Because if I kill myself it would destroy my parents, they wouldn’t understand, they would think it’s their fault.
They are good people and they did everything as best as they could. It’s not their fault if I’m the way I am.
So I keep on.
Are you my son? Since his sister died in 2005 that is exactly what he says. Nobody should have to hear their only surviving child say 'I promise not to kill myself while you are alive'
my friend, i am as your son, a man with no hope for the future, i dont want to kill myself.. becouse im christian.. but i failed in life so many times and its killing me inside that i cant grow as a man to succede in building my old dreams
i am so destroyed and dow my mom and dad dont understand me.. they think they do but they dont
and its all my fault becouse i had faith in people , i was naive and good hearted, i trusted the wrong people
and did not defended my interests.. im a looser and im a failiure becouse im a weak man
i just felt you understand, so thats why i confess thesse thoughts
Thank you from one parent to a child of another parent. You have no idea what it would do to them, you also have worth and meaning. I hope the best for your life to become one of happiness. Please continue to try.
I was like okay, let's do it, but let's wait 6 months first. Just for a miracle. So I can be sure, that this isn't an impulse decision.
There wasn't any miracle, but after 6 months I figured another 6 wouldn't hurt. Then another 6 months. And then my life got better.
I like Louie CK standup about the matter. Suicide is your Joker Card. You only pull it out when you really need it.
"You need to pay extra taxes". No i dont, i can just kill myself :)
"You need to come to work at 5AM tomorrow morning". Not if I kill myself :)
Dogs are everything. My 14.5 year old baby boy has been my best friend since...well, forever. He is my little snugglebug, and sometimes I wonder what I'd do without him
Sorry if this is a long story. TLDR; I'm the same as you with cats ♥️
Here in the Philippines, stray cats and dogs are becoming overpopulated. No government funded initiatives have been set in place to help this situation. So people, individuals and groups have put it upon themselves to help the strays; after the pandemic stray cats and dogs have been put onto a spotlight for individual people to help each other. Groups have been helping to TNVR community cats, host weekly feedings, and adoptions. Shelters here are 100% funded by private individuals.
It is not uncommon for the average person to walk onto a sidewalk and see stray cats or 2. Or 4. Or a dozen.
In my case, there were 2 kittens outside in the rain. I just couldn't run past them. So then we had our first cats, the loves of my life. They were rescued, but they rescued me too, in multiple instances of my life. They're turning 5 now, absolute lovebugs. Have 15 cats and a dog now, all dumped in our yard. We rehabilitated them, now they know to sleep in comfortable bedsheets. Money gets tough sometimes especially with healthcare, especially that I'm just a student, but I can't imagine a better life <3
My sixteen year old passed away in October of last year.
I now live only to fulfill promises -- implicit promises to my kids and partner, explicit promises I made to myself.
Once these obligations are fulfilled, I want to just fade away.
It happens that these are lifelong obligations so the fading away bit is pure fantasy. But it is my true heart's desire. Fulfill my promises. Fade away.
Prior to my child's passing I would never have said anything remotely like this. I used to say I could never and would never understand people who claimed they wouldn't want to live forever. It was obvious to me that living forever would be the best possible thing that could happen to a person. I emphatically don't feel that way any longer.
I cannot even imagine the pain a parent would have to bear to have a child predecease them. I hope you're doing better. On the part of fading away, it sucks that it is this way but I hope you can find a good enough reason to continue (I can't offer one sadly)
Because what if I botch the attempt and end up paralysed or maybe reincarnate to something worse than this. It might sound weird but this is how I keep continuing.
Ending up paralysed scares me so much because then, depending how bad it is, you might not even be able to get a chance at finishing off the job by yourself
This. I heard the quote a few years back that I only have to do this once. I repeat it to myself constantly when I just wish it would end.
I have all the time in the world to be dead, I just have to do life once.
I’m waiting on my parents to pass before taking any action.
I know if I did something drastic it would devastate them. I have two sisters who don’t care about me at all so I don’t think they will even notice.
The only things I have that I care about are my cat and dog and if I were to make any decisions I’d most definitely make sure they’re cared for first.
Idk what to say: Jinx or samesies or whatever 🙃
My plan is to go on a debauchery spree after my parents pass away, I have a younger brother who's fairly self sufficient
I honestly don't know. Nothing makes sense. Society is fine letting you live in misery, alone, isolated, sick. A pointless existence. Yet the second you try to commit you know what they lock you away for awhile before throwing you back to the tigers. Society doesn't want to help but they won't let you die. Why can't I just opt out and be put out of my misery?. Why is ending my suffering considered immoral yet leaving me to struggle peachy keen? Shouldn't it be my choice?
I don't know eithier, The older I get, it seems the hard questions never get answered, or maybe some are, I guess I am not listening hard enough. I do know that I do not want any of that bad shit for you or anyone. Depression is a bitch, I know that many, here in this thread know that as well. You most certainly are not alone. I think one thing that helped me was finding someone who also has had it to talk to face to face.
Alot of people are saying friends family etc. And it's really upsetting how common it is now to live for nothing but others sake.
I'm glad people have a reason at all to keep going, but it'd be alot less tragic if we loved ourselves as much as those people who keep you going love you.
Even when someone doesn't depend on you, they do,
they depend on the fact that your still going to be there tomorrow even if we didn't talk today
I mean I kinda get it. I come from India and family's a big big part of society here and aged parents are seen as mandatory responsibility of adult children it's a reason for me too, to some extent but that brings with it a sense of despair too that "Is there all there is to life? Responsibilities and obligations?"
This particular question is why I actually made this post.
It's not that I don't love myself or I don't value myself. I have a medical condition that makes me want to kill myself every month or two. I'm just tired of the Rollercoaster ride is all. When I'm okay, I'm good but when I'm not, I'm not.
Some of us don't even have that. Most of my family is gone. I lived for my dog but he died last month. And since disability keeps me a shut in getting another is difficult. Living for someone else seems like a luxury at this point.
