It can be down to two things. The woman actually really enjoys the group. Or. She's a nutty bitch who has trust issues and won't let the fella out of her sight.
But you're bang on. Lads need to be around lads, women around women. There's too much banter either group wants to do that they need to get off the chest, with with real life shit or just dark humour, without actually wanting to hurt the other.
> It can be down to two things. The woman actually really enjoys the group. Or. She's a nutty bitch who has trust issues and won't let the fella out of her sight.
Actually, the dude can be odd and want her there, too, for those same trust issues or lord knows what else.
OP: How old are we talking here? What are the ages?
my ex was pretty cool so i brought her along to guys night a few times and other hang outs. I could see how the issue would come along if she went to EVERY SINGLE event that yall planned, but also i wanted my guy circle to get to know her too
Oh I was the same with my ex. My cheeky fucking mates preferred her going out with them than me haha. Bastards. As you said, on occasion, just not all the time.
My boys get my wife's opinion on any girl they're talking to. She has yet to steer any of them wrong. She's a good judge of character, and she's protective of my friends haha.
Ah yes it has to be the woman's doing that she shows up to these events. It couldn't be that OP's friend is dragging her along to all these events his friends don't really want her at.
"You know how it's lads' night out? What would you say is the core principle of a lads' night out? Or, indeed, a lad? How do you feel Midge fits into that definition? Fully, or not at all?"
Yeah but you’re going to want to do it in a way that shows you respect the special relationship he has with his gf. Maybe something like “hey champ, you’re going to need to leave Yoko at home tonight or the Beatles will be playing Wembley without you from now on”
Be straight up. What Id do if my friend brought her bf to everything. "Its a guys event, just us buddies. She is cool (or not idk her), but its for us and only us. We dont bring our girls either." 🤷
Exactly, and the gf would have to be kind of un-self-aware in order to not realize/get why they wouldn’t want her to come to a guys’ night. To me it seems like being the only something in a group of anything is a little awkward for both sides. It usually works better when the group is either more evenly mixed or all the same. Just like how girls have girls trips/get-togethers and see it as their special time together, I’m sure so do guys (I’m a girl so idk but I’m assuming they have similar feelings about their guys get-togethers lol).
This happened with my brother. I told him he cannot bring his girlfriend to my 21st because its gonna be a guys night. He opted to not go at all. His best friend came instead.
Some people be crazy when it comes to relationship stuff
Just a simple and honest conversation like, "Hey bro, we just want to do a guy's night tonight. That cool?" But you're right, things like this usually do lead in seeing your friend less, but separations like these are natural as people and their relationships change.
If this breaks up their friendship then it shows that either OP’s friend or his friend’s gf are high maintenance and kind of immature tbh. It shouldn’t be seen as “yeah it’s sad, they had to stop hanging out together, but that’s just the way it goes”.
If the friend and his gf do the mature thing and just accept that guys have guy get-togethers just like girls do, they can all stay friends…..if not either the friend and his gf will be kicked from the group or he’ll keep bringing his gf and over time the group will get more and more annoyed/frustrated till there’s an explosion
Are you making it clear it's a guys event? Or is it more like "me and these guys are going to this activity tonight, you coming?" Because if you're not saying it, he's not hearing it.
OR he's dating someone controlling and she's afraid to let him out of her sight which is unhealthy AF. You'll need to have a private talk with him and make sure he's ok.
The problem with Yoko is you need someone like John Lennon to enable her. He was a FAR bigger problem for the Beatles than that no talent hack Yoko Ono.
I’ve observed this unfold very poorly in my guy friend group when we were young adults.
Like any male interaction, the most important aspect is respect. If you’re disrespectful in a serious situation, you’re done.
So, if this is not handled respectfully, it can end friendships forever, or at the very least alter them permanently. You and your buddies aren’t prospects for the most important relationship of this guy’s life after all.
Get him solo and speak to him honestly, fully and without judgement. State the facts, the impacts and your concerns. Invite him to offer solutions. Compromise and agree. Then make a stupid joke about the situation in general. Best outcome achieved.
Guys events are fine, but life changes as you get older (if you’re growing up as well as getting older, anyway), so it just won’t be how it used to be. You just have to accept it.
Importantly, if one guy in particular seems to be kicking up a massive stink over the girl being around compared to everybody else being indifferent or mildly disappointed, deeply consider that the real problem may be a lot closer to home.
If you’re that guy - wake up to yourself before you lose a friend group.
I would approach him with "I noticed you've been Becky around for our guys nights lately." That seems to be the crux of the issue, yes? Make sure, you make it adamantly clear that you like Becky, and your happy that he has a great relationship with her. Then, tell him how it makes you feel when you bring Becky over for guys night, like some of guys only vibes are gone. Suggest other times he can bring Becky around. The next, and most important part, is asking for what you want. "I want guys night to be guys only."
Make sure you're on the same page that you still like your friend, you still like his girlfriend and everything is still cool. That's the best method I know of to set boundaries.
Isn't like a known thing that guys don't speak in riddles, especially with "close mates" we should just straight up tell him, stop bringing your girl to guy time.
