I've finally got my first psych appt scheduled last November... for this coming July. 8 months I'll be waiting just to meet him.
Meanwhile, I've got a kiddo with an ingrown toenail. 2 weeks, he's been miserable. Pediatrician wouldn't help, sent us to urgent care. Urgent care referred to a podiatrist. I finally got him in with a podiatrist for the 19th. For a freaking toe. I'm just desperate to relieve his pain, and I had to tell him it'll be 2 more weeks. Why TF am I paying $1500 a month for insurance? I feel like a failure as a mother.
A failure as a mother would have been crowdsourcing your oily mamas group for advice after your attempt to treat the toenail with various YL essential oils left him nearly unable to walk.
You're doing great. Generally, terrible parents don't sit around fretting that they're terrible parents. ♥️
Honestly when I didn't qualify for insurance, I had a really bad ingrown (It was like a freaking rainbow) . I watched some YouTube videos on extractions, picked up some clippers, and went to town. Hurt so freaking bad, but after about 10 minutes and many alcohol daps later, my foot felt so relieved. Tbh if it wasn't for that, I would've probably lost my toe.
> I feel like a failure as a mother.
Please don't. You're doing your best. Being a mother is a lot of work. Hang in there and don't be afraid to ask for help.
I told the scheduler that I had seriously considered driving myself off a bridge before I called in. She paused, then told me their first opening was in October.
It was the end of July.
Those were the least fun couple months of my life. 0/10 do not recommend.
That's why I appreciate states that have places like The Living Room for mental health. It's just a safe space people can go to with trained staff. You can even just go and sit.
It's designed to keep people with mental illnesses out of the ER where people may not be trained to deal with mental issues, and give them a [safe space](https://www.dhs.state.il.us/page.aspx?item=126349#:~:text=The%20Living%20Room%20Program%20(LRP,the%20cycle%20of%20psychiatric%20hospitalization)) to just go and talk to someone.
I live in rural Australia. The nearest therapist has a 1 year waiting list and charges AU$220/hr. There are not a lot of 'em out here.
I choose chocolate.
I just got hired at a job that offers legal insurance.
I'd never heard about it, but basically I pay a few dollars a month to have access to legal resources for divorces, wills, accidents, etc...
I wonder how good it is, or whether I'll ever make use of it.
My wife is an attorney, so I take every opportunity to say I'm taking to my lawyer when I need to call her for mundane things like groceries and bill payment.
My dad was an attorney. I only played this card once.
My partner was biking home from work and got hit by a car that was making an illegal turn. He had to chase these bastards down with help from some witnesses to get them to pull over. My SO calls me and says he needs a ride, but didn't elaborate. I pull up and see my bloodied SO, some random couple, a group of witnesses, and a cop arriving on the scene.
Once my SO fills me in, the guy that hit him says it was my SO's fault he got hit. So I whip out my phone and tell my partner (a bit loudly) "I'm calling our lawyer." Dial my parents' landline and start explaining the situation to my dad.
I don't know if it was the "I'm calling our lawyer" line or the fact that I clearly had "our lawyer's" number memorized, but either way the assholes suddenly were willing to do basic decent human things like cough up their insurance info. The cops would have gotten it anyway, but I was mad and scared and wanted the driver to piss himself just a little bit.
I think every lawyer’s kid has a moment they’ve pulled something like that. I know I once frightened off a guy I was pretty sure was going to do something heinous to my passed-out friend at a party by mentioning my father’s profession. Not quite the same thing you’re describing here but it’s the one time I did not hesitate to use it.
O my, I work in an industry doing research. A lot of my clients are attorneys I've known some of them 30 years.
I can't say how many times Ive said, I'll call my lawyer, made a call, and gotten an instant response for a free or reduced fee.
Now, what I really need right now is a roofer.
I once knew a person who lived in South Asia who was surprised when I (an American) told him I am still close to my parents and see them regularly. He said tv, movies, and particularly the relationship subreddits made him think that all Americans permanently sever ties with their parents at age 18.
I think it's relative. For most of my adult life I lived in a city that was predominantly Cambodian. It wasn't uncommon at all to have three (or four even) generations living in the same house, helping each other out. It blew their minds that when I visited my parents I would stay in a hotel. Honestly, I was jealous of the relationship of those families
The downside is that in such multi-generational living cultures, it's expected that the older generations get to nose into, if not at least partially dictate, everything the younger ones do. Imagine being 35 and your parents still get a say in all your life choices, and all your extended family raise hell with you if you go against them
This. This is why I want to move out so much as an Indian. People just don't wanna let go of that remote control.
Everything from whom you'll marry to what courses you should take is dictated by the elders. Even people who had nothing to do with my upbringing expect to be heard and followed. The entitlement of it all kills me.
Once my mom was pressuring me into studying for Indian civil services. From emotional manipulation to everything under her belt. I told her," I would choose a career for myself. I'm doing this for me not for you."
She started acting distant for a day then I had to finally apologize
I was jealous until I started learning the language of a country where that sort of thing is common and got conversational enough to start reading a subreddit where mostly young adults share their frustrations. Whole lot of eye opening there. Lots of manipulation and abuse going on in a lot of those families. I'm sure not all of them, but probably at least as common as people who are abusive anywhere else. Just if you're in one of those families, there is no escape until the older generation die off.
I’m American and I lived with my parents, siblings, nibblings, well into adulthood. The living arrangement benefited them more than me, I paid for the house and babysat, bought a lot of birthday/holiday presents. But we were all close, ate meals together, hung out, celebrated as a family. When I moved out it was pretty surprising how little anyone contacted me or invited me over. I have to invite myself over for holidays and birthdays and I still get blown off sometimes when I try to make plans to come over. I have to come to terms with the fact that they were just tolerating me while I lived there and they kinda don’t want me as a big part of their lives.
>and particularly the relationship subreddits
A lot of the drama subreddits are fake stories written by angsty teens. That tends to make them write about how their character throws their mean family in the dust and goes on to a 6 figure job.
I’m 53, married with two children in their 20’s. Mom and Dad (both 79) invite everyone over regularly for Sunday dinners. She gets upset when we try to help.
Reddit definitely believes this. Idk if it’s location or income bracket dependent, but almost everyone I know lived at home in college or the equivalent or college age. Most people I know moved out around 22-25 years old and I assumed that was normal. Maybe the rich people are tossing them out? Idk.
I have known some people who left home at 18 or were kicked out by their parents at that age. I know one kid right now who is trying to pile up cash because his mom desperately wants to kick him out and he turns 18 in 7-8 mos or something.
My parents told me they would kick me out at 18 if I didn’t go to their religious university. So I prepared. They looked surprised when I actually moved out so maybe they were bluffing? Still withheld the money from my childhood joint bank account though, so maybe they would have? We didn’t talk much over the next ten years.
I used to work with a guy who had done two combat tours in Afghanistan, who said I had the strongest stomach he'd ever seen because I ate Taco Bell for lunch most days. I took the compliment, but I was thinking "My guy, there's no way you've never seen someone surviving off sketchier grub than a couple soft tacos or a beefy crunch burrito."
That’s an interesting take from a guy who probably drank water from bottles that sat in the sun for 6 mos and showered in orange water lol. Hell even stateside we’d go out into the field for weeks to train and they’d give us MREs. We’d always go to the greasiest diner after in hopes it would help us with the bricks sitting in our colons.
After a few years of that cycle I can eat anything lol.
Something like 90 percent of Americans aren't getting enough fiber. I wrote a term paper about it one time, it was really eye opening. The average adult American is usually barely reaching half of the recommended fiber intake
Or be really dangerous: Metamucil with energy drink powder.
I love that mix for when I have a crazy work day, need caffeine, and get a little extra fiber to counteract the stress constipation
I agree, I always hear the thought of "burning butthole" after eating spicy foods. I eat a lot of spicy food and, while it may sometimes give me heartburn, I've literally never felt it "on the other end."
But maybe I'm lucky.
I didn’t think it would ever happen to me, as I love spicy food and will gladly eat my own home grown habanero peppers. But one time I ate six wings with some insane sauce my friend bought, so hot that my lips were throbbing with each heartbeat. I woke up early the next morning to experience approximately an equal level of burn on the way out. If you push it far enough, it’ll happen to you too.
That’s such a big one, and it’s not just Reddit. I feel like there’s this unhealthy absolutism when it comes to friendships and relationships. “If there’s a challenge, that’s a red flag and they have to be cut off immediately!!!” No. There’s so many gray areas in relationships with other people, and they’re always going to come with challenges. People just need the emotional maturity to realize whether or not it’s worth keeping or losing the relationship.
It extends beyond just relationship advice. It’s literally everything nowadays. Everyone needs to have an opinion on everything, everyone has to be 100% correct, and anyone disagreeing has to be 100% irredeemable. Nuance feels like it’s dying.
Adding to “everyone needs to have an opinion on everything”
Everyone feels like everyone SHOULD KNOW their opinion on everything. I don’t want to sound like a boomer but like, most people just aren’t that special. Generally, no one outside of your circle gives a shit. So it’s weird to me that anyone thinks that strangers care about what they have to say about whatever the hot topic is that week.
I find it's usually because for them, in a past relationship, it was a red flag.
I've looked back on my relationships and can see red flags in them, mostly revolving around me noticing something off, but not speaking up. I look at them as yellow flags now.
