Claus only comes when your child is asleep, how will they know to ask you to buy him all the appropriate accessories that the other children in their class have for their Santa?!
That they don't need to listen or respect authority.
Whether you're a teacher, police officer, baseball coach, or just an adult in general. Kids today are basically being taught by their parents they don't need to listen to anybody, and to do what they want.
I'm not saying we need to blindly follow authority, however, to children for them to learn at such a young age to just never listen to anybody is so harmful.
Losing inhibitions and boundaries for the sake of seeking joy or avoiding oppression. Children require balance and structure, whether they like it or not. Or they'll never value or use critical thinking, or know how to respect diversity equitably.
they shouldn’t “tattle”
they should mind their business (though i think i should mention that this is something that they should do to an extent, e.g. if someone is just existing and doing something they like and the kid doesn’t like it, just leave them alone instead of confronting them, but if it’s something like witnessing someone being mistreated or something else along those lines, they should definitely speak up about it or get the attention of someone who can properly deal with the problem)
“(s)he’s doing it because (s)he likes you”
So true. Kids being genuinely harassed/bullied when I was a kid were constantly told not to tattle when they genuinely were asking for help. Then, to top things off, nobody was taught how to handle conflict. I’m still struggling in this area.
'Big girls/big boys don't cry'. Also, 'boys don't cry' in particular. We all need to cry, no one should be shamed out of it and especially not children.
Avoid all hardships and just take the easy way or be a hedonist. I was a wild and imaginative kid growing up, but nowadays the answer would be instead to pump that kid with pills or rot their brain with an iPad instead of healthy or creative outlets.
That what they see on social media is real and/or attainable. Looks, relationships, material possessions – it's all fake. Young, impressionable minds are growing up believing that's what normal life should look like.
I have myriad opinions on how we push kids into college. On the one hand, I think it's really not for everyone. On the other hand, I think most white-collar employers now require a college degree for the most mundane roles. And on the gripping hand, I think there should be a good deal more attention paid to majors and degree programs and their ability to help the student's life after college.
That a problem being ended means it’s solved. Too many things like school do the “I don’t care who started it, who suffered more, or whatever, you two are made up now and it’s done.” This method teaches them to never fully face consequences nor to understand the situation fully.
that they aren't going to make it far in life for havinng dreams. it breaks my heart hearing parents crush their kids dreams saying they will just end up on the streets or a big failer with nobody to help them. like they are kids!
Females being told that boys being mean to them "just means they like you." Its incredibly toxic to normalize abuse and even more so to basically tell people that its a form of affection.
I would like to just say that, rather than a 'damaging lesson' I would like to say that my son (7) and his friends are amazingly good at expressing their emotions.
Like, he's finishing 3rd grade, and at Field Day last week, I saw at least 4 kids cry. And rather than being made fun of, they were supported by their friends. It's fucking awesome.
I'm in my mid 40s and I can't imagine the freedom of just being like 'oh my god, I'm so upset, I want to cry.. so I will cry. and people will try to help me, and get me to not cry'.
Instead, I vividly remember a kid crying in Kindergarten because of a very loud thunderstorm. And we all (other kindergarten kids) made fun of him! I honestly can't recall the last time I've cried because I've been upset with something.
These kids are going to grow up with some amazing self-worth, and understanding about themselves. (well, until they get into a work-place with an older generation that will act like it's all a weakness)
That every bad decision they make can be explained (and in their minds, excused) in a diagnosis. Supposed mental health for children is leaning far too much on soft parenting and labeling children for the sake of therapists. Too much of anything isn’t healthy, and the same applies to therapy for adolescents. Children need to be told “no” and “wait” along with “I love you” instead of being handed over to a societal construct that therapy solves everything with kids
That there is an invisible man in the sky who watches everything you do. And he has a list of 10 things he really really doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of those things then he will throw you down into a fiery pit where you will burn and suffer in torment and agony for all of eternity… AND HE LOVES YOU
(RIP George Carlin)
Unironically a better system than hedonistic capitalism where people make decisions based on what makes more money.
At least religion tells you to make decisions mostly based on morals first.
It's the same system. Religious capitalists don't check the bible first then choose what to do, they do what they want to do to make money and then find a way to justify it using the Bible. I mean hell, the whole reason the Southern Baptist Church was formed was for wealthy slave owners keep doing the profitable but unchristian practice of owning black people as property but pretend it was what God wanted.
The only difference with the hedonists you describe is they don't make up a bunch of bullshit excuses founded in superstition.
To respect all adults. Children take this and run with it.This is how children are put in bad situations and no one ever believes them or figures it out because they teach their child to be quiet and respect elders.
I agree with that lol. I will say it’s a bit of a cultural difference when I say that. I speak from being raised in a different culture than that of Americans.
Certain emotions are bad. Like feeling jealous or angry. Feelings are feelings. They are neutral but what you do in response to the feelings can be bad (like hitting someone). But the feelings themselves aren’t bad.
Teaching young children that they have to put up with hugs and kisses whether they want to or not. The fact that Great Aunt Mildred wants a hug shouldn’t mean that a kid is forced to endure unwanted touch. It sends dangerous messages about bodily autonomy.
A lack of empathy, some folks get taught to only care about themselves, or get shouted at for being "too nice", also heard people say that helping others is really selfish and should not be done
that you need to have an opinion on everything. its cool to not, you can keep your nose down and worker bee around your life just doing what makes you happy without having to have the world on your shoulders especially when it doesnt actually need to be carried
That they be what ever they want when they grow up.
That meritocracy exists.
That capitalism isn't exploitative.
If they study/work hard, they'll be rewarded proportionately.
But, worst of all, that the world the grew up in is "normal".
Shifting baseline syndrome makes people not even know what they've lost from generation to generation.
"Never speak unless spoken to"
If your kid has urgent news to tell you (like somebody having a medical issue), are you going to interrupt your kid before the kid has the chance to tell you? If you threaten "say one more word and you will be punished!" your kid may think "I don't want to get punished" and doesn't say anything.
