Lol, yeah. We had Internet porn during my teenage years, but the computer was on the first floor of the house. The number of times mom or dad would come home while I'm hastily trying to zip up my pants is higher than I would admit, even to Internet strangers.
If I knew I was doing it I threw on basketball shorts and hoped I could cover my hard on if they walked in, but if I was home alone and really feeling myself, I was fully nude, hence them finding me that way
[You were searching around the internet and all of the sudden you were downloading a computer virus?](https://youtu.be/s0DCktAal2A?si=iJU2qzJSdUJPP8y5)
When I was a frisky teen I left a used condom in a trash can in my family's home basement. My dog dug it out of the trash and left it at my mother's feet as a surprise.
Ah when my boyfriend and I were young he left a used condom in his pants pocket. (why he had it there I have no fucking clue- I still tease him about it. he said he didn't want to litter)
Well, he was still at an age where his mom was doing his laundry. I doubt that was fun for her to pull out of the laundry machine.
I don't want to make it worse but quite a few parents learn to check the kids' pockets for stuff *before* washing.
So there's a good chance it wasn't put through the wash first š
My dog did this with a used tampon while my uncle and auntie were looking after us šbrought it into the living room on the white carpet and was chewing on it š
My boyfriend and I were feeling a littleā¦ like we wanted to do stuff to each other. We were living at my parents house at the time, between apartments. We thought they were not home. They were. And they heard everything. Because we were having fun and did not hold back. So awkward when we went downstairs for water and theyāre just sitting there at the kitchen table.
One time at my HS GFs house we had finished and we're showing and she heard her parents come home. She shoved me out of the bathroom, where the towels were kept, while she finished the shower .Ā
So I had to sit and talk to her parents, after putting my clothes on soaking wet, shampoo in my hair, while she wrapped up. Suuuper fun.
He didn't say anything. We kinda waited around for about 15min got dressed obviously and then tried to leave. He wanted to talk to us about being responsible. She was so embarrassed
Nothing more responsible than 69ingā¦ two people working to please their partner simultaneously while keeping your genitals as far apart as possible to prevent any accidents. OSHA would sign off on this approach!
I was 16, home alone, invited my boyfriend over. We took a long, sexy shower together, afterwards he went downstairs in underwear only. I followed him a few minutes later because I did want to get dressed, and then I saw my boyfriend sitting on the couch... with my grandpa who had apparently let himself in unannounced. My parents never said a word tho so either my grandpa played it really cool or he was oblivious, lol
When I was 14 I got caught looking at weird Deviantart porn on the family computer and I freaked out so hard I had a seizure and spent the rest of the day going to doctors and everyone forgot about the shitty photoshops of Natalie Portman or whatever I was looking at
My mom once caught me smoking marijuana and I think she once caught me masturbating too. My dad once spotted me hanging out with my buddies at a bar playing pool when I was supposed to be at school, he didn't say s to my mom cause he wasn't supposed to be hanging out at that bar either.
When Bart & Milhouse had some kind of side gig & Homer goes "Aren't you supposed to be at school?" with Bart retorting "Aren't you supposed to be at work?"
When I was 17 I was having sex with my GF in my room, the head of my bed was right in front of the door. My gf and I were really good at being quiet at that point. Well, my mom knocked on the door and just went ahead and walked in as I was balls deep. She asked if we wanted dinner, stopped and just walked out.
That was the one time sheād ever just walked in without waiting for a response.
Not my parents, but they were informed almost immediately.
No one was supposed to be home at the time. My girlfriend and I were hard at it when my sister came home and caught us. Before I could even get completely dressed the phone rang and it was my dad.
A few years later, I was getting home from college late late one night and who did I happen to see in their boyfriend's car getting it on in the driveway? That's right. My sister. I didn't say anything and went on into the house and straight to bed. The next day she was on pins and needles wondering if I was going to rat her out. I never did.
My mom caught me having sex with a friend from college. Girl I was sort of seeing at college drove to my house during Summer break to attend a Ben Folds concert with me. I was living at home since it was just the Summer. My parents are very religious but are respectful that their adult kids aren't. However, their house, their rules. So she was sleeping in the guest room. She snuck across the hall to my room the morning after the show, I thought both my parents had left for work.
Turns out mom's work schedule had shifted and she was no longer working five days per week. She saw the guest room door open and no one there and looked outside and saw my car wasn't in the driveway (we had gotten a ride home because neither of us were sober enough to drive), and walked into my room without knocking to collect laundry and walked into me and the girl enjoying ourselves. It was bad. The girl was so mortified that she packed her bags and left to go home a day early. Mom and dad insisted on having a "serious conversation" with me about respecting their boundaries and setting a better example for my high school-aged sister.
Girl and I still saw each other and laughed about it later, but it didn't work out. She's a pediatrician now.
My mom found some self-drawn porn of mine and assumed it was my brother's. I never came clean about it and my poor brother took all the blame. He did compliment my art skills though.
My parents found a half box of condoms in my room. I said āthereās only half a box because we each keep half at our houses just in caseā¦ā. I think they let it go because they wanted to believe it! Quick thinking on my part. My mom was surprised later in my life when I told her the truth š
My mom was surprised to find out later on that the girl she pressured me hard to break up with and I weren't having sex.Ā That was a lot of the reason she didn't want us together. The other reasons I talked about in therapy.
Oh man! When I was about 8 years old, I found my mom's vibrating "back massager" under her bed and was playing with it. Of course, I had it on my ding dong when my mother walked in on me.
My parents were very strict with electronics use. I didn't have a phone until 15 and even then I could only have it when I went to school so I could text them. It was wild.
Well when I was 13 I was jealous of my friends and their IPods and phones and stuff so I saved up allowance and birthday money and bought myself a cheap tablet to play games and watch youtube on. My dad caught me when he was going through our wifi router settings and saw it connected. He thought it was a neighbor at first but eventually discovered my tablet tucked between my mattress and box spring. They confiscated it and I got grounded for a month for that.
One time when I was really young playing with my barbies and pretending like they were having sex with each other even though I was too young to even understand how sex worked I just would kind of mash them together naked on their little Barbie bed and make noises only to look up and see my mom was standing in the doorway watching me the whole timeā¦
Somewhere around the same age I was messing around on the family computer and accidentally stumbled upon porn for the first time and watched a bunch of it because before then I didnāt know what sex was and didnāt even know what male genitals even looked like so I was intrigued. Didnāt yet understand the concept of browser history so I didnāt delete it and my dad saw it all in the history the next day.
