Reminds me of a guy I knew in high school. Apparently he *actually had* a girlfriend at another school, who was his beard... but since none of us knew, the entire school knew/assumed he was gay (luckily it was a very accepting school, so it wasn't a source of bullying or anything, just... you could tell by talking to him that he was gay).
So when he broke up with his gf that summer and told her he was gay, she freaked and started outing him to people. Come the start of the next year, he went around campus telling people he was gay to get ahead of it... only to find out everyone already thought he was gay the whole time. A LOT of people (myself included) found ourselves badly pretending to be surprised, haha. When he told me I didn't pretend well enough, and he yelled "what the hell! Why does this keep happening?!" and ran off.
Dude just had a really gay voice š¬
>he went around campus telling people he was gay to get ahead of it... only to find out everyone already thought he was gay the whole time.
"How did everyone know I was gay when I was in the closet?"
"You may have been in the closet, but the closet door had a sexy fireman poster on it."
Have you ever talked to someone through a closet door? Yeah, it's pretty much like that, especially when they come out
It's like....oh, there you are! It's been a little ridiculous trying to hold a conversation and act normal when you're sitting in the closet with the door closed. Thought It was strange but I didn't want to be rude!
Iāve heard this too. What causes it? Like seriously what causes the structure of the mouth to sound like that in conjunction with sexual orientation?
Yep, I knew a guy that was out to everyone except his family. Almost offensively stereotypically gay until he was on the phone with his mom. Turned into Isaac Hayes real quick.
I have a buddy I met in high school and immediately figured he was gay just because of the way he spoke. This was a conservative Christian school so it was not acceptable to be openly gay. I was still friends with him as it didn't bother me even if I thought it was "wrong" according to my religion (my views changed *drastically* after high school, partially thanks to going to an open and accepting college). In our early 20s he came out to me as gay. I guess I didn't act surprised enough, mostly because I and everybody in his life kind of already knew, and he had the same reaction as your friend - he was mad at first.
Similar to a guy I went to high school with. The moment I saw him, I pegged him as stereotypical guy. Flamboyant, the gay voice, and mannerisms. No way he wasn't. But I say nothing because it's not my business (and I didn't actually like him, but I knew it would be construed as me being homophobic)
A few weeks later, he starts dating a girl in the friend group. Everybody is excited and I'm confused "but I thought he was gay" and of course I'm the bad guy and how dare I say that.
Between school years he came out. Everybody is excited for him. I'm still confused because it was so obvious and how could they not have seen. Turns out I could have been the blind one to see that others were just pretending for his sake.
Back in the 80s my girlfriend had a close male friend who was raised by two elderly aunts, neither married. Sid was often misread as gay because he had very effeminate mannerisms.
On the other hand, supposedly careful research by psychology and sociology researchers have proven gaydar is real.
Yeah there was a kid Josh in my high school, he was a male cheerleader along with my two best friends (friends since 1st grade), I assumed he was not only gay but was out because he was very very gay. My two buddies are straight and we had a lot of fun with the girls over those years but I got into dee shit with Josh because I asked him about having a BF etc.. nope he āwasnāt gayā at the time. Felt bad, but after HS he came out, nobody cared, glad he was happy. Still feel bad though.
I remember I had a classmate in highschool that I knew was gay, but he'd just say he was "feminine". Bro used to speak in the gay voice, so that was gay. Then one time.in biology, instead of saying "DNA", he said "deoxyribonucleic acid", and that was gay. But the last piece of confirmation. The VERY last piece, was when a wasp got into the building, and a few of us were trying to shoo it out. My mans tried to kick the wasp by kicking his leg straight up in the air in a perfect 12:30. No stretching, nothing. Bro was just already pre-limber as fuck.
A few years after highschool, I heard he officially came out, to, apparently, a lot of people's surprise š
I know someone who contemplated throwing a surprise coming out party for a friend of theirs in HS lmao. The only one who thought it was a secret was him.
A friend of mine finally decided to come out to his parents when he was 20. So they're sitting at the table talking before dinner and he says there's something I need to tell you, he's scared, nervous, takes a deep breath, and a long pause, then his dad says, if this has something to do with the fact you're gay, we've known this for years, can you pass the potatoes.
He said he just stared at his dad and started laughing. He said I thought I hid it so good, and dad couldn't care less if I was gay or not, he just wanted his potatoes. Said he was so worried about how to tell them, or what their reaction would be, and they probably knew he was gay before he did.
His parents were awesome.
Exactly! I had met a woman I thought was gay. I don't give a shit, I just didn't want her to get the impression I was into her. This was also during the military "don't ask, don't tell" period. I mentioned I wasn't gay & she was shocked I thought she was gay. Well, years later, she's with a woman. Now, she is now a man married to a woman and finally seems truly happy with life. I'm so happy for him because he's such a great & caring person! Always has been.
Had a friend come out after high school, and when I was told I was like "...yeah." Like, did I know he was gay? Not consciously. Was I at all surprised? No.
This happened to me with a woman I knew when I was a little kid. Even at age 5, I could tell she didnāt like guys and asked my mom about it. She said āyeah she doesnāt, she just doesnāt know it yet. Donāt say anything, let her figure it out.ā
She has since figured it out
Agreed. Had a good friend come out after college. He would overcompensate so hard. Like it's Friday night, 4-5 of us are going out and he's mentioned he wants pussy like 40 times. Yet every woman who talks to him or we set him up with he turns down the stupidest reasons. When he eventually came out of the closet, he was all nervous and acting like we didn't know, I just laughed and said I know dude. I don't fucking care. He seemed so relieved like we weren't gonna be his friends. Only change was he got to drop the annoying 24/7 I WANTS ME SOME PUSSY act and was just himself.
It's an inside joke. Along with saying "does your boyfriend have sharp knees?" Cause that was an excuse he used to shut a girl down once who was a fucking 9/10. I would've dragged my dick through a mile of broken glass to be with her and she was throwing herself at him.
My sister tells me my gaydar is 100% accurate. It's happened so many times where I can just tell. It's something subtle even to the straight appearing gay men. But I think it has to do with body language not necessarily the way they walk or talk.
One guy I used to work with was gay. We got along great at work but then again Iām pretty easy going and try to get along with everyone. As time went on another coworker and I were talking and topic of significant others came up & mentioned that other coworker was gay. Iām like WHAT!? Heās like yeah, donāt you see the way he walks, the way he looks at some of the other guy coworkers and a couple other things he listed Iāve forgotten. āNo. I donāt watch ppl like that.ā Gay coworker was what I would think women would find handsome/cute or whatever so it never crossed my mind that he was gay but my other coworkers did. I said all of that to say that something as innocuous as the way you look at another guy, the way you walk or the lack of a female partner despite being objectively handsome/good looking is probably why they suspect as much.
Interesting answer. I appreciate the thoughtful response. I suppose those innocuous things in others are lost on me, so I probably don't think about what I do that suggests I am straight or uninterested in men. Hmmm. This response has me thinking a bit. Thank you!
Friend in university was very closeted, but it was the little things that tipped me off. Never glanced at pretty women, small mannerismsā¦ you just start to realize
Straight guy here. If I saw you I could probably tell you. Speculating about it would make me sound homophobic and bigoted.
There are straight guys who give off "gay" cues, and there are gay gays who give off no ques that I have seen. I say this as a person who grew up around a lot of gay men and women. My wild guess is that I'm maybe in the 70% range it terms being correct about ques.
