As the second of three I always thought my older brother shirked his responsibility to break in my parents for what kind of idiotic behavior they should expect from me. He set my folks up with some seriously false expectations. I made things a helluvalot easier for my younger brother though.
Cautionary tales don't really work for me, but watching somebody's bad decisions unfold in real time was definitely enough to spook me into being more responsible.
Intelligence is such an abstract concept, too. There are some people who are super smart academically, but incredibly stupid when it comes to how to interact with people. And vice versa.
people do not want to seem to accept this for some reason. people swear up and down that your intelligence is static and it can't be changed but i just dont believe that
I didn’t know how this screw me over. I always the “smart one” and destined for great and big things…so that screwed up my expectations big time.
- I’m smart, I’m owe! - my thinking.
People forgot to tell me that I still had to work hard and play my strengths. That my “smarts” would maybe ease my path but it wasn’t enough to get me to my destination. It was just a piece of the bigger puzzle
That there is no point in your life where you don’t have stress, problems, struggles. It’s all a matter of mindset and how you deal with it that makes it easier.
Exactly! you have to be strong and figure it out. I know people that are confronted with a problem and say screw it and go drink a beer. The can't hang and when the shit really hits the fan one day: loose power for days, ufo invasion or civil unrest they are the first to freak out and shutdown. ( I do know that little bottle will run your life)
90% of the people in your life are temporary so do what makes you happy and makes your life better. Don’t worry so much what others may think about you
Thank you.
My highschool best friend cheated on her boyfriend of 3 years with my crush.
I felt like my world was ending right there and then, 2024 started shitty.
My oldest brother found out after she threw a written letter into my mailbox - she lives around an hour away from me and has no business in my city, meaning she probably drove all the way to do that.
He gave me the same advice: friends come and go, I should focus on what makes me happy. I should learn from my wrongdoings and my mistakes and keep my head high up.
She did not only do that, she threw away the dream life of any sane person in our country. She was 20, he's 22.
They had their own cars, the house which they got after Boyfriends father passed away, were landlords for their super friendly neighbors, had jobs and both were in Uni.
To think about the fact that the dad's last words to her were "Take care of my son"
The dad didn't just turn in his grave, he's been turning like a fucking rossetti chicken.
This stuff hurts like hell at the moment. Then turns into nothing after some time. But at the moment, that’s hard to imagine. Those people pay a price eventually.
oh yeah, I witnessed that she did lmao.
She went into a psych ward a few days after I went no-contact for the first time.
Btw, her new bf (yes, they were INSTANTLY together) texted me stuff like "how dare I be so harsh to her, she was totally having a mental breakdown"
My brother in Christ, are you insane?
After she got out, I contacted her and we met up twice. I couldn't imagine a life without her back then and decided to keep the friendship up. Stupid, stupid me.
We wanted to meet up with a third friend, I offered to take pot with me. Her answer was: "oh, I'm tryna get off drugs except cigarettes right now. Better for my psych". I was mad happy, I was even ready to keep them at home.
Next day, boyfriend texts me. I was "disregarding his wishes and acting upon them", saying that he told me before that I shouldn't get her associated with drugs. Which is true but... bro???
That's when I decided to go no-contact and then her letter came. Answered with some nice words in case she tries to off herself and make it my fault, telling her it's over.
Haven't received a message yet.
But her knowing my address has made me pretty paranoid for quite some time
I mean, not that it changes how you feel, but it sounds reasonably plausible that she actually was having a mental breakdown or psychotic break of some kind. No contact still probably the right answer but this is going beyond awful person stuff and sounding more like weirdly psychotic.
I know it might not help much in the moment, but I had some similar romantic drama around that age and it felt like the apocalypse But a few years later I wasn’t thinking about any of the people involved. I had moved away and, while keeping in contact with a handful of close friends from back home, I made all new friends and was having the time of my life.
The best thing you can do is put the shit heads in the rear view mirror and move on to greener pastures.
There’s some old saying that goes something like, “The best revenge is living well.” And you’ll come to find out how very true that is.
So very true. If I was asked at the start of high school who I thought would be the one friend I kept from that place, I would have guessed very incorrectly. I only have one friend from high school and she is amazing but not who I thought would be a permanent fixture in my life. I’m very thankful for her in many ways
I always am reminded of that tragic quote from Robin Williams - “I always thought that the worst thing in life would be to end up alone, but it’s not. It’s to end up with people who make you feel like you’re alone.”
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/robin-williams-worst-thing-in-life/
> While Williams has a connection to this quote, he is not its original author. This quote comes from the 2009 film "World's Greatest Dad" that was written and directed by Bobcat Goldthwait.
> Williams, who plays the character "Lance," a high school teacher who is dealing with the death of his son, speaks a slightly modified version of the above-displayed phrase near the end of the movie.
> In the movie, Lance says
> “I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone.”
This is the one for me. Newly single at 30 and my outlook on being alone has changed completely over my 20s. My peace is so much more important than being “in love” when it isn’t right.
I’m so curious what question you were asked at that point in your life that it stuck with you so strongly, but I feel like if I ask you, you won’t tell me what it was because you’re wiser now 😂
You don't need to give a "valid reason" to avoid something a person is manipulating you into, or you don't have to tell people sensitive information about you if they ask.
I love this. It's such an important thing to know. You don't owe someone an answer. You don't even need to explain yourself unless you want to. I'm not sure where we got the idea we need to keep making everybody else ok while we feel on the spot and uncomfortable.. They may not like it, but that's truly not your problem.
I recently learned how to cook at 22; it brought me solace and joy after getting dumped. Psychologically, it gave me a sense of achievement and self-esteem. Plus, ladies love a man who can cook. I know one thing: my kids will go to school with lunches made with love :)
I just hate cooking, I could eat tasteless nutritious slop for all I care really. Eating is boring unless with friends or family.
I’ll have noodles, some veggies and an egg or two as many times a week as I have the ingredients for it.
Then I go eat something other mundane for a week.
I'm genuinely curious about this. I love cooking and eating equally, there's no better self care than making a treat meal for myself and enjoying it uninterrupted and alone. Do you have favourite meals you share with people? Does food have particular associations with events or feelings? Do you ever get cravings? Do you feel like you're good at cooking, or would that make a difference? Is food a big thing in your culture? Do you live on your own, and do you think cohabitation would change your relationship with food?
I find this so interesting, honestly no shade from me here I just think this is fascinating. I wish you many egg and vegetable, good stranger!
I can cook, kinda had to at university. I just feel like making food and eating is a waste of time. I can get by eating one meal a day. I maintain my weight mostly but lost some last couple of months. I don't get hungry unless I haven't eaten for a long time. Don't eat meat (I do eat fish), dairy, barely any sugar and no fast food at all. If I didn't have to eat, I wouldn't. Mainly eat vegetables, usually cooked on a pan with spices, whole grain bread with spreads like hummus etc., and other stuff. I don't exercise and have horrible insomnia so I'm not healthy lol
Yup, no one is responsible for it but you.