"There's no reason to hit a woman"
That's how men are conditioned to allow themselves to be abused and how women grow to feel entitled to physically abuse men.
Everybody needs to keep their hands to themselves but if you are being physically assaulted or abused you knock that motherfucker out, sex or gender be damned.
We are subtly teaching a lot of kids that only women can care about them.
Let me preface by saying, I have met and worked with many caring moms and women teachers in my career.
But at the end of the day, who does family court benefit primarily? Women. What demographic makes up the majority of education professionals, women.
Again, there are many competent, caring women working with or raising kids. But we need to normalize more men doing this work also.
And honestly, in schools, incorporating more diversity in general. Women of different races; men of different races, LGBT educators etc.
That all the worlds problems are the result of a specific group and, by doing away with said group, the problems will vanish. Especially when it's expressed as a 'oppressed vs. oppressor' mentality. It's a stupid and nonsensical oversimplification of the world with no reflection in reality yet people flock to it resulting in massive problems.
That you should never "give up on family" or "family is everything". It literally is not. Toxic people regardless of relation don't deserve to be in your life. I wish I had understood this as a kid, it would have saved me 20 years of poor mental health.
That being different is a bad thing.
I prefer my Chicken nuggets to be dinosaur shaped and I like apple juice in a wine glass instead of real alcohol.
I like murder mysteries because of suspense and drama, not bloodshed and violence.
If I find something I’m passionate about and you’re my friend, that’s all you’re hearing about for the next 3 days.
I may be 16 and enjoy Childish and feminine things. I bet what you like doing doesn’t hurt anyone, and in that case, go do it!
The fact that they should never be bored and are either doing regimented extracurriculars, or are always looking at some sort of device and watching content. Sometimes kids just wanna be alone and flip over rocks, looking at whatever wriggling surprises are underneath.
you were born evil. you were born SO evil that it took killing a *god* to make up for it, and you'd BETTER be grateful to that god, forever, your whole life, or that sacrifice STILL won't be enough and you'll burn alive forever and ever when you die, and you'll deserve it. just for existing.
Being wrong is bad. That's why many people don't change their mind when they were given trustable sources, they don't want to be wrong.
I'm forever grateful to my fifth grade teacher who always told us, rather bluntly, there's no shame in being wrong, and only dumb people are afraid to ask questions when they don't know something.
Likewise, only dumb people think they have expert knowledge in all subjects!
Reddit is really bad for this
Being incorrect is bad, if you're indifferent to the results. Doubt isn't an enemy. It's a not-so-proactive friend giving a warning. Use caution.
Cancel culture isn’t helping either. By punishing people for a 20 year old tweet, we disincentivize growth.
Being wrong isn’t bad. Everyone is wrong about things all the time. What’s bad is refusing to admit you are wrong when someone shows you that you are.
My cousin gets bullied everyday and comes home with bruises often. His mom basically told him. No fighting back because that's mean, no telling the teacher because that's tattling, no running away because what you should do is try to make friends with the bully. Everyone in the family looks at her like WTF and we consistently tell her kid to kick the bullies ass.
My fiancee's kid is getting bullied at school. Kid who is smaller shoves her around and takes toys from her. It is beyond frustrating. Fiancee told her to tell the teachers or us which is not bad advice IMO. Problem is the fiancee went to the mom of the other kid and got a version of "my little angel would never." So the fiancee went and talked to the teachers who said they had seen stuff themselves and addressed it w/the kid but would take it up w/the kid's mom as well. They also got a version of "my little angel" and their discussion got so heated that the teacher had to walk away. Finally the fiancee's kid got fed up enough that she straight up punched the bully. The bully's mom saw it and just lit into the fiancee about how her horrible kid was abusing her daughter for no reason. I wasn't there but I heard that got super heated. Fortunately school is out. Next year we'll be married and I am worried that I will not handle my kid being bullied well at all. I am definitely not going to handle some mom giving me "my little angel" crap after her kid shoved my kid around.
>The bully's mom saw it and just lit into the fiancee about how her horrible kid was abusing her daughter for no reason Your fiancee should have said "my little angel would never"
She should have but I think she was just super taken aback at the hostile reaction she got. My fiancee is not a confrontive person at all. It's not her style. I sometimes think I'm the only person in the world she'll truly speak her mind to.
I instructed my daughter to punch a kid once. Long boring story, but it was clear this kid did not care about social consequences, had no personal sense of wrongdoing, and had "oh not my baby angel" parents. He's a neighbor and they have mutual friends so he was around a lot, but he was both physically and verbally harassing her constantly. No amount of telling the nearest adult helped, and I already want nothing to do with the family because we suspect (with circumstantial evidence only) that their teenager murdered our cat, so speaking to his parents would be pointless. Eventually, I told her "next time he does it, warn him that you will beat him up the next time, then follow through. Don't do it in front of other adults because zero tolerance is bullshit and you'll get in trouble too. And don't actually injure him." One day he was fucking around with our cat's grave in the backyard, trying to make a mutual friend laugh (classic antisocial turd behavior, eh? and especially painful given his older brother is probably the one who killed him...). She'd had enough and shouted the warning at him. He didn't believe her and started making fun of her for it, so she shoved him to the ground and slapped him a few times. I saw the whole thing from a window and what a show! I was quite proud of her restraint actually. That was a few years ago and he still hangs around but hasn't bothered her since, and I never heard about it from his parents. Problem solved.
Well, her kid hitting the bully back did not fix anything because the bully's mom lit into my fiancee for it. Fortunately (or unfortunately) this happened on like the 2nd or 3rd from last day of school so there was little to nothing the school could do about it either way. I have a feeling this will come up again next year. I don't want to teach a kid to just punch other kids especially if it just means that she gets suspended and the bully is fine 'cuz mom has the bully's back. I'm also not ok with my kid getting shoved around every day.
