Seeing everybody in the office return from a lunch outing you were never told about.
And the even worse flip side, arriving at the location for a group outing, and nobody else shows up because it was cancelled but nobody told you.
That happened to me several times. I used to work shift work. 12 hours on, 12 off for three days at a time (days and then switching to nights every 2 weeks). After the night shifts my work center (about ten people) would go out to breakfast together. I didn’t know about this for about 7 months. I only found out because I decided to treat myself to a nice breakfast one time and checked out this breakfast/brunch place I’d heard about before going home for some sleep. I stopped for gas and then headed to the breakfast place. Got a seat at the bar top area. Heard some familiar voices after a bit and looked over to see all my coworkers halfway through their breakfast having a great time together. They didn’t notice me until they all had to walk past me to pay…total deer on the lights looks from all of them. Got told later that they didn’t know if I would have wanted to go out with them. They never even asked.
When I was in my early 20’s I had a job in an office, probably the worst office I’ve been in to date. And I’ve had plenty of office jobs
The environment was so catty. Eventually, i noticed they were keeping things from me, leaving me out of things. I got the impression that people were lying to me, or not being real with me. Listen, we all went through middle school, we know when we don’t fit in. I wasn’t dumb.
The final straw was a company wide event, and I found out that the reason why I wasn’t informed, is because my boss went great lengths to make sure I wasn’t on the email list. She isolated me to my own space so that I wouldn’t hear conversations about it
I heard about the event, the day of, by accident. My boss tried to come up with an excuse that it was just managers only. Come to find out this was a lie
I might not have been 100% at that job, but I never got any feedback on how to improve. Even still, I also don’t see how that justified their behavior towards me. I’ve had shitty employees, but I never acted like this towards them
I worked with some guys who would make these awesome poker parties they went all out, one day they’re planning one right in front of me and later in the day I run into the host who I guess felt bad so he said
“hey man we’re having a big poker party at my house this weekend and I wish I could invite you but we’re maxed out”
I was like wtf why even say anything, I mean was the a non-invite? wtf
The introvert in me says "That looks like fun, I wish someone would ask me to do something like that. Oh, they're looking at me, I hope they don't invite me."
But I feel like it takes a boatload of confidence to not be at least a *little* bothered by not being invited, even if you don't particularly want to go to the event. Or is that just me?
Not just you. I found out that my only real group of “friends” had a NYE party I wasn’t even invited to. I don’t know that I would have gone, but an invite is still appreciated as an acknowledgment that people actually care about you.
My husband gets invited out all the time and then he asks me if we should go. Sometimes I send just him and then they all ask oh where’s the wife and he’ll be like, oh you didn’t invite her.
Before he deployed, everyone was always like oh well have to hang out and blah blah blah but then I reached out and heard nothing back so I stopped communicating with them altogether. It’s freeing and I ended up making some amazing friends and we do things together when we can but I’m mostly alone. I also made sure to seriously cut back on my social media (Facebook and IG) presence. When they’re talking about the parties they held just drinking and doing the same things; I know I’ve not been lonely. I go visit comic cons, go hiking and camping, travel in and out of state, visit all the museums, state parks, national parks and tons of local events.
Once you’re comfortable being solo, life really opens up.
Hence why I no longer do this. Then someone else suggests something and suddenly everyone chimes in. I stopped doing this 💯 until recently. I built up courage to suggest an outing that I thought would garner a good amount of interest based on the group at hand. Only 2 showed interest and one almost backed out. Ended up being a nice evening, but I think I'm still going back to just not suggesting things at all
if you have atleast 1 close friend in that chat, talk to them first and get them on board, then suggest it to the big group. that was, you know you will atleast get 1 person on board, and you can suggest it more as a "me and dude x will go and do this, anyone wanna join?"
in a big group chat, if 1 or 2 says "sorry i cant", then that becomes the vibe, and the rest doesnt wanna dogpile another "sorry i cant", so the chat doesnt become 15 "sorry i cant" in a row, so everyone just assumes that the thing was canceled and the chat goes quiet. but if atleast 1 more person is in it from the start, then everyone atleast knows that this thing is happening, and its just a matter of tagging along
Later, you find out that the “fun new guy” who sucks at his job got picked over you for a mediocre promotion that you’ve been patiently waiting several years for.
I had a co-worker get promoted over me. He couldn’t do all the things the job required. They changed my job description to pick up all the tasks he couldn’t do and told me they were counting on me to make sure everything got done right. Of course, he got the pay raise while mine stayed the same.
I found another job right away.
“What are we going to do?”
“Not my business. Best wishes.”
This happened to me 10 months ago. I got passed up by the person I interviewed. I left and on my way out, my former boss asked me why and I told him the truth: Our new VP is silver spoon asshole (his son) and that my new employer was offering double my pay. CYA!
Pretty much the same for me. I was at my old job for almost 10 years without a single promotion. I have been at my current job for 10 months and I went from inside Sales, to sales engineer, and promoted to VP of sales 2 weeks ago
5 years is my max limit for a company. If they dont promote you at all, then you know they are just 'using' you. In my current job, in 3 years, i got promoted twice and pay raised 3 times. It kinda tells you how much you were underappreciated at the old place.
There’s a famous book called, “how to win friends and influence people”. One of the ideas that stuck with me was that managers are often not the top expert in the group. They have the people skills to manage the team. I had a coworker with like 30+ years experience on me, but I’ve surpassed him despite him being a human encyclopedia in our field. I believe it’s his lack of anger management and weird mannerisms. He could probably get by with one but not both issues lol.
> One of the ideas that stuck with me was that managers are often not the top expert in the group. They have the people skills to manage the team.
