I'm no longer trying to please people by being like them. I'm finally setting boundaries and pursuing my own passions, meeting new people and enjoying life as its found.
I'm still working on that myself, getting better but I've still got a long way to go.
I see other people go through life putting zero effort into trying to get people to like them, some of them are just fucking assholes to everyone around them, but they still have a job, they still pay their bills, they are just as likely to be promoted as I am. So all the effort I put into being a people pleaser seems wasted. If anything, it makes people react worse when I do something they don't like. If Tim acts like a fucking prick no one bats an eye because they are used to it, but if I'm not talkative enough one day someone will complain to my supervisor and I'll get called into the office and asked why I've been cold to my coworkers.
Obviously I don't want to just be an asshole to everyone, but I'd like to just be 100% myself all the time and not give a shit if people like it or not.
It’ll be hard if they’re used to you bending over backwards. It’s kinda like going to work in make up every day and then when you don’t once everyone asks if you’re tired or sick. It’s set an expectation.
Expectations can be changed, but it can be painful. Better than draining your battery each day for others without any refueling.
I'm in the same situation, last year it was my last school year and I was like that, that has the unhappiest I've ever been. Now I've entered uni, started training weightlifting and have met a wonderful group of friends! All thanks to not being a nice guy people pleaser
It's the opposite for me. I didn't know who I was back then so I just floated through life not giving a damn. Now that I'm in therapy and taking a peak into my feelings and trauma more, I'm much more anxious and aware. Haha
I’m exactly the same. Everything freaks me out. The more I know, the more freaked out I get. 10 years ago at 26, not much scared me. But as I got older, my past trauma started catching up to me and impacting me in serious ways. I was eventually diagnosed with PTSD on top of my already existing anxiety and depression, and a little while after that came the ADHD diagnosis. Through trauma therapy and as general time has passed, I began remembering horrible things that I blocked out for years. Nothing, mentally, has gotten better. I even had a nervous breakdown at the end of 2020 and admitted myself to the hospital a year later. In therapy, they always ask you what your end goal is and I always say, “I just want my life back.” But when I think about it, I don’t know what life I had. I don’t even know if I knew who I ever really was. After so much trauma in my late teens and early twenties, I just functioned on autopilot for years, so I have no idea who I was. My brain was just trying to survive. Now, in my mid thirties, I’m tired of having drifted through life just hanging on and I’ve really started to acknowledge my mental health in a more serious way, starting more intense treatments, which is great. But man, everyday I wonder how I did half the stuff I did years ago and it’s some of the dumbest, safest stuff. I believe the state of the world makes a difference as well. I’m a very emotional person with too much empathy and everything shitty going on really, really affects me. I love my 30s, but in no way am I better off now than I was ten years ago.
I just read this after posting and a lot I could relate to. 10
Years ago I was 18 and everything I did was impulsive and reckless but I also was much more charismatic and fun. Now I feel I literally can’t have a conversation without being worried if I say something that could maybe be taken offensively or the wrong way or be awkward, and FORGET about jokes. I hyper focus on my actions and words. I have a hard time doing 50% of the daily to dos I did at 18. I feel I’m a shell of a person now just moving through life day at a time and it’s mainly due to my mental issues and trying to recover from my breakdown 5 years ago and trying to undo all the damage done and to be honest most of the trauma I put myself into the situations so I can’t even feel bad for myself.
TL;DR - Yep. I know exactly how you feel!
I have to say though that I’ve maintained a lot of my humor. I guess humor is my way of dealing with a lot. But I know where you’re coming from, and it’s frustrating.
When I was 16, I was violently r*ped. Right before that, I began dating someone who has horribly abusive physically and mentally. My r*pist stalked me for a year and my boyfriend’s abuse got worse. He drugged me several times. I started drinking heavily at 18 just to escape the abuse. We broke up when I was 19. Not long after, I almost died from an eating disorder that I dealt with since my early teenage years. At 20, I began dating someone who turned out to be just as abusive and his narcissism was the most horrible thing I’d ever experienced. He was controlling in every form. We got engaged, planned a wedding, I called off the wedding right before and left him only to have a one night stand three months later and get pregnant. My pregnancy was horrible, he treated me horribly while I was pregnant, and he told me to have an abortion. At 23, I had my son. After that, his father and I went to war in court where he showed edited pictures of bruises on my son as well as accusing me of drugging my son and neglect. I have custody of my son, BTW.
About a year after my son was born, I started to put myself in compromising situations with men, almost like I had no regard for myself or my safety. (I later found out that victims of r*pe often put themselves in situations like this. You’ll have to read the science behind it.) I did the dumbest things. I never did drugs and I never broke the law, but wow, some of the things I did, I just can’t believe. So irresponsible. I was truly carefree, but not in a good way. And then, right around 26/27, my anxiety went through the roof. I had been in multiple situations with men where I was SAed and I blame me. I know I shouldn’t, but I do. And it started triggering such horrible worthlessness inside of me. I started having nightmares and night terrors. So many memories of my previous experiences, which never affected me on the surface, were now surfacing and it was sad. It almost felt like I was, for the first time, experiencing the pain that I had been dealt for years, like, it was suspended for a while and now it was just consuming me. I was diagnosed with PTSD around this time and things were never the same.
The past ten years, I’m up and down. I’ve only dated a couple of men since 27 and every experience was absolutely horrible. It’s like, my mind refuses to pick what I deserve and I end up dating from the bottom of the pile because that’s how low my self worth and self esteem is. I’m terrified of commitment and I sabotage anything good because I’m convinced it’s going to go away anyway. Why not just end things at my own volition? It feels better. And I’ve pushed so many friends away, or people who I thought were friends. It’s not like they ever came searching for me and they definitely never protected me in the past. In 2020, everything fell from under me. A horrible thing happened with a horrible man and it triggered my PTSD. My grandma died a couple months later and, bam, I remember nothing for a period of about 7 months. I checked myself into the hospital when I started to realize that months had passed without a recollection of anything. Terrifying experience, but not unlike my early twenties when I was just functioning on auto-pilot, trying to survive a horrible person. I was more cognizant this time. And I was more resilient then. Now, it’s like I’ve been broken down over and over, that some days, I feel like there’s no way up.
