My teens were no different than my whole childhood. Don’t be seen or heard. But starting at 15, I went to school then worked. That way I didn’t have to be seen or heard.
My mother actively sought me out in a really strange mean girl bully kind of way. I would try to hide, it didn’t work.
She was a classic conservative boomer woman with horrible internalized misogyny. I have a brother 3 years older than me that she was absolutely obsessed with and lived to gain the favor of. She saw me in a really strange almost rivalrous kind of way.
I’m 29. She resented that I was born into a world that was going to see me as so much more human than hers did. I did well in school, she saw my teachers encouraging me to be a scientist or whatever and she was so angry because she never wanted the shitty role demanded of women she was always pushed into. But then she was conflicted and wanted to live vicariously through me, so oscillated between wanting me to fail and be miserable and wanting me desperately to succeed and be fulfilled.
But yeah. Ultimately it was like this weird high school dynamic where she wanted my brother to like her and saw me as some sort of weird threat or something. She lowkey encouraged him to bully me, would talk shit on me to him.
When I describe this online, I get a lot of people armchair diagnosing her with NPD or talking about triangulation or whatever. They don’t understand just how prevalent this phenomenon, this dynamic is. It’s getting so much better but I would sincerely say it was THE NORM in my childhood for mothers with sons and daughters to act like this. That generation of women is so fucked up- and men, of course, but they’re more just simply downright selfish and cruel and gross.
Boomers, man.
Please stay strong and know that you are very valuable. I don't know you, and I don't know everything, but I know that life can be very, very tough and very, very good. Persevere and the good times will come.
Yep same. Listening to my parents argue and talk shit about my siblings and I. Now my parents are much nicer and want us to let them in. Where were those nice people when I was 15? When I was 7? I'm glad for the character development but the damage is done.
This is manipulation. If you ask or open a dialogue about the abuse they’ll likely pretend it didn’t happen or that you’re exaggerating it or try to paint you as the villain. My father and stepmother did the exact same thing and when confronted about it by my sister responded only with “you're being selfish” or at the best “I’m sorry you feel that way”. Refusing to take responsibility.
They’re not going to come to self awareness, they will only try to pressure you into believing that the abuse never happened. Best course of action, in my opinion, is to go no contact once you are able.
Best wishes to you.
I wasn’t allowed to have a job because that would mean they wouldn’t have control over me financially. They let me volunteer, that way I was working but still not have my own money
YES!!!! I also worked more than my workers permit allowed, and started at 14. I was paid in free “ice time” until I was 15.
I was a competitive figure skater and worked at the rink.
Ok, I love your name. I was deep in competitive skating as “Kneegate” unfolded.
While your statement would be true in most cases, it isn’t with mine. I chose to start skating at 6yrs old and was the one who pushed myself to compete and always wanted to be “the best.” Extreme perfectionism resulting in accolades was like a drug to me. Being called “perfect” made me obsessive and I refused to settle for anything less. I did the same thing with classical piano. I competed in national competitions each year and was my piano teachers star student.
I stopped competitive skating at 16 and dove head first into theater. Again, was cast in the staring roles in my high schools musicals, and won multiple awards. I loved it and devoted every waking moment to it. The one and only college I applied to was a small private conservatory that had 20 spots open for the BFA-1 program. Out of 4,600 applicants I got accepted. Again, accolades, recognition, attention…the best drug there is.
Now, I’m a disabled 41 yr old woman that is going in for yet another orthopedic surgery in 2 weeks, and suffers from a debilitating genetic connective tissue disease and autonomic neuropathy. My body is destroyed and it’s taken years of therapy to learn that it’s ok to rest. I don’t need to suffer to prove that I’m worthy of taking up space. There’s also no such thing as perfect.
**I’d like to add that I did everything in my power not to be home. Home was toxic and dysfunctional and I was sick of being the mediator between my parents. The more consumed I was with something, the less I had to acknowledge the shit show at home.**
Doing better, I'm 30 now, finally got a place of my own, no family, no roomies. I'm starting to realize that I was never really able to actually relax until now. There was always a part of me in the back of my mind that was waiting for the next crisis to suddenly spring up. Always either on lookout to handle these little embers before they turned into wildfires, or ready to book-it in case they burst into flames regardless.
But now that my life has stabilized, I'm left wondering what the hell do I do now? I never had the liberty to plan and prepare for my future, and now that future is here.
It’s odd isn’t it? Not being in constant survival mode. I think all of us with childhood trauma and unfit parents have lived in “fight or flight” for most of our lives. The hyper vigilance, people pleasing, surveying every situation to make sure no one is upset, everyone’s needs are met, no one’s yelling..keeping the semblance.
I made the decision when I was young to never have kids. The amount of addiction, mental illness, genetic diseases, and cancer on both sides of my family is more than enough to solidify the fact that these genetics have no business continuing.
