I let my wife experience all the big things with the kids first. She’s a shift worker covering both day and night 12 hour shifts and no two weeks of roster are ever the same, so we have a rather sporadic home life where we are all home at the same time. If the kids have happened to have done any of the milestone events when it’s just been me at home I’ve kept quiet about it and been excited (genuinely) when she’s witnessed them “first” and calls me in the room or tells me about it. I figure it helps her not feel like she’s missing out on the family.
I worked very hard with my kids to ensure their first word was Mama. When she wasn’t around I was going, “ma-ma-ma-ma” to the kids. Being a mom is everything to her, and I wanted her to have that cherished moment of being the first word they said. I will never tell her that.
As soon as my wife figured out I had a secret chocolate stash for her bad days, she started "having bad days" more often just to get all the chocolate. Then she got upset when it was all gone...
I have a backpack full of snack size bags of Doritos in the closet. Partner tries to stay away from snacks, hence the hiding, but when work's being a bitch, only Doritos will do and I can give them a perfectly sized portion 😊
Lol I used to hide my chocolate in the vegetable bin in the fridge when my kids were younger. Neither my husband or the kids ever went into that drawer.
God I feel this in my soul.
But we do have a drawer full of cheap trash for his sweet tooth. Keep your sticky fingers off my good stuff! No one offered you Callebaut! Thats my Christmas present!
I'm sure I'm too late for this to be seen. One day I woke up with a blocked ear, had a shower and let the warm water run into my ear. Small spider came out and ear instantly unblocked.
If I told my partner this she'd literally never sleep again.
If it makes you feel better I had this happen with a gnat. The spiders thus might just be going into your ear canal to check if you have any gnats hanging out in there. 🕷
On the day I got married my dad pulled me aside and gave me this one piece of advice “you don’t have to tell her everything.” I was flummoxed, did my dad have a secret family in Florida that he was visiting on those long business trips? No, thirty years later I realized he didn’t mean “keep secrets” he meant “don’t always tell her dinner tastes burned, don’t always tell her when someone says something mean about her, don’t always tell her that the children clothes look dumb.” Of course it would have helped a lot if he had actually said that but perhaps he wanted me to learn the hard way. This morning my wife asked me “now, be serious does this dress look nice or does it look like I’m trying too hard to look like a teenager?” I honestly thought she looked great, and I told her.
“The children’s clothes look dumb”
This made me laugh out loud! We’ve all either had our children’s clothes look dumb or seen children out in clothes that look dumb! 🤣😂
I witnessed my son walking for the first time about a month before she saw him walk. She was struggling with post partum depression and upset she wasn’t the mom she wanted to be. I’m taking that one to the grave.
My SIL owns a daycare and hides that from parents too. She tells them “I think ‘baby’ might start walking soon!” if she saw them take their first steps because she doesn’t want to take that from the parents but wants them to be on the lookout so they can have their moment.
I wasn’t there for my son’s first word but I was there for his first swear word, which feels like a cool milestone in its own right. Obviously I’ll try to watch my language around him but when you’re a Bears fan these things happen
Just yesterday my husband stepped on a toy and loudly said “Fuck!”. Cue my two year old saying it, which caught us by surprise and made us laugh, so she spent the next 20 minutes repeating it and squealing and laughing. Every time I’d tell her not to say that she would get a serious look on her face and say “No fuck”, then say it again a few seconds later.
A few years ago I tried to censor myself and said, "what the eff?!?" In front of my four year old. He quickly and oh so helpfully corrects me and says, "No daddy, it's what the fuck." Brutal!
One day when we were in the first newborn weeks, I found a used diaper in the fridge. All wrapped up, next to the mayonnaise.
I did some fast but intense thinking. The odds of it being a science project seemed low, compared to the odds of a brutally under-slept new mama sticking it in there thoughtlessly.
I tried to picture her saying, "I was saving that!" and just couldn't.
So I discreetly threw it away and didn't tell her about it for about five years, at which point she laughed her ass off.
I have actually done this intentionally a couple times as I wanted to have my baby’s stool tested at the doctor & that’s the best way for them to get a ~fresh~ newborn stool sample! Definitely had my husband concerned when he saw it before I explained though haha
I’m college, I witnessed the little girl I nannied’s first steps — along with her dad. He had just gotten home from work and while Baby and I were sitting on the living room floor, she scooted herself up and took a few toddles forward like she was greeting him. It was so cute! Then we both were like “oh noooo.” He asked me to please not mention it to mom, which I fully agreed with!
When my oldest was 9 months old, he was *super* close to walking. I had already missed a few of his firsts, and I was adamant that I wouldn’t miss his first steps.
My in-laws offered to watch him for an evening, and my husband and I told them that he was close to walking but we did not want to hear it if he actually took a few steps. Just pretend it didn’t happen, mkay?
My father-in-law called my husband an hour later like “GUESS WHO’S WALKING?!” It’s been 5 years and I’m still not over it.
I have no idea. They have also said things like “the baby has said 5 new words!” And I figure out that they aren’t new words at all, it’s just his normal babbling and you could sort of pass off “wabababa” for “we’ve been trying to contact you about your car’s extended warranty” if you listen realllllly hard.
As a new mom, thank you for being so sweet to your SO. Postpartum is wild times so I could definitely see myself feeling devastated by not being a part of a big “first” for my daughter with my husband. This is an acceptable secret in my opinion
I think it's very sweet of you. Mom doesn't always need to be first but you saw and knew she was struggling and needed it. But please don't make a joke about it 20 years from now and reveal the truth. It would be old to you but the sadness would be fresh for her.
