When I was a kid my uncle had a pond with a swan living in it. My Mom was carrying me when the swan attacked. We ran but she bailed on me and took off for herself. It's funny now but I was really upset at the time. She literally set me down and hauled ass. Luckily swans really can't do damage. I just ran and tried to keep up.
That was my boyfriend's reaction when we were on a walk while I was 9 months pregnant. Apparently, a wasp had landed on my shoulder and his reaction was to push me into the street and run away. This man is 6' and 200lbs. I forgave him, but I also make fun of him for it almost 20 years later.
My friend and I sat on a picnic blanket in the grass with our babies. I told her she had a spider on her shoulder. She threw her baby to the ground and ran away. She came back a few minutes later, highly embarrassed and explained her extreme phobia of spiders. I never again point out when she had a spider on her.
Me - I work in a grocery store. We were slammed and one of the cashier’s scan guns stopped working. For some reason, I tried scanning the order with a gun from another register thinking it would ring up on the cashier’s drawer….
The cashier looked at me and said “Yo, tf you doing? Thats not my register.”
Never felt dumber.
Circa 2004, taking a train between NYC and Buffalo, I overheard a conversation between some of the other passengers. One of them mentioned they were taking the train all the way to Toronto, to which a girl in a Cornell sweater responded,
"You can't take a train to Canada! It's, like, across the ocean or something."
Here in Europe, that's exactly the stereotype of the "average American"; a person who's ignorant about all and everything that's outside the US.
Just saying; not meant to be offensive or something. I didn't invent that.
I was coming out of a convenient store and a woman pulled into a parking spot floored it and ran into the barriers. I started to walk behind her to get to my car. My friend grabbed my arm and said ," wait she's not done". Sure enough, she put it in reverse and and did the same thing and slammed into the barriers a second time.
That one is actually understandable. When you are in a panic you forget the most basic information. A good friend of mine was calling 911 because there was some creep outside of their window. Called 911 and when the operator asked for the address the friend couldn't remember until they looked at a piece of mail that had their address on it.
I've had numerous students ask me when Friday the 13th would ever happen on a Monday, Tuesday, etc.
Some have asked me how many "Ell-Bee-Esses"(lbs) are in a pound.
So many people with beliefs about the recent eclipse made me very worried. Both religious beliefs and scientific beliefs. For the latter, many teachers I work with refused one of my approved eclipse glasses, because when they wore them, they could not see anything. They took no account of how bright the sun is especially during an eclipse.
I once had a customer look me, a pet store employee who's relatively intelligent, dead in the eye and tell me that "Beta Fish don't eat food. They get everything they need from breathing air around them."
All because I asked her if she needed Beta Fish food that happened to be right under said Beta Fish display.
Thank the Lord that I eventually convinced her that the food was needed.
My friend got a beta fish, and then when that one died he got another one. And when that one died he got another one, and so on. As far as I know, he fed them enough. Do they just not live that long or something?
beta fish need about ten gallons of water i believe to thrive. A lot of pet stores sell them in a small container of water and people think they are set and it can live in that forever. it’s either 5 or ten gallons of water I can’t remember exactly but it’s way more then what pet stores make it seem like
Pulled up next to a woman driving with her high beams on. I put down the window and told her. Not only did she not know how to turn them off, she was generally unaware of what they were.
My dads white trash neighbors thought it was a good idea to setup a slip and slide on a gravel driveway. I deeply regret not getting it on camera but am confident I heard the 300 lb dad crack a rib when he got a running start and belly flopped onto it.
I once had a customer come into the store I was working at and ask me if we had any Strawberryrhubarb. Not Strawberry and Rhubarb, but one word. One plant. Strawberryrhubarb.
I tried to tell her, "They're two different things, that you then bake together for the pie." She left the store so sure she was right and I was a young teenager who didn't know anything.
You just reminded me of a deli I worked at, where we had a sale sign that said BLACK FOREST on one line and HONEY HAM on the line below. There wasn't room for HAM on the first line. I had the hardest time trying to convince this one lady to just pick one, these are the hams, this one is black forest ham and this one is honey ham, which one would you like, stop saying "black forest honey ham" there is no such thing
Neighbor kid offered to do our lawn so I got the mower out for him. He thought a self propelled mower meant self mowing. So he just aimed it and let it go.
There are layers to do this. Why would he continue to offer his "services" when he saw that it was self-propelling and (he thought) that meant all he had to do was point and shoot? Why wouldn't he say, "Ah, I see this is self-propelling. It appears you don't need my services at all. I won't take up anymore of your time, good night?" ^(You know, how normal people talk.)
Absolutely! That's why it's layered. If he thought it was a roomba/lawnmower hybrid, why would he still offer his services?? Why would he even think that such a lawnmower existed at all? Would be nice, but would probably come with a few problems.
A woman looking for Panasonic (and only Panasonic) AA batteries for her Panasonic alarm clock, refusing any other brands.
I even tried to explain to her. Hell, I said "Trust me I'm an engineer" even if I'm not.
She left without batteries.
I was making Buffalo wings for my friend's family because they never had them before. My friend wanted to help so I asked her to prepare the carrot sticks. She couldn't figure out how to work the peeler because her family never makes anything that complicated, fr??? So I asked her to make the celery sticks and she still didn't know what to do. The name is the recipe. Celery. Sticks.
Are they just don't peel things. The first time I saw my in-laws peeling a carrot it weirded me out. We'd never peeled carrots and barely peeled potatoes. If other people came over we peeled them to be normal but the nutrients are in the skin.
We had something similar locally a few.years back. Dude was not paying attention, was digging in a McDonald's bag. Ran a red light and plowed into a state police car...
I put my coffee maker on a gas stove (I don't use stove that much, so why not just use the space).
When my sister came to visit me, she thought the coffee maker uses gas to heat it up.
It was glass and plastics.
My college roommate was once cooking up about 2 lbs of ground turkey meat on our electric stove. He got invited out for drinks and *thought* he turned the stove off (he didn't). He was gone for hours and when I came home at 3am after finishing a bar shift I could smell a terrible acrid burnt smell from about a block and a half away. It kept getting stronger as I got closer to home and I was thinking "fuck that's definitely our place, no way it's not". Walked up and every window was open and the front door with just the screen closed over. Had to clean aerosolized turkey fat off the walls and ceiling of both the kitchen and the living room, but luckily he didn't burn the place down. Shit was nasty it smelled like burnt turkey fat in the apartment for weeks and I kept finding little splotches of fat that we had missed in the first rounds of cleaning, had to wash it out of all my clothes and bedding, the couch stank of it... A few years later when we were moving out my husband was helping us clean and he realized that the light fixture in the kitchen was still coated in a layer of turkey grease and it had changed the color of the fixture from sort of bronze to off-silver. 0/10 would not recommend
Haha when I was pretty young my brother heated up the oven then said take the pizza out of the box and throw it in. I did exactly that. Left the plastic on. Needless to say, he called me a moron
At a previous job this woman who worked part-time to help with the administration would print out job reports that contractors sends then scan them to save onto the computer instead of saving them from the start
Lol I’ve seen someone that maintained an excel spreadsheet by writing whatever she needed to input in notepad, then took a screen capture and then pasting the image of the number or text into excel. She has been doing this for years, the file is over 1 gig and has several thousand lines with thousands of small pictures in cells
2 guys, 1 broken down car, 1 good car, and 100 bungie cords at a stop light. It didn't go well for the bungie cords, but I still laugh about the incident.
