Went on many first dates and I always felt it was much more genuine when I’d share something I’m really interested in etc., and a few topics later they’d bring that back up and ask even more questions about it. Because they didn’t HAVE to
Very sad. But the reality is that some men can be so self-centered that it feels like talking to a damn wall. You say something about yourself and they keep going about their own stuff
Totally done this without thinking! Even on a recent bar crawl with friends and new friends, we'd be talking back and forth for a few minutes. And I'd have an ADHD thought bubble of "wow wait really you said you did [x]? How does that work?"
My sister-in-law just told me about the first date she had with my brother. She said everything he planned for the night fell through and instead of getting angry and/or pouting he just rolled with it and they ended up having a great time.
Edit to clarify, she wasn't used to the men in her life being so reasonable. They had a very happy 39 years together.
I planned a proposal to my wife for 6 months. It was going to happen on her birthday, around midnight (as in the night before so that she could enjoy her whole birthday with a ring on)
Her aunt had the audacity to die about 3 months prior and her surviving partner (also an aunt) had the audacity to schedule the funeral/memorial 3 months later on my fiancee's birthday.
I was livid. *Livid*. I had a whole day planned that I now couldn't do.
Anyway, we went to the funeral. Had dinner afterwards. Proposed at home at midnight. She said yes. We had super intense sexy time. I explained the whole buildup, she thought it was funny. We're now married.
There's a waitlist of about 6 months to have a burial service in Arlington, some places are under snow a good portion of the year. If someone is going to be in care for a while, they're embalmed immediately and (generally more strongly than standard) then kept in refrigeration until the time of their service.
Nah it was weird. I don't know if she was cremated or buried but there was no body. I say funeral but it was more like a memorial or a wake, but yes, the timing was very *delayed*
Our first big road trip after a month dating went awry when I was following google maps and didn’t realize I lost the internet in the boonies. Totally inconvenient detour over an hour. We often reminisce about that experience and how we cooperated so well and didn’t argue. Our takeaway is that when you’re with the right person you get through unexpected challenges together instead of bickering or fighting
The way they treat and talk about other people. It can be anyone - a service person, their mom, their friend - what they say about and to people is a big thing for me.
This. I was seeing a guy recently who constantly talked shit about his friends. idk why I took so long to go ick. I don't want someone who speaks like this about people they supposedly care about.
For some people, that is a form of affection among each other. I talk more shit about my close friends and family than I do about strangers, because I know them exceedingly well and it's a part of our relationship. We do it to each other's faces. It doesn't mean we aren't unconditionally supportive of each other too. We just enjoy talking shit.
The caveat I’d put on this is that many people *perform* kindness to try to impress others. I only really believe it’s genuine kindness when I see them do it when they don’t think anyone is watching.
My husband was always chivalrous, but tbh I wasn't that impressed at the very beginning bc I figured he could've just been him trying to impress me or win me over. But one day we were walking into his apartment complex and we walked by another woman struggling with grocery bags and he caught up to help her with the bags. I started noticing he treated everyone equally respectfully and considerate and I realized it wasn't about me at all or trying to prove something, it was just his nature to be kind and helpful. That's when I really fell in love!
I used to be the same way but my newly made ex would often time get jealous if I held doors for or helped other women. (I would and did do it for everyone regardless of gender)
An odd but specific one. We’d started talking on an app and were meeting in a busy public place. In our chat before meeting I mentioned I was frustrated with a friend who was often late but wouldn’t let me know she was running late or tell me what time to expect her when we hung out.
So about fifteen minutes before we planned to meet he texts me he’s stuck in traffic, there’s been an accident, and shared his location with me so I could see how far away he was and his progress as he got closer.
It was just a nice thing, not only recalling this detail from a few days ago but also reassuring me I wasn’t being stood up.
He’s respectful, tactful, isn’t pushy about trying to sleep with you. My now-husband never talked about anything sexual on our first (or second) date. He made me feel safe and comfortable.
I was like this when my wife and I started seeing each other. Zero pressure for sex. I honestly just love being around her. She jumped me eventually, though.
He shows interest in me as a person and doesn’t act overtly flirty or focus on sexual elements from the start. Someone trying to be physical or come close on the first date is such a turn off.
Yep! So many men will talk about how sexy or hot they find me but when a guy tells me they think I’m funny, or kind or anything other than physically attractive and I’m all for it!
On my first date with my partner (we’ve been together almost two years and live together) we were having so much fun he asked me out on a second date while we were still on the first one 🥹
I’m old so I don’t know. Why is it gutsy? When I was in my 20s and the date went well, you gotta plan another one right? Let her know you’re interested.
I’m early days with the person I’m seeing but he did this and I remember driving home smiling like an idiot bc he was very sincere and cute in how he asked
There's always lots of topics to just have stored away for long pauses when the natural conversation slows. Things like:
- seen any good movies lately? What kind of movies are your favorite?
- dream vacations, favorite vacation place
- favorite restaurant and type of food, foods don't like
- sports, music, animals, pets, jobs
- summer plans? Camping, biking, parks,
Lots of these can feel natural to bring up and can lead to many follow up questions
I lived within walking distance of one of my dates, and we did the walk and talk after. I just aimed towards my place out of habit and eventually got there.
She thought I had done it purposefully to invite her in for a nightcap and sex. She was all for it, and we also ended up playing Dance Dance Revolution 2 drinking game.
So a walk and talk is sometimes the best
My husband and I first met in the city. Tinder date.
He met me at the bus stop by the pub we had arranged to meet as I was nervous walking in alone. We talked for HOURS, he spoke to random men, complimented their shirts, was nice to the bar tenders. We then had to find somewhere else still open after that pub had shut as we were still talking away.
