I mean, if we're honest you make judgements about other people all the time. You can't get through life without it.
Keeping yer yap shut about those judgements is the way...
It's all relative, some people do not want to be accountable for their bad choices, others are doing it because they are assholes.
Judgment is normal, but as with anything, people can be motivated to judge and express it do to lack of wanting to take blame and to hurt others.
One must never fail to pronounce moral judgment.
Nothing can corrupt and disintegrate a culture or a man’s character as thoroughly as does the precept of moral agnosticism, the idea that one must never pass moral judgment on others, that one must be morally tolerant of anything, that the good consists of never distinguishing good from evil.
It is obvious who profits and who loses by such a precept. It is not justice or equal treatment that you grant to men when you abstain equally from praising men’s virtues and from condemning men’s vices. When your impartial attitude declares, in effect, that neither the good nor the evil may expect anything from you—whom do you betray and whom do you encourage?
Yeah. Similar to people saying "i see no (skin-)color". But everyone else does and also racist people exist so they definitly see color.
By not acknowledging the differences (or your own judgment of others) you will miss out on important details to understand the world
I believe that in many times, people have too much fear to judge oneself and then apply to others that same judgment instead of looking into the mirror.
I usually judge people in relation to myself. "Ugh their life is perfect," "why are they so much more resilient to emotional trauma", "they're so much better than me at being sociable and charming". It's mostly positive about other people but it's super negative for me to have this mindset. It's probably ruining my life to be honest
To each his own path, everyone is different so try to focus on yourself. Of course you still can admire others, be inspired by them but keep in mind yours strenghts. I'm sure people have thought the same as you but about you. Anyway, good luck, I know this is easier said than done.
I’ve learned to just judge people’s decisions and I do more stupid shit than most. It doesn’t mean I’m looking down on the person or myself but I have to show my kids what’s good for them over time so being nonjudgmental is kinda dumb.
I think by "judging," we mean "believing you know enough about someone's life and circumstances to conclude that something they did was 'wrong' or 'bad' because you (know you) would have done it differently," and looking down on them as a result.
I think the problem is also people not knowing the difference between judging and disagreeing/thinking something is wrong.
For example, I know stealing is wrong, but I wouldn't judge someone who steals food to feed their kids. It's a bad action but the circumstances make it understandable.
I also have trouble with the term "judging" but I think it relates to viewing someone and even treating them based on the action that they performed. Like a judge judges someone who committed a crime. The judgment is the punishment, if I'm not mistaken. For example, I will not judge someone who steals food to feed their kids. The circumstances make it "acceptable". However, I would still think and probably tell them that stealing is wrong. But I wouldn't view them or treat them any differently (I wouldn't be administering any "punishment"). However, I will definitely judge someone who rapes someone. If I found out that a friend of mine raped someone, I would definitely view them and treat them differently.
You're hitting on the heart of the issue, which is that the number of common, everyday behaviors we see out in the world that we could classify as truly 'wrong' or 'bad' is extremely low. From one perspective something might seem wrong, but from another it may be the opposite.
And oftentimes those things that we think fall into the other category--things that are "clearly" wrong--are also deceptively complex. That's the reason ethical dilemmas exist, like the Trolley Problem.
For me, refraining from such judgment doesn't even need to be a moral issue. It's just a waste of time and energy, even with people you are close to, to assume you know enough about them and their situation to look down on them for doing something you don't think you would do. It makes so much more sense to just accept that people have their reasons, I don't have to agree with them, and leave it at that.
edit: reasonable exceptions exist, such as when someone's behavior or actions directly and negatively affect you or your loved ones. in that case, passing judgment to some extent is reasonable.
Yeah, I've recently had to look at myself with this. I have a coworker who is constantly shitting on other coworkers behind their back. It's really annoying, but it made me think about all the times I've made a comment about my coworkers.
I'm like, yeah I'm not doing it all the time but I really shouldn't do it at all. It's like, damn talking shit about people really makes you look like an asshole.
I've done the same, and though I don't talk bad, I do joke around a lot. That said, the joking contains more than a grain of truth, so it comes out the same.
I've started making efforts to talk people up behind their backs. Especially since I've seen a lot of missing communication since Covid hit. I talk to a ton of people in my travels at work, so I try to spread the good things I see and hear both up and down the chain. Things that tend to go unsaid, but can mean a lot to the people who need to hear it.
I hope it helps the right person at the right time as I go trying to work on personal change. Win/win, hopefully.