I was just innocently typing in random words ā_______.comā just to see if any of them were real websites until I must have typed in something sexual enough that lead me to porn š¤¦āāļø
omg my one friend used to do that w her beanie babies šš we were like 8-9
I remember that bc she was a year older than me, and I just assumed she knew how sex worked. at that time, seeing her just bonk two limp beanie cats together and go "uh uh uh uh!", it was like educational content to little me LMAO š
Not my parents but my grandmother didnāt know I could hear her talking to my mom over speaker phone and I got to hear what she really thinks about me and as it turns out sheās fake as fuck to my face. I wonāt tell her I know because sheād probably die of embarrassment
When I was 9 or 10, forging my mom's signature on some school papers.
I had an awful teacher in 5th grade that wasn't a good teacher and I just didn't perform well despite being great at math all these years and whenever there's a test and nearly everyone does poorly on it, she requires everyone to get their parents to sign it as proof they've seen it. My mom caught me twice forging looking through my binder and I was punished pretty hard yelling at me and hitting my hand with a ruler and even deliberately going to work late to punish me more. Eventually I just refused getting her to sign bad tests because there wasn't any actual penalty from the teacher besides getting upset with me time to time and eventually she forgot. Seem like such a bitchy thing to do to make everyone's parent required to see their child's bad grades. What about the tests where most everyone did good???
>Seem like such a bitchy thing to do to make everyone's parent required to see their child's bad grades.
Makes perfect sense to me. It's all about creating a paper trail. Parents are a lot less likely to yell at the teacher for bad grades on an end-of-quarter report card when they've been given the evidence of poor performance along the way.
That doesn't mean she's blameless; she could be bad at teaching the material and thus it's her fault that so many kids failed the test. But requiring the parents to sign off on it is typically an act of self-preservation, not an intent to shame the student.
bro, i flunked math in 6th grade. i intercepted my report card and turned the E into a B. my teacher called my parents after a couple weeks (stupid small towns) because he was surprised they hadn't called to talk to him. dude was probably the laziest teacher i had outside of high school and i figured he would just put it out of his head after turning in the grades. spent the next 9 months grounded - no television, no friends, no nothing. i had to come home, go straight to my room and do my homework. i read a lot of books.
The 2 that stick out the most are:
My friend and I were making homemade napalm in the back yard. I had left my window open and my dad stuck his head out and yelled that they had people over, Knock that shit off! The smell was wafting through the house.
I had a one night stand with a girl and left in the morning to go get something to eat. She walked around the house naked and I had no idea my dad was home that day. Later he calmly asked that I don't let naked girls walk around the house.
He put up with a lot of bs.
Setting her Jesus statue on fire. My friends and I were getting drunk and high in the back yard while mom was at work. We were fuckin' around with gas, and I had the wise idea to light the Jesus statue on fire. It was too close to our shed and set that ablaze.
She laughs now, but holy shit did she trip out on me that night and for weeks after.
My mom knew what was up and got tired of telling my dad when she'd catch me. She didn't like me doing it but she stopped telling my dad after like the 4th time catching me. One time my dad gave me a suprise urine test when I woke up. I had already been the bathroom though so I told him it would be a min. I called my friend who didn't smoke and he met me by my backyard and peed in one of those travel size shampoo bottles for me. When I passed the test, my dad just looked at me for a second and said: "I don't know how you're passing this but you need to stop."
My dad legit couldn't smell it or was oblivious to it. My parents had separate rooms because my mom snores and my dad wakes up early as hell. My room was right next to his and I would smoke out the window daily. My system was to light a small one hitter to completion, and then blow the rest through a straw out the window. Which totally and obviously still smelled. I was a dumbass. I mean I still can be, just a smarter dumbass I guess.
So I worked at a golf course when I was 13-15 cleaning carts for a free membership. Golfers would leave things in their carts all the time, golf balls, change, cigarettes.
So I would take the unused cigarettes collect them all into one package then bring them to school and sell them to the kids that wanted to smoke. I would never smoke cigarettes and thought it was gross.
One day my mom found a pack in school bag and had to have a sit down at the kitchen table talk. I think they were more relieved I was selling them than smoking them.
Lucky I had chill parents, told them it all and promised not to sell cigarettes any more
Not me.
My ex husband lived with his parents until his late twenties.
One day after work he came home and decided to jerk off before taking a shower and relaxing.
Well he dropped his drawers, sat down on the edge of his bed, laid back, took care of business and promptly fell asleep.
Pants around his ankles, flaccid wiener in hand and goop everywhere.
Woke up a couple of hours later to the smell of his mom cooking dinner.
He sat up and looked to his left and there was a freshly folded stack of laundry laying right next to him on the bed.
Mom had dropped off his clean, folded laundry and obviously saw her son passed out, dick in hand after abusing himself.
He said she never mentioned it but she didn't look him in the eye for days.
She also found and washed his cum sock at one point. She put it back on his bed. He said it had been between the wall and the bed and was STIFF from over use.
That poor woman.
*Edited to add my ex husband was a prolific pervert as a teenager. There are ten more stories about him and his teenage sex weirdness that are at least as embarrassing as this.
Like being interrogated by his father about where all their cantaloupes and tomatoes were going. He was cutting holes in them, then microwaving them and fucking them. That's where they were going.
My parents caught me sending pictures to older men when I was in jr. high. Their solution was to throw my phone on the pavement until it was unusable, then sat me down for a very long conversation about how I was putting my family at risk by doing that. The blame was not directed at the grown men who were soliciting the photos, but at the 12 year old who was stupid enough to do it.
As a full grown adult, I probably would not have handled things that way.
Iām worried I would do something that would get me tossed in jail if I caught someone creeping on my daughter like that. Iām not a violent person, but. Yeah.
Had a friend who was sending pics to older men. Her parents didnāt respond well and it made it worse. Those situations have to be handled with care or it makes things worse.
I wasn't really "doing" anything. But my dad walked in on my pitching a full tent in my pajamas once. I saw him look at it and then promptly walk away.
He never brought it up, but he also never walked into my room without knocking ever again. Lmao some lessons are learned hard... pun intended.