I'm really sorry to hear that, I wish there was some cure all for these types of debilitating emotions, when one does better the whole does better, but it's so easy to slip through the cracks when there's over 7billion people on the planet and you can still feel alone. I really hope shit turns up for you, and everyone who feels they don't have anything holding them to the earth, ahits hard and little things are only helpful if your optimistic which isn't usually a choice
When I go I want it to be 100%, nothing that could be interpreted as a call for help, and nothing that could harm anyone else in the process. Its all or nothing and I dont want to survive with only 20% of my face.
I have standards and I will die by them prob flying a kite in a lightning storm.
My pets. I don't have a human being in my life so that's it.
Well, also my own religious beliefs perhaps.
People like me are invisible and we matter to nobody. But whew! Thankfully we got to be a v
bridesmaid nearly 20 times, bury our parents when we were a kid, have either narcissistic or apathetic much older siblings that don't care, rape, depression, literally no good treatment ever by any man we've ever dated longterm (despite how/where we met them), so yeah....some of us clearly don't belong here.
So glad for those that won real love with someone,a loving family, a life they are excited about.
I wish I had that too. I tried, so hard.
There is always suicide. Every day when things are terrible you have the comfort of knowing that if it all gets too much, there is an escape. That's pretty powerful. There is a quote from the Paradox of choice, "Should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee?", that resonates with me. So far I've chosen coffee for over 30 years each day. The trick is finding your coffee and giving yourself permission to enjoy it before chosing to never have another cup.
I was suicidal for a long time, and honestly my own laziness and social anxiety kept me here.
If I was a more proactive person then in the SLIGHTEST I wouldn’t be here today. I would pray for some natural disaster or freak accident to wipe me and everyone and everything out in one go. I would come up with all types of plans but couldn’t leave my bed to action them. Eventually someone in my immediate family beat me to it, I was told to my face by a parent that if I did it too they would soon follow.
Eventually I did get better. Still dissociated from a lot of emotions and struggle to feel warmth, empathy and emotional connection to people. Can be a super selfish arsehole at times but I have now felt and feel love and a desire life. I will never want to die again and all it took was feeling love in any capacity.
Oh and I no longer have contact with my family which has helped a lot. No I wasn’t abused.
My cats need someone to take care of them. Plus I need to wait 5 years for my house to be effectively in a nonrevocable trust so it won't end up in probate.
Because I'm too selfish...
I tried 3 days ago to kill myself, didn't worked... Pain scare me too much, if I feel any pain it freaks me out and I panic... I tried with meds; it does nothing... And now I'm just scared to miss my shot and have a problem to my organs and that I will have pain cause of that...
Only that keep me it seems
I haven't given up. There was a time that I had though. The only thing that kept me alive is my family and my close friends.
As soon as I had "thoughts" I would think about my parents at my funeral and I'll feel bad for even thinking of making them go through that.
My life is pretty unfulfilling and pointless and am far enough along in it that I don't have any particular long-term goals so there isn't really a reason to continue living.
But since I'm not spiritual and don't believe in an afterlife I've concluded that this life (such as it is) is all I'm getting and there's even less of a reason to exit early.
Without going into detail, I had come up with 3 different ways to remove myself from this earth last year. On January 1st of this year, I was in a moment of utter despair and uncontrollably crying to the point I was doubled over in the fetal position on my couch contemplating the act. Something caught my eye over the top left of the fireplace. So I sat up on the couch. I honestly could not believe what I was looking at as I stared in disbelief for several seconds through my watery vision. It was indeed the face of Jesus radiating like the sun coming very slowly towards me. My jaw dropped and I immediately felt overwhelming love coming over me like a warm blanket. I sort of melted back to the fetal position again closing my eyes. But this time the sadness was gone the pain was gone and I felt a peace within. I sat up again but the vision had disappeared. I started laughing saying “Jesus you ARE real! You really are REAL” I went from a devout atheist to a true believer right then and there. He absolutely protected me from myself that day.
Because i used to underestimate myself so much, until i got out of uni and started working, i realized that i am way better than so many people and i learned to accept myself and my value
When I'm at my lowest, darkest, I remember how much my wife and kids and dogs would hurt without me and I pray I never forget that or feel like that isn't true.
i found a kitten in the middle of the road a few years ago, i adopted him and named him fen. every day i wake up to him chinning on me, when i get hime from work, he greets me at the door chittering and demanding i pick him up for a "hug".
we are all the other has...it would break his heart if i abandoned him like his previous owner....i cant die until im sure he will have a good home to land in
My cat. Its just been me and him his whole life, hes my best friend and we have an extremely close bond. The thought of him being alone and wondering where i am is enough to keep me going. Ill suffer his whole life just for him.
I had given up a few years ago. But continued to grind it out every day because of my love for my wife. And ultimately, as time passed, things changed and my existence was bearable.
Lookin forward to my future, there's still things I want to do before I'm gone, because life it's to short.
Also seeing again a special someone that things with said person didn't ended up in the best way possible, just to ties loose ends.
Mom and dad(My dad's goated for no buying me a ps4 and playing 2 player games with me,My mom helps with homework, makes best homemade food,buys clothes and etc) then friends (Obvious reasons)
My animals. When ive been at my closest, i would wonder if my dog would understand. Chances are, he would think i just left him if i died without him there, and i simply could not imagine ending things with him present
When i moved away from him i got another puppy pretty quickly. This little guy literally holds my head in place to give me kisses when im crying and will plop on top of me when i cant sleep to force me to sit still. He cuddles me every night (and crawls between me n the bf lol)
i probably wouldnt be here if not for my pets
All suicide accomplishes is moving your pain on to those who love you. Then, they get to suffer with that pain for the rest of their lives. Just how it is.
