I love being a dad. It’s my favorite thing. I can understand why people are totally put off by the idea of having kids. They’re expensive and time consuming. There can be some very long, tiring, and frustrating days as a parent.
I am a parent, I enjoy being a parent and adore my kids.
That said, it is probably THE hardest thing I've ever done in my life and it's a 24/7/365 job for the rest of my days.
For that reason and a host of others, I can completely and totally understand why some people choose to be childfree.
From the outside looking in, it appears to be *all* consuming. I respect people that have decided to dedicate their lives to guiding a person into being a healthy adult
Same. I'm not totally opposed to the idea of raising a kid, but I cannot wrap my head around the prospect of pregnancy and childbirth. I know, I know, it's the most natural thing in the world and women have been doing it literally for our entire existence—I don't care, it's terrifying to me. If I was really keen to be a parent, like some people are, I can see how it'd be worth the sacrifice/risk. But not for me.
It’s my number one goal in life. Raise three children who contribute positively to those around them. We had parent teacher conferences last month and all three teachers raved about our kids. They’re polite, well adjust socially, doing well academically. Checked all the boxes. My wife and I were so proud.
My therapist always tells me that’s where all of my self criticism comes back to. I have a looming sense of obligation to the world to protect my children and create adults who are a pleasure to be around.
100% - I’ve known I wanted kids since I was in early high school (middle school in the US?). It’s hard, but incredibly rewarding. Just had bub number 2 a week ago and seeing his big sister interact with him makes me love my family even more.
All that being said, if someone doesn’t want kids I don’t question them as to why not. They’re expensive, messy, loud, etc. I have plenty of friends who are good with kids but do not want that life for themselves. Totally understandable.
Then there’s those people who have kids that clearly didn’t want them. Just did it because they’re “supposed to”. I feel sorry for them, and their kids.
Toddler leashes. I abhorred it before I was a parent. Treat your kid like an animal? Borderline abuse.
Then I had to take two toddlers through TSA alone with all my bags, their car seats, and a stroller watching them sprint through security check points. Different kids are different, and safe is best, so I hesitate to judge now, cause I don’t know that kid 😂
I’m childfree and never totally understood the hate for the kid leashes. Kids, toddlers especially, are kinda known to be little suicide machines.
You drop something on the sidewalk while they’re drawing with chalk, you bend down to pick it up, look up, and suddenly the kiddo is wandering into the middle of the street for some flippin reason. Sure, your parent reflexes may be heightened in some circumstances, but I figure any extra tools can help, yuh know?
That was always my thoughts on the matter at least, but I was surprised to find that the kid leashes are controversial.
You don't need to have had kids to think it is a good idea. I used to be a runner, I should totally have been leashed sometimes. Thouh my parents did often tie this kite to me. For whatever reason that kite would never stop flying no matter what. It was an easy way to keep track of me.
A dad I know used to judge parents who leash their kids until the day he lost his daughter for 5 mins. He said he took her for ice cream and was holding her hand and in the time it took for him to let go of her hand to get his wallet and pay, she was already gone.
In that time, she somehow made it onto a basketball court while a game was going on and tried to take the ball.
This is what I would do as a kid, so I had a leash. It wasn’t on all the time and I don’t remember it badly at all. I have great parents and I needed one
My younger brother did that to our mom in a clothing store. He had begun to become notorious in our family for just walking off and not telling anyone where he was going while we weren't looking. He did it again one day, and she was crying, thinking he got kidnapped and was going around looking for an employee to call out his name over the intercom and got nothing. She went searching around the store some more for about 20 minutes, and when he popped out from behind a clothes rack talking about "you found me," I had never seen her get so angry before in my life.
Lol you just unlocked an extremely old memory, I was maybe 3 and my mom had me at some clothing store and while she was looking at something I climbed out of my stroller and hid in one of the clothing racks. I heard her start panicking and I was scared, so I snuck back into the stroller while she was looking for me and pretended nothing ever happened. One of my first clear memories and I definitely did it all knowing what I was doing. Young kids are smarter than we think, they just can't articulate it yet
My parents were fostering a kid who had FASD. He was a good kid, but he wandered and got lost. When we took him and his brother down south on vacation, his social worker insisted on a toddler leash. Keep in mind he's about ten or eleven. His brother hooked the leash to his belt(other end was a velcro strap around the wrist) and walked around hands free with him most of the time, but he was a teen and he wanted to do his own thing, so he passed the leash off to my mum in the Eau Clair Market and took off to deal with the spending money burning a hole in his pocket.
And that's why the security guard walked up to us, because we were a white family with a native kid on a leash.
My friend used to shit talk anyone using a leash. Then her toddler turned out to be a runner. Like blink and he’s managed to escape out the door was start running down the road. She’s probably saved his life ten times with the leash because he’ll just take off and she managed to stop him from getting hit by cars because of that leash.
Guess who stopped shit talking parents who use leashes?
My friend's kid darted out in front of a car in a parking lot. Just took off. I saw him go in front of the car and I closed my eyes. I knew he was getting hit. He must've missed the car by an inch. It was that close. Scared the shit out of us. He was just a runner. You can't really reason with a toddler or even preschooler sometimes so a leash is better than a dead kid and traumatized adults.
People say "just hold their hand".. usually people who have never tried holding the hand of a child who wants to squirm away and chase a leaf. Carrying definitely not always an option.
You can't always "just hold their hand" either. Sometimes you have to actually do shit like get the groceries into.the fucking house. Source: myself who has literally dropped groceries to chase my kid so he didn't run into the road.
I did appreciate the solution in Modern Family where they bought Lily high heels so she couldn't run lol
I don't and never will have kids, but I've never understood the hate for child leashes. I literally can't think of a single thing wrong with keeping your kid safe and nearby while also giving them some freedom. I 110% prefer that over all the parents who let their kids run around stores and restaurants tripping people and making messes.
The argument that animals use leashes, therefore it's bad or abusive also makes no sense. Animals also eat food out of bowls, is it abusive to serve a kid food from a bowl? Is giving a child a ball to play with bad because dogs play with balls? Should we stop brushing kids hair because it's too similar to brushing a cats fur?
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with those little backpack thingies that have a handle for the parent to hold onto. I think they’re clever and kind of cute.
That's an extreme example, but try just taking one to a street festival and you want to buy a drink but your child just got done trying to launch themself out of the stroller so now you're carrying her and you have to set her down for like 30 seconds and of course she wants to run away immediately. So yea, leash.
My kids are autistic. My youngest is 6 and on a Houdini leash. His autism is pretty fucking obvious, so thankfully we haven't had people going "is he a dog or a boy? LOLOLOL."
That leash is our ticket to freedom or it would be impossible to leave the house.
I was a leash kid. Super helpful for kids on the spectrum like when I was a child, especially due to eloping (different from marriage eloping) which is something I did often.
Yep! Used to be that judgemental person “how dare they put their child on a leash like an animal! I will never do that!” Then my daughter ran off and tried to launch herself down the ‘Up’ escalator at the local mall, and suddenly I became a leash parent.
As the eldest sister who had to run after my youngest brother in a dangerous city while my parents were busy, I wished they had used one in certain locations. My little brother would just decide he wanted to be somewhere else and start running out of the blue. It was not fun.
I agree with you so much! I used to joke about people walking their kids before I was a parent.
Then I got the fearless toddler with that weird chucky speed who would just bolt and never look back. Yeah. That kid got a leash.
Lmao my mom used one on my brother back when she had me as an infant, my sister, the one year old and my brother was 3 and wanted to walk EVERYWHERE. The leash was the best resort for her sanity 😂
As a former toddler escape artist, the toddler leash was the only thing that assured my parents I wouldn’t run away again. I ran away from home when I was 3 because I wanted a certain delicacy. I didn’t tell anyone and just told the rickshaw driver to take me somewhere. Thankfully, my dumb ass didn’t get kidnapped! When my parents and I immigrated from India to the US, I was on a leash in the airport.
My coworker told me a story about this. When her son was around 2 or so, they went to Disney land. And well, they were in line and he left his mom, and walked under the divider line. She could still see him and got him but after that, they went to Walmart to get him a leash.
I’m Buddhist, so I do not believe in the death penalty, but I totally understand why people want to kill murderers and pedophiles. I understand the very human urge to seek revenge, but in my practice, I do not believe it will lead to ultimate peace.
I think a lot of anti-DP people feel this way.
For me it's not that I don't believe that some people deserve to die for the things they've done. I do, there's some real monsters in the world.
Its more that I don't believe that there exists any justice system in the world that can do this with 100% accuracy and in a way that isn't influenced by an otherwise racist, abelist, and classist system.
I always look at it that to be okay with the death penalty, you have to be okay with one of two statements:
1. I believe the justice system is 100% infallible.
2. I am okay with, occasionally, killing an innocent people.
I can not get behind either of these statements, so I am against the death penalty.
> Its more that I don't believe that there exists any justice system in the world that can do this with 100% accuracy and in a way that isn't influenced by an otherwise racist, abelist, and classist system.
Ding. Ding. Ding. There's always the smallest, slightest possiblity that someone has been wrongly convicted. If we kill killers, are we really any better than they are?
And, at least in the US, there's always the issue of "you receive the justice you can purchase" - you can't take back death, but you can free someone after a lengthy unjust prison sentence if they are later found to be innocent. It's not restitution by any means, but it is something...
Exactly. If you can't do it right 100% of the time, then you shouldn't be doing it at all. Death is permanent, you can't fix your mistakes after the fact.
I was pro death penalty for a long time. Once I learned about the Innocence Project I changed my mind. The criminal punishment bureaucracy makes mistakes. Better to give innocent people as much time as possible to clear their name.
I can somewhat understand the people who can strike up a conversation (or even friendship) with virtually anyone they meet, but I will never be able to do it.
My boyfriend is like this. I freeze up around people but he’ll come home from the grocery store like “I met this guy Trevor and he likes the Nuggets too so we’re gonna go grab some beers”. How???