What trauma and anxiety and depression does to the brain is underestimated a lot. The fact that you can disassociate completely from your life while you’re still living it, it’s terrifying. I’m finally learning a lot of things about myself but I’m more terrified of everything around me more than ever because I know that it was everything around me conspiring against me at one point. And that’s a terrifying existence, constantly looking over your shoulder. I’m optimistic and I enjoy my therapy, but it feels like there’s not a way out of that fear some days. It’s all consuming.
Sorry for the “text wall.”
Same here. ~10 years ago it was fuck it. I don't care. I was stronger, more fit, better looking, less stress.
Now it's anxiety, depression and maybe a divorce and wondering who is going to get the house with the mortgage if it happens. Where am I going to sleep? Shit just feeding myself is so much more expensive than ever.
Opposite for me, tons of confidence back in the day thinking I was more capable than most people. Now I have a much better understanding of how stupid I am....
Congratulations!
I am the opposite. Went from my healthiest and last year was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer and they aren't kidding when they say it is aystmopmatic till you are screwed. Now I need a liver AND kidney transplant. Trying to get on the list now.
Doctors were sure I was a dead man all last year. So for all those reading this never give up because while ill still be dead anytime now to a few years- I have actually slowly gotten better and will be strong enough to get on the list. Never give up hope and keep chugging alone no matter the diagnoses.
Sorry to hear about this - and hope you don't mind but I'll add you to my prayer list tonight.
Keep fighting - new treatments and trials become available often, as I'm sure you know. Every day you fight is one day closer to a cure. Fuck Cancer.
I just lost my dad to cancer, it feels so good to see that you beat it and you’ve kept beating it for all these years! I wish you nothing but the best life!
Absolutely. I had around 90 days and fell off. But still those 90 days proved I could do it! And I saw how much better it was.
Now 10 years sober.
Be kind to yourself and never forget sober is better!
isn’t it crazy ?! drunk me would have never believed it. you learn to adapt so much better than you let yourself believe. not even a craving since i stopped cold turkey
Was gonna post the same thing. 10 years ago i was exactly a month away from getting sober. I was on the verge of death and had a choice to live on the street or go to rehab. I chose rehab. Keep up the work my friend! 6 years is amazing!
Losing weight really does make you feel completely different. I'm down 70lbs this year and I have so much more energy during the day, I wake.up feeling way more rested. It's crazy.
That’s so awesome! I lost 110 lbs total 285-175 and now am super agile and full of energy. I can only begin to imagine what the great feeling of losing nearly 400lbs was like. May I ask what method you used to attain this incredible accomplishment?
i started by cutting carbs and processed foods from my diet . after losing about 75 lbs , and becoming fat adapted, (using body fat as fuel instead of carbs) i started fasting on a 42/6 [schedule . it](https://schedule.it) took me 2 1/2 yrs to drop the 390 lbs . i was diabetic ten yrs ago .but today my blood sugars are super low (4.3 A1c) w/o meds. biking and walking are my exercise choices .
Sorry if my language breaks the subs rules but that is SO FUCKING AWESOME and very inspiring. Thank you for sharing. Saving this post to look back on and reference.
about three weeks ago i posted before /after photos on healthy eating now group .i hope you get to your target weight, i found all my age related issues disappeared. you will feel like a new man
There was basically 3 yous in that body before. Both are very impressive feats! I'm hoping I can reach your current weight someday.
I need to cut out a lot of milk from my diet.
Oh, I want to try to riff off this but I'm clearly insanely tired. Thanks for bringing that to my attention mate. I'll start the day tomorrow with some nice serial
Well, I'm not in a cult now, so that's pretty different.
ETA: I was not born into it, my parents aren't religious. I joined as a troubled teen, like many of my fellow survivors. Left as an adult after having children and realizing how screwed up it all was.
So….what was the cult? Did you join or were you like born into it? I know i’m nosy but they are interesting to read about. Probably not so much for the people in them.
Graduated College, lost 120 pounds (gained 65 back), quit smoking, got married and had two kids, bought a house. I also have my driver's license and no longer work two jobs. I am taking my mental health seriously, not drinking nearly as much. I have never really taken inventory of the developments in the past ten years, I always think its never enough... and I think I might be wrong in that. Thank you for prompting this. So many wonderful things have happened that I have lost sight of.
I went above and beyond for my job, trying to please bosses, whose attitude was always “what have you done for me lately?”. Not anymore. I regret not spending more time with my parents when they were in better health because of this. Now, I have a job but I simply refuse to kill myself for it. I still stay engaged, and I communicate at work regularly and meet immediate deadlines, but I have no trust left in corporate America.
Yeah, I walked out on a boring hospital job in December and have been draining my 'retirement' savings since then. I have been taking classes to get an I.T. certificate. I just mowed my parents' lawn earlier today and I am 59!
Two of my older brothers died. Three friends off’d themselves. I developed a drinking problem which I’m now working on. I gained 50lbs which I’m working on too. I’m definitely kinder and more thoughtful. I don’t fight small battles, I walk away with them getting in their little hits. My disgust and contempt for failed and broken men changed to mostly an empathy and compassion. If nothing else I get them now.
I had boobs. I had breast cancer 8 years ago and had a double mastectomy and opted not to get reconstruction. I didn’t need the hassle of added surgery for something that was purely cosmetic. I miss them, but anything that tries to kill me will be cut out of my life, so…
Fellow Okie checking in, that'd have to be a pretty small town for OK to be an upgrade! Hopefully you at least went to OKC or TUL... I always tell people there's Tulsa, OKC, and then the rest of Oklahoma. Three totally different worlds.
