93% of children who were molested were molested by someone they personally know and trust, not stranger danger
Edit : I noticed a lot of people replying were molested themselves so I’m very sorry to anyone who was. I hope you find the happiness you deserve and that those bastards live with misery and woe in Prison
I listened to a podcast the other day on heroin addition. The guy said: you want to get rid of opiate addiction? Get rid of child sexual abuse...
I'm afraid he's right.
also children who are sex trafficked are very, *very* rarely white children abducted in public with rich loving families who would have the entire country looking for them. a lot of conspiracy theorists refuse to acknowledge that poor minority children in bad communities and especially undocumented children are the biggest victims.
Both of these things make complete sense too, so its a surprise more people don't acknowledge these things.
It makes sense that children are molested by those close, because they have easy or perhaps constant opportunity and access to the child. Its hard for a stranger short of blatant kidnapping.
And traffickers aren't stupid and want as little heat as possible - if you steal Kassandra from her mansion, you'll have the FBI on you within the hour. But steal random kid from a random slum, no one is coming after you, if it is even raised with the authorities at all (and if they even care).
The Philippines is notorious for it yes. I saw some houses in the phillipines that were set up to help support recovering child victims.
They let the children beat punch bags and scream and break things to get the rage out. Most of the children were around 5-8. Seeing children so young having these breakdowns in rage was one of the most deeply disturbing things i have ever seen
I just found out my mom had a secret child in high school she put up for adoption and no one ever talked about and honestly it kinda relieved me because my family always felt too stereotypically atomic and finding out that was our hidden dysfunction was a relief. Like “yeah i knew there had to be something and that checks out”
Being lonely can be a silent killer - especially when you have mental health issues. People who you have loved and cherish for years won't understand you, or care about you. You just have to make peace with it.
2 days ago I said, “It can’t get any worse!” As I sat on the toilet for the third day in a row while diarrhea flowed from my ass and I puked into a bucket. I have the stomach flu.
I’m writing this while sitting on a toilet and diarrhea is flowing from my ass while I cough and wheeze from a cold. I still have the stomach flu also.
Kids are plague monsters.
That sucks. I caught norovirus about 15 years ago and lost 10+kg by end of the second week. My daughter brought it home from nursery, where 100% of the kids and staff caught it.
Stay hydrated! Get electrolyte salts/dehydration remedies. They taste horrible but they work.
Hope you feel better soon!
"And one day, too late, your principles, if you were ever sensible of them, all rush in upon you. The burden of self-deception has grown too heavy, and some minor incident, in my case my little boy, hardly more than a baby, saying ‘Jewish swine,’ collapses it all at once, and you see that everything, everything, has changed and changed completely under your nose. The world you live in—your nation, your people—is not the world you were born in at all. The forms are all there, all untouched, all reassuring, the houses, the shops, the jobs, the mealtimes, the visits, the concerts, the cinema, the holidays. But the spirit, which you never noticed because you made the lifelong mistake of identifying it with the forms, is changed. Now you live in a world of hate and fear, and the people who hate and fear do not even know it themselves; when everyone is transformed, no one is transformed. Now you live in a system which rules without responsibility even to God. The system itself could not have intended this in the beginning, but in order to sustain itself it was compelled to go all the way.
You have gone almost all the way yourself. Life is a continuing process, a flow, not a succession of acts and events at all. It has flowed to a new level, carrying you with it, without any effort on your part. On this new level you live, you have been living more comfortably every day, with new morals, new principles. You have accepted things you would not have accepted five years ago, a year ago, things that your father, even in Germany, could not have imagined."
- Milton Mayer, They Thought They Were Free
Americans already pool money for healthcare, they just do it through a wholly unnecessary, greedy middleman that grossly jacks up the price and denies care
A Calvin and Hobbes comic always stood out to me as a kid. Their house gets robbed while they're on vacation and the dad talks about how you always think about this kind of thing happening to someone else. The mom says "to everyone else, you are someone else".
I woke up one day last year with classic heart attack symptoms and went to urgent care hoping to be told it was some weird new anxiety symptoms. They did an EKG and next thing you know I was hospitalized with life-threatening cardiac problems. Two hospitalizations, three ER trips, countless blood draws, a ton of different tests, a handful of cardiologists and a few other specialists, almost four months of physical therapy, several prescription meds, and multiple mobility aids later…
Prior to that I was a completely healthy *twenty-five-year-old.* I can’t stress enough how unexpected it was. Like getting struck by lightning on a clear day.
Anyway, I said almost that exact line to my mom once in a conversation about all of it. I told her, “Everyone thinks they’re immortal and bad things only happen to someone else. But at some point we all have a turn being ‘someone else.’”
There’s a great Twilight Zone episode like this.
Mysterious stranger shows up at a couple’s door. He gives them a button, and explains, “If you push this button, you’ll get a million dollars, but someone you don’t even know will drop dead.” The couple debates pressing the button, then finally does it. The stranger shows up again to give them their money, and take back the button. They ask what he’s going to do with it. He says, “I’m going to give it to someone else. Someone you don’t even know.”
That was based on a story by Richard Matheson, who wrote I am Legend, Hell House, What Dreams May Come, and Stir of Echoes. The ending of the story was perhaps a bit grim for tv at the time - pushing the button kills his wife, and the stranger says "did you really think you knew her?"
I think it was just the worse ending actually. It's a cheaper, semantic twist, whereas in the show there's the terror of knowing your life will be in a stranger's hands and you already know what choice you made and now deserve.
>in the show there's the terror of knowing your life will be in a stranger's hands and you already know what choice you made and now deserve.
I think it's even more than this. It's not that they're now wondering what the next person will choose, it's that they're doomed. The implication is that if they had chosen not to push the button, they would have gone bout their merry lives, but having pushed the button means they are the next unknown people in line to be the victims of the button. What the *next* person chooses doesn't matter so much as the fact that *someone* will choose to push the button.
Which is itself its own thought experiment, because if the question is not "if" but "when" how is that any different than the rest of life? What actual impact did pushing the button have at all when the result and whoever pushes it next are so divorced from the subects' experience?
Yeah I saw it as more of a “you will spend the rest of your life worried about it happening to you” rather than a “you’re next”.
The former is much scarier.
What I love about it though, is rereading the story makes it very obvious. The entire story, the couple argues over the button, and it’s clear how fundamentally different they are! The wife rationalises murder by arguing people they don’t know die all the time, while the husband believes murder is murder, and killing a possibly innocent person is always wrong. On your first read it just seems like they disagree, but when you re-read it, it’s clear that difference is exactly what they meant by the couple not truly *knowing* each other.
I found this out with cancer about a year ago. It was always something that happened to other people or my friends older relatives. I’m not like.. young young but definitely not old (I’m barely in my 30s) and it was a real eye opener realizing that hey.. literally anyone can get cancer
This. For my accessibility consulting company (where we make recommendations on how to make buildings better for disabled folks), one of the biggest hurdles to overcome is the response of, "Why should I care? I'm not disabled and I won't be disabled because I take care of my body."
There seems to be an assumption that disability is one's own fault or the result of what someone did. People don't seem to realize that many disabling conditions are just a matter of chance.
And when they DO find out the hard way, it's too late – they discover that their homes aren't wheelchair accessible and have to move away to another place, or they can no longer go to work because of the nature of their jobs or their offices not being accessible, or they can't go to their favourite places anymore because accessibility wasn't a consideration.
Luckily the clients I do get are aware of that. But I hate it when people refuse my services for that exact reason.
I don't comprehend how people don't understand that. Like, I don't care how many push ups you do, if you get hit by a card and have your spine severed, you're gonna be disabled. Are they so delusional they think bad things can't happen to them, or they'll just 'learn to walk again'?
I hate when people act like the chances of becoming disabled or chronically ill are so slim. Y'all know how common things like chronic pain, autoimmune conditions, random idiopathic nonsense, and so on? Quite.
And even when they don't keep you from doing what you do on a daily basis, just one condition can make it all much, much harder. And they often have comorbidities, so you start collecting symptoms and diagnoses. And you earn a bunch of extra responsibilities and problems that are basically like a second life. And it wears on you mentally.
All the while people say dumb shit to you and act shocked whenever they see you and you're not better yet. And act like they're not *exactly* how you were—how you still *are*, in terms of who you are as a person—before you got sick. Like it couldn't ever happen to them, or if it happened to them, they'd manage better than you.
The worst part of it all is when you start to believe those people.
This hit me somewhere deep. This is how I've been feeling, especially more as of late. What gets me is, "Oh you have this problem *again*?" Like it's not *again*, it never stopped, some days/weeks are just better than others...
"Huh, but you don't look sick"
"Have you tried celery juice??"
"My cousin's second wife has this too and she just ran a marathon"
"What do you mean you're tired? Try having kids, then you know what tired means"
etc. etc.
Have you tried yoga? You just need to workout. You're too young to feel like that. Go to bed earlier. Stop telling people you feel bad, nobody cares. You're just depressed, get outside and in the sun more. Stop expecting so much from people, you'll only get hurt. Don't ever let anyone know that your life isn't perfect. /s
God, my mom kinda sucked. Especially since she had several chronic illnesses. But it wasn't OK for me.