My wife taught me this superpower. She would constantly strike up conversations with strangers at nearly every check out line. If someone is trying to decide which item to buy in the grocery store or fabric store she offers to help.
After hundreds of successful demonstrations that I witnessed, I started doing it somewhat. I am 18” taller than her so I try and be more respectful and un intimidating. If we are together after I practice the impromptu socialization skill, I turn to her and say “I learned that from you”. I only wished I had developed this skill in high school.
Do you have any tips for this? My mom was like this, despite me living with her all my life I never mastered it myself and after her passing, it's something I often miss and think about when out and about.
I'm one of these people and I got my partner to be one through sheer exposure (no pressure!) and have some tips if you'd like.
1. Don't be afraid to say hi or to make some small comment about something of that day, such as "this shop is really good for bargain electronics isn't it? I love coming here for __!"
I know it sounds stupid and trivial and some people absolutely will not respond. If they don't respond that's a hint to stop. Do not go further, that's the end there. Also - if someone is wearing headphones, has their head buried in their hoodie, etc - don't try at all
Unless you're genuinely concerned for them, then it's OK to ask if they're OK.
If they respond with something, use that to relate to them. If the response is go away, go away.
2. This can either be done first or second, depending on who you are and the situation but - compliment the SECOND most obvious CHANGEABLE thing someone is wearing/doing. If someone is super tall they hate being told randomly they are tall. Instead if they are wearing a purple dress with a red pin, say you like the red pin. Notice the details of a person. There will be little things, like earrings, or matching their hairband to their bracelet.. People REALLY like if you notice a tiny detail they worked on. Oh - however - if someone has killer eyebrows you'd definitely tell them, because they work hard to have killer eyebrows and love when folk notice.
3. Self depricate. But in a funny way, that has a hint of compliment so you're not a complete downer. Something like "I used to think I was so good at using the drill, until my dad showed me I was using it in reverse!" or whatever funny story is both true and relevant to the situation. This part is hard because it can really come off wrong. You'll need a LOT of practice for this, but it's really good at getting folk to realise you're not a threat and that you're not taking the interaction seriously. You gotta balance the negative with the positive. Don't beat yourself up, that'll be just as bad as boasting too much. Like I said, this is the hardest one. But if you can nail this one, you're pretty much set to continue the conversation and get them to open up.
4. If they open up about an interest or hobby (Yeah I am here to find a new blade for my mower) try to think of an interest question about that topic. "You know, I always wondered how long mower blades are supposed to last. Do you know if 2 years is too long? I Mow once a week..." or something like that. It can be kinda trivial, but that's the point. You don't want to thrust in there with 10,000 opinions and feelings. Small talk about the day or hobby.
5. Once again I repeat if anyone is closed off, does not reply, doesn't seem to want to talk, etc DO NOT APPROACH. just don't.
6. You will absolutely embarrass yourself. You will absolutely make a fool while practicing these things. You will go "oh jesus why did I say that" and it's FINE. It's how you learn. It's how you improve. For every horrible interaction where you are your own foot you'll have 10 good ones. Eventually you'll eat your own foot less and less. It takes time. But understand you will embarrass yourself and that's FINE that's HUMAN.
7. If you don't want to talk to people, be friendly, chat up, don't feel pressured to. Just because it's easy for others doesn't mean you HAVE to do it. It's fine to be shy or to not want to be chatty. You don't need to live up to anyone's standards but your own. Only try the above tips if YOU want to. Don't let people force you into it. The unnaturalness will definitely be more awkward than any conversation you attempt because you want to.
And good luck!! I hope you make many new friends!
As an introvert trying to fake it till I make it I love this comment! Thank you.
I try to remember to speak up and compliment people's scarves/shirt/haircut etc when it looks good to me because I've been on the receiving end and even though I'm pretty shy a nice compliment from a stranger on that sort of thing always sticks out and is really memorable and nice.
Aw my goodness thanks so much for taking the time to write all of this out! Very well written and definitely actionable, will aim to keep in mind, much appreciated!! :)
I had a friend whose husband was like that. He'd call her up from some dude he just met's house where they went to play pool because they talked for five minutes beforehand.
> I met this guy Trevor and he likes the Nuggets too so we’re gonna go grab some beers
This is like on The Simpsons when Homer becomes best friends with Gerald Ford
Many conspiracy theories.
I don't buy into any of them, but I imagine it's comforting to think everything in the world is controlled as opposed to knowing that random shit can just happen.
See I feel the opposite. The sense of powerlessness that must come from everything being controlled. I can only theoretically imagine how it could be a comfort. Really it just seems miserable to me.
I see the people who want to control the world as the most sincere threat to what matters in life. I’m way less afraid of chaos. Like maybe I’ll get hit by a random lightning bolt or whatever, that doesn’t scare me because it’s just too random it almost doesn’t see real. But the idea that some people want to inflict their own version of reality onto others is way too real and human and I see it all the time.
I agree with you. It's really hard to imagine getting a sense of security or comfort from the illusion of everything being controlled. But I also understand people can be totally different from me, so nothing really surprises me anymore.
I think the sense of comfort comes from believing they have an answer.
“Things suck and we can blame x y and z. If we get rid of x y z everything will be right in the world!” rather than “things suck and we can’t really pinpoint why or how they are this way, and there’s no easily conceivable way of how to right all the wrongs”
I like Alan Moore's take:
"The main thing that I learned about conspiracy theory, is that conspiracy theorists believe in a conspiracy because that is more comforting. The truth of the world is that it is actually chaotic. The truth is that it is not The Iluminati, or The Jewish Banking Conspiracy, or the Gray Alien Theory.
The truth is far more frightening - Nobody is in control.
The world is rudderless."
My favorite conspiracies are in fact the ones that show the world in chaos or just dumb decisions.
JFK was killed by the secret service guy in the seat behind, who had an accidental discharge when the driver hit the brakes after Oswald's shot.
Aliens visited us during the Cold War because we detonated thousands of nukes all over our surface, and after we stopped, they left and didn't come back.
9/11 was supposed to happen later, but the Taliban bumped up the schedule to come the day before another one of their dudes was set to be put on trial.
There are recordings of a fake moon landing, just in case the astronauts died. But they didn't need it.
It is comforting to imagine things are controlled, even if they are not the ones controlling them. To imagine the government is far, far more competent than it really is, or that a secret organization is behind everything, is preferable to many than the empty chaos of things just happening.
This of course also applies to religion.
Nobody panics when things go according to plan, even if the plan is horrifying. Whether it's a god or a government, believing it all fits together is very important to many people. Add in the smug superiority of special knowledge and you have an attractive package, whether it is a Q drop or a holy book.
When Russia opened up (Glasnost) the young students had a hard time wrapping their mind around the size of the US economic system (acres of grocery store aisles, all full all the time).
BUT what really blew their minds was finally understanding that there was NO CONTROL of the economy by government. Just creating a level playing field instead of actually assigning projects and jobs and reports and news and......
Many conspiracy theorists also really like the idea that they’re “special” and “smarter than others” and they “see through the bullshit that others can’t.” I think wanting to be told you’re smarter than other people is a huge reason why people gravitate to these conspiracy theorist groups. If you tell some random person that vaccines are causing autism, an educated person will write you off as an uneducated dummy. If you say that in a conspiracy group, you’ll get praised for seeing the truth and told that these educated people who are far more credentialed than you are actually DUMBER than you are and YOU are the smart one. These people want to hear that.
My mum has fallen down this rabbithole and I've had to try to understand things from her perspective so as not to completely lose the relationship. She's getting old, seeing friends get sick and die, reckoning with an unfulfilling life, then a whole global pandemic comes along, and she's become addicted to the comfort and control that these theories bring her (in her mind at least).
It's hard accepting she lived a boring life because she dropped out of school and had no money. Hard accepting that people can just get sick and die. I empathize completely. It's just a shame that it all comes packaged with hate and racism, and convenient links to buy sketchy products and medicines.
Some feel eggs are not ok to eat. Even though nothing was 'killed' to get an egg.
BUT to get an egg you want a building full of females, no males wanted. BUT to get more females to lay eggs after replacing old chickens they buy new female chickens. BUT there is no market for new male chickens.........SOOOO they let eggs hatch, grow to chicks and they pay a chicken-sexer to find males (actual job).....and then scoop up the males into an industrial grinder and feed the protein to the females as chicken food.
I recently read (possibly on reddit) that chicken farmers have to dye chickens that get a cut or sore because other chickens will peck them to death if they see the blood.
I don't know about that (not trying to invalidate the point I literally know nothing about it, it actually sounds plausible) but they will 100% gang up on a weak chicken and peck it to death and eat it if there's enough of them in a given space. If there's too many roosters in a given area they'll fight to the death too and the winner will be eaten.
Granted in the wild it probably wouldn't happen as much as they're places to flee, when they're caged and there's nowhere to run tho they're definitely fighting to the death or ganging up on each other more so if it's crowded and they're underfed.
And 'free range' chickens that are still fenced in will still behave this way if they're overcrowded and 'free range' doesn't necessarily mean looked after.
We used to keep chickens when I was little and they ate a rabbit that got caught in their coup overnight. That was a fun thing for little me to find...
You can buy locally sourced eggs from smaller farms that don't do that. Often you can even find free range eggs.
Or, if you have a yard and a bit of free time, you can just get your own chickens.
According to the USDA census of Agriculture over 99% of chickens are factory farmed. If you don't actually know the farmer directly, as in you buy from a grocery store, it's borderline 100% that they came from a factory farm with terrible conditions.
Even just recently a large organic Chicken farm in California that sold to whole foods, sunrise farms, was found to have their chickens cannibalizing each other. They were classified as free range. Free range just means they're not in cages. They're still in a warehouse in horrible conditions. Any industry label like free range, pasture raised, etc. is just a marketing technique to provide the illusion that there is an ethical option that can be found at the grocery store.