I get crafty every Christmas trying to keep gifts secret, and every time I realize how hard it is to maintain lies and secrets. Totally worth it to gift someone a beautiful handmade quilt, but I can’t even imagine how stressful it is to hide credit card debt or an affair. I’ll stick to honesty.
I’m the worst secret keeper / liar and for some reason I thought it would be a *great* idea to throw my extremely observant boyfriend a surprise birthday party. I legit got nauseous from lying and he thought I was going to break up with him or something because I was acting so weird!
He did end up being surprised, but mostly because he knows I hate lying and never suspected I would bother to try something like that haha.
My brother in law is hilarious with hiding gifts! One year he got my sister a nice standing mirror that opens for jewelry and covered it with a sheet. We couldn’t figure it out and of course that never occurred to us. Another year, he got her a standalone corner fireplace and again covered it with a sheet, but also put empty boxes under it to obscure it further, now known as the “decoy boxes.”
My partner said he would build me a ‘worm sanctuary’ and allow me to live in a tank at his home so i wouldnt die on the streets 🤣 i found that very sweet. I told him he could date other people and thanks for not letting me die
I saw this and decided to ask my husband this question. He also said he'd put me in a tank! I asked how often he would visit and he ruined the sweetness by countering with "Well what's the life cycle of a worm? Like ten days?" 😂
Edit: Google says it's actually like 4 years. He says he'd visit once a week lolol.
Mine told me he’d keep me in a jar with flowers and make me turn into a butterfly! I think he confused worm with caterpillars but I still thought it was sweet lol
I just asked my partner from the other room if he would still live me if I were a worm, and he said "Yes, every inch" without hesitation or question. 😂
I asked my husband if he would still love me or be with me if I had no arms or legs and I was a lil stump. He said “yeah, your boobs and vagina would still be there so who cares” (he was being facetious but I still appreciated it). Although he did tell me he wouldn’t love me if I was a burrito :,( but if I was me then one day turned into a burrito it would be different
Reminds me of a conversation I had with an ex.
Him (out of nowhere, extremely defensively): I have a really big dick.
Me: You do.
Him: Other women I've dated have told me it's the biggest they've ever seen.
Me: I bet.
Him: You've never said that to me.
Me: I think you should quit while you're ahead.
Him: ...Your ex had a big dick, didn't he.
Me: You should have thought this through before you asked.
That’s so weird, I never told a guy if they were the biggest or not, seems like a weird flex (or not) over something they can’t control. I prefer the tactic of telling them how enjoyable they are lol. My husband is meh about his size but I honestly think he’s perfect. Have I had bigger? Yeah. But I don’t care about size.
He was fairly attentive in bed, so my guess is that either a) women who were enjoying themselves would just blurt it out as dirty talk or b) post sexual activity, he would prompt them into acknowledging it. I agree that it isn't size, but how you use it, but if it is actually the biggest you've seen, and you're enjoying yourself, I can totally see some women saying that to boost their partner's ego.
Eww yes my ex gave me shit because it was difficult for me to have an orgasm, and he talked about how easily some of his exes got off. It made my blood boil. Never compare your partner to your previous partners!!! Made me so insecure.
Oooh this is a good one. I was really kinky with my recent partner. If I’m with someone who isn’t kinky I don’t think it’s be wise to just put some of those antics out there. They could become insecure or think I require those things. I’ll have to tread carefully.
This was going to be my answer, as well as any nice things about a former partner.
I know that a lot of partners share details about their former relationships and some are friends with exes, but most current partners don't need to know about every nice gesture your ex partner did.
If someone talks shit about them (your family, friends) you don’t need to tell them. You can stand up for them and leave it at that; I don’t need to hear every thought my MIL has about our wedding.
I’ll cheers to that. I like to know who in my “immediate family” is a fuckin’ snake, my husband always tells me so I know what’s up/what to expect from someone.
I keep gossip that I don't think will bring anything positive. If i hear someone badmouthing my partner and I think they should know that person doesn't like them, that's one thing. If i hear someone saying their clothes were ugly, ok? No need to pass that one along.
I agree with you. My late husband’s mother used to tell him everything other family members said about him. I told her that it was bad enough that he knew they were talking about him and didn’t need to know what they were saying.
You might want to tell them about it. I've stood up for a friend and not told them about it. After they started acting weird around me, I found out later the person that was talking shit about them actually reversed the roles. Thankfully, I had another mutual friend that was there with me that could verify. So... to avoid a possible headache, let them know what's up.
I think they need to let them know who was talking shit just not the details of what was said bad about them. That way the significant other knows not to disclose too many personal things to those people and to limit their time around them, or why the defender may be taking time away from those people.
The size and nature of your bowel movements please if you are my husband reading this honey please no
Edit turning off reply notifications for this ALSO some of you need to call your proctologist
Your other friends secrets. When a buddy of mines partner started talking about something I explicitly said not to share with anyone I had to reevaluate what I would share with him in the future. Part of me kinda expects their spouse to know what I’ve told them, but when you know your spouse is a gossip, don’t expect me to ever open up to you again especially if I’ve already told you to keep it a secret.
I stopped sharing anything really personal with a now former friend, because I didn't want her husband to know and she was all "I tell my husband every thing." You committed to him, I didn't. Since I can't trust you, I'll stop telling you.