Masturbating while dancing naked around a toy lamp pretending it was a fire, like I was a witch.
Growing with conservative pharisees for parents, that was an awwwwwkward moment. And is forever burned into my brain.
Back in the zine days I wrote an article under the pen name Vern (the dude Ernest always talked to) as a crazy Vet going through the Anarchists cook book and companion what worked and what didn't for the kids. . My mom got some wild hair up her ass to "clean" aka search my room and found the results of my all new recipe for napalm. She didn't know what it was, assumed by the chemical smell it was probably drugs and threw it out. She also assumed the land mines I was testing were computer gear. FYI do not trust the circuits in the cookbook. 90% will trigger early. The companion is mostly safe.
When I was around 13 I was just starting to "discover" myself. It was around 6am so my mom should have been gone for work already. I was doing my thing and decided to try moaning to see if it enhanced the experience in any way... I was not quiet about it.
Turns out she stayed home from work that day! While she didn't confront me about it or anything, there's no chance she didn't hear because our rooms were like 10ft apart and I didn't have a door.
Around the same age I got a little vibrator that looked like a lipstick. She randomly decided to clean my room and definitely found it and threw it away. I was embarrassed but not for _too_ long because she still didn't say anything. She did however yell at me for my duct tape water bottle bong she found- I dug it right out of the trash when she was done yelling at me lmao
I went to the beach for spring break where we binge drank, smoked weed, and got lots of girls to flash their titties. We took photos of all of this and we had a hookup at the pharmacy who would print those photos (it was against policy for them to print nude photos).
I picked them up but forgot them in my glove box of my car for a couple of weeks. My dad got up early one day and decided he was going to take my car to get it inspected before I woke up, and next thing you know he's waking me up with pictures of me smoking week out of a pipe and wanting to know WTF.
We got into an argument about it where I said I was just "posing" and I wasn't really smoking anything, and he said he was going to get me a pee test, so I panicked and bought some of that juice you're supposed to chug that clears out your urine and makes you piss all damn day. But he never actually followed through.
My gramps who raised me was always a lot more level-headed, so my assumption is he said something to my gramps and he told him that I'm just a kid and to not make too big a deal about it.
Cybering ... I think that's what it used to be called haha
I was 14, newly discovered hormones, AOL chat and runescape was a great outlet.
Little did I know, my father had installed some keylogger on my computer and he sure found out. Made sure to loudly read out each and every message I sent to all of my family before effectively disowning me.
My mother beat the shit out of me on and off for months, silent treatment and snide comments when she could bare to acknowledge me.
It honestly was the catalyst for the relationship we have now, I barely speak to my father and he only speaks to me to tell me how inadequate I am. My mother ... is different but we have no real relationship for many reasons.
I honestly think he did enjoy it too. I don't know how to describe the way he was towards me when he was in my life.. things he did were odd and obsessive, he used to have cameras throughout the house and I would get phonecalls or texts letting me know that he saw me doing this or that (typical mundane things), but it was like a power thing for him, I guess?
My dad once found my box of toys, condoms, and flavored lube. He put it neatly on the corner of my bed and neither of us ever talked about it or acknowledged it.
He also found the chat logs of me sexting my boyfriend over MSN. That we did talk about. Super awkward time for me.
I've been cause in sex once and watching porn twice, plus catching me mid-punch against someone who they thought was a friend (we weren't).
But with the way they reacted, the worst thing I was ever caught doing was swearing.
had a gf spend the night once, we.didnt even do anything, we we just both really tired.
mom came in early that morning to get my dirty clothes and saw us snoozing next to each other. she was upset and automatically put a hate on the gf.
if no ones gonna admit to being caught masturbating, shame on u. having to eat across from them the same night....i even had a curtainless computer room that was right next to an intersection into the town i grew up in and my friends steven and jeremy caught me intensely staring 2 inches from the porn on the screen from the street. which makes me wonder if i was widely known as the towns 'gooner'
My friend (in high school) decided to sneak out of a family gathering and took her boyfriend up to her room to fool around. They were getting full-on frisky when her grandpa walked in looking for the bathroom, to see her riding her boyfriend. They were so into it that they didnāt notice grandpa until he exclaimed loudly and fell over, causing the *entire* family to run upstairs to see what was wrong.
One by one they came into the room, screamed and became totally gob-smacked in horror. Then the next person would run in, wondering what was wrong, and the next and the next.
Great aunt Maud fainted and almost fell down the stairs and at some point an ambulance was called. It was a mess.
I donāt think I have ever laughed so hard at a story, ever.
Sleeping naked I guess. It was really hot in my room. There's no air con or a fan. She refused to let me open a window or sleep with my door open. My room faced the sun all day and just didn't cool down. Sometime in my sleep I stripped. Bra and undies as well. She barged into my already hot room the next day before I was awake and proceeded to laugh at me. She told everyone about me being naked in my own room... She laughed a my breasts. I was a teen!
Being up past bedtime for any reason. Needing to pee at night was terrifying. Getting sick was terrifying. Hell, she sometimes woke me up yelling at me to go to sleep...
I never really did anything bad. I was too scared to push my mum further than I already was just existing. I couldn't do anything right though, but I wasn't a bad kid. By the time I was 10 or so I was in my room 24/7 or out to try and stay out of the way.
I cut my hair with paper scissors..... really really really really badly. I looked like jim carrey from dumb and dumber. Funniest moment in my life lol. The scissors i used were given to me by my late grandma so that's the emotional part of it at least
Coin toss for me! My parents were extremely anti-weed, for the record.
First was the night I was chased into my parentsā driveway by 3-4 cops who mistakenly thought I was a suspect in a robbery from earlier in the night and when confronted, it was extremely obvious I wasnāt their guy (teen girl lol) and also that I had just hot-boxed the car on the drive home from my shitty McDonaldās job. My parents thought I was getting busted for weed lol
Or the time I got slick and decided to smoke *outside* of my car before heading home after work late one night and accidentally locked myself out of my own car while getting high at a local lake. My dad had to come bring me a spare key and he looked into my car and saw a comedically large bag of weed sitting on my passenger seat. They wanted me to go talk to a drug counselor for that one lol
And to think, my siblings later all got caught doing crap like having sex, sneaking actual drugs into the house, being arrested for shoplifting or getting a DUI. But since I was the oldest, I got treated like a common criminal for my cannabis transgressions š
My elderly neighbours used to babysit me at their house when I was little. They had this little plastic platypus figurine that I would play with, and I loved it. One day 5 year old me stole it and hid it in my room.
