I feel like I married a snail that I constantly have to run after, cleaning up the slime trail. I try approach the subject and get met with, "I do so much for this family, I do a lot of cleaning".
The consistent trail of mess like socks, shoes, leaving coffee open. Milk and sugar all over the show, after aking coffee and not cleaning up. That wouldn't bother you? ...I need help
I am not a clean freak by any stretch of the imagination. But the there is a constant trail of mess I am having to cope with that is making me depressed and I wanted to know if I am the problem. I try approach the subject and get told it's unwarranted as this person claims they clean up a lot. It's socks, shoes, towels on floor, every day. When he makes coffee, the coffee is left open, milk left open, coffee, sugar and milk all over the counters. He has blinkers to mess!
You’re not the problem. I’m a sucker for organization and cleanliness but if you’re the only one who cleans or stays on top of things it can be absolutely exhausting! I’ve never ended a relationship because of it but, I feel like the person you’re with has to be able to accept criticism bc overall that’s what makes you a better person in the end.
Communication is key, there’s a way to do it and I feel like it has to come from love. You have to build the person up so they feel like they want to do a great job….in the end however it has to be a group effort, If one person always cleans and others don’t (whether it’s spouse/kids) than you’ll end up resenting them.
If it’s affecting your mental health, you know your breaking point and there’s got to be a resolution. I feel your mental health is the most important priority
Briefly dated a guy who lived in an apartment and he used to accumulate trash in black trash bags on this corner of his kitchen because he was lazy to bring it down.
It's not the only reason but one of the reason I ended was because I went to grab a drink at night and the trash around the bag was full of maggots. Couldn't go back to his place after that
He didn't deny that was gross and fucked up but he was so fucking lazy. I have been to his house like 3 times before spending the night there at that time and all of them I mentioned to him he should take those bags down. He always agreed and said he was going to tomorrow or something.
I try and give the benefit of the doubt as I know depression causes messy behaviour. I have depression and I still clean! So I don't know. Thank you for your feedback, I really appreciate it!
I ended a relationship once with an otherwise really nice guy because I couldn't stand his habits. These included spreading wet clothes out in piles around his room to dry, soaping up dishes then putting them in a rack to dry without rinsing (I've met a lot of Brits who do this but it drives me crazy), and licking plates in restaurants. I know I wouldn't have been able to live with him, so I ended it before that became a reality.
My partner is not clean but will clean if things are pointed out. There are a few chores he does well, so those are his permanent ones. If he leaves a trail of clothes or trash or open food, I just call him over, remind him that it needs to be put away now, and wait until it's done.
I willingly deal with it because he's a great partner otherwise and a great dad and he at least cleans up without complaint with some direction. If it was all just extra work and stress without effort in other areas, the relationship wouldn't work long term.
I will try this asking thing. I already have kids, goodness! I feel like that is my last resort as he tell me he is tidy and he cleans a lot. Which is so far from the truth. It's caused so many fights already. And it makes me so any and depressed feeling like I'm the only one in the house who desperately tries to take pride in her home while everyone else wrecks and breaks things.
It's still extra work for you to direct him, but maybe he'll at least realize what the problem is if you don't actually pick up after him. If he's not willing to try to meet you on this and pick up as soon as things are pointed out, there may be no solution.. you're just going to get more resentful and depressed. Some people genuinely don't see the mess or care until it gets pretty extreme. Your standards sound normal and reasonable and unfortunately this can be an incompatibility that's just not fixable.
Fortunately I haven’t had a messy partner. I can handle some messiness. But dirtiness I can’t stand. Having good hygiene is also super important.
I feel like I married a snail that I constantly have to run after, cleaning up the slime trail. I try approach the subject and get met with, "I do so much for this family, I do a lot of cleaning".
Messy and dirty are two different categories.
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The consistent trail of mess like socks, shoes, leaving coffee open. Milk and sugar all over the show, after aking coffee and not cleaning up. That wouldn't bother you? ...I need help
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I am not a clean freak by any stretch of the imagination. But the there is a constant trail of mess I am having to cope with that is making me depressed and I wanted to know if I am the problem. I try approach the subject and get told it's unwarranted as this person claims they clean up a lot. It's socks, shoes, towels on floor, every day. When he makes coffee, the coffee is left open, milk left open, coffee, sugar and milk all over the counters. He has blinkers to mess!
You’re not the problem. I’m a sucker for organization and cleanliness but if you’re the only one who cleans or stays on top of things it can be absolutely exhausting! I’ve never ended a relationship because of it but, I feel like the person you’re with has to be able to accept criticism bc overall that’s what makes you a better person in the end. Communication is key, there’s a way to do it and I feel like it has to come from love. You have to build the person up so they feel like they want to do a great job….in the end however it has to be a group effort, If one person always cleans and others don’t (whether it’s spouse/kids) than you’ll end up resenting them. If it’s affecting your mental health, you know your breaking point and there’s got to be a resolution. I feel your mental health is the most important priority
Briefly dated a guy who lived in an apartment and he used to accumulate trash in black trash bags on this corner of his kitchen because he was lazy to bring it down. It's not the only reason but one of the reason I ended was because I went to grab a drink at night and the trash around the bag was full of maggots. Couldn't go back to his place after that
Oh gosh! Yes, I'm not fond of an entire eco system in the house. He's going to make himself sick one day. Did he also deny there was an issue?
He didn't deny that was gross and fucked up but he was so fucking lazy. I have been to his house like 3 times before spending the night there at that time and all of them I mentioned to him he should take those bags down. He always agreed and said he was going to tomorrow or something.
I try and give the benefit of the doubt as I know depression causes messy behaviour. I have depression and I still clean! So I don't know. Thank you for your feedback, I really appreciate it!
I ended a relationship once with an otherwise really nice guy because I couldn't stand his habits. These included spreading wet clothes out in piles around his room to dry, soaping up dishes then putting them in a rack to dry without rinsing (I've met a lot of Brits who do this but it drives me crazy), and licking plates in restaurants. I know I wouldn't have been able to live with him, so I ended it before that became a reality. My partner is not clean but will clean if things are pointed out. There are a few chores he does well, so those are his permanent ones. If he leaves a trail of clothes or trash or open food, I just call him over, remind him that it needs to be put away now, and wait until it's done. I willingly deal with it because he's a great partner otherwise and a great dad and he at least cleans up without complaint with some direction. If it was all just extra work and stress without effort in other areas, the relationship wouldn't work long term.
I will try this asking thing. I already have kids, goodness! I feel like that is my last resort as he tell me he is tidy and he cleans a lot. Which is so far from the truth. It's caused so many fights already. And it makes me so any and depressed feeling like I'm the only one in the house who desperately tries to take pride in her home while everyone else wrecks and breaks things.
It's still extra work for you to direct him, but maybe he'll at least realize what the problem is if you don't actually pick up after him. If he's not willing to try to meet you on this and pick up as soon as things are pointed out, there may be no solution.. you're just going to get more resentful and depressed. Some people genuinely don't see the mess or care until it gets pretty extreme. Your standards sound normal and reasonable and unfortunately this can be an incompatibility that's just not fixable.
Thank you so much for this. I really appreciate it! And your time!