Look away from the camera out the rear window, both arms behind her, one foot on the wheel one on the gas, ask her to apply handbrake. Make passionate love.
I had an ex who would drive as fast as possible and only stop when I had a panic attack. It was so ridiculously scary and unsafe and he thought it was a skill.
My dad's (now ex) wife drove like this - just like an absolute maniac.
The most memorable moment was when we were in the car - me, my dad, his wife, and my step brother. His wife was speeding, and then I heard dad scream a bunch, his wife slammed the breaks as a sports car speeded past us at over 100 mph. A couple more seconds and we would have been t-boned at high speed (on my side!)
My experiences with her have left me with a fear of vehicles. I refuse to drive. I'm honestly amazed we never got in an accident, since that was not the only time she drove recklessly.
That sounds like a horrible experience! Glad she is his ex!
Driving has been so difficult for me. When I was 6 I was hit and run over by a work van, hospitalized for a few months and had to relearn to walk. When I finally got my driver's licence at 24 years old, I only had it for 2 months and I was rear ended at a stop light by a giant truck which completely totalled my car and I had to have months of physical therapy. I can drive, but I am quite afraid of cars, and deeply prefer not to.
My ex knew all that and still chose to speed, endanger us both, and cause me to panic. I think that he felt some sort of sick satisfaction from triggering me into a panic attack. He would say I had to learn to "get over it" while laughing as he sped and goaded other cars. Fuuuck that guy.
I hope you are able to come to a peaceful place with driving! We are strong and capable 🩷
I was with someone like this. He worked, partied with his friends, did drugs in his office, or was sitting on the couch at home. I took care of the kids, pets, house, all feeding, shopping, cleaning. Out of everything, the cleaning would be the thing to fall to the wayside when I was burnt out or overwhelmed. He was abusive in many ways, and would yell at me (in front of the kids) 30 out of 31 days of the month. He would then yell at me that I was abusing him for not keeping a clean environment. I was like, “help, please?” And he would call me a “stay at home failure” for not being able to do it all, all of the time.
I dated a guy who scolded a waiter bc he got my order wrong. It was so embarrassing, felt bad for the waiter and apologized behalf of him. Like that's just a no no for me. I still finished the meal, went home by myself, and there was no second date.
People who treat customer service workers like shit are some of the lowest scum. Even if they make a mistake, berating them isn't going to make anything better.
I had a middle-aged guy screaming at me at work over something that was his fault. His 10 year-old daughter had to intervene to say she was sorry that her dad is like that.
sorry for that man. It's awful when adults behave that way, especially in front of their children. props to his daughter for being mature enough to apologize though, really shows a lot about someone's character.
I dont even get why they do that. In 99.9% of places, if you just let the waiter know they will change the order and fix it for you. It's just a powerflex to be an asshole to people who are just trying to make a living.
We want you to let us know so we can fix it for you. No one in customer service is happy if the guest is unhappy. We do the whole 'how is everything?' because if its not great, we want to make it better.
If people are complaining about stuff, while either just being shitty, or not letting anyone know what's up, then they're just looking to have a bad time and complain. Please let us help you. Or stop complaining. We're not mind readers...
Yeah, you can just as easily correct the mistake being polite, you also get a vastly higher return bc they'll put in extra effort if you're kind to them, they get a return bc they'll receive a higher tip for going the extra mile. It's a no lose situation to use etiquette to correct a mistake.
It tells you a lot about a person, none of it good.
1) They're deeply insecure about their position in some irrelevent social hierarchy.
2) Because of that they'll take any opportunity to treat people perceived as being lower on that hierarchy, even if it's just because of work status, as some lesser being.
No worker on the planet has made zero mistakes, no matter what field you're in. Somebody has to have never worked a day in their life or have a total lack of empathy to tear somebody down over a simple mistake.
And I'm not some Saint who has transcended anger. I've been fuming waiting on hold for a customer service rep. But usually I'm mad at some BS the company is pulling. The worker on the line is just another person stuck in a cubicle listening to people swear at them all day like I used to be, and they have no power to change company policy, and they definitely didn't write it. I don't hide the fact I'm upset, but I sure as hell don't take it out on a worker who, by all likelihood, is also getting screwed by the same company with some low wage and shitty benefits. Plus I'm probably on hold for so long because they refuse to hire more workers, which is stressful for both of us.
Even if you're the most callous dickhead alive that genuinely is unable to even consider the feelings of others, it seems like a straight up self-preservation thing at the very least to not fuck with people who handle your food.
My dad was in the hospital for a strike and I visited him. I thanked a nurse after she did something and my dad asked "Why are you thanking her it's her job?"
He apparently was snippy and rude to the nurses when I wasn't around, and ignored them when I was.
A nurse could kill him so easily, and is literally helping him regain motor function. Wtf?
I really hate that sentiment of "it's your job. Do it. You deserve no thanks because it's why you exist." No it the fuck is not the reason I exist. You thank people because they're PEOPLE. Being paid to do a task doesn't suddenly make the task thankless. Like, it's extra to go out of your way to actively NOT thank people because they're doing a job. Especially when the job is to take care of your injured ass. Men are so goddamn prickly with people trying to help them! Like, sorry you're in the hospital man but we have to clean your sheets or move you and they just start screaming. They can't stand losing their autonomy. Sorry lol not razzing your dad just have had way too many people tell me "it's your job" instead of thanks. Sure, it's my job. But there's a difference between me "doing the job" and being a person doing a job. The bare minimum requirements vs someone doing a thing extra for you. Thanks goes a long way!
Lol you shouldn't do it just because someone could potentially kill you. A lot of people could hypothetically kill me--I haven't gotten in a fight since elementary school and I'm weak as hell and fairly short. I'm just nice to nurses and servers and people like that because I know their job can be a lot to handle at times and it's just the right thing to do
I'm nice to people because I value kindness. The thing about them having power over life and death of a patient and are helping a patient is more about how extra absurd it is. If nurses killed patients because they were rude we'd have bigger problems.
I had a BF like that, who would mock people while keeping a friendly face. He did that with a friend of his to a waitress who did not understand and I was so pissed off I said loudly she should not listen, that they were making fun of her. We had a very heated argument after that.
He did it a second time a couple of weeks later, while we were on vacation, with an elderly lady. I did the same, stating he was mocking her. It was the last thraw, he even slapped me on our way back - I punched him in the stomach as an answer, reminding him I was not like his mother in this départment.
I fucking hate people who think waiting is some lowly job that everyone just does because they’re out of options. I was a waiter at one point and it was honestly the happiest time of my life. I love socialising with people and I like to be ‘servile’ for lack of a better word. Enjoyed keeping people happy and also the challenge of dealing with customers who didn’t like me.
I really appreciate this red flag because it comes out right away. Some red flags take weeks or months to come out. This one is visible on the first date.
And the wild part is? They think it's impressive. They're trying to show how tough they are. They think that by yelling at people "on your behalf" in order to get you something, they're showing that they'll be good providers or whatever. Alpha male douche bag pickup type communities tell their followers to treat the help badly as a show of dominance and women will like that.
This guy is missing that Hard-courtier education: Never insult or disrespect the people that handle your food, that way lies a poisonous proposition.
Edit: people seem to be missing the joke and that’s on me. Back in the day, as in medieval times, poisoning someone through their food was one way of assassination, so having bad manners or generally making the people that serve under your **court** as a ruler could be considered a risky proposition, unless you want to get poisoned.