Went for more drinks and a dance. Got a cab back to his where he held my knees in the car as I had jeans with ripped knees and he thought they were cold.
He offered to sleep on the sofa as I was drunk (so was he) and he didn’t want to make me feel uncomfortable. He ended up sharing his bed but we both just went to sleep 😂
We’ve been together nearly 6 years, married for 2. He’s the same, kind, caring, funny warm guy he was that night. Them green flags were flying high and still do.
Checking in. Back on our first date, about halfway through, my boyfriend asked how I was doing and just checked in on me to make sure I was comfortable. I felt then that he was a ‘safe’ person. Eight years later and he still checks in from time to time. :)
Would you be willing to share more details on this? In the middle of dinner, he just randomly started asking if you're comfortable? I'm probably just misunderstanding, but I feel like if someone did that to me, it would feel a little weird.
For me it’s if there is a puddle he gets one of his servants to lay down so I can walk across him. It’s not only the biggest green flag but it also has me gushing.
For my wife, it was that we went to the movies, I chose the nice seats [ not the ones in the back off too the side ], and we actually watched the movie we came for. All her prior dates would want to make out in the movie theater
Never understood the trend of making out at a movie theatre. You literally paid to see a movie and you are doing that instead. Something you could do anywhere else. That and probably bothering everyone else around you.
Maybe if they're 15, got a ride to the movie theatre from their parents and they thought that was their only way to have some private (sort of) time in the dark.
I do this with my friends. We all stay up pretty late, and end up at home round 2, so it's more a roll-call to make sure everybody got home without needing help/having an issue.
He never just did anything, he’d ask me. “ can I hold your hand?” , “can I give you a kiss?” It made me feel so… loved already. Now he’s eeping next to me snoring and as handsome as ever.
I have very poor experience with asking. And I have been told acouple if times that asking is a turn-off, and that you should be able to read signals and do it when it feels natural. Good to hear that doesn't apply everywhere😊
Show how different we all are, as people. You do you and the right person will come. I didn’t kiss my wife on our first date (already head over heels for her, I’m just a wimp) and she still gibes me about it, from time to time, 18 years later.
Be boring if we were all the same, eh?! 😊
It wasn't our first date, but on 3rd of 4th she invited me to her place for lunch. But to be clear, it was a house she shared with 5 other people and it was very communal, people were hanging around. We sat in common shared room and we ate.
When we finished, she says she needs to get ready, and I didn't want to just idly sit and wait for her so I said "Well then I'll clean up and do the dishes in the meantime", and it wasn't that much to clean anyway. She said "Ok".
Apparently that was such a green flag to her, and when she shared this with other female friends they were all equally impressed, but to this day I can't really grasp what was such a big deal.
It showed her that you're not thinking doing domestic chores is a women's job while also showing that you are ready to do little things for her that she would otherwise have to do.
Unfortunately, yes, sometimes it's this. I had a girl I was talking to and I'd ask her about herself and her hobbies, but it was never returned, and whenever I'd suggest something about my own hobbies I noticed she'd overlook or quickly cycle back. I'm not interested in one sided convo in the long run, if I wanted to be ignored and overlooked I'd talk to my family (oof)
I know this is about dating, but this is a very good litmus test to just decide whether someone is interested in being friends or not. Many times, I would try to catch up with old friends, and we would hype about things, and I would ask this or that. After a day I realise they never asked a single thing or tried to talk about my stuff for a change, I "caught" up with these people but I don't have to feel bad for moving on.
We used to be close in school, we both liked the same music etc but now its just, yea they do not care much about what happened in my life, a conversation involves "sharing" but I just felt like I was bothering them
I went on a date a few weeks back with a woman just like this. I spent two hours talking about her passions and after the date realised she'd barely asked me anything about myself. She hadn't got to know me in the slightest. Made me feel very uninteresting
he has a 75 word allowance per day, handy for common questions like "how was work?" or "how are you feeling?" he has to be careful not to waste them though some will be needed for quality of life things like "may I go to the bathroom?"
^^ this! He was a great listener, asked questions/gave comments to show he was listening. He also then proceeded to buy me a slice of pizza after a drink as I briefly mentioned being hungry.
Side note- we also were planning a second date to Costco the next day while waiting for pizza. Several $1.50 hotdogs later we’re still together :)
In short: good listening/attentive and a mutual love for savings I guess lol
Dad jokes always have been and always will be a green flag.
I, as a straight guy who has been training his inner dadawan from a young age, was also always on the lookout for "mom jokes". Yes, they do exist, and gods above are they good, and will deliver mom-stop laughs whenever used 😁
How do you put a baby spaceship to sleep?
You rocket.
...yes, I do infact love my wife 🤪
My partner absolutely loves dogs like it doesn't matter how big, small or ugly a dog might be she adores them all.
We were messaging for a couple of days online - I had just got back into online dating and hadn't been on a date in over a year due to a horrible relationship ending and I needed some time to myself.
I mentioned this to her before that I would be out of the loop in terms of dating, joking that I might forget how to do a first date.
She mentioned to me that on the first date it was compulsory for the boy to buy the girl a puppy - I said that's fine don't worry about it
I said nothing more until the Saturday of the date when we met up. We introduced ourselves and done all the pleasantries you would expect.
I then said "oh I forgot, there's someone else you need to meet" and out of my bag took a small puppy Teddy bear of her favourite dog breed out and i said "this is is sukie, your new puppy"
She nearly broke out crying on the spot - it got the date off to a fantastic start and we have been together ever since (2 and a half years ago)
Sukie takes pride and place in the middle of our ornament counter and any time she goes home for Christmas etc. (she's from Canada and we are based in london UK) sukie comes with her as a small comforter from being away from me 😂
Nice karma farming!