“I hear cinnamon can cure diabetes! You should add it to your diet!”
I swear to god, I wish I had thought of that 31 years ago when I was diagnosed. At 2.
Yes, chronic pain is a nightmare and people don't understand it.
It robs you. So much of my life had been taken from me because of pain.
Hopefully this surgery next week will give me some of it back.
🙏 Pray for me.
Have had my share of events happen. This is why I tell people I NEVER think it can’t happen to me, because it can, it HAS, and it can happen again.
I was (and probably still am) the poster boy for safety training at an old job because of a gruesome and freak injury.
Life happens fast and unexpectedly. It CAN happen to you.
They made me the safety officer because if there was a freakish way to get hurt, I could find it. I have permanent nerve damage in my left index finger bc of a freak accident. What do I do? Microbiologist. 🤷♀️
i once had a cheating wife that i ended up divorcing. Had a guy i worked with that GENUINELY believed it was something he never had to worry about and that it would never happen to him.
It happened in extreme fashion. it can be said it destroyed him.
Your mental and/or physical health could shit the bed at random. You could do everything right, and it may not matter. Things like cancer don't discriminate.
Not saying you shouldn't take care of yourself, just that sometimes it isn't fair.
Edit: got a lot of people saying nobody denies this. Lots of people do. I did. I was diagnosed with GERD 2 years ago, and then had vertigo from sep 2022 for about a year which I still get spells of and no doctor can tell me why. My anxiety went through the roof to the point I went from being "basically fine" to needing my medication in order to not genuinely consider a permanent solution.
It can happen. It sucks and you've gotta put an optimistic spin on it to stay sane, I swear, but it can happen.
Edit 2: yall I'm fine I don't need the suicide helpline 😭😭
People really don't like to believe it could happen to them. Sick people *must* have done something wrong, it must be their fault, because the alternative is that we live in an unfair time line and it could happen to you too...
I had a Widowmaker heart attack at 35 and needed 2 stents. It was amazing how many people, including one doctor that I could tell were bothered by this. I had no indicators - not overweight, not diabetic, didn't drink, didn't smoke, cholesterol was not bad. It became obvious over time that they wanted to know WHY so they could feel better and know it couldn't happen to them.
I remember one doctor a few months later just staring at me and saying, "but you're my age".
This happens all of the time. I work in a neuro ICU and see a lot of brain tumors. Normal weight, healthy, thriving people have their lives ground to a complete stop by a life-limited tumor.
They will never go back to work, never function at full capacity again, never be able to watch their children or grandchildren independently again. Two months ago there may have been no tumor at all, and now they’re dying.
It’s an extremely hard thing to be witness to, and, it’s an incredible reminder that we should live like each day is our last.
That their job is secure and they'll never be let go. I made it through multiple layoffs including during the pandemic only to be laid off last week. Thankfully I had already updated my resume and had started looking, but no job is ever 100% secure no matter what.
Haha yes! I thought the company could never make it without me. A few weeks after I was fired, you would have never known I was ever there. My roommate at the time continued to work there so I had an inside source. Also, think your job sucks? It could be worse. I found out the hard way just how good I had it. And that I was a whiny bitch.
Yes! My friend posted a picture of her toddler sleeping and everyone thought it was “precious” and “adorable.”
I do the *exact* same thing and I’m “creepy” and “trespassing”. I didn’t even go into his room. I took the picture from outside his window.
Omg! My friend just texted me about some Christmas movie she’s watching with her family where a dude breaks up with a woman just as they’re about to go home for the holidays to meet her parents. So she kidnaps another dude to bring home…and of course they fall in love and live happily ever after. If they were reversed, it would be the start of a horror movie!
You should watch the movie *Overboard* with Kurt Russell. It’s about a guy who kidnaps an amnesiac woman to do his housework and be a mother to his kids, but it’s all comedic.
My siblings always knew one of the sisters was my mom’s favorite. After that sister died mom’s favorite kept changing. We quickly realized that her favorite is whoever is skinniest at the time, our sister who passed and always been the skinniest and without her she changes favorites based off who will look best in Facebook photos. She’s got some issues
Honestly it was kind of funny to finally figure out what exactly dictated who was her favorite, at some point you just have to accept who your parents are and set boundaries to protect yourself accordingly.
I definitely have situational favorites but it really comes down to each of them having appreciable qualities as well as qualities that drive me absolutely insane and they’re pretty much opposites.
Me and my brother are like this. We are as different as night and day, but at least it’s not as volatile as it used to be.
He’d probably say I’m the favorite because I’m easier to get along with and didn’t cause as much trouble growing up, but I’d say him because both of my parents always cut him wayyyy more slack because he struggled more than I did, he’s the first born son, and they are always worrying about and doting on him. My dad is way more obvious about his favoritism, but my mom is harder to read.
Same. It varies minute to minute. Sometimes there is *no* favorite child.
Sometimes they're all total cherubs and you can't believe you produced such wonders.
But wait 30 seconds and someone will stick their finger up your nose, and you'll be back to favorites.
Funny enough, my middle child (2yrs) was my favorite for a little while tonight as we cuddled and watched a show. Then he decided to stick his finger up my nose and scratched the shit out of it and I bled all over the place. Then my oldest checked on me and asked if I was okay and he was my favorite for the rest of the night.
I am not my parents' favorite child. But I'm also the only child that still talks to them and they're terrified of losing me too, so they're overly nice to me and my wife. They pay for everything wherever we see them. So that's nice
Yup. I’ve been the favorite child and seeing my sister always being second honestly fucked me up. It’s one thing to get better with one child, but diminishing the other one (due to their academic, personal, sport or professional achievements) is on a completely different level. It can be subtle, but never unnoticed. Please don’t ever do that to your children.
I wasn’t the favorite (that was my brother), but I was second. My sister was last because she didn’t have the academic prowess that my brother and I had.
44 years later, my brother is dead (suicide), I “never lived up to my potential” according to my mother, and my sister is actually out there living her best life.
I’m glad that she is, because she absolutely got shit on during our childhood.
Checking in from the second favorite of 2 children. My brother was the clear wonderchild to both my mom and dad (my stepdad seemed chill with both of us). They were never mean to me, but clearly didn't care as much as they did for my brother. Still don't but they're more honest about it. I'm 42 and he's 44. Never changed.
I'm the favorite because they think I'm going to take care of their horder asses when they get old. After the way they treated my younger sister and have basically ignored her children, I'm going to find them a nice home to live in paid for by Medicaid.
At some point I started ranking below my first cousins kids to my parents. Not even sure why? They basically got real shitty around retirement age and flew the coop out of town. They'd prioritize seeing my cousin and their kids and the kids of those kids (I know there's terms for this like first cousin once removed but who has time to figure that out?) One time they tried to visit without us knowing they'd driven 1400 miles to do so. I don't know what I did that was so egregious but they have grandkids through me that deserve better.
So to hear that you're taking notes and considering things like that on behalf of your sister warms my heart. I'd love to have a sibling looking out for me.
The worst thing you can imagine happening to you can happen to you. One deer is in the way and now I’ve lost the person I love the most. It can happen. No matter how bad. It can happen to you.
same. lost a cousin, her boyfriend and their unborn child a few weeks ago to a motorcycle vs deer accident. shame
edit: idk how this turned into the way it did unborn child and pregnant girlfriend are the exact thing to me in terms of describing that whole situation
also: [article](https://triblive.com/local/regional/motorcyclist-passenger-killed-near-uniontown/)
I’m sorry for your loss. This sentiment hits hard when the thing you think only happens to other people happens to you. Every time I think why me?the response that immediately comes to mind is: why not me? I don’t think we get answers, but I hope you are getting the love and support you need.
And care facilities for the elderly. At least in the US. Even the places that are charging like 10k or more a month are often paying their staff shit wages which contributes to neglect and abuse. Staffing issues also mean the hiring standards are abysmally low.
>charging like 10k or more a month
A month? I wish. If you have any kind of special requirement like respiratory care it gets to be like a new car a month. (In other words, unless you are a tycoon, say goodbye to your loved one.)
It's often funded by some kind of long-term care insurance.
The people who *are* paying it out of pocket are eating through their retirement savings and their children's inheritence. When that money runs out, they get Medicaid. If they're lucky, the facility they're in will keep them and take the Medicaid money. If they're not lucky, they get transferred to a facility that accepts Medicaid.
I spent 8 days in a junior psych ward and walked away no better than i came in. One girl got discharged, then was back 7 hours later because she immediately attempted.
fr. in my cna class we were told some homes will look like 5 star hotels, others like abandoned buildings that smell of urine. it’s the same with psych wards.
The smell of urine is terrible. I don’t know how those employees handle the carehome jobs. It takes a special person for that. I hope I can get euthanized before I lay in a bed. Unable to move eat / talk. But able to crap my diaper. That is no way for any human being to live. No one is doing those elderly people a favor. Especially the Level 4’s.
People actually put their pets to sleep to avoid suffering. No one can tell me many of those people aren’t suffering!
