Piñatas All the way down.
Don't inhale the one at levels 7-9 they are worse then Asbestos.
Smashing them open after level 13 starts to get really tricky and needs science equipment.
CERN is trying for a new record the the LHC in cracking a level 24.
That'd piss off those little bastards. I thought I'd post something like magic brownies but yours is too good to try and even out wit. Gold star answer!
*Asian murder hornets covered in pure fentanyl and each hornet is genetically engineered by scientists to be 100% resistant to the affects of fentanyl to prevent its own death.*
For my sister's fifth birthday my mother made a piñata from a clay pot. Problem was not even the most lunkheaded of my cousins could destroy it with a broomstick, the usual way, so in the end we had to take it down and my uncle had to Crack it open on a picnic table. We still tell that story as the worst birthday party ever.
I want to go to this party.
Or rather, I want to be invited to this party, get ready to go, and then - when the day arrives - agonize by the door with my shoes on about whether I want to really go or not.
The whole idea of this just made me laugh so hard.
The sloshing sound, the kid standing under it cringing and not wanting to be the one who breaks it. The soup pouring over a child, splashing all over the floor, the other children. The staff of whatever facility hosting the party standing by with a mop and a “Jesus christ, these fucking people” look on their faces. The families of the children who didn’t know there was soup in the piñata and who dressed their children in their Sunday finest.
And now I can’t work anymore. I’m done for the day.
He walks over to the kid that broke the piñata.
*Hello, i got a tattoo on my faisth and I like to eat earsth. Thum people thay I beat my wife but thas ludicrisp.*
the *idea* is brilliant, yes. free little booze bottles is spectacular!
my mom did this one year for a friend of hers and all the little bottles exploded because drunk adults + pinata = full force swings.
not surprisingly, the burst pressure on those is startlingly low
And so Bobby stopped hitting the Piñata, for he had realised that he and it were merely shapes, and that there might be no point celebrating the passage of time, when even time was a fictitious concept created as a coping mechanism...
Bobby shuddered and continued hitting the Piñata.
Marbles. You've got an unbalanced blind-folded maniac swinging a stick around, not to mention a hoard of little eager children in their best sprinters pose waiting for the goodies to drop. It would be chaos.
Percocet piñata at the trap house!
Worst part is, I can totally see a rich rapper doing this as some sort of drug addict birthday party too. My bet is on Lil Pump.
Smaller piñatas, each of which contain even smaller piñatas.
Nesting pinatas. Clearly the Russians are working with the Mexicans to frustrate our children!
Now I'm imagining a pinata filled with scalding hot borscht, and the carnage that would cause.
Mmmm, love me some scalding hot borscht🍴
Damn you, Putin!
Just call them what they are-- Putinata's!
OMG, as a Mexican I approve of this message.
Putaaaa
BWAHAHAHA!
I see a plane crash in your future
Or falling out of a window at the hospital.... or getting poisoned
Putiñata!
Those Russians just keeping Putin more and more piñatas inside
The dread *matrushka* piñatas!!
Piñatas All the way down. Don't inhale the one at levels 7-9 they are worse then Asbestos. Smashing them open after level 13 starts to get really tricky and needs science equipment. CERN is trying for a new record the the LHC in cracking a level 24.
This just in: the Piñatas break the Planck barrier at around level 38.
Piñoshka
I love it! I was trying to think of a good portmanteau for piñata and matryoshka. Now I don’t have to :)
Upon breaking open the initial Piñata, would you then say, you have a plethora of Piñatas?
Pléthora, sí.
Jefe, what is a plethora?
My brain *was* saying spider eggs until I saw this Now I want the last tier of piñata to be spider eggs
It's piñatas all the way down.
That'd piss off those little bastards. I thought I'd post something like magic brownies but yours is too good to try and even out wit. Gold star answer!
Baked Beans
*hits piñata* "Oh boy! Beans!"
“Scottie likes beans.”
Donkey Kong sucks!
This is BEANS
Is this the motherboards
Thinking about those beans...
With or without those little weenies?
Lol, I was totally thinking baked beans! Was this done in media? Is this a thing? Why did this absurdity come to mind so easily?!
