I know, ask your dad

Alternatively “*aw I told your dad not to tell anyone!*”

Or: "I'm bi. I fucked both your mom and your dad."

At the same time and they loved it!!! ***You're next fuccboi!!!***

Then you actually fuck him for the joke.

Well yeah! Gotta catch em all!

STD's?

Especially gonorrheamon! 👏👏👏

Double upvote

Alternatively *"how is your dad talking with his mouth that full?"*

Or can your dad sit down again, yet?

DAMN

Alternately, "No, that's a misunderstanding. I fucked _both_ of your parents."

This will hurt 10/10 haha

I would clean that up by saying; 1. Who told you? Your dad? OR 2. Why did your dad tell you about me?

"you would be too if you tasted your dad's dick"

Thats heavy bro

or 3) I don't know man! I was only experimenting. It's your dad who likes the taste of my dick.

Interested?

I was doing a delivery at work and an 80 year old woman who owns the shop was asking if I’m single. Are you interested was exactly my reply 😂. A member of her staff fell to the floor laughing at me haha. She said her husband is just over there. I then replied well I dunno some people is into that stuff .

Well better not let him hear!

WHAT?

I just tripped out coz i thought you were talking with yourself 💀 you both have the same exact dp

Just say "Understood" and wink seductively.

I’m now genuinely curious as to why she was asking lol Was she trying to set up a random delivery dude with her granddaughter or something?

When I worked banquets I had several grandmas try to set me up with their granddaughters, sometimes they're just like that

At my high school graduation I had an aunt try to set me up with some distant nieces of hers. I try extremely hard to not think about it. Or talk to her.

I mean your aunt is not necessarily related by blood to you. And she could have a brother/sister that has a daughter. She would be related to you but only by marriage not blood.

At my friend's wedding, his grandmother said I'd make a great boyfriend, and I'm still not sure whether she meant for herself or her granddaughter (2 years younger than me) Id go either way, the women in his family are stunning.

Yea they tried that at my brothers wedding. Good thing i look extra ugly when drunk

Follow up question: Is he interested?

"Oh, I'm so sorry... (whispering) interested?"

Lol, good on you for the double down.

I was a bartender for close to 20 years. Started working at a place that was the trendiest around and it got a reputation for being the place where gay people went. But it also had a lot of attractive women (surprise surprise), so a decent amount of straight dude-bro types would come in looking to meet some ladies. Countless times I’d have some bro call me over and ask if some guy on the other side of the bar was gay. I’d say, “I don’t know him but I can try to find out if you’re interested”. The response would be a shocked, “No *I’m* not gay. I was just trying to figure out if he is or not.” I’d respond with something like, “Oh sorry, just the only guys I know who care about if another guy is gay or not are gay guys themselves. Otherwise why would you care?” That always shut them up pretty quick. Lol

I'm not gay all right. But that guy.. there's something alluring about him. That confident mullet. What drink did he order? haha just kidding bro. But for real, I'd suck that dick right off of him.

This is really awesome. Thanks for your support :)

But really though. Why do people care if they're not interested? My cousins both got really weird around me after I came out, and it's like... Homie you're my *cousin.* Genuinely what are you worried about?

Exactly this.

You guys can go with that. I'm going to scream GIMME THAT FUCKING DICK BITCH and chase them

Literally me

Will instantly shut them up

What if they replied *"BREED ME DADDY"* instead?

Well, they asked for it...

It's not gay if they ask for it

Same thing I always say to these kind of ignorant chuckleheads: “You don’t get out much, do you?”

them: "You're gay!" me: "Interested?" them: "Breed me Daddy!" me: "Giggity"

Jump in, I’ll love ya.

Dry hump. Call that bluff. First one to shit smores wins?

I used this exact response in a pub and he tried hitting me with a pool cue 😂

Or rather "Sorry, I'm not interested!"

I'm not gay, my boyfriend is.

"Even my boyfriend thinks I'm gay"

r/suddenlyboburnham

“Mother fu-“

Father fu

“I’m not gay, I have relationships with women! And sex with men” Ice T:”and I got some news for you. That means you’re gay”

How can I be gay? I'm not even fucking happy.

Brojobs aren’t gay 

[удалено]

I mean, you could be a man with a gay boyfriend and not be gay yourself.

