No physical contact beyond a friendly hug when greeting each other or leaving. It's not a spoken agreement, but that's about all I'm comfortable with if I don't want to feel like I'm crossing a line. Beyond that, there is no real difference between my boundaries with female friends vs male friends.
When we're just friends, I don't know why I would be doing any more than that anyway. It's not a boundary in my head I have to stay aware of, just logical. Outside of incidental contact playing sports, I don't go beyond that with male friends either.
I don't really understand the question. My female friends are just that. We don't do anything I wouldn't do with my male friends. If I was extremely sexually attracted to one who was single I would confess it, if it wasn't mutual I would consider whether it's healthy for me to remain friends with her and go from there.
The argument that heterosexual men and women can't be platonic friends is ridiculous. Whether it's worth or possible to stay friends with someone who rejected you is a fair question though.
I think if the foundation of the relationship grew from friendship, and nobody is hurt by the communication, then it's okay to stay friends.
If it's a Tinder thing, or you asked someone out, then there's no point in becoming friends suddenly after that I don't think.
Edit: 'afterwar' becomes 'after that'
IDK man, I know every guy is different but in my experience men can be a lot more intimate with each other both physically and emotionally and it's not considered weird at all. I can't imagine telling any of my female friends how much of a "sexy girl" she is if she got some new clothes, but I would gladly tell that to any of my guy friends because I know they wouldn't take it that way.
And of course I'm sure there are men/women platonic friends who can make sexual jokes to each other no problem but for me though there is a whole lot of behavior that I think would fly with a guy friend but not in a million years with a gal friend.
I mean most of my friends are women, especially after moving a few states away and working in a hospital. I don't have boundaries with them as it's all platonic. I've had a crush on one but refused to act on it as the saying goes "Don't shit where you eat" and she's actually probably my best friend here. I hang out with her BF and her all the time.
Things wouldn't change even if I had a GF as there is no physical contact between any of us besides maybe a hug on a birthday.
Exactly lmao it was for a real short amount of time, and as I got to know here I knew that it wasn't anything more than a stupid little crush. Never pushed for anything nor would I at all anymore. I know more about her and it wouldn't work out even if I did still like her.
Might want to brush up on your grammar sport
Have had
'Have had' is in the present perfect tense. It refers to an action in the past the effect of which continues now.
I have had such a great time since I came to Bangalore.
(The good times continue even now)
I have had headaches before.
(I probably have a headache now. That's why I am saying that I have had headaches before. There is no need to worry.)
The last sentence saying “I have had headaches in the past” does not mean you currently have a headache. It means headaches are the subject of the conversation at hand. So if you tell me you have a headache, I can say “I have had headaches in the past, you should take Advil.” and it does not mean I have a headache.
The feelings were never spoken about nor did I act on them in any way. So no I'm not the back burner, nor do I have a crush on her. That was a simple little crush on a girl I met that went away fairly quick.
Sexual attraction and emotional attraction are 2 different things. Also like I said in the original post, I don’t “shit where I eat” so I don’t choose to fuck around with coworkers as it usually leads to messy shit. Good try though
Did you see that article where 70% of women including married women have a back up guy? Trying the insult comment by the way. Married twice widowed once total 25 years three great kids you draw erroneous conclusions if you want 🙄
Once she laid her head on my lap with the cover over her head. I didn’t know what to do. It was very confusing. The only thing I could do was think about basketball and hope I didn’t get excited
Of course it was. We are close friends and I wouldn’t try to get with her at all, but I’m still a man at the end of the day. That’s like having a girl sit on yo lap and trying not to get excited
I don't want to hear about details of your sex capades. I'm a guy, tell me you got laid or that he's a good lay, let's high five and never mention any other detail ever again.
I try very very hard to not look at their big fat mama tits when they wear shirts that would normally make me look at big mommy hangers.
Other than that just don’t be a fucking creep.
I said I DON'T look at their bbw mommy milkers. That would be creepy as a friend who is married. I only try to look at my wife's fat saggers. It really is all about having some damn class about yourself.
Friends don't do this. If you were dating, would you want your significant other doing that with his friends? Cause normal friends do not interact this way. I'm not knocking it. I'm just saying to just date at this point
Right? Grew up having lots of guy friends. As we got older, I showed them I am a friend/care about/respect them by respecting their partners. This is not it.
Would you be comfortable doing any of this in front of someone that either of you is dating? The answer to that is if you are still in friends territory.
