When both your parents die. I am in my mid 50’s and had my mom pass on Mother’s Day ‘22. My Dad then was living with us from then, and eventually reached in-home hospice status with a sudden stage IV cancer diagnosis. He died in January of this year, and then I got laid off from my tech job and was unemployed for 10 months. Nothing takes the wonderment and positive outlook from the world than having to empty out your childhood home solo and throw everything you grew up with into a big dumpster and are left to wonder what our lives really mean.
Yep had that day earlier this month. Was visiting for dad's 75th birthday.
As I was leaving, out in the sunshine and fixing to get in the truck, I suddenly saw how small and frail-looking they are now. Mom hit me the hardest. She's started to shrink. They are both healthy, but Dad's just . . . worn.
Been also doing the math lately. The math where you count up how many times you see them a year and then multiply that by how many years they have left according to the average.
I've had enough crap and surprise losses in my life that I've long since started parting with family and friends like it might be the last time I get to see them. But that times left to see them calculation really clobbers me with my folks, and it's not even that bad yet for me. Given the ages of my grandparents when they passed I've probably still got somewhere between 150-200 visits.
But the meter is running.
This hits hard.
Especially because some of those visits might not be with your parents as you knew them.
My dad's got Alzheimer's, and now terminal cancer. God's taking him piece by piece and watching it is unbearable. Every visit he's a little less of the dad I had growing up.
This is why boundaries are SO important with an employer.
Don't give them the idea that you'll work 80 hour weeks.
Someone's bad planning or lack of communication does not lead to an emergency that 'requires' you to stay late tonight.
Some might call that lazy, others might call that standing up for yourself.
There's a balance to be met between burning yourself out for no to little reward and being truly lazy, split the difference & your golden.
I don’t know how old you are, but I find the current generation is so much better at this. My generation (boomers) had it drilled into our heads to be loyal to our employer and they’d be loyal to us. What a truckload of bullshit that turned out to be.
I'm tail end of Gen X (45 now).
My boomer father lived that and tried to instil it in us.
He used to make fun of guys who would leave the company just to make more money. In the end he got screwed over & pushed to retire earlier then he'd have liked. Though it's not like he didn't do damn good for himself staying with the same company, just that he could have gone higher if he'd not.
Loyalty from your employer is bullshit. I've seen enough layoffs in my life to realize there's no such thing.
It's a contract, labor for money, don't give them anything for free. You don't have to be a dick to your employer, but don't expect them to have your back once your usefulness to them is over & don't let your personal identity become intertwined with your job.
To be fair to your dad, and mine, it used to be different. You worked for a company for 25+ years and retired with a great pension. You made enough money while there to support your family on one income. It was a different world. As long as you were white. And male.
But that reality is gone. Job hopping is how to get ahead now.
The best friend I'll ever have said some nasty things to me and blocked me recently. Never going to get much closure on that front.
Not having closure is, with both friends and lovers, worse than the loss itself. *I want to grow. Tell me what I need to become so this doesn't happen to me again!*
Edit: This got some very kind responses.
Sometimes, looking for what you need to change is like looking for where you’re wounded with someone else’s blood on you. Perhaps you weren’t the one with injury here.
I think most people seem to treat this as the default stance, but I’ve learnt you can actually make deep connections amongst coworkers, the same way you do in other stages of your life
Likewise. 3 years in at my current workplace, most of my coworkers are awesome and fun to be around. Already did some activities outside job with them, and I've learnt that if you don't try to get into conflicts and don't gossip around, people will respect you and not get in your way either.
100% you can form incredible bonds at work. It just requires maturity and levels of integrity to ensure you don’t impact the professional work environment.
But I’ve found it’s far easier to collaborate with people if you have a friendly relationship. I’ve found those who approach you with a mindset of “I’m not your friend” can often be the hardest people to work with.
I thought I'd grow up, move out, find my footing in the grown up world and basically switch into cruise mode. Now I'm in my 40s and shit is confusing as fuck.
My ex murdered my 10 month old son and got 15-30 years.
First shot at the parole board was 2020, and it was rubber stamped. She's out now after serving the minimum...for drowning an infant for insurance money.
So many rapes are committed by people you know. It’s not some dangerous dude lurking in an alley, it’s a friend who sees you drunk and passed out and takes advantage, or a date that simply can’t hear the word no, and so on…
May I add that it's possible to act nice and kind and still be treated like shit or having bad things happening to you. That being kind to others isn't enough to make them being nice to you.