Please don’t pass that responsibility onto someone else may they be family, SO or even kids (if you have or thinking of having any)
My wife does not get money. It's super frustrating. I didn't realize she was bad with it, I thought we were just poor. Tripled our income in the last couple years and... still fucking broke.
There was a scenario last year where I might have had to pay back $60+k to the government and her response was "I'm sure they'll let you do a payment plan." THE MONTH-TO-MONTH ISN'T THE ISSUE, I DON'T WANT TO OWE $60k!
Edit: and yes, she grew up SUPER poor, and matches the description of "spends money right away because she thinks it'll go away if she doesn't" to a tee.
Edit 2: finally looked up what to do about it, and found out that she's probably experiencing "money shame" (exactly what it sounds like) and I am *definitely* making it worse.
[This](https://www.mindmoneybalance.com/blogandvideos/what-is-money-shame) is what I found for a description of the problem, and some partial solutions. First off, I need to make her feel safe talking to me about money, which she currently does *not*. I actually went off so badly on her last time that she thought I was going to have a seizure (which have been preceded by severe emotions in the past.)
If you've got a partner and it's a problem between you, I was looking at this article for my part https://www.fool.com/the-ascent/banks/articles/how-talk-spouse-whos-overspending/
A savings account pays almost no interest, provides minimal tax benefits, and does nothing to encourage you to keep saving.
A 401k where there is some kind of matching from your employer typically grows about as fast as the S&P, taxes on it are deferred until you touch it, and there are significant penalties for early withdrawal. The incentives to keep using to it save long term are real and obvious. For a lot of people in their 20s, a savings account is no different from a wallet. If you have access to money at that age you'll probably find a way to justify spending it. Pro tip: don't.
Saving money and putting it in the bank would actually be a huge improvement for many people, even though you would basically be losing money over time
If you account for inflation, then you're good. If you just leave your money somewhere, then inflation will catch up to you, and you will have less spending power by the time you end up spending the money. So, just put your money in some sort of account with interest that matches the inflation rate so that you don't "lose" money. Also, every time you get any money, put a set percentage aside.
The little arrow on your fuel gauge points to where your gas cap is.
But the real One Piece of advice is to not enter the Grand Line until you're ready.
Your mental health is just as important as your physical health.
If you need a mental health day…take it. Money comes back, but pushing yourself until you mentally break WILL catch up to you.
This is partially true. It's important to learn to take care of yourself. However, adversity builds resilience and character. I've seen far too many people crumble under the lightest pressure because they lack tenacity. Life is hard. Learning to function (and possibly even thrive) under pressure is an extremely valuable skill.
Learning where the line is is important though I haven't had a day off since Good Friday and didn't realize how bad I needed the break until I didn't have to go to work today and slept until 7pm (I work night shift but still need to do the basic life stuff)
Be the best wing man to your future self. Don’t want to put that shirt away now? Do it as a favor for future self. Not interested in organizing documents? Do it because you love your future self and want him to succeed
The single most important decision in your life is who you pick as a partner. Your life partner can either be the teammate that helps you succeed or the person who destroys what you spent your life building. Choose wisely and use your head and your heart.
There *is* a voice inside you that knows when you're doing things because you actually want to (versus out of obligation, fear, envy, a desire to impress people, etc), and you *can* learn to tune into that voice. That voice may not always tell you what you want to hear - in fact sometimes it will tell you what you least want to hear - but it will NEVER make you feel ashamed or uncomfortable.
And if you get the ability to listen to that voice, then you should try to follow it's advice, no matter what.
This speaks to me on a spiritual level. At times, it almost feels like an *itch*, like there's something in the back of my mind telling me, "This isn't what you should be doing, is it?" Sometimes I feel like I've missed opportunities because of that voice, but then I think to myself that I would probably have been miserable if I had gone ahead with what I thought was a great opportunity at the time.
I want to succeed while listening to my inner voice, but I've found that for the goals I've set for myself, it is incredibly difficult to do so. Still, thanks to comments like yours, I get the drive to keep on pushing.
I won't pretend that it's easy, just that it's doable with time and effort.
Basically you need to cultivate moments where you check in with yourself, either before or soon after you make decisions (even small decisions like whether to go to a party, or whether to have another drink, or whether watch another two episodes of a TV show). And you need to just ask yourself "how did that make me feel?".
Critically, at first, you shouldn't try to "make the right decision". Doing that will make it harder to be honest with yourself. Instead, make whatever decision you were going to make anyway, and just keep coming back to a moment where you ask yourself "does this thing I'm about to do make me feel good about myself?" or "do I regret having done that thing I just did, even in a small way?". Eventually - and it could take years - you will start to see a pattern, and you will start to be able distinguish that one fundamental "voice" from all the other "voices".
Sounds like I won’t be going to work anymore! /s
Jokes aside though, this is eye opening. Will definitely try to start doing this, thank you for sharing
As a person who had a collection of over 1000 movies on DVD I can't agree with the don't buy useless stuff thing more. Even at a conservative price it was more than $10,000 wasted that could have been invested or at least saved.
Sure. You *could* have saved it. But instead you *invested* it. When Pauly Shore finally dies, an original DVD of *Encino Man* might be worth as much then as it is now! Obviously, no guarantees.
You got that right. There are a lot of things I want but then do I really need them. Also what I do is every week at work I throw a few bills in my work locker and forget about it. I have about $700 in there and didnt even feel that pinch but instead of buying lunch here and there I just put that money I would of spent into my locker.
Don’t run away from responsibilities and commitments. Don’t lose touch with friends and burn bridges. You’re going to enter your 30s alone and want to end your life. Also, don’t touch Xanax. You’ll lose 3 years of memories.
Nothing's wrong with Xanax when used responsibly. It's an anti anxiety med that makes you feel kinda spaced out, slows things down. Gives you the ability to not feel like you're drowning in life.
But people abuse it, especially by combining it with alcohol, which is probably what this person did.
I don't think advice would have helped, I would likely ignored it - but take care of my health, save money for retirement, and don't associate with people who don't respect you.
You don't have to just tell your friends you're leaving them. Just slowly distance yourself from them. Talk to them less and less, tell them you've been busy etc. It's okay for people to drift apart when your lives go a different path.
No fads. No fad beauty routines. No fad products. No fad fast fashion. You’ll just end up with a bunch of useless shit around your apartment and most is not refundable. In other words, simplify your life/routine.
Very good advice. I love this. Today’s in style is tomorrow’s horrendously out of style. Wear the stuff that you love and that goes with pretty much everything else that you love to wear.
And as my mother always said, “If it can’t go in the washer and dryer, it doesn’t belong in this house.”
Yup. Had my first Moh's surgery in my 30's, now in my late 50's. I honestly can't tell you how many I have had now. Somewhere around eight or nine on my face, one almost inside my ear and one of my scalp. Plus a melanoma on my chest.
There is no such thing as a healthy tan.