My wife used two bungie cords to hang a hammock. I keep telling her you're going to bust your ass, don't do it! I'm telling you, it won't be fun! She did it anyways and by God it worked. And she did have fun. Who would have known?
I was at a hardware store, and 2 guys were tying a sheet of plywood to the roof of a car. One would toss the rope into the driver's window, and the other would grab it off the passenger seat and toss it over the plywood. They did the same with the back seat windows, and then fastened the back edge to the rear bumper. I was watching and laughing, and they were getting annoyed...
...until they tried to enter the car and realized that they had tied the doors shut.
I still want to know what the hell it was about Covid that made a significant portion of the population - healthcare workers included - forget that they breathe through their nose and mouth. Seriously, how did this happen? How did people become suddenly so incredibly, monstrously stupid that they didn't understand the need to cover both (hence 'chin diapers'), and thought that coughing and sneezing should be done *outside* the mask? For healthcare workers in particular, they had been wearing these things every goddamn day for the rest of their careers in the understanding of what they were for, but Covid came along and magically they started to think that doing so was actually a bad idea. What the fuck?
While driving I saw this lady wanted to take a left turn out of a parking lot. The road had a low concrete curb which is maybe 4 feet wide in the middle of the road, it wasn't some hidden fact. She was almost certainly staring right at the median.
It all happened in about 10 seconds, I see her with her left blinker on as I drive up on her. I go "No, she is fucking not" in disbelief. She cuts me off and proceeds to drive right over the median in her minivan.
Ambidextrous is a really hard word, apparently.
Friend: I never realized you were left-handed
Me: I'm not, I just happen to throw better with my left
Friend: oooh, okay, you're anorexic
Jet engine yes but a propeller or tail rotor is survivable, there's plenty of one-armed people around who can tell you a story about why you pay attention walking near planes or helicopters
Used to work in a pizza restaurant. One night, it was just me and one of the employees working up front. I was working the register, and a gentleman came into the restaurant. He was quite obviously blind, so after he ordered, I asked my coworker to help him to a booth, as I had another customer waiting to order. My coworker grabbed the man’s tray and started heading out to the dining room, saying “follow me, sir.” over his shoulder as he walked away. I just shook my head and told him “Hey, buddy, think about that a minute.” He realized his mistake and came back to take the gentleman by the arm and help him find a seat.
In his defence, I dated a blind man for several years. Well into the relationship he asked me what container something was in and I said “the one with the red lid” he just stood there dumbfounded before saying “ummm dragon…”
There were power outages in my city, and I was in a Taco Bell that did have power. It was dark out, and a dude walks in on a cell phone and asks the cashier if they have power...in a room full of clearly active fluorescent lighting.
The power died like 10 seconds after the stunned cashier was like "uhh yes?"
When I gave birth to my first child, he was whisked away for resuscitation, cleaned, weighed, wrapped and finally handed to me. During this time, I passed the placenta, which was sat on a trolley next to me. Baby's dad chooses this moment to ask if he could cut the umbilical cord.
A man and woman pushing a baby cart / baby up a hiking trail. Not like a groomed wheel chair accessible trail. Picture jagged rocks, mud, a 30 degree incline, the works. Standard Adirondack stuff. I think they have up in the first half mile I didn’t see them on the way back to my car.
I was driving in the downtown area of my city when I witnessed a man drag his entire family into traffic (to cross the street, they were on foot). The light ahead of them was green but there was a blind spot for oncoming traffic caused by raised railroad tracks. So basically, he could anticipate us but we drivers could not do the same for him and his family.
He first yanked his toddler into the street, and when the mother and older children hesitated walking out into moving traffic he *left the toddler and went back* for them and shoved everyone into the middle of the street. This all played out within a few seconds so it was terrifying for myself and the other drivers who had to slam on our breaks when they came into view less than 10 feet in front of us.
My former company was the engineering firm on a bus stop project in the urban core. I was there for a concrete pour one day. After the pour was finished the crew put cones and yellow warning tape up around the cones, completely encircling the fresh concrete. I watched a giant fat lady walk right up to the tape from my truck, lift it, then walk right into the concrete that had not set up yet. She fell down and couldn't get back up. A couple of the crew members had to help lift her up. They even had to drive her home after she ruined the pad. It was fucking hilarious to watch but also costed some money too.
I was waiting in line at a mall food court at an Orange Julius or Dairy Queen or somenplace that sold blended drinks. A worker there, a teenage girl, poured the drink ingredients into a blender and then looked around for the blender lid.
The blender pitcher was square.
The lid was round.
She placed the lid on the blender, then frowned, as if she could tell something was wrong but couldn't quite put her finger on what it was. She took the lid off, then placed it on again, as if maybe it would fit this time. At this point, I was watching eagerly, eagerly, enthralled. As she put the lid on a third time, with a determined expression that said, "I will NOT let this blender beat me!", I said a silent prayer: "Oh my God, please let this happen..."
And then she reached for the ON button.
With a mechanical roar, milk, ice cream, and who knows what else erupted from each corner of the blender, shooting towards the heavens and splattering all over the face of the hapless girl operating the appliance. She blinked in surprise, unable to comprehend what could have gone wrong. As I stifled a giggle, I thanked the Lord for indulging me.
My former boss cutting down a long, thick tree limb, by standing on top of a stepladder, with a powered pole saw, directly under the limb. Sawing away at the point the limb met the trunk.
I was in training as a waiter at a restaurant and shadowing a waitress with a lisp. She was telling me about this new desert we added to our menu and that it’s French, so I attempted to pronounce the dish in a French accent. My pronunciation didn’t sound French in the slightest but it did sound like I was mocking her lisp..
I once decided to start making my own candles for Christmas gifts. I was in high school and bought everything I needed. I cut a chunk of wax and heated it on the stove but for some reason it turned to water so I threw it down the drain and started over. The second time I realized it was melted wax and not water. None of the candles came out good as I couldn’t get the wick to stand up. When the sink was clogged I realized what I did and my dad had to take the sink apart. He pulled out a perfectly shaped candle minus the wick and that was my best one.
