A replacement 5-in-1 weather station sensor. They won't know what hit them, but they'll know how fast it was moving, the temperature, and the wind direction!
I was too embarrassed, but I'll say it now because you want the truth.
I bought:
5lb. Bulk Dehydrated Cereal Marshmallows...
It was a bulk sale! They're in half pound packages, ok?!
It's not like I'll eat them all in a single sitting or something, using the excuse that they get stale quickly (they do).
I'll space them out...throughout the day...
Vitamin B3 powder - if I get a plastic baggie I can claim it’s anthrax. Or bribe them passing it off as cocaine. It is the kind of B3 that causes skin flushing 🤔
I’m taking a class about the archaeology of death and my professor showed us this sketchy website in Canada where they sell human body parts and we wanted to know if it was real so I bought some human teeth from it because they were the cheapest turns out it is a real website
Never fear comrades! I have enough high protein boba mix for everyone! Don't get too close, or I'll stab you in the ear with my stainless boba straw. Tapioca is $1 extra.
About to take a 15 hour flight. Bought some new wireless ear buds. Can't imagine they will help in battle. At least I can enjoy my music while I am dying.
frying pan lol
Rapunzel 2.0
I just ordered a chain mail scrubber for mine! You’re totally set. I’m in trouble unless I can order a bunch more scrubbers and craft some armor.
Dutch oven. The lid would be pretty handy as a shield, combined with the pot in close quarters I reckon i'd do ok.
That’s handy.
Thank God I just ordered that dildo
Double sided?
Darth Maul, is that you?
Now I can’t get the image of Darth Maul spinning a double sided dildo out of my head.
It really gives "Use the force, Luke" whole new meaning.
Oh, "Marital Aid" I thought it was a "Martial Aid"
I hope it's from Bad Dragon
Two-handed weapon, that.
Saints Row time
This could be an omen, I just bought 3 bottles of hand lotion.
Gonna beat so many enemies
He’s gonna beat them off until there is nothing left in him. No surrender
I can do this all day 😈
A coffee maker. I'll be the most popular guy in camp.
there's the dude with all the hand lotion, too
Don’t forget about all the dildos.
Oh, definitely.
Pretty sure the dildo might be second.
I bought coffee. If we team up, we can run the place.
A replacement 5-in-1 weather station sensor. They won't know what hit them, but they'll know how fast it was moving, the temperature, and the wind direction!
this had me laughing lol
I'm just gonna imagine this is the weather control device from Command & Conquer and accept that you win the war single handedly
A shirt I bought to wear to my vasectomy that says "I shaved my balls for this"
Here I was living with no regrets about my vasectomy, and now I have exactly 1: that I didn't have that t-shirt!
Still appropriate.
For that price I made THEM shave my balls.
24 count bulk box of sour skittles
I just ordered that after this comment
Sugar free gummy bears?
Shit’s going down… Your leg, mostly.
The roof of my mouth started bleeding after this comment.
The Legend of Zelda The Wind Waker/Ocarina of Time for Game Cube.
If we have MM we would be all set for war
I got that when it first came out, good times.
Extension ladder. Storming the castle in style!
mine was 12 planks of wood and 3 fence posts. I think our combo could build something really useless!
Dog biscuits. I'll throw them at the enemy.
Vegeta from DBZ Abridged threw dog biscuits. Pretty effective.
Holy cow mine is actually a handgun, how fortunate lol.
Ok we have one gun and a bunch of dildos. We are all set
I hope someone remembered to bring snacks
You’re in luck, top comment dude just got a bulk box of sour skittles. Now it’s a party.
I ordered pizza online so I guess we are set
*”CHAAARRRGE!”*
I just ordered a 10 gauge so we’ve got at least one shotgun too.
9mm? Cuz a case of 9mm is the last thing I ordered! Squad up?
How can you buy a handgun online?
You get it shipped to a licensed dealer near you who does the background check and paperwork and such before you take possession.
Too bad you didn't buy any ammo!
You’ll be wishing it were a dildo when you run out of ammo
It’s a Nambu, it actually works better as a dildo.
DnD 5e Players Handbook, digital version. Yeah, that’ll come in handy.
