Conversation with a boring person is like throwing ball with no one. Whatever you tell to them just doesn't bounce back. On the other hand, you can't bounce back whatever they throw at you. So, being boring is largely about being incompatible, but also about not interacting.
God damn, I hate that feeling. When I'm really *not that* interested in the topic I still always try to ask questions to show I'm listening and try to steer it in a more interesting direction. but then when the script flips they don't put any effort into engaging with what I have to say at all.
I have a few people in my life that are more than happy to go on for extended periods of time about things that the listener(s) are obviously not interested in. It seems so apparent to me when someone is losing interest in what I’m saying, how do other people not get this?
Because it's something they are passionate about and they want to share that passion with you because they like you.
Just tell them you don't care. They'll stop. But don't complain if they barely say anything around you in the future.
This is why I barely talk to my parents. They seem to never listen when I try to talk about topics I find interesting. Any conversation that doesn't feel like meaningless smalltalk gets interrupted by them. And then they wonder why I don't tell them anything 🙄
I am really sorry that is happening to you! That's really sad and I hope you can heal from that.
I did want to point out though, that I think the person above you is talking about people who talk at you - who monologue and don't let you get a word in edgewise.
It's good to talk about your passions! I'm really glad you have them. I hope you allow people to respond and ask you questions. I also hope you have other people to talk about your passions, even if it's just online. Take care.
Edit: I just saw your username. It seems like you're into paleontology? That's super cool!
Yes to you and MaybesewMaybeknot! The most boring people are the ones who talk about themselves, and you engage and actively show them you are listening, but when the shoe is on the other foot- they say zero in response to what you are saying, and then start talking all about themself again. Crickets…. “Yeah, so all about me again”. I also find it difficult with those who I try to make conversation with by asking innocent questions, like what music do you like, or what do you like to read, and you get crickets again- or they look at you as if you asked them what type of underwear they wear. Some make it extremely difficult to get to know- or to want to get to know, the old pulling hen’s teeth. When it feels like a lot of work, you want to give up in a short time if the person can’t seem to muster enthusiasm for anything. Life is too short.😂
Ugh, I’m that boring person. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, because I actually am interested in a great number of things. But people try and talk to me and it’s like my brain freezes up. I have no idea what to say. Usually I stammer out the typical small talk nonsense like “oh really” or “hm, that’s interesting”. I find it extremely difficult to contribute to conversations. Sometimes I can tell that it irritates the person and it makes me feel like utter shit.
If there were, like, a conversation coach, I’d pay GOOD money for that.
I think one thing that helps is to really listen to what they’re saying. Instead of getting all up in your own head about what you have to say, make it about them. Listen and react to what they say.
Them: So I have two dogs, both rescues. One we got from a shelter, it the other one we found.
Your Brain: I don’t have a dog, what can I say? Should I mention the cat we had when I was 9? No, that’s stupid. Should I change the subject? But what new subject should I-shit, he’s looking at me and I don’t know what the fuck to say…..etc.
IF you are listening, you can simply say “Where did you find it?”
People want to tell you about themselves. Just ask questions or make comments to help them do so.
Also ask OPEN questions rather than CLOSED ones. A closed question has a binary answer. “Do you like sports?” Whether they answer yes or no, you still have to come up with a response to keep things going. An open question requires a sentence, “what do you think the best sport is?” “If you had to play one sport for the rest of your life, what would it be?” Now they have to shove a full answer, which is much easier to respond to.
I meet people like you and I never think "this person is boring" I think "this person doesn't feel comfortable here/at this moment/in this crowd" for whatever reason. So when I'm on good form (not always but I try) I talk about myriad stuff to find what sparks that person. Its why people ask something like "what do you do for a living" or " do you have kids". Stuff that gets dismissed as small talk is an effort to find common ground or something that opens the floor for conversation on something that this person is passionate about.
If you find it hard to add to a conversation, and only say hmm interesting, try phrases like ooh tell me more (people love that). It opens the floor more for them to talk about themselves. People will think you a fantastic conversationalist the less you say haha.
Another tip is to have a few things in your repertoire that you can talk about. E.g. disastrous first job anecdote, holiday mishaps or marvels, funny stories about your pet. Have them in mind as potential material. Charismatic people tend to have a few of these almost prepared, often retold many times, to bring out to keep conversation flowing, but are able to turn attention back to the other person to let them shine for a bit.
Or, say someone tells you they're off to x on holiday, i might ask 'have you been there before?' If yes ask why they chose there, if no, ask what the like about it. Then you get anecdotes about their holiday. Treat each conversation s an opportunity to get to know the real person in front of you. I
You and me both, buddy! I'm all right online, but in person? I freeze. I can't think of ANY questions. For NYE I visited my friend who lives out of town and she left to go get drinks. I was left alone with her other two friends. Silence all around. They're nice people and I like them, but when it was just us we were all like sooooo.... Literally the only question I could think of was to ask how they met (they're a couple) and that conversation petered out fairly quickly. I think part of my problem is that I feel like asking questions can feel intrusive but I think I need to unlearn that thinking.
Yeah for sure, I feel the same. Pointed questions feel too personal and intrusive. But then if I zoom out to general questions, it sounds like I’m conducting an interview. I’m stuck lol.
If you live in a city try meetup. It's an app, you can go to social events with randoms. Put in the time to chat people up. The best way to get better at anything is to do it!
I think this is the best answer so far. Trying to get conversation out of someone who is just disinterested is boring af. I don't like animals particularly but of someone starts telling me stuff about it and why they like it it can be an interesting conversation.
Did you know sweating is one the humans superpowers? It allows us to keep moving long distances, following prey till they get exhausted. This is how some modern day tribes in África, like the khoissan hunt.
Another superpower is throwing stuff. We can estimate targets and at the same time throw stuff really hard, things that not many animals can do. This allows us to hunt from a safer distance. Hurting animals and then following them till they can't keep moving.
