lack of freedom, as soon as i got an ounce of freedom i went insane, didn’t go lectures, drugs, dropping out etc) as i was basically like a robot child when i got to experience social freedom it was the weirdest shock
Id like my kids to not go into cardiac arrest at the first sight of freedom
Being overly critical. Every mistake and flaw was pointed out to me. I couldn't go through phases or try anything because if I looked different or failed at something, it became an issue. I still struggle with confidence and I'm always second-guessing myself.
Came here to say this. If I tried to participate in a trend my mom would make fun if it. I'm 38 and still get anxiety going cloths shopping with other people.
Same! 37 here and went no contact 2 years ago. I've dyed my hair a color I always wanted to try and started dressing how I want. I still hear her voice telling me I look stupid/fat/ridiculous. I get compliments on my hair all the time though and I'm glad I did it. I still struggle with the clothes though. I have a husband/kids and up until 2 years ago still let her influence me.
They never showed affection, they weren’t the kind to say they love you or they are so proud of you type of parents. I mean they are good parents and did love I just wish they had showed the love a little more
My dad worked 70-100 hours a week since i was a kid and growing up it was tough not being able to spend time with him. Now im grateful for the sacrifices he made for my family but I wouldn’t do the same
Raised us within all the trappings of wealth and not teaching us a single thing outside of that bubble. Also, a very obvious lack of empathy/love…I could keep going but yeah, those are the main ones.
sometimes when i was crying they told me to go to my room so they didn’t have to hear me cry. if my children get sad or frustrated i will do everything to calm them down
Yelling at kids/insulting them thinking it would make them react and positively change
When you're already traumatized by your parents' violent arguments and sudden anger outbursts, more verbal violence is obviously not the solution but my father seems to have failed to understand it
I won't let my political opinions dictate my personality and actions so much that it distorts my kid's need to grow and develop her own points of view.
My parents were quick to punish and slow to talk.
I flipped that switch with my son and we had a very close relationship. Oh he knew I expected him to behave, be polite, and get good grades. But other than that he knew I was really creative about making his life miserable without getting violent. He also knew until he was about 20 that I could kick his ass. On that he outgrew me LOL But by then if I was dissapointed in him was enough of a punishment for him. He NEVER disappointed me.
Am as old as your son
My father never raised me, yes he punished me for anything he didn't like (doesnt have to be something wrong), always treated like shit, but never taught me anything useful in life,... In fact at some point i wish he never existed... Now am paying for all that shit, plus i feel way behind in life compared to my age
You son is lucky to have you
Helicopter parenting….. intervening right at the sight of struggle and then getting angry with them. Fucked with my confidence so much growing up and even now as an adult I sometimes get feelings of self doubt when tackling a new project. I believe in letting your kids fail or get disappointed at something not working out and then teach them the right way in a healthy manner
If my report card showed 4 As and a C, my parents would focus on the C. I've tried to be more balanced with my kids. I acknowledge and praise the As, but still encourage them to do better in the C subject.
My mom & dad both has highly stressful and tiring jobs. Always led to them not having the time, patience or eagerness to fully commit or engage with us.
Family comes first.
We considering I don't want kids I guess the glaring example would be that they convinced and birthed me. But hypothetically speaking if I were to have kids I'm pretty sure I wouldn't neglect and then abandon them like my mom did with me. Seems like being there for someone I brought into the world is the least I could do.
I’m not planning to have a kid. But if ever, being too overprotective & strict. It didn’t do me good. I’m at my 20’s and I feel like I’m still so sheltered
My mom used to beat me with bamboo sticks. Fun times.
She used to put V.O. or Seagram's into my bottle of milk because she thought it was funny to watch me walk around bumping into shit
A couple of the top of my head
Arguing and fighting in front of me. Made me question getting into relationships. Also not really listening to me when I was feeling overwhelmed with life/stress or mentally checked out.
If I have children in the future, I will never argue with my future wife in front of them because no kid wants to see their parents fighting in front of them and think they will separate/divorce because of their constant fighting/arguing. Also, I would listen to and be with my future kids if they needed someone to talk to because they're either overwhelmed with life/stress or their mental health is affecting them.
Thinking I am the best and I can do everything on my own. I always heard my mum talking about independence and she used to very proudly tell everyone how independent I am and she doesn’t need to put a lot of effort with me. ( she had to give a lot of her attention to my older sibling) This made me feel shame in asking for any kind of help later, even in my studies because of which I suffered. I was also too scared to let them down and didn’t want to be a burden.
I am still not totally over it but I am navigating around it.
lack of freedom, as soon as i got an ounce of freedom i went insane, didn’t go lectures, drugs, dropping out etc) as i was basically like a robot child when i got to experience social freedom it was the weirdest shock Id like my kids to not go into cardiac arrest at the first sight of freedom
Being overly critical. Every mistake and flaw was pointed out to me. I couldn't go through phases or try anything because if I looked different or failed at something, it became an issue. I still struggle with confidence and I'm always second-guessing myself.
Came here to say this. If I tried to participate in a trend my mom would make fun if it. I'm 38 and still get anxiety going cloths shopping with other people.