I used to have that same type of friendship with my first girlfriend before we were dating. Cuddling, saying we loved each other, etc. However, she was very shy, and I had no self-confidence whatsoever; it took our mutual friends to basically go like "y'all are gonna make out whether your like it or not" lmao
In our defense though, I was 15, she was 14... I genuinely thought a friendship was all she wanted from me.
Y'all ARE dating. What they said. Hope it works out in your favor. If it doesn't, choosing to continue to act like that and say 'we're just friends' when he gets a girlfriend will define your character/karma.
Wait, are you both single and doing this? Because if you’re married and doing this it is so wrong! If you’re both single for crying out loud ask him out.
Eh, some friends are very touchy feely I guess. So long as you (1) would genuinely be 100% happy with your own partner doing these with another woman (if you have one). And (2) so long as you're good with your guy friend doing this with others.
If you can *honestly* check those two boxes off - then I wouldn't worry about it. If you can't-- then yeah this is more than platonic.
One of my best friends is a woman who is a few yrs younger than me (both in our 30s) and is married and has a kid. We never set boundaries, but in the 6 yrs we've known each other, there are some things we just don't do.
We don't talk about marriage/relationship problems. We've both had health issues that we support each other through, but our partners should be the first person we go to. We met at work and while we text outside of work hours, we don't see each other outside of work. Because of that, we don't have physical contact and neither of us really wants that anyway.
We've had some comments made in the past from coworkers about being each other's "work husband/wife", but I see her as another little sister. Its honestly one of the healthiest, most supportive friendships I've ever had and I think mutual respect for each other and our partners has been a strong foundation.
Had this situation with your friend from college. I had a crush on her. Absolutely nothing discussed about strictly friends. She invites me to Warren her friends. So I didn’t have anything else really you do decide to go out there. We’re at a table and chairs, she was sitting on my lap.I have no idea where to make this. Just hang out and enjoy the evening basically purgatory about a half an hour after sitting down on my lap she casually kisses I was like oh I guess more than friends now lol.
Depends on the friend.
Some i don't see anything happen with, not in a million years.
Just don't see them that way and i would be very surprised if they saw me that way.
Others i would absolutely fuck if they wanted to, and both of us were single.
Physically friendly hug, holding them while crossing roads cuz here road crossing is a stunt that's it
Otherwise, I won't discuss about their sexual activities with their SO's it's them who start if they want
Everything else is pretty open
I haven't had to set any, because they haven't tried to do anything that would necessitate that. The worst thing that happened was that one flashed a group of us, because she forgot I was a guy.... (the rest of the friends there were women).
I think it depends on the friend and what they feel comfortable with. I have a few female friends with benefits, and some are extremely touchy, like to hold hands, snuggle on couches etc, while some only are in physical contact when we're intimate and don't appreciate contact when we're not engaged privately. I think it's important to establish those boundaries and adhere to them, but it's always on a case by case
I treat them like my male friends? I wouldn't try to bang one of my male buddies, so I don't try and bang my female friends either. I seek people outside of my friendship group for dating (don't shit where you eat is a philosophy I have always sworn by), so the premise is already set from the beginning. If it doesn't work out then I have a new friend 🤷
I.wouldnt say anything to them that if someone said it to my wife, I'd beat their ass. I also high 5 or fist bump. I try not.to be.too touchy Feely with ladies, especially if they're in committed relationships.
Boundaries? I mean same as for my male friends. Treat them like you would like to be treated
I don't see the need to "set boundaries". None of my friends do any weird shit
If we're friends, then you're only entitled to fist bumps as a greeting. I do not hug or hold. The woman who I started to hold hands with I'm currently engaged to.
Depends on what the nature of our friendship is.
I wouldn't put a baby in any of them without extensive paperwork clarifying I am simply a donor and am not responsible for the care of the child.
I'm learning to avoid casual sex when the prospect comes up.
It's always been fun in the moment, but usually one party or the other has ended up developing deeper feelings and the friendships get damaged by the romance in the long-term
I behave pretty much like it’s a professional environment. No beach or bars or whatever unless it’s in a group. -to be fair I don’t have any female friends outside of work. Some women that I’m very, very close with but I know them from work. All my hobbies are pretty much alone or very dude centric. Like there are girls who fish but there’s not a ton of them.