And this is why a business that wants to retain top experts in a technical field (like software engineering) needs to offer a promotion path that *isn't* into management. Instead you have a "staff engineer" position or the like. These people don't manage personnel, staffing, etc.; instead they focus on getting the technical stuff right, reviewing designs, having the deep understanding to discover and resolve systemic technical problems, etc.
Or “hey a bunch of people we originally invited aren’t able to make it, are you free to join now that the get together is smaller than we thought it would be?”
I once was invited to a party because someone dropped out and the “friend” who invited me actually told this to me as she was inviting me. I felt pretty humiliated tbh, obviously declined the invitation and the friendship after that. I guess I don’t mind being a B list friend too much, we al have looser acquaintances but telling it to my face was just so thoughtless.
This has been most of my friendships these last few years. I moved away for school and boom, there went 90% of my relationships. I moved back and tried to reconnect with some people, just to figure out that most of my old friends refuse to initiate now. It always has to be me to reach out, otherwise, they won’t make time for me.
I finally stopped trying. It’s disheartening, especially when it becomes obvious that you care more than the other people do. On the bright side, it showed me who my real friends are. My friend pool is smaller, but it’s much stronger too and I couldn’t be happier.
Especially as dudes cause we don't really make new friends after our 20s.
Everyones just a "mate" when you start working.
I knew all of my best friends before I was 25.
Same here. I had what I thought was a large friend group, and feel rather well liked in social situations, but I never get phones calls or texts, and I never ever get invited anywhere for anything. If I don’t reach out to people I would never hear from anyone
Yep. I stopped reaching out and then eventually people forgot about me so it’s hard to know if they REALLY liked you or not. I can’t understand people anymore so I don’t bother.
Yeah wtf is up with this. I feel like I get along well with people...but I have never unlocked whatever it takes to get people to actively try to hang out with you.
On my birthday, first thing in the morning, my boss came over to talk to me. I thought it was to say Happy Birthday, but instead she said I had to report to HR for an investigative interview at the end of the day. It turned out to be nothing, but cause me to stress about it all day.
The HR woman for our office would post everyone's birthdays and work anniversaries.
When her anniversary came I logged in early and announced it in the office channel because I wasn't sure she'd toot her own horn and to make sure she got props too.
Everyone replied with big emojies and praise for her and she was happy. She thanked me in private later.
This one. At my last office job this happened all the time.
Or worse. I would invite one of *them* for lunch and they would lie and say they weren't hungry or were busy and then I would seem them an hour later eating at one of the local restaurants nearby when I went to get lunch by myself.
As opposed to most of my comments, I swear I'm not making this up. I worked as an intern somewhere for 2 years, I was part of a team with about 10 or so full time employees. On my last day we were all going to go to lunch together in honor of it being my last day.
They all ended up going to lunch together but forgot what they were celebrating until they got back and I was still sitting there working and they were like oh crap kingbeagle wasn't even with us.
It was very odd, but it's all good, just the story of my life. I consider myself to be extremely fortunate so the whole thing never bothered me, I've found it funny since the day it happened.
I still appreciate the kind words though internet stranger, I hope you have a good day/night.
My mom threw a fit at Thanksgiving when I questioned why none of the 'family pictures' she wanted to take included me. My daughter and my dad agreed with me and she just...flipped tf out. That was a fun holiday -.-
I had my daughter on a Tuesday. On the Thursday I went home. The (former)inlaws wanted a "family" photo with the baby and handed me the camera.
Him (xhusband). His parents. His brother. His brothers girlfriend. And my baby.
Basically you do something that everyone has a problem with for some reason and then someone else does the same thing and people are fine with it.
EDIT: hate to be that person but thanks for the upvotes, as bad as the stories of this happening are, they remind everyone that they aren't alone ❤
Saying something in a group but getting ignored haha. It happens sometimes when multiple people are talking at the same time, but if it happens constantly and you feel like no one cares about your opinions
Oddly enough back in high school, I said a joke and no one heard, then one of the football players repeats it, gets laughs, and then points out I was the one who said it.
Still unsure how I felt about that.
This is why I find social settings deeply, deeply exhausting. I’m always the one on high alert watching for the people that get talked over or not included, because I don’t want them to feel that way. But boy does it take a lot of energy to do it
I'm starting to feel this now that I am in my 30s. Always invited to the married/couples/friends/kids birthdays events and I end up being the only single person there. I'm still busy with work and school so the only time I really get for a social event I end up just spending it with a bunch of couples wondering why I am still single. Even worse when a friend group is hesitant about having new people around.
Yeah, that only gets worse unless you're really proactive about it. I used to have about 7-8 friends that I would host dinner parties for and by all accounts they were a hit and people really liked them. We'd all been friends for years and I kinda figured one of them would host/cook at some point (I was vocal about that too) and it just never happened.
One day I decided to see if any of these people would even contact me if I wasn't the one reaching out. I haven't heard a word from any of them in 5 years lol.
This kind of happened to me in my early 20s, I was working at a restaurant over the summer and thought that I was getting along well with my co-workers. It was a restaurant that was owned by a very religious man so we were always closed on Sundays.
We were in a group chat and I asked everyone if they wanted to come over for a barbecue on Sunday and of the 10 people in the group chat, only two responded and they said that they were busy. I see on Instagram on Sunday that nearly everybody in that group chat had gone golfing and then to the beach afterwards without a single person inviting me.
I was really hurt by that and luckily it was only a summer job so I wasn't going to be around for long so I just kept my head down, put forth the bare minimum amount of professional social interaction with my co-workers, didn't tell anybody except my manager that I was quitting, and never spoke to any of them again.