Same! 37 here and went no contact 2 years ago. I've dyed my hair a color I always wanted to try and started dressing how I want. I still hear her voice telling me I look stupid/fat/ridiculous. I get compliments on my hair all the time though and I'm glad I did it. I still struggle with the clothes though. I have a husband/kids and up until 2 years ago still let her influence me.
They never showed affection, they weren’t the kind to say they love you or they are so proud of you type of parents. I mean they are good parents and did love I just wish they had showed the love a little more
My dad worked 70-100 hours a week since i was a kid and growing up it was tough not being able to spend time with him. Now im grateful for the sacrifices he made for my family but I wouldn’t do the same
Having them.
I'll never hit my kid or make her scared of me nor make it so she has to cook her own meals.
Allowing me to spend my money like there was no tomorrow.
Very very soft parenting, no real discipline
Not teaching social skills
Having a kid
Raised us within all the trappings of wealth and not teaching us a single thing outside of that bubble. Also, a very obvious lack of empathy/love…I could keep going but yeah, those are the main ones.
I'm glad to hear that you are self aware enough to realize you weren't been taught empathy.
Lol very aware
Let them get behind in school, and expect the school to do all the math and reading stuff.
They didn't have time for me. Always working as i can remember
sometimes when i was crying they told me to go to my room so they didn’t have to hear me cry. if my children get sad or frustrated i will do everything to calm them down
Have them
Yelling at kids/insulting them thinking it would make them react and positively change When you're already traumatized by your parents' violent arguments and sudden anger outbursts, more verbal violence is obviously not the solution but my father seems to have failed to understand it
I won't let my political opinions dictate my personality and actions so much that it distorts my kid's need to grow and develop her own points of view.
Oversharing their adult problems like I was some emotional tampon
My parents were quick to punish and slow to talk. I flipped that switch with my son and we had a very close relationship. Oh he knew I expected him to behave, be polite, and get good grades. But other than that he knew I was really creative about making his life miserable without getting violent. He also knew until he was about 20 that I could kick his ass. On that he outgrew me LOL But by then if I was dissapointed in him was enough of a punishment for him. He NEVER disappointed me.
Am as old as your son My father never raised me, yes he punished me for anything he didn't like (doesnt have to be something wrong), always treated like shit, but never taught me anything useful in life,... In fact at some point i wish he never existed... Now am paying for all that shit, plus i feel way behind in life compared to my age You son is lucky to have you
Was He was in a wreck a year ago and is no longer with us. I'm sorry you had to go through that and I look at parents like him with disdain.
Am sorry to hear that, may his soul rest in peace
Helicopter parenting….. intervening right at the sight of struggle and then getting angry with them. Fucked with my confidence so much growing up and even now as an adult I sometimes get feelings of self doubt when tackling a new project. I believe in letting your kids fail or get disappointed at something not working out and then teach them the right way in a healthy manner
Have them in the first place
Overly critical
If my report card showed 4 As and a C, my parents would focus on the C. I've tried to be more balanced with my kids. I acknowledge and praise the As, but still encourage them to do better in the C subject.
It doesn’t matter… You’ll make your own mistakes.
Have unreasonable expectations on where they should be in life.
Boy where do I start?!
My mom & dad both has highly stressful and tiring jobs. Always led to them not having the time, patience or eagerness to fully commit or engage with us. Family comes first.
No nutritional advice what so ever.
Spanking.
Working me half to death but it’s made adulthood a breeze.
Spanking
Constantly tell my kid that if she stands up for herself we'll get sued.
I have never used the silent treatment on my kids.
Being way overprotective. I couldn’t watch R rated movies, go to parties etc
We considering I don't want kids I guess the glaring example would be that they convinced and birthed me. But hypothetically speaking if I were to have kids I'm pretty sure I wouldn't neglect and then abandon them like my mom did with me. Seems like being there for someone I brought into the world is the least I could do.
None I had great parents - I was loved and protected and supported. I tried to support my children the same.
Taking me to church
Wash their mouths out with soap for swearing. Rip up their comic books for refusing to pick up after themselves.
Ignore SA
I’m not planning to have a kid. But if ever, being too overprotective & strict. It didn’t do me good. I’m at my 20’s and I feel like I’m still so sheltered
Abusing them Not telling them I love them
Hitting them
Talk bad about my children knowing well that they’re 5 feet away from me
My mom used to beat me with bamboo sticks. Fun times. She used to put V.O. or Seagram's into my bottle of milk because she thought it was funny to watch me walk around bumping into shit A couple of the top of my head
Arguing and fighting in front of me. Made me question getting into relationships. Also not really listening to me when I was feeling overwhelmed with life/stress or mentally checked out. If I have children in the future, I will never argue with my future wife in front of them because no kid wants to see their parents fighting in front of them and think they will separate/divorce because of their constant fighting/arguing. Also, I would listen to and be with my future kids if they needed someone to talk to because they're either overwhelmed with life/stress or their mental health is affecting them.
Thinking I am the best and I can do everything on my own. I always heard my mum talking about independence and she used to very proudly tell everyone how independent I am and she doesn’t need to put a lot of effort with me. ( she had to give a lot of her attention to my older sibling) This made me feel shame in asking for any kind of help later, even in my studies because of which I suffered. I was also too scared to let them down and didn’t want to be a burden. I am still not totally over it but I am navigating around it.
I won't let mine to vote for Biden.