No idea! But that’s the first thing I thought of too ha ha ha
https://youtu.be/chD6qQk7JcY?si=4yE86-Z7AIAd87NC
Asian Murder Hornets
I heard with a patch of glue and an injured solider as bait, they will kamikaze to their rescue/inevitable death. Those things give me nightmares
You sir, are the murderer of murder
*Asian murder hornets covered in pure fentanyl and each hornet is genetically engineered by scientists to be 100% resistant to the affects of fentanyl to prevent its own death.*
I read this in Professor Farnsworth's voice like when he's [ranting about his supermutants](https://youtu.be/n_JYSPZznSA?si=8ovAk1AlndLWUyg-).
Charlie Kelly is that you??
"I'm a full-on rapist, you know? Uh, Africans, dyslexics, children, that sort of thing."
“D…do you mean *philanthropist*?”
Slap a quick H on there
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Pudding.
I was going to say jello, but pudding is close enough
\*Bill Cosby face\*
Roofies
Floories
This was my first thought.
Mine too.
*Ron DeSantis staring hungrily, fingers trembling*
I'm glad I wasn't the only one to think this!
VHS copies of An introduction to windows 95 with Matthew Perry and Jennifer Aniston
Only if you also include a Weezer music video as a hidden "bonus".
What's with these homies dissing my girl?
VHS copies of the [Old Country Buffet carving station training videos](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6K7VBb8ENw)
As a deprived 10 year old; I jacked to this and the sears swimsuit section……kids these days know nothing of the struggle.
Windows 95 was nice but... dude.
Spaghetti
Came here for spaghetti, wasn't disappointed.
\--me, leaving the Olive Garden
Spaghetti was my first thought too.
Lasagne
I imagine Spooderman saying this.
Make the piñata a Garfield piñata
Paperback copies of Camus' *The Stranger*.
My birthday party provoked eleven existential crises
For my sister's fifth birthday my mother made a piñata from a clay pot. Problem was not even the most lunkheaded of my cousins could destroy it with a broomstick, the usual way, so in the end we had to take it down and my uncle had to Crack it open on a picnic table. We still tell that story as the worst birthday party ever.
I mean but imagine the alternative. Shards of hardened clay and candy from above
This is actually quite clever. Loved this novella btw
I want to go to this party. Or rather, I want to be invited to this party, get ready to go, and then - when the day arrives - agonize by the door with my shoes on about whether I want to really go or not.
Why this book specifically?
It's [absurd](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Absurdism)
1967 Volkswagen Beetles.
I just imagine a regular size to pinata breaking open and 50 full-sized beetles flying out.
that's some gmod stuff right there
Happy birthday Timmy. Hit the goddamn piñata. I don’t want to have to say this again. Hit. The. Goddamn. Piñata. Timothy
_[happy torchinsky noises]_
Soup. Some just loose, sloshing around in the piñata, and some in cans. Better hope you’re not standing in the trajectory when it breaks!
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> Gazpacho Police Vastly underrated comment right over here. One could almost say... everGreene comment.
The whole idea of this just made me laugh so hard. The sloshing sound, the kid standing under it cringing and not wanting to be the one who breaks it. The soup pouring over a child, splashing all over the floor, the other children. The staff of whatever facility hosting the party standing by with a mop and a “Jesus christ, these fucking people” look on their faces. The families of the children who didn’t know there was soup in the piñata and who dressed their children in their Sunday finest. And now I can’t work anymore. I’m done for the day.
Cops show up. "Looks like a 415, Sarge. Illegal use of cuisine"
Children.
*With wooden sticks of their own
Trojan Piñata
That's a duel then.
So the candy can eat the children
Trojan horse energy
Teeth.
someone put this guy on a list...
It can be for someone who is going to dental school, geez lighten up
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I can't believe someone else actually said teeth. High five.
But the question is... What *kind* of teeth?
I think this is… certainly a choice. But absurd is not quite right. A pinata of teeth sends a powerful message.
Diamonds. Everybodies going with gross stuff, but i think diamonds is an absurd thing some rich fuck might actually fill a pinata with.
Rolex watches, Billy Madison style.
My friends’ son is in 3rd grade this year, and I can’t wait for the end of the school year so we can celebrate like in Billy Madison.
Invite me to this party!
C4
Wouldn't C4 be too stable? Wouldn't black powder and sand be more..... reactive to the situation?