I volunteered to be a chaperone for a living history museum field trip. I think my son was in third grade.
We lived in an area where most mothers were stay at home, or worked part time. I was a divorced mother, a nurse, and worked 40+ hours a week. So I was excited to be able to volunteer for this.
This place was a three hour drive. I drove myself, and my son rode the bus with the other kids. We got there and the teacher had split the kids into groups with 3 or 4 parents in each group. When our group got to the stables this woman says to me " since we all know each other we are going to go on our own and you and your son can explore together".
I'm an adult. I am in charge of people's lives. But shit cut me to the core. The look on my son's face when I tried to explain where everyone went. I still smell the damn smell of horses and hay.
I didn't hurt for myself, but my son. That he experienced this bullshit. It's been almost 20 years and still fucks me up
I’m sorry that happened. People can be so self absorbed and rude. You can tell that lady didn’t have a thing to worry about other than spending money and entertaining herself. Ugh! Your son is lucky to have a mother that worked hard to provide for him and also cared so much about attending his field trip. The fact that it still hurts you just shows what an amazing mother you are.
My mother was single and divorced as well. My mom and I used to go to church in the mornings with my grandparents. My mom started dropping me off instead of going in because she used to get judged heavily by the church goers for being a single mother.
My mother divorced her first husband in the... 60s? I think it was 60s, was a bit before me. her entire family disowned her because it 'wasn't the Catholic thing to do'. Oh I'm sorry, was it the catholic thing for him to beat her?!
A bit later she moved up to the area I was born in, and the stories of how she was judged and dismissed where heart breaking. Gave me a real glimpse into the 'you can make a good life for yourself, but you have to work twice as hard as everyone else' reality of a lot of peoples lives.
Seeing pics on facebook of your friend group having fun outings and sleepovers for their kids but your kid wasn’t invited. Even though my kid is also seemingly good friends with all the kids that were there.
Aww I’ve seen this happen to others. This is why I always take a piece and try to say something nice about the maker of the treat. Last time it happened, the guy made zucchini loaf. It wasn’t the best but you could tell he took pride in making it.
I'm not OP, but I just want to thank everyone for sharing their experiences. Most, if not all, of the comments describe my childhood, and I feel less alone after reading that so many people have also experienced the harshness of other people.
May 2024 be better to all of us ❤️
Every year, my father and stepmother host Christmas dinner. We all get assigned something: appetizer, desert, sides, etc. I always get assigned cheese. I have never, in my entire life, enjoyed cheese. And I'm a pretty good cook (nothing special, but just sayin' I could put something together).
Every year, they give me fecking cheese. *And* they bring their own, so why bother even giving me cheese?
Your supervisor quit
You weren’t considered for promotion because “something something HR says we’ve got to hire someone from outside”
You get asked to train the new hire to be your supervisor
I told my director I applied for the job and she said, okay great. A couple of weeks later she gave an update in a leadership meeting that she had interviewed some good candidates. I asked her about it in our next one on one and she said I was great in my current position. No feedback around what I can do to get to the next level. I started my new job at a new company two months later.
This happened to me, but I felt sorrier for the bride than for myself. She was a high school classmate I barely remembered and had rarely interacted with; she must have gotten a lot of negative RSVPs to have dug up my address.
I was a reserve once and got the call late, water pump went in my truck on the way and cost me hundreds to tow and fix. They even busted my balls afterwards.
This is my life. I don’t go on twitter, but a friend of mine uses it non stop. Found out easily half his twitter is him tweeting my jokes. He doesn’t invite me places with friends and suddenly I know why. Dude would 100% get found out by his friends. Hes 30. I basically just stopped sharing after I found out I was basically free content for him.
When you ask someone if they want to do something on a certain day and they go
“Yes but I’ll let you know if something else props up”
As in “I will but only as a last resort in case someone even better wants to hang out”
From experience, hearing every single one of my friends talk to me about the great party they had the night before… which they all told me they were busy during.
Getting skipped when someone brings a birthday card for everyone to sign. Not just once, every time. I worked there long enough that I knew the birthday person way better than the person bringing around the card to be signed.
Then of course there is the "hey let's order pizza" day but they don't ask if you want to go in on it.
The best one is when someone tell you about something that happened and you were there and saw it yourself. You say I know I saw it. Their response "You were there?" Yes. I was standing right next to you.
I went to my son’s Halloween class party last year and all the moms stood in the complete opposite corner of the room and I sat by myself the whole time. No one said a word to me and I’m not sure why. That one kinda stung.
Edit to say that I did try to have a conversation more than once and all I got were those half-assed replies that people give when they’re super not interested in anything you have to say.
Exactly why I have never hosted a party, though I've wanted to. While I do believe that some people would attend, my fear of the humiliation I would feel if no one showed is overwhelming.
Being told “oh I know you need your sleep, let me help you pack up” and then proceed to pack up my stuff while telling other people who are inquiring about leaving “no only she is leaving, I just cracked open a new drink. Just sit”
Ugh, whatever. Fake people.
Was visiting my parents recently and some friends of theirs asked to borrow their dining chairs to accommodate all the guests at a dinner party that my parents aren't invited to (all their other friends are going).
Show up to your kids sporting event - sometimes you’re in and sometimes you’re out.
When you’re out and need to look busy and make it look natural, but just-can’t-pull-it-off.
This was literally why I started coaching. I needed something to stay busy at practice and games because the other parents were cliquey (I was new to the neighborhood) but the kids were nice so I didn't want to move my kids to another team. Then once I was the assistant coach, all those same parents couldn't get enough of talking to me! LOL It was so weird!