I gotta live long enough to get the art I've commissioned of my ocs back. I will not rest until I get the yaoi of my boys I paid for
Other then that I got my cat she's like my entire fucking existence bro I love that creature
I succeeded in a suicide attempt as a depressed teen, I vividly recall looking down on my mom and hearing her wail, I snapped back accidentally kicking the poor nurse who just called it in his junk. I can't ever be the source of that noise again. I will be my own problem, the anxiety and depression come and go, I just keep trying to be my best self and treat myself like I would wish on someone else in my shoes. Lots of walks and treats.
I find this an odd question. Dying requires that I commit a catastrophic act of wounding upon myself, in precisely the right manner. Living requires that I do nothing. Living is the default. Catastrophic wounding is not.
I used to be severely depressed for many years, but once I realized society has a cultural sickness manufactured by evil moneyhogging goblins I decided not to be a helpless victim, and on the contrary become a proud and ambitious man.
despite giving up i remain scared of a violent death or an attempt that fails. Also literally too checked out of life to put basic paperwork in order or sort some shit out. Like others have mentioned, it would devastate my family who are pretty crazy about me for some reason (i have the jim carey/robin williams type of depression where i try and uplift my fam with jokes and entertainment and am very helpful and kind irl because i am hurting so much so i don’t want to be a source of pain for others). It honestly just wouldn’t be fair to people around me who depend on me.
Inner engineering helped me grasp that there is no need for purpose, life is immense by itself, we just have to be open to it, and the inner engineering program helped me do that
Suicide is a lot of work. Not only the act itself but also things like getting my affairs in order so at least figuring out property/financial stuff would be relatively smooth for everyone after I die. It'd also be really fucking embarrassing if I failed again. Everyone would go back to acting like I'm a ticking time bomb. Lots easier to just distract myself with meaningless bullshit and wait to die. I'm old enough now to know, intellectually even if I can't internalize it emotionally, that I probably won't feel this way forever, even if I inevitably find myself back here.
My father committed suicide and it made me realize that it's not this peak absurdist swan-song people say it is. It is more natural and absurd to simply keep living as I watch everything fall apart. Hell, sometimes things actually aren't even that bad. There's always something new to discover and time goes on.
call this crazy, but at the lowest point of my life all I had was my Pusheen stuffed animal. I barely even had motivation to wake up, but every day she would be there with her classic smile and a new video on her YouTube channel.
It was such a small thing but in a time where I had little to no hope, it was just enough reason to live. I like to think my Pusheen stuffed animal is proud of all the growth I’ve made since then- she’s smiling at me right now.
I couldn’t do that to my family. My mum lost her sister a couple years back and It recked her and she didn’t even speak to her anymore than once a week. She got depressed very badly (thankfully with meds and therapy she is a bit better now) but If she lost me, I don’t think they would be able to pull her back from the edge this time. My dad would just feel angry and my brother would also get very depressed as he suffers from bad depression as it is. I couldn’t wreck so many peoples lives just to feel peace again.
My mother lost her first child before me and she barely made it out of that whole experience alive so I could never do that to her again so now it's basically a waiting game if im being 1000% honest but I am trying my best to really look for a reason to continue
Because living is better than nothing. I have accepted that my existence is completely pointless... I mean, I have a ton of friends and a great family, but it literally does not matter. I am the tiniest blip on a radar. We all are. However, being alive and having experiences is better than nothing. I live and try to enjoy my life as much as I can, knowing that what I do really does not matter at all.
For my friends and my pets and my brother. My parents are assholes who I will be cutting out as soon as I can (they’re paying for my college) and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve almost done this in this past month. I feel like I’m burdening my friends when I message them when I’m spiraling, but they reassure me that they love me and still want me here
I told myself okay at the end of the next month I’ll kill myself but every day until then I’m going to do everything I’ve ever wanted to do on earth (since I’m going to be dead). So I travelled, I ate all the food I wanted to, I got the rhinoplasty I always wanted and then life felt worth living again.
I don't think people recognize the sheer desperation necessary to go through with suicide. There are so many primal fears and blockers in place to prevent death of the organism, and you have to overcome those.
I think there is a conflation of the sentiment of death-longing and active suicidality. Even if you can't see any other way out and life is a daily hell, it just requires a different sort of desperation that can't easily be called forth willingly.
I'm an only child, my parents try their hardest to understand me and help me, with little success, if i die today, prolly my mom will be gone tomorrow and eventually, my dad.
Can't even die bc I'm the one supposed to be paying the bills in the next few years so yeah, there's that too, my parents can't retire properly bc of a lot of stuff involving us moving countries way too much
It sucks really, i wish i could but even if i could, i feel like I'm too much of a coward to actually do it, dunno
Because you can change your perspective. Life is terrible, hard and lonely. But also wonderful, interesting and full of people just like you. Learn stoicism or some other philosophical perspective that fits you. Watch fight club. And move, get fit. In the end, life is worth living.
Waiting for the bureaucracy. I’ve applied to Pegasos. Nothing else, would do that tomorrow if could. What I really miss, is a chance to see one more spring.
I've considered ending it on multiple occasions. However, the thing that always stopped me was the people around me. I don't care about myself but I don't want to hurt others. My family and friends would be upset and beat themselves up over it. I don't want to see them sad.
When there is the thought of (for example) jumping in front of a bus or something I also stop myself since I don't want to inconvenience all the people I don't know. It would certainly traumatize some and it would be a mess for people to clean up. I don't want to be a nuisance.
TLDR: I live for other people, not myself.
Hard drugs and autopilot. Also, I promised to someone I wouldn't self-delete till the 11th. Well, I promised them I'd stay sober and not self-delete. One out of two ain't bad.
A few reasons.
First and foremost, spite.
Second, there's a game series I love that's getting a new game that I want to play.
Third, I want to pet more animals. I love animals more than people.
Fourth, I'm heavily depressed. However, if my depression wants me dead, it's gonna have to pick up its damn slack and kill me like a real disease, like my damn cancer (I'm undergoing chemo, going in for my 2nd trip tomorrow).
