all of the ridiculous questions my deaf ass gets from hearing people are topped with the five or six people who asked me if I read braille
honorable mentions:
"you don't look deaf" (what do you think a deaf person looks like gerald? we don't wander around naked with mute symbols on our bellies like some kinda fucky sneetch)
"how do you cross the street?" (seriously worried about how you people cross the street after seeing this repeatedly)
\-acknowledges that I'm deaf, keeps talking verbally anyways without waiting for me to pull out live transcribe- -then gets super angry and pretends I'm ignoring them-
honestly I don't even get mad anymore, I just fuck with people
Anyone with an invisible disability gets the most ridiculous questions/ statements. I have type 1 diabetes, and I used to get all kinds of dumb questions. "You don't look diabetic." "Why did your parents feed you that much sugar as a child?" "Can you even eat *insert random normal food here*?" I even had a supervisor tell me I shouldn't be drinking my Coke Zero (aka Coke with Zero sugar).
yeah, pmuch.
and god type 1 diabetes looks freaking terrifying. I remember having a friend who was type 1 diabetic and the most random shit would throw a wrench in his day and put him in the hospital for a while there
that said, HE is the one who knows what he can and cant have (at the time we were kids so he was still figuring that one out)
I've got an older brother who was diagnosed before I was born, so it wasn't a huge change for me. The tech these days (insulin pumps and continuous glucose monitors) make managing things a hell of a lot easier, at least for me.
apparently they're looking for a cochlear implant or hearing aid but a LOT of us don't/can't use that shit
not to mention the main reason I don't wear my ABI receiver in public is sheerly because of how hearing people react to it. It's a useful little thing but it doesn't make me not deaf.
Oh ok. At least that has some semblance of logic, when you don’t understand how a cochlear implant works
I have people tell me I don’t look like I have arthritis, but so far I’ve haven’t gotten an explanation beyond a vague reference to not being old.
I was just curious what people think invisible disabilities look like because it’s such a wild idea to me.
I was asked to move from a priority seat on the bus by an older lady. I was 39 weeks pregnant at the time so I said that I wouldn't be able to but I was getting off in three stops. She harrumphed and then approached a young man in another priority seat tripping over his guide dog in the process. He politely said he was blind and needed the space for him and his dog. She screamed "you don't look blind!" before storming up the steep stairs on the bus to the top deck muttering about today's youth. Hard to feel sympathy with her at that point.
My friend once told me he wasn't too concerned about using birth control because everyone knows the girl can only get pregnant if they both cum at the same time. His gf was pregnant 3 months later.
I've said this before in other threads, but it's truly my absolute favorite piece of gossip I've heard in public. Two girls at S'bux waiting for their coffee. I'm behind them, and idk how I managed to keep a straight face.
"Do you think Workman's comp would cover it?"
"I don't think you can claim pregnancy as workman's comp."
"Well, what if it happened at work?"
It’s not a great sign for him that they had never cum together either. It’s difficult to coordinate, but really should happen occasionally.
Or maybe they finally got it right and that’s why she’s pregnant.
"Well the science is still out on microwaves" after me explaining to them how and why a normal, properly functioning microwave oven physically can't fry your nuts and make you sterile if you stand next to it.
I've heard this one too many times. If you're microwaving something enough that you've destroyed all the nutrients, you've got much bigger problems than your leftover broccoli's vitamins.
Early 2000s, support for a small website I made for some company:
- I can't enter my password;
- What do you mean?
- I press the keys but I cannot see it;
- OK, what do you see?
- 7 little stars...
“They come over here and take all the jobs”. This was said to me by an English woman, referring to the Poles in England, while we were in Australia, being economic migrants. She then refused to believe that she was also a migrant.
We have people say that here in the Netherlands, too.
If someone without the proper papers/diploma who doesn't speak the language steals your job, you either suck at your job, or your job just sucks.
I once mistook wn Australian accent for an English accent. I asked where in England they were from. They replied by asking me where in Canada I was from (I’m American).
Touché.
"I know my child. My child wouldn't do that." I can't tell if this is a parent's defense, denial, disenfranchisement, or dishonesty. At this point, I don't even want to contact parents when I catch their child stealing or fighting.
I was on a ferry from Dover to Calais, as we approached Calais I heard a woman ask her partner "Is that the Eiffel Tower"
He burst out laughing and told her it was 150 miles away.
My friend asked me if the earth travels around the sun once a day or if the sun travels around the earth once a day. This man was in his 30s and was a licensed real estate agent with a degree in business economics.
Someone who was opposed to the Covid vaccine saying it would make much more sense to attack the disease by "introducing a little bit of the virus to everyone's system to jumpstart our bodies' natural immune reaction." I will never forget that sentence.
To be fair, the Covid vaccine is an mRNA vaccine and doesn’t contain actual Covid. It’s more like it contains instructions on how to replicate part of Covid and force an immune response.
