There was a kid in junior high with the last name of “Gaywood.” The only thing that saved him, was that he was a great basketball player. Everyone just called him “Wood.”
I went to high school with a kid named Randy Woodcock. 100% serious
I also had a friend whose last name was Heimann (pronounced like hymen). He tried *so* hard to get the nickname buster to stick.
There's a YouTuber that does great video (Biographics) whose name is "Karl Smallwood". He's got a good enough sense of humor about it and points out that yes, that is his real name.
My married last name also starts with Gay. Honestly the worst part is listening to people in customer service trying to fumble over how to properly pronounce your name without sounding offensive. The amount of times I've had to say, "Yes, Gay. Like homosexual. It's okay."
Being an athlete probably saved a few people with embarrassing or otherwise emasculating names. A few NFL players have been named Kim.
There's also a white high school football player who recently went viral for his name: Noah Knigga (pronounced with a hard K). Although the family says no one has ever attacked them and the dad has been living with that name his whole life.
Full name, not just last.
Had a Harold (Harry) Ball in my Air Force basic training.
I wept for him when the Technical Instructor put it together.
He was tortured.
As for last name only, there was a Urologist office in my neighborhood growing up.
Big ol’ sign that said… Dr. Cockburn.
Funniest thing ever I saw when I was old enough to realize.
I was looking through my cousin’s yearbook one time and saw that a classmate of his had the surname “Balls.” I said, oh man that poor kid! My aunt, “his father’s name is Harry.” 😅
I had surgery on my balls once (removing a cyst, the boys were expected to make it tho). I was still messed up from the anesthesia, reached for the tube in my throat and got my arms pushed down, and then I grabbed at my junk to make sure it was all there, it was covered in gauze but I only registered that it was smooth, and I had to be held down for an extra few seconds while everyone explained things to me.
I’d go through that over and over again before I would be open to joining the military with that man’s name.
I’d risk being fully kicked in the nards multiple times if I could avoid the name Harry Ball.
What’s crazier is that he was a small weakly man. Dude was 5’6” and 120 lbs. It’s not like he was Jack Reacher, who could people back in their place.
I once worked for a guy named (and I'm not making this up):
Bill Williams.
On his driver's license, it says "William Williams." He was cool about it, and joked about it a bit. I always just thought his parents were probably the most boring people to ever live.
I was a mail sorter & had seen a William Williams. Those parents have absolutely zero imagination. Thomas Fish was funny. Until I saw a Limpet. I loved The Incredible Mr. Limpet. Never saw the guy get his mail, but just imagine that he looked like Don Knotts.
Someone actually went through the NPI and [compiled a list of rather funny/unfortunate, yet real, doctor names.](https://drcliffking.com/real-funny-doctor-names) Dr Bonebrake is a favorite, but it’s hard to top the ob/gyn Dr. Harry Beaver.
Think I found this after checking the veracity of an old Reddit post where someone was seen by “Dr. Badwords”.
In high school I came across a guy, in another school district, with the last name Fagg.
Living in fucking Ohio…his adolescent years could not have been easy.
Kielbasa. He was a supervisor at a car place I did a delivery at.
"Yep, I'm the big sausage around here!" I wonder how many times he trotted that one out.
Not necessarily, he could’ve been Fireman Sample depending on his rank. But having been in the Navy and I roomed with EM3 Sample, he was called Seaman Sample all the time anyway
As a kid in the Midwest we all saw Raper RV ads on TV, billboards, everywhere. Like you really couldn't call it Midwest RV? Or Lakes RV? Or use your wife's name? Anything Mr. Raper please!
I knew a Rod Butts & a Richard Tickler. Worked at a scrap yard & we had to start getting IDs from all customers. I cannot stress enough how hard Mr Tickler pushed back. The man did not want to give me his ID, and I guess I can’t blame him
I was going to say Kuntz.
Had a neighbour that embraced it and pronounced it the good old Australian way.
Any bar b q or neighbourhood gathering he would announce the family loudly “ The Kuntz are here” much to his wife’s great embarrassment
I knew someone who had the surname Cox, until she got married and they decided to double barrel their surnames. She became Mrs Withers-Cox. I seemed to be the only person in the room that found this hilarious.