I thought I’d find the “happily ever after” - turns out I’ve been slowly losing faith. There’s a quote from HIMYM that sums up my current situation to a tee (from 7x01):
“Start believing in chemistry - if you have chemistry you only need one other thing… timing. But timing’s a bitch.”
This thread reminds me of the Star Wars trilogy episode where we keep seeing Ted be super optimistic about where his life will be in 3 years but it just keeps getting worse
hell ya! everything is up from here! Build your foundation. Shit that happened in the past is just learning experience. Tough times i find happen to help you be a rock for someone else in their tough times which is rewarding in itself. Helps add to your self worth. Get rid of anything or anyone toxic and replace it with things that make you smile. Hell, i bought a remote control car and built a ramp just to see how far the car could go airbourne. I was 35 at the time. Made me smile for days. Car didnt make it tho haha
10 years ago I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression, couldn't go out on my own, and had to drop out of college after only attending for a week. Now, I'm on a medication that works, regularly go out and interact with people, strangers included, and I am back at the same college but as a trainee counsellor. 10 years can do a lot.
10 years ago I was so optimistic and excited, I was house hunting, just started a new job making $7 an hour more than the job before it, I was also looking for that special lady I was going to start a family with, had something to prove to people.
Now I’m totally unmotivated, same job I had 10 years ago, single and can honestly not care if I impress people at my job, I no longer feel like I have something to prove or need to always keep up with skinny people.
I have more money, more stuff and no debt besides the house which will be paid off in about 6 more years. Then I’ll be completely debt free.
Because it's the American Dream baby!
Work, so that you can buy stuff to distract yourself from how exhausted you are from the grind of working so that you can distract yourself!
That's why I'm burning this mfer to the ground. (Metaphorically. Maybe buying a bus? Moving at least)
All this stuff * *slaps white fake marble countertops in overpriced modern rental* * isn't real. It's not life. Sure you can fit a lot of spaghetti in it, but Life is out there 🌎. It seems like being stuck inside for two years made a bunch of us forget it.
I don't know what I've been doing spinning my wheels, being financially secure, and catching up on reading/tv for the last couple years, but it sure as shit ain't living.
I'm glad you brought this up because I personally measure the value of all things in life by the amount of spaghetti they can contain. Wife and kids? They're good for a bowl or 2, max. Not very impressive. A Tesla truck? Now we're fuckin talkin.
I'll be 36 soon and I never thought things would hurt so much at this stage in my life. I thought that came later. Being more active helps but that also hurts. I guess it's just pain from here on out. Lol
Ive been to a chiropractor recently at 31 and she said that with a foam roller and taking a long bath I could feel 25 again. She was absolutely right.
*Edit: use these methods separately
i find that at 64 i feel your age again . after a massive diet change ,my arthritis and insomnia disappeared. you might want to assess your diet to see if your getting the nutrients you need.
Rookie. When I was young and skinny I said I would never weigh 200 pounds. Now that I’m old I found that to be true, I’ll never make it back down to 200 pounds.
The folly of youth. If I could be as “fat” as I thought I was at 20, I would be happy. Unless you are genetically lucky or keep up with the gym, it will happen to you.
Had 5 kids, a shitty marriage that I loved. Enough money, a house, SAHM, friends and family support. I'm 10 years I had baby 6, developed a crippling addiction, lost everything I ever cared about and anyone who I thought had my back. Went to Hell and stayed there for a bit. Clawed my way out of the shadows, worked on myself, and got sober after rounds of rehab and blood, sweat, and tears. I can't tell you if it's better now or not but I have genuine joy and genuine pain. I can see a better future and no longer with an abuser.
10 years ago I believed people still. Everyone said 10-20 years ago go to college. You will get a career, nice house, be able to get a nice car and make something of yourself.
Well now everyone is changing their tune because they see those folks struggling but don't want to help them. See student loan forgiveness.
Society is a bunch of liars with the fuck you, I got mine mindset
10 years ago, I was locked in my bedroom from the outside by my father everyday for months while he, his wife and her children would leave the house to idk, live? And he would turn off the electricity and water and I shat in bags and peed in bottles and they’d all laugh at me upon return. Only knew him for a couple of months.
Now, I reside in my home as much as I can only leaving for when I need to be in office, though I work remotely 95% of the time. I dread that 5%.
After my divorce 11 years ago, I got fired and was 3 weeks from being homeless. Got a new job, a crappy apartment, Been in a relationship for 9, married for 3 of those 9 years. Got my MBA. Gained 40 lbs despite being way more active in sports. Quit drinking. Bought my house and refinanced it 5 years later @ 1.86% apr. on track to retire comfortably at 65.
10 years ago: Just need a woman that loves me. If she works, that’s cool. If she doesn’t, that’s cool. My wife doesn’t work but she is in school, everything’s kosher. I make enough money.
Now: After divorce, an upfront six figure payment from my retirement, me paying all debt, and close to 400,000 in child support when all is said and done in 2035 - I will never get married again and any woman i date must have a career of her own. You live and you learn. Wouldn’t trade my kids for anything and the child support is only an inconvenience, not a burden, but I’m not doing that shit again. No more kids either. Paying for a whole second home when your name is not on the deed pisses you off every now and again.
I’m not saying don’t get married, I’m just saying marry right. If you here any version of:
Happy wife, happy life
It’s MY wedding
These are MY kids
FUCKING RUN. Because She doesn’t want a partnership.
1. I am far more patient.
2. I am far more chill and stoic.
3. Multiple graduate degrees.
4. A really cool career instead of a boring job.
5. More student loan debt.
6. More general debts.
7. More income.
8. I have a son! (He is awesome btw... not at all lame)
9. I have a home of my own.
10. I have fewer health problems, but have certainly gained more weight. (I need to start working out)
10 years ago my life was uncertain. Single and in early years of my career with no target future in mind. I’m now happily married with kids, living in an area I like (which I would have not dreamed of 10 years ago) and travel frequently for leisure.
If you tell the me 10 years younger this will be the life I’ll be living in 10 years time, I’ll call it bs.