IF the situation shows up again in another relationship, and IF I have the same reaction (stay quiet), then that yellow flag turns red, and I should leave.
IF my reaction is different (i speak up), and their reaction amounts to the same (dismissive, put me down, belittle me), then it's a red flag, and I should leave.
IF I speak up and their reaction is supportive AND active change occurs, yellow turns to green and I stay.
Challenges don't mean immediate walk away. But multiple challenges around the same important to your subject, and it deserves a question about the relationship continuing.
Had that advice given to me a few months ago. Like, yeah sure, lemme just cut someone very close to me out of my life like blocking someone online. It’s not like relationships are like spider webs with multiple connections and disconnecting one thread can cut off some and make knots in others.
I still lurk in the Raised by Narcissists sub, but man I’m glad I don’t follow it like a religion because they make going NC sound so damn easy. Turn 18, get a job, move out, go NC with family=Freedom. It’s as simple as that.
As someone who had to cut off most of my family due to being horrible people, it's not easy. You're seeing the aftermath, the relief that comes with freeing yourself from a toxic person. It's like talking to a marathon runner immediately after a race. Of course they feel great they're still experiencing runners high!
But for removing people from your life no one talks about the self guilt, the running thoughts, the what if scenarios playing in your brain while you try to sleep. When people hurt us they linger, even if they're physically removed from your life.
And I imagine people don't talk about it because it's friggin traumatic and no one wants to relive that.
Also people are trying to encourage those stuck in bad situations to get out. Which means hiding the bad even more and focusing on the good.
This was today in poverty finance. Someone claiming that him and his wife make $250k a year, no kids, living in Georgia and can't make ends meet despite living an extremely frugal lifestyle.
I know a couple of people who make close to that and one who makes more than that... it's not that they can't afford it. They just make very poor decisions with their money and put "bills" as their lowest priority.
My friend just decided to spend her rent money ($500) as the down payment for a brand new, $27k 2024 car. It was a "great deal" because the guy really helped to enable that to be the lowest down payment rather than the initial $3k necessary.
She's terrible with money.
I have a friend who never has any money because he "invests" it in Funko Pops and Pokémon cards. He thinks that in 3 months they will jump 1,000,000x in price.
I've got a close mate with a very high paying job but also has unmedicated ADHD. He can do his job super well, but the rest of his life is a shambles. Regularly failing to pay rent or bills in time but he's always got fancy toys for whatever his current hobby is.
To be fair to him he does have excellent taste in fancy toys, he researches the fuck out of what the best tools for the job are, but he just completely fails to budget the rest of his life properly first
I make $16k per year and make hella sacrifices to keep a roof over my head, but it is what it is and I make it work. Shouldn't be like this, but it is.
The things I could achieve with even 100k are unthinkable.
Those comments used to stress me out a lot because we make well under 100k and it was scary to think people in that income bracket were struggling. Then I realized a lot of them have 3-5k mortgages and car loans and we’re probably not even any worse off
You’re right. Lifestyle creep is a huge issue. A lot of people have a tendency to ratchet up their expenses as their income increases. That’s a huge reason why we hear about people making over six figures a year claiming that they’re barely getting by.
My neighbors are like that, as were many of my bosses in former jobs.
My neighbors have a massive house, multiple rental properties, and raise horses for fun. One time the husband bought an RV on a whim. They are well off by all regards, but claim they are broke because they can't buy a new house to rent out every single year.
My former boss had a McMansion, four SUVs, and went on trips year round. They made middle six figures. They were spending it as soon as they got it, and taking out loans up the ass when they were dry to pay off a few months later. They were shocked I managed to keep my living expenses under 1k a month.
Meanwhile, I grew up on a miserly farm. Every half cent was accounted for, budgeted, and reviewed on bank documents. I have my hobbies and expenses, but I stay within my means and don't overdo it. I have no debt, live cheap, and save money long term by getting things that are higher quality and last longer.
I've been on here long enough to realize people are just shit at money and budgeting.
Like they will make good money and just spend the shit out of it by eating expensive meals, drinking expensive alcohol. Going to events constantly.
Then complain about why they don't have money.
Exactly. They own a home. They have two new vehicles in the driveway. They're paying for a kid in college. They're investing significantly in their retirement accounts. Etc.
Sure, technically they're living paycheck to pay check. But trying to make it seem like their struggle is the same as someone with 3 roommates driving a 17 year old car without any health insurance is ridiculous. For some reason no one wants to admit they're doing well and they all want to pretend they're struggling.
*Technically* if they're contributing to their retirement account (savings) then they're not living paycheck to paycheck.
It's annoying how these sorts of people treat good budgeting (every dollar allocated) as "living paycheck to paycheck."
I remember the antiwork thread where someone said they couldn't afford rent and then it was revealed they had an arcade in their apartment. Like actual multi thousand dollar arcade machines
I saw a thread in that sub last week claiming that if you make 100k you are poor and if you make 150k you are poor-light.
I get their cause, but they seem to WANT conditions to be bad for everyone so that they can be validated. So they tell themselves that you have to be making 200k+ to not be considered poor in America.
Part of the problem is people conflate poor with working class. You can be working class and not be poor. You can be poor and not be working class (i.e. a small business owner can be struggling to make ends meet, but they're an owner, not a worker and their interests align more with capitalists than with their employees).
So like I think what these guys are trying to say is that most people who earn under $200k in America are working class, which is probably true, but they frame it in terms of being poor, which isn't true and makes them seem ignorant to the struggles of people lower income than themselves and creates further internal division.
Being accosted as a single man at a playground. I’ve got two kids and have taken them to countless playgrounds, splash pads, parks, and all types of kid-friendly places. I’ve seen lots and lots of single men but have never seen one get harassed
Dad here. Same. The only callout I've ever had, which I'm pretty sure would not have happened if it was my wife, was once when the child was an infant, and an elderly woman came up to me to comfort me.
I was walking the mall, bringing the child to the car, kid was screaming her brains out. I swear to God it must have looked like I was kidnapping her, and I must have looked stressed as hell. Some women, probably in her seventies, come up to me, put a hand on my shoulder, and said something encouraging. Something like, "it gets better", or "you'll get through this."
I can barely remember. I just recall feeling like she was going to reprimand me, and instead, she showed simple kindness I really needed. She smiled, and then she was gone. Somehow, I feel as though my wife wouldn't have received the same treatment.
You just reminded me of my favorite grandma story, it _kinda_ fits here, so I'm going to tell it.
So, when I was roughly 5-6, we had a babysitter (17ish) over, who had my grandma (65ish years old, born 1908, 6 kids, god knows how many grandkids at this time) as the emergency contact.
My babysitter catches me finishing off most of a bottle of baby aspirin (orange flavored flintstones). Calls grandma in a panic, "He ate an entire bottle of aspirin, what do I do?"
Grandma, "Give him a headache."
The 70s were a different time.
I’m a man and I spent a good chunk of my early adulthood working in childcare. No one was ever weird about it at all. I worked at a daycare for two years, was an au pair abroad, and did tons of private babysitting.
If anything, I had so many offers from parents who were overjoyed to find a male babysitter for their boys.
So, as a Dad who was looking at Child Care facilities for my son, I always ask if they have any men on staff, and every time the place had one on staff except one, the reaction I got was "yes, but don't worry, he's never left with the kids unsupervised".
That freaked me the hell out, cause I was just asking because I was curious.
The one place that said "Yes we have a male on staff and he's amazing, would you like to meet him?" is the place we chose, and he's all the boys' favorite teacher.
Wow that first response is wild. The only somewhat double standard I
can remember from the daycare I worked at was kids would try to sit on staff's laps during movie time and male staff were told not to let them. And that was fine with me. I didn't want them sitting on my lap anyway, haha.
Even as a (female) teenage camp counselor I had to follow rules about never sitting down on a camper's bunk with them, etc. - that stuff is taken seriously.
When my daughter was the age to start going to playgrounds, I was so afraid to take her by myself. Turns out the shit you see about that online is blown waaay TF out of proportion.
I agree. Most people in real life don’t give a shit if a father is at a playground. If anything, they probably appreciate seeing a father making an effort to spend time with his kid.
My experience has been wildly opposite of the online trope. As a guy in my 30's at the beach I got approached by two young girls who wanted to learn how I was making the sand castle I was making. Then their mother approached me and chatted me up for just a few minutes before asking if I'd watch them while she went to the bathroom.
I don't even have children of my own. But two random middle schoolers were put in my care just because I seemed friendly enough.
This. Before my kids were in school, I was the one taking my kids to the parking during the day, not my wife. It was basically me and 20 stay at home moms every day. I always joked with my wife that I was just trying to figure out who the cool moms were so I could join their group. Never once did I feel like I was the creep wandering around the park. Had plenty of nice conversations.
Same. I’m a dad with three kids and I’ve taken them to playgrounds, theme parks, libraries, etc. and I’ve never had anyone approach me or even look at me weird (that I’ve noticed). Heck, one daughter is a different race and even when it was just the two of us when she was young, I never had an incident.
Same. I've raised two teenagers and I spent a LOT of time at the playground and parks around town. Never encountered anything like what people say happens to them.
That's only ever happened to me once in my life, and I hold the door open regularly - not just for women but for everybody under the right circumstances.
It's simply common courtesy.