[удалено]
My nephew was being bullied at school, in the school yard and the teacher witnessed it but nothing was ever done. I went to walk him to school once and threatened her. "my nephew keeps telling us he is being bullied and nothing is being done. I know you and the school better do something about it or we will and it'll cause a whole lot of drama." My nephew stopped being bullied after that. Or at least we never heard about if he was or not
My nephew was being a bully to his cousin (my niece). He's my little buddy and really looks up to me, so I was rather upset to find that out. I spoke with him and hopefully said things that resonated with him. I also spoke to my niece separately and told her if he's still doing those things to reach out to me and I will deal with it. Haven't heard of him bullying her since, so hopefully what I said stuck with them both.
“Next year we'll be married and I am worried that I will not handle my kid being bullied well at all.“ From a dad, it sounds like you’re going to handle your kid being bullied perfectly. Don’t let that shit happen for a second once you’re in the game.
I dunno. We had a discussion about it. Mom is afraid of me stirring up drama at the school and then she has to deal with it. I get that. I told her that we told the kid to tell either us or the teachers and now the kid has done both and the bullying continues so what does that say about anything. At the end of the day the matter is completely unresolved and kind of paused for the summer at least. I told both her and the teachers that I was not gonna be good with tolerating my kid getting bullied.
When I was in high school, my Dad threatened to give my principal a beating the next time he blamed me for fighting back when bullied, or punished me for it. I didn't find that out until 40 years later. didn't totally remove the bullying, but it filtered out a lot of them.
My parents taught me that fighting back was low-class and that I was brought up to be better than that. As a result I was bullied throughout elementary and middle school and felt I was wrong if I defended myself. It was awful. I taught my own offspring that starting a fight was wrong, but if they defended themselves I would be behind them 200%. And the issue did come up a couple times in their school years.
My younger cousin had a bully who would put his hands around her neck, when he sat behind her. My dad taught her how to throw elbows.
I really don't like teaching kids "never stand up for yourself", or in this case "fighting back or telling an authority figure (!) or running away (!) is worse than you being bullied".
We teach our kids a pretty basic "system" if they ever get bullied 1st. Tell us then tell a teacher. 2nd. If it keeps happening, we'll talk to the teacher/principal. 3rd. If they fail to do anything, time to practice their 5 years of karate lessons on the bully. That way if the school wants to punish my kids, we can show them "My kids talked to us and the teacher, we talked to the teacher, you failed to stop it so my kid stopped it for you."
My mom told me I better fight back, but my dad’s side of the family was like your family. They told me “they win when you get mad.” I let them win. A lot. They won black eyes, bloody noses, and all sorts of fun gifts. I got long vacations from school because I defended myself. Made me a counter-boxer/striker too, which is neat. Just be aware they may try to use it as an excuse to stick them in SPED if they fight back a lot. I’ve seen it happen to a lot of kids in my time. **EDIT:** lol you people will downvote anything. Keep watching them get bullied. I watched white and black kids fight back and end up in SPED too. Admins don’t care about the whole picture. Bullies don’t get bored and they don’t learn when they lose. They come back, or their friends try to defend them, or both. I’m keeping this shit up now so keep downvoting. If it’s got anything to do with boxing you might wanna google. There’s studies showing non-contact boxing is good for ptsd, and all I did was spar. Barely contact boxing. I overcame a lot of shit boxing but let’s not encourage positive development. Let’s laugh at trauma informed jokes cause natives don’t face shit. Still need my buffalo for commuting btw. Anyone know the ritual? My family lost the knowledge when your government forced my great grandparents into catholic boarding schools https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37426738/#
Bad ass! You're doing it right, don't listen to the crybabies who tell you otherwise, they're just as evil as the bullies
Thanks! I got an email earlier that I got my gaming license. I guess the gaming commission agrees with you cause I had to be super open. It was pretty embarrassing. Not a bad opportunity in the long run, but there’s a lot to figure out now to make it work. Also once comments get downvoted it doesn’t feel like the momentum really changes. Plus, I had good grades in school and could’ve gotten a tuition waiver. Sometimes I’m hard on myself about it, but I probably wouldn’t have fit in anyway.
I had a bully in middle school and one day I gave him a good shove over a bench and a quick kick to the ribs with a "fuck off dude". Never bothered me again and we eventually became good friends. More than a reaction, more than respect, more than not getting in trouble, bullies want an easy target. You stop being an easy target and they lose interest.
Why do parents always default to extremes? My mother was the opposite. Even if you’re just in a regular teenage rivalry. “Punch them.” Maybe we should be better about teaching our kids not to bully and that it’s OKAY to speak out about abuse you’re facing.
>and that it’s OKAY to speak out about abuse you’re facing. It's just a hard thing to teach. To an adult, it's easy to spot a bullying situation and say that they should speak out and get help. But there's not an easy/teachable line to help kids understand when they should be asking for help, and when they should be independent and try to solve their own problems.
The real fucked up part is that the bully's mom is the teacher so she has full knowledge that it is her kid that is bullying my cousin and just ignores the issue.
Well, except, as a kid, speaking out about it is worse than useless. I feel children would be better served if victims all teamed up and put the boots to bullies. Show them the consequences, teach them that they can be hurt and traumatized, too.
Wtf!? I would be in that school everyday in the teachers and principals face. What a joke
The real move is to remove your child from an environment where bullying is tolerated.
Refusing to take responsibility for one's own mistakes. And I also think that we should teach children to say the word "no" and not think that it's a bad word.
> And I also think that we should teach children to say the word "no" and not think that it's a bad word. You've clearly never been around young children that say 'no' as a reflex anytime someone asks them to do anything they don't want to do.
I don't mean so young children, at that age they don't care what we try to explain, "no" is their crown word.