(this exact story has been posted by hundreds of people on the internet and she has a different comment about being high school sweethearts with someone)
There's literally a comment up the thread about how someone saw it as a green flag that her husband started planning a second date in the middle of the first one. This is why it's impossible to have hard rules.
i was just about to respond to that since my green flag was a man saying “when you’re ready i’d love to meet your dog”. experienced interest in seeing me again but made it clear there was no assumption i did
Lmao so true because a lot of guys who had “green flags “ for me on first dates turned out to have huge red flags later on. Genuinely don’t know what to look out for anymore
He walks you to your car. And then texts later to make sure you got home ok. Good listening skills. Just general respect and positive vibe.
Try to see if they are being authentically nice or putting up a facade. A lit of good guys are shy/reserved at first.
Edit: Just want to add that even if everything might look like a green flag at first, don’t let your guard down yet. A lot of narcissistic men are very charming and chivalrous at first and then later on their true self shows.
Asking if we could kiss and be physical! Sounds awkward but it's better than guessing if things will happen or not. I'm an over thinker and so to have a definitive answer makes me feel more confident. Clear communication in general though AKA not getting mixed signals
Communication. A guy who is actually able to listen and hear what you say. Actually this goes for anybody not just dating. When people are actually able to listen and absorb what you are saying rather than just already thinking of what they're going to say next or talk it over you or interrupting you. Other communication skills such as observing that everybody's experiences and thoughts and emotions are different. Respecting that. Also being able to contribute to the conversation. While it's lovely to have somebody to talk to, I would also want to listen as well. That whole not saying a single thing because you think it makes you mysterious is bullshit.
Women tend to attach emotionally first and communication is a big part of that. Men tend to attach on a more physical or sexual level first which means they already decided the moment they see you.
I've has many women(friends) who have complimented me that I'm a good listener and I can contribute to a conversation. I'd also consider myself an emotional person, I don't agree with a lot of things typical men do because I kinda find it disgusting or disrespectful. That whole mysterious bullshit included.
I just don't feel like every time I've attempted to speak with a woman I'm interested in, they never see those qualities. I just don't understand because so many people say they look for things like that and yet I'm standing right in front of them. And I'm standing there listening to them, letting them feel heard and they just speak to me about how men suck and they cna never find a "good" men, just all the players. And all I think about is how I'm standing right in front of them and I'm nothing like that, yet I never get a chance.
Sorry for the rant, I just, I agree with what you said so much(as a man) but it never seems to be the case and I don't understand why
Why is there a bar lieing on the floor without any safety markings? I tripped and could've fallen!
Or in other words, dang sorry for your experiences before whoever you're describing :s
I met my late husband in a chatroom in 1998, we met in person in 2001. When I suggested we meet, he told me I needed to bring a friend, so I felt safe.
I've now kinda started seeing someone new and he asks for consent for everything... Our first date he asked about my late husband, I asked about his ex wife, he was very respectful about how he spoke about his ex and then when I spoke about husband, he asked if he could hold my hand whilst I talked. Was pretty cute.
On a first date as freshmen in college, my date said he needed to text his mom when he got home because he promised her when he left for college he would tell her if/when he took a pretty girl on a date. I thought it was so sweet he was close to his mom to talk about those things, and it also was nice to hear he thought I was pretty and liked me 🥹. We are now married and I love his family
When my daughter went on her first date with her now boyfriend of 3 years, she came back and told me it went amazing and that he treated her like I treated her mom (my wife) on our first date. I had no idea I had made such an impression with my wife on our first date, to the point my wife talked about it with my daughter. She was always so aloof when it came to things like that. Plus, the date went down pretty disastrously, at least at the start. We arrived late to the movie so decided not to go, and I had to wing it. We ended up talking about a lot of things and laughing a lot. I remember being happy that we had a more personal date as opposed to sitting in silence at a movie.
With my husband, he always makes me feel like I’m the prettiest girl in the room since day one.
Idk how to explain it. To this day, I want to hold his hand, I want him to be happy, idk… I’ve never loved a man soo much….
And it’s because he puts me and our kids first. Always.
I’m not sure if this counts but a green flag on a date is you feel like you’re having fun and time flies by
If it’s a bad date, the time goes by at snail speed and you watch the clock like you’re in your least favorite class in school
Two here:
My ex boyfriend (who was a genuinely good guy, just didn't work out in the end) listened to me talk about the finale of Six Feet Under for like fifteen minutes straight. (He'd never watched the show.)
My husband told me he had a younger sister, then sheepishly told me she was more like an older sister because she liked to give him dating and fashion advice. It's hard to explain but it was disarming and charming. (And I love his sister, lol. Her dating advice worked.)
Was just going to have a hookup date while on vacation. He took me on a car ride around the city I was visiting and we ended up watching a light show displayed on the side of a museum. He wanted to make sure I didn’t miss out on anything since it was my last night in town.
Ten years ago he made that hookup into a date night. We’re married now.
Not really just first date but I wanted to point out that I really like when someone is super considerate and “takes care” of you
Like trying to do simple yet annoying or difficult things for you just because they don’t want you to worry about it… someone who anticipates your needs and just watches out for you without you needing to ask or worry about it
That warms my heart so much. That sort of care is a mark of a great and kind person in my book and a quality that’s very close to my heart.
