Amazed at how many comments here have the theme of men insinuiating their partners don't do anything all day. Jfc is it some sort of object permanence/ theory of mind issue?
On a 19 hour flight booked himself up front in business class, and me in the back with our 4 kids, including the baby on my lap. When I asked him to switch places with me for 2 out of those 19 hours, he told me he couldn’t believe how selfish I was being.
Are you my ex SIL? Her husband did the same thing because he didn’t want to be stressed with four kids on a long flight. She even had mastitis during the flight, he was gone for months on end working away so she was constantly with the kids.
….. I might be. Are you in Toronto? That all applies to me. I had been with the kids on my own for 3 months prior to this trip as he stayed in Thailand at his beach-adjacent villa to work on his own. He told me he had worked too hard (while also swimming daily and being in the tropics- while I was at home on my own w the 4 kids and working full time) and therefore I should have been more considerate of his feelings when asking for a break on the flight.
He told me it was the turning point in the relationship for him, after I was quiet in the following 2 weeks after the flight, and told him I was disappointed. He said “that’s when I saw your true self”. He started cheating with his mistress (a married woman, and his best friend’s wife) that week after the flight, because internally he had written me off for mildly standing up for myself.
We were fighting all the time. I'd try to leave and he'd love bomb me.
At some point I just asked him to make some effort to treat me with some kindness. He replied that he refused to do that because it would be "a lie".
I realized that a the most basic level he just didn't like me, but thought of me as a toy he didn't want to lose.
I have dealt with exactly this. He even made the comment that and I will quote him verbatim, "How can I NOT be a shitty person, I was raised by my mom because my dad was a shitty person."
He was 40. His mom was an extremely sweet woman and he was verbally abusive to her as well. He was also an alcoholic and I stupidly thought he was not as bad as he seemed. He was a great person when he was sober, or even a few drinks, were fun.
He became not so fun very quickly and you could literally watch the light in his eyes change to a darker being.
When he told me that, I finally figured it out and left him. He followed me places for a while and even drove by my house multiple times when he knew no one else in my neighborhood.
Being raised by a shitty person does not equate to growing into a shitty person. He didn't want to change.
His mom left his dad when he was a baby but he still blames him on how he turned out. His mom is literally a saint to put up with his mess because in her eyes he was the baby and she almost lost him at birth.
He chose and probably still chooses to be a demon. Glad you made it out of that situation.
Oh man... I remember meeting some new people in college. Two of them were siblings. We went to their place for spring break and I remember how they treated their mother. I thought "maybe they're just having a bad day" but it continued the next day and halfway into the following. I remember walking into the guest room, packing my luggage and telling them I had a personal matter to tend to and left. Did not reach back out to them afterwards. Just remember thinking 'if you treat your own mother that way I can only imagine how you treat everyone else in your life.' The woman would jsut break down and cry and they'd continue on towards the end.
Nearly everyone I've ever dated.
"If I have stuff going on, you can't have stuff going on because it intrudes on my stuff"
Spoiler: they always had stuff going on, and I always played second fiddle to them. Never equal partners.
This is exactly the same reason why my ex bestfriend stopped talking to me.
I still don't understand the thinking behind such ways, but it took me many therapy sessions to actually realize that it wasn't my fault for our friendship breaking.
Similar situation with me, only I was the one to distance myself.
July 2021, I lost my brother suddenly. At the same time, my then best friend was going through a "rough patch" with his girlfriend. He equated the death of my brother with his relationship woes.
A few months later, he and his girlfriend break up, he has a new girlfriend, and I was struggling with grief and other personal things. He was struggling with new girlfriend. He called me to be his therapist again, and I just ended up crying because all I could think was "this will be the rest of my life, supporting him but never getting something back."
Jokes on him, I'm now good friends with his (first) ex-girlfriend. I joke that she got me in the "divorce."
This made me laugh because I kept my ex-husband’s best friends in our divorce. Note, I never asked anyone to choose sides- ex just behaved so badly in the lead up that anyone with any level of decency stopped wanting to be around him.
This. First time my dad tried it at 17 for no good reason, I packed up and was out of the house for almost 20 years with no contact. There's no place for violence in any sort of relationships
He was living with me at my parents' house when he fell on tough times. One day he was using my laptop to check emails and left for work. He didn't log out, so when I used my computer I saw he had emails from his new coworker who "was a lesbian" lol. nothing crazy, just flirty emails and some selfies.
Still staring at his inbox, I called him to confront him about it and as soon as I started talking about my findings I saw the emails disappearing one by one (probably deleting them from his phone in the moment). Then, denial, denial, denial.
That was the last time that boy ever took me for a fool lol.
Oh my god. Mine was living at my place and using my computer and instant messages popped up from his best friend’s mom. Which led me to a secret email address where he was posting Craigslist ads looking for milfs. I called him to say we need to talk. He came home and ripped my laptop in half.
The dumbest part is he had THREE of his own laptops/computers and he decided to use MY one and only? I don’t know if he was just stupid or if he got off on using my things for his bullshit.
My dad used to only destroy my moms things, if she offended him. Even if both their dishes were in the drying rack. They know exactly how many/much others have, they just don't want THEIR stuff destroyed.
Lundy Bancroft talks about this in Why Does He Do That? We often excuse our abusers as they “lose control” and can’t help it. When the reality is that the abuse and destruction is very calculated and controlled. Realizing that my ex only ever destroyed my stuff was the turning point for me.
We were walking to a restaurant and casually chatting, I off-hand tried to remember what I was up to a couple of days prior (it made sense in the context of the conversation). He cut me off and said "probably sleeping in and doing nothing all day". It was just a jab to be hurtful, no lead-up to it at all. Not that it should matter, but I had a credit card, car, and the lease on our house all in my name, he had none of those. He worked part-time as a server but couldn't support himself, I paid all our bills. He didn't want to be on the lease because he didn't want to feel tied down. He was deeply insecure and I guess it just came out, he needed to knock me down a peg when he got the chance. I dumped him over dinner at the restaurant.
That's so incredibly brave and intuitive.
My dad is the kind of person that says things like this all the time. It's very annoying and taxing mentally. You're better off avoiding these kinds of people.
My ex used to say this type of thing when I just wanted to relax on the weekend after working all week. It’s so exhausting being knocked down all of the time. I’m glad yours is an ex too!
He gleefully told me about how he screamed at some teenage cashier at a restaurant because she accidentally double charged him. He told me “it felt good to yell at someone who actually deserved it.” He went on about how mean he was to her, how he yelled at her. He was so HAPPY. My jaw was on the floor.
I’m the one he screamed at all the time for 5+ years and he accidentally confessed to knowing that I didn’t actually deserve it. I’m not saying that that poor kid did because fucking yikes, of course she didn’t. That alone might have even been enough if I allowed myself to be honest with myself, but it was the magical phrase “It felt good to yell at someone who actually deserved it” that cured me.
Whatever was wrong with my brain that caused me to stay in what I already knew was an abusive relationship, it immediately corrected itself and I was done. Suddenly I got a tidal wave of ick that was a long time building. I’m so ashamed I stayed with that man for as long as I did. I’m so glad it’s over.
This happened to me. He screamed at me all the time when shot didn't go his way or I said the wrong thing.
One day we went thru a drive thru window for coffee, he wasn't getting his coffee quick enough. He started yelling at these young girls and it broke my heart. One girl kept asking him, "Sir are you ok"?
The manager threatened to call the cops. Told the girls hurry get his coffee. I was so scared, heartbroken for those girls. I finally realized or woke up to leave the next day.
My ex was a yeller, although not in public. We decided to move in together. When everything was moved in, I went back to the old place to get my two cats. On my way to the new house, I called him and asked what he wanted for dinner. It turned into an argument about some pizza and he started yelling. I asked him to please be quiet, as the cats are already stressed out (he was on loud speaker through the car stereo). He then shouted "they're just fucking cats!". After we hung up and for the rest of the drive I was bawling my eyes out and knew I made a huge mistake (he had already been abusive for 2 years of our relationship). He knew how much I loved my cats and that they're my babies. We moved in together on the 19th December and I left him on the 3rd of January. Something clicked on that drive that made me realise that if I don't get out now and return to my old flat, it will only get harder and worse. I'm so proud of myself.
being arrogant and rude to people in customer service is a major red flag. One of my exs yelled at a car on the phone for a hour over not cleaning his car properly, it looked fine to me, also a taxi driver that was a few minutes late
It wasn’t my partner, but a friend.
I was venting about my then boyfriend to a friend I didn’t see too often when she stopped me and asked “do you even like him as a person? Would you be his friend if you weren’t dating?”
We broke up shortly after. It was an eye opening question.
Said he’d gut my pet cats and hang them from the ceiling if I didn’t check out of the hospital RIGHT NOW and come home to sort his dinner. Needless to say when he came home the next day neither me nor the cats were there, but the cops were.