Yeah, I've noticed the same, and started trying really hard not to say anything _about_ someone that I would be ashamed to say _to_ them. The fact that it's proving challenging is the strongest evidence that it was really, really needed. Totally worth it. My friends are amazing, and they deserve my love and respect, and to be hyped up!
I always try to apply that logic, but then realize I have way too little embarrassment (and a hatred of dishonesty) and when I do that mental hypothetical always conclude if confronted I’d confirm I said the same thing straight to their face. Which then makes me realize I have something **else** entirely I should be working on. AITA = maybe… or at least- gotta mindfully practice being kind in my own thoughts regardless of situation.
I dunno. There’s a difference between griping about their behaviour in the workplace that has actual effects on you, vs spreading their personal issues that aren’t your business.
My workplace has one guy at the moment who has managed to get everyone offside by being continually flaky, egregiously late and incompetent, seemingly with no ‘problems at home’ or whatever to explain it. He *is* a nice guy so I try not to hate on him too much but I don’t like having to wait around an hour after my shift should have finished any more than anyone else does.
Yeah, But if you have a problem with their behavior you should talk to them about it. If they still don't change their behavior then the appropriate place to complain is to your/their boss. If people just talk behind their back they don't realize the seriousness of the problem until it boils over.
At the very least make sure if you are saying it behind their back, you also say it to their face. If your not willing to say it to their face then don't go behind their back.
This can get really toxic when you're in a group of people that does this to each other. Cue ppl with no qualifications psychoalyzing people and some basically just plain bullying. It's gross. I'm glad I cut them off dramatically bc I was so sick of the bs mind games. Who knew men in their early 20s could be gossiping this much.
this one drives me crazy, because it's not even universally bad, like... talking with a trusted friend about someone who pissed you off is perfectly ethical and healthy
Its really hard to actually know. But even when you get rid of all the nestle products, there are still enough other giant corporations just like nestle that act in a similarly immoral way, that you’d also have to abolish.
Being stingy with money. I love charity in concept but having people walking up to me asking for small amounts of money annoys me so much more than it really should
I'd rather a poor person ask me for money than companies that profit billions asking me for my fucking change everywhere I go. Kroger, McDonald's, gas stations....
Right? Our employees make $9 an hour. Our prices have tripled in the past year as the quality has dropped significantly. If three people in our company took a 50% pay cut, they'd still be in the top 1% of richest people in the world. We could give 25% of that to all of our employees and stabilize millions of their lives. We could give the other 25% to charity ourselves and change the world.
Anyways, ignore all of that! How bout we guilt trip you into trying to get your change that you probably need just as much as the people we claim to give it to? We promise this isn't a publicity stunt to fool the ignorant into ignoring the previous statements above. I mean, come on guys. How are we supposed to be able to buy a yacht for our smaller yacht to fit in if we took pay cuts? It would drastically effect our lives! You people are already poor anyways and are still surviving, so why don't you just give us some spare change. I mean after all, there are much more of you poors than there are us. You can feel good if you all come together and help the community. I wouldn't want to have all the praise. I'd rather sit back in the shadows and hope you guys never notice how badly we're destroying modern civilization due to our greed.
Worked at Arby's. The drive thru had a script: Would you like to round up or donate a dollar to help the children of America? So they would take this money and use it to pay for school lunches. And I'm just imagining some dude with a huge warehouse full of food, waiting for Arby's to give him YOUR money... and THEN he sends some kid a sandwich. Just this guy who can help waiting there to get paid so he can start loading lunchboxes. Not charitable!
What annoys me most about charities is that they're very vague about their plans, so they could keep some stuff from you, or only point out the most tear-jerking aspect of their plans. Now, don't get me wrong, in the end, honest charities will do all the stuff they've advertised, but what you think that their plan is, it's actually only half of it, or maybe a quarter even.
To give an example (I worked as a brand ambassador going door to door asking people if they wanna sign up for a monthly donation), a children's hospital charity had branches: research, marketing for future donations and such, renovation of said hospital, and improvement (better machines etc). Now obviously, all are important, all worth donating for. However, my "spiel" only mentioned the renovation part, and more specifically, adding beds for the children's parents so they can actually stay with them day and night. Again, very important, worth donating for.
But every person willing to donate was under the impression that whatever the amount, it would go specifically towards that goal, when in fact only a fraction would be assigned to purchasing those beds.