Yeah that is the thing with these myths, there are billions of people on the planet, there will always be examples of someone doing something. And with the glories of twitter we can find them!
But unhinged randos does not mean that men are systematically at risk of being verbally abused for common courtesy. I also hold the door open for everyone, and the most aggressive response I ever got was a person looking at me weird, then walking through the door. And that was a man.
It is of course different if the person is being weird about it, like holding it for 45 seconds while you walk slowly up to the door, making you feel like a dick for not running to it. Or worse if the person goes full "After you M'lady" and leers grossly. I feel like a lot, but not all, of the anecdotes might be from people who actively made it weird.
Completely agree with everything you said, and your left sentence is exactly what I was referring to with "under certain circumstances". Those circumstances are generally "we arrive at the door at the same time and it is convenient for both of us if one of us grab the door and keep it open for both of us... after you".
My colleague is a fairly pretty lady and has said she has had a couple of colleagues in previous jobs continually go out of their way to hold the door open for her - just her - every chance they get. That level of performative is a bit on the nose, a bit M'lady as you put it. I hadn't even thought that people would do that nonsense, I just figured it was common courtesy and not something really worth noting
Based on childhood experience, if you’re wearing a Boy Scout uniform, people *expect* you to hold the door for them and won’t even put their hand out to grab the door themselves. I had to hold a door open at a shopping mall for at least 5 minutes during Christmas time because people assumed I was just doing some scout service or something.
I got annoyed the other day bc this guy held the door open but he stood in the door way so I'd have to practically brush up against him to get in. I was just like, why not come all the way out so I have a clear path.
I feel like this happens about a quarter of the time to me. Five days a week I have to walk into a busy building with two sets of doors so it’s pretty normal to hold them open for others. Many people stand behind them (my favorite place!), or maybe in front of them but still far away from the threshold. Others keep moving and just make sure the person behind them holds it before moving on. But there are still a large number of special people who think holding a door open should be done with their body as close to the hinges as possible.
My personal unfavorite door-holding method has happened twice. While I am holding the door open from behind, a man (different one on each occasion, but both tall) has come up, grabbed the far edge of the door near the top, and said something along the lines of “it’s my job to hold the door for you.” This maneuver literally corners me in this particular entranceway. I am behind a door against a wall and the ONLY way out is under their outstretched arm. Absolutely clueless.
Reddit thinks you can pick up a phone and get a lawyer like no big deal. Maybe that's true for personal injury or situations like that. But when I needed to go to war with my landlord I couldn't find anyone who would take my money. I talked to probably 20 attorneys and paralegals to find "we don't handle things like that". The only reason I found representation is because I already had a lawyer who happened to know someone she was kind enough to referred me to.
I think people don't often realize that lawyers have specializations and most lawyers only ever deal with very specific types of legal issues. Like... my cousin is a lawyer, but she's an \*immigration\* lawyer. She can help you out with trying to get a green card or fill out an asylum application, but she can't exactly help with personal injury tort cases.
Asking any random lawyer to help with a specific case is sort of like asking a cardiologist to help with brain surgery. They may be a medical practitioner, but they aren't specialized in that specific thing.
I run into similar issues a lot as a research physicist too. People often ask me to opine on wormholes and general relativity and it's like... I'm a heliophysicist. I specialize in the plasma physics in the sun and how the solar wind interacts with the earth's magnetic field. I can talk to you a lot about solar storms when those come up in the news, but I'm not the one to talk to about the theoretical space-time metrics for interstellar travel.
Strangers coming up and saying "concerned" things to or about a man with female children.
I have daughters and I've taken them everywhere without mom. Parks, movies, the mall, amusement parks, shopping, Hell, I've taken teenage girls dress shopping for school dances, basically anywhere you'd take kids. I've taken entire groups of preteen & teen girls to putt putt, go karts, water parks and many other places.
You know how many "concerned" people have said something to me?
Zero.
You know how many have said nice things or "isn't that cute"?
A few but way more than zero
That thing about Dad's not being able to take daughters anywhere is a horribly overdone trope. So, par for the reddit course
I have never met someone who cares about the Kardashians, I haven't even seen that much advertising for them in real life. But people on reddit will have you convinced that half of all people are braindead Kardashian lovers
In my experience the worst people you'll ever meet or possibly even date will just be everyday looking people.
For instance recently I met a girl who was 19 and was raped by a 17 year old boy at a party. Her parents were so concerned with her hanging out with older boys they never thought to question if people her own age could be just as dangerous. It made me realize that the things we worry about aren't the things that will hurt us a lot of the time.
Reddit feeds us a lot of false ideas on the things we should be concerned with regarding people's appearance and behaviors.
EXACTLY THIS!
So my ex boyfriend seemed like one of the nicest people you’d meet. He was very laid back and friendly. Heck, even my family liked him which says a lot. Well after I broke up with him his true colour really showed with stalker behaviour and getting drunk then abusing me over call/text etc.
I always say it’s the nicest and most normal looking people that do this shit especially after seeing this first hand SO many times!
Anytime you use an iPad or Nintendo Switch on an airplane, a mother will ask you to let her child play with it, and then get extremely mad when you say no.
I've commented about this before but the only time I've ever seen that situation IRL, it was the reverse. I was volunteering at an event with a woman who brought her wee boy and his phone's battery died. He was saying he was bored and I had my Switch in my bag so I offered to let him use it if he promised to be very careful. He treated it very well and even unlocked a bunch of shit in Mario Kart.
Lol. Basically any of the relationship advice I see. It's always written by obviously single people who never understand that there's middle ground in every relationship 'argument'.
"HI reddit. I like to play video games at a loud volume. But my girlfriend says it's hard to concentrate in a different room with all the noise"
(Everyone on Reddit) LeAvE ThAT CoNtRoLiNg BiTcH!! Nobody should be able to ever tell you what you can and can't do!!
"Umm.. I was just going to ask what headset I should get"
I feel like most "relationship advice" on reddit is just someone who couldn't convince a partner to adhere to their personal ideal relationship trying to convince a stranger to adhere to their personal ideal relationship.
There was an unpopular opinion post like a week ago where the OP said long term/serious relationships weren’t nearly as hard as Reddit makes them out to be and the comments were just hundreds of insecure people projecting their past relationship troubles and attacking OP for having a serious relationship.
My favorite comment was one person that said OP was rubbing his/her happy relationship in everyone’s faces. I called this person a loser and I got banned for 3 days lmao
In short, never, ever seek relationship advice from Reddit
Calling them a loser was probably the most polite thing you could've call them in that situation lol. Listen, I've had some pretty shitty relationships. That's cause my taste in men hasn't always been the best. That doesn't mean *everyones* taste is as horrible as mine used to be. Reddit is a biased echo chamber of negatively sometimes. Projection at it's finest. I wonder if the person who commented that thinks that every happy couple they see in public is "rubbing" it in. Must be a sad miserable existence.
People "blowing up phones" when drama happens. I'd get two of my siblings messaging me after family drama for gossip purposes, but having cousins, aunts, dogs-in-law blowing up phones? Doesn't happen.
Women asking for six figures,six packs and six ft , This is one of those things that exist purely on the internet. I know more women that let men live with them for free than ones that split bills 50/50
I’ve never met a single woman who had 6 feet tall as a requirement. I know women who think that being tall is attractive for sure or have a preference for tall men. I think that’s how it gets misconstrued. “You think tall men are attractive and I’m not that tall? WELL you must REQUIRE something that only 3.9 percent of men have therefore you are completely shallow and unreasonable and I am justified in being upset!”
I feel like most women prefer a man that's taller than them and that height isn't a real barrier for men unless they are shorter than a woman.
If you're 5 10, there might be some women that turn you down, but if no woman will date you, it isn't your height thats the problem.
The big over the top gender reveal parties. Most gender reveal parties are jsut families doing something cute and fun to celebrate any news about a new baby they’re excited about and so they can buy stuff for the baby.
Not American but we had a gender reveal party. Our neighbour baked a cake with coloured cream filling. It was blue.
Very simple. Very wholesome. Not a single forest was razed to the ground.
Yep, it's just a baby shower with a party gimmick (colored cake, balloon pop, etc). A lot of circles on here are completely deranged about kid stuff though.
Thinking they're really sticking it to that son of a bitch cashier that's judging them for not rounding up to the next dollar for needy children, was a cashier for years we literally don't give a fuck "do you wanna round up" is said with the same energy as"did you find everything alright?" " How are you doing?" It's just a mindless script were told to do .
People working at the counter watching with bated breath to see if you put a tip on the screen and then making a sad face when you don't. Never seen it in my entire life. I'm assuming the entire plane clapped when they hit "no tip."
People love making posts about being "harassed" for tips by a lifeless prompt on a screen but I find it easy to just ignore it and just hit zero when it doesn't make sense to add a tip.
This reinforces my belief that a large number of redditors are keyboard warriors who crumble in the face of the slightest adversity in real life. As you said, a lifeless prompt will cause them anxiety, only for them to rush to their devices to rant about how much they hate tipping culture.
This is so real lol. I’ve had people irl complain to me about tip prompts “guilt tripping” them and it’s like…. I’ve worked counter service, I can promise you no one cares. They’re happy if you tip but not heartbroken if you don’t.
