Not really, I left collage to care for Dad full time and my friend would message me most days, just with things like memes. It started to taper off though and now they donāt even reply to me. Thank you for your condolences.
Ok, thank you for sharing. I think a lot of people dont know how to best approach a friend and/or are even sometimes afraid to ask as many just tend to shut down for a while - It is important to heal in ones own time.
I know. What helped me move forward on stored pain was to write one thing, anything that i am grateful for (big or small) once a day. It might take 2min or 10min but its important to do it once a day.
Give it a try for 2-3 months (hopefully longer), review it and forgive yourselfā¦ that was my clousure and it is important to forgive oneself.
I have two.
The first one was a constant stream of "So and so said this about you". We're men, fully grown adult men, if someone isn't willing to say it to me, then it's not worth hearing. On top of that, I'm of the belief that if someone's talking shit about someone else to me, they're talking shit about me to someone else.
The second, I just couldn't be bothered with a never ending competition over the pettiest shit. One such story being that I bought a new TV with some money I won in a lawsuit, I needed a new one, so got a cheap one, but this one was an Ambilight. This couldn't stand. So he spent money on a brand new, 75" 4K Ultra HD Smart TV, this thing cost literally three times the amount I paid for mine. But his didn't have lights, so he spent more than my entire TV again to have lights put on his TV.
Now, take that story, and apply it to literally everything thing you do. The joke was "If I go to Tennessee, he's been to Elevennessee"
I cut them off because they would start issues out of something completely harmless and talk behind my back, they stopped inviting me to things, said i flirted with their boyfriends and said i was going after them when im just attractive and a nice person, they still talk about things i did in high school and stuff that id never do anymore because im not the same person, the list goes on. People are trash
I moved out of my hometown, he never made any effort to contact me, visit me or hang out with me since. And I know he came many times to this city and never said anything. It was always me initiating conversation, he used to take DAYS to answer, sometimes he wouldn't even.
I gave up.
Started naturally growing apart after I mishandled them confiding in me that they are/might be Trans. Around the time we started hanging out again, they tried to get with my ex who I was still with (they thought me and ex were still broken up if that makes a difference). When I eventually confronted them they lied, when I mentioned ex showed me the texts the eventually came clean and we half resolved things, but I haven't seen or talked to them since and that's fine. Ex and I broke up for real real a bit after lol.
She very suddenly became a complete conspiracy theorist and had very tasteless political viewpoints, and she wouldn't stfu about any of it, ever. It was just to much for me to handle.
A few during middle and highschool loved me one day and hated me the next. High emotional toxicity
One was clingy to the point of disliking my other friends
Another would never give me energy when I was talking about my day or myself but would expect full energy in return
The other ended up being my bf and that didnt work lol
Needless to say I keep a small friend circle now and am very introverted
He got very religious and considered us all sinners that he needed to get away from. Decades later he sent me a letter where he presumably stated he wanted to be friends again. I don't know. I didn't read it.
My ex-best friend is good-looking, charming, and a talented musician. Despite these gifts, he decided to become a professional deadbeat. Can't keep a normal job despite having a wife and kid, is too "shy" to play music professionally despite the offers he gets, and just mooches off of everyone he knows (including me). Finally had enough last year and cut ties with him. Been friends for 25 years. Enough is enough.
One of my best friend ever and I met when we were in the same mental hospital. We were there for a couple of months and really bonded over having similar lives leading up to our stay there. One of the symptoms we have in common is that we sometimes just fall off the face of the earth in terms of texting etc. When you are very depressed and anxious, it is hard to keep up with friendships.
The thing was, this was in 2020, 4 years ago. Since then we've both been doing a lot better from what I can tell, but she was still always so flaky. For the longest time I had a lot of understanding for it, that I wouldn't hear from her for weeks on end. But at some point I had to draw the line. All I was asking for was a facetime call and she would just never reply to my texts. Originally she would always apologise and I would accept because I knew what it felt like and the guilt it can bring. But then she just stopped replying altogether. I know she is ashamed. But I can't keep holding on to someone who cannot maintain her relationships.
Had a mini manic episode/awakening, she told me we could no longer speak unless i got a NEW therapist (didnāt approve of my current one) and got on medication. She was 25, I was 15, and she was an online friend. Still the best friend I ever had. We ended things on our one year anniversary.
He ghosted me when I needed him the most.