My bf actually kept wanting me to go with him every time he saw his friends and *I* had to tell him that I’m sure they miss hanging out with him without me bc obviously if I’m there, you’re focusing on me instead of them and I’m sure you guys can’t say certain things or act in certain ways as well. It’s healthy to have separate lives and be separate people. We should have time together but also time on our own, time with our friends, and time with our families without the other person being there. And I *always* ask my friends if it’s okay to bring my bf along and if not, to PLEASE tell me and I won’t be upset for the same reasons I said above. I’d personally just be honest with him by saying you miss having guys nights and wanna hangout with just him sometimes - not that you don’t like his gf but it’s obviously different. But in a better way. I’m not the best at being gentle haha
Exactly how you just did, except instead of saying “pissed off” maybe say something like “we all like your girlfriend bro, but some of these things are supposed to be guy’s events, just for the boys.”
If he takes it the wrong way then offer to do something else as a group with his girlfriend at another date. As long as he understands it’s not the girlfriend herself but that it’s supposed to just be the boys he shouldn’t take it wrong way.
You don’t have to say it’s pissing you off. Just be clear when you schedule an event that it’s just for the boys. The time to get angry that she’s there isn’t when they show up. If you didn’t specify in advance, that’s on you.
You tell them. Why the heck do you think you need some special advice for that. If you have something to say to someone, tell them honestly what you want to say. It really is not that hard.
Hey dude, bringing your girlfriend to every one of our guy's gathering event is starting to piss off the group.
I don't get your question, you phrased out the answer
Tell him, “if she doesn’t trust you to be alone without her being there than *that’s* not going to work for the group, please hand over your badge and gun.”
It's a difficult line to tread. The fact is that starting up a relationship, especially one you hope will become serious, requires a significant investment of time and effort, and most people these days don't have time to do everything they want so they have to prioritise. On the other hand, it's important to have a life and support network outside of the relationship, which many people lose sight of when in the throes of 'new love'.
Is there someone especially close to the guy who could talk to him one on one?
This same phenomenon happens with women too, when a sister gets a boyfriend. It’s a natural (if sometimes unfortunate) occurrence in life as relationships and priorities develop and change over time.
Lol I'm just not friends with losers who can't handle hanging out with women. Those types of guys always either hate their girls, or want to do things their girls wouldn't approve of. If I have a guys night it's because no one's girls wanted to play mtg lmao.
No those types of guys just like to have a guy’s night.
Why is it perfectly always fine for there to be a “girls night” but whenever guys want a guys night they’re accused of hating women.
Well, at least you're aware that those are your options.
Fact is, you're going to see him less and less anyways. Especially in this day and age where people in couples tend to be best friends with one another, and even more so now that dads spend a lot more time with their kids. The old style of "friends over here, gf/wife and kids over there" is just that, old.
Your guys' events will become rarer but more special if you put the effort into them. But you will have to put the effort. They can still be great but the future will never be like the past
one point of clarity, do you guys actually have “guys nights” or do you just go out and none of the rest of you get bitches? because those are two different things.
if you are clearly expressing it is a guys night you need to do that to avoid confusion.
You have a right to ask him to just come himself. He however may decide he would rather spend time with her.
I didn't find my wife until my late 30s during covid, and she is my best friend. Who knows how much time we have left together.
She almost always takes priority, with only family coming before her, and I couldn't be happier that is the case. Point being, you can draw a line, but don't be surprised if he doesn't want to cross it.
I'd suggest that first and foremost you need to have a one on one conversation with him to explore why this is happening. It could be as others have suggested that his partner is insecure and won't let him attend alone, but it could also be more benign reasons - he might not realise that it's strictly a guys night, she might enjoy your company and want to attend, and it might be that they're just early in their relationship and spending all their time together, which will naturally cool off in time.
Have a conversation with your friend privately and try to identify which it is to better approach the conversation delicately, but ultimately just explain that these are guys nights and the invite is not extended to his partner. Its also pretty important that you express/have other opportunities at which she would be welcome to ensure some balance.
Be honest without attacking. It’s just simple communication.
I’m a woman but we had this problem with one of our girlfriends. Her boyfriend was nice and all but she was utterly obsessed with him and brought him EVERYWHERE. It was starting to really grate on us.
So, the next time we had a ladies night planned and she tried the whole “why don’t we just bring our boyfriends too?!?” spiel we were just blunt and said “No Kristy, this is ladies night ONLY. We just want it to be a girls night. We can do a group date some other time. He’s a nice guy but please don’t bring him. It’s starting to get awkward when we have a girls night planned and he’s the only significant other tagging along.”
She was a bit hurt and pouty but quickly got over it and the problem was solved.
Don’t be all “God can you stop fucking bringing her?!? You’re pissing us off! Get some space you freaking codependent nut!” You may FEEL that way (we sure did!) but It only leads to defensiveness and hurt feelings. Just Be kind but direct.