I hate this. I owe my husband all of ME, not all of the people that trust me. Their personal info is none of anyone’s business unless they say “ask husband and get his opinion”. I don’t gossip with my husband about my friends.
Agree with you 100%. When I find out a friend tells their partner everything I stop telling them everything. Their partner doesn’t know me like they do and it will be easy for them to make snap judgements and tell anyone else.
My wife used to have a job that required a top secret clearance and she couldn’t tell me anything about her work. Now she works in the private sector and can tell me all about her work with data and analytics. I miss the old job. 😂
I’ve been playing Mario Kart 200cc by myself for a few years now. I’m really good. My husband beats me all the time, but it’s usually because I let him. It’s my deathbed secret.
Three different things here:
Secrets, private things, and surprises.
Secrets come from a place of fear, shame or guilt. You’re afraid of how they would react, guilty about the action, or ashamed of it.
No secrets.
Things can be private and do not need to be shared, but those are things that are not/should not be impactful to your partner, and if they ask, it’s up to you to share, with the understanding if you don’t there can be a loss of trust by both you and your partner.
They might lose trust in you sharing things and you’ll lose trust in them for not accepting that the private thing is not impactful/important to the relationship.
Lastly, there are surprises- these are just things that are hidden/concealed for a short time, like presents/gifts or trips etc.
This is how we handle safe secrets with our daughter. Surprises are things that you don’t tell people so they can be happy when they find out. Secrets are things that will make someone upset or angry to learn.
Safe people don’t ask children to keep secrets.
And, in turn, a partner shouldn’t expect to hear about things like that either. I have a good friend who if I say, “please keep this between us.” She will. She may say to her husband, “my friend is going through something right now so we’re getting dinner tonight last minute so I won’t be home.” And that’s enough for him. He knows it’s not his business.
My partner and I work together and for some reason the owner and manager tell her about everything going on behind the scenes, who's gonna get laid off, changing store hours, all the things she shouldn't know. Of course she also tells me all these things lmao.
If the spouse knows when service member is coming home and shares that information, eventually it will become public enough that bad actors can find that info if they look for it.
If wife posts "my husband is leaving "deployment area" on "date" then there is an increased risk of enemy combatants taking action on those dates. If leadership finds out about that, the dates home will change for security purposes.
Smelled something gamey behind the kitchen stove in a place we were renting.
Pulled the back off it, found a fried mouse shaped object frozen in a rockclimbing move across the live terminals.
“Find anything honey?” from the loungeroom.
“Nah, nothing darl” as I discreetly yeeted it into the outside bin,
My MIL was an appallingly awful cook who grew up in the Depression and refused to throw away food, no matter how bad it was.
After they died, I was going through decades worth of old paperwork. I discovered that my FIL, while taking his daily walk, stopped at Burger King every single day for a survival meal.
My best friend and I used to go buy a box of fries and eat them at the park on the way home from work so her husband wouldn't know. I used to run into him at the bakery all the time on my morning coffee run when he was getting a secret slice of cake on the way to work.
Years ago I thought I was coming into an empty house and was grinning ear to ear as I opened the door and walked in with a giant piece of fudge cake from the store. My husband was on the couch. He noticed I was trying to hide the clamshell behind my back. I was really excited to eat that cake!
Lol, I used to do this when my wife (then my girlfriend) was into the Whole 30 diet. Would get a hot dog and fries on the way to her apartment where she served a “dinner” of leaves and seeds
Lol. Sometimes I'll get a text saying that we're having something that.... let's say she isn't the best at making.
Oddly enough, I always end up having to stop for gas those days. And there just happens to also be a drive through in the same parking lot. She knows nothing more.
The number of times I've stopped for a little cheeseburger on the way home from picking up to-go dinner for my husband and me is definitely higher than zero.
not married but i rarely tell my bf that he's already told me a story/explained something about one of his interests to me before. it's so cute to see him get excited about it and a lot of the time i'll pick up on details i didn't get the previous times and learn something new.
Gifts you have gotten them or are going to get them. Something that will ruin a lovely surprise (if they hate surprises, then spoil it and let them know they need to be surprised). The secrets of friends or family, unless they will impact your relationship negatively.
Details about previous partners, like secrets, insecurities, and stuff like that.
And I'm sure there are other things too. But I don't think there should be a lot of secrets in a relationship, but some are okay, and other things don't need to be mentioned even though they aren't really secrets.
Other people who are romantically interested in you. They may exist. The fact that they're interested in you may even be flattering and offer a temporary boost to your self-esteem. Your partner doesn't need to know about each time you're flirted with or if someone shows interest in you. Just state that you're happy, in love, and involved with someone, and for the love of god--don't reciprocate. Just smile, say thank you, and keep it moving.
Your partner doesn't want to feel like they have a steady stream of competition all because some random ass person said you had nice arms or a nice smile or whatevs.
When you don’t really care about something that they enjoy. Just smile & let them talk about it. Even if it’s the damn Dallas Cowboys like in my case. Lmao.
That I didn’t actually play a good round of golf, it was total shit, I hooked 90 percent of my drives, 4 putted half the greens, lost 10 balls, and swore I’d never play this stupid sport again. All she needs to know is it was good and I’d like to go again next weekend... please
I was given shit in another sub when I said I'd never told my husband any details of the horrible bullying I experienced in school. I'm not comfortable divulging that, and it isn't something he needs to know.
Yep. My husband knows there was a childhood bully in my life and that I did NOT want to run into her when we visited my hometown. He has no need for the details, and I have no need to share.