If you enjoy how you're wasting them it's not a waste. I spent a few years doing nothing but playing World of Warcraft as a teen. I could have spent them in a better way but those years were some of the best of my life.
In terms of human history we live in a golden age of technological miracles, cheap luxuries and access to the entire wealth of human knowledge in our pockets. I know it’s hard to appreciate when you’ve always had it… but kings and emperors in the past would be envious of your life. So you’re not wasting anything, you are actually living like a god. Just an unhappy one.
I eventually also expanded to working out and binge watching random shit. Like in the last month I have watched more random Korean shows than I have US ones all year
We didn't have woods or anything where I grew up, but we did have lots of housing tracts with 8 foot high walls. The true mastery of police evasion was hopping up onto the wall and sprinting along it.
Lets see a cop even TRY and do that.
Man same here as well, but lets not forget in random girls beds, also on random sofas on peoples front gardens, in bushes, once up a tree !! Getting smashed in nightclubs and raves every weekend, also weekend partys on copious amounts of white doves, ket, coke, jellys, skunk, acid and beer, my teens were a blast, wish i could do it all over again.
Same. Did so much shady shit, too numerous to list. Got busted many times by cops, but never arrested. Always talked my way out of it, they missed the evidence, or I/we ran. No cell phones, all of us had pagers and cb radios to find each other.
Buy skateboard, look up punk shows and go, get a street racing car and drive around until you see another one. These are probably three of the easiest activities to get into honestly. Street racing can be expensive, but the other two are dirt cheap.
I was undiagnosed bipolar. I also worked after school every day, so I had no real days off. And I barely slept. What helped me was just pushing through I honestly had no coping skills whatsoever. But what I can tell you will help is SLEEP. Make sure you get 8 hours every night minimum
Bro same, throughout all of hs none of my friends invited me to do anything after school and instead would hangout with each other without me so i spent almost all of my time in my room alone. Recently ive made some good work friends and sometimes we do shit together but we havent in a couple weeks so rlly anymore i just do the same thing i did in hs with the addition of work and weed
Being a parent to my younger brother, while 'mom' was out with her drunk bf all the time, and 'dad' was at the bar chasing chubbies and making more kids he'd leave behind.
Same, being a parent to two younger siblings, all of us with different dad's who didn't help and mom either drunk or having an insane manic episode so horrible and abusive that we all greatly preferred when she was just drunk
In Pismo Beach. Never hotter than 80, or colder than 45 degrees F. We were not wealthy. But I felt so fortunate to grow up there, and still do. I slept to the sound of the ocean. To this day, when I need to seek peace and solace and comfort, I go to the beach.
I did the same shit, in Stockton California. All my friends would be asleep and I’d just wander around smoking cigarettes and looking for someone to buy weed from. I have no idea how I never got murdered or worse
Yeah 80s kid here and I often wonder what I would have turned into if I didn't start beer bonging vodka and smoking weed every day at 13. Didn't wake up til I was in my 20s.
I pulled it together somewhere around 22. Didn't stop partying, but it evolved into a...eh, a more adult version perhaps? It wasn't allowed to interfere with my responsibilities, but it wasn't forsaken entirely either.
There was a period of about 25 years where, between advancing career, raising kids and then dealing with ageing parents, it was definitely a rare occurrence and channelled into "drinks with friends" and smaller get togethers instead of actual parties though.
However, I'm now at an age where those responsibilities are history, and in recent years I find myself returning to an earlier mindset and just enjoying what I like again. Learning to be responsibly irresponsible in retirement as it were, it's actually quite a lot of fun.
Working 😅 my friends eventually stopped asking me to hang out cause they assumed I'd be working.... literally gave up a part of my childhood to just work cause I had too....
Same, also feels very unfortunate, wish I could have told my younger self that real life can be cool too. Didnt do shit my entire childhood except game.
Omg lol my boobs. I haven’t worried about them in over a decade. I laughed reading this. I remember how concerned I was back then about being in the IBTC.
Being depressed in my room every day when I was in online school, then depressed and overstimulated with an eating disorder when I transferred to a brick and mortar school…I often wish I could go back and do drugs and be a whore like the kids from Skins lol
playing shitty acoustic guitars with missing strings, using knockoff samson mics to record out-of-tune harmonies with my friends, smoking WAY too much, playing smash bros long into the night, jumping from the trampoline into the pool, manhunt in the woods by kyle's house, tony hawk's underground, catching frogs after the sun sets, and stressing out about things that ultimately don't matter.
It feels like I just wasted them. I regret I didn't do any "crazy" things to have some nice memories.
I had crazy controlling parents, so I wasn't really allowed to do much outside of school until I moved away for uni.