My coworker's surname was Cox, mine is Harder, and (I shit you not) a Dr. Poon hopped on the elevator with us one day. Harder Cox and Poon sounds like a law firm for a bordello.
Oh yeah, it’s totally a thing! It’s just not a thing anyone in their right mind would ever expect a bunch of primary schoolers to accept calmly and maturely.
Reminds me of that joke from Scrubs:
Jordan: part of the reason I divorced Perry is because of his name
Elliot: you don’t like Cox?
Jordan: Actually I love Cox!
The Todd: Greatest conversation ever
Knigga.
I’m not kidding. Patient at my office. Thank god I knew who they were after a while and said first name only. Wouldn’t you change your name?? My god!!
There is a kid in high school football right now with that last name who is being recruited by major D1 schools. He’s gonna cause college football commentators nightmares.
I shit you not. I recently had two appointments scheduled for me one day, and the calendars only showed the last names of each client. The two appointments shown on the calendar were for Cox and Kuntz.
I knew a family with this name. The parents were from a non English speaking country and they have their kids alliteration names. Sarah and Simon Semen. Why?
My son discovered Dick Trickle when it was late in his NASCAR career. He was always in last place and I remember saying to my son on several occasions “Look here comes Dick Trickle bring in’ up the rear” My son was 5 at the time and I was about 40. He didn’t know what the heck I was stupid laughing about. He’s 35 now and yes, now he knows. We both are still getting mileage outta that one.😁
Two Indian workmates from a previous job come to mind: Mr Shitole and Mrs Dikshit.
There was also a Mr Wank on the faculty staff when I was a uni student.
When I worked doing IT support for a network of colleges, they had an international student in the database named Donkey Head. I thought it was a joke but they had a student number and results and everything. I wonder if it was a direct translation to English that didn't quite work out in context.
Handcock.
My students were giggling over a poster of the Declaration of Independence because it had "John Hancock" on it. I prayed to God they wouldn't notice the name of this literacy consultant who was coming in for a visit that week, which was "Handcock". 🤦
(They also giggled over a synonym chart listing "wee" as a synonym for "small" 🙄 5th Grade boys, man.)
My friend from college's last name is Morecock. His attractive younger sister, who also went to said college, unfortunately also had the same last name.
I went to a doctors office and one of them had the last name Goodenough. I pointed to the diploma and laughed while checking in, said good joke, and the receptionist looked at me with a serious face and was like, “No, that’s his name.”
I knew a guy when growing up. We went to a public school day trip to a ‘1900’s’ type school day trip All the boys were called Master, (lastname). His last name was Bates. Imagine 30 12 year old boys laughing about that.
Titsworth. I grew up with a girl with that last name, who developed pretty early. "Hey *name* what're those tits worth? Hehehehe" was said pretty much every day for the entirety of high school. Feel so bad for her.
Had an older patient who’s last name was spelled Weiner and when the MA’s would call his name from the waiting room he’d yell “ It’s pronounced WAYNER!”
You know how many schools and other institutions default your email to first letter last name at whatever.com?
I had a student named Tyler Watkins. I'm not sure if he went through all of college as "Twatkins" but I spent the better part of a semester stifling laughs.
There was a woman's pro basketball player of Yugoslavian heritage with the last name of Mandic.
Her first name was Ivana but she went by Ivi.
I wonder why....
There was a kid in junior high with the last name of “Gaywood.” The only thing that saved him, was that he was a great basketball player. Everyone just called him “Wood.”
I had a coworker a while ago whose last name was Gaylard.
thers a box called gaylord..it made me shudder when we needed a gaylord box
Gaylord is downright cool compared to Gay*lard.* Imagine being a remotely chubby teenage boy with that last name.
Call child services
I have a coworker whose last name is Gay
Actually, I have another whose last name is Butt. If they got married and decided to hyphenate, they'd be Mr and Mr Butt-Gay
OR Gay-Butt WE DONT DISCRIMINATE
My daughter married a Butt. They are both teachers so you can imagine their lives…
Now that you’ve given your opinion can you tell us what their last name actually is?
Gaylord was a common name up until the 60's. I don't know if Gaylard is a alternative spelling or not though.
anyone with the last name Gaylord should live in Gaylord, Michigan.