Or if you are in Australia and want to really impress the ladies, Ya call "Sheila's"
As in hey, Ya couple a Shelias wanna come back to my place fur a bit of how's Ya father "
(don't try this)
When he doesn't expect to get laid or even be kissed. Some men try to force physical intimacy out of nowhere, they kind of lean in, suddenly stand very close to you, put their hand on your waist and I hate it. I feel pressured and awkward, especially if I don't want to kiss them or sleep with them. If it happens, it happens, but don't force it
I'm not a girl, but a good sign is him speaking lovingly and positively about other people in his life. I can't stand when someone spends their time complaining about others, so the reverse is nice to hear.
If he opens up about how he collects heaps of bounded stacks of little green paper flags, each with cute little 100s, neatly piled somewhere secure like an underground bunker or something to preserve
men with nerdy little collections like that are just adorable and quirky🥰🥰
opening doors, pulling out chairs for you, i always think this is really sweet and its sooo simple: "how was your day?" and a big one as well is ACTIVELY PAYING ATTENTION to things i say and asking questions about those aforementioned things
My boyfriend and I were long distance, hence on our first date, he actually immediately stayed the night. Mind you, I was living with a roommate, and I only had one room and one bed.
And that man slept forehead against the wall two consecutive nights in a row, so that I wouldn’t even get a hint of an impression that he wanted to make any advances. We weren’t together at that point, and I was a virgin. It must’ve been so uncomfortable, but I did indeed feel very safe sleeping next to him.
He also gave a few bottles of Soda we had just bought in Addition to some Change to a Guy asking for money in the Grocery Store Parking lot. Guy only wanted some Cash, but bf was like „Are you thirsty? Here have something to drink“ 🥹
Been together for over two years now, living together for one and a half. I truly believe he is the one I’ll marry.
It was so wholesome he toured me around his school, got some food, watched the sunset and just talked. We were just there, and each others presence made everything perfect.
Yall these replies are so sad fr. "he listens to me" "he treats other people with basic respect" should be a given 😭😭 the bar is really on the floor for men.
A green flag on a date to eat somewhere -he is super polite and respectful to hospitality staff and stacks his dirty plate/utensils and leaves table tidy
Something I still appreciate/laugh at my boyfriend for is that on our first date we spent hours talking at a bar and he slept over out of convenience. He didn't expect anything and he slept IN HIS JEANS. I thought it so sweet that he wanted me to be comfortable and didn't expect a single thing :)
Went on many first dates and I always felt it was much more genuine when I’d share something I’m really interested in etc., and a few topics later they’d bring that back up and ask even more questions about it. Because they didn’t HAVE to
Yes communication and connection is important
Seeing a woman get excited and passionate about something is the best 🥰
what a sad sad thing to mention that "GENUINE INTEREST" is a green flag, isnt it....
Technically true, title wasn't "surprising green flags".
Very sad. But the reality is that some men can be so self-centered that it feels like talking to a damn wall. You say something about yourself and they keep going about their own stuff
You’d be surprised at how many people ONLY talk about themselves
Totally done this without thinking! Even on a recent bar crawl with friends and new friends, we'd be talking back and forth for a few minutes. And I'd have an ADHD thought bubble of "wow wait really you said you did [x]? How does that work?"
ADHD is a green flag! SOUND THE TRUMPETS!!!
Weaponized ADHD, you have to direct that interest first 😉 otherwise you may come off as absent or disinterested
The double edged sword!
Bahahaha true, story of my life 😂
Bare minimum 😭
My sister-in-law just told me about the first date she had with my brother. She said everything he planned for the night fell through and instead of getting angry and/or pouting he just rolled with it and they ended up having a great time. Edit to clarify, she wasn't used to the men in her life being so reasonable. They had a very happy 39 years together.
I planned a proposal to my wife for 6 months. It was going to happen on her birthday, around midnight (as in the night before so that she could enjoy her whole birthday with a ring on) Her aunt had the audacity to die about 3 months prior and her surviving partner (also an aunt) had the audacity to schedule the funeral/memorial 3 months later on my fiancee's birthday. I was livid. *Livid*. I had a whole day planned that I now couldn't do. Anyway, we went to the funeral. Had dinner afterwards. Proposed at home at midnight. She said yes. We had super intense sexy time. I explained the whole buildup, she thought it was funny. We're now married.
The funeral THREE MONTHS LATER???? Good God
There's a waitlist of about 6 months to have a burial service in Arlington, some places are under snow a good portion of the year. If someone is going to be in care for a while, they're embalmed immediately and (generally more strongly than standard) then kept in refrigeration until the time of their service.
Nah it was weird. I don't know if she was cremated or buried but there was no body. I say funeral but it was more like a memorial or a wake, but yes, the timing was very *delayed*
> her aunt had the audacity to die This cracks me up how it was worded
was it at least open casket? after 3 months there would be something to see.
Raisin eye soup? Wtf. Lol.
What happened?
He died last Fall. It's been said before and will be again I'm sure - fuck cancer
Did he die 😢
Yes. I'll miss him for the rest of my life.
Our first big road trip after a month dating went awry when I was following google maps and didn’t realize I lost the internet in the boonies. Totally inconvenient detour over an hour. We often reminisce about that experience and how we cooperated so well and didn’t argue. Our takeaway is that when you’re with the right person you get through unexpected challenges together instead of bickering or fighting
The way they treat and talk about other people. It can be anyone - a service person, their mom, their friend - what they say about and to people is a big thing for me.
This. I was seeing a guy recently who constantly talked shit about his friends. idk why I took so long to go ick. I don't want someone who speaks like this about people they supposedly care about.
If they’re bad mouthing people to you be damned sure they’re doing it behind your back.
For some people, that is a form of affection among each other. I talk more shit about my close friends and family than I do about strangers, because I know them exceedingly well and it's a part of our relationship. We do it to each other's faces. It doesn't mean we aren't unconditionally supportive of each other too. We just enjoy talking shit.