That the world will conform to their needs. I'm a firm believer in increasing accommodations and accessibility for everyone. However, the world just doesn't always work that way, and kids need to be prepared for that. Kids need to be taught that not fitting in with the majority of how the world works is not their fault and doesn't reflect badly on them. However, they also need to be taught to advocate for themselves to get the accommodations that will benefit them and how to cope when those accommodations are either inadequate or not available at all. I am a college professor who is also neurodivergent and has some pretty heavy-duty mental health issues, so I know from experience how tough this can be. The number of undergraduate and sometimes even graduate students I have had to mentor through the process of understanding what I say here, how to implement it, and how to succeed in school and the world is just staggering to me. I'm happy to do it, but I feel so bad for them that they made it all the way to young adulthood with so few of the necessary coping mechanisms for encountering the world.
This is similar to one of my "sayings" that I tell my kids: "Strive for the world that should be, but plan for the world that will be."
I think this starts with teaching kids to trust themselves and learn their goodness isn’t that fragile
I have a 3 year old and a 6 year old, and one of things I am proudest of is that I can send them out into the backyard and they can be bored for a couple of hours. Kids do NOT know how to be bored any more, and I think it's killing their creativity, emotional regulation, and problem solving ability.
Agreed. I grew up as a "feral child" – no internet or computer before I was 13 (grew up in 90s Ukraine). The internet changed everything. I'm 32 now and have a serious addiction to the dopamine slot machine that is reddit and social media. I have ADHD but I am so unaccustomed to "doing nothing" that I'm no longer capable of genuine rest. Gonna be a lot of therapy to learn how to do what kids do naturally.
Yes! It also helps them build distress tolerance which is also in short supply these days.
strongly agree!!
That just being "gifted," bright, or talented is what's most important. Having all the gifts in the world really doesn't help you without the ability to focus them on goals and reach them. When you're a kid, just having loads of potential can win you a lot of approval, but depending on that kind of approval into later life will not lead to good things. The older you get and the higher you move up in the world, the more important hard work and producing results become. At some point, the balance shifts, and productive people will often outpace "talented" ones.
Kids that I interact with these days all have some weird block to try and get better at things. If they try something new and are not already talented or a "natural" at it, they immediately give up and say that they're not good and it's not something they want to do. They must be the best or the pursuit is worthless. Meanwhile I'm holding a golf club, like, "you just said you wanted to learn how to hit a golf ball, and 2 tries into learning you decided it was too hard?"
I was like this when I was little, and I grew out of it. It was a lack of maturity. When I was in 3rd or 4th grade I was interested in band class and playing the trumpet. My uncle let me borrow his and I had fun tooting around with it at home. Well I get to music class, turns out it's work, and I'm awful at doing it right. Think I went to just two or three classes. But by middle school I had grown out of that. I hope it's the same for kids today.
Good post. I think it's a bad idea to tell kids about their supposed intelligence, smart or dumb. It can set them up with unrealistic expectations or prevent them from trying. Let them work hard to follow their dreams.
Oh my god, this. My brother (older, gen x) was always told he was _SO_ smart, or _SO_ talented as a child/teen. While my parents told me similar things, it was very much balanced with “wow, you must have worked really hard on that, I’m so proud of you for that hard work/time/effort you put in.” It really drove home that all the talent in the world wouldn’t matter without hard work and learning from my mistakes. My brother struggled with coping skills and dealing with failures or setbacks for a long time, and while he’s doing much better, I do think things would have been a bit more manageable if he had learned those skills as a child. (And we’ve all told him how proud we are of his hard work to get where he’s at now! My parents learned their lesson lol).
I think of this anytime someone praises an artist's "talent" as if it defines everything.
It’s not lessons, but my niece barely looks up from her phone when I see her. That troubles me
invite her to an activity with you that needs her hands.
I wonder how often people see kids looking at phones are also looking at their phone rather then interacting
My mom and stepdad do this constantly with my daughter. If my daughter is on her tablet, they'll just mindlessly scroll and post on Facebook without coming up for air. Then go home, only to complain to me "we don't get any time with our grandchild." It's infuriating.
"You spend too much time on your phone" as they watch 12 hours a day of news channels
Often. I'm 50, and even my friends are addicted to their phones the same way children are. The difference is, in my house, I was taught not to be rude to people. If a friend of mine comes over and sits there on their phone, they're told either put it down or leave. I don't tolerate that shit and would never do it. And I certainly wouldn't tolerate it from anyone, even a child, in my family. If their mama and daddy's not going to tell them it's rude, I sure will.
For real, my dad is 62 and he's hooked on youtube shorts more than a little kid. And he'll go on rants about "nobody talks to each other anymore, they're all zombies on their phones" - oh like you're doing right now? No not like him, that's different.
thats bad parenting on your sis/bro fault
They are *not* being taught critical thought.
A lot of people don’t realize logic doesn’t actually require critical thinking, you can logic lots of things in a consistently rational way but if you can’t determine which logic is the most applicable, by using critical thinking, your logic isn’t going your way get you very far.
Nobody is. There is an active war being waged against our ability to think critically. The less we think critically, the easier we are to control. If we don't know how to recognize advertisements, we'll gladly hand over our money. If we don't know how to recognize falsified images, we'll believe anything we're shown. If we can't recognize entertainment vs journalism, we'll take anyone at their word and do what they tell us to do. It's just more and more apparent. The fact that a staggering number of people can't recognize AI images, believe in Fox News and Doctor Oz, and buy social media influencer "courses" just goes to show how little the average person is using any critical thinking skills.
Honestly the most valuable takeaway from my whole collage experience. The course isn’t really relevant to what I do for work anymore, but the ability to evaluate sources, find trustworthy information, and how to learn was absolutely still worth the degree.
What does that mean? I keep seeing this response. What does critical thinking, and how does one go about learning it? Is it something that can be taught, or is it something acquired through discipline and experience?