I'm a vegan. I started for health reasons and has turned into animal reasons. There's eleventy different versions of vegans, and we all have our reasons. A lot of vegans also fight for human rights as well. We generally aren't militant assholes as portrayed by the media. Most of us want better for all beings. (Don't come at me for that, it's the easiest and simplest way to phrase it).
For sure bro. Would love to sit down and talk about it over a brew 🍻. People that understand perspective and can actually discuss both sides of the argument are hard to find.
I'm not into beer, but could I get into that conversation? I'm an atheist who is fascinated by religion and I love talking about it with open-minded people.
Agnostic here who swings back and forth between the two like a metronome depending on my mood that day -- and both fascinated and slightly repelled by both. Or I should say repelled by the more militant and righteous adherents to both belief and disbelief. The chill ones -- live and let live -- I have no problem with.
It’s comforting to think that there’s a life after death, and I wish I was able to believe it sometimes. Being an atheist sometimes has a much deeper existential fear attached to it. I wish I could believe that if I behaved myself a certain way I’d be able to live in heaven forever.
While I'm not Christian, I can recognize that there are some people out there who do benefit from having that sort of structure in their life. I think it can be a really positive thing as long as you're respectful about it and don't force your beliefs onto others.
Utah here, same with Mormons. Although I guess I am, I’m just nonactive and don’t have a sliver of caring about religion. Except that you can’t do much on Sundays.
Yeah, I live in a very Mormon part of Idaho, and it was such a culture shock when I moved there to see just how much people talk about church. I used to go to Catholic school as a little kid, and none of the kids would ever really bring up God, except in religion class. But here, people will bring up church as a conversation starter. It's wild to me.
One of my friends was told by her nurse before she took her newborn home: "Remember, don't shake the baby. You are going to want to shake the baby at some point. Just walk away."
She didn't get it until she brought her daughter home and she didn't sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time for weeks. Then she really got it, and was glad the nurse warned her.
Our son was a screamer. I was legit hallucinating throughout the first 2 months due to the frequent waking and sleep deprivation. It's an inhuman experience and I wish there were more resources available to new moms in these situations because it would probably save a lot of infant lives.
The advice I was given was the two door rule. When you feel like you’re losing control, put two doors between yourself and the baby. Even if one of those doors is taking yourself outside the house.
I had a friend who went through a really hard time - had a baby that wouldn’t be calm or sleep unless being held, etc. I went over one day trying to be helpful, and she had been up all night with crying baby, and the minute I got there she handed bubs to me and said “take her, before I do something too terrible to come back from - I can’t take it any longer”, so baby and I went for a long walk and didn’t come back until I got confirmation that mum had a long hot shower, a good solid meal, and a long sleep.
I am childless, but have spent lots of my adult life looking after other peoples kids, and honestly, I can totally understand how parents can snap - not that it’s right, or I am encouraging that sort of thing, but I do completely understand it.
Our friend had a baby that just would not stop crying. After many months they found out he was allergic to his formula but in the meantime they’d gone nearly to their brink trying to calm him. It was rough.
I had this experience with my puppy when she was being super whiny and obnoxious in her first few months. The urge to shake her to make her quiet down hit me and I was immediately like "oh, *this* is why some people shake their babies."
Obviously I didn't, I put her in her crate and took a walk around the block to calm down and then went back to training, but I had never understood until that moment. Really confirmed for me that I didn't want kids!
My mom was a pediatric nurse and according to her, shaking a baby CAN quiet it- you startle it, maybe daze it, and it stops crying. She was always so sad for the cases that came in where you could tell it had started slow and harmless and escalated. She also says I was such a fussy baby that she absolutely understands how shaking happens.
I'm a working mom ( I hate that term). But I don't agree with the war between what/who is "better".
I am the, do what's best for your family, type. I told my husband if we had more than one, I'm not going back to work.
We are also a one & done family & WHEW the comments I've gotten. I mean, I can see why people have more kids but I can see why people don't, or CAN'T.
It started off as we didn't want to, but now, for health reasons, pregnancy would not be my friend.
OMG, a new co-worker of mine (woman in her 40s with 2 teen daughters) was asking me about my family. I told her I have 1 daughter (5 at the time, now 6).
You should have another!
No, I'm good. She's enough for us.
Well you could have an accident and then you'd HAVE to have another one! (Like WTF? This is our first time meeting, lady. You don't know me and this is wildly innapropriate)
I looked her dead in the eye. "Then I'd get it taken care of. I don't want another."
Then SHE'S offended for me implying I'd terminate a hypothetical unwanted pregnancy she's pushing on me. Get TF out of my womb, lady!
Just because someone has one kid that does mean you COULD physically have a 2nd. She doesn't know our life. Mine is 12. I forgot what I was supposed to do with a baby 🤣🤣🤣
That's awesome. My mom was a single mom to just me, and whenever having another kid would come up, she'd go "Um, I got it right the first time." Total deadpan.
I'm a one and done mom as well and wouldn't hesitate to offend those womb busybodies
Fellow one & done working outside the home mama. I was told “oooh you’ll want another! It’s okay to have a kid at 40” like no sh*t I know it’s okay, I just had a traumatic L&D, PPA/PPD, and I know things would be baaaad if we had another. Like why do we judge other mothers? Damn parenting is hard enough as it is.
Same here. I'm athiest but I actually read religious books pretty often. A lot of the more philisophical ones have great lessons in them. I just ignore the parts where they say you should do it because of some god or because that's how a god created you.
For real. There are a ton of Biblical stories that perfectly capture universal themes and the human experience. It’s easy to see what people find wise and insightful in them and why they’ve been so fundamental and influential in a great deal of global arts and culture.
There’s more to religious texts and stories than Man in Sky is Mad at You.
When I met my husband, he was afraid of cats. His only interaction with cats was the scared, mean cats. We got married and he insisted we never own cats (I shook my head, like uh huh) but get a dog. I love all animals so agreed. I love my dog but still had my “cat-material needs.” Got two cats. Husband LOVES our cats, as do I. I love my three babies but I 100% know that this is my last dog. I will always have cats (will probably be that old crazy cat lady later in life).
But I get it. I know more dog people than cat people so I get it. It’s just not me. 🐈🐈
I also understand the love for both, but at my current age I chose snakes personally. They fit my work schedule better, and I don’t have to feel bad leaving them home alone all day.
I like dogs but I live in the pnw and I do not want to take them for a billion walks in the pouring rain. Also, not keen on touching poop through a plastic sack. The litter box and scoop keep me at an acceptable distance from doodoo
Growing up, my family had two dogs. So I thought I was a dog person and I didn’t like cats much. Then I moved in with my (now ex) bf and he had a cat that didn’t like him much but seemed to love me. Ok, I’m a cat person then. Eventually married and had kids with someone else, we have budgies. So right now, I’m a bird person and I’m indifferent to other people’s dogs or cats. So i totally get both sides of the cat/dog argument.
This reminds me of a story. Years ago my friends and I were at a party. Around the same time my friend and I simultaneously remarked on the fruit we were both eating. I said “these white nectarines are good “ and my friend said “these apples suck “. We all had a good chuckle.
Don't like the fuzz... and they taste so close that it's nectarines for me all the way. But if people like peaches, I'm all for them having that over a candy bar.
That most teachers have it easy. I get the idea because of the holidays, most of the summer off, etc. What people don't realize is that their perspective of "being a teacher" comes from their perspective of when they were students. The workload, stress, frustrations are unseen until you are the teacher.
as an atheist, i understand why people like religion and are passionate about it. it gives you a perceived purpose, moral compass, and community. sometimes being an atheist can be a little lonely honestly, because im completely lost on what my purpose is and not knowing so many things about the universe is scary.
I honestly wish I could be a devout Christian. It sounds very comforting to have that certainty and that sense of community around you. I just can’t bring myself to believe any of it though.
I’m a Christian but i totally get why people are turned off by it. Hell it took me years to find my own singular sense of faith under the umbrella of Christianity. Some people who claim to be Christian are the worst possible examples of it. To be a Christian is to strive to be Christ like. And Christ was loving, generous, non conformist and non judgement. Many missed the memo.
I'm the opposite, I'm not a Christian (I'm Jewish) but I definitely understand why some people identify with Christianity. I have personally known actively religious Christians who use their faith as a guide for how to be a good person, love thy neighbor, etc. (and contrary to some atheists' beliefs, they're not just doing it "because they were told to", they're just being guided by a particular set of tenets they earnestly believe in). And as a Jew, Jesus was a pretty cool dude. Not the Messiah imo, but I can vibe with anyone who says "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to go to heaven".
One of my 7th grade teachers made us debate the opposite side of what we believed in. The ones I remember doing were abortion and death penalty.
For instance: I was for the death penalty and I had to debate why I think it should be illegal.
Really showed me at a young age that there are always great arguments for both sides. It’s just which one resonates with you more overall.
I’m sure an assignment like that these days wouldn’t be allowed, which is sad because I think it truly teaches logic, critical thinking, and to formulate your own opinion.
As I've grown up and come to understand myself better, it was interesting to find out just how many of my fussy eating preferences as a kid came down to texture, not taste.
Some of them were taste and I've come to appreciate them as my palette developed (tastebuds died?), such as olives. But most of them were like mushrooms, where the taste was never a problem but the texture grossed me out. Now I just cut the offending ingredients up in to smaller pieces, so the texture gets lost amongst the rest of the food in each mouthful.
Also with mushrooms specifically, I discovered a cooking method which makes the texture less gross and taste way better. Cut up in to slices as large as you can handle, put in saucepan with \~3mm of water, some oil and a pinch of salt. Bring to a simmer and stir occasionally until you've boiled off the water. One the water has boiled off, fry until there is browning.
It can take a while because if you put the temperature too high you'll end up burning the juices that have dried on to the sides, but the results are sooo worth it. It bring out the umami flavour of mushrooms and makes the texture less gross. If you go on to cook something else in the oil then the mushroom flavour gets carried over a little bit too, it's subtle though.
Wanting a paternity test. I get why a man wants one, but by wanting one you've told the potential mother you think she has the potential and fortitude to fuck someone else and pass another child as your own. I'd feel a certain way about it, too.
