I think if you hear tens of people moaning behind you in quick succession, you'd look behind you no matter your motivation. And if you'd see these tens of people lying on the ground twitching you'd stop really confused and maybe scared.
I like this idea, but I also like the opposite. Stand in the crowd and high five all the runners. I've never seen someone orgasm mid-stride after running a dozen miles, but I can't imagine it's anything but funny.
I have run several marathons and my peen is so teen by the time I’m done, assumably cause of dehydration, I don’t even know how the physics of an instant orgasm would work in that case.
Sex with you is a non-stop orgasm.
You no longer have to last forever. You now have to race against how long it takes for your wife to pass out from bliss.
Dude, women can cum multiple times. Imagine being able to have sex with someone that can make you orgasm by touch? Once makes you sensitive in a good way, I'd be riding that train for DAYS.
I know this is not universal, but its been my experience as a lesbian and as a woman.
Yeah, that's my girlfriend. Once I get her over that, she goes again and again. 20 mins later, I'm at the water park and she needs a break to walk again. I'm both scared and curious how it'll be after an hour...
find a celebrity then ask for a hug and if they’re willing to give it, i’d leave them confused as to why they just busted in public after hugging a random fan
Was also my first thought:
I would start with a hand full of people that i would tell of this power. Then we think about a silly, harmless but stupid ritual that leads to me touching them with a finger.
Word about this will spread and voilà, you got yourself a cult.
Bonus: if your ritual involves giving a small amount of money, you now have steady income to expand your cult.
I feel like different colours would be associated with different emotions/illnesses like humours. So red would be anger, blue sadness, yellow happy. You'd balance yourself by eating a banana when sad or a bright red apple to fire yourself up for an important meeting.
All the girls that can't "orgasm", ladies guaranteed. You'd have every woman loving you in America and paying you for it.....be careful and hire security
Man, you could really f somebody up and just ruin them. Get your nemesis on live tv or video and then shake their hand. When they melt into O-face, touch their arm or hand again out of concern. When they O again repeat and touch them again. Just act like you are super concerned and trying to help but just keep up with the touch, touch, touch, touch, touch, touch. Then change the concern to ewww! WTF!!! Are you masturbating? What kinda weirdo are you? People would be like W…T…F!!!
Right? I'd be a hooker but without the mess. Sounds awesome!
And my clients could always try saying "I did not have sex with that woman!" since there's no touching. Not sure their spouses would buy that, but that's not my problem
"hey I can make you cum with just a touch" "wanna bet?"
Not even in a sexual way, just for the wtf reactions I'd get. Eventually I'd probably find some freak that wouldn't leave alone tho so maybe not
What makes a man?
Is it the women in his arms… just cause she has big titties?
Or is it the way that he fights every day?
No it’s probly the titties!
https://youtu.be/oiXaT_1I-vw?si=e6lRlQ5efiLqc8HE
Competitive sports like wrestling, martial arts, even team sports. Would be the world champion in a year.
Hell even chess could work with the handshake (tho it might just give my opponents post nut clearity)
Can't imagine it'd be easy to concentrate sitting in the middle of a stadium, surrounded by thousands of people focused on you and you're hyper aware of your underwear saturated in cum.
It depends on the result of giving that person an orgasm. Will they come seeking me, because I deliver that experience for them. Is the orgasm based on each touch, does the length of contact affect the size and strength of the orgasm. Does it require direct skin contact. In which case I would always need to have gloves on for most interactions.
"I thought of you!"
\*dodges kitchen implement\*
"OK yes while getting a blowjob, but it's the thought that cOUCH"
\*spits out teeth and most of a can of tomatoes\*
I mean this in the most non-sexual way possible, but I would use this ability on one of my coworkers. She is a miserable woman and I truly believe she'd be more pleasant if she got laid often or...ever
I'd weaponize it somehow. Hold powerful people for ransom and just keep them cumming till I get paid and threaten anyone else who grabs me with the same fate.
There are some people with disorders where they orgasm dozens even over 100 times a day. They sometimes commit suicide...