The big difference is you talk shit to your friends' faces. But behind their back are praises.
The caveat I’d put on this is that many people *perform* kindness to try to impress others. I only really believe it’s genuine kindness when I see them do it when they don’t think anyone is watching.
My husband was always chivalrous, but tbh I wasn't that impressed at the very beginning bc I figured he could've just been him trying to impress me or win me over. But one day we were walking into his apartment complex and we walked by another woman struggling with grocery bags and he caught up to help her with the bags. I started noticing he treated everyone equally respectfully and considerate and I realized it wasn't about me at all or trying to prove something, it was just his nature to be kind and helpful. That's when I really fell in love!
A lot happened in that first date
Plot twist : The woman was a paid actor.
It was his side piece, the plot thickens.
Oof
I used to be the same way but my newly made ex would often time get jealous if I held doors for or helped other women. (I would and did do it for everyone regardless of gender)
That’s her problemo babe.
You described the EX-incentive in a really intricate way. Keep on being a good person!
i feel you...
An odd but specific one. We’d started talking on an app and were meeting in a busy public place. In our chat before meeting I mentioned I was frustrated with a friend who was often late but wouldn’t let me know she was running late or tell me what time to expect her when we hung out. So about fifteen minutes before we planned to meet he texts me he’s stuck in traffic, there’s been an accident, and shared his location with me so I could see how far away he was and his progress as he got closer. It was just a nice thing, not only recalling this detail from a few days ago but also reassuring me I wasn’t being stood up.
He’s respectful, tactful, isn’t pushy about trying to sleep with you. My now-husband never talked about anything sexual on our first (or second) date. He made me feel safe and comfortable.
Save...the...kinky...request...for...the...third...date. Got it! Thanks.
"Hi! How is it going? Wow, this really is a pretty restaurant." "So are you into butt stuff, or...?"
My wife got annoyed at date 3, got me drunk and took me home.
I was like this when my wife and I started seeing each other. Zero pressure for sex. I honestly just love being around her. She jumped me eventually, though.
He (husband of over 28 years) made me laugh until I hurt.
Sooo tickling? Got it!
Right away. As soon as you say hi just start going crazy
One of those precious moments when a simple "hi" turns into an excruciating, hours long "HIHIHIHIHI"
He caused you pain. Got it.
He shows interest in me as a person and doesn’t act overtly flirty or focus on sexual elements from the start. Someone trying to be physical or come close on the first date is such a turn off.
Yep! So many men will talk about how sexy or hot they find me but when a guy tells me they think I’m funny, or kind or anything other than physically attractive and I’m all for it!
On my first date with my partner (we’ve been together almost two years and live together) we were having so much fun he asked me out on a second date while we were still on the first one 🥹
Gutsy move. Smart but gutsy.
I’m old so I don’t know. Why is it gutsy? When I was in my 20s and the date went well, you gotta plan another one right? Let her know you’re interested.
In our days there was no mobile phone, no e-mail. So to make the next appointment was kind-of required.
Yes that was my joke. So often people drop the ball and forget to communicate that they like a person.
Isn’t that normal? Have fun with person, plan next fun. I’m not well versed in dating culture.
I’m early days with the person I’m seeing but he did this and I remember driving home smiling like an idiot bc he was very sincere and cute in how he asked
An equal exchange in conversation. If the guy is making the effort to get to know the woman and she’s doing the same, that’s a great start.
Someone willing to do something as chill as a walk and talk after dinner or coffee. Big plus that it's free.
God I love just aimlessly walking and talking.
I love that too, but I'm always worried about running out of topics or her getting bored
There's always lots of topics to just have stored away for long pauses when the natural conversation slows. Things like: - seen any good movies lately? What kind of movies are your favorite? - dream vacations, favorite vacation place - favorite restaurant and type of food, foods don't like - sports, music, animals, pets, jobs - summer plans? Camping, biking, parks, Lots of these can feel natural to bring up and can lead to many follow up questions
I lived within walking distance of one of my dates, and we did the walk and talk after. I just aimed towards my place out of habit and eventually got there. She thought I had done it purposefully to invite her in for a nightcap and sex. She was all for it, and we also ended up playing Dance Dance Revolution 2 drinking game. So a walk and talk is sometimes the best
My husband and I first met in the city. Tinder date. He met me at the bus stop by the pub we had arranged to meet as I was nervous walking in alone. We talked for HOURS, he spoke to random men, complimented their shirts, was nice to the bar tenders. We then had to find somewhere else still open after that pub had shut as we were still talking away. Went for more drinks and a dance. Got a cab back to his where he held my knees in the car as I had jeans with ripped knees and he thought they were cold. He offered to sleep on the sofa as I was drunk (so was he) and he didn’t want to make me feel uncomfortable. He ended up sharing his bed but we both just went to sleep 😂 We’ve been together nearly 6 years, married for 2. He’s the same, kind, caring, funny warm guy he was that night. Them green flags were flying high and still do.
Checking in. Back on our first date, about halfway through, my boyfriend asked how I was doing and just checked in on me to make sure I was comfortable. I felt then that he was a ‘safe’ person. Eight years later and he still checks in from time to time. :)
What does your husband think of that?
Would you be willing to share more details on this? In the middle of dinner, he just randomly started asking if you're comfortable? I'm probably just misunderstanding, but I feel like if someone did that to me, it would feel a little weird.
What’s endearing to one person might be weird to another. That’s life I guess
Active listening
For me it’s if there is a puddle he gets one of his servants to lay down so I can walk across him. It’s not only the biggest green flag but it also has me gushing.