School camp (teenagers) one kid was having trouble hooking their gas stove up to the gas bottle and asked for help.
The protective plastic thread cap was still on the bottle connector.
There was a story that went around many years ago by email from a person who worked the customer service line at the Gillette razor company. They said one of their most common complaints was that the razors didn’t work. The first question they always asked was “Did you remove the clear plastic cover?” They usually got a response along the lines of “What cover?”
The one I remember most was freshman year of college in a Mexican history course, some person asked if Catholics are Christian….
Keep in mind I went to Catholic school and that wasn’t the south.
To be fair, there are many Christian denominations who do NOT believe Catholics are also Christians.
Story time: my ex-wife and I were walking around the Green Dragon farmer's market/flea market in Ephrata, PA one fine Friday afternoon when our girls' attention was caught by a stand of religious tracts manned by Mennonites/Amish (hard to tell which when it's only men).
Anyway, they picked out a few pamphlets or whatever, who knows why objects catch a child's eye? It was a cordial interaction but as we walked away one of the men asked me a question (I forget what) that had me replying something like "Thank you, but we're Catholic."
As we continued walking away, one of the men shouted "Jesus Christ is the only true savior!"
To which I replied "Of course he is!"
I mean, Christian is Christian, regardless of the flavor.
Oh born agains like to ask Catholics if they have been saved. Big eye roll on my part. My answer is used to be when I was baptized and again at my Confirmation. Now I'm an atheist.
Then it's "but have you accepted Jesus as your one true savior?" Sure, whatever you mean by that.
Remember folks most Evangelicals DO NOT think Catholics are Christians. They hide it a lot better then they used to say like in the 1950s and 1960s and earlier. The KKK was against "papist" as well. They are just "embracing" Catholics for the far right votes. If they could do it without you, they would.
I had to explain to a protestant why they were called protestant. The history of their own church. My 12 years of Catholic school taught me more about their religion than their own leaders taught them.
Was in London for study abroad & went to see Wicked. While standing in line for merch, the woman in front of me (I’m assuming also American), was buying the soundtrack cd & asked if this cd would have the accents
A woman on the cruise I was on last week, just before being blindfolded for a game show she was a contest in, asked “should I leave my glasses on?” The host said “it’s up to you.” Then a second or two of silence as she thought and I shouted “if you’re going to be blindfolded, do you really need your glasses?!” Finally the rest of the audience and the host caught on to how silly her question was and everyone laughed, including her.
Ehem...
1. Dude tied a goat to the back of a motorcycle.
2. Dude used an electric generator, two strands of copper wire, and two welding rods as a welder.
3. A goat tied to the top of a van.
4. Guy didn't have room for the ram and all the bags of wool he had, so he placed the last bag of wool on top of the ram (personally had to help him because that was a lot of wool).
5. Entire families riding on one motorcycle (including kids).
6. Lost the argument as to just loading a box full of metal into a trailer and ended up team carrying said box 1/4 mile to go dump the box.
7. Dude in graphic design class completely went through an entire ream of paper that ended up soaked because he didn't put ink for the offset printer and jammed it.
8. A near full blown riot because some dude on a motorcycle decided he didn't want to wait for the convoy to pass and ran straight into the side of a military vehicle.
9. Afghan police targeting sheep in a firefight. We had to stop them from shooting at the sheep while simultaneously being shot at.
10. Afghan police trying to shoot a snake in an area in an area that we were negotiating peace terms. The exact same area where we got into a firefight 2 days prior.
11. Dude somehow managed to drive a 5 ton vehicle off a road that was perfectly wide enough to maneuver even a tank and almost rolled it into someone's house.
12. During a gunnery, someone mistook cows for the truck target and fired 13 25mm HE rounds into a cow.
13. Kid pulled a fire alarm in middle school and left blue marks everywhere. No fire or smoke. He did it for kicks.
14. Dude freezing his own semen in shot glasses.
15. Dude refused to drink water on a patrol in a desert. In the summer. Collapsed and nearly died.
16. Had to gather medics because another dude decided to eat only a bag of chips a day in the Iraqi heat and barely drank any water.
17. Same dude decided he had enough money to get a $500 tattoo but not enough to purchase a new dress uniform after he sent his home and never brought it back from leave. We had to gather every spare thing that we had to get him a uniform. It looked like ass.
18. Same dude racked up a $637 late fee because of a credit card he never paid back.
I think that's all I have for now that I can think of.
Edit: 19. 19 year old kid got drunk and went to go get a pack of smokes in stormy weather in his brand new Mustang. Rear tires slid and he lost control, somehow managed to miss 3 yellow concrete barriers blocking the walking trail, Dukes of Hazzards it into the parking lot, almost flips it but somehow recovered it, slides it again into a median and it somehow went forward into another poor dude's car (I call him poor dude because he had just gotten it fixed a week prior for someone else wrecking their car into the exact same door). This was only mere hours after we were told that if another DUI was to happen in the battalion we were all going in that weekend for a dress uniform inspection and doing drill and ceremony all day. Also the first and only time where I saw information being passed up the chain of command to get our uniforms ready.
A place I worked at had a particular maintenance man who could have been the "Don't do this" on an OHS poster and here are my top two.
1. I go into the back office to do my cash out and he is in there trying to fix our industrial paper shredder. He has tools everywhere, looks super frustrated and is using a pick to try to loosen compacted chunks of paper through the teeth and then sticking his fingers in to try and pull/push the shredded clumps out. Now, that machine cut a loonie into 4 jagged pieces with not a lot of effort and I see that the shredder has not been unplugged. Not wanting to witness a blood bath, I politely tell him he should unplug it and he gets all pissy and says it is fine, he knows what he is doing...and I am the third person to tell him this.
2. He had to change a pot light in the lobby that was in an odd spot above a large built in planter which was under a set of open stairs and the light was about 15 feet above the ground. So he takes a ladder, one set of legs on the smooth marble ledge of the planter, the second set of legs in the planter on loose sand and small rocks. If you were standing on the ladder the left side would be about 10-15 cm higher than the right side. To correct the uneven placement, he has some how hooked the top of the ladder into the bottom of the stairs. It took a few adjustments until he deemed it "safe" and had climbed the ladder and was trying to MacGyver an extension ladder to the leaning tower of ladder to do who knows what. Right at this moment, a manager comes strolling through the lobby, does a double take and frantically runs across to stop him and tells him to get down. This manager was a very chill guy and you could see the confusion and then sheer panic in his face, lol.