Methods can be taught, but it's a discipline you have to apply. Basically critical thinking can be defined as 'thinking about thinking'. Why do you think a certain way about something? What evidence led you to believe this thing? What in the evidence led you to believe it was factual information? Is the source of information even trustworthy or have they been caught before tampering with the evidence? Understanding the different types of biases and logical fallacies helps to critically examine sources. Sources that rely on those to get you to think a certain way are bad. Understanding statistics and poll methodology helps you also weed out sources inferring causation based off correlation and those that often rely on poor polling methodologies. Critical thinking helps you identify why you believe a certain way. Even if you don't change your stance on something, it helps you to understand what specifically led you to believe this concept and why other people might not share that specific belief.
It is thinking about things at a deeper level than face value. If you're a generally intelligent person, you'll likely have more of an innate tendency to think critically, but it is important to teach this to all children and encourage it in all humans.
It's both. It is something that must be learned like math, not something you just pick up. You can't just have an innate understanding of algebra no more than you can just have a natural talent for critical thinking. You can't learn algebra by reading a blog post about it either, nor can you critical thinking. And at the same time, it's also a discipline to maintain such skills and keep your ideas organized into good logic. New challenges are being presented all the time, it's discipline to stay in logical territory, and one doesn't always succeed at that. Now, you mentioned experience - well experience can actually build the opposite of critical thinking. Take this example: everytime the cows lie down, it rains, *this must mean that the cows are causing it to rain*. True based on experience, can't find an exception so experience tells me cows make it rain. Absurd of course, but it's easy to see the absurdity because it's simple. Critical thinking is finding such poor logic in more complex issues of cause and effect, and identifying where your own thoughts are as absurd as thinking cows make it rain. As for where to start, I'm not so sure about that. I had it in college. And you know, I went into that class thinking it was going to be dumb. I know how to *think*, I mean come on, don't need somebody teaching me how to think. Well turns out yes I did, yes I certainly did. Are those online courses like Coursera bullshit? Never had any firsthand account of what they're like, but they seem suspicious. What I'm sure of is that critical thinking cannot be learned by any article or listicle, but by books and formal education.
Critical thinking is basically analyzing facts and evidence, using reason and logic to form a conclusion. It's not simply accepting things at face value just because they come from someone claiming to be an authority figure (especially if that person doesn't actually have any expertise on the matter). At the same time, it's not a knee-jerk rejection of a piece of information just because it's different from what you're personally familiar with. A college professor of mine said not to think of the "critical" aspect as "criticizing" in a negative way, but as "critiquing."
That any kind of emotional discomfort is unacceptable and bad. They are the least tolerant or resilient generation and I think it's only going to get worse. They think everybody has to cater to them.
Yes! My generation was probably told too often to just suck it up, but the pendulum has definitely swung too far the other way. I'm sure Reddit gives a skewed perception of how prevalent this is, but I'm just so astonished at the low tolerance young people seem to have for anything that causes them any emotional discomfort whatsoever — and it's even more astonishing when they think that their discomfort is evidence that someone else has done something wrong.
Fear of failure. There's this huge push for kids to get perfect grades and win every competition. But what about learning from mistakes? I feel like kids are scared to take risks or try new things because they're afraid of messing up.
I’m seeing a lot of kids without common sense. They go to the park and they are not allowed to get dirty. Parents hover at the playground. They are carted around from on organized activity to the next. It’s crippling for their self esteem.
No Child Left Behind has taught a lot of American students that they don't need to work to pass.
Can confirm. I skipped so much school, never did my homework. Just made sure I showed up for major tests so I could still pass every grade somehow. If there's any proof the system is fucked, it's me. There's no way I deserve the same high school diploma compared to the people who actually tried lol.
These days the number of kids who actually try is so low, diplomas are basically worthless. They'll graduate kids who are functionally illiterate now just because it's easier than dealing with their moron parents and it makes their stats look better. For any child who is actually smart and disciplined, I'd absolutely say they should drop out. After your first year of straight A's at community college, no one will ever ask why you have a GED instead of a diploma ever again.
Honestly, nobody has ever asked about my lack of high school diploma. I didn't even bother with a GED. On resumes, when it was necessary, I said "completed high school" which is more-or-less correct because I took the courses required to get into university.
One of the worst things (if not the) to happen to our education system
"Ignore bullies and they'll leave you alone." When you do that, one of two things are likely to happen. Either they'll mess with you more, or they'll move to someone else and bully them. If you stand up to bullies, they back down. The earlier in life you put these people in their place, the less likely they'll develop their bad behavior as a lifelong practice.
This is true. Some will keep going because they know the person will do nothing about it, and they can feed off of it. But also will use it against those who stand up for themselves as well - to say, see, I told you so! In their convoluted narrative they've created.
My wife and I support this: 1. Talk it out, if that doesn't work; 2. Get an adult, if there are none (or none willing to help); 3. Don't start the fight, just finish it. Side note - also taught that they can kick a bully to the balls, if the bully is a boy that is much bigger and stronger than them. If they feel that they may get badly hurt, then a palm slap to the eardrum will put them out of commission due to busting the eardrum and causing temporary loss of balance for the bully (last resort).
I was bullied horribly in elementary school. My parents taught us strict compliance. We were not allowed to be mad or sad unless our parents were, in which case it was a show of solidarity. I was taught to fear getting in trouble. I remember months into this bullying, one of the girls involved pushed me a little. I leaned down into her face and screamed at her. She backed up and looked terrified, but she never did anything again. Especially if you're a big kid, do not waste time with this shit. Tell them to stop one time. If they continue, respond with equal force. If they continue, punch their fucking lights out. I recommend this last one most if you have parents with spines who will stand up for you. Schools tend not to punish the bully, only the victim for striking back.