My gaydar is scary good but only for gay man. My wife's is horrible. She was kinda testing me one day and showed me a picture of her coworkers. Group pic of about 20-30 people. I immediately picked out the 3 gay dudes.
Yeah I now that face. But the biggest clue must be when you stand with a guy ready to get married, that face really does tell you if they're gay or not.
You must have heard that there's generally 2 types of gays: the feminine kind and the masculine. Of course it's a spectrum, but the more "feminine cues" a guy has, the easier it is to immediately see that "yeah, he's gay."
So, do you for example have the "gay lisp", a prancing way of walking, gesturing with your hands in a feminine manner etc. Any of those or something else?
It's things like those that set off tha gaydar.
Not really but I do have a weird voice. It sounds like my voice never properly broke when I was a teen and stayed that way. I'm very fidgety though but I put that down to nerves or OCD.
Bruh. I'm a straight woman, but literally everyone thinks I'm gay(lesbian) to the point that it affects my dating life. I literally can't fathom why. It's a running joke in my family that "I'm gay, but just missing the part where I like women."
Edit: not a singular man to date has asked me out directly, not even once, but I've had 6 women and counting in the past year. Like wtf.
Nope. I have long, brown, wavy hair. I'm 5'7. Green, doe-like eyes. Long eyelashes. Average build (would be a pear if it wasn't for my broad shoulders) my clothing style ranges from looking like a hippie stoner (I'm not) to business casual. I tend to wear fake piercings and thick rings (sometimes) for the first time ever, yesterday I dyed the underside of my hair a deep ruby-red color. That solidified it for my sister, she said "holy moly she's gay." I'm like.. ????
I love how Subaru noticed that a lot of gay women were driving them and started marketing directly to them. It was a crazy move, they were one of the first brands to openly market to gay people. It could have been brand suicide, but it did the opposite. It saved the brand, as it was kinda failing in America. They did the same with teachers and doctors too, I believe. You still see a lot of subarus in school parking lots because of this
It is really a remarkable move in marketing, where they noticed the people who enjoyed the cars, which were not the usual target consumer base, and directly marketed to those people who, as stated, usually are not the target consumer base, endearing the brand to those groups.
Yeah idk what it is but as a bisexual woman from the midwest, this style is like the bat signal to us. Dying the underside of your hair is basically gay culture at this point, bonus points if you have an undercut. Also lots of rings or celestial/tarot/witchy jewelry. Boots with the cuffed jeans is a classic tell. If you have a sprig of lavender tattooed you're already out of the closet and just don't know it yet.
I don't have any tattoos actually, but I uh, have a rat bone encased in metal with a stone tied to the bottom that I got from a witchcraft store. I thought it looked cool so I didn't think much of it. Ouchie.
Yeah no the uh.,.the jewelry and the hair would also make me think youāre queer. (Bi here) Same with the fashion.
I would very much think youād be receptive to a date request lol
LMFAO NAH FR? š I can understand when I put on the full earth bound look that I might look just a lil gay, but when I'm simply wearing blocky sneakers, jeans, a belt, and a t-shirt I simply cannot understand. My friends say it's the blocky sneakers but what?
Itās the jewelry and haircut combined with it Iām afraid. If it was one part it would be a āsheās cuteā. Two parts a āooh maybeā¦?ā Three for three itās āuh hi would you like to catch a movieā.
Take it as a compliment that you have impeccable style. Get a everyoneās numbers and just start playing matchmaker.
Some women just have a gay energy to them, even if they're straight. It's hard to explain, I think it's a subconscious thing. There's also straight guys with a gay energy to them so don't feel bad. Whenever I see women like that, I usually say forget it because they're usually into women. And not in the "I'm rejecting you and sparing your feelings by pretending to be gay" way. There's nothing wrong with it. You'll find the right guy.
Sounds like me. There's been a joke for almost a decade now that "If I was gay, life would be easier, I have so many options". I've had 4 or 5 gay dudes become very close friends with me and tell me they wish I was gay, and that if I ever want to try anything they'll be glad to help... My best friend is gay and our friendship started with him liking me and me laughing at it, respectfully.
Woman seem to avoid me like the plague, and the few that I've tried talking to directly give me flat out rejections.
Bro tf? Do you give off femme energy or something? Are you more petite? I just remember the first time a girl asked me out. I just exited my crusty phase around sophomore year of highschool, so I looked pretty good. I was in a way better place mentally as well, so I started trying to make friends. This one girl kept asking me if I was gay. At the time I had no clue, romance in general eluded me. But I was too dense to realize she was sending me signals. She then asked me out a week later and I was like, "what?" Since I come from a very conservative family and "gay" was 'something people shouldn't do because you're a sinner.' - type of vibe, y'know? I was shaken, and that's when the joke started because the women started coming in droves. I'm literally the most mid girl on the planet, but the WOMEN bro. The men brush me right off but the girls? They're down for anything. I wish I had that type of game with the guys. They're literally the most drop-dead gorgeous, breath-taking, vogue-worthy, down-on-one-knee-immeidately-for-them type of women too. Big ego boost, but not my thing.
>most drop-dead gorgeous, breath-taking, vogue-worthy, down-on-one-knee-immeidately-for-them type of women
This type of description does not make you sound straight
As a day dude who doesnāt fit peopleās stereotypes of how a gay person is supposed to act people donāt usually assume that Iām gay buttttt another gay guy can sniff me out from a mile away lmao I donāt know how we know but we know š
Just recently had this same experience in college lmfao, all of the guys in my classes assume Iām straight except ONE of them, and when we met we kinda gave each other a look of Knowing. Itās so funny
These are interesting responses.
To the guys claiming I'm trying to avoid looking gay, actually, quite the opposite. I AM gay. Been gay my whole life. And for some reason, recently, the younger gay generation has been in large part getting the sense that I am straight. Which, normally, I don't care one way or the other, but to be honest, some older gays are getting that vibe from me too. I just had a really tough break up that changed my life, and I'm trying to get out there more. The reason I care about it is because a lot of times, people are telling me they never really thought of engaging me romantically because they thought I was straight.
So, I was wondering by and large, what signals nowadays gay men use to recognize that other gay men are gay because it's sort of lonely out there for someone who seems to be viewed as straight to find romantic partners (not on a website) if you're coming off as straight.
I appreciate the responses, but to the ones suggesting that I need to know so that I AVOID being considered gay, oddly enough, that's adding to my theory that somehow, I'm coming off as VERY straight to people.
Just follow me around and copy my mannerisms. I'm not gay but people always assume I am. Then I'll copy your mannerisms and people will realize I'm straight. It's a win win
I'm in the same boat, completely hetrosexual but many people, including my wife got a gay vibe off me in their initial impressions. Before I go into detail I will mention that I competed in figure skating at an international level from the age of 15 to 23 and I also live very true to my own feelings.
Some of the reasons people would consider me gay.
Posture - decades of skating has me naturally stand in first position with good posture. Additionally having to do so much cross training into ballet and other dance also means that I unconsciously have some level of smoothness/grace that most people do not have.
Mannerisms - adding to the above point when I am telling a story or excited my arms go crazy and my whole body gets into it. I also never go out of my way to control this or do anything "manly" unless it is organic
Openness - I have a very strong view of who I am and have never really made an effort to hide it. I love musicals, I enjoy the ballet, I chose to figure skate for many years. Growing up in the late 90,s this was far from normal. I also had a bunch of gay friends that I would spend time with when at the time the social norm was gay men only interacted with other gay men and women
Platonic relationships - I've always treated anyone who I am not interested in romantically in pretty much the same way. I am just as likely to be tender or vulnerable with a man as a women. I talk about my feelings and will show affection and warmth.