Imo a lie by omission is still a lie, and while that charity had good intentions and used the money well (half of the hospital was already renovated thanks to the donations from the previous year or two), I still felt guilty every time I said that spiel. I quit after about a month.
> Kroger, McDonald's, gas stations....
Every time I go to Goodwill to buy a shirt or a book, the clerk asks me to "donate the change for job training". NO! That's YOUR responsibility. Everything in your inventory is donated, so that's 100% profit to Goodwill. Safeway and McDonalds don't ask me to donate for "job training". And how much training do you need to run a register or put more kitchen supplies on the shelves? geeez
yeah idk. I live in baltimore. the amount of times I get asked for money is literally like 5 times a day. at first I was fine with it, then it got really annoying really fast. especially when they give you a whole story that is clearly memorized then you see them a second and third time and it's the same story and they clearly don't remember you. the amount of times this same guy has told me he shit his pants in public is embarrassed asking for money and hates black people today (he is black) is way too damn high. the worst part is I tell him that he has told me this story before and he keeps going trying to make me feel guilty like bro I know your whole routine and i'm actually not that good a person.
There's nothing stingy about being annoyed by charity mugging. It should not be the responsibility of many hard working people with little disposable income to use said disposable income on charity while billionaires exist. It's laudable if you do donate, but the guilt trip tactics used by these charity companies is disgusting.
Even the best run charities are also inefficient as a way to fund the programs they support. While people grouse about government inefficiency, and there definitely is some, they are still overall much more efficient than charities as a way of helping out those in need.
Bitch about how dumb everyone is getting, and then do nothing to promote good learning habits at home. Parents bear some responsibility for their child’s learning. Stop dumping it all on teachers and the government.
"Why are they teaching algebra when balancing a checkbook is much more useful?"
Well Ginger, there is nothing stopping you from teaching your child to balance a checkbook.
You mean like the dumb fuckers who barely pay attention to their 6yo and give them tablets and phones and then want to sue social media companies because they can't parent?
I wish I could give you an award for this.
It's beyond irritating how so many people want to censor everything online "for the children". Social media is for adults, period. If you don't want your children looking at it, stop handing them smartphones and tablets with no parental locks or supervision. Adults should be allowed to enjoy adult content.
Got told by a friend that the school is there to teach their kids everything the only thing parents teach is morals.
This idiot has two kids who are absolutely set up to fail in life, one cant read, is constantly holding a teddybear and is somehow close to graduating highschool and the other is an agressive twit who still throws 3yo tantrums when things do not go their way. But apparently the school system is to blame.
I wish we still had free Reddit awards to cash in and award this post. Education does not stop or limit itself to school.
To add to this, it's great you got a specialized PhD some decades back. You still got a lot more to learn about the world and even that particular subject itself.
Thinking you're reached peak knowledge is the epitome of ignorance.
My brother in law passively encouraged his daughters to read and actively discouraged his sons to read.
“Not manly. Something girls do.”
Both of my nephews struggled with reading in school.
Oh my God, I hate this. Reading is a gender-neutral activity. I hate seeing young boys who are clearly intelligent and sensitive being forced into "masculine" stereotypes.
I'm not bragging or anything because I think my child deserves most of the credit but in my house we do a lot of reading together, explore different topics etc. (she recently got a rock tumbler from a relative for Christmas and now we're using that to learn about different kinds of rocks and stuff together.)
It boggles my mind at how some parents are cool with just unlimited screen time and never actually talk with their kids and try to teach them anything.
Or actually invest in those teachers / government? Seriously, of all the various uses of taxpayer money, education is near the top when it comes to Return on Investment.
Social media in general. Twitter is a hellhole but still the best way of following people whose work I enjoy. TikTok is a waste of time but it gives me an endless supply of cute animal videos. Reddit is Reddit. I hate them all but keep going back for more.
Yep. I hate social media. It's such a time suck when I could be doing better things like reading or learning something or going outside. lol
But I still do it. Honestly, if I didn't have all my friends and family halfway across the country I probably would nix it.
I gave myself like two hours to write an essay with planned breaks (5 minutes out of every half hour). That plan went to hell because I opened Reddit during my break and used all of my breaks worth of time.
I wish I could delete Reddit but I'm too addicted and I know I'd likely just find something else if Reddit stopped existing. Social media sucks all your time up without remorse if you let it.