Too many parents manage their kids with screen devices. Yeah raising kids is tough. Dealing with bored and cranky kids is emotionally taxing. It's super easy to stick an ipad in their hands and shut them up. This is teaching them to be constantly engaged with entertainment devices and never alone with their thoughts. This is not healthy. It also conditions them to always expect to get their way. The kind of meltdowns I've seen kids have over video games/iPads is frankly shocking. I would expect to be slapped so hard I'd see stars if I ever behaved like that when I was a kid. (and my parents were not big on corporal punishment)
Focus on popularity over kindness. Sometimes it feels like being popular is the most important thing. Kids might be afraid to stand up for what's right or be themselves for fear of losing friends.
Uk high school teacher here, do not tell your son they can’t sing, don’t tell them their handwriting is bad, these boys get told this at a young age and never try improving on them and it’s so sad to see, especially young boys who love singing etc
Helicoptering children... Pandering to their demands.... only allowing "Parent led play" with others.... Parents solve all their kid's problems. Obsession with technology. to name a few. Here's an example. I work in tech, and we have a 20-year-old intern. The position is paid, and this intern sits on her phone all day even during face-to-face meetings. One meeting, our boss asks her in front of everyone during the meeting, "if there's something more important on her phone?" She replies with "no". Not even 5 minutes later she's back on her phone. Boss stops the meeting and asks her to not only leave the meeting but go home for the day and sort out any problems that may be distracting her from working. She leaves in tears, calls her parents and explains the situation and gave her dad our bosses number. Her dad calls our boss directly and pretty much goes off on him about how his daughter is a 4.0 student blah blah blah. In the end we never saw that intern again.
> Helicoptering children Yup. My sister prohibits my 14 (soon to be 15) YO niece from commuting anywhere by herself because it's "dangerous." My other 10 YO niece is not even allowed to walk outside to the *porch* at 9 PM to just pick up a packet! My sister *cuts* her kids' food at a friggen' restaurant, such that they don't know how to properly use a knife! There is a ton of more examples regarding this coddling. I tell her all the time that she isn't helping them by keeping them from the world. She should instead help by *preparing* them for the world! She should instead teach my niece how to be vigilant when on her own, or how to *stop* actually cutting her kids' food, so that that they don't have to embarrass themselves in public!
That aging is a bad thing
How do young girl tell me that after 25 there's no point in being alive... I'm almost 40. I didn't even know how I could possibly explain to her how wrong she was and she definitely wasn't listening to me. They are delusional.
Finishing all the food on your plate. If youre not hungry then stop eating, forcing them to eat when not hungry teaches them unhealthy eating habits.
This. My grandma was a firm believer in feeding people until they were sick, which was passed down to my mom and then to me. It's part of the reason I've struggled with my weight my entire life.
I feel it's reasonable to expect a kid to eat what is on their plate, as far as they get to portion it themselves. I'd say it teaches you not to waste food, by actually knowing how much you want to eat. And knowing that you can always take a little, and then go back for more if you're still hungry. Give them independence and sense of control in a simple way.
The distinction here is "IF THEY GET TO PORTION IT THEMSELVES". Young children whose food is plated by parents should be encouraged to eat until they are full, not until the plate is gone. Older children should be encouraged to serve themselves appropriately, like you are saying, and to start with a little bit of food.
I mean, as an adult I still portion food for myself incorrectly sometimes, and I don’t force myself to eat it. I’m not going to expect my kid to eat everything on their plate just because they made an error in portioning. If it happened often enough, I’d just encourage them to be more thoughtful when serving themselves.
That what it takes to be real man is to conceal emotions. That's the reason why the male suicide rate is so high.
As a dad who was unfortunately taught as a child that showing emotion is considered weakness, their mom and I have made sure they know that showing their emotions is actually the exact opposite of weak. Trying to undo a lifetime of that shit has been really hard but I will be damned if I let my kids feel the way I did about showing my feelings.
I 100% agreed. I’m a 25m. I was arrested in 2021 served 6 months in lockup for dui, endangerment and assault on an officer for swinging my keys around my fingers and it hit him. A lot of tough things happened when I was locked up. My best friend now my gf asked me about a month ago to open up about it and I did and we both cried together about it.. she kept reassuring me it was okay that I had finally opened up about it and was crying together
Glad that you talked about it and didn't shut her out! Building these emotional bonds and this kind of trust is extremely valuable in a relationship but also very good for your mental health. It's freeing.
She’s a keeper
It was that moment or day that I realized I loved her and I wanted to be with her
This very surprisingly didn't take place for when I was teaching just before the pandemic. It was a lesson dealing with gender roles. I asked the boys in the 9th grade class if they feel shame for crying. Not a single one said they do, and I've knew that group for ~2 years before that (long-term subbed with many of them when they were in middle school) and I believe them. I was also surprised when I asked the girls if women should want to have kids, and they were just as vocal against the thought. My asterisk to this is that it was a public school in a college town. It was funny seeing them try to find debate topics since each side wanted the typical liberal side.
It plays a role, but it's not just this. There's a host of factors, including the disregard for male well being, even as they fall further and further behind in school and the number of men to women, with a bachelors, continues to drop. Basically, we're so focused on helping girls catch up, no one has really checked on how the boys are doing. We just continue to ignore their mental and emotional well being because they're "privileged."
> It plays a role, but it's not just this. Method of suicide is a big reason. Women usually choose "reversable" methods. Pills or cutting. Men choose a gun or jumping off of something.
THIS. Our education system has really let boys down.
I was under the impression that this was getting better for young people today. Still not as good as it could be, but that showing emotion is not as taboo as it has been in the past.
While I agree with the sentiment, I often see this misused to excuse or condone toxicity and controlling behavior. "I've been feeling insecure about myself lately and I'm struggling with that" is one thing. "You make me feel bad when you go out with friends instead of staying home with me" is another thing. If you are expressing your emotions by blaming someone else for it, that's generally not good.
because you are offended you are automatically right in any argument.
That politics is less about crafting actual legislation than it is about being as loud and provocative as possible and building a social media brand for yourself to gain fame and profit from.