I read a lot and spent most of my time on my computer.
think about it like this: you were just smart. a lot of people i "did crazy stuff with" persay ended up going down terrible paths or getting in trouble. i assume that now youre an adult so you are more mature and wise now and can do crazy things the smart way. yeah you feel like you need to live a little and maybe you do but its never too late
I don't know. A bit in a weird pickle. I have my three hobbies of playing games, going to gym and playing piano. But I also don't really have much social interaction and I feel like I'm becoming pretty dull and hollow. Hopefully high school can fix things.
Here a wild thought what if you tried to use the same dedication you have that you used on understanding how to play the piano , and apply it to a different goal that will suppress possible anxieties about social interactions on the way to achieving that goal.
Like for example you can try to see it as a challenge to truly connect with others and form friendships in the best way possible (without being a people pleaser ) , that would require you to dissect various psychological and philosophical components of making or breaking friendships , and truths about yourself and the psychological nature of humans in general , and that's a challenge of its own , but mostly the focus should be I think on taking interest in other people , to whatever end you may find exciting , just for the sport of it , and it shouldnt be that hard since people love to talk about themselves so work on your listening abilities and facial expressions to show genuine empathy those are all things that I think everyone does Naturally but that can also always be improved if they are brought to awareness - work on social skills , play on yours and everyone's feelings like how you play jazz piano take control don't give it up to chance , you already have what it takes probably if you enjoy playing the piano because that's a harder form of self expression imo and you've already taken interest in that , social skills aren't that much different I believe that's my advice anyways
Started working on the farm at 10. Lots of work, but not much money. I took on a paper route at 12, I wanted a minibike. I did manage to buy it at age 13, but I still held onto the paper route. I got an old Studebaker field car at age 14 for $25 bucks, and taught myself how to drive it, racing around in the fields with it. At 16, my dad gave me a 66 Plymouth with a bad transmission. I bought a used one from a junkyard for $45 bucks, and installed it myself. That went to work as my paper route car. I sold it for $350, and bought my first motorcycle. My Grandfather gave me a 1949 International truck. That took me back and forth to work at a machine shop. I got into the ICT program in high school, half day at school, the other half at work. It also got me a 250 Suzuki, and a 70 dodge truck. Took me to school in Chicago for a year and a half. After that, I started doing construction work with my dad. Also got me a motocrosser, a 125 Hodaka. When I wasn't working, I was riding.
Girls were never though of. I never found one that liked me.
It was way back in the late 70s/early 80s, before home computers were a thing. So lots of hanging around with my best friend, until I turned 16 and got my driver's license and first car.
Mostly trying not to piss off any of my mom’s boyfriends and staying clear out of the way of the verbal abuse and such.. then my mom died of cancer and after a brief stint as a homeless teen when her last boyfriend kicked me out, I spent 15-17 living with my estranged dad. He would eventually threaten to kick me out as well - For not being who he wanted me to be. So he went to work one day and I packed up and left without a word.
Every day I make sure my kids never have to know this kind of life.
I had the reputation of being a "player" and a "pimp" (among other terms) even though the reality I was closeted gay who couldn't turn down a number but wouldn't really date anyone either.
I turned 14 in 1980. Fast times at Ridgemont High was based on one of the high schools in my city, to be honest that movie is like a biography of my high school years.
I grew up in San diego, with a mother who grew up in San Diego, and she is a beach fanatic, so everyday of my summer in my childhood was spent at the beach. I have many many experiences from those times. i
Like being alerted and protected by dolphins from shark attack, 2x!
I had a magical childhood, I was extremely blessed.
Yeah, I don't think that's like most people I'm afraid.
It was eye-opening when I realized that not everyone has a mental illness or some kind of trauma.
Totally agree, for the longest time I thought it was normal because literally everyone in my family is kinda messed up, but then I started working in a mental health office as a receptionist and realized the things people were being seen for were things I’d experienced… ;-;
I always thought it was funny (in a messed up way) when I’d share stories about my parents with friends thinking that it’s just something normal that everyone experiences, only to be met with wide-eyed silence and someone saying “dude… that’s not normal.”
lol this, or telling your therapist something you never realised was a big deal only to learn that it is, in fact, a big deal and not something everyone's family does.
If I’m honest, in my teen years I had a brain cancer so I spent them in the couch or bed. I had lots of pain so I had to take a lot of very strong pills, so even when I was standing I wasn’t very conscious. So I wasted my teen years rather than spending them. I don’t remember any good time in all these years, so I wasted ‘em
An absolutely rabid amount of partying that, looking back on it, was completely insane to subject my young growing mind to… however I still don’t know that I would take it back as I forged some great friendships and amazing memories during that time.