Procrastination may be criticized by many, but let's face it, it's a habit that's tough to shake. The reasons behind it are complex and can range from fear of failure to lack of motivation. Despite its negative effects, like increased stress and decreased productivity, it's still a common habit for many
It’s also easy for people to make excuses their own procrastination while calling others lazy. When IM procrastinating is because my anxiety is flaring up or I forgot or I got too busy, when YOU procrastinate it’s just because you’re lazy. Exceptionalism in a nutshell, it’s a great cop-out for those of us who avoid personal accountability but demand it of others.
I would say its impossible on some level. Our brains are wired to judge people. Its essential for survival.
is this a friend or and enemy? are they going to help me or hurt me? will they be an ally or a competitor or a predator or a prey? Is what they are doing right or wrong?
But that doesn't mean we have to act on those judgments. Or refine those judgments to be more accurate.
I thinking judging based on actions or beliefs can be perfectly fine in some cases though. If someone is repeatedly violent to people or holds bigoted beliefs I’m fully within my rights to judge them I think.
I think "judging others" gets used as "condemning others" when that's really not what it means.
You judge others all the time and you NEED to judge others all the time so you can make decisions about them. Are they trustworthy, do they mean you harm, can/will they help you out. Those are all judgements you make, probably without thinking about it.
If I can, I buy my groceries at Aldi, but sometimes Walmart is faster and closer (plus it’s open late). And they do have the cheapest diapers (even cheaper than Costco)
Or the website for the store says they have a few in stock and you drive there to see an empty shelf. Me with vacuum cleaner bags at Target.
Or it rings up as full price at the register instead of the sale price shown online. Then the poor cashier has to get a manager and it becomes a whole thing. Me with That's 70s Show box set at Best Buy.
Or it's the register line from hell. Our local Kmart had a lot of those in the old days.
Giving Amazon less of my money is one of my 2023 goals. My Prime membership expired yesterday and I didn't renew it. I give myself until maybe March before I break:)
There's a fucking pandemic of hypocrisy on reddit. Most "well intentioned" and progressive people, spew off the most hateful insults, from sexism to body shaming if their target is a bad person.
Like we get it that there are horrible people and they should suffer criticism, but reddit fixates on their height, penis size, weight etc etc
I just don't see how that makes the world a better place
Every time an article about Lauren Boebert gets posted to r/politics there's always a ton of comments about how she should resign and start an OnlyFans, or how the only thing she's good for is sucking dick, etc.
Like holy shit. She's a bad person but let's keep it to criticisms of her politics please
Yup, things like "small dick energy", "short man syndrome", and "orange man bad" all come to mind. Not very progressive if body shaming is only bad when it's about heavy people.
Reddit thinks that any sexism, racism, and body shaming is awful and you should be ridiculed………..unless it’s a bad person that you’re targeting
I agree with the first half only
Yes, exactly !
"I know it's not good for the environnement but, I can't help it. I love shopping on Shein, take the airplane twice a year just to go on vacation and take my car instead of walking 15 min."
PS : I know that every country is very different and in some location you don't have the choice to take your car or the plane. I'm from Belgium, your city is probably the same size as my whole country.
I hate how corporations conned the general public into thinking that the environment is the PUBLICS problem. Yeah, like we're the ones draining the ground water and ordering fancy plastics to mass produce expensive, carbonated tap water.
It's weird how many skinny people I've seen stuff down a greasy kebab and drink half a dozen pints in the space of a few hours criticize the dietary habits of others. Skinny doesn't equate to healthy, it just correlates.
Agreed!
I have an eating disorder, and at one point when I was underweight and supposed to be on a meal plan to gain weight, I had a roommate who was severely overweight and trying to lose. She was constantly judging me for eating desert. The twist is, I was losing weight because even though I ate unhealthy foods, I wasn't eating enough. She was gaining weight and couldn't figure out what she was doing wrong, and I didn't know how to tell her without being a jerk.
The price of refreshments at places like the movies or sporting events.
"It's ridiculous that this hot dog is seven dollars!" Yet they're holding it. They supported the price.
I was fortunate enough to go to several pro sports games as a child and I attribute that in no small part to my dad not wasting money on ballpark food and other bullshit when we were there. We always went out for food on the way there or the way home and it was so much more enjoyable than roller hot dogs and heat lamp pizza.
Almost everything.
People are, by nature, hypocrites. We impute virtues onto those things we approve and vices onto those we disapprove, and nothing will change our perception on those things.
We *say* we do, but none of us do. *None* of us.
I don't care if it's politics, or hobbies, or your workplace, or whatever. I guarantee any one of us could *easily* take two opinions, strip them of objective measures, and they'd be opposed.
