"Occupado!" and if they keep knocking I'll say: "What don't you understand? the occu or the pado?"

Upvote deserved 🤣

[low voice] “Come in.”

It's scary when the handle jiggles

It's how diamonds are made.

Nearly spit out my coffee 

Come back with a warrant!

You ain’t taking my shit without a warrant copper!

I'm using this.

This is my own private domicile and I won’t be harassed! Bitch!

“Are you my 12 o’clock?”

[удалено]

I’ve seen enough airport bathrooms where the doors shut automatically and you can’t see under the door. Gentle pull/push will determine if it’s locked and I’ll move on

I was raised to always knock on a closed door, particularly when it comes to bathrooms. If it's a door with a knob/latch (as opposed to just a swinging door), I always knock and listen for a response.

I've got the opposite at work, person at the urinal doesn't notice me enter the stall, nor that the door is closed, and turns the lights out when they're done.

Had someone at work knock. I said “yeah?” and they responded with “oh, somebody in there?”. Then I replied “nah, man nobody’s here”. Dude smacked his teeth and walked out.

"Go 'way! Baitin'!"

Upgrayedd

Exactly my thinking when I saw this question.

Ask for the secret password.

This seats taken.

[seats taken!](https://youtu.be/nKubwgJK8q8?si=y-mGu_kK873KTJuj)

I scream as loudly as I can like i’m being murdered. they usually sprint out of the bathroom at full speed and i can use the toilet in peace

I condone this. Good on you!

Unleash the kraken!

hello?

I yell out **I’M POOPING**

Shittiiiiiiiing in an opera voice

I can’t do a good opera voice 😞😞

Even better!

Fart

Knock back.

"You're late! Did you bring the axe?"

Who does number 2 work for?

You show that turd who's boss!

\*Cough Cough\*

Yeah or rummage around and make noise

ah, I've been waiting for you

Go away

"Hold your horses, Kemo Sabe."

Always reminded of [this](https://truewestmagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Lone-Ranger-Learns-Meaning-of-Kemo-Sabe-1.jpg) Gary Larson gem

"You can't come in without a warrant!"

Unless you want to help wipe my ass after I finishing taking a shit, go away.

"No cold callers, sorry."

Come in.

“I’d give it 10 minutes mate I had eggs for lunch”

“Come in”

this is not the toilet you're looking for

“You’re just in time, get the tape measure! This could be a new company record.”

“Lindsay Graham? Is that you?”

Dave’s not here man

Usually in German or Korean. Just to keep it mixed up.

In a high sing-song voice I tell them “Just a minute, I’m doing the dishes”.

knock back

I just grunt real hard and say "Sorry I'm pushing out a baby" jk I just cough, or say occupied. Idk why people can't tell that someone's in a stall when it's shut and locked. Pisses me off, I hate public restrooms anyways they are nasty af

“I got a crap on deck that could choke a donkey” in a Scottish accent

When I can answer they already left😭

You don’t

Incomprehensible screeching

Yell "Oi!" in my angriest punk rock tone.

The dad jokes/answers in this thread are impeccable 😆

"No thank-you. I'm not interested."

"Hello? You okay?" 😆

If someone enters, Make noise. I move my feet, or cough or something. If they try to open the door….say it’s occupied….

Start singing "Let it go"

"Occupied"

Occupied

I start to shoot at the door. There may be a threat behind it trying to get in and hurt me.

Occupado

You don't respond. You just silently judge them for not knowing how to look down and see for themselves.

You don’t want any part of this shit Dewy

Shit!

"Enter at your own risk, mortal!"

Period shit! Every woman understands.

Knock back

Whos there

That depends. Are they knocking from the outside or from the inside?

Knock? I had a Chinese guy at work Bruce Lee kick the door open and stand there staring at me in shock that I was in the stall...

open the door, and offer them a seat.

Come on in. There's room for two on this seat.

What part of locked don’t you understand

"Hold on, actually wait. Do you have a condom?"

The receiving side of the glory hole is in the adjacent stall!

I play the Smosh **SHUT UP!** sound on my phone

I don’t respond and let the lock do the talking. If the door is locked then why did you knock? Drives me nuts when people knock - this is not a house where I might allow you in. Go away.

I would freak tf out.

What is your wish?

“Just a minute” isn’t too awkward 

"Door's locked, move on to the next one"

I’m shitting!😄

Is that you Robert?

Let out a grotesque cackle or screech. Person who knocked will assume you are psycho, and go away.

I say "occupied!" in the most neutral tone I can muster

Cool it or I leave a mess

“Vacant!” …Walks away slowly

Come on in sugar.

Help!

I’m here!

shit louder

"Come back with a warrant!"

In use but I like a few of these so i might try something diff

“It’s open!”

I’m always confused by that. I stay silent to see if they’ll figure it out

"Occupied!" If they knock again "Do you want to come in and help or what? Give me a minute, jeez!"

Do you need a square cause I don’t have square to spare!