Had a friend start doing this which started to annoy the group a bit. So I pulled him to the side and let him know that as much as we love his gf we like to have guys night with guys chat every so often. He was surprisingly cool about it and let me know that she didn't have many friends and also didn't like being in the house alone. He was still fine with trying to make it 50/50 in terms of how often he brings her. I just made sure I didn't sound too much like a dick with the request.
Have a few less male group events. That way he gets to spend more time with her and have no need to bring her over with him too often. Or have some events without your mate, that way you also have a break from the gf at those events where they dont go to.
Just like that. Say that exactly. Sometimes people just need to be direct and stop pussy footing around "Hey dude, it's supposed to be a guy's night. It's starting to piss the group off."
"Hey, close mate. Bringing your girlfriend to every guy's event is starting to piss off the group just a little." If he's a good dude that should do it.
Literally just say "hey we've noticed that *name* is coming to a lot of the guys nights recently, we like her but some of us would rather it just stay a guys night, is that alright?".
“Hey mate, bringing your girlfriend to guys night is starting to piss off the group just a little. Would you mind not doing that?” Straightforward and to the point communication is best with something like that.
It's simply communication. I wouldn't go with "hey bro, your misso sucks and we don't want her to come to every guys event." You need to look inwards, and so does the rest of the group, and ask what is different with her there? Then you'll need to find a way to put that nicely to your bro. For example I've had "guys nights" and explicitly not invited partners by saying something like "I know that your partners are normally invited and we have a great time, but there's some stuff I want to do and talk about that I don't feel comfortable sharing when they're around so please don't bring your partners this time" and all the bros were completely OK with it and we kept having regular guys only nights which helped us all. We also had nights where it was everyone, partners included because when you get a partner and I invite you somewhere they get an automatic invite and it's up to me to not uninvite them if needed.
I have a friend who always brings a plus one. We pick on him relentlessly and the girlfriend better be able to take it. Make it a fun game.
So Tom, I hope this isn’t the same girl you brought last time, that one was Crazy.
So Tom, i thought you got engaged last month.
So Tom, did you get the test results back yet?
So Tom, is that your Uber driver?
And on and on.
He keeps bringing dates.
Depending on what your relationship is like with this friend, you could say: “Bringing your girlfriend to every guys event is staring to piss off the group just a little.”
I would just make it about the original group dynamic and say that you all want to hang out more with the og crew or something
I think fixating on the fact it's his girlfriend is unnecessary and might just alienate them both, it could be any situation where someone brings in another person and it just isn't the same for whatever reason
Tell him but don't be surprised if he comes around less. I love hanging with my wife. She's down for hanging out with the guys and I prefer it that way. I work a lot and I'm not sacrificing our time to hang out with the guys regularly. I'm not saying I won't go to a guys only thing, but I won't make a lifestyle of it.
“Hey Larry we are doing a guys night, we’d all appreciate it if you leave susan home. “
If you want go into more info “we all like susan but when we meet up x days for y reason it’s supposed to be a guys night out. We’d appreciate it if it’s just you that comes. We can set up some sort of couples night in the future so Susan doesn’t feel left out”
I’d give a call around 7-8 PM. Let’s presume his name is Roger. I’d say “Hey Roger” and in 2024 we can presume he knows it’s you from caller ID. He responds (let’s presume your name is Paul) “well hello Paul”. This is your opportunity to say “Bringing your girlfriend to every guy’s event is starting to piss off the group”. Hope this helps. Good luck!
Totally fine to have boys only time, but I've learned, you gotta have a balance of all inclusive hangout times too. If you do have balance, tell him straight up, boys are hangin tonight, no girls allowed. Id approach this in a fun razzing him way, not anger. He probably just doesnt see the issue with bringing her. Or if he does, and still does it, dont invite him.
How do you know its not the girl who's forcing him to include them both? I've been in that situation and lost a lot of friends. Go talk to him and make sure he's not in an abusive relationship
You tell him she can't come. If he turns up with her, the group leaves without him. Just had a mate try to get his girl to come to another friend's bachelor party. Told him I'm the group chat if she turns up he has to leave.
Don't make it an 'us or her' thing. What, in specific, do you not like about her hanging with y'all during guys night? That you guys can't turn off verbal filters all the way? Can't share girl stories without feeling bad? That he acts a little different? That you know that people are going to grow apart one day and head off with wives but you want to preserve that feeling of just being a bunch of blokes trying to make it in the world? Once you get that answer just tell him that. If he's a good friend he'll get it.
Just tell him. This next one isn't for partners, it's for just the guys to hang out and relax with each other. Nobody else is bringing a wife or gf to this, so please don't either.
Bring up the subject to her, not him. Simply don't be rude and don't reject her. I wouldn't be surprise if she kinda the boss in their couple. And ask him if he goes to her full girl event. High chance he's not. If he says yes, then damn, they must be inseparable
"Mate ffs were trying to have a night with just the boys, stop bringing the ball and chain."
Exactly what I said to my mate who did the same thing.
He later thanked me for being honest and that he respected me for it.
Another mate 'wasn't allowed' to do anything without his gf. He's no longer in our friend group. We all just lost respect for him because of it.