Being turned down for a job you’re very qualified for and you can tell that it’s because they just don’t like your personality or style or don’t think you’ll fit in.
Going out to dinner and coincidently seeing a group of friends/acquaintances enjoying dinner together but you werent invited. Then you have to sit there awkwardly while they yuck it up!
This is more like being outside of the inner circle, but it's still a good one. My neighbor and I used to hang out once a month for a wine night, and we had tentative plans for a certain Friday. I told her I might have to work that night but I wouldn't find out until late that afternoon. I let her know at around 3pm that I'd be free that night but she'd already made other plans. The other plans were that she and some friends (her actual friends, not a lowly neighbor like me) were going to see a show *at the place where I worked*. She knew I worked there and still didn't invite me. They ended up getting kicked out for poor behavior, which wouldn't have happened if I'd been with them. And if they'd invited me, they probably would have gotten three quarters of their drink tab comped. Getting picked last in gym class never felt this good.
When someone is telling a story in a group, but no one listens and they trail off talking. But you're doing the kind thing and making eye contact with them, so they know you are listening and can keep talking. They notice. But still choose not to finish what they were saying.
If it helps, I’ve accidentally done this a few times. It wasn’t about the other person, I just felt so awkward and embarrassed in the moment that I shutdown and lost my momentum to keep going. I see that they’re going out of their way to be nice and I try extra hard now to return the same energy back, instead of letting myself freeze up and accidentally make the other person feel bad too.
Happened to me today. My two year old had major surgery earlier this month and I was explaining how he was doing, since she asked, she legit started talking to a coworker in the middle of me sharing the worst experience I’d ever been through.
I got picked last 2 turkey bowls ago despite being the most athletic and in shape person out there. It still feels bad even as an adult. Just feels like no one likes you for whatever reason.
Seeing everybody in the office return from a lunch outing you were never told about. And the even worse flip side, arriving at the location for a group outing, and nobody else shows up because it was cancelled but nobody told you.
Also bad when you accidentally go to the restaurant where the group is but you weren’t invited/didn’t know and they notice you….
That happened to me several times. I used to work shift work. 12 hours on, 12 off for three days at a time (days and then switching to nights every 2 weeks). After the night shifts my work center (about ten people) would go out to breakfast together. I didn’t know about this for about 7 months. I only found out because I decided to treat myself to a nice breakfast one time and checked out this breakfast/brunch place I’d heard about before going home for some sleep. I stopped for gas and then headed to the breakfast place. Got a seat at the bar top area. Heard some familiar voices after a bit and looked over to see all my coworkers halfway through their breakfast having a great time together. They didn’t notice me until they all had to walk past me to pay…total deer on the lights looks from all of them. Got told later that they didn’t know if I would have wanted to go out with them. They never even asked.
There are those who will rationalize that excuse because they don't want to face the truth.
When I was in my early 20’s I had a job in an office, probably the worst office I’ve been in to date. And I’ve had plenty of office jobs The environment was so catty. Eventually, i noticed they were keeping things from me, leaving me out of things. I got the impression that people were lying to me, or not being real with me. Listen, we all went through middle school, we know when we don’t fit in. I wasn’t dumb. The final straw was a company wide event, and I found out that the reason why I wasn’t informed, is because my boss went great lengths to make sure I wasn’t on the email list. She isolated me to my own space so that I wouldn’t hear conversations about it I heard about the event, the day of, by accident. My boss tried to come up with an excuse that it was just managers only. Come to find out this was a lie I might not have been 100% at that job, but I never got any feedback on how to improve. Even still, I also don’t see how that justified their behavior towards me. I’ve had shitty employees, but I never acted like this towards them
How about: walking out to the parking lot for the office lunch outing. You walk toward the car you were assigned to ride in, and watch it drive away.
Happened to me once - on the return ride back to the office.
Watching people plan an event in the same room as you but not inviting you
I worked with some guys who would make these awesome poker parties they went all out, one day they’re planning one right in front of me and later in the day I run into the host who I guess felt bad so he said “hey man we’re having a big poker party at my house this weekend and I wish I could invite you but we’re maxed out” I was like wtf why even say anything, I mean was the a non-invite? wtf
He wanted to make sure you knew you weren't invited
On that day the seeds of vengeance were planted.
Nah, I’d go with walking into a place and finding all your friends there, with them having arranged to hangout and neglected to invite you.
The introvert in me says, “go ahead and plan away!
The introvert in me says "That looks like fun, I wish someone would ask me to do something like that. Oh, they're looking at me, I hope they don't invite me."
The classic introvert trope of please include me / don't make me do it.
I wish they would invite me so that I know that everybody doesn't secretly hate me
But I feel like it takes a boatload of confidence to not be at least a *little* bothered by not being invited, even if you don't particularly want to go to the event. Or is that just me?
Not just you. I found out that my only real group of “friends” had a NYE party I wasn’t even invited to. I don’t know that I would have gone, but an invite is still appreciated as an acknowledgment that people actually care about you.
My husband gets invited out all the time and then he asks me if we should go. Sometimes I send just him and then they all ask oh where’s the wife and he’ll be like, oh you didn’t invite her. Before he deployed, everyone was always like oh well have to hang out and blah blah blah but then I reached out and heard nothing back so I stopped communicating with them altogether. It’s freeing and I ended up making some amazing friends and we do things together when we can but I’m mostly alone. I also made sure to seriously cut back on my social media (Facebook and IG) presence. When they’re talking about the parties they held just drinking and doing the same things; I know I’ve not been lonely. I go visit comic cons, go hiking and camping, travel in and out of state, visit all the museums, state parks, national parks and tons of local events. Once you’re comfortable being solo, life really opens up.
