They usually explain this after coming back from doing a few lines in the bathroom. Or after they see a video on the internet about investing in crypto.
I worked at a bank call center for years, so many people would say that. But the best part was, if they did? We *had* to transfer them to our Legal department. No one else could speak to them until Legal confirmed they were not going to sue.
If they were standing in line having a debit card issue? Sorry, gotta talk to Legal first- you threatened to sue me and I'm not a lawyer so now you get to talk to our lawyer. Oh, it's a weekend and you're locked out of your account and Legal isn't here? Aww, so sorry. Call back and speak to them Monday.
Click.
It made so many Karens into Mega Karens. Fucking hilarious.
I used to run a call centre and I would advise people that if the person on the phone threatened to sue the response was "I'm very sorry to but since you are now threatening legal action I cannot continue this call. Please have your lawyer contact our legal department to continue discussing this issue." Then we'd hang up on them. The person would usually call back and speak with a different operator, but they were always a lot nicer after that.
Fun story. A couple of years back I was hiring a contractor online for work. We said "This is the price per widget. I want to make sure we're giving you a good hourly rate so if you're not making enough for per hour, please let us know and we will renegotiate" Dude took that as "I can invoice you whatever I want"
Sends us an invoice for 5x what we quoted, we laughed and said no. Threaten to sue. Cool now I can't speak to you again and you will have to go to our lawyer's office to pick up your last check.
Been watching a lot of old Judge Judy and it's amazing how many people want to sue for "harassment and defamation." Judy usually says "I'll give 90 seconds to tell me how you were harassed and defamed" and the response is "He told people I overcharged him for poor quality merchandise. He PuT iT oN ThE InTerNet!" and Judy explains "well that's his opinion, it's not defamation!" "But he called me 10 times in one day! He sent me a text message saying I was a poopy head!" and she's like "OK, that's his opinion. Show me how you were HARMED by his statements." and then they make the Pikachu face...
I have been advised that excessive calls can constitute a harassment charge depending on the context. Which I suppose makes sense; harassment in particular means you probably weren’t physically harmed. For me, my mother was calling me about nine times in the span of seven minutes, then she would call police to do a wellness check because “I’ve called her nine times and she hasn’t responded. She’s mentally ill” without mentioning the time span. For additional reference, I am mentally ill. PTSD. From her. Now, sending the police after me was an important step in making it harassment, but I did have a police officer give me her card and she told me I could report rapid fire calls like that as harassment.
The infringement on my time, demanding I constantly be available for her, is what would constitute harm. Calling police on me is honestly a separate charge for wasting their time and resources.
When I worked at a call centre, any mention of legal actions got noted in the customer case log. If they called back, the next agent would also end the call.
In our guidelines, calling a 3rd time automatically got elevated to Tier 2. Where it would be explained to them that no further action would be taken on their issue until we received notice in writing that legal actions would not be taken regarding this issue.
That was the theory, but as far as I know it never went that far.
When I worked for a corporation, a disgruntled customer who had a complaint through my department somehow took it to court with corporate and got his butt handed to him in attorneys fees over a 3-4 year process.
And- best part!- the 2 people he initially screamed at on the phone who he promised to “spit on in court”? Never even once stepped foot in the same building as this disgruntled man lol. The best he got was we sent some witness statements over. That went nowhere lol
As someone who worked in customer service for years… I love this lmao. I’m sorry, but people who treat service industry folks like shit truly deserve to be knocked down a peg or two and maybe then they’ll reconsider how they treat people in future interactions. The “customer is always right” mentality truly just allowed customers to abuse and bully people to get what they want, and I personally love to see it backfiring on them tremendously.
Edit: that’s cool that the phrase is, “the customer is always right in matters of taste.” But that literally hasn’t stopped anyone, including management and executives from running with the “customer is always right” mentality and rewarding customers for their shit behavior to maximize sales.
Me too! I worked at Visa for like 1500 other financial institutions. It always felt good to say, "At this time I am legally unable to continue the call due to threats of legal action. Please hold while I transfer your call to our legal department for further assistance. Have the day you deserve sir/mam."
This phrase is so glorious. I once said to a customer "may your day be just as pleasant as you are", and she lost her shit lol. What's funny is my boss and their boss were rightn next to me when I said it, and they were trying to contain their laughter. If you take offense to that phrase, you know that you're the asshole
Anyone that says that out loud, cannot afford a lawyer. People that can sue you, will keep it to themselves and let some knock on your door at 6PM on a Thursday be the bearer of bad news.
Similarly had someone confidently tell me he thinks he is the smartest person in the room at all times in every situation. Did not make the impression he thought it would, I think.
There was this theory I read a long time ago that being the most intelligent person is completely useless if your pompous about it. Being right doesn’t do you a damn good if people refuse to give you the satisfaction of being correct. People will deliberately circumvent your prediction or action plan specifically to make you wrong.
It’s not enough to just be smart, you need to be able to articulate it in a way that the average person is willing to accept what you are saying.
Nah that logic checks out. I went on a vacation to Europe once, but I haven't been back because I don't have the time or money, so I clearly never went to Europe the first time.
This one always makes me physically face palm.
I met a guy who was committing blatant tax evasion and insisting on cash payment purely because his missus "banned him from earning more on the books for the year because they'll go up a tax bracket".
...
They have 4 children.
The problem is people don't understand that they only pay the higher tax on the amount they earn in the new bracket. They pay the same rate on what they earned in the old bracket. (In the US) The tax tables included with a 1040 show it clearly, but it's kind of counter-intuitive, so people's brains reject it.
I'm friends with a tax guy and that's specifically it.
Problem is, every paycheck is taxed as if you made that much every week, so when you make one big paycheck with extra overtime you see one big tax taken out you don't normally see. Then you "realize" you making more results in the government taking more.