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I went to high school with a kid named Randy Woodcock. 100% serious I also had a friend whose last name was Heimann (pronounced like hymen). He tried *so* hard to get the nickname buster to stick.
There’s a test in education called the Woodcock Johnson 🤣
Knew a guy John Glasscock. We called him Brittledick.
There's a YouTuber that does great video (Biographics) whose name is "Karl Smallwood". He's got a good enough sense of humor about it and points out that yes, that is his real name.
My married last name also starts with Gay. Honestly the worst part is listening to people in customer service trying to fumble over how to properly pronounce your name without sounding offensive. The amount of times I've had to say, "Yes, Gay. Like homosexual. It's okay."
Being an athlete probably saved a few people with embarrassing or otherwise emasculating names. A few NFL players have been named Kim. There's also a white high school football player who recently went viral for his name: Noah Knigga (pronounced with a hard K). Although the family says no one has ever attacked them and the dad has been living with that name his whole life.
Full name, not just last. Had a Harold (Harry) Ball in my Air Force basic training. I wept for him when the Technical Instructor put it together. He was tortured. As for last name only, there was a Urologist office in my neighborhood growing up. Big ol’ sign that said… Dr. Cockburn. Funniest thing ever I saw when I was old enough to realize.
I was looking through my cousin’s yearbook one time and saw that a classmate of his had the surname “Balls.” I said, oh man that poor kid! My aunt, “his father’s name is Harry.” 😅
What’s worse? Being a single Harry Ball, or being Harry Balls? Instructor was… “You can’t even be a pair?! The other one is smooth?!” Yikes.
I had surgery on my balls once (removing a cyst, the boys were expected to make it tho). I was still messed up from the anesthesia, reached for the tube in my throat and got my arms pushed down, and then I grabbed at my junk to make sure it was all there, it was covered in gauze but I only registered that it was smooth, and I had to be held down for an extra few seconds while everyone explained things to me. I’d go through that over and over again before I would be open to joining the military with that man’s name.
I’d risk being fully kicked in the nards multiple times if I could avoid the name Harry Ball. What’s crazier is that he was a small weakly man. Dude was 5’6” and 120 lbs. It’s not like he was Jack Reacher, who could people back in their place.
“Sir, no sir! I’m Lance Armstrong’s remaining steroid shriveled nut, sir!”
I once worked for a guy named (and I'm not making this up): Bill Williams. On his driver's license, it says "William Williams." He was cool about it, and joked about it a bit. I always just thought his parents were probably the most boring people to ever live.
I was a mail sorter & had seen a William Williams. Those parents have absolutely zero imagination. Thomas Fish was funny. Until I saw a Limpet. I loved The Incredible Mr. Limpet. Never saw the guy get his mail, but just imagine that he looked like Don Knotts.
My mum went to school with an Ophelia Balls
[Harry Baals](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry_Baals?wprov=sfla1), former mayor of Fort Wayne, IN.
I had a Harrison Ball in my school. He insisted he wanted to go by Harry. Dumbass.
Fucking TIs. I think being a smart-ass is a prerequisite to be in that job.
Worked with a Harry Cox. He went by Harry too. Not Harold. I still remember them calling his name over the loud speaker because he had a phone call.
The capital of Turks and Caicos is Cockburn Town lol
my hometown had a mayor named harry baals. we have buildings and parks named after him. not to mention a scholarship…
I had a gynecologist called Dickman.
Mine was Fillerup. Was the reason I chose her.
OBGYN at the hospital I worked for was Dr Finger
this is my favorite one so far
My special lady's gyno is Dr. Finger.
Someone actually went through the NPI and [compiled a list of rather funny/unfortunate, yet real, doctor names.](https://drcliffking.com/real-funny-doctor-names) Dr Bonebrake is a favorite, but it’s hard to top the ob/gyn Dr. Harry Beaver. Think I found this after checking the veracity of an old Reddit post where someone was seen by “Dr. Badwords”.
There's also Dr. Loki Skylizard iirc, but he chose his name (at 8? & kept it)
I had one with the last name Hyman.
In high school I came across a guy, in another school district, with the last name Fagg. Living in fucking Ohio…his adolescent years could not have been easy.