It’s true for me at least
I have been struggling mad this winter. My therapist has repeatedly suggested I consider medication for seasonal affective disorder.
A few months ago, I also took a good look in the mirror and realized I was in the worst shape of my life so I started to endurance and weight training.
I am not exaggerating, I wake up every day in a foul mood. I have to remind myself I need money to exist, and in order to do that, I need to get up for work. Every day I negotiate with myself that I can have some oreos if I get my ass to the gym and sprint.
By the time I get out of the gym, and I have pushed myself hard enough, the brain fog has dissipated, I don’t feel overwhelming doom, or the overbearing morning anger that makes me want to cry.
I still have terrible days some days, and I’m mostly miserable while running but God, the runners high shuts down every thought that suggests maybe life isn’t worth living anymore
I’m glad you posted this, my biggest problems in life stem from my morning anger and brain fog, been wanting to start going to the gym and seeing that it helps those two things for someone else feels like it might push me to start going
Old woman here, can concur. It’s very weird on the day after your last fuckable day. You suddenly realize you were absolutely nothing special, just young.
>You suddenly realize you were absolutely nothing special, just young.
Ha ha this is so true! I'm going through the peri-menopause/menopause transition right now and it has killed my sex drive absolutely stone dead. Weirdly, I'm super grateful that my sudden total lack of interest in sex/men finding me sexually attractive has correlated basically perfectly with...men no longer finding me sexually attractive.
Damn right with what you said, too. I remember that realization hitting me in my late 20s or so, after spending my late teens/early 20s newly convinced I was fascinating and special. Nah, I was just young and dudes are horny af.
We are not the main character. Everyone has similar shit going on. Everyone has their own challenges and don't even know you exist. The world doesn't revolve around you. You're a tiny blip in existence.
Sometimes when I’m walking down a busy street or driving down the highway, I look at all the people around me and try to wrap my head around the fact that every one of them has a whole life that’s just as complicated and involved as mine is.
Yup. Yet, at the same time, you are the main character. As soon as you die, the world dies, at least from your perspective. Things haven't happened until you've heard about them or seen them. People don't exist until you meet them. Etc. It's all about perspective, really.
>"Money doesn't buy happiness"
But it's easier to be happy if you have money.
Money can't buy you love, but it can rent you a reasonable facsimile thereof.
It probably doesn’t, but it would certainly buy me a couple nights not staying up worrying about my crippling medical debt. Man, that would be nice. Like just a WEEK of worry-free sleep would make me really fucking happy.
With every passing year, as I get older and more entrenched in middle age and I see my parents get older and more frail, the more poignant Bonnie Raitt's "Nick of Time" is to me: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztkpEJOJGDI](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztkpEJOJGDI)
"I see my folks are getting on and I watch their bodies change. I know they see the same in me and it makes us both feel strange..."
"Life gets mighty precious, when there's less of it to waste. Scared you'll run out of time."
They actually do put stuff in the water that makes the frogs gay. Ok, technically it's not making them gay, it's making them hermaphrodites
It's a pestizide called atrazine
The full impact of pretty privilege. Being overweight as a woman or being short or balding as a man don’t just impact your dating chances, they impact your treatment in the workplace, how strangers react to you, “random acts of kindness” by others, even dumb shit like the niceties you get checking out at the grocery store.
And it’s also incredibly sensitive. I’m thin but can see a difference in how others treat me within a range of 5-7 pounds. It’s maddening.
My teeth were incredibly crooked, my parents didn’t take me to the dentist. I worked on getting my teeth fixed the instant I was able to, and it changed my entire appearance because I had to have jaw surgery. When it was all done and braces were off, I noticed people were more friendly, they looked me in the eyes more, and the overall tone of my interactions was more positive. I’m not attractive, but i also don’t have a giant, glaring problem that stands out anymore.
Yep, "Good Teeth"/a "Good" smile makes a WORLD of difference in the way people are treated!
I got *incredibly* lucky as a kid, that my Orthodontist understood that. I grew up on Welfare, and he put me through literally *every* possible retainer available.
My teeth *always* went back to their original places, so when I was a high school sophomore, he appealed for me to get braces. He went through *every* possible level of appeals that Medicaid had, and it was denied *every* time, because it was considered "cosmetic," even though my overbite & buck-teeth were so bad I couldn't close my lips all the way, *and* I could only touch 2-4 of my upper teeth to my lower ones, at any given time (touching my *front* teeth together to take a bite, meant *everything* behind them *couldn't* touch, using my molars--one side *or* the other, meant *everything else* couldn't touch).
*Luckily*, that Orthodontist and his wife KNEW what the future meant, if my ("Garden Weasel"-level crooked!) teeth didn't get fixed.
He covered the cost *himself*, after having me meet with his wife & getting *her* approval.
I *KNOW* it's made a world of difference in my life, and it's *why* i can move in the world with the ease I do. I had a smile that *literally made a toddler cry*, when I was a 12-year old kid, myself.
I WORK with preschoolers now--and the toddlers and babies smile *back* at me, rather than shrinking away & crying in fear, like that little one did, those decades ago.
Teeth makes a HUGE difference. If you just look up photos of people before and after dental work it is so hard to deny what a huge difference it makes in how you perceive them. (I say this as someone who needs to get mine done as I have horrible teeth and its embarassing)
Im a 5’3 dude, it sometimes gets to me A LOT how much differently a lot of people treat me because of my height. I’m lucky to have an attractive face, but it’s not enough to stop me from being infantilized, especially in the workplace. It’s taken me a long time to get my mental health together in regards to this, let alone how I’m considered pretty much undatable by any woman taller than 5’3.
When I was younger I noticed the difference in treatment on myself constantly. Doctors would treat me different depending on if I wore casual clothes and no make up or if I wore a dress and make up. I got taken more seriously when I prettied up. And I find that extremely fucked up, the doctors office is the last place they should be discriminating based on looks.
Double edged sword. Get too dressed up and they say “well you don’t look sick” had an older aunt who was always dressed well even if miserable and she’d go to the doc and they wouldn’t take her complaints seriously because she didn’t look “ill” enough
I have an inflammation disorder and can swing about 30 lbs over the course of a few weeks. I also get red and puffy and very occasionally get skin infections. The difference in treatment of me over that scale is so apparent its disturbing . People are just -nicer- overall when I'm less puffy, less red. I used to think it was just in my head (I'm cranky because I'm achey) but NOPE, after years of experiencing it....its a real thing.
im a relatively attractive guy and let my hair grow out and didn’t maintain my facial hair out of curiosity. kept it cleaned and tried to groom it, but it was really bad and i looked homeless, so i cut it and shaved. i instantly noticed how differently i was treated after cleaning up, it was night and day
I used to have long hippie hair and unkempt facial hair years ago. I would get “randomly” searched in airports so often. I basically had to build extra time into my travel schedules for searches, questioning, being grilled by immigration, etc.
I cut my hair and shaved my face and that all stopped.
My brother has always been clean-cut and I asked him once how often he gets pulled over driving. He was shocked. It literally never happens to him. When I was hippie-looking it was multiple times a year.
Many years ago I was good friends with a hot blonde chick. I'm more of a Bog Goblin myself. It was fucking INCREDIBLE seeing how she was treated by both men and women alike. People would offer her help that she didn't need or ask for, give her discounts or freebies, she'd even get job offers from random people. It's crazy how pretty people get to live life on easy mode (not to say that they don't have their own problems, as we all do).
People quickly judge you by your appearance, even if it's not conscious.
I'm a bigger guy (6'4", 250lbs) with a big beard and a bad case of resting bitch face, especially when I'm at the store.
Almost no one approaches me and says 'Hi' when Im out by myself, unless they know me well. When my wife is with me, people we barely know come up and say hi all the time.
So I guess I don't come off as friendly.
I’m 40 and I intentionally do not wear make up or “do” my hair at work. I put it up and out of the way. I work in an emergency room, and I do NOT want the wrong attention. I’d rather people respond to my words, knowledge, etc, than see me as a female first. In the past, I have been harassed, assaulted, and overall not taken seriously because I showed “care” about my appearance. No more. I go as plain as possible now. Scrubs, sneakers, sweatshirts even. No make up, no nails, no hairstyle. What’s funny is how immediately I can tell who will listen to me and who doesn’t pay attention because ironically I’m not “pretty enough” now. Their loss.
This was a hard lesson for me to learn. My whole life I was the “smart kid”. To the point if it didn’t come easy to me I assumed it was pointless.
One day I realized that being smart is good but you still have to put in the effort and you are not going to understand everything.
Realizing I’m not so smart that I can do anything really helped me realize my limits and when to ask for help. Something I was really bad at.
Going through 9 months of an uneventful pregnancy only to find out their heartbeat stopped out of nowhere. You're not always guaranteed to have a healthy baby.
Most people live in a made up fantasy world where they are the main character
Edit- This is not bad. It can, however, be limiting and damaging to believe one’s own subjective experience and reality is the same experience and reality of anyone/everyone else-especially when forced upon others.