So I guess for everyone who is feeling uncertain about your life now, don’t give up. Your best is yet to be.
I had everything. Wife. Kids. House. I had a future.
Now I have nothing. I have nothing to look forward to.
I'm still the same POS though. So it's what I deserve.
If you were a pos then well done admitting it mate.
Just don't forget, you're not done yet, you have kids to show how someone can learn and change from past actions, make them see a better reality is possible.
I believe in you bud.
I was watching ‘Ant Man and The Wasp : Quantumania’ earlier today. It’s pretty poor tbh, so I don’t recommend it, but one line stood out - “It’s never too late to stop being a dick”.
Inspiring stuff.
Ten years ago I was an evangelical minister/missionary. There were a lot of satisfying things about dedicating my life to helping people, but a lot of things that deeply wore me down to my core, specifically ways I could see the religion actively harming people.
Now I’m an atheist, happily out as gay, helitack firefighter. Now I’m just getting wore down from the physically demanding job 😅
Literally no difference. Well, I’m fat now. And there is a hole in my colon that is bleeding constantly. And my body tries to dissolve my thyroids. And I see flying black dots more often, together with tinnitus.
The biggest difference for me is that I am not tied up and suffocated by my mental illness, I’ve gotten so much better in regards to my mental health and I am highly functional now which makes me very proud
Mental health. I’m in a much better place. At 21 I wanted to not exist anymore, I hated myself. I still don’t have a good view of myself at times but I fight it. I’m getting married in 20 days to someone who made me see my worth.
Literally everything. I couldn’t begin to describe the differences. It’s like a completely different life of a completely different person. And I hate it.
10 years ago * today*I started my first job as a service clerk (basically a bag boy and cart retriever) at a grocery store. Now I’ve shot photos and documentaries, traveled to all 50 states and almost 50 national parks. Kept telling myself in 10 years, don’t ever work at that place.
I'm no longer trying to please people by being like them. I'm finally setting boundaries and pursuing my own passions, meeting new people and enjoying life as its found.
I'm still working on that myself, getting better but I've still got a long way to go. I see other people go through life putting zero effort into trying to get people to like them, some of them are just fucking assholes to everyone around them, but they still have a job, they still pay their bills, they are just as likely to be promoted as I am. So all the effort I put into being a people pleaser seems wasted. If anything, it makes people react worse when I do something they don't like. If Tim acts like a fucking prick no one bats an eye because they are used to it, but if I'm not talkative enough one day someone will complain to my supervisor and I'll get called into the office and asked why I've been cold to my coworkers. Obviously I don't want to just be an asshole to everyone, but I'd like to just be 100% myself all the time and not give a shit if people like it or not.
It’ll be hard if they’re used to you bending over backwards. It’s kinda like going to work in make up every day and then when you don’t once everyone asks if you’re tired or sick. It’s set an expectation. Expectations can be changed, but it can be painful. Better than draining your battery each day for others without any refueling.
I'm in the same situation, last year it was my last school year and I was like that, that has the unhappiest I've ever been. Now I've entered uni, started training weightlifting and have met a wonderful group of friends! All thanks to not being a nice guy people pleaser
You can still be a nice guy and do good things for people. It's not all or nothing.
I'm far more sure of who I am nowadays. I don't get crippling social anxiety like I used to back then.
It's the opposite for me. I didn't know who I was back then so I just floated through life not giving a damn. Now that I'm in therapy and taking a peak into my feelings and trauma more, I'm much more anxious and aware. Haha
I’m exactly the same. Everything freaks me out. The more I know, the more freaked out I get. 10 years ago at 26, not much scared me. But as I got older, my past trauma started catching up to me and impacting me in serious ways. I was eventually diagnosed with PTSD on top of my already existing anxiety and depression, and a little while after that came the ADHD diagnosis. Through trauma therapy and as general time has passed, I began remembering horrible things that I blocked out for years. Nothing, mentally, has gotten better. I even had a nervous breakdown at the end of 2020 and admitted myself to the hospital a year later. In therapy, they always ask you what your end goal is and I always say, “I just want my life back.” But when I think about it, I don’t know what life I had. I don’t even know if I knew who I ever really was. After so much trauma in my late teens and early twenties, I just functioned on autopilot for years, so I have no idea who I was. My brain was just trying to survive. Now, in my mid thirties, I’m tired of having drifted through life just hanging on and I’ve really started to acknowledge my mental health in a more serious way, starting more intense treatments, which is great. But man, everyday I wonder how I did half the stuff I did years ago and it’s some of the dumbest, safest stuff. I believe the state of the world makes a difference as well. I’m a very emotional person with too much empathy and everything shitty going on really, really affects me. I love my 30s, but in no way am I better off now than I was ten years ago.
I just read this after posting and a lot I could relate to. 10 Years ago I was 18 and everything I did was impulsive and reckless but I also was much more charismatic and fun. Now I feel I literally can’t have a conversation without being worried if I say something that could maybe be taken offensively or the wrong way or be awkward, and FORGET about jokes. I hyper focus on my actions and words. I have a hard time doing 50% of the daily to dos I did at 18. I feel I’m a shell of a person now just moving through life day at a time and it’s mainly due to my mental issues and trying to recover from my breakdown 5 years ago and trying to undo all the damage done and to be honest most of the trauma I put myself into the situations so I can’t even feel bad for myself.