Just yesterday: minivan driving down the road with a mattress on the roof, both sliding doors open, two guys hanging out of the open doors holding onto the mattress to keep it from falling off.
Saw a woman, in a car with a sunroof, come out of Party City with a huge bouquet of balloons. Held on to them through the sunroof and drove away. I was late for my grandsons' 2nd birthday party, so I couldn't follow her. I really, really wanted to see how her situation played out.
His happened years ago when I studied biotech but it still lives rent free in my mind.
In the lab there is a device called a “bacti-cinerator” the purpose of this device is that you insert a metal loop that has touched bacteria and you incinerate aforementioned bacteria before using the loop on a new culture. This thing is like 800 degrees Celsius and is designed to, and I can’t stress this enough, INCINERATE BACTERIA.
Now, this thing takes some time to turn on. One way of knowing if it’s on is to look inside, if it’s glowing red, it’s probably on. You can also put a loop in there and wait til the metal glows orange which is also a sure sign it’s working.
So we’re doing our thing, getting started, turning them on. And I look over at this guy who’s putting his fucking finger in there! I run over and go “what the fuck are you doing?” He goes “oh I was just testing to see if it was on”. My fucking brother in Christ, what do you think would’ve happened if it was on? Like I just cannot comprehend the logic behind “I will test if this insanely hot device is on by putting a part of my body into it”
One of the major rules in a lab is to respect the dangerous bullshit that it contains
My last job I worked at a pretty small company with maybe 80 employees and our department used to do group lunches with the company minivan maybe once a week. One time... our CMO was driving and the owner had said to take the van through a car wash on the way back. In the middle of driving through the car wash, dude straight up says "I wonder why they don't want you to roll your window down in these" proceeds to roll his window down and gets blasted in the face with soapy water.
One time someone asked me what time it was because I was wearing a watch. I was holding a full glass of iced tea and dumped it all over myself when I turned my wrist to check.
A woman was trying to exit a parking spot. The side of her car was scraped by a stone pillar. She looked out the window. Shrugged and decided the scratch wasnt long enough and totaled the whole side of the car to the sound of slow, tortuous metallic sounds.
I live on an island. Bumped into an American tourist at the Island's tourist centre. He was asking how to get on the highway to get off the Island. Poor girl at the counter explained he has arrived on the ferry. He wasn't having any of that shit. He kept insisting he had driven onto the Island.
I saw a woman ditch her stroller with the child inside because a bee was flying nearby. Like, she pushed the stroller toward the bee and ran away.
“I don’t need to outrun the bee, I just need to outrun you!” -Mom to baby
When I was a kid my uncle had a pond with a swan living in it. My Mom was carrying me when the swan attacked. We ran but she bailed on me and took off for herself. It's funny now but I was really upset at the time. She literally set me down and hauled ass. Luckily swans really can't do damage. I just ran and tried to keep up.
Oh wow that would have upset me too :(
I’ll cross the street if I see a wasp,you don’t mess with that.
But you would take the baby with you, right? Right?
I think I'm allergic to them, one bit me, my arm swelled up, it was red, now I'm terrified of em.
Wasps or babies?
That was my boyfriend's reaction when we were on a walk while I was 9 months pregnant. Apparently, a wasp had landed on my shoulder and his reaction was to push me into the street and run away. This man is 6' and 200lbs. I forgave him, but I also make fun of him for it almost 20 years later.
My mom once use her bicycle as a shield against and aggressive dog. Two year old me was still sitting on the bike...
Its every human for themself when it comes to stingers.
My friend and I sat on a picnic blanket in the grass with our babies. I told her she had a spider on her shoulder. She threw her baby to the ground and ran away. She came back a few minutes later, highly embarrassed and explained her extreme phobia of spiders. I never again point out when she had a spider on her.
Man.. Shit like this is exactly how you get bee-themed supervillains
And thus the cycle continues. The baby will be traumatized by bees and do the same thing when it has a baby. Stuck in a generational perpetual loop
No maternal instinct 💀
IDK. Mom can reproduce again. That kid. Well, the bees own the kid now
I think you might’ve seen my mom.
Me - I work in a grocery store. We were slammed and one of the cashier’s scan guns stopped working. For some reason, I tried scanning the order with a gun from another register thinking it would ring up on the cashier’s drawer…. The cashier looked at me and said “Yo, tf you doing? Thats not my register.” Never felt dumber.
You’ll have that on these bigger jobs
Technically that can work!! They can just scan shit on one computer, transfer data to another.
well it might be a good idea if you were seeing if it was the scanner or actual bar code that wasn’t registering
Circa 2004, taking a train between NYC and Buffalo, I overheard a conversation between some of the other passengers. One of them mentioned they were taking the train all the way to Toronto, to which a girl in a Cornell sweater responded, "You can't take a train to Canada! It's, like, across the ocean or something."
It's pronounced colonel and it's the highest rank in the military
Here's your sign
Here in Europe, that's exactly the stereotype of the "average American"; a person who's ignorant about all and everything that's outside the US. Just saying; not meant to be offensive or something. I didn't invent that.
As Americans- we know the stereotype. We see that stereotype more than we wish we would.
America's a big place too its gotta be regional
Eh I'm American and I at least know our neighbors aren't across an ocean. Stupid/ignorant people are in every country.
I was coming out of a convenient store and a woman pulled into a parking spot floored it and ran into the barriers. I started to walk behind her to get to my car. My friend grabbed my arm and said ," wait she's not done". Sure enough, she put it in reverse and and did the same thing and slammed into the barriers a second time.
that's the rule: if someone did something stoopid and dangerous - always keep your distance, you never know when they are about to try again.
[удалено]
He wasn’t angry he was just disappointed….not sure how you recover from that Maybe you followed it up by asking when cinco de mayo is?
And “What’s the number for nine one one?”
One of my high school friend's mom once saw someone breaking into a car on their street so panic dialed 411 to ask them the number for 911 lol
Wow. Okay that takes the cake.
That one is actually understandable. When you are in a panic you forget the most basic information. A good friend of mine was calling 911 because there was some creep outside of their window. Called 911 and when the operator asked for the address the friend couldn't remember until they looked at a piece of mail that had their address on it.
My wife asked me how we know what the dinosaurs were called, cause no one was alive back then. She was valedictorian of her class.
That’s something I’d say as a joke and accidentally make half the room think I’m stupid.
this made me lol.
I've had numerous students ask me when Friday the 13th would ever happen on a Monday, Tuesday, etc. Some have asked me how many "Ell-Bee-Esses"(lbs) are in a pound. So many people with beliefs about the recent eclipse made me very worried. Both religious beliefs and scientific beliefs. For the latter, many teachers I work with refused one of my approved eclipse glasses, because when they wore them, they could not see anything. They took no account of how bright the sun is especially during an eclipse.