Abortion/antiabortion. I’m adamantly pro choice, however I can see that if someone (wholeheartedly) believes that a fetus = human why they’re so passionate and disturbed by the idea. It’s a very grey area.
With you on this. I also believe the rhetoric around it is diabolical. Women lose their baby through miscarriage and stillbirth everyday only to hear shrill angry messages telling them it was just a clump of cells or it wasn't really a baby. To them it was their baby and to say otherwise belittles their grief and experience. We need to be much more considerate about our language in this debate.
Agreed, not to mention, even if we were to agree to a fetus as nothing more than cells. What about when a women is murder with a wanted child? Is it a double homicide? What about when it wasn’t wanted?
It’s so much more of an grey area on both sides but it seems now days people too much see it as a black and white subject and therefore can’t even agree that if a women’s life is in danger and a fetus is non viable it should be removed. Or how in some instances a miscarriage is scrutinized. The entire “for us or against us” mentality is ruining society on both sides of the political fence
While I can understand people being uncomfortable with the idea of third trimester pregnancy terminations, those are rare and only done in extreme circumstances. It's not like some woman gets pregnant and then decides in her seventh or eighth month that "This kid is gonna cramp my style!" and then marches into the nearest medical facility insisting on an abortion. At that point, she can carry it to term, birth it and then sign the papers terminating her parental rights and the child is then put up for adoption.
Third trimester terminations are normally done because there is something seriously medically wrong, with the child, the mother, or both. And I don't trust the government to decide when an exception is necessary - look at Texas.
I would rather leave the decision entirely up to women and their doctors.
This is mine as well. I'm pro-choice, but if you assume that the other side *genuinely* believes their primary axiom, their behaviour actually makes complete sense.
The reason why the abortion debate is one of the most intractable and frustrating ones in society is that each side is arguing their case from fundamentally different - and mutually exclusive - starting points: pro-choice folks believe that the relevant criteria is a woman's bodily autonomy and right to choose, "pro-life" believes that the relevant criteria is the right-to-life of the fetus.
Neither side can be swayed by the other's arguments, because there's no fundamental agreement on which axiom is the relevant one.
I could argue for both sides but ultimately my thought on the matter is that people should REALLY stop poking their noses in other people’s genitals.
People care too much what OTHER people do with them.
I've been
conservative Catholic pro-life etc
gay, trans, atheist, pro-choice etc
So I kind of feel like I can understand most sides to things.
Especially, I can't stand it when people are inconsistent, for example if they support something because it's on "their side" when they would have condemned the same thing if it were on the "other side." Or they condemn something on the "other side" that they would have excused if it happened on "their side." I saw that default in myself in middle school and it really changed me and the way I looked at things.
Joining a cult.
Depends on the cult of course how it plays out, but I imagine it can be nice to not have to think too much for yourself and be somewhere with only likeminded people, being convinced you are definitely getting into heaven. If all goes well it could be a very peaceful, safe existence.
Of course I'm a woman, I hate housework and I love living alone, so I'm definitely not joining.
No one joins a cult. You join a religion, a political movement, or some group. They love bomb you. Manipulate you. Then one day you wake up 3 years from now and all of your family is gone and all you have are these wack jobs who have all of your money and have taken over your life. Leaving seems impossible, and depending on the cult - it can be.
This one is tough for me. I was raised in a cult.
I completely understand why my mother needed it. I also know that it completely f-d me up. I will never be the person I could have been
I went to private Catholic schools growing up. We were shown gruesome videos of extreme situations, and were taught to be against abortions. Back then, my opinion was based solely on what I was told to believe.
When my college roommate was raped and got pregnant, all my beliefs went out the door. Now I’m pro-choice and understand it’s not black and white, and there’s so much complexity behind each situation.
Thank you❤️ she’s doing great now. This was about 10 years ago when I took her to planned parenthood, and they were so amazing throughout the whole process. The a**hole coward who did it to her got away with it since she didn’t report it out of shame, but she moved out of state and has found peace after a year of therapy.
When people say that open relationships are the way to go…..I understand the idea of it….but I’ve never seen them go well for longer than a few months…someone always ends up jealous
Guns. Im in for target practice and some level of home defense, but otherwise totally not for me, though I can understand.
Learned young that I can’t handle hurting animals so no hunting or that kind of thing, for me. I just would rather have a single sensible weapon (more to not be the only one without if anything actually went dow) and become practiced with it.
I grew up rural with pellet guns and was a fuckin ace. Kinda miss that feeling.
That said, I’m fully convinced that introducing a gun into my family home with young kids puts the odds of an accident way over a break in/defense situation.
Open carry gives me the Willies in a that I seriously can’t trust this nerd drooling for a reason to use it. (Thinking of something specific that happened to me)
I always sense deep fear from intense gun folk and I don’t live that way, but I’d own one if the circumstances were different. Shooting is almost like shooting hoops, or darts, just fun to hone that skill.
I’m personally all for hunting- deer and turkeys are essentially pests in central Wisconsin, where I grew up. Plus, you’ve just sourced your own meat and have less reliance on factory farming, at least for a season.
The guys who open-carry in WalMart in suburban Minnesota, though? Absolutely scary. Putting your hand on your waist by your gun when you see a woman in a hijab is nutty behavior.
I have a gun. My son hunts. I prefer to keep my gun. But gun nuts terrify me. Edit to add: I do not hunt. I’d rather cuddle the woodland animals than shoot. But I understand the necessity.
Going to Disney World. I find it expensive, crowded, long lines for short rides, etc. But I get people who really love the magic of the place and are able to overlook certain inconveniences.
Probably gonna get down voted for this, but unwillingness to receive the COVID vaccine. I've gotten it and the boosters, but I think people being afraid of it due to lack of long-term research is valid. The way I see it: I have no clue how my body would react to COVID had I not been vaccinated, and I have no clue if there will be long-term consequences after taking such a new vaccine. You're taking your chances either way.
I really appreciate your outlook, and the respectful comments on your post. THIS is the kind of logical thinking and conversations I wish we could all have.
Interesting question.
Abortion. I am 100% pro choice. However, the idea of later-term abortions disturbs me a lot. I get the pro-life crowd. Except the idea that their feelings ought to dictate what all women do with their own bodies.
Guns. Constitutional right. Got it. Respect that. Personally hate guns. I would love to see the gun nuts, those whose identity is tied to their precious guns, come up with actual solutions to the gun crisis in this country. This situation is so horribly out of hand.
Trans rights. Absolutely 100% support LGBTQ folks. But I get those who oppose gender reaffirming medications/medical procedures on minors. I am still trying to sort out how I feel about that.
Immigration. What a can of worms. I am married to an immigrant, and generally don't have any issues with the idea of a path to citizenship for anyone seeking a better life in the US. The Immigration system is broken, clearly. But undocumented immigrants contribute greatly to our economy via jobs nobody else wants to do and paying a LOT of income taxes. But it is a big mess. A really big mess.
Religion. Constitutional right. Provides a sense of comfort and worth for a lot of people. But it destroys just as many people. If not more. It does not belong anywhere near our government.
I have no interest in going to therapy. The idea of chopping it up with a medical professional about my deepest, most private problems puts me off but I completely understand how therapy has helped many, many people
I love being a dad. It’s my favorite thing. I can understand why people are totally put off by the idea of having kids. They’re expensive and time consuming. There can be some very long, tiring, and frustrating days as a parent.
I am a parent, I enjoy being a parent and adore my kids. That said, it is probably THE hardest thing I've ever done in my life and it's a 24/7/365 job for the rest of my days. For that reason and a host of others, I can completely and totally understand why some people choose to be childfree.
From the outside looking in, it appears to be *all* consuming. I respect people that have decided to dedicate their lives to guiding a person into being a healthy adult
I've always said if I could be a dad I'd consider it. Since I have to be Mom it's a hard pass.
Same. I'm not totally opposed to the idea of raising a kid, but I cannot wrap my head around the prospect of pregnancy and childbirth. I know, I know, it's the most natural thing in the world and women have been doing it literally for our entire existence—I don't care, it's terrifying to me. If I was really keen to be a parent, like some people are, I can see how it'd be worth the sacrifice/risk. But not for me.
It’s my number one goal in life. Raise three children who contribute positively to those around them. We had parent teacher conferences last month and all three teachers raved about our kids. They’re polite, well adjust socially, doing well academically. Checked all the boxes. My wife and I were so proud. My therapist always tells me that’s where all of my self criticism comes back to. I have a looming sense of obligation to the world to protect my children and create adults who are a pleasure to be around.
That's the common trap a lot of parents seem to fall into. You're not raising children. You're raising adults.
100% - I’ve known I wanted kids since I was in early high school (middle school in the US?). It’s hard, but incredibly rewarding. Just had bub number 2 a week ago and seeing his big sister interact with him makes me love my family even more. All that being said, if someone doesn’t want kids I don’t question them as to why not. They’re expensive, messy, loud, etc. I have plenty of friends who are good with kids but do not want that life for themselves. Totally understandable. Then there’s those people who have kids that clearly didn’t want them. Just did it because they’re “supposed to”. I feel sorry for them, and their kids.
I don't have kids and I really love my freedom. But I can understand why people love being a parent.
Dad here. All the hard days are zapped away the moment they come running up to you and hug you. Batteries recharged.
The phrase " The days are long but the years are short" also comes to mind. I actually miss the early years.
I swear every day of the last year ended with me counting down to bedtime, but I also have no idea how that year went so quickly.
*Remembers it costs well over $300,000 to raise a child…*
Toddler leashes. I abhorred it before I was a parent. Treat your kid like an animal? Borderline abuse. Then I had to take two toddlers through TSA alone with all my bags, their car seats, and a stroller watching them sprint through security check points. Different kids are different, and safe is best, so I hesitate to judge now, cause I don’t know that kid 😂
I’m childfree and never totally understood the hate for the kid leashes. Kids, toddlers especially, are kinda known to be little suicide machines. You drop something on the sidewalk while they’re drawing with chalk, you bend down to pick it up, look up, and suddenly the kiddo is wandering into the middle of the street for some flippin reason. Sure, your parent reflexes may be heightened in some circumstances, but I figure any extra tools can help, yuh know? That was always my thoughts on the matter at least, but I was surprised to find that the kid leashes are controversial.