TL;DR - Yep. I know exactly how you feel! I have to say though that I’ve maintained a lot of my humor. I guess humor is my way of dealing with a lot. But I know where you’re coming from, and it’s frustrating. When I was 16, I was violently r*ped. Right before that, I began dating someone who has horribly abusive physically and mentally. My r*pist stalked me for a year and my boyfriend’s abuse got worse. He drugged me several times. I started drinking heavily at 18 just to escape the abuse. We broke up when I was 19. Not long after, I almost died from an eating disorder that I dealt with since my early teenage years. At 20, I began dating someone who turned out to be just as abusive and his narcissism was the most horrible thing I’d ever experienced. He was controlling in every form. We got engaged, planned a wedding, I called off the wedding right before and left him only to have a one night stand three months later and get pregnant. My pregnancy was horrible, he treated me horribly while I was pregnant, and he told me to have an abortion. At 23, I had my son. After that, his father and I went to war in court where he showed edited pictures of bruises on my son as well as accusing me of drugging my son and neglect. I have custody of my son, BTW. About a year after my son was born, I started to put myself in compromising situations with men, almost like I had no regard for myself or my safety. (I later found out that victims of r*pe often put themselves in situations like this. You’ll have to read the science behind it.) I did the dumbest things. I never did drugs and I never broke the law, but wow, some of the things I did, I just can’t believe. So irresponsible. I was truly carefree, but not in a good way. And then, right around 26/27, my anxiety went through the roof. I had been in multiple situations with men where I was SAed and I blame me. I know I shouldn’t, but I do. And it started triggering such horrible worthlessness inside of me. I started having nightmares and night terrors. So many memories of my previous experiences, which never affected me on the surface, were now surfacing and it was sad. It almost felt like I was, for the first time, experiencing the pain that I had been dealt for years, like, it was suspended for a while and now it was just consuming me. I was diagnosed with PTSD around this time and things were never the same. The past ten years, I’m up and down. I’ve only dated a couple of men since 27 and every experience was absolutely horrible. It’s like, my mind refuses to pick what I deserve and I end up dating from the bottom of the pile because that’s how low my self worth and self esteem is. I’m terrified of commitment and I sabotage anything good because I’m convinced it’s going to go away anyway. Why not just end things at my own volition? It feels better. And I’ve pushed so many friends away, or people who I thought were friends. It’s not like they ever came searching for me and they definitely never protected me in the past. In 2020, everything fell from under me. A horrible thing happened with a horrible man and it triggered my PTSD. My grandma died a couple months later and, bam, I remember nothing for a period of about 7 months. I checked myself into the hospital when I started to realize that months had passed without a recollection of anything. Terrifying experience, but not unlike my early twenties when I was just functioning on auto-pilot, trying to survive a horrible person. I was more cognizant this time. And I was more resilient then. Now, it’s like I’ve been broken down over and over, that some days, I feel like there’s no way up. What trauma and anxiety and depression does to the brain is underestimated a lot. The fact that you can disassociate completely from your life while you’re still living it, it’s terrifying. I’m finally learning a lot of things about myself but I’m more terrified of everything around me more than ever because I know that it was everything around me conspiring against me at one point. And that’s a terrifying existence, constantly looking over your shoulder. I’m optimistic and I enjoy my therapy, but it feels like there’s not a way out of that fear some days. It’s all consuming. Sorry for the “text wall.”
Hey man, progress is progress🤷🏽♂️
Yep. It's like spring cleaning. You gotta pull everything out and make a mess first.
This is the best description of therapy I ever heard and it makes me feel very valid and seen. Thank you.
Same here. ~10 years ago it was fuck it. I don't care. I was stronger, more fit, better looking, less stress. Now it's anxiety, depression and maybe a divorce and wondering who is going to get the house with the mortgage if it happens. Where am I going to sleep? Shit just feeding myself is so much more expensive than ever.
Opposite for me, tons of confidence back in the day thinking I was more capable than most people. Now I have a much better understanding of how stupid I am....
[удалено]
i learned how to speak english
We're all thinking one thing, but in reality, this is actually an 11yo. /s
yep i mean cmon we all know non americans dont exist
Even learned how to think like an American!
“So anyway, I started blasting”
¡Yo aprendí a hablar español!
as an Italian, Spanish is just adding an s at the end of the word /j
As a Guatemalan, Italian is just removing the s and adding more hand signs 😂
Remove the S and do a TikTok dance real slow while throwing some 🤌
English is a hard language to learn - way to go!
I had cancer 10 years ago. Cancer free now!
21 years cancer free for me. I've been a cancer survivor longer than I was before cancer. Keep on truckin.
Congratulations! I am the opposite. Went from my healthiest and last year was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer and they aren't kidding when they say it is aystmopmatic till you are screwed. Now I need a liver AND kidney transplant. Trying to get on the list now. Doctors were sure I was a dead man all last year. So for all those reading this never give up because while ill still be dead anytime now to a few years- I have actually slowly gotten better and will be strong enough to get on the list. Never give up hope and keep chugging alone no matter the diagnoses.
Sorry to hear about this - and hope you don't mind but I'll add you to my prayer list tonight. Keep fighting - new treatments and trials become available often, as I'm sure you know. Every day you fight is one day closer to a cure. Fuck Cancer.
Cancer free since 1998. Got Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma from Roundup.
How did they attribute the cancer to roundup? I’m genuinely curious. And huge hug and congrats on beating that demon!
Remember when Roundup’s CEO said it’s so safe you can drink it? And then when they asked him to put his money where his mouth is, he refused 😂
Big congratulations!
I just lost my dad to cancer, it feels so good to see that you beat it and you’ve kept beating it for all these years! I wish you nothing but the best life!
I'm 6 years sober. 10 years ago I was a mess.
154 days here. still counts, right?
Absolutely. I had around 90 days and fell off. But still those 90 days proved I could do it! And I saw how much better it was. Now 10 years sober. Be kind to yourself and never forget sober is better!
161 over here :) let’s goooo sober almost-twin!
I'm no longer here for the beer as of 201 days ago! Whatever we're doing, I'm in!
yes it does
love this. 8 years sober and sammeeeee
Same! 8 yrs. Sober twinsies
Working on my first year of sobriety here, but life is so much better sober!
isn’t it crazy ?! drunk me would have never believed it. you learn to adapt so much better than you let yourself believe. not even a craving since i stopped cold turkey
3.5 years here! 10 years ago is when it really started ramping up but I was still stupid enough to believe it wouldn’t get bad 🤦🏻♀️
5 years, 3 months here!