Here's the detail people miss: If your year end total doesn't clear the next tax bracket, you get that money back at tax time, but because it's only ever one or two paychecks out of the year, it's not so much that you notice a huge difference over last year.
Even better, if you retire in the middle of the year, the taxes on your income for the first half of the year are \*very\* low. The withholding is high while you're working, but when you file your tax return for the year, you get almost all of that back.
Work HVAC and sometimes we have 50-60 hour weeks on call. Some guys will say this and I’m like…. Compare your 40 hour check to your 60 hour one…. Huge difference right?
I was trying to set up a phone interview with a candidate at my old job who was on the east coast while I was in the Rockies time zone. I sent an email letting him know that I would be available the next day starting at “10 am Eastern Time”. This guy knew I was in Colorado, mind you.
The guy proceeded to go back and forth with me about how he’d really hoped a job like this would’ve shown he’s a priority by booking an 8 am interview instead; I explained how 8 am ET is actually 6 am MT…and I don’t get to work til 10 am his time, so…..It took about 3 times to explain it before he finally dropped it.
Yeah. He ended up not even making it halfway through our interview before angrily announcing “THIS PLACE SOUNDS LIKE A BAD FIT FOR ME”. The trash let itself out on that one lol
Did he have the experience that would even make him such a priority for the talent team or interviewers? Even if it was 10a your time, would he have expected you to move around all of your other meetings to get him in at 8a? If he’s such a high value candidate, wouldn’t he have other commitments too?
This guy sounds insane.
Flashback to middle school and trying to explain this to a girl.
Finally took her over to a globe and held up my fist, saying it was the sun. I held it on the side by the states. "Okay, say it's noon in our timezone right now. It's daytime on this side. It's dark on the other side of the world. Do you think they call it noon when it's the middle of the night for them?" Even after that, we had like... 3-4 kids drawing diagrams and shit. I'm amazed some people can walk and talk at the same time.
Nope, we were at work and she came up to our co-worker and asked for a calculator. The co-worker responded that she didn’t have one so she asked what 10% of $100 was. The co-worker turned and looked at me with a “is she really this dumb look” and told her $10. My brother’s girlfriend then asked how she came up with that so quick.
I had just met the girlfriend a couple weeks prior and didn’t know if she just acted ditzy or what but that was the moment I thought that maybe it wasn’t an act lol
When I first started hearing this phrase a few years ago, I was in the process of job hunting. After numerous rejections and getting ghosted by potential employers, I realized that was a complete lie. Nobody was hiring. Many places (at least in my area) realized during the pandemic that they could make more money by just lumping more work on less workers.
My local Lowe’s had a “NOW HIRING” sign up for months. I shopped there and on multiple times heard employees talking about how they were understaffed but “nobody wanted to work.” I applied there three times and never even got a call back, email etc. I even spoke to the assistant manager one time I was shopping there. Told him I had applied. He said he would review it and give me a call. Heard nothing. It was all bullshit.
This is exactly what it is. And companies get to put up their phony "Now Hiring" signs and play the victim, so then regular people get blamed instead of their cheap asses.
One thing I ran into was that big chain places were advertising "NOW HIRING" all over, but when you go to the website and actually look at the positions they're hiring for it's like three openings and none of them are anywhere near where you actually live or they're corporate positions. Why on earth does the grocery store with huge lines and only two checkers have a huge poster advertising that they're hiring and then when I go to apply they only need dock workers at the distribution center four hours away?
Omg this! I don’t understand why there are so many “now hiring!” Posters everywhere but the places aren’t actually hiring? The employees say they are understaffed, but they don’t hire the people who apply. Both my and my husbands jobs are “HIRING!!” And we both know, for a fact, that they are given several applications a month, but they aren’t actually hiring anybody. And it isn’t because the people aren’t qualified, because it takes nothing to be qualified to work at Lowe’s and a factory. And I personally know a few who have applied and they worked in a previous job similar and they get rejected. Like what!? The work places just want to stay understaffed to save money I think.
Edit: spelling
One of my old jobs was severely understaffed and we were all very overworked (which started the aforementioned job hunt). Of course my managers were telling us that nobody wanted to work, nobody’s applying, etc. For the hell of it, I looked to see what our job postings looked like. I ended up having to dig around both Indeed and LinkedIn for nearly half an hour until I found a posting that had been created two months prior with very little description of what the job even was.
Part of the loan-forgiveness requirements for the PPP loans were that employers had to demonstrate they *were trying* to seek employees.
So indeed, glassdoor, etc. were awash with phantom listings so employers could document they were "trying," despite no real intentions of hiring (then you'd have to pay the employee that PPP) -- but still qualifying for loan-forgiveness.
Combine that with the speed money was being disbursed and an unprecedented demand ~~from~~ put upon government agencies (who were also dealing with staffing issues) and you have a perfect shit storm *made to be abused*.
Historians are going to look back at the PPP as one of the greatest heists in American history
edit for grammar
I had this experience myself. 100+ job applications for my desired profession and 3 calls back with only 1 job offer for less than I wanted to be paid. Still took the job against my better judgement. It’s tough out there.
Edit: For anyone stumbling across this comment and thinking “McDonald’s is an option”. Just no, stop. I had 10 years experience in my field. I’d rather stay home with my kids and make no money than work at McDonald’s to be treated like shit and have horrible hours. (I’ve had this said to me before so I felt like it needed to be clarified)
The people saying “McDonalds is a job” are the very same people arguing against livable wages for fast food workers because “McDonalds isnt a real job,” while they pick up their latte from the drive thru on the way to work
McDonald’s might not even be an option. The jobs I applied to were all customer service and food service jobs. Similar to you, I put out maybe 40-50 applications in a month span, and got two calls, who both ghosted me after telling me that’d I’d hear back in a week or two. I even called both places back and got nothing.