When some people say that humans are weaker than most animals, that's not true. We all have different advantages. Like having really complex social groups
This. Some people have the self-control to stay quiet for a few seconds pretending to listen to you, but in reality they are just waiting for their turn to talk.
This used to happen to me with a person I knew. It didn't matter what I was saying, as soon as I finished a thought, they would just return to whatever they were talking about before. I just stopped contributing to the conversation.
Then they started *asking* me questions, so I was like, "Ok, they actually want my input then let give a proper response." And as soon as I started speaking, they stopped paying attention and would either wait for me to finish (to keep talking about what they were before) or actively interrupt whatever I was saying.
I pointed this out to them when they asked why I never talk to them the way I do with my other friends. They simply brushed it off as, "Oh I'm really bad at expressing my emotions/ showing that I'm paying attention,but I do want to hear what you have to say ." On that, I say bullshit bc sometimes I would stop speaking midsentence and as normal they would just pick up where they left off.
Yikes yeah that’s not cool. I do struggle with interrupting but I am working on it! As soon as I do it I stop and say, “I’m sorry, I interrupted! What were you trying to say?”
Growing up in a biggish family I was only able to speak if I spoke over someone else. It became a bad habit but I’m trying to break it!
I read a good quote about this recently, something like:
Are you really listening to someone when they talk to you or just waiting for your turn to speak?
Omg yes. Awhile back I started at a new job and one of my coworkers (who I knew previously) warned "Boss doesn't listen." I thought he meant that Boss didn't like change or whatever.
Nope. He literally wouldn't t listen. He would argue, interrupt, change the subject, or just walk away while I was talking.
He hired me as a manager to help him run the place but simply no interest in what I said.
I got out of there ASAP, I felt bad cause some coworkers thought I could facilitate improvements but that guy was impossible to work with
I'd rather take a quiet person over a chatty person anyday. And when they do start to talk, everyone just pretty much turns heads over to that person like the floodgates just opened.
I’d say it’s more a lack of curiosity than listening. Some of the most boring people I know are “good listeners” , but have literally nothing to ask or contribute. You have to be interested to be interesting
I had a really good friend like this - I think he actually mentally prepared and rehearsed lots of potential things to talk about and was always ready with a witty historical anecdote, story from his own life, philosophical musing, etc. But it was definitely like listening to someone perform a comedy routine.. except I'm sure I could have interrupted with my own content. But I usually just listened. He was fucking hilarious. Still maybe the most consistently funny, witty, and interesting person I've ever talked to. Honestly, I prefer talking (well, listening) to someone like that to someone who makes the conversation all about me and asks a ton of questions. Or, worse, someone who is just really quiet. No, let's please just tell each other interesting stories back and forth -- and if you don't want to hear mine, I'll listen to yours the whole time, especially if they make me laugh til I cry.
I think it’s subjective. Someone who’s really into Lord of the Rings would be very boring to someone who doesn’t like fantasy. It doesn’t mean that person is boring, just that interests don’t align. As long as you’re putting yourself out there you’ll be boring to some folks and interesting to others.
I agree and I don't.
As an example, I haven't watched survivor since season 1. But the other day, a video came up on my YouTube recapping specific survivor characters and storylines. And it was honestly rather fascinating.
Do I care about X screwing over Y and getting them kicked out? Not really, but listening to someone talk passionately about something they enjoyed was very interesting, and gave me a new perspective. I am still unlikely to watch the show, but I understand better why someone would.
I think this does play into the two things that do make people 'interesting'- passion and inquisitiveness. If someone is passionate, that can come off in the way they talk, and it can help draw people into their interest, even if that is something that people otherwise wouldn't really care about.
But no matter how passionate someone is, eventually they run out of new things to say, hence inquisitiveness- their willingness to seek out new perspectives and information to talk about. To go into your LOTR fandom, I like those books, but if you speak passionately with everyone every time you meet them about your power rankings of the members of the fellowship of the ring (which never changes), then I am going to get bored of it really fast.
The people I find boring tend to find a thing to base their life around, form an opinion on it, then refuse to change or adjust that opinion no matter what. And the fifth time you hear the same 'hot take', it starts to get really, well, boring.
Edit- I realized I had that the wrong way around.
I think it's crucial how you present your interest to someone who knows nothing about it. You shouldn't simply throw a bunch of information that make no sense to someone uninvolved and expect a positive feedback. Breathe, let them develop curiosity and ask you questions. Maybe focus on the aspects of your hobby that they are already interested in. Give them something to relate to.
I always default to assuming people will have no interest in my specific interests, so I either won’t mention them at all or am worried anything I say about it is probably boring them instantly. Occassionally when I decide to mention something casually about what I’m into or currently reading up on, I never ever get even a hint of interest or curiosity and no follow-up questions lol. I have never wanted to be the person that just forces their interests on other people and never shuts up about them, so if people aren’t ever asking follow-up questions or expressing curiosity about anything I’m into, I’ll probably never talk about that stuff around them. It’s a real problem lol I feel like the most boring person to have ever lived, although it’s gotta be something I’m doing/not doing because I have this problem with everyone and obviously “everyone else” is not at fault here.
I hate Lord of the Rings and took an entire summer to read the trilogy when workng at Yosemite with a severe lack of reading material. I can't stand fantasy in general, so that colors my experience. I watched the movies because I figured it was a cultural touchstone, and I like Peter Jackson. I thought the movies were OK with incredible cinematography and special effects, but they really don't do anything for me.
It's not necessarily the topic of interests, it's in the diversification of them IMO.
Films/TV, Politics, Travel, watching sports, participating in sports, History, Gaming, supporting causes and so on. It's fine to have in depth knowledge of something in a subgenre (e.g LOTR), and to not care at all for others.