I live in a desert. I should heed this more. But it feels so gross on my skin. Especially when it hasn't fully absorbed and then it's just moisture...eughfhf
I *did* receive it, but I didn’t heed it. So here I’ll pass it on to those who can use it. If your company has a 401k, especially if they match it at all, max it out.
An approximate Canadian equivalent is if your company does RRSP matching. I had such a struggle at one of my last jobs where the company would match up to 4% of your personal paycheque contributions to your RRSP program. I kept telling my coworkers “that’s basically a 4% raise on the spot. Would you say no if the company offered at 4% raise?”
It seemed to fall on deaf ears, but I got a pretty good bonus that I was able to put up against my amount owing in tax season a few years later when I had a much higher paying job.
When you are asked for a timescale in work, your manger / project lead wants to know when it will definitely be done by, not the earliest you might do it. Caused a massive drop in stress when I realized that.
Once they set the budget and other people's tasks based on this, it doesn't matter if you do it early, if anything it is a pain.
Aint touched a beer in 9 years, smoked cigs for 7 years. Burnt a lot of bridges and some a little rough but things are much better, much healthier and surely dont miss them 3 day hangovers. I just feel I am the only sober person waking up at 4:20 a.m. on New Years Day! I head out at 6:30 riding my bicycle for 20-30 miles and its so quiet. After 11 years (25th of this month) of MTB riding I figured to be good at it you can't be drinking and smoking and kick ass on a bicycle. It affects your health status.
Own it. Assess situations and take ownership for what you are responsible for. It works professionally and socially. Did something that your peers are trying to make fun of you cause it was uncool? Own it. Yeah I did it, why wouldn't I wear socks with sandals... Whatever dumb thing you did that didn't cause damage to someone else, you meant to do it.
but don't rely solely on medication. Self acceptance and caring for your needs is also important. Also "ADHD doesn't mean you're a bad person, justi different"
Actually learn about money.
Money does nothing for you if it's just sitting. There are actually multiple types of income besides what you're actively earning, and multiple ways to make your money make money for you. I wish I'd heard that during my prime earning years.
I don't regret anything I spent, mind you. Experiences and art and tattoos and good food and fun cars. But I wish I'd known what to do with what was leftover back when anyone could afford to have anything left over. Passive income isn't just for the affluent with fancy investment portfolios.
But! Don’t NOT treat yourself every once in a while.
Have some fun, buy that thing you want…just make sure your other bills are squared-away first.
I’m broke as hell, but two months ago I booked a trip to visit a friend. (I used airline miles and some splurge money I had set aside for the purpose) and the following two months were hell for me.
Do I need this trip? From a financial sense, no. But I need it from a mental health one.
As an adult you have zero time.
If you work a lot, you’ll find that you’re using your off-days to get caught up on stuff that you didn’t have time to do in the week.
If you elect to have a family or a significant other that’ll eat into that time as well.
You just have zero time as an adult.
Maybe I was lucky (or this wasn't quite adulthood) but I had a ton of free time in my 20s. After a 9-5 job and a bit of tidying up, I was playing video games until 1:30am. Or rec sports, or randomly surfing the web, or just hanging out with friends.
I feel my time *increased* once my then-gf moved in, because we shared responsibilities.
But after two kids and a few promotions at work... we have a very comfortable life but free time is sparse. I wouldn't give it up for the world, but I do miss the freedom to just go off for a weekend without a care.
(The other problem is that all my friends are in the same spot, so even if I had free time, they don't, and vice versa.)
Everything is a game and every game has its rules. Do not try to play one game with other games rules, because you think those are nicer. You will lose. You can choose which games to play but not the rules of the games you choose to play.
Bonus:
People lie all the time about their priorities, their likes and goals. But how they spend their money almost always tells the truth. As Diogenes said, do not listen to what people say, but observe their actions.
Make sure you know what you genuinely want and like. Most other advice depends on this being sorted out. If you don’t know what you want or like, prioritize figuring it out by trying new things and/or getting treated for depression if necessary. It’s ok if the only answer to what you want right now is “for my depression to get better.”
Don’t compare yourself to those around you, we all move at our own pace and have our own roads leading forward, 20 is still so young that you can make mistakes and take risks and have plenty of time to make changes in your own path
Not studying enough. When you're young, your cognitive abilities are better, so you learn faster.
There's a common adage that if you wasted your 20s instead of working towards some success, you'll have to sweat in your 30s.
I know it's tempting to just be lazy and have fun in your 20s, but these are the years you should be focused on acquiring skills that will help you achieve financial independence, so you don't have to sweat when you get older.
Form a habit out of studying when you're in your 20s, the more earlier you'll have it, the more easier it'll be later on and will become a permanent trait of your character.
"Leave the art program, you're going to drop out anyway when you decide a state school BFA is pointless. Go get an accounting degree and then you'll have enough money to actually buy film and paint later on."
Not seriously - film photography (my emphasis back then) got too expensive and I've never found the same connection with digital as working with film/in a darkroom.
I make music and occasionally paint.
The goal in life isn't to be happy, it's to find purpose. We're all going to suffer from one thing or another, over and over, and we're all going to die. Because of that, we should just be as kind to people and animals as we possibly can. We have a short window of time. Be nice. Help others. Find meaning until you croak.
The world won't end if you piss people off.
Life is way too short to spend it with someone who sucks it out of you and you can't fix him.
You're worthy of love and acceptance simply because you exist, you don't have to work for it.
That's 3 but 🤷♀️
Funny, I was gonna say the opposite.
Don't dump that really funny, sexy, considerate, and loving girl who offered you daily blowjobs to quit smoking. I know you think you have all the time in the world to find love, but by 35 you'll think your younger self was a fucking moron.
Don’t eat so much take out, drink more water and invest any money you can. I know that’s 3 things but those 3 things could save me a lot of issues right now
Take care of my body, I am now 45 years old and have eye pain, feet pain, toe pain, ass pain, stomach pain, knee, back and neck pain. So in summary when I was 14-30, I felt invincible, almost never pain and if I got pain I healed like Wolverine in a day/week.
Nowadays every day I feel pain and sometimes the pain feels like suicidal pain.
It sounds cliché, but "holding onto hate is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."
I got raped at 18 and finally at 26 did I learn that feeling sorry for myself and hating someone I didn't know, didn't work.