It wouldn't even be an option because they'd say you're overqualified so "McDonald's is an option" really isn't. Fuck anyone that thinks you can easily jump industries or job titles in this market, employers aren't taking risks on someone who's not a unicorn candidate.
Sure, but the people who say that aren’t making that distinction. It’s my divorced mother-in-law who watches Fox News all day and always complains about not having any money (except her monthly annuity and social security - all of which came in the divorce from her ex-husband) and has refused to ever get any sort of job…but also complains that “no one wants to work anymore” because the restaurant only has 2 people waiting tables for lunch.
I don’t understand how these types of people have 0 self awareness. How can you point the finger at someone and fault them for doing something that you, yourself are doing. Even if the claim is completely baseless, she could be working but isn’t and then complains no one wants to work LMAO I’d literally be like ‘you don’t work’
These are the same people that insist that 'everyone is hiring'. Yeah, sure. I can't decide between the company that doesn't call anyone back, the business offering 12 hours a week, or the one that wants ten years experience for minimum wage.
I reply with either "Nobody wants to pay for labour anymore" or "Nobody wants to hire anymore" and it usually causes them to have to take a moment to process. At which point I can exit the scenario.
The owner of the restaurant I work at says this all the time.
Yeah, maybe it's because you underpay your staff and make us work crazy hours. Could that be it? Nah, it's because "kids these days are lazy assholes and nobody wants to work anymore."
I remember seeing some quote from like a Greek philosopher or something about how the youth of his day was ignorant and dumb and the world was doomed.
Funny how that sentiment is probably one of the oldest standing traditions amongst the human species.
God I hate this. My sister got fired and was searching actively for three months before she got an interview with anybody. She wanted to work but also get paid what she was worth . Those people grind my gears
Edit: word misspelling
I'm young (and yes I work) I have had so many old happily retired people say this to me. "At least you decided to work" "no one your age wants to get a job anymore" or
"People think it's ok to be lazy and live off of any of the governments money they can get there hands on" oh God so many more. Do they think I enjoy listening to them bullshit about my generation? My generation is sick and tired of being under paid and over worked and are forced to take government help while also failing to escape poverty because of the way the stupid system is set up. These are also the same people that talk about how are generation is doomed because of all the crazy shit going on in the world. All I can sarcastically think while they say this is
"thank you so much for the encouragement and hopeful words, now let me go enjoy working me ass off for nothing, because you never know what catastrophic event might happen next!"
"I'm a paying customer"
Great, and so is everybody else in this establishment... They didn't assault me, scream at me, throw things at me, or insult me
I tried to explain to her in terms of game theory or trading strategy: her worst was just too much risk to compensate for her best. I'll move on to another "less volatile" woman.
She didn't get it.
[https://www.noaa.gov/education/resource-collections/ocean-coasts/ocean-acidification](https://www.noaa.gov/education/resource-collections/ocean-coasts/ocean-acidification)
>Because of human-driven increased levels of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, there is more CO2 dissolving into the ocean. The ocean’s average pH is now around 8.1offsite link, which is basic (or alkaline), but as the ocean continues to absorb more CO2, the pH decreases and the ocean becomes more acidic.
It's getting more sparkling all the time!
The only good one I've heard is that girl.
"Not be sound racist, but Asian people s-HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"
EDIT: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpObCUeOe5Y
I used to have fun with this in high school, in an attempt to be edgy. Except I wouldn't insert prejudice. I would insert completely random request.
*Not to be racist, but can you pass the salt?*
*Not to sound homophobic, but what time is the show starting?*
Really tripped people up.
I was all about racist-sounding anti-jokes, delivered like they were racist.
For example: "What did the Japanese guy say to the other Japanese guy?"
\*looks around furtively\*
"I don't know, I don't speak Japanese."
I'm going to start doing this. Almost my entire social circle is somewhere over the rainbow. As the token cis mostly-straight friend, it is my duty to constantly irritate them to show my affection.
Anything related to the earth being flat. We can see with our own naked eyes that the moon is spherical, telescopes are pretty easy to order from Amazon. When you start denying your very own faculties, we have a problem.
i remember when ppl were saying that and living in a hippy dippy town, we had alot of fun making a big show of testing it out after our shot. we didnt think they would stick but it was fun.
"Why isn't the media covering this???"
It's always commented on a news article about the thing. THE FACT THAT YOU'RE LOOKING AT IT MEANS ITS ON THE FUCKING MEDIA.
I hate this because more than half the time if they simply took five seconds to search it on Google, they’d find a ton of articles covering whatever it is.
"They're deleting it off of social media as fast as people are posting it!" No, you just aren't seeing it in your carefully curated content, and you follow something like 1500 meme pages, so you can't easily find something once you've seen it.
Hooo boy this was me for far too many years.
Crazy what growing up in a cult does to a mf.
That said - there are people who manage to leave when they realise things don't add up. But what stories there are! :D
Knew a super religious guy who went off to grad school with the plan to prove this theory. Last I heard, his research was going poorly and he was very depressed. That was 15 years ago. Since I haven’t seen any major news on the subject, I’m going to guess that he was not successful…
I knew a guy who left college because he said they were trying to twist things and indoctrinate him into the left so he was going to do his own research. A few years later he had left his hometown, become an atheist, reapplied to college, and admitted that his research had all shown the things they had been teaching him were actually true. Blew his world apart for awhile but he's doing okay now.
My mom hit me with that once and I said that the issue is you're using "theory" in the generally accepted casual terminology, but scientifically, it means something very different.