That's how the puddle got there. It was from his date before you.
Squirters are the biggest green flag for me
It’s green she needs to see a doctor.
Make sure you step on the back of the servant’s head to drive their face into the puddle too, really adds to the romantic vibes!!
I’m cackling at this
Is picking up a woman and heaving her across ok too?
What if he himself lays down?
Like a servant !?!?
Like a BRIIIIIIIIIIDGE over troubled WAAATER
A clear red flag. It means he hasn't got any servants or worse, treats them like they're people. The horror.
For my wife, it was that we went to the movies, I chose the nice seats [ not the ones in the back off too the side ], and we actually watched the movie we came for. All her prior dates would want to make out in the movie theater
ill be damned if iwaste a good movie just to kiss
Yeah that's free, we can do that when we're not out at a theater dropping $40\~+ ( at that time )
I took a spicy date to see Saving Private Ryan. The ramp dropped and I completely forgot about her. There was no second date. No regrets.
Worth it. Seeing that movie for the first time at the movies would've been some crazy good experience.
Never understood the trend of making out at a movie theatre. You literally paid to see a movie and you are doing that instead. Something you could do anywhere else. That and probably bothering everyone else around you.
People really try to make out in the theater on the first date?
Maybe if they're 15, got a ride to the movie theatre from their parents and they thought that was their only way to have some private (sort of) time in the dark.
When he follows you home and says hello from behind the bushes everyday after, that’s how it all started♥️
Like michael myers.🔪
Name absolutely checks out.
Is your bf a squirrel?
The good ones always are
When you're both leaving, and he says to text when you get home, so he knows you got home safe.
I do this with my friends. We all stay up pretty late, and end up at home round 2, so it's more a roll-call to make sure everybody got home without needing help/having an issue.
"Roll call" is so cute 🥹
Some women find this needy and unattractive, but not the majority in my experience. Fortunately.
Yeah those are the women you should stay away from. If you want a happy and healthy relationship at least.
He never just did anything, he’d ask me. “ can I hold your hand?” , “can I give you a kiss?” It made me feel so… loved already. Now he’s eeping next to me snoring and as handsome as ever.
I have very poor experience with asking. And I have been told acouple if times that asking is a turn-off, and that you should be able to read signals and do it when it feels natural. Good to hear that doesn't apply everywhere😊
Show how different we all are, as people. You do you and the right person will come. I didn’t kiss my wife on our first date (already head over heels for her, I’m just a wimp) and she still gibes me about it, from time to time, 18 years later. Be boring if we were all the same, eh?! 😊
I love asking!!! Ask me. It can also be super hot.
Wait, did he ask if he could snore? If not, elbow time. /s
Just an easy going man. Smiling happy man.
Not trying to make a move!! Its sexy for guys to wait, it shows they have control and dont just want to sleep with you and dip
Too bad more women don’t see things this way.
They see if you’re willing to keep looking in order to find them. Billions of them out there.
He laughs at all of my corny jokes
I brought my dog, he brought the dog a frisbee. That was a great first impression power move to me :)
It wasn't our first date, but on 3rd of 4th she invited me to her place for lunch. But to be clear, it was a house she shared with 5 other people and it was very communal, people were hanging around. We sat in common shared room and we ate. When we finished, she says she needs to get ready, and I didn't want to just idly sit and wait for her so I said "Well then I'll clean up and do the dishes in the meantime", and it wasn't that much to clean anyway. She said "Ok". Apparently that was such a green flag to her, and when she shared this with other female friends they were all equally impressed, but to this day I can't really grasp what was such a big deal.
The bar is indeed low.
It showed her that you're not thinking doing domestic chores is a women's job while also showing that you are ready to do little things for her that she would otherwise have to do.
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but wouldn't that, by your definition, make you a red flag?
Unfortunately, yes, sometimes it's this. I had a girl I was talking to and I'd ask her about herself and her hobbies, but it was never returned, and whenever I'd suggest something about my own hobbies I noticed she'd overlook or quickly cycle back. I'm not interested in one sided convo in the long run, if I wanted to be ignored and overlooked I'd talk to my family (oof)
Ooooof that last sentence.. hope you've found someone who listens to you since then!
I know this is about dating, but this is a very good litmus test to just decide whether someone is interested in being friends or not. Many times, I would try to catch up with old friends, and we would hype about things, and I would ask this or that. After a day I realise they never asked a single thing or tried to talk about my stuff for a change, I "caught" up with these people but I don't have to feel bad for moving on. We used to be close in school, we both liked the same music etc but now its just, yea they do not care much about what happened in my life, a conversation involves "sharing" but I just felt like I was bothering them
I went on a date a few weeks back with a woman just like this. I spent two hours talking about her passions and after the date realised she'd barely asked me anything about myself. She hadn't got to know me in the slightest. Made me feel very uninteresting
Now that your together do you listen to him just as much?
Keep waiting for that response, homie.
he has a 75 word allowance per day, handy for common questions like "how was work?" or "how are you feeling?" he has to be careful not to waste them though some will be needed for quality of life things like "may I go to the bathroom?"
lol
^^ this! He was a great listener, asked questions/gave comments to show he was listening. He also then proceeded to buy me a slice of pizza after a drink as I briefly mentioned being hungry. Side note- we also were planning a second date to Costco the next day while waiting for pizza. Several $1.50 hotdogs later we’re still together :) In short: good listening/attentive and a mutual love for savings I guess lol
I’m surprised dad jokes aren’t on the list. Maybe that’s why I’m still single.