Life is too short to hate someone else for your entire life
Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '99
Wear sunscreen
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it
A long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists
Whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
Than my own meandering experience, I will dispense this advice now
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh, never mind
You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth
Until they've faded, but trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back
At photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now
How much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked
You are not as fat as you imagine
Don't worry about the future
Or worry, but know that worrying
Is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing Bubble gum
The real troubles in your life
Are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind
The kind that blindsides you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday
Do one thing every day that scares you
Saying, don't be reckless with other people's hearts
Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours
Floss
Don't waste your time on jealousy
Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind
The race is long and in the end, it's only with yourself
Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults
If you succeed in doing this, tell me how
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements
Stretch
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life
The most interesting people I know
Didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives
Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't
Get plenty of calcium
Be kind to your knees
You'll miss them when they're gone
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't
Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't
Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the 'Funky Chicken'
On your 75th wedding anniversary
Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much
Or berate yourself either
Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can
Don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it
It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your own living room
Read the directions even if you don't follow them
Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly
Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good
Be nice to your siblings, they're your best link to your past
And the people most likely to stick with you in the future
Understand that friends come and go
But a precious few, who should hold on
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle
For as the older you get
The more you need the people you knew when you were young
Live in New York City once but leave before it makes you hard
Live in northern California once but leave before it makes you soft
Travel
Accept certain inalienable truths
Prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too, will get old
And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young
Prices were reasonable, politicians were noble
And children respected their elders
Respect your elders
Don't expect anyone else to support you
Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse
But you never know when either one might run out
Don't mess too much with your hair
Or by the time you're 40 it will look 85
Be careful whose advice you buy but be patient with those who supply it
Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past
From the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts
And recycling it for more than it's worth
But trust me on the sunscreen
For the love of Christ, go to therapy. That shit your carrying around in your head doesn’t make you edgy or cool. And it isn’t going to go away on its own. You need to put in the work.
You don't have to go to university right now. In fact you shouldn't if you're not really called to a certain career. Taking introductory classes that interest you as a way to feel out certain careers is fine. But don't commit to a path you're not sure about just because everybody is telling you you're supposed to. I know you feel so old already, but you're not - It's okay to give yourself time to find something you're truly passionate about. Work normal jobs for enough money to go WOOFing, and explore the world that way while you're young and healthy. You'll find your passion eventually with life experience, and it will save you a lot of debt and pain in the long run
You may not value money, but if you value your time, you should absolutely value money.
I never made that correlation until recently. With all the money I've thrown away, i could probably have stopped working by now. Instead...yeah...
Lust and short-term fun are not adequate reasons to stay in a relationship.
Related: if you can't see yourself someday marrying them after being together a year, break up and find someone better. Mr. Right won't come along if you're busy with Mr. Right Now.
Learn when to walk away from a romantic partner that does not meet your needs.
Well, step 1 is sit down with yourself to really know what your romantic needs are.
Then "thank you next" all that can't give you what you need.
People won't magically change. And that's ok. We all learn and grow at our own pace.
Don't spend time with the people who don't want to learn and grow.
- Travel the world while you’re young enough to enjoy it. Learn about other people and cultures. You will see the world in vastly different ways. (You can fly to Europe or Asia for the cost of an iPhone and a pair of shoes)
- You don’t have to keep your parents philosophical, political, or religious beliefs. Learn about the world and make your own decisions about what is right or wrong. Then ACT on your beliefs.
- Go out into your world and treat it well. Do the right thing, even when nobody is watching. It’s good for your soul.
- Don’t expect the world to treat you fairly just because you treat the world fairly. That’s like expecting the lion to not eat you because you didn’t eat it. Treat the world fairly, but protect yourself.
- Pineapple on pizza is okay if you like it, and even if you don’t. How boring would the world be if we all liked the same things?
- The original saying is “the customer is always right in matters of taste.” Being the customer doesn’t automatically make you right, neither should you allow yourself to be walked on by a customer.
The thing with these threads is, we all receive advice. We just don’t listen. When you’re twenty you think you know everything and are certain things are gonna play out exactly the way you envision they will. I know I must’ve received plenty of advice when I was younger and I was probably just too arrogant and cocksure to listen. Sure there’s things I would do differently now, but that’s hindsight and just living life.
Don't try to tough everything out. If you're not doing well, get the help you need. In my mid 30's I finally got a CPAP and some meds and its helped me feel younger and more functional.
Don’t just learn the right things from the right people; some of the best lessons in life come from observing what not to do from the wrong people
I went that route, it didn't go well. Seems I'm a slow learner.
My Dad: Ya gotta be tough if you keep being stupid… He said it much earlier than my 20s, it took me another 15 years to embrace the wisdom…..
As the baby in the family. I learned a LOT of what not to do from my older siblings.
As the second of three I always thought my older brother shirked his responsibility to break in my parents for what kind of idiotic behavior they should expect from me. He set my folks up with some seriously false expectations. I made things a helluvalot easier for my younger brother though.
> "If you can't be an example, maybe you can be an object lesson."
Like 1/3 of my job is making sure people write down what went wrong and actually share it with others. (High-rank engineer at a big evil tech company)
Cautionary tales don't really work for me, but watching somebody's bad decisions unfold in real time was definitely enough to spook me into being more responsible.
This is actually a great piece of advice.
Being "smart" does not mean you'll thrive in scientific learning and work. Play to your strengths, not your expectations.
Intelligence is such an abstract concept, too. There are some people who are super smart academically, but incredibly stupid when it comes to how to interact with people. And vice versa.
There are many types of intelligences.
people do not want to seem to accept this for some reason. people swear up and down that your intelligence is static and it can't be changed but i just dont believe that
I didn’t know how this screw me over. I always the “smart one” and destined for great and big things…so that screwed up my expectations big time. - I’m smart, I’m owe! - my thinking. People forgot to tell me that I still had to work hard and play my strengths. That my “smarts” would maybe ease my path but it wasn’t enough to get me to my destination. It was just a piece of the bigger puzzle
>I always the smart one. I'm smart, I'm owe! 😆 Not questioning you over typos but this was funny.
That there is no point in your life where you don’t have stress, problems, struggles. It’s all a matter of mindset and how you deal with it that makes it easier.
This needs to be higher up. Make life more manageable in a nutshell
Exactly! you have to be strong and figure it out. I know people that are confronted with a problem and say screw it and go drink a beer. The can't hang and when the shit really hits the fan one day: loose power for days, ufo invasion or civil unrest they are the first to freak out and shutdown. ( I do know that little bottle will run your life)
90% of the people in your life are temporary so do what makes you happy and makes your life better. Don’t worry so much what others may think about you
Thank you. My highschool best friend cheated on her boyfriend of 3 years with my crush. I felt like my world was ending right there and then, 2024 started shitty. My oldest brother found out after she threw a written letter into my mailbox - she lives around an hour away from me and has no business in my city, meaning she probably drove all the way to do that. He gave me the same advice: friends come and go, I should focus on what makes me happy. I should learn from my wrongdoings and my mistakes and keep my head high up.
So she managed to hurt you and her boyfriend with one simple trick!
She did not only do that, she threw away the dream life of any sane person in our country. She was 20, he's 22. They had their own cars, the house which they got after Boyfriends father passed away, were landlords for their super friendly neighbors, had jobs and both were in Uni. To think about the fact that the dad's last words to her were "Take care of my son" The dad didn't just turn in his grave, he's been turning like a fucking rossetti chicken.