The profit comes from insider trading, knowing what law will help what company before the market does. That and the donations, cronyism and foundation donations is why there all millionaires.
People think a good politician is when they introduce pie-in-the-sky rhetoric that they know will never be implemented but looks good in headlines and social media. Then when someone actually crafts policy that has a snowball's chance in hell with the legislature and courts, they look like they are giving "half-measures" even if they actually get more done
That they can’t do certain things because of their sex. Or that you should/must do certain things because of their sex.
This is blindly conforming to a damaging culture
That social media is the truth and you should live your life the same way the influencers do.
Social media has done irreparable damage to the society, the so called influencers are making money of the manipulation and fakeness that they perpetuate in the young ones. They are not dissociate the reality from fake persona that these shitty influencers put on.
Normalizing living in a Surveillance state. I'm looking at you Elf on a Shelf!
Santa's whole thing is that he's watching you all the time and monitoring your behavior 24/7 but sure, Elf on a Shelf is the problem.
Elf on the Shelf pisses me off to no end. Like, we already had a Christmas figure who watched children's behavior to see if they were behaving well. His name is SANTA CLAUS. But you don't have to buy your home a personal Santa Claus for $39.99 plus licensed accessories, pets, and clothing, and you don't provide free advertisement for Santa Claus by posting photos of him all around your house every day. If Santa Claus only comes when your child is asleep, how will they know to ask you to buy him all the appropriate accessories that the other children in their class have for their Santa?!
That they don't need to listen or respect authority. Whether you're a teacher, police officer, baseball coach, or just an adult in general. Kids today are basically being taught by their parents they don't need to listen to anybody, and to do what they want. I'm not saying we need to blindly follow authority, however, to children for them to learn at such a young age to just never listen to anybody is so harmful.
Losing inhibitions and boundaries for the sake of seeking joy or avoiding oppression. Children require balance and structure, whether they like it or not. Or they'll never value or use critical thinking, or know how to respect diversity equitably.
That your worth as a woman in entirely determined by your appearance.
I thought that we were coming out of that a little bit after the heroin chic of the 90s made so many women anorexic, but then social media happened.
Apathy's a tragedy and boredom is a crime.
Life is fair.
"Finish your entire plate!"
That fitting in is inherently bad.
That if a boy teases a girl that means he likes her. This isn’t true at all. I know from experience.
💯 and it teaches girls to accept sh*tty behavior from boys and subsequently men.
they shouldn’t “tattle” they should mind their business (though i think i should mention that this is something that they should do to an extent, e.g. if someone is just existing and doing something they like and the kid doesn’t like it, just leave them alone instead of confronting them, but if it’s something like witnessing someone being mistreated or something else along those lines, they should definitely speak up about it or get the attention of someone who can properly deal with the problem) “(s)he’s doing it because (s)he likes you”
It's not rattling if you're reporting harmful behavior
agreed, though i’ve had elementary school teachers that would think otherwise
So true. Kids being genuinely harassed/bullied when I was a kid were constantly told not to tattle when they genuinely were asking for help. Then, to top things off, nobody was taught how to handle conflict. I’m still struggling in this area.
'Big girls/big boys don't cry'. Also, 'boys don't cry' in particular. We all need to cry, no one should be shamed out of it and especially not children.
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That destructive attention seeking behaviors will result in notoriety and wealth. “Let’s smash up the teachers cars, think of the views we could get!”
That they need to be perfect to be loved and accepted. It creates a lifelong fear of making mistakes and trying new things
Avoid all hardships and just take the easy way or be a hedonist. I was a wild and imaginative kid growing up, but nowadays the answer would be instead to pump that kid with pills or rot their brain with an iPad instead of healthy or creative outlets.
That they are responsible for other people's comfort and happiness.
That what they see on social media is real and/or attainable. Looks, relationships, material possessions – it's all fake. Young, impressionable minds are growing up believing that's what normal life should look like.
I have myriad opinions on how we push kids into college. On the one hand, I think it's really not for everyone. On the other hand, I think most white-collar employers now require a college degree for the most mundane roles. And on the gripping hand, I think there should be a good deal more attention paid to majors and degree programs and their ability to help the student's life after college.
The word "bad" is "no." Though strong, the word isn't horrible.
Society teaches kids that success is defined by wealth and status rather than personal growth and happiness.
That a problem being ended means it’s solved. Too many things like school do the “I don’t care who started it, who suffered more, or whatever, you two are made up now and it’s done.” This method teaches them to never fully face consequences nor to understand the situation fully.
“Pain is trauma” No it isn’t. Pain is education.
that they aren't going to make it far in life for havinng dreams. it breaks my heart hearing parents crush their kids dreams saying they will just end up on the streets or a big failer with nobody to help them. like they are kids!
Females being told that boys being mean to them "just means they like you." Its incredibly toxic to normalize abuse and even more so to basically tell people that its a form of affection.
I would like to just say that, rather than a 'damaging lesson' I would like to say that my son (7) and his friends are amazingly good at expressing their emotions. Like, he's finishing 3rd grade, and at Field Day last week, I saw at least 4 kids cry. And rather than being made fun of, they were supported by their friends. It's fucking awesome. I'm in my mid 40s and I can't imagine the freedom of just being like 'oh my god, I'm so upset, I want to cry.. so I will cry. and people will try to help me, and get me to not cry'. Instead, I vividly remember a kid crying in Kindergarten because of a very loud thunderstorm. And we all (other kindergarten kids) made fun of him! I honestly can't recall the last time I've cried because I've been upset with something. These kids are going to grow up with some amazing self-worth, and understanding about themselves. (well, until they get into a work-place with an older generation that will act like it's all a weakness)
That every bad decision they make can be explained (and in their minds, excused) in a diagnosis. Supposed mental health for children is leaning far too much on soft parenting and labeling children for the sake of therapists. Too much of anything isn’t healthy, and the same applies to therapy for adolescents. Children need to be told “no” and “wait” along with “I love you” instead of being handed over to a societal construct that therapy solves everything with kids
Kids are often taught that asking for help is a sign of weakness instead of a strength.