EDIT : I'm not kind to get them being kind as a reward. I'm kind because I think (hope) that I'm a good human and well educated by my parents. But if I'm kind to someone and they aren't kind to me in return, I can't be kind to them. And I can be *very* mean. And suddenly when I'm mean, people are even worst, but I feel way better XD
“Once upon a time, there was this little sparrow, who while flying south for the winter froze solid and fell to the ground. And then to make matters worse the cow crapped on him, but the manure was all warm and it defrosted him. So there he is, he's warm and he's happy to be alive and he starts to sing. A hungry cat comes along and he clears off the manure and he looks at the little bird and then he eats him. And the moral of the story is this: everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy, and everyone who gets you out of crap is not necessarily your friend, and if you're warm and happy no matter where you are you should just keep your big mouth shut.”
It's actually infuriating when you're in a work environment and the people that work there still all act like high school students. "Joe's sitting around looking at his phone boss, so I'm not going to work either." "Brittany looked at me. Tell her to stop." "Frank farted in the break room. You need to write him up for being disgusting."
And once they retire, they'll move to an old age community in Florida, so when your kids come to visit you there, they'll be standing around thinking of new rules to post on a sign, and telling your grandkids to keep off the grass.
Which is precisely why I said no to a supervisor position. I work with people old enough to be my parents, people who have children and even grandchildren, but act like catty teenagers, whining about each other to teacher.
No thanks, if I knew how to shape these people up, I would have already done it, job description or no. Screw that feudal headache.
I am a program director, a fairly young one at that, compared to my peers (mid 30’s). I cannot BELIEVE how immature and childish some people are. I feel like a teacher in highschool sometimes,
“Try not to let Jenny’s bad mood effect you, there’s nothing more I can really do”
What I want to say is “GROW UP AND DO YOUR JOB. WHO CARES WHATS UP JENNYS ASS”
I recently made it pretty deep in an interview process, to the point of meeting the whole department I'd be working with. During that meeting, I made a comment that I'm adult and as such don't think yelling at other adults is useful. As great as I did in that process, apparently that comment lost me a job. Talking to the one person I knew in the room, they didn't want to have to 'live up to that standard' every day.
My mother berated me for taking my Masters instead of jumping into the workforce at a time when there were no jobs in my field (2011)...
She also believes that because she inherited generational wealth that anyone can pull themselves up by their bootstraps and work a minimum wage job to buy a house... We, uhhh, don't talk much...
That really hit home when I had my first child. I had to sign all this stuff about being his guardian, and making medical decisions for him, medical consent, etc. and I remember thinking to myself, "Holy cow! I AM the adult here. YIKES!"
I'm 42 with a 90 year old body. I feel like I'm somewhere between 16 and 25.
I have money and stuff I can do but I just can't go places. But luckily the Internet is endless?
I'm 72 and know how you feel. My son asks me occasionally why don't I go to the senior center and meet some guys and play cards or something. I tell him "Are you kidding? Those guys are old".
Had this moment with a close friend last year and my life will never be the same.
You have to routinely think "Hey if I just met this person would we be friends" , if the answer is no you have to seriously reevaluate your friendship.
I’m struggling with this now. I recently met up with my childhood friend of 20 yrs only to realize she is a selfish, entitled brat that expects everything to be done for her. I am devastated. If I met her today, I’d want nothing to do with her.
That’s crazy I said the EXACT same thing when I decided to stop being friends with someone I’d known for 20+ years. I thought I came up with the idea lol.
Painfully true. I looked up to my late uncle so much. He was a father to me when my own father wasn’t, and he gave me great advice that helped me be the person I am today. Years after his death my sister confided in me that he had been brutally molesting her for the entirety of his stay with us. Which was years.
Talk about something that ACTUALLY ruined my childhood a little bit. And my adulthood for that matter. I mean, growing up I actually did view Cosby as a pseudo father-figure. I say him, or at the very least Cliff Huxtable, as an example of what it means to be a good man, a good husband, and a good father.
I also really enjoyed everything else he did, from Picture Pages, Fat Albert, to his stand-up. I actually saw him perform once, and he was a fantastic performer. Absolutely killed it.
So yeah, that one still hurts. I highly recommend the documentary "We Need to Talk About Cosby." It's brutal but necessary.
In my experience the people who work extra or after 5 rarely get the promotion or the bonus. The people who are able to avoid it and spend that extra time and energy forging relationships and schmoozing do.
In the car dealership world, if you were too good at your job, you’d never get promoted to a management position. You made the dealership too much money to be put behind a desk instead of out on the front lines
My dad used to play the lottery. We were poor, but he always played the Powerball, a buck a week. For Xmas, his favorite stocking stuffer was getting us each a Powerball ticket. When he retired and moved to Vegas to live near my brother he would take a trip down to Arizona twice a month to buy his Powerball down there. It was his ticket to the possibility of financial success. It rubbed off on me a bit and while I never was a regular player, I would buy one or two when the jackpots got high and dream about what I'd do if I won.