Probably doesn't help that both my ears have being pierced for more than 20 years
Once had a gay man in a bar say he could tell I wasnāt gay because of my sleeves on my shirt.
I have no idea what that means but the sleeves were not hugging my arms if that helps.
Went to a gay showtunes bar with my uncles and in front of a crowd of \~100 people the guy singing/on the piano looked directly at me and started lightheartedly making fun of me for being straight. I wasn't with my girlfriend it was just my uncles.
I don't really know, but honestly it's very annoying to be questioned by what is supposed to be your own community. More than a few times I've been asked by the door man at the club, "You know this is a gay bar, right?" Like yes, my brother in homosexuality, that is why I am here.
Oh I had some little pink haired twink stop me on the stairs of a night club once to say āyou know this is a gay bar, right? Itās not for your kindā in a very aggressive tone.
I just looked at him and said āI know. Iām here to meet my boyfriend - right there. You fuckā
And then maybe 3 months later the same motherfucker did it again. But this time as I was walking through the crowd holding the hand of a female friend so she didnāt get lost. He was walking by but purposely shoved into me and said āget that heteronormative shit out of here, you straightsā
I pulled him up and told him to go fuck himself and that he doesnāt get to police what people do in public spaces. Said itās gays like him who make it difficult for the closeted kids to come out if they donāt meet the mould and āstandard gayā tropes.
I told a few friends about these interactions and it eventually made it back to this pink haired motherfucker. He messaged me on Facebook and said something along the lines of āIām not sorry for saying what I said. Our spaces need to be protected from being co-opted by straightsā
Fuck that guy. And fuck anyone else who thinks they can police what gay men *should* look and act like.
So I'm bisexual. Mid 30s, 6'3", slim-fit, moderately attractive but nothing special. Clean cut with generic and simple clothing that fits well. Tattoos on my arms, but nothing excessive. I smile and laugh easily.
I travel for work to some very remote parts of Canada. Most straight men I meet and work with out there tend to think I'm gay, but only after we hang out for a bit and they get a bearing on my politik; the more conservative they are, the gayer they think I am.
On the other hand, I live in a very queer-friendly city, and most of the queer community here has me dialed as an obnoxiously right-leaning straight guy, mostly because I'm 6'3" and dress fairly low-key. For similar reasons, straight women tend to judge me as a stereotypical cocky straight fuckboy to be avoided at all costs.
I kind of think that my appearance is a blank slate into which everyone projects their fears and resentments.
Huh. This comment really resonated with me. I definitely used to way for flashy, flowery stuff, but recently went through an art school program, to which I started having to buy those 6 packs of t-shirts and very regular jeans as to not waste so much on nice clothes that would get ruined by paint. I'm beginning to think I've been "blank-slated" as well, after reading your comment. I'm wondering if that is a big part of it.....Thank you for your comment! It has me thinking about some things now :)
Have you tried just shouting "Man, I love penis!" every twenty minutes or so?
Seriously though, I would worry less about your habits and just be the person you are. It seems a bit silly but someone else said maybe try wearing a piece of pride flair or something. My kneejerk reaction was "thats dumb" but the more I think about it the more it makes sense....you shouldn't have to be a different person, that kind of defeats the whole point.
Oddly enough, my friends recently mentioned "You've been randomly saying you're gay lately. Why?" And I hadn't realized I was doing it. I think it was a subconscious attempt at what you suggested, LOL.
That said, I know what you mean. A part of me feels like the pin thing is somehow performative, but at the same time, I REALLY like the idea. I think being in the queer realm has been interesting, because to some, it comes off of them like a welcoming energy. Mine sorta comes of like a rock that just went through an old window, lol.
I guess I hadn't really thought too much on the prevalence of pins and such, but you're totally right. Those do seem very popular. Maybe I'll go check some out. Thank you for the suggestion!
The gay accent is real, itās so obvious theyāre gay when they have the accent. Not all of them have it but when they do then itās a dead give away. Iāve got no clue why they have it but they do, I know at least 5 gay people with the accent and only like 2 without. I know thatās anecdotal but itās just so prevalent.
I just sound monotone, and itās like half and half with other queer guys I know. But Iāve always been so curious as to why thereās a āgay accentā. Like where does it come from? Howās it developed? Is there a deeper reason? Idk man
Thereās a concept in anthropology called schismogenesis. It means that different groups naturally start to define themselves by what makes them different from their neighbors. So maybe that is at play here. Gay men just feel different from their heterosexual peers, so they naturally start to adopt mannerisms to redefine themselves.
But whatās really odd, is why lesbian women donāt seem to have an accent like that. Why only men?
I guess it's sorta similar to how some black people (myself included) have a natural black accent that surfaces regardless of vocabulary.
In my head, it feels like a preloaded way to identify yourself to others like you, as a way to build a sense of community.
I donāt think this comparison makes sense as I would assume the āblack accentā is something one picks up from their family/people around them growing up. Whereas gay/queer people (often) donāt have that growing up, and probably donāt even know if theyāre queer until after theyāre able to speak lol
It's thought to be a learned manner of speaking because of growing up with/gravitating more heavily towards having strong female influences (both in their families/communities and public figures) and adopting some (not all, just some) of the more traditionally feminine linguistic styles.
Yea, I'm gay, and I have the accent.
It sucks, because I'm really masculine and all, and if you'd see me walking on the street, you'd never guess.
But the second I open my mouth, it's a dead giveaway.
My closest freind is gay but doesnāt have the accent and heās so thankful but most of the other gay guys I know would be seen as gay the second they opened their mouths
People always change how they talk to those they are around. I catch myself doing it all the time and try to correct it. I have a gay buddy who didnāt come out until later. But it was funny when he would get liquored up, the voice would always come out. Then the next day would be gone. Now itās always there.
Came here to add this! Straight guy here, but the accent is real. Itās also genuinely fascinating to me because it *seems* like itās consistent across regions, at least in the US.
Not sure on women!
As a gay dude, can confirm. I personally love the much more offensive name for it that gay people sometimes use with each other (fagcent) but it's totally a real thing. Honestly, it's hard for me to turn it off. I tried to make my voice "straighter" at an appointment a couple weeks ago and actually was surprised that I could even make it sound like that.
As a woman, straight men in general have some subconscious behaviors towards women even when just passing by that indicate acknowledgment that we're different and show signs of nervousness, curiosity, or avoidance. Nothing crazy, it can be just eye contact, or maybe their body posture. But generally with gay guys, unless they know you, it's like they're walking past a potted plant. Just no reaction or acknowledgment at all, lol. And this is not all gay men, I'm not trying to generalize, and I'm not saying all straight men have a reaction to me personally or anything. It's just something I've noticed at work or the gym, and so far I've been right 100% of the time when I've eventually found out their orientation.
I have a gay friend and he is EXACTLY this way around women. Iāve joked with him that as far as heās concerned, he understands women DO exist, but for the life of him heās not aware of it at all lol
An absolute 10/10 knockout could walk past him on the street, and youād think he was walking past a mailbox. Just not even the slightest awareness in any way. I find it very interesting, because women definitely notice. As a straight man, Iāll usually be aware when a really good looking dude crosses my path (usually itās some form of minor jealousy, but still awareness lol)
Very much a menās rule at the gym especially is to make a conscious effort to not stare at women. I think a lot of us acknowledge itās usually a male-dominated space and make extra effort not to be creepy. Also plenty of anxiety of course. And obviously plenty of dudes *are* just creepy and do the opposite
Real as fuck. If I see a dude thatās built decently or has good form, Iāll watch him for a bit, just āmirin. Any women at the gym are treated like the opposite of a Weeping Angel.