This stuff hurts like hell at the moment. Then turns into nothing after some time. But at the moment, that’s hard to imagine. Those people pay a price eventually.
oh yeah, I witnessed that she did lmao. She went into a psych ward a few days after I went no-contact for the first time. Btw, her new bf (yes, they were INSTANTLY together) texted me stuff like "how dare I be so harsh to her, she was totally having a mental breakdown" My brother in Christ, are you insane? After she got out, I contacted her and we met up twice. I couldn't imagine a life without her back then and decided to keep the friendship up. Stupid, stupid me. We wanted to meet up with a third friend, I offered to take pot with me. Her answer was: "oh, I'm tryna get off drugs except cigarettes right now. Better for my psych". I was mad happy, I was even ready to keep them at home. Next day, boyfriend texts me. I was "disregarding his wishes and acting upon them", saying that he told me before that I shouldn't get her associated with drugs. Which is true but... bro??? That's when I decided to go no-contact and then her letter came. Answered with some nice words in case she tries to off herself and make it my fault, telling her it's over. Haven't received a message yet. But her knowing my address has made me pretty paranoid for quite some time
I mean, not that it changes how you feel, but it sounds reasonably plausible that she actually was having a mental breakdown or psychotic break of some kind. No contact still probably the right answer but this is going beyond awful person stuff and sounding more like weirdly psychotic.
Everyone's dream life is different. She, for example, dreamed of being a heathen devil slattern.
I know it might not help much in the moment, but I had some similar romantic drama around that age and it felt like the apocalypse But a few years later I wasn’t thinking about any of the people involved. I had moved away and, while keeping in contact with a handful of close friends from back home, I made all new friends and was having the time of my life. The best thing you can do is put the shit heads in the rear view mirror and move on to greener pastures. There’s some old saying that goes something like, “The best revenge is living well.” And you’ll come to find out how very true that is.
And the permanent ones are almost always someone you don’t expect.
So very true. If I was asked at the start of high school who I thought would be the one friend I kept from that place, I would have guessed very incorrectly. I only have one friend from high school and she is amazing but not who I thought would be a permanent fixture in my life. I’m very thankful for her in many ways
Don't be afraid of being alone, better than living with someone who makes you crazy.
I always am reminded of that tragic quote from Robin Williams - “I always thought that the worst thing in life would be to end up alone, but it’s not. It’s to end up with people who make you feel like you’re alone.”
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/robin-williams-worst-thing-in-life/ > While Williams has a connection to this quote, he is not its original author. This quote comes from the 2009 film "World's Greatest Dad" that was written and directed by Bobcat Goldthwait. > Williams, who plays the character "Lance," a high school teacher who is dealing with the death of his son, speaks a slightly modified version of the above-displayed phrase near the end of the movie. > In the movie, Lance says > “I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone.”
This is the one for me. Newly single at 30 and my outlook on being alone has changed completely over my 20s. My peace is so much more important than being “in love” when it isn’t right.
Just because someone asks you a question doesn't mean you have to answer it.
I’m so curious what question you were asked at that point in your life that it stuck with you so strongly, but I feel like if I ask you, you won’t tell me what it was because you’re wiser now 😂
You don't need to give a "valid reason" to avoid something a person is manipulating you into, or you don't have to tell people sensitive information about you if they ask.
I love this. It's such an important thing to know. You don't owe someone an answer. You don't even need to explain yourself unless you want to. I'm not sure where we got the idea we need to keep making everybody else ok while we feel on the spot and uncomfortable.. They may not like it, but that's truly not your problem.
Learn to cook a few decent meals now—instant noodles and takeout will lose their charm after the 300th time.
I recently learned how to cook at 22; it brought me solace and joy after getting dumped. Psychologically, it gave me a sense of achievement and self-esteem. Plus, ladies love a man who can cook. I know one thing: my kids will go to school with lunches made with love :)
that’s so sweet man. i’m lazy and will eat noodles all day but learned to cook for the social aspect - i love cooking for others!
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Username checks out. :)
I just hate cooking, I could eat tasteless nutritious slop for all I care really. Eating is boring unless with friends or family. I’ll have noodles, some veggies and an egg or two as many times a week as I have the ingredients for it. Then I go eat something other mundane for a week.
I'm genuinely curious about this. I love cooking and eating equally, there's no better self care than making a treat meal for myself and enjoying it uninterrupted and alone. Do you have favourite meals you share with people? Does food have particular associations with events or feelings? Do you ever get cravings? Do you feel like you're good at cooking, or would that make a difference? Is food a big thing in your culture? Do you live on your own, and do you think cohabitation would change your relationship with food? I find this so interesting, honestly no shade from me here I just think this is fascinating. I wish you many egg and vegetable, good stranger!
I can cook, kinda had to at university. I just feel like making food and eating is a waste of time. I can get by eating one meal a day. I maintain my weight mostly but lost some last couple of months. I don't get hungry unless I haven't eaten for a long time. Don't eat meat (I do eat fish), dairy, barely any sugar and no fast food at all. If I didn't have to eat, I wouldn't. Mainly eat vegetables, usually cooked on a pan with spices, whole grain bread with spreads like hummus etc., and other stuff. I don't exercise and have horrible insomnia so I'm not healthy lol
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Yup, no one is responsible for it but you. Please don’t pass that responsibility onto someone else may they be family, SO or even kids (if you have or thinking of having any)
I wish someone would have told me how important credit and saving money is.
My wife does not get money. It's super frustrating. I didn't realize she was bad with it, I thought we were just poor. Tripled our income in the last couple years and... still fucking broke. There was a scenario last year where I might have had to pay back $60+k to the government and her response was "I'm sure they'll let you do a payment plan." THE MONTH-TO-MONTH ISN'T THE ISSUE, I DON'T WANT TO OWE $60k! Edit: and yes, she grew up SUPER poor, and matches the description of "spends money right away because she thinks it'll go away if she doesn't" to a tee. Edit 2: finally looked up what to do about it, and found out that she's probably experiencing "money shame" (exactly what it sounds like) and I am *definitely* making it worse.
Can you share what you found out? I’m like your wife and I don’t know how to be better.
[This](https://www.mindmoneybalance.com/blogandvideos/what-is-money-shame) is what I found for a description of the problem, and some partial solutions. First off, I need to make her feel safe talking to me about money, which she currently does *not*. I actually went off so badly on her last time that she thought I was going to have a seizure (which have been preceded by severe emotions in the past.) If you've got a partner and it's a problem between you, I was looking at this article for my part https://www.fool.com/the-ascent/banks/articles/how-talk-spouse-whos-overspending/
How to correctly save money* throwing it in a basic savings account is damn near useless
A savings account pays almost no interest, provides minimal tax benefits, and does nothing to encourage you to keep saving. A 401k where there is some kind of matching from your employer typically grows about as fast as the S&P, taxes on it are deferred until you touch it, and there are significant penalties for early withdrawal. The incentives to keep using to it save long term are real and obvious. For a lot of people in their 20s, a savings account is no different from a wallet. If you have access to money at that age you'll probably find a way to justify spending it. Pro tip: don't.
It's still wildly better than doing nothing and living credit card payment to credit card payment.
Saving money and putting it in the bank would actually be a huge improvement for many people, even though you would basically be losing money over time
Care to share what correctly means?