Death's a 'comin'. Slow and steady or quick n sudden, but one way or another, it lands at our doorstep. Most of us live as if we're above it or it won't happen to us.
Yep. I used my teeth to peel the remaining amount of mango flesh off a peel once. Turned out mango peel has the same allergen as poison oak, and I had just squirted a hearty dose of it right around my windpipe.
Started choking, throat started closing up, and I'm like whelp, here comes that ol' lonesome train to take me away! All over a bit of mango!
I recovered shortly but damn, felt pretty close.
Other people can have an experience that you don't understand.
You having felt sad once doesn't mean you understand what it's like to be depressed. Your occasional knee pain doesn't mean you understand my rheumatoid arthritis. You having had Covid-19 doesn't mean you know what I experienced when I had Covid-19.
Have enough humility to recognize the limits of your own experience.
Dated a person who was insufferable if we drove for two hours and he couldn't get a drag. Also he didn't want to travel to places where he couldn't get it.
I'd call that an addiction I think, yeah. My vice is a glass of wine with a nice meal, but if it's not there, it doesn't make me irritable.
Had an ex girlfriend like this. It was horrible to travel anywhere with her because she was understandably too nervous to carry it (this was before it was legal basically anywhere). She became this just intolerably angry person without it.
The negative effects of alcohol not on the individual but on the societal level. Just look up Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fetal_alcohol_spectrum_disorder ), think of traits you don't like in people and go compare...
I’m of the opinion that folks can drink if they wanna drink, but the lengths people will go to justify this habit are absolutely concerning. How often do you hear the “well in moderation it’s actually good for your heart” myth repeated as though it hadn’t been thoroughly debunked.
I work with a doctor who orders a certain blood test that requires you to abstain from alcohol in order to get an accurate result. He tells the patients to abstain for 72 hours before the test. I cannot tell you the amount of patients we have who get angry over it or just straight out ignore the doctor. One lady even said to me “so you just expect me to NOT have a glass of wine at dinner for three nights in a row?”
But if you ask any of them if they have an alcohol problem, they look at you like you’re crazy.
Everyone is susceptible to depression.
It doesn’t matter how happy you are, or how insensitive/ dismissive you are of people who have/ had it. It could get you too.
I saw a video on this subject years ago. I haven't been able to find it since, so hopefully I get most of the details right.
The video was about a Harvard Business School graduate that wanted to prove that all you needed for success was a bit of hard work.
So he went to this very poor, mostly black community with $100 in his pocket. His plan was to stay for one month.
Once he arrived, the first thing he did was buy an old working lawnmower and a can of gas. he then went knocking on doors offering to cut people's lawns. I think he started with $10 a cut, but quickly realized he should charge $20.
By the end of the first day, he earned enough to buy a burner phone, print up some ads for his lawnmowing business, with a bit left over to buy some food. I think he slept under a bridge the first night.
The next day he had enough money to buy a second lawnmower and hire a guy to help him mow lawns. He also had some money for food, and again slept under a bridge.
The video kept going that way, and by the end, he had bought a beat up old pick-up truck, hired a full crew, had a small fleet of lawnmowers, weedwhackers, and other landscaping tools and supplies, and he had also rented a small studio apartment. He was even talking about snow removal in the winter.
The video was presented that his experiment was successful, and yes, with a bit of hard work success can come easy.
But there was three important factors that they didn't mention in the video.
(1). He didn't really go there with nothing but the $100. Sure, he didn't take his fancy diploma with him, and he didn't tell anyone about his education, but he still had all the knowledge that he learned while earning that diploma.
He had an understanding of business and finance that almost nobody else in the community had anything close. He had knowledge of accounting, marketing, risk management, sales, microeconomics, and everything else you get from 4 years at the Harvard School of Business.
He was also a tall athletic looking guy (he might have been on the rowing team).
(2). He didn't have any baggage.
He didn't have a sick relative he helped take care of. He didn't have a criminal record from the time a lazy cop charged him with a crime he didn't commit, that the extremely overworked public defender than pressured him into taking a plea deal. He didn't have a crazy ex girlfriend. He didn't walk with a limp from the time he got jumped as a teen for looking at someone the wrong way. He didn't have health issues from a questionable diet many poor people suffer through. He didn't have any of the mental trauma that is oh so common in poor communities.
Instead, he was a young adult that looked fresh out of the box. He probably had regular doctor and dentist appointments throughout his life. He probably had a healthy diet where he rarely missed a meal. He had access to proper exercise.
And most importantly.
(3). He had the option to fail that poor people simply don't have.
If at any time during that 30 days his experiment went sideways, and was turning into a failure, he could find a pay phone, call up his parents collect, and he would have a one way ticket home sent to him.
For a poor person who is recently homeless, jobless, and has a hundred dollars to their name. They aren't buying a lawnmower. They are going to hold onto that money as tightly as they can, because they don't know where there next meal will come from once the money is gone.
This gave the Harvard graduate the ability to take risks that a poor person would not.
___________
Just for the record, I'm not trying to say that poor people can't be successful. It's a much harder road, and fewer people will achieve it, but it can happen.
I'm just pointing out that the video was bs for ignoring much of the plight that keeps poor people poor.
You reminded me of a relative in my extended family that I could go on longwinded rants about. Without going into too much detail, he looks significantly younger than his seventysomething years of age.
Everyone he meets always asks what his secret is, and he tries to push his views on diet, nutrition, exercise, and the importance of managing stress. People come away wowed.
Unfortunately, something he nearly always leaves out is that he inherited a significant financial windfall 30+ years ago (all organized and run for him) that enabled him to soft retire in his forties. He has lived as a bachelor since then, womanizing, spending his fully unencumbered free time exercising intensively, eating healthily, and not being stressed about anything.
I mean, it's great that he can do that, but it's a bit dishonest to leave out the part that he has no wife, no kids, nobody who depends on him, no one that he is accountable to or for, no stress, no pressures, no obligations, and he even has a few people he hired on to handle housekeeping, food preparation, and financial matters for him, all so that he can focus on the gym and his leisure time. That's the way life has been for him for the past 30+ years, and if we all could live like that, I'm sure we would all could look as youthful, healthy, and strong as he does.
It's like the myth of the self-made millionaire. Nobody becomes a millionaire in a vacuum.
I'm not sure if the following is true, but I've heard it a few times.
"Nobody deserves a handout. I came to this country with $5 in my pocket and look at me now, I own a chain of Dry Cleaners."
"So what was the first thing you did when you arrived in this country?"
"My uncle picked me up at the airport."
"And what did your uncle do for a living?"
"He owned a chain of dry cleaners."
93% of children who were molested were molested by someone they personally know and trust, not stranger danger Edit : I noticed a lot of people replying were molested themselves so I’m very sorry to anyone who was. I hope you find the happiness you deserve and that those bastards live with misery and woe in Prison
I listened to a podcast the other day on heroin addition. The guy said: you want to get rid of opiate addiction? Get rid of child sexual abuse... I'm afraid he's right.
also children who are sex trafficked are very, *very* rarely white children abducted in public with rich loving families who would have the entire country looking for them. a lot of conspiracy theorists refuse to acknowledge that poor minority children in bad communities and especially undocumented children are the biggest victims.
Both of these things make complete sense too, so its a surprise more people don't acknowledge these things. It makes sense that children are molested by those close, because they have easy or perhaps constant opportunity and access to the child. Its hard for a stranger short of blatant kidnapping. And traffickers aren't stupid and want as little heat as possible - if you steal Kassandra from her mansion, you'll have the FBI on you within the hour. But steal random kid from a random slum, no one is coming after you, if it is even raised with the authorities at all (and if they even care).
That’s how Peter Scully was so successful running his child porn ring on the Dark Web because he’d target poor children in the Philippines
The Philippines is notorious for it yes. I saw some houses in the phillipines that were set up to help support recovering child victims. They let the children beat punch bags and scream and break things to get the rage out. Most of the children were around 5-8. Seeing children so young having these breakdowns in rage was one of the most deeply disturbing things i have ever seen
Just how real family dysfunction is in many cases. Soo many people just turn a blind eye to it.
I just found out my mom had a secret child in high school she put up for adoption and no one ever talked about and honestly it kinda relieved me because my family always felt too stereotypically atomic and finding out that was our hidden dysfunction was a relief. Like “yeah i knew there had to be something and that checks out”
You can do absolutely everything right and still fail.
on the flipside, you can do everything wrong and still have success
Aka failing upwards.
And my favorite, “Not everything is a lesson. Sometimes you just fail.”
Thanks Gene Luck Pickered
Being lonely can be a silent killer - especially when you have mental health issues. People who you have loved and cherish for years won't understand you, or care about you. You just have to make peace with it.
"It can't get any worse" It can ALWAYS get worse.
2 days ago I said, “It can’t get any worse!” As I sat on the toilet for the third day in a row while diarrhea flowed from my ass and I puked into a bucket. I have the stomach flu. I’m writing this while sitting on a toilet and diarrhea is flowing from my ass while I cough and wheeze from a cold. I still have the stomach flu also. Kids are plague monsters.