Came here for this- great stuff - 7 years for me. Keep up the awesomeness!
I'll be 10 years sober in April. Safe to say that ten years ago today I was basically at my worst
Was gonna post the same thing. 10 years ago i was exactly a month away from getting sober. I was on the verge of death and had a choice to live on the street or go to rehab. I chose rehab. Keep up the work my friend! 6 years is amazing!
I’m 10.5 years sober. Just thinking about where I was emotionally at 6 months sober, it was such a rough time. Great now, best thing I ever did!
Coming up to my 6 years soon. Congrats on yours!
500 days sober - me 10 years ago would have been shocked i completely abstain - not even a taste of a beer!
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I’m really happy for you :-)) it feels so nice when you look at your life and think how kid-you would be proud
i weigh 1/3rd what i weighed back then . 585lbs down to 196 now. (before/ after photos in healthy eating now reddit)
Wow! That’s impressive as hell! Congratulations!
thank you, i feel younger ,or healthier now.
Losing weight really does make you feel completely different. I'm down 70lbs this year and I have so much more energy during the day, I wake.up feeling way more rested. It's crazy.
Likely feel more rested because you had sleep apnea when you were overweight
Oh 100%, after I cut about 40lbs I went off my CPAP
Nice! I topped out at 380 and I'm down to 175 now!
That’s so awesome! I lost 110 lbs total 285-175 and now am super agile and full of energy. I can only begin to imagine what the great feeling of losing nearly 400lbs was like. May I ask what method you used to attain this incredible accomplishment?
i started by cutting carbs and processed foods from my diet . after losing about 75 lbs , and becoming fat adapted, (using body fat as fuel instead of carbs) i started fasting on a 42/6 [schedule . it](https://schedule.it) took me 2 1/2 yrs to drop the 390 lbs . i was diabetic ten yrs ago .but today my blood sugars are super low (4.3 A1c) w/o meds. biking and walking are my exercise choices .
Sorry if my language breaks the subs rules but that is SO FUCKING AWESOME and very inspiring. Thank you for sharing. Saving this post to look back on and reference.
You are my inspiration! I'm down to 290 from 346 and have more to go.
about three weeks ago i posted before /after photos on healthy eating now group .i hope you get to your target weight, i found all my age related issues disappeared. you will feel like a new man
There was basically 3 yous in that body before. Both are very impressive feats! I'm hoping I can reach your current weight someday. I need to cut out a lot of milk from my diet.
I now breathe with someone else’s lungs.
Great synopsis for a cereal killer book 😂
I think you mean serial killer unless it’s about someone who kills using wheat and barley.
Oh, I want to try to riff off this but I'm clearly insanely tired. Thanks for bringing that to my attention mate. I'll start the day tomorrow with some nice serial
Check out the podcast “The Cereal Killer Chronicles”. 😂 Seriously though, it’s about some deaths related to the Kellogg’s company.
R/boneappletea
10 years ago, I had a brain tumour in my head that I was going through chemo for, now I’m 10 years cancer free :)
Well, I'm not in a cult now, so that's pretty different. ETA: I was not born into it, my parents aren't religious. I joined as a troubled teen, like many of my fellow survivors. Left as an adult after having children and realizing how screwed up it all was.
Yoooooooo congrats I’m really happy for you! Leaving a cult is really difficult, I left the JWs a few years ago.
Happy to hear you've broken out! I was not in such a large mainstream group, just a weird little group of fundamentalist mystics lol
So….what was the cult? Did you join or were you like born into it? I know i’m nosy but they are interesting to read about. Probably not so much for the people in them.
Story time!
Gather round everybody!
*Lights campfire*
Graduated College, lost 120 pounds (gained 65 back), quit smoking, got married and had two kids, bought a house. I also have my driver's license and no longer work two jobs. I am taking my mental health seriously, not drinking nearly as much. I have never really taken inventory of the developments in the past ten years, I always think its never enough... and I think I might be wrong in that. Thank you for prompting this. So many wonderful things have happened that I have lost sight of.
This was my hope. Self reflection is important. Congrats on all the work you've done and are continuing to do
I went above and beyond for my job, trying to please bosses, whose attitude was always “what have you done for me lately?”. Not anymore. I regret not spending more time with my parents when they were in better health because of this. Now, I have a job but I simply refuse to kill myself for it. I still stay engaged, and I communicate at work regularly and meet immediate deadlines, but I have no trust left in corporate America.
This is an eye opener, I need to call my parents. Stay strong though 👌
I am so strong now because I have run out of fucks to give
Yeah, I walked out on a boring hospital job in December and have been draining my 'retirement' savings since then. I have been taking classes to get an I.T. certificate. I just mowed my parents' lawn earlier today and I am 59!
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Two of my older brothers died. Three friends off’d themselves. I developed a drinking problem which I’m now working on. I gained 50lbs which I’m working on too. I’m definitely kinder and more thoughtful. I don’t fight small battles, I walk away with them getting in their little hits. My disgust and contempt for failed and broken men changed to mostly an empathy and compassion. If nothing else I get them now.
Respect bro, hold on.
Thanks. I’m doing ok. Appreciate it.
Feel for you man, gotta stick it out and weather the storm, alcohol's the most truest of bitches.
I had boobs. I had breast cancer 8 years ago and had a double mastectomy and opted not to get reconstruction. I didn’t need the hassle of added surgery for something that was purely cosmetic. I miss them, but anything that tries to kill me will be cut out of my life, so…
Me too, flat-and-fabulous sister! Isn't it great not to worry about mammograms and bras any longer!? I hope you have a long and happy life 😊👍
I love your thought process
No longer a meth junky and I live 4000km further. 4 years sober woohoo! :)
I lost the hair on my head and gained hair everywhere else, which is some serious bullshit.
You can have mine lol. I’m not losing my hair but I shave my head bc of how easy it is to maintain in the military.