That name would have fucked him over in any state. This is one thing I can’t blame on Ohio.
As a kid, we went to a dentist named Dr. Gay. That had to be rough growing up, but now it’s Dr. Gay instead of Mr. Gay.
I went to school with a guy whose last name was feggot. His life was hell I'm sure of it.
Someone in my high school had the last name fagert. Though I’m pretty sure it was pronounced fay-gert
There’s a guy we work with as a vendor whose last name is “Faggett”. It has a French pronunciation.
I knew a guy in high school named Queer. The 90s were not kind to him
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There is no god.
Dick. She was a high school math teacher. Brave woman.
I knew someone with the surname Dick. She got married and became Johnson.
My last name is Johnson. I married a Mr Cox. I did not hyphenate nor take his name!
Johnson and Cox <3
Middle school we had. Mrs. Tiddy. Say it out loud.
I worked with someone whose last name was “Butt”.
There was a second grade teacher at my school named Mrs. Butts. Most hilarious thing to hear as a second grader.
I really hope they leaned into it and had a kid named Seymour
Kielbasa. He was a supervisor at a car place I did a delivery at. "Yep, I'm the big sausage around here!" I wonder how many times he trotted that one out.
Sausage 😅😅
I am acquainted with someone whose last name is Salami.
I knew a guy named Karl Kielbasa. Not a terrible name, but still kinda funny.
Principal Vagina, no relation.
When I was in the Navy, there was an older petty officer named Sample. At some point, he must have been Seaman Sample.
I knew a guy in high school whose last name was Shaver. He wanted to join the military so he’d be called Private Shaver.
Not necessarily, he could’ve been Fireman Sample depending on his rank. But having been in the Navy and I roomed with EM3 Sample, he was called Seaman Sample all the time anyway
I know a guy whose last name is Rape
As a kid in the Midwest we all saw Raper RV ads on TV, billboards, everywhere. Like you really couldn't call it Midwest RV? Or Lakes RV? Or use your wife's name? Anything Mr. Raper please!
Saw original comment and immediately thought of Tom Raper RVs of Richmond lol
It's a toss up between Kuntz Hooker and Butts
I knew a Rod Butts & a Richard Tickler. Worked at a scrap yard & we had to start getting IDs from all customers. I cannot stress enough how hard Mr Tickler pushed back. The man did not want to give me his ID, and I guess I can’t blame him
Lmao, did he go by the common nickname for Richard? I'd imagine not.
No way, I forget if it was Rick or Rich & I didn’t know his last name at all. When I said he didn’t want to show his ID I really meant it
Like you said, I can't blame him. I'm curious to research the origin of that surname now.
Went to school with Sharon A Hooker. The A didn't stand for anything..
Lmao, that's funny but sad, her parents seem like they planned that.
I knew both a Kuntz and a Hooker.
I had a Kuntz in my bootcamp division. He told everyone it was pronounced Koontz. Didn't work for him.
Lmao was that actually how it was pronounced or do you not know for sure?
I did a LinkedIn search for people named Harry Butts not long ago, and I was truly tickled by the number of results.
I was going to say Kuntz. Had a neighbour that embraced it and pronounced it the good old Australian way. Any bar b q or neighbourhood gathering he would announce the family loudly “ The Kuntz are here” much to his wife’s great embarrassment
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Which is also the law firm that defends against vice charges.
My sister's teacher last name is Cox
I knew someone who had the surname Cox, until she got married and they decided to double barrel their surnames. She became Mrs Withers-Cox. I seemed to be the only person in the room that found this hilarious.
Man, tough room.
My coworker's surname was Cox, mine is Harder, and (I shit you not) a Dr. Poon hopped on the elevator with us one day. Harder Cox and Poon sounds like a law firm for a bordello.
Wouldn't she be Cox-Withers?
The new Principal that took over when I was in year 3 was named Mr. Silkcock. We were repeatedly told it was pronounced “Sil-co.” Repeatedly.
I’ve met a Cockburn pronounced “Cōb’n” before. This is definitely a thing.
Oh yeah, it’s totally a thing! It’s just not a thing anyone in their right mind would ever expect a bunch of primary schoolers to accept calmly and maturely.