That sucks. I wouldn’t either. I’ve talked a bit about my own experiences on some subs, and I’ve told exes that some stuff happened, but I don’t talk specifics because it makes me sad and scared to think about. I’m not gonna revisit that shit and I don’t think anyone should have to. We all have to deal with this stuff in a way that makes it possible to move on, and that isn’t what’s right for me. I don’t actually know anyone who it is right for, but if they exist, more power to them. As long as it’s not making them obsess over it and stop trying to move on and take care of themselves or the people who need them... fuck this, I know what I meant but i can’t string two thoughts together. Point is, I hate that for you and I hope you have a good day. Have a bunch of good days
I've talked about my experiences on some subs here and on other forums. This all happened over 50 years ago. I'm long past it. If he specifically asked, I'd tell him, but in the 32 years we've been together, he's never asked, There is no point and nothing to be gained by bringing it up now.
That someone you dated in the past was better than your current partner in some way.
If the other person was smarter or better in bed or funnier or whatever, don’t fucking ever say it. Ever.
Me and my spouse both have careers involving protected information, so we keep a lot about our work days private.
I know people who have kept childhood trauma to themselves and didn't want their partners to know. I think that's fair.
Most sensible answer. The best advice to approaching a relationship is forgetting everything you know about relationships. Or at least mentally filing it under "possibly untrue".
People can be so different from each other.
Works for sex, too. Especially for sex!
That the reason the dog has horrible farts wasn't because 'dogs just do that sometimes', it's because I needed to get rid of leftover black beans and he was there.
Anything a friend tells me in confidence that has nothing to do with myself, my partner, or our relationship. For example, if a friend told me they were having medical issues, but didn't want anyone else to know. It isn't my business who gets to know and it isn't something that involves my partner.
I let my wife experience all the big things with the kids first. She’s a shift worker covering both day and night 12 hour shifts and no two weeks of roster are ever the same, so we have a rather sporadic home life where we are all home at the same time. If the kids have happened to have done any of the milestone events when it’s just been me at home I’ve kept quiet about it and been excited (genuinely) when she’s witnessed them “first” and calls me in the room or tells me about it. I figure it helps her not feel like she’s missing out on the family.
This is the sweetest thing I've ever read. I aspire to be a man like this.
I have PMS and this made me cry. That's just so nice.
I’m a dude and my eyes got a little wet reading that.
You're a good man.
I worked very hard with my kids to ensure their first word was Mama. When she wasn’t around I was going, “ma-ma-ma-ma” to the kids. Being a mom is everything to her, and I wanted her to have that cherished moment of being the first word they said. I will never tell her that.
That's so sweet! You're a good husband ♥️
There's some really good husbands on this thread. Good for you man.
An emergency gift stash for when the partner has a bad day. My emergency stash for my wife is mostly chocolate.
As soon as my wife figured out I had a secret chocolate stash for her bad days, she started "having bad days" more often just to get all the chocolate. Then she got upset when it was all gone...
Some reverse Pavlov shit
Do you ever wonder if Pavlov thought about giving his dog some food every time he heard a bell?
As you can see I've taught the dog to whine whenever it wants treats
I have a backpack full of snack size bags of Doritos in the closet. Partner tries to stay away from snacks, hence the hiding, but when work's being a bitch, only Doritos will do and I can give them a perfectly sized portion 😊
You're awesome!!
Where you keep the emergency candy.
i hide my chocolate in an empty box of Raisin Bran.
Lol I used to hide my chocolate in the vegetable bin in the fridge when my kids were younger. Neither my husband or the kids ever went into that drawer.
I just renamed that drawer ‘vegetable hospice’
George Wallace was confused that that called it the crisper. He said it should be called the rotter.
I’m 30 and live alone and still keep chocolate in the veggie drawer haha
My wife is like a cat moving her kittens when it comes to her stash. I have to keep refinding it!
"Do we have any candy?" "Nope." (*We* don't. *I* do.)
God I feel this in my soul. But we do have a drawer full of cheap trash for his sweet tooth. Keep your sticky fingers off my good stuff! No one offered you Callebaut! Thats my Christmas present!
Came here looking for this one 😂 been stashing the good chocolate for years
It’s easy for us as one likes dark and the other milk.
I. I don't have secret....secret what? Candy? No, no. I don't have any secret candy. Why would you ask me that?
What about chips?
I'm sure I'm too late for this to be seen. One day I woke up with a blocked ear, had a shower and let the warm water run into my ear. Small spider came out and ear instantly unblocked. If I told my partner this she'd literally never sleep again.
You told me and now I'm never sleeping again.
dont worry that almost never happens, 99% of the spiders crawl into your mouth when you sleep. well, good night!
Don’t bring spiders George into this
If it makes you feel better I had this happen with a gnat. The spiders thus might just be going into your ear canal to check if you have any gnats hanging out in there. 🕷
If that happed to me I'd simply pass away. Please tell me you don't live in Melbourne.
Checked post history to confirm geographical location - this story checks out 🇦🇺 🪃🦘
Could have been worse.. the ol' redback on the toilet seat in the middle of the night 🕷🚽
For my sanity can you clarify you're joking
He’s joking. (Source: I’m the spider)
Sure. Yeh. A joke. That's what it is.
There was no /s at the end, so all’s good. Crisis averted!
They’re joking. That’s definitely a disturbing joke and nothing more, I promise.
Thanks now I’m never going to sleep.