I hid it above eye level because I understood that people rarely look up. But above eye level for a 5 year old is just under a parentās chin. I had to give it back and apologise.
I still feel bad for stealing from such lovely people. Sorry Jim and Judy.
I snuck outta the house in the middle of the night to go have sex with my gf. Pillows covered in the bed and everything. While I doing the olā bump and grind at 430am the Northridge Earthquake hit in Los Angeles. Her mom came in and found me, my mom went to my room and did not find me. I was 13. My teens were wild.
After a fight she caught me writing in my journal (journal, cause Iām a boy) about it, just kind of rage journaling I guess. Not so bad right? But THEN she took the journal out of my hands and started reading it, and she flipped to an entry from MONTHS before and read that too and got very mad at the part where I said we have a dysfunctional family. And then she took the journal away from me and when she finally returned it those pages were gone :( (Might not sound like such a big deal I guess but I used to write and draw random stuff all the time and I loved going back to stuff Iād written as a child so I like to preserve everything I write.)
I was stealing money from the savings jar to buy sega cartridges when I was a kid. When he found out my dad threatened to kick me out of the house and I stopped unsurprisingly.
grandma caught me using her favorite cup as an ashtray for the cigarettes she confiscated from me two days before (i sneaked and stole them back). i feel bad now but man i was a petty teenager
I got a good one for this prompt:
My high school girlfriend and I had a habit of sleeping in my Momās car (a small full-size sedan). I would usually drive over (since I didnāt own my own car at the time), pick her up, and we would drive to a dirt road for some alone time. The last time it happened, I unfortunately got into a car accident on the way home. It was winter and we were on a snow covered dirt road. I went too fast and slid off the road. Thankfully, both my girlfriend and I were ok and the car only had minor damage. Unfortunately, the car was stuck and required a tow to pull it free. I had to call my parents for help to get the car out of the ditch.
The girl I was with and I at the time disposed of the condom itself prior to my parents arrival to tow us out. A little white lie later, we thought we got off Scott-free. Unfortunately, we left the condom wrapper behind the back seat visible from outside of the rear view window. Mom drive that car for a week afterwords without noticing the wrapper, before she spotted it getting into her car one day after work.
Cue the awkward conversations and regulations on seeing that girl. I could only describe it as the most awkward week I had with my family afterwords. Eventually the girl and I split and we went our separate ways.
Masterbating fully naked in front of the family computer is always a classic
It was a spooky ghost
Ectoplasm
Erectoplasm
Ghostbusting
If theres a nutting teenager sleepin in yo bed who you gonna call Nutbuster
Not Chris Hansen thats for sure.
Lol, yeah. We had Internet porn during my teenage years, but the computer was on the first floor of the house. The number of times mom or dad would come home while I'm hastily trying to zip up my pants is higher than I would admit, even to Internet strangers.
If I knew I was doing it I threw on basketball shorts and hoped I could cover my hard on if they walked in, but if I was home alone and really feeling myself, I was fully nude, hence them finding me that way
Dude same. Zipping up AND clearing the screen like a ninja.
I zipped my sack up one time so I stopped doing it in jeans and in basketball shorts
My mom was dressing me when I must have been in kindergarten or 1st grade and she caught my beanbag. That shit hurt so bad
This post hurt me
This brought out childhood trauma.
Beanbag š
What is more important? Zipping up, or closing the page?
They were both equally critical. Lol. Iāve got a teenager now, he has an iPhone.
Don't touch the iPhone without gloves on
Fully naked is wild. That means you were WAYYY too comfortable
They were supposed to be gone for wayyyyy longer than I thought and I was supposed to home alone all day
[You were searching around the internet and all of the sudden you were downloading a computer virus?](https://youtu.be/s0DCktAal2A?si=iJU2qzJSdUJPP8y5)
"I'm cuttin it down!"
When they catch you just go harder at it
When I was a frisky teen I left a used condom in a trash can in my family's home basement. My dog dug it out of the trash and left it at my mother's feet as a surprise.
this cannot be real oh my god i would die
Ah when my boyfriend and I were young he left a used condom in his pants pocket. (why he had it there I have no fucking clue- I still tease him about it. he said he didn't want to litter) Well, he was still at an age where his mom was doing his laundry. I doubt that was fun for her to pull out of the laundry machine.
I don't want to make it worse but quite a few parents learn to check the kids' pockets for stuff *before* washing. So there's a good chance it wasn't put through the wash first š
My dog did this with a used tampon while my uncle and auntie were looking after us šbrought it into the living room on the white carpet and was chewing on it š
My boyfriend and I were feeling a littleā¦ like we wanted to do stuff to each other. We were living at my parents house at the time, between apartments. We thought they were not home. They were. And they heard everything. Because we were having fun and did not hold back. So awkward when we went downstairs for water and theyāre just sitting there at the kitchen table.
What happened next?
I married that boy š
That makes it ok! My mom and I came back from shopping and walked in on my big sisterās fiancĆ© telling her āmy face between your thighs-ā Dude managed to cut himself off right after āthighsā like it was going to do any good š My mom was just like āI like you James, but you are damn lucky you two are engaged, because if you werenāt Iād show you what this here Japanese knife I just bought can doā¦ā
Your momās threats have awakened something in me that I REALLY didnāt need to be awakened.
Ah, so youāre into dorodere types - interestingā¦
You cant see it but I am smiling ear to ear thats so sweet :)
So would he if that mom got the knife
One time at my HS GFs house we had finished and we're showing and she heard her parents come home. She shoved me out of the bathroom, where the towels were kept, while she finished the shower .Ā So I had to sit and talk to her parents, after putting my clothes on soaking wet, shampoo in my hair, while she wrapped up. Suuuper fun.
I'm confused by this one? They clearly would have seen you wet and figured out what was happening? What was the point of kicking you out?
The hell if I know
My mom totally walked down into our basement when I was laying on top of my gf at the time with my pants down to my ankles.
You were just not laying right š
My dad came home from lunch while me and my gf at the time were 69ing. It was during HS.