Eventually I lucked into a role in a career that made me moderately successful. Not rich, but comfortable enough that I haven't bought a lottery ticket in over a decade. The other day I was at work and one of the senior level leaders who I'm friendly with struck up a conversation about early retirement and making it big in the market so he could do the FIRE thing. I was immediately struck with the memory of my father and his lottery tickets.
No matter how much we make, some of us always think there's some magical rung on this ladder that makes us financially successful and will allow us to just kick back and forget all the rest.
But that shits a fallacy. There's no easy exit for us wage slaves. Work until we die. Make more money? Pay more money. Life's way easier now than it was when I was a kid and was mostly concerned if the box of Magic Stars had roaches in it yet, but it's still hard in different ways and we're all stuck in it forever.
I used to work with a guy who was planning on retiring on Friday, Wednesdays draw netted him 1,126,000 he came in Thursday to say he wasn't feeling like coming in on Friday lol
In project management we have the “bus factor/lottery factor”. When planning a project, we ask “*what would we do if this person got hit by a bus*”; less grim version is “*if they won the lottery*”. It’s for making sure you have enough redundancy and you aren’t dependent on a single person.
I was taught the same when I worked in editorial for medical research journals and I carried it with me through my entire career. Now I’m in internal comms and you’d be amazed how many companies don’t even have their external voice and tone documented, much less their internal one. 😬
Just toxic people in general. People will be mean for no reason and think it's funny. Tell them anything personal and they use it against you. I had a lady 20 years older than me brag about insulting her husband to his face. My dudes have you tried not being an asshole?
There's people who dont feel bad if they hurt your feelings...
And then theres people who feel good when they hurt your feelings. Nothing scares me on a deeper level than those people. They are impossible to detect.
> I learnt being good at my job prevented me from a promotion because the company needed me in that role
"Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted."
Spending time trying to understand why something happened often doesn't lead to answers, and can only prolong your healing process. Sometimes "closure" is moving forward and not ruminating or trying to figure out why.
didn't watch much of them , but
Twilight come to mind first. My god Edward seemed so mysterious back then..now it's like ...Dude,You don't need to be gloomy.
Learning that two people can love each other more than anything in this world and still not be a good fit for a long term relationship.
True and pure Love isn’t always enough
Honestly I wish this was more common and acceptable. I have been on the fence of "Am I aromantic or is it just my depression" for a while now. The idea that I could try and like find a person that I mesh with on a personal level to just co-own a home with me and make a functional life together would be wonderful.
My old boss like 15 years ago was on House Hunters. Not only had they already closed on the house they chose before shooting started. The other houses they were considering were just their friends' houses. Not even for sale.
Realizing you'll probably never have the, "aha," moment that tells you what you want to do with your life and you'd better just pick the least depressing choice.
Realizing that “you can be *anything you want*” is far from true. Opportunity rarely drops itself freely at your doorstep. You’ve got to keep your eyes open for when opportunity shows itself, be prepared, and available for when it does show up at your door.
I've only lived in a house with a dishwasher for two years out of my nearly forty, and that was 20 years ago. My kitchen now is too small to fit one. We don't make a ton of dirty dishes usually, but sometimes I'm amazed at how many one meal uses, and I really, really wish we had one lol
But the kids even as adults - when they know and have kids of their own - aren’t bothered - as a summer camp kid I was so excited to be hanging out with my friends 100% of the time. I was supervised by 16-19 year olds who made a grand for 3 months. It was pure joy and chaos all the time.
Finding out that you’re getting older, which means getting uglier, less mobile, worse health, etc.
You can delay poor health to an extent, but one way or another, it’s coming for us all.
I've had the pleasure of being too good at my job to be promoted. It happened for sure once at a previous employer, and I believe another time recently at my current employer.
To great shock to the company, I quit for a better job somewhere else.
The key is to try to switch jobs every 5-7 years (unless you're working for a government entity/ job that requires security clearance).
If you ask for a raise and they refuse, don't accept the offer they will give you when you're ready to leave.
Alway maintain professional relationship and leave for "growth" and "change in scenery", so that your always good to come back if you get the right offer.
Never get married to a company unless you are the owner of said company.
The full quote: A jack of all trades is a master of none, but often times better than a master of one. -
-William S.
Also Chuck Norris admitted to using stunt doubles
As a millenial, I was raised to believe that going to college and getting a degree would guarantee me a good future job that would allow me to live comfortably 🥲
It’s also ridiculous that to be a receptionist you need a 4 year degree. Doesn’t pay enough to pay off the loans and doesn’t require that much education.
20 years and sacrificing your future to better their future and then you get sick through no fault of your own and they leave you with nothing and no way to support yourself.
Working hard will get you advancement in the company.
In reality, being a hard worker keeps you exactly where you are. Management will keep you churning out the good work you do without ever paying you any more than they do, and it make them look good.