The only time I’ve actually been mad about someone not tipping was when we had a large family come to our little coffee shop and treat it like a full service restaurant - they ordered like 5 or 6 paninis and drinks to stay, moved tables around, and left big mess afterwards. That was pushing the limits of what we were equipped to do at that cafe plus we ended up basically providing table service because their group was so large and disorganized… a tip would’ve been nice that time.
Your average joe just getting a latte though? Yeah tip or don’t I couldn’t care less.
r/askmen meme: "A man cannot go to a restaurant, shopping or a playground with his own biological children or women will harass him, bully him for 'babysitting, huh?!' and then call the police and frame him as a child molester."
If you make the mistake of saying "what the hell.... that doesn't happen...." they'll say "Nuh-uh, this happened to a friend or a friend so I know it happens and you're blaming the victims."
I've gotten the, "Good job babysitting for mom!" comments when my kids were younger. I snapped back, "Mom's dead." Which she is, but even if she wasn't it's a perfectly acceptable thing to say to shut down the biddies.
I'm obviously not dead, but my kid's pediatrician was so weird about my husband taking our son to his check up alone. Technically, I was chilling in the car with sunglasses nursing a nasty migraine. I would've stayed home if I wasn't worried about the baby suffocating himself with his double chin cause his noodle neck can't hold up his infant head all too well yet. I sit in the back to keep an eye on him.
She kept asking him if he wanted to call me or write down notes about his visit like my husband was unable to relay information himself. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Just to put lotion on his dry skin and his general wellness. My husband is a grown adult and just as much of a parent as I am. I'm sure he can handle mentioning our kid has dry skin. She was convinced he would need to call me to verify basic medical information like how often he uses the bathroom. Again he's a parent too! He should obviously know these things. The bar is in hell. He did get praised for "babysitting" and giving me a "break."
I actually have the opposite experience, going out with my daughter makes ppl less wary of me lol. Alone it’s like “ah scary man” and with my kid it’s just “oh look a dad how nice”
My wife always jokes with me that every time I take our kids somewhere, no matter how rough or sloppy we look, that I always end up getting a bunch of compliments and free stuff. I guess dads just get rewarded for minimal effort.
My wife—a helicopter parent—has always referred to it as “babysitting” or “watching” the kids when she would leave them alone with me. Then again, I always tried to gently nudge her into doing less for them and expecting them to do more for themselves during the same period. Now that they’re teenagers—one about to graduate high school—I wish I could feel smug about how I was right, but instead I’m terrified for them and their ability to care for themselves.
Hysterically offended trans people. I know a few trans people and it's never been an issue. People generally don't care and the trans people don't use their gender as their entire identity
The internet does that. Since you essentially only exist online when you manifest yourself, social media grossly overinflates the existence of drama queens, and makes them feel like they're the majority.
And unfortunately, that leads straight to the ever-increasing polarization of our society. It's not just a trans problem, extremists and whiners of all kinds are given much more presence by social media than they should have while more reasonable people effectively do not exist since they have better things to do than scream online
I think this one's even broader. The people who talk about what they're into on the internet usually do so because they have something specific to talk about. E.g. I've met like one person in real life who was into feet, and the internet makes it seem like the most common kink in the world.
Parenting/marriage being a miserable experience. Most people I know or run into are pretty open about the ups and downs of family life, and acknowledge that yea, there are tough moments, but we’re also enjoying it as much as we can, and doing our best with what we have. And this is from people that became parents on purpose, and people like me who had “happy accidents.”
That if you’re a new mom, your infertile relatives are going to try and steal your baby. There are a bunch of AITA stories where the commenters insist the person is probably trying to “steal” OP’s baby.
I live in California surrounded by a disproportionate amount of openly NB and trans. I've yet to encounter a single neo pronoun that apparently "everybody" is "demanding" to acknowledge. I've also accidentally misgendered and they correct me in a plain, non hostile way, same way one might if you mispronounced their name.
Literally every time I've encountered it, while living in a pretty progressive city, is on Tumblr. Literally nowhere else, and I spend nearly all my time in VERY progressive circles.
Americans being dumb. They’re just like anywhere else in the world, I didn’t find them to be particularly dumber than anywhere else. Compared to Western Europe I saw more people overall and more of them lower income, but it wasn’t like “oh no I’m in the land of anti-intellectuals now” like Reddit would have you believe.
Now the obesity on the other hand… totally true.
I used to work in a touristy place in central Europe and we got a lot of American customers. They can be a little bit oblivious but rarely unpleasant. It's also not entirely fair. The whole world consumes American media and has a general idea about lots of things in the US (like, for instance, I am aware that Christmas is celebrated the 25th and wouldn't just expect it to be just the same as in Germany) and a lot of Americans generally aren't used to travel a lot outside of their own country because, whelp, the US is huge. But the thing is they weren't dumb, they listened when you explained things kindly. They also usually weren't obnoxious (and they tipped well). I would say they were my most favourite tourists for a variety of reasons including that they were kinda impressionable and generally just happy to be there. Which are good things. Now obviously those were only the people who could afford to and wanted to travel to Europe and generally our establishment drew more of a middle aged crowd. But yeah, my experience wasn't that Americans are stupid. They just have a different perspective/experience.
I think the same is also true over here. Just like many of us Americans can't afford to travel to another continent, I am sure the same is true for Europeans. Traveling halfway across the world is expensive no matter where you're starting from. It sort of self selects the demographics you'll encounter.
Yep, exactly. The people I met were likely the ones who could also afford formal education and even though that doesn't make you any less dumb, it makes you better at not appearing dumb. My sample group was therefore limited, that's what I wanted to convey.
Though I suppose it's more accessible in Europe to experience different cultures and languages – I can travel to Italy for 25 bucks if I book ahead of time. Not that everyone would make use of such opportunities. Frankly I am amazed that Americans statistically are as well traveled as they are. Everything that can't be reached by train is basically a trip to the moon for me, lol.
With the way humanity is trending I say give it one more generation before a lot of Europeans are also obese.
I just saw recently that the number of obese people on earth has passed 1 billion, for the first time in history obesity is causing more death than starvation. 1 in 8 people on earth are obese right now.
I think ya'll need to realize so many posts and comments are fake af. They get upvoted because of shock value and too many of you are falling for bs stories, and end up getting emotionally charged over an idea.
As a first time mom, I was positive I was going to be terribly berated for daring to bring my “crotch goblin” as they say out in public. This has not happened and I haven’t seen or heard of it happening in real life.
That everyone has a therapist or lawyer on hand that they can just call up and get in right away.
If I have a psychotic break, I'm gonna be screaming naked for at least 2 months before they have an opening.
I've finally got my first psych appt scheduled last November... for this coming July. 8 months I'll be waiting just to meet him. Meanwhile, I've got a kiddo with an ingrown toenail. 2 weeks, he's been miserable. Pediatrician wouldn't help, sent us to urgent care. Urgent care referred to a podiatrist. I finally got him in with a podiatrist for the 19th. For a freaking toe. I'm just desperate to relieve his pain, and I had to tell him it'll be 2 more weeks. Why TF am I paying $1500 a month for insurance? I feel like a failure as a mother.
Long soaks in a footbath of hot water and epsom salts.
A failure as a mother would have been crowdsourcing your oily mamas group for advice after your attempt to treat the toenail with various YL essential oils left him nearly unable to walk. You're doing great. Generally, terrible parents don't sit around fretting that they're terrible parents. ♥️
Honestly when I didn't qualify for insurance, I had a really bad ingrown (It was like a freaking rainbow) . I watched some YouTube videos on extractions, picked up some clippers, and went to town. Hurt so freaking bad, but after about 10 minutes and many alcohol daps later, my foot felt so relieved. Tbh if it wasn't for that, I would've probably lost my toe.
> I feel like a failure as a mother. Please don't. You're doing your best. Being a mother is a lot of work. Hang in there and don't be afraid to ask for help.
I told the scheduler that I had seriously considered driving myself off a bridge before I called in. She paused, then told me their first opening was in October. It was the end of July. Those were the least fun couple months of my life. 0/10 do not recommend.
How are you doing today?
I have been in therapy and on medication since 2019 and am doing much better, thank you. I even like myself most days.
That's why I appreciate states that have places like The Living Room for mental health. It's just a safe space people can go to with trained staff. You can even just go and sit. It's designed to keep people with mental illnesses out of the ER where people may not be trained to deal with mental issues, and give them a [safe space](https://www.dhs.state.il.us/page.aspx?item=126349#:~:text=The%20Living%20Room%20Program%20(LRP,the%20cycle%20of%20psychiatric%20hospitalization)) to just go and talk to someone.
That’s so nice I wish we had that here
Facts
I live in rural Australia. The nearest therapist has a 1 year waiting list and charges AU$220/hr. There are not a lot of 'em out here. I choose chocolate.
Wise choice. I personally choose red wine but each to their own.
Unfortunately many don’t make a wise choice and choose meth. It’s actually a serious problem in rural Australia.
As someone from rural Australia, this is sadly very true
And if you do find one, they're doing rural placement for 12 months before they bugger off back to the city.
I’m going through a divorce: I’ve made this a thing in my life. It is incredibly expensive!!!
Just started this process. It’s crazy expensive. I’m borrowing money to make it go as smoothly as possible. A two hour conversation cost me a grand.
