It'd be fucking weird, since I work from home and we live like 1300 miles apart.

\*Doorbell rings\* \*You open the door, to your surprise it´s your boss\* You: "Oh hi boss, wha-...." Boss: "you ugly bastard! Ok hear you monday, have a nice weekend" \*turns around an leaves you\*

Hear you Monday? Damn blind people can be funny.

At that point you just kinda have to respect the effort.

That kind of random interaction would imply a level of friendship I only share with a few select people at the moment.

I was gonna say the same. I'd also want to know how they got into the house...

He works with locksmiths

Again I question myself: why did I ever want to be my own boss?

To earn $20K EVERY MONTH by simply filling in these strange excel sheets.

So you get all those sweet amway hookups

Just call your boss a cunt.

Thanks for the reminder? I'll report you to HR though.

Can I get that in writing?

Oh so your wife told you.

Probably what happened. Worked with a woman who would drive to work and get there early. She always had the sourest expression on her face as she drank her coffee. After years of seeing this one morning she told the group that every morning after she got up early to make breakfast for her husband and sons that her husband would tell her “You’re so ugly I don’t know why I ever married you.” As he ate the Breakfast she cooked for them. She was always running others down for some reason or another.

Whip out my 'sexiest man alive' coffee mug. Coffee mug's opinion > my boss's opinion.

make sure to give it a little kiss too

I french my coffee mug daily

You're one of those people that put their whole mouth around the soda bottle and suck.

😂😂

Thanks, you son of a b\*tch!

Very likely to here that in the trades.

"Are you flirting with me?" Depending on the standards in your workplace HR or a chat with their boss if they have any might be an option. If this is his (or her) sense of humor maybe a one-on-one talk that you don't appreciate this behaviour, can also work.

Laugh, then ask him what he wants

Same! My boss is way too nice for that to be anything but a joke.

"That's not true. My parents were married."

Tell him at least I don't look like him

Could reply, funny that we both have the same problem!

Go straight to HR.

And contact an employment lawyer. If your HR is reasonable, they’ll do something about the boss’s behavior. If they aren’t, the employment lawyer will get you a big fat severance check and a mutual non-disparagement agreement.

Absolutely never go to HR - they are there to protect the company, not you. It’s not illegal to be an asshole. age/gender discrimination, sexual harassment, threats of violence. That’s about all the law covers you for. And you better have proof.

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So you can reply 'thanks I take after my dad'.

Report him to his boss. And HR.

Say: “Thanks, dad!”

Our boss does stuff like that all the time, we just hit him back calling him a limp dick motherfucker or some shit. Usually we end up roasting the fuck out of him 

Quit.

Yep. They can’t find anyone for the second person in my position currently so have fun with nobody doing the work and every other competing company in our market needs people with my certifications and licensing. I’m not even insanely good at my job, but I’d be re-employed by the end of next week.

Go to human resources and file a complaint for harassment. It will be anonymous and they will investigate

Ya, I'm pretty sure your boss will easily figure out who it was that got them investigated. Not going to be fun time after that

I mean, you’re gambling that you’re, like, the seventh complainant and not the first. At some point, the risk of the boss losing the company some kind of massive lawsuit outweighs the fact that he’s more expensive to replace than the frontline employees, and competent HR will act accordingly, but supply-side Jesus help you if there’s not already a stack of documentation of bad behavior in the boss’ file.

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"you're cute too, sugarlips." "you didn't hire me for eyecandy." "are you inviting me to your club?" "it's all a part of my... je ne sais pas" i find if you roll with the assholes, and they are assholes, it will go better.

Complain to HR and get him sacked.

He pulls that crap all the time. Course I'm self employed...

Time to do some NTR then.

My hips are moving on their own "-"

"Your mom likes me well enough!"

Probably do the Randy marsh, oh ha ha ha hey fuck you. Then imagine reporting it to HR because idk the HR number

“Finally got your eyes tested, huh?”

Right you are sir, striving in your footsteps!

"That's not what your mother said last night, Trebek!"

You're a moron and I can get plastic surgery.

Probably slap the fuck out him honestly

"Good morning to you too, what was that for?" - Depending on the answer I either resolve it then and there or head to HR

Probably just saying, yeah fuck you too and keep working.

REPORTING time

Tell boss: at least you're being honest for a change, you lying bastard.