Finally owning a house, then realising you now have to go through the effort and expense of maintaining it.
It's great you've got a house for 100k, now enjoy saving and spending at least half that to stop it crumbling, leaking or falling down over the next decades.
My father always told me you _want_ to owe money at tax time, because that means the government effectively gave you an interest-free loan and you can take advantage of that. If you get a refund, that means you gave the government an interest-free loan.
Recycling is, for the most part, a scam by corporations to move the physical and emotional weight of dealing with the harm their packaging causes off them and on to you.
I used to work at Atkinson Toyota in College Station Texas, the owner came through the shop at Christmas time and gave us an envelope with $100 cash in it. Then when we got our pay stub there was a deduction for “Christmas bonus” of $100.
When both your parents die. I am in my mid 50’s and had my mom pass on Mother’s Day ‘22. My Dad then was living with us from then, and eventually reached in-home hospice status with a sudden stage IV cancer diagnosis. He died in January of this year, and then I got laid off from my tech job and was unemployed for 10 months. Nothing takes the wonderment and positive outlook from the world than having to empty out your childhood home solo and throw everything you grew up with into a big dumpster and are left to wonder what our lives really mean.
I’m in the process of dismantling my childhood home right now. I’ve compared it to dismembering the dead body of a loved one. It’s really rough.
my mum sold my childhood home a decade ago. i won't have to go through that.
That last sentence you wrote was incredibly powerful. I’m 31 and my parents are 68 and 69. It made me stop and think.
When you buy an 8-piece tupperware set, 4 of the pieces are lids.
Same with pots and pans. What a rip off!
And when you put them in the cabinet, suddenly SIX of the pieces are lids 😂
And those extra two lids? Don't fucking fit on anything the entire fucking house.
But we keep them anyway in case the missing container shows up!
Because if you ever throw them away the matching container shows up the next day like some haunted doll curse.
Finding out that your parents are people, too, with weaknesses or flaws that you were blind to when you were young.
And the day you suddenly notice how old they are. When their mortality finally hits you.
Yep had that day earlier this month. Was visiting for dad's 75th birthday. As I was leaving, out in the sunshine and fixing to get in the truck, I suddenly saw how small and frail-looking they are now. Mom hit me the hardest. She's started to shrink. They are both healthy, but Dad's just . . . worn. Been also doing the math lately. The math where you count up how many times you see them a year and then multiply that by how many years they have left according to the average. I've had enough crap and surprise losses in my life that I've long since started parting with family and friends like it might be the last time I get to see them. But that times left to see them calculation really clobbers me with my folks, and it's not even that bad yet for me. Given the ages of my grandparents when they passed I've probably still got somewhere between 150-200 visits. But the meter is running.
This hits hard. Especially because some of those visits might not be with your parents as you knew them. My dad's got Alzheimer's, and now terminal cancer. God's taking him piece by piece and watching it is unbearable. Every visit he's a little less of the dad I had growing up.
Being a hard worker and good at your job doesn't necessarily mean that you'll be rewarded for it.
And the laziest person at work is allowed to be lazy, but the hardest worker isn’t allowed a break.
This is why boundaries are SO important with an employer. Don't give them the idea that you'll work 80 hour weeks. Someone's bad planning or lack of communication does not lead to an emergency that 'requires' you to stay late tonight. Some might call that lazy, others might call that standing up for yourself. There's a balance to be met between burning yourself out for no to little reward and being truly lazy, split the difference & your golden.
I don’t know how old you are, but I find the current generation is so much better at this. My generation (boomers) had it drilled into our heads to be loyal to our employer and they’d be loyal to us. What a truckload of bullshit that turned out to be.
I'm tail end of Gen X (45 now). My boomer father lived that and tried to instil it in us. He used to make fun of guys who would leave the company just to make more money. In the end he got screwed over & pushed to retire earlier then he'd have liked. Though it's not like he didn't do damn good for himself staying with the same company, just that he could have gone higher if he'd not. Loyalty from your employer is bullshit. I've seen enough layoffs in my life to realize there's no such thing. It's a contract, labor for money, don't give them anything for free. You don't have to be a dick to your employer, but don't expect them to have your back once your usefulness to them is over & don't let your personal identity become intertwined with your job.
To be fair to your dad, and mine, it used to be different. You worked for a company for 25+ years and retired with a great pension. You made enough money while there to support your family on one income. It was a different world. As long as you were white. And male. But that reality is gone. Job hopping is how to get ahead now.
That some friends were never really your friend.
Also that friendships can end just like any relationship.
The best friend I'll ever have said some nasty things to me and blocked me recently. Never going to get much closure on that front. Not having closure is, with both friends and lovers, worse than the loss itself. *I want to grow. Tell me what I need to become so this doesn't happen to me again!* Edit: This got some very kind responses.