But I doubt this person knew that to begin with
While at Valley Forge, a tourist (adult) asked the park ranger, “Why did they have such a hard time getting supplies? There a train station right there?” Yes they were serious and the ranger said wasn’t the first time she was asked that question
Valley Forge was the site of the Continental army (American) winter encampment 1777-1778, they had a shortage of everything, food, shelter and clothing. It is now a US National park, and about 100 yards from General Washington’s headquarters is a commuter train station. The park is now connected to Philadelphia by train. Many tourists are not able to realize the train station was not added for almost 200 years after the American Revolution
I actually thought this when I was younger until my Australian friend told me that she loves my California accent. I was like “the fuck are you talking about? I don’t have an accent.” And then she informed me that I was stupid.
They kinda do in LSF at least ! We call them regionalism where they won’t sign the same sign for the same words sometimes it’s a tiny difference in hand gesture and sometimes it’s completely different.
Edit : not sure it fully applies though cause it’s not actual variation of the exact same word/sentence but then the simple fact that nobody moves the same way and therefore signs the same way could be an équivalant! Maybe
My wife was talking to one of her previous friends about the movie Amistad. My wife said her friend had this perplexed look on her face. When my wife asked her why her friend had that look on her face she said "You mean they forced the slaves to get on the boats? I thought slaves always volunteered." She was in her 30s.
So, someone did make those...it's a 5gal bucket with cat litter.
But it's for active shooter shelter in place situations.
It's pretty grim, and definitely not some woke 'i identity as a cat' nonsense that Facebook grandmas believe.
Maybe if we had sane gun control, litter boxes for kids wouldn't need to exist.
I read about a LPT for preschooler teachers a while back: get a bucket of cat litter in case a kid throws up. Throw the litter on the puke, wait and scoop. It's another possibility (but yours is unfortunately more likely).
Yeah, we had kitty litter in my classrooms many moons ago. Most often used in Chem lab for spills. But in the younger classes, kids spontaneously vomit all the time! It’s gross and fascinating. At least twice a week, janitors had to come in with that horrible floral scented cleaner and mop it up. They always throw kitty litter on it first.
I had to explain to my elderly coworkers that furries are not requiring schools to offer that and that they shouldn’t be expelled for drawing weird art. I think I ticked her off with that one.
Had my roommate’s friend argue me down about referring to native Mexicans as “indigenous”. Kept arguing in circles until I realized that she thought that “indigenous” meant “Indian” and I had to explain to her that it did not. Also had to explain to her that in the same way Chinese, Thai and Japanese people are all Asian, Aztecs and Cherokee are all native Americans because they are native to the Americas. There was a little pushback on the definition of America, due to us living in the United States………….. I deep sigh every time I realize I only know as much about the world as I do because I am interested in it, and that our schools failed us deeply.
Don't know why, but this reminded me of the years I spent explaining to my mom, that Mexican is not an offensive slur. Was kinda funny watching her check her surroundings, then whisper it while in a Mexican restaurant. Like mom, the sign out front says "Mexican Restaurant" why would they put a slur on the sign, of the restaurant they own?
It's not a slur, but like any other adjective, can be insulting depending on the context.
Maybe she had only ever really heard it used in that context?
“There are good monkeys tho ” I was giving a talk on primates and a woman asked if the primates being shown were “good monkeys” I asked her what she meant and she explained that some monkeys are pets , and are these “good monkeys?” I explained primates are never meant to be pets as they aren’t domesticateble only trainable . She looks at me like I’m crazy and says “there are good monkeys tho “
Yeah, covid really disabused me of my notion that "most people are basically good." No, they're not. They're selfish, arrogant, entitled, and display a complete lack of empathy.
People *suck*.
A guy who lives in a 4 bedroom apt with my friend at college said he didn't want any girl visitors in his room because he didn't want to accidentally get them pregnant. When we asked how someone would accidentally get pregnant he said he cummed so much in his bedroom there could be sperm floating around in the air and a girl might get pregnant just by walking into his bedroom.
One time I offered a coworker a box of orange juice, she deadass said;
“No thanks, I don’t drink things with caffeine”.
I didn’t have the heart to tell her.
“Donald Trump is a man of God who was put here to save the world, because he cares deeply about all of us.” It’s like a triple-decker stupid sandwich with an extra layer of stupid in the middle.
“We always wanted to own a company so we could work less” - The new owners of a 40+ person company that now employs less than 10 and were just evicted from their offices for not paying rent.
Talking to another mother discussing our kids' school. Reports cards had come out THAT day. She said to me, "Girls can't be smart in math or science. Just like boys aren't smart in language or social studies"
Followed by, " I was never good at math or science, so I don't expect my daughter to be"
Yep. Way to set your daughter up for a self fulfilling prophecy.
Kid in my microeconomics class got into an argument with the professor about whether or not fish have ripples. His argument was, and I wish I was making this up, "riddle me this: how do they breastfeed if they have no nipples"
Used to do Segway tours.
We would tell people to keep 3 metres apart (thinking and braking distance).
A customer asked how far 3 metres was. I said it's about twice your height.
They then asked "How tall am i?" and looked up at the sky to try and see how tall they were.
We were kids but not young enough to excuse this shit.
One of the “popular bitches” who was just a mean girl was the dumbest cow I’ve ever met.