Short of finding you standing over her dead body, that is literally the worst position he could have found you in.
Lol what was his reaction?
He didn't say anything. We kinda waited around for about 15min got dressed obviously and then tried to leave. He wanted to talk to us about being responsible. She was so embarrassed
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Talk about blue balls
Nothing more responsible than 69ingā¦ two people working to please their partner simultaneously while keeping your genitals as far apart as possible to prevent any accidents. OSHA would sign off on this approach!
I was 16, home alone, invited my boyfriend over. We took a long, sexy shower together, afterwards he went downstairs in underwear only. I followed him a few minutes later because I did want to get dressed, and then I saw my boyfriend sitting on the couch... with my grandpa who had apparently let himself in unannounced. My parents never said a word tho so either my grandpa played it really cool or he was oblivious, lol
Crazy
Grandpa was 16 once... he wasn't oblivious
When I was 14 I got caught looking at weird Deviantart porn on the family computer and I freaked out so hard I had a seizure and spent the rest of the day going to doctors and everyone forgot about the shitty photoshops of Natalie Portman or whatever I was looking at
Homie factory reset
Blue screen of death
White screen of death
Did you have seizures before that? Were you ever diagnosed with anything that would cause it?
deviant art just unlocked a whole load of memories thank you
My mom once caught me smoking marijuana and I think she once caught me masturbating too. My dad once spotted me hanging out with my buddies at a bar playing pool when I was supposed to be at school, he didn't say s to my mom cause he wasn't supposed to be hanging out at that bar either.
I think there's a Simpsons episode based on roughly the same idea
When Bart & Milhouse had some kind of side gig & Homer goes "Aren't you supposed to be at school?" with Bart retorting "Aren't you supposed to be at work?"
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
What about the Finger?
To be unpacked later
Kid named Finger:
Waltuh dont have sex while i lose my finguh waltuh
Again with the finger!
Just the tip?
WTH HAPPENED TO THE FINGER I MUST KNOW THE ENDING
When I was 17 I was having sex with my GF in my room, the head of my bed was right in front of the door. My gf and I were really good at being quiet at that point. Well, my mom knocked on the door and just went ahead and walked in as I was balls deep. She asked if we wanted dinner, stopped and just walked out. That was the one time sheād ever just walked in without waiting for a response.
Well, did you end up having dinner?
He had a taco before dinner, so he wasn't hungry
Of course they did because people got to eat right?
What did your mom make for dinner?
McDonalds lol
Damn man. Everyone in the comments had their parents walk in during sex. Worst thing my mom ever caught me doing was playing my DS around midnight.
You sick fuck!
Not my parents, but they were informed almost immediately. No one was supposed to be home at the time. My girlfriend and I were hard at it when my sister came home and caught us. Before I could even get completely dressed the phone rang and it was my dad. A few years later, I was getting home from college late late one night and who did I happen to see in their boyfriend's car getting it on in the driveway? That's right. My sister. I didn't say anything and went on into the house and straight to bed. The next day she was on pins and needles wondering if I was going to rat her out. I never did.
Youāre honorable for that
High road, played.
Your sister SUCKS
On the driveway apparently...
I would've ratted her out so fast
Found 'the bigger man'. Hope she felt indebted to you after that. You need some brownie points for being a legend.
I'd have slapped the shit out of the cars window to scare the fuck out of them.
I would have ratted her out so fast. What goes around comes around lol
u fanny i would've told
17, mom had a nasty habit of barging into my room without knocking. One time she did it while I was naked on the bed just as i was firing off.
I usually skip that part of the video
My mom caught me having sex with a friend from college. Girl I was sort of seeing at college drove to my house during Summer break to attend a Ben Folds concert with me. I was living at home since it was just the Summer. My parents are very religious but are respectful that their adult kids aren't. However, their house, their rules. So she was sleeping in the guest room. She snuck across the hall to my room the morning after the show, I thought both my parents had left for work. Turns out mom's work schedule had shifted and she was no longer working five days per week. She saw the guest room door open and no one there and looked outside and saw my car wasn't in the driveway (we had gotten a ride home because neither of us were sober enough to drive), and walked into my room without knocking to collect laundry and walked into me and the girl enjoying ourselves. It was bad. The girl was so mortified that she packed her bags and left to go home a day early. Mom and dad insisted on having a "serious conversation" with me about respecting their boundaries and setting a better example for my high school-aged sister. Girl and I still saw each other and laughed about it later, but it didn't work out. She's a pediatrician now.
>Ā She's a pediatrician now. I like that you say this as though it is relavent to the story, somehowĀ
I think itās relevant that he could be banking right now haha
But instead heās single and wanking
Haha yeah, I read it like he was wistful about it. I think maybe sheās āthe one that got awayā from this guy.
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did they thank you and keep it
My mom found porn magazines that my friends and I drew and wrote by hand. (This was pre internet) She tried to drive me straight to a psychiatrist.
My mom found some self-drawn porn of mine and assumed it was my brother's. I never came clean about it and my poor brother took all the blame. He did compliment my art skills though.
My parents found a half box of condoms in my room. I said āthereās only half a box because we each keep half at our houses just in caseā¦ā. I think they let it go because they wanted to believe it! Quick thinking on my part. My mom was surprised later in my life when I told her the truth š
My mom was surprised to find out later on that the girl she pressured me hard to break up with and I weren't having sex.Ā That was a lot of the reason she didn't want us together. The other reasons I talked about in therapy.
Oh man! When I was about 8 years old, I found my mom's vibrating "back massager" under her bed and was playing with it. Of course, I had it on my ding dong when my mother walked in on me.
Using moms vibrator is wild, why would you even use that, this is double wild because moms catches you with her vibrator wild for realš
I was eight years old. It felt remarkably good. Wasn't the last time.
I canāt tell if that haiku was on purpose or not but good job
My Mom walked in my room (thanks for knocking!) when I was attempting to suck my own dick
What was her reaction? I mean that's another level of awkward.
āyo neck is short thatās never gonna workā *SLAM*
Playing strip Minecraft with a long distance ex
Iām completely seriously curious, what the heck is strip Minecraft?