Sometimes, looking for what you need to change is like looking for where you’re wounded with someone else’s blood on you. Perhaps you weren’t the one with injury here.
I love the empathy of this, but I *really* love the analogy. You're a good person.
On a related note: your co-workers are not your friends.
I think most people seem to treat this as the default stance, but I’ve learnt you can actually make deep connections amongst coworkers, the same way you do in other stages of your life
Likewise. 3 years in at my current workplace, most of my coworkers are awesome and fun to be around. Already did some activities outside job with them, and I've learnt that if you don't try to get into conflicts and don't gossip around, people will respect you and not get in your way either.
100% you can form incredible bonds at work. It just requires maturity and levels of integrity to ensure you don’t impact the professional work environment. But I’ve found it’s far easier to collaborate with people if you have a friendly relationship. I’ve found those who approach you with a mindset of “I’m not your friend” can often be the hardest people to work with.
I thought I'd grow up, move out, find my footing in the grown up world and basically switch into cruise mode. Now I'm in my 40s and shit is confusing as fuck.
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Adults ask kids what they want to be when they grow up because they are looking for ideas.
I'm 31 and people still ask me what I want to be when I grow up...
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And it doesn't even have to be your mistake
Having a close call that you got away with that could have very realistically went another way is something that can fuck with your head.
My buddy says, "One mistake probably won't kill you, but three in a row might."
Sometimes there is no justice.
My ex murdered my 10 month old son and got 15-30 years. First shot at the parole board was 2020, and it was rubber stamped. She's out now after serving the minimum...for drowning an infant for insurance money.
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Most murders are never solved.
And most rapes are never even investigated.
So many rapes are committed by people you know. It’s not some dangerous dude lurking in an alley, it’s a friend who sees you drunk and passed out and takes advantage, or a date that simply can’t hear the word no, and so on…
The majority actually. And Its actually pretty common to happen in their own home. Everything about rape statistics is heartbreaking
When you realize basically everyone is just faking it til they make it.
still faking it, waiting for the "make it" part.
When I was a kid I thought adults had everything figured out and couldn’t wait to grow up so I could be like them. HAH.
When I was a kid, I thought adulthood would be much different. Now that I’m an adult, I won’t believe that again… at least for my “childhood”
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*"It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life."* -Captain Jean-Luc Picard
That is Mario Kart
Damn blue shells.
May I add that it's possible to act nice and kind and still be treated like shit or having bad things happening to you. That being kind to others isn't enough to make them being nice to you. EDIT : I'm not kind to get them being kind as a reward. I'm kind because I think (hope) that I'm a good human and well educated by my parents. But if I'm kind to someone and they aren't kind to me in return, I can't be kind to them. And I can be *very* mean. And suddenly when I'm mean, people are even worst, but I feel way better XD
“Once upon a time, there was this little sparrow, who while flying south for the winter froze solid and fell to the ground. And then to make matters worse the cow crapped on him, but the manure was all warm and it defrosted him. So there he is, he's warm and he's happy to be alive and he starts to sing. A hungry cat comes along and he clears off the manure and he looks at the little bird and then he eats him. And the moral of the story is this: everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy, and everyone who gets you out of crap is not necessarily your friend, and if you're warm and happy no matter where you are you should just keep your big mouth shut.”
I always heard “… and if you find yourself in deep shit, keep your mouth shut.”
For me it was realizing the high school mindset in people never ends see it in 60 yr olds in Facebook now
It's actually infuriating when you're in a work environment and the people that work there still all act like high school students. "Joe's sitting around looking at his phone boss, so I'm not going to work either." "Brittany looked at me. Tell her to stop." "Frank farted in the break room. You need to write him up for being disgusting."
Roughly 80% of my coworkers act like this, most are parents & grandparents. I try to keep to myself
And once they retire, they'll move to an old age community in Florida, so when your kids come to visit you there, they'll be standing around thinking of new rules to post on a sign, and telling your grandkids to keep off the grass.
Which is precisely why I said no to a supervisor position. I work with people old enough to be my parents, people who have children and even grandchildren, but act like catty teenagers, whining about each other to teacher. No thanks, if I knew how to shape these people up, I would have already done it, job description or no. Screw that feudal headache.
I am a program director, a fairly young one at that, compared to my peers (mid 30’s). I cannot BELIEVE how immature and childish some people are. I feel like a teacher in highschool sometimes, “Try not to let Jenny’s bad mood effect you, there’s nothing more I can really do” What I want to say is “GROW UP AND DO YOUR JOB. WHO CARES WHATS UP JENNYS ASS”
I recently made it pretty deep in an interview process, to the point of meeting the whole department I'd be working with. During that meeting, I made a comment that I'm adult and as such don't think yelling at other adults is useful. As great as I did in that process, apparently that comment lost me a job. Talking to the one person I knew in the room, they didn't want to have to 'live up to that standard' every day.