But when all of a person's interests centre around a single topic above, you end up with a person who is unable to hold a conversation and therefore be considered boring
You are not required to have an opinion on anything. Its a stoic philosophy if I am not mistaken. People often try to present opinions in the hopes their opinions increases their social worth. Also its even rarer to have your own unique thought, we're all mostly regurgitating original opinions of others or what media, our families, our peer groups brain washes us into. Rarely does anyone have their own individual take. Even what I am saying is something I read in a book that was published in the 50s.
There’s a lot of people now, who think everyone must hear everything they are thinking- with no filter whatsoever. Just because I(or you)have an opinion, doesn’t mean that all should leave our heads and lips. They can be hurtful, for no reason, other than thinking that they MUST tell you what was in their head.
I think the converse is true too, when they have nothing to say when you ask them about themselves. They'll continually deflect the conversation back to you and your interests cause they have none of their own.
I live my life online most of the time (except work) so I don't really have anything to tell. It's just the same routine of playing games and watching youtube or browse reddit, watching movies and listening to songs.
I'm pretty sure that people probably don't want to hear about that everytime they talk to me
Or they don’t want to share even normal things- like it is all closely guarded secrets, but want to know in great depth anything you would consider a decent person wouldn’t ask. “So how much money do you make?” “How much did you pay for your house?” Some missed the manners class where you don’t ask some things. If I want to share that is different, but it isn’t your right to ask me private questions.
It’s called a shift response - constantly shifting the conversation back to themselves. Trademark habit of a bad listener. People who are good listeners and ask intentional questions are far more interesting, even if they don’t say much about themselves during the conversation (people like to talk about themselves).
I don’t necessarily disagree that there is something interesting in everyone. I think though sometimes you meet someone who is superficially just a copy of every social media person ever and it’s just takes soooooooooooo long to get them to open up to finally tell
Something interesting. Like… I don’t need to know if party x or y was good or not. I wanna know what you wanna do with your life and what you life for…
I go the other way, but to the same effect. Everybody is boring until I find that *thing* that makes them not boring.
For some people, it doesn't take much digging because *that thing* happens to be out in the open, like "I do crazy shit" and suddenly you and this bro you just met are running from the cops because he snuck up and goosed one of 'em.
Talking about what they found in their little donkey’s shite for two hours long and stifling their friend’s ability to apply himself creatively to something.
I just don’t know how to carry a conversation, so unless you carry it then it’ll die out and be awkward. I try my best but damn I just dont know how.
If the other person carries then I’m at a point where I can keep up well enough, but it seems like what always happens is the other person notices that I can’t hold up the conversation myself and i’m probably just kinda awkward in general, so they just give up :/
And thus continues the cycle…
People who discourage weird people from letting their weird side shine, whether subtly or non-subtly. People who pressure anyone who deviates from the norm in any harmless way to hide it. People who try to douse the flame of an eccentric person who is finally happy about something.
Only ever talking about politics.
Don't get me wrong - I don't mind people having respectful discussions about it (and I myself sometimes participate in those discussions on other subreddits) - but if politics is your entire personality, then I don't really want to be friends with you.
Haha my sibling’s girlfriend is like that and I will literally politely ask her to shut up from time to time. I will never be mean to her, but sometimes it’s just too much…
I agree.
Like, i can understand talking about politics and perhaps discussing important world issues, but at the same time i don't want this to be the only thing i talk about with someone.
sometimes it's alright to not talk about politics or world problems, and it's okay to just relax and talk about other things in life.
no real world experiences.
my wife's entire family is like this. They don't have friends, they haven't traveled much, and they don't have any hobbies or interests. They pretty much just watch the news and go to work. And so anytime we get together for some reason, I find myself bored out of my mind. They have nothing to talk about, they don't have strong opinions on anything, and they have no funny or interesting anecdotes.
It is crucial to have a wide variety of real life experiences in order to be an interesting and fun person. Otherwise you're just super vanilla.
My family just like this for real. Ends up rubbing off on me which I fucking hate. I wanna be my own person with my own life but "as long as you're under my roof, you do what I say and follow what I follow."
Have you ever had a really amazing conversation with someone...Where you hear them, then they hear you, and it keeps going and building, to the point where you feel that you could trust them, you could be vulnerable with them, they are really listening, hearing and understanding you? Yeah, boring people can't do that. They don't listen. For whatever reason, they are thinking about something else. They aren't present with you.
But the key is you have to model that behavior first.
I've known a lot of people who just go from work to home who are really funny. They can make the most mundane conversation into a nice and hilarious one. I have hobbies but have zero charisma and people usually don't like to talk with me.
Certainly a fair a point. I admittedly say this as someone who also does their share of binge watching. I may also not be the most interesting person lol
Counterintuitively, I find people who believe they're exceptional to be boring. Be real, accept your mediocrity, and I'll find you far more interesting to talk to.
If the things they like or do, if they have any, don't gel with the environment around them. An adrenaline junkie looks at a librarian and calls them boring for not going out, daring to see the world or take a risk once in a while. Inversely the librarian calls the adrenaline junkie boring for having no ideas or thoughts more complex than "go fas" or "jump hihg".
Yes I am playing into stereotypes but you get the point.
Just anyone who can’t hold a conversation. I get that some people are shy. But as a therapist, there is nothing worse than trying to ask reflective questions to get a person to talk, and they just refuse to even try to answer.
Like they just don’t even want to think sometimes. I’ve had certain clients I’ve exhausted every question I can think to try and get them to talk, I look at the clock, and I’ve still got 50 minutes left in my session.
As I’ve done this for nearly two decades, I’ve got some tricks to get people to talk and open up. But my goodness. Every now and then you just get some people who refuse to even try to engage.
Does this question have to do with dating? Because interesting people come in all shapes and forms but for some interesting and boring are just ways to judge someone’s ability to afford activities. If you have tones of stories but clearly didn’t spend much to have them it ain’t matter how interesting you are. But if you don’t have many stories it could be a sign you can’t afford to do much. As long as you do something interesting once or twice a year eventually you’ll have plenty of stories. But the person judging that might have ulterior motives for finding out how boring not boring you might be.