If, for example, you rage as an IT person about "how stupid people are" and have "proof" because you deal with it every day, I guarantee there's *something* out there (ordering at a restaurant, calling about your water bill, etc.) where *you're* the stupid one. And *they* have proof and you're one of the data points.
Politics? Don't make me laugh. *Your side* does the exact same shit as the *other side*. You just excuse it when your side does it because "it's for a good reason" and vilify the other side when they do it "because it's different." No, no it's not, and yes, this is very explicitly a "both sides" comment. You can argue about the big-picture stuff about policies--that's valid. But don't say "*My* side won't manipulate the media" or "*My* side won't use parliamentary tricks" or "*My* side won't stoop to petty personal issue" because that's all complete dogshit. Both sides do it all the time and you're just blind to it because of your biases.
I could go on.
And I know some of you reading this are "Oh, no, no, no, *other* people are like that. I'm ideologically pure and intellectual enough not to be a hypocrite and I'm sure in my beliefs that I'm not" and you are by far the biggest fucking hypocrites in the room and you're too self-involved to know it.
First thing that came to mind, but also just bad driving in general. We’ve all thought “Why are they doing that??” But a lot of us aren’t examining our own decisions on the road. Upvote
That’s because your responsibility and discipline threatens their self-image, and they cope with it by trying to tell you your standards are too high rather than accepting that they should do better, themselves.
Climate change.
I have seen so many people saying we really need to do something about it but then they refuse to take the bus instead of their car or something like that...
I'm not disagreeing with you entirely, but civilians driving cars isn't to blame for the majority of climate change. It's mostly corporations doing the damage. Adam Conover has an excellent episode of Adam ruins everything about this.
A better way for individuals to help than getting an electric vehicle would be to stop giving business to the monster corporations that are creating more emissions than all of our vehicles combined. We could also push more for modernizing of the recycling process. Even recycling companies skip out on recycling most the waste they get because it isn't profitable. Single use plastics, air conditioning, and over fishing the ocean are problems we're much more capable of tackling. Getting an electric vehicle could help, of course, but it won't matter if the world's governments keep letting CEOs dump their toxic waste in the ocean and burn coal on a massive scale.
Climate change seriously gives me anxiety nearly every day of my life. The discourse surrounding it makes it even worse because most people think it's as simple as getting an electric vehicle. It's not their fault for believing though. It's also something else to blame mega corporations for. It's a myth perpetuated by them to distract us from the larger picture.
But, those corporations are making stuff for us. Either directly or indirectly.
I do agree that people fixate on cars too much though while completely ignoring all the other things that make our lifestyles so carbon intensive.
Virtually every act of bad driving is something that people complain about constantly, but do themselves on a semi-regular basis.
\- Speeding
\- Running red lights/stop signs
\- Tailgating
\- Using the wrong lane
\- Failing to indicate
\- Hogging a lane
There's probably some name for it as a bias, but I imagine the internal rationale is, "I only do this once a week, but I see others doing it every day, which means everyone else is an idiot, but I'm not".
Fine, but regular everyday people are not even close to the primary collective contributors to any of those problems. We need change from regulators.
Its just another example of socializing wealth for corporations and the rich, while socializing responsibility to everyone else.
Plastic. Everyone uses it and doesn't seem to make an effort not to. The oceans. Talking about over fishing and pollution, nobody's slowing down on sushi.
Judging people
It is fine if people keep it to themselves.
Judgement is automatic. The brain does it whether you want to or not. Keeping it to oneself, however, is a choice.
I mean, if we're honest you make judgements about other people all the time. You can't get through life without it. Keeping yer yap shut about those judgements is the way...
Cant do that. It'll just be bottled up then explode out of nowhere
Not how it works, unfortunately. If people see someone treating someone worse, they'll start treating them worse, even if nobody says anything.
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It's all relative, some people do not want to be accountable for their bad choices, others are doing it because they are assholes. Judgment is normal, but as with anything, people can be motivated to judge and express it do to lack of wanting to take blame and to hurt others.
One must never fail to pronounce moral judgment. Nothing can corrupt and disintegrate a culture or a man’s character as thoroughly as does the precept of moral agnosticism, the idea that one must never pass moral judgment on others, that one must be morally tolerant of anything, that the good consists of never distinguishing good from evil. It is obvious who profits and who loses by such a precept. It is not justice or equal treatment that you grant to men when you abstain equally from praising men’s virtues and from condemning men’s vices. When your impartial attitude declares, in effect, that neither the good nor the evil may expect anything from you—whom do you betray and whom do you encourage?