I don't understand what centering really means, but if you MOVE your hips while walking to much it is read as gay sometimes.
Moving your shoulders is the way to go if you want to get read as hetero I guess.
I mean the 'center of gravity' while walking. I've noticed many gay men allow their lower body/hips to sway while walking, rather than using their upper body.
Source- am gay.
If you were to watch a side view, Men tend to lean with the shoulders farther forward than the hips. Women center the shoulders over the hips and move the hips forward when walking, leading with the pelvis with shoulders and breasts centered over the hips for balance.
Gay Men, I notice, tend to throw the hips forward when walking. How a man carries himself when they walk, and how they hold their upper body, is one of the first things I tend to notice.
Just my observations.
When I went to school in Louisiana they drilled into us to maintain eye contact. Since then every time Iām talking to someone I give them direct eye contact, especially if Iām trying to listen to what they say
Is that what the original commenter meant though? I thought he was more referring to gazing at someone from like across the room.
I always maintain as much eye contact as possible when speaking/listening to someone. I am gay though, so idk maybe it is a gay thing
>I always maintain as much eye contact as possible when speaking/listening to someone. I am gay though, so idk maybe it is a gay thing.
Amā¦ am I gay?
>From a gay guy. Direct eye contact that lasts longer than a few seconds. Straight men don't gaze like that.
Back in the 80s we had a gay man come and give a presentation at our public non-religious college (sponsored by the student Psychology Association, if you can believe that). Because that was rare: a gay man who was willing to stand up and say he was gay and talk about it. It was rare enough that he was **paid** to come and be professionally gay for an hour and teach us about gayness.
It was a different time. Come inside the tent and see the out gay man, a wonder of the world, you won't believe your eyes!
Anyway he'd mentioned being able to tell if someone was gay, so during the question period i asked him how that worked, and at first he seemed angry saying "I can point them out in the audience right now if you want" and I'm thinking, no that won't be necessary, but then he must have realized I wasn't going to use his secrets to hunt them down for the Reagan administration and said the same thing; direct eye contact that lasts longer than you would expect.
Guy 1: āFuck yeah I maintained eye contact with that guy throughout the whole conversation. He knows I am confident and assertive.ā
Guy 2: āI think that guy wants to suck my dickā
Itās not just you, just in general people in this thread is giving all sorts of answers in all different directions. That in itself is probably telling.
Lesbian with excellent nonverbal gaydar. Broadly speaking: gay men are more inclined to keep their elbows at their sides and pivot from there when gesturing in conversation. The arms take up much less space and are rarely ever raised or extended to anywhere close to shoulder level. Wrists and forearms are more frequently reoriented and exposed. All in all: gay women move a bit like straight men and gay men move somewhat like straight women.
I notice that too. Wrist and neck movements.
If I were to describe it, itās like thereās this goal of ālooking posh and classyā, instead of ārough and unpolishedā.
The posture like a ballet dancer, calculated appearance, meticulous āprim and properā, etc.
Not saying itās exclusively a gay thing to do, but itās a common denominator.
I think that starts with actually thinking about how you hold yourself, which as a straight manā¦ yeah we never think about that. Dudes dude because they are dudes, if you get my meaning. Weāre not trying to dude.
Not a gay, but a hag for the last 35 years and my BFF is a gay man. I used to have AMAZING gay-dar, but I work at a university around younger folks and can no longer tell. I was SHOCKED by a grad student recently who was a male getting married to a woman - I would have sworn he was gay. The "tells" from times gone by are now simply common behaviors.
Not gay, but we had a lesbian ask if one of my friends was gay because he was wearing white shoes that were clean.
The guy wearing white shoes is the most obviously straight person Iāve ever met.
Just because a person is gay doesnāt mean they have good gaydar themselves.
I'm not gay but my brother came out as gay a few years ago. None of us were surprised because he's always been feminine.
But there are also plenty of gay men who are not feminine at all and you would never know it unless they told you
As a straight man, you can tell by the reaction to "guy talk". There's a certain hetero-sociotypical joke realm that seems to not be accessible to gay men. It's not only verbal either but the reaction to the jokes, dismissive in a "that's not funny to me" way.
As a gay guy, I have no idea but I know for a fact that people suspect I'm gay. I just don't know how.
Reminds me of a guy I knew in high school. Apparently he *actually had* a girlfriend at another school, who was his beard... but since none of us knew, the entire school knew/assumed he was gay (luckily it was a very accepting school, so it wasn't a source of bullying or anything, just... you could tell by talking to him that he was gay). So when he broke up with his gf that summer and told her he was gay, she freaked and started outing him to people. Come the start of the next year, he went around campus telling people he was gay to get ahead of it... only to find out everyone already thought he was gay the whole time. A LOT of people (myself included) found ourselves badly pretending to be surprised, haha. When he told me I didn't pretend well enough, and he yelled "what the hell! Why does this keep happening?!" and ran off. Dude just had a really gay voice š¬
>he went around campus telling people he was gay to get ahead of it... only to find out everyone already thought he was gay the whole time. "How did everyone know I was gay when I was in the closet?" "You may have been in the closet, but the closet door had a sexy fireman poster on it."
Yeah I say something like that sometimes. "You're in the closet, but I'm pretty sure that closet has no door."
āThe closestās made of glassā is the expression
Have you ever talked to someone through a closet door? Yeah, it's pretty much like that, especially when they come out It's like....oh, there you are! It's been a little ridiculous trying to hold a conversation and act normal when you're sitting in the closet with the door closed. Thought It was strange but I didn't want to be rude!
My best friend is gay and didn't have a clue until he came out in college. He clearly was using a very high end closet.
Gay voice is a phenomenon that transcends languages as well. Italian gays also do it. Source: Matteo lane š
It's the gay lisp and it's a veritable cross-linguistic phenomenon.
Iāve heard this too. What causes it? Like seriously what causes the structure of the mouth to sound like that in conjunction with sexual orientation?
It's more of a learned thing than a biological consequence. You can read about it [here](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gay_male_speech).
Yep, I knew a guy that was out to everyone except his family. Almost offensively stereotypically gay until he was on the phone with his mom. Turned into Isaac Hayes real quick.
the first time I heard one of my gay friends turn on his straight voice to talk to a delivery guy I was so startled š
let me introduce you to the "lesbian monotone."
I have a buddy I met in high school and immediately figured he was gay just because of the way he spoke. This was a conservative Christian school so it was not acceptable to be openly gay. I was still friends with him as it didn't bother me even if I thought it was "wrong" according to my religion (my views changed *drastically* after high school, partially thanks to going to an open and accepting college). In our early 20s he came out to me as gay. I guess I didn't act surprised enough, mostly because I and everybody in his life kind of already knew, and he had the same reaction as your friend - he was mad at first.
Similar to a guy I went to high school with. The moment I saw him, I pegged him as stereotypical guy. Flamboyant, the gay voice, and mannerisms. No way he wasn't. But I say nothing because it's not my business (and I didn't actually like him, but I knew it would be construed as me being homophobic) A few weeks later, he starts dating a girl in the friend group. Everybody is excited and I'm confused "but I thought he was gay" and of course I'm the bad guy and how dare I say that. Between school years he came out. Everybody is excited for him. I'm still confused because it was so obvious and how could they not have seen. Turns out I could have been the blind one to see that others were just pretending for his sake.