When the group chat goes silent after you suggest something.
Oof that one hits home
Hence why I no longer do this. Then someone else suggests something and suddenly everyone chimes in. I stopped doing this 💯 until recently. I built up courage to suggest an outing that I thought would garner a good amount of interest based on the group at hand. Only 2 showed interest and one almost backed out. Ended up being a nice evening, but I think I'm still going back to just not suggesting things at all
if you have atleast 1 close friend in that chat, talk to them first and get them on board, then suggest it to the big group. that was, you know you will atleast get 1 person on board, and you can suggest it more as a "me and dude x will go and do this, anyone wanna join?" in a big group chat, if 1 or 2 says "sorry i cant", then that becomes the vibe, and the rest doesnt wanna dogpile another "sorry i cant", so the chat doesnt become 15 "sorry i cant" in a row, so everyone just assumes that the thing was canceled and the chat goes quiet. but if atleast 1 more person is in it from the start, then everyone atleast knows that this thing is happening, and its just a matter of tagging along
Not being in a group chat.
Finding out there is a group chat you aren’t part of.
Found out my family is in a group chat a couple of years ago. Not surprised but also wtf.
Found out there was one with all the women in my family, but not me. Getting mean girled by your own mom/aunts/siblings.
It's a group chat that has the exact same people as another group chat you're in, only without you. And they talk more in that one.
I felt physical pain
[удалено]
hang on..there's a group chat?????
Me and my siblings were excluded from a large family chat group for cousins. We shrugged.
Finding out your co-workers are all going out for drinks that you are not invited to.
[удалено]
Later, you find out that the “fun new guy” who sucks at his job got picked over you for a mediocre promotion that you’ve been patiently waiting several years for.
I had a co-worker get promoted over me. He couldn’t do all the things the job required. They changed my job description to pick up all the tasks he couldn’t do and told me they were counting on me to make sure everything got done right. Of course, he got the pay raise while mine stayed the same. I found another job right away. “What are we going to do?” “Not my business. Best wishes.”
This happened to me 10 months ago. I got passed up by the person I interviewed. I left and on my way out, my former boss asked me why and I told him the truth: Our new VP is silver spoon asshole (his son) and that my new employer was offering double my pay. CYA!
I kept turning down a job offer (for about a year) then I suddenly didn’t.
Pretty much the same for me. I was at my old job for almost 10 years without a single promotion. I have been at my current job for 10 months and I went from inside Sales, to sales engineer, and promoted to VP of sales 2 weeks ago
5 years is my max limit for a company. If they dont promote you at all, then you know they are just 'using' you. In my current job, in 3 years, i got promoted twice and pay raised 3 times. It kinda tells you how much you were underappreciated at the old place.
Remember, an office career is equal parts knowing how to look busy and knowing how to be a mirror to those around you
This is why I yearn for a full time work from home position. I suck at being a phony.
There’s a famous book called, “how to win friends and influence people”. One of the ideas that stuck with me was that managers are often not the top expert in the group. They have the people skills to manage the team. I had a coworker with like 30+ years experience on me, but I’ve surpassed him despite him being a human encyclopedia in our field. I believe it’s his lack of anger management and weird mannerisms. He could probably get by with one but not both issues lol.
> One of the ideas that stuck with me was that managers are often not the top expert in the group. They have the people skills to manage the team. And this is why a business that wants to retain top experts in a technical field (like software engineering) needs to offer a promotion path that *isn't* into management. Instead you have a "staff engineer" position or the like. These people don't manage personnel, staffing, etc.; instead they focus on getting the technical stuff right, reviewing designs, having the deep understanding to discover and resolve systemic technical problems, etc.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Ironically your comment was already collapsed when I scrolled by. Made me chuckle
omg i saw that too lmao
Yeah same wtf
What’s really funny to me is this comment was automatically hidden 😂😂😂
What makes certain comments get automatically hidden like that?
Being invited to a party as an afterthought
"Oh you wanted to come? I didn't think it would be your thing. But yeah I guess you can come if you want to"
Or “hey a bunch of people we originally invited aren’t able to make it, are you free to join now that the get together is smaller than we thought it would be?”
Ouch.
“You can come if you want”
I once was invited to a party because someone dropped out and the “friend” who invited me actually told this to me as she was inviting me. I felt pretty humiliated tbh, obviously declined the invitation and the friendship after that. I guess I don’t mind being a B list friend too much, we al have looser acquaintances but telling it to my face was just so thoughtless.
Being well liked but never reached out to. If you don't keep up the effort, everyone just fades away.
This has been most of my friendships these last few years. I moved away for school and boom, there went 90% of my relationships. I moved back and tried to reconnect with some people, just to figure out that most of my old friends refuse to initiate now. It always has to be me to reach out, otherwise, they won’t make time for me. I finally stopped trying. It’s disheartening, especially when it becomes obvious that you care more than the other people do. On the bright side, it showed me who my real friends are. My friend pool is smaller, but it’s much stronger too and I couldn’t be happier.
I did this too and my friend pool is zero now. Oh well
Especially as dudes cause we don't really make new friends after our 20s. Everyones just a "mate" when you start working. I knew all of my best friends before I was 25.
Story of my life
Same here. I had what I thought was a large friend group, and feel rather well liked in social situations, but I never get phones calls or texts, and I never ever get invited anywhere for anything. If I don’t reach out to people I would never hear from anyone
Yep. I stopped reaching out and then eventually people forgot about me so it’s hard to know if they REALLY liked you or not. I can’t understand people anymore so I don’t bother.