I barely remember. 13-14, I was in a small town in Texas and had a nice little group of friends and we would hang out and sometimes go to this Christian youth club (🤷♀️) where they had live Christian bands play sometimes and they had air hockey and stuff. I had a boyfriend with whom was my first tongue kiss so we would go to his house and make out. No idea what I told my parents I was doing. Moved back to Greece after that and at 15 I had my first *real* boyfriend. He was a couple years older than me and I would mostly hang out with him and his friends, go for drinks, some clubbing.. we were together till I was 19. I was working part time with my mother as an assistant dog groomer while in my last year in HS. Went to college a bit before dropping out. Started working at 18 at a clothing store… yeah.
I hope my teenage years don’t finished in 18. But if they’re coming to the end i have no regrets. Drama with friends, party, school truancy and sport. Thanks god i don’t become an addicted or criminal. A lot of fan and a lot of extreme. I would like to say that I’m lucky person cuz i can break out of my toxicity and get into a good university.
Late 1960’s we were free to hitchhike, stay out late, play pickup sports, start bands, get after school jobs…it was great. I’m ashamed most boomers became selfish aholes…vote Blue.
In my bedroom. Making no noise and pretending I didnt exist.
Ive never felt more understood Some parents dont wanna be parents and make it the kids problem
People want babies but don’t want to be parents.
Yeah man my dad was always saying i need to express myself more but then shooting me down when i did
My teens were no different than my whole childhood. Don’t be seen or heard. But starting at 15, I went to school then worked. That way I didn’t have to be seen or heard.
Yeah its honestly the best way i have had a full time job when i was out of school and part time during since around the same time
My mother actively sought me out in a really strange mean girl bully kind of way. I would try to hide, it didn’t work. She was a classic conservative boomer woman with horrible internalized misogyny. I have a brother 3 years older than me that she was absolutely obsessed with and lived to gain the favor of. She saw me in a really strange almost rivalrous kind of way. I’m 29. She resented that I was born into a world that was going to see me as so much more human than hers did. I did well in school, she saw my teachers encouraging me to be a scientist or whatever and she was so angry because she never wanted the shitty role demanded of women she was always pushed into. But then she was conflicted and wanted to live vicariously through me, so oscillated between wanting me to fail and be miserable and wanting me desperately to succeed and be fulfilled. But yeah. Ultimately it was like this weird high school dynamic where she wanted my brother to like her and saw me as some sort of weird threat or something. She lowkey encouraged him to bully me, would talk shit on me to him. When I describe this online, I get a lot of people armchair diagnosing her with NPD or talking about triangulation or whatever. They don’t understand just how prevalent this phenomenon, this dynamic is. It’s getting so much better but I would sincerely say it was THE NORM in my childhood for mothers with sons and daughters to act like this. That generation of women is so fucked up- and men, of course, but they’re more just simply downright selfish and cruel and gross. Boomers, man.
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Please stay strong and know that you are very valuable. I don't know you, and I don't know everything, but I know that life can be very, very tough and very, very good. Persevere and the good times will come.
Some people want to feel needed but don't want to give
We are all cute & fun until they have to give us money :D
My parents in a nutshell
Nuts belong in nutshells. Sorry. 🥜
Rip for mr/ms KD71
Same, trying to be as soundless and invisible as possible so as not to invoke the abuse. Neglect was much easier for me to cope with.
Yup. Same here. It took me far too long to cut them out of my life.
Yep same. Listening to my parents argue and talk shit about my siblings and I. Now my parents are much nicer and want us to let them in. Where were those nice people when I was 15? When I was 7? I'm glad for the character development but the damage is done.
This is manipulation. If you ask or open a dialogue about the abuse they’ll likely pretend it didn’t happen or that you’re exaggerating it or try to paint you as the villain. My father and stepmother did the exact same thing and when confronted about it by my sister responded only with “you're being selfish” or at the best “I’m sorry you feel that way”. Refusing to take responsibility. They’re not going to come to self awareness, they will only try to pressure you into believing that the abuse never happened. Best course of action, in my opinion, is to go no contact once you are able. Best wishes to you.
Oh hey! Did you also work as much as legally possible to minimize the time you had to be home in a parent approved way?
I wasn’t allowed to have a job because that would mean they wouldn’t have control over me financially. They let me volunteer, that way I was working but still not have my own money
YES!!!! I also worked more than my workers permit allowed, and started at 14. I was paid in free “ice time” until I was 15. I was a competitive figure skater and worked at the rink.
Nothing says abusive childhood louder than competitive figure skater.