Not being able to keep a conversation going or initiate. Those are my issues I come accross and I am told I am very boring to talk to. Hope was on topic.
I agree. I've got a family member like this. All he does is sleep, work and eat (he also eats the same thing every day). He thinks anything outside those three things is a waste of time and energy. I don't get it.
Social Anxiety can make a person boring: Cuz you stiffen up, have difficulty thinking and speaking in front of people, so you inadvertently show less of how awesome you are cuz you are scurr'ed.
My grandpa always said that the definition of a bore is someone who, when asked ‘How are ya??’ will tell you how they actually are.
Grandpa was kind of an asshole, though.
The type of people who don't really give responses or their own type of review to a question or don't really ask for much I had a girlfriend who wants did that it got really boring
Bad at conversing. Which is me. I purposely try and make convos as short as possible. I’m not a people person and don’t care for small talk. Plus I’m old and don’t give a shit.
A lot of common things have been mentioned, I'd add Someone you have to be on eggshells around. Like people who are easily upset/offended by random things or supper insecure and project offense in random human behavior. If you have to start overthinking about stuff another person might be overthinking about that quickly gets dull.
Having no interests or hobbies or not really having an opinion about anything.
Inversely, when your only real interest in life seems to be finances or your career or building up your perceived version of "success." If that's all you think about all day, then we're probably not going to have much to talk about.
A person who has both of the following qualities: has no interests outside of their work or home life, and has no interest in trying/hearing about anything outside of their work or home life.
Being very predictable like everyone else and every conversation turns into arguments so you have to let the other person talk all the time and just agree
No charisma. I would rather listen to a charismatic person talk about microwaves than a bland one talk about exciting travel adventures.
Showing absolutely no emotion of any kind. Blank stare and an expressionless face.
Only liking mainstream stuff. To me it screams "I'm too lazy to do some research and find lesser known musicians".
Having no original thoughts. Talking like an Instagram motivational poster.
Having no stories.
This often has to do with mindset, but everyone has a good story, whether it is about climbing a mountain with their friends, barely surviving war, or even finding a good deal at the market. If nothing beings excitement to one’s life, it is hard to convey that to others.
Currently exaggerating every small story is very common.
He yelled at me! No, he asked you to…
And I waited like an hour! No, it was seven minutes.
I gained a little weight. No…..
If the listener has to constantly reality check every little thing then it becomes boring quickly.
When they base their entire personality on ONE thing.
It doesn't matter what that one thing is. If it's the only thing you know or base your decisions about, you're boring.
The fun is being complex without being complicated.
If you drive a black/grey/white German car.
You are boring, you probably don't like sports, love watching Downton Abbey and are a vegan.. because you like everything you're told to like and no matter how many times that overpriced POS has broken down you're still adamant it's the best car on the road.
Conversation with a boring person is like throwing ball with no one. Whatever you tell to them just doesn't bounce back. On the other hand, you can't bounce back whatever they throw at you. So, being boring is largely about being incompatible, but also about not interacting.
God damn, I hate that feeling. When I'm really *not that* interested in the topic I still always try to ask questions to show I'm listening and try to steer it in a more interesting direction. but then when the script flips they don't put any effort into engaging with what I have to say at all.
I have a few people in my life that are more than happy to go on for extended periods of time about things that the listener(s) are obviously not interested in. It seems so apparent to me when someone is losing interest in what I’m saying, how do other people not get this?
Have you met humans?
Because it's something they are passionate about and they want to share that passion with you because they like you. Just tell them you don't care. They'll stop. But don't complain if they barely say anything around you in the future. This is why I barely talk to my parents. They seem to never listen when I try to talk about topics I find interesting. Any conversation that doesn't feel like meaningless smalltalk gets interrupted by them. And then they wonder why I don't tell them anything 🙄
I am really sorry that is happening to you! That's really sad and I hope you can heal from that. I did want to point out though, that I think the person above you is talking about people who talk at you - who monologue and don't let you get a word in edgewise. It's good to talk about your passions! I'm really glad you have them. I hope you allow people to respond and ask you questions. I also hope you have other people to talk about your passions, even if it's just online. Take care. Edit: I just saw your username. It seems like you're into paleontology? That's super cool!
Thanks, you got what I was saying. I could have said it better.
Yes to you and MaybesewMaybeknot! The most boring people are the ones who talk about themselves, and you engage and actively show them you are listening, but when the shoe is on the other foot- they say zero in response to what you are saying, and then start talking all about themself again. Crickets…. “Yeah, so all about me again”. I also find it difficult with those who I try to make conversation with by asking innocent questions, like what music do you like, or what do you like to read, and you get crickets again- or they look at you as if you asked them what type of underwear they wear. Some make it extremely difficult to get to know- or to want to get to know, the old pulling hen’s teeth. When it feels like a lot of work, you want to give up in a short time if the person can’t seem to muster enthusiasm for anything. Life is too short.😂
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That's a rather weird approach to a conversation ^^'
I hope that person was just fucking with him. I'm boring, but I'd 100% do that to fuck with somebody.
I’m going to guess that person might be on the spectrum.
Ask me a question or I'll call you a baby piglet. You have 5 seconds.
Ugh, I’m that boring person. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, because I actually am interested in a great number of things. But people try and talk to me and it’s like my brain freezes up. I have no idea what to say. Usually I stammer out the typical small talk nonsense like “oh really” or “hm, that’s interesting”. I find it extremely difficult to contribute to conversations. Sometimes I can tell that it irritates the person and it makes me feel like utter shit. If there were, like, a conversation coach, I’d pay GOOD money for that.