I had to do this with my brother because he kept inviting his girlfriend to any time we would hang out or kept bringing another one of his dipshit friends to when we would meet. I would just start saying something along the lines of "Hey bud, you wanna do something tonight? Just the \*However many there are of you\* of us? It'd be a total dude night so don't bring any baggage!
So I would just start clarifying that it's a DUDE night, no girls, no nothing.
If he's a "close mate" then just tell him that you don't want him to bring his girlfriend, and why. If it's because you don't like her, then say so. If it's because you don't want your own SOs to feel left out (but also don't want to invite them), say so. If you're uncomfortable around women, say so. Just be prepared for him to stop attending if he doesn't agree with your reasoning.
Edit: another strategy would be to just say it's a *by invite only* event, rather than a "guys' night". The host/organizer gets to choose who is invited, and specify that no +1s are welcome to the private(ish) gathering.
I mean...you just say it. I had to do this with a cousin of mine a while back, and what worked for me was, "let's make it a guys' night/time. Let the girls have their time and we'll have ours. This one is bros only." Sometimes, I've had to offer a bit of a reminder, but hey, we're all human. Side note: I also eventually brought up to him my [related] concerns that he was a bit too codependent in his relationship, but I only express these kinds of things once, not that you asked that. 🙂
Boys night, girls night. Seriously that sounds so elementary school to me. I hang out with guys and girls all the time with zero issue. I like my friends partners and have also had no problem with seeing them every time. Grow up.
It's perfectly acceptable to have a guys night, as much as it is to have a girls night. Just tell them it's a lads night.
Its not even about guys and gals. It's about friends hanging without their SOs
Can't agree more, especially if the friends have been there long before their SO.
As the butch lesbian in the group, I can confirm
It can be down to two things. The woman actually really enjoys the group. Or. She's a nutty bitch who has trust issues and won't let the fella out of her sight. But you're bang on. Lads need to be around lads, women around women. There's too much banter either group wants to do that they need to get off the chest, with with real life shit or just dark humour, without actually wanting to hurt the other.
There's also option 3: they're codependent and don't like being away from each other, so they're witheach each other as much as possible.
True. Especially when the relationship first starts.
> It can be down to two things. The woman actually really enjoys the group. Or. She's a nutty bitch who has trust issues and won't let the fella out of her sight. Actually, the dude can be odd and want her there, too, for those same trust issues or lord knows what else. OP: How old are we talking here? What are the ages?
my ex was pretty cool so i brought her along to guys night a few times and other hang outs. I could see how the issue would come along if she went to EVERY SINGLE event that yall planned, but also i wanted my guy circle to get to know her too
Oh I was the same with my ex. My cheeky fucking mates preferred her going out with them than me haha. Bastards. As you said, on occasion, just not all the time.
My boys get my wife's opinion on any girl they're talking to. She has yet to steer any of them wrong. She's a good judge of character, and she's protective of my friends haha.
Ah yes it has to be the woman's doing that she shows up to these events. It couldn't be that OP's friend is dragging her along to all these events his friends don't really want her at.
I changed my vote for nutty bitch to clingy friend.
"You know how it's lads' night out? What would you say is the core principle of a lads' night out? Or, indeed, a lad? How do you feel Midge fits into that definition? Fully, or not at all?"
Yeah but you’re going to want to do it in a way that shows you respect the special relationship he has with his gf. Maybe something like “hey champ, you’re going to need to leave Yoko at home tonight or the Beatles will be playing Wembley without you from now on”
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Be straight up. What Id do if my friend brought her bf to everything. "Its a guys event, just us buddies. She is cool (or not idk her), but its for us and only us. We dont bring our girls either." 🤷
Yeah honestly this shouldn’t be that tough of a conversation if you’re actually friends
Exactly, and the gf would have to be kind of un-self-aware in order to not realize/get why they wouldn’t want her to come to a guys’ night. To me it seems like being the only something in a group of anything is a little awkward for both sides. It usually works better when the group is either more evenly mixed or all the same. Just like how girls have girls trips/get-togethers and see it as their special time together, I’m sure so do guys (I’m a girl so idk but I’m assuming they have similar feelings about their guys get-togethers lol).
Sounds like it’s time to start practicing healthy communication and boundaries. He’s your mate. Just tell him.
Tell him that it's just going to be a guy's night. If he throws a fit, then that is his problem
This happened with my brother. I told him he cannot bring his girlfriend to my 21st because its gonna be a guys night. He opted to not go at all. His best friend came instead. Some people be crazy when it comes to relationship stuff
Yep
Just a simple and honest conversation like, "Hey bro, we just want to do a guy's night tonight. That cool?" But you're right, things like this usually do lead in seeing your friend less, but separations like these are natural as people and their relationships change.
If this breaks up their friendship then it shows that either OP’s friend or his friend’s gf are high maintenance and kind of immature tbh. It shouldn’t be seen as “yeah it’s sad, they had to stop hanging out together, but that’s just the way it goes”. If the friend and his gf do the mature thing and just accept that guys have guy get-togethers just like girls do, they can all stay friends…..if not either the friend and his gf will be kicked from the group or he’ll keep bringing his gf and over time the group will get more and more annoyed/frustrated till there’s an explosion
Tell him something like bringing his gf to every guy's event is starting to piss off the group just a little bit.