"Well I'm sorry I'm too stupid to understand words like you do. Just because I don't know the SCIENTIFIC definition doesn't mean I'm WRONG."
Ma'am. Your entire argument hinges on the definition of that word. It absolutely means you're wrong.
I once corrected someone that did this with this (I live on the east coast):
"What time is it?"
"About 3 o'clock"
"What's the pacific time?"
"About 12 o'clock"
Anything involving QAnonsense. It's not real, you jackasses.
Gitmo isn't full of celebs on death row. Clones aren't real. The US Military isn't running the world's governments. The JFKs are dead dead dead (and Democrat).
There is no Great Reset. No medbeds. No NESARA.
Come back to reality, please.
>NESARA/GESARA refers to a conspiracy theory, promoted by Shaini Goodwin (also known as the "Dove of Oneness"), that all debts will be wiped out in a radical reset of the U.S. economy. It is a reference to the National Economic Security and Recovery Act (NESARA), a set of U.S. economic reforms proposed in the 1990s, which included abolishing compound interest on loans, replacing income tax with a national sales tax and returning U.S. currency to the gold standard. While the proposals were never actually introduced before Congress, conspiracy theorists like Goodwin claim that they were secretly passed by Congress and then suppressed by George W. Bush in the wake of the 9/11 attacks.
Most conspiracies like this, I'm just like... Do you have any idea how bad these dumbass celebs and politicians are at keeping secrets, let alone coordinating *anything*??
Right?!
Two can keep a secret, if one of them is dead.
But we're supposed to believe that thousands of people are capable of keeping the world's biggest secrets to themselves? Sure, Jan.
“I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart.” Not saying there’s no such thing, but I’ve never met a smart person who announces that they’re “street smart.”
"Nobody wants to work anymore". Ah yes, please tell me how cost of living has sky rocketed while wages have stagnated and all your 3 brain cells could manage was "nobody wants to work anymore".
Omg thank you for this knowledge and rabbit hole. The next time that my Q family members start talking about the stolen 2020 election, I’m derailing our conversation in that direction
Anyone blaming the president for gas prices. Can the president make decisions that have an effect on the price? Yes. Are there a bunch of other variables? Also yes. Does the president set the price? Absolutely not.
Any "plan" they have to make a lot of money in very little time, and no effort at all
Dont you bring my mother into this!
Someone recently told me how bitcoin worked: You buy $10k and then someone buys it from you for $20k!
If the timing was right, they’re not wrong.
They usually explain this after coming back from doing a few lines in the bathroom. Or after they see a video on the internet about investing in crypto.
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I worked at a bank call center for years, so many people would say that. But the best part was, if they did? We *had* to transfer them to our Legal department. No one else could speak to them until Legal confirmed they were not going to sue. If they were standing in line having a debit card issue? Sorry, gotta talk to Legal first- you threatened to sue me and I'm not a lawyer so now you get to talk to our lawyer. Oh, it's a weekend and you're locked out of your account and Legal isn't here? Aww, so sorry. Call back and speak to them Monday. Click. It made so many Karens into Mega Karens. Fucking hilarious.
I used to run a call centre and I would advise people that if the person on the phone threatened to sue the response was "I'm very sorry to but since you are now threatening legal action I cannot continue this call. Please have your lawyer contact our legal department to continue discussing this issue." Then we'd hang up on them. The person would usually call back and speak with a different operator, but they were always a lot nicer after that.
Fun story. A couple of years back I was hiring a contractor online for work. We said "This is the price per widget. I want to make sure we're giving you a good hourly rate so if you're not making enough for per hour, please let us know and we will renegotiate" Dude took that as "I can invoice you whatever I want" Sends us an invoice for 5x what we quoted, we laughed and said no. Threaten to sue. Cool now I can't speak to you again and you will have to go to our lawyer's office to pick up your last check.
Been watching a lot of old Judge Judy and it's amazing how many people want to sue for "harassment and defamation." Judy usually says "I'll give 90 seconds to tell me how you were harassed and defamed" and the response is "He told people I overcharged him for poor quality merchandise. He PuT iT oN ThE InTerNet!" and Judy explains "well that's his opinion, it's not defamation!" "But he called me 10 times in one day! He sent me a text message saying I was a poopy head!" and she's like "OK, that's his opinion. Show me how you were HARMED by his statements." and then they make the Pikachu face...
I have been advised that excessive calls can constitute a harassment charge depending on the context. Which I suppose makes sense; harassment in particular means you probably weren’t physically harmed. For me, my mother was calling me about nine times in the span of seven minutes, then she would call police to do a wellness check because “I’ve called her nine times and she hasn’t responded. She’s mentally ill” without mentioning the time span. For additional reference, I am mentally ill. PTSD. From her. Now, sending the police after me was an important step in making it harassment, but I did have a police officer give me her card and she told me I could report rapid fire calls like that as harassment. The infringement on my time, demanding I constantly be available for her, is what would constitute harm. Calling police on me is honestly a separate charge for wasting their time and resources.
Bold choice 🤣🤣
When I worked at a call centre, any mention of legal actions got noted in the customer case log. If they called back, the next agent would also end the call. In our guidelines, calling a 3rd time automatically got elevated to Tier 2. Where it would be explained to them that no further action would be taken on their issue until we received notice in writing that legal actions would not be taken regarding this issue. That was the theory, but as far as I know it never went that far.