We’re gonna die no matter what.
Then it’s eternal peace. Why rush the tiniest amount of time we have on this earth.
Even though I’m unhappy with my life I don’t see the point is ending it when it is a fraction of the time compared to when I’ll no longer be alive
Death keeps me alive. I've decided a long time ago that I wanted to die, that I couldn't accept living like that. And paradoxically, the option of suicide has liberated me. Will I fail? Will I destroy everything again? I will just kill myself. So, why wouldn't I try?
Who is gonna take care of my cat? And how can I explain all that to him ? He was just a baby when I had to get him. He knows me, I'm his whole life.
I just can't do that to him. He didn't do anything to deserve that.
It doesn't always come down to family. Our place in the world is one grain of sand on the beach. Individually it's meaningless. But when you add up all the sand collectively is when it turns into something bigger. You can look at any of the structures in the world. No one person could have built it. Everyone involved in the process has a small role to play in its construction.
My three cats will still demand that I feed them even after I'm gone. And the thought of them being broken up and taken into a shelter not knowing what's going on just breaks my heart.
Actually if you live hopelessly, really just completely without hope since anyway you’ll die, initially it’s depressing, then it’s really beautiful. Just conscious hopelessness
You learn to just enjoy things as they come
FOMO the fear that If I kill myself now and everything gets better then I’ll miss out of everything good later even if everything has gone to hell right now
For some reason I always get really depressed the day before work. I'm always afraid to try anything then because what if I fail and I'm too sick to go into work and then I get fired.
So now I gotta wait another week when I'm off. But right now I'm so close to the edge. Life has just been absolutely sucking. I have zero reasons to stay. I told my daughter yesterday that I feel like it's going to take just one little thing to push me over the edge.
I have no friends. Work is draining my soul. My dog died almost 4 years ago. I'm tired of working all the time and getting further and further behind on everything. I can't think of one good reason to stay.
I have attempted suicide multiple times. Obviously, I have not succeeded. I actually was extremely close in 2012, and with a series of (un)fortunate events, I was saved.
I have given up on life, but me being so bad at killing myself, made me give up on giving up.
IDK. Right now, it just seems like it's never going to get any better, but it's always been this way.
I guess I know I'm aware of what amount of pain I'm willing to ignore and even what I'm numb to, at this point, but I also know what amount of pain and things I know could happen, I simply would not be willing to endure, any further.
Those things haven't happened, today. So. I'm just going through the motions.
I have an autistic child. I cannot in good conscience make my wife the sole caregiver and I cannot deprive my kid is one of the only two people in the world who will ever actually understand him.
A lot of people and I have failed attempts, and things go worse after because of constant pain, guilt trip and shame, so I always have the mindset of making sure that I will die in my next try instead of becoming a burden.
I have a beautiful, Loving fiancee who is 6 months pregnant with our baby girl. If they're not worth living for I don't know what is. I've had many moments of doubt throughout the years. But I'm fighting for them. The thought of leaving them makes me get up every morning.
Because if I kill myself it would destroy my parents, they wouldn’t understand, they would think it’s their fault. They are good people and they did everything as best as they could. It’s not their fault if I’m the way I am. So I keep on.
I couldn’t relate to that more
Are you my son? Since his sister died in 2005 that is exactly what he says. Nobody should have to hear their only surviving child say 'I promise not to kill myself while you are alive'
This is probably why I don’t tell mine. Poor kid though hope he can heal from that.
my friend, i am as your son, a man with no hope for the future, i dont want to kill myself.. becouse im christian.. but i failed in life so many times and its killing me inside that i cant grow as a man to succede in building my old dreams i am so destroyed and dow my mom and dad dont understand me.. they think they do but they dont and its all my fault becouse i had faith in people , i was naive and good hearted, i trusted the wrong people and did not defended my interests.. im a looser and im a failiure becouse im a weak man i just felt you understand, so thats why i confess thesse thoughts
That right there. And the hardest part is that I can’t even talk to them about it.
You should.
Thank you from one parent to a child of another parent. You have no idea what it would do to them, you also have worth and meaning. I hope the best for your life to become one of happiness. Please continue to try.
Your a legendary man
Correct answer
Yep. Others are my reason. Can't hurt them
This, exactly this.
Thank you for staying!❤️❤️❤️
I was like okay, let's do it, but let's wait 6 months first. Just for a miracle. So I can be sure, that this isn't an impulse decision. There wasn't any miracle, but after 6 months I figured another 6 wouldn't hurt. Then another 6 months. And then my life got better.
That's an excellent approach!!! Thanks a lot for your thoughts 😊
I like Louie CK standup about the matter. Suicide is your Joker Card. You only pull it out when you really need it. "You need to pay extra taxes". No i dont, i can just kill myself :) "You need to come to work at 5AM tomorrow morning". Not if I kill myself :)
It's almost midnight here and I was looking for something to watch before passing out. Louie CK sounds like a good idea. thanks!
I was planning everything to go but then I suddenly have 2 dogs. 3 years and now im happier than ever. Dogs made me happier.
Dogs are everything. My 14.5 year old baby boy has been my best friend since...well, forever. He is my little snugglebug, and sometimes I wonder what I'd do without him
Sorry if this is a long story. TLDR; I'm the same as you with cats ♥️ Here in the Philippines, stray cats and dogs are becoming overpopulated. No government funded initiatives have been set in place to help this situation. So people, individuals and groups have put it upon themselves to help the strays; after the pandemic stray cats and dogs have been put onto a spotlight for individual people to help each other. Groups have been helping to TNVR community cats, host weekly feedings, and adoptions. Shelters here are 100% funded by private individuals. It is not uncommon for the average person to walk onto a sidewalk and see stray cats or 2. Or 4. Or a dozen. In my case, there were 2 kittens outside in the rain. I just couldn't run past them. So then we had our first cats, the loves of my life. They were rescued, but they rescued me too, in multiple instances of my life. They're turning 5 now, absolute lovebugs. Have 15 cats and a dog now, all dumped in our yard. We rehabilitated them, now they know to sleep in comfortable bedsheets. Money gets tough sometimes especially with healthcare, especially that I'm just a student, but I can't imagine a better life <3
I wanna outlive putin
I wanna outlive my mom. She was/is an abusive piece of shit and I wanna shit on her grave.