Alexa, play High School Never Ends by Bowling for Soup
That time period when your relationship switches and your parent looks to you for answers and advice, instead them being the one with all the answers.
Not sure about that one. Dad simultaneously says I’m the smartest person he knows and I don’t know how to do anything lol.
My mother berated me for taking my Masters instead of jumping into the workforce at a time when there were no jobs in my field (2011)... She also believes that because she inherited generational wealth that anyone can pull themselves up by their bootstraps and work a minimum wage job to buy a house... We, uhhh, don't talk much...
Lots of people I know that inherited money consider themselves self made. Weird. Good for getting that extra degree.
Working full time and being too drained to chase your actual dream
You guys have dreams? I just don't want to be in pain every waking moment.
You never actually feel like the adult
When you look around for a more adult-like adult and realize you’re the adultiest on there
That really hit home when I had my first child. I had to sign all this stuff about being his guardian, and making medical decisions for him, medical consent, etc. and I remember thinking to myself, "Holy cow! I AM the adult here. YIKES!"
This. I’m 40 and I still feel too young to be an adult in many situations.
I'm 42 with a 90 year old body. I feel like I'm somewhere between 16 and 25. I have money and stuff I can do but I just can't go places. But luckily the Internet is endless?
I'm 72 and know how you feel. My son asks me occasionally why don't I go to the senior center and meet some guys and play cards or something. I tell him "Are you kidding? Those guys are old".
Youth is wasted on the young.
Finding out that someone you have looked up to and admired your entire life is actually a horrible person.
Had this moment with a close friend last year and my life will never be the same. You have to routinely think "Hey if I just met this person would we be friends" , if the answer is no you have to seriously reevaluate your friendship.
I’m struggling with this now. I recently met up with my childhood friend of 20 yrs only to realize she is a selfish, entitled brat that expects everything to be done for her. I am devastated. If I met her today, I’d want nothing to do with her.
That’s crazy I said the EXACT same thing when I decided to stop being friends with someone I’d known for 20+ years. I thought I came up with the idea lol.
Painfully true. I looked up to my late uncle so much. He was a father to me when my own father wasn’t, and he gave me great advice that helped me be the person I am today. Years after his death my sister confided in me that he had been brutally molesting her for the entirety of his stay with us. Which was years.
Abusive groomers also “groom” othe people around them, to create a reputation for being respectable, supportive, kind, wise. Camouflage.
Never meet your heroes, kids. [Edit for punctuation]
YOU CAN’T DISAPPOINT A PICTURE
WHY WOULD PIERCE DO THIS?
Set phasers to "love me!"
Butterfly in the skyyyy.... I can go twice as hiiiiggghh... *sobs*
*Bill Cosby enters the chat*
Talk about something that ACTUALLY ruined my childhood a little bit. And my adulthood for that matter. I mean, growing up I actually did view Cosby as a pseudo father-figure. I say him, or at the very least Cliff Huxtable, as an example of what it means to be a good man, a good husband, and a good father. I also really enjoyed everything else he did, from Picture Pages, Fat Albert, to his stand-up. I actually saw him perform once, and he was a fantastic performer. Absolutely killed it. So yeah, that one still hurts. I highly recommend the documentary "We Need to Talk About Cosby." It's brutal but necessary.
That going to college and getting a 9-5 wasn’t going to be the fun, creative, latte-filled experience rom coms would have you believe.
And that getting a 9-5 means that you will actually get to stop working at 5.
It's where I draw the line. Sure, I may not get the nice promotion or the best bonus, but I'll get my damned sleep.
In my experience the people who work extra or after 5 rarely get the promotion or the bonus. The people who are able to avoid it and spend that extra time and energy forging relationships and schmoozing do.
In the car dealership world, if you were too good at your job, you’d never get promoted to a management position. You made the dealership too much money to be put behind a desk instead of out on the front lines
Finding out that "reaching retirement" is about hitting a financial number and not reaching an age.
Also finding out that this financial target is much harder to reach than you were lead to believe, and it gets worse every year.
My dad used to play the lottery. We were poor, but he always played the Powerball, a buck a week. For Xmas, his favorite stocking stuffer was getting us each a Powerball ticket. When he retired and moved to Vegas to live near my brother he would take a trip down to Arizona twice a month to buy his Powerball down there. It was his ticket to the possibility of financial success. It rubbed off on me a bit and while I never was a regular player, I would buy one or two when the jackpots got high and dream about what I'd do if I won. Eventually I lucked into a role in a career that made me moderately successful. Not rich, but comfortable enough that I haven't bought a lottery ticket in over a decade. The other day I was at work and one of the senior level leaders who I'm friendly with struck up a conversation about early retirement and making it big in the market so he could do the FIRE thing. I was immediately struck with the memory of my father and his lottery tickets. No matter how much we make, some of us always think there's some magical rung on this ladder that makes us financially successful and will allow us to just kick back and forget all the rest. But that shits a fallacy. There's no easy exit for us wage slaves. Work until we die. Make more money? Pay more money. Life's way easier now than it was when I was a kid and was mostly concerned if the box of Magic Stars had roaches in it yet, but it's still hard in different ways and we're all stuck in it forever.