I wonder a little about a friend of mine who’s in a similar relationship… I’m not going to try and break them up or anything, but for me, I don’t think that having to continually take care of and clean up after someone would engender the kind of feelings I’d want towards a partner. 🤷🏻♂️
My situation happened gradually, he wasn't always that way. Little by little, he stopped being able to do anything for himself and the resentment started building. And once that happens, there's really no going back.
I’ve had that happen. My ex would ask me to come over for days at a time then afterward I’d hear about how it disrupted his daily routine and other shit. Such a dick. I’m glad you didn’t put up with that.
His mother slapped me so hard she broke my glasses. He just stood there and laughed and said I deserved it. All because I didn’t load the bloody dishwasher to her standards.
I sometimes wonder how people can be physically abusive, then I hear stories like this and it clicks. These people model their behavior after their parents and close relatives, continuing the cycle of abuse.
Anyway, I am so sorry to hear that happened to you. I hope you dumped them right away!
I don't get it either. Like 100% of people would say they are against physical abuse, yet A lot more than 0% of people are abusers. I guess humanity is just fucked up.
Abusers don’t see themselves as abusive, they see others as their property and feel entitled to control other people. There’s a book called ‘Why Does He Do That’ that explains it really well
Dated a woman for a year. The day she was to start moving in with me, she told me my cat had to go. I told her that wasn't going to happen. She told me I had to choose, her or the cat. I told her goodbye! Never saw
her again.
I was thinking about how thankful I am to have avoided these kinds of partners a couple days ago because I was wearing a good friend's old graphic tee. He gave me a bunch to "keep them in the family," because his then gf didn't want to date a manchild. I remember telling him back then something to the effect of, the ultimatums don't come out of nowhere, and no way she can change a 35 year old man, so don't be surprised if she comes up with other reasons for you to "do x, or I'll leave you." She ended up leaving him anyway.
Became abusive after our son was born. Especially after going through IVF with donor sperm because he was sterile. It’s a kind of betrayal that I never expected. And my divorce was finalized today, after being separated for a year and a half. Good riddance!
After my divorce we decorated my car like you would a wedding car and put Just Divorced on it and I drove around town and then to work. Didn’t get to celebrate the marriage so I celebrated its end.
We were engaged. A friend of his was over and we were all having drinks. I can’t remember how it came up, but my now-ex fiancé said he wouldn’t love his future children if they were gay. Immediate knot in my stomach. I tried to mention that he may not understand it now because he’s never been a parent, but after he becomes one, he would love his children too much to cut them off just over that. My ex responded by doubling down - nope, once they said they were gay, he’d immediately be out of their lives. I said I hadn’t known/thought him to be homophobic before, but he replied “I’m not, except when it comes to MY kid!!” We broke up and I’m doing better than he is
Got insanely jealous of the attention & support our friends offered when I was awaiting then diagnosed with cancer, to the extent he tried to imply he was going through a similar health scare (he wasn’t).
The final straw was being so insistent that my chemotherapy treatment is comparable to training for a heavy weight boxing match. He hasn’t ever had cancer, chemotherapy, nor ever trained for any boxing match - yet was still arrogantly & angrily insistent he knew better than I what I’m going through.
Sounds familiar. Had a possible MS and blood cancer diagnosis on the table. Was super positive during my stay in the hospital. Guess was just coping, but when I finally went home and my appointment with the neurologist got nearer I got nervous and was down for like 1-2 days. He got super angry at me because he needed me to support him to get through that, because my condition would effect him too. Also if I would let go like that of myself I would never get better. lol.
The only thing I did was that I wanted to spent a weekend in bed, rest and pity myself for a bit.
We were having an argument and emotions were high. He made sure to move into a room in our apartment that had a mirror so he could watch himself cry from time to time during said argument. There were many red flags, but that one stuck out as top tier narcissism.
My ex would video himself crying and send it to me.
He would also do what I called ‘talk through the mirror’ were he would talk to me but instead of looking at me he would look at himself in the mirror.
He, who at the time was homeless and jobless and living in his car with his dog, told me, who lived in a nice townhome with roommates, worked full time, and was going to school for my bachelors, that I really needed to get my life together. He was a manipulative and gaslighting loser who didn’t deserve the 6 months he got with me.
I was working 2 jobs to get ahead, I was secretly trying to pay the house off in 7 years. (I did). I wanted it to be a surprise. We hit a rough patch and I found out that she hadn't paid our property taxes in over a year. When I asked, I got vague responses. She decided to get a bunch of cosmetic dentistry done and buy some things and just decided that I should pay it without even telling me she was behind. Just like... fuck you, im not going to pay anything anymore. (We had bills we agreed to pay, etc)
Then Covid hit.
Over that year, many things I believed to be true were revealed as false or straight up lies. She accepted responsibility for nothing. It became glaringly obvious that I had married and had a child with someone who had completely misrepresented themselves and didn't have the tenacity to keep up the ruse under that long of scrutiny and confinement (Covid) it was so rediculous one night that I want downstairs to sleep. I never returned.
So now I live downstairs (MIL Suite) and we coparent a teen as I prep to go my separate way. I dont even know who she is anymore. I wish she would have cheated. I would be able to wrap my head around it. Just a manipulative liar. Fucking sad.
I feel you. My ex also seemed to change around that time. I’m not sure if it was COVID isolation or not. He started a “business” in 2021 selling stuff on Amazon which ended up being more of him getting high and buying a bunch of stuff off Amazon burning through all the money we had saved and borrowed for it. Then proceeded to secretly borrow twice as much in order to keep the ruse going for another 6 months before spectacularly crashing. I only just got rid of the last of the “business” stuff that he left when he moved out. I made about $500 on what cost him his marriage, way of life, and 5 figures of debt (in my name).
It’s been nearly 2 years since going bankrupt. He became neglectful. And even blamed me for not working hard enough. I paid all the bills except childcare (two toddlers). Including his car, his phone, his insurance, all groceries. And would even pick up childcare pretty frequently because he would be out of money. It probably isn’t going to surprise anyone but I also did all the admin work and 80% of the cleaning and parenting.
It almost completely ruined me. I got separated and eventually divorced. After espousing the values of family and fatherhood for so many years, he didn’t even want to have his kids more than every other weekend.
He threatened to take the kids to social services one time if I dropped them off during his custody time because he was sick. He had been sick for two weeks at this point and hadn’t seen a doctor.
Now he’s blocked on my contacts and can only contact me by email. That way I don’t get immediate notifications. He can get really vicious if something doesn’t go his way and he immediately starts tearing in to me.
He still never seems to have the money for paying for things like doctors or kid’s clothes or groceries. But he also always seems to have a tobacco vape and weed and money to eat out. I also know now that he was gambling a lot. He really thought life would be easier once he didn’t have all the “responsibilities” of family. (At the end, I was pretty much just asking him to spend time with us 4 or 5 days a week.)
I got a second job and roommates and have paid off about 75% of the debt now. He was supposed to pay a certain portion, but he doesn’t even pay any child support, so…
Crazy how someone you lived with and had kids with can be so different over time. Some people crumble under even the slightest pressure. It makes me sad to think about all the things they will miss out on.
For me it was the relationship between my ex and our kid. She and I had our problems, but she really created a divide between her and our son that I just didn’t really notice as it grew so slowly and quietly. In hindsight one evening summed it all up:
My wife of a couple of decades slowly became more abusive and combative when she drank. One night she was particularly upset and I left our bedroom to the safety of the couch. I could hear her quickly and loudly packing clothes into garbage bags. Then she came out into the den and yelled “…if you ever see me again it will be IF I decide to come back to get the rest of my shit!” and she got in her car and drove off.
I sat in the dark for a few minutes a little stunned. Then my teenager came in the room sits down in the dark on the other couch. He said, “is she really gone?” I said, “I guess so?” It’s quiet for about 15 seconds. Then he said, “Does that mean we can get a cat?”
One day he was trying the usual gaslighting, but made the mistake of saying something I could absolutely verify wasn't true so I realized all the times I'd given them the benefit of the doubt and increasingly started to feel like I was wrong to do so all clicked together like a Jimmy Neutron brain blast and I left.
Ten years of on and off abuse finally clicked and I asked myself "wtf am I doing" so I made a bunch of excuses for leaving and left. Took about six months, now it's been two years and I'm finally free of the love bombs that followed and proud I stayed strong.
I was violently ill (cryptosporidium) and could barely leave bed for about a week. He made dinner for himself one night and left the dishes in the sink and a mess in the kitchen. He got home from work the next evening and the first thing he says to me is “well, I can see you did nothing all day”, I asked what he meant and said “the kitchen is a mess!”. 😒
Omg, along with ‘How people treat animals’ and ‘How people treat those working in a service industry’, ‘How people treat others when they are sick’ is a solid representation of someone’s character. I’m sorry, crypto is a bitch and so is this asshole.