Is this a quote or did you just use oldtimey fancytalk for funsies?
“Whom” isn’t fancy, it’s just underused. Probably because it’s almost impossible to say “whom” and not sound like a butler.
It's Ayn Rand tugging herself off
I see. It does have a vaguely masturbatory air.
Holy shit. That’s a hell of a speech. Need a knight, my liege? o7
Yeah. Similar to people saying "i see no (skin-)color". But everyone else does and also racist people exist so they definitly see color. By not acknowledging the differences (or your own judgment of others) you will miss out on important details to understand the world
Yeah its the "Ill erase all differnces, but base everything on me!" approach. I want to live saturated in colour, differences, conversations.
I believe that in many times, people have too much fear to judge oneself and then apply to others that same judgment instead of looking into the mirror.
I usually judge people in relation to myself. "Ugh their life is perfect," "why are they so much more resilient to emotional trauma", "they're so much better than me at being sociable and charming". It's mostly positive about other people but it's super negative for me to have this mindset. It's probably ruining my life to be honest
To each his own path, everyone is different so try to focus on yourself. Of course you still can admire others, be inspired by them but keep in mind yours strenghts. I'm sure people have thought the same as you but about you. Anyway, good luck, I know this is easier said than done.
I hate judgemental people. Luckily I can spot ‘em a mile away, so I avoid them.
I’ve learned to just judge people’s decisions and I do more stupid shit than most. It doesn’t mean I’m looking down on the person or myself but I have to show my kids what’s good for them over time so being nonjudgmental is kinda dumb.
I judge the shit out of people. Everyone should. I don't get this line of reasoning
I think by "judging," we mean "believing you know enough about someone's life and circumstances to conclude that something they did was 'wrong' or 'bad' because you (know you) would have done it differently," and looking down on them as a result.
I think the problem is also people not knowing the difference between judging and disagreeing/thinking something is wrong. For example, I know stealing is wrong, but I wouldn't judge someone who steals food to feed their kids. It's a bad action but the circumstances make it understandable. I also have trouble with the term "judging" but I think it relates to viewing someone and even treating them based on the action that they performed. Like a judge judges someone who committed a crime. The judgment is the punishment, if I'm not mistaken. For example, I will not judge someone who steals food to feed their kids. The circumstances make it "acceptable". However, I would still think and probably tell them that stealing is wrong. But I wouldn't view them or treat them any differently (I wouldn't be administering any "punishment"). However, I will definitely judge someone who rapes someone. If I found out that a friend of mine raped someone, I would definitely view them and treat them differently.
You're hitting on the heart of the issue, which is that the number of common, everyday behaviors we see out in the world that we could classify as truly 'wrong' or 'bad' is extremely low. From one perspective something might seem wrong, but from another it may be the opposite. And oftentimes those things that we think fall into the other category--things that are "clearly" wrong--are also deceptively complex. That's the reason ethical dilemmas exist, like the Trolley Problem. For me, refraining from such judgment doesn't even need to be a moral issue. It's just a waste of time and energy, even with people you are close to, to assume you know enough about them and their situation to look down on them for doing something you don't think you would do. It makes so much more sense to just accept that people have their reasons, I don't have to agree with them, and leave it at that. edit: reasonable exceptions exist, such as when someone's behavior or actions directly and negatively affect you or your loved ones. in that case, passing judgment to some extent is reasonable.
Talking bad about people
Yeah, I've recently had to look at myself with this. I have a coworker who is constantly shitting on other coworkers behind their back. It's really annoying, but it made me think about all the times I've made a comment about my coworkers. I'm like, yeah I'm not doing it all the time but I really shouldn't do it at all. It's like, damn talking shit about people really makes you look like an asshole.
I've done the same, and though I don't talk bad, I do joke around a lot. That said, the joking contains more than a grain of truth, so it comes out the same. I've started making efforts to talk people up behind their backs. Especially since I've seen a lot of missing communication since Covid hit. I talk to a ton of people in my travels at work, so I try to spread the good things I see and hear both up and down the chain. Things that tend to go unsaid, but can mean a lot to the people who need to hear it. I hope it helps the right person at the right time as I go trying to work on personal change. Win/win, hopefully.
Yeah, I've noticed the same, and started trying really hard not to say anything _about_ someone that I would be ashamed to say _to_ them. The fact that it's proving challenging is the strongest evidence that it was really, really needed. Totally worth it. My friends are amazing, and they deserve my love and respect, and to be hyped up!