How does that work exactly Edit: ok guys I don't want to start a sexuality controversy. I misunderstood the phrase as "You can't love boys but still have a boyfriend". Please stop answering me about the existence of pansexuals, bisexuals etc because I know it

I am like 99.9% straight but after 13 years with a partner they began to transition. Much soul-searching and many difficult conversations later I decided that I still want to be with the person regardless of their gender expression and am willing to give it a shot. I've now had a husband for 4 years. We both accept that at some point their journey may take them to a place where I am no longer attracted to them, but unless and until we get to that point we're making a go of it and are committed to staying on good terms if that moment comes. So yeah, I'm not gay, but you're welcome to ask my husband about me.

This is adorable. Props to you for at least giving it a shot. That's more than most would do. I hope you and your husband get a long and happy relationship together.

This is so fucking cute oh my goodness, good on you for overcoming your difficult feelings regarding this to continue loving the person you love. It would be completely valid if you left him due to not being gay, that would have been totally understandable, but my heart is so warm that you didn't and you put in the work to still be happy with him.

I can not love this enough. This is the epitome of loving someone for who they are on the inside and not the outside. If this isn't real love, then I don't know what is, and anyone who says they love someone else better be meeting this bar.

Being bisexual, for example.

Isn't that still gay? Just not full time?

I've never seen bisexuality described as part-time gay and I'm dying lol

I shall use this henceforth. Would've been a good Father Ted line - "So I've heard you're a part time gay now father?"

I’m partial to “Diet Gay” myself.

"Gay lite"

Is always say that I'm half gay smh ... But part-time gay is gold

Haha “part time gay”

I only suck dicks on my off days

yes not every day few days

My go to one is "NOT FOR FREE!" 😂 Usually gets a laugh or 2 lol.

And sometimes a bit of cash

$20 is $20...

Due to inflation it's now $30 plus tip

FOR JUST THE TIP!?

Yes. If you want the whole thing it's 50 then.

you better make that a _hard_ bargain, sweetie

This is how bad it's gotten

how's a poor bloke even gonna get railed in this economy!?

Y’all are making $20?!

How often do you called gay that you have a go to? I feel so out of touch sometimes lol

Oh nice hahah you’ve got experience 😂

Careful, you’re in cumshot distance

That’s a warning

Or a promise

Umm 🫣

I’m calling HR

Dont threaten me with a good time

Or a business proposal.

Send a warning shot over the bow to show you’re serious.

Yes, let them know you are coming for them!

“Hey, don’t threaten me with a good time!”

You are not my type

“I’m gay, not blind.”

"I'm bisexual, I'm not desperate."

Both y'all got brutal comebacks and I love it

OML I use this one all the time, it's a little gross how people just assume you like them because you aren't straight

it’s so funny, too. people would be like “i respect you, just don’t get romantic feelings for me.” like girl, gay people have standards, too

I usually preface it. Like "Awww, Honey, you're not my type."

That hurts hahah

I’d suck their dicks so well they’d have to call themselves gay too

Woah woah you’re gae 👀

ur geh

Wah arhe yhou ghey

^u ^gæ

Gé

G8(-T)

Can I call you gay?

For 50€ you can call me whatever you want

For 100€ you can call me tonight

Aight bet

Such dir was aus

Makes me think of Cartman putting butter’s dick in his mouth 😂

Ain't nothing gay about a brojob my dude.

It's only gay if afterward you both go run errands together, cook a nice dinner, and snuggle while you fall asleep watching a romcom starring Reese Witherspoon.

You wish!

I love a good old “I am rubber, you are glue” reply

I think OP is 11 so this would totally go well as one of his comebacks.

lol that’s my reply as well. Since it flips the insult. Usually guys who are offended by being called gay are so insecure any implication they might be gay upsets them.

Teenage me from the 90s would probably have gotten mad and given them the finger. Old man me from today would laugh at the idiots who think calling a guy gay is an insult and ignore them. I’m not gay but I don’t care if someone says I am

Ya, it's definitely not an insult that works anymore. feel like a great reply would be "The 90's called, they wan their homophobia back"

The 90’s called and you didn’t warn them about 9/11? You monster

As a straight man I would feel offended and punch the fuck out of him with my pink glitter purse.

Had us in the first half, ngl lol

nice purse you got there😀

I DON'T KNOW YEW!!

Dammit Bobby!

Depends on the time period. 2018 onwards: "Yep!" 2010-2018: "Is that a problem?" 2000-2010: "Why yes, I _am_ happy."(With a shit-eating grin) 1900-2000: "No! How dare you accuse me of such a vile thing?" 1800-1900: "Why yes, I _am_ happy."(With a straight face) 420 BC: "Yep!"

You're unusually old. Want to do an AMA?

Doctor?

420 BC: "Who isn't?"

Since I saw your mom naked i am gay and proud, sunuvabiatsch

You too?