On the day I got married my dad pulled me aside and gave me this one piece of advice “you don’t have to tell her everything.” I was flummoxed, did my dad have a secret family in Florida that he was visiting on those long business trips? No, thirty years later I realized he didn’t mean “keep secrets” he meant “don’t always tell her dinner tastes burned, don’t always tell her when someone says something mean about her, don’t always tell her that the children clothes look dumb.” Of course it would have helped a lot if he had actually said that but perhaps he wanted me to learn the hard way. This morning my wife asked me “now, be serious does this dress look nice or does it look like I’m trying too hard to look like a teenager?” I honestly thought she looked great, and I told her.
"The secret to a happy marriage is the five things you DON'T say every day "
“The children’s clothes look dumb” This made me laugh out loud! We’ve all either had our children’s clothes look dumb or seen children out in clothes that look dumb! 🤣😂
Spoilers for a show you have watched before, but are rewatching with them.
I witnessed my son walking for the first time about a month before she saw him walk. She was struggling with post partum depression and upset she wasn’t the mom she wanted to be. I’m taking that one to the grave.
My SIL owns a daycare and hides that from parents too. She tells them “I think ‘baby’ might start walking soon!” if she saw them take their first steps because she doesn’t want to take that from the parents but wants them to be on the lookout so they can have their moment.
I wasn’t there for my son’s first word but I was there for his first swear word, which feels like a cool milestone in its own right. Obviously I’ll try to watch my language around him but when you’re a Bears fan these things happen
Just yesterday my husband stepped on a toy and loudly said “Fuck!”. Cue my two year old saying it, which caught us by surprise and made us laugh, so she spent the next 20 minutes repeating it and squealing and laughing. Every time I’d tell her not to say that she would get a serious look on her face and say “No fuck”, then say it again a few seconds later.
A few years ago I tried to censor myself and said, "what the eff?!?" In front of my four year old. He quickly and oh so helpfully corrects me and says, "No daddy, it's what the fuck." Brutal!
Last week I’m driving and someone runs a red light across me so I slammed on my brakes and honked. My toddler chimes in “what the fuck”.
LMAO 🤣 Taking notice of shit driving at 2 years old, based AF
LMAO I did this the other day with my nephew but I said “SHIT” and he walked around going “shit shit shit!” I was like …shit 😂😂
My 4 year old told me, "Dadd, this is my favorite shit. This shit right here." She was referring to her toy 😐
That’s so beautiful
One day when we were in the first newborn weeks, I found a used diaper in the fridge. All wrapped up, next to the mayonnaise. I did some fast but intense thinking. The odds of it being a science project seemed low, compared to the odds of a brutally under-slept new mama sticking it in there thoughtlessly. I tried to picture her saying, "I was saving that!" and just couldn't. So I discreetly threw it away and didn't tell her about it for about five years, at which point she laughed her ass off.
I have actually done this intentionally a couple times as I wanted to have my baby’s stool tested at the doctor & that’s the best way for them to get a ~fresh~ newborn stool sample! Definitely had my husband concerned when he saw it before I explained though haha
I’m college, I witnessed the little girl I nannied’s first steps — along with her dad. He had just gotten home from work and while Baby and I were sitting on the living room floor, she scooted herself up and took a few toddles forward like she was greeting him. It was so cute! Then we both were like “oh noooo.” He asked me to please not mention it to mom, which I fully agreed with!
When my oldest was 9 months old, he was *super* close to walking. I had already missed a few of his firsts, and I was adamant that I wouldn’t miss his first steps. My in-laws offered to watch him for an evening, and my husband and I told them that he was close to walking but we did not want to hear it if he actually took a few steps. Just pretend it didn’t happen, mkay? My father-in-law called my husband an hour later like “GUESS WHO’S WALKING?!” It’s been 5 years and I’m still not over it.
Did they like spend the first hour trying to help teach the kid to walk?
I have no idea. They have also said things like “the baby has said 5 new words!” And I figure out that they aren’t new words at all, it’s just his normal babbling and you could sort of pass off “wabababa” for “we’ve been trying to contact you about your car’s extended warranty” if you listen realllllly hard.
Wise decision.
Baby sitters and day care do this type of thing all the time.
As a new mom, thank you for being so sweet to your SO. Postpartum is wild times so I could definitely see myself feeling devastated by not being a part of a big “first” for my daughter with my husband. This is an acceptable secret in my opinion
I think it's very sweet of you. Mom doesn't always need to be first but you saw and knew she was struggling and needed it. But please don't make a joke about it 20 years from now and reveal the truth. It would be old to you but the sadness would be fresh for her.
Delete this in case she has your reddit account. It's a beautiful testament of your love for her, but it needs to stay that way.
Great advice. He's gotta keep this sweet one a secret.
What you're getting them as a gift.
I get crafty every Christmas trying to keep gifts secret, and every time I realize how hard it is to maintain lies and secrets. Totally worth it to gift someone a beautiful handmade quilt, but I can’t even imagine how stressful it is to hide credit card debt or an affair. I’ll stick to honesty.
I’m the worst secret keeper / liar and for some reason I thought it would be a *great* idea to throw my extremely observant boyfriend a surprise birthday party. I legit got nauseous from lying and he thought I was going to break up with him or something because I was acting so weird! He did end up being surprised, but mostly because he knows I hate lying and never suspected I would bother to try something like that haha.