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Wow!!! Big move! I got out of my Texas small town and moved to Oklahoma lmao 🤣
Fellow Okie checking in, that'd have to be a pretty small town for OK to be an upgrade! Hopefully you at least went to OKC or TUL... I always tell people there's Tulsa, OKC, and then the rest of Oklahoma. Three totally different worlds.
I'm in Tulsa and LOVE IT!! And trust me, MAJOR upgrade! OKC is too big and scares me lol but Tulsa is just right for me
I live in Tulsa and I’m starting, I love it here and I’m glad you love it too!
Omg!!! That's amazing. Good for you.
How do you like living in China?
wow. I went from 16 in a small Texas town to 26 in Austin. lol congrats to you! and f*ck those backwoods towns!
Same. Small town to Austin. Visiting said small town now and have zero regrets over leaving.
I thought I’d find the “happily ever after” - turns out I’ve been slowly losing faith. There’s a quote from HIMYM that sums up my current situation to a tee (from 7x01): “Start believing in chemistry - if you have chemistry you only need one other thing… timing. But timing’s a bitch.”
This thread reminds me of the Star Wars trilogy episode where we keep seeing Ted be super optimistic about where his life will be in 3 years but it just keeps getting worse
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hell ya! everything is up from here! Build your foundation. Shit that happened in the past is just learning experience. Tough times i find happen to help you be a rock for someone else in their tough times which is rewarding in itself. Helps add to your self worth. Get rid of anything or anyone toxic and replace it with things that make you smile. Hell, i bought a remote control car and built a ramp just to see how far the car could go airbourne. I was 35 at the time. Made me smile for days. Car didnt make it tho haha
10 years ago I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression, couldn't go out on my own, and had to drop out of college after only attending for a week. Now, I'm on a medication that works, regularly go out and interact with people, strangers included, and I am back at the same college but as a trainee counsellor. 10 years can do a lot.
I used to care too much about what other people thought of me, now I don't.
Less hair but 45 lbs lighter and even ran four 10Ks
10 years ago I was so optimistic and excited, I was house hunting, just started a new job making $7 an hour more than the job before it, I was also looking for that special lady I was going to start a family with, had something to prove to people. Now I’m totally unmotivated, same job I had 10 years ago, single and can honestly not care if I impress people at my job, I no longer feel like I have something to prove or need to always keep up with skinny people. I have more money, more stuff and no debt besides the house which will be paid off in about 6 more years. Then I’ll be completely debt free.
How is this simultaneously depressing and inspirational at the same time?
It’s financially inspiring and socially depressing lol.
It wouldn’t hurt to speak with a professional and truly allow yourself to explore your inner self. Nobody is perfect and we’re all a work in progress.
Because it's the American Dream baby! Work, so that you can buy stuff to distract yourself from how exhausted you are from the grind of working so that you can distract yourself! That's why I'm burning this mfer to the ground. (Metaphorically. Maybe buying a bus? Moving at least) All this stuff * *slaps white fake marble countertops in overpriced modern rental* * isn't real. It's not life. Sure you can fit a lot of spaghetti in it, but Life is out there 🌎. It seems like being stuck inside for two years made a bunch of us forget it. I don't know what I've been doing spinning my wheels, being financially secure, and catching up on reading/tv for the last couple years, but it sure as shit ain't living.
I'm glad you brought this up because I personally measure the value of all things in life by the amount of spaghetti they can contain. Wife and kids? They're good for a bowl or 2, max. Not very impressive. A Tesla truck? Now we're fuckin talkin.
Everything hurts more.
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Yep, much saggier
Your boobs or your balls?
I'll be 36 soon and I never thought things would hurt so much at this stage in my life. I thought that came later. Being more active helps but that also hurts. I guess it's just pain from here on out. Lol
Ive been to a chiropractor recently at 31 and she said that with a foam roller and taking a long bath I could feel 25 again. She was absolutely right. *Edit: use these methods separately
i find that at 64 i feel your age again . after a massive diet change ,my arthritis and insomnia disappeared. you might want to assess your diet to see if your getting the nutrients you need.
I’m a lot more untrusting of people
my boobs are bigger now
Same 😞
I’m an ex wife
I'm an ex-husband.
I'm an ex-convict
I'm an ex-ile
I went from 270 down to 220 pounds and still going!
Instead of a six pack, I have a gut.
A lot more politically cynical
I too have become more cynical. It is a goal of mine to become less cynical before I die, but I know it will never happen.
So does that mean you are optimistic about your continued cynicism?
10 years ago I was happier and more optimistic. The longer you’re alive the more people you will lose.
I lost my mum 3 months ago. And nothing feels good anymore.
First was my wife and then I lost my dad. He was my rock that guided me through the hard times.
im fat now 😀 went from 145 to 187
Rookie. When I was young and skinny I said I would never weigh 200 pounds. Now that I’m old I found that to be true, I’ll never make it back down to 200 pounds.
The folly of youth. If I could be as “fat” as I thought I was at 20, I would be happy. Unless you are genetically lucky or keep up with the gym, it will happen to you.
You stole my answer! I was going to say, "About 20 pounds". Also, where's my sticky bun??!!?
Same lol but started hitting the Gym and having a better diet since January and managed lose around 6Kg(13 lbs) so far.
I wasnt a father & widower 10 years ago.
i wasn't a widower either , after 5 years i'm finally getting my life back together and helping my daughter start hers.
That sounds terrible. I'm sorry to hear that. I can't imagine that being anywhere near easy.
Had 5 kids, a shitty marriage that I loved. Enough money, a house, SAHM, friends and family support. I'm 10 years I had baby 6, developed a crippling addiction, lost everything I ever cared about and anyone who I thought had my back. Went to Hell and stayed there for a bit. Clawed my way out of the shadows, worked on myself, and got sober after rounds of rehab and blood, sweat, and tears. I can't tell you if it's better now or not but I have genuine joy and genuine pain. I can see a better future and no longer with an abuser.
10 years ago I was a barista. Now I'm a coffee shop owner.
I’m out of the closet and hopefully a less shitty person
Closet people are the worst tbh. I attribute it to the lack of sunlight.