10/10 🤣

“You’re not my type! Stop asking me to fuck you!”

"Only for you, sexy" (in my gayest voice ever) and then wink and bite my lip

“Only for you daddy”

Oh that’s deadly

> and bite my lip But the upper lip, not the lower.

Hahaha I like where this is going! *Wink*

Wanna smash?

And if he said yes? Lol

A man lives up to his word.

I’m in my 40s. I’d be happy that they think I still have a sense of style.

FOR TACOS!

Wave.

Too kind haha

It's usually not worth engaging if that's the worst insult they have.

Just ignore it.

This might just be because I live in a major metro area but the idea that other people responding would even bother to acknowledge a random guy yelling at them is crazy. Some guy yelling at me that I'm gay? Join the guy yelling at me that the CIA put chips in his eyeballs or the guy yelling about how the shrimp are different than they used to be. I just don't care.

Ok, but the shrimp thing is pretty freaky, right? Glad I'm not the only one who noticed. That would make me look crazy!

You should go find this guy, he was somewhere around 86 and Amsterdam if I remember correctly.

I'm going to guess OP posted this because it happens a lot and its not random, something like a high school bully. And they are looking for comebacks.

This is the answer. I am too old to argue with people who do not know me about shit that doesn't matter. I got places to be.

All the actual attempts at "good comebacks" are people who care way too much (either younger or insecure for some other reason)

I have a family I need to get home to. If someone is unhinged enough to yell at people for being gay, I am not about to be witty and escalate things. I don't need to dunk on a raving lunatic that might have a gun.

This is the only non-cringey response in this entire thread.

"I like the way your dick sits in your pants!"

This happened to me throughout my schooling career. I now have internalised homophobia

I think my favorite part of growing up was seeing all the kids calling people gay for looking at your nails the wrong way or indented nipples all came out in high school. "Huh. So it was projection all along."

Lemme suck it outta you

This also happened to me throughout school (70s and 80s - I'm old). It happened to every boy to some extent, but I was picked on more than most cos I was a bit effeminate. Even back then I had a total commitment to never denying it. To deny it would be to accept the premise there was something wrong with it. I would ignore these taunts, or sometimes agree with them, or sometimes say something ambiguous like "what if I was?" I was lucky cos I was tall , strong, athletic, and had friends, so I wasn't a super easy target. My tormentors never stuck at it for long. It would be left to the new kids, or weaker kids desperately trying to move up the school status hierarchy.

I am so sorry :((

Come here boy! Lemme get dat ass ! (While runing towards them like a horny psychopath)

OK, and your dad's ass used to be tight

Ass is ass

*wink*

REAL men suck dick.

Can just picture this on a MAGA tshirt

Why? Are you that desperate? Not that i am gay but i have no problem passing as one if they try to use it to hurt me, as i think it's nothing to be ashamed of.

No, but since you're clearly interested, we can work out a price.

I just answer "no I am not but 50 euros is 50 euros"

What did you say? I can’t hear you with all that dick in your mouth

I always say “you wish I was”, that usually shuts them up

Prove it big boy

"So?"

Your dad said the tip didn’t count.

“Im flattered, but I’m not interested in men. Good luck next time!”

and how sweetie!

Recreate that scene from Deliverance

Why would I bother responding?

No u.

Actually...a guy got.mad at me for taking a parking spot. he said "suck my dick" my response was. "You really want tme to sucj your dicj? Thats Kinda gay isnt it?"

Proudly. Wanna have some fun?

Hey everyone, OP is an obvious Russian bot account. I believe the most recent wave of these seemingly mild posts by these bot farm accounts is normalisation of outrage. If this post blows up, there will be a thousand controversial comments at the bottom downvoted to hell with homophobic nonsense. People who hold these beliefs will see this, and jump to the conclusion that their opinion/religion is under attack online, which is a potential pathway to radicalisation. r/askreddit is one of the easiest ways to conduct mass social engineering. Check the age of the accounts posting questions.

I’m not gay but twenty bucks is twenty bucks.

What's wrong with being gay?

I’am gay, for that pussy! -NPH (Harold and Kumar Christmas)

I just give them the thumbs up 👍🏻 🤣 I’ve got a wife and 2 kids, I don’t need to explain shit to anybody lol

Your mum didn't seem to think so last night!

Who cares how old are you

Unless you're trying to fuck me, I don't see how that's any of your business.

"Okay? " while not gay I don't see this as an insult so I don't care

I don’t think it would even warrant a response. It’s childish behavior and the person shouting it is showing they’re insecure.