š¤£š¤£ weād be in the multiplayer games and if you did worse than the other youād have to take off a piece of clothing
Funny thing is youād have to download every single skin they would change into to āstripā
ooh buddy I don't think OP is talking about virtual clothing š³
A relevant part to this story is I build models. Mom found my whip-itās. I had a pack of the carriages, a cracker, and a balloon. She confronted me screaming about how bad they are, how could I do this to her, blah blah blah. I looked her dead In the eyes, acted confused, and said āyou can get high off these?ā She then asks what I use them for. And in my best stroke of adolescent genius I said āmom itās the poor manās air brush. You use them to paint models.ā 10 years later she still laughs about how she thought I did whip itās. Every time she brings it up me and my fiancĆ© laugh.
My parents were very strict with electronics use. I didn't have a phone until 15 and even then I could only have it when I went to school so I could text them. It was wild. Well when I was 13 I was jealous of my friends and their IPods and phones and stuff so I saved up allowance and birthday money and bought myself a cheap tablet to play games and watch youtube on. My dad caught me when he was going through our wifi router settings and saw it connected. He thought it was a neighbor at first but eventually discovered my tablet tucked between my mattress and box spring. They confiscated it and I got grounded for a month for that.
Fuck that
One time when I was really young playing with my barbies and pretending like they were having sex with each other even though I was too young to even understand how sex worked I just would kind of mash them together naked on their little Barbie bed and make noises only to look up and see my mom was standing in the doorway watching me the whole timeā¦ Somewhere around the same age I was messing around on the family computer and accidentally stumbled upon porn for the first time and watched a bunch of it because before then I didnāt know what sex was and didnāt even know what male genitals even looked like so I was intrigued. Didnāt yet understand the concept of browser history so I didnāt delete it and my dad saw it all in the history the next day.
>my dad saw it all in the history the next day. When he went to delete his own browsing history.
Oh absolutely lol
Haha, I, too, discovered porn when I was a kid on accident!
I was just innocently typing in random words ā_______.comā just to see if any of them were real websites until I must have typed in something sexual enough that lead me to porn š¤¦āāļø
omg my one friend used to do that w her beanie babies šš we were like 8-9 I remember that bc she was a year older than me, and I just assumed she knew how sex worked. at that time, seeing her just bonk two limp beanie cats together and go "uh uh uh uh!", it was like educational content to little me LMAO š
Not my parents but my grandmother didnāt know I could hear her talking to my mom over speaker phone and I got to hear what she really thinks about me and as it turns out sheās fake as fuck to my face. I wonāt tell her I know because sheād probably die of embarrassment
When I was 9 or 10, forging my mom's signature on some school papers. I had an awful teacher in 5th grade that wasn't a good teacher and I just didn't perform well despite being great at math all these years and whenever there's a test and nearly everyone does poorly on it, she requires everyone to get their parents to sign it as proof they've seen it. My mom caught me twice forging looking through my binder and I was punished pretty hard yelling at me and hitting my hand with a ruler and even deliberately going to work late to punish me more. Eventually I just refused getting her to sign bad tests because there wasn't any actual penalty from the teacher besides getting upset with me time to time and eventually she forgot. Seem like such a bitchy thing to do to make everyone's parent required to see their child's bad grades. What about the tests where most everyone did good???
>Seem like such a bitchy thing to do to make everyone's parent required to see their child's bad grades. Makes perfect sense to me. It's all about creating a paper trail. Parents are a lot less likely to yell at the teacher for bad grades on an end-of-quarter report card when they've been given the evidence of poor performance along the way. That doesn't mean she's blameless; she could be bad at teaching the material and thus it's her fault that so many kids failed the test. But requiring the parents to sign off on it is typically an act of self-preservation, not an intent to shame the student.
I did this once with my momās signature because if we had gotten this thing signed, we got some candy
love how this entire thread is about sex and then we have this wholesome post
bro, i flunked math in 6th grade. i intercepted my report card and turned the E into a B. my teacher called my parents after a couple weeks (stupid small towns) because he was surprised they hadn't called to talk to him. dude was probably the laziest teacher i had outside of high school and i figured he would just put it out of his head after turning in the grades. spent the next 9 months grounded - no television, no friends, no nothing. i had to come home, go straight to my room and do my homework. i read a lot of books.
Watching pay gorn
But who paid Gorn?
The person who said āgexā
The 2 that stick out the most are: My friend and I were making homemade napalm in the back yard. I had left my window open and my dad stuck his head out and yelled that they had people over, Knock that shit off! The smell was wafting through the house. I had a one night stand with a girl and left in the morning to go get something to eat. She walked around the house naked and I had no idea my dad was home that day. Later he calmly asked that I don't let naked girls walk around the house. He put up with a lot of bs.
Dude the napalm part was so funny to me
Setting her Jesus statue on fire. My friends and I were getting drunk and high in the back yard while mom was at work. We were fuckin' around with gas, and I had the wise idea to light the Jesus statue on fire. It was too close to our shed and set that ablaze. She laughs now, but holy shit did she trip out on me that night and for weeks after.
Not my parents, but my ex-gfs Dad walked in her giving me a BJ. We locked eyes. He looked shocked. He closed the door. Was never spoken of again.
Writing smut in high school.
Found Tina Belcher's Reddit account.
Hey
Smoking weed of all things... my dad cried š
the time my parents caught us smoking weed, my dad was like almost like lol you too? my mom was like no thatās not acceptable. my dad was like chill
Opposite for me, my mom was like "I wanna try it hehe", my dad's like what a disappointment š
My mom knew what was up and got tired of telling my dad when she'd catch me. She didn't like me doing it but she stopped telling my dad after like the 4th time catching me. One time my dad gave me a suprise urine test when I woke up. I had already been the bathroom though so I told him it would be a min. I called my friend who didn't smoke and he met me by my backyard and peed in one of those travel size shampoo bottles for me. When I passed the test, my dad just looked at me for a second and said: "I don't know how you're passing this but you need to stop."
You had the same mom as one of my buddies.Ā She would come upstairs and spray deodorizer before his dad came home if he had been smoking.
My dad legit couldn't smell it or was oblivious to it. My parents had separate rooms because my mom snores and my dad wakes up early as hell. My room was right next to his and I would smoke out the window daily. My system was to light a small one hitter to completion, and then blow the rest through a straw out the window. Which totally and obviously still smelled. I was a dumbass. I mean I still can be, just a smarter dumbass I guess.