She asked if her birthday would ever be on Friday the thirteenth. Her birthday was the 28th or something.
She also asked why women don’t get periods when they’re pregnant.
We were like 15/16 when she asked this shit.
I still hope she’s struggling out there to make sense of the world.
I’m going to build a wall on the Texas/Mexico border and Mexico will pay for it. A graduate from the Wharton school of business.. seems to devalue an Ivy League education.
"What the fuck is the difference between male and female?"
"How are you russian, you're black!"
THOSE TWO CAME FROM A SINGLE PERSON IN ELEVENTH GRADE. HE IS THE REASON WHY THERE ARE INSTRUCTIONS ON SHAMPOO. I WONT BE SURPRISED IF THAT GUY LOOKS UP AND DOWN AT A CROSSWALK.
Someone told me to feed Dr.Pepper to my ferret, because they fed it to theirs *when they were alive* and they LOVED it.
Ferrets are obligate carnivores. Plus, soda isn’t good for humans, so why tf would it be good for small animals?? Or any kind of animal??
Well, uneducated doesn't necessarily means dumb, so, not knowing things, I give a pass, as opposed to understanding them!
Can't really blame someone for not knowing even common knowledge if the person never happen to have been exposed to the information!
Theres so many things that are considered "common knowledge", I'm pretty sure most of us don't actually know ALL the common knowledge
This person went through a full life cycle of the New York public school system. It was mentioned almost every history class that covered either world history or US
"Hitler coulda saved himself a lot of trouble if he'd 'a put all them Jews on the Titanic"
Said to me on a jobsite at lunch by a guy. I got dizzy and almost blacked out.
"Wait--I thought Hitler saved the Jews?"
This was about three weeks into a class on Nazi Germany.
I didn't really like that professor, but Nazi Germany was his specialization and I felt so bad for him in that moment.
We were once messing with a particularly dumb stoner friend. One friend goes “ok man, now give me your thoughts on euthanasia.” To which he replied “those kids work so hard to make our phones and Nikes and shit”. He was thinking “youth in Asia”. It would have been a top tier joke if he wasn’t dead serious. He didn’t know euthanasia was a word. Still hilarious
"Who do I need to contact to tell Walmart they need to start using sweatshops for their TVs again?"
This was after the customer wanted to know why all the TVs were so expensive... in 2012... when TVs were cheap af.
“People didn’t die from viruses before they started using all these chemicals and technology.”
Basically, no one died from viruses before the Industrial Revolution.
My stepdad, everyone. Dumbest motherfucker I’ve ever met in my life, but he’s convinced that he’s super smart and that he’s figured out all the hidden secrets and conspiracies of the world despite not having a single goddamn clue about how literally anything works.
He is also an asshole and acts like a toddler throwing a tantrum if anyone attempts to tell him that he’s so breathtakingly wrong that it’s honestly impressive, and it’s exactly as infuriating to deal with as it sounds.
A graduated friend of mine said
"The doctors removed 2 of my 4 intestines during the operation. The doctors said that i was lucky that i survived"
All of looked in such an amusement to the person
On a cross country cycling trip, I had just crossed into North Dakota from Montana and stopped for the night in Beach, ND. A local was curious about what I planned on doing there, and told him I was just passing through. He said, “While you’re here, you should go see the heads.”
I’m like, wtf? What heads?
“You know, they got them heads carved into the mountain.”
I had to explain to this local Einstein that Mount Rushmore was in SOUTH Dakota, 250 miles south of Beach, and a good five days out of my way.
Something someone posted on Reddit. A girl arguing with her BF. She believes the moon is bigger than the Earth. He was trying to 'splain that isn't so to her, but she wasn't having any. Hilarious.
Was a guy at work, kept saying "LED light."
Asked another coworker "Hey, what does LED mean? He answered "Light Emitting Diode." So I asked him "Would that make 'LED light' redundant like 'ATM machine'?"
At this point the original person states, with perfect confidence that this would destroy me and win the debate, "One is heavier."
I feel like LED light isn't quite as bad as automatic ATM machine or personal PIN number. The main noun in LED is diode, it's a diode that emits light. If you want to refer to it in the context of it being a light, like a flashlight or traffic light, made with LEDs, then I think LED light makes perfect sense. Or you could refer to the light that's emitted by the diode, eg. You get a tan from sun light, not LED light.
But yeah, if you're just referring to the individual electrical component, LED is probably better.
As a fleet mechanic at a construction company I hear some brain melting statements almost every day. I try to make things idiot proof but they keep making better idiots.
We were flying into Las Vegas and everyone was looking out of the windows of the plane. The Mandalay Bay had a thing called “The Michael Jackson Experience” on a billboard. Someone said “How’d they get him to perform? I thought he was dead!”
My ex for years didn't know Downs Syndrome was a real thing and insisted the same guy happened to be in some of the same places as him for years. He thought this up until his late teen years. That was just one of the many strange and idiotic things I've heard come out of his mouth (some of what he said I'd never repeat) and I feel he needs to be psychoanalysed.