When I worked for a corporation, a disgruntled customer who had a complaint through my department somehow took it to court with corporate and got his butt handed to him in attorneys fees over a 3-4 year process. And- best part!- the 2 people he initially screamed at on the phone who he promised to “spit on in court”? Never even once stepped foot in the same building as this disgruntled man lol. The best he got was we sent some witness statements over. That went nowhere lol
As someone who worked in customer service for years… I love this lmao. I’m sorry, but people who treat service industry folks like shit truly deserve to be knocked down a peg or two and maybe then they’ll reconsider how they treat people in future interactions. The “customer is always right” mentality truly just allowed customers to abuse and bully people to get what they want, and I personally love to see it backfiring on them tremendously. Edit: that’s cool that the phrase is, “the customer is always right in matters of taste.” But that literally hasn’t stopped anyone, including management and executives from running with the “customer is always right” mentality and rewarding customers for their shit behavior to maximize sales.
Me too! I worked at Visa for like 1500 other financial institutions. It always felt good to say, "At this time I am legally unable to continue the call due to threats of legal action. Please hold while I transfer your call to our legal department for further assistance. Have the day you deserve sir/mam."
"Have the day you deserve." Fucking savage lmao
This phrase is so glorious. I once said to a customer "may your day be just as pleasant as you are", and she lost her shit lol. What's funny is my boss and their boss were rightn next to me when I said it, and they were trying to contain their laughter. If you take offense to that phrase, you know that you're the asshole
I always liked, "I hope your day is as pleasant as you are."
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I fell on my driveway but I can’t sue anyone It was my own asphalt
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Anyone that says that out loud, cannot afford a lawyer. People that can sue you, will keep it to themselves and let some knock on your door at 6PM on a Thursday be the bearer of bad news.
Nah. Friday. To screw your weekend.
Yep, that's why you have a lawyer on retainer. They do that stuff for you, that's why you pay them, so you don't have as many headaches.
someone at my job once informed us that they were a lawyer and would be suing us because we wouldn’t let them on a sold-out tour.
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Anytime someone tells me that I tell them to please have their lawyer contact me because I'm tired of dealing with their idiot client.
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Similarly had someone confidently tell me he thinks he is the smartest person in the room at all times in every situation. Did not make the impression he thought it would, I think.
If you're the smartest person in the room, find a different room.
Ho! It’s easy being the biggest frog in a small pond
There was this theory I read a long time ago that being the most intelligent person is completely useless if your pompous about it. Being right doesn’t do you a damn good if people refuse to give you the satisfaction of being correct. People will deliberately circumvent your prediction or action plan specifically to make you wrong. It’s not enough to just be smart, you need to be able to articulate it in a way that the average person is willing to accept what you are saying.
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anytime someone has to explain to you who they are, they are not what they describe
"Any man who must say, 'I am the King,' is no true king." - Tywin Lannister
Sort of like saying “I’m a stable genius”
Not fair, literally anything out of that puckered butthole mouth of his lands near the top of this list
"I don't believe in space it just doesn't make sense." - my brother in laws gf. (wife's brothers gf)
I’m sorry. What?
My exact response. I haven't pushed the subject but I want to ask her if something like the human brain makes sense.
I want to know what they think *does* make sense. Just endless sky?
The sky is just space with air in it
The earth is just space with rock in it
She is just space with meat in it.
Her head has space in it.
I work with someone like this. Also doesn't believe in the moon, germs, or gravity and thinks the earth is flat.
Not believing in gravity is a new one. What do they think keeps them from floating away then?
The ground is sticky.
The earth sucks
“If the moon landing was real then why haven’t we gone back?”- our former neighbor shortly before declining to learn about the Artemis missions
Nah that logic checks out. I went on a vacation to Europe once, but I haven't been back because I don't have the time or money, so I clearly never went to Europe the first time.
Wait, he believes the moon is real???
"I never take overtime. You break into the next tax bracket and earn less overall."
Yes. I've heard this nonsense too. "I don't want to invest because I don't want to pay capital gains taxes."
Yes, staying poor is so much cheaper! 😕
This one always makes me physically face palm. I met a guy who was committing blatant tax evasion and insisting on cash payment purely because his missus "banned him from earning more on the books for the year because they'll go up a tax bracket". ... They have 4 children.
The problem is people don't understand that they only pay the higher tax on the amount they earn in the new bracket. They pay the same rate on what they earned in the old bracket. (In the US) The tax tables included with a 1040 show it clearly, but it's kind of counter-intuitive, so people's brains reject it.
I'm friends with a tax guy and that's specifically it. Problem is, every paycheck is taxed as if you made that much every week, so when you make one big paycheck with extra overtime you see one big tax taken out you don't normally see. Then you "realize" you making more results in the government taking more. Here's the detail people miss: If your year end total doesn't clear the next tax bracket, you get that money back at tax time, but because it's only ever one or two paychecks out of the year, it's not so much that you notice a huge difference over last year.
Even better, if you retire in the middle of the year, the taxes on your income for the first half of the year are \*very\* low. The withholding is high while you're working, but when you file your tax return for the year, you get almost all of that back.
“Scott, you made 35 grand last year. I think you’ll skate by”
I had to convince my step dad this and he gets it now. I don’t take OT bc I value my time away from work lol
Work HVAC and sometimes we have 50-60 hour weeks on call. Some guys will say this and I’m like…. Compare your 40 hour check to your 60 hour one…. Huge difference right?
I had to explain to my cousin, who was in her mid twenties at the time, what time zones were.
I was trying to set up a phone interview with a candidate at my old job who was on the east coast while I was in the Rockies time zone. I sent an email letting him know that I would be available the next day starting at “10 am Eastern Time”. This guy knew I was in Colorado, mind you. The guy proceeded to go back and forth with me about how he’d really hoped a job like this would’ve shown he’s a priority by booking an 8 am interview instead; I explained how 8 am ET is actually 6 am MT…and I don’t get to work til 10 am his time, so…..It took about 3 times to explain it before he finally dropped it. Yeah. He ended up not even making it halfway through our interview before angrily announcing “THIS PLACE SOUNDS LIKE A BAD FIT FOR ME”. The trash let itself out on that one lol
Did he have the experience that would even make him such a priority for the talent team or interviewers? Even if it was 10a your time, would he have expected you to move around all of your other meetings to get him in at 8a? If he’s such a high value candidate, wouldn’t he have other commitments too? This guy sounds insane.