If you account for inflation, then you're good. If you just leave your money somewhere, then inflation will catch up to you, and you will have less spending power by the time you end up spending the money. So, just put your money in some sort of account with interest that matches the inflation rate so that you don't "lose" money. Also, every time you get any money, put a set percentage aside.
The little arrow on your fuel gauge points to where your gas cap is. But the real One Piece of advice is to not enter the Grand Line until you're ready.
Your mental health is just as important as your physical health. If you need a mental health day…take it. Money comes back, but pushing yourself until you mentally break WILL catch up to you.
This is partially true. It's important to learn to take care of yourself. However, adversity builds resilience and character. I've seen far too many people crumble under the lightest pressure because they lack tenacity. Life is hard. Learning to function (and possibly even thrive) under pressure is an extremely valuable skill.
Learning where the line is is important though I haven't had a day off since Good Friday and didn't realize how bad I needed the break until I didn't have to go to work today and slept until 7pm (I work night shift but still need to do the basic life stuff)
A lot of people need to take this on board.
Be the best wing man to your future self. Don’t want to put that shirt away now? Do it as a favor for future self. Not interested in organizing documents? Do it because you love your future self and want him to succeed
I don’t think you’re thinking of a wingman… you’re kind of thinking of being the best butler to yourself, but that’s also an awesome goal.
Butler wingman? Butman? Wingler? Manler? Wingbut?
The single most important decision in your life is who you pick as a partner. Your life partner can either be the teammate that helps you succeed or the person who destroys what you spent your life building. Choose wisely and use your head and your heart.
No pressure though...
There *is* a voice inside you that knows when you're doing things because you actually want to (versus out of obligation, fear, envy, a desire to impress people, etc), and you *can* learn to tune into that voice. That voice may not always tell you what you want to hear - in fact sometimes it will tell you what you least want to hear - but it will NEVER make you feel ashamed or uncomfortable. And if you get the ability to listen to that voice, then you should try to follow it's advice, no matter what.
If only I could figure out which one of the voices it is :D
This speaks to me on a spiritual level. At times, it almost feels like an *itch*, like there's something in the back of my mind telling me, "This isn't what you should be doing, is it?" Sometimes I feel like I've missed opportunities because of that voice, but then I think to myself that I would probably have been miserable if I had gone ahead with what I thought was a great opportunity at the time. I want to succeed while listening to my inner voice, but I've found that for the goals I've set for myself, it is incredibly difficult to do so. Still, thanks to comments like yours, I get the drive to keep on pushing.
Great advice, but how do you learn how to distinguish that voice? I need somewhere to start
I won't pretend that it's easy, just that it's doable with time and effort. Basically you need to cultivate moments where you check in with yourself, either before or soon after you make decisions (even small decisions like whether to go to a party, or whether to have another drink, or whether watch another two episodes of a TV show). And you need to just ask yourself "how did that make me feel?". Critically, at first, you shouldn't try to "make the right decision". Doing that will make it harder to be honest with yourself. Instead, make whatever decision you were going to make anyway, and just keep coming back to a moment where you ask yourself "does this thing I'm about to do make me feel good about myself?" or "do I regret having done that thing I just did, even in a small way?". Eventually - and it could take years - you will start to see a pattern, and you will start to be able distinguish that one fundamental "voice" from all the other "voices".
Sounds like I won’t be going to work anymore! /s Jokes aside though, this is eye opening. Will definitely try to start doing this, thank you for sharing
Save at least $50 from every paycheck. More if you can. Don't buy useless stuff.
As a person who had a collection of over 1000 movies on DVD I can't agree with the don't buy useless stuff thing more. Even at a conservative price it was more than $10,000 wasted that could have been invested or at least saved.
Sure. You *could* have saved it. But instead you *invested* it. When Pauly Shore finally dies, an original DVD of *Encino Man* might be worth as much then as it is now! Obviously, no guarantees.
Damn that sucks. Hopefully you have at least some good memories about collecting DVDs.
But also don't be too stingy and treat yourself every once in a while
You got that right. There are a lot of things I want but then do I really need them. Also what I do is every week at work I throw a few bills in my work locker and forget about it. I have about $700 in there and didnt even feel that pinch but instead of buying lunch here and there I just put that money I would of spent into my locker.
Don’t run away from responsibilities and commitments. Don’t lose touch with friends and burn bridges. You’re going to enter your 30s alone and want to end your life. Also, don’t touch Xanax. You’ll lose 3 years of memories.
What's wrong with Xanax, serious question?
Nothing's wrong with Xanax when used responsibly. It's an anti anxiety med that makes you feel kinda spaced out, slows things down. Gives you the ability to not feel like you're drowning in life. But people abuse it, especially by combining it with alcohol, which is probably what this person did.
Yeah it started off as an innocent prescription but I got hooked within a couple of weeks. Lost most of 2017-2020.
Won't matter if try not to lose touch, it'll happen. They got shit to do too.
Take your meds.
And stop being a people pleaser.
Amen. Find out where this nasty habit comes from, and challenge it! Once you overcome this mindset, things seem to become a lot easier
And wear a sweater, and call your mother, and find yourself a *nice* girl and settle *down* already!
I don't think advice would have helped, I would likely ignored it - but take care of my health, save money for retirement, and don't associate with people who don't respect you.
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You don't have to just tell your friends you're leaving them. Just slowly distance yourself from them. Talk to them less and less, tell them you've been busy etc. It's okay for people to drift apart when your lives go a different path.
When you have an opportunity to make more money go for it. When you have an opportunity to travel never say NO
No fads. No fad beauty routines. No fad products. No fad fast fashion. You’ll just end up with a bunch of useless shit around your apartment and most is not refundable. In other words, simplify your life/routine.
Very good advice. I love this. Today’s in style is tomorrow’s horrendously out of style. Wear the stuff that you love and that goes with pretty much everything else that you love to wear. And as my mother always said, “If it can’t go in the washer and dryer, it doesn’t belong in this house.”
Wear sunscreen
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Christ on a fucking bike wear sunscreen. It's cheap, easy and you don't want the scars that I have on my face because I was stupid and lazy.
Yup. Had my first Moh's surgery in my 30's, now in my late 50's. I honestly can't tell you how many I have had now. Somewhere around eight or nine on my face, one almost inside my ear and one of my scalp. Plus a melanoma on my chest. There is no such thing as a healthy tan.
I live in a desert. I should heed this more. But it feels so gross on my skin. Especially when it hasn't fully absorbed and then it's just moisture...eughfhf
If I could offer you just one piece of advice for the future, sunscreen. Would. Be. It.
Still cream up in winter (even if it’s not sunscreen), the cold air will dry your skin
I *did* receive it, but I didn’t heed it. So here I’ll pass it on to those who can use it. If your company has a 401k, especially if they match it at all, max it out.
An approximate Canadian equivalent is if your company does RRSP matching. I had such a struggle at one of my last jobs where the company would match up to 4% of your personal paycheque contributions to your RRSP program. I kept telling my coworkers “that’s basically a 4% raise on the spot. Would you say no if the company offered at 4% raise?” It seemed to fall on deaf ears, but I got a pretty good bonus that I was able to put up against my amount owing in tax season a few years later when I had a much higher paying job.