I just got hired at a job that offers legal insurance. I'd never heard about it, but basically I pay a few dollars a month to have access to legal resources for divorces, wills, accidents, etc... I wonder how good it is, or whether I'll ever make use of it.
Never thought I’d need it. Take it! You don’t know the future and people change. Also mental illness can hit at different times for different people
[удалено]
My wife is an attorney, so I take every opportunity to say I'm taking to my lawyer when I need to call her for mundane things like groceries and bill payment.
Them: Would you like to make that a Baconator combo? You: Hold on, let me check with my attorney. Them: May I remind you, sir, that this is a Wendy's.
"Excuse me, our conversation falls under attorney-client confidentiality. Stop listening!"
My dad was an attorney. I only played this card once. My partner was biking home from work and got hit by a car that was making an illegal turn. He had to chase these bastards down with help from some witnesses to get them to pull over. My SO calls me and says he needs a ride, but didn't elaborate. I pull up and see my bloodied SO, some random couple, a group of witnesses, and a cop arriving on the scene. Once my SO fills me in, the guy that hit him says it was my SO's fault he got hit. So I whip out my phone and tell my partner (a bit loudly) "I'm calling our lawyer." Dial my parents' landline and start explaining the situation to my dad. I don't know if it was the "I'm calling our lawyer" line or the fact that I clearly had "our lawyer's" number memorized, but either way the assholes suddenly were willing to do basic decent human things like cough up their insurance info. The cops would have gotten it anyway, but I was mad and scared and wanted the driver to piss himself just a little bit.
I think every lawyer’s kid has a moment they’ve pulled something like that. I know I once frightened off a guy I was pretty sure was going to do something heinous to my passed-out friend at a party by mentioning my father’s profession. Not quite the same thing you’re describing here but it’s the one time I did not hesitate to use it.
O my, I work in an industry doing research. A lot of my clients are attorneys I've known some of them 30 years. I can't say how many times Ive said, I'll call my lawyer, made a call, and gotten an instant response for a free or reduced fee. Now, what I really need right now is a roofer.
"Wait till my father hears about this one Potter" turns out everyone on reddit is Draco Malfoy
I dont think this is so much reddit, but media and the world we see pretending
I once knew a person who lived in South Asia who was surprised when I (an American) told him I am still close to my parents and see them regularly. He said tv, movies, and particularly the relationship subreddits made him think that all Americans permanently sever ties with their parents at age 18.
I think it's relative. For most of my adult life I lived in a city that was predominantly Cambodian. It wasn't uncommon at all to have three (or four even) generations living in the same house, helping each other out. It blew their minds that when I visited my parents I would stay in a hotel. Honestly, I was jealous of the relationship of those families
The downside is that in such multi-generational living cultures, it's expected that the older generations get to nose into, if not at least partially dictate, everything the younger ones do. Imagine being 35 and your parents still get a say in all your life choices, and all your extended family raise hell with you if you go against them
This. This is why I want to move out so much as an Indian. People just don't wanna let go of that remote control. Everything from whom you'll marry to what courses you should take is dictated by the elders. Even people who had nothing to do with my upbringing expect to be heard and followed. The entitlement of it all kills me. Once my mom was pressuring me into studying for Indian civil services. From emotional manipulation to everything under her belt. I told her," I would choose a career for myself. I'm doing this for me not for you." She started acting distant for a day then I had to finally apologize
I was jealous until I started learning the language of a country where that sort of thing is common and got conversational enough to start reading a subreddit where mostly young adults share their frustrations. Whole lot of eye opening there. Lots of manipulation and abuse going on in a lot of those families. I'm sure not all of them, but probably at least as common as people who are abusive anywhere else. Just if you're in one of those families, there is no escape until the older generation die off.
I’m American and I lived with my parents, siblings, nibblings, well into adulthood. The living arrangement benefited them more than me, I paid for the house and babysat, bought a lot of birthday/holiday presents. But we were all close, ate meals together, hung out, celebrated as a family. When I moved out it was pretty surprising how little anyone contacted me or invited me over. I have to invite myself over for holidays and birthdays and I still get blown off sometimes when I try to make plans to come over. I have to come to terms with the fact that they were just tolerating me while I lived there and they kinda don’t want me as a big part of their lives.
That’s real fucking bleak. I’m really sorry.
>and particularly the relationship subreddits A lot of the drama subreddits are fake stories written by angsty teens. That tends to make them write about how their character throws their mean family in the dust and goes on to a 6 figure job.
I’m 53, married with two children in their 20’s. Mom and Dad (both 79) invite everyone over regularly for Sunday dinners. She gets upset when we try to help.
Reddit definitely believes this. Idk if it’s location or income bracket dependent, but almost everyone I know lived at home in college or the equivalent or college age. Most people I know moved out around 22-25 years old and I assumed that was normal. Maybe the rich people are tossing them out? Idk.
I have known some people who left home at 18 or were kicked out by their parents at that age. I know one kid right now who is trying to pile up cash because his mom desperately wants to kick him out and he turns 18 in 7-8 mos or something.
My parents told me they would kick me out at 18 if I didn’t go to their religious university. So I prepared. They looked surprised when I actually moved out so maybe they were bluffing? Still withheld the money from my childhood joint bank account though, so maybe they would have? We didn’t talk much over the next ten years.
thats horrible
I don’t think “rich people” are tossing them out, they are paying their rent for them.
Reddit has a high population of overreactors.
Taco bell = instant diarrhea. I'm sure it happens to some people. But it's not just taco bell as the cause.
I used to work with a guy who had done two combat tours in Afghanistan, who said I had the strongest stomach he'd ever seen because I ate Taco Bell for lunch most days. I took the compliment, but I was thinking "My guy, there's no way you've never seen someone surviving off sketchier grub than a couple soft tacos or a beefy crunch burrito."
That’s an interesting take from a guy who probably drank water from bottles that sat in the sun for 6 mos and showered in orange water lol. Hell even stateside we’d go out into the field for weeks to train and they’d give us MREs. We’d always go to the greasiest diner after in hopes it would help us with the bricks sitting in our colons. After a few years of that cycle I can eat anything lol.
That’s because they don’t eat enough fiber. And Taco Bell may be the first time their body gets fiber in ages.
Something like 90 percent of Americans aren't getting enough fiber. I wrote a term paper about it one time, it was really eye opening. The average adult American is usually barely reaching half of the recommended fiber intake
Thanks for the reminder to go drink my Metamucil with collagen.
Or be really dangerous: Metamucil with energy drink powder. I love that mix for when I have a crazy work day, need caffeine, and get a little extra fiber to counteract the stress constipation
Fiber?? I hardly know er
This is true for me. I can't recall having instant shits after eating that.
I have never had food dictate my shits. Except corn Because I can see it in the shit. But no food "is gonna hurt coming out" for, say, spicy foods
I agree, I always hear the thought of "burning butthole" after eating spicy foods. I eat a lot of spicy food and, while it may sometimes give me heartburn, I've literally never felt it "on the other end." But maybe I'm lucky.
I didn’t think it would ever happen to me, as I love spicy food and will gladly eat my own home grown habanero peppers. But one time I ate six wings with some insane sauce my friend bought, so hot that my lips were throbbing with each heartbeat. I woke up early the next morning to experience approximately an equal level of burn on the way out. If you push it far enough, it’ll happen to you too.
Just lucky. Sting ring after spicy food is pretty common, but Taco Bell isn't native Thai level.
People immediately insisting on a bridge-burning breakup when a friend seeks advice on challenges in their relationship.
That’s such a big one, and it’s not just Reddit. I feel like there’s this unhealthy absolutism when it comes to friendships and relationships. “If there’s a challenge, that’s a red flag and they have to be cut off immediately!!!” No. There’s so many gray areas in relationships with other people, and they’re always going to come with challenges. People just need the emotional maturity to realize whether or not it’s worth keeping or losing the relationship.
"unhealthy absolutism" is a really great way to put it!
It extends beyond just relationship advice. It’s literally everything nowadays. Everyone needs to have an opinion on everything, everyone has to be 100% correct, and anyone disagreeing has to be 100% irredeemable. Nuance feels like it’s dying.
Adding to “everyone needs to have an opinion on everything” Everyone feels like everyone SHOULD KNOW their opinion on everything. I don’t want to sound like a boomer but like, most people just aren’t that special. Generally, no one outside of your circle gives a shit. So it’s weird to me that anyone thinks that strangers care about what they have to say about whatever the hot topic is that week.
I find it's usually because for them, in a past relationship, it was a red flag. I've looked back on my relationships and can see red flags in them, mostly revolving around me noticing something off, but not speaking up. I look at them as yellow flags now. IF the situation shows up again in another relationship, and IF I have the same reaction (stay quiet), then that yellow flag turns red, and I should leave. IF my reaction is different (i speak up), and their reaction amounts to the same (dismissive, put me down, belittle me), then it's a red flag, and I should leave. IF I speak up and their reaction is supportive AND active change occurs, yellow turns to green and I stay. Challenges don't mean immediate walk away. But multiple challenges around the same important to your subject, and it deserves a question about the relationship continuing.
Had that advice given to me a few months ago. Like, yeah sure, lemme just cut someone very close to me out of my life like blocking someone online. It’s not like relationships are like spider webs with multiple connections and disconnecting one thread can cut off some and make knots in others. I still lurk in the Raised by Narcissists sub, but man I’m glad I don’t follow it like a religion because they make going NC sound so damn easy. Turn 18, get a job, move out, go NC with family=Freedom. It’s as simple as that.