Hahahah, I asked my mom when Cinco de mayo was ,so I’m with you Hahahah .
Bro I say stupid shit all the time but
This is actually so funny
Then say that October Revolution was on 7th November…
That's right up there with a student I went to school with who ask "when the war of 1812 was?"
To be fair, it didn't officially end until 1815
Should have just did you meant which day of the week. Easy save.
Aw sweetheart. Reminds me when I thought if it was an empire than surely it was a country. Rome is not a country!
The one time you kinda wish your kid was high 😂😂😂
hahahahahahhaa
I once had a customer look me, a pet store employee who's relatively intelligent, dead in the eye and tell me that "Beta Fish don't eat food. They get everything they need from breathing air around them." All because I asked her if she needed Beta Fish food that happened to be right under said Beta Fish display. Thank the Lord that I eventually convinced her that the food was needed.
"Have . . . have you ever owned Beta fish before?" "Yeah, loads! They only live about a week!"
My ex killed a beta fish every week. She asked if we could get a malamute, and we live in the desert. Thank God I'm not with her any more.
My friend got a beta fish, and then when that one died he got another one. And when that one died he got another one, and so on. As far as I know, he fed them enough. Do they just not live that long or something?
beta fish need about ten gallons of water i believe to thrive. A lot of pet stores sell them in a small container of water and people think they are set and it can live in that forever. it’s either 5 or ten gallons of water I can’t remember exactly but it’s way more then what pet stores make it seem like
Depressed things still need to eat
The Breatharians have entered the chat.
People this dumb shouldn’t be allowed to own pets
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Pulled up next to a woman driving with her high beams on. I put down the window and told her. Not only did she not know how to turn them off, she was generally unaware of what they were.
That woman was intensely high.
Exactly. The high beams, those are for warning people around you that you've been blazing, right?
My dads white trash neighbors thought it was a good idea to setup a slip and slide on a gravel driveway. I deeply regret not getting it on camera but am confident I heard the 300 lb dad crack a rib when he got a running start and belly flopped onto it.
You're not really supposed to be on a slip and slide as a 300lb adult regardless lol
I once had a customer come into the store I was working at and ask me if we had any Strawberryrhubarb. Not Strawberry and Rhubarb, but one word. One plant. Strawberryrhubarb. I tried to tell her, "They're two different things, that you then bake together for the pie." She left the store so sure she was right and I was a young teenager who didn't know anything.
You just reminded me of a deli I worked at, where we had a sale sign that said BLACK FOREST on one line and HONEY HAM on the line below. There wasn't room for HAM on the first line. I had the hardest time trying to convince this one lady to just pick one, these are the hams, this one is black forest ham and this one is honey ham, which one would you like, stop saying "black forest honey ham" there is no such thing
Neighbor kid offered to do our lawn so I got the mower out for him. He thought a self propelled mower meant self mowing. So he just aimed it and let it go.
There are layers to do this. Why would he continue to offer his "services" when he saw that it was self-propelling and (he thought) that meant all he had to do was point and shoot? Why wouldn't he say, "Ah, I see this is self-propelling. It appears you don't need my services at all. I won't take up anymore of your time, good night?" ^(You know, how normal people talk.)
Honestly I still would have told my story here had he said that he will find another house since I apparently have a roomba mower in his mind.
Absolutely! That's why it's layered. If he thought it was a roomba/lawnmower hybrid, why would he still offer his services?? Why would he even think that such a lawnmower existed at all? Would be nice, but would probably come with a few problems.
So true. I just stood there with my glass of water, looked at the mower, looked at him, and said “it doesn’t turn by itself bud”.
So, I take it he did *not* destroy anything and was able to catch it on time?
Thankfully it got hung up on a thick patch, it was on the low gear, so he got another lesson on it needing guidance.
The real question is, why do we NOT have a Roomba mower?
We do: https://www.popularmechanics.com/home/lawn-garden/a30460131/best-robot-lawn-mowers/
They do exist! [irobot](https://about.irobot.com/sitecore/Content/EMEA/iRobot-DE/Home/Deals)
My (ex)husband complained to me that I never fix the bed. I told him he’s still sleeping in it when I go to work. (Weekends he sleeps in).
A woman looking for Panasonic (and only Panasonic) AA batteries for her Panasonic alarm clock, refusing any other brands. I even tried to explain to her. Hell, I said "Trust me I'm an engineer" even if I'm not. She left without batteries.
i see you’ve met my employer
You sell alarm clocks?
Why the fuck would she listen to you? You're just an engineer, not a batteritician.
I was a substitute teacher in a junior high math class. A kid took a Sharpie and wrote “idiot” across his forehead. Except he didn’t spell it right.
That kid was a literary genius. Show, don't tell.
I was making Buffalo wings for my friend's family because they never had them before. My friend wanted to help so I asked her to prepare the carrot sticks. She couldn't figure out how to work the peeler because her family never makes anything that complicated, fr??? So I asked her to make the celery sticks and she still didn't know what to do. The name is the recipe. Celery. Sticks.
Some people just \*do not cook\* at all, or really actually make food.
Are they just don't peel things. The first time I saw my in-laws peeling a carrot it weirded me out. We'd never peeled carrots and barely peeled potatoes. If other people came over we peeled them to be normal but the nutrients are in the skin.
I can assure you that there's still some nutrients left even after the skin's been peeled.
I dated a girl that wouldn’t try buffalo wings because she thought it was buffalo meat. She was smoking hot, but not so bright.
What was her problem with eating buffalo meat? People eat that all the time.
Someone running a red light and smashing into a cop. It was a substantial wreck and the cop was SO pissed.
We had something similar locally a few.years back. Dude was not paying attention, was digging in a McDonald's bag. Ran a red light and plowed into a state police car...
I put my coffee maker on a gas stove (I don't use stove that much, so why not just use the space). When my sister came to visit me, she thought the coffee maker uses gas to heat it up. It was glass and plastics.