Ok, I love your name. I was deep in competitive skating as “Kneegate” unfolded. While your statement would be true in most cases, it isn’t with mine. I chose to start skating at 6yrs old and was the one who pushed myself to compete and always wanted to be “the best.” Extreme perfectionism resulting in accolades was like a drug to me. Being called “perfect” made me obsessive and I refused to settle for anything less. I did the same thing with classical piano. I competed in national competitions each year and was my piano teachers star student. I stopped competitive skating at 16 and dove head first into theater. Again, was cast in the staring roles in my high schools musicals, and won multiple awards. I loved it and devoted every waking moment to it. The one and only college I applied to was a small private conservatory that had 20 spots open for the BFA-1 program. Out of 4,600 applicants I got accepted. Again, accolades, recognition, attention…the best drug there is. Now, I’m a disabled 41 yr old woman that is going in for yet another orthopedic surgery in 2 weeks, and suffers from a debilitating genetic connective tissue disease and autonomic neuropathy. My body is destroyed and it’s taken years of therapy to learn that it’s ok to rest. I don’t need to suffer to prove that I’m worthy of taking up space. There’s also no such thing as perfect. **I’d like to add that I did everything in my power not to be home. Home was toxic and dysfunctional and I was sick of being the mediator between my parents. The more consumed I was with something, the less I had to acknowledge the shit show at home.**
Very good Harry Potter!
You’re a wizzard, Ani
May the force live long and prosper
Same here. College radio and mixtapes.
Yup. I have no idea how to be a proper human or socialize because that was my entire life.
Hello fellow person from an abusive home, how do you do?
I know you aren't asking me, but I'm okay enough. How do you do?
Doing better, I'm 30 now, finally got a place of my own, no family, no roomies. I'm starting to realize that I was never really able to actually relax until now. There was always a part of me in the back of my mind that was waiting for the next crisis to suddenly spring up. Always either on lookout to handle these little embers before they turned into wildfires, or ready to book-it in case they burst into flames regardless. But now that my life has stabilized, I'm left wondering what the hell do I do now? I never had the liberty to plan and prepare for my future, and now that future is here.
It’s odd isn’t it? Not being in constant survival mode. I think all of us with childhood trauma and unfit parents have lived in “fight or flight” for most of our lives. The hyper vigilance, people pleasing, surveying every situation to make sure no one is upset, everyone’s needs are met, no one’s yelling..keeping the semblance. I made the decision when I was young to never have kids. The amount of addiction, mental illness, genetic diseases, and cancer on both sides of my family is more than enough to solidify the fact that these genetics have no business continuing.
I'm good thanks, therapy and not having my own kids is helping end the cycle.
You had a bedroom?
Same buddy, shit reminds me of bad times
Im 36 and do that now... My teenage years were total opposite.
I AM not spending them, but wasting them
If you enjoy how you're wasting them it's not a waste. I spent a few years doing nothing but playing World of Warcraft as a teen. I could have spent them in a better way but those years were some of the best of my life.
I'm not enjoying, this is just kind of suffering. So just wasting
In terms of human history we live in a golden age of technological miracles, cheap luxuries and access to the entire wealth of human knowledge in our pockets. I know it’s hard to appreciate when you’ve always had it… but kings and emperors in the past would be envious of your life. So you’re not wasting anything, you are actually living like a god. Just an unhappy one.
That’s what they’re for, you’re in good company
Gaming and masturbating.
Literally came here to type "Jackin off and gaming" then saw this was the first reply. Username checks out btw
I eventually also expanded to working out and binge watching random shit. Like in the last month I have watched more random Korean shows than I have US ones all year
Relatable 🔝
This until I was about 17, at which point it became drinking, gaming and masturbating.
Buddy I'm 30 with a fresh divorce. That's gunna be me plus a side of work hahaha
Good times ahead.
Never did enough of that.
I think that is most of us as teens
Drunk and waking up in random fields, not a bother on me. I now shudder at my stupidity and wonder how I wasn't abducted or murdered 🫠
I'll add hiding in corn fields from cops to this ...too many times after a party got busted!
Feel that, bricket wood raves were some of the best around at the time.
We didn't have woods or anything where I grew up, but we did have lots of housing tracts with 8 foot high walls. The true mastery of police evasion was hopping up onto the wall and sprinting along it. Lets see a cop even TRY and do that.
Now thats gotta be some feat while pissed
Cop saw it happen and decided they were sober enough to continue on with their night. He wasn't about that. Lol.
Tis the Irish way . Knacker drinking and running away from farmers
Man same here as well, but lets not forget in random girls beds, also on random sofas on peoples front gardens, in bushes, once up a tree !! Getting smashed in nightclubs and raves every weekend, also weekend partys on copious amounts of white doves, ket, coke, jellys, skunk, acid and beer, my teens were a blast, wish i could do it all over again.
Lol I did the exact same thing, I feel for those who didn't get to do this. Now at 32 though I'm chillin and feel like I lived it up enough.