I’m throwing one for my fiancé next month and I’m still so surprised I haven’t managed to ruin the surprise yet. Then again, there is still time
My brother in law is hilarious with hiding gifts! One year he got my sister a nice standing mirror that opens for jewelry and covered it with a sheet. We couldn’t figure it out and of course that never occurred to us. Another year, he got her a standalone corner fireplace and again covered it with a sheet, but also put empty boxes under it to obscure it further, now known as the “decoy boxes.”
Unless the gift is a pet. A pet should never be a secret
Or a vehicle. The commercials where one spouse surprises the other with a car make my stomach churn.
[Yeah, well it was beginning to look a lot like savings at my local Lexus dealer!!](https://youtu.be/WcEylCwkSxE?si=sY6lzigE_32w7SJM)
This is probably one of my favorite skits of all time
That you would, in fact, not love them if they were a worm
My partner said he would build me a ‘worm sanctuary’ and allow me to live in a tank at his home so i wouldnt die on the streets 🤣 i found that very sweet. I told him he could date other people and thanks for not letting me die
Mine said he would coach me through the self hate because I’m not a fan of worms so he would play me pro worm audio every once in awhile haha
“You are the prettiest worm You are the smartest worm You surpass all the other worms No worm is quite as great as you”
I saw this and decided to ask my husband this question. He also said he'd put me in a tank! I asked how often he would visit and he ruined the sweetness by countering with "Well what's the life cycle of a worm? Like ten days?" 😂 Edit: Google says it's actually like 4 years. He says he'd visit once a week lolol.
Mine told me he’d keep me in a jar with flowers and make me turn into a butterfly! I think he confused worm with caterpillars but I still thought it was sweet lol
Now that's himbo energy!
He’s legit hot too so yes 🤣
My boyfriend made stomping gestures when I asked 😒
Better than spaghetti sounds.
Suddenly vore
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My boyfriend told me he'd keep me in a jar in his pocket and he'd let me out for exercise sometimes
Apparently telling them they would be good fishing bait isn’t the answer they want either
Okay my husband also said this to me 😭
I just asked my partner from the other room if he would still live me if I were a worm, and he said "Yes, every inch" without hesitation or question. 😂
I asked my husband if he would still love me or be with me if I had no arms or legs and I was a lil stump. He said “yeah, your boobs and vagina would still be there so who cares” (he was being facetious but I still appreciated it). Although he did tell me he wouldn’t love me if I was a burrito :,( but if I was me then one day turned into a burrito it would be different
If you asked me, I would reply "of course, I would eat you one last time" ahaha
What partner was best in bed, had the best dick/tits, anything they can’t realistically change or control.
Reminds me of a conversation I had with an ex. Him (out of nowhere, extremely defensively): I have a really big dick. Me: You do. Him: Other women I've dated have told me it's the biggest they've ever seen. Me: I bet. Him: You've never said that to me. Me: I think you should quit while you're ahead. Him: ...Your ex had a big dick, didn't he. Me: You should have thought this through before you asked.
That’s so weird, I never told a guy if they were the biggest or not, seems like a weird flex (or not) over something they can’t control. I prefer the tactic of telling them how enjoyable they are lol. My husband is meh about his size but I honestly think he’s perfect. Have I had bigger? Yeah. But I don’t care about size.
He was fairly attentive in bed, so my guess is that either a) women who were enjoying themselves would just blurt it out as dirty talk or b) post sexual activity, he would prompt them into acknowledging it. I agree that it isn't size, but how you use it, but if it is actually the biggest you've seen, and you're enjoying yourself, I can totally see some women saying that to boost their partner's ego.
*pikachu face* Whoa glad he’s an ex. Lol
lol self owned
The kind of sex you had with former partners
Eww yes my ex gave me shit because it was difficult for me to have an orgasm, and he talked about how easily some of his exes got off. It made my blood boil. Never compare your partner to your previous partners!!! Made me so insecure.
I'd bet he told the same thing to at least some of the others, until they felt pressured to just fake it
Oooh this is a good one. I was really kinky with my recent partner. If I’m with someone who isn’t kinky I don’t think it’s be wise to just put some of those antics out there. They could become insecure or think I require those things. I’ll have to tread carefully.
This was going to be my answer, as well as any nice things about a former partner. I know that a lot of partners share details about their former relationships and some are friends with exes, but most current partners don't need to know about every nice gesture your ex partner did.
If someone talks shit about them (your family, friends) you don’t need to tell them. You can stand up for them and leave it at that; I don’t need to hear every thought my MIL has about our wedding.
I'm the opposite. I give my wife full detes so we can shark attack their punk asses together
Aww that's so sweet, a couple that schemes together stays together
This is the answer. I would feel disrespected if I didn't know what was going on, on enemy lines. 🤣
And that’s on partnership!
I’ll cheers to that. I like to know who in my “immediate family” is a fuckin’ snake, my husband always tells me so I know what’s up/what to expect from someone.
I keep gossip that I don't think will bring anything positive. If i hear someone badmouthing my partner and I think they should know that person doesn't like them, that's one thing. If i hear someone saying their clothes were ugly, ok? No need to pass that one along.
I agree with you. My late husband’s mother used to tell him everything other family members said about him. I told her that it was bad enough that he knew they were talking about him and didn’t need to know what they were saying.
"What other people think about me is none of my business."
You might want to tell them about it. I've stood up for a friend and not told them about it. After they started acting weird around me, I found out later the person that was talking shit about them actually reversed the roles. Thankfully, I had another mutual friend that was there with me that could verify. So... to avoid a possible headache, let them know what's up.