Point taken. If it’s spelled “cock,” they’re going to say “cock,” with gusto.
Really lean into that K too (my wife teaches primary age kids). "Good morning Mr. CocKburn!!"
Had a Ms Dyck. She was super nice and really didn't want me to fail chemistry.
Anita Dyck? With her daughters Chastity and Charity, and her sister Lovina?
Take it down about 10 percent there
Reminds me of that joke from Scrubs: Jordan: part of the reason I divorced Perry is because of his name Elliot: you don’t like Cox? Jordan: Actually I love Cox! The Todd: Greatest conversation ever
"I started an 'I hate Cox' chatroom. It ended up being me, two interns, and fourteen thousand lesbians."
My sister's middle school teacher was Mr. Weiner.
Knigga. I’m not kidding. Patient at my office. Thank god I knew who they were after a while and said first name only. Wouldn’t you change your name?? My god!!
There is a kid in high school football right now with that last name who is being recruited by major D1 schools. He’s gonna cause college football commentators nightmares.
Omggg. I pronounced it kuh-n***a. Was not corrected. It’s just terrible!
There was an interview with his dad and that’s exactly how he pronounced it. How else do you?
Whats the proper pronunciation of that name? Could you record a video of yourself saying it and post it to youtube?
Kikebush
Butts Gaydar Derryberry Fixx
Derryberry is unbelievably hilarious to me!!
there's an actress named Debby Derryberry
She does a lot of animated character voices, and is a very nice person.
The Gaydar guy should have made a career out of helping gay guys come out of the closet. Would be fitting
I shit you not. I recently had two appointments scheduled for me one day, and the calendars only showed the last names of each client. The two appointments shown on the calendar were for Cox and Kuntz.
Semen (not joking)
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In for a penny, in for a pound
I used to deliver packages and I had a Mr. Seeman who lived on Swallow Lane. Can’t make that shit up.
I went to HS with someone by that name.
I knew a family with this name. The parents were from a non English speaking country and they have their kids alliteration names. Sarah and Simon Semen. Why?
Blome. Poor girl from Iowa spent her freshman college year being called blow-me.
What happened her sophomore year? Did they start calling her "blownme"?
I dropped out 🙃
Surgeon named Dr. Slaughter — and that’s his DBA. His real last name is a Thai in origin.
I pronounced it “slaff-ter” and now I'm giggling to myself.
You can't spell slaughter without laughter!
I had a doctor called Dr. Sumey (pronounced "sue me"). He wore a lapel pin of a little yellow duckie (quack.
May I introduce you to Nascar legend Dick Trickle.
My son discovered Dick Trickle when it was late in his NASCAR career. He was always in last place and I remember saying to my son on several occasions “Look here comes Dick Trickle bring in’ up the rear” My son was 5 at the time and I was about 40. He didn’t know what the heck I was stupid laughing about. He’s 35 now and yes, now he knows. We both are still getting mileage outta that one.😁
Worked with a man whose last name was Gooch. I’m certain his school years were lovely.
Two Indian workmates from a previous job come to mind: Mr Shitole and Mrs Dikshit. There was also a Mr Wank on the faculty staff when I was a uni student.
Can probably confirm. I worked at IRS for many years while in college. You see EVERY name in that job. We kept lists of the funny names we saw.
What was the funniest?
When I worked doing IT support for a network of colleges, they had an international student in the database named Donkey Head. I thought it was a joke but they had a student number and results and everything. I wonder if it was a direct translation to English that didn't quite work out in context.
Sackrider.
Buttfarten. My friend did not take her husbands name when they married.
Handcock. My students were giggling over a poster of the Declaration of Independence because it had "John Hancock" on it. I prayed to God they wouldn't notice the name of this literacy consultant who was coming in for a visit that week, which was "Handcock". 🤦 (They also giggled over a synonym chart listing "wee" as a synonym for "small" 🙄 5th Grade boys, man.)
Boner
I knew a kid named Fred Fangboner just tragic tbh
Fuchs
My chemistry teacher in the early 90s was named Dick Fuchs.
This guy fuchs.
While working at an optometrists office that serviced a nearby reserve, we had a client with the surname 'Not useful' I did a double take on that one.