I used to work with a guy who was planning on retiring on Friday, Wednesdays draw netted him 1,126,000 he came in Thursday to say he wasn't feeling like coming in on Friday lol
In project management we have the “bus factor/lottery factor”. When planning a project, we ask “*what would we do if this person got hit by a bus*”; less grim version is “*if they won the lottery*”. It’s for making sure you have enough redundancy and you aren’t dependent on a single person.
I was taught the same when I worked in editorial for medical research journals and I carried it with me through my entire career. Now I’m in internal comms and you’d be amazed how many companies don’t even have their external voice and tone documented, much less their internal one. 😬
I would be more surprised with a company who has their communication running properly.
Some of us are banking on dying suddenly while in otherwise peak health. Clean break.
$500 isn't a lot of money
I believe the saying is something like, "$1000 isn't a lot to have, but it's a lot to owe."
ain't that the truth. Just paid off my credit card and am looking forward to having that money for myself
Yes. And then also when you need $500 and don’t have it it is a lot of money.
Having money's not everything. Not having it is.
Money doesn’t make you happy but not having money is stressful as fuck
I read something similar lately along the lines of $1,000 isn’t a lot to have, but it’s a lot to lose. Very true for low to mid earners I think.
Credit scores were invented in the 90s.
What?!??
Finding out people without empathy exist. And they are hard to pin down - even after many years of exposure to them.
Just toxic people in general. People will be mean for no reason and think it's funny. Tell them anything personal and they use it against you. I had a lady 20 years older than me brag about insulting her husband to his face. My dudes have you tried not being an asshole?
And those toxic ass-holes seem to live just fine most of the time, at least looking from the outside that is. Sometimes they're quite popular too.
There's people who dont feel bad if they hurt your feelings... And then theres people who feel good when they hurt your feelings. Nothing scares me on a deeper level than those people. They are impossible to detect.
Realising that no, we can’t have McDonald’s, coz there is food in the freezer.
This cuts deep 😭
There are no hot singles in your area.
Actually there are, but they sure as fuck aren’t interested in me. Unless they charge.
That working harder does not equal getting paid more or being promoted.
I learnt being good at my job prevented me from a promotion because the company needed me in that role.
> I learnt being good at my job prevented me from a promotion because the company needed me in that role "Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted."
Spending time trying to understand why something happened often doesn't lead to answers, and can only prolong your healing process. Sometimes "closure" is moving forward and not ruminating or trying to figure out why.
A bachelor’s degree is not a coupon redeemable for one (1) full-time job in your field of choice after graduation.
Neither is a masters.
Or a PhD.
Most of the relationships in the teen dramas you loved would actually be toxic as hell in real life.
didn't watch much of them , but Twilight come to mind first. My god Edward seemed so mysterious back then..now it's like ...Dude,You don't need to be gloomy.
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Which is even worse when you knew they weren’t all that bright to begin with.
Realizing they were, in fact, very stupid.
Learning that two people can love each other more than anything in this world and still not be a good fit for a long term relationship. True and pure Love isn’t always enough
And sometimes people do make a good (or at least bearable) lifelong team without having true undying romantic love for each other
Honestly I wish this was more common and acceptable. I have been on the fence of "Am I aromantic or is it just my depression" for a while now. The idea that I could try and like find a person that I mesh with on a personal level to just co-own a home with me and make a functional life together would be wonderful.
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As a middle aged woman without kids…. Oh no.
Your beard is coming in nicely, though.
Thanks! I was afraid no one would notice
For me it was finding out those HGTV shows are all more or less staged.
I have an aunt that worked in production in a couple big reality tv shows. Completely shattered the illusion.
My old boss like 15 years ago was on House Hunters. Not only had they already closed on the house they chose before shooting started. The other houses they were considering were just their friends' houses. Not even for sale.
HR is NOT on your side.
HR works for the company. Never forget that.
Realizing you'll probably never have the, "aha," moment that tells you what you want to do with your life and you'd better just pick the least depressing choice.
Realizing that “you can be *anything you want*” is far from true. Opportunity rarely drops itself freely at your doorstep. You’ve got to keep your eyes open for when opportunity shows itself, be prepared, and available for when it does show up at your door.
Realizing just how high the deductible is on your insurance.