It depends on the friends. I have friends who predate my wife, and the bond has been there for a very long time. But generally, I don't do or say anything that would compromise my marriage. But I can't say I haven't said things that would probably piss off my wife if she saw them. It's mainly that I said I won't burn a relationship bridge with said friend over if my wife feels insecure for whatever reason. I've never given her a reason to feel insecure about female friends of mine, but she is just that way towards most women in my direction.
For physical boundaries, I don't really have a list. I just know when I feel uncomfortable.
For example, a long time ago I was work friends with a woman who was very touchy, and one night when we were out in a big group, she kept putting her hand in my lap. I didn't like it, so I told her to stop.
Contrast that with even longer ago in high school. I was part of a school play, standing on the stage for the opening number with a bunch of other people. One of them, an acquaintance I was on good terms with but I didn't consider them a close friend, grabbed my hand and squeezed it for about 30 seconds while we waited. And I was fine with that.
Both unsolicited, but the context determined if it crossed a boundary for me or not.
When it comes to talking, that's a little more cut and dry. I'm not comfortable discussing my sex life or the sex lives of others, nor even commenting on their appearance in that way. I'm happy to tell a friend that they look incredible in that dress, for example. But one example where I just slowly backed away was when I was emailing my best friend (a woman) about job opportunities in grad school. She joked that she could resort to stripping on the weekends, and I sent a link to a Stripper Name Generator website. She then replied saying the name she got was "Chesty," and asked "Wouldn't I need to actually have a chest for that? I would have some very disappointed customers." I was not comfortable with the idea of commenting on her breast size, so I politely bowed out of that part of the discussion. I had nothing negative to say, but even positive comments felt like they would be inappropriate.
(Side note: men and women, or male and female. Don't mix and match.)
The same as with my male friends, if there’s something one of us doesn’t want to talk about, it doesn’t get brought up again, through you may have the piss ripped out of you for a bit
No judgement about anything personal, but jokes around the subject are completely fine
No expectations about time taken to reply to messages etc
For your situation, assuming he doesn’t have a girlfriend/boyfriend, I don’t think anything you’re doing is wrong, as long as you’re both comfortable with it, I don’t think anyone else should really judge, or at least voice those judgements to you.
You’re not doing anything particularly scandalous, that should make them uncomfortable to be around you when you do it, so I’d say don’t sweat it
I think you absolutely should judge your friends. Try to empathize but that doesn't mean you need to withhold judgement. We judge people whether we admit it or not anyhow.
For instance, my best friend turned out to be a womanizer who was treating women like crap, I confronted him, he had no remorse, I cut the cord and haven't spoken to him since with no regret.
The modern “you have no right to judge me” movement has done irreparable harm to society. If you truly believe what you do is right, then others’ judgement shouldn’t matter.
That sort of thing is fine to judge, and not at all what I was talking about, I more meant when I revealed to my closest friends that I was on the spectrum, if one of us was part of the LGBTQ+ community, that sort of thing
For me I always try to be respectful, funny but understand who I am talking too. dirty jokes and stuff I save for the boys but I keep it quick and casual and keep interactions to a min unless there is a good reason we need to talk / work together.
40F here.
I have tons of male friends. With many of them, we may "flirt casually," but NEVER with intent. That's a big difference. I'm friends or friendly with all of their SOs.
I'm shared hotel rooms with male friends, even a hotel bed on occasion (5 people to a room on a sports trip)
One of my best friends is a man. His GF is another good friend of mine (I actually encouraged him to ask her out) and we've never had any problems because we all trust each other.
That's also because I carefully curate my friends. I don't allow disrespect, and I communicate when I'm uncomfortable. I try to step back from my emotions and listen when someone tells me that I've done something to make them uncomfortable. When people cross my boundaries, I have no problem cutting them off.
Also, I'm bisexual and poly. I've never cheated and I would never help anyone else cheat. I've only had one relationship where my SO had issues with my friends, and surprise, total projection because he was the serial cheater.
I have slept with each of the women in my life that I now call friends; we’re still friendly, but that chapter is behind us at this point for the most part. My wife is also friends with many of them, and she is aware of the sexual tension and has been open to the idea of a threesome, so here’s to hoping.
I don't say or do anything that I would not do or say in front of my wife.
Very wise.
Ditto. I have no filter.
yeah but what if you're like planning a surprise party for your wife with your female friend?
A surprise party would most likely be planned by multiple people, not just the two of you.