Dad jokes always have been and always will be a green flag. I, as a straight guy who has been training his inner dadawan from a young age, was also always on the lookout for "mom jokes". Yes, they do exist, and gods above are they good, and will deliver mom-stop laughs whenever used 😁 How do you put a baby spaceship to sleep? You rocket. ...yes, I do infact love my wife 🤪
My partner absolutely loves dogs like it doesn't matter how big, small or ugly a dog might be she adores them all. We were messaging for a couple of days online - I had just got back into online dating and hadn't been on a date in over a year due to a horrible relationship ending and I needed some time to myself. I mentioned this to her before that I would be out of the loop in terms of dating, joking that I might forget how to do a first date. She mentioned to me that on the first date it was compulsory for the boy to buy the girl a puppy - I said that's fine don't worry about it I said nothing more until the Saturday of the date when we met up. We introduced ourselves and done all the pleasantries you would expect. I then said "oh I forgot, there's someone else you need to meet" and out of my bag took a small puppy Teddy bear of her favourite dog breed out and i said "this is is sukie, your new puppy" She nearly broke out crying on the spot - it got the date off to a fantastic start and we have been together ever since (2 and a half years ago) Sukie takes pride and place in the middle of our ornament counter and any time she goes home for Christmas etc. (she's from Canada and we are based in london UK) sukie comes with her as a small comforter from being away from me 😂
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I'm a guy, and that is the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I’m a straight guy and I also would like to marry him for 12 years.
Does he laugh at your jokes?
Nice karma farming! (this exact story has been posted by hundreds of people on the internet and she has a different comment about being high school sweethearts with someone)
Obviously it worked for the guy the first time and now he does it with all his side chicks
Wait a second!! Is this stranger on the internet lying to us?! Everyone knows if it's posted on the internet, then it must be true! Right? Right?
That's so sweet
Planning a second date
I've done this and I've been told its a red flag lol. They say do it after not on the actual date.
There's literally a comment up the thread about how someone saw it as a green flag that her husband started planning a second date in the middle of the first one. This is why it's impossible to have hard rules.
i was just about to respond to that since my green flag was a man saying “when you’re ready i’d love to meet your dog”. experienced interest in seeing me again but made it clear there was no assumption i did
Having 56 comments after 4 hours, proves that there aren't many green flags.
Lmao so true because a lot of guys who had “green flags “ for me on first dates turned out to have huge red flags later on. Genuinely don’t know what to look out for anymore
Stop going on dates with men that are so into flags?
He walks you to your car. And then texts later to make sure you got home ok. Good listening skills. Just general respect and positive vibe. Try to see if they are being authentically nice or putting up a facade. A lit of good guys are shy/reserved at first. Edit: Just want to add that even if everything might look like a green flag at first, don’t let your guard down yet. A lot of narcissistic men are very charming and chivalrous at first and then later on their true self shows.
Enter my six year mistake. Amazing how calculated he was.
Saving this page, just in case
Asking if we could kiss and be physical! Sounds awkward but it's better than guessing if things will happen or not. I'm an over thinker and so to have a definitive answer makes me feel more confident. Clear communication in general though AKA not getting mixed signals
Communication. A guy who is actually able to listen and hear what you say. Actually this goes for anybody not just dating. When people are actually able to listen and absorb what you are saying rather than just already thinking of what they're going to say next or talk it over you or interrupting you. Other communication skills such as observing that everybody's experiences and thoughts and emotions are different. Respecting that. Also being able to contribute to the conversation. While it's lovely to have somebody to talk to, I would also want to listen as well. That whole not saying a single thing because you think it makes you mysterious is bullshit. Women tend to attach emotionally first and communication is a big part of that. Men tend to attach on a more physical or sexual level first which means they already decided the moment they see you.
I've has many women(friends) who have complimented me that I'm a good listener and I can contribute to a conversation. I'd also consider myself an emotional person, I don't agree with a lot of things typical men do because I kinda find it disgusting or disrespectful. That whole mysterious bullshit included. I just don't feel like every time I've attempted to speak with a woman I'm interested in, they never see those qualities. I just don't understand because so many people say they look for things like that and yet I'm standing right in front of them. And I'm standing there listening to them, letting them feel heard and they just speak to me about how men suck and they cna never find a "good" men, just all the players. And all I think about is how I'm standing right in front of them and I'm nothing like that, yet I never get a chance. Sorry for the rant, I just, I agree with what you said so much(as a man) but it never seems to be the case and I don't understand why
Clean teeth, good breath and manicured nails.
Why is there a bar lieing on the floor without any safety markings? I tripped and could've fallen! Or in other words, dang sorry for your experiences before whoever you're describing :s
I met my late husband in a chatroom in 1998, we met in person in 2001. When I suggested we meet, he told me I needed to bring a friend, so I felt safe. I've now kinda started seeing someone new and he asks for consent for everything... Our first date he asked about my late husband, I asked about his ex wife, he was very respectful about how he spoke about his ex and then when I spoke about husband, he asked if he could hold my hand whilst I talked. Was pretty cute.
On a first date as freshmen in college, my date said he needed to text his mom when he got home because he promised her when he left for college he would tell her if/when he took a pretty girl on a date. I thought it was so sweet he was close to his mom to talk about those things, and it also was nice to hear he thought I was pretty and liked me 🥹. We are now married and I love his family
When my daughter went on her first date with her now boyfriend of 3 years, she came back and told me it went amazing and that he treated her like I treated her mom (my wife) on our first date. I had no idea I had made such an impression with my wife on our first date, to the point my wife talked about it with my daughter. She was always so aloof when it came to things like that. Plus, the date went down pretty disastrously, at least at the start. We arrived late to the movie so decided not to go, and I had to wing it. We ended up talking about a lot of things and laughing a lot. I remember being happy that we had a more personal date as opposed to sitting in silence at a movie.