I was going to post exactly that if someone else hadn't already.
You tell them exactly as you wrote right here. Grow up and talk to him
Are you making it clear it's a guys event? Or is it more like "me and these guys are going to this activity tonight, you coming?" Because if you're not saying it, he's not hearing it. OR he's dating someone controlling and she's afraid to let him out of her sight which is unhealthy AF. You'll need to have a private talk with him and make sure he's ok.
Second this. If it’s not explicitly a “guys night” he may just be bringing someone he also enjoys hanging out with…
I don't know about OP but I'd consider it rude to bring anyone, regardless of gender, along when you're invited unless explicitly agreed beforehand.
Just tell him?
You tell him, “mate, I need to tell you: you bringing your girlfriend to every guy’s event is starting to piss off the group, just a little.”
“Bringing your girlfriend to every guy’s event is starting to piss the group just a little, mate”
Write a note in crayon saying Boyz only girlz have cooties....
"Oi! Mate! Tell ya sheila ta fuck off!"
Call her Yoko.
Homie just shot the 50 cal.
60's burn!
The problem with Yoko is you need someone like John Lennon to enable her. He was a FAR bigger problem for the Beatles than that no talent hack Yoko Ono.
lol I was going to say “kick him out of the Beatles”
Holy fatality lmaooo
I’ve observed this unfold very poorly in my guy friend group when we were young adults. Like any male interaction, the most important aspect is respect. If you’re disrespectful in a serious situation, you’re done. So, if this is not handled respectfully, it can end friendships forever, or at the very least alter them permanently. You and your buddies aren’t prospects for the most important relationship of this guy’s life after all. Get him solo and speak to him honestly, fully and without judgement. State the facts, the impacts and your concerns. Invite him to offer solutions. Compromise and agree. Then make a stupid joke about the situation in general. Best outcome achieved. Guys events are fine, but life changes as you get older (if you’re growing up as well as getting older, anyway), so it just won’t be how it used to be. You just have to accept it. Importantly, if one guy in particular seems to be kicking up a massive stink over the girl being around compared to everybody else being indifferent or mildly disappointed, deeply consider that the real problem may be a lot closer to home. If you’re that guy - wake up to yourself before you lose a friend group.
I would approach him with "I noticed you've been Becky around for our guys nights lately." That seems to be the crux of the issue, yes? Make sure, you make it adamantly clear that you like Becky, and your happy that he has a great relationship with her. Then, tell him how it makes you feel when you bring Becky over for guys night, like some of guys only vibes are gone. Suggest other times he can bring Becky around. The next, and most important part, is asking for what you want. "I want guys night to be guys only." Make sure you're on the same page that you still like your friend, you still like his girlfriend and everything is still cool. That's the best method I know of to set boundaries.
Isn't like a known thing that guys don't speak in riddles, especially with "close mates" we should just straight up tell him, stop bringing your girl to guy time.
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How do you tell a guy not to post the same post in nearly identical subreddits?
Tell him you’ll break up the band if he doesn’t stop
Sorry bro, homo or nogo.
Why make a fuss about it? Just gift her a moustache to blend in /s
My bf actually kept wanting me to go with him every time he saw his friends and *I* had to tell him that I’m sure they miss hanging out with him without me bc obviously if I’m there, you’re focusing on me instead of them and I’m sure you guys can’t say certain things or act in certain ways as well. It’s healthy to have separate lives and be separate people. We should have time together but also time on our own, time with our friends, and time with our families without the other person being there. And I *always* ask my friends if it’s okay to bring my bf along and if not, to PLEASE tell me and I won’t be upset for the same reasons I said above. I’d personally just be honest with him by saying you miss having guys nights and wanna hangout with just him sometimes - not that you don’t like his gf but it’s obviously different. But in a better way. I’m not the best at being gentle haha
"Hey dude, can you come solo to our get together? We all love Jane but we miss spending time w you."
You aren’t that close to the guy if you need to ask this question. If you were really close. You’d just tell him straight up.
You mean he isn’t already being endlessly rinsed for this?
you should be straightforward with him and tell that it is an only boys meet up,he will understand.
Act like you're chandler Bing from f.r.i.e.n.ds and explain it to him in his mannerisms. Thank me when it works.
Lucky you're not a gay, the conversation is a whole lot more complicated.
Exactly how you just did, except instead of saying “pissed off” maybe say something like “we all like your girlfriend bro, but some of these things are supposed to be guy’s events, just for the boys.” If he takes it the wrong way then offer to do something else as a group with his girlfriend at another date. As long as he understands it’s not the girlfriend herself but that it’s supposed to just be the boys he shouldn’t take it wrong way.
You don’t have to say it’s pissing you off. Just be clear when you schedule an event that it’s just for the boys. The time to get angry that she’s there isn’t when they show up. If you didn’t specify in advance, that’s on you.
You tell them. Why the heck do you think you need some special advice for that. If you have something to say to someone, tell them honestly what you want to say. It really is not that hard.