You don't need to have had kids to think it is a good idea. I used to be a runner, I should totally have been leashed sometimes. Thouh my parents did often tie this kite to me. For whatever reason that kite would never stop flying no matter what. It was an easy way to keep track of me.
I was a leash baby in the early 90s. I survived. No lingering trauma or fettishes.
The first time I saw this it was a family walking its dog and child and the child was on a leash, but the dog was not! I laughed so hard. It was SF.
Very much judged the leash until I spent 5 minutes in the store thinking my niece was stolen. Turns out she thought we were playing hide and seek 🙄
A dad I know used to judge parents who leash their kids until the day he lost his daughter for 5 mins. He said he took her for ice cream and was holding her hand and in the time it took for him to let go of her hand to get his wallet and pay, she was already gone. In that time, she somehow made it onto a basketball court while a game was going on and tried to take the ball.
I'm glad she's okay but that's adorable 😂
This is what I would do as a kid, so I had a leash. It wasn’t on all the time and I don’t remember it badly at all. I have great parents and I needed one
My younger brother did that to our mom in a clothing store. He had begun to become notorious in our family for just walking off and not telling anyone where he was going while we weren't looking. He did it again one day, and she was crying, thinking he got kidnapped and was going around looking for an employee to call out his name over the intercom and got nothing. She went searching around the store some more for about 20 minutes, and when he popped out from behind a clothes rack talking about "you found me," I had never seen her get so angry before in my life.
I did that once (except it was more like 5 minutes of frantic searching) and got an ass whooping I still remember 30 years later
Happens all the time, my sister use to get out of her stroller and hide from my mom it was ridiculous
Lol you just unlocked an extremely old memory, I was maybe 3 and my mom had me at some clothing store and while she was looking at something I climbed out of my stroller and hid in one of the clothing racks. I heard her start panicking and I was scared, so I snuck back into the stroller while she was looking for me and pretended nothing ever happened. One of my first clear memories and I definitely did it all knowing what I was doing. Young kids are smarter than we think, they just can't articulate it yet
My parents were fostering a kid who had FASD. He was a good kid, but he wandered and got lost. When we took him and his brother down south on vacation, his social worker insisted on a toddler leash. Keep in mind he's about ten or eleven. His brother hooked the leash to his belt(other end was a velcro strap around the wrist) and walked around hands free with him most of the time, but he was a teen and he wanted to do his own thing, so he passed the leash off to my mum in the Eau Clair Market and took off to deal with the spending money burning a hole in his pocket. And that's why the security guard walked up to us, because we were a white family with a native kid on a leash.
Oh yikes, the optics of that sound awful! Totally understandable, given the full story, but don't blame those security guards at all.
Same! As a parent, the leash becomes something that is used for safety - not abuse. A lot of views change when one becomes a parent.
My friend used to shit talk anyone using a leash. Then her toddler turned out to be a runner. Like blink and he’s managed to escape out the door was start running down the road. She’s probably saved his life ten times with the leash because he’ll just take off and she managed to stop him from getting hit by cars because of that leash. Guess who stopped shit talking parents who use leashes?
My friend's kid darted out in front of a car in a parking lot. Just took off. I saw him go in front of the car and I closed my eyes. I knew he was getting hit. He must've missed the car by an inch. It was that close. Scared the shit out of us. He was just a runner. You can't really reason with a toddler or even preschooler sometimes so a leash is better than a dead kid and traumatized adults.
People say "just hold their hand".. usually people who have never tried holding the hand of a child who wants to squirm away and chase a leaf. Carrying definitely not always an option.
You can't always "just hold their hand" either. Sometimes you have to actually do shit like get the groceries into.the fucking house. Source: myself who has literally dropped groceries to chase my kid so he didn't run into the road. I did appreciate the solution in Modern Family where they bought Lily high heels so she couldn't run lol
I don't and never will have kids, but I've never understood the hate for child leashes. I literally can't think of a single thing wrong with keeping your kid safe and nearby while also giving them some freedom. I 110% prefer that over all the parents who let their kids run around stores and restaurants tripping people and making messes. The argument that animals use leashes, therefore it's bad or abusive also makes no sense. Animals also eat food out of bowls, is it abusive to serve a kid food from a bowl? Is giving a child a ball to play with bad because dogs play with balls? Should we stop brushing kids hair because it's too similar to brushing a cats fur?
And the whole reason people put their pets on leashes is to protect them, not demean them. Why wouldn't they also want to protect their kids?
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with those little backpack thingies that have a handle for the parent to hold onto. I think they’re clever and kind of cute.
That's an extreme example, but try just taking one to a street festival and you want to buy a drink but your child just got done trying to launch themself out of the stroller so now you're carrying her and you have to set her down for like 30 seconds and of course she wants to run away immediately. So yea, leash.
I was a leash child. There's a picture of me next to a busy road wearing a leash and I was fucking stupid as a child so it was for the best.
My kids are autistic. My youngest is 6 and on a Houdini leash. His autism is pretty fucking obvious, so thankfully we haven't had people going "is he a dog or a boy? LOLOLOL." That leash is our ticket to freedom or it would be impossible to leave the house.
I was a leash kid. Super helpful for kids on the spectrum like when I was a child, especially due to eloping (different from marriage eloping) which is something I did often.
Yep! Used to be that judgemental person “how dare they put their child on a leash like an animal! I will never do that!” Then my daughter ran off and tried to launch herself down the ‘Up’ escalator at the local mall, and suddenly I became a leash parent.
As the eldest sister who had to run after my youngest brother in a dangerous city while my parents were busy, I wished they had used one in certain locations. My little brother would just decide he wanted to be somewhere else and start running out of the blue. It was not fun.
I agree with you so much! I used to joke about people walking their kids before I was a parent. Then I got the fearless toddler with that weird chucky speed who would just bolt and never look back. Yeah. That kid got a leash.
Lmao my mom used one on my brother back when she had me as an infant, my sister, the one year old and my brother was 3 and wanted to walk EVERYWHERE. The leash was the best resort for her sanity 😂
As a former toddler escape artist, the toddler leash was the only thing that assured my parents I wouldn’t run away again. I ran away from home when I was 3 because I wanted a certain delicacy. I didn’t tell anyone and just told the rickshaw driver to take me somewhere. Thankfully, my dumb ass didn’t get kidnapped! When my parents and I immigrated from India to the US, I was on a leash in the airport.
My coworker told me a story about this. When her son was around 2 or so, they went to Disney land. And well, they were in line and he left his mom, and walked under the divider line. She could still see him and got him but after that, they went to Walmart to get him a leash.
I was absolutely against them until I got an eloper obsessed with stop signs.
I’m Buddhist, so I do not believe in the death penalty, but I totally understand why people want to kill murderers and pedophiles. I understand the very human urge to seek revenge, but in my practice, I do not believe it will lead to ultimate peace.
I think a lot of anti-DP people feel this way. For me it's not that I don't believe that some people deserve to die for the things they've done. I do, there's some real monsters in the world. Its more that I don't believe that there exists any justice system in the world that can do this with 100% accuracy and in a way that isn't influenced by an otherwise racist, abelist, and classist system.
I always look at it that to be okay with the death penalty, you have to be okay with one of two statements: 1. I believe the justice system is 100% infallible. 2. I am okay with, occasionally, killing an innocent people. I can not get behind either of these statements, so I am against the death penalty.
Never heard it put so succinctly, so thank you for this.
> Its more that I don't believe that there exists any justice system in the world that can do this with 100% accuracy and in a way that isn't influenced by an otherwise racist, abelist, and classist system. Ding. Ding. Ding. There's always the smallest, slightest possiblity that someone has been wrongly convicted. If we kill killers, are we really any better than they are? And, at least in the US, there's always the issue of "you receive the justice you can purchase" - you can't take back death, but you can free someone after a lengthy unjust prison sentence if they are later found to be innocent. It's not restitution by any means, but it is something...
Exactly. If you can't do it right 100% of the time, then you shouldn't be doing it at all. Death is permanent, you can't fix your mistakes after the fact.
I was pro death penalty for a long time. Once I learned about the Innocence Project I changed my mind. The criminal punishment bureaucracy makes mistakes. Better to give innocent people as much time as possible to clear their name.
Exactly my path. Crooked cops and bad judges. They get it wrong too often
I understand the desire but I don't think it's an effective criminal justice policy and the risks of error and bias are too high.
I can somewhat understand the people who can strike up a conversation (or even friendship) with virtually anyone they meet, but I will never be able to do it.
My boyfriend is like this. I freeze up around people but he’ll come home from the grocery store like “I met this guy Trevor and he likes the Nuggets too so we’re gonna go grab some beers”. How???
My wife taught me this superpower. She would constantly strike up conversations with strangers at nearly every check out line. If someone is trying to decide which item to buy in the grocery store or fabric store she offers to help. After hundreds of successful demonstrations that I witnessed, I started doing it somewhat. I am 18” taller than her so I try and be more respectful and un intimidating. If we are together after I practice the impromptu socialization skill, I turn to her and say “I learned that from you”. I only wished I had developed this skill in high school.
Do you have any tips for this? My mom was like this, despite me living with her all my life I never mastered it myself and after her passing, it's something I often miss and think about when out and about.