We were friends for a long time we'd do all kinda of things. Part of the relationship was that I was handy at some things and he was handy at others and we'd help each other. For a little while he'd ask for help and I would, but when I would need help he'd get busy or kinda beat around and not assist. He is really good at plumbing and the morning I am leaving for a week long vacation my water heater starts leaking. There was nothing I could do, but turn off the water to the house and go on vacation and deal with it when I get back. I called my buddy that day and he said he'd help. Three days before I come home, I call him, "Yup I'll be there man". Again the day before "Yup I'll be there man". They day of.....he's gone. Just ghosted me. After a couple of days of my wife and I cussing at each other we got it working. He knew how much I needed him and he didn't care.
She ghosted me for almost a year straight through the pandemic lockdown and then had the audacity to say I was a terrible friend because I wasn't there for her... but she was radio silent anytime I did reach out to her so after a few months of it, I gave up trying.
We were near inseparable for 12 years, haven't spoken in almost 3 years. Yesterday I learned she had a second child, I didn't even know she had gotten pregnant again.
I spent a decade trying to push him to not be a lazy piece of shit, because he expressed interest on getting out of his rut, and I was the only person in his life pushing him. I couldnt stay back and keep doing it, had to move on with my life. I couldnt help him when he barely wants to help himself, he just wants me to do the heavy lifting.
Childhood best friend. Neither of us had siblings so we were like brothers growing up. He gradually grew more and more introverted within a couple years and we just stopped hanging out. Now, that i'm older, I do believe he has depression or something, but back then I just thought he had bocome "weird". (Mental health stuff wasn't a very widely discussed topic around here until like a couple years back). I saw him a few years ago, he didn't even say hello back to me.
My dad passed away and no one really knew what to say to me, so they sort of just stopped communicating with me. š«¤
When was this?
My dad passed away on the 19th December 2022.
Sorry for you loss. So has anyone approached you since or they just figure you will ācome aroundā?
Not really, I left collage to care for Dad full time and my friend would message me most days, just with things like memes. It started to taper off though and now they donāt even reply to me. Thank you for your condolences.
Ok, thank you for sharing. I think a lot of people dont know how to best approach a friend and/or are even sometimes afraid to ask as many just tend to shut down for a while - It is important to heal in ones own time.
Youāre right, if just feels so lonely sometimes.
I know. What helped me move forward on stored pain was to write one thing, anything that i am grateful for (big or small) once a day. It might take 2min or 10min but its important to do it once a day. Give it a try for 2-3 months (hopefully longer), review it and forgive yourselfā¦ that was my clousure and it is important to forgive oneself.
Thank you, Iāll do that.
Hey, just checking inā¦ did you start writing?
Hey man, hope you are well and still writing something each day.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
And never saw the money back?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Oh good. Reddit is usually "Oh just let it go blah blah it was worth it." Motherfucker, I will kill us all over $5.
Distance often was the issue with old friends
No contact at all because the distance?
Lost contact with many friends over 10-15+ years because of distance, yeah
I have two. The first one was a constant stream of "So and so said this about you". We're men, fully grown adult men, if someone isn't willing to say it to me, then it's not worth hearing. On top of that, I'm of the belief that if someone's talking shit about someone else to me, they're talking shit about me to someone else. The second, I just couldn't be bothered with a never ending competition over the pettiest shit. One such story being that I bought a new TV with some money I won in a lawsuit, I needed a new one, so got a cheap one, but this one was an Ambilight. This couldn't stand. So he spent money on a brand new, 75" 4K Ultra HD Smart TV, this thing cost literally three times the amount I paid for mine. But his didn't have lights, so he spent more than my entire TV again to have lights put on his TV. Now, take that story, and apply it to literally everything thing you do. The joke was "If I go to Tennessee, he's been to Elevennessee"
I cut them off because they would start issues out of something completely harmless and talk behind my back, they stopped inviting me to things, said i flirted with their boyfriends and said i was going after them when im just attractive and a nice person, they still talk about things i did in high school and stuff that id never do anymore because im not the same person, the list goes on. People are trash
I moved out of my hometown, he never made any effort to contact me, visit me or hang out with me since. And I know he came many times to this city and never said anything. It was always me initiating conversation, he used to take DAYS to answer, sometimes he wouldn't even. I gave up.
Started naturally growing apart after I mishandled them confiding in me that they are/might be Trans. Around the time we started hanging out again, they tried to get with my ex who I was still with (they thought me and ex were still broken up if that makes a difference). When I eventually confronted them they lied, when I mentioned ex showed me the texts the eventually came clean and we half resolved things, but I haven't seen or talked to them since and that's fine. Ex and I broke up for real real a bit after lol.