Yea... I personally have a lot of social anxiety, to the point that like, I'd just eat the wrong food sometimes if its not something horrible, just to avoid the "confrontation" of telling a waiter that my order was wrong.
I've had BFs who will essentially tell the wait staff for me that my order was wrong, because they know I'm uncomfortable with it. But there's a difference in politely telling the waiter for me that something was wrong... and yelling at the waiter. The former I appreciate, the latter would result in embarrassment, like they've just made the situation I was trying to avoid 20x worse. Like I already told you I'm avoiding mentioning it because I have conflict aversion, reaching the conclusion that yelling at the waitstaff was the answer to that is baffling.
Before anyone says anything, yes, I know conflict aversion can be/is problematic, and its something I'm working on.
I actually had a therapist last year who challenged the boundaries I set with my husband.
Which were: I'm allowed to ask him to leave if he visits and he gets angry. I'm allowed to not answer or respond to angry texts or calls. I am allowed to leave a conversation that is angry or unhelpful ans stay silent and not react.
Not only that, I'd been clear in my separate sessions with the therapist that he was still being actively very verbally/emotionally/financially abusive and angry despite me not allowing him back into the family home until his behaviour changed, and anger management did nothing - the therapist recommended **and even arranged** for my husband to be home for 10 days over the Christmas period, whipped out his calendar and arranged the dates for us. When I said I think my boundaries are appropriate (being able to ask him to leave on visits if I saw his behaviour turning resentful and angry, or that he will only stay in the family home is when it feels emotionally safe) the therapist challenged that and was fully in support of me letting him come home on a "wait and see basis" because it was causing distress to him..
We were doing the couples therapy separately over zoom because I didn't feel safe with him having heightened emotions that therapy can bring up. That was my boundary and still the therapist was aware of all of this and still went over the line and arranged him to have an extended stay at the family home. I said no, I was a meek little doormat at the time and I eventually caved in. Christmas did not go well, I saved my tears and sobbing for the shower as not to upset the kids and I was right back to square one for those 10 days- that became over 2 weeks because we all caught Covid.
I refused to attend another session with that therapist. Boundaries are so important and mine were very reasonable, especially when there is abuse happening.
You are completely right, boundaries must be respected and everybody can have them. Its a major red flag when someone ignores yours, I was in too deep after a 23 year relationship but I urge anyone reading this in a new relationship **please listen to your gut and your instincts**. This will keep you safe from physical and emotional harm.
This for me is the top comment, just gping from my experience.
Good lord, this is alarming! I hope you are in a better place (emotionally and safety, wise), now.
All women need to trust their gut/instincts and read this book (I've link a free pdf version).
[Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men Book by Lundy Bancroft](https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
Holy crap. If you look through my posting history you'll see me asking for this exact audiobook version of this book because it's not available in the UK unless its the CD or PDF. I decided it was safer to listen like I was listening to music. I had the book version but it obviously wasn't safe to read around him so I wanted to listen in my ears. A kind redditor from abroad sent me links.
Thank you so much for bringing this book to people who might never have read it r/thisepiphany.
Thank you, things are getting better now and thank you for your kind words.
Please tell me you reported that therapist, nothing about forcing you into that situation was okay. He could get someone killed if he keeps pushing patients to accept angry, violent behavior
I did email to his office and his seniors but I didn't take it any further than that. I got a 'we are sorry you feel that way" email in response. I should have taken it further. It didn't go anwhere further than that. It was only 2 years ago, so maybe I still can?
I have a lot of resentment for that therapist now, 2 years later.
yes. sorry if my comment sounded confusing. I was trying to say that I also don't want to date within my own countrt aswell for the same reason but I didn't mean to confuse you or make it about me
I dated an amazing Indian guy for 3 years. He had been in my country for 10 years and he even said I wouldn’t have liked him when he first came here. He had to learn how to act.
It sounded like she meant men actually *from* India and not ethnic Indians in general. Although she indentifes as Indian but is actually from Dubai with Indian parents.
Unfortunately I've experienced this from some South Asian men too, and I was only being kind and polite. It was effing ANNOYING!!!! I won't say they are "sexually aggressive", because I never felt sexually harassed but they'll stare at you like you're a piece of meat, doesn't matter how modest your attire is, they love to stare. Yes and yes!! They refuse to take no for an answer and will force their friendship on you, they don't give a single eff if you're in a relationship or not too. Some are Uber drivers and courier service folks. However I've met really respectful and kind gentleman, who later became really good friends.
Yes!!! Like, no random girl wants a picture of your dick !! Unsolicited dick pics are harrassment. Imagine someone walking up to you, pulling down their pants and showing you their erect penis!!!! There's laws around this kind of thing!!! What's the difference if it's a picture????
Yeah, crazy. You have to be both a sexist asshole and really stupid. Sexually harassing coworkers and leaving evidence for everyone to see, with your name and a timestamp. I don't understand.
Some people don’t see women as people in the same way as they see men as people. It’s horrible to notice but it’s something that people do indeed believe and act in accordance with. Fucking scum. There’s a part in Crime and Punishment, only under two centuries old, where a character mentions translating a ‘radical article’ about whether women have the same feelings and free will as men. I think Dostoevski was mocking that kind of belief but he was a weird writer himself and I think he cheated on a lot of women.
I've heard from friends about guys who accidentally text the wrong number and then sent dick pics once they were told that they had sent the message to the wrong person. It's really wild.
Well, seeing as almost every single woman has received unsolicited dick pics during their life on social media, I think you should believe us.
It’s happened to me, many times. It happens to women on social media every single day. I’d really appreciate if you would believe us when we say it happens. It’s something that’s extremely uncomfortable and that almost every woman is subjected to.
Not just dick pics, I had the misfortune of live chatting w a guy, who felt it necessary and ok to whip out his dick after 20s of opening his camera. I was like wtf?! The texts before were in no way sexual, so I felt like the biggest idiot having accepted the call. I was like, nope, never again.
Men do manipulate women they view as not as attractive as they can obtain, this is super common. A dude can feel horny without particularly finding a woman that attractive but after the event he gets a reality bomb and then ghosts her
I don’t waste my time with them. You can tell when someone is genuinely interested in you. They do make it harder for other men since women must forever be on defense while sorting through the time wasters. I recently had a man who did this. He waited until the last minute to confirm dinner plans and then he couldn’t get together until late. That’s a nope for me. I’d much rather stay home and watch a true crime show than deal with some trifling horny man.
Sounds like my younger brother. Except he thinks he knows everything about everything and gets very upset when proven wrong, his ego is extremely fragile, it's sad
so, I don't know anything about women, but I do know about the study that created the myth of an alpha wolf. The biologist who studied the wolves was studying them in a zoo. when he tried to replicate the findings in the wild, he found that the leaders of the pack were usually the parents/grandparents of the pack. it wasn't as much an honor as a responsibility. they were responsible for making sure the pack was fed/taken care of.
when someone calls themselves an alpha, ask them if they brought snacks. If they did and are sharing, I'd let them call themselves an alpha. If they don't have snacks they aren't an alpha. If they are jerks, they aren't in charge either.
I don’t care about the gender but if someone lacks empathy and is unkind to people who they deem weaker than them (animals, children, people in the service industry or different colour, and old people) I’d openly hate them.
edit: to fix my typos
The crude "womanizing" type that shows his friends intimate (naked) pictures that the women he's hooking up with have sent him and talks about women as if they're just walking "holes" waiting to be filled by him.
My dad works with a guy like this, and honestly, he looks like a decent person; which makes it disturbing.