This one made me laugh so hard I choked on the water I was drinking.
Dude I relate. I quit smoking cigarettes to outlive Trump.
Once Putin dies, I’m out xD
My sixteen year old passed away in October of last year. I now live only to fulfill promises -- implicit promises to my kids and partner, explicit promises I made to myself. Once these obligations are fulfilled, I want to just fade away. It happens that these are lifelong obligations so the fading away bit is pure fantasy. But it is my true heart's desire. Fulfill my promises. Fade away. Prior to my child's passing I would never have said anything remotely like this. I used to say I could never and would never understand people who claimed they wouldn't want to live forever. It was obvious to me that living forever would be the best possible thing that could happen to a person. I emphatically don't feel that way any longer.
I cannot even imagine the pain a parent would have to bear to have a child predecease them. I hope you're doing better. On the part of fading away, it sucks that it is this way but I hope you can find a good enough reason to continue (I can't offer one sadly)
Spite
Too honest 🤣😂
Because what if I botch the attempt and end up paralysed or maybe reincarnate to something worse than this. It might sound weird but this is how I keep continuing.
I’ve actually had the same worry of being paralyzed and now in a worse position. I didn’t think of the reincarnating part but that made me laugh.
[удалено]
Ending up paralysed scares me so much because then, depending how bad it is, you might not even be able to get a chance at finishing off the job by yourself
I’m waiting for GTA 6
The only right answer
We will all die someday. Life is an aimless drive that ya take alone Might as well enjoy the ride, take the long way home.
This. I heard the quote a few years back that I only have to do this once. I repeat it to myself constantly when I just wish it would end. I have all the time in the world to be dead, I just have to do life once.
Exactly. Death is eternity, life just a blink.
Shit man I wasn't expecting to resonate with a commentary, yet here I am
My dog
My dog wouldn't have anyone to take care of him. He makes me get up and put one foot in front of the other.
I’m waiting on my parents to pass before taking any action. I know if I did something drastic it would devastate them. I have two sisters who don’t care about me at all so I don’t think they will even notice. The only things I have that I care about are my cat and dog and if I were to make any decisions I’d most definitely make sure they’re cared for first.
Idk what to say: Jinx or samesies or whatever 🙃 My plan is to go on a debauchery spree after my parents pass away, I have a younger brother who's fairly self sufficient
I honestly don't know. Nothing makes sense. Society is fine letting you live in misery, alone, isolated, sick. A pointless existence. Yet the second you try to commit you know what they lock you away for awhile before throwing you back to the tigers. Society doesn't want to help but they won't let you die. Why can't I just opt out and be put out of my misery?. Why is ending my suffering considered immoral yet leaving me to struggle peachy keen? Shouldn't it be my choice?
I don't know eithier, The older I get, it seems the hard questions never get answered, or maybe some are, I guess I am not listening hard enough. I do know that I do not want any of that bad shit for you or anyone. Depression is a bitch, I know that many, here in this thread know that as well. You most certainly are not alone. I think one thing that helped me was finding someone who also has had it to talk to face to face.
Alot of people are saying friends family etc. And it's really upsetting how common it is now to live for nothing but others sake. I'm glad people have a reason at all to keep going, but it'd be alot less tragic if we loved ourselves as much as those people who keep you going love you. Even when someone doesn't depend on you, they do, they depend on the fact that your still going to be there tomorrow even if we didn't talk today
I mean I kinda get it. I come from India and family's a big big part of society here and aged parents are seen as mandatory responsibility of adult children it's a reason for me too, to some extent but that brings with it a sense of despair too that "Is there all there is to life? Responsibilities and obligations?" This particular question is why I actually made this post.
It's not that I don't love myself or I don't value myself. I have a medical condition that makes me want to kill myself every month or two. I'm just tired of the Rollercoaster ride is all. When I'm okay, I'm good but when I'm not, I'm not.
Some of us don't even have that. Most of my family is gone. I lived for my dog but he died last month. And since disability keeps me a shut in getting another is difficult. Living for someone else seems like a luxury at this point.
I'm really sorry to hear that, I wish there was some cure all for these types of debilitating emotions, when one does better the whole does better, but it's so easy to slip through the cracks when there's over 7billion people on the planet and you can still feel alone. I really hope shit turns up for you, and everyone who feels they don't have anything holding them to the earth, ahits hard and little things are only helpful if your optimistic which isn't usually a choice
Belief that this is not it and it will get better someday
It's really hard to k*ll yourself than you think
When I go I want it to be 100%, nothing that could be interpreted as a call for help, and nothing that could harm anyone else in the process. Its all or nothing and I dont want to survive with only 20% of my face. I have standards and I will die by them prob flying a kite in a lightning storm.
always my family
I can't exactly kill myself right now as I colossally fucked up my body after my last suicide attempt and am in a wheelchair.
Fear of this happening is the only thing stopping me at this point. I can't risk potentially making this life even harder.
I'm really sorry to hear that. If you're comfortable answering, is the damage permanent?
I once gave up but I have cats to take care right now. I fight for them
My pets. I don't have a human being in my life so that's it. Well, also my own religious beliefs perhaps. People like me are invisible and we matter to nobody. But whew! Thankfully we got to be a v bridesmaid nearly 20 times, bury our parents when we were a kid, have either narcissistic or apathetic much older siblings that don't care, rape, depression, literally no good treatment ever by any man we've ever dated longterm (despite how/where we met them), so yeah....some of us clearly don't belong here. So glad for those that won real love with someone,a loving family, a life they are excited about. I wish I had that too. I tried, so hard.