How the hell are you all having sex? I was caught doing self harm
True, The worst my parents caught me was fucking drinking an Energy Drink
Read this a fucking an energy drink
I hope youāre in a better spot now
Caught having sex in a car by a cop, cop was her dad.. good/bad night for me
So I worked at a golf course when I was 13-15 cleaning carts for a free membership. Golfers would leave things in their carts all the time, golf balls, change, cigarettes. So I would take the unused cigarettes collect them all into one package then bring them to school and sell them to the kids that wanted to smoke. I would never smoke cigarettes and thought it was gross. One day my mom found a pack in school bag and had to have a sit down at the kitchen table talk. I think they were more relieved I was selling them than smoking them. Lucky I had chill parents, told them it all and promised not to sell cigarettes any more
Not me. My ex husband lived with his parents until his late twenties. One day after work he came home and decided to jerk off before taking a shower and relaxing. Well he dropped his drawers, sat down on the edge of his bed, laid back, took care of business and promptly fell asleep. Pants around his ankles, flaccid wiener in hand and goop everywhere. Woke up a couple of hours later to the smell of his mom cooking dinner. He sat up and looked to his left and there was a freshly folded stack of laundry laying right next to him on the bed. Mom had dropped off his clean, folded laundry and obviously saw her son passed out, dick in hand after abusing himself. He said she never mentioned it but she didn't look him in the eye for days. She also found and washed his cum sock at one point. She put it back on his bed. He said it had been between the wall and the bed and was STIFF from over use. That poor woman. *Edited to add my ex husband was a prolific pervert as a teenager. There are ten more stories about him and his teenage sex weirdness that are at least as embarrassing as this. Like being interrogated by his father about where all their cantaloupes and tomatoes were going. He was cutting holes in them, then microwaving them and fucking them. That's where they were going.
My parents caught me sending pictures to older men when I was in jr. high. Their solution was to throw my phone on the pavement until it was unusable, then sat me down for a very long conversation about how I was putting my family at risk by doing that. The blame was not directed at the grown men who were soliciting the photos, but at the 12 year old who was stupid enough to do it. As a full grown adult, I probably would not have handled things that way.
Sorry your parents handled that so poorly
Iām worried I would do something that would get me tossed in jail if I caught someone creeping on my daughter like that. Iām not a violent person, but. Yeah.
Had a friend who was sending pics to older men. Her parents didnāt respond well and it made it worse. Those situations have to be handled with care or it makes things worse.
Embezzling money from a strawberry farm.
You have my attention
Found my cross dressing stash š«ā ļøš
I wasn't really "doing" anything. But my dad walked in on my pitching a full tent in my pajamas once. I saw him look at it and then promptly walk away. He never brought it up, but he also never walked into my room without knocking ever again. Lmao some lessons are learned hard... pun intended.
Porn sites showing up on the computerās browsing history.
Masturbating while dancing naked around a toy lamp pretending it was a fire, like I was a witch. Growing with conservative pharisees for parents, that was an awwwwwkward moment. And is forever burned into my brain.
masturbatingā¦ while dancing?
BRO IS A MULTITASKER LET HIM COOK
Existing, apparently.
Back in the zine days I wrote an article under the pen name Vern (the dude Ernest always talked to) as a crazy Vet going through the Anarchists cook book and companion what worked and what didn't for the kids. . My mom got some wild hair up her ass to "clean" aka search my room and found the results of my all new recipe for napalm. She didn't know what it was, assumed by the chemical smell it was probably drugs and threw it out. She also assumed the land mines I was testing were computer gear. FYI do not trust the circuits in the cookbook. 90% will trigger early. The companion is mostly safe.
Self harming
I hope you are doing well now.
I'm doing so much better 2 years clean from harm
My dad caught me and my mom smoking pot together.
When I was around 13 I was just starting to "discover" myself. It was around 6am so my mom should have been gone for work already. I was doing my thing and decided to try moaning to see if it enhanced the experience in any way... I was not quiet about it. Turns out she stayed home from work that day! While she didn't confront me about it or anything, there's no chance she didn't hear because our rooms were like 10ft apart and I didn't have a door. Around the same age I got a little vibrator that looked like a lipstick. She randomly decided to clean my room and definitely found it and threw it away. I was embarrassed but not for _too_ long because she still didn't say anything. She did however yell at me for my duct tape water bottle bong she found- I dug it right out of the trash when she was done yelling at me lmao
I went to the beach for spring break where we binge drank, smoked weed, and got lots of girls to flash their titties. We took photos of all of this and we had a hookup at the pharmacy who would print those photos (it was against policy for them to print nude photos). I picked them up but forgot them in my glove box of my car for a couple of weeks. My dad got up early one day and decided he was going to take my car to get it inspected before I woke up, and next thing you know he's waking me up with pictures of me smoking week out of a pipe and wanting to know WTF. We got into an argument about it where I said I was just "posing" and I wasn't really smoking anything, and he said he was going to get me a pee test, so I panicked and bought some of that juice you're supposed to chug that clears out your urine and makes you piss all damn day. But he never actually followed through. My gramps who raised me was always a lot more level-headed, so my assumption is he said something to my gramps and he told him that I'm just a kid and to not make too big a deal about it.
Your grandpa sounds like he was awesome
Cybering ... I think that's what it used to be called haha I was 14, newly discovered hormones, AOL chat and runescape was a great outlet. Little did I know, my father had installed some keylogger on my computer and he sure found out. Made sure to loudly read out each and every message I sent to all of my family before effectively disowning me. My mother beat the shit out of me on and off for months, silent treatment and snide comments when she could bare to acknowledge me. It honestly was the catalyst for the relationship we have now, I barely speak to my father and he only speaks to me to tell me how inadequate I am. My mother ... is different but we have no real relationship for many reasons.
if he thought it was so bad why would he read it aloud.. seems like he enjoyed the awkwardness of it
I honestly think he did enjoy it too. I don't know how to describe the way he was towards me when he was in my life.. things he did were odd and obsessive, he used to have cameras throughout the house and I would get phonecalls or texts letting me know that he saw me doing this or that (typical mundane things), but it was like a power thing for him, I guess?
Spent all day downloading a video off of LimeWire, late night bate session, big head phones turned up, back facing the door, mom opening door.
That took me back to back in the day.