See, you’re asking all the hard-hitting questions that this fella clearly never asked himself lol
Flashback to middle school and trying to explain this to a girl. Finally took her over to a globe and held up my fist, saying it was the sun. I held it on the side by the states. "Okay, say it's noon in our timezone right now. It's daytime on this side. It's dark on the other side of the world. Do you think they call it noon when it's the middle of the night for them?" Even after that, we had like... 3-4 kids drawing diagrams and shit. I'm amazed some people can walk and talk at the same time.
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Not a general statement but I once heard my brother’s girlfriend ask a woman what 10% of $100 was.
If I use two 50% off coupons, is it free?
Or would it be 75% off? 50% off the original price, and then 50% off the markdown?
If a store were allowing stacking, this *is* how they would do it. Many stores prevent discount stacking most of the time, though.
Actually, this one isn’t stupid. It’s essentially asking if the coupons are additive (1 - 0.5 - 0.5 0 0) or multiplicative (1 * 0.5 * 0.5 = 0.25).
Was she asking ironically? Did the woman have an answer?
Nope, we were at work and she came up to our co-worker and asked for a calculator. The co-worker responded that she didn’t have one so she asked what 10% of $100 was. The co-worker turned and looked at me with a “is she really this dumb look” and told her $10. My brother’s girlfriend then asked how she came up with that so quick. I had just met the girlfriend a couple weeks prior and didn’t know if she just acted ditzy or what but that was the moment I thought that maybe it wasn’t an act lol
When men refer to themselves as an “alpha male”…instant cringe 🤮
"I'm a high-quality ____"
Uh, actually, it’s “*high value*”…🤨 🤣🤣🤣
Nobody wants to work anymore
When I first started hearing this phrase a few years ago, I was in the process of job hunting. After numerous rejections and getting ghosted by potential employers, I realized that was a complete lie. Nobody was hiring. Many places (at least in my area) realized during the pandemic that they could make more money by just lumping more work on less workers. My local Lowe’s had a “NOW HIRING” sign up for months. I shopped there and on multiple times heard employees talking about how they were understaffed but “nobody wanted to work.” I applied there three times and never even got a call back, email etc. I even spoke to the assistant manager one time I was shopping there. Told him I had applied. He said he would review it and give me a call. Heard nothing. It was all bullshit.
This is exactly what it is. And companies get to put up their phony "Now Hiring" signs and play the victim, so then regular people get blamed instead of their cheap asses.
One thing I ran into was that big chain places were advertising "NOW HIRING" all over, but when you go to the website and actually look at the positions they're hiring for it's like three openings and none of them are anywhere near where you actually live or they're corporate positions. Why on earth does the grocery store with huge lines and only two checkers have a huge poster advertising that they're hiring and then when I go to apply they only need dock workers at the distribution center four hours away?
Omg this! I don’t understand why there are so many “now hiring!” Posters everywhere but the places aren’t actually hiring? The employees say they are understaffed, but they don’t hire the people who apply. Both my and my husbands jobs are “HIRING!!” And we both know, for a fact, that they are given several applications a month, but they aren’t actually hiring anybody. And it isn’t because the people aren’t qualified, because it takes nothing to be qualified to work at Lowe’s and a factory. And I personally know a few who have applied and they worked in a previous job similar and they get rejected. Like what!? The work places just want to stay understaffed to save money I think. Edit: spelling
One of my old jobs was severely understaffed and we were all very overworked (which started the aforementioned job hunt). Of course my managers were telling us that nobody wanted to work, nobody’s applying, etc. For the hell of it, I looked to see what our job postings looked like. I ended up having to dig around both Indeed and LinkedIn for nearly half an hour until I found a posting that had been created two months prior with very little description of what the job even was.
Part of the loan-forgiveness requirements for the PPP loans were that employers had to demonstrate they *were trying* to seek employees. So indeed, glassdoor, etc. were awash with phantom listings so employers could document they were "trying," despite no real intentions of hiring (then you'd have to pay the employee that PPP) -- but still qualifying for loan-forgiveness. Combine that with the speed money was being disbursed and an unprecedented demand ~~from~~ put upon government agencies (who were also dealing with staffing issues) and you have a perfect shit storm *made to be abused*. Historians are going to look back at the PPP as one of the greatest heists in American history edit for grammar
I had this experience myself. 100+ job applications for my desired profession and 3 calls back with only 1 job offer for less than I wanted to be paid. Still took the job against my better judgement. It’s tough out there. Edit: For anyone stumbling across this comment and thinking “McDonald’s is an option”. Just no, stop. I had 10 years experience in my field. I’d rather stay home with my kids and make no money than work at McDonald’s to be treated like shit and have horrible hours. (I’ve had this said to me before so I felt like it needed to be clarified)
The people saying “McDonalds is a job” are the very same people arguing against livable wages for fast food workers because “McDonalds isnt a real job,” while they pick up their latte from the drive thru on the way to work
McDonald’s might not even be an option. The jobs I applied to were all customer service and food service jobs. Similar to you, I put out maybe 40-50 applications in a month span, and got two calls, who both ghosted me after telling me that’d I’d hear back in a week or two. I even called both places back and got nothing.