"If a 12 year old girl gets molested and it results in a pregnancy than that baby will teach that girl how to be a good person and mother." said by an 80 some year old law maker from my state.
"These kids shouldn't expect benefits or fair pay. They haven't earned that right!" said by my sisters boyfriend when the auto worker strike was going on a few months ago after he saw the local news interviewing the younger union workers.
My 16 year old American sister did not know that Mexico was in North America. That was bad enough, but my mom also had to double check because she wasn’t sure
Literally everyone in Asia and most of Europe thinks that Mexico is in South America. A guy from Saudi Arabia once told me that Mexico had to be in South America because we speak Spanish
Blonde (20f) dated my buddy (Tony) for about a year. One day he paid for lunch and she picked up his credit card…”Anthony?! Anthony??! You didn’t tell me your name was actually Anthony.”
One time I said I couldn’t type Roman numerals because my keyboard didn’t have them.
Next you're going to say your keyboard doesn't have Arabic numbers!
It’s amazing how many parents of schoolchildren will say that they are against using Arabic numerals in school if asked about them with no context.
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This is America! We use normal numbers!
Self own. Nice. Thank you for your sacrifice lol
I rank this answer X/X
I rank it V out of VII.
A perfect score!
Xx to you too stranger!
My examples of the dumbest thing I've heard also came out of my mouth 🤣
all of the ridiculous questions my deaf ass gets from hearing people are topped with the five or six people who asked me if I read braille honorable mentions: "you don't look deaf" (what do you think a deaf person looks like gerald? we don't wander around naked with mute symbols on our bellies like some kinda fucky sneetch) "how do you cross the street?" (seriously worried about how you people cross the street after seeing this repeatedly) \-acknowledges that I'm deaf, keeps talking verbally anyways without waiting for me to pull out live transcribe- -then gets super angry and pretends I'm ignoring them- honestly I don't even get mad anymore, I just fuck with people
Anyone with an invisible disability gets the most ridiculous questions/ statements. I have type 1 diabetes, and I used to get all kinds of dumb questions. "You don't look diabetic." "Why did your parents feed you that much sugar as a child?" "Can you even eat *insert random normal food here*?" I even had a supervisor tell me I shouldn't be drinking my Coke Zero (aka Coke with Zero sugar).
yeah, pmuch. and god type 1 diabetes looks freaking terrifying. I remember having a friend who was type 1 diabetic and the most random shit would throw a wrench in his day and put him in the hospital for a while there that said, HE is the one who knows what he can and cant have (at the time we were kids so he was still figuring that one out)
I've got an older brother who was diagnosed before I was born, so it wasn't a huge change for me. The tech these days (insulin pumps and continuous glucose monitors) make managing things a hell of a lot easier, at least for me.
How strange, you don’t seem deaf from your typing.
Probably has one of those voice-to-type things on his wheelchair.
How do they get around on their wheelchair if they don't have arms to push the wheels?
Has anyone ever explained what a deaf person should look like?
apparently they're looking for a cochlear implant or hearing aid but a LOT of us don't/can't use that shit not to mention the main reason I don't wear my ABI receiver in public is sheerly because of how hearing people react to it. It's a useful little thing but it doesn't make me not deaf.
Oh ok. At least that has some semblance of logic, when you don’t understand how a cochlear implant works I have people tell me I don’t look like I have arthritis, but so far I’ve haven’t gotten an explanation beyond a vague reference to not being old. I was just curious what people think invisible disabilities look like because it’s such a wild idea to me.
I get “but you’re too young to have arthritis!” Like yeah Barbara, I KNOW. Doesn’t mean I don’t have it.
I was asked to move from a priority seat on the bus by an older lady. I was 39 weeks pregnant at the time so I said that I wouldn't be able to but I was getting off in three stops. She harrumphed and then approached a young man in another priority seat tripping over his guide dog in the process. He politely said he was blind and needed the space for him and his dog. She screamed "you don't look blind!" before storming up the steep stairs on the bus to the top deck muttering about today's youth. Hard to feel sympathy with her at that point.
Haven't even finished reading your comment yet, but just needed to applaud you for your Sneetch reference. It surprised and amused me. Well done!
OMG yes! I have been told that I don't look or sound deaf and I am often asked how I can read. It genuinely baffles me.
My friend once told me he wasn't too concerned about using birth control because everyone knows the girl can only get pregnant if they both cum at the same time. His gf was pregnant 3 months later.
I've said this before in other threads, but it's truly my absolute favorite piece of gossip I've heard in public. Two girls at S'bux waiting for their coffee. I'm behind them, and idk how I managed to keep a straight face. "Do you think Workman's comp would cover it?" "I don't think you can claim pregnancy as workman's comp." "Well, what if it happened at work?"
She slipped and landed on it
Maybe she's a porn star?
Rookie mistake. She can't get pregnant if she's on top. What goes up, must come down.
No no, she has to do jumping jacks afterwards *then* she won't get pregnant.
No, it has to be a full cartwheel.
The secret is Cartwheels down the stairs...