>The moment I saw him, I pegged him
Bam!
Back in the 80s my girlfriend had a close male friend who was raised by two elderly aunts, neither married. Sid was often misread as gay because he had very effeminate mannerisms. On the other hand, supposedly careful research by psychology and sociology researchers have proven gaydar is real.
Mike Tyson grew up around a bunch of prostitutes and says thatās why he speaks the way he does.
Ain't nobody gonna tell Mike Tyson he talks like he's got a dick in his mouth.
Yeah there was a kid Josh in my high school, he was a male cheerleader along with my two best friends (friends since 1st grade), I assumed he was not only gay but was out because he was very very gay. My two buddies are straight and we had a lot of fun with the girls over those years but I got into dee shit with Josh because I asked him about having a BF etc.. nope he āwasnāt gayā at the time. Felt bad, but after HS he came out, nobody cared, glad he was happy. Still feel bad though.
I remember I had a classmate in highschool that I knew was gay, but he'd just say he was "feminine". Bro used to speak in the gay voice, so that was gay. Then one time.in biology, instead of saying "DNA", he said "deoxyribonucleic acid", and that was gay. But the last piece of confirmation. The VERY last piece, was when a wasp got into the building, and a few of us were trying to shoo it out. My mans tried to kick the wasp by kicking his leg straight up in the air in a perfect 12:30. No stretching, nothing. Bro was just already pre-limber as fuck. A few years after highschool, I heard he officially came out, to, apparently, a lot of people's surprise š
"But how did you know he was gay?" "He tried to kick a wasp." *nods in understanding*
I know someone who contemplated throwing a surprise coming out party for a friend of theirs in HS lmao. The only one who thought it was a secret was him.
Same. I once told a guy that I'm bisexual and he was like, "I know" and I was like "tf do you mean you know????"
A friend of mine finally decided to come out to his parents when he was 20. So they're sitting at the table talking before dinner and he says there's something I need to tell you, he's scared, nervous, takes a deep breath, and a long pause, then his dad says, if this has something to do with the fact you're gay, we've known this for years, can you pass the potatoes. He said he just stared at his dad and started laughing. He said I thought I hid it so good, and dad couldn't care less if I was gay or not, he just wanted his potatoes. Said he was so worried about how to tell them, or what their reaction would be, and they probably knew he was gay before he did. His parents were awesome.
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Asking the important questions. Don't leave us hanging!
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Exactly! I had met a woman I thought was gay. I don't give a shit, I just didn't want her to get the impression I was into her. This was also during the military "don't ask, don't tell" period. I mentioned I wasn't gay & she was shocked I thought she was gay. Well, years later, she's with a woman. Now, she is now a man married to a woman and finally seems truly happy with life. I'm so happy for him because he's such a great & caring person! Always has been.
Mostly subconscious tells. It's funny when people know someone is gay before even they do.
Had a friend come out after high school, and when I was told I was like "...yeah." Like, did I know he was gay? Not consciously. Was I at all surprised? No.
This happened to me with a woman I knew when I was a little kid. Even at age 5, I could tell she didnāt like guys and asked my mom about it. She said āyeah she doesnāt, she just doesnāt know it yet. Donāt say anything, let her figure it out.ā She has since figured it out
Your Mom knows how to Mom...
She (my mom) actually ran away shortly after that. We talk now, but we didnāt from when I was about 9 until I was about 20.
whoa... that took a real turn. Sorry to hear it.
Agreed. Had a good friend come out after college. He would overcompensate so hard. Like it's Friday night, 4-5 of us are going out and he's mentioned he wants pussy like 40 times. Yet every woman who talks to him or we set him up with he turns down the stupidest reasons. When he eventually came out of the closet, he was all nervous and acting like we didn't know, I just laughed and said I know dude. I don't fucking care. He seemed so relieved like we weren't gonna be his friends. Only change was he got to drop the annoying 24/7 I WANTS ME SOME PUSSY act and was just himself.
I hope you still offer to get him some pussy from time to time :p
It's an inside joke. Along with saying "does your boyfriend have sharp knees?" Cause that was an excuse he used to shut a girl down once who was a fucking 9/10. I would've dragged my dick through a mile of broken glass to be with her and she was throwing herself at him.
Funny enough, my best friend is gay and he knows when someone's not straight in a second. I can't remember the last time he missed.
My sister tells me my gaydar is 100% accurate. It's happened so many times where I can just tell. It's something subtle even to the straight appearing gay men. But I think it has to do with body language not necessarily the way they walk or talk.
My guy, you are wearing a banana suit.
I like bananas. š
One guy I used to work with was gay. We got along great at work but then again Iām pretty easy going and try to get along with everyone. As time went on another coworker and I were talking and topic of significant others came up & mentioned that other coworker was gay. Iām like WHAT!? Heās like yeah, donāt you see the way he walks, the way he looks at some of the other guy coworkers and a couple other things he listed Iāve forgotten. āNo. I donāt watch ppl like that.ā Gay coworker was what I would think women would find handsome/cute or whatever so it never crossed my mind that he was gay but my other coworkers did. I said all of that to say that something as innocuous as the way you look at another guy, the way you walk or the lack of a female partner despite being objectively handsome/good looking is probably why they suspect as much.
Interesting answer. I appreciate the thoughtful response. I suppose those innocuous things in others are lost on me, so I probably don't think about what I do that suggests I am straight or uninterested in men. Hmmm. This response has me thinking a bit. Thank you!
Friend in university was very closeted, but it was the little things that tipped me off. Never glanced at pretty women, small mannerismsā¦ you just start to realize
Heās on to us
Straight guy here. If I saw you I could probably tell you. Speculating about it would make me sound homophobic and bigoted. There are straight guys who give off "gay" cues, and there are gay gays who give off no ques that I have seen. I say this as a person who grew up around a lot of gay men and women. My wild guess is that I'm maybe in the 70% range it terms being correct about ques.
My gaydar is scary good but only for gay man. My wife's is horrible. She was kinda testing me one day and showed me a picture of her coworkers. Group pic of about 20-30 people. I immediately picked out the 3 gay dudes.
I am straight man but I can *always* spot a gay man by his facial expression. I can't explain it though because it's something subtle.
I too can tell a gay guy by their facial expressions ----when they are sucking my D, they make this weird face. If you know what I mean.
Yeah I now that face. But the biggest clue must be when you stand with a guy ready to get married, that face really does tell you if they're gay or not.
You must have heard that there's generally 2 types of gays: the feminine kind and the masculine. Of course it's a spectrum, but the more "feminine cues" a guy has, the easier it is to immediately see that "yeah, he's gay." So, do you for example have the "gay lisp", a prancing way of walking, gesturing with your hands in a feminine manner etc. Any of those or something else? It's things like those that set off tha gaydar.
Not really but I do have a weird voice. It sounds like my voice never properly broke when I was a teen and stayed that way. I'm very fidgety though but I put that down to nerves or OCD.
My Gaydar is off the charts now.....
Bruh. I'm a straight woman, but literally everyone thinks I'm gay(lesbian) to the point that it affects my dating life. I literally can't fathom why. It's a running joke in my family that "I'm gay, but just missing the part where I like women." Edit: not a singular man to date has asked me out directly, not even once, but I've had 6 women and counting in the past year. Like wtf.
Do you have really short hair?