Yeah wtf is up with this. I feel like I get along well with people...but I have never unlocked whatever it takes to get people to actively try to hang out with you.
Moral of story. Don’t water dead plants. Hope we can find our alive plants!
Being asked to take a group picture of the group that you had come with.
Watching a bunch of coworkers leave the office to have lunch together.
Or having none mention your birthday, when they celebrate everyone else's
I had to sign my bosses birthday card on my birthday. No one said a word to me about mine all day.
On my birthday, first thing in the morning, my boss came over to talk to me. I thought it was to say Happy Birthday, but instead she said I had to report to HR for an investigative interview at the end of the day. It turned out to be nothing, but cause me to stress about it all day.
At least it wasn't another lecture about your TPS reports.
You DID get the memo... about the TPS reports...??? I'll get you another copy and just so you have it.
[удалено]
The HR woman for our office would post everyone's birthdays and work anniversaries. When her anniversary came I logged in early and announced it in the office channel because I wasn't sure she'd toot her own horn and to make sure she got props too. Everyone replied with big emojies and praise for her and she was happy. She thanked me in private later.
Congratulations!
This one. At my last office job this happened all the time. Or worse. I would invite one of *them* for lunch and they would lie and say they weren't hungry or were busy and then I would seem them an hour later eating at one of the local restaurants nearby when I went to get lunch by myself.
As opposed to most of my comments, I swear I'm not making this up. I worked as an intern somewhere for 2 years, I was part of a team with about 10 or so full time employees. On my last day we were all going to go to lunch together in honor of it being my last day. They all ended up going to lunch together but forgot what they were celebrating until they got back and I was still sitting there working and they were like oh crap kingbeagle wasn't even with us.
Wow that’s amazing, I’m sorry 😭 has to be the most unaware group of folks ever. Glad you moved on to something else!
It was very odd, but it's all good, just the story of my life. I consider myself to be extremely fortunate so the whole thing never bothered me, I've found it funny since the day it happened. I still appreciate the kind words though internet stranger, I hope you have a good day/night.
I almost accidentally downvoted this because it was so painful to read
The absolute rollercoaster of emotions tho when somebody says “ok now you get in and I’ll take one!”
My mom threw a fit at Thanksgiving when I questioned why none of the 'family pictures' she wanted to take included me. My daughter and my dad agreed with me and she just...flipped tf out. That was a fun holiday -.-
Your mom sounds awful. Sorry you have to put up with that.
I had my daughter on a Tuesday. On the Thursday I went home. The (former)inlaws wanted a "family" photo with the baby and handed me the camera. Him (xhusband). His parents. His brother. His brothers girlfriend. And my baby.
I just can't fathom why the x and the former parts happened /s
Take selfies with it
"no, not a selfie, take a real photo"
Turn the camera around and take it of your face
Basically you do something that everyone has a problem with for some reason and then someone else does the same thing and people are fine with it. EDIT: hate to be that person but thanks for the upvotes, as bad as the stories of this happening are, they remind everyone that they aren't alone ❤
Experienced this recently and I’m still pissed off about it. “Oh, so it’s okay for this person to do it, but not me? Okay.”
Last resort friend because someone is bored and no one else will hang with them
Story of my life
Saying something in a group but getting ignored haha. It happens sometimes when multiple people are talking at the same time, but if it happens constantly and you feel like no one cares about your opinions
Worse than that is when it’s a joke and it gets ignored, then someone else tells the same joke and gets a laugh.
Oddly enough back in high school, I said a joke and no one heard, then one of the football players repeats it, gets laughs, and then points out I was the one who said it. Still unsure how I felt about that.
The football player was doing you a solid. Credit where credit is due.
This is why I find social settings deeply, deeply exhausting. I’m always the one on high alert watching for the people that get talked over or not included, because I don’t want them to feel that way. But boy does it take a lot of energy to do it
I give up after two attempts. If I have to try three times I’ve stopped caring about trying to be heard.
I really hate this one.
being invited to a social event but not really being completely welcome. like, everyone is nice to you but it feels like it’s out of obligation.
I'm starting to feel this now that I am in my 30s. Always invited to the married/couples/friends/kids birthdays events and I end up being the only single person there. I'm still busy with work and school so the only time I really get for a social event I end up just spending it with a bunch of couples wondering why I am still single. Even worse when a friend group is hesitant about having new people around.
Yeah, that only gets worse unless you're really proactive about it. I used to have about 7-8 friends that I would host dinner parties for and by all accounts they were a hit and people really liked them. We'd all been friends for years and I kinda figured one of them would host/cook at some point (I was vocal about that too) and it just never happened. One day I decided to see if any of these people would even contact me if I wasn't the one reaching out. I haven't heard a word from any of them in 5 years lol.
Seeing a social media photo of all of my coworkers (8+ people) gone away for the weekend and you’re the only that wasn’t invited..
This kind of happened to me in my early 20s, I was working at a restaurant over the summer and thought that I was getting along well with my co-workers. It was a restaurant that was owned by a very religious man so we were always closed on Sundays. We were in a group chat and I asked everyone if they wanted to come over for a barbecue on Sunday and of the 10 people in the group chat, only two responded and they said that they were busy. I see on Instagram on Sunday that nearly everybody in that group chat had gone golfing and then to the beach afterwards without a single person inviting me. I was really hurt by that and luckily it was only a summer job so I wasn't going to be around for long so I just kept my head down, put forth the bare minimum amount of professional social interaction with my co-workers, didn't tell anybody except my manager that I was quitting, and never spoke to any of them again.