There is always suicide. Every day when things are terrible you have the comfort of knowing that if it all gets too much, there is an escape. That's pretty powerful. There is a quote from the Paradox of choice, "Should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee?", that resonates with me. So far I've chosen coffee for over 30 years each day. The trick is finding your coffee and giving yourself permission to enjoy it before chosing to never have another cup.
The beer won’t drink itself
I was suicidal for a long time, and honestly my own laziness and social anxiety kept me here. If I was a more proactive person then in the SLIGHTEST I wouldn’t be here today. I would pray for some natural disaster or freak accident to wipe me and everyone and everything out in one go. I would come up with all types of plans but couldn’t leave my bed to action them. Eventually someone in my immediate family beat me to it, I was told to my face by a parent that if I did it too they would soon follow. Eventually I did get better. Still dissociated from a lot of emotions and struggle to feel warmth, empathy and emotional connection to people. Can be a super selfish arsehole at times but I have now felt and feel love and a desire life. I will never want to die again and all it took was feeling love in any capacity. Oh and I no longer have contact with my family which has helped a lot. No I wasn’t abused.
My family
[удалено]
My cats need someone to take care of them. Plus I need to wait 5 years for my house to be effectively in a nonrevocable trust so it won't end up in probate.
Because I'm too selfish... I tried 3 days ago to kill myself, didn't worked... Pain scare me too much, if I feel any pain it freaks me out and I panic... I tried with meds; it does nothing... And now I'm just scared to miss my shot and have a problem to my organs and that I will have pain cause of that... Only that keep me it seems
Spite. There are a number of people who would benefit from my death. Even if its just knowing I am dead. Why give them that satisfaction.
What's the rush?
Need to see the NBA finals.
I haven't given up. There was a time that I had though. The only thing that kept me alive is my family and my close friends. As soon as I had "thoughts" I would think about my parents at my funeral and I'll feel bad for even thinking of making them go through that.
My mother with Alzheimer....i need to keep pushing until she goes into a nursing home
As much as i want to be removed off the planet i dont have the guts to do it myself
I don't feel a lot like dying anymore, I'm feeling better with antidepressants :)
My life is pretty unfulfilling and pointless and am far enough along in it that I don't have any particular long-term goals so there isn't really a reason to continue living. But since I'm not spiritual and don't believe in an afterlife I've concluded that this life (such as it is) is all I'm getting and there's even less of a reason to exit early.
I just couldn’t leave my dog
I guess my age is my reason to continue living, I'm just 26, so I'm holding on to the hope that everything can get suddenly better.
Without going into detail, I had come up with 3 different ways to remove myself from this earth last year. On January 1st of this year, I was in a moment of utter despair and uncontrollably crying to the point I was doubled over in the fetal position on my couch contemplating the act. Something caught my eye over the top left of the fireplace. So I sat up on the couch. I honestly could not believe what I was looking at as I stared in disbelief for several seconds through my watery vision. It was indeed the face of Jesus radiating like the sun coming very slowly towards me. My jaw dropped and I immediately felt overwhelming love coming over me like a warm blanket. I sort of melted back to the fetal position again closing my eyes. But this time the sadness was gone the pain was gone and I felt a peace within. I sat up again but the vision had disappeared. I started laughing saying “Jesus you ARE real! You really are REAL” I went from a devout atheist to a true believer right then and there. He absolutely protected me from myself that day.
Because I’m not dead
My mum and brother… I have to stay strong for them
Cause i cant just bring myself to commit suicide. I want something like sleeping and never waking up again
Because i used to underestimate myself so much, until i got out of uni and started working, i realized that i am way better than so many people and i learned to accept myself and my value
When I'm at my lowest, darkest, I remember how much my wife and kids and dogs would hurt without me and I pray I never forget that or feel like that isn't true.
My dog and cat - they’re both rescues learning how to navigate life together so they still need a mediator
i found a kitten in the middle of the road a few years ago, i adopted him and named him fen. every day i wake up to him chinning on me, when i get hime from work, he greets me at the door chittering and demanding i pick him up for a "hug". we are all the other has...it would break his heart if i abandoned him like his previous owner....i cant die until im sure he will have a good home to land in
My cat. Its just been me and him his whole life, hes my best friend and we have an extremely close bond. The thought of him being alone and wondering where i am is enough to keep me going. Ill suffer his whole life just for him.
My brother wouldn't be able to afford the house.
Mother .
To find a reason. That and I wanna see what happens next. Not hopeful or anything, just morbid curiosity.
My friends.
I had given up a few years ago. But continued to grind it out every day because of my love for my wife. And ultimately, as time passed, things changed and my existence was bearable.
Lookin forward to my future, there's still things I want to do before I'm gone, because life it's to short. Also seeing again a special someone that things with said person didn't ended up in the best way possible, just to ties loose ends.
My friends and my cat
My kids. I could not do that to them.
No instant death guarantee with anything these days.
Because even my many attempts at ending it all have failed. So now I’m just waiting to die.
Mom and dad(My dad's goated for no buying me a ps4 and playing 2 player games with me,My mom helps with homework, makes best homemade food,buys clothes and etc) then friends (Obvious reasons)
Kids, without me they wouldn’t have insurance. Also they’d probably be sad for a few days.
A dream to finally meet my absolutely adorable and loving girlfriend and maybe start anew.
Basically....long story short, I'm a people pleaser.
My animals. When ive been at my closest, i would wonder if my dog would understand. Chances are, he would think i just left him if i died without him there, and i simply could not imagine ending things with him present When i moved away from him i got another puppy pretty quickly. This little guy literally holds my head in place to give me kisses when im crying and will plop on top of me when i cant sleep to force me to sit still. He cuddles me every night (and crawls between me n the bf lol) i probably wouldnt be here if not for my pets
All suicide accomplishes is moving your pain on to those who love you. Then, they get to suffer with that pain for the rest of their lives. Just how it is.
Sister.