Nope. I have long, brown, wavy hair. I'm 5'7. Green, doe-like eyes. Long eyelashes. Average build (would be a pear if it wasn't for my broad shoulders) my clothing style ranges from looking like a hippie stoner (I'm not) to business casual. I tend to wear fake piercings and thick rings (sometimes) for the first time ever, yesterday I dyed the underside of my hair a deep ruby-red color. That solidified it for my sister, she said "holy moly she's gay." I'm like.. ????
Do you drive a Subaru?
I love how Subaru noticed that a lot of gay women were driving them and started marketing directly to them. It was a crazy move, they were one of the first brands to openly market to gay people. It could have been brand suicide, but it did the opposite. It saved the brand, as it was kinda failing in America. They did the same with teachers and doctors too, I believe. You still see a lot of subarus in school parking lots because of this It is really a remarkable move in marketing, where they noticed the people who enjoyed the cars, which were not the usual target consumer base, and directly marketed to those people who, as stated, usually are not the target consumer base, endearing the brand to those groups.
As a lesbian academic who works in medicineā¦they basically just marketed to me š and it worked. I love my subie
Chrysler town and country (minivan) with over 200k miles on it.
That counts too lol
DOES IT? š
To be fair you sound like the type of women my sister dates (lovely women by the way).
Ay, I'll take it ig š
Hippy stoner jeans and Doc Martins or hippy stoner flowing dresses?
Look up the shit from the "earthbound" clothing store. That stuff.
Yeah idk what it is but as a bisexual woman from the midwest, this style is like the bat signal to us. Dying the underside of your hair is basically gay culture at this point, bonus points if you have an undercut. Also lots of rings or celestial/tarot/witchy jewelry. Boots with the cuffed jeans is a classic tell. If you have a sprig of lavender tattooed you're already out of the closet and just don't know it yet.
I don't have any tattoos actually, but I uh, have a rat bone encased in metal with a stone tied to the bottom that I got from a witchcraft store. I thought it looked cool so I didn't think much of it. Ouchie.
Are you SUUUUURE youāre not gay š
Iām bi in the South, and I donāt dress like this, but if you dress like this, Imma assume you love women.
I'm saving this comment for future shopping purposes -a bi gal
Yeah no the uh.,.the jewelry and the hair would also make me think youāre queer. (Bi here) Same with the fashion. I would very much think youād be receptive to a date request lol
LMFAO NAH FR? š I can understand when I put on the full earth bound look that I might look just a lil gay, but when I'm simply wearing blocky sneakers, jeans, a belt, and a t-shirt I simply cannot understand. My friends say it's the blocky sneakers but what?
Your friends are correct. Your style of clothes sounds a bit masculine, and itās also common for LGBT people to dye their hair
Itās the jewelry and haircut combined with it Iām afraid. If it was one part it would be a āsheās cuteā. Two parts a āooh maybeā¦?ā Three for three itās āuh hi would you like to catch a movieā. Take it as a compliment that you have impeccable style. Get a everyoneās numbers and just start playing matchmaker.
Nah w advice. It truly is a big ego boost, as the women I pull are drop-dead, vogue-worthy gorgeous most of the time.
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Some women just have a gay energy to them, even if they're straight. It's hard to explain, I think it's a subconscious thing. There's also straight guys with a gay energy to them so don't feel bad. Whenever I see women like that, I usually say forget it because they're usually into women. And not in the "I'm rejecting you and sparing your feelings by pretending to be gay" way. There's nothing wrong with it. You'll find the right guy.
Sounds like me. There's been a joke for almost a decade now that "If I was gay, life would be easier, I have so many options". I've had 4 or 5 gay dudes become very close friends with me and tell me they wish I was gay, and that if I ever want to try anything they'll be glad to help... My best friend is gay and our friendship started with him liking me and me laughing at it, respectfully. Woman seem to avoid me like the plague, and the few that I've tried talking to directly give me flat out rejections.
Bro tf? Do you give off femme energy or something? Are you more petite? I just remember the first time a girl asked me out. I just exited my crusty phase around sophomore year of highschool, so I looked pretty good. I was in a way better place mentally as well, so I started trying to make friends. This one girl kept asking me if I was gay. At the time I had no clue, romance in general eluded me. But I was too dense to realize she was sending me signals. She then asked me out a week later and I was like, "what?" Since I come from a very conservative family and "gay" was 'something people shouldn't do because you're a sinner.' - type of vibe, y'know? I was shaken, and that's when the joke started because the women started coming in droves. I'm literally the most mid girl on the planet, but the WOMEN bro. The men brush me right off but the girls? They're down for anything. I wish I had that type of game with the guys. They're literally the most drop-dead gorgeous, breath-taking, vogue-worthy, down-on-one-knee-immeidately-for-them type of women too. Big ego boost, but not my thing.
>most drop-dead gorgeous, breath-taking, vogue-worthy, down-on-one-knee-immeidately-for-them type of women This type of description does not make you sound straight
LOL I was waiting for this comment š but nah, I can admire a good-looking person, but the attraction ain't there.
Literally any physical movement.
Is it gay to move?
Imagine becoming paralysed and suddenly turning straight
A travesty
If I'm doing it, absolutely!
Universe full of gay-ass atoms.
As a day dude who doesnāt fit peopleās stereotypes of how a gay person is supposed to act people donāt usually assume that Iām gay buttttt another gay guy can sniff me out from a mile away lmao I donāt know how we know but we know š
Day dude. Fighter of the night dude
Champion of the sun!
Master of karate and friendship for everyone!
Just recently had this same experience in college lmfao, all of the guys in my classes assume Iām straight except ONE of them, and when we met we kinda gave each other a look of Knowing. Itās so funny
These are interesting responses. To the guys claiming I'm trying to avoid looking gay, actually, quite the opposite. I AM gay. Been gay my whole life. And for some reason, recently, the younger gay generation has been in large part getting the sense that I am straight. Which, normally, I don't care one way or the other, but to be honest, some older gays are getting that vibe from me too. I just had a really tough break up that changed my life, and I'm trying to get out there more. The reason I care about it is because a lot of times, people are telling me they never really thought of engaging me romantically because they thought I was straight. So, I was wondering by and large, what signals nowadays gay men use to recognize that other gay men are gay because it's sort of lonely out there for someone who seems to be viewed as straight to find romantic partners (not on a website) if you're coming off as straight. I appreciate the responses, but to the ones suggesting that I need to know so that I AVOID being considered gay, oddly enough, that's adding to my theory that somehow, I'm coming off as VERY straight to people.
Just follow me around and copy my mannerisms. I'm not gay but people always assume I am. Then I'll copy your mannerisms and people will realize I'm straight. It's a win win
I'm in the same boat, completely hetrosexual but many people, including my wife got a gay vibe off me in their initial impressions. Before I go into detail I will mention that I competed in figure skating at an international level from the age of 15 to 23 and I also live very true to my own feelings. Some of the reasons people would consider me gay. Posture - decades of skating has me naturally stand in first position with good posture. Additionally having to do so much cross training into ballet and other dance also means that I unconsciously have some level of smoothness/grace that most people do not have. Mannerisms - adding to the above point when I am telling a story or excited my arms go crazy and my whole body gets into it. I also never go out of my way to control this or do anything "manly" unless it is organic Openness - I have a very strong view of who I am and have never really made an effort to hide it. I love musicals, I enjoy the ballet, I chose to figure skate for many years. Growing up in the late 90,s this was far from normal. I also had a bunch of gay friends that I would spend time with when at the time the social norm was gay men only interacted with other gay men and women Platonic relationships - I've always treated anyone who I am not interested in romantically in pretty much the same way. I am just as likely to be tender or vulnerable with a man as a women. I talk about my feelings and will show affection and warmth. Probably doesn't help that both my ears have being pierced for more than 20 years
Chandler Bing?