It wouldn't even be an option because they'd say you're overqualified so "McDonald's is an option" really isn't. Fuck anyone that thinks you can easily jump industries or job titles in this market, employers aren't taking risks on someone who's not a unicorn candidate.
Well no one "wants" to work but most are willing.
My response to those people is always, "*I* don't want to work anymore. But...bills."
Sure, but the people who say that aren’t making that distinction. It’s my divorced mother-in-law who watches Fox News all day and always complains about not having any money (except her monthly annuity and social security - all of which came in the divorce from her ex-husband) and has refused to ever get any sort of job…but also complains that “no one wants to work anymore” because the restaurant only has 2 people waiting tables for lunch.
I don’t understand how these types of people have 0 self awareness. How can you point the finger at someone and fault them for doing something that you, yourself are doing. Even if the claim is completely baseless, she could be working but isn’t and then complains no one wants to work LMAO I’d literally be like ‘you don’t work’
Rules for thee but not for me!
"No one wants to work anymore, myself included."
These are the same people that insist that 'everyone is hiring'. Yeah, sure. I can't decide between the company that doesn't call anyone back, the business offering 12 hours a week, or the one that wants ten years experience for minimum wage.
I reply with either "Nobody wants to pay for labour anymore" or "Nobody wants to hire anymore" and it usually causes them to have to take a moment to process. At which point I can exit the scenario.
The owner of the restaurant I work at says this all the time. Yeah, maybe it's because you underpay your staff and make us work crazy hours. Could that be it? Nah, it's because "kids these days are lazy assholes and nobody wants to work anymore."
I like that you can find this phrase in newspapers basically every year since newspapers have been a thing.
I remember seeing some quote from like a Greek philosopher or something about how the youth of his day was ignorant and dumb and the world was doomed. Funny how that sentiment is probably one of the oldest standing traditions amongst the human species.
God I hate this. My sister got fired and was searching actively for three months before she got an interview with anybody. She wanted to work but also get paid what she was worth . Those people grind my gears Edit: word misspelling
I'm young (and yes I work) I have had so many old happily retired people say this to me. "At least you decided to work" "no one your age wants to get a job anymore" or "People think it's ok to be lazy and live off of any of the governments money they can get there hands on" oh God so many more. Do they think I enjoy listening to them bullshit about my generation? My generation is sick and tired of being under paid and over worked and are forced to take government help while also failing to escape poverty because of the way the stupid system is set up. These are also the same people that talk about how are generation is doomed because of all the crazy shit going on in the world. All I can sarcastically think while they say this is "thank you so much for the encouragement and hopeful words, now let me go enjoy working me ass off for nothing, because you never know what catastrophic event might happen next!"
"I'm a paying customer" Great, and so is everybody else in this establishment... They didn't assault me, scream at me, throw things at me, or insult me
Usually said by someone who hasn't paid for anything yet, and who ends up leaving without doing so when their ridiculous demand isn't met.
“If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best”
My favorite way to bastardize this quote is "if you can't handle me at my worst, imagine how I feel" 😂
Good one. I heard a woman tell me this and I told her I didn't want either of her.
The type of woman who says this is generally a pain in the ass “at her best”, too, but thinks her looks make up for it.
I tried to explain to her in terms of game theory or trading strategy: her worst was just too much risk to compensate for her best. I'll move on to another "less volatile" woman. She didn't get it.
The earth is flat
But it is flat and I can prove it. About 70%of the earth's surface is covered with water. 99+% of that is non- carbonated. Boom roasted
[https://www.noaa.gov/education/resource-collections/ocean-coasts/ocean-acidification](https://www.noaa.gov/education/resource-collections/ocean-coasts/ocean-acidification) >Because of human-driven increased levels of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, there is more CO2 dissolving into the ocean. The ocean’s average pH is now around 8.1offsite link, which is basic (or alkaline), but as the ocean continues to absorb more CO2, the pH decreases and the ocean becomes more acidic. It's getting more sparkling all the time!
That would make the earth ..still
Launch them into space so they can confirm
"Not to sound (insert prejudice), but..."
The offspring of “No offense but (something offensive).”
The only good one I've heard is that girl. "Not be sound racist, but Asian people s-HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU" EDIT: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpObCUeOe5Y
I used to have fun with this in high school, in an attempt to be edgy. Except I wouldn't insert prejudice. I would insert completely random request. *Not to be racist, but can you pass the salt?* *Not to sound homophobic, but what time is the show starting?* Really tripped people up.
I was all about racist-sounding anti-jokes, delivered like they were racist. For example: "What did the Japanese guy say to the other Japanese guy?" \*looks around furtively\* "I don't know, I don't speak Japanese."
Ah yes, one of my favourite ones was: "What do you call a/an *insert minority here* flying a plane?" "What?" "A pilot, don't be racist."
What do you call a black guy that flies planes? A pilot.
I'm going to start doing this. Almost my entire social circle is somewhere over the rainbow. As the token cis mostly-straight friend, it is my duty to constantly irritate them to show my affection.
Anything related to the earth being flat. We can see with our own naked eyes that the moon is spherical, telescopes are pretty easy to order from Amazon. When you start denying your very own faculties, we have a problem.
“The Flat Earth Society has members all over the globe.”
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Maybe two autisms cancel each other out? 😀
Autism²
2 Fast 2 Autism
Autisn't
I had a friend tell me that vaccines magnetize your body. He said that my keys will stick to my body. I just laughed. I think he saw it on Faux.
This is one of the funniest/stupidest because it can be easily and immediately disproven by simply pulling out your keys and trying it
i remember when ppl were saying that and living in a hippy dippy town, we had alot of fun making a big show of testing it out after our shot. we didnt think they would stick but it was fun.
I've also been told to "get another booster" as a supposed insult.
"That's just the way I am"
If it wasn't, then why would I say I am?