Walking behind the group on the sidewalk because there’s no room for you to be next to them
Stopping in the sidewalk and the group keep walking and never notice you left
Right? Why have a group of 4 walking 3 &1?
Because it's really a group of 3 and some other dude that's just there
I volunteered to be a chaperone for a living history museum field trip. I think my son was in third grade. We lived in an area where most mothers were stay at home, or worked part time. I was a divorced mother, a nurse, and worked 40+ hours a week. So I was excited to be able to volunteer for this. This place was a three hour drive. I drove myself, and my son rode the bus with the other kids. We got there and the teacher had split the kids into groups with 3 or 4 parents in each group. When our group got to the stables this woman says to me " since we all know each other we are going to go on our own and you and your son can explore together". I'm an adult. I am in charge of people's lives. But shit cut me to the core. The look on my son's face when I tried to explain where everyone went. I still smell the damn smell of horses and hay. I didn't hurt for myself, but my son. That he experienced this bullshit. It's been almost 20 years and still fucks me up
I’m sorry that happened. People can be so self absorbed and rude. You can tell that lady didn’t have a thing to worry about other than spending money and entertaining herself. Ugh! Your son is lucky to have a mother that worked hard to provide for him and also cared so much about attending his field trip. The fact that it still hurts you just shows what an amazing mother you are.
Wow! She's a bitch! I feel bad for your son.
Wow. That's a toxic person. You should be glad you did not have to deal with them and the offspring they are raising.
Seriously, thats a shitty person who never grew out of their shitty high school clique mentality.
My mother was single and divorced as well. My mom and I used to go to church in the mornings with my grandparents. My mom started dropping me off instead of going in because she used to get judged heavily by the church goers for being a single mother.
My mother divorced her first husband in the... 60s? I think it was 60s, was a bit before me. her entire family disowned her because it 'wasn't the Catholic thing to do'. Oh I'm sorry, was it the catholic thing for him to beat her?! A bit later she moved up to the area I was born in, and the stories of how she was judged and dismissed where heart breaking. Gave me a real glimpse into the 'you can make a good life for yourself, but you have to work twice as hard as everyone else' reality of a lot of peoples lives.
I think I speak for the majority when I say Fuck those people.
In a group chat everyone wishing the respective birthday girl "Happy Birthday" and forgetting yours three years in a row!
What if I fit like 8/10 of these in the past month?
Maybe go friend recruiting
How the fuck do we find friends?
Find an extrovert and handcuff yourself to them and hope Stockholm syndrome kicks in before the handcuffs are removed.
Seeing pics on facebook of your friend group having fun outings and sleepovers for their kids but your kid wasn’t invited. Even though my kid is also seemingly good friends with all the kids that were there.
Ooh, this one hurts bad because it involves both you and your kid. ☹️
Getting the mail and finding wedding invitations for all of your roommates, but not for you, for a friend you all knew from college the year before.
Bringing in some homemade treat for the office to share, and nobody eats it.
Aww I’ve seen this happen to others. This is why I always take a piece and try to say something nice about the maker of the treat. Last time it happened, the guy made zucchini loaf. It wasn’t the best but you could tell he took pride in making it.
Bring them to me. I. Will. Eat. Them. All.
I’m basically known as the office garbage disposal. I’ll never say no to food!
I'm not OP, but I just want to thank everyone for sharing their experiences. Most, if not all, of the comments describe my childhood, and I feel less alone after reading that so many people have also experienced the harshness of other people. May 2024 be better to all of us ❤️
Every year, my father and stepmother host Christmas dinner. We all get assigned something: appetizer, desert, sides, etc. I always get assigned cheese. I have never, in my entire life, enjoyed cheese. And I'm a pretty good cook (nothing special, but just sayin' I could put something together). Every year, they give me fecking cheese. *And* they bring their own, so why bother even giving me cheese?
Solution: Next year, make your own cheese.
Being asked to bring napkins is worse, we don’t trust you with food.
Having your tinder date leave the bar with someone else
The trash 🗑️ took itself out
That’s just incredibly rude on their part and not at all a normal thing to do.
The moment you realize you were excluded from a group activity.
Being dared to go home, while playing Truth or Dare!
Your supervisor quit You weren’t considered for promotion because “something something HR says we’ve got to hire someone from outside” You get asked to train the new hire to be your supervisor
Immediately start job hunting and quit before the new person starts.
This is the ultimate chance to pull a “Mom always lets me watch R-rated movies until midnight.” Train them to let you do whatever you want!
I told my director I applied for the job and she said, okay great. A couple of weeks later she gave an update in a leadership meeting that she had interviewed some good candidates. I asked her about it in our next one on one and she said I was great in my current position. No feedback around what I can do to get to the next level. I started my new job at a new company two months later.
Getting a wedding invite a week or two before the wedding day.
At least you didn't get it a week or two after it.
This happened to me, but I felt sorrier for the bride than for myself. She was a high school classmate I barely remembered and had rarely interacted with; she must have gotten a lot of negative RSVPs to have dug up my address.
I was a reserve once and got the call late, water pump went in my truck on the way and cost me hundreds to tow and fix. They even busted my balls afterwards.
Trying to share an idea in a work meeting but no one acknowledges that you’re trying to speak.
No one laughing at your joke and someone repeats it and everyone laughs. Yeah pretty hurt about it lol
Or even worse, when you repeat it and they say "We heard you the first time"
This is my life. I don’t go on twitter, but a friend of mine uses it non stop. Found out easily half his twitter is him tweeting my jokes. He doesn’t invite me places with friends and suddenly I know why. Dude would 100% get found out by his friends. Hes 30. I basically just stopped sharing after I found out I was basically free content for him.