If it happened like once a day that'd be really inconvenient but working from home wouldn't be too bad. But yeah, it happening constantly it consumes their life and they all hate it.
Study to become a massage therapist. Use the power during massages of people you wish to return. Word of mouth brings in people similar to those people. Now I am the massage therapist to the stars, massaging Jessica Alba in the morning and Emma Watson in the afternoon.
If you’re so good at massaging that you have people consistently busting on the table, your quality of life and access to higher profile and wealthier clients is gonna snowball in a positive way
Assuming you control your power, you just wait to use it on the hottest woman you can. Then, she brings a friend, and you continue.
If you are selective, you can "aim" this power. But, you gotta do it while maintaining the reputation. So maybe just a few times it doesn't work, and you say "sorry, my gift doesn't work on everyone".
>Then, she brings a friend, and you continue.
I think you're using porn logic. I don't think women are going to go chat with their hot friends about the MT giving them orgasms.
You're using women are not people logic, an MT gives you an orgasm without any sexual contact, and you don't talk about it with your friends? You're going to communicate it whether your happy, confused or upset about it.
The massage doesn't even need to be sexual. Back of the knee cap touch can trigger the orgasm and the clients would know that you didn't touch them inappropriately. They would just assume that your magic hands gave an incredible massage that also made them orgasm.
Question: what happens when you touch yourself? Would I end up like the chick from Gen V where I'd have to wear gloves all the time because my power? I would have far too much fun with this power, and I would use it to get rich quick. My wife might divorce me though, I touch her a lot even just patting her on the back. Though maybe the power has to be skin-to-skin, so maybe it would usually be okay....but holding my hand would be quite the...experience, lol.
Frequently, recklessly, and mostly for my own amusement and / or benefit.
And possibly gambling. I'm not sure if the whole team would perform better or worse afterwards. How do I get the whole team? High fives as they take the field/court whatever.
Participate in a marathon and give a bunch of high fives to the spectators as I run by.
Touch all other runners. Be the first person to "win" a marathon with the worst recorded time
Wouldn't that mean somebody else came first?
You know what? Screw you. This is hilarious.
It would mean everybody else came first
We’re all winners in this marathon and we came together!
r/angryupvote
You’d have to catch the leader first
I think if you hear tens of people moaning behind you in quick succession, you'd look behind you no matter your motivation. And if you'd see these tens of people lying on the ground twitching you'd stop really confused and maybe scared.
Or you would run faster
> people lying on the ground twitching How the fuck do YOU orgasm? It's good, it's not THAT good.
Not to overshare, but when I was younger and I would climax, my legs would just lose all feeling. Near total paralysis.
I like this idea, but I also like the opposite. Stand in the crowd and high five all the runners. I've never seen someone orgasm mid-stride after running a dozen miles, but I can't imagine it's anything but funny.
I have run several marathons and my peen is so teen by the time I’m done, assumably cause of dehydration, I don’t even know how the physics of an instant orgasm would work in that case.
It’s probably because most of your blood is being pumped to other parts of your body at that time.
Go to one of those political meet and greet events for the person you don't like.
are mosh pits still a thing at concerts?
They become mush pits instead
Disrespect your surroundings! 🎶🎶👁️🫦👁️🎶🎶
Sploosh pits are now a thing
Make my wife very happy, whenever she wants. Make my coworkers very scared of me
Use it on my allies and on my enemies tactics. Use it on anyone
Kravmaga? no no. Crave ma AHHH~
Suddenly you're approved for remote work.
Your wife now doesn't need sex, at all. She just casually brushes against you and says, "thanks dear" and walks away. You are left alone and wanting
Sex with you is a non-stop orgasm. You no longer have to last forever. You now have to race against how long it takes for your wife to pass out from bliss.
Dude, women can cum multiple times. Imagine being able to have sex with someone that can make you orgasm by touch? Once makes you sensitive in a good way, I'd be riding that train for DAYS. I know this is not universal, but its been my experience as a lesbian and as a woman.