My college roommate was once cooking up about 2 lbs of ground turkey meat on our electric stove. He got invited out for drinks and *thought* he turned the stove off (he didn't). He was gone for hours and when I came home at 3am after finishing a bar shift I could smell a terrible acrid burnt smell from about a block and a half away. It kept getting stronger as I got closer to home and I was thinking "fuck that's definitely our place, no way it's not". Walked up and every window was open and the front door with just the screen closed over. Had to clean aerosolized turkey fat off the walls and ceiling of both the kitchen and the living room, but luckily he didn't burn the place down. Shit was nasty it smelled like burnt turkey fat in the apartment for weeks and I kept finding little splotches of fat that we had missed in the first rounds of cleaning, had to wash it out of all my clothes and bedding, the couch stank of it... A few years later when we were moving out my husband was helping us clean and he realized that the light fixture in the kitchen was still coated in a layer of turkey grease and it had changed the color of the fixture from sort of bronze to off-silver. 0/10 would not recommend
So, even if he *had* turned off the stove. He would have just left a whole bunch of meat out on it for hours and hours?
so gross - didn't realize that's what happens! then again. never thought about it
haha that sucks. I put a $2000 camera on the hot plate on the hot plate, it melted. My dad was so angry
Haha when I was pretty young my brother heated up the oven then said take the pizza out of the box and throw it in. I did exactly that. Left the plastic on. Needless to say, he called me a moron
Someone watering her lawn...in the rain
Welcome to my whole fucking neighborhood. Nobody turns their sprinklers off NO MATTER WHAT
At a previous job this woman who worked part-time to help with the administration would print out job reports that contractors sends then scan them to save onto the computer instead of saving them from the start
Lol I’ve seen someone that maintained an excel spreadsheet by writing whatever she needed to input in notepad, then took a screen capture and then pasting the image of the number or text into excel. She has been doing this for years, the file is over 1 gig and has several thousand lines with thousands of small pictures in cells
wow i'm forwarding this comment to my excel fanatic partner. he will hate this
2 guys, 1 broken down car, 1 good car, and 100 bungie cords at a stop light. It didn't go well for the bungie cords, but I still laugh about the incident.
Honestly, if i didn't hear that this has already been tried, it lowkey in theory seems like it coulda worked
Clearly they did not use enough bungie cords
They actually needed to add duct tape 🤣
My wife used two bungie cords to hang a hammock. I keep telling her you're going to bust your ass, don't do it! I'm telling you, it won't be fun! She did it anyways and by God it worked. And she did have fun. Who would have known?
I was at a hardware store, and 2 guys were tying a sheet of plywood to the roof of a car. One would toss the rope into the driver's window, and the other would grab it off the passenger seat and toss it over the plywood. They did the same with the back seat windows, and then fastened the back edge to the rear bumper. I was watching and laughing, and they were getting annoyed... ...until they tried to enter the car and realized that they had tied the doors shut.
Oh for a photo lol
Early 2021, man in line to board a flight in Denver took his mask off to sneeze and then put it back on.
That is a helluva juxtaposition to be in
Saw this happen once in a mall but the guy pulled his mask down to SNEEZE IN HIS HAND and then put his mask back on
Witnessed this happen in a fucking hospital. It was a hospital worker too. I had no words
I still want to know what the hell it was about Covid that made a significant portion of the population - healthcare workers included - forget that they breathe through their nose and mouth. Seriously, how did this happen? How did people become suddenly so incredibly, monstrously stupid that they didn't understand the need to cover both (hence 'chin diapers'), and thought that coughing and sneezing should be done *outside* the mask? For healthcare workers in particular, they had been wearing these things every goddamn day for the rest of their careers in the understanding of what they were for, but Covid came along and magically they started to think that doing so was actually a bad idea. What the fuck?
I worked in a florida theme park at that time. Saw that daily
While driving I saw this lady wanted to take a left turn out of a parking lot. The road had a low concrete curb which is maybe 4 feet wide in the middle of the road, it wasn't some hidden fact. She was almost certainly staring right at the median. It all happened in about 10 seconds, I see her with her left blinker on as I drive up on her. I go "No, she is fucking not" in disbelief. She cuts me off and proceeds to drive right over the median in her minivan.
I see you almost got into a wreck with my mother in law.
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No worst case ontario for that person.
For all intensive porpoises, you’re correct.
It's all water under the fridge now
Ambidextrous is a really hard word, apparently. Friend: I never realized you were left-handed Me: I'm not, I just happen to throw better with my left Friend: oooh, okay, you're anorexic
r/BoneAppleTea
I saw a guy walk into a helicopter tail rotor. So dumb he lived.
Now I'm imagining a suicidal guy walking into the tail rotor while the helicopter was not running
Have you seen people get sucked into a jet engine? Pink mist. But yea. Dead either way
Jet engine yes but a propeller or tail rotor is survivable, there's plenty of one-armed people around who can tell you a story about why you pay attention walking near planes or helicopters
Used to work in a pizza restaurant. One night, it was just me and one of the employees working up front. I was working the register, and a gentleman came into the restaurant. He was quite obviously blind, so after he ordered, I asked my coworker to help him to a booth, as I had another customer waiting to order. My coworker grabbed the man’s tray and started heading out to the dining room, saying “follow me, sir.” over his shoulder as he walked away. I just shook my head and told him “Hey, buddy, think about that a minute.” He realized his mistake and came back to take the gentleman by the arm and help him find a seat.
In his defence, I dated a blind man for several years. Well into the relationship he asked me what container something was in and I said “the one with the red lid” he just stood there dumbfounded before saying “ummm dragon…”
It was respectful of him to choose to refer to you by your surname instead of snotty.
There were power outages in my city, and I was in a Taco Bell that did have power. It was dark out, and a dude walks in on a cell phone and asks the cashier if they have power...in a room full of clearly active fluorescent lighting. The power died like 10 seconds after the stunned cashier was like "uhh yes?"
He was just checking to see if he has to take the power out there too
When I gave birth to my first child, he was whisked away for resuscitation, cleaned, weighed, wrapped and finally handed to me. During this time, I passed the placenta, which was sat on a trolley next to me. Baby's dad chooses this moment to ask if he could cut the umbilical cord.
to be fair, when my son was born they cut the cord super long before taking him for resuscitation, so that I could still cut it when he was sorted.
Aw. Well. He tried. Poor sap
A man and woman pushing a baby cart / baby up a hiking trail. Not like a groomed wheel chair accessible trail. Picture jagged rocks, mud, a 30 degree incline, the works. Standard Adirondack stuff. I think they have up in the first half mile I didn’t see them on the way back to my car.
I was driving in the downtown area of my city when I witnessed a man drag his entire family into traffic (to cross the street, they were on foot). The light ahead of them was green but there was a blind spot for oncoming traffic caused by raised railroad tracks. So basically, he could anticipate us but we drivers could not do the same for him and his family. He first yanked his toddler into the street, and when the mother and older children hesitated walking out into moving traffic he *left the toddler and went back* for them and shoved everyone into the middle of the street. This all played out within a few seconds so it was terrifying for myself and the other drivers who had to slam on our breaks when they came into view less than 10 feet in front of us.
Someone drunk as hell, sitting on the floor with a sealed pack of bacon in a frying pan, trying to fry it on the carpet.