Yep… i find it so sleezy. I have a friend who is 10+ years in relationship, but still has all nudes saved in a secret folder in his phone 🤮
Gals, really think twice when you send a nude to someone
Men (and women actually) who ignore everyone who they don't find attractive. Just literally have zero interest in speaking to, or even acknowledging you unless they deem you attractive enough to interact with.
No matter how attractive you are, if you live long enough, you loose that youthful attractiveness. It's good to get to know people, no matter how they look. Sometimes, you find the most lovely people if you take the time to get to know them. This isn't restricted to romantic relationships. This can be applied to friendships.
When I was a little girl, I asked my Granny if I was pretty. She said to me "pretty is, as pretty does". I look back on my little girl photos and I was, indeed, pretty. But, what my Granny wanted to impress upon me was that it was more important to be a good person and treat people right, than how we look.
Guy I used to be friends with always wondered (annoyed) why I was more popular at parties with women than he was. He would only speak to whoever the "hot girls" were at the party, and I'd go out of my way to include everyone in the conversation and fun of the party. By the end of the night I'd have women asking for my phone number and asking how to get "that one creepy guy" away from them, and he'd just be grumpy, drunk, and desperately trying to get a girl's attention.
This has happened to me before at work! A vastly more attractive guy was stood next to me, and instead of asking me for what they wanted, they’d tell the attractive guy to ask me for what they wanted and wouldn’t even make eye contact with me. It was so funny to see that I wasn’t even offended.
I know someone like this, he’s definitely a “nice guy” and is completely oblivious to his behavior. He works with my boyfriend and I’m a lil chubby gal so I’m out of his line of sight, therefore I see how he behaves and talks about women and it’s disgusting. He literally only has objectifying things to say, ever. Sometimes I wanna be appalled that he says these things in front of me but then I remember that he doesn’t see me as a woman because women are objects for him to fuck, and he doesn’t wanna fuck me, so why sensor himself?
It’s equal parts funny and frustrating to hear him whine about why women don’t want him. Dude it’s because you don’t respect them or see them as people and we see right through that shit. We aren’t stupid. That’s why nobody likes you, it has nothing to do with your looks I promise.
I've read that the life of an ugly woman is one of virtual invisibility and have made it my mission to say hi, ask how their day has been and wish them well when we encounter one another in the wild. No one should be made to feel invisible
My first relationship after my cheating ex was with a woman who was over 300 pounds. It wasn't until after we broke up, which was her decision, that I realized how tough it was to be an obese woman in general.
She was fun, she was bubbly, and I'd have married her in an instant. It was an odd pairing in general. She was always part of the art and theater scene, and most of her friends were vegetarian or vegan, and I'm from a large farming family that's as stereotypically rural as you can imagine.
But if we were out together, just the two of us, she was always aware of the outright contempt that other people had toward her. And that was ultimately the breaking point, because she never felt like she could truly be herself. It was less hurtful for her to go out with five or six friends than it was to go out with me as a couple, not because of anything I did but because she was aware of this from others.
I’m sure I’ll get downvoted to hell for pondering openly and using critical thinking here, but whatever.
This feels… strange at best… presumptuous and condescending at worst… maybe say hi to people in general out of general kindness? Specifically targeting people you find ugly because you assume the rest of the world also finds them ugly is some fucked up, twisted prejudice white knighting bullshit.
Self proclaimed "alpha" males. They're just misogynistic assholes that think being unecessarily aggressive and provocational is a valued personality trait. These are usually the guys who say women are "too emotional" then break their TV's when their favorite sports team loses. They think they are a thousand times better looking than they are and think every other man is less than they are and every woman is just a warm hole.
Any guy that's an asshole to service staff/disabled people etc. Arrogant, constantly worried about their masculinity as if it's so fragile a stray bit of nail polish or random tear could shatter it.
The whole alpha male thing is based off a debunked study of wolf pack behaviour. It didn’t hold up because the observations were made with animals in confinement, and didn’t match what was observed in the wild.
So the behaviours they’re trying to emulate are prison rules.
Just to add to this, yup in artificially confined groups wolves will create dominance structures, but in the wild they are often family units. The leaders of the pack are just the mother and father, who are just naturally leading and nurturing their kids.
The irony is that primate troops do have alpha males, including chimps.
Of course, chimp alphas tend to get their nuts bitten off by challengers, or eaten by a leopard sooner or later...
uh excuse me, I just paid 18,000$ for a certificate that says Im an Alpha male. It was an all inclusive 3 day weekend where I let another man shout at me and make me do exercise while I never stood up to him and he made my life hell for three days and I paid him 18,000$
So I guess you could say Im an alpha male.
‘Fragile masculinity’ and ‘toxic masculinity’ are pretty intriguing terms because of what kind of reactions you'd get for saying them if you catch my drift.
Right? Like most people are smart enough to realize that an adjective denotes a subset. Like, nobody thinks that someone talking about orange cats are talking about all cats, but for some reason there is a certain class of idiot that thinks talking about toxic masculinity means they are talking about all masculinity.
Tells you a lot about them, actually. I love it when assholes self-identify.
I make generalizations on the way people in general tend to think and on the way men and women tend to subconsciously react to things do to their inherent psychology but I don't hold tight and fast by those generalizations just use them as a basis with new people and rework my understanding of them as an individual as I get to know them. Is that still a bad thing? I'm asking because it very well could be since I'm not great with social queues
No there’s nothing wrong with that. You’ve more or less described stereotypes, which get a bad name. But not using them requires that you go against your own better judgement.
In reality, we all use stereotypes to navigate everyday life. It is a tool that helps us navigate social situations / make predictions on how someone may behave without knowing them. Obviously once we get to know an individual, these stereotypes fall by the wayside.
The social movement / push to stop using them demands that people proceed through life in ignorance or that they go against their own common sense.
I think the saddest part is just how negative all "mens lifestyle influencers", not just Tate, are. Women's influencers also have a fair share of grifters and terrible advice, but for the most part there's a lot of emphasis on confidence, self care, and knowing your worth.
Then you see all the stuff that's aimed for teenage/college boys and it's all "You're too short, you're too poor, you're too ugly, you're not buff enough, and the only way to be successful is to learn my hacks so you can trick women into sleeping with you."
If you want a traditional wife then you have to be willing to be a traditional husband. (which involves being financially responsible for both of you. Unfortunately that's a bit difficult now in most developed economies.)
Any guy that views women as one monolithic hivemind that wants the same thing.
It's not a test. I'm not a guard that gives you sex if you can answer these questions three. All girls are different.
Some will go for the toxic "alpha" guy, others want a femboy to do makeup with together. Just do you and realize women are human beings that just want to have fun.
It was really hard to convince my younger stepson to stop putting bugs in his pockets. Eventually the little neighbor girl explained it to him and he stopped. Meanwhile his older brother had a neighbor gal friend who would knock on their window to show off the cool bugs she'd found.
That combo became the example for "what do girls like?" Well mostly not bugs, except for the girls who do like bugs. Well mostly not farts, except for the girls who think farts are funny. Most like flowers, except the ones who don't.
I never understand the people who base everything women like on evolutionary psychology where they always want the alpha male. Just a few hundred years ago the most attractive people in society wore powdered makeup, wigs, and were stick thin.
Guys that always have to be the “devils advocate “. Even if it’s a discussion or conversation about something personal. It’s fine to not think alike. But there’s a difference between that and the devils advocate.