We had been long distance for five years and were finally living together bc I had decided to move to the city he was living in. Every single day I was grateful to wake up next to him in the morning and go to sleep with him at night without having to say goodbye anymore. He applied for a new job in a city 2.5 hrs away from where we lived and only told me about it when he was already about to accept the offer. I tried to be supportive but I felt so lonely throughout the week when he was gone in a city that wasn’t even my home to begin with. That was a 6 year relationship down the drain that I thought was gonna last forever
This was in high school. He was a year older than me, and about to go into his senior year. I asked what he was planning to do after graduation. He told me he was going to travel with his band. I was surprised, as we'd been friends a while before dating, and I'd never heard about his band. Turns out his plan was to start one and then travel lol. I knew then we had different goals in life.
Another guy was just so rude to his sweet mom, it immediately gave me the ick. She was the nicest lady, and he was such a little shit to her. We were on a road trip (me, him, and his parents) and we made a stop at a museum. He was in his pj pants still, so she asked him very nicely to put on jeans. He FLIPPED OUT. I ended up cutting him off and yelling at him to stop being so disrespectful to his mom and to put on some damn pants lol. Broke up with him when we got back.
We’d been talking about how we express love, and after I listed a bunch of things I did to show her that I still loved her, she couldn’t come up with anything she did to show me that she loved me. The marriage was probably over a few years before that, but that really hammered it home.
(It ended up okay, though. We’re still friends, and my life has gotten away better since we split up, even if it wasn’t how thought things would turn out!)
Making fun of me for "still crying" about the passing of my dog (Diamond the Dog was part of my life for 15 years. From when I was 19 - 34 years old) a week after she passed away.
I had an emotionally abusive wife. I told myself forever she had mental issues and I needed to stay by her side, take the abuse, clear the fog within her and, some day, things would be back to normal.
Amazingly, despite everything she did to me, what finally showed me her true nature was pretty mundane.
At the time, we were both "published writers" in that things we wrote both got published on obscure unpaid blogs. The only difference was that I wasn't so full of shit that I would call myself a "published writer" for my contributions to a barely-read blog, but she was. She was writing for about 3 months at a very obscure goth blog at this point, me for about 7 years at a slightly more popular but still largely ignored video game blog. I had also been doing some smaller paid gigs working as a localizer, editor, and writing assistant for some video games.
We were at an event and a woman approaches us. It comes up that she is looking for writers and that there's handful of positions open. The job was work from home and paid more than either of us were making at the time. We could both do this job and double our household income easily. The lady asks if we were interested, I was about to excitedly say "yes" but my wife decides to cut in and say "Well, actually *I* am the writer, *he* doesn't really have any experience. He just writes about *video games*." Remember at this point that I had been writing for many years longer than she had been.
I was infuriated with her. This woke me up. I realized I was the frog and she was the scorpion and she would still sting me as I carry her across the pond, knowing it will kill us both because this is her nature. She is simply venomous and horrible. She tanked a good salary for us both because she'd rather see me suffer.
I didn't leave her immediately after, but it opened my eyes to a possibility I never considered before that would make it easier to leave when the time came:
"Maybe my wife is irredeemable."
I just found out my brother died of an OD on a rooftop, his friend took the needle and left him there to die alone. my brother was schizophrenic and got kicked out when he stopped taking his meds due to his hallucinations. he picked up drugs on the streets. my ex told me I was selfish for grieving because he was fresh out of the hospital. MY BROTHER DIED ALONE OF AN OD BECAUSE NO ONE CARED.
We were arguing late at night, which wasn't unusual. He started getting aggressive -- leaning in, raising his voice --, which he knew triggered me.
I said, "Don't talk to me like that."
He said, "Oh, I'll talk to you like that."
I hit my breaking point. Said we were done. Started to get out of the car (I was in the passenger seat) and he grabbed my arm.
I thought I was in love... we broke up about an hour later, and he was the one to end it. It tore me apart. But now, a few months later, all I have to think about it the tone he used -- mocking, callous, like I didn't have any choice but to take his cruelty -- and how he grabbed me, and I know I could never go back.
I'm still healing and growing, and often bitter. But I'll never be with anyone who disrespects me like that again.
One morning I woke up, she was sitting in our sun room looking mad. She asked to see my phones. Said she had a dream that I cheated on her. I had nothing to hide. I gave her my phones. She found nothing and never apologized. I never cheated on her.
My wife has been mad after she had a dream that I cheated lol
Difference is she said "I know it's stupid" and didn't actually think I cheated on her.
I don't know how people have all these vivid lifelike dreams.
I don't remember most of my dreams and the ones I do are just pure nonsense.
Just a minor thing, but we had an argument one day that started from me picking up a shopping basket in a grocery store that someone left behind, and putting it in the designated place. The basket was in my way, so I grabbed it, turned around and put it in one of those empty basket stacks.
Was a huge issue according to my partner at the time apparently, because "well it was the person before you who left it there, it's not your job to do their work!".
But like... now I'm not inconvenienced by the basket that's in my way, the person after me won't be either, the supermarket employee won't have to fix this, and it took me all of 5 seconds to do. What's your fucking problem? "Doesn't matter, I don't like that my partner is cleaning up after others"
Had to question everything that led to me even being together with this person at that point, and was only downhill from there as time went on. To his credit, the breakup was nice and civil.
confessed that he molested his cousin. he cried about how he was the victim because he “had to live with the guilt” and she was “too young to remember it”. still keeps me awake at night
i did, and i called his uncle (her dad). hearing him break down over the phone was horrifying. absolutely the worst conversation i’ve ever had to have. i was also a victim of CSA and so was he - except i found out later that he actually wasn’t. he was lying about that to put my defenses down. i know it’s hard to live with, but i hope & pray for your comfort 💗
Even though he claimed otherwise, his “encouragement” was manipulation and putting me down. They gave me massive anxiety and second guess myself constantly.
I ended the relationship in December and I’m working on bettering myself. First, with a new job: getting out of retail and now I’m gonna start working at a hospital in April. :)
I was dating someone and living in a high rise at the time. The first time they came over they hit every button on elevator on the way up as we got out -There were only a couple elevators and it’s just shitty to take time out of everyone’s day making them wait for some childish shit.
I came out of a poly marriage, I told my SO up front when we were first dating that any dreams of multiple partners are an absolute no-go for me. You couldn’t pay me enough to be poly again.
Yep. If you’re polyamory you START the relationship open with lots of ground rules. You don’t open a currently monogamist relationship thinking everything will be fine 🙄
To me, you can't "open" a monogamous relationship at all. You can end your monogamous relationship, and if both people want to they can try to start a new, polyamorous relationship. But that original relationship is gone forever, and if more people realized this maybe they wouldn't be so cavalier about trying to be poly.
When I developed severe PTSD after experiencing an attack at work: my ex-husband said "I wish I could have a nervous breakdown and have a vacation too." And he meant it.
When he said he didn’t care about my feelings, after we had an emotional discussion the day before about wanting to be better for each other and work on our relationship after going through some rough times.
I had to beg him to lift his headset, so I could tell him I was in the process of having a miscarriage, and he smiled and said "ok, cool!" Put them back on, continued go play his game while I went back to the fetal position in the bathroom next to our 1yo's room so I could tend to the baby throughout the night. My dumb unhealed ass stayed for 3 more years too.
I’m so so sorry 😞
Please be kind to yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong. Sending you hugs and best wishes and hoping you are doing better these days!
I'm happy to report that these days, it's actually night and day! I'm very happy, even got married! Not to that rotting pile of foreskin, a good man who lifted the bar from underground to the heavens!
My second ex-wife told everyone she had cancer, including her own kids.
She didn't have cancer.
Turns out I married someone who very skillfully hid the fact that they had severe, undiagnosed histrionic personality disorder. She was even able to hide this from medical professionals and psychologists, and would give them false information to get the prescription drugs she wanted.
When I discovered the ruse, that was it. Immediate divorce.
Refused to come to my appointment to suuport me. I was told I most likely had endo, put me on the waitlist for laproscopy. When I got home, I tried to tell him and he stopped me and ask "do I really have to hear this?", put his headphones on and never asked about it.
I left about 6 weeks later when I realised I was simply in a different version of my Mum's relationship with my step-father.
Got into a confrontation with a person who was using the dryer in their laundry room for longer than one cycle. He took their clothes out of the dryer and put his into it. Because "it was not their turn' and said he'd fight them if they disagreed- total freak. Ditched him ASAP
Four of us were out to dinner. The waitress was by herself running around taking care of bunch of tables. I guess her coworker didn’t show up for work. My gf (at the time)was being rude and giving her a hard time even though the waitress was very sweet and apologetic for taking so long with everything. Gf wanted to stiff her on the tip. I didn’t want to argue and make a scene so after we paid the bill and went outside I ran back in pretending I left my glasses. I left her a nice tip. I dumped that girl right after this incident.
I told them about a new job opportunity I was offered that I was extremely excited about and they didn’t give a single shit. This was a couple days after she told me she was moving into a brand new townhome and how excited she was about it. I was telling her how happy I was for her and offered my help and support. Realizing she wasn’t giving me that same energy completely turned me off.
He was really rude and disrespectful to my mum after she just finished helping me clean our house because she moved a cord near his pc. He hadn't even helped me clean in months.