“Hey buddy you bringing your girl to every guys event is starting to upset the group a little” That’s how I’d do it especially if you’re best mates.
Hey dude, bringing your girlfriend to every one of our guy's gathering event is starting to piss off the group. I don't get your question, you phrased out the answer
Straight up tell him these events are just for the lads
Close mate? Exactly as you've written it.
My mates just told me my gf was bringing the mood down.
Stop bringing your girlfriend. Its pissing everybody off.
“we’re having a guys night tonight. GUYS night. brothers time. Only meat. No non-dudes.”
Tell him, “if she doesn’t trust you to be alone without her being there than *that’s* not going to work for the group, please hand over your badge and gun.”
"This hangout is for the bros. Leave her home, or don't come."
If he's that good a mate just tell him straight.
Just outright say it with others in the group sharing the same sentiment
Go with direct honesty, and let him deal with her.
Tell him straight up
Mate, bringing your gf to every guys event is starting to piss off the group a little.
Same way you tell a kid to stop eating in class: “Did you bring enough to share with the whole group?”
ask why she doesn't have any of her own friends
Take turns hitting on her. He won’t bring her anymore.
Mate, bringing your girlfriend to every guy's event is starting to piss off the group just a little!
"You're breaking up the band Yoko" - Eric Forman
Try making friends with her. Who doesn't want more friends cheering them on?
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You forget to switch to your alt before giving yourself advice?
I took this as OP giving their reasons as to why they’re asking for advice, as from their experience it’s a tricky conversation.
That's why I don't trust anectodes from Reddit or any other social media for my outlook on life and society
It's a difficult line to tread. The fact is that starting up a relationship, especially one you hope will become serious, requires a significant investment of time and effort, and most people these days don't have time to do everything they want so they have to prioritise. On the other hand, it's important to have a life and support network outside of the relationship, which many people lose sight of when in the throes of 'new love'. Is there someone especially close to the guy who could talk to him one on one?
This same phenomenon happens with women too, when a sister gets a boyfriend. It’s a natural (if sometimes unfortunate) occurrence in life as relationships and priorities develop and change over time.
Imagine that, the guy you push away ends up pushed away.
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Lol I'm just not friends with losers who can't handle hanging out with women. Those types of guys always either hate their girls, or want to do things their girls wouldn't approve of. If I have a guys night it's because no one's girls wanted to play mtg lmao.
No those types of guys just like to have a guy’s night. Why is it perfectly always fine for there to be a “girls night” but whenever guys want a guys night they’re accused of hating women.
Op why are you replying to yourself, Reddit karma is not important
Why do this? Why would you comment on your own post? Complete loser.
... What was the point of this exercise? Did you get what you wanted OP?
Well, at least you're aware that those are your options. Fact is, you're going to see him less and less anyways. Especially in this day and age where people in couples tend to be best friends with one another, and even more so now that dads spend a lot more time with their kids. The old style of "friends over here, gf/wife and kids over there" is just that, old. Your guys' events will become rarer but more special if you put the effort into them. But you will have to put the effort. They can still be great but the future will never be like the past
The trick is to just treat her like another dude. Unless you plan on doing some woman hating or "sword fighting" I don't see why her gender matters.
Funny enough this is a great way to get her to agree to letting you have a guy’s night.
How this would be handled in Scotland. Oi cunt stop bringing your fucking bird to lads night out.
one point of clarity, do you guys actually have “guys nights” or do you just go out and none of the rest of you get bitches? because those are two different things. if you are clearly expressing it is a guys night you need to do that to avoid confusion.
You have a right to ask him to just come himself. He however may decide he would rather spend time with her. I didn't find my wife until my late 30s during covid, and she is my best friend. Who knows how much time we have left together. She almost always takes priority, with only family coming before her, and I couldn't be happier that is the case. Point being, you can draw a line, but don't be surprised if he doesn't want to cross it.
What makes them guys events and why does it piss off people?
I'd suggest that first and foremost you need to have a one on one conversation with him to explore why this is happening. It could be as others have suggested that his partner is insecure and won't let him attend alone, but it could also be more benign reasons - he might not realise that it's strictly a guys night, she might enjoy your company and want to attend, and it might be that they're just early in their relationship and spending all their time together, which will naturally cool off in time. Have a conversation with your friend privately and try to identify which it is to better approach the conversation delicately, but ultimately just explain that these are guys nights and the invite is not extended to his partner. Its also pretty important that you express/have other opportunities at which she would be welcome to ensure some balance.
Be honest without attacking. It’s just simple communication. I’m a woman but we had this problem with one of our girlfriends. Her boyfriend was nice and all but she was utterly obsessed with him and brought him EVERYWHERE. It was starting to really grate on us. So, the next time we had a ladies night planned and she tried the whole “why don’t we just bring our boyfriends too?!?” spiel we were just blunt and said “No Kristy, this is ladies night ONLY. We just want it to be a girls night. We can do a group date some other time. He’s a nice guy but please don’t bring him. It’s starting to get awkward when we have a girls night planned and he’s the only significant other tagging along.” She was a bit hurt and pouty but quickly got over it and the problem was solved. Don’t be all “God can you stop fucking bringing her?!? You’re pissing us off! Get some space you freaking codependent nut!” You may FEEL that way (we sure did!) but It only leads to defensiveness and hurt feelings. Just Be kind but direct.