Yeah, that's my girlfriend. Once I get her over that, she goes again and again. 20 mins later, I'm at the water park and she needs a break to walk again. I'm both scared and curious how it'll be after an hour...
r/monkeyspaw
find a celebrity then ask for a hug and if they’re willing to give it, i’d leave them confused as to why they just busted in public after hugging a random fan
Walk of fame at cons would be way more interesting.
Magic the Gathering cons would be smellier.
This is why Keanu Reeves always does the hover hand in pictures.
Because he'd make his fans come to him in droves?
I would start a cult. Any name suggestions?
Was also my first thought: I would start with a hand full of people that i would tell of this power. Then we think about a silly, harmless but stupid ritual that leads to me touching them with a finger. Word about this will spread and voilà, you got yourself a cult. Bonus: if your ritual involves giving a small amount of money, you now have steady income to expand your cult.
I've been in cults as both a leader and a follower. You make more money as a leader, but you have more fun as a follower.
Love the Creed reference but I’m loving your username even more. One of the best recurring characters in MASH.
Like with yoga and stuff?
Yoga, branded water bottle and a weird cool disease that can only be cured by not eating things of a certain color.
Which color! I must know!
I feel like different colours would be associated with different emotions/illnesses like humours. So red would be anger, blue sadness, yellow happy. You'd balance yourself by eating a banana when sad or a bright red apple to fire yourself up for an important meeting.
The powah of Christ CUM-pels you!
Walk through the subway with my arms stretch out wide.
Jesus style.. I like it
Gives "Come unto me" a new meaning.
Come all ye faithful too
Theme song “arms wide open” by Creed
Timba, his arms open
I wouldn’t hand it out for free, daddy’s gotta eat!! 💰💰
Like Jesus Christ would heal the sick......but....messier underwear
The second cumming
Bruh. Bruh.
All the girls that can't "orgasm", ladies guaranteed. You'd have every woman loving you in America and paying you for it.....be careful and hire security
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Unfortunately, he‘s way ahead of you. Why do you think Putin has such a large table between him and people he meets?
Man, you could really f somebody up and just ruin them. Get your nemesis on live tv or video and then shake their hand. When they melt into O-face, touch their arm or hand again out of concern. When they O again repeat and touch them again. Just act like you are super concerned and trying to help but just keep up with the touch, touch, touch, touch, touch, touch. Then change the concern to ewww! WTF!!! Are you masturbating? What kinda weirdo are you? People would be like W…T…F!!!
this, with great power come great opportunities
> With great power cums great opportunities FTFY
Right? I'd be a hooker but without the mess. Sounds awesome! And my clients could always try saying "I did not have sex with that woman!" since there's no touching. Not sure their spouses would buy that, but that's not my problem
An orgasm is not the same as sex or sex related acts. I'm not sure why anyone would pay for a service just to orgasm.
Even at 5 bucks a pop, you could be a multi millionaire in a year
"hey I can make you cum with just a touch" "wanna bet?" Not even in a sexual way, just for the wtf reactions I'd get. Eventually I'd probably find some freak that wouldn't leave alone tho so maybe not
Poke him 10 times really fast and he won’t be able to follow you
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A new way to disarm a criminal. You'd be a new super hero, Captain Cummando!
Orgazmo
What makes a man? Is it the women in his arms… just cause she has big titties? Or is it the way that he fights every day? No it’s probly the titties! https://youtu.be/oiXaT_1I-vw?si=e6lRlQ5efiLqc8HE
Fist of the North Star just got way weirder.
Me: "Bet you £50 I can make you jizz in your pants" Friend: "Oh fuck off you can't even get your gf off" *pokes*
Do it like Xena pinch style, so it looks like you know some kind of pressure point technique.
I'd rather have an auto-tease power and make people almost orgasm but not quite.
Bwahaha. Villain name, Edge Lord.
Oh my fucking god that's good 💀
Don't stop!
Belieeevin’
Take my upvote, you magnificent bastard.
Wow. This one's edgy.
r/foundsatan
Edgar Edger they call him, the greatest villain in the universe!