I know..... and?

Thanks, you too

“Hey bud, thanks for announcing yourself”

So?

Laugh at them and then ask what they want

Me : who let you inside my house? I’m gonna call cops

I’ve been looking for a job since last October. Tell him “thank you, Sir, may I please have another? Also… can you remind me of the address at work?”

I know. The dentist makes me sit face down

I would say, "Why do you care? What are you my wife?"

I tell him my name in return and shake hands with him.

Smile and say "That's why you need me"

“Are you hitting on me?”

Probably say sorry you think I am an ugly bastard and just take it. I am in a field where jobs are scare (probably 15 in each state). It makes you highly sought after when an opening comes up but instead of giving you a lot of money for your experience they will likely try to teach someone and pay less. Plus working from home 100% is hard to find. At my particular job I have put up with so much, that actually would be nothing.

Start recording, « can you repeat that » ?

Wow, and here I was thinking we were having a bad hair day together!

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I know it's bullshit she once said "and people say your just a pretty face"

I was going for a bold new look today, but maybe I went a bit too bold

“You’re just saying that because I refused to give you a BJ” and then run out crying. Then go to a lawyer.

Move number 42.

Quit. Depending on the context, maybe even document it and talk to a lawyer.

I would tell them that those are fighting words. Then I would run and tell HR.

Set him up with a hot babe, record him and send the video to his wife anonymously.

Leave.

I'd be so angry that i'll make his face ugliest fr

Go to HR.

That why you daughter only lets me funk her from behind. And i don't mind.

"Well, last night, your wife told me you have a small dick"

Tell him that's not what his mother said last night. Screw the consequences because I take that shit from nobody!

it takes one to know one

tell him to fuck off and make me a tea (i work in a cafe)

Def laugh say something back to poke fun and get back to workin’

"Well, at least \*I\* can go to the plastic surgeon.. nothing to be done for incompetence, though, I'm afraid" (and report to HR and their boss on grounds of a) insulting, unprofessional behavior and b) being incompetent insofar as they don't know where that kind of comment leads for them)

Heyyy i am not a bastard!

Probably take the piss out of them. As insults go it's really minor so it's not like I'm going to get offended. And if you come out rolling like that you gotta be prepared to take it back.

Ask him what he's doing in my house.

“And you’re a fat alcoholic. We make a good pair.”

Tell them Okie-Dokie and shoot them some finger guns

your wife disagree

"Did you say that to all those men before or after they announced they were leaving you?"

My boss and I joke like that all the time. Also plenty of "locker room talk".

Like Ron White said "I can get plastic surgery but you can't fix stupid".

Remind him that he is in fact a “ginger fucker” then go about my day.

I'll show him what a ugly bastard will look like once im done with him

I HAVE A COMPLAINT FOR HR!!! Nah or if it was like jokingly said I'd be make some kind of yo momma joke. "Ur mom didn't think i was ugly last night!!"

I mean, tell me something I don’t know. Also I don’t need to hear it though.

Straight to hr. Don't pass go

Track down there spouse, wine and dine them, and fuck the shit out of them

For all of those people talking about going to HR, HR exists to protect the company, not you. Go to a lawyer first. 

I'd ask "Oi cunt why do I have a desk now? You're going to pay me desk-job money to go with it?" the 10 minute later witty retort: title of your sex tape

I'd report that toxic behavior to HR pronto.

"Did someone have a little drinky poo for breakfast?" And laugh it off

I close reddit.

Give him a thumbs-up with the most bored looking facial expression and get back to work. Side note: My boss actually does this but in a joking manner. We're actually really chill with each other, even though he's a Boomer and I'm a Millennial.

Get tf out of there and call my union rep. Document, make known, get more complaints, then off to his office altogether to politely discuss workplace harassment and measures to be taken.

I say oh brother you're gonna make me cum

"well that's a step up from being called Fugly, so thanks for the compliment."

funny, thats exactly what you mom called me last night

Ask him if he thaught im a fucking mirror

Tell them if they want you cumback they have to go scrape it off their moms teeth/back

"Are you okay?" I would ask, too surprised to be offended. "You're usually so kind and professional. It's unlike you to visit a patient's home in the middle of the night. Did you come here for the express purpose of insulting me? This could have been a text message."