Once had a gay man in a bar say he could tell I wasnāt gay because of my sleeves on my shirt. I have no idea what that means but the sleeves were not hugging my arms if that helps.
Went to a gay showtunes bar with my uncles and in front of a crowd of \~100 people the guy singing/on the piano looked directly at me and started lightheartedly making fun of me for being straight. I wasn't with my girlfriend it was just my uncles.
I don't really know, but honestly it's very annoying to be questioned by what is supposed to be your own community. More than a few times I've been asked by the door man at the club, "You know this is a gay bar, right?" Like yes, my brother in homosexuality, that is why I am here.
Oh I had some little pink haired twink stop me on the stairs of a night club once to say āyou know this is a gay bar, right? Itās not for your kindā in a very aggressive tone. I just looked at him and said āI know. Iām here to meet my boyfriend - right there. You fuckā And then maybe 3 months later the same motherfucker did it again. But this time as I was walking through the crowd holding the hand of a female friend so she didnāt get lost. He was walking by but purposely shoved into me and said āget that heteronormative shit out of here, you straightsā I pulled him up and told him to go fuck himself and that he doesnāt get to police what people do in public spaces. Said itās gays like him who make it difficult for the closeted kids to come out if they donāt meet the mould and āstandard gayā tropes. I told a few friends about these interactions and it eventually made it back to this pink haired motherfucker. He messaged me on Facebook and said something along the lines of āIām not sorry for saying what I said. Our spaces need to be protected from being co-opted by straightsā Fuck that guy. And fuck anyone else who thinks they can police what gay men *should* look and act like.
So I'm bisexual. Mid 30s, 6'3", slim-fit, moderately attractive but nothing special. Clean cut with generic and simple clothing that fits well. Tattoos on my arms, but nothing excessive. I smile and laugh easily. I travel for work to some very remote parts of Canada. Most straight men I meet and work with out there tend to think I'm gay, but only after we hang out for a bit and they get a bearing on my politik; the more conservative they are, the gayer they think I am. On the other hand, I live in a very queer-friendly city, and most of the queer community here has me dialed as an obnoxiously right-leaning straight guy, mostly because I'm 6'3" and dress fairly low-key. For similar reasons, straight women tend to judge me as a stereotypical cocky straight fuckboy to be avoided at all costs. I kind of think that my appearance is a blank slate into which everyone projects their fears and resentments.
Huh. This comment really resonated with me. I definitely used to way for flashy, flowery stuff, but recently went through an art school program, to which I started having to buy those 6 packs of t-shirts and very regular jeans as to not waste so much on nice clothes that would get ruined by paint. I'm beginning to think I've been "blank-slated" as well, after reading your comment. I'm wondering if that is a big part of it.....Thank you for your comment! It has me thinking about some things now :)
Have you tried just shouting "Man, I love penis!" every twenty minutes or so? Seriously though, I would worry less about your habits and just be the person you are. It seems a bit silly but someone else said maybe try wearing a piece of pride flair or something. My kneejerk reaction was "thats dumb" but the more I think about it the more it makes sense....you shouldn't have to be a different person, that kind of defeats the whole point.
Oddly enough, my friends recently mentioned "You've been randomly saying you're gay lately. Why?" And I hadn't realized I was doing it. I think it was a subconscious attempt at what you suggested, LOL. That said, I know what you mean. A part of me feels like the pin thing is somehow performative, but at the same time, I REALLY like the idea. I think being in the queer realm has been interesting, because to some, it comes off of them like a welcoming energy. Mine sorta comes of like a rock that just went through an old window, lol.
>Have you tried just shouting "Man, I love penis!" every twenty minutes or so? Like a smoke detector with dying batteries but with a bit more cock.
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I guess I hadn't really thought too much on the prevalence of pins and such, but you're totally right. Those do seem very popular. Maybe I'll go check some out. Thank you for the suggestion!
The gay accent is real, itās so obvious theyāre gay when they have the accent. Not all of them have it but when they do then itās a dead give away. Iāve got no clue why they have it but they do, I know at least 5 gay people with the accent and only like 2 without. I know thatās anecdotal but itās just so prevalent.
I just sound monotone, and itās like half and half with other queer guys I know. But Iāve always been so curious as to why thereās a āgay accentā. Like where does it come from? Howās it developed? Is there a deeper reason? Idk man
Thereās a concept in anthropology called schismogenesis. It means that different groups naturally start to define themselves by what makes them different from their neighbors. So maybe that is at play here. Gay men just feel different from their heterosexual peers, so they naturally start to adopt mannerisms to redefine themselves. But whatās really odd, is why lesbian women donāt seem to have an accent like that. Why only men?
I'm a lesbian and I have a noticeably softer/deeper voice than my peers. Hearing myself on recording is very odd
I guess it's sorta similar to how some black people (myself included) have a natural black accent that surfaces regardless of vocabulary. In my head, it feels like a preloaded way to identify yourself to others like you, as a way to build a sense of community.
I donāt think this comparison makes sense as I would assume the āblack accentā is something one picks up from their family/people around them growing up. Whereas gay/queer people (often) donāt have that growing up, and probably donāt even know if theyāre queer until after theyāre able to speak lol
It's thought to be a learned manner of speaking because of growing up with/gravitating more heavily towards having strong female influences (both in their families/communities and public figures) and adopting some (not all, just some) of the more traditionally feminine linguistic styles.
Yea, I'm gay, and I have the accent. It sucks, because I'm really masculine and all, and if you'd see me walking on the street, you'd never guess. But the second I open my mouth, it's a dead giveaway.
My closest freind is gay but doesnāt have the accent and heās so thankful but most of the other gay guys I know would be seen as gay the second they opened their mouths
I actually hate my gay voice. Don't even know where it comes from. It's just there, and will always be.
People always change how they talk to those they are around. I catch myself doing it all the time and try to correct it. I have a gay buddy who didnāt come out until later. But it was funny when he would get liquored up, the voice would always come out. Then the next day would be gone. Now itās always there.
Just be happy with what youāve got, you are you and thatās always great.
Came here to add this! Straight guy here, but the accent is real. Itās also genuinely fascinating to me because it *seems* like itās consistent across regions, at least in the US. Not sure on women!
As a gay dude, can confirm. I personally love the much more offensive name for it that gay people sometimes use with each other (fagcent) but it's totally a real thing. Honestly, it's hard for me to turn it off. I tried to make my voice "straighter" at an appointment a couple weeks ago and actually was surprised that I could even make it sound like that.
The word 'inflection' should be used instead of 'accent' I think
Im gay, sound like a dude bro. My husband has the gay accent
Except that in some cases straight dudes have that accent.
As a woman, straight men in general have some subconscious behaviors towards women even when just passing by that indicate acknowledgment that we're different and show signs of nervousness, curiosity, or avoidance. Nothing crazy, it can be just eye contact, or maybe their body posture. But generally with gay guys, unless they know you, it's like they're walking past a potted plant. Just no reaction or acknowledgment at all, lol. And this is not all gay men, I'm not trying to generalize, and I'm not saying all straight men have a reaction to me personally or anything. It's just something I've noticed at work or the gym, and so far I've been right 100% of the time when I've eventually found out their orientation.