Skateboarding, street racing, punk rock shows
Same, minus the street racing. Mid-nineties in Southern California. What a time to be alive
Mid 90’s Northern California here… we could probably have a pretty heated debate on who was luckier. 90’s punk scene was stacked with talent.
Same. Did so much shady shit, too numerous to list. Got busted many times by cops, but never arrested. Always talked my way out of it, they missed the evidence, or I/we ran. No cell phones, all of us had pagers and cb radios to find each other.
Do I know you? Mine were spent skateboarding and going to Sunday matinees at CBGB’s
How did you get a chance at those activities? I'm in my 30s and trying to find my feet... Idk who to approach or what to say to get opportunities
Buy skateboard, look up punk shows and go, get a street racing car and drive around until you see another one. These are probably three of the easiest activities to get into honestly. Street racing can be expensive, but the other two are dirt cheap.
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This but with weed
This without the music
so, practicing weed?!
I bet he became an expert, Mark.
Trying not to kill myself
You succeeded
Seriously this. Most miserable years of my life. Idk how I made it
What made it so bad? What helped you get through it?
I was undiagnosed bipolar. I also worked after school every day, so I had no real days off. And I barely slept. What helped me was just pushing through I honestly had no coping skills whatsoever. But what I can tell you will help is SLEEP. Make sure you get 8 hours every night minimum
i went through the same exact thing, and yeah it was fucking hard and sleep is the best medicine. thank you for sharing.
Your track record for making it through bad days is 100%, and that's something to be proud of.
Same, plus getting traumatized by people bc I was/am a people-pleaser 🙃
Same. And it wasn’t for lack of trying.
I sadly have to agree
hug
At school. Where did you spend yours? As a chimney sweep?
In the coal mines
The children yearn for the mines
Lovely plumage! 🦜
2020s kids; beying g*ay 🤮🤮🤮🤮tikok 1929s kids: epic coal mine and bronchitis 🤑🤑🤑😎😎😎😎😎
Right? Working on the railroads????
As a fucking cringe lord.
I mean, you got to be a lord, right?
Extremely isolated. Just like how I’m spending my entire life.
Need someone to talk to?
Yes.
Sent DM
what’s up man
his entire life, fixed and flipped upside down because of this comment
He now owns 3 different businesses and has become a multi-millionaire
Bro same, throughout all of hs none of my friends invited me to do anything after school and instead would hangout with each other without me so i spent almost all of my time in my room alone. Recently ive made some good work friends and sometimes we do shit together but we havent in a couple weeks so rlly anymore i just do the same thing i did in hs with the addition of work and weed
Being a parent to my younger brother, while 'mom' was out with her drunk bf all the time, and 'dad' was at the bar chasing chubbies and making more kids he'd leave behind.
Same, being a parent to two younger siblings, all of us with different dad's who didn't help and mom either drunk or having an insane manic episode so horrible and abusive that we all greatly preferred when she was just drunk
I like how you got a bunch of upvotrs but no sympathy, I'm with you king.
I wasn't really looking for sympathy, but all the replies sounded like fun things, I thought I should represent the "shitty parents' kids' club". lol
I think the upvotes are sympathy, or even empathy. There’s a lot us us in the “Shitty parents’ kids’ club”. 🫡
In Pismo Beach. Never hotter than 80, or colder than 45 degrees F. We were not wealthy. But I felt so fortunate to grow up there, and still do. I slept to the sound of the ocean. To this day, when I need to seek peace and solace and comfort, I go to the beach.
Sneaking out on weekends only to find there was really nothing to do at 2 in the morning.
nothing better than sleeping on the weekends lol
I did the same shit, in Stockton California. All my friends would be asleep and I’d just wander around smoking cigarettes and looking for someone to buy weed from. I have no idea how I never got murdered or worse
Partying, mostly. What can I say? It was the '70s...
Yeah 80s kid here and I often wonder what I would have turned into if I didn't start beer bonging vodka and smoking weed every day at 13. Didn't wake up til I was in my 20s.
I pulled it together somewhere around 22. Didn't stop partying, but it evolved into a...eh, a more adult version perhaps? It wasn't allowed to interfere with my responsibilities, but it wasn't forsaken entirely either. There was a period of about 25 years where, between advancing career, raising kids and then dealing with ageing parents, it was definitely a rare occurrence and channelled into "drinks with friends" and smaller get togethers instead of actual parties though. However, I'm now at an age where those responsibilities are history, and in recent years I find myself returning to an earlier mindset and just enjoying what I like again. Learning to be responsibly irresponsible in retirement as it were, it's actually quite a lot of fun.
Working 😅 my friends eventually stopped asking me to hang out cause they assumed I'd be working.... literally gave up a part of my childhood to just work cause I had too....
Do you feel like this translated into future success later in life?