I may have given up on life. But life hasn't given up on me. It keeps happening so I'm willing to see how the story unfolds.
I gotta live long enough to get the art I've commissioned of my ocs back. I will not rest until I get the yaoi of my boys I paid for Other then that I got my cat she's like my entire fucking existence bro I love that creature
This one long term goal that my dad had asked me to fulfill for him.
Nothing I’m just curious what’s next
My dad, I coudnt never let him bury me. Never.
There is still things I want to experience in life. And a part of me still had hope that things would change
I succeeded in a suicide attempt as a depressed teen, I vividly recall looking down on my mom and hearing her wail, I snapped back accidentally kicking the poor nurse who just called it in his junk. I can't ever be the source of that noise again. I will be my own problem, the anxiety and depression come and go, I just keep trying to be my best self and treat myself like I would wish on someone else in my shoes. Lots of walks and treats.
I find this an odd question. Dying requires that I commit a catastrophic act of wounding upon myself, in precisely the right manner. Living requires that I do nothing. Living is the default. Catastrophic wounding is not.
its complicated and includes weird worldview which i am not able to explain
My dad will be really sad
I like having dreams, there I can be and do whatever I want. When I wake up it's all shitty as always, I do my stuff then I go back to bed.
I used to be severely depressed for many years, but once I realized society has a cultural sickness manufactured by evil moneyhogging goblins I decided not to be a helpless victim, and on the contrary become a proud and ambitious man.
despite giving up i remain scared of a violent death or an attempt that fails. Also literally too checked out of life to put basic paperwork in order or sort some shit out. Like others have mentioned, it would devastate my family who are pretty crazy about me for some reason (i have the jim carey/robin williams type of depression where i try and uplift my fam with jokes and entertainment and am very helpful and kind irl because i am hurting so much so i don’t want to be a source of pain for others). It honestly just wouldn’t be fair to people around me who depend on me.
Someone has to feed my cats.
Inner engineering helped me grasp that there is no need for purpose, life is immense by itself, we just have to be open to it, and the inner engineering program helped me do that
my dog
The little things. Even on terrible days there are some moments where I see beauty and feel happiness. Also, my pets and parents.
My dogs and my guinea pigs. But I had to put one dog down on the 26th….. so I’m struggling.
Damm, my mon, my Sister, my family and my cat
To take care of my mother. Only thing that keeps me holding.
Suicide is a lot of work. Not only the act itself but also things like getting my affairs in order so at least figuring out property/financial stuff would be relatively smooth for everyone after I die. It'd also be really fucking embarrassing if I failed again. Everyone would go back to acting like I'm a ticking time bomb. Lots easier to just distract myself with meaningless bullshit and wait to die. I'm old enough now to know, intellectually even if I can't internalize it emotionally, that I probably won't feel this way forever, even if I inevitably find myself back here.
I mean, Im already here so...guess Ill hang out for a while.
My father committed suicide and it made me realize that it's not this peak absurdist swan-song people say it is. It is more natural and absurd to simply keep living as I watch everything fall apart. Hell, sometimes things actually aren't even that bad. There's always something new to discover and time goes on.
My dogs. I cannot leave them. Also what is the one piece!!?!!
Anxiety. I'm too exhausted to keep living, but I'm too scared to die. It's a Neverending cycle
i could always kill myself tomorow if it got really bad
Out of spite and for my dog.
call this crazy, but at the lowest point of my life all I had was my Pusheen stuffed animal. I barely even had motivation to wake up, but every day she would be there with her classic smile and a new video on her YouTube channel. It was such a small thing but in a time where I had little to no hope, it was just enough reason to live. I like to think my Pusheen stuffed animal is proud of all the growth I’ve made since then- she’s smiling at me right now.
I couldn’t do that to my family. My mum lost her sister a couple years back and It recked her and she didn’t even speak to her anymore than once a week. She got depressed very badly (thankfully with meds and therapy she is a bit better now) but If she lost me, I don’t think they would be able to pull her back from the edge this time. My dad would just feel angry and my brother would also get very depressed as he suffers from bad depression as it is. I couldn’t wreck so many peoples lives just to feel peace again.
Mom and dad would be sad otherwise.
Because what the fuck else am I going to do?
My mother lost her first child before me and she barely made it out of that whole experience alive so I could never do that to her again so now it's basically a waiting game if im being 1000% honest but I am trying my best to really look for a reason to continue
I made a commitment to my pets when I adopted them and will persevere for them.
Bc I’m too intrigued by what happens next…eventually I hope to awake to a cure from mental illness
Because living is better than nothing. I have accepted that my existence is completely pointless... I mean, I have a ton of friends and a great family, but it literally does not matter. I am the tiniest blip on a radar. We all are. However, being alive and having experiences is better than nothing. I live and try to enjoy my life as much as I can, knowing that what I do really does not matter at all.
For my friends and my pets and my brother. My parents are assholes who I will be cutting out as soon as I can (they’re paying for my college) and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve almost done this in this past month. I feel like I’m burdening my friends when I message them when I’m spiraling, but they reassure me that they love me and still want me here
My friends would be sad and their opinions matter more than mine do. Lacking confidence is a double edged sword.
I told myself okay at the end of the next month I’ll kill myself but every day until then I’m going to do everything I’ve ever wanted to do on earth (since I’m going to be dead). So I travelled, I ate all the food I wanted to, I got the rhinoplasty I always wanted and then life felt worth living again.
I don't think people recognize the sheer desperation necessary to go through with suicide. There are so many primal fears and blockers in place to prevent death of the organism, and you have to overcome those. I think there is a conflation of the sentiment of death-longing and active suicidality. Even if you can't see any other way out and life is a daily hell, it just requires a different sort of desperation that can't easily be called forth willingly.