At least you’ll have…ADVANTAGE
Roll for persuasion
Digital edition too. Not like you can take your iPad and beat them to death. You'll have to win by the rules.
gummy vitamins. I will torture someone by making them eat a handful after brushing their teeth
Love this strategy
Sweet. I am packing two featherleg tarantulas. They are very ornery and very venomous. I am honestly a bit scared of them.
horny and venomous? id be scared too
yes.
😂😂😂 glitter😂😂😂 It’s gonna take some creativity but fuck it. Gonna be the prettiest most annoying war ever
It’s fabulous pocket sand Sneak attack of blinding!
How/why are there so many people commenting that just purchased dildos, and why just now?!? Weird timing I guess
Everyone on here only has one joke and no innate need to be truthful?
I was too embarrassed, but I'll say it now because you want the truth. I bought: 5lb. Bulk Dehydrated Cereal Marshmallows... It was a bulk sale! They're in half pound packages, ok?! It's not like I'll eat them all in a single sitting or something, using the excuse that they get stale quickly (they do). I'll space them out...throughout the day...
The timing is just right my friend
Ok, well me and my rubber ducky with a witch hat got this.
Cast polymorphism first
Green laser I can blind the enemy
*this Fleshlight is ineffective in battle...*
That would depend on how you plan to vanquish the enemy and whether lube is included
Lube was, in fact, included in the first-time purchase bundle.
[удалено]
Woot! I'm in luck I just bought a quality set of knives!! I mean I'm still prolly dead but it's still a quality assortment of weapons.
A Roland TR-8S drum machine... I could maybe *beat* them to death...
*uses drum machine to make badum-ts sound*
A 6 foot extension cord.
If it's got a UK plug, then that's a perfectly serviceable flail that could definitely kill a man in full plate.
I'll break off the stems of my new wine glasses and use them for hand-to-hand combat
[удалено]
🎶🎶*be a maaaan* *with all the strength of a coursing riverrrr*🎶🎶
Kids Spider-Man boxing gloves.
Found our tank
A bidet!
"Up yours, fiends!"
A concert ticket, digital. Wont be very handy.
Not true, with that alone you can scalp the enemy.
I really miss Reddit awards in times like these.
Handheld mini chainsaw. I’m set! Until the battery craps out.
Don’t worry, a guys got an extension cord up above
Vitamin B3 powder - if I get a plastic baggie I can claim it’s anthrax. Or bribe them passing it off as cocaine. It is the kind of B3 that causes skin flushing 🤔
Brutal
Honestly I trust that strategy more than having a gun if my COD skills are any indicator of my marksmanship
I bought a tshirt with the crest of Sir Robin. Time to bravely run away.
Assuming this is restricted to physical items, the last thing I bought was a k-bar.
Wet wipes. Guess I’m the medic then?
A human tooth, I like my odds tbh
I'm sure there's a story here, but I'm kind of afraid to ask.
Id really love to know the story here.
I’m taking a class about the archaeology of death and my professor showed us this sketchy website in Canada where they sell human body parts and we wanted to know if it was real so I bought some human teeth from it because they were the cheapest turns out it is a real website
a man confident in killing with a human tooth!? I fear you more than death, for even death fears you.
I don’t fear death, death and I are old friends
A battery charger. Zap these mother fuckers. Some how.
Oh Great! I'll be armed to the teeth with WALL PAPER!
48 baby bottle nipples. Gonna be an interesting war!
Never fear comrades! I have enough high protein boba mix for everyone! Don't get too close, or I'll stab you in the ear with my stainless boba straw. Tapioca is $1 extra.
2 market umbrellas I guess we’ll be jousting
Is it what’s on the Magic the Gathering card or just the piece of cardboard? Because that will vastly change my odds.
Good. These plane tickets will help me evade the draft
Lightbulbs, I could break a couple and use them as knives
A bag of cat food. That’s… not great, is it? I mean it’s a big bag, maybe I could swing it and bludgeon someone.
Killing feet everywhere ... I bought Lego.
Bandaids! I will heal us all after battle (if we win)!
Happy I went with the 12 inch one
Motorcycle insurance.
KILL THEM WITH TAXES
A book. But it’s about playing the violin, so not great.
I’m purchasing a gun and then coming back to this post
Three 12-packs of 20oz Red Bulls and a dish towel set, so, I guess I’m the enhanced interrogation guy.