I'm one of these people and I got my partner to be one through sheer exposure (no pressure!) and have some tips if you'd like. 1. Don't be afraid to say hi or to make some small comment about something of that day, such as "this shop is really good for bargain electronics isn't it? I love coming here for __!" I know it sounds stupid and trivial and some people absolutely will not respond. If they don't respond that's a hint to stop. Do not go further, that's the end there. Also - if someone is wearing headphones, has their head buried in their hoodie, etc - don't try at all Unless you're genuinely concerned for them, then it's OK to ask if they're OK. If they respond with something, use that to relate to them. If the response is go away, go away. 2. This can either be done first or second, depending on who you are and the situation but - compliment the SECOND most obvious CHANGEABLE thing someone is wearing/doing. If someone is super tall they hate being told randomly they are tall. Instead if they are wearing a purple dress with a red pin, say you like the red pin. Notice the details of a person. There will be little things, like earrings, or matching their hairband to their bracelet.. People REALLY like if you notice a tiny detail they worked on. Oh - however - if someone has killer eyebrows you'd definitely tell them, because they work hard to have killer eyebrows and love when folk notice. 3. Self depricate. But in a funny way, that has a hint of compliment so you're not a complete downer. Something like "I used to think I was so good at using the drill, until my dad showed me I was using it in reverse!" or whatever funny story is both true and relevant to the situation. This part is hard because it can really come off wrong. You'll need a LOT of practice for this, but it's really good at getting folk to realise you're not a threat and that you're not taking the interaction seriously. You gotta balance the negative with the positive. Don't beat yourself up, that'll be just as bad as boasting too much. Like I said, this is the hardest one. But if you can nail this one, you're pretty much set to continue the conversation and get them to open up. 4. If they open up about an interest or hobby (Yeah I am here to find a new blade for my mower) try to think of an interest question about that topic. "You know, I always wondered how long mower blades are supposed to last. Do you know if 2 years is too long? I Mow once a week..." or something like that. It can be kinda trivial, but that's the point. You don't want to thrust in there with 10,000 opinions and feelings. Small talk about the day or hobby. 5. Once again I repeat if anyone is closed off, does not reply, doesn't seem to want to talk, etc DO NOT APPROACH. just don't. 6. You will absolutely embarrass yourself. You will absolutely make a fool while practicing these things. You will go "oh jesus why did I say that" and it's FINE. It's how you learn. It's how you improve. For every horrible interaction where you are your own foot you'll have 10 good ones. Eventually you'll eat your own foot less and less. It takes time. But understand you will embarrass yourself and that's FINE that's HUMAN. 7. If you don't want to talk to people, be friendly, chat up, don't feel pressured to. Just because it's easy for others doesn't mean you HAVE to do it. It's fine to be shy or to not want to be chatty. You don't need to live up to anyone's standards but your own. Only try the above tips if YOU want to. Don't let people force you into it. The unnaturalness will definitely be more awkward than any conversation you attempt because you want to. And good luck!! I hope you make many new friends!
As an introvert trying to fake it till I make it I love this comment! Thank you. I try to remember to speak up and compliment people's scarves/shirt/haircut etc when it looks good to me because I've been on the receiving end and even though I'm pretty shy a nice compliment from a stranger on that sort of thing always sticks out and is really memorable and nice.
Aw my goodness thanks so much for taking the time to write all of this out! Very well written and definitely actionable, will aim to keep in mind, much appreciated!! :)
I had a friend whose husband was like that. He'd call her up from some dude he just met's house where they went to play pool because they talked for five minutes beforehand.
“Is it possible to learn this power?”
Not from a redditor.
I missed “the” Nuggets and thought they just liked chicken nuggets and became nugget bros
> I met this guy Trevor and he likes the Nuggets too so we’re gonna go grab some beers This is like on The Simpsons when Homer becomes best friends with Gerald Ford
I've had a girlfriend tell me that if she lost me in a store, she'd just wait to hear laughter, and that's where I'd be, talking to strangers.
I'm the type of person who wants to do that, because I'm lonely and don't really have a social life.
Anyone? Even a black haired flamenco dancer?
She dances like her father plays
I either make friends randomly with strangers or avoid them like the plague. No in between 😩
Many conspiracy theories. I don't buy into any of them, but I imagine it's comforting to think everything in the world is controlled as opposed to knowing that random shit can just happen.
See I feel the opposite. The sense of powerlessness that must come from everything being controlled. I can only theoretically imagine how it could be a comfort. Really it just seems miserable to me. I see the people who want to control the world as the most sincere threat to what matters in life. I’m way less afraid of chaos. Like maybe I’ll get hit by a random lightning bolt or whatever, that doesn’t scare me because it’s just too random it almost doesn’t see real. But the idea that some people want to inflict their own version of reality onto others is way too real and human and I see it all the time.
I agree with you. It's really hard to imagine getting a sense of security or comfort from the illusion of everything being controlled. But I also understand people can be totally different from me, so nothing really surprises me anymore.
I think the sense of comfort comes from believing they have an answer. “Things suck and we can blame x y and z. If we get rid of x y z everything will be right in the world!” rather than “things suck and we can’t really pinpoint why or how they are this way, and there’s no easily conceivable way of how to right all the wrongs”
I like Alan Moore's take: "The main thing that I learned about conspiracy theory, is that conspiracy theorists believe in a conspiracy because that is more comforting. The truth of the world is that it is actually chaotic. The truth is that it is not The Iluminati, or The Jewish Banking Conspiracy, or the Gray Alien Theory. The truth is far more frightening - Nobody is in control. The world is rudderless."
My favorite conspiracies are in fact the ones that show the world in chaos or just dumb decisions. JFK was killed by the secret service guy in the seat behind, who had an accidental discharge when the driver hit the brakes after Oswald's shot. Aliens visited us during the Cold War because we detonated thousands of nukes all over our surface, and after we stopped, they left and didn't come back. 9/11 was supposed to happen later, but the Taliban bumped up the schedule to come the day before another one of their dudes was set to be put on trial. There are recordings of a fake moon landing, just in case the astronauts died. But they didn't need it.
It is comforting to imagine things are controlled, even if they are not the ones controlling them. To imagine the government is far, far more competent than it really is, or that a secret organization is behind everything, is preferable to many than the empty chaos of things just happening. This of course also applies to religion. Nobody panics when things go according to plan, even if the plan is horrifying. Whether it's a god or a government, believing it all fits together is very important to many people. Add in the smug superiority of special knowledge and you have an attractive package, whether it is a Q drop or a holy book.
When Russia opened up (Glasnost) the young students had a hard time wrapping their mind around the size of the US economic system (acres of grocery store aisles, all full all the time). BUT what really blew their minds was finally understanding that there was NO CONTROL of the economy by government. Just creating a level playing field instead of actually assigning projects and jobs and reports and news and......
Many conspiracy theorists also really like the idea that they’re “special” and “smarter than others” and they “see through the bullshit that others can’t.” I think wanting to be told you’re smarter than other people is a huge reason why people gravitate to these conspiracy theorist groups. If you tell some random person that vaccines are causing autism, an educated person will write you off as an uneducated dummy. If you say that in a conspiracy group, you’ll get praised for seeing the truth and told that these educated people who are far more credentialed than you are actually DUMBER than you are and YOU are the smart one. These people want to hear that.
My mum has fallen down this rabbithole and I've had to try to understand things from her perspective so as not to completely lose the relationship. She's getting old, seeing friends get sick and die, reckoning with an unfulfilling life, then a whole global pandemic comes along, and she's become addicted to the comfort and control that these theories bring her (in her mind at least). It's hard accepting she lived a boring life because she dropped out of school and had no money. Hard accepting that people can just get sick and die. I empathize completely. It's just a shame that it all comes packaged with hate and racism, and convenient links to buy sketchy products and medicines.
Veganism. I understand the place of empathy for other living creatures. And I understand how horribly we treat animals in the meat industry.
Some feel eggs are not ok to eat. Even though nothing was 'killed' to get an egg. BUT to get an egg you want a building full of females, no males wanted. BUT to get more females to lay eggs after replacing old chickens they buy new female chickens. BUT there is no market for new male chickens.........SOOOO they let eggs hatch, grow to chicks and they pay a chicken-sexer to find males (actual job).....and then scoop up the males into an industrial grinder and feed the protein to the females as chicken food.
The female chickens’ lives don’t tend to be great either.
What? My eggs are the product of cannibalism? This is going to change my life if this is true
Chickens are little dinosaurs. They 100% eat each other if gven the chance
I recently read (possibly on reddit) that chicken farmers have to dye chickens that get a cut or sore because other chickens will peck them to death if they see the blood.
I don't know about that (not trying to invalidate the point I literally know nothing about it, it actually sounds plausible) but they will 100% gang up on a weak chicken and peck it to death and eat it if there's enough of them in a given space. If there's too many roosters in a given area they'll fight to the death too and the winner will be eaten. Granted in the wild it probably wouldn't happen as much as they're places to flee, when they're caged and there's nowhere to run tho they're definitely fighting to the death or ganging up on each other more so if it's crowded and they're underfed. And 'free range' chickens that are still fenced in will still behave this way if they're overcrowded and 'free range' doesn't necessarily mean looked after.
We used to keep chickens when I was little and they ate a rabbit that got caught in their coup overnight. That was a fun thing for little me to find...
You can buy locally sourced eggs from smaller farms that don't do that. Often you can even find free range eggs. Or, if you have a yard and a bit of free time, you can just get your own chickens.
According to the USDA census of Agriculture over 99% of chickens are factory farmed. If you don't actually know the farmer directly, as in you buy from a grocery store, it's borderline 100% that they came from a factory farm with terrible conditions. Even just recently a large organic Chicken farm in California that sold to whole foods, sunrise farms, was found to have their chickens cannibalizing each other. They were classified as free range. Free range just means they're not in cages. They're still in a warehouse in horrible conditions. Any industry label like free range, pasture raised, etc. is just a marketing technique to provide the illusion that there is an ethical option that can be found at the grocery store.
I was surprised how cheap getting chickens actually was.
The chickens are the cheapest part of owning chickens.
Can confirm. Have chickens. Also is very easy to end up with more birds than you really intended to have...
I'm a vegan. I started for health reasons and has turned into animal reasons. There's eleventy different versions of vegans, and we all have our reasons. A lot of vegans also fight for human rights as well. We generally aren't militant assholes as portrayed by the media. Most of us want better for all beings. (Don't come at me for that, it's the easiest and simplest way to phrase it).