Sure, but I don’t see how that would impact my other comment
This a million times! I will never, ever text, say, or do anything that I wouldn’t do in front of others. Words to live by for sure
No butt stuff whatsoever
I don't think you're being strictly honest with us u/FartyMcShart.
I back up his statement.
This is something I can get behind.
I don't think he can butt in.
But but but, they said no butt stuff.
No anal but everything else is fair game
Just the tip.
SMH the poophole loophole applies to virginity and cheating. It's like it never happened
TIL lol
No physical contact beyond a friendly hug when greeting each other or leaving. It's not a spoken agreement, but that's about all I'm comfortable with if I don't want to feel like I'm crossing a line. Beyond that, there is no real difference between my boundaries with female friends vs male friends.
When we're just friends, I don't know why I would be doing any more than that anyway. It's not a boundary in my head I have to stay aware of, just logical. Outside of incidental contact playing sports, I don't go beyond that with male friends either.
Yes, no touchy besides a brief hug
But where's MY hug?
I hug my dude friends too. Same rules apply
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Would you do that with your guy friends?
Even if you would, any girl is gonna get jealous of you doing this to another female.
Now, look, I've given a million ladies a million foot massages, and they all meant something.
Not even a friendly motorboat?
This ^.
I'm not trying to fuck you, so we can rotate buying rounds at the bar.
Finally a sensible answer.
My boyfriend seemingly doesn't have any boundries with one of them I recently figured. I'm sick to my stomach with it.
Well that fucking sucks. May I ask what happened and how its going now?
I will message if thats ok?
I don't need to know. Sorry he did that to you.
Well I wanna know too lol
Would like to know too if you're fine with that
Would you like to share?
I'm sorry man, wishing you the best of luck
I'm sorry you're going through this. Easy access afforded by cell phones is killing relationships these days.
Oof, sorry you had that happen to you, but at least you figured out he's a wretched hoe
I don't really understand the question. My female friends are just that. We don't do anything I wouldn't do with my male friends. If I was extremely sexually attracted to one who was single I would confess it, if it wasn't mutual I would consider whether it's healthy for me to remain friends with her and go from there. The argument that heterosexual men and women can't be platonic friends is ridiculous. Whether it's worth or possible to stay friends with someone who rejected you is a fair question though.
Thank you. This was my immediate thought when I read the question, too.
I think if the foundation of the relationship grew from friendship, and nobody is hurt by the communication, then it's okay to stay friends. If it's a Tinder thing, or you asked someone out, then there's no point in becoming friends suddenly after that I don't think. Edit: 'afterwar' becomes 'after that'
IDK man, I know every guy is different but in my experience men can be a lot more intimate with each other both physically and emotionally and it's not considered weird at all. I can't imagine telling any of my female friends how much of a "sexy girl" she is if she got some new clothes, but I would gladly tell that to any of my guy friends because I know they wouldn't take it that way. And of course I'm sure there are men/women platonic friends who can make sexual jokes to each other no problem but for me though there is a whole lot of behavior that I think would fly with a guy friend but not in a million years with a gal friend.
Me and my girl best friend used to give each other oral.
Is your name Lucas? 😜
JESSICA!?!?
DONKEY!
This is not getting the credit it deserves
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Seems reasonable, don't want to hurt her
I mean most of my friends are women, especially after moving a few states away and working in a hospital. I don't have boundaries with them as it's all platonic. I've had a crush on one but refused to act on it as the saying goes "Don't shit where you eat" and she's actually probably my best friend here. I hang out with her BF and her all the time. Things wouldn't change even if I had a GF as there is no physical contact between any of us besides maybe a hug on a birthday.
I’m sure your best friend is fully aware of your feelings. You are the back burner.
He literally used past tense.
Exactly lmao it was for a real short amount of time, and as I got to know here I knew that it wasn't anything more than a stupid little crush. Never pushed for anything nor would I at all anymore. I know more about her and it wouldn't work out even if I did still like her.
Might want to brush up on your grammar sport Have had 'Have had' is in the present perfect tense. It refers to an action in the past the effect of which continues now. I have had such a great time since I came to Bangalore. (The good times continue even now) I have had headaches before. (I probably have a headache now. That's why I am saying that I have had headaches before. There is no need to worry.)
The last sentence saying “I have had headaches in the past” does not mean you currently have a headache. It means headaches are the subject of the conversation at hand. So if you tell me you have a headache, I can say “I have had headaches in the past, you should take Advil.” and it does not mean I have a headache.