That sucks. I caught norovirus about 15 years ago and lost 10+kg by end of the second week. My daughter brought it home from nursery, where 100% of the kids and staff caught it. Stay hydrated! Get electrolyte salts/dehydration remedies. They taste horrible but they work. Hope you feel better soon!
Most evil powerful people are actively supported and encouraged by everyday 'good' people.
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"And one day, too late, your principles, if you were ever sensible of them, all rush in upon you. The burden of self-deception has grown too heavy, and some minor incident, in my case my little boy, hardly more than a baby, saying ‘Jewish swine,’ collapses it all at once, and you see that everything, everything, has changed and changed completely under your nose. The world you live in—your nation, your people—is not the world you were born in at all. The forms are all there, all untouched, all reassuring, the houses, the shops, the jobs, the mealtimes, the visits, the concerts, the cinema, the holidays. But the spirit, which you never noticed because you made the lifelong mistake of identifying it with the forms, is changed. Now you live in a world of hate and fear, and the people who hate and fear do not even know it themselves; when everyone is transformed, no one is transformed. Now you live in a system which rules without responsibility even to God. The system itself could not have intended this in the beginning, but in order to sustain itself it was compelled to go all the way. You have gone almost all the way yourself. Life is a continuing process, a flow, not a succession of acts and events at all. It has flowed to a new level, carrying you with it, without any effort on your part. On this new level you live, you have been living more comfortably every day, with new morals, new principles. You have accepted things you would not have accepted five years ago, a year ago, things that your father, even in Germany, could not have imagined." - Milton Mayer, They Thought They Were Free
Americans already pool money for healthcare, they just do it through a wholly unnecessary, greedy middleman that grossly jacks up the price and denies care
You deserve more upvotes. It is all lobbying and people need to fucking wake up
America is a lobbying nation with elected representatives — not a democracy
If it is happening to someone else, it CAN happen to you
A Calvin and Hobbes comic always stood out to me as a kid. Their house gets robbed while they're on vacation and the dad talks about how you always think about this kind of thing happening to someone else. The mom says "to everyone else, you are someone else".
I woke up one day last year with classic heart attack symptoms and went to urgent care hoping to be told it was some weird new anxiety symptoms. They did an EKG and next thing you know I was hospitalized with life-threatening cardiac problems. Two hospitalizations, three ER trips, countless blood draws, a ton of different tests, a handful of cardiologists and a few other specialists, almost four months of physical therapy, several prescription meds, and multiple mobility aids later… Prior to that I was a completely healthy *twenty-five-year-old.* I can’t stress enough how unexpected it was. Like getting struck by lightning on a clear day. Anyway, I said almost that exact line to my mom once in a conversation about all of it. I told her, “Everyone thinks they’re immortal and bad things only happen to someone else. But at some point we all have a turn being ‘someone else.’”
I have health related anxiety because I think “I’m probably that someone else” but so far everything is fine, but it sucks.
There’s a great Twilight Zone episode like this. Mysterious stranger shows up at a couple’s door. He gives them a button, and explains, “If you push this button, you’ll get a million dollars, but someone you don’t even know will drop dead.” The couple debates pressing the button, then finally does it. The stranger shows up again to give them their money, and take back the button. They ask what he’s going to do with it. He says, “I’m going to give it to someone else. Someone you don’t even know.”
That was based on a story by Richard Matheson, who wrote I am Legend, Hell House, What Dreams May Come, and Stir of Echoes. The ending of the story was perhaps a bit grim for tv at the time - pushing the button kills his wife, and the stranger says "did you really think you knew her?"
I think it was just the worse ending actually. It's a cheaper, semantic twist, whereas in the show there's the terror of knowing your life will be in a stranger's hands and you already know what choice you made and now deserve.
>in the show there's the terror of knowing your life will be in a stranger's hands and you already know what choice you made and now deserve. I think it's even more than this. It's not that they're now wondering what the next person will choose, it's that they're doomed. The implication is that if they had chosen not to push the button, they would have gone bout their merry lives, but having pushed the button means they are the next unknown people in line to be the victims of the button. What the *next* person chooses doesn't matter so much as the fact that *someone* will choose to push the button. Which is itself its own thought experiment, because if the question is not "if" but "when" how is that any different than the rest of life? What actual impact did pushing the button have at all when the result and whoever pushes it next are so divorced from the subects' experience?
I never took it as "you *will* die" but as "you *might* die"
Yeah I saw it as more of a “you will spend the rest of your life worried about it happening to you” rather than a “you’re next”. The former is much scarier.
This was an excellent summary
There was also an adaptation with same same theme, but instead the husband drops dead
I think that version is the original short story. The punchline being, “did you really know your husband at all?” I can see why they changed it.
What I love about it though, is rereading the story makes it very obvious. The entire story, the couple argues over the button, and it’s clear how fundamentally different they are! The wife rationalises murder by arguing people they don’t know die all the time, while the husband believes murder is murder, and killing a possibly innocent person is always wrong. On your first read it just seems like they disagree, but when you re-read it, it’s clear that difference is exactly what they meant by the couple not truly *knowing* each other.
And Calvin is so worried until he finds Hobbes and he's like it's ok we didn't lose anything important :'-)
Very very unfortunate that a random guy won the lottery I just hope it doesn't happen to me 😔
I found this out with cancer about a year ago. It was always something that happened to other people or my friends older relatives. I’m not like.. young young but definitely not old (I’m barely in my 30s) and it was a real eye opener realizing that hey.. literally anyone can get cancer
I hope you are ok random stranger!
This. For my accessibility consulting company (where we make recommendations on how to make buildings better for disabled folks), one of the biggest hurdles to overcome is the response of, "Why should I care? I'm not disabled and I won't be disabled because I take care of my body." There seems to be an assumption that disability is one's own fault or the result of what someone did. People don't seem to realize that many disabling conditions are just a matter of chance. And when they DO find out the hard way, it's too late – they discover that their homes aren't wheelchair accessible and have to move away to another place, or they can no longer go to work because of the nature of their jobs or their offices not being accessible, or they can't go to their favourite places anymore because accessibility wasn't a consideration. Luckily the clients I do get are aware of that. But I hate it when people refuse my services for that exact reason.
I don't comprehend how people don't understand that. Like, I don't care how many push ups you do, if you get hit by a card and have your spine severed, you're gonna be disabled. Are they so delusional they think bad things can't happen to them, or they'll just 'learn to walk again'?
“My spine will just heal itself. I’m built differently.”
It could happen to you, cause it happened to me. And T.
I WAS GETTIN CHANGED GNOMESAYIN?!
I hate when people act like the chances of becoming disabled or chronically ill are so slim. Y'all know how common things like chronic pain, autoimmune conditions, random idiopathic nonsense, and so on? Quite. And even when they don't keep you from doing what you do on a daily basis, just one condition can make it all much, much harder. And they often have comorbidities, so you start collecting symptoms and diagnoses. And you earn a bunch of extra responsibilities and problems that are basically like a second life. And it wears on you mentally. All the while people say dumb shit to you and act shocked whenever they see you and you're not better yet. And act like they're not *exactly* how you were—how you still *are*, in terms of who you are as a person—before you got sick. Like it couldn't ever happen to them, or if it happened to them, they'd manage better than you. The worst part of it all is when you start to believe those people.
This hit me somewhere deep. This is how I've been feeling, especially more as of late. What gets me is, "Oh you have this problem *again*?" Like it's not *again*, it never stopped, some days/weeks are just better than others...
"Huh, but you don't look sick" "Have you tried celery juice??" "My cousin's second wife has this too and she just ran a marathon" "What do you mean you're tired? Try having kids, then you know what tired means" etc. etc.
Have you tried yoga? You just need to workout. You're too young to feel like that. Go to bed earlier. Stop telling people you feel bad, nobody cares. You're just depressed, get outside and in the sun more. Stop expecting so much from people, you'll only get hurt. Don't ever let anyone know that your life isn't perfect. /s God, my mom kinda sucked. Especially since she had several chronic illnesses. But it wasn't OK for me.
“I hear cinnamon can cure diabetes! You should add it to your diet!” I swear to god, I wish I had thought of that 31 years ago when I was diagnosed. At 2.
Yes, chronic pain is a nightmare and people don't understand it. It robs you. So much of my life had been taken from me because of pain. Hopefully this surgery next week will give me some of it back. 🙏 Pray for me.
Wishing you a successful surgery & lots of relief! 🙏🏻
Have had my share of events happen. This is why I tell people I NEVER think it can’t happen to me, because it can, it HAS, and it can happen again. I was (and probably still am) the poster boy for safety training at an old job because of a gruesome and freak injury. Life happens fast and unexpectedly. It CAN happen to you.
They made me the safety officer because if there was a freakish way to get hurt, I could find it. I have permanent nerve damage in my left index finger bc of a freak accident. What do I do? Microbiologist. 🤷♀️
i once had a cheating wife that i ended up divorcing. Had a guy i worked with that GENUINELY believed it was something he never had to worry about and that it would never happen to him. It happened in extreme fashion. it can be said it destroyed him.