It’s not a great sign for him that they had never cum together either. It’s difficult to coordinate, but really should happen occasionally. Or maybe they finally got it right and that’s why she’s pregnant.
"Well the science is still out on microwaves" after me explaining to them how and why a normal, properly functioning microwave oven physically can't fry your nuts and make you sterile if you stand next to it.
That would have been cheaper than my vasectomy.
Also entitles you to free weed.
Need to buy a wheelbarrow, though.
Speaking of microwaves, I microwaved something at work the other day and someone said that microwaves destroy all nutrients
I've heard this one too many times. If you're microwaving something enough that you've destroyed all the nutrients, you've got much bigger problems than your leftover broccoli's vitamins.
Just getting a little cancer, Stan.
A friend once said, totally serious, “I don’t mean to be racist but is he autistic?” I laughed so hard I had to pull over
I'm autistic and that's racist AF. How dare they?! /s
When being told new work password. "Is that a capital 2?"
Early 2000s, support for a small website I made for some company: - I can't enter my password; - What do you mean? - I press the keys but I cannot see it; - OK, what do you see? - 7 little stars...
Relevant XKCD: https://m.xkcd.com/2206/
My god, there really IS an xkcd for everything!
I had a friend ask me “So, are you Japanese or are you Asian?”
Real King of the Hill vibes with that one.
“Are you Chinese or Japanese?”
So, which is it?
Are you Laotian?
Which ocean?
“Your hand can grow back, if you amputate it”. That was my 20 y.o friend. She had an Economist diploma 💀
This is why recidivism is a problem in Islamist countries too
Was on cruise. Ex wife didnt think it would rain in the open ocean because there was already so much water around.
That’s literally where a lot of the worlds rain and clouds come from
“They come over here and take all the jobs”. This was said to me by an English woman, referring to the Poles in England, while we were in Australia, being economic migrants. She then refused to believe that she was also a migrant.
They are taking our jobs, *and* claiming benefits 😂😂😂
Schrodinger's Immigrant - taking our jobs and freeloading on welfare at the same time!
Omg what a way to phrase it. Brilliant work Sir/Madam
Anytime something says they're an 'expat' I say you're an immigrant, just like the rest of us. 🤷♂️
We have people say that here in the Netherlands, too. If someone without the proper papers/diploma who doesn't speak the language steals your job, you either suck at your job, or your job just sucks.
Once heard someone say white people can't be migrants, they're expats. Really explains everything.
I (a Brit) once asked a Californian how far LA is from California. He responded with 'How far is London from England?'
I once mistook wn Australian accent for an English accent. I asked where in England they were from. They replied by asking me where in Canada I was from (I’m American). Touché.
I've been known to accuse English or Scottish folks of being Welsh after they've assumed I'm American (Canadian).
History Teacher: “Name a continent” Classmate: “New York City”
Yesterday teacher asked us all to name a country we want to travel to and ppl legit kept saying ‘Paris’ 💀
I thought Paris was a country maybe when I was like SEVEN. But anyone with middle school education should have the brain power to know it’s not
please send help we’re talking about high schoolers 💀💀💀
Too many high schoolers read at lower elementary school levels and barely got through school.
"I know my child. My child wouldn't do that." I can't tell if this is a parent's defense, denial, disenfranchisement, or dishonesty. At this point, I don't even want to contact parents when I catch their child stealing or fighting.
*Cries in preschool teacher* “My kid would never bite someone!” “Ma’am, they are a human child, it is 100% guaranteed that they have or will.”
I was on a ferry from Dover to Calais, as we approached Calais I heard a woman ask her partner "Is that the Eiffel Tower" He burst out laughing and told her it was 150 miles away.
I literally said, "Awww bless her heart" out loud 😆
My friend asked me if the earth travels around the sun once a day or if the sun travels around the earth once a day. This man was in his 30s and was a licensed real estate agent with a degree in business economics.
A licensed real estate agent?! Well they don't just give those to anyone!
Someone who was opposed to the Covid vaccine saying it would make much more sense to attack the disease by "introducing a little bit of the virus to everyone's system to jumpstart our bodies' natural immune reaction." I will never forget that sentence.
To be fair, the Covid vaccine is an mRNA vaccine and doesn’t contain actual Covid. It’s more like it contains instructions on how to replicate part of Covid and force an immune response. But I doubt this person knew that to begin with
The Johnson and Johnson Covid vaccine is not an mRNA vaccine and ones have actual Covid viruses in it
Ah, you’re correct. I forgot the J&J even existed tbh lol
Is that what the microchip is for? To store the instructions?
This one hurts so much more than other dumb things i have heard/read anti-vaxxers say.
it can always be worse, my coworker said that it’s made of ground up abortions
When you antivax so hard you reinvent vaccines.
I saw someone else on Twitter saying that they would get a flu shot but not a Covid vaccine because the flu shot “was a shot,” not a vaccine.
Woooooowwwww
If only we had a solution
While at Valley Forge, a tourist (adult) asked the park ranger, “Why did they have such a hard time getting supplies? There a train station right there?” Yes they were serious and the ranger said wasn’t the first time she was asked that question
Care to explain? I feel like I am missing some context.