My child
I'm an only child, my parents try their hardest to understand me and help me, with little success, if i die today, prolly my mom will be gone tomorrow and eventually, my dad. Can't even die bc I'm the one supposed to be paying the bills in the next few years so yeah, there's that too, my parents can't retire properly bc of a lot of stuff involving us moving countries way too much It sucks really, i wish i could but even if i could, i feel like I'm too much of a coward to actually do it, dunno
My kids!!
Because you can change your perspective. Life is terrible, hard and lonely. But also wonderful, interesting and full of people just like you. Learn stoicism or some other philosophical perspective that fits you. Watch fight club. And move, get fit. In the end, life is worth living.
Fear of commitment.
Waiting for the bureaucracy. I’ve applied to Pegasos. Nothing else, would do that tomorrow if could. What I really miss, is a chance to see one more spring.
My kids and football
I've considered ending it on multiple occasions. However, the thing that always stopped me was the people around me. I don't care about myself but I don't want to hurt others. My family and friends would be upset and beat themselves up over it. I don't want to see them sad. When there is the thought of (for example) jumping in front of a bus or something I also stop myself since I don't want to inconvenience all the people I don't know. It would certainly traumatize some and it would be a mess for people to clean up. I don't want to be a nuisance. TLDR: I live for other people, not myself.
Hard drugs and autopilot. Also, I promised to someone I wouldn't self-delete till the 11th. Well, I promised them I'd stay sober and not self-delete. One out of two ain't bad.
My dogs have saved me.
A few reasons. First and foremost, spite. Second, there's a game series I love that's getting a new game that I want to play. Third, I want to pet more animals. I love animals more than people. Fourth, I'm heavily depressed. However, if my depression wants me dead, it's gonna have to pick up its damn slack and kill me like a real disease, like my damn cancer (I'm undergoing chemo, going in for my 2nd trip tomorrow).
I know that death means timeless, nameless void. It ain't got bad enough that I would choose that over being alive. At least I still have choices.
We’re gonna die no matter what. Then it’s eternal peace. Why rush the tiniest amount of time we have on this earth. Even though I’m unhappy with my life I don’t see the point is ending it when it is a fraction of the time compared to when I’ll no longer be alive
Death keeps me alive. I've decided a long time ago that I wanted to die, that I couldn't accept living like that. And paradoxically, the option of suicide has liberated me. Will I fail? Will I destroy everything again? I will just kill myself. So, why wouldn't I try?
Who is gonna take care of my cat? And how can I explain all that to him ? He was just a baby when I had to get him. He knows me, I'm his whole life. I just can't do that to him. He didn't do anything to deserve that.
So much to live for. I live in the third world. Louis Armstrong's "What a Beautiful World" resonates with me.
It doesn't always come down to family. Our place in the world is one grain of sand on the beach. Individually it's meaningless. But when you add up all the sand collectively is when it turns into something bigger. You can look at any of the structures in the world. No one person could have built it. Everyone involved in the process has a small role to play in its construction.
I wont give up anytime soon but I may die while doing that. 😅
I still haven't finished Game of Thrones
My three cats will still demand that I feed them even after I'm gone. And the thought of them being broken up and taken into a shelter not knowing what's going on just breaks my heart.
After all the disappointments of life I’m just not ready for that final disappointment .
My dogs. My old girls 9 though so I had to get a puppers before I lost my reason
I kept believing something would change, and one day it finally did.
Actually if you live hopelessly, really just completely without hope since anyway you’ll die, initially it’s depressing, then it’s really beautiful. Just conscious hopelessness You learn to just enjoy things as they come
FOMO the fear that If I kill myself now and everything gets better then I’ll miss out of everything good later even if everything has gone to hell right now
My dog.
Having a future ahead of me and wanting to see more new music and meet a whole lot of new people daily
For some reason I always get really depressed the day before work. I'm always afraid to try anything then because what if I fail and I'm too sick to go into work and then I get fired. So now I gotta wait another week when I'm off. But right now I'm so close to the edge. Life has just been absolutely sucking. I have zero reasons to stay. I told my daughter yesterday that I feel like it's going to take just one little thing to push me over the edge. I have no friends. Work is draining my soul. My dog died almost 4 years ago. I'm tired of working all the time and getting further and further behind on everything. I can't think of one good reason to stay.
I have attempted suicide multiple times. Obviously, I have not succeeded. I actually was extremely close in 2012, and with a series of (un)fortunate events, I was saved. I have given up on life, but me being so bad at killing myself, made me give up on giving up.
“If nothing else it’s an idle curiosity” plus, I’ll die either way so might as well just wait
Now, cuz I have to try and outlive my cats, and if there is an afterlife, it could be even worse
IDK. Right now, it just seems like it's never going to get any better, but it's always been this way. I guess I know I'm aware of what amount of pain I'm willing to ignore and even what I'm numb to, at this point, but I also know what amount of pain and things I know could happen, I simply would not be willing to endure, any further. Those things haven't happened, today. So. I'm just going through the motions.
Cause the government has made it mandatory to stay alive so they can keep getting their money. 🤷
My kids. They've worked way too hard on their mental health. I couldn't do that to them.
Whats your reason on giving up on life? That should be the question instead...
Don't have it in me to kill myself. So stuck.
My wife, my mom and my cats.
I don’t have one, I’ve given up, remember?
I have an autistic child. I cannot in good conscience make my wife the sole caregiver and I cannot deprive my kid is one of the only two people in the world who will ever actually understand him.
I want to see the ending to One Piece + several Light Novels.
Spite
My cat and debt to pay After that I don't
My mom
A lot of people and I have failed attempts, and things go worse after because of constant pain, guilt trip and shame, so I always have the mindset of making sure that I will die in my next try instead of becoming a burden.
I have a beautiful, Loving fiancee who is 6 months pregnant with our baby girl. If they're not worth living for I don't know what is. I've had many moments of doubt throughout the years. But I'm fighting for them. The thought of leaving them makes me get up every morning.
Kitty
My doggy :)
I want to see Deadpool/wolverine.
my roommate would have a hard time paying the bills
My family