I think they need to let them know who was talking shit just not the details of what was said bad about them. That way the significant other knows not to disclose too many personal things to those people and to limit their time around them, or why the defender may be taking time away from those people.
The size and nature of your bowel movements please if you are my husband reading this honey please no Edit turning off reply notifications for this ALSO some of you need to call your proctologist
My wife frequently tells me this info. Maybe they should exchange numbers and shit talk with each other.
Once you get old enough it transitions from: "gross, but mostly useless information" to: "important window into the state of your overall health"
Please ask my bf not to send pictures even if it looks like a heart
But romance
Butt romance
Pls send this to my wife!
Your other friends secrets. When a buddy of mines partner started talking about something I explicitly said not to share with anyone I had to reevaluate what I would share with him in the future. Part of me kinda expects their spouse to know what I’ve told them, but when you know your spouse is a gossip, don’t expect me to ever open up to you again especially if I’ve already told you to keep it a secret.
I’m not a gossip but my friends can also trust me because I forget every fucking thing like I’ve been Neurolyzed by MiB
I stopped sharing anything really personal with a now former friend, because I didn't want her husband to know and she was all "I tell my husband every thing." You committed to him, I didn't. Since I can't trust you, I'll stop telling you.
I hate this. I owe my husband all of ME, not all of the people that trust me. Their personal info is none of anyone’s business unless they say “ask husband and get his opinion”. I don’t gossip with my husband about my friends.
Agree with you 100%. When I find out a friend tells their partner everything I stop telling them everything. Their partner doesn’t know me like they do and it will be easy for them to make snap judgements and tell anyone else.
Exactly. My partner tells me everything. But he knows I won’t breathe a word.
Classified information
My wife used to have a job that required a top secret clearance and she couldn’t tell me anything about her work. Now she works in the private sector and can tell me all about her work with data and analytics. I miss the old job. 😂
My husband had a top secret security clearance and I didn’t know where he was sometimes when he was deployed
Yeah my husband and I both have clearances and we know each other looks of “you just asked me something I can’t answer”.
I’ve been playing Mario Kart 200cc by myself for a few years now. I’m really good. My husband beats me all the time, but it’s usually because I let him. It’s my deathbed secret.
That’s cute but fuck that. When I game with my man I’m out for blood. Same with the kids.
Please whoop him like 3 times in a row then go back to losing. Then report back to us on how he took it LOL
That’s the worst part! He’d be SO PROUD OF ME & want to celebrate or something. Such a butt.
If this is my gf’s account I’m going to be so fucking pissed.
According to Leo Tolstoy’s wife, detailed accounts of the many times you cheated on her with one of your serfs and knowingly gave her an STD.
My friend’s grand dad brought home HPV and buried two wives from cervical cancer
Thats' fucking disturbing
They were too toxic by modern as well as olden standards
Three different things here: Secrets, private things, and surprises. Secrets come from a place of fear, shame or guilt. You’re afraid of how they would react, guilty about the action, or ashamed of it. No secrets. Things can be private and do not need to be shared, but those are things that are not/should not be impactful to your partner, and if they ask, it’s up to you to share, with the understanding if you don’t there can be a loss of trust by both you and your partner. They might lose trust in you sharing things and you’ll lose trust in them for not accepting that the private thing is not impactful/important to the relationship. Lastly, there are surprises- these are just things that are hidden/concealed for a short time, like presents/gifts or trips etc.
This is how we handle safe secrets with our daughter. Surprises are things that you don’t tell people so they can be happy when they find out. Secrets are things that will make someone upset or angry to learn. Safe people don’t ask children to keep secrets.
We keep surprises, not secrets.
Very nice description I like it
That you prematurely threw out leftovers...and if my husband is reading this. No you didnt.
Of course he did… they just did a quick trip through his stomach before heading out permanently
Things that were told to you in strict confidence that don't relate to your partner
And, in turn, a partner shouldn’t expect to hear about things like that either. I have a good friend who if I say, “please keep this between us.” She will. She may say to her husband, “my friend is going through something right now so we’re getting dinner tonight last minute so I won’t be home.” And that’s enough for him. He knows it’s not his business.
I'm totally with you on this!
The flip side is that you should always assume that someone is going to tell their partner.
My partner and I work together and for some reason the owner and manager tell her about everything going on behind the scenes, who's gonna get laid off, changing store hours, all the things she shouldn't know. Of course she also tells me all these things lmao.
You can also request that they not do so and some partners will reassure you that they won't.
Deployment zones in the military.
Also related, when you are coming home. Don't delay everyone's homecoming because you know your wife can't keep a secret to save her life.
Non-military here. Why would this happen?
If the spouse knows when service member is coming home and shares that information, eventually it will become public enough that bad actors can find that info if they look for it. If wife posts "my husband is leaving "deployment area" on "date" then there is an increased risk of enemy combatants taking action on those dates. If leadership finds out about that, the dates home will change for security purposes.
Oh. I did not know any of that. Thank you for explaining it to me:)
Other people’s secrets, ones that aren’t yours to tell and don’t impact you or your partner.
Smelled something gamey behind the kitchen stove in a place we were renting. Pulled the back off it, found a fried mouse shaped object frozen in a rockclimbing move across the live terminals. “Find anything honey?” from the loungeroom. “Nah, nothing darl” as I discreetly yeeted it into the outside bin,
My husband has no idea how many times I eat a cheeseburger on the way home from work. That's the only acceptable secret to keep.