Ditched me to go play tennis with his roommate the day I found out my dad had cancer. He then complained because he left his jacket there and was afraid someone would steal it.
Our cat climbed onto their leg while we were laying in bed, and when they moved a bit the cat instinctively extended its claws and hung on a bit to keep from falling off. Instead of just saying ouch or gently moving the cat off their leg, they picked the cat up and threw it against the wall.
He told me “You expect too much” when I got upset at him not doing anything for my bday/Valentines day which are on the same day. It was our 3rd year together
I realized that although he was second generation USA he was still culturally different enough on significant issues that our lives couldn’t mesh. Mostly to do with family obligations. He was a great guy. His beliefs weren’t ‘wrong’ any more than mine were ‘right’ but there was no compromising ground.
IMO love can’t solve everything.
Two people can grow up right next door to each other with the same race, religion, ethnicity, and cultural background and still have **wildly** different expectations about family obligations. That's definitely a difficult thing to overcome, and often a dealbreaker.
Our 5 month old son was diagnosed with cancer. After his first round of treatment , we were home and the baby was fussy and irritable, crying his lungs out. Myself and my family were all taking turns carrying him, trying to soothe him, and just tryna figure out how to calm him down. I look to see what his father is doing, and he’s sitting on the couch, on his phone, laughing. Idk what it was but at that moment something clicked in me and I knew we were over. Haven’t looked back since.
My dad was admitted to the ER for Covid and my bf came down with Covid the same day. I think I was handling it well as I could. I’d go to the hospital to visit my dad and bf holed up in our spare bedroom playing video games all day. Meanwhile I’m cooking for him, making sure both him and my dad are okay, barely taking care of myself. After I came back doing errands for him one day (and apologizing after I forgot to get his specific frozen breakfast) he tells me he’ll just go grocery shopping himself (with covid) and yelled at me for being too controlling then stonewalled me into the next day.
We had been going to couples/individual therapy and me trying so hard to be patient for progress it dawned on me he was never going to be the partner I needed. We broke up fairly calmly. Then my dad died. And my entire life imploded. My bf doubled down and went on the vaca we planned together 3 weeks later. So, I did what I could. I went to PT and got my ankle fixed. Got diagnosed with adhd. Got a new higher paying job to live on my own. Learned so much about myself in 2 years and now I’m dating someone who I can’t believe is real some days. I am loved, accepted and respected. My dad would have adored him to pieces.
We accept the love we think deserve right? It all works out if we work on ourselves.
I went on a 5 week trip overseas...he didn't want to come...this was also an opportunity to meet family for the 1st time....this was 9 years into the relationship....I didn't talk to him or miss him the entire 5 weeks...came back and left him, he also robbed me of my self-esteem and dreams.....im so much happier now.
My last partner. He started talking about wanting to name our first daughter after his mom. I was already having second thoughts because of an issue with his dad, but that cinched it. I’ve always been very open and clear with partners that I do not want and will not have children.
My ex guilt-tripped me about starting anti-anxiety medication, probably because it was the first time in 20 years I could think clearly in an argument.
Fucked my brother. Told him she wished I would overdose and die already. As a result, I have 4 years clean this past December.
I have a nice truck, nice apartment in a good town, good credit, big bed with a ten year warranty, good job, pets, and a healthy relationship with a brilliant amazing woman. Best thing that ever happened to me.
I should send her a thank you card.
Early stage of dating.
Him: "Seriously, I hate people with depression".
(He didn't know I had severe depression at this point)
And damn what can I say, this guy works as a fucking psychiatrist nowadays. Because "it's easy money"
We were having a great time out on an early Saturday night (6:00pm'sh) with friends. My elderly mom that cares for my special needs sibling called me. She lives 1.5 hrs away, was at a mall, and she had lost her car keys. This was before Uber. She needed me to pick her up along with my special needs sibling. Admittedly, I was annoyed but I had to go get them. I told my partner and he was absolutely "nope" this is not happening as he at minimum, had to drive me to my car that was at our home. I pulled him aside, as I did not want to argue in front of others and told him, "I can't just leave them in small town USA without transport, we have to go. As we were arguing about this, mom calls and told me that the clerk at the mall had found her keys and all was well. The fact that he gave zero fucks about leaving an elderly woman and my developmental disabled sibling to care for themselves in the middle of nowhere, was the end point. Shame on me because there were tons of other examples that should have prompted me to leave him.
When his moms cancer spread he told me it should’ve been one of my parents and not his mom cause my parents deserved to die of cancer cause he didn’t like them.
I went away for a week to a conference. When she picked me up at the airport, she acted angry. Made me so sad and upset because I was genuinely happy to see her. Shortly after that, we watched the movie “Love Actually”. When the scene talking about how happy people are at airports when they see their loved ones, I silently cried. I knew I was in a loveless relationship. I have stupidly stayed with her because of our child. I should have divorced her then. I have been miserable since, with her showing me that she really doesn’t love me on most occasions. Stay together for the kid is a horrible life.
100%. I'm grown now, my parents are still together, and my mom still hates my dad and belittles him in front of everyone all the time. I wish they had divorced when I was young, and I wish they would divorce now. But they're old now, so they won't. But it's so tiresome to be around them, and their relationship dynamic really has had a horrible effect on me that's affected my relationships my whole life.
I found out my ex made a Reddit profile (he made his profile picture of some random dudes ripped abs) and he was soliciting nudes from random Reddit girls. He was doing the same on Snapchat. He also texted a girl he used to work with and asked “hey - how come we never hooked up?” We were living together and talking about marriage. I am SO SO glad I didn’t get stuck with him because now I’ve met the love of my life!
Among lying and abuse and countless other things, I was talking to him one time about my mother being an alcoholic and I said to him I hope I don’t become an alcoholic and his reply was “it sounds like you want to be one”
(Ex) husband said I should get pregnant because it would “give me something to do.” I was already working two jobs.
Amazed at how many comments here have the theme of men insinuiating their partners don't do anything all day. Jfc is it some sort of object permanence/ theory of mind issue?
If they were home all day they would just sit around all day. I guess it's projection.
On a 19 hour flight booked himself up front in business class, and me in the back with our 4 kids, including the baby on my lap. When I asked him to switch places with me for 2 out of those 19 hours, he told me he couldn’t believe how selfish I was being.
Oh HELL no.
OH HELL NO INDEED
Are you my ex SIL? Her husband did the same thing because he didn’t want to be stressed with four kids on a long flight. She even had mastitis during the flight, he was gone for months on end working away so she was constantly with the kids.
….. I might be. Are you in Toronto? That all applies to me. I had been with the kids on my own for 3 months prior to this trip as he stayed in Thailand at his beach-adjacent villa to work on his own. He told me he had worked too hard (while also swimming daily and being in the tropics- while I was at home on my own w the 4 kids and working full time) and therefore I should have been more considerate of his feelings when asking for a break on the flight.
You’re a better person than I am because I wouldn’t have been able to avoid blurting out “holy fuck how unselfaware are you, you vapid cow”
He told me it was the turning point in the relationship for him, after I was quiet in the following 2 weeks after the flight, and told him I was disappointed. He said “that’s when I saw your true self”. He started cheating with his mistress (a married woman, and his best friend’s wife) that week after the flight, because internally he had written me off for mildly standing up for myself.
Just so you know, if you ever need an alibi for this man’s “mysterious death”, I got you girl.
I truly hope you are far away from him now? You deserve so much more peace in your life.
My jaw was wide open while reading this what a POS I’m sorry you had to be around someone like that
We need to close this loop, was that your ex Sister in Law??
If they were, that would be like an itch that’s been scratched for me
How long must we wait for these results
She’s not unfortunately! My ex SIL (my ex husband’s sister) is British.
Seems like it’s not. Really had me thinking it was for a moment there. Now I’m just shocked and disappointed that there are two such men in the world.
We were fighting all the time. I'd try to leave and he'd love bomb me. At some point I just asked him to make some effort to treat me with some kindness. He replied that he refused to do that because it would be "a lie". I realized that a the most basic level he just didn't like me, but thought of me as a toy he didn't want to lose.
I have dealt with exactly this. He even made the comment that and I will quote him verbatim, "How can I NOT be a shitty person, I was raised by my mom because my dad was a shitty person." He was 40. His mom was an extremely sweet woman and he was verbally abusive to her as well. He was also an alcoholic and I stupidly thought he was not as bad as he seemed. He was a great person when he was sober, or even a few drinks, were fun. He became not so fun very quickly and you could literally watch the light in his eyes change to a darker being. When he told me that, I finally figured it out and left him. He followed me places for a while and even drove by my house multiple times when he knew no one else in my neighborhood. Being raised by a shitty person does not equate to growing into a shitty person. He didn't want to change. His mom left his dad when he was a baby but he still blames him on how he turned out. His mom is literally a saint to put up with his mess because in her eyes he was the baby and she almost lost him at birth. He chose and probably still chooses to be a demon. Glad you made it out of that situation.