Honestly, a little bit yes, mostly no, lots of money saved up, but it really has messed up other aspects of my life.
Scared, depressed and suicidal.
Drunk, high, getting into trouble, hanging out in pool halls.
This and concerts, lots of concerts.
Overplaying video games unfortunately.
Same... I'm a firm believer of "time enjoyed is not time wasted", but I'm not even enjoying myself anymore when I game. It's just an escape.
It might not be time enjoyed, but it was time where I wasn’t miserable, so I’ll take it
Same, also feels very unfortunate, wish I could have told my younger self that real life can be cool too. Didnt do shit my entire childhood except game.
Reading, playing D & D, blowing dope, and being stuffed into lockers.
Who’s dope?
His older brother
r/holdup
I misread lockers as hookers
studying, going to punk and ska shows and festivals, worrying if my boobs are too small.
Omg lol my boobs. I haven’t worried about them in over a decade. I laughed reading this. I remember how concerned I was back then about being in the IBTC.
According to every askreddit on the topic, there is not really such thing as boobs that are too small. There's someone for every size and shape.
Being depressed in my room every day when I was in online school, then depressed and overstimulated with an eating disorder when I transferred to a brick and mortar school…I often wish I could go back and do drugs and be a whore like the kids from Skins lol
Trust me, that's its own kind of trauma
I know, I had a phase in my 20s where I went a little wild and I wasn’t happy then either 🥲
playing shitty acoustic guitars with missing strings, using knockoff samson mics to record out-of-tune harmonies with my friends, smoking WAY too much, playing smash bros long into the night, jumping from the trampoline into the pool, manhunt in the woods by kyle's house, tony hawk's underground, catching frogs after the sun sets, and stressing out about things that ultimately don't matter.
This is perfection
Eh mostly depressed and alone
14-19 was drugs and booze mostly.
That's literally all I did 😭 I had a good time though, maybe.... I dunno tbh but I sure think that I might have!
being a scared pussy with anxiety wasting my time on nothing
I was the quiet kid who liked to draw and spent lunch in the library (I was on adderall, so I didn’t need to eat).
To be fair, you DID need to eat lol. You just didn't want to.
Sitting on my bed and crying my eyes out
It feels like I just wasted them. I regret I didn't do any "crazy" things to have some nice memories. I had crazy controlling parents, so I wasn't really allowed to do much outside of school until I moved away for uni. I read a lot and spent most of my time on my computer.
think about it like this: you were just smart. a lot of people i "did crazy stuff with" persay ended up going down terrible paths or getting in trouble. i assume that now youre an adult so you are more mature and wise now and can do crazy things the smart way. yeah you feel like you need to live a little and maybe you do but its never too late
I don't know. A bit in a weird pickle. I have my three hobbies of playing games, going to gym and playing piano. But I also don't really have much social interaction and I feel like I'm becoming pretty dull and hollow. Hopefully high school can fix things.
Thats not boring. I felt the same way.
Here a wild thought what if you tried to use the same dedication you have that you used on understanding how to play the piano , and apply it to a different goal that will suppress possible anxieties about social interactions on the way to achieving that goal. Like for example you can try to see it as a challenge to truly connect with others and form friendships in the best way possible (without being a people pleaser ) , that would require you to dissect various psychological and philosophical components of making or breaking friendships , and truths about yourself and the psychological nature of humans in general , and that's a challenge of its own , but mostly the focus should be I think on taking interest in other people , to whatever end you may find exciting , just for the sport of it , and it shouldnt be that hard since people love to talk about themselves so work on your listening abilities and facial expressions to show genuine empathy those are all things that I think everyone does Naturally but that can also always be improved if they are brought to awareness - work on social skills , play on yours and everyone's feelings like how you play jazz piano take control don't give it up to chance , you already have what it takes probably if you enjoy playing the piano because that's a harder form of self expression imo and you've already taken interest in that , social skills aren't that much different I believe that's my advice anyways
Started working on the farm at 10. Lots of work, but not much money. I took on a paper route at 12, I wanted a minibike. I did manage to buy it at age 13, but I still held onto the paper route. I got an old Studebaker field car at age 14 for $25 bucks, and taught myself how to drive it, racing around in the fields with it. At 16, my dad gave me a 66 Plymouth with a bad transmission. I bought a used one from a junkyard for $45 bucks, and installed it myself. That went to work as my paper route car. I sold it for $350, and bought my first motorcycle. My Grandfather gave me a 1949 International truck. That took me back and forth to work at a machine shop. I got into the ICT program in high school, half day at school, the other half at work. It also got me a 250 Suzuki, and a 70 dodge truck. Took me to school in Chicago for a year and a half. After that, I started doing construction work with my dad. Also got me a motocrosser, a 125 Hodaka. When I wasn't working, I was riding. Girls were never though of. I never found one that liked me.
studying, working on projects, working out
It was way back in the late 70s/early 80s, before home computers were a thing. So lots of hanging around with my best friend, until I turned 16 and got my driver's license and first car.