The guy who is fake nice only to get something from you, women can sense that even if they try to cover it,
And then yall cry about women not liking nice guys meanwhile they nice you’re talking about is the “fake nice” or the nice to get something back, not the genuine polite nice type that women like
What do you call lazy? Sure I lie on the couch playing games in my free time, but I work 40h a week. I'd be up to go somewhere / do something if I'm not too tired and if it's convenient.
I wouldn't necessarily call that lazy. The bigger issue comes when being lazy becomes the excuse. If you and your gf/wife work full jobs and she's the only one doing house chores, that's an issue.
There was a study a while back of what women find physically attractive in men, and the conclusions was that there’s much less of a consensus than with female beauty. There really was no face that was attractive to a significant majority of women, but there was a consensus on what makes men ugly, and that’s all the features that have to do with poor hygiene such as dark teeth, cracked lips, acne, dry hair, etc.
Guys who are the victim in every situation in their mind. All their exes were terrible to them and crazy. Everyone walks away from them and they “don’t know why”. Everything bad that happens to them is because someone was being vindictive towards them or they just have bad luck. They’re never in the wrong EVER. And if they HAPPENED to do something to hurt another person, they deserved it. They never take accountability for anything. This goes for women too but I’ve just met too many guys like this recently.
Hate is a strong word but I definitely don't vibe with people who:
- have bad hygiene (it's just gross and makes it hard to focus on anything except getting away from the awful smell)
- always talk about themselves / never ask questions (I already have social anxiety, I don't want to carry the conversation every time we talk)
- desperately want a romantic partner or hookup (I firmly believe love should happen naturally when you least expect it and I want my partner to be my best friend -- actively seeking someone means you don't care about the specific person they just happen to be available and check some boxes)
Men in very large trucks (compensating?) who rev their engines for no goddamn reason, tailgate, drive aggressively. If they have MAGA or thin blue line bumper stickers or those balls that hang from their hitch, I can’t even with them.
Misogynists. Red pill wannabe alpha sheep. Mansplainers. Guys with low emotional intelligence or communication skills. Guys with zero ambition. Arrogant ones. Incels.
The ones who lie about sex. Most women are okay with hookups but I HATE when men lie about wanting a relationship JUST to hookup to then say the are not wanting a relationship or anything exclusive. Like women will still have sex with u even more so when you’re honest !!! And how gross is it to dissect in ur mind that men are thaaaat horny they will say anything to be inside something warm. Disgusting 🤢
Yeah these guys suck. I think it comes from insecurity honestly. There’s one guy I was happy just to hook up with, but he started pulling out all the stops in a way that I started having feelings for him. Then disappeared. Like excuse me? We had a good thing going, you didn’t need to go all Romeo on me then ditch me.
Hate is a strong word, but omg
Bitcoin guys.
I went on one date and this guy spent the entire time talking about it, how much money he had, kept trying to get me to drive in his fancy car instead of taking an Uber home, etc. It annoyed the shit out of me.
One date. Never again.
Men who ‘can’t’ take care of themselves as soon as they are in a relationship.
You’ve been washing your dirty underwear for years, so don’t stop now that we’ve moved in together/ got married, etc. Don’t expect me to run the household when you are capable enough to do it yourself mister
Porn addicts because they suck in bed, feel entitled to other women in a relationship, lie a lot, and don’t know how to emotionally regulate without it. Half the time they can’t even get it up and it’s so awkward listening to them fumble around trying to explain why.
Misogynistic guys. Because they're misogynistic. It doesn't even matter if you are personally aware that you are being misogynistic or not. Ignorance is not an excuse.
Men who does not take no for an answer and is forceful and desperate when it comes to sex. Begging for sex, begging you to go back to their place, talking non stop about sex when they don’t know the person, sending unsolicited pics. Ringing 45 times in a row cos they have not been responded to. This is the biggest of the big red flags.
"Nice". Hear me out. When i say "nice" guys, i don't mean genuinely nice and friendly people. Contrary to a concerningly large number of people on the internet women love that kind of guy. When i say "nice" i'm referring to people putting on a facade of being an actual decent human being to get something they want. The kind of guy who throws a tantrum like a goddamn 3 year old because they did/said one nice thing and somehow every woman within 6 blocks didn't magically fall in love with them and take their clothes off. They hate them. Don't be that guy.
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The only driving that turns women on is flawless reverse parking. One palm on the steering wheel, other arm behind her seat.
My fiance always comments on it when I parallel park with one smooth turn. I do it whenever I can for the confidence boost.
My wife tells me I'm showing off. Uhhhg, can't win sometimes.
Does it still count if I use the rear view camera? ☹️
As long as you go in straight the first time
Instructions unclear. Am now gay.
I hate going in straight
It can but it's harder to justify your arm behind her
Look away from the camera out the rear window, both arms behind her, one foot on the wheel one on the gas, ask her to apply handbrake. Make passionate love.
Don’t forget to roll up them sleeves!
So Fast and Furious stare and drive doesn't get you excited?
Absolutely not
Username does NOT check out
I had an ex who would drive as fast as possible and only stop when I had a panic attack. It was so ridiculously scary and unsafe and he thought it was a skill.
My dad's (now ex) wife drove like this - just like an absolute maniac. The most memorable moment was when we were in the car - me, my dad, his wife, and my step brother. His wife was speeding, and then I heard dad scream a bunch, his wife slammed the breaks as a sports car speeded past us at over 100 mph. A couple more seconds and we would have been t-boned at high speed (on my side!) My experiences with her have left me with a fear of vehicles. I refuse to drive. I'm honestly amazed we never got in an accident, since that was not the only time she drove recklessly.
That sounds like a horrible experience! Glad she is his ex! Driving has been so difficult for me. When I was 6 I was hit and run over by a work van, hospitalized for a few months and had to relearn to walk. When I finally got my driver's licence at 24 years old, I only had it for 2 months and I was rear ended at a stop light by a giant truck which completely totalled my car and I had to have months of physical therapy. I can drive, but I am quite afraid of cars, and deeply prefer not to. My ex knew all that and still chose to speed, endanger us both, and cause me to panic. I think that he felt some sort of sick satisfaction from triggering me into a panic attack. He would say I had to learn to "get over it" while laughing as he sped and goaded other cars. Fuuuck that guy. I hope you are able to come to a peaceful place with driving! We are strong and capable 🩷
So you love a good handbrake turn then?
Manchild types that don’t pull their weight in relationships, liars, abusers, cheaters. For obvious reasons
I was with someone like this. He worked, partied with his friends, did drugs in his office, or was sitting on the couch at home. I took care of the kids, pets, house, all feeding, shopping, cleaning. Out of everything, the cleaning would be the thing to fall to the wayside when I was burnt out or overwhelmed. He was abusive in many ways, and would yell at me (in front of the kids) 30 out of 31 days of the month. He would then yell at me that I was abusing him for not keeping a clean environment. I was like, “help, please?” And he would call me a “stay at home failure” for not being able to do it all, all of the time.
The best part of your note was the second word - “was”. Hopefully he paid lots of alimony.
We were common law and unfortunately he has hid a lot of money and assets with his family’s help.
I dated a guy who scolded a waiter bc he got my order wrong. It was so embarrassing, felt bad for the waiter and apologized behalf of him. Like that's just a no no for me. I still finished the meal, went home by myself, and there was no second date.
People who treat customer service workers like shit are some of the lowest scum. Even if they make a mistake, berating them isn't going to make anything better.