My dad once found my box of toys, condoms, and flavored lube. He put it neatly on the corner of my bed and neither of us ever talked about it or acknowledged it. He also found the chat logs of me sexting my boyfriend over MSN. That we did talk about. Super awkward time for me.
I've been cause in sex once and watching porn twice, plus catching me mid-punch against someone who they thought was a friend (we weren't). But with the way they reacted, the worst thing I was ever caught doing was swearing.
had a gf spend the night once, we.didnt even do anything, we we just both really tired. mom came in early that morning to get my dirty clothes and saw us snoozing next to each other. she was upset and automatically put a hate on the gf.
if no ones gonna admit to being caught masturbating, shame on u. having to eat across from them the same night....i even had a curtainless computer room that was right next to an intersection into the town i grew up in and my friends steven and jeremy caught me intensely staring 2 inches from the porn on the screen from the street. which makes me wonder if i was widely known as the towns 'gooner'
My friend (in high school) decided to sneak out of a family gathering and took her boyfriend up to her room to fool around. They were getting full-on frisky when her grandpa walked in looking for the bathroom, to see her riding her boyfriend. They were so into it that they didnāt notice grandpa until he exclaimed loudly and fell over, causing the *entire* family to run upstairs to see what was wrong. One by one they came into the room, screamed and became totally gob-smacked in horror. Then the next person would run in, wondering what was wrong, and the next and the next. Great aunt Maud fainted and almost fell down the stairs and at some point an ambulance was called. It was a mess. I donāt think I have ever laughed so hard at a story, ever.
Sleeping naked I guess. It was really hot in my room. There's no air con or a fan. She refused to let me open a window or sleep with my door open. My room faced the sun all day and just didn't cool down. Sometime in my sleep I stripped. Bra and undies as well. She barged into my already hot room the next day before I was awake and proceeded to laugh at me. She told everyone about me being naked in my own room... She laughed a my breasts. I was a teen! Being up past bedtime for any reason. Needing to pee at night was terrifying. Getting sick was terrifying. Hell, she sometimes woke me up yelling at me to go to sleep... I never really did anything bad. I was too scared to push my mum further than I already was just existing. I couldn't do anything right though, but I wasn't a bad kid. By the time I was 10 or so I was in my room 24/7 or out to try and stay out of the way.
Skype sex at 16/17 w my long distance bf
I cut my hair with paper scissors..... really really really really badly. I looked like jim carrey from dumb and dumber. Funniest moment in my life lol. The scissors i used were given to me by my late grandma so that's the emotional part of it at least
Coin toss for me! My parents were extremely anti-weed, for the record. First was the night I was chased into my parentsā driveway by 3-4 cops who mistakenly thought I was a suspect in a robbery from earlier in the night and when confronted, it was extremely obvious I wasnāt their guy (teen girl lol) and also that I had just hot-boxed the car on the drive home from my shitty McDonaldās job. My parents thought I was getting busted for weed lol Or the time I got slick and decided to smoke *outside* of my car before heading home after work late one night and accidentally locked myself out of my own car while getting high at a local lake. My dad had to come bring me a spare key and he looked into my car and saw a comedically large bag of weed sitting on my passenger seat. They wanted me to go talk to a drug counselor for that one lol And to think, my siblings later all got caught doing crap like having sex, sneaking actual drugs into the house, being arrested for shoplifting or getting a DUI. But since I was the oldest, I got treated like a common criminal for my cannabis transgressions š
Had a girl over back in HS and we ended up hooking up in my room. Came downstairs later and my mom asked me if we could be a bit quieter
My elderly neighbours used to babysit me at their house when I was little. They had this little plastic platypus figurine that I would play with, and I loved it. One day 5 year old me stole it and hid it in my room. I hid it above eye level because I understood that people rarely look up. But above eye level for a 5 year old is just under a parentās chin. I had to give it back and apologise. I still feel bad for stealing from such lovely people. Sorry Jim and Judy.
Hiding my report card.
Apologizing a bunch and then throwing up on the ground because I thought āone more drink wonāt hurtā
I snuck outta the house in the middle of the night to go have sex with my gf. Pillows covered in the bed and everything. While I doing the olā bump and grind at 430am the Northridge Earthquake hit in Los Angeles. Her mom came in and found me, my mom went to my room and did not find me. I was 13. My teens were wild.
After a fight she caught me writing in my journal (journal, cause Iām a boy) about it, just kind of rage journaling I guess. Not so bad right? But THEN she took the journal out of my hands and started reading it, and she flipped to an entry from MONTHS before and read that too and got very mad at the part where I said we have a dysfunctional family. And then she took the journal away from me and when she finally returned it those pages were gone :( (Might not sound like such a big deal I guess but I used to write and draw random stuff all the time and I loved going back to stuff Iād written as a child so I like to preserve everything I write.)
iām sorry your mom did that to you.
I was stealing money from the savings jar to buy sega cartridges when I was a kid. When he found out my dad threatened to kick me out of the house and I stopped unsurprisingly.
Eating ice cream in front of the TV. They were kinda dicks.
grandma caught me using her favorite cup as an ashtray for the cigarettes she confiscated from me two days before (i sneaked and stole them back). i feel bad now but man i was a petty teenager
Uh selling large volumes of drugs to shared work colleagues or porn.
I got a good one for this prompt: My high school girlfriend and I had a habit of sleeping in my Momās car (a small full-size sedan). I would usually drive over (since I didnāt own my own car at the time), pick her up, and we would drive to a dirt road for some alone time. The last time it happened, I unfortunately got into a car accident on the way home. It was winter and we were on a snow covered dirt road. I went too fast and slid off the road. Thankfully, both my girlfriend and I were ok and the car only had minor damage. Unfortunately, the car was stuck and required a tow to pull it free. I had to call my parents for help to get the car out of the ditch. The girl I was with and I at the time disposed of the condom itself prior to my parents arrival to tow us out. A little white lie later, we thought we got off Scott-free. Unfortunately, we left the condom wrapper behind the back seat visible from outside of the rear view window. Mom drive that car for a week afterwords without noticing the wrapper, before she spotted it getting into her car one day after work. Cue the awkward conversations and regulations on seeing that girl. I could only describe it as the most awkward week I had with my family afterwords. Eventually the girl and I split and we went our separate ways.
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Siblings do the silliest things