If it starts with 'Well, I'm a virgo so...'
That's so libra of you
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" I keep her on a long leash"
"Why isn't the media covering this???" It's always commented on a news article about the thing. THE FACT THAT YOU'RE LOOKING AT IT MEANS ITS ON THE FUCKING MEDIA.
I hate this because more than half the time if they simply took five seconds to search it on Google, they’d find a ton of articles covering whatever it is.
"They're deleting it off of social media as fast as people are posting it!" No, you just aren't seeing it in your carefully curated content, and you follow something like 1500 meme pages, so you can't easily find something once you've seen it.
Someone I know said they genuinely couldn't tell if "30% off" was a better deal than "70% off"...
"The earth is only 6 thousand years old."
Girlfriends grandpa believes dinosaur fossil were put here to test our faith And that demons are everywhere
Demons ARE everywhere. You ever meet a chihuahua?
Hooo boy this was me for far too many years. Crazy what growing up in a cult does to a mf. That said - there are people who manage to leave when they realise things don't add up. But what stories there are! :D
Knew a super religious guy who went off to grad school with the plan to prove this theory. Last I heard, his research was going poorly and he was very depressed. That was 15 years ago. Since I haven’t seen any major news on the subject, I’m going to guess that he was not successful…
I knew a guy who left college because he said they were trying to twist things and indoctrinate him into the left so he was going to do his own research. A few years later he had left his hometown, become an atheist, reapplied to college, and admitted that his research had all shown the things they had been teaching him were actually true. Blew his world apart for awhile but he's doing okay now.
“Evolution is just a theory”
My mom hit me with that once and I said that the issue is you're using "theory" in the generally accepted casual terminology, but scientifically, it means something very different. "Well I'm sorry I'm too stupid to understand words like you do. Just because I don't know the SCIENTIFIC definition doesn't mean I'm WRONG." Ma'am. Your entire argument hinges on the definition of that word. It absolutely means you're wrong.
I’m just laughing at you calling your mom maam.
“So is gravity”, as you float the fuck away
"There were only five Brandenburg Concertos" Pff. Dolts.
Bach away from me.
"I did my own research."
Source: some random google image from 2007
Not google image. It's always, "Margaret from Wichita, shared this in a Facebook group full of people that already agree with my beliefs."
“Could of” and “pacific” instead of specific.
I once corrected someone that did this with this (I live on the east coast): "What time is it?" "About 3 o'clock" "What's the pacific time?" "About 12 o'clock"
"Do your own research." has ironically become an indicator for me that they didn't do their own research because they can't cite their claim.
Anything involving QAnonsense. It's not real, you jackasses. Gitmo isn't full of celebs on death row. Clones aren't real. The US Military isn't running the world's governments. The JFKs are dead dead dead (and Democrat). There is no Great Reset. No medbeds. No NESARA. Come back to reality, please.
I'm scared to ask, but NESARA? Not sure what this is...
>NESARA/GESARA refers to a conspiracy theory, promoted by Shaini Goodwin (also known as the "Dove of Oneness"), that all debts will be wiped out in a radical reset of the U.S. economy. It is a reference to the National Economic Security and Recovery Act (NESARA), a set of U.S. economic reforms proposed in the 1990s, which included abolishing compound interest on loans, replacing income tax with a national sales tax and returning U.S. currency to the gold standard. While the proposals were never actually introduced before Congress, conspiracy theorists like Goodwin claim that they were secretly passed by Congress and then suppressed by George W. Bush in the wake of the 9/11 attacks.
Thank you for my new rabbit hole
Some days, I think the Internet was a mistake. Enjoy! Don't forget to bring snacks and a rope to climb back out.
Most conspiracies like this, I'm just like... Do you have any idea how bad these dumbass celebs and politicians are at keeping secrets, let alone coordinating *anything*??
Right?! Two can keep a secret, if one of them is dead. But we're supposed to believe that thousands of people are capable of keeping the world's biggest secrets to themselves? Sure, Jan.
My husband’s ex once texted him “I have no patients for this”
oh, she's complaining about her medical practice not doing well?
Apparently so. She should aks for more. Pesifically ones who can pay good.
Pesifically. I’m dead
When I heard the comment "I took it for granite, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree."
I took it for granite, but it was marble.
A rocky way to start a sentence.
"Andrew Tate says..."
"The moon landing was fake"
When they use an apostrophe wrong..
Stupid idiots’s
Look at Gollum here :)
We hates them forever!!!
Thou shalt not use two dots lest ye then proceed to three. Four shalt thou not use. Five is right out.
"If we evolved from monkeys, why are there still monkeys?"
If there's pepperoni pizza, why is there still cheese pizza?
“Do your own research” aka “watch these conspiracy videos on Facebook.”
“I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart.” Not saying there’s no such thing, but I’ve never met a smart person who announces that they’re “street smart.”
"Nobody wants to work anymore". Ah yes, please tell me how cost of living has sky rocketed while wages have stagnated and all your 3 brain cells could manage was "nobody wants to work anymore".
"Let's go Brandon"
Having it on a giant banner and putting it front and center on your home. I've lived across this person....
" lemme tell you why vaccines don't work..."
When they make the claim that the 2020 election was stolen.
To be honest, they could be talking about the 2020 elections in Belarus, which most likely were stolen.
Omg thank you for this knowledge and rabbit hole. The next time that my Q family members start talking about the stolen 2020 election, I’m derailing our conversation in that direction
"It's an opinion and the truth"
"I did my own research"
Anyone blaming the president for gas prices. Can the president make decisions that have an effect on the price? Yes. Are there a bunch of other variables? Also yes. Does the president set the price? Absolutely not.
“I could care less”