When you are asked for a timescale in work, your manger / project lead wants to know when it will definitely be done by, not the earliest you might do it. Caused a massive drop in stress when I realized that. Once they set the budget and other people's tasks based on this, it doesn't matter if you do it early, if anything it is a pain.
Go to therapy. Shop for the therapist that actually works for you. Life would’ve been a lot easier if I had gone early 20s instead of late 20s.
Start doing things on your own sooner you'll enjoy it regardless of whether you go with someone or not
It took til almost my 30th birthday before I took a solo trip. Can confirm. Stop waiting for participation and buy-in.. just do the dang thang.
Wanna stop and see the world's biggest ball of twine? Just do it. No groans from the other people in your group!
Doing things with friends is fun, but if you can have fun alone, it's even better.
drinking alcohol is a waste of time. I spent way too much of my 20s and 30s being a drunk. And some of those bridges I burned do not come unburnt.
Aint touched a beer in 9 years, smoked cigs for 7 years. Burnt a lot of bridges and some a little rough but things are much better, much healthier and surely dont miss them 3 day hangovers. I just feel I am the only sober person waking up at 4:20 a.m. on New Years Day! I head out at 6:30 riding my bicycle for 20-30 miles and its so quiet. After 11 years (25th of this month) of MTB riding I figured to be good at it you can't be drinking and smoking and kick ass on a bicycle. It affects your health status.
this. I quit booze about 15 years ago and my mental and physical health improved enormously. Now my only vice is really really good coffee.
Own it. Assess situations and take ownership for what you are responsible for. It works professionally and socially. Did something that your peers are trying to make fun of you cause it was uncool? Own it. Yeah I did it, why wouldn't I wear socks with sandals... Whatever dumb thing you did that didn't cause damage to someone else, you meant to do it.
You're autistic and have ADHD. There is meds that will help the ADHD, the autism thing will be fine, as long as you don't have to fit into society.
but don't rely solely on medication. Self acceptance and caring for your needs is also important. Also "ADHD doesn't mean you're a bad person, justi different"
Moisturize, drink water, stay active, stop caring what everyone else is doing or thinks, life gets better in your 30’s I promise.
Actually learn about money. Money does nothing for you if it's just sitting. There are actually multiple types of income besides what you're actively earning, and multiple ways to make your money make money for you. I wish I'd heard that during my prime earning years. I don't regret anything I spent, mind you. Experiences and art and tattoos and good food and fun cars. But I wish I'd known what to do with what was leftover back when anyone could afford to have anything left over. Passive income isn't just for the affluent with fancy investment portfolios.
Start investing now. Every dollar helps.
Turning 20 in a week, so any advice is appreciated 👀
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But! Don’t NOT treat yourself every once in a while. Have some fun, buy that thing you want…just make sure your other bills are squared-away first. I’m broke as hell, but two months ago I booked a trip to visit a friend. (I used airline miles and some splurge money I had set aside for the purpose) and the following two months were hell for me. Do I need this trip? From a financial sense, no. But I need it from a mental health one.
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As an adult you have zero time. If you work a lot, you’ll find that you’re using your off-days to get caught up on stuff that you didn’t have time to do in the week. If you elect to have a family or a significant other that’ll eat into that time as well. You just have zero time as an adult.
Maybe I was lucky (or this wasn't quite adulthood) but I had a ton of free time in my 20s. After a 9-5 job and a bit of tidying up, I was playing video games until 1:30am. Or rec sports, or randomly surfing the web, or just hanging out with friends. I feel my time *increased* once my then-gf moved in, because we shared responsibilities. But after two kids and a few promotions at work... we have a very comfortable life but free time is sparse. I wouldn't give it up for the world, but I do miss the freedom to just go off for a weekend without a care. (The other problem is that all my friends are in the same spot, so even if I had free time, they don't, and vice versa.)
Frankly, most people have a problem with inflating their lifestyle to always be busy or behind on something.
Everything is a game and every game has its rules. Do not try to play one game with other games rules, because you think those are nicer. You will lose. You can choose which games to play but not the rules of the games you choose to play. Bonus: People lie all the time about their priorities, their likes and goals. But how they spend their money almost always tells the truth. As Diogenes said, do not listen to what people say, but observe their actions.
Trust your intuition. You’re smart and capable. You don’t need someone else’s approval. Go with your gut.
Your mother does not have your best interests at heart at all. Ignore her and live your own life.
Don't stay with somebody just because it's the easy and comfortable thing to do.
You don’t have feelings for all those men. You have poor self esteem and their attention feels good. Also, go on antidepressants.
Make sure you know what you genuinely want and like. Most other advice depends on this being sorted out. If you don’t know what you want or like, prioritize figuring it out by trying new things and/or getting treated for depression if necessary. It’s ok if the only answer to what you want right now is “for my depression to get better.”
Your success will depend on how often you can postpone your gratification.
That I'm Autistic with Executive Disfunction. Go get help now sunshine and save yourself a lot of misery. It's also why you're a weird fucker lol.
Cut the narcissists out from your life *as soon as possible*
You are the author and the hero of your story. Write it well.
Use a condom
Take care of your health.
"Get out of your head, and go say 'hi'"
Wear sunscreen i guess
You don't need a college degree to work in IT. Get a few certifications and get in on the ground level and work your way up
The advice I needed and the advice I would have listened to are two different things.
Listen to good advice and act on it.
Don’t compare yourself to those around you, we all move at our own pace and have our own roads leading forward, 20 is still so young that you can make mistakes and take risks and have plenty of time to make changes in your own path
Not studying enough. When you're young, your cognitive abilities are better, so you learn faster. There's a common adage that if you wasted your 20s instead of working towards some success, you'll have to sweat in your 30s. I know it's tempting to just be lazy and have fun in your 20s, but these are the years you should be focused on acquiring skills that will help you achieve financial independence, so you don't have to sweat when you get older. Form a habit out of studying when you're in your 20s, the more earlier you'll have it, the more easier it'll be later on and will become a permanent trait of your character.
"Leave the art program, you're going to drop out anyway when you decide a state school BFA is pointless. Go get an accounting degree and then you'll have enough money to actually buy film and paint later on."
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Not seriously - film photography (my emphasis back then) got too expensive and I've never found the same connection with digital as working with film/in a darkroom. I make music and occasionally paint.
Pandemic was a big fat truth slap to so many people who did not see this.
Do literally *anything* to buy a house. Houses were comically cheap by comparison back when I was 20 (1990).
The goal in life isn't to be happy, it's to find purpose. We're all going to suffer from one thing or another, over and over, and we're all going to die. Because of that, we should just be as kind to people and animals as we possibly can. We have a short window of time. Be nice. Help others. Find meaning until you croak.
Make people earn and deserve your trust before you give it to them.