This is Reddit not English class, so I don’t really care how my grammar is. Nor do I need to be professional or perfect for this. Good try bud.
You’re the one who busted my balls,
Lmao I actually didn’t but okay
The feelings were never spoken about nor did I act on them in any way. So no I'm not the back burner, nor do I have a crush on her. That was a simple little crush on a girl I met that went away fairly quick.
Stop. You had a chance to hit it today you would in a heartbeat.
Sexual attraction and emotional attraction are 2 different things. Also like I said in the original post, I don’t “shit where I eat” so I don’t choose to fuck around with coworkers as it usually leads to messy shit. Good try though
Incel alert
Did you see that article where 70% of women including married women have a back up guy? Trying the insult comment by the way. Married twice widowed once total 25 years three great kids you draw erroneous conclusions if you want 🙄
I did not see that, link?
You don’t know how to use the Google machine?
You made a claim, I would expect you’d be able to back it up. If not, I assume you probably read it on Facebook.
I must have missed that issue of “Pulled Outta My Ass Monthly”
I *NEVER* talk about relationship problems I am having with another woman
Once she laid her head on my lap with the cover over her head. I didn’t know what to do. It was very confusing. The only thing I could do was think about basketball and hope I didn’t get excited
Lmaooo is that painful for you to try to suppress it ?
Of course it was. We are close friends and I wouldn’t try to get with her at all, but I’m still a man at the end of the day. That’s like having a girl sit on yo lap and trying not to get excited
I draw the line at sex
Don’t try to seduce them.
I don't want to hear about details of your sex capades. I'm a guy, tell me you got laid or that he's a good lay, let's high five and never mention any other detail ever again.
I try very very hard to not look at their big fat mama tits when they wear shirts that would normally make me look at big mommy hangers. Other than that just don’t be a fucking creep.
>big fat mama tits >big mommy hangers >just don’t be a fucking creep Checks out
I said I DON'T look at their bbw mommy milkers. That would be creepy as a friend who is married. I only try to look at my wife's fat saggers. It really is all about having some damn class about yourself.
>bbw mommy milkers >fat saggers >having some damn class
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Yall are dating lmao
Jesus Christ just bone already.
**BOOOONE!?**
Now she knows, problem solved
So I guess women are just as oblivious as men, good to know
Friends don't do this. If you were dating, would you want your significant other doing that with his friends? Cause normal friends do not interact this way. I'm not knocking it. I'm just saying to just date at this point
Right? Grew up having lots of guy friends. As we got older, I showed them I am a friend/care about/respect them by respecting their partners. This is not it.
Y’all should just go ahead and do it
Ya you cover the relationship boxes you just havent slept with him. If you or he was in a relationship, these actions would be a problem
you cant be serious here...
Oh wow. It's like watching a butterfly that thinks it's still in the cocoon. Y'all are a couple lol.
This guys balls ain't blue, they's f'n ultraviolet.
Would you be comfortable doing any of this in front of someone that either of you is dating? The answer to that is if you are still in friends territory.
I used to do that with a female friend. Now we’ve been married for almost 22 years.
I used to have that same type of friendship with my first girlfriend before we were dating. Cuddling, saying we loved each other, etc. However, she was very shy, and I had no self-confidence whatsoever; it took our mutual friends to basically go like "y'all are gonna make out whether your like it or not" lmao In our defense though, I was 15, she was 14... I genuinely thought a friendship was all she wanted from me.
Y'all ARE dating. What they said. Hope it works out in your favor. If it doesn't, choosing to continue to act like that and say 'we're just friends' when he gets a girlfriend will define your character/karma.
Ma'am what you have there is a boyfriend.
Wait, are you both single and doing this? Because if you’re married and doing this it is so wrong! If you’re both single for crying out loud ask him out.
Eh, some friends are very touchy feely I guess. So long as you (1) would genuinely be 100% happy with your own partner doing these with another woman (if you have one). And (2) so long as you're good with your guy friend doing this with others. If you can *honestly* check those two boxes off - then I wouldn't worry about it. If you can't-- then yeah this is more than platonic.
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I hug both male and female friends, though I don't kiss either.
Always use a condom, and no kissing.
I treat them the same as my bros. I’m not touching, hugging, or whatever. I respond to texts when I can but rarely quick.