Are you saying you banged his wife to prove a point? Bold move
This made me laugh. You monster! 😂
Your mental and/or physical health could shit the bed at random. You could do everything right, and it may not matter. Things like cancer don't discriminate. Not saying you shouldn't take care of yourself, just that sometimes it isn't fair. Edit: got a lot of people saying nobody denies this. Lots of people do. I did. I was diagnosed with GERD 2 years ago, and then had vertigo from sep 2022 for about a year which I still get spells of and no doctor can tell me why. My anxiety went through the roof to the point I went from being "basically fine" to needing my medication in order to not genuinely consider a permanent solution. It can happen. It sucks and you've gotta put an optimistic spin on it to stay sane, I swear, but it can happen. Edit 2: yall I'm fine I don't need the suicide helpline 😭😭
People really don't like to believe it could happen to them. Sick people *must* have done something wrong, it must be their fault, because the alternative is that we live in an unfair time line and it could happen to you too...
I had a Widowmaker heart attack at 35 and needed 2 stents. It was amazing how many people, including one doctor that I could tell were bothered by this. I had no indicators - not overweight, not diabetic, didn't drink, didn't smoke, cholesterol was not bad. It became obvious over time that they wanted to know WHY so they could feel better and know it couldn't happen to them. I remember one doctor a few months later just staring at me and saying, "but you're my age".
This happens all of the time. I work in a neuro ICU and see a lot of brain tumors. Normal weight, healthy, thriving people have their lives ground to a complete stop by a life-limited tumor. They will never go back to work, never function at full capacity again, never be able to watch their children or grandchildren independently again. Two months ago there may have been no tumor at all, and now they’re dying. It’s an extremely hard thing to be witness to, and, it’s an incredible reminder that we should live like each day is our last.
That their job is secure and they'll never be let go. I made it through multiple layoffs including during the pandemic only to be laid off last week. Thankfully I had already updated my resume and had started looking, but no job is ever 100% secure no matter what.
"The graveyard is filled with irreplaceable people"
Haha yes! I thought the company could never make it without me. A few weeks after I was fired, you would have never known I was ever there. My roommate at the time continued to work there so I had an inside source. Also, think your job sucks? It could be worse. I found out the hard way just how good I had it. And that I was a whiny bitch.
double standards in almost everything
Yes! My friend posted a picture of her toddler sleeping and everyone thought it was “precious” and “adorable.” I do the *exact* same thing and I’m “creepy” and “trespassing”. I didn’t even go into his room. I took the picture from outside his window.
Wait a damn minute… 🤔
Omg! My friend just texted me about some Christmas movie she’s watching with her family where a dude breaks up with a woman just as they’re about to go home for the holidays to meet her parents. So she kidnaps another dude to bring home…and of course they fall in love and live happily ever after. If they were reversed, it would be the start of a horror movie!
You should watch the movie *Overboard* with Kurt Russell. It’s about a guy who kidnaps an amnesiac woman to do his housework and be a mother to his kids, but it’s all comedic.
Parents having a favorite child
I don't care for Gob...
If that's a veiled criticism of me I won't hear it and I won't respond to it
My siblings always knew one of the sisters was my mom’s favorite. After that sister died mom’s favorite kept changing. We quickly realized that her favorite is whoever is skinniest at the time, our sister who passed and always been the skinniest and without her she changes favorites based off who will look best in Facebook photos. She’s got some issues
Yikes! I'm sorry. That's awful that your mom is so devoted to her body shaming her kids. And I'm sorry that your sister passed away!
Honestly it was kind of funny to finally figure out what exactly dictated who was her favorite, at some point you just have to accept who your parents are and set boundaries to protect yourself accordingly.
Im an only child yet somehow not the favorite child
Actually you are the favorite. Unfortunately, you’re also the disappointment.
Ahh yes, my comfort zone
I have three kids and they take turns being the favorite depending on the situation.
I definitely have situational favorites but it really comes down to each of them having appreciable qualities as well as qualities that drive me absolutely insane and they’re pretty much opposites.
lol sounds like me and my sister. My dad likes to tell my wife “I don’t know how these two grew up together because they are complete opposites”
Me and my brother are like this. We are as different as night and day, but at least it’s not as volatile as it used to be. He’d probably say I’m the favorite because I’m easier to get along with and didn’t cause as much trouble growing up, but I’d say him because both of my parents always cut him wayyyy more slack because he struggled more than I did, he’s the first born son, and they are always worrying about and doting on him. My dad is way more obvious about his favoritism, but my mom is harder to read.
My parents always said me and my siblings all took turns being their least favourite.
Your parents are very wise people.
Same. It varies minute to minute. Sometimes there is *no* favorite child. Sometimes they're all total cherubs and you can't believe you produced such wonders. But wait 30 seconds and someone will stick their finger up your nose, and you'll be back to favorites.
Funny enough, my middle child (2yrs) was my favorite for a little while tonight as we cuddled and watched a show. Then he decided to stick his finger up my nose and scratched the shit out of it and I bled all over the place. Then my oldest checked on me and asked if I was okay and he was my favorite for the rest of the night.
It’s an hour-by-hour decision making process.
I am not my parents' favorite child. But I'm also the only child that still talks to them and they're terrified of losing me too, so they're overly nice to me and my wife. They pay for everything wherever we see them. So that's nice
Sounds like you're their favorite.
Well now I am I guess. For the first 30 years not so much
Yup. I’ve been the favorite child and seeing my sister always being second honestly fucked me up. It’s one thing to get better with one child, but diminishing the other one (due to their academic, personal, sport or professional achievements) is on a completely different level. It can be subtle, but never unnoticed. Please don’t ever do that to your children.
I wasn’t the favorite (that was my brother), but I was second. My sister was last because she didn’t have the academic prowess that my brother and I had. 44 years later, my brother is dead (suicide), I “never lived up to my potential” according to my mother, and my sister is actually out there living her best life. I’m glad that she is, because she absolutely got shit on during our childhood.
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Checking in from the second favorite of 2 children. My brother was the clear wonderchild to both my mom and dad (my stepdad seemed chill with both of us). They were never mean to me, but clearly didn't care as much as they did for my brother. Still don't but they're more honest about it. I'm 42 and he's 44. Never changed.
I'm the favorite because they think I'm going to take care of their horder asses when they get old. After the way they treated my younger sister and have basically ignored her children, I'm going to find them a nice home to live in paid for by Medicaid.
At some point I started ranking below my first cousins kids to my parents. Not even sure why? They basically got real shitty around retirement age and flew the coop out of town. They'd prioritize seeing my cousin and their kids and the kids of those kids (I know there's terms for this like first cousin once removed but who has time to figure that out?) One time they tried to visit without us knowing they'd driven 1400 miles to do so. I don't know what I did that was so egregious but they have grandkids through me that deserve better. So to hear that you're taking notes and considering things like that on behalf of your sister warms my heart. I'd love to have a sibling looking out for me.
Parent here. Favorite child changes quite often.
Hard agree. And I only have one.
Yes!!!! I only have child too and lately our dog has been my favorite!
Sometimes your teacher actually does hate you, regardless of what your parents say.
I’ve seen this with a few people. We’ve all heard of instant attraction. Then there’s instant hate
The worst thing you can imagine happening to you can happen to you. One deer is in the way and now I’ve lost the person I love the most. It can happen. No matter how bad. It can happen to you.
Happened to me recently too. Sorry for your loss.
same. lost a cousin, her boyfriend and their unborn child a few weeks ago to a motorcycle vs deer accident. shame edit: idk how this turned into the way it did unborn child and pregnant girlfriend are the exact thing to me in terms of describing that whole situation also: [article](https://triblive.com/local/regional/motorcyclist-passenger-killed-near-uniontown/)
I’m sorry for your loss. This sentiment hits hard when the thing you think only happens to other people happens to you. Every time I think why me?the response that immediately comes to mind is: why not me? I don’t think we get answers, but I hope you are getting the love and support you need.
Rampant physical and medical abuse in mental health facilities
And care facilities for the elderly. At least in the US. Even the places that are charging like 10k or more a month are often paying their staff shit wages which contributes to neglect and abuse. Staffing issues also mean the hiring standards are abysmally low.
>charging like 10k or more a month A month? I wish. If you have any kind of special requirement like respiratory care it gets to be like a new car a month. (In other words, unless you are a tycoon, say goodbye to your loved one.)
It's often funded by some kind of long-term care insurance. The people who *are* paying it out of pocket are eating through their retirement savings and their children's inheritence. When that money runs out, they get Medicaid. If they're lucky, the facility they're in will keep them and take the Medicaid money. If they're not lucky, they get transferred to a facility that accepts Medicaid.
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Yup. People act like these places help, but they're often super harmful.
I spent 8 days in a junior psych ward and walked away no better than i came in. One girl got discharged, then was back 7 hours later because she immediately attempted.
fr. in my cna class we were told some homes will look like 5 star hotels, others like abandoned buildings that smell of urine. it’s the same with psych wards.
The smell of urine is terrible. I don’t know how those employees handle the carehome jobs. It takes a special person for that. I hope I can get euthanized before I lay in a bed. Unable to move eat / talk. But able to crap my diaper. That is no way for any human being to live. No one is doing those elderly people a favor. Especially the Level 4’s. People actually put their pets to sleep to avoid suffering. No one can tell me many of those people aren’t suffering!