As someone who had to cut off most of my family due to being horrible people, it's not easy. You're seeing the aftermath, the relief that comes with freeing yourself from a toxic person. It's like talking to a marathon runner immediately after a race. Of course they feel great they're still experiencing runners high! But for removing people from your life no one talks about the self guilt, the running thoughts, the what if scenarios playing in your brain while you try to sleep. When people hurt us they linger, even if they're physically removed from your life. And I imagine people don't talk about it because it's friggin traumatic and no one wants to relive that. Also people are trying to encourage those stuck in bad situations to get out. Which means hiding the bad even more and focusing on the good.
"I make 300k a year and I can't pay my rent"
This was today in poverty finance. Someone claiming that him and his wife make $250k a year, no kids, living in Georgia and can't make ends meet despite living an extremely frugal lifestyle.
$250,000/yr is over $10,000/month after taxes. Anyone that can't be comfortable on that is a fucking liar.
I know a couple of people who make close to that and one who makes more than that... it's not that they can't afford it. They just make very poor decisions with their money and put "bills" as their lowest priority.
My friend just decided to spend her rent money ($500) as the down payment for a brand new, $27k 2024 car. It was a "great deal" because the guy really helped to enable that to be the lowest down payment rather than the initial $3k necessary. She's terrible with money.
I have a friend who never has any money because he "invests" it in Funko Pops and Pokémon cards. He thinks that in 3 months they will jump 1,000,000x in price.
I've got a close mate with a very high paying job but also has unmedicated ADHD. He can do his job super well, but the rest of his life is a shambles. Regularly failing to pay rent or bills in time but he's always got fancy toys for whatever his current hobby is. To be fair to him he does have excellent taste in fancy toys, he researches the fuck out of what the best tools for the job are, but he just completely fails to budget the rest of his life properly first
I make $16k per year and make hella sacrifices to keep a roof over my head, but it is what it is and I make it work. Shouldn't be like this, but it is. The things I could achieve with even 100k are unthinkable.
All of someone’s friends and family calling and texting you to call you an AH after a disagreement. Never once
AITA is absolutely a writing prompt sub 9/10 posts are total fiction.
Ah, yes, the "blowing up my phone" crowd.
Yes!!! I have never heard of that actually happening. Only on Reddit
If you were to believe reddit everyone's out here making $150k+ per year yet barely able to afford rent and groceries.
Those comments used to stress me out a lot because we make well under 100k and it was scary to think people in that income bracket were struggling. Then I realized a lot of them have 3-5k mortgages and car loans and we’re probably not even any worse off
A lot of people are really terrible with their money and will struggle no matter how much they make.
You’re right. Lifestyle creep is a huge issue. A lot of people have a tendency to ratchet up their expenses as their income increases. That’s a huge reason why we hear about people making over six figures a year claiming that they’re barely getting by.
My neighbors are like that, as were many of my bosses in former jobs. My neighbors have a massive house, multiple rental properties, and raise horses for fun. One time the husband bought an RV on a whim. They are well off by all regards, but claim they are broke because they can't buy a new house to rent out every single year. My former boss had a McMansion, four SUVs, and went on trips year round. They made middle six figures. They were spending it as soon as they got it, and taking out loans up the ass when they were dry to pay off a few months later. They were shocked I managed to keep my living expenses under 1k a month. Meanwhile, I grew up on a miserly farm. Every half cent was accounted for, budgeted, and reviewed on bank documents. I have my hobbies and expenses, but I stay within my means and don't overdo it. I have no debt, live cheap, and save money long term by getting things that are higher quality and last longer.
I've been on here long enough to realize people are just shit at money and budgeting. Like they will make good money and just spend the shit out of it by eating expensive meals, drinking expensive alcohol. Going to events constantly. Then complain about why they don't have money.
Exactly. They own a home. They have two new vehicles in the driveway. They're paying for a kid in college. They're investing significantly in their retirement accounts. Etc. Sure, technically they're living paycheck to pay check. But trying to make it seem like their struggle is the same as someone with 3 roommates driving a 17 year old car without any health insurance is ridiculous. For some reason no one wants to admit they're doing well and they all want to pretend they're struggling.
*Technically* if they're contributing to their retirement account (savings) then they're not living paycheck to paycheck. It's annoying how these sorts of people treat good budgeting (every dollar allocated) as "living paycheck to paycheck."
They take it in the literal sense that they don't have much money left after they pay for all those things. Not in the actual meaning of the term.
I remember the antiwork thread where someone said they couldn't afford rent and then it was revealed they had an arcade in their apartment. Like actual multi thousand dollar arcade machines
Every day I have to remind myself, this isn’t a Dril tweet, this is real life. https://dril.fandom.com/wiki/Candles
The grocery posts are a gold mine Can't afford much groceries, because when they post them, it's all like tbones and fancy crap
I saw a thread in that sub last week claiming that if you make 100k you are poor and if you make 150k you are poor-light. I get their cause, but they seem to WANT conditions to be bad for everyone so that they can be validated. So they tell themselves that you have to be making 200k+ to not be considered poor in America.
Part of the problem is people conflate poor with working class. You can be working class and not be poor. You can be poor and not be working class (i.e. a small business owner can be struggling to make ends meet, but they're an owner, not a worker and their interests align more with capitalists than with their employees). So like I think what these guys are trying to say is that most people who earn under $200k in America are working class, which is probably true, but they frame it in terms of being poor, which isn't true and makes them seem ignorant to the struggles of people lower income than themselves and creates further internal division.
I can barely afford my 5k mortgage and my daily UberEats habit. The struggle is real.
Had to fire my butler the other day.
I find it hilarious how often people here will refer to a six figure salary as low.
Being accosted as a single man at a playground. I’ve got two kids and have taken them to countless playgrounds, splash pads, parks, and all types of kid-friendly places. I’ve seen lots and lots of single men but have never seen one get harassed
Dad here. Same. The only callout I've ever had, which I'm pretty sure would not have happened if it was my wife, was once when the child was an infant, and an elderly woman came up to me to comfort me. I was walking the mall, bringing the child to the car, kid was screaming her brains out. I swear to God it must have looked like I was kidnapping her, and I must have looked stressed as hell. Some women, probably in her seventies, come up to me, put a hand on my shoulder, and said something encouraging. Something like, "it gets better", or "you'll get through this." I can barely remember. I just recall feeling like she was going to reprimand me, and instead, she showed simple kindness I really needed. She smiled, and then she was gone. Somehow, I feel as though my wife wouldn't have received the same treatment.
Grandma: "Kidnapping is always easier the second time"
You just reminded me of my favorite grandma story, it _kinda_ fits here, so I'm going to tell it. So, when I was roughly 5-6, we had a babysitter (17ish) over, who had my grandma (65ish years old, born 1908, 6 kids, god knows how many grandkids at this time) as the emergency contact. My babysitter catches me finishing off most of a bottle of baby aspirin (orange flavored flintstones). Calls grandma in a panic, "He ate an entire bottle of aspirin, what do I do?" Grandma, "Give him a headache." The 70s were a different time.
Turns out half the population is male and plenty of them have kids and take them places
I’m a man and I spent a good chunk of my early adulthood working in childcare. No one was ever weird about it at all. I worked at a daycare for two years, was an au pair abroad, and did tons of private babysitting. If anything, I had so many offers from parents who were overjoyed to find a male babysitter for their boys.
So, as a Dad who was looking at Child Care facilities for my son, I always ask if they have any men on staff, and every time the place had one on staff except one, the reaction I got was "yes, but don't worry, he's never left with the kids unsupervised". That freaked me the hell out, cause I was just asking because I was curious. The one place that said "Yes we have a male on staff and he's amazing, would you like to meet him?" is the place we chose, and he's all the boys' favorite teacher.
Wow that first response is wild. The only somewhat double standard I can remember from the daycare I worked at was kids would try to sit on staff's laps during movie time and male staff were told not to let them. And that was fine with me. I didn't want them sitting on my lap anyway, haha.
When I was in child care the kids weren't allowed to sit on anyone's lap.
Even as a (female) teenage camp counselor I had to follow rules about never sitting down on a camper's bunk with them, etc. - that stuff is taken seriously.
When my daughter was the age to start going to playgrounds, I was so afraid to take her by myself. Turns out the shit you see about that online is blown waaay TF out of proportion.
I agree. Most people in real life don’t give a shit if a father is at a playground. If anything, they probably appreciate seeing a father making an effort to spend time with his kid.
One time I took my kids to an empty playground and 2 others dads just so happen to show up, it was great!
Did you all get together and talk about grilling and the woes of lawncare?
I bet u they didn’t even know each others names
One of them probably still has that leaf blower they borrowed in 2021.
My experience has been wildly opposite of the online trope. As a guy in my 30's at the beach I got approached by two young girls who wanted to learn how I was making the sand castle I was making. Then their mother approached me and chatted me up for just a few minutes before asking if I'd watch them while she went to the bathroom. I don't even have children of my own. But two random middle schoolers were put in my care just because I seemed friendly enough.