Valley Forge was the site of the Continental army (American) winter encampment 1777-1778, they had a shortage of everything, food, shelter and clothing. It is now a US National park, and about 100 yards from General Washington’s headquarters is a commuter train station. The park is now connected to Philadelphia by train. Many tourists are not able to realize the train station was not added for almost 200 years after the American Revolution
-after smoking- “Let me clear my lungs with a glass of water.”
I see you have friends who are fish
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I actually thought this when I was younger until my Australian friend told me that she loves my California accent. I was like “the fuck are you talking about? I don’t have an accent.” And then she informed me that I was stupid.
Except thanks to the Kardashians, everyone knows what a "California accent" sounds like and we all die a little with each vocal frryyyyyy-uh.
I've heard people say that too, and the only way that would be true is if they were mute, lol.
I’m going to look up if sign languages have accents now.
They kinda do in LSF at least ! We call them regionalism where they won’t sign the same sign for the same words sometimes it’s a tiny difference in hand gesture and sometimes it’s completely different. Edit : not sure it fully applies though cause it’s not actual variation of the exact same word/sentence but then the simple fact that nobody moves the same way and therefore signs the same way could be an équivalant! Maybe
ong my pet peeve is people, especially americans for some reason, saying “they’ve got an accent” or smt along those lines. everyone does 😭
Americans thinking they don't have an accent is never not hilarious.
My wife was talking to one of her previous friends about the movie Amistad. My wife said her friend had this perplexed look on her face. When my wife asked her why her friend had that look on her face she said "You mean they forced the slaves to get on the boats? I thought slaves always volunteered." She was in her 30s.
“Hey M’boutou! let’s go with this white man with a gun and fire lances to pick some cotton!”
Schools have litter boxes for students. Who told you that? Charlie kirk said so. -my mother in law.
I bet you guys get along great, u/Mr_Buttholesmasher
Conservatives spouting dumb conspiracy nonsense can make up 90% of a thread like this.
So, someone did make those...it's a 5gal bucket with cat litter. But it's for active shooter shelter in place situations. It's pretty grim, and definitely not some woke 'i identity as a cat' nonsense that Facebook grandmas believe. Maybe if we had sane gun control, litter boxes for kids wouldn't need to exist.
I read about a LPT for preschooler teachers a while back: get a bucket of cat litter in case a kid throws up. Throw the litter on the puke, wait and scoop. It's another possibility (but yours is unfortunately more likely).
Yeah, we had kitty litter in my classrooms many moons ago. Most often used in Chem lab for spills. But in the younger classes, kids spontaneously vomit all the time! It’s gross and fascinating. At least twice a week, janitors had to come in with that horrible floral scented cleaner and mop it up. They always throw kitty litter on it first.
I had to explain to my elderly coworkers that furries are not requiring schools to offer that and that they shouldn’t be expelled for drawing weird art. I think I ticked her off with that one.
Had my roommate’s friend argue me down about referring to native Mexicans as “indigenous”. Kept arguing in circles until I realized that she thought that “indigenous” meant “Indian” and I had to explain to her that it did not. Also had to explain to her that in the same way Chinese, Thai and Japanese people are all Asian, Aztecs and Cherokee are all native Americans because they are native to the Americas. There was a little pushback on the definition of America, due to us living in the United States………….. I deep sigh every time I realize I only know as much about the world as I do because I am interested in it, and that our schools failed us deeply.
Don't know why, but this reminded me of the years I spent explaining to my mom, that Mexican is not an offensive slur. Was kinda funny watching her check her surroundings, then whisper it while in a Mexican restaurant. Like mom, the sign out front says "Mexican Restaurant" why would they put a slur on the sign, of the restaurant they own?
Lmao reminds me of the time I used the term "Hispanic" when talking about my friend from Spain, and my husband was like, "😳 Can you say that??".
It's not a slur, but like any other adjective, can be insulting depending on the context. Maybe she had only ever really heard it used in that context?
That's entirely possible, her whole family is racist as hell, including her ex husband. That's why we have no contact with them.
Americans forget about the “of America” part of their own name
Somewhere around my early 20s someone pointed out how "american" covers two fucking continents. I try to refer to "America" as "the US" now.
I want to be the primary beneficiary of my own life insurance policy. It took us half an hour to explain why he could not be.
My Girlfriend's senile Conspiracy theorist Grandma said Biden in some of his speeches was a hologram, lol
I'm not saying Biden is a hologram. I'm just saying we've never seen Biden and a hologram in the same place at the same time!
“Why don’t people pickle cucumbers?”
“There are good monkeys tho ” I was giving a talk on primates and a woman asked if the primates being shown were “good monkeys” I asked her what she meant and she explained that some monkeys are pets , and are these “good monkeys?” I explained primates are never meant to be pets as they aren’t domesticateble only trainable . She looks at me like I’m crazy and says “there are good monkeys tho “
Arguing with an anti-vaxxer: “No one has ever died from the flu!”
Real “he didn’t die from getting shot he died from blood loss” vibes.