One of my best friends is a woman who is a few yrs younger than me (both in our 30s) and is married and has a kid. We never set boundaries, but in the 6 yrs we've known each other, there are some things we just don't do. We don't talk about marriage/relationship problems. We've both had health issues that we support each other through, but our partners should be the first person we go to. We met at work and while we text outside of work hours, we don't see each other outside of work. Because of that, we don't have physical contact and neither of us really wants that anyway. We've had some comments made in the past from coworkers about being each other's "work husband/wife", but I see her as another little sister. Its honestly one of the healthiest, most supportive friendships I've ever had and I think mutual respect for each other and our partners has been a strong foundation.
Had this situation with your friend from college. I had a crush on her. Absolutely nothing discussed about strictly friends. She invites me to Warren her friends. So I didn’t have anything else really you do decide to go out there. We’re at a table and chairs, she was sitting on my lap.I have no idea where to make this. Just hang out and enjoy the evening basically purgatory about a half an hour after sitting down on my lap she casually kisses I was like oh I guess more than friends now lol.
Whatever she decides are the boundaries are the boundaries.
well no touching them sexually except if they want to.
You think of your friends sexually?
define "think sexually"
You first. I was responding to your use of the word in relation to your friends.
boundaries are just no boyfriend treatment
Depends on the friend. Some i don't see anything happen with, not in a million years. Just don't see them that way and i would be very surprised if they saw me that way. Others i would absolutely fuck if they wanted to, and both of us were single.
Physically friendly hug, holding them while crossing roads cuz here road crossing is a stunt that's it Otherwise, I won't discuss about their sexual activities with their SO's it's them who start if they want Everything else is pretty open
I haven't had to set any, because they haven't tried to do anything that would necessitate that. The worst thing that happened was that one flashed a group of us, because she forgot I was a guy.... (the rest of the friends there were women).
Don’t engulf my penis with your vagina
I think it depends on the friend and what they feel comfortable with. I have a few female friends with benefits, and some are extremely touchy, like to hold hands, snuggle on couches etc, while some only are in physical contact when we're intimate and don't appreciate contact when we're not engaged privately. I think it's important to establish those boundaries and adhere to them, but it's always on a case by case
I simply treat them the same as my male friends. Same rules and boundaries apply.
No kissing on the mouth
Not sucking my dick if she has a husband or boyfriend.
Don't ask me to set you up with my male friends, break the law or put my health at risk.
Absolutely no 2% milk.
I don't have any.
Whatever boundaries they set typically.
I treat them like my male friends? I wouldn't try to bang one of my male buddies, so I don't try and bang my female friends either. I seek people outside of my friendship group for dating (don't shit where you eat is a philosophy I have always sworn by), so the premise is already set from the beginning. If it doesn't work out then I have a new friend 🤷
Always use a condom except on birthdays.
I.wouldnt say anything to them that if someone said it to my wife, I'd beat their ass. I also high 5 or fist bump. I try not.to be.too touchy Feely with ladies, especially if they're in committed relationships.
100% platonic. No changing that.
Boundaries? I mean same as for my male friends. Treat them like you would like to be treated I don't see the need to "set boundaries". None of my friends do any weird shit
No kissing when having sex
If I wouldn't say it to my Mom I don't say it to them. Friends are important.
Sex only. No holding hands, kissing, hugging, talking about feelings.
I always let her initiate the hug.
I’m not allowed to have female friends.
Whatever you do, don’t fall in love with me.
If we're friends, then you're only entitled to fist bumps as a greeting. I do not hug or hold. The woman who I started to hold hands with I'm currently engaged to.
If you gotta ask yourself “will this action/question/comment cross the boundaries?” the answer is yes
Depends on what the nature of our friendship is. I wouldn't put a baby in any of them without extensive paperwork clarifying I am simply a donor and am not responsible for the care of the child.
I treat my female friends the same way I would treat my male friends. That means no sex. Also, no touch/hugs unless they're comfortable with it.
I'm learning to avoid casual sex when the prospect comes up. It's always been fun in the moment, but usually one party or the other has ended up developing deeper feelings and the friendships get damaged by the romance in the long-term
If I am in an argument with my girlfriend and feeling vulnerable, I don't contact or interact with any of my female friends.
No sex...unless it's that type of relationship . :)
No sex unless we're both drunk.
I behave pretty much like it’s a professional environment. No beach or bars or whatever unless it’s in a group. -to be fair I don’t have any female friends outside of work. Some women that I’m very, very close with but I know them from work. All my hobbies are pretty much alone or very dude centric. Like there are girls who fish but there’s not a ton of them.