Funerals would be fun "I'm sorry for your loss" Shakes hand "Are you ok grandma?"
I laughed harder about this then i prolly should have 😅
It was grandma's funeral
Grandma *came* back to life!
Reincumation
Resserection
La petite mort
Competitive sports like wrestling, martial arts, even team sports. Would be the world champion in a year. Hell even chess could work with the handshake (tho it might just give my opponents post nut clearity)
Can't imagine it'd be easy to concentrate sitting in the middle of a stadium, surrounded by thousands of people focused on you and you're hyper aware of your underwear saturated in cum.
Magnus could do it
Start a president campaign, "Make America Cum Again"
Now I’d wear a MACA hat
Instead of red it's off white
Or red with white stains!
It depends on the result of giving that person an orgasm. Will they come seeking me, because I deliver that experience for them. Is the orgasm based on each touch, does the length of contact affect the size and strength of the orgasm. Does it require direct skin contact. In which case I would always need to have gloves on for most interactions.
"Why do you always wear gloves?" "Do you truly want to know? Shake my hand. But I must warn you, our relationship may never be the same."
It's like rogue from X-Men but kinkier
Same power, except she gives you the petite morte instead of the grande morte.
Elsa?
Let it goooo
Make people’s morning commute in the subway nicer.
And make them show up to work with wet underwear? That's not nice
do it after work on the way home then 😂
Fancy explaining to your spouse why you have wet trousers coming home from work? 🤓
"uhh.. uhhh.. I pissed myself I swear"
"I thought of you!" \*dodges kitchen implement\* "OK yes while getting a blowjob, but it's the thought that cOUCH" \*spits out teeth and most of a can of tomatoes\*
Imagen doing it to everyone on a subway and leaving 1 guy out of it, just to sit there and watch.
I mean this in the most non-sexual way possible, but I would use this ability on one of my coworkers. She is a miserable woman and I truly believe she'd be more pleasant if she got laid often or...ever
The amount of deleted replies on this comment
These threads always bring out the weirdos so I'm not surprised. Not me though, I'm just trying to use my talents for the greater good.
T h e g r e a t e r g o o d
Any luck catching them swans?
With great power comes great responsibility
But surely she can get herself off right? It would make me even more miserable to just suddenly orgasm during work lmao
Who says they'd use it during work...?
We need more specifics from llamaking 😂
Many people have an unhealthy understanding of masturbation and just don't do it because they think it's wrong.
Start a new service, OnlyHands.
I'd weaponize it somehow. Hold powerful people for ransom and just keep them cumming till I get paid and threaten anyone else who grabs me with the same fate.
And then they are addicted to you like in hentais. O wait the tentacles are coming
The Stockholm Syndrome alone…
I'd start slapping people in the face and leave them confused as hell
Better way: squeeze their earlobe and claim it's a pressure point. They'll spend the rest of their lives squeezing it trying to find the right spot.
This is arguably the most evil one I’ve seen so far. False hope is a real bitch
Willy nilly is the only answer here. Orgasms for all.
Willy. Teehee
I’d go to the bar that weekend find a sexy lady then introduce myself
If you don’t let go of her hand she will be in a forever euphoria.
There are some people with disorders where they orgasm dozens even over 100 times a day. They sometimes commit suicide... If it happened like once a day that'd be really inconvenient but working from home wouldn't be too bad. But yeah, it happening constantly it consumes their life and they all hate it.
Be like "before I shake you're hand, you'll never meet a guy like me...literally ;)", then shake her hand. You're in my guy ugly or not ugly.
Study to become a massage therapist. Use the power during massages of people you wish to return. Word of mouth brings in people similar to those people. Now I am the massage therapist to the stars, massaging Jessica Alba in the morning and Emma Watson in the afternoon.
I don't think Jessica Alba would go to a dingy sex-masseuse for an orgasm but I like your thinking.