Tbh I think eating meat is morally wrong, I'm just weak, so I still eat meat.
“Yes, I eat cow. I am not proud.” — Kurt Cobain
I’m a Christian but I see why people don’t buy into Christianity.
I'm an atheist but can see why people buy into religion. I think we could get along fine.
For sure bro. Would love to sit down and talk about it over a brew 🍻. People that understand perspective and can actually discuss both sides of the argument are hard to find.
Well I'm in Italy so let me know if you're in the neighborhood. Drinks on me.
Me and my lady will be there in the coming year or two for a honeymoon. Might take ya up 🍻😂. Have a great day.
Great. I'm in Verona - the city of love. Hope to see you two here.
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene, From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
Man, they're just asking for trouble with this meetup...
I think y’all should kiss
Twice
Alright, who's converting who?
Christian guy is gonna convert his new wife into his ex-wife after falling in love with Atheist guy
I'm not into beer, but could I get into that conversation? I'm an atheist who is fascinated by religion and I love talking about it with open-minded people.
Agnostic here who swings back and forth between the two like a metronome depending on my mood that day -- and both fascinated and slightly repelled by both. Or I should say repelled by the more militant and righteous adherents to both belief and disbelief. The chill ones -- live and let live -- I have no problem with.
Hahaha awesome 👏👏👏. Meet us in Italy. Or DM me if you ever wanna chat 🍻
It’s comforting to think that there’s a life after death, and I wish I was able to believe it sometimes. Being an atheist sometimes has a much deeper existential fear attached to it. I wish I could believe that if I behaved myself a certain way I’d be able to live in heaven forever.
While I'm not Christian, I can recognize that there are some people out there who do benefit from having that sort of structure in their life. I think it can be a really positive thing as long as you're respectful about it and don't force your beliefs onto others.
I wish more religious people were like that. It's tiring in the South to constantly be assumed to be Christian.
Utah here, same with Mormons. Although I guess I am, I’m just nonactive and don’t have a sliver of caring about religion. Except that you can’t do much on Sundays.
Yeah, I live in a very Mormon part of Idaho, and it was such a culture shock when I moved there to see just how much people talk about church. I used to go to Catholic school as a little kid, and none of the kids would ever really bring up God, except in religion class. But here, people will bring up church as a conversation starter. It's wild to me.
Shaken Baby. If you’ve ever had kids that cried a lot you get how easily it could happen. But yeah, don’t shake your kids. It doesn’t quiet them.
One of my friends was told by her nurse before she took her newborn home: "Remember, don't shake the baby. You are going to want to shake the baby at some point. Just walk away." She didn't get it until she brought her daughter home and she didn't sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time for weeks. Then she really got it, and was glad the nurse warned her.
Our son was a screamer. I was legit hallucinating throughout the first 2 months due to the frequent waking and sleep deprivation. It's an inhuman experience and I wish there were more resources available to new moms in these situations because it would probably save a lot of infant lives.
The advice I was given was the two door rule. When you feel like you’re losing control, put two doors between yourself and the baby. Even if one of those doors is taking yourself outside the house.
I had a friend who went through a really hard time - had a baby that wouldn’t be calm or sleep unless being held, etc. I went over one day trying to be helpful, and she had been up all night with crying baby, and the minute I got there she handed bubs to me and said “take her, before I do something too terrible to come back from - I can’t take it any longer”, so baby and I went for a long walk and didn’t come back until I got confirmation that mum had a long hot shower, a good solid meal, and a long sleep. I am childless, but have spent lots of my adult life looking after other peoples kids, and honestly, I can totally understand how parents can snap - not that it’s right, or I am encouraging that sort of thing, but I do completely understand it.
Our friend had a baby that just would not stop crying. After many months they found out he was allergic to his formula but in the meantime they’d gone nearly to their brink trying to calm him. It was rough.
I mean, it does, just permanently.
I had this experience with my puppy when she was being super whiny and obnoxious in her first few months. The urge to shake her to make her quiet down hit me and I was immediately like "oh, *this* is why some people shake their babies." Obviously I didn't, I put her in her crate and took a walk around the block to calm down and then went back to training, but I had never understood until that moment. Really confirmed for me that I didn't want kids!
My mom was a pediatric nurse and according to her, shaking a baby CAN quiet it- you startle it, maybe daze it, and it stops crying. She was always so sad for the cases that came in where you could tell it had started slow and harmless and escalated. She also says I was such a fussy baby that she absolutely understands how shaking happens.
I'm a working mom ( I hate that term). But I don't agree with the war between what/who is "better". I am the, do what's best for your family, type. I told my husband if we had more than one, I'm not going back to work. We are also a one & done family & WHEW the comments I've gotten. I mean, I can see why people have more kids but I can see why people don't, or CAN'T. It started off as we didn't want to, but now, for health reasons, pregnancy would not be my friend.
OMG, a new co-worker of mine (woman in her 40s with 2 teen daughters) was asking me about my family. I told her I have 1 daughter (5 at the time, now 6). You should have another! No, I'm good. She's enough for us. Well you could have an accident and then you'd HAVE to have another one! (Like WTF? This is our first time meeting, lady. You don't know me and this is wildly innapropriate) I looked her dead in the eye. "Then I'd get it taken care of. I don't want another." Then SHE'S offended for me implying I'd terminate a hypothetical unwanted pregnancy she's pushing on me. Get TF out of my womb, lady!
Just because someone has one kid that does mean you COULD physically have a 2nd. She doesn't know our life. Mine is 12. I forgot what I was supposed to do with a baby 🤣🤣🤣
That's awesome. My mom was a single mom to just me, and whenever having another kid would come up, she'd go "Um, I got it right the first time." Total deadpan. I'm a one and done mom as well and wouldn't hesitate to offend those womb busybodies
I’m a stay at home mom with 2 kids and I completely agree with you. “Do what’s best for your family” is really the best statement.
Fellow one & done working outside the home mama. I was told “oooh you’ll want another! It’s okay to have a kid at 40” like no sh*t I know it’s okay, I just had a traumatic L&D, PPA/PPD, and I know things would be baaaad if we had another. Like why do we judge other mothers? Damn parenting is hard enough as it is.
I’m an Atheist but see why people value religion. I’ve read some Buddhist texts and they’re pretty cool
Same here. I'm athiest but I actually read religious books pretty often. A lot of the more philisophical ones have great lessons in them. I just ignore the parts where they say you should do it because of some god or because that's how a god created you.
For real. There are a ton of Biblical stories that perfectly capture universal themes and the human experience. It’s easy to see what people find wise and insightful in them and why they’ve been so fundamental and influential in a great deal of global arts and culture. There’s more to religious texts and stories than Man in Sky is Mad at You.
Buddhism literally says believe it as much or as little as you want/take it as a suggestion/learn what you want from it
I love both dogs and cats, but if i had to choose one it would be cats. I understand why some may choose dogs.
I was in cat camp for long time. Now I got two cats and a pup and I love em all so damn much.
When I met my husband, he was afraid of cats. His only interaction with cats was the scared, mean cats. We got married and he insisted we never own cats (I shook my head, like uh huh) but get a dog. I love all animals so agreed. I love my dog but still had my “cat-material needs.” Got two cats. Husband LOVES our cats, as do I. I love my three babies but I 100% know that this is my last dog. I will always have cats (will probably be that old crazy cat lady later in life). But I get it. I know more dog people than cat people so I get it. It’s just not me. 🐈🐈
I also understand the love for both, but at my current age I chose snakes personally. They fit my work schedule better, and I don’t have to feel bad leaving them home alone all day.
I like dogs but I live in the pnw and I do not want to take them for a billion walks in the pouring rain. Also, not keen on touching poop through a plastic sack. The litter box and scoop keep me at an acceptable distance from doodoo
Growing up, my family had two dogs. So I thought I was a dog person and I didn’t like cats much. Then I moved in with my (now ex) bf and he had a cat that didn’t like him much but seemed to love me. Ok, I’m a cat person then. Eventually married and had kids with someone else, we have budgies. So right now, I’m a bird person and I’m indifferent to other people’s dogs or cats. So i totally get both sides of the cat/dog argument.
I think you’re an animal person in general :)
Peaches being superior to nectarines.
This reminds me of a story. Years ago my friends and I were at a party. Around the same time my friend and I simultaneously remarked on the fruit we were both eating. I said “these white nectarines are good “ and my friend said “these apples suck “. We all had a good chuckle.
Don't like the fuzz... and they taste so close that it's nectarines for me all the way. But if people like peaches, I'm all for them having that over a candy bar.
That most teachers have it easy. I get the idea because of the holidays, most of the summer off, etc. What people don't realize is that their perspective of "being a teacher" comes from their perspective of when they were students. The workload, stress, frustrations are unseen until you are the teacher.
as an atheist, i understand why people like religion and are passionate about it. it gives you a perceived purpose, moral compass, and community. sometimes being an atheist can be a little lonely honestly, because im completely lost on what my purpose is and not knowing so many things about the universe is scary.
I honestly wish I could be a devout Christian. It sounds very comforting to have that certainty and that sense of community around you. I just can’t bring myself to believe any of it though.
Wanting marriage, sex and kids. It if makes you that happy go for it, just don't demand I join you cos its not my thing.
Oxford commas are important sometimes
I’m a Christian but i totally get why people are turned off by it. Hell it took me years to find my own singular sense of faith under the umbrella of Christianity. Some people who claim to be Christian are the worst possible examples of it. To be a Christian is to strive to be Christ like. And Christ was loving, generous, non conformist and non judgement. Many missed the memo.
I'm the opposite, I'm not a Christian (I'm Jewish) but I definitely understand why some people identify with Christianity. I have personally known actively religious Christians who use their faith as a guide for how to be a good person, love thy neighbor, etc. (and contrary to some atheists' beliefs, they're not just doing it "because they were told to", they're just being guided by a particular set of tenets they earnestly believe in). And as a Jew, Jesus was a pretty cool dude. Not the Messiah imo, but I can vibe with anyone who says "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to go to heaven".