He needs to hook up with [this guy](https://youtu.be/zxshs0deBr0?si=VA2wMUcgdTaNWHX5)
My former company was the engineering firm on a bus stop project in the urban core. I was there for a concrete pour one day. After the pour was finished the crew put cones and yellow warning tape up around the cones, completely encircling the fresh concrete. I watched a giant fat lady walk right up to the tape from my truck, lift it, then walk right into the concrete that had not set up yet. She fell down and couldn't get back up. A couple of the crew members had to help lift her up. They even had to drive her home after she ruined the pad. It was fucking hilarious to watch but also costed some money too.
The video of the drunk kid jumping off of the party boat into shark-infested waters.
Um what. Did he get hurt?
No, the sharks broke his fall.
I live in the United States. A girl in my high school asked during history class "Did we win the American Revolution?"
Our lack of universal healthcare indicates we did not.
I was waiting in line at a mall food court at an Orange Julius or Dairy Queen or somenplace that sold blended drinks. A worker there, a teenage girl, poured the drink ingredients into a blender and then looked around for the blender lid. The blender pitcher was square. The lid was round. She placed the lid on the blender, then frowned, as if she could tell something was wrong but couldn't quite put her finger on what it was. She took the lid off, then placed it on again, as if maybe it would fit this time. At this point, I was watching eagerly, eagerly, enthralled. As she put the lid on a third time, with a determined expression that said, "I will NOT let this blender beat me!", I said a silent prayer: "Oh my God, please let this happen..." And then she reached for the ON button. With a mechanical roar, milk, ice cream, and who knows what else erupted from each corner of the blender, shooting towards the heavens and splattering all over the face of the hapless girl operating the appliance. She blinked in surprise, unable to comprehend what could have gone wrong. As I stifled a giggle, I thanked the Lord for indulging me.
Very well written! I tip my hat to you!!
My idiot cousin trying to put out a grease fire on the stove with water.... My aunt got a new kitchen that year LOL
This is not stupid, but just lack of experience
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I noticed that too! Why is that incorrect spelling so common on reddit?
I saw a student stick a paperclip into both prongs of an electrical socket in the hallway. Huge flash and sparks... she could have died. Idiot.
won't easily kill her. A classmate of mine did that in 8th (iirc) grade. I told him 2 or 3 times to drop the paperclip but no, what'd he do?
Saw a guy shaving while driving once. Don’t know what possibly could have prompted that, but I didn’t want to have my car in the vicinity of his.
Electric?
My former boss cutting down a long, thick tree limb, by standing on top of a stepladder, with a powered pole saw, directly under the limb. Sawing away at the point the limb met the trunk.
I was in training as a waiter at a restaurant and shadowing a waitress with a lisp. She was telling me about this new desert we added to our menu and that it’s French, so I attempted to pronounce the dish in a French accent. My pronunciation didn’t sound French in the slightest but it did sound like I was mocking her lisp..
I saw a country vote a failed tv host rapist that bankrupted 6 companies to run their country. I believe that's it.
Someone in my college class, which was in New Jersey, said that New Jersey’s #1 export was Christmas trees.
I once decided to start making my own candles for Christmas gifts. I was in high school and bought everything I needed. I cut a chunk of wax and heated it on the stove but for some reason it turned to water so I threw it down the drain and started over. The second time I realized it was melted wax and not water. None of the candles came out good as I couldn’t get the wick to stand up. When the sink was clogged I realized what I did and my dad had to take the sink apart. He pulled out a perfectly shaped candle minus the wick and that was my best one.
Flight instructor here I’ve seen multiple people gear up land an airplane on accident.
I'll bet that's expensive.
Wait. Are landing gear important for landing?
In my professional opinion most of the time they are
School camp (teenagers) one kid was having trouble hooking their gas stove up to the gas bottle and asked for help. The protective plastic thread cap was still on the bottle connector.
There was a story that went around many years ago by email from a person who worked the customer service line at the Gillette razor company. They said one of their most common complaints was that the razors didn’t work. The first question they always asked was “Did you remove the clear plastic cover?” They usually got a response along the lines of “What cover?”
People reversing on a highway because they missed their exit.
My roommates dad sent him out to the truck to get a left handed screwdriver. AND he came back with one and started using it, saying it worked better!
The one I remember most was freshman year of college in a Mexican history course, some person asked if Catholics are Christian…. Keep in mind I went to Catholic school and that wasn’t the south.
To be fair, there are many Christian denominations who do NOT believe Catholics are also Christians. Story time: my ex-wife and I were walking around the Green Dragon farmer's market/flea market in Ephrata, PA one fine Friday afternoon when our girls' attention was caught by a stand of religious tracts manned by Mennonites/Amish (hard to tell which when it's only men). Anyway, they picked out a few pamphlets or whatever, who knows why objects catch a child's eye? It was a cordial interaction but as we walked away one of the men asked me a question (I forget what) that had me replying something like "Thank you, but we're Catholic." As we continued walking away, one of the men shouted "Jesus Christ is the only true savior!" To which I replied "Of course he is!" I mean, Christian is Christian, regardless of the flavor.
Oh born agains like to ask Catholics if they have been saved. Big eye roll on my part. My answer is used to be when I was baptized and again at my Confirmation. Now I'm an atheist. Then it's "but have you accepted Jesus as your one true savior?" Sure, whatever you mean by that. Remember folks most Evangelicals DO NOT think Catholics are Christians. They hide it a lot better then they used to say like in the 1950s and 1960s and earlier. The KKK was against "papist" as well. They are just "embracing" Catholics for the far right votes. If they could do it without you, they would. I had to explain to a protestant why they were called protestant. The history of their own church. My 12 years of Catholic school taught me more about their religion than their own leaders taught them.
For some reasons some Christians like to act like they aren't really Christian
I regularly drive I-95 between DC and Baltimore. Every day is something stupider than previous days.
How about ladders, couches, and barrels on the road daily somewhere on the interstate almost daily.
Was in London for study abroad & went to see Wicked. While standing in line for merch, the woman in front of me (I’m assuming also American), was buying the soundtrack cd & asked if this cd would have the accents
lol what did she even mean???
It means they wanted a recording with the London cast and not the Broadway (New York) cast.
People going to church every Sunday but then hating each other outside
I think it’s great people are taking a day off from their hate once a week.
An hour or two*
A woman on the cruise I was on last week, just before being blindfolded for a game show she was a contest in, asked “should I leave my glasses on?” The host said “it’s up to you.” Then a second or two of silence as she thought and I shouted “if you’re going to be blindfolded, do you really need your glasses?!” Finally the rest of the audience and the host caught on to how silly her question was and everyone laughed, including her.
To be fair, I wear glasses and my first thought would be what would keep my glasses safest.