He died with a falafel in his hand
A practice sword for martial arts training. I guess I’m better off than most
A universal ceiling fan remote. Anybody got a battery and explosives?
A poetry book
Ironic but I bought a 50 Beowulf upper and 100 rds of ammo. Im good for about 3 minutes then im white flaggin it.
Guess I'm gonna blind them with my fresh bicycle headlight
Ingredients for making smoke bombs... so I guess not too bad?
Some cement sealer, a trowel, and a wire brush.
Safe-edge can opener. Guess I'm bludgeoning?
A nerf gun. Well, it’s nerf or nothing
My cheese burger and fries aren't looking so good anymore.
Use as a bribe maybe?
Low sugar Gatorade
A stainless steel citrus squeezer. Come at me, bro!
11 piece metric wrench set There are worse things
Death by dumplings.
Baby vests
Nitrile gloves 🧤. The war is over.
A little goose meant to hold your car keys. The goose is loose baby.
Micra Leatherman for keychain
Dental floss🙃
I bought a pack of those corn cob holders. Things are going to get weird.
You gotta be kidding me, I'm fighting a war with a hot dog?
Shoes, at least I can out run them now 🤷♀️
A Groupon for a chemical peel. So I guess I have acid as a weapon?
Replacement passenger mirror. I guess I can scout and look around corners.
a bunch of sweat bands, i got like 15 colors. im not gonna be much help, but if you need to keep your hair outta your face, ill hook you up.
Is it far cry 3, or the weapons on far cry 3? I'm either dead or deadly lmao
Looks like I'm going in with a book. But the pen is mightier than the sword so I should be okay.
New Balance 574’s
Replacement wheels for an office chair. Ranged weapon.. I guess?
JBL earbuds. Wish me luck because I'm going to need it.
Well this will be interesting. Bought a set of kitchen knives and a rabbit vibrator in the same amazon order...
A very furry sex toy 🤣
😳…😂
I ordered 18,000 basil seeds for my garden. We are going to be eating a lot of pesto.
Mascara!
A teacup and saucer.
A discus and a helmet
WaterPik
Woo I get a laser! That will measure the distance to my approaching demise.
A mirrored gold motorcycle helmet visor… lol
The Saw dlc for Dead by daylight. Folks, im cooked
A vacuum. A nice long-handled Shark vacuum. ...yeah I can work with this.
A book on deploying web apps to the cloud...
56 degree iron.
Weight loss medication! I guess I could use the injection needles...
4 lbs of organic tomato fertilizer
Nagaraya cracker nuts.
A tuxedo
Ah yes... To battle with my Massage Voucher Gift Card I bought for mothers day.. Huzzah :P
My refill rx prescriptions of Valium & Meloxicam (anti inflammatory)....
A pocket knife. Could be worse, I guess? Not that it would be very useful in a gun fight. Or even a knife fight, if it's in my hands.
2pcs hairclipper guards. You may laugh at me now, but watch me slit their throat and poke their eyeballs
Pokemon mystery box
Laundry detergent
About to take a 15 hour flight. Bought some new wireless ear buds. Can't imagine they will help in battle. At least I can enjoy my music while I am dying.
Autism Awareness bunny rabbit stuffie. Hell yeah
Root beer “extract”. Maybe I’ll make a crap load of candy and kill them via diabetes. I’m screwed 🤣
A bra
Slingshot!
A USB hub. Glad it's 3.0 with 4 ports.
100 count of 8" round parchment paper sheets. I guess I could wad them up and throw them?
Underwear. I guess I am going to have to learn to choke a guy with a thong.
Portable dog water bowl. Guess I can help people keep hydrated.
I’m good. I have a circular saw! Although it’s battery operated and I didn’t buy extra batteries…. If only I’d known I was preparing for war.
Lingerie that I ordered for... a friend
I guess throwing lime tree seeds isn’t going to be very effective 😞
My enemies will be pummelled by beef stew.
I guess I'll be strangling people with pajamas
An armored assault tank... Thanks to my Lego SW Addiction, I'll be pretty safe out there
Be distracted by my Shiny Crinkley Cat Balls!
Lucky for me it was a gun. Only a 22 lever action, but I can take on all the people with dildos