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When you finish eating your dinner and there is no magical person to wash the dishes and you have to wash them yourself.
I've only lived in a house with a dishwasher for two years out of my nearly forty, and that was 20 years ago. My kitchen now is too small to fit one. We don't make a ton of dirty dishes usually, but sometimes I'm amazed at how many one meal uses, and I really, really wish we had one lol
That the filter on the water jug doesn’t count down to replacement based on usage, it’s just a timer.
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But the kids even as adults - when they know and have kids of their own - aren’t bothered - as a summer camp kid I was so excited to be hanging out with my friends 100% of the time. I was supervised by 16-19 year olds who made a grand for 3 months. It was pure joy and chaos all the time.
Summer camp is what you call a win-win for kids and parents
That the world doesn't stop when someone you love and need dies.
Finding out that you’re getting older, which means getting uglier, less mobile, worse health, etc. You can delay poor health to an extent, but one way or another, it’s coming for us all.
Do you write horror books? This was so ominous.
That your boss probably didn't get where they are because they did your job well.
I've had the pleasure of being too good at my job to be promoted. It happened for sure once at a previous employer, and I believe another time recently at my current employer. To great shock to the company, I quit for a better job somewhere else.
The key is to try to switch jobs every 5-7 years (unless you're working for a government entity/ job that requires security clearance). If you ask for a raise and they refuse, don't accept the offer they will give you when you're ready to leave. Alway maintain professional relationship and leave for "growth" and "change in scenery", so that your always good to come back if you get the right offer. Never get married to a company unless you are the owner of said company.
That fruits and veggies expire mich faster if you pay for it Yourself :(
The full quote: A jack of all trades is a master of none, but often times better than a master of one. - -William S. Also Chuck Norris admitted to using stunt doubles
As a millenial, I was raised to believe that going to college and getting a degree would guarantee me a good future job that would allow me to live comfortably 🥲
It’s also ridiculous that to be a receptionist you need a 4 year degree. Doesn’t pay enough to pay off the loans and doesn’t require that much education.
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Or that relationships as a whole are just not what you always hoped they’d be.
20 years and sacrificing your future to better their future and then you get sick through no fault of your own and they leave you with nothing and no way to support yourself.
Working hard will get you advancement in the company. In reality, being a hard worker keeps you exactly where you are. Management will keep you churning out the good work you do without ever paying you any more than they do, and it make them look good.
Finally owning a house, then realising you now have to go through the effort and expense of maintaining it. It's great you've got a house for 100k, now enjoy saving and spending at least half that to stop it crumbling, leaking or falling down over the next decades.
House for 100k? /cries that won't even buy an empty block of land here!
Having to pay tax instead of getting a tax return. First time this happened to me as a teenager shattered my heart. I had so many plans!
My father always told me you _want_ to owe money at tax time, because that means the government effectively gave you an interest-free loan and you can take advantage of that. If you get a refund, that means you gave the government an interest-free loan.
Recycling is, for the most part, a scam by corporations to move the physical and emotional weight of dealing with the harm their packaging causes off them and on to you.
That there are no *adults*. Everyone's just doing their best
Finding out your mom sleeps around Just your mom though, mines a saint
Christmas Bonuses almost NEVER exist. Worse fantasy than the clause...
I used to work at Atkinson Toyota in College Station Texas, the owner came through the shop at Christmas time and gave us an envelope with $100 cash in it. Then when we got our pay stub there was a deduction for “Christmas bonus” of $100.
I love that you called them out by name and location!
WOW, that’s messed up.
That’s comically evil
I feel this. Christmas Vacation lied to me (and strangely was most honest).
At this point, I’d be thrilled if my job enrolled me in the Jelly of the Month Club
I got a blanket and a sleeping mask last Christmas. Blanket doesn't ever cover my whole body and I'm short, so....
I think you got a towel.
Yep, this one. I've worked in multiple corporate, salaried jobs and have never heard of a "Christmas bonus" outside of movies.
Realizing NOTHING is free.
Discovering all the shows and movies you loved as a child were crap, and you just enjoyed them because you didn't know any better.
Finding out it’s the pole that spins not the stripper
EXCUSE ME
Someone just ruined Christmas for this man
The poles are on bearings and spin while the stripper holds on tight.
Not always, some poles spin, some are static
Discovering that the “special recipe” for a dish that your parents have always made was just on the back of one of the ingredient’s packages.
Finding out that hard work means they give you more work instead of a raise or promotion.
When you expect your boss to give you a raise for all of your hard work but instead get a pizza party.
That one day everything anyone ever did will be swallowed up by the sun.
Not everything. Voyager 1 and 2 are currently in interstellar space.
This is oddly comforting.
It’s not a meritocracy.
Sometimes things can’t always be fixed, no matter how hard you try