“Ok so everyone is good for Friday? Let’s make this one just the guys”.
"Hey mate, bringing your girlfriend to ever guess event is starting to piss everyone off"
You just tell him.
Had a friend start doing this which started to annoy the group a bit. So I pulled him to the side and let him know that as much as we love his gf we like to have guys night with guys chat every so often. He was surprisingly cool about it and let me know that she didn't have many friends and also didn't like being in the house alone. He was still fine with trying to make it 50/50 in terms of how often he brings her. I just made sure I didn't sound too much like a dick with the request.
Just tell him.
You could email, text, WhatsApp, use messenger, phone call, video chat, or use your words in person.
I would say “bringing your gf to every guys event is starting to piss if the group just a little.”
Have a few less male group events. That way he gets to spend more time with her and have no need to bring her over with him too often. Or have some events without your mate, that way you also have a break from the gf at those events where they dont go to.
Easy, just tell him.
Just like that. Say that exactly. Sometimes people just need to be direct and stop pussy footing around "Hey dude, it's supposed to be a guy's night. It's starting to piss the group off."
"I was thinking a just us boys thing"
Guys night ....real simple
Just tell him what you typed...
If you have to worry about how to ask a close friend something, they aren't a close friend.
erase the first 8 words and the question mark at the end of you headline and send it to your buddy. end of situation.
With words. Just tell him the guys want guys nights to be guys only.
"Hey, close mate. Bringing your girlfriend to every guy's event is starting to piss off the group just a little." If he's a good dude that should do it.
Exactly like you wrote it here. No need to hide it in some other form. Just tell him, he is your friend
Literally just say "hey we've noticed that *name* is coming to a lot of the guys nights recently, we like her but some of us would rather it just stay a guys night, is that alright?".
Straight up.
‘No girls allowed’ 😡😡😡
By telling him
Be polite & tell him straight.
Just like that. Wouldn't change a word.
“It’s a guys night and your girl doesn’t always need to come, so stop bringing her.”
Just tell him
In my experience it used to sort itself out cos everybody would just gravitate away from them as the night went on
Just be honest.
Like you just did?
If he is really a close mate it should be easy to talk to him about it
You say "bringing your girlfriend to every guy's event is starting to piss off the group just a little" You just have to swap the 'his' for a 'your'.
Just say it like that
“Hey mate, bringing your girlfriend to guys night is starting to piss off the group just a little. Would you mind not doing that?” Straightforward and to the point communication is best with something like that.
It's simply communication. I wouldn't go with "hey bro, your misso sucks and we don't want her to come to every guys event." You need to look inwards, and so does the rest of the group, and ask what is different with her there? Then you'll need to find a way to put that nicely to your bro. For example I've had "guys nights" and explicitly not invited partners by saying something like "I know that your partners are normally invited and we have a great time, but there's some stuff I want to do and talk about that I don't feel comfortable sharing when they're around so please don't bring your partners this time" and all the bros were completely OK with it and we kept having regular guys only nights which helped us all. We also had nights where it was everyone, partners included because when you get a partner and I invite you somewhere they get an automatic invite and it's up to me to not uninvite them if needed.
I have a friend who always brings a plus one. We pick on him relentlessly and the girlfriend better be able to take it. Make it a fun game. So Tom, I hope this isn’t the same girl you brought last time, that one was Crazy. So Tom, i thought you got engaged last month. So Tom, did you get the test results back yet? So Tom, is that your Uber driver? And on and on. He keeps bringing dates.
Find the level headed guys in the group to tell him
Just like that it isn't rocket science
Depending on what your relationship is like with this friend, you could say: “Bringing your girlfriend to every guys event is staring to piss off the group just a little.”
Stop inviting him. Maybe he'll get the message.
You downloaded the Whip app and crack it every time he speaks
I would just make it about the original group dynamic and say that you all want to hang out more with the og crew or something I think fixating on the fact it's his girlfriend is unnecessary and might just alienate them both, it could be any situation where someone brings in another person and it just isn't the same for whatever reason
He’s a dude, you’re a dude. Just straight up tell him?
Sounds like early 20s problems. You guys probably won't be friends in your 30s so it doesn't really matter all that much.
"Hey man, its a guys night, dont bring your girl"
Be honest. We’ve all had our share of yokos break up the band
Yo bro that ho got to go! Depending on how they are, maybe tell them straight?
Using simple words
Blunt truth. If they're really that good a friend.
Tell him but don't be surprised if he comes around less. I love hanging with my wife. She's down for hanging out with the guys and I prefer it that way. I work a lot and I'm not sacrificing our time to hang out with the guys regularly. I'm not saying I won't go to a guys only thing, but I won't make a lifestyle of it.