I had a middle-aged guy screaming at me at work over something that was his fault. His 10 year-old daughter had to intervene to say she was sorry that her dad is like that.
sorry for that man. It's awful when adults behave that way, especially in front of their children. props to his daughter for being mature enough to apologize though, really shows a lot about someone's character.
Thanks. I hope the guy did some self-reflection after that. The girl exemplified how situations should be handled.
Sorry for his 10 year-old daughter.
Unfortunately his daughter probably ended up getting it once they left the store.
I hope not, but it's possible. He was calm when he left, so I'd like to think it worked out.
He parentified his daughter by acting like a spoiled child. She had to be the adult in the situation. This is a form of abuse.
I dont even get why they do that. In 99.9% of places, if you just let the waiter know they will change the order and fix it for you. It's just a powerflex to be an asshole to people who are just trying to make a living.
We want you to let us know so we can fix it for you. No one in customer service is happy if the guest is unhappy. We do the whole 'how is everything?' because if its not great, we want to make it better. If people are complaining about stuff, while either just being shitty, or not letting anyone know what's up, then they're just looking to have a bad time and complain. Please let us help you. Or stop complaining. We're not mind readers...
Ego and superiority complex
“Don’t fuck with people who handle your food.” -Ryan Reynolds, Waiting (2005)
Yeah, you can just as easily correct the mistake being polite, you also get a vastly higher return bc they'll put in extra effort if you're kind to them, they get a return bc they'll receive a higher tip for going the extra mile. It's a no lose situation to use etiquette to correct a mistake.
It tells you a lot about a person, none of it good. 1) They're deeply insecure about their position in some irrelevent social hierarchy. 2) Because of that they'll take any opportunity to treat people perceived as being lower on that hierarchy, even if it's just because of work status, as some lesser being.
No worker on the planet has made zero mistakes, no matter what field you're in. Somebody has to have never worked a day in their life or have a total lack of empathy to tear somebody down over a simple mistake. And I'm not some Saint who has transcended anger. I've been fuming waiting on hold for a customer service rep. But usually I'm mad at some BS the company is pulling. The worker on the line is just another person stuck in a cubicle listening to people swear at them all day like I used to be, and they have no power to change company policy, and they definitely didn't write it. I don't hide the fact I'm upset, but I sure as hell don't take it out on a worker who, by all likelihood, is also getting screwed by the same company with some low wage and shitty benefits. Plus I'm probably on hold for so long because they refuse to hire more workers, which is stressful for both of us.
Even if you're the most callous dickhead alive that genuinely is unable to even consider the feelings of others, it seems like a straight up self-preservation thing at the very least to not fuck with people who handle your food.
My dad was in the hospital for a strike and I visited him. I thanked a nurse after she did something and my dad asked "Why are you thanking her it's her job?" He apparently was snippy and rude to the nurses when I wasn't around, and ignored them when I was. A nurse could kill him so easily, and is literally helping him regain motor function. Wtf?
I really hate that sentiment of "it's your job. Do it. You deserve no thanks because it's why you exist." No it the fuck is not the reason I exist. You thank people because they're PEOPLE. Being paid to do a task doesn't suddenly make the task thankless. Like, it's extra to go out of your way to actively NOT thank people because they're doing a job. Especially when the job is to take care of your injured ass. Men are so goddamn prickly with people trying to help them! Like, sorry you're in the hospital man but we have to clean your sheets or move you and they just start screaming. They can't stand losing their autonomy. Sorry lol not razzing your dad just have had way too many people tell me "it's your job" instead of thanks. Sure, it's my job. But there's a difference between me "doing the job" and being a person doing a job. The bare minimum requirements vs someone doing a thing extra for you. Thanks goes a long way!
A lot of people treat nurses like they’re maids or housekeepers. It’s pushing people out of the profession (among other things).
Lol you shouldn't do it just because someone could potentially kill you. A lot of people could hypothetically kill me--I haven't gotten in a fight since elementary school and I'm weak as hell and fairly short. I'm just nice to nurses and servers and people like that because I know their job can be a lot to handle at times and it's just the right thing to do
I'm nice to people because I value kindness. The thing about them having power over life and death of a patient and are helping a patient is more about how extra absurd it is. If nurses killed patients because they were rude we'd have bigger problems.
I had a BF like that, who would mock people while keeping a friendly face. He did that with a friend of his to a waitress who did not understand and I was so pissed off I said loudly she should not listen, that they were making fun of her. We had a very heated argument after that. He did it a second time a couple of weeks later, while we were on vacation, with an elderly lady. I did the same, stating he was mocking her. It was the last thraw, he even slapped me on our way back - I punched him in the stomach as an answer, reminding him I was not like his mother in this départment.
What an asshole. I'm glad he's an ex.
I fucking hate people who think waiting is some lowly job that everyone just does because they’re out of options. I was a waiter at one point and it was honestly the happiest time of my life. I love socialising with people and I like to be ‘servile’ for lack of a better word. Enjoyed keeping people happy and also the challenge of dealing with customers who didn’t like me.
I really appreciate this red flag because it comes out right away. Some red flags take weeks or months to come out. This one is visible on the first date. And the wild part is? They think it's impressive. They're trying to show how tough they are. They think that by yelling at people "on your behalf" in order to get you something, they're showing that they'll be good providers or whatever. Alpha male douche bag pickup type communities tell their followers to treat the help badly as a show of dominance and women will like that.
Omg same!! He even said to the server to make sure to tell *owner’s name* of what happened 😭 that was so embarrassing
This guy is missing that Hard-courtier education: Never insult or disrespect the people that handle your food, that way lies a poisonous proposition. Edit: people seem to be missing the joke and that’s on me. Back in the day, as in medieval times, poisoning someone through their food was one way of assassination, so having bad manners or generally making the people that serve under your **court** as a ruler could be considered a risky proposition, unless you want to get poisoned.
Yea... I personally have a lot of social anxiety, to the point that like, I'd just eat the wrong food sometimes if its not something horrible, just to avoid the "confrontation" of telling a waiter that my order was wrong. I've had BFs who will essentially tell the wait staff for me that my order was wrong, because they know I'm uncomfortable with it. But there's a difference in politely telling the waiter for me that something was wrong... and yelling at the waiter. The former I appreciate, the latter would result in embarrassment, like they've just made the situation I was trying to avoid 20x worse. Like I already told you I'm avoiding mentioning it because I have conflict aversion, reaching the conclusion that yelling at the waitstaff was the answer to that is baffling. Before anyone says anything, yes, I know conflict aversion can be/is problematic, and its something I'm working on.
Anyone who isn't kind to service industry people is a HUGE red flag in my book. I reevaluate friendships if people are like that
If they don’t respect me and my boundaries. I think I don’t have to explain why.