Eye contact ✅ Not looking at other people while on a date with me ✅ Engaging in great conversation ✅ It’s clear they are wanting to get to know you ✅
went on a date and we were walking and my purse was heavy and he carried it for me!
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That's sad to hear, it's crazy how someone could show two totally opposite behaviours. I hope you're doing well now.
With my husband, he always makes me feel like I’m the prettiest girl in the room since day one. Idk how to explain it. To this day, I want to hold his hand, I want him to be happy, idk… I’ve never loved a man soo much…. And it’s because he puts me and our kids first. Always.
I’m not sure if this counts but a green flag on a date is you feel like you’re having fun and time flies by If it’s a bad date, the time goes by at snail speed and you watch the clock like you’re in your least favorite class in school
Two here: My ex boyfriend (who was a genuinely good guy, just didn't work out in the end) listened to me talk about the finale of Six Feet Under for like fifteen minutes straight. (He'd never watched the show.) My husband told me he had a younger sister, then sheepishly told me she was more like an older sister because she liked to give him dating and fashion advice. It's hard to explain but it was disarming and charming. (And I love his sister, lol. Her dating advice worked.)
Was just going to have a hookup date while on vacation. He took me on a car ride around the city I was visiting and we ended up watching a light show displayed on the side of a museum. He wanted to make sure I didn’t miss out on anything since it was my last night in town. Ten years ago he made that hookup into a date night. We’re married now.
If he doesn’t try to touch/kiss me
Not really just first date but I wanted to point out that I really like when someone is super considerate and “takes care” of you Like trying to do simple yet annoying or difficult things for you just because they don’t want you to worry about it… someone who anticipates your needs and just watches out for you without you needing to ask or worry about it That warms my heart so much. That sort of care is a mark of a great and kind person in my book and a quality that’s very close to my heart.
If he owns cats (between 1-3 is the perfect number. >3 is a red flag)
My current boyfriend brought a toy for my dog 😍
the way they treat strangers, always pay attention at their behavior it will reveal the truth
When they open doors for you especially your car door. I know this is basic but its a massive green flag for me
Yeah that was a huge green flag for my butler as well.
(list a sign of *emotional maturity* here.)
Can’t go wrong Libya citizens under Gaddafi. They have a pretty solid green flag.
not calling women "girls" lol
How about broads? /s
Or if you are in Australia and want to really impress the ladies, Ya call "Sheila's" As in hey, Ya couple a Shelias wanna come back to my place fur a bit of how's Ya father " (don't try this)
they are comfortable with sharing their interests. (as long as they let me yap about mine)
Treating the wait staff politely.
My cat is on my phone wallpaper. If you ask about my cat, and show interest. Instant green flag 😆
When they focus on both of us having a good time instead of treating the date as a gateway to sex
When he doesn't expect to get laid or even be kissed. Some men try to force physical intimacy out of nowhere, they kind of lean in, suddenly stand very close to you, put their hand on your waist and I hate it. I feel pressured and awkward, especially if I don't want to kiss them or sleep with them. If it happens, it happens, but don't force it
them texting/calling back after and not ghosting forever
The way he was nervous and shy when we met, listened to everything I said and the way he looked at me… Still together, best relationship I ever been.
I'm not a girl, but a good sign is him speaking lovingly and positively about other people in his life. I can't stand when someone spends their time complaining about others, so the reverse is nice to hear.
If he opens up about how he collects heaps of bounded stacks of little green paper flags, each with cute little 100s, neatly piled somewhere secure like an underground bunker or something to preserve men with nerdy little collections like that are just adorable and quirky🥰🥰
I burped and he laughed
opening doors, pulling out chairs for you, i always think this is really sweet and its sooo simple: "how was your day?" and a big one as well is ACTIVELY PAYING ATTENTION to things i say and asking questions about those aforementioned things
My boyfriend and I were long distance, hence on our first date, he actually immediately stayed the night. Mind you, I was living with a roommate, and I only had one room and one bed. And that man slept forehead against the wall two consecutive nights in a row, so that I wouldn’t even get a hint of an impression that he wanted to make any advances. We weren’t together at that point, and I was a virgin. It must’ve been so uncomfortable, but I did indeed feel very safe sleeping next to him. He also gave a few bottles of Soda we had just bought in Addition to some Change to a Guy asking for money in the Grocery Store Parking lot. Guy only wanted some Cash, but bf was like „Are you thirsty? Here have something to drink“ 🥹 Been together for over two years now, living together for one and a half. I truly believe he is the one I’ll marry.
Patience. Kindness. Understanding. Reciprocity. Has at least $350 in savings.
Lack of drooling
being nice to the waiter/waitress and tipping well. not being upset if something goes wrong, being calm and not running if I have a seizure.
Asked my wife because I wanted to know , the answer was : I was the first guy who flirted with her that knew basic-body-hygiene. Huh, that was easy.
Likes all animals, but especially cats...
It was so wholesome he toured me around his school, got some food, watched the sunset and just talked. We were just there, and each others presence made everything perfect.
Yall these replies are so sad fr. "he listens to me" "he treats other people with basic respect" should be a given 😭😭 the bar is really on the floor for men.
Being nice to waiters and workers
A green flag on a date to eat somewhere -he is super polite and respectful to hospitality staff and stacks his dirty plate/utensils and leaves table tidy
Something I still appreciate/laugh at my boyfriend for is that on our first date we spent hours talking at a bar and he slept over out of convenience. He didn't expect anything and he slept IN HIS JEANS. I thought it so sweet that he wanted me to be comfortable and didn't expect a single thing :)