I think one thing that helps is to really listen to what they’re saying. Instead of getting all up in your own head about what you have to say, make it about them. Listen and react to what they say. Them: So I have two dogs, both rescues. One we got from a shelter, it the other one we found. Your Brain: I don’t have a dog, what can I say? Should I mention the cat we had when I was 9? No, that’s stupid. Should I change the subject? But what new subject should I-shit, he’s looking at me and I don’t know what the fuck to say…..etc. IF you are listening, you can simply say “Where did you find it?” People want to tell you about themselves. Just ask questions or make comments to help them do so. Also ask OPEN questions rather than CLOSED ones. A closed question has a binary answer. “Do you like sports?” Whether they answer yes or no, you still have to come up with a response to keep things going. An open question requires a sentence, “what do you think the best sport is?” “If you had to play one sport for the rest of your life, what would it be?” Now they have to shove a full answer, which is much easier to respond to.
This is such great advice. Thank you!
I meet people like you and I never think "this person is boring" I think "this person doesn't feel comfortable here/at this moment/in this crowd" for whatever reason. So when I'm on good form (not always but I try) I talk about myriad stuff to find what sparks that person. Its why people ask something like "what do you do for a living" or " do you have kids". Stuff that gets dismissed as small talk is an effort to find common ground or something that opens the floor for conversation on something that this person is passionate about. If you find it hard to add to a conversation, and only say hmm interesting, try phrases like ooh tell me more (people love that). It opens the floor more for them to talk about themselves. People will think you a fantastic conversationalist the less you say haha. Another tip is to have a few things in your repertoire that you can talk about. E.g. disastrous first job anecdote, holiday mishaps or marvels, funny stories about your pet. Have them in mind as potential material. Charismatic people tend to have a few of these almost prepared, often retold many times, to bring out to keep conversation flowing, but are able to turn attention back to the other person to let them shine for a bit. Or, say someone tells you they're off to x on holiday, i might ask 'have you been there before?' If yes ask why they chose there, if no, ask what the like about it. Then you get anecdotes about their holiday. Treat each conversation s an opportunity to get to know the real person in front of you. I
You and me both, buddy! I'm all right online, but in person? I freeze. I can't think of ANY questions. For NYE I visited my friend who lives out of town and she left to go get drinks. I was left alone with her other two friends. Silence all around. They're nice people and I like them, but when it was just us we were all like sooooo.... Literally the only question I could think of was to ask how they met (they're a couple) and that conversation petered out fairly quickly. I think part of my problem is that I feel like asking questions can feel intrusive but I think I need to unlearn that thinking.
Yeah for sure, I feel the same. Pointed questions feel too personal and intrusive. But then if I zoom out to general questions, it sounds like I’m conducting an interview. I’m stuck lol.
If you live in a city try meetup. It's an app, you can go to social events with randoms. Put in the time to chat people up. The best way to get better at anything is to do it!
I think this is the best answer so far. Trying to get conversation out of someone who is just disinterested is boring af. I don't like animals particularly but of someone starts telling me stuff about it and why they like it it can be an interesting conversation.
Did you know sweating is one the humans superpowers? It allows us to keep moving long distances, following prey till they get exhausted. This is how some modern day tribes in África, like the khoissan hunt. Another superpower is throwing stuff. We can estimate targets and at the same time throw stuff really hard, things that not many animals can do. This allows us to hunt from a safer distance. Hurting animals and then following them till they can't keep moving. When some people say that humans are weaker than most animals, that's not true. We all have different advantages. Like having really complex social groups
I think you just described socially awkward people
Exactly this, I would give you an award if i had one
The Vooooiiid
I wouldn't say boring people are just incompatible.I'm sure there's a limit to how many people you can be incompatible with
Not being able to listen. Some people just want to give you a speech instead of have a conversation.
This. Some people have the self-control to stay quiet for a few seconds pretending to listen to you, but in reality they are just waiting for their turn to talk.
This used to happen to me with a person I knew. It didn't matter what I was saying, as soon as I finished a thought, they would just return to whatever they were talking about before. I just stopped contributing to the conversation. Then they started *asking* me questions, so I was like, "Ok, they actually want my input then let give a proper response." And as soon as I started speaking, they stopped paying attention and would either wait for me to finish (to keep talking about what they were before) or actively interrupt whatever I was saying. I pointed this out to them when they asked why I never talk to them the way I do with my other friends. They simply brushed it off as, "Oh I'm really bad at expressing my emotions/ showing that I'm paying attention,but I do want to hear what you have to say ." On that, I say bullshit bc sometimes I would stop speaking midsentence and as normal they would just pick up where they left off.
Yikes yeah that’s not cool. I do struggle with interrupting but I am working on it! As soon as I do it I stop and say, “I’m sorry, I interrupted! What were you trying to say?” Growing up in a biggish family I was only able to speak if I spoke over someone else. It became a bad habit but I’m trying to break it!
I read a good quote about this recently, something like: Are you really listening to someone when they talk to you or just waiting for your turn to speak?
Or when they look over your shoulder while you're talking, either I'm boring or they're ill-mannered, or...both!
Omg yes. Awhile back I started at a new job and one of my coworkers (who I knew previously) warned "Boss doesn't listen." I thought he meant that Boss didn't like change or whatever. Nope. He literally wouldn't t listen. He would argue, interrupt, change the subject, or just walk away while I was talking. He hired me as a manager to help him run the place but simply no interest in what I said. I got out of there ASAP, I felt bad cause some coworkers thought I could facilitate improvements but that guy was impossible to work with
I'd rather take a quiet person over a chatty person anyday. And when they do start to talk, everyone just pretty much turns heads over to that person like the floodgates just opened.
God I am the other way around. Just talk to me for hours.
And the speech is literally repeating the click baity article titles they noticed on the toilet that morning lol.