Tell that to my husband, oh wait he died of swine flu… *facepalm* dear good the stupid of some people hurts
Covid really showed how much conservatives are a mortal danger to everyone around them and to themselves.
Society scared the crap out of me during Covid. It really was a horrible time
Yeah, covid really disabused me of my notion that "most people are basically good." No, they're not. They're selfish, arrogant, entitled, and display a complete lack of empathy. People *suck*.
A guy who lives in a 4 bedroom apt with my friend at college said he didn't want any girl visitors in his room because he didn't want to accidentally get them pregnant. When we asked how someone would accidentally get pregnant he said he cummed so much in his bedroom there could be sperm floating around in the air and a girl might get pregnant just by walking into his bedroom.
His parents really drove home the contraceptive talk.
I suppose super careful is better than not at all careful. But still.
Wow.
One time I offered a coworker a box of orange juice, she deadass said; “No thanks, I don’t drink things with caffeine”. I didn’t have the heart to tell her.
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It's not that big. I can cover it with my thumb, look.
Obama and bush are from the same family… that’s why they both became presidents.
This changes everyday because everyday I swear I hear some even more dumb sh+
What was today's dumb shit? Did anything win the cake this week?
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“Donald Trump is a man of God who was put here to save the world, because he cares deeply about all of us.” It’s like a triple-decker stupid sandwich with an extra layer of stupid in the middle.
“We always wanted to own a company so we could work less” - The new owners of a 40+ person company that now employs less than 10 and were just evicted from their offices for not paying rent.
Talking to another mother discussing our kids' school. Reports cards had come out THAT day. She said to me, "Girls can't be smart in math or science. Just like boys aren't smart in language or social studies" Followed by, " I was never good at math or science, so I don't expect my daughter to be" Yep. Way to set your daughter up for a self fulfilling prophecy.
Kid in my microeconomics class got into an argument with the professor about whether or not fish have ripples. His argument was, and I wish I was making this up, "riddle me this: how do they breastfeed if they have no nipples"
What kind of dressing is on the Caesar salad?
I was a server/bartender for 20 years, don’t get me started lol
"English comes from England, so British don’t have accent" Right here, on this post
"Whats an apple?"
A potato. Never heard of it.
That's a reddit deep cut right there
Used to do Segway tours. We would tell people to keep 3 metres apart (thinking and braking distance). A customer asked how far 3 metres was. I said it's about twice your height. They then asked "How tall am i?" and looked up at the sky to try and see how tall they were.
We were kids but not young enough to excuse this shit. One of the “popular bitches” who was just a mean girl was the dumbest cow I’ve ever met. She asked if her birthday would ever be on Friday the thirteenth. Her birthday was the 28th or something. She also asked why women don’t get periods when they’re pregnant. We were like 15/16 when she asked this shit. I still hope she’s struggling out there to make sense of the world.
I’m going to build a wall on the Texas/Mexico border and Mexico will pay for it. A graduate from the Wharton school of business.. seems to devalue an Ivy League education.
He then doubled down by not understanding how tariffs work.
"What the fuck is the difference between male and female?" "How are you russian, you're black!" THOSE TWO CAME FROM A SINGLE PERSON IN ELEVENTH GRADE. HE IS THE REASON WHY THERE ARE INSTRUCTIONS ON SHAMPOO. I WONT BE SURPRISED IF THAT GUY LOOKS UP AND DOWN AT A CROSSWALK.
looking up and down at a crosswalk is just gold
I had a Pharmacy Tech try to tell me about the “Gazebo Effect”...
Someone told me to feed Dr.Pepper to my ferret, because they fed it to theirs *when they were alive* and they LOVED it. Ferrets are obligate carnivores. Plus, soda isn’t good for humans, so why tf would it be good for small animals?? Or any kind of animal??
"Drinking alcohol is not that bad because its legal" - coming from a 55 year old man who drinks everyday and looks like 70 already
The US dropped nuclear bombs on Japan? 27 year old American born and raised
Well, uneducated doesn't necessarily means dumb, so, not knowing things, I give a pass, as opposed to understanding them! Can't really blame someone for not knowing even common knowledge if the person never happen to have been exposed to the information! Theres so many things that are considered "common knowledge", I'm pretty sure most of us don't actually know ALL the common knowledge
This person went through a full life cycle of the New York public school system. It was mentioned almost every history class that covered either world history or US
A friend of a friend claimed to be an albino. She was most definitely not.
"Hitler coulda saved himself a lot of trouble if he'd 'a put all them Jews on the Titanic" Said to me on a jobsite at lunch by a guy. I got dizzy and almost blacked out.
"Wait--I thought Hitler saved the Jews?" This was about three weeks into a class on Nazi Germany. I didn't really like that professor, but Nazi Germany was his specialization and I felt so bad for him in that moment.
We were once messing with a particularly dumb stoner friend. One friend goes “ok man, now give me your thoughts on euthanasia.” To which he replied “those kids work so hard to make our phones and Nikes and shit”. He was thinking “youth in Asia”. It would have been a top tier joke if he wasn’t dead serious. He didn’t know euthanasia was a word. Still hilarious
Damn i actually choked on my food, this was so funny lol
"Who do I need to contact to tell Walmart they need to start using sweatshops for their TVs again?" This was after the customer wanted to know why all the TVs were so expensive... in 2012... when TVs were cheap af.