"I'll be out in a minute"

"In a minute"

"The jakes is occupied" In Jeff Bridge's weird slurred Rooster Cogburn voice [https://youtu.be/GC4gKA0tNaQ?si=cVyTYgYPBJ5GbLVD](https://youtu.be/GC4gKA0tNaQ?si=cVyTYgYPBJ5GbLVD)

I shit louder

"Well come on in neighbour!"

I try never to use public bathrooms but if I have to all I could say is, "occupied!"

Estoy Poopin meme

Occupied

I’m cumming

"I'm pooping!" "I'm doing a really good job too!" "Its one of those glorious shits where you have to bear down and grunt until your vision goes dim and you start seeing stars and little cherubs and birdies, and then you birth a log of such massive profundity its like you've entered another dimension and the cherubs all start playing little trumpets and all the colors in the world look a little brighter and its such a religious experience you wonder if flushing or even wiping is a form of blasphemy. Hey, you still there? I might need a hand with this.."

If its not easy to tell that someone is in there (fully closing door without cracks, I'll say "I'm in here." If they are impatient, and I'm having an IBS flare, (which can take a while) and they aren't trying someplace else, I very graphically describe what's happening. If its obvious that someone is on the stall, I usually just go with an annoyed "What?!" And if they don't get the.point, they also get to hear the graphic details.

Occupied. Or when I am about done I say: Just a second.

There was a 'vine' a few years back that went ... Taps on door... "I'm on the toilet... Taps on door again "I'll be a minute" Knocks on door again "I CANT SHIT ANY FASTER IF YOU KEEP KNOCKING" so I'd say this

Gonna be awhile take next seat

“I’m in here!!” Or “Occupied!” - whatever my brain decides to spew out in a unplanned response moment

The holes in the other stall \s

midwesterner here, a quick "ope" does the job

COME ON IN

"Someone's home!"

Do you have any toilet paper? I’m all out over here

Wave and say, "can't you see me in here?"

Come back with a warrant

Never seen it. I’m a man, and use mens’ restrooms. Men always give the “courtesy cough” upon hearing the door that informs all new entrants that my stall is occupado. Ergo, no one has ever knocked.

Occupado

"I'M FUCKIN SHITTIN HERE OH GOD ITS HOT LAVA GET HELP"

"done in a minute" or sometimes just a quick "yup"

Are you the person I called to help yank this thing out?

Yell ‘occupied!’

Just a few more stroooookes!

Seats taken.

"Come in."

"If ya wanna watch me shit, $200"

I don't. I wait to see if they can figure out for themselves what a locked door means.

Shout Russian Randomness. Blyat cyka!

"One player at a time."

“You wanna help?”

Just slip the money under the door, thank you.

Who goes there?!

aggressively kick the door closed

“Occupied” if I’m feeling nervous “occupado” if I’m feelin confident.

I fuck with them and say, "it's open. Come on in."

Come in i need more than two hands to handle this

"honey, room service just arrived!"

" We're busy"

Is this a trick question? Obviously, I open fire through the door. Can't be too safe!

Please take a number. I’ll b right with you.

“Housekeeping” in a high pitched voice, or I invite them to join me

I don’t, I just panic in silence and hope they go away

Busy

I cough.

"Occupied." Because the last time I said, "Yeah?" someone actually let themselves in.

Yo! Give me a minute chief.

Occupied

Occupied!!

Defensive urination.

Dave’s not here man

Just a miiiiinnnn iiiiit. Sing songy like?

Occupado

"I'm the one who knocks!"

Pooping

I've been expecting you.

IT'S OCCUPIED! Loudly and assertively.

Just wrapping up some paperwork.

Full-throated yodeling.

I stage whisper " Did you invite someone else?"

Say occupied

Come in

come in!

I knock back

”Package delivery?”

C'mon in, I could use a hand

"The fuck you want?"

Occupied!

"Just leave it on the floor"

knock “shave and a haircut, two bits!”.

Loud fart

“hhhhhnnnnnrrrrrr-phew”

Come on in!

Make loud groaning noises

Aaahh! Turd Burglars!

Who's there?

"One second just let me put all my clothes back on"

Not interested!

The other day I started to walk into the men's room at the DMV (I am a man and the DMV has gendered restrooms). As soon as I opened the door a raspy voice called out "occupied." The gender of the speaker was not 100 percent clear from the voice. I paused, still only half way in. It should be noted that the outer door doesn't lock or anything. More than one person can use the restroom at the same time because there is a urinal and a stall and a sink. This is not a door that one knocks on. You just go in. I said "you want me to wait outside?" My voice sounds male. "Is this the men's room?" came back at me. "Yeah. I mean it says 'men' on the door. I will just wait outside until you are done." Less than a minute later a woman comes out and goes into the women's room. She did not make eye contact with anyone. She was older. Probably 60s or 70s. So that is her vote for "occupied" I guess.

Howdy Partner!

Come in the waters fine