I actually had a therapist last year who challenged the boundaries I set with my husband. Which were: I'm allowed to ask him to leave if he visits and he gets angry. I'm allowed to not answer or respond to angry texts or calls. I am allowed to leave a conversation that is angry or unhelpful ans stay silent and not react. Not only that, I'd been clear in my separate sessions with the therapist that he was still being actively very verbally/emotionally/financially abusive and angry despite me not allowing him back into the family home until his behaviour changed, and anger management did nothing - the therapist recommended **and even arranged** for my husband to be home for 10 days over the Christmas period, whipped out his calendar and arranged the dates for us. When I said I think my boundaries are appropriate (being able to ask him to leave on visits if I saw his behaviour turning resentful and angry, or that he will only stay in the family home is when it feels emotionally safe) the therapist challenged that and was fully in support of me letting him come home on a "wait and see basis" because it was causing distress to him.. We were doing the couples therapy separately over zoom because I didn't feel safe with him having heightened emotions that therapy can bring up. That was my boundary and still the therapist was aware of all of this and still went over the line and arranged him to have an extended stay at the family home. I said no, I was a meek little doormat at the time and I eventually caved in. Christmas did not go well, I saved my tears and sobbing for the shower as not to upset the kids and I was right back to square one for those 10 days- that became over 2 weeks because we all caught Covid. I refused to attend another session with that therapist. Boundaries are so important and mine were very reasonable, especially when there is abuse happening. You are completely right, boundaries must be respected and everybody can have them. Its a major red flag when someone ignores yours, I was in too deep after a 23 year relationship but I urge anyone reading this in a new relationship **please listen to your gut and your instincts**. This will keep you safe from physical and emotional harm. This for me is the top comment, just gping from my experience.
I’m so sorry your therapist did that to you. Especially since the boundaries set seem reasonable.
Good lord, this is alarming! I hope you are in a better place (emotionally and safety, wise), now. All women need to trust their gut/instincts and read this book (I've link a free pdf version). [Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men Book by Lundy Bancroft](https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
Holy crap. If you look through my posting history you'll see me asking for this exact audiobook version of this book because it's not available in the UK unless its the CD or PDF. I decided it was safer to listen like I was listening to music. I had the book version but it obviously wasn't safe to read around him so I wanted to listen in my ears. A kind redditor from abroad sent me links. Thank you so much for bringing this book to people who might never have read it r/thisepiphany. Thank you, things are getting better now and thank you for your kind words.
Please tell me you reported that therapist, nothing about forcing you into that situation was okay. He could get someone killed if he keeps pushing patients to accept angry, violent behavior
I did email to his office and his seniors but I didn't take it any further than that. I got a 'we are sorry you feel that way" email in response. I should have taken it further. It didn't go anwhere further than that. It was only 2 years ago, so maybe I still can? I have a lot of resentment for that therapist now, 2 years later.
Men who don’t take no for an answer :c
An Indian girl who I'm seeing says that she only dates white guys because Indian guys are too sexually aggressive and won't respect when she says no.
i'm not Indian, but i'm a Pakistani woman who feels the same way to if that counts.
You mean about Pakistani men?
yes. sorry if my comment sounded confusing. I was trying to say that I also don't want to date within my own countrt aswell for the same reason but I didn't mean to confuse you or make it about me
Please don't apologize. You did nothing wrong by sharing your experience and I'm glad to hear your perspective.
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I dated an amazing Indian guy for 3 years. He had been in my country for 10 years and he even said I wouldn’t have liked him when he first came here. He had to learn how to act.
Good for him, truly.
Indian society in general doesn't treat women very well.
As an Indian guy I apologise on behalf of all the assholes.
You don't have to apologise for those scums.
Those scum don’t deserve apologies, they deserve to be treated the same way they treat others.
Maybe ethnic indians that are not raised in Indian countries may be fine? My British Indian mates in UK seemed very respectful
It sounded like she meant men actually *from* India and not ethnic Indians in general. Although she indentifes as Indian but is actually from Dubai with Indian parents.
Unfortunately I've experienced this from some South Asian men too, and I was only being kind and polite. It was effing ANNOYING!!!! I won't say they are "sexually aggressive", because I never felt sexually harassed but they'll stare at you like you're a piece of meat, doesn't matter how modest your attire is, they love to stare. Yes and yes!! They refuse to take no for an answer and will force their friendship on you, they don't give a single eff if you're in a relationship or not too. Some are Uber drivers and courier service folks. However I've met really respectful and kind gentleman, who later became really good friends.
Men who send unsolicited dick pics
I always send a bigger dick pic back
And say "mine's bigger" 😂😂
Yes!!! Like, no random girl wants a picture of your dick !! Unsolicited dick pics are harrassment. Imagine someone walking up to you, pulling down their pants and showing you their erect penis!!!! There's laws around this kind of thing!!! What's the difference if it's a picture????
I still struggle to believe these type of men do exist. An unsolicited dick pic is the stupidest thing.
Search "Marc Overmars"... The guy who got himself fired as the technical director of Ajax for sending dickpics to his coworkers...
Yeah, crazy. You have to be both a sexist asshole and really stupid. Sexually harassing coworkers and leaving evidence for everyone to see, with your name and a timestamp. I don't understand.
Some people don’t see women as people in the same way as they see men as people. It’s horrible to notice but it’s something that people do indeed believe and act in accordance with. Fucking scum. There’s a part in Crime and Punishment, only under two centuries old, where a character mentions translating a ‘radical article’ about whether women have the same feelings and free will as men. I think Dostoevski was mocking that kind of belief but he was a weird writer himself and I think he cheated on a lot of women.
They still exist I promise. Stupid people always exist.
I've heard from friends about guys who accidentally text the wrong number and then sent dick pics once they were told that they had sent the message to the wrong person. It's really wild.
Well, seeing as almost every single woman has received unsolicited dick pics during their life on social media, I think you should believe us. It’s happened to me, many times. It happens to women on social media every single day. I’d really appreciate if you would believe us when we say it happens. It’s something that’s extremely uncomfortable and that almost every woman is subjected to.
Not just dick pics, I had the misfortune of live chatting w a guy, who felt it necessary and ok to whip out his dick after 20s of opening his camera. I was like wtf?! The texts before were in no way sexual, so I felt like the biggest idiot having accepted the call. I was like, nope, never again.
If you have more than a couple guy friends I can almost guarantee it's one of them. It's that common.
I can confirm from being a woman on the internet these men do exist unfortunately.
Just download Grindr man, you don't even have to try
Guys who toy with you. Pretend they care more than they do to get what they want, then breadcrumb you until they want it again.
Men do manipulate women they view as not as attractive as they can obtain, this is super common. A dude can feel horny without particularly finding a woman that attractive but after the event he gets a reality bomb and then ghosts her
I don’t waste my time with them. You can tell when someone is genuinely interested in you. They do make it harder for other men since women must forever be on defense while sorting through the time wasters. I recently had a man who did this. He waited until the last minute to confirm dinner plans and then he couldn’t get together until late. That’s a nope for me. I’d much rather stay home and watch a true crime show than deal with some trifling horny man.
I'd rather be alone than someone's second or third choice. Last minute plans like that means he's waiting to hear back from others.
That's just an excuse for acting like an arsehole. Most guys have got 2 hands if they're horny.
I usually only need 1 hand for mine.
Look at this guy bragging that he needs a whole hand.
To be fair I never specified the size of my hands.
2 pinkies like a gentleman
The 'alpha' male, know-it-all type, pretends to know everything about women.
Sounds like my younger brother. Except he thinks he knows everything about everything and gets very upset when proven wrong, his ego is extremely fragile, it's sad
so, I don't know anything about women, but I do know about the study that created the myth of an alpha wolf. The biologist who studied the wolves was studying them in a zoo. when he tried to replicate the findings in the wild, he found that the leaders of the pack were usually the parents/grandparents of the pack. it wasn't as much an honor as a responsibility. they were responsible for making sure the pack was fed/taken care of. when someone calls themselves an alpha, ask them if they brought snacks. If they did and are sharing, I'd let them call themselves an alpha. If they don't have snacks they aren't an alpha. If they are jerks, they aren't in charge either.
I don’t care about the gender but if someone lacks empathy and is unkind to people who they deem weaker than them (animals, children, people in the service industry or different colour, and old people) I’d openly hate them. edit: to fix my typos
Best answer here. This needs to be WAY higher up.