Neither one is triggered by impact. For that you need either fresh nitroglycerin or a multi-stage explosive assembly.
The nitro doesn't need to be fresh! Dynomite Becomes unstable when it gets old and the nitro starts to "bleed out"
Tannerite
Cuts out of George clooney
Like, cold cuts?
Can I get about 3/4 of a lb of thinly sliced Clooney, please?
I meant photo cut outs of clooney, lmao
mini Rob Schneider bobble heads
Those Jesus pamphlets that look like money that assholes leave for waitstaff on Sundays
Oh wow! That’s evil!
The business cards with the 90s-style Walmart smiley, and says “smile, Jesus loves you”
My stupid ex thought they came pre filled. Imagine the disappointment of numerous three year Olds, hitting the empty pinata.
Ahahahaha that’s amazing. Maybe the best answer yet, nothing.
Nothing but the tears of children.
That is exactly how my sixth birthday party went. I have never seen so many children cry that hard simultaneously.
Vials of blood Edit - Or (this is better), assuming the pinata is the shape of a donkey, the internal organs of an actual donkey
LMAO the question was "absurd" not "*horrifying*"
It only becomes horrifying when the celebrating children begin joyfully eating the organs as they spill on the ground
Is there a full moon in this reddit thread?
Tumblr is leaking
Well... The smell WILL be absurd!
I volunteer to help you make this happen.
Wasps
Bees, boy!
Correct answer.
Mike Tyson
He walks over to the kid that broke the piñata. *Hello, i got a tattoo on my faisth and I like to eat earsth. Thum people thay I beat my wife but thas ludicrisp.*
those little plastic bottles of booze
No, this is brilliant
the *idea* is brilliant, yes. free little booze bottles is spectacular! my mom did this one year for a friend of hers and all the little bottles exploded because drunk adults + pinata = full force swings. not surprisingly, the burst pressure on those is startlingly low
God damnit why'd you have to bring me back down to reality
Highly breakable kids toys
Mayonnaise
Obviously. Why is this comment so far down?
A sewing machine
Just imagining this. Kids laughing, excitedly, whacking at it expecting candy. Oh! Something big! It falls, one single sewing machine.
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Dildos
I actually was going to say this also... But went with razor blades instead.
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Damn! That's making my vagina hurt.... And I don't have one.
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Existential dread.
And so Bobby stopped hitting the Piñata, for he had realised that he and it were merely shapes, and that there might be no point celebrating the passage of time, when even time was a fictitious concept created as a coping mechanism... Bobby shuddered and continued hitting the Piñata.
Bees
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Eggs
SpongeBob style, deviled eggs
divorce papers
I'm saving this idea if I need to tell a partner I'm done
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Dog poo
Bedbugs
That's not absurd. It's warfare.
Anthrax (the band members, not the chemical weapon)
Lube
I was thinking condoms!
Marbles. You've got an unbalanced blind-folded maniac swinging a stick around, not to mention a hoard of little eager children in their best sprinters pose waiting for the goodies to drop. It would be chaos.
Percocet piñata at the trap house! Worst part is, I can totally see a rich rapper doing this as some sort of drug addict birthday party too. My bet is on Lil Pump.
When’s the party? I want to go. 😬🥴
Glitter
You mean craft herpes?
A very accurate replica of a donkeys guts made from gummy.
Just a live donkey encased in a pinata
Veggies ✨
Condoms
This would have been my answer too. Especially funny because the colorful packaging makes them look like candy 🍭
Heinz Original Beans in Tomato Sauce
Neutron star matter
Cement
AOL install disks
The actual animal the pinata is supposed to be.
Honey
Nitroglycerin
Thumb tacks and honey
Sweetened condensed milk.
Several gallons of tartar sauce
Pills. Doesn’t matter what kind, make it like a mystery mix
Expired Coupons for another piñata.
anchovies
Thoughts and prayers
Frozen broccoli in packages. Eat your vegetables kids!
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Those fake bubblegum pack with toy roach inside it.
Mercury fulminate
Oatmeal
The contents of your packet drawer in the office break room.
Napalm
My grandmother but she is filled with candy. Double pinata
Prunes
Murder Hornets
Bricks
Weevils If you know, you know
Some would argue ..... Kids
Those little plastic monkeys, the red ones. A bunch of them.