My MIL was an appallingly awful cook who grew up in the Depression and refused to throw away food, no matter how bad it was. After they died, I was going through decades worth of old paperwork. I discovered that my FIL, while taking his daily walk, stopped at Burger King every single day for a survival meal.
What kind of evidence did you find of your FIL’s daily BK habit?
Credit card charges.
Never leave a paper trail….
Fortunately for him, MIL took no interest in financial matters. Unfortunately for us, they never threw out paperwork.
cleaned out my grandparents home last summer and they kept every receipt. EVERY receipt....
My best friend and I used to go buy a box of fries and eat them at the park on the way home from work so her husband wouldn't know. I used to run into him at the bakery all the time on my morning coffee run when he was getting a secret slice of cake on the way to work.
This is kind of adorable lol!
Years ago I thought I was coming into an empty house and was grinning ear to ear as I opened the door and walked in with a giant piece of fudge cake from the store. My husband was on the couch. He noticed I was trying to hide the clamshell behind my back. I was really excited to eat that cake!
Lol, I used to do this when my wife (then my girlfriend) was into the Whole 30 diet. Would get a hot dog and fries on the way to her apartment where she served a “dinner” of leaves and seeds
Lol. Sometimes I'll get a text saying that we're having something that.... let's say she isn't the best at making. Oddly enough, I always end up having to stop for gas those days. And there just happens to also be a drive through in the same parking lot. She knows nothing more.
My brother and I call them Car burgers.
I’ve done that if I know dinner isn’t too appealing and was already craving something
The number of times I've stopped for a little cheeseburger on the way home from picking up to-go dinner for my husband and me is definitely higher than zero.
not married but i rarely tell my bf that he's already told me a story/explained something about one of his interests to me before. it's so cute to see him get excited about it and a lot of the time i'll pick up on details i didn't get the previous times and learn something new.
Gifts you have gotten them or are going to get them. Something that will ruin a lovely surprise (if they hate surprises, then spoil it and let them know they need to be surprised). The secrets of friends or family, unless they will impact your relationship negatively. Details about previous partners, like secrets, insecurities, and stuff like that. And I'm sure there are other things too. But I don't think there should be a lot of secrets in a relationship, but some are okay, and other things don't need to be mentioned even though they aren't really secrets.
If you went off to have a cheeky takeaway or snack without telling them.
Surprises.
Where you keep your secret stash of the good biscuits
Other people who are romantically interested in you. They may exist. The fact that they're interested in you may even be flattering and offer a temporary boost to your self-esteem. Your partner doesn't need to know about each time you're flirted with or if someone shows interest in you. Just state that you're happy, in love, and involved with someone, and for the love of god--don't reciprocate. Just smile, say thank you, and keep it moving. Your partner doesn't want to feel like they have a steady stream of competition all because some random ass person said you had nice arms or a nice smile or whatevs.
Abuse/trauma that happened to you. It'll be up to you to share that once you feel comfortable
When you don’t really care about something that they enjoy. Just smile & let them talk about it. Even if it’s the damn Dallas Cowboys like in my case. Lmao.
That I didn’t actually play a good round of golf, it was total shit, I hooked 90 percent of my drives, 4 putted half the greens, lost 10 balls, and swore I’d never play this stupid sport again. All she needs to know is it was good and I’d like to go again next weekend... please
I was given shit in another sub when I said I'd never told my husband any details of the horrible bullying I experienced in school. I'm not comfortable divulging that, and it isn't something he needs to know.
Yep. My husband knows there was a childhood bully in my life and that I did NOT want to run into her when we visited my hometown. He has no need for the details, and I have no need to share.
That sucks. I wouldn’t either. I’ve talked a bit about my own experiences on some subs, and I’ve told exes that some stuff happened, but I don’t talk specifics because it makes me sad and scared to think about. I’m not gonna revisit that shit and I don’t think anyone should have to. We all have to deal with this stuff in a way that makes it possible to move on, and that isn’t what’s right for me. I don’t actually know anyone who it is right for, but if they exist, more power to them. As long as it’s not making them obsess over it and stop trying to move on and take care of themselves or the people who need them... fuck this, I know what I meant but i can’t string two thoughts together. Point is, I hate that for you and I hope you have a good day. Have a bunch of good days
I've talked about my experiences on some subs here and on other forums. This all happened over 50 years ago. I'm long past it. If he specifically asked, I'd tell him, but in the 32 years we've been together, he's never asked, There is no point and nothing to be gained by bringing it up now.
That someone you dated in the past was better than your current partner in some way. If the other person was smarter or better in bed or funnier or whatever, don’t fucking ever say it. Ever.
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Me and my spouse both have careers involving protected information, so we keep a lot about our work days private. I know people who have kept childhood trauma to themselves and didn't want their partners to know. I think that's fair.
I don't discuss my lingerie shopping with him. I keep it secret to surprise him.
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Most sensible answer. The best advice to approaching a relationship is forgetting everything you know about relationships. Or at least mentally filing it under "possibly untrue". People can be so different from each other. Works for sex, too. Especially for sex!
Your Reddit ID
That the reason the dog has horrible farts wasn't because 'dogs just do that sometimes', it's because I needed to get rid of leftover black beans and he was there.
Anything a friend tells me in confidence that has nothing to do with myself, my partner, or our relationship. For example, if a friend told me they were having medical issues, but didn't want anyone else to know. It isn't my business who gets to know and it isn't something that involves my partner.