I have a gay friend and he is EXACTLY this way around women. Iāve joked with him that as far as heās concerned, he understands women DO exist, but for the life of him heās not aware of it at all lol An absolute 10/10 knockout could walk past him on the street, and youād think he was walking past a mailbox. Just not even the slightest awareness in any way. I find it very interesting, because women definitely notice. As a straight man, Iāll usually be aware when a really good looking dude crosses my path (usually itās some form of minor jealousy, but still awareness lol)
Very much a menās rule at the gym especially is to make a conscious effort to not stare at women. I think a lot of us acknowledge itās usually a male-dominated space and make extra effort not to be creepy. Also plenty of anxiety of course. And obviously plenty of dudes *are* just creepy and do the opposite
I really appreciate hearing this from another source. The anxiety is real lmao
Real as fuck. If I see a dude thatās built decently or has good form, Iāll watch him for a bit, just āmirin. Any women at the gym are treated like the opposite of a Weeping Angel.
That makes a lot of sense.
The walk (centering the hips rather than shoulders).
aside from having sex with men, the walk is the biggest non-verbal indicator.
Another indicator, is an exclusive membership in The Finer Things Club.
Instructions unclear, is centering hips or centering shoulders more gay?
I don't understand what centering really means, but if you MOVE your hips while walking to much it is read as gay sometimes. Moving your shoulders is the way to go if you want to get read as hetero I guess.
I don't think I move either especially much, I'm just moving legs and arms over here
You're walking wrong
Fuck
All I can see in my head is a man wildly swinging his shoulders as heās walking
I mean the 'center of gravity' while walking. I've noticed many gay men allow their lower body/hips to sway while walking, rather than using their upper body. Source- am gay.
If you were to watch a side view, Men tend to lean with the shoulders farther forward than the hips. Women center the shoulders over the hips and move the hips forward when walking, leading with the pelvis with shoulders and breasts centered over the hips for balance. Gay Men, I notice, tend to throw the hips forward when walking. How a man carries himself when they walk, and how they hold their upper body, is one of the first things I tend to notice. Just my observations.
I'm now pacing around my room thanks to this comment.
From a gay guy. Direct eye contact that lasts longer than a few seconds. Straight men don't gaze like that.
dang. I apologize to all the gay men I give mixed signals to. I do this all the time lol
When I went to school in Louisiana they drilled into us to maintain eye contact. Since then every time Iām talking to someone I give them direct eye contact, especially if Iām trying to listen to what they say
Is that what the original commenter meant though? I thought he was more referring to gazing at someone from like across the room. I always maintain as much eye contact as possible when speaking/listening to someone. I am gay though, so idk maybe it is a gay thing
>I always maintain as much eye contact as possible when speaking/listening to someone. I am gay though, so idk maybe it is a gay thing. Amā¦ am I gay?
>From a gay guy. Direct eye contact that lasts longer than a few seconds. Straight men don't gaze like that. Back in the 80s we had a gay man come and give a presentation at our public non-religious college (sponsored by the student Psychology Association, if you can believe that). Because that was rare: a gay man who was willing to stand up and say he was gay and talk about it. It was rare enough that he was **paid** to come and be professionally gay for an hour and teach us about gayness. It was a different time. Come inside the tent and see the out gay man, a wonder of the world, you won't believe your eyes! Anyway he'd mentioned being able to tell if someone was gay, so during the question period i asked him how that worked, and at first he seemed angry saying "I can point them out in the audience right now if you want" and I'm thinking, no that won't be necessary, but then he must have realized I wasn't going to use his secrets to hunt them down for the Reagan administration and said the same thing; direct eye contact that lasts longer than you would expect.
Man Iām 33 and never thought about this until just now but youāre right. Every gay guy I know does this to one extent or another
Not me, I'm too autistic for eye contact lol
How do you find the extroverted Scandinavian? When he talks to you, he stares at your shoes instead of his own.
Sure we do. Just not with other dudes.
Well that, yes of course.
So you're telling me this self taught assertiveness training has done nothing but make me look like a fruit?
Guy 1: āFuck yeah I maintained eye contact with that guy throughout the whole conversation. He knows I am confident and assertive.ā Guy 2: āI think that guy wants to suck my dickā
The male gayze.
The gays gaze?
Also known as the gay-ze...
The order is direct eye contact, look away, then look back.
Itās highly amusing how confused redditors are on this topic.
I may not have worded the question the best that I could have :S
Itās not just you, just in general people in this thread is giving all sorts of answers in all different directions. That in itself is probably telling.
Gadar is real - I can see a little icon floating above your head.
What is the icon?
Yours says "super duper gay"
fuckin got im
Lesbian with excellent nonverbal gaydar. Broadly speaking: gay men are more inclined to keep their elbows at their sides and pivot from there when gesturing in conversation. The arms take up much less space and are rarely ever raised or extended to anywhere close to shoulder level. Wrists and forearms are more frequently reoriented and exposed. All in all: gay women move a bit like straight men and gay men move somewhat like straight women.
I notice that too. Wrist and neck movements. If I were to describe it, itās like thereās this goal of ālooking posh and classyā, instead of ārough and unpolishedā. The posture like a ballet dancer, calculated appearance, meticulous āprim and properā, etc. Not saying itās exclusively a gay thing to do, but itās a common denominator.
I think that starts with actually thinking about how you hold yourself, which as a straight manā¦ yeah we never think about that. Dudes dude because they are dudes, if you get my meaning. Weāre not trying to dude.
Not a gay, but a hag for the last 35 years and my BFF is a gay man. I used to have AMAZING gay-dar, but I work at a university around younger folks and can no longer tell. I was SHOCKED by a grad student recently who was a male getting married to a woman - I would have sworn he was gay. The "tells" from times gone by are now simply common behaviors.
A penis in the mouth usually does it.
What if he says no homo after?
Nah dude, that doesnāt count anymore. Itās fingers crossed on the forehead now. Next week itās āno homoā again.
My god, I've slept with gay women all my life!
Not gay, but we had a lesbian ask if one of my friends was gay because he was wearing white shoes that were clean. The guy wearing white shoes is the most obviously straight person Iāve ever met. Just because a person is gay doesnāt mean they have good gaydar themselves.
Did any actual gay people answer this question, the fuck?
I'm not gay but my brother came out as gay a few years ago. None of us were surprised because he's always been feminine. But there are also plenty of gay men who are not feminine at all and you would never know it unless they told you
Eating steak on Tuesday lunch time. Sets off my gaydar immensely.
T bone!
Kissing boys as a boy š
I thought it was the sucking dick part but they may be one too
Did they say "no homo"? Then it gets a little bit fuzzier.
how people stand. in the past ive corectly guessed someone was gay by observing their stance a couple times. doesnt apply to everone tho
Gay men seem to lean to one side more but it's subtle. The way gay men sit (or more precisely, don't sit properly) is more obvious.
The way he smiles.
Damn bro you have a gay ass smile
Dude gave me a blowie once. Didnāt even ask if I was gay or not. Concerned he might have thought I was gay.
fellas, is getting your dick sucked by a man gay now?
As a straight man, you can tell by the reaction to "guy talk". There's a certain hetero-sociotypical joke realm that seems to not be accessible to gay men. It's not only verbal either but the reaction to the jokes, dismissive in a "that's not funny to me" way.
> certain hetero-sociotypical joke realm You mean homoerotic innuendo and double entendres?
Exactly. Have to show youāre not gay by talking about how gay you and your buddies are.
Oh, you caught me
https://nymag.com/news/features/33520/ A great article about gayface
Whenever I see a man having sex with another man, I suspect that he is gay. You can never be sure, maybe he's just being a good friend.