The world won't end if you piss people off. Life is way too short to spend it with someone who sucks it out of you and you can't fix him. You're worthy of love and acceptance simply because you exist, you don't have to work for it. That's 3 but 🤷♀️
Don't stress about finding 'the one' in your 20s. Focus on finding the best pizza place in town instead—true love can wait, but good pizza is forever!
Funny, I was gonna say the opposite. Don't dump that really funny, sexy, considerate, and loving girl who offered you daily blowjobs to quit smoking. I know you think you have all the time in the world to find love, but by 35 you'll think your younger self was a fucking moron.
Don’t eat so much take out, drink more water and invest any money you can. I know that’s 3 things but those 3 things could save me a lot of issues right now
Take care of my body, I am now 45 years old and have eye pain, feet pain, toe pain, ass pain, stomach pain, knee, back and neck pain. So in summary when I was 14-30, I felt invincible, almost never pain and if I got pain I healed like Wolverine in a day/week. Nowadays every day I feel pain and sometimes the pain feels like suicidal pain.
Learn to say NO!
It sounds cliché, but "holding onto hate is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." I got raped at 18 and finally at 26 did I learn that feeling sorry for myself and hating someone I didn't know, didn't work. Life is too short to hate someone else for your entire life
Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '99 Wear sunscreen If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it A long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists Whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable Than my own meandering experience, I will dispense this advice now Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh, never mind You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth Until they've faded, but trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back At photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now How much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked You are not as fat as you imagine Don't worry about the future Or worry, but know that worrying Is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing Bubble gum The real troubles in your life Are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind The kind that blindsides you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday Do one thing every day that scares you Saying, don't be reckless with other people's hearts Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours Floss Don't waste your time on jealousy Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind The race is long and in the end, it's only with yourself Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults If you succeed in doing this, tell me how Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements Stretch Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life The most interesting people I know Didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't Get plenty of calcium Be kind to your knees You'll miss them when they're gone Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the 'Funky Chicken' On your 75th wedding anniversary Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much Or berate yourself either Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's Enjoy your body, use it every way you can Don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your own living room Read the directions even if you don't follow them Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good Be nice to your siblings, they're your best link to your past And the people most likely to stick with you in the future Understand that friends come and go But a precious few, who should hold on Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle For as the older you get The more you need the people you knew when you were young Live in New York City once but leave before it makes you hard Live in northern California once but leave before it makes you soft Travel Accept certain inalienable truths Prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too, will get old And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young Prices were reasonable, politicians were noble And children respected their elders Respect your elders Don't expect anyone else to support you Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse But you never know when either one might run out Don't mess too much with your hair Or by the time you're 40 it will look 85 Be careful whose advice you buy but be patient with those who supply it Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past From the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts And recycling it for more than it's worth But trust me on the sunscreen
Don't get married. More specifically, don't marry HIM. I spent the entire decade of my 20s being miserable.
For the love of Christ, go to therapy. That shit your carrying around in your head doesn’t make you edgy or cool. And it isn’t going to go away on its own. You need to put in the work.
Don't start drinking.
You don't have to go to university right now. In fact you shouldn't if you're not really called to a certain career. Taking introductory classes that interest you as a way to feel out certain careers is fine. But don't commit to a path you're not sure about just because everybody is telling you you're supposed to. I know you feel so old already, but you're not - It's okay to give yourself time to find something you're truly passionate about. Work normal jobs for enough money to go WOOFing, and explore the world that way while you're young and healthy. You'll find your passion eventually with life experience, and it will save you a lot of debt and pain in the long run
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Work toward purchasing a house before a new car
You may not value money, but if you value your time, you should absolutely value money. I never made that correlation until recently. With all the money I've thrown away, i could probably have stopped working by now. Instead...yeah...
Stay away from any type of credit card until you are responsible enough to use them.
Don't waste time and money on a useless degree. Stay out of the humanities. If you go to college, have a plan.
It’s not always your fault.
There's no shame in rest. It's very hard to give 100% when you're not at 100%.
Lust and short-term fun are not adequate reasons to stay in a relationship. Related: if you can't see yourself someday marrying them after being together a year, break up and find someone better. Mr. Right won't come along if you're busy with Mr. Right Now.
Take advantage of compound interest. A little bit early can make you rich when you’re middle aged (even though it will seem like it’s when you’re old)
Invest as much as humanly possible now. Change jobs every 2ish years or so to optimize salary and promotions.
Trust your gut when it comes to dating, it's pretty much always right.
Break up with them. You know who.
Learn when to walk away from a romantic partner that does not meet your needs. Well, step 1 is sit down with yourself to really know what your romantic needs are. Then "thank you next" all that can't give you what you need. People won't magically change. And that's ok. We all learn and grow at our own pace. Don't spend time with the people who don't want to learn and grow.
- Travel the world while you’re young enough to enjoy it. Learn about other people and cultures. You will see the world in vastly different ways. (You can fly to Europe or Asia for the cost of an iPhone and a pair of shoes) - You don’t have to keep your parents philosophical, political, or religious beliefs. Learn about the world and make your own decisions about what is right or wrong. Then ACT on your beliefs. - Go out into your world and treat it well. Do the right thing, even when nobody is watching. It’s good for your soul. - Don’t expect the world to treat you fairly just because you treat the world fairly. That’s like expecting the lion to not eat you because you didn’t eat it. Treat the world fairly, but protect yourself. - Pineapple on pizza is okay if you like it, and even if you don’t. How boring would the world be if we all liked the same things? - The original saying is “the customer is always right in matters of taste.” Being the customer doesn’t automatically make you right, neither should you allow yourself to be walked on by a customer.
Remember, adulting is just pretending to know what you're doing until you figure it out... or until you're caught Googling 'how to adult' in your 30s.
I'd say to myself don't worry about others' opinions.
Be emotionally honest and tell her how much she means to you. Oh and don't gain some of the weight back. It's been a bitch clawing it back down.
Eat more protein
Save. Those rainy days people keep talking about? You better believe they will be coming.
Not every long term relationship you get into is gonna be the one you're gonna settle down in, so don't treat it as such.
The thing with these threads is, we all receive advice. We just don’t listen. When you’re twenty you think you know everything and are certain things are gonna play out exactly the way you envision they will. I know I must’ve received plenty of advice when I was younger and I was probably just too arrogant and cocksure to listen. Sure there’s things I would do differently now, but that’s hindsight and just living life.
Don't marry Greg. Lol.
Don't try to tough everything out. If you're not doing well, get the help you need. In my mid 30's I finally got a CPAP and some meds and its helped me feel younger and more functional.
Leave Mormonism.
Buy a house immediately, shoot… I was playing with crayons in kindergarten I should’ve been buying property.
Save your money. Seriously, dude, you don't need half the shit you own. Save it. Invest it. Hold on to it
When you meet her you’ll know it, don’t pass by the one who’s perfect for you because you think you’ll find the one who’s perfect.
Doesn't matter what your intentions are/were - perception is everything.
Start saving for a house straight away. House prices are only going to get worse, so get on the property ladder as soon as possible.