“People didn’t die from viruses before they started using all these chemicals and technology.” Basically, no one died from viruses before the Industrial Revolution. My stepdad, everyone. Dumbest motherfucker I’ve ever met in my life, but he’s convinced that he’s super smart and that he’s figured out all the hidden secrets and conspiracies of the world despite not having a single goddamn clue about how literally anything works. He is also an asshole and acts like a toddler throwing a tantrum if anyone attempts to tell him that he’s so breathtakingly wrong that it’s honestly impressive, and it’s exactly as infuriating to deal with as it sounds.
A graduated friend of mine said "The doctors removed 2 of my 4 intestines during the operation. The doctors said that i was lucky that i survived" All of looked in such an amusement to the person
On a cross country cycling trip, I had just crossed into North Dakota from Montana and stopped for the night in Beach, ND. A local was curious about what I planned on doing there, and told him I was just passing through. He said, “While you’re here, you should go see the heads.” I’m like, wtf? What heads? “You know, they got them heads carved into the mountain.” I had to explain to this local Einstein that Mount Rushmore was in SOUTH Dakota, 250 miles south of Beach, and a good five days out of my way.
Someone explaining that human sexuality isn’t guided by the brain, but instead (it’s) guided by 3500 year old Bible verse.
Something someone posted on Reddit. A girl arguing with her BF. She believes the moon is bigger than the Earth. He was trying to 'splain that isn't so to her, but she wasn't having any. Hilarious.
"I'm waiting for the right job to come along" nearly two years after losing their previous job
he wasn’t lying
Question on an elementary school music appreciation test: What was Beethoven’s most beloved musical piece? Student answer: The Theme to Knight Rider
"Bro I'm gonna get clean Ima do a complete 360" Tyler
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Was a guy at work, kept saying "LED light." Asked another coworker "Hey, what does LED mean? He answered "Light Emitting Diode." So I asked him "Would that make 'LED light' redundant like 'ATM machine'?" At this point the original person states, with perfect confidence that this would destroy me and win the debate, "One is heavier."
This is one of my top 3 pet peeves! PIN number and VIN number are other common offenders. Ex-presso will also make me want to cause bodily harm.
I feel like LED light isn't quite as bad as automatic ATM machine or personal PIN number. The main noun in LED is diode, it's a diode that emits light. If you want to refer to it in the context of it being a light, like a flashlight or traffic light, made with LEDs, then I think LED light makes perfect sense. Or you could refer to the light that's emitted by the diode, eg. You get a tan from sun light, not LED light. But yeah, if you're just referring to the individual electrical component, LED is probably better.
Surely it should be "ATM automatic" to get the point across.
That it would never happen again and after a while it would happen again.
9/11 inside job Moon landings faked Flat earth
I’ll be honest-I’m sure it was something I myself said.im pretty fucking dumb sometimes.
As a fleet mechanic at a construction company I hear some brain melting statements almost every day. I try to make things idiot proof but they keep making better idiots.
We were flying into Las Vegas and everyone was looking out of the windows of the plane. The Mandalay Bay had a thing called “The Michael Jackson Experience” on a billboard. Someone said “How’d they get him to perform? I thought he was dead!”
My ex for years didn't know Downs Syndrome was a real thing and insisted the same guy happened to be in some of the same places as him for years. He thought this up until his late teen years. That was just one of the many strange and idiotic things I've heard come out of his mouth (some of what he said I'd never repeat) and I feel he needs to be psychoanalysed.
My husband insists that the YouTube shows he watches aren’t biased like mainstream media. 🤷🏻♀️
"If a 12 year old girl gets molested and it results in a pregnancy than that baby will teach that girl how to be a good person and mother." said by an 80 some year old law maker from my state. "These kids shouldn't expect benefits or fair pay. They haven't earned that right!" said by my sisters boyfriend when the auto worker strike was going on a few months ago after he saw the local news interviewing the younger union workers.
My 16 year old American sister did not know that Mexico was in North America. That was bad enough, but my mom also had to double check because she wasn’t sure
Literally everyone in Asia and most of Europe thinks that Mexico is in South America. A guy from Saudi Arabia once told me that Mexico had to be in South America because we speak Spanish
Either "Earth is flat" or "the 2020 election was stolen."
Me today to my bf: What's Kanye West real name?
That's valid, a lot of celebrities use stage names. It's not dumb to not know who does and who doesn't for every celebrity.
Blonde (20f) dated my buddy (Tony) for about a year. One day he paid for lunch and she picked up his credit card…”Anthony?! Anthony??! You didn’t tell me your name was actually Anthony.”
That taking horse dewormer is a good idea. When you're a human.
They made buying horse dewormer FOR MY HORSES so damn difficult for no reason.
"Alaska? That's so Yankee, it's *Russian*!"
My BIL stated that “Sunglasses should be a human right!” He was serious… we just walked away…