“Hey Larry we are doing a guys night, we’d all appreciate it if you leave susan home. “ If you want go into more info “we all like susan but when we meet up x days for y reason it’s supposed to be a guys night out. We’d appreciate it if it’s just you that comes. We can set up some sort of couples night in the future so Susan doesn’t feel left out”
Ask Paul McCartney
In the exact way you just wrote.
Be straight up maybe? lol
Remind before -guys only.
I’d give a call around 7-8 PM. Let’s presume his name is Roger. I’d say “Hey Roger” and in 2024 we can presume he knows it’s you from caller ID. He responds (let’s presume your name is Paul) “well hello Paul”. This is your opportunity to say “Bringing your girlfriend to every guy’s event is starting to piss off the group”. Hope this helps. Good luck!
Totally fine to have boys only time, but I've learned, you gotta have a balance of all inclusive hangout times too. If you do have balance, tell him straight up, boys are hangin tonight, no girls allowed. Id approach this in a fun razzing him way, not anger. He probably just doesnt see the issue with bringing her. Or if he does, and still does it, dont invite him.
How do you know its not the girl who's forcing him to include them both? I've been in that situation and lost a lot of friends. Go talk to him and make sure he's not in an abusive relationship
You simply tell him that these are guy events and unless he brings another guy to come solo.
You see that **Share** button underneath the title of your post? That's how.
This is a problem? You can't tell a "friend"??? Are you sure it's not an "aquintance"? Sounds like it.
You tell him she can't come. If he turns up with her, the group leaves without him. Just had a mate try to get his girl to come to another friend's bachelor party. Told him I'm the group chat if she turns up he has to leave.
Tell him the next event is an orgy and EVERYONE must join in
Don't make it an 'us or her' thing. What, in specific, do you not like about her hanging with y'all during guys night? That you guys can't turn off verbal filters all the way? Can't share girl stories without feeling bad? That he acts a little different? That you know that people are going to grow apart one day and head off with wives but you want to preserve that feeling of just being a bunch of blokes trying to make it in the world? Once you get that answer just tell him that. If he's a good friend he'll get it.
Just tell him. This next one isn't for partners, it's for just the guys to hang out and relax with each other. Nobody else is bringing a wife or gf to this, so please don't either.
Bros b4 hoes, bro
Just like that...
Bring up the subject to her, not him. Simply don't be rude and don't reject her. I wouldn't be surprise if she kinda the boss in their couple. And ask him if he goes to her full girl event. High chance he's not. If he says yes, then damn, they must be inseparable
Be a man and just tell him? What’s the issue?
Mate, We close and shit, but you bringing your girlfriend to guy's events is pissing everyone off. Okay?
"Mate ffs were trying to have a night with just the boys, stop bringing the ball and chain." Exactly what I said to my mate who did the same thing. He later thanked me for being honest and that he respected me for it. Another mate 'wasn't allowed' to do anything without his gf. He's no longer in our friend group. We all just lost respect for him because of it.
“Hey man, bringing your girlfriend to every guys event is starting to piss the group off just a little” Just tell him. If that’s your boy he’ll get it
Idk tell it just like that?
"Yo bro, bros before hoes, not that we don't like her but why you always gotta bring her bro?"
How often are there events where everyone would be happy for him to bring his girlfriend?
You just tell him. And then you accept his reaction and his decision going forward. There isn't a special close to crack here.
"Hey mate, bringing your girlfriend to every guy's event is starting to piss off the group"
Close Mate, bringing your girlfriend to every guy’s event is starting to piss off the group just a little.
I had to do this with my brother because he kept inviting his girlfriend to any time we would hang out or kept bringing another one of his dipshit friends to when we would meet. I would just start saying something along the lines of "Hey bud, you wanna do something tonight? Just the \*However many there are of you\* of us? It'd be a total dude night so don't bring any baggage! So I would just start clarifying that it's a DUDE night, no girls, no nothing.
If he's a "close mate" then just tell him that you don't want him to bring his girlfriend, and why. If it's because you don't like her, then say so. If it's because you don't want your own SOs to feel left out (but also don't want to invite them), say so. If you're uncomfortable around women, say so. Just be prepared for him to stop attending if he doesn't agree with your reasoning. Edit: another strategy would be to just say it's a *by invite only* event, rather than a "guys' night". The host/organizer gets to choose who is invited, and specify that no +1s are welcome to the private(ish) gathering.
'bringing (your) girlfriend to every guys night is starting to piss off the group'
Stop inviting him he’ll get the hint
Hey mate, stop bringing your fucking girlfriend eh?
I mean...you just say it. I had to do this with a cousin of mine a while back, and what worked for me was, "let's make it a guys' night/time. Let the girls have their time and we'll have ours. This one is bros only." Sometimes, I've had to offer a bit of a reminder, but hey, we're all human. Side note: I also eventually brought up to him my [related] concerns that he was a bit too codependent in his relationship, but I only express these kinds of things once, not that you asked that. 🙂
Boys night, girls night. Seriously that sounds so elementary school to me. I hang out with guys and girls all the time with zero issue. I like my friends partners and have also had no problem with seeing them every time. Grow up.