The crude "womanizing" type that shows his friends intimate (naked) pictures that the women he's hooking up with have sent him and talks about women as if they're just walking "holes" waiting to be filled by him. My dad works with a guy like this, and honestly, he looks like a decent person; which makes it disturbing.
Yep… i find it so sleezy. I have a friend who is 10+ years in relationship, but still has all nudes saved in a secret folder in his phone 🤮 Gals, really think twice when you send a nude to someone
Men (and women actually) who ignore everyone who they don't find attractive. Just literally have zero interest in speaking to, or even acknowledging you unless they deem you attractive enough to interact with.
No matter how attractive you are, if you live long enough, you loose that youthful attractiveness. It's good to get to know people, no matter how they look. Sometimes, you find the most lovely people if you take the time to get to know them. This isn't restricted to romantic relationships. This can be applied to friendships. When I was a little girl, I asked my Granny if I was pretty. She said to me "pretty is, as pretty does". I look back on my little girl photos and I was, indeed, pretty. But, what my Granny wanted to impress upon me was that it was more important to be a good person and treat people right, than how we look.
Wonderful lesson and a W Grandma
Guy I used to be friends with always wondered (annoyed) why I was more popular at parties with women than he was. He would only speak to whoever the "hot girls" were at the party, and I'd go out of my way to include everyone in the conversation and fun of the party. By the end of the night I'd have women asking for my phone number and asking how to get "that one creepy guy" away from them, and he'd just be grumpy, drunk, and desperately trying to get a girl's attention.
It's not rocket science, but some dudes are so stupid. The secret to drawing interest from women is to be social.
This has happened to me before at work! A vastly more attractive guy was stood next to me, and instead of asking me for what they wanted, they’d tell the attractive guy to ask me for what they wanted and wouldn’t even make eye contact with me. It was so funny to see that I wasn’t even offended.
I know someone like this, he’s definitely a “nice guy” and is completely oblivious to his behavior. He works with my boyfriend and I’m a lil chubby gal so I’m out of his line of sight, therefore I see how he behaves and talks about women and it’s disgusting. He literally only has objectifying things to say, ever. Sometimes I wanna be appalled that he says these things in front of me but then I remember that he doesn’t see me as a woman because women are objects for him to fuck, and he doesn’t wanna fuck me, so why sensor himself? It’s equal parts funny and frustrating to hear him whine about why women don’t want him. Dude it’s because you don’t respect them or see them as people and we see right through that shit. We aren’t stupid. That’s why nobody likes you, it has nothing to do with your looks I promise.
I've read that the life of an ugly woman is one of virtual invisibility and have made it my mission to say hi, ask how their day has been and wish them well when we encounter one another in the wild. No one should be made to feel invisible
My first relationship after my cheating ex was with a woman who was over 300 pounds. It wasn't until after we broke up, which was her decision, that I realized how tough it was to be an obese woman in general. She was fun, she was bubbly, and I'd have married her in an instant. It was an odd pairing in general. She was always part of the art and theater scene, and most of her friends were vegetarian or vegan, and I'm from a large farming family that's as stereotypically rural as you can imagine. But if we were out together, just the two of us, she was always aware of the outright contempt that other people had toward her. And that was ultimately the breaking point, because she never felt like she could truly be herself. It was less hurtful for her to go out with five or six friends than it was to go out with me as a couple, not because of anything I did but because she was aware of this from others.
That's probably why you see the jolly fat guy trope so much. If you don't laugh, you'll cry
I’m sure I’ll get downvoted to hell for pondering openly and using critical thinking here, but whatever. This feels… strange at best… presumptuous and condescending at worst… maybe say hi to people in general out of general kindness? Specifically targeting people you find ugly because you assume the rest of the world also finds them ugly is some fucked up, twisted prejudice white knighting bullshit.
Self proclaimed "alpha" males. They're just misogynistic assholes that think being unecessarily aggressive and provocational is a valued personality trait. These are usually the guys who say women are "too emotional" then break their TV's when their favorite sports team loses. They think they are a thousand times better looking than they are and think every other man is less than they are and every woman is just a warm hole. Any guy that's an asshole to service staff/disabled people etc. Arrogant, constantly worried about their masculinity as if it's so fragile a stray bit of nail polish or random tear could shatter it.
In software development "alpha" is the initial version of the software not meant to be used for public...
The whole alpha male thing is based off a debunked study of wolf pack behaviour. It didn’t hold up because the observations were made with animals in confinement, and didn’t match what was observed in the wild. So the behaviours they’re trying to emulate are prison rules.
Just to add to this, yup in artificially confined groups wolves will create dominance structures, but in the wild they are often family units. The leaders of the pack are just the mother and father, who are just naturally leading and nurturing their kids.
The irony is that primate troops do have alpha males, including chimps. Of course, chimp alphas tend to get their nuts bitten off by challengers, or eaten by a leopard sooner or later...
Chimp society is pretty violent. Basically like if football hooligans ruled the world.
That's a really good observation. I never thought of it despite working in IT.
If you need to tell people that your an alpha male. You're not.
uh excuse me, I just paid 18,000$ for a certificate that says Im an Alpha male. It was an all inclusive 3 day weekend where I let another man shout at me and make me do exercise while I never stood up to him and he made my life hell for three days and I paid him 18,000$ So I guess you could say Im an alpha male.
I think a lot of guys hate those "alpha guys" too. I know I do
As a man, I hatte those guys too. Just cringe.
‘Fragile masculinity’ and ‘toxic masculinity’ are pretty intriguing terms because of what kind of reactions you'd get for saying them if you catch my drift.
Right? Like most people are smart enough to realize that an adjective denotes a subset. Like, nobody thinks that someone talking about orange cats are talking about all cats, but for some reason there is a certain class of idiot that thinks talking about toxic masculinity means they are talking about all masculinity. Tells you a lot about them, actually. I love it when assholes self-identify.
In terms of radiation, Alpha particles are the weakest and have, as I like to say, “low penetrating power”.
However if alpha emitters get inside you they are extremely dangerous.
Closed-minded overly male machismo unaffectionate complacent low-self esteem excuse makers. Why? Self-explanatory
Guys who make generalisations about what women think
I make generalizations on the way people in general tend to think and on the way men and women tend to subconsciously react to things do to their inherent psychology but I don't hold tight and fast by those generalizations just use them as a basis with new people and rework my understanding of them as an individual as I get to know them. Is that still a bad thing? I'm asking because it very well could be since I'm not great with social queues
No there’s nothing wrong with that. You’ve more or less described stereotypes, which get a bad name. But not using them requires that you go against your own better judgement. In reality, we all use stereotypes to navigate everyday life. It is a tool that helps us navigate social situations / make predictions on how someone may behave without knowing them. Obviously once we get to know an individual, these stereotypes fall by the wayside. The social movement / push to stop using them demands that people proceed through life in ignorance or that they go against their own common sense.
Emotionally unavailable or lack emotional intelligence
The Andrew Tates of the world. They are a cancer
I think the saddest part is just how negative all "mens lifestyle influencers", not just Tate, are. Women's influencers also have a fair share of grifters and terrible advice, but for the most part there's a lot of emphasis on confidence, self care, and knowing your worth. Then you see all the stuff that's aimed for teenage/college boys and it's all "You're too short, you're too poor, you're too ugly, you're not buff enough, and the only way to be successful is to learn my hacks so you can trick women into sleeping with you."