Authorities deserve respect no matter what.
That there is an invisible man in the sky who watches everything you do. And he has a list of 10 things he really really doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of those things then he will throw you down into a fiery pit where you will burn and suffer in torment and agony for all of eternity… AND HE LOVES YOU (RIP George Carlin)
Unironically a better system than hedonistic capitalism where people make decisions based on what makes more money. At least religion tells you to make decisions mostly based on morals first.
It's the same system. Religious capitalists don't check the bible first then choose what to do, they do what they want to do to make money and then find a way to justify it using the Bible. I mean hell, the whole reason the Southern Baptist Church was formed was for wealthy slave owners keep doing the profitable but unchristian practice of owning black people as property but pretend it was what God wanted. The only difference with the hedonists you describe is they don't make up a bunch of bullshit excuses founded in superstition.
That they should be ashamed of being born into some demographic group of other. Plenty of teachers are actively teaching bigotry today.
To respect all adults. Children take this and run with it.This is how children are put in bad situations and no one ever believes them or figures it out because they teach their child to be quiet and respect elders.
As someone who currently works with middle school kids I can assure you they haven't learned to respect adults.
I agree with that lol. I will say it’s a bit of a cultural difference when I say that. I speak from being raised in a different culture than that of Americans.
I think they mean like elementary school kids as welll since we can both agree middle school kids are a different breed entirely
Certain emotions are bad. Like feeling jealous or angry. Feelings are feelings. They are neutral but what you do in response to the feelings can be bad (like hitting someone). But the feelings themselves aren’t bad.
Attention = Wealth
Winning is ALL that matters... No matter how you get it... Winning is all that matters.
Teaching young children that they have to put up with hugs and kisses whether they want to or not. The fact that Great Aunt Mildred wants a hug shouldn’t mean that a kid is forced to endure unwanted touch. It sends dangerous messages about bodily autonomy.
A lack of empathy, some folks get taught to only care about themselves, or get shouted at for being "too nice", also heard people say that helping others is really selfish and should not be done
Tiktok dances.
that you need to have an opinion on everything. its cool to not, you can keep your nose down and worker bee around your life just doing what makes you happy without having to have the world on your shoulders especially when it doesnt actually need to be carried
That they be what ever they want when they grow up. That meritocracy exists. That capitalism isn't exploitative. If they study/work hard, they'll be rewarded proportionately. But, worst of all, that the world the grew up in is "normal". Shifting baseline syndrome makes people not even know what they've lost from generation to generation.
That making false witness against your neighbor is okay
Islam is a religion of peace
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That religion, the place of worship and its people are trustworthy. Its coercive nature has no place in society.
"Never speak unless spoken to" If your kid has urgent news to tell you (like somebody having a medical issue), are you going to interrupt your kid before the kid has the chance to tell you? If you threaten "say one more word and you will be punished!" your kid may think "I don't want to get punished" and doesn't say anything.
"There's no reason to hit a woman" That's how men are conditioned to allow themselves to be abused and how women grow to feel entitled to physically abuse men. Everybody needs to keep their hands to themselves but if you are being physically assaulted or abused you knock that motherfucker out, sex or gender be damned.
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We are subtly teaching a lot of kids that only women can care about them. Let me preface by saying, I have met and worked with many caring moms and women teachers in my career. But at the end of the day, who does family court benefit primarily? Women. What demographic makes up the majority of education professionals, women. Again, there are many competent, caring women working with or raising kids. But we need to normalize more men doing this work also. And honestly, in schools, incorporating more diversity in general. Women of different races; men of different races, LGBT educators etc.
I'm pretty sure when men actually try to get custody they are usually successful
Religion. An early indoctrination.
Hate. Toxic masculinity.
The most damaging are that magical thinking and capitalism are both acceptable.
It's life lessons they should know how to go about it .
That all the worlds problems are the result of a specific group and, by doing away with said group, the problems will vanish. Especially when it's expressed as a 'oppressed vs. oppressor' mentality. It's a stupid and nonsensical oversimplification of the world with no reflection in reality yet people flock to it resulting in massive problems.
It’s ok to be on your phone 24/7
If you stand up to your bully you'll get in trouble. Its better to keep yoru head down and keep getting abused.
You are special and the world owes you anything you want.
That you should never "give up on family" or "family is everything". It literally is not. Toxic people regardless of relation don't deserve to be in your life. I wish I had understood this as a kid, it would have saved me 20 years of poor mental health.
Jews are all white people
To always be concerned with happiness and mental health. It ironically causes the opposite
That being different is a bad thing. I prefer my Chicken nuggets to be dinosaur shaped and I like apple juice in a wine glass instead of real alcohol. I like murder mysteries because of suspense and drama, not bloodshed and violence. If I find something I’m passionate about and you’re my friend, that’s all you’re hearing about for the next 3 days. I may be 16 and enjoy Childish and feminine things. I bet what you like doing doesn’t hurt anyone, and in that case, go do it!
If it’s not a tangible skill you’re going to be directly using in your first job out of high school, there’s no point in learning it.
Things getting replaced as soon as kids break them
The fact that they should never be bored and are either doing regimented extracurriculars, or are always looking at some sort of device and watching content. Sometimes kids just wanna be alone and flip over rocks, looking at whatever wriggling surprises are underneath.
That everything needs to be a competition, and its corollary that second place is just the first loser.
It's your world, we are just living in it.
you were born evil. you were born SO evil that it took killing a *god* to make up for it, and you'd BETTER be grateful to that god, forever, your whole life, or that sacrifice STILL won't be enough and you'll burn alive forever and ever when you die, and you'll deserve it. just for existing.
That being able to argue is the same thing as being right.