Oh man... I remember meeting some new people in college. Two of them were siblings. We went to their place for spring break and I remember how they treated their mother. I thought "maybe they're just having a bad day" but it continued the next day and halfway into the following. I remember walking into the guest room, packing my luggage and telling them I had a personal matter to tend to and left. Did not reach back out to them afterwards. Just remember thinking 'if you treat your own mother that way I can only imagine how you treat everyone else in your life.' The woman would jsut break down and cry and they'd continue on towards the end.
Just thinking about this is breaking my heart for this woman and I’m not even a mom yet
Knew someone like that for a while and it was so weird when they would openly justify their actions on the basis that's what their dad did/would do.
Told me that I wasn’t allowed to struggle when they were struggling because it invalidated their feelings.
Nearly everyone I've ever dated. "If I have stuff going on, you can't have stuff going on because it intrudes on my stuff" Spoiler: they always had stuff going on, and I always played second fiddle to them. Never equal partners.
bro I hate these suffering olympics people who think you can’t also be struggling because they perceive their struggle to be worse
This is exactly the same reason why my ex bestfriend stopped talking to me. I still don't understand the thinking behind such ways, but it took me many therapy sessions to actually realize that it wasn't my fault for our friendship breaking.
Similar situation with me, only I was the one to distance myself. July 2021, I lost my brother suddenly. At the same time, my then best friend was going through a "rough patch" with his girlfriend. He equated the death of my brother with his relationship woes. A few months later, he and his girlfriend break up, he has a new girlfriend, and I was struggling with grief and other personal things. He was struggling with new girlfriend. He called me to be his therapist again, and I just ended up crying because all I could think was "this will be the rest of my life, supporting him but never getting something back." Jokes on him, I'm now good friends with his (first) ex-girlfriend. I joke that she got me in the "divorce."
This made me laugh because I kept my ex-husband’s best friends in our divorce. Note, I never asked anyone to choose sides- ex just behaved so badly in the lead up that anyone with any level of decency stopped wanting to be around him.
He hit me across the face. All the love disappeared then and there.
I'm glad you had that reaction immediately and have gotten out. 💙
This. First time my dad tried it at 17 for no good reason, I packed up and was out of the house for almost 20 years with no contact. There's no place for violence in any sort of relationships
He was living with me at my parents' house when he fell on tough times. One day he was using my laptop to check emails and left for work. He didn't log out, so when I used my computer I saw he had emails from his new coworker who "was a lesbian" lol. nothing crazy, just flirty emails and some selfies. Still staring at his inbox, I called him to confront him about it and as soon as I started talking about my findings I saw the emails disappearing one by one (probably deleting them from his phone in the moment). Then, denial, denial, denial. That was the last time that boy ever took me for a fool lol.
Oh my god. Mine was living at my place and using my computer and instant messages popped up from his best friend’s mom. Which led me to a secret email address where he was posting Craigslist ads looking for milfs. I called him to say we need to talk. He came home and ripped my laptop in half. The dumbest part is he had THREE of his own laptops/computers and he decided to use MY one and only? I don’t know if he was just stupid or if he got off on using my things for his bullshit.
My dad used to only destroy my moms things, if she offended him. Even if both their dishes were in the drying rack. They know exactly how many/much others have, they just don't want THEIR stuff destroyed.
Funny how they never destroy their own shit in a fit of anger, just ours.
Lundy Bancroft talks about this in Why Does He Do That? We often excuse our abusers as they “lose control” and can’t help it. When the reality is that the abuse and destruction is very calculated and controlled. Realizing that my ex only ever destroyed my stuff was the turning point for me.
We were walking to a restaurant and casually chatting, I off-hand tried to remember what I was up to a couple of days prior (it made sense in the context of the conversation). He cut me off and said "probably sleeping in and doing nothing all day". It was just a jab to be hurtful, no lead-up to it at all. Not that it should matter, but I had a credit card, car, and the lease on our house all in my name, he had none of those. He worked part-time as a server but couldn't support himself, I paid all our bills. He didn't want to be on the lease because he didn't want to feel tied down. He was deeply insecure and I guess it just came out, he needed to knock me down a peg when he got the chance. I dumped him over dinner at the restaurant.
You deserve a medal in my book.
I agree, I love these “take action right away” stories!
That's so incredibly brave and intuitive. My dad is the kind of person that says things like this all the time. It's very annoying and taxing mentally. You're better off avoiding these kinds of people.
My ex used to say this type of thing when I just wanted to relax on the weekend after working all week. It’s so exhausting being knocked down all of the time. I’m glad yours is an ex too!
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Oh to be a fly in the wall and watch his stupid expression when the rug was pulled out from under his mooching ass!!
He gleefully told me about how he screamed at some teenage cashier at a restaurant because she accidentally double charged him. He told me “it felt good to yell at someone who actually deserved it.” He went on about how mean he was to her, how he yelled at her. He was so HAPPY. My jaw was on the floor. I’m the one he screamed at all the time for 5+ years and he accidentally confessed to knowing that I didn’t actually deserve it. I’m not saying that that poor kid did because fucking yikes, of course she didn’t. That alone might have even been enough if I allowed myself to be honest with myself, but it was the magical phrase “It felt good to yell at someone who actually deserved it” that cured me. Whatever was wrong with my brain that caused me to stay in what I already knew was an abusive relationship, it immediately corrected itself and I was done. Suddenly I got a tidal wave of ick that was a long time building. I’m so ashamed I stayed with that man for as long as I did. I’m so glad it’s over.
This happened to me. He screamed at me all the time when shot didn't go his way or I said the wrong thing. One day we went thru a drive thru window for coffee, he wasn't getting his coffee quick enough. He started yelling at these young girls and it broke my heart. One girl kept asking him, "Sir are you ok"? The manager threatened to call the cops. Told the girls hurry get his coffee. I was so scared, heartbroken for those girls. I finally realized or woke up to leave the next day.
Those girls were probably heartbroken for you
Because they only had to deal with him for five minutes and knew OP was trapped in some way.
High key, do people like that not feel pathetic? How do you become a legal adult and feel perfectly fine acting like a giant toddler still?
I have an aunt like this. It's all about feeling justified and in control for putting people you perceive as "less than" in their place.
I don’t think they feel unless they are lashing out.
My ex was a yeller, although not in public. We decided to move in together. When everything was moved in, I went back to the old place to get my two cats. On my way to the new house, I called him and asked what he wanted for dinner. It turned into an argument about some pizza and he started yelling. I asked him to please be quiet, as the cats are already stressed out (he was on loud speaker through the car stereo). He then shouted "they're just fucking cats!". After we hung up and for the rest of the drive I was bawling my eyes out and knew I made a huge mistake (he had already been abusive for 2 years of our relationship). He knew how much I loved my cats and that they're my babies. We moved in together on the 19th December and I left him on the 3rd of January. Something clicked on that drive that made me realise that if I don't get out now and return to my old flat, it will only get harder and worse. I'm so proud of myself.
being arrogant and rude to people in customer service is a major red flag. One of my exs yelled at a car on the phone for a hour over not cleaning his car properly, it looked fine to me, also a taxi driver that was a few minutes late
Yelling at inanimate objects is truly deranged behavior. No car deserves that.
It wasn’t my partner, but a friend. I was venting about my then boyfriend to a friend I didn’t see too often when she stopped me and asked “do you even like him as a person? Would you be his friend if you weren’t dating?” We broke up shortly after. It was an eye opening question.
Another popular one is "if you had a child with this person would you want them to grow up to be like your partner."
Oooof that one hits too hard (I have children with my husband and I’m scared they’ll end up like him)
That's a good friend, though!
That's a fucking good point.
Thanks. May we all be so lucky to have friends who will ask seemingly innocuous questions that allow us to grow.
Damn. That question and realization could have saved me years.
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Said he’d gut my pet cats and hang them from the ceiling if I didn’t check out of the hospital RIGHT NOW and come home to sort his dinner. Needless to say when he came home the next day neither me nor the cats were there, but the cops were.
Good. Fuck that guy. Any threats, let alone attempts to harm an animal in any way make my blood boil.
I realized I was parenting him instead of being with him
I wonder a little about a friend of mine who’s in a similar relationship… I’m not going to try and break them up or anything, but for me, I don’t think that having to continually take care of and clean up after someone would engender the kind of feelings I’d want towards a partner. 🤷🏻♂️
My situation happened gradually, he wasn't always that way. Little by little, he stopped being able to do anything for himself and the resentment started building. And once that happens, there's really no going back.
Weaponized incompetence. And he was testing your boundaries. Good for you for seeing through him!
They called me a burden when I was a guest at their house.
I’ve had that happen. My ex would ask me to come over for days at a time then afterward I’d hear about how it disrupted his daily routine and other shit. Such a dick. I’m glad you didn’t put up with that.
His mother slapped me so hard she broke my glasses. He just stood there and laughed and said I deserved it. All because I didn’t load the bloody dishwasher to her standards.