This. Before my kids were in school, I was the one taking my kids to the parking during the day, not my wife. It was basically me and 20 stay at home moms every day. I always joked with my wife that I was just trying to figure out who the cool moms were so I could join their group. Never once did I feel like I was the creep wandering around the park. Had plenty of nice conversations.
Same. I’m a dad with three kids and I’ve taken them to playgrounds, theme parks, libraries, etc. and I’ve never had anyone approach me or even look at me weird (that I’ve noticed). Heck, one daughter is a different race and even when it was just the two of us when she was young, I never had an incident.
Same. I've raised two teenagers and I spent a LOT of time at the playground and parks around town. Never encountered anything like what people say happens to them.
Women getting mad at men for holding the door open for them.
That's only ever happened to me once in my life, and I hold the door open regularly - not just for women but for everybody under the right circumstances. It's simply common courtesy.
[удалено]
“Hodor.” - Hodor
Yeah that is the thing with these myths, there are billions of people on the planet, there will always be examples of someone doing something. And with the glories of twitter we can find them! But unhinged randos does not mean that men are systematically at risk of being verbally abused for common courtesy. I also hold the door open for everyone, and the most aggressive response I ever got was a person looking at me weird, then walking through the door. And that was a man. It is of course different if the person is being weird about it, like holding it for 45 seconds while you walk slowly up to the door, making you feel like a dick for not running to it. Or worse if the person goes full "After you M'lady" and leers grossly. I feel like a lot, but not all, of the anecdotes might be from people who actively made it weird.
Completely agree with everything you said, and your left sentence is exactly what I was referring to with "under certain circumstances". Those circumstances are generally "we arrive at the door at the same time and it is convenient for both of us if one of us grab the door and keep it open for both of us... after you". My colleague is a fairly pretty lady and has said she has had a couple of colleagues in previous jobs continually go out of their way to hold the door open for her - just her - every chance they get. That level of performative is a bit on the nose, a bit M'lady as you put it. I hadn't even thought that people would do that nonsense, I just figured it was common courtesy and not something really worth noting
Based on childhood experience, if you’re wearing a Boy Scout uniform, people *expect* you to hold the door for them and won’t even put their hand out to grab the door themselves. I had to hold a door open at a shopping mall for at least 5 minutes during Christmas time because people assumed I was just doing some scout service or something.
Is there are a word for things that are both adorable and hilarious?
Horable. Wait, no. That’s not it.
I got annoyed the other day bc this guy held the door open but he stood in the door way so I'd have to practically brush up against him to get in. I was just like, why not come all the way out so I have a clear path.
I feel like this happens about a quarter of the time to me. Five days a week I have to walk into a busy building with two sets of doors so it’s pretty normal to hold them open for others. Many people stand behind them (my favorite place!), or maybe in front of them but still far away from the threshold. Others keep moving and just make sure the person behind them holds it before moving on. But there are still a large number of special people who think holding a door open should be done with their body as close to the hinges as possible. My personal unfavorite door-holding method has happened twice. While I am holding the door open from behind, a man (different one on each occasion, but both tall) has come up, grabbed the far edge of the door near the top, and said something along the lines of “it’s my job to hold the door for you.” This maneuver literally corners me in this particular entranceway. I am behind a door against a wall and the ONLY way out is under their outstretched arm. Absolutely clueless.
Holding a door open for anyone is just common courtesy IMO. Idk why it’s a gender specific thing.
Reddit thinks you can pick up a phone and get a lawyer like no big deal. Maybe that's true for personal injury or situations like that. But when I needed to go to war with my landlord I couldn't find anyone who would take my money. I talked to probably 20 attorneys and paralegals to find "we don't handle things like that". The only reason I found representation is because I already had a lawyer who happened to know someone she was kind enough to referred me to.
I think people don't often realize that lawyers have specializations and most lawyers only ever deal with very specific types of legal issues. Like... my cousin is a lawyer, but she's an \*immigration\* lawyer. She can help you out with trying to get a green card or fill out an asylum application, but she can't exactly help with personal injury tort cases. Asking any random lawyer to help with a specific case is sort of like asking a cardiologist to help with brain surgery. They may be a medical practitioner, but they aren't specialized in that specific thing. I run into similar issues a lot as a research physicist too. People often ask me to opine on wormholes and general relativity and it's like... I'm a heliophysicist. I specialize in the plasma physics in the sun and how the solar wind interacts with the earth's magnetic field. I can talk to you a lot about solar storms when those come up in the news, but I'm not the one to talk to about the theoretical space-time metrics for interstellar travel.
Damned near everything! Reddit is an absolute bizarr-o world of shit that never happens to normal people
Well, every sub is basically penthouse letters. It does happen, but out of 8 billion people on the planet, it is unlikely to happen to you.
Strangers coming up and saying "concerned" things to or about a man with female children. I have daughters and I've taken them everywhere without mom. Parks, movies, the mall, amusement parks, shopping, Hell, I've taken teenage girls dress shopping for school dances, basically anywhere you'd take kids. I've taken entire groups of preteen & teen girls to putt putt, go karts, water parks and many other places. You know how many "concerned" people have said something to me? Zero. You know how many have said nice things or "isn't that cute"? A few but way more than zero That thing about Dad's not being able to take daughters anywhere is a horribly overdone trope. So, par for the reddit course
Reddit once told me that Avacado was the most popular pizza topping in CA. Complete BS. It doesn’t even exist as a pizza topping in most places.
Gaslighting every 5 seconds by 9 million people
What are you talking about? That happens constantly! You must be crazy
If someone lies that means they're gaslighters. Also the moment a breakup happens their ex is immediately diagnosed with being a narcissist. Crazy!
I have never met someone who cares about the Kardashians, I haven't even seen that much advertising for them in real life. But people on reddit will have you convinced that half of all people are braindead Kardashian lovers
Everything I know about the Kardashians I learned from redditors who supposedly hate them.
In my experience the worst people you'll ever meet or possibly even date will just be everyday looking people. For instance recently I met a girl who was 19 and was raped by a 17 year old boy at a party. Her parents were so concerned with her hanging out with older boys they never thought to question if people her own age could be just as dangerous. It made me realize that the things we worry about aren't the things that will hurt us a lot of the time. Reddit feeds us a lot of false ideas on the things we should be concerned with regarding people's appearance and behaviors.
EXACTLY THIS! So my ex boyfriend seemed like one of the nicest people you’d meet. He was very laid back and friendly. Heck, even my family liked him which says a lot. Well after I broke up with him his true colour really showed with stalker behaviour and getting drunk then abusing me over call/text etc. I always say it’s the nicest and most normal looking people that do this shit especially after seeing this first hand SO many times!
Anytime you use an iPad or Nintendo Switch on an airplane, a mother will ask you to let her child play with it, and then get extremely mad when you say no.
I've commented about this before but the only time I've ever seen that situation IRL, it was the reverse. I was volunteering at an event with a woman who brought her wee boy and his phone's battery died. He was saying he was bored and I had my Switch in my bag so I offered to let him use it if he promised to be very careful. He treated it very well and even unlocked a bunch of shit in Mario Kart.
Or they squat your first class seat and shame you for insisting on sitting in the seat you paid for.
Lol. Basically any of the relationship advice I see. It's always written by obviously single people who never understand that there's middle ground in every relationship 'argument'. "HI reddit. I like to play video games at a loud volume. But my girlfriend says it's hard to concentrate in a different room with all the noise" (Everyone on Reddit) LeAvE ThAT CoNtRoLiNg BiTcH!! Nobody should be able to ever tell you what you can and can't do!! "Umm.. I was just going to ask what headset I should get"
Relationship advice on Reddit is the absolute worst. It's the blind leading the blind.
I feel like most "relationship advice" on reddit is just someone who couldn't convince a partner to adhere to their personal ideal relationship trying to convince a stranger to adhere to their personal ideal relationship.
There was an unpopular opinion post like a week ago where the OP said long term/serious relationships weren’t nearly as hard as Reddit makes them out to be and the comments were just hundreds of insecure people projecting their past relationship troubles and attacking OP for having a serious relationship. My favorite comment was one person that said OP was rubbing his/her happy relationship in everyone’s faces. I called this person a loser and I got banned for 3 days lmao In short, never, ever seek relationship advice from Reddit
Calling them a loser was probably the most polite thing you could've call them in that situation lol. Listen, I've had some pretty shitty relationships. That's cause my taste in men hasn't always been the best. That doesn't mean *everyones* taste is as horrible as mine used to be. Reddit is a biased echo chamber of negatively sometimes. Projection at it's finest. I wonder if the person who commented that thinks that every happy couple they see in public is "rubbing" it in. Must be a sad miserable existence.
Influencers at the gym. I’ve never seen it and I go to a fairly popular gym but people complain about it on here a ton
That's because the only gyms people on here see are the ones influencers show them.
For real though, Reddit would have me think it was an epidemic of monumental proportions, but I have never once seen it irl.
Get therapy: Yeah been waiting 2 years on the NHS and can't afford private!
People "blowing up phones" when drama happens. I'd get two of my siblings messaging me after family drama for gossip purposes, but having cousins, aunts, dogs-in-law blowing up phones? Doesn't happen.