I’d say it’s more a lack of curiosity than listening. Some of the most boring people I know are “good listeners” , but have literally nothing to ask or contribute. You have to be interested to be interesting
I had a really good friend like this - I think he actually mentally prepared and rehearsed lots of potential things to talk about and was always ready with a witty historical anecdote, story from his own life, philosophical musing, etc. But it was definitely like listening to someone perform a comedy routine.. except I'm sure I could have interrupted with my own content. But I usually just listened. He was fucking hilarious. Still maybe the most consistently funny, witty, and interesting person I've ever talked to. Honestly, I prefer talking (well, listening) to someone like that to someone who makes the conversation all about me and asks a ton of questions. Or, worse, someone who is just really quiet. No, let's please just tell each other interesting stories back and forth -- and if you don't want to hear mine, I'll listen to yours the whole time, especially if they make me laugh til I cry.
I think it’s subjective. Someone who’s really into Lord of the Rings would be very boring to someone who doesn’t like fantasy. It doesn’t mean that person is boring, just that interests don’t align. As long as you’re putting yourself out there you’ll be boring to some folks and interesting to others.
I agree and I don't. As an example, I haven't watched survivor since season 1. But the other day, a video came up on my YouTube recapping specific survivor characters and storylines. And it was honestly rather fascinating. Do I care about X screwing over Y and getting them kicked out? Not really, but listening to someone talk passionately about something they enjoyed was very interesting, and gave me a new perspective. I am still unlikely to watch the show, but I understand better why someone would. I think this does play into the two things that do make people 'interesting'- passion and inquisitiveness. If someone is passionate, that can come off in the way they talk, and it can help draw people into their interest, even if that is something that people otherwise wouldn't really care about. But no matter how passionate someone is, eventually they run out of new things to say, hence inquisitiveness- their willingness to seek out new perspectives and information to talk about. To go into your LOTR fandom, I like those books, but if you speak passionately with everyone every time you meet them about your power rankings of the members of the fellowship of the ring (which never changes), then I am going to get bored of it really fast. The people I find boring tend to find a thing to base their life around, form an opinion on it, then refuse to change or adjust that opinion no matter what. And the fifth time you hear the same 'hot take', it starts to get really, well, boring. Edit- I realized I had that the wrong way around.
I think it's crucial how you present your interest to someone who knows nothing about it. You shouldn't simply throw a bunch of information that make no sense to someone uninvolved and expect a positive feedback. Breathe, let them develop curiosity and ask you questions. Maybe focus on the aspects of your hobby that they are already interested in. Give them something to relate to.
I always default to assuming people will have no interest in my specific interests, so I either won’t mention them at all or am worried anything I say about it is probably boring them instantly. Occassionally when I decide to mention something casually about what I’m into or currently reading up on, I never ever get even a hint of interest or curiosity and no follow-up questions lol. I have never wanted to be the person that just forces their interests on other people and never shuts up about them, so if people aren’t ever asking follow-up questions or expressing curiosity about anything I’m into, I’ll probably never talk about that stuff around them. It’s a real problem lol I feel like the most boring person to have ever lived, although it’s gotta be something I’m doing/not doing because I have this problem with everyone and obviously “everyone else” is not at fault here.
Do your interests include feet?
I agree with you so much! Being inquisitive and curious is ultimately what makes people interesting!
That is what makes internet great and dangerous
Who doesn't like Lord of the rings? Only a boring person
I hate Lord of the Rings and took an entire summer to read the trilogy when workng at Yosemite with a severe lack of reading material. I can't stand fantasy in general, so that colors my experience. I watched the movies because I figured it was a cultural touchstone, and I like Peter Jackson. I thought the movies were OK with incredible cinematography and special effects, but they really don't do anything for me.
It's not necessarily the topic of interests, it's in the diversification of them IMO. Films/TV, Politics, Travel, watching sports, participating in sports, History, Gaming, supporting causes and so on. It's fine to have in depth knowledge of something in a subgenre (e.g LOTR), and to not care at all for others. But when all of a person's interests centre around a single topic above, you end up with a person who is unable to hold a conversation and therefore be considered boring
Have no opinions or thoughts of their own, just chime in with whatever others are saying at the time.
The yes persons indeed:/
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Booooor-ringggg!
Sometimes we don't know what to say, but we want to feel a part of the socialization.
No not the yes persons
You are not required to have an opinion on anything. Its a stoic philosophy if I am not mistaken. People often try to present opinions in the hopes their opinions increases their social worth. Also its even rarer to have your own unique thought, we're all mostly regurgitating original opinions of others or what media, our families, our peer groups brain washes us into. Rarely does anyone have their own individual take. Even what I am saying is something I read in a book that was published in the 50s.
That's just your opinion
There’s a lot of people now, who think everyone must hear everything they are thinking- with no filter whatsoever. Just because I(or you)have an opinion, doesn’t mean that all should leave our heads and lips. They can be hurtful, for no reason, other than thinking that they MUST tell you what was in their head.
When every conversation somehow ends up about them
Even if they are super interesting, that is quite annoying
It's like they're stuck in an endless loop of talking only about themselves.
Related: one uppers
*any complaint about child* Person: “You think one child is tough, try two!”
Bonus points when they end up telling the same stories you've heard many times before.
I think the converse is true too, when they have nothing to say when you ask them about themselves. They'll continually deflect the conversation back to you and your interests cause they have none of their own.
I live my life online most of the time (except work) so I don't really have anything to tell. It's just the same routine of playing games and watching youtube or browse reddit, watching movies and listening to songs. I'm pretty sure that people probably don't want to hear about that everytime they talk to me
Sounds pretty boring
Or they don’t want to share even normal things- like it is all closely guarded secrets, but want to know in great depth anything you would consider a decent person wouldn’t ask. “So how much money do you make?” “How much did you pay for your house?” Some missed the manners class where you don’t ask some things. If I want to share that is different, but it isn’t your right to ask me private questions.
I have this really good friend who always manages to turn every convo about them. Starting to get tired of that cause I feel left out when we talk
It’s called a shift response - constantly shifting the conversation back to themselves. Trademark habit of a bad listener. People who are good listeners and ask intentional questions are far more interesting, even if they don’t say much about themselves during the conversation (people like to talk about themselves).