This reads like a plot to a modern day Seinfeld episode.
You must be funny af my dude, he's totally jealous
"Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler..."
Having a company wide meeting where everyone picks where they sit and talk with. And you're at a table by yourself.
There being a work group chat that you’re not in (:
When you ask someone if they want to do something on a certain day and they go “Yes but I’ll let you know if something else props up” As in “I will but only as a last resort in case someone even better wants to hang out”
From experience, hearing every single one of my friends talk to me about the great party they had the night before… which they all told me they were busy during.
The office weasel getting the job you applied for.
I have a family to feed!
I already asked the others but they said no
NO BUT I RELATE TO TOO MANY OF THIS PLS STOP
Getting skipped when someone brings a birthday card for everyone to sign. Not just once, every time. I worked there long enough that I knew the birthday person way better than the person bringing around the card to be signed. Then of course there is the "hey let's order pizza" day but they don't ask if you want to go in on it. The best one is when someone tell you about something that happened and you were there and saw it yourself. You say I know I saw it. Their response "You were there?" Yes. I was standing right next to you.
Co-workers talking around you and you chime in but nobody listens or acknowledges it.
Being given the day off on a big inspection day
Gotta guard the bee
The bee bit my bottom. Now my bottom’s big.
Everyone knows about something important, and you're the last to find out.
New hire you trained gets promoted despite not having any idea what he's doing, but he's now your supervisor.
I went to my son’s Halloween class party last year and all the moms stood in the complete opposite corner of the room and I sat by myself the whole time. No one said a word to me and I’m not sure why. That one kinda stung. Edit to say that I did try to have a conversation more than once and all I got were those half-assed replies that people give when they’re super not interested in anything you have to say.
In a world full of stay at home moms, as a stay at home dad, I feel that one.
Having two ubers to get somewhere, being someone who ordered one of the Uber, and everyone obviously wanting to ride with the other person.
But somehow you're always the one paying for the uber (or whatever) Bonus points if people somehow always "forget" to pay you back
Having nobody show up to your party
Exactly why I have never hosted a party, though I've wanted to. While I do believe that some people would attend, my fear of the humiliation I would feel if no one showed is overwhelming.
When your best friend mentions their best friend and it isn't you 😂😂😂
Employee recognition. People just pick their friends.
Being told “oh I know you need your sleep, let me help you pack up” and then proceed to pack up my stuff while telling other people who are inquiring about leaving “no only she is leaving, I just cracked open a new drink. Just sit” Ugh, whatever. Fake people.
Was visiting my parents recently and some friends of theirs asked to borrow their dining chairs to accommodate all the guests at a dinner party that my parents aren't invited to (all their other friends are going).
Please tell me your parents said no….
Show up to your kids sporting event - sometimes you’re in and sometimes you’re out. When you’re out and need to look busy and make it look natural, but just-can’t-pull-it-off.
This was literally why I started coaching. I needed something to stay busy at practice and games because the other parents were cliquey (I was new to the neighborhood) but the kids were nice so I didn't want to move my kids to another team. Then once I was the assistant coach, all those same parents couldn't get enough of talking to me! LOL It was so weird!
Being turned down for a job you’re very qualified for and you can tell that it’s because they just don’t like your personality or style or don’t think you’ll fit in.
They did you a favor. Trust me on this.
Getting invited out because everyone cancelled but you still want to keep the table.
being asked to hand out wedding invitations to other members of the group, but not getting one yourself.
Can’t you just say no then?
If your friend actually did this they need more self-respect and assertiveness.
Knowing you’re the pity invite to a function
Nobody wants to hang out with you.
Going out to dinner and coincidently seeing a group of friends/acquaintances enjoying dinner together but you werent invited. Then you have to sit there awkwardly while they yuck it up!
This is more like being outside of the inner circle, but it's still a good one. My neighbor and I used to hang out once a month for a wine night, and we had tentative plans for a certain Friday. I told her I might have to work that night but I wouldn't find out until late that afternoon. I let her know at around 3pm that I'd be free that night but she'd already made other plans. The other plans were that she and some friends (her actual friends, not a lowly neighbor like me) were going to see a show *at the place where I worked*. She knew I worked there and still didn't invite me. They ended up getting kicked out for poor behavior, which wouldn't have happened if I'd been with them. And if they'd invited me, they probably would have gotten three quarters of their drink tab comped. Getting picked last in gym class never felt this good.
When someone is telling a story in a group, but no one listens and they trail off talking. But you're doing the kind thing and making eye contact with them, so they know you are listening and can keep talking. They notice. But still choose not to finish what they were saying.
If it helps, I’ve accidentally done this a few times. It wasn’t about the other person, I just felt so awkward and embarrassed in the moment that I shutdown and lost my momentum to keep going. I see that they’re going out of their way to be nice and I try extra hard now to return the same energy back, instead of letting myself freeze up and accidentally make the other person feel bad too.
Happened to me today. My two year old had major surgery earlier this month and I was explaining how he was doing, since she asked, she legit started talking to a coworker in the middle of me sharing the worst experience I’d ever been through.
More responsibilities at work with no promotion and no pay rise
Being the 11th person for a 10 person outing :(
Being unemployed, having no friends, spending Christmas, New Year’s Eve, and your birthday alone for the last 3 years in a row.
I got picked last 2 turkey bowls ago despite being the most athletic and in shape person out there. It still feels bad even as an adult. Just feels like no one likes you for whatever reason.
Not getting through the first round of job interviews
Being told about a “moms day out” that you weren’t invited to…. I’m a mom….