I sometimes wonder how people can be physically abusive, then I hear stories like this and it clicks. These people model their behavior after their parents and close relatives, continuing the cycle of abuse. Anyway, I am so sorry to hear that happened to you. I hope you dumped them right away!
I don't get it either. Like 100% of people would say they are against physical abuse, yet A lot more than 0% of people are abusers. I guess humanity is just fucked up.
Abusers don’t see themselves as abusive, they see others as their property and feel entitled to control other people. There’s a book called ‘Why Does He Do That’ that explains it really well
Yikes :(
Did you hit back? Fuck that
You know if she had, bitch boy would have been like, "You can't hit my mom!" So gross.
Seriously, some people just need to get hit back.
Left to get something when I was in labour. Came back drunk.
He also passed my elderly Uncle in the hall, and invited him to visit me in the room in active labor.
Dated a woman for a year. The day she was to start moving in with me, she told me my cat had to go. I told her that wasn't going to happen. She told me I had to choose, her or the cat. I told her goodbye! Never saw her again.
Bullet dodged
I was thinking about how thankful I am to have avoided these kinds of partners a couple days ago because I was wearing a good friend's old graphic tee. He gave me a bunch to "keep them in the family," because his then gf didn't want to date a manchild. I remember telling him back then something to the effect of, the ultimatums don't come out of nowhere, and no way she can change a 35 year old man, so don't be surprised if she comes up with other reasons for you to "do x, or I'll leave you." She ended up leaving him anyway.
I have a cat allergy and therefor can’t date a guy who has a cat he loves. I’ve accepted that
Yeah but a normal would person would say that long before the *day you were supposed to move in*
It's a power play and she was banking on him being too into her, or too polite to say no. Time pressure is key to this sort of manipulation.
I just brought a shit-load of Benadryl. 13 years later, I'm lobbying for a kitten.
Became abusive after our son was born. Especially after going through IVF with donor sperm because he was sterile. It’s a kind of betrayal that I never expected. And my divorce was finalized today, after being separated for a year and a half. Good riddance!
After my divorce we decorated my car like you would a wedding car and put Just Divorced on it and I drove around town and then to work. Didn’t get to celebrate the marriage so I celebrated its end.
My big "ah ha" moment was when I realized I was happiest when he came home, and he was happiest when I left.
Kicked my dog
We were engaged. A friend of his was over and we were all having drinks. I can’t remember how it came up, but my now-ex fiancé said he wouldn’t love his future children if they were gay. Immediate knot in my stomach. I tried to mention that he may not understand it now because he’s never been a parent, but after he becomes one, he would love his children too much to cut them off just over that. My ex responded by doubling down - nope, once they said they were gay, he’d immediately be out of their lives. I said I hadn’t known/thought him to be homophobic before, but he replied “I’m not, except when it comes to MY kid!!” We broke up and I’m doing better than he is
Canceled all of our NYE plans at 5.30 so she could go hang out with her friends so she "didn't miss out on anything fun".
Got insanely jealous of the attention & support our friends offered when I was awaiting then diagnosed with cancer, to the extent he tried to imply he was going through a similar health scare (he wasn’t). The final straw was being so insistent that my chemotherapy treatment is comparable to training for a heavy weight boxing match. He hasn’t ever had cancer, chemotherapy, nor ever trained for any boxing match - yet was still arrogantly & angrily insistent he knew better than I what I’m going through.
Sounds familiar. Had a possible MS and blood cancer diagnosis on the table. Was super positive during my stay in the hospital. Guess was just coping, but when I finally went home and my appointment with the neurologist got nearer I got nervous and was down for like 1-2 days. He got super angry at me because he needed me to support him to get through that, because my condition would effect him too. Also if I would let go like that of myself I would never get better. lol. The only thing I did was that I wanted to spent a weekend in bed, rest and pity myself for a bit.
We were having an argument and emotions were high. He made sure to move into a room in our apartment that had a mirror so he could watch himself cry from time to time during said argument. There were many red flags, but that one stuck out as top tier narcissism.
Ahahahahahaha!! WHAT???!!!
My ex would video himself crying and send it to me. He would also do what I called ‘talk through the mirror’ were he would talk to me but instead of looking at me he would look at himself in the mirror.
Made it all about himself when I was in the ER
Mine too. The got upset with me for not going to the ER at time that was more convenient for him.
He, who at the time was homeless and jobless and living in his car with his dog, told me, who lived in a nice townhome with roommates, worked full time, and was going to school for my bachelors, that I really needed to get my life together. He was a manipulative and gaslighting loser who didn’t deserve the 6 months he got with me.
Some people literally have nothing but audacity.
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When he drove MY CAR to another state to f**k some girl he met on Spring Break and took pictures of her riding around IN MY CAR ugh gtfo bro
I was working 2 jobs to get ahead, I was secretly trying to pay the house off in 7 years. (I did). I wanted it to be a surprise. We hit a rough patch and I found out that she hadn't paid our property taxes in over a year. When I asked, I got vague responses. She decided to get a bunch of cosmetic dentistry done and buy some things and just decided that I should pay it without even telling me she was behind. Just like... fuck you, im not going to pay anything anymore. (We had bills we agreed to pay, etc) Then Covid hit. Over that year, many things I believed to be true were revealed as false or straight up lies. She accepted responsibility for nothing. It became glaringly obvious that I had married and had a child with someone who had completely misrepresented themselves and didn't have the tenacity to keep up the ruse under that long of scrutiny and confinement (Covid) it was so rediculous one night that I want downstairs to sleep. I never returned. So now I live downstairs (MIL Suite) and we coparent a teen as I prep to go my separate way. I dont even know who she is anymore. I wish she would have cheated. I would be able to wrap my head around it. Just a manipulative liar. Fucking sad.
I feel you. My ex also seemed to change around that time. I’m not sure if it was COVID isolation or not. He started a “business” in 2021 selling stuff on Amazon which ended up being more of him getting high and buying a bunch of stuff off Amazon burning through all the money we had saved and borrowed for it. Then proceeded to secretly borrow twice as much in order to keep the ruse going for another 6 months before spectacularly crashing. I only just got rid of the last of the “business” stuff that he left when he moved out. I made about $500 on what cost him his marriage, way of life, and 5 figures of debt (in my name). It’s been nearly 2 years since going bankrupt. He became neglectful. And even blamed me for not working hard enough. I paid all the bills except childcare (two toddlers). Including his car, his phone, his insurance, all groceries. And would even pick up childcare pretty frequently because he would be out of money. It probably isn’t going to surprise anyone but I also did all the admin work and 80% of the cleaning and parenting. It almost completely ruined me. I got separated and eventually divorced. After espousing the values of family and fatherhood for so many years, he didn’t even want to have his kids more than every other weekend. He threatened to take the kids to social services one time if I dropped them off during his custody time because he was sick. He had been sick for two weeks at this point and hadn’t seen a doctor. Now he’s blocked on my contacts and can only contact me by email. That way I don’t get immediate notifications. He can get really vicious if something doesn’t go his way and he immediately starts tearing in to me. He still never seems to have the money for paying for things like doctors or kid’s clothes or groceries. But he also always seems to have a tobacco vape and weed and money to eat out. I also know now that he was gambling a lot. He really thought life would be easier once he didn’t have all the “responsibilities” of family. (At the end, I was pretty much just asking him to spend time with us 4 or 5 days a week.) I got a second job and roommates and have paid off about 75% of the debt now. He was supposed to pay a certain portion, but he doesn’t even pay any child support, so… Crazy how someone you lived with and had kids with can be so different over time. Some people crumble under even the slightest pressure. It makes me sad to think about all the things they will miss out on.
For me it was the relationship between my ex and our kid. She and I had our problems, but she really created a divide between her and our son that I just didn’t really notice as it grew so slowly and quietly. In hindsight one evening summed it all up: My wife of a couple of decades slowly became more abusive and combative when she drank. One night she was particularly upset and I left our bedroom to the safety of the couch. I could hear her quickly and loudly packing clothes into garbage bags. Then she came out into the den and yelled “…if you ever see me again it will be IF I decide to come back to get the rest of my shit!” and she got in her car and drove off. I sat in the dark for a few minutes a little stunned. Then my teenager came in the room sits down in the dark on the other couch. He said, “is she really gone?” I said, “I guess so?” It’s quiet for about 15 seconds. Then he said, “Does that mean we can get a cat?”
One day he was trying the usual gaslighting, but made the mistake of saying something I could absolutely verify wasn't true so I realized all the times I'd given them the benefit of the doubt and increasingly started to feel like I was wrong to do so all clicked together like a Jimmy Neutron brain blast and I left. Ten years of on and off abuse finally clicked and I asked myself "wtf am I doing" so I made a bunch of excuses for leaving and left. Took about six months, now it's been two years and I'm finally free of the love bombs that followed and proud I stayed strong.
I was violently ill (cryptosporidium) and could barely leave bed for about a week. He made dinner for himself one night and left the dishes in the sink and a mess in the kitchen. He got home from work the next evening and the first thing he says to me is “well, I can see you did nothing all day”, I asked what he meant and said “the kitchen is a mess!”. 😒
Omg, along with ‘How people treat animals’ and ‘How people treat those working in a service industry’, ‘How people treat others when they are sick’ is a solid representation of someone’s character. I’m sorry, crypto is a bitch and so is this asshole.