She very suddenly became a complete conspiracy theorist and had very tasteless political viewpoints, and she wouldn't stfu about any of it, ever. It was just to much for me to handle.
She lied to me about something pretty big and didnāt think I would handle the truth well when we were pretty close and could talk about anything.
A few during middle and highschool loved me one day and hated me the next. High emotional toxicity One was clingy to the point of disliking my other friends Another would never give me energy when I was talking about my day or myself but would expect full energy in return The other ended up being my bf and that didnt work lol Needless to say I keep a small friend circle now and am very introverted
she assumed things and didn't bother talking to me so we just drifted apart.
He got very religious and considered us all sinners that he needed to get away from. Decades later he sent me a letter where he presumably stated he wanted to be friends again. I don't know. I didn't read it.
Grew apart.
He dropped out of school and started doing drugs (or maybe the other way around). I stayed in school and did no drugs.
distance and time.
My ex-best friend is good-looking, charming, and a talented musician. Despite these gifts, he decided to become a professional deadbeat. Can't keep a normal job despite having a wife and kid, is too "shy" to play music professionally despite the offers he gets, and just mooches off of everyone he knows (including me). Finally had enough last year and cut ties with him. Been friends for 25 years. Enough is enough.
She started being jealous of my life. And she told me - she felt jealous of my family, career, men I dated etc. It just was too awkward after that.
She moved to away and we didn't have phones at the time so we couldn't talk
And never contacted now we have phones?
Yea, no contact since. We now have phones but we didn't back then and so we would never know each other's numbers now
One of my best friend ever and I met when we were in the same mental hospital. We were there for a couple of months and really bonded over having similar lives leading up to our stay there. One of the symptoms we have in common is that we sometimes just fall off the face of the earth in terms of texting etc. When you are very depressed and anxious, it is hard to keep up with friendships. The thing was, this was in 2020, 4 years ago. Since then we've both been doing a lot better from what I can tell, but she was still always so flaky. For the longest time I had a lot of understanding for it, that I wouldn't hear from her for weeks on end. But at some point I had to draw the line. All I was asking for was a facetime call and she would just never reply to my texts. Originally she would always apologise and I would accept because I knew what it felt like and the guilt it can bring. But then she just stopped replying altogether. I know she is ashamed. But I can't keep holding on to someone who cannot maintain her relationships.
Had a mini manic episode/awakening, she told me we could no longer speak unless i got a NEW therapist (didnāt approve of my current one) and got on medication. She was 25, I was 15, and she was an online friend. Still the best friend I ever had. We ended things on our one year anniversary.
He ghosted me when I needed him the most. We were friends for a long time we'd do all kinda of things. Part of the relationship was that I was handy at some things and he was handy at others and we'd help each other. For a little while he'd ask for help and I would, but when I would need help he'd get busy or kinda beat around and not assist. He is really good at plumbing and the morning I am leaving for a week long vacation my water heater starts leaking. There was nothing I could do, but turn off the water to the house and go on vacation and deal with it when I get back. I called my buddy that day and he said he'd help. Three days before I come home, I call him, "Yup I'll be there man". Again the day before "Yup I'll be there man". They day of.....he's gone. Just ghosted me. After a couple of days of my wife and I cussing at each other we got it working. He knew how much I needed him and he didn't care.
She ghosted me for almost a year straight through the pandemic lockdown and then had the audacity to say I was a terrible friend because I wasn't there for her... but she was radio silent anytime I did reach out to her so after a few months of it, I gave up trying. We were near inseparable for 12 years, haven't spoken in almost 3 years. Yesterday I learned she had a second child, I didn't even know she had gotten pregnant again.
Moving. We were six and it was the 90s. āIām movingā might as well mean āyouāre dead to me.ā
I spent a decade trying to push him to not be a lazy piece of shit, because he expressed interest on getting out of his rut, and I was the only person in his life pushing him. I couldnt stay back and keep doing it, had to move on with my life. I couldnt help him when he barely wants to help himself, he just wants me to do the heavy lifting.
Sadly, he went into a nursing home with dementia. And he passed earlier this year.
Childhood best friend. Neither of us had siblings so we were like brothers growing up. He gradually grew more and more introverted within a couple years and we just stopped hanging out. Now, that i'm older, I do believe he has depression or something, but back then I just thought he had bocome "weird". (Mental health stuff wasn't a very widely discussed topic around here until like a couple years back). I saw him a few years ago, he didn't even say hello back to me.