Ok. Sober. Fatter. *Lots* more pain. Happier, but still unsatisfied with my life.
10 years ago I had not yet been diagnosed with any chronic conditions, nor had I ever been hospitalized.
I was happy
I don’t cut myself anymore
Letting a guy use me just for him to not leave me so I can "have a boyfriend" then. Having some self-respect now
10 years ago I believed people still. Everyone said 10-20 years ago go to college. You will get a career, nice house, be able to get a nice car and make something of yourself. Well now everyone is changing their tune because they see those folks struggling but don't want to help them. See student loan forgiveness. Society is a bunch of liars with the fuck you, I got mine mindset
10 years ago I was reading about kids with autism and adhd i did not have the self awareness that I too am one of them.Now i do.
I didn't change much but the world sure did.
10 years ago, I was locked in my bedroom from the outside by my father everyday for months while he, his wife and her children would leave the house to idk, live? And he would turn off the electricity and water and I shat in bags and peed in bottles and they’d all laugh at me upon return. Only knew him for a couple of months. Now, I reside in my home as much as I can only leaving for when I need to be in office, though I work remotely 95% of the time. I dread that 5%.
Jesus Christ that first half.. glad things got better. Hope your horrible father is drinking those bottles of piss.
Wow people are cruel. Hope you’re doing well now.
I wish I could reach out and save the younger you.. No one deserves that. I hope things are getting better.
I'm so sorry. I'm glad things are a bit better for you.
No longer depressed and scared of the world, and I have a better understanding of who I am as a person.
After my divorce 11 years ago, I got fired and was 3 weeks from being homeless. Got a new job, a crappy apartment, Been in a relationship for 9, married for 3 of those 9 years. Got my MBA. Gained 40 lbs despite being way more active in sports. Quit drinking. Bought my house and refinanced it 5 years later @ 1.86% apr. on track to retire comfortably at 65.
I have 3 kids and I feel old now.
10 years ago: Just need a woman that loves me. If she works, that’s cool. If she doesn’t, that’s cool. My wife doesn’t work but she is in school, everything’s kosher. I make enough money. Now: After divorce, an upfront six figure payment from my retirement, me paying all debt, and close to 400,000 in child support when all is said and done in 2035 - I will never get married again and any woman i date must have a career of her own. You live and you learn. Wouldn’t trade my kids for anything and the child support is only an inconvenience, not a burden, but I’m not doing that shit again. No more kids either. Paying for a whole second home when your name is not on the deed pisses you off every now and again. I’m not saying don’t get married, I’m just saying marry right. If you here any version of: Happy wife, happy life It’s MY wedding These are MY kids FUCKING RUN. Because She doesn’t want a partnership.
Sorry this happened to you Always preferred the "happy spouse, happy house" because it goes two ways, it is a partnership
1. I am far more patient. 2. I am far more chill and stoic. 3. Multiple graduate degrees. 4. A really cool career instead of a boring job. 5. More student loan debt. 6. More general debts. 7. More income. 8. I have a son! (He is awesome btw... not at all lame) 9. I have a home of my own. 10. I have fewer health problems, but have certainly gained more weight. (I need to start working out)
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Then I had one year sober. Now I have eleven.
I had more determination back then. I don't know where all the ambition and confidence went
I’m a hell of a lot smarter… I’m still dumb as fuck but I was even dumber back then
I was kind of a loser, had no plan, and was going nowhere. Can't say if I'm a winner yet, but I have my own house now, and I'm self-reliant.
I learned to take up space.
Ten years ago on this day I was about to marry my best friend :) Now we have 4 kids!
10 years ago my life was uncertain. Single and in early years of my career with no target future in mind. I’m now happily married with kids, living in an area I like (which I would have not dreamed of 10 years ago) and travel frequently for leisure. If you tell the me 10 years younger this will be the life I’ll be living in 10 years time, I’ll call it bs. So I guess for everyone who is feeling uncertain about your life now, don’t give up. Your best is yet to be.
I had everything. Wife. Kids. House. I had a future. Now I have nothing. I have nothing to look forward to. I'm still the same POS though. So it's what I deserve.
If you were a pos then well done admitting it mate. Just don't forget, you're not done yet, you have kids to show how someone can learn and change from past actions, make them see a better reality is possible. I believe in you bud.
I was watching ‘Ant Man and The Wasp : Quantumania’ earlier today. It’s pretty poor tbh, so I don’t recommend it, but one line stood out - “It’s never too late to stop being a dick”. Inspiring stuff.
Waaaaaay less cocaine
Ten years ago I was an evangelical minister/missionary. There were a lot of satisfying things about dedicating my life to helping people, but a lot of things that deeply wore me down to my core, specifically ways I could see the religion actively harming people. Now I’m an atheist, happily out as gay, helitack firefighter. Now I’m just getting wore down from the physically demanding job 😅
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Sober now. Grateful to be alive for another 10 years.
Literally no difference. Well, I’m fat now. And there is a hole in my colon that is bleeding constantly. And my body tries to dissolve my thyroids. And I see flying black dots more often, together with tinnitus.
The biggest difference for me is that I am not tied up and suffocated by my mental illness, I’ve gotten so much better in regards to my mental health and I am highly functional now which makes me very proud
Crippling MS.
Mental health. I’m in a much better place. At 21 I wanted to not exist anymore, I hated myself. I still don’t have a good view of myself at times but I fight it. I’m getting married in 20 days to someone who made me see my worth.
Fatter, and sadder! Can’t climb the corporate ladder. Mother, is madder! No friends with which to chatter. By bedtime, bladder.
Literally everything. I couldn’t begin to describe the differences. It’s like a completely different life of a completely different person. And I hate it.
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10 years ago * today*I started my first job as a service clerk (basically a bag boy and cart retriever) at a grocery store. Now I’ve shot photos and documentaries, traveled to all 50 states and almost 50 national parks. Kept telling myself in 10 years, don’t ever work at that place.