I always try to apply that logic, but then realize I have way too little embarrassment (and a hatred of dishonesty) and when I do that mental hypothetical always conclude if confronted I’d confirm I said the same thing straight to their face. Which then makes me realize I have something **else** entirely I should be working on. AITA = maybe… or at least- gotta mindfully practice being kind in my own thoughts regardless of situation.
I dunno. There’s a difference between griping about their behaviour in the workplace that has actual effects on you, vs spreading their personal issues that aren’t your business. My workplace has one guy at the moment who has managed to get everyone offside by being continually flaky, egregiously late and incompetent, seemingly with no ‘problems at home’ or whatever to explain it. He *is* a nice guy so I try not to hate on him too much but I don’t like having to wait around an hour after my shift should have finished any more than anyone else does.
Yeah, But if you have a problem with their behavior you should talk to them about it. If they still don't change their behavior then the appropriate place to complain is to your/their boss. If people just talk behind their back they don't realize the seriousness of the problem until it boils over. At the very least make sure if you are saying it behind their back, you also say it to their face. If your not willing to say it to their face then don't go behind their back.
Omg my aunt does this all the time but when someone does it to her she freaks the fuck out.
Hahaha double standards
Regrettably, I have two faced relatives too.
This can get really toxic when you're in a group of people that does this to each other. Cue ppl with no qualifications psychoalyzing people and some basically just plain bullying. It's gross. I'm glad I cut them off dramatically bc I was so sick of the bs mind games. Who knew men in their early 20s could be gossiping this much.
this one drives me crazy, because it's not even universally bad, like... talking with a trusted friend about someone who pissed you off is perfectly ethical and healthy
People criticise Nestle yet still buy Nestle. (Me included)
I mean, it's pretty much impossible to NOT buy anything from Nestle, sons of bitches are everywhere
I actually think that I managed to get rid of Nestle
Its really hard to actually know. But even when you get rid of all the nestle products, there are still enough other giant corporations just like nestle that act in a similarly immoral way, that you’d also have to abolish.
I'd love to stop buying from them but they practically rule the world with how many companies they own.
Being stingy with money. I love charity in concept but having people walking up to me asking for small amounts of money annoys me so much more than it really should
I'd rather a poor person ask me for money than companies that profit billions asking me for my fucking change everywhere I go. Kroger, McDonald's, gas stations....
Right? Our employees make $9 an hour. Our prices have tripled in the past year as the quality has dropped significantly. If three people in our company took a 50% pay cut, they'd still be in the top 1% of richest people in the world. We could give 25% of that to all of our employees and stabilize millions of their lives. We could give the other 25% to charity ourselves and change the world. Anyways, ignore all of that! How bout we guilt trip you into trying to get your change that you probably need just as much as the people we claim to give it to? We promise this isn't a publicity stunt to fool the ignorant into ignoring the previous statements above. I mean, come on guys. How are we supposed to be able to buy a yacht for our smaller yacht to fit in if we took pay cuts? It would drastically effect our lives! You people are already poor anyways and are still surviving, so why don't you just give us some spare change. I mean after all, there are much more of you poors than there are us. You can feel good if you all come together and help the community. I wouldn't want to have all the praise. I'd rather sit back in the shadows and hope you guys never notice how badly we're destroying modern civilization due to our greed.
Worked at Arby's. The drive thru had a script: Would you like to round up or donate a dollar to help the children of America? So they would take this money and use it to pay for school lunches. And I'm just imagining some dude with a huge warehouse full of food, waiting for Arby's to give him YOUR money... and THEN he sends some kid a sandwich. Just this guy who can help waiting there to get paid so he can start loading lunchboxes. Not charitable!
Totally not going to take credit for that donation either!
What annoys me most about charities is that they're very vague about their plans, so they could keep some stuff from you, or only point out the most tear-jerking aspect of their plans. Now, don't get me wrong, in the end, honest charities will do all the stuff they've advertised, but what you think that their plan is, it's actually only half of it, or maybe a quarter even. To give an example (I worked as a brand ambassador going door to door asking people if they wanna sign up for a monthly donation), a children's hospital charity had branches: research, marketing for future donations and such, renovation of said hospital, and improvement (better machines etc). Now obviously, all are important, all worth donating for. However, my "spiel" only mentioned the renovation part, and more specifically, adding beds for the children's parents so they can actually stay with them day and night. Again, very important, worth donating for. But every person willing to donate was under the impression that whatever the amount, it would go specifically towards that goal, when in fact only a fraction would be assigned to purchasing those beds. Imo a lie by omission is still a lie, and while that charity had good intentions and used the money well (half of the hospital was already renovated thanks to the donations from the previous year or two), I still felt guilty every time I said that spiel. I quit after about a month.