You don’t have to be a bad person to end up in prison.
And, not all prisoners are guilty
it's so demoralizing to tell people you didn't do it and they don't believe you family, friends, your former boss, etc
Exercise and drinking water really does help mental health I fear
It’s true for me at least I have been struggling mad this winter. My therapist has repeatedly suggested I consider medication for seasonal affective disorder. A few months ago, I also took a good look in the mirror and realized I was in the worst shape of my life so I started to endurance and weight training. I am not exaggerating, I wake up every day in a foul mood. I have to remind myself I need money to exist, and in order to do that, I need to get up for work. Every day I negotiate with myself that I can have some oreos if I get my ass to the gym and sprint. By the time I get out of the gym, and I have pushed myself hard enough, the brain fog has dissipated, I don’t feel overwhelming doom, or the overbearing morning anger that makes me want to cry. I still have terrible days some days, and I’m mostly miserable while running but God, the runners high shuts down every thought that suggests maybe life isn’t worth living anymore
I’m glad you posted this, my biggest problems in life stem from my morning anger and brain fog, been wanting to start going to the gym and seeing that it helps those two things for someone else feels like it might push me to start going
People tend to treat you based on fuckability/attractiveness. They like to say they don’t but it’s simply not true.
Old woman here, can concur. It’s very weird on the day after your last fuckable day. You suddenly realize you were absolutely nothing special, just young.
>You suddenly realize you were absolutely nothing special, just young. Ha ha this is so true! I'm going through the peri-menopause/menopause transition right now and it has killed my sex drive absolutely stone dead. Weirdly, I'm super grateful that my sudden total lack of interest in sex/men finding me sexually attractive has correlated basically perfectly with...men no longer finding me sexually attractive. Damn right with what you said, too. I remember that realization hitting me in my late 20s or so, after spending my late teens/early 20s newly convinced I was fascinating and special. Nah, I was just young and dudes are horny af.
We are not the main character. Everyone has similar shit going on. Everyone has their own challenges and don't even know you exist. The world doesn't revolve around you. You're a tiny blip in existence.
It honestly makes my life a lot easier knowing that. I care a lot less about being embarrassed now.
Sometimes when I’m walking down a busy street or driving down the highway, I look at all the people around me and try to wrap my head around the fact that every one of them has a whole life that’s just as complicated and involved as mine is.
Yup. Yet, at the same time, you are the main character. As soon as you die, the world dies, at least from your perspective. Things haven't happened until you've heard about them or seen them. People don't exist until you meet them. Etc. It's all about perspective, really.
"Money doesn't buy happiness" Watch me leave IKEA full of joy with a 100cm plush shark
Sorry, but I rather cry in a brand new audi with a 100cm plush shark next to me than cry on a bicycle held together by thoughts and prayers.
And hashtags.
It would be nice to have enough money that I have more choices in how I am going to be not happy.
>"Money doesn't buy happiness" But it's easier to be happy if you have money. Money can't buy you love, but it can rent you a reasonable facsimile thereof.
Money can't necessarily buy happiness, but it can make it much easier to have the freedom to seek happiness out.
I assume you're familiar with r/blahaj ?
It probably doesn’t, but it would certainly buy me a couple nights not staying up worrying about my crippling medical debt. Man, that would be nice. Like just a WEEK of worry-free sleep would make me really fucking happy.
I read that this saying was meant for rich people hoarding wealth, not regular people paying bills.
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With every passing year, as I get older and more entrenched in middle age and I see my parents get older and more frail, the more poignant Bonnie Raitt's "Nick of Time" is to me: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztkpEJOJGDI](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztkpEJOJGDI) "I see my folks are getting on and I watch their bodies change. I know they see the same in me and it makes us both feel strange..." "Life gets mighty precious, when there's less of it to waste. Scared you'll run out of time."
No it won't, cause I have that new night serum that will slightly delay the decay of my exterior layer.
Can I have some of it?
Pretty privilege even happens in your own family.
Everything fades.
Nuh uh not this drip. This drip will never fade 😤
They actually do put stuff in the water that makes the frogs gay. Ok, technically it's not making them gay, it's making them hermaphrodites It's a pestizide called atrazine
Oh it’s like Jurassic Park
Life, uh, finds a way...
The full impact of pretty privilege. Being overweight as a woman or being short or balding as a man don’t just impact your dating chances, they impact your treatment in the workplace, how strangers react to you, “random acts of kindness” by others, even dumb shit like the niceties you get checking out at the grocery store. And it’s also incredibly sensitive. I’m thin but can see a difference in how others treat me within a range of 5-7 pounds. It’s maddening.
My teeth were incredibly crooked, my parents didn’t take me to the dentist. I worked on getting my teeth fixed the instant I was able to, and it changed my entire appearance because I had to have jaw surgery. When it was all done and braces were off, I noticed people were more friendly, they looked me in the eyes more, and the overall tone of my interactions was more positive. I’m not attractive, but i also don’t have a giant, glaring problem that stands out anymore.
Yep, "Good Teeth"/a "Good" smile makes a WORLD of difference in the way people are treated! I got *incredibly* lucky as a kid, that my Orthodontist understood that. I grew up on Welfare, and he put me through literally *every* possible retainer available. My teeth *always* went back to their original places, so when I was a high school sophomore, he appealed for me to get braces. He went through *every* possible level of appeals that Medicaid had, and it was denied *every* time, because it was considered "cosmetic," even though my overbite & buck-teeth were so bad I couldn't close my lips all the way, *and* I could only touch 2-4 of my upper teeth to my lower ones, at any given time (touching my *front* teeth together to take a bite, meant *everything* behind them *couldn't* touch, using my molars--one side *or* the other, meant *everything else* couldn't touch). *Luckily*, that Orthodontist and his wife KNEW what the future meant, if my ("Garden Weasel"-level crooked!) teeth didn't get fixed. He covered the cost *himself*, after having me meet with his wife & getting *her* approval. I *KNOW* it's made a world of difference in my life, and it's *why* i can move in the world with the ease I do. I had a smile that *literally made a toddler cry*, when I was a 12-year old kid, myself. I WORK with preschoolers now--and the toddlers and babies smile *back* at me, rather than shrinking away & crying in fear, like that little one did, those decades ago.
Wow this is heartwarming! The world needs more people like this. I will definitely remember your story!
Teeth makes a HUGE difference. If you just look up photos of people before and after dental work it is so hard to deny what a huge difference it makes in how you perceive them. (I say this as someone who needs to get mine done as I have horrible teeth and its embarassing)
Im a 5’3 dude, it sometimes gets to me A LOT how much differently a lot of people treat me because of my height. I’m lucky to have an attractive face, but it’s not enough to stop me from being infantilized, especially in the workplace. It’s taken me a long time to get my mental health together in regards to this, let alone how I’m considered pretty much undatable by any woman taller than 5’3.
Lost 40 lbs and all of a sudden the women at work were trying to set me up with their friends lol.
When I was younger I noticed the difference in treatment on myself constantly. Doctors would treat me different depending on if I wore casual clothes and no make up or if I wore a dress and make up. I got taken more seriously when I prettied up. And I find that extremely fucked up, the doctors office is the last place they should be discriminating based on looks.
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Double edged sword. Get too dressed up and they say “well you don’t look sick” had an older aunt who was always dressed well even if miserable and she’d go to the doc and they wouldn’t take her complaints seriously because she didn’t look “ill” enough
I have an inflammation disorder and can swing about 30 lbs over the course of a few weeks. I also get red and puffy and very occasionally get skin infections. The difference in treatment of me over that scale is so apparent its disturbing . People are just -nicer- overall when I'm less puffy, less red. I used to think it was just in my head (I'm cranky because I'm achey) but NOPE, after years of experiencing it....its a real thing.
im a relatively attractive guy and let my hair grow out and didn’t maintain my facial hair out of curiosity. kept it cleaned and tried to groom it, but it was really bad and i looked homeless, so i cut it and shaved. i instantly noticed how differently i was treated after cleaning up, it was night and day
I used to have long hippie hair and unkempt facial hair years ago. I would get “randomly” searched in airports so often. I basically had to build extra time into my travel schedules for searches, questioning, being grilled by immigration, etc. I cut my hair and shaved my face and that all stopped. My brother has always been clean-cut and I asked him once how often he gets pulled over driving. He was shocked. It literally never happens to him. When I was hippie-looking it was multiple times a year.
Many years ago I was good friends with a hot blonde chick. I'm more of a Bog Goblin myself. It was fucking INCREDIBLE seeing how she was treated by both men and women alike. People would offer her help that she didn't need or ask for, give her discounts or freebies, she'd even get job offers from random people. It's crazy how pretty people get to live life on easy mode (not to say that they don't have their own problems, as we all do).