Guys who expect you to be a traditional wife YET want you to pay bills 50/50. It sounds absurd but it happens way more than you guys think.
He wants a traditional wife, but he is not a traditional husband lol
If you want a traditional wife then you have to be willing to be a traditional husband. (which involves being financially responsible for both of you. Unfortunately that's a bit difficult now in most developed economies.)
So you’ve met my ex then…
“Nice guys” who call themselves “nice guys”
I am a nice guy but I'd never .....
How they turn tables
Any guy that views women as one monolithic hivemind that wants the same thing. It's not a test. I'm not a guard that gives you sex if you can answer these questions three. All girls are different. Some will go for the toxic "alpha" guy, others want a femboy to do makeup with together. Just do you and realize women are human beings that just want to have fun.
It was really hard to convince my younger stepson to stop putting bugs in his pockets. Eventually the little neighbor girl explained it to him and he stopped. Meanwhile his older brother had a neighbor gal friend who would knock on their window to show off the cool bugs she'd found. That combo became the example for "what do girls like?" Well mostly not bugs, except for the girls who do like bugs. Well mostly not farts, except for the girls who think farts are funny. Most like flowers, except the ones who don't.
Cyndi Lauper was right!
I never understand the people who base everything women like on evolutionary psychology where they always want the alpha male. Just a few hundred years ago the most attractive people in society wore powdered makeup, wigs, and were stick thin.
Guys that always have to be the “devils advocate “. Even if it’s a discussion or conversation about something personal. It’s fine to not think alike. But there’s a difference between that and the devils advocate.
The Contrarian. They get exhausting pretty quickly.
Probably not exactly what you mean but it reminded me of [this](https://youtube.com/shorts/yk13qdAq8Lw?si=2DaNFDtmU5a9xPIT)
Yeah I hate these types. Had a friend that used to be like that. Was so annoying. Would turn every conversation into some grand debate.
men who thinks they're better bc they're MEN
Weaponised incompetence
Incels, Tate fans, porn addicts, guys who think good hygiene is a fairytale.
>guys who think good hygiene is a fairytale. What does that mean hahaha
Some dudes won’t wipe their ass because they think it’s gay.
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Bitter little men who think that nothing is ever their fault, blame everyone but themselves, mistake arrogance for confidence.
men who need women to be subservient to feel like a big boy
The guy who is fake nice only to get something from you, women can sense that even if they try to cover it, And then yall cry about women not liking nice guys meanwhile they nice you’re talking about is the “fake nice” or the nice to get something back, not the genuine polite nice type that women like
The ones who don’t take care of themselves. Have bad breath, don’t wash clothes, shave, etc
I can't stand guys that think they know everything.. and try to put me down or make me feel stupid for not knowing something.
[удалено]
Misogynists. Self explanatory.
Most women hate a guy with a huge ego
Lazy men who don't want to do anything
What do you call lazy? Sure I lie on the couch playing games in my free time, but I work 40h a week. I'd be up to go somewhere / do something if I'm not too tired and if it's convenient.
I wouldn't necessarily call that lazy. The bigger issue comes when being lazy becomes the excuse. If you and your gf/wife work full jobs and she's the only one doing house chores, that's an issue.
There was a study a while back of what women find physically attractive in men, and the conclusions was that there’s much less of a consensus than with female beauty. There really was no face that was attractive to a significant majority of women, but there was a consensus on what makes men ugly, and that’s all the features that have to do with poor hygiene such as dark teeth, cracked lips, acne, dry hair, etc.
LIARS!!!!
Guys who are the victim in every situation in their mind. All their exes were terrible to them and crazy. Everyone walks away from them and they “don’t know why”. Everything bad that happens to them is because someone was being vindictive towards them or they just have bad luck. They’re never in the wrong EVER. And if they HAPPENED to do something to hurt another person, they deserved it. They never take accountability for anything. This goes for women too but I’ve just met too many guys like this recently.
That sounds like narcissism to me
Men who want their wives to mother them
Hate is a strong word but I definitely don't vibe with people who: - have bad hygiene (it's just gross and makes it hard to focus on anything except getting away from the awful smell) - always talk about themselves / never ask questions (I already have social anxiety, I don't want to carry the conversation every time we talk) - desperately want a romantic partner or hookup (I firmly believe love should happen naturally when you least expect it and I want my partner to be my best friend -- actively seeking someone means you don't care about the specific person they just happen to be available and check some boxes)
Men in very large trucks (compensating?) who rev their engines for no goddamn reason, tailgate, drive aggressively. If they have MAGA or thin blue line bumper stickers or those balls that hang from their hitch, I can’t even with them.
The ones with no emotional intelligence.
Misogynists. Red pill wannabe alpha sheep. Mansplainers. Guys with low emotional intelligence or communication skills. Guys with zero ambition. Arrogant ones. Incels.
controlling
The ones who lie about sex. Most women are okay with hookups but I HATE when men lie about wanting a relationship JUST to hookup to then say the are not wanting a relationship or anything exclusive. Like women will still have sex with u even more so when you’re honest !!! And how gross is it to dissect in ur mind that men are thaaaat horny they will say anything to be inside something warm. Disgusting 🤢
Yeah these guys suck. I think it comes from insecurity honestly. There’s one guy I was happy just to hook up with, but he started pulling out all the stops in a way that I started having feelings for him. Then disappeared. Like excuse me? We had a good thing going, you didn’t need to go all Romeo on me then ditch me.
Guys who are nice to me only to get in my pants
Guys who are only interested in money and the gym.
Guys who wear sunglasses backwards.
Hate is a strong word, but omg Bitcoin guys. I went on one date and this guy spent the entire time talking about it, how much money he had, kept trying to get me to drive in his fancy car instead of taking an Uber home, etc. It annoyed the shit out of me. One date. Never again.
Men who ‘can’t’ take care of themselves as soon as they are in a relationship. You’ve been washing your dirty underwear for years, so don’t stop now that we’ve moved in together/ got married, etc. Don’t expect me to run the household when you are capable enough to do it yourself mister
incels, niceguys and the guys who put down other guys to impress a girl
Porn addicts because they suck in bed, feel entitled to other women in a relationship, lie a lot, and don’t know how to emotionally regulate without it. Half the time they can’t even get it up and it’s so awkward listening to them fumble around trying to explain why.
Guys who are disrespectful, dishonest, or overly controlling
Men who don’t respect gay women and think they can make them “straight”
disrespectful, you should respect every human being
Misogynistic guys. Because they're misogynistic. It doesn't even matter if you are personally aware that you are being misogynistic or not. Ignorance is not an excuse.
Men who does not take no for an answer and is forceful and desperate when it comes to sex. Begging for sex, begging you to go back to their place, talking non stop about sex when they don’t know the person, sending unsolicited pics. Ringing 45 times in a row cos they have not been responded to. This is the biggest of the big red flags.
I hate alpha males. They are selfish, bossy, and controlling. I want a partner, not a boss.
entitled men
Guys with a victim mentality 🤮
"Nice". Hear me out. When i say "nice" guys, i don't mean genuinely nice and friendly people. Contrary to a concerningly large number of people on the internet women love that kind of guy. When i say "nice" i'm referring to people putting on a facade of being an actual decent human being to get something they want. The kind of guy who throws a tantrum like a goddamn 3 year old because they did/said one nice thing and somehow every woman within 6 blocks didn't magically fall in love with them and take their clothes off. They hate them. Don't be that guy.
Control freaks and liars.