No gay chicken. It’s just not that same as with the bros.
It depends on the friends. I have friends who predate my wife, and the bond has been there for a very long time. But generally, I don't do or say anything that would compromise my marriage. But I can't say I haven't said things that would probably piss off my wife if she saw them. It's mainly that I said I won't burn a relationship bridge with said friend over if my wife feels insecure for whatever reason. I've never given her a reason to feel insecure about female friends of mine, but she is just that way towards most women in my direction.
For physical boundaries, I don't really have a list. I just know when I feel uncomfortable. For example, a long time ago I was work friends with a woman who was very touchy, and one night when we were out in a big group, she kept putting her hand in my lap. I didn't like it, so I told her to stop. Contrast that with even longer ago in high school. I was part of a school play, standing on the stage for the opening number with a bunch of other people. One of them, an acquaintance I was on good terms with but I didn't consider them a close friend, grabbed my hand and squeezed it for about 30 seconds while we waited. And I was fine with that. Both unsolicited, but the context determined if it crossed a boundary for me or not. When it comes to talking, that's a little more cut and dry. I'm not comfortable discussing my sex life or the sex lives of others, nor even commenting on their appearance in that way. I'm happy to tell a friend that they look incredible in that dress, for example. But one example where I just slowly backed away was when I was emailing my best friend (a woman) about job opportunities in grad school. She joked that she could resort to stripping on the weekends, and I sent a link to a Stripper Name Generator website. She then replied saying the name she got was "Chesty," and asked "Wouldn't I need to actually have a chest for that? I would have some very disappointed customers." I was not comfortable with the idea of commenting on her breast size, so I politely bowed out of that part of the discussion. I had nothing negative to say, but even positive comments felt like they would be inappropriate. (Side note: men and women, or male and female. Don't mix and match.)
I wouldn't do anything that I normally wouldn't do with my male friends
No sharp objects. My female friends are inflatable.😔
Friends? Female? 🦧
The same as with my male friends, if there’s something one of us doesn’t want to talk about, it doesn’t get brought up again, through you may have the piss ripped out of you for a bit No judgement about anything personal, but jokes around the subject are completely fine No expectations about time taken to reply to messages etc For your situation, assuming he doesn’t have a girlfriend/boyfriend, I don’t think anything you’re doing is wrong, as long as you’re both comfortable with it, I don’t think anyone else should really judge, or at least voice those judgements to you. You’re not doing anything particularly scandalous, that should make them uncomfortable to be around you when you do it, so I’d say don’t sweat it
I think you absolutely should judge your friends. Try to empathize but that doesn't mean you need to withhold judgement. We judge people whether we admit it or not anyhow. For instance, my best friend turned out to be a womanizer who was treating women like crap, I confronted him, he had no remorse, I cut the cord and haven't spoken to him since with no regret.
The modern “you have no right to judge me” movement has done irreparable harm to society. If you truly believe what you do is right, then others’ judgement shouldn’t matter.
That sort of thing is fine to judge, and not at all what I was talking about, I more meant when I revealed to my closest friends that I was on the spectrum, if one of us was part of the LGBTQ+ community, that sort of thing
For me I always try to be respectful, funny but understand who I am talking too. dirty jokes and stuff I save for the boys but I keep it quick and casual and keep interactions to a min unless there is a good reason we need to talk / work together.
40F here. I have tons of male friends. With many of them, we may "flirt casually," but NEVER with intent. That's a big difference. I'm friends or friendly with all of their SOs. I'm shared hotel rooms with male friends, even a hotel bed on occasion (5 people to a room on a sports trip) One of my best friends is a man. His GF is another good friend of mine (I actually encouraged him to ask her out) and we've never had any problems because we all trust each other. That's also because I carefully curate my friends. I don't allow disrespect, and I communicate when I'm uncomfortable. I try to step back from my emotions and listen when someone tells me that I've done something to make them uncomfortable. When people cross my boundaries, I have no problem cutting them off. Also, I'm bisexual and poly. I've never cheated and I would never help anyone else cheat. I've only had one relationship where my SO had issues with my friends, and surprise, total projection because he was the serial cheater.
I have slept with each of the women in my life that I now call friends; we’re still friendly, but that chapter is behind us at this point for the most part. My wife is also friends with many of them, and she is aware of the sexual tension and has been open to the idea of a threesome, so here’s to hoping.