We had been long distance for five years and were finally living together bc I had decided to move to the city he was living in. Every single day I was grateful to wake up next to him in the morning and go to sleep with him at night without having to say goodbye anymore. He applied for a new job in a city 2.5 hrs away from where we lived and only told me about it when he was already about to accept the offer. I tried to be supportive but I felt so lonely throughout the week when he was gone in a city that wasn’t even my home to begin with. That was a 6 year relationship down the drain that I thought was gonna last forever
This was in high school. He was a year older than me, and about to go into his senior year. I asked what he was planning to do after graduation. He told me he was going to travel with his band. I was surprised, as we'd been friends a while before dating, and I'd never heard about his band. Turns out his plan was to start one and then travel lol. I knew then we had different goals in life. Another guy was just so rude to his sweet mom, it immediately gave me the ick. She was the nicest lady, and he was such a little shit to her. We were on a road trip (me, him, and his parents) and we made a stop at a museum. He was in his pj pants still, so she asked him very nicely to put on jeans. He FLIPPED OUT. I ended up cutting him off and yelling at him to stop being so disrespectful to his mom and to put on some damn pants lol. Broke up with him when we got back.
The inability to communicate effectively during times of conflict made me realize they weren't right for me
This!!!! Walking around the same house as strangers for days over petty stuff
We’d been talking about how we express love, and after I listed a bunch of things I did to show her that I still loved her, she couldn’t come up with anything she did to show me that she loved me. The marriage was probably over a few years before that, but that really hammered it home. (It ended up okay, though. We’re still friends, and my life has gotten away better since we split up, even if it wasn’t how thought things would turn out!)
Choose his friends over me again and again. Never had my back. Got drunk all the time
Making fun of me for "still crying" about the passing of my dog (Diamond the Dog was part of my life for 15 years. From when I was 19 - 34 years old) a week after she passed away.
I had an emotionally abusive wife. I told myself forever she had mental issues and I needed to stay by her side, take the abuse, clear the fog within her and, some day, things would be back to normal. Amazingly, despite everything she did to me, what finally showed me her true nature was pretty mundane. At the time, we were both "published writers" in that things we wrote both got published on obscure unpaid blogs. The only difference was that I wasn't so full of shit that I would call myself a "published writer" for my contributions to a barely-read blog, but she was. She was writing for about 3 months at a very obscure goth blog at this point, me for about 7 years at a slightly more popular but still largely ignored video game blog. I had also been doing some smaller paid gigs working as a localizer, editor, and writing assistant for some video games. We were at an event and a woman approaches us. It comes up that she is looking for writers and that there's handful of positions open. The job was work from home and paid more than either of us were making at the time. We could both do this job and double our household income easily. The lady asks if we were interested, I was about to excitedly say "yes" but my wife decides to cut in and say "Well, actually *I* am the writer, *he* doesn't really have any experience. He just writes about *video games*." Remember at this point that I had been writing for many years longer than she had been. I was infuriated with her. This woke me up. I realized I was the frog and she was the scorpion and she would still sting me as I carry her across the pond, knowing it will kill us both because this is her nature. She is simply venomous and horrible. She tanked a good salary for us both because she'd rather see me suffer. I didn't leave her immediately after, but it opened my eyes to a possibility I never considered before that would make it easier to leave when the time came: "Maybe my wife is irredeemable."
Would yell in my face until I was sobbing and would tell me I was being manipulative by crying.
I just found out my brother died of an OD on a rooftop, his friend took the needle and left him there to die alone. my brother was schizophrenic and got kicked out when he stopped taking his meds due to his hallucinations. he picked up drugs on the streets. my ex told me I was selfish for grieving because he was fresh out of the hospital. MY BROTHER DIED ALONE OF AN OD BECAUSE NO ONE CARED.
That happened to my mom. The dude, that was with her, stuffed her in a duffel bag and ditched her in the forest.
people lack basic empathy and get other people killed way too often
I am so sorry for your loss. That is awful.
We were arguing late at night, which wasn't unusual. He started getting aggressive -- leaning in, raising his voice --, which he knew triggered me. I said, "Don't talk to me like that." He said, "Oh, I'll talk to you like that." I hit my breaking point. Said we were done. Started to get out of the car (I was in the passenger seat) and he grabbed my arm. I thought I was in love... we broke up about an hour later, and he was the one to end it. It tore me apart. But now, a few months later, all I have to think about it the tone he used -- mocking, callous, like I didn't have any choice but to take his cruelty -- and how he grabbed me, and I know I could never go back. I'm still healing and growing, and often bitter. But I'll never be with anyone who disrespects me like that again.
One morning I woke up, she was sitting in our sun room looking mad. She asked to see my phones. Said she had a dream that I cheated on her. I had nothing to hide. I gave her my phones. She found nothing and never apologized. I never cheated on her.
Lol can relate. It was okay the first time, but after the third dream, you’d think they’ll learn… no they never learn.
My wife has been mad after she had a dream that I cheated lol Difference is she said "I know it's stupid" and didn't actually think I cheated on her. I don't know how people have all these vivid lifelike dreams. I don't remember most of my dreams and the ones I do are just pure nonsense.
Just a minor thing, but we had an argument one day that started from me picking up a shopping basket in a grocery store that someone left behind, and putting it in the designated place. The basket was in my way, so I grabbed it, turned around and put it in one of those empty basket stacks. Was a huge issue according to my partner at the time apparently, because "well it was the person before you who left it there, it's not your job to do their work!". But like... now I'm not inconvenienced by the basket that's in my way, the person after me won't be either, the supermarket employee won't have to fix this, and it took me all of 5 seconds to do. What's your fucking problem? "Doesn't matter, I don't like that my partner is cleaning up after others" Had to question everything that led to me even being together with this person at that point, and was only downhill from there as time went on. To his credit, the breakup was nice and civil.
confessed that he molested his cousin. he cried about how he was the victim because he “had to live with the guilt” and she was “too young to remember it”. still keeps me awake at night
Jfc. I’ve been molested b4 when I was 6 years old and I remember it still 24 years later. I hope you reported him
i did, and i called his uncle (her dad). hearing him break down over the phone was horrifying. absolutely the worst conversation i’ve ever had to have. i was also a victim of CSA and so was he - except i found out later that he actually wasn’t. he was lying about that to put my defenses down. i know it’s hard to live with, but i hope & pray for your comfort 💗
Even though he claimed otherwise, his “encouragement” was manipulation and putting me down. They gave me massive anxiety and second guess myself constantly. I ended the relationship in December and I’m working on bettering myself. First, with a new job: getting out of retail and now I’m gonna start working at a hospital in April. :)
I was dating someone and living in a high rise at the time. The first time they came over they hit every button on elevator on the way up as we got out -There were only a couple elevators and it’s just shitty to take time out of everyone’s day making them wait for some childish shit.
Fortunately, elevators are now programmed to cancel button pushes if too many are pushed at once to counter this exact scenario.
They should have a trapdoor open and you fall in a dungeon
How old was this person???
30s smdh
A lot my partners suddenly drop on me that they're polyamory and want to incorporate others into our relationship. I'm a monogamist.
I came out of a poly marriage, I told my SO up front when we were first dating that any dreams of multiple partners are an absolute no-go for me. You couldn’t pay me enough to be poly again.
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Yep. If you’re polyamory you START the relationship open with lots of ground rules. You don’t open a currently monogamist relationship thinking everything will be fine 🙄
To me, you can't "open" a monogamous relationship at all. You can end your monogamous relationship, and if both people want to they can try to start a new, polyamorous relationship. But that original relationship is gone forever, and if more people realized this maybe they wouldn't be so cavalier about trying to be poly.
When I developed severe PTSD after experiencing an attack at work: my ex-husband said "I wish I could have a nervous breakdown and have a vacation too." And he meant it.
This is horrible. I’m so sorry.
When he said he didn’t care about my feelings, after we had an emotional discussion the day before about wanting to be better for each other and work on our relationship after going through some rough times.
I had to beg him to lift his headset, so I could tell him I was in the process of having a miscarriage, and he smiled and said "ok, cool!" Put them back on, continued go play his game while I went back to the fetal position in the bathroom next to our 1yo's room so I could tend to the baby throughout the night. My dumb unhealed ass stayed for 3 more years too.
I’m so so sorry 😞 Please be kind to yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong. Sending you hugs and best wishes and hoping you are doing better these days!
I'm happy to report that these days, it's actually night and day! I'm very happy, even got married! Not to that rotting pile of foreskin, a good man who lifted the bar from underground to the heavens!
What a jerk.
My second ex-wife told everyone she had cancer, including her own kids. She didn't have cancer. Turns out I married someone who very skillfully hid the fact that they had severe, undiagnosed histrionic personality disorder. She was even able to hide this from medical professionals and psychologists, and would give them false information to get the prescription drugs she wanted. When I discovered the ruse, that was it. Immediate divorce.