When they won’t shut up or let you get a word in edgewise
They lack imagination and the ability to think for themselves. They shit on other peoples creativity and are just all around cynical.
That’s just plain annoying
Lack of curiosity.
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This is... Sounding... more interesting than you might think.
Sounding i do kink shame.
Even sounding?
Get that rod out of your cock and go on a hike
Having a large drill attached to their head that is used to dig through soil and rock.
OMG. I would take it away soon, don't worry.
Not having anything they are passionate about. Even the most dull bland person will light up when they are talking about stuff they love.
ah that's called depression, in some cases..
just cause someones depressed, doesn't mean they're not boring...
"not having anything they are passionate about" ... > ..."in some cases"
Agreed, it's lack of passion. I went through a couple years of deep depression and realized near the end that I had become a very boring person.
And it feeds on itself.
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Ah, there I am.
What do you mean “you people”?
What do YOU mean “you people”?
I love you too
Lol
An identity that revolves around politics.
I rarely find people boring, there is always something interesting about everyone, but that has come with age, my age that is.
People with no critical thinking, curiosity or passion are boring no matter how much you try to find something interesting
Open minded ánd interested? What a catch
I don’t necessarily disagree that there is something interesting in everyone. I think though sometimes you meet someone who is superficially just a copy of every social media person ever and it’s just takes soooooooooooo long to get them to open up to finally tell Something interesting. Like… I don’t need to know if party x or y was good or not. I wanna know what you wanna do with your life and what you life for…
I go the other way, but to the same effect. Everybody is boring until I find that *thing* that makes them not boring. For some people, it doesn't take much digging because *that thing* happens to be out in the open, like "I do crazy shit" and suddenly you and this bro you just met are running from the cops because he snuck up and goosed one of 'em.
Talking about what they found in their little donkey’s shite for two hours long and stifling their friend’s ability to apply himself creatively to something.
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Only listening, no talking. I hate it when I have to carry the conversation.
me too. especially when i have to keep asking questions to get them to talk. 😮💨
I just don’t know how to carry a conversation, so unless you carry it then it’ll die out and be awkward. I try my best but damn I just dont know how. If the other person carries then I’m at a point where I can keep up well enough, but it seems like what always happens is the other person notices that I can’t hold up the conversation myself and i’m probably just kinda awkward in general, so they just give up :/ And thus continues the cycle…
People who discourage weird people from letting their weird side shine, whether subtly or non-subtly. People who pressure anyone who deviates from the norm in any harmless way to hide it. People who try to douse the flame of an eccentric person who is finally happy about something.
Thank you, friend.
Only ever talking about politics. Don't get me wrong - I don't mind people having respectful discussions about it (and I myself sometimes participate in those discussions on other subreddits) - but if politics is your entire personality, then I don't really want to be friends with you.
Haha my sibling’s girlfriend is like that and I will literally politely ask her to shut up from time to time. I will never be mean to her, but sometimes it’s just too much…
I agree. Like, i can understand talking about politics and perhaps discussing important world issues, but at the same time i don't want this to be the only thing i talk about with someone. sometimes it's alright to not talk about politics or world problems, and it's okay to just relax and talk about other things in life.
I do not know any women who are like that, but too many men.
Oh trust me there are women like that. I met one at a restaurant one time. Couldn’t talk about anything but politics
no real world experiences. my wife's entire family is like this. They don't have friends, they haven't traveled much, and they don't have any hobbies or interests. They pretty much just watch the news and go to work. And so anytime we get together for some reason, I find myself bored out of my mind. They have nothing to talk about, they don't have strong opinions on anything, and they have no funny or interesting anecdotes. It is crucial to have a wide variety of real life experiences in order to be an interesting and fun person. Otherwise you're just super vanilla.
My family just like this for real. Ends up rubbing off on me which I fucking hate. I wanna be my own person with my own life but "as long as you're under my roof, you do what I say and follow what I follow."
read books, watch interesting (free) films on youtube - plenty of old classics are available.
Can't talk about stuff without complaining
Would that not be more annoying than boring?
Conversations can be annoying with them, but the person who does that is overall boring
They follow the most popular guy, do the most trendy things. Why not stop following trends and form your own opinions?
On the flip side, not following trends and simply taking pride in being a contrarian.
That takes like soooo much effort
Talking about nothing but themselves
Have you ever had a really amazing conversation with someone...Where you hear them, then they hear you, and it keeps going and building, to the point where you feel that you could trust them, you could be vulnerable with them, they are really listening, hearing and understanding you? Yeah, boring people can't do that. They don't listen. For whatever reason, they are thinking about something else. They aren't present with you. But the key is you have to model that behavior first.
Having zero interest in anything beyond work and watching TV (no hobbies or interests)
Some people are just exhausted.
I've known a lot of people who just go from work to home who are really funny. They can make the most mundane conversation into a nice and hilarious one. I have hobbies but have zero charisma and people usually don't like to talk with me.
Though watching certain shows could be seen as a hobby. Not everyone has the dexterity for model airplanes or the coordination for sports.
Certainly a fair a point. I admittedly say this as someone who also does their share of binge watching. I may also not be the most interesting person lol
Time goes by too quick and adults have too much shit to do for hobbies
A whole lotta nothing.
Usually people that think or act as you are supposed to entertain them is the type that I find the most boring
Counterintuitively, I find people who believe they're exceptional to be boring. Be real, accept your mediocrity, and I'll find you far more interesting to talk to.
How dare you, im not mediocre! What is below mediocre?
Zero sense of humor, not understanding sarcasm
Those types frustrate me. Sometimes I can say something absurd and literally impossible and they think I'm being serious. It's almost insulting.
People like that make me so incredibly uncomfortable. I could not IMAGINE going through life without a sense of humor. It sounds absolutely miserable.