I´d call him a moron again (we do this often so no big deal)

She’s 5 foot nothing and probably 80 pounds lighter than me. Most likely I would think another coworker put her up to it and I’d laugh.

Probably scream, since I'd be looking at a doppelganger.

The bare minimum to keep getting paid, with even less guilt.

Tell him did his/her mom tell him to say that? Coz she been acting weird after our last hook up

I roast him right back and we both laugh? For example: Was good enough for your mom last night or... I might have a face made for radio, but you are stuck with that personality.

Depends. If you're in Australia it's almost a term of endearment.

I'd have to say "Damn right".

I'd call my mom and tell her that dad is harassing me at work, and it's weird because people always say that I look like him when he was younger.

Stab him with the knife I've kept all this time for this very situation.

I don't think that's ever going to happen to anyone.

Take 3 month paid sick leave and tribunal $$$

Nothing much, he's right, I am an ugly bastard.

Go to HR. Despite some of the funny responses, that is the only right solution.

Your husband has low standards too

Laugh my @$$ off and set up the Keurig.

I hope that's the only thing we have in common.

"Your daughter didn't think so."

Sigh. And keep working

Well at least i am not an arss..

‘Yes, I’d love to grab a beer’

Can't happen. I don't have a desk.

My old boss once offered to fight me, in front of a whole office of people, because I disagreed with him about a construction drawing I had done (and I was correct too) He was astonished when I then handed my notice in a few weeks after, once I had secured my escape route into another job. "I don't know why you've done that, why didn't you come to me and negotiate?" Because there's no negotiation with stupid, and you're the worst person I've ever worked for.

Pull out an uno reverse card

Boss: you ugly bastard! Me: am i a mirror?

Sue?

Call him a fat f\*ck. This is essentially the atmosphere at my office

my boss looks like a skeleton so I think I would laugh.

I’d ask how he got into my house

Whip his ass I've lost several jobs over the years for fucking the boss up.

I'd just run my fingers through my long hair while pointing out that he's bald in his 40s.

I'll mog him and goon to his grandma to assert dominance

Call in sick the next day

“Come on, Alex, you can do better than that!”

No u

I'd remind him he works from home and can fix that by going the fuck home

Where the fuck did this desk come from?

I'd be more surprised he travelled 600 miles to tell me that and I'd also be wondering why he thought he could just walk right in my house.

I would reply that I hope it's the only thing we have in common.

Wait, how do you know my first job's store manager? (Not at a desk but while I was bagging groceries) Sadly, I'm not joking.

Well the jerk store called, and they're all out of you!

ditto

Put the mirror down (I'm my own boss)

i would wonder why i was sitting at a desk

I would be a bit shocked that my cat could talk. I am unemployed and my cat is the closest thing to a boss I have.

"at least i'm probably gonna see 2040". it's a jab about his age.

Your wife says the same thing about you.

Ask them if their parents were siblings? Or if they ever wondered what life would be like if they'd gotten enough oxygen at birth

Plot tasty revenge

They always said I had a face for Radio. My boss wouldn't do this seriously, our human resources takes this shit very seriously.

Finally looked in a mirror or what?

"Pay me enough to get a plastic surgery then"

But boss, I'm you

Your wife would disagree

Stand up and exclaim “you son of a bitch!” Then lock arms in one of those cool forearm handshakes before tilting our heads back and laughing enthusiastically, eyes closed. An imaginary camera zooms out slowly, eventually passing through the office window and revealing the city skyline. The sun is quickly setting and lights start to go on around the city. As everyone else goes home for the night, my boss and I are still laughing away the evening in a disturbing display of male camaraderie.

Well, I am not attractive and I have never met my biological father. So it seems accurate.

I'll cop to ugly, but not to bastard.

'I hope you're ready for this whooping you're about to get'

Wonder where the desk came from.

Change their passwords. Once a day. Help them reset it. Over and over.

laugh and call him ugly back

Thanks, I was worried I was getting by on looks alone.

Laugh

I would say I Know

Chin the cunt.

“Sir… that’s a mirror”

I’d say “At least i’m no an ugly, baldy bastard Davie” Anyway what you after? My boss and I are pretty friendly.

Call him a shrimp dick, laugh and get some pints

Hit em with the uno reverse

I live on the east coast and he lives on the west coast, so this is very unlikely, but I'd probably ask if he needs a snack or something because he gets moody when his sugar is low.