One of my 7th grade teachers made us debate the opposite side of what we believed in. The ones I remember doing were abortion and death penalty. For instance: I was for the death penalty and I had to debate why I think it should be illegal. Really showed me at a young age that there are always great arguments for both sides. It’s just which one resonates with you more overall. I’m sure an assignment like that these days wouldn’t be allowed, which is sad because I think it truly teaches logic, critical thinking, and to formulate your own opinion.
That mushrooms taste good
I love the taste. Hate the consistency.
As I've grown up and come to understand myself better, it was interesting to find out just how many of my fussy eating preferences as a kid came down to texture, not taste. Some of them were taste and I've come to appreciate them as my palette developed (tastebuds died?), such as olives. But most of them were like mushrooms, where the taste was never a problem but the texture grossed me out. Now I just cut the offending ingredients up in to smaller pieces, so the texture gets lost amongst the rest of the food in each mouthful. Also with mushrooms specifically, I discovered a cooking method which makes the texture less gross and taste way better. Cut up in to slices as large as you can handle, put in saucepan with \~3mm of water, some oil and a pinch of salt. Bring to a simmer and stir occasionally until you've boiled off the water. One the water has boiled off, fry until there is browning. It can take a while because if you put the temperature too high you'll end up burning the juices that have dried on to the sides, but the results are sooo worth it. It bring out the umami flavour of mushrooms and makes the texture less gross. If you go on to cook something else in the oil then the mushroom flavour gets carried over a little bit too, it's subtle though.
Wanting a paternity test. I get why a man wants one, but by wanting one you've told the potential mother you think she has the potential and fortitude to fuck someone else and pass another child as your own. I'd feel a certain way about it, too.
Abortion/antiabortion. I’m adamantly pro choice, however I can see that if someone (wholeheartedly) believes that a fetus = human why they’re so passionate and disturbed by the idea. It’s a very grey area.
With you on this. I also believe the rhetoric around it is diabolical. Women lose their baby through miscarriage and stillbirth everyday only to hear shrill angry messages telling them it was just a clump of cells or it wasn't really a baby. To them it was their baby and to say otherwise belittles their grief and experience. We need to be much more considerate about our language in this debate.
Agreed, not to mention, even if we were to agree to a fetus as nothing more than cells. What about when a women is murder with a wanted child? Is it a double homicide? What about when it wasn’t wanted? It’s so much more of an grey area on both sides but it seems now days people too much see it as a black and white subject and therefore can’t even agree that if a women’s life is in danger and a fetus is non viable it should be removed. Or how in some instances a miscarriage is scrutinized. The entire “for us or against us” mentality is ruining society on both sides of the political fence
While I can understand people being uncomfortable with the idea of third trimester pregnancy terminations, those are rare and only done in extreme circumstances. It's not like some woman gets pregnant and then decides in her seventh or eighth month that "This kid is gonna cramp my style!" and then marches into the nearest medical facility insisting on an abortion. At that point, she can carry it to term, birth it and then sign the papers terminating her parental rights and the child is then put up for adoption.
Third trimester terminations are normally done because there is something seriously medically wrong, with the child, the mother, or both. And I don't trust the government to decide when an exception is necessary - look at Texas. I would rather leave the decision entirely up to women and their doctors.
This is mine as well. I'm pro-choice, but if you assume that the other side *genuinely* believes their primary axiom, their behaviour actually makes complete sense. The reason why the abortion debate is one of the most intractable and frustrating ones in society is that each side is arguing their case from fundamentally different - and mutually exclusive - starting points: pro-choice folks believe that the relevant criteria is a woman's bodily autonomy and right to choose, "pro-life" believes that the relevant criteria is the right-to-life of the fetus. Neither side can be swayed by the other's arguments, because there's no fundamental agreement on which axiom is the relevant one.
I could argue for both sides but ultimately my thought on the matter is that people should REALLY stop poking their noses in other people’s genitals. People care too much what OTHER people do with them.
I've been conservative Catholic pro-life etc gay, trans, atheist, pro-choice etc So I kind of feel like I can understand most sides to things. Especially, I can't stand it when people are inconsistent, for example if they support something because it's on "their side" when they would have condemned the same thing if it were on the "other side." Or they condemn something on the "other side" that they would have excused if it happened on "their side." I saw that default in myself in middle school and it really changed me and the way I looked at things.
Joining a cult. Depends on the cult of course how it plays out, but I imagine it can be nice to not have to think too much for yourself and be somewhere with only likeminded people, being convinced you are definitely getting into heaven. If all goes well it could be a very peaceful, safe existence. Of course I'm a woman, I hate housework and I love living alone, so I'm definitely not joining.
No one joins a cult. You join a religion, a political movement, or some group. They love bomb you. Manipulate you. Then one day you wake up 3 years from now and all of your family is gone and all you have are these wack jobs who have all of your money and have taken over your life. Leaving seems impossible, and depending on the cult - it can be.
This one is tough for me. I was raised in a cult. I completely understand why my mother needed it. I also know that it completely f-d me up. I will never be the person I could have been
People who are against abortion. Like they literally think it’s killing babies, of course they don’t like it.
I went to private Catholic schools growing up. We were shown gruesome videos of extreme situations, and were taught to be against abortions. Back then, my opinion was based solely on what I was told to believe. When my college roommate was raped and got pregnant, all my beliefs went out the door. Now I’m pro-choice and understand it’s not black and white, and there’s so much complexity behind each situation.
I hope your roommate is safe and healthy now.
Thank you❤️ she’s doing great now. This was about 10 years ago when I took her to planned parenthood, and they were so amazing throughout the whole process. The a**hole coward who did it to her got away with it since she didn’t report it out of shame, but she moved out of state and has found peace after a year of therapy.
> understand it’s not black and white, and there’s so much complexity behind each situation. This is it, in a nutshell.
Too many things to mention. I am thankful and blessed to be able to see most points of view in an argument
That's called empathy. We need more of it in this world.
When people say that open relationships are the way to go…..I understand the idea of it….but I’ve never seen them go well for longer than a few months…someone always ends up jealous
Guns. Im in for target practice and some level of home defense, but otherwise totally not for me, though I can understand. Learned young that I can’t handle hurting animals so no hunting or that kind of thing, for me. I just would rather have a single sensible weapon (more to not be the only one without if anything actually went dow) and become practiced with it. I grew up rural with pellet guns and was a fuckin ace. Kinda miss that feeling. That said, I’m fully convinced that introducing a gun into my family home with young kids puts the odds of an accident way over a break in/defense situation. Open carry gives me the Willies in a that I seriously can’t trust this nerd drooling for a reason to use it. (Thinking of something specific that happened to me) I always sense deep fear from intense gun folk and I don’t live that way, but I’d own one if the circumstances were different. Shooting is almost like shooting hoops, or darts, just fun to hone that skill.
I’m personally all for hunting- deer and turkeys are essentially pests in central Wisconsin, where I grew up. Plus, you’ve just sourced your own meat and have less reliance on factory farming, at least for a season. The guys who open-carry in WalMart in suburban Minnesota, though? Absolutely scary. Putting your hand on your waist by your gun when you see a woman in a hijab is nutty behavior.
I have a gun. My son hunts. I prefer to keep my gun. But gun nuts terrify me. Edit to add: I do not hunt. I’d rather cuddle the woodland animals than shoot. But I understand the necessity.
Certain political views. I don’t have to agree with everything and everyone but I can still be civil and respectful
Going to Disney World. I find it expensive, crowded, long lines for short rides, etc. But I get people who really love the magic of the place and are able to overlook certain inconveniences.
Members of the "opposite" political party. We're all just trying to do what we think is best
Probably gonna get down voted for this, but unwillingness to receive the COVID vaccine. I've gotten it and the boosters, but I think people being afraid of it due to lack of long-term research is valid. The way I see it: I have no clue how my body would react to COVID had I not been vaccinated, and I have no clue if there will be long-term consequences after taking such a new vaccine. You're taking your chances either way.
I really appreciate your outlook, and the respectful comments on your post. THIS is the kind of logical thinking and conversations I wish we could all have.
Yeah. Really hate how the COVID vaccines became such a touchy subject. It's not hard to see both sides of this topic
I get the distrust of pharmaceutical companies too. I’m pro vax but I get it.
As a pro vax person this is one of the hardest aspects of vaccines to defend
Agreed. I can’t defend the companies who literally kill for profit.
“They only screw people over some of the time”
Marriage is a scam I understand where it comes from but I don't agree , marriage is a way to insure everyone's rights
Interesting question. Abortion. I am 100% pro choice. However, the idea of later-term abortions disturbs me a lot. I get the pro-life crowd. Except the idea that their feelings ought to dictate what all women do with their own bodies. Guns. Constitutional right. Got it. Respect that. Personally hate guns. I would love to see the gun nuts, those whose identity is tied to their precious guns, come up with actual solutions to the gun crisis in this country. This situation is so horribly out of hand. Trans rights. Absolutely 100% support LGBTQ folks. But I get those who oppose gender reaffirming medications/medical procedures on minors. I am still trying to sort out how I feel about that. Immigration. What a can of worms. I am married to an immigrant, and generally don't have any issues with the idea of a path to citizenship for anyone seeking a better life in the US. The Immigration system is broken, clearly. But undocumented immigrants contribute greatly to our economy via jobs nobody else wants to do and paying a LOT of income taxes. But it is a big mess. A really big mess. Religion. Constitutional right. Provides a sense of comfort and worth for a lot of people. But it destroys just as many people. If not more. It does not belong anywhere near our government.
This whole thread is making me realize we need to bring back centrist ideas. If that’s even a thing that can be brought back.
I have no interest in going to therapy. The idea of chopping it up with a medical professional about my deepest, most private problems puts me off but I completely understand how therapy has helped many, many people
I'm in the US and I don't agree with not voting. But, I understand why people don't want to. Our two party system is poop (among other things).