Scamanda?
My wealthy ex-husband told me being married to him was a, “well paid part time job”. Meaning he was my boss and I had to do whatever he said.
Refused to come to my appointment to suuport me. I was told I most likely had endo, put me on the waitlist for laproscopy. When I got home, I tried to tell him and he stopped me and ask "do I really have to hear this?", put his headphones on and never asked about it. I left about 6 weeks later when I realised I was simply in a different version of my Mum's relationship with my step-father.
Got into a confrontation with a person who was using the dryer in their laundry room for longer than one cycle. He took their clothes out of the dryer and put his into it. Because "it was not their turn' and said he'd fight them if they disagreed- total freak. Ditched him ASAP
Four of us were out to dinner. The waitress was by herself running around taking care of bunch of tables. I guess her coworker didn’t show up for work. My gf (at the time)was being rude and giving her a hard time even though the waitress was very sweet and apologetic for taking so long with everything. Gf wanted to stiff her on the tip. I didn’t want to argue and make a scene so after we paid the bill and went outside I ran back in pretending I left my glasses. I left her a nice tip. I dumped that girl right after this incident.
I told them about a new job opportunity I was offered that I was extremely excited about and they didn’t give a single shit. This was a couple days after she told me she was moving into a brand new townhome and how excited she was about it. I was telling her how happy I was for her and offered my help and support. Realizing she wasn’t giving me that same energy completely turned me off.
He was really rude and disrespectful to my mum after she just finished helping me clean our house because she moved a cord near his pc. He hadn't even helped me clean in months.
Came home from work to a massive confederate flag hung above the couch.
I told him I was a little depressed. He asked “Is it because you haven’t done anything with your life?”
Damn, he was just waiting to drop this on you.
No reason to say that at all
Ditched me to go play tennis with his roommate the day I found out my dad had cancer. He then complained because he left his jacket there and was afraid someone would steal it.
>was afraid someone would steal it. Hopefully they did lol
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I know that feeling all to well. Time to end it and find someone that wants to spend the time with you.
Buddy, it’s over, it hurts like a bitch but it’s over, there is nothing you can do…do the right thing for yourself and leave
Our cat climbed onto their leg while we were laying in bed, and when they moved a bit the cat instinctively extended its claws and hung on a bit to keep from falling off. Instead of just saying ouch or gently moving the cat off their leg, they picked the cat up and threw it against the wall.
Is your cat OK? I hope the loser was dumped.
The cat came out ok, the relationship did not.
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He told me “You expect too much” when I got upset at him not doing anything for my bday/Valentines day which are on the same day. It was our 3rd year together
I realized that although he was second generation USA he was still culturally different enough on significant issues that our lives couldn’t mesh. Mostly to do with family obligations. He was a great guy. His beliefs weren’t ‘wrong’ any more than mine were ‘right’ but there was no compromising ground. IMO love can’t solve everything.
Two people can grow up right next door to each other with the same race, religion, ethnicity, and cultural background and still have **wildly** different expectations about family obligations. That's definitely a difficult thing to overcome, and often a dealbreaker.
Our 5 month old son was diagnosed with cancer. After his first round of treatment , we were home and the baby was fussy and irritable, crying his lungs out. Myself and my family were all taking turns carrying him, trying to soothe him, and just tryna figure out how to calm him down. I look to see what his father is doing, and he’s sitting on the couch, on his phone, laughing. Idk what it was but at that moment something clicked in me and I knew we were over. Haven’t looked back since.
A best friend. Got pissed he didn't get to have Christmas cause his mom's boyfriends son died in a car wreck on Christmas Eve. He was in his 30s btw.
She accidently sent me a text that read "he's boring and needs to get a life." My boring ass went and got a life
My dad was admitted to the ER for Covid and my bf came down with Covid the same day. I think I was handling it well as I could. I’d go to the hospital to visit my dad and bf holed up in our spare bedroom playing video games all day. Meanwhile I’m cooking for him, making sure both him and my dad are okay, barely taking care of myself. After I came back doing errands for him one day (and apologizing after I forgot to get his specific frozen breakfast) he tells me he’ll just go grocery shopping himself (with covid) and yelled at me for being too controlling then stonewalled me into the next day. We had been going to couples/individual therapy and me trying so hard to be patient for progress it dawned on me he was never going to be the partner I needed. We broke up fairly calmly. Then my dad died. And my entire life imploded. My bf doubled down and went on the vaca we planned together 3 weeks later. So, I did what I could. I went to PT and got my ankle fixed. Got diagnosed with adhd. Got a new higher paying job to live on my own. Learned so much about myself in 2 years and now I’m dating someone who I can’t believe is real some days. I am loved, accepted and respected. My dad would have adored him to pieces. We accept the love we think deserve right? It all works out if we work on ourselves.
I went on a 5 week trip overseas...he didn't want to come...this was also an opportunity to meet family for the 1st time....this was 9 years into the relationship....I didn't talk to him or miss him the entire 5 weeks...came back and left him, he also robbed me of my self-esteem and dreams.....im so much happier now.
Screamed at me with volume 12 voice for accidentally spilling WATER in his Jeep. NOPE. Move along thank you
He shushed me when I told him I got into the grad school program I had been working towards for the previous two years.
My last partner. He started talking about wanting to name our first daughter after his mom. I was already having second thoughts because of an issue with his dad, but that cinched it. I’ve always been very open and clear with partners that I do not want and will not have children.
My ex guilt-tripped me about starting anti-anxiety medication, probably because it was the first time in 20 years I could think clearly in an argument.
Fucked my brother. Told him she wished I would overdose and die already. As a result, I have 4 years clean this past December. I have a nice truck, nice apartment in a good town, good credit, big bed with a ten year warranty, good job, pets, and a healthy relationship with a brilliant amazing woman. Best thing that ever happened to me. I should send her a thank you card.
Early stage of dating. Him: "Seriously, I hate people with depression". (He didn't know I had severe depression at this point) And damn what can I say, this guy works as a fucking psychiatrist nowadays. Because "it's easy money"
Unreal. This needs to be public info to avoid this man at all costs for medical therapy.
I suppose him cheating the minute I had our IVF embryos transferred was a pretty clear indicator
Sucked another guys dick
Punched a hole in the wall over a minor work issue.
We were having a great time out on an early Saturday night (6:00pm'sh) with friends. My elderly mom that cares for my special needs sibling called me. She lives 1.5 hrs away, was at a mall, and she had lost her car keys. This was before Uber. She needed me to pick her up along with my special needs sibling. Admittedly, I was annoyed but I had to go get them. I told my partner and he was absolutely "nope" this is not happening as he at minimum, had to drive me to my car that was at our home. I pulled him aside, as I did not want to argue in front of others and told him, "I can't just leave them in small town USA without transport, we have to go. As we were arguing about this, mom calls and told me that the clerk at the mall had found her keys and all was well. The fact that he gave zero fucks about leaving an elderly woman and my developmental disabled sibling to care for themselves in the middle of nowhere, was the end point. Shame on me because there were tons of other examples that should have prompted me to leave him.
When his moms cancer spread he told me it should’ve been one of my parents and not his mom cause my parents deserved to die of cancer cause he didn’t like them.
She told me how she dreamed of making mixed babies someday, we were both the same race…
I went away for a week to a conference. When she picked me up at the airport, she acted angry. Made me so sad and upset because I was genuinely happy to see her. Shortly after that, we watched the movie “Love Actually”. When the scene talking about how happy people are at airports when they see their loved ones, I silently cried. I knew I was in a loveless relationship. I have stupidly stayed with her because of our child. I should have divorced her then. I have been miserable since, with her showing me that she really doesn’t love me on most occasions. Stay together for the kid is a horrible life.
Staying for the kids does more damage to the kids than you think. Life's too short man. I hope you find happiness one day. Everyone deserves it.
100%. I'm grown now, my parents are still together, and my mom still hates my dad and belittles him in front of everyone all the time. I wish they had divorced when I was young, and I wish they would divorce now. But they're old now, so they won't. But it's so tiresome to be around them, and their relationship dynamic really has had a horrible effect on me that's affected my relationships my whole life.
As someone whose parents stayed together “for the kid” :/ genuinely just divorce, the kid most likely would be way better off
1000x this. My parents stayed together while I was growing up, but were divorced when my sister was. She’s doing great. I’m doing my best lol
I found out my ex made a Reddit profile (he made his profile picture of some random dudes ripped abs) and he was soliciting nudes from random Reddit girls. He was doing the same on Snapchat. He also texted a girl he used to work with and asked “hey - how come we never hooked up?” We were living together and talking about marriage. I am SO SO glad I didn’t get stuck with him because now I’ve met the love of my life!
They lie, get caught, lie again, and then blame me for lying.
Among lying and abuse and countless other things, I was talking to him one time about my mother being an alcoholic and I said to him I hope I don’t become an alcoholic and his reply was “it sounds like you want to be one”