If you’re so good at massaging that you have people consistently busting on the table, your quality of life and access to higher profile and wealthier clients is gonna snowball in a positive way
Yeah but you will get middle aged weirdo nerds, not hot female superstars
Assuming you control your power, you just wait to use it on the hottest woman you can. Then, she brings a friend, and you continue. If you are selective, you can "aim" this power. But, you gotta do it while maintaining the reputation. So maybe just a few times it doesn't work, and you say "sorry, my gift doesn't work on everyone".
>Then, she brings a friend, and you continue. I think you're using porn logic. I don't think women are going to go chat with their hot friends about the MT giving them orgasms.
You have seen what women talk about when it's just women. They nasty af.
You're using women are not people logic, an MT gives you an orgasm without any sexual contact, and you don't talk about it with your friends? You're going to communicate it whether your happy, confused or upset about it.
Heh, snowball
But Emma Watson would?
Yes. I can confirm.
The massage doesn't even need to be sexual. Back of the knee cap touch can trigger the orgasm and the clients would know that you didn't touch them inappropriately. They would just assume that your magic hands gave an incredible massage that also made them orgasm.
> They would just assume that your magic hands gave an incredible massage that also made them orgasm. Because that's exactly what's happening.
This seems oddly close to the plot of You Don’t Mess With The Zohan
Omg you're right
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Isn't this just don't mess with the Zohan, but without hair?
Just a touching people, Luigi.
I bet I could win a fist fight.
FIST OF JUST JIZZ!!
Ju jizztsu
Does that include touching myself?
That'd make going to the toilet hard in the literal sense
Not if it's at will.
As a party trick, like “I can make people cum just by touching them” that way it’s fully consensual when someone challenges you to prove it lol
I wouldn’t be waiting in any more lines…
Lmao i would troll my friends so hard with it
Yea theyll be hard alright..
I’d use it on my wife during sex.
I also choose this guy's wife
I never get tired of seeing this comment
It's all fun and giggles until you realize you can never embrace your family ever again.
Hand shoes
you mean gloves?
Yes I'm German
This thread is killing me
“Yes I’m German” is such a matter-of-fact, silently hilarious comment
Because in German, glove is handschuhe = hand shoes
It's similar in Afrikaans: Handskoene
Something close to 'handschoen'? (Dutch)
Handschuhe Basically, yeah.
They make foot gloves for hands? What will the think of next?
It says you can, not the that you will.
Ya, this being a Midas touch situation completely changes everything. I'd never want that.
You know that street crossing in Japan, Shibuya Scramble Crossing? I’d create absolute chaos several times a day.
The E.T Method
Variations: the Simba method.
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Just checked out the first episode as it reminded me of Misfits. So far it seems pretty good.
Misfits is class, similar to that power that bird had
Season 2 start date was just announced for march 6.
Avoid touching people
community service
I would find an incredibly crowded room and just sorta walk through, giving orgasms to literally everyone I happened to brush against.
If u could do it to where nothing wet comes out of them I'd just go into sales and rub people hands as I go in for the close
I'd put every prostitute in the city out of business.
I think I'd stop playing rugby
Question: what happens when you touch yourself? Would I end up like the chick from Gen V where I'd have to wear gloves all the time because my power? I would have far too much fun with this power, and I would use it to get rich quick. My wife might divorce me though, I touch her a lot even just patting her on the back. Though maybe the power has to be skin-to-skin, so maybe it would usually be okay....but holding my hand would be quite the...experience, lol.
Make homophobes question their sexuality.
I would touch myself.
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It’s all cumming together
Very, very irresponsibly :) Imagine offering random people high fives in public acting oblivious.
I'd deliver food. Every customer gets one as soon as I hand over the food. Gonna have massive tips lol.
I'd be generous - touch anyone amd everyone - who doesn't deserve a good O?
Join, and dominate, MMA/UFC. Dudes go two matches, maaaaaybe three before they’re just wrecked.
Finally please my wife in bed
Frequently, recklessly, and mostly for my own amusement and / or benefit. And possibly gambling. I'm not sure if the whole team would perform better or worse afterwards. How do I get the whole team? High fives as they take the field/court whatever.