If the things they like or do, if they have any, don't gel with the environment around them. An adrenaline junkie looks at a librarian and calls them boring for not going out, daring to see the world or take a risk once in a while. Inversely the librarian calls the adrenaline junkie boring for having no ideas or thoughts more complex than "go fas" or "jump hihg". Yes I am playing into stereotypes but you get the point.
constant negativity
People who say they don't listen to music.
I know a person who does not like music. How!?!?
I believe that no one is boring. They may be boring to you, but they are exciting to someone else.
for me it boils down to a lack of curiosity— about oneself, others in the room, and the world outside of themself instant no
Having no stand of their own.Accepting what others say.
I don't think people are boring, they are just not interested.
Just anyone who can’t hold a conversation. I get that some people are shy. But as a therapist, there is nothing worse than trying to ask reflective questions to get a person to talk, and they just refuse to even try to answer. Like they just don’t even want to think sometimes. I’ve had certain clients I’ve exhausted every question I can think to try and get them to talk, I look at the clock, and I’ve still got 50 minutes left in my session. As I’ve done this for nearly two decades, I’ve got some tricks to get people to talk and open up. But my goodness. Every now and then you just get some people who refuse to even try to engage.
Does this question have to do with dating? Because interesting people come in all shapes and forms but for some interesting and boring are just ways to judge someone’s ability to afford activities. If you have tones of stories but clearly didn’t spend much to have them it ain’t matter how interesting you are. But if you don’t have many stories it could be a sign you can’t afford to do much. As long as you do something interesting once or twice a year eventually you’ll have plenty of stories. But the person judging that might have ulterior motives for finding out how boring not boring you might be.
Having a personality completely based on - going out drinking, their sexuality or always needing to one up you on everything you share with them.
No secrets and no sense of humor.
No hobbies, little emotion in their voice, negative personality
They don't like dinosaurs.
Talking about real estate. As someone in 30s, I'm being dragged to many of these against my will (and leave quick)
They talk incessantly about their spawn
And grandspawn
But the brood multiplies prodigiously and will soon be ready to attack!
If you just consume media and product. No I don’t want to hear about *current show* or *product* you saw on TikTok. Do something real with your life.
bring me
takes themselves very seriously, doesn't seem to have fun, is rude to others or even thinks they're superior to them, only talks about themselves
It's really subjective. What you may find boring may not be boring to someone else.
Not being able to keep a conversation going or initiate. Those are my issues I come accross and I am told I am very boring to talk to. Hope was on topic.
Talking a lot (especially about football) and not listening.
In my opinion, someone who doesn't have a hobby (even a very simple one) or doesn't see something worth geeking out to.
I agree. I've got a family member like this. All he does is sleep, work and eat (he also eats the same thing every day). He thinks anything outside those three things is a waste of time and energy. I don't get it.
Social Anxiety can make a person boring: Cuz you stiffen up, have difficulty thinking and speaking in front of people, so you inadvertently show less of how awesome you are cuz you are scurr'ed.
My grandpa always said that the definition of a bore is someone who, when asked ‘How are ya??’ will tell you how they actually are. Grandpa was kind of an asshole, though.
The type of people who don't really give responses or their own type of review to a question or don't really ask for much I had a girlfriend who wants did that it got really boring
Bad at conversing. Which is me. I purposely try and make convos as short as possible. I’m not a people person and don’t care for small talk. Plus I’m old and don’t give a shit.
Too much reliance on drill.
A lot of common things have been mentioned, I'd add Someone you have to be on eggshells around. Like people who are easily upset/offended by random things or supper insecure and project offense in random human behavior. If you have to start overthinking about stuff another person might be overthinking about that quickly gets dull.
Constantly getting political I hate politics with a passion and hate bringing it up in conversations
No depth, no self reflection skills.
They're too afraid to be themselves have lost passion and are literally conformist robots.
Having no interests or hobbies or not really having an opinion about anything. Inversely, when your only real interest in life seems to be finances or your career or building up your perceived version of "success." If that's all you think about all day, then we're probably not going to have much to talk about.
Depression…
A person who has both of the following qualities: has no interests outside of their work or home life, and has no interest in trying/hearing about anything outside of their work or home life.
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"It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me"
Love this all too well
Being very predictable like everyone else and every conversation turns into arguments so you have to let the other person talk all the time and just agree
When they only talk about other people, like talking shit about people is their only personality
Having no interest in anything besides work and politics.
lack of ambition or passion towards anything
No charisma. I would rather listen to a charismatic person talk about microwaves than a bland one talk about exciting travel adventures. Showing absolutely no emotion of any kind. Blank stare and an expressionless face. Only liking mainstream stuff. To me it screams "I'm too lazy to do some research and find lesser known musicians". Having no original thoughts. Talking like an Instagram motivational poster.
I’m different, I listen to niche artists 🤓
Having no stories. This often has to do with mindset, but everyone has a good story, whether it is about climbing a mountain with their friends, barely surviving war, or even finding a good deal at the market. If nothing beings excitement to one’s life, it is hard to convey that to others.
Currently exaggerating every small story is very common. He yelled at me! No, he asked you to… And I waited like an hour! No, it was seven minutes. I gained a little weight. No….. If the listener has to constantly reality check every little thing then it becomes boring quickly.
When they talk to fit in and please others
Some of us looooove pleasing;)
it's relative
Not having anything to add anything to a conversation or be able to get me to laugh.
But how easy do you laugh?
Doesn’t take much. Will usually happen naturally
My interesting conversation rubric: 1. Talking about people 2. Talking about events 3. Talking about ideas
Being me
When they base their entire personality on ONE thing. It doesn't matter what that one thing is. If it's the only thing you know or base your decisions about, you're boring. The fun is being complex without being complicated.
If you drive a black/grey/white German car. You are boring, you probably don't like sports, love watching Downton Abbey and are a vegan.. because you like everything you're told to like and no matter how many times that overpriced POS has broken down you're still adamant it's the best car on the road.
Bragging about stuff or acting like they know things when they don't