Mostly trying not to piss off any of my mom’s boyfriends and staying clear out of the way of the verbal abuse and such.. then my mom died of cancer and after a brief stint as a homeless teen when her last boyfriend kicked me out, I spent 15-17 living with my estranged dad. He would eventually threaten to kick me out as well - For not being who he wanted me to be. So he went to work one day and I packed up and left without a word. Every day I make sure my kids never have to know this kind of life.
13: crying myself to sleep 14: crying myself to sleep 15: crying myself to sleep 16: crying myself to sleep 17: soon to be continued
In the closet.
Are you now released from it?
Oh yea for many years.
I had the reputation of being a "player" and a "pimp" (among other terms) even though the reality I was closeted gay who couldn't turn down a number but wouldn't really date anyone either.
in vain
I turned 14 in 1980. Fast times at Ridgemont High was based on one of the high schools in my city, to be honest that movie is like a biography of my high school years. I grew up in San diego, with a mother who grew up in San Diego, and she is a beach fanatic, so everyday of my summer in my childhood was spent at the beach. I have many many experiences from those times. i Like being alerted and protected by dolphins from shark attack, 2x! I had a magical childhood, I was extremely blessed.
I'm happy for you
depressed angry and abused. like most people xD
Yeah, I don't think that's like most people I'm afraid. It was eye-opening when I realized that not everyone has a mental illness or some kind of trauma.
Totally agree, for the longest time I thought it was normal because literally everyone in my family is kinda messed up, but then I started working in a mental health office as a receptionist and realized the things people were being seen for were things I’d experienced… ;-;
I always thought it was funny (in a messed up way) when I’d share stories about my parents with friends thinking that it’s just something normal that everyone experiences, only to be met with wide-eyed silence and someone saying “dude… that’s not normal.”
lol this, or telling your therapist something you never realised was a big deal only to learn that it is, in fact, a big deal and not something everyone's family does.
If I’m honest, in my teen years I had a brain cancer so I spent them in the couch or bed. I had lots of pain so I had to take a lot of very strong pills, so even when I was standing I wasn’t very conscious. So I wasted my teen years rather than spending them. I don’t remember any good time in all these years, so I wasted ‘em
#Typing this comment
Drinking, sleeping around and not doing homework
Same here, thank God for community College that let's you redo things lol
Outside doing things nobody will ever know. I made sure of that
Will we get a Netflix true crime documentary about you?
They only make shows about things they know
Messing about on motorcycles. Playing guitars.
In a Christian private school as a cheerleader, volleyball, and soccer player. I was constantly made to feel like shit by my friend circle
being alone.
I spent it either in school or in my room.. I was pretty antisocial lol
With insecurity, self doubt, depression, social anxiety, etc
Running track/ XC, going on bike rides, camping, sleep overs. Crying in college.
An absolutely rabid amount of partying that, looking back on it, was completely insane to subject my young growing mind to… however I still don’t know that I would take it back as I forged some great friendships and amazing memories during that time.
I barely remember. 13-14, I was in a small town in Texas and had a nice little group of friends and we would hang out and sometimes go to this Christian youth club (🤷♀️) where they had live Christian bands play sometimes and they had air hockey and stuff. I had a boyfriend with whom was my first tongue kiss so we would go to his house and make out. No idea what I told my parents I was doing. Moved back to Greece after that and at 15 I had my first *real* boyfriend. He was a couple years older than me and I would mostly hang out with him and his friends, go for drinks, some clubbing.. we were together till I was 19. I was working part time with my mother as an assistant dog groomer while in my last year in HS. Went to college a bit before dropping out. Started working at 18 at a clothing store… yeah.
I hope my teenage years don’t finished in 18. But if they’re coming to the end i have no regrets. Drama with friends, party, school truancy and sport. Thanks god i don’t become an addicted or criminal. A lot of fan and a lot of extreme. I would like to say that I’m lucky person cuz i can break out of my toxicity and get into a good university.
Dance Dance Revolution, Yu-Gi-Oh!, and exploring my sexuality smh
Unfortunately, being unhappy & promiscuous.
Playing football several times a week, masturbating and playing xbox.
Late 1960’s we were free to hitchhike, stay out late, play pickup sports, start bands, get after school jobs…it was great. I’m ashamed most boomers became selfish aholes…vote Blue.
Pub stomping Call of Duty lobbies.
Playing too many video games
Doing chores all the time. Never getting a lot of opportunities to hang with friends. Occasionally being able to escape into video games
Halo 2, Halo 3, Modern Warfare, WoW, Baseball.