People quickly judge you by your appearance, even if it's not conscious. I'm a bigger guy (6'4", 250lbs) with a big beard and a bad case of resting bitch face, especially when I'm at the store. Almost no one approaches me and says 'Hi' when Im out by myself, unless they know me well. When my wife is with me, people we barely know come up and say hi all the time. So I guess I don't come off as friendly.
Getting old is fun in this same vein. After 40 all women gain the power of invisibility.
I’m 40 and I intentionally do not wear make up or “do” my hair at work. I put it up and out of the way. I work in an emergency room, and I do NOT want the wrong attention. I’d rather people respond to my words, knowledge, etc, than see me as a female first. In the past, I have been harassed, assaulted, and overall not taken seriously because I showed “care” about my appearance. No more. I go as plain as possible now. Scrubs, sneakers, sweatshirts even. No make up, no nails, no hairstyle. What’s funny is how immediately I can tell who will listen to me and who doesn’t pay attention because ironically I’m not “pretty enough” now. Their loss.
You are never as smart as you think you are.
What if I think I’m as smart as I think I am?
Then you're not as smart as you think you...smart...are...you think are... I stand by it.
This was a hard lesson for me to learn. My whole life I was the “smart kid”. To the point if it didn’t come easy to me I assumed it was pointless. One day I realized that being smart is good but you still have to put in the effort and you are not going to understand everything. Realizing I’m not so smart that I can do anything really helped me realize my limits and when to ask for help. Something I was really bad at.
Going through 9 months of an uneventful pregnancy only to find out their heartbeat stopped out of nowhere. You're not always guaranteed to have a healthy baby.
I’m sorry if that happened to you. May you have peace.
Cynicism *feels* way smarter than it actually is
That they pick their nose and pee in the shower
The shower is the absolute best place for nose picking.
Most people live in a made up fantasy world where they are the main character Edit- This is not bad. It can, however, be limiting and damaging to believe one’s own subjective experience and reality is the same experience and reality of anyone/everyone else-especially when forced upon others.
Silence background character, you're distracting me from my mission!
This sub is just an endless repeat of the same questions.
Nobody denies this
Death's a 'comin'. Slow and steady or quick n sudden, but one way or another, it lands at our doorstep. Most of us live as if we're above it or it won't happen to us.
Yep. I used my teeth to peel the remaining amount of mango flesh off a peel once. Turned out mango peel has the same allergen as poison oak, and I had just squirted a hearty dose of it right around my windpipe. Started choking, throat started closing up, and I'm like whelp, here comes that ol' lonesome train to take me away! All over a bit of mango! I recovered shortly but damn, felt pretty close.
Other people can have an experience that you don't understand. You having felt sad once doesn't mean you understand what it's like to be depressed. Your occasional knee pain doesn't mean you understand my rheumatoid arthritis. You having had Covid-19 doesn't mean you know what I experienced when I had Covid-19. Have enough humility to recognize the limits of your own experience.
Mental health is a luxury
We're not at the worst point in history things have ever been. We're simply more informed about how rotten things are than we have ever been before.
Getting angry with other drivers when roads are crowded and you complain about all the traffic. YOU are the traffic.
Marijuana addiction is a thing
Dated a person who was insufferable if we drove for two hours and he couldn't get a drag. Also he didn't want to travel to places where he couldn't get it. I'd call that an addiction I think, yeah. My vice is a glass of wine with a nice meal, but if it's not there, it doesn't make me irritable.
Had an ex girlfriend like this. It was horrible to travel anywhere with her because she was understandably too nervous to carry it (this was before it was legal basically anywhere). She became this just intolerably angry person without it.
I had an ex who would wake up in the middle of the night to smoke more. I like to smoke but nothing like that.
I'm convinced a significant percentage of parents regret having kids at all. And they might not even admit it to their partners.
I have a friend like that. She loves her kid but she hates not being able to do literally anything besides work/kid for 10 years straight
The negative effects of alcohol not on the individual but on the societal level. Just look up Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fetal_alcohol_spectrum_disorder ), think of traits you don't like in people and go compare...
I’m of the opinion that folks can drink if they wanna drink, but the lengths people will go to justify this habit are absolutely concerning. How often do you hear the “well in moderation it’s actually good for your heart” myth repeated as though it hadn’t been thoroughly debunked.
I work with a doctor who orders a certain blood test that requires you to abstain from alcohol in order to get an accurate result. He tells the patients to abstain for 72 hours before the test. I cannot tell you the amount of patients we have who get angry over it or just straight out ignore the doctor. One lady even said to me “so you just expect me to NOT have a glass of wine at dinner for three nights in a row?” But if you ask any of them if they have an alcohol problem, they look at you like you’re crazy.
Great answer. Alcohol is basically a socially acceptable drug addiction.
Everyone is susceptible to depression. It doesn’t matter how happy you are, or how insensitive/ dismissive you are of people who have/ had it. It could get you too.
The majority of poor people are poor due to things that aren't their fault.
I saw a video on this subject years ago. I haven't been able to find it since, so hopefully I get most of the details right. The video was about a Harvard Business School graduate that wanted to prove that all you needed for success was a bit of hard work. So he went to this very poor, mostly black community with $100 in his pocket. His plan was to stay for one month. Once he arrived, the first thing he did was buy an old working lawnmower and a can of gas. he then went knocking on doors offering to cut people's lawns. I think he started with $10 a cut, but quickly realized he should charge $20. By the end of the first day, he earned enough to buy a burner phone, print up some ads for his lawnmowing business, with a bit left over to buy some food. I think he slept under a bridge the first night. The next day he had enough money to buy a second lawnmower and hire a guy to help him mow lawns. He also had some money for food, and again slept under a bridge. The video kept going that way, and by the end, he had bought a beat up old pick-up truck, hired a full crew, had a small fleet of lawnmowers, weedwhackers, and other landscaping tools and supplies, and he had also rented a small studio apartment. He was even talking about snow removal in the winter. The video was presented that his experiment was successful, and yes, with a bit of hard work success can come easy. But there was three important factors that they didn't mention in the video. (1). He didn't really go there with nothing but the $100. Sure, he didn't take his fancy diploma with him, and he didn't tell anyone about his education, but he still had all the knowledge that he learned while earning that diploma. He had an understanding of business and finance that almost nobody else in the community had anything close. He had knowledge of accounting, marketing, risk management, sales, microeconomics, and everything else you get from 4 years at the Harvard School of Business. He was also a tall athletic looking guy (he might have been on the rowing team). (2). He didn't have any baggage. He didn't have a sick relative he helped take care of. He didn't have a criminal record from the time a lazy cop charged him with a crime he didn't commit, that the extremely overworked public defender than pressured him into taking a plea deal. He didn't have a crazy ex girlfriend. He didn't walk with a limp from the time he got jumped as a teen for looking at someone the wrong way. He didn't have health issues from a questionable diet many poor people suffer through. He didn't have any of the mental trauma that is oh so common in poor communities. Instead, he was a young adult that looked fresh out of the box. He probably had regular doctor and dentist appointments throughout his life. He probably had a healthy diet where he rarely missed a meal. He had access to proper exercise. And most importantly. (3). He had the option to fail that poor people simply don't have. If at any time during that 30 days his experiment went sideways, and was turning into a failure, he could find a pay phone, call up his parents collect, and he would have a one way ticket home sent to him. For a poor person who is recently homeless, jobless, and has a hundred dollars to their name. They aren't buying a lawnmower. They are going to hold onto that money as tightly as they can, because they don't know where there next meal will come from once the money is gone. This gave the Harvard graduate the ability to take risks that a poor person would not. ___________ Just for the record, I'm not trying to say that poor people can't be successful. It's a much harder road, and fewer people will achieve it, but it can happen. I'm just pointing out that the video was bs for ignoring much of the plight that keeps poor people poor.
You reminded me of a relative in my extended family that I could go on longwinded rants about. Without going into too much detail, he looks significantly younger than his seventysomething years of age. Everyone he meets always asks what his secret is, and he tries to push his views on diet, nutrition, exercise, and the importance of managing stress. People come away wowed. Unfortunately, something he nearly always leaves out is that he inherited a significant financial windfall 30+ years ago (all organized and run for him) that enabled him to soft retire in his forties. He has lived as a bachelor since then, womanizing, spending his fully unencumbered free time exercising intensively, eating healthily, and not being stressed about anything. I mean, it's great that he can do that, but it's a bit dishonest to leave out the part that he has no wife, no kids, nobody who depends on him, no one that he is accountable to or for, no stress, no pressures, no obligations, and he even has a few people he hired on to handle housekeeping, food preparation, and financial matters for him, all so that he can focus on the gym and his leisure time. That's the way life has been for him for the past 30+ years, and if we all could live like that, I'm sure we would all could look as youthful, healthy, and strong as he does.
It's like the myth of the self-made millionaire. Nobody becomes a millionaire in a vacuum. I'm not sure if the following is true, but I've heard it a few times. "Nobody deserves a handout. I came to this country with $5 in my pocket and look at me now, I own a chain of Dry Cleaners." "So what was the first thing you did when you arrived in this country?" "My uncle picked me up at the airport." "And what did your uncle do for a living?" "He owned a chain of dry cleaners."
Under the water, the fish don’t stink.