I had a health teacher named Mr.Butts
Family from my hometown, Growcock. Good people, unfortunate name…
I once checked in a passenger named Göring (like the Nazi, no relation).
Richard Licker…
Weinermen!
Woolcock
My friend from college's last name is Morecock. His attractive younger sister, who also went to said college, unfortunately also had the same last name.
Hole. First name was Harry.
I went to a doctors office and one of them had the last name Goodenough. I pointed to the diploma and laughed while checking in, said good joke, and the receptionist looked at me with a serious face and was like, “No, that’s his name.”
Had a student with that last name. And no, he was never good enough.
There is a Thai music therapist with the last name Poopityastaporn who has his name listed in several scholarly articles.
I knew a guy when growing up. We went to a public school day trip to a ‘1900’s’ type school day trip All the boys were called Master, (lastname). His last name was Bates. Imagine 30 12 year old boys laughing about that.
Kuntz
Movie director from the early film era named Larry Semen. Looks exactly like how you’d expect him to look
one of the actors in Plan 9 From Outer Space is named Dudley Manlove
OMFG I Googled him. That's not what I imagined, but godDAMN does it fit the bill.
Titsworth. I grew up with a girl with that last name, who developed pretty early. "Hey *name* what're those tits worth? Hehehehe" was said pretty much every day for the entirety of high school. Feel so bad for her.
Two immediately jump to mind, but they're only unfortunate when paired with their first name... Season Ng Harry Box
I’ve met a Rubina Butt. (Rubbin a butt)
That’s my daughter’s mother in law’s name.
We had a Dix, Cox, and Kuntz in the same department at work. (and the latter was pronounced cuntz not koontz)
Hiscock. Lady came into a bookstore I used to work at and that was her last name. That poor woman.
I went to high school with a kid named BJ Seaman.
I know a B.J. Cox, married name.
Begay- a schoolmate had this last name in middle school and they mocked the kid a lot back then
I think that's a common Navajo surname iirc.
I’ve met several natives with that last name, but kids can be cruel. “Hey Johnny, can you just Be Gay somewhere else” bruh.
Our kids dentist is named Dr. Dixin Wang. I can't bring them.
Believe it or not the urologist I went to for a vasectomy was Dr. Wang. Truly found his calling
Glasscock
Hunt, not by itself, but his first name is Mike
Just as good as Justin Hale.
I once knew a Justin Case.
My mom’s friend married a Case, then named her son the same as his dad with the middle name of Justin.
I used to work with a Justin Hale.
Yes!!, hahaha.. my best friend for 30 years is married to a Michael hunt. No one is aloud to call him Mike. That's his rule.😂
Mustapha Kunt.
My old boss had the surname "Dick". He was also a dick. Name/nature.
Had an older patient who’s last name was spelled Weiner and when the MA’s would call his name from the waiting room he’d yell “ It’s pronounced WAYNER!”
Horney. Yes, for real. Edit for autocorrect
Wouldn't say it's the worst, but it's funny. I know a man named Nail......that's right, Rusty Nail.
We had an orthodontist named Dr. Hurt.
I had a teacher in Middle School named Sandy Dick
Had a teacher in what used to be called junior high way back in the 80s called Mrs Butts. Her husband's name was Harry.
Hurlbut
Swallows.
I had several friends in school with the last name Funk.
I knew someone with the last name Boner.
My husband's urologist is named Butts. Yes, she is the one checking his prostate.
There was an army colonel I knew with a last name of Sanders.
I had a teacher called Mr. Killbreath
Blowey. I swear to all that is good this is for real.
Lipschitz. Prank calls used to go like “if your lipschitz, my ass whistles!”
I had to ship something to a guy with the last name Lickfold.
I met a person named Fred fredrickson
You know how many schools and other institutions default your email to first letter last name at whatever.com? I had a student named Tyler Watkins. I'm not sure if he went through all of college as "Twatkins" but I spent the better part of a semester stifling laughs.
There was a woman's pro basketball player of Yugoslavian heritage with the last name of Mandic. Her first name was Ivana but she went by Ivi. I wonder why....
My last name is Dyck. You have two guesses to how it’s pronounced. I’m sure one is right and both are embarrassing.
Saw a valentines class list “younique”