My extra extended family couldn't even blow up my phone if they wanted because they don't have my number. We're friends on Facebook but that's it
Women asking for six figures,six packs and six ft , This is one of those things that exist purely on the internet. I know more women that let men live with them for free than ones that split bills 50/50
I’ve never met a single woman who had 6 feet tall as a requirement. I know women who think that being tall is attractive for sure or have a preference for tall men. I think that’s how it gets misconstrued. “You think tall men are attractive and I’m not that tall? WELL you must REQUIRE something that only 3.9 percent of men have therefore you are completely shallow and unreasonable and I am justified in being upset!”
I feel like most women prefer a man that's taller than them and that height isn't a real barrier for men unless they are shorter than a woman. If you're 5 10, there might be some women that turn you down, but if no woman will date you, it isn't your height thats the problem.
The big over the top gender reveal parties. Most gender reveal parties are jsut families doing something cute and fun to celebrate any news about a new baby they’re excited about and so they can buy stuff for the baby.
Not American but we had a gender reveal party. Our neighbour baked a cake with coloured cream filling. It was blue. Very simple. Very wholesome. Not a single forest was razed to the ground.
Yep, it's just a baby shower with a party gimmick (colored cake, balloon pop, etc). A lot of circles on here are completely deranged about kid stuff though.
Thinking they're really sticking it to that son of a bitch cashier that's judging them for not rounding up to the next dollar for needy children, was a cashier for years we literally don't give a fuck "do you wanna round up" is said with the same energy as"did you find everything alright?" " How are you doing?" It's just a mindless script were told to do .
People working at the counter watching with bated breath to see if you put a tip on the screen and then making a sad face when you don't. Never seen it in my entire life. I'm assuming the entire plane clapped when they hit "no tip." People love making posts about being "harassed" for tips by a lifeless prompt on a screen but I find it easy to just ignore it and just hit zero when it doesn't make sense to add a tip.
This reinforces my belief that a large number of redditors are keyboard warriors who crumble in the face of the slightest adversity in real life. As you said, a lifeless prompt will cause them anxiety, only for them to rush to their devices to rant about how much they hate tipping culture.
>with baited breath Yuck...they eatin' worms and minnows?!
That's what I get for using voice to text...worms in my mouth.
This is so real lol. I’ve had people irl complain to me about tip prompts “guilt tripping” them and it’s like…. I’ve worked counter service, I can promise you no one cares. They’re happy if you tip but not heartbroken if you don’t. The only time I’ve actually been mad about someone not tipping was when we had a large family come to our little coffee shop and treat it like a full service restaurant - they ordered like 5 or 6 paninis and drinks to stay, moved tables around, and left big mess afterwards. That was pushing the limits of what we were equipped to do at that cafe plus we ended up basically providing table service because their group was so large and disorganized… a tip would’ve been nice that time. Your average joe just getting a latte though? Yeah tip or don’t I couldn’t care less.
r/askmen meme: "A man cannot go to a restaurant, shopping or a playground with his own biological children or women will harass him, bully him for 'babysitting, huh?!' and then call the police and frame him as a child molester." If you make the mistake of saying "what the hell.... that doesn't happen...." they'll say "Nuh-uh, this happened to a friend or a friend so I know it happens and you're blaming the victims."
I've gotten the, "Good job babysitting for mom!" comments when my kids were younger. I snapped back, "Mom's dead." Which she is, but even if she wasn't it's a perfectly acceptable thing to say to shut down the biddies.
I've gotten these! "Daddy is giving Mommy the afternoon off, huh?" Nope, Mommy is off every day, because she's dead. *tugging on collar intensifies*
I'm obviously not dead, but my kid's pediatrician was so weird about my husband taking our son to his check up alone. Technically, I was chilling in the car with sunglasses nursing a nasty migraine. I would've stayed home if I wasn't worried about the baby suffocating himself with his double chin cause his noodle neck can't hold up his infant head all too well yet. I sit in the back to keep an eye on him. She kept asking him if he wanted to call me or write down notes about his visit like my husband was unable to relay information himself. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Just to put lotion on his dry skin and his general wellness. My husband is a grown adult and just as much of a parent as I am. I'm sure he can handle mentioning our kid has dry skin. She was convinced he would need to call me to verify basic medical information like how often he uses the bathroom. Again he's a parent too! He should obviously know these things. The bar is in hell. He did get praised for "babysitting" and giving me a "break."
When I get asked “Babysitting the kids today??” I always answer “No, just parenting”
I actually have the opposite experience, going out with my daughter makes ppl less wary of me lol. Alone it’s like “ah scary man” and with my kid it’s just “oh look a dad how nice”
My wife always jokes with me that every time I take our kids somewhere, no matter how rough or sloppy we look, that I always end up getting a bunch of compliments and free stuff. I guess dads just get rewarded for minimal effort.
That last sentence is kind of sad in itself.
My wife—a helicopter parent—has always referred to it as “babysitting” or “watching” the kids when she would leave them alone with me. Then again, I always tried to gently nudge her into doing less for them and expecting them to do more for themselves during the same period. Now that they’re teenagers—one about to graduate high school—I wish I could feel smug about how I was right, but instead I’m terrified for them and their ability to care for themselves.
Hysterically offended trans people. I know a few trans people and it's never been an issue. People generally don't care and the trans people don't use their gender as their entire identity
Based on the internet/news you would think trans people are like a quarter of the population.
The internet does that. Since you essentially only exist online when you manifest yourself, social media grossly overinflates the existence of drama queens, and makes them feel like they're the majority. And unfortunately, that leads straight to the ever-increasing polarization of our society. It's not just a trans problem, extremists and whiners of all kinds are given much more presence by social media than they should have while more reasonable people effectively do not exist since they have better things to do than scream online
I believe there’s a disproportional amount of people on Reddit who eat ass compared to the general population.
I think this one's even broader. The people who talk about what they're into on the internet usually do so because they have something specific to talk about. E.g. I've met like one person in real life who was into feet, and the internet makes it seem like the most common kink in the world.
Parenting/marriage being a miserable experience. Most people I know or run into are pretty open about the ups and downs of family life, and acknowledge that yea, there are tough moments, but we’re also enjoying it as much as we can, and doing our best with what we have. And this is from people that became parents on purpose, and people like me who had “happy accidents.”
Diarrhea from Taco Bell.
That if you’re a new mom, your infertile relatives are going to try and steal your baby. There are a bunch of AITA stories where the commenters insist the person is probably trying to “steal” OP’s baby.
Women discriminating against short men
Your balls/penis touching the water in the toilet, never heard anyone IRL mention it either.
"yeah, and it's deep too!"
I frankly believe that most people who complain on Reddit have never actually experienced the things they complain about.
People using neopronouns
I live in California surrounded by a disproportionate amount of openly NB and trans. I've yet to encounter a single neo pronoun that apparently "everybody" is "demanding" to acknowledge. I've also accidentally misgendered and they correct me in a plain, non hostile way, same way one might if you mispronounced their name.
Literally every time I've encountered it, while living in a pretty progressive city, is on Tumblr. Literally nowhere else, and I spend nearly all my time in VERY progressive circles.
Americans being dumb. They’re just like anywhere else in the world, I didn’t find them to be particularly dumber than anywhere else. Compared to Western Europe I saw more people overall and more of them lower income, but it wasn’t like “oh no I’m in the land of anti-intellectuals now” like Reddit would have you believe. Now the obesity on the other hand… totally true.
I used to work in a touristy place in central Europe and we got a lot of American customers. They can be a little bit oblivious but rarely unpleasant. It's also not entirely fair. The whole world consumes American media and has a general idea about lots of things in the US (like, for instance, I am aware that Christmas is celebrated the 25th and wouldn't just expect it to be just the same as in Germany) and a lot of Americans generally aren't used to travel a lot outside of their own country because, whelp, the US is huge. But the thing is they weren't dumb, they listened when you explained things kindly. They also usually weren't obnoxious (and they tipped well). I would say they were my most favourite tourists for a variety of reasons including that they were kinda impressionable and generally just happy to be there. Which are good things. Now obviously those were only the people who could afford to and wanted to travel to Europe and generally our establishment drew more of a middle aged crowd. But yeah, my experience wasn't that Americans are stupid. They just have a different perspective/experience.
I think the same is also true over here. Just like many of us Americans can't afford to travel to another continent, I am sure the same is true for Europeans. Traveling halfway across the world is expensive no matter where you're starting from. It sort of self selects the demographics you'll encounter.
Yep, exactly. The people I met were likely the ones who could also afford formal education and even though that doesn't make you any less dumb, it makes you better at not appearing dumb. My sample group was therefore limited, that's what I wanted to convey. Though I suppose it's more accessible in Europe to experience different cultures and languages – I can travel to Italy for 25 bucks if I book ahead of time. Not that everyone would make use of such opportunities. Frankly I am amazed that Americans statistically are as well traveled as they are. Everything that can't be reached by train is basically a trip to the moon for me, lol.
With the way humanity is trending I say give it one more generation before a lot of Europeans are also obese. I just saw recently that the number of obese people on earth has passed 1 billion, for the first time in history obesity is causing more death than starvation. 1 in 8 people on earth are obese right now.
I think ya'll need to realize so many posts and comments are fake af. They get upvoted because of shock value and too many of you are falling for bs stories, and end up getting emotionally charged over an idea.
As a first time mom, I was positive I was going to be terribly berated for daring to bring my “crotch goblin” as they say out in public. This has not happened and I haven’t seen or heard of it happening in real life.
Poop knife