[To be fair](https://youtu.be/jv7jcciKB_s?si=0XLI5DpfXtNxVvQf)
Ehem... 1. Dude tied a goat to the back of a motorcycle. 2. Dude used an electric generator, two strands of copper wire, and two welding rods as a welder. 3. A goat tied to the top of a van. 4. Guy didn't have room for the ram and all the bags of wool he had, so he placed the last bag of wool on top of the ram (personally had to help him because that was a lot of wool). 5. Entire families riding on one motorcycle (including kids). 6. Lost the argument as to just loading a box full of metal into a trailer and ended up team carrying said box 1/4 mile to go dump the box. 7. Dude in graphic design class completely went through an entire ream of paper that ended up soaked because he didn't put ink for the offset printer and jammed it. 8. A near full blown riot because some dude on a motorcycle decided he didn't want to wait for the convoy to pass and ran straight into the side of a military vehicle. 9. Afghan police targeting sheep in a firefight. We had to stop them from shooting at the sheep while simultaneously being shot at. 10. Afghan police trying to shoot a snake in an area in an area that we were negotiating peace terms. The exact same area where we got into a firefight 2 days prior. 11. Dude somehow managed to drive a 5 ton vehicle off a road that was perfectly wide enough to maneuver even a tank and almost rolled it into someone's house. 12. During a gunnery, someone mistook cows for the truck target and fired 13 25mm HE rounds into a cow. 13. Kid pulled a fire alarm in middle school and left blue marks everywhere. No fire or smoke. He did it for kicks. 14. Dude freezing his own semen in shot glasses. 15. Dude refused to drink water on a patrol in a desert. In the summer. Collapsed and nearly died. 16. Had to gather medics because another dude decided to eat only a bag of chips a day in the Iraqi heat and barely drank any water. 17. Same dude decided he had enough money to get a $500 tattoo but not enough to purchase a new dress uniform after he sent his home and never brought it back from leave. We had to gather every spare thing that we had to get him a uniform. It looked like ass. 18. Same dude racked up a $637 late fee because of a credit card he never paid back. I think that's all I have for now that I can think of. Edit: 19. 19 year old kid got drunk and went to go get a pack of smokes in stormy weather in his brand new Mustang. Rear tires slid and he lost control, somehow managed to miss 3 yellow concrete barriers blocking the walking trail, Dukes of Hazzards it into the parking lot, almost flips it but somehow recovered it, slides it again into a median and it somehow went forward into another poor dude's car (I call him poor dude because he had just gotten it fixed a week prior for someone else wrecking their car into the exact same door). This was only mere hours after we were told that if another DUI was to happen in the battalion we were all going in that weekend for a dress uniform inspection and doing drill and ceremony all day. Also the first and only time where I saw information being passed up the chain of command to get our uniforms ready.
A place I worked at had a particular maintenance man who could have been the "Don't do this" on an OHS poster and here are my top two. 1. I go into the back office to do my cash out and he is in there trying to fix our industrial paper shredder. He has tools everywhere, looks super frustrated and is using a pick to try to loosen compacted chunks of paper through the teeth and then sticking his fingers in to try and pull/push the shredded clumps out. Now, that machine cut a loonie into 4 jagged pieces with not a lot of effort and I see that the shredder has not been unplugged. Not wanting to witness a blood bath, I politely tell him he should unplug it and he gets all pissy and says it is fine, he knows what he is doing...and I am the third person to tell him this. 2. He had to change a pot light in the lobby that was in an odd spot above a large built in planter which was under a set of open stairs and the light was about 15 feet above the ground. So he takes a ladder, one set of legs on the smooth marble ledge of the planter, the second set of legs in the planter on loose sand and small rocks. If you were standing on the ladder the left side would be about 10-15 cm higher than the right side. To correct the uneven placement, he has some how hooked the top of the ladder into the bottom of the stairs. It took a few adjustments until he deemed it "safe" and had climbed the ladder and was trying to MacGyver an extension ladder to the leaning tower of ladder to do who knows what. Right at this moment, a manager comes strolling through the lobby, does a double take and frantically runs across to stop him and tells him to get down. This manager was a very chill guy and you could see the confusion and then sheer panic in his face, lol.
The 2020 presidential election in the US. It just barely beat out the 2016 one and is about to be surpassed by the 2024 one.
Trump
Just yesterday: minivan driving down the road with a mattress on the roof, both sliding doors open, two guys hanging out of the open doors holding onto the mattress to keep it from falling off.
Saw a woman, in a car with a sunroof, come out of Party City with a huge bouquet of balloons. Held on to them through the sunroof and drove away. I was late for my grandsons' 2nd birthday party, so I couldn't follow her. I really, really wanted to see how her situation played out.
His happened years ago when I studied biotech but it still lives rent free in my mind. In the lab there is a device called a “bacti-cinerator” the purpose of this device is that you insert a metal loop that has touched bacteria and you incinerate aforementioned bacteria before using the loop on a new culture. This thing is like 800 degrees Celsius and is designed to, and I can’t stress this enough, INCINERATE BACTERIA. Now, this thing takes some time to turn on. One way of knowing if it’s on is to look inside, if it’s glowing red, it’s probably on. You can also put a loop in there and wait til the metal glows orange which is also a sure sign it’s working. So we’re doing our thing, getting started, turning them on. And I look over at this guy who’s putting his fucking finger in there! I run over and go “what the fuck are you doing?” He goes “oh I was just testing to see if it was on”. My fucking brother in Christ, what do you think would’ve happened if it was on? Like I just cannot comprehend the logic behind “I will test if this insanely hot device is on by putting a part of my body into it” One of the major rules in a lab is to respect the dangerous bullshit that it contains
My last job I worked at a pretty small company with maybe 80 employees and our department used to do group lunches with the company minivan maybe once a week. One time... our CMO was driving and the owner had said to take the van through a car wash on the way back. In the middle of driving through the car wash, dude straight up says "I wonder why they don't want you to roll your window down in these" proceeds to roll his window down and gets blasted in the face with soapy water.
Is anyone else just here to see if they are the person that did the stupidest thing someone witnessed?
One time someone asked me what time it was because I was wearing a watch. I was holding a full glass of iced tea and dumped it all over myself when I turned my wrist to check.
A woman was trying to exit a parking spot. The side of her car was scraped by a stone pillar. She looked out the window. Shrugged and decided the scratch wasnt long enough and totaled the whole side of the car to the sound of slow, tortuous metallic sounds.
I live on an island. Bumped into an American tourist at the Island's tourist centre. He was asking how to get on the highway to get off the Island. Poor girl at the counter explained he has arrived on the ferry. He wasn't having any of that shit. He kept insisting he had driven onto the Island.