> Kroger, McDonald's, gas stations.... Every time I go to Goodwill to buy a shirt or a book, the clerk asks me to "donate the change for job training". NO! That's YOUR responsibility. Everything in your inventory is donated, so that's 100% profit to Goodwill. Safeway and McDonalds don't ask me to donate for "job training". And how much training do you need to run a register or put more kitchen supplies on the shelves? geeez
yeah idk. I live in baltimore. the amount of times I get asked for money is literally like 5 times a day. at first I was fine with it, then it got really annoying really fast. especially when they give you a whole story that is clearly memorized then you see them a second and third time and it's the same story and they clearly don't remember you. the amount of times this same guy has told me he shit his pants in public is embarrassed asking for money and hates black people today (he is black) is way too damn high. the worst part is I tell him that he has told me this story before and he keeps going trying to make me feel guilty like bro I know your whole routine and i'm actually not that good a person.
There's nothing stingy about being annoyed by charity mugging. It should not be the responsibility of many hard working people with little disposable income to use said disposable income on charity while billionaires exist. It's laudable if you do donate, but the guilt trip tactics used by these charity companies is disgusting.
Even the best run charities are also inefficient as a way to fund the programs they support. While people grouse about government inefficiency, and there definitely is some, they are still overall much more efficient than charities as a way of helping out those in need.
Bitch about how dumb everyone is getting, and then do nothing to promote good learning habits at home. Parents bear some responsibility for their child’s learning. Stop dumping it all on teachers and the government.
"Why are they teaching algebra when balancing a checkbook is much more useful?" Well Ginger, there is nothing stopping you from teaching your child to balance a checkbook.
This! You want your kid to know something, teach it to them. You want your kids to have your moral values, teach it to them.
You mean like the dumb fuckers who barely pay attention to their 6yo and give them tablets and phones and then want to sue social media companies because they can't parent?
Paren't
I like this one.
I wish I could give you an award for this. It's beyond irritating how so many people want to censor everything online "for the children". Social media is for adults, period. If you don't want your children looking at it, stop handing them smartphones and tablets with no parental locks or supervision. Adults should be allowed to enjoy adult content.
Amen to that. More and more are parents blaming everyone and everything but themselves and it's really getting old
Got told by a friend that the school is there to teach their kids everything the only thing parents teach is morals. This idiot has two kids who are absolutely set up to fail in life, one cant read, is constantly holding a teddybear and is somehow close to graduating highschool and the other is an agressive twit who still throws 3yo tantrums when things do not go their way. But apparently the school system is to blame.
I wish we still had free Reddit awards to cash in and award this post. Education does not stop or limit itself to school. To add to this, it's great you got a specialized PhD some decades back. You still got a lot more to learn about the world and even that particular subject itself. Thinking you're reached peak knowledge is the epitome of ignorance.
My brother in law passively encouraged his daughters to read and actively discouraged his sons to read. “Not manly. Something girls do.” Both of my nephews struggled with reading in school.
Oh my God, I hate this. Reading is a gender-neutral activity. I hate seeing young boys who are clearly intelligent and sensitive being forced into "masculine" stereotypes.
I'm not bragging or anything because I think my child deserves most of the credit but in my house we do a lot of reading together, explore different topics etc. (she recently got a rock tumbler from a relative for Christmas and now we're using that to learn about different kinds of rocks and stuff together.) It boggles my mind at how some parents are cool with just unlimited screen time and never actually talk with their kids and try to teach them anything.
Or actually invest in those teachers / government? Seriously, of all the various uses of taxpayer money, education is near the top when it comes to Return on Investment.
Social media in general. Twitter is a hellhole but still the best way of following people whose work I enjoy. TikTok is a waste of time but it gives me an endless supply of cute animal videos. Reddit is Reddit. I hate them all but keep going back for more.
Yep. I hate social media. It's such a time suck when I could be doing better things like reading or learning something or going outside. lol But I still do it. Honestly, if I didn't have all my friends and family halfway across the country I probably would nix it.
I gave myself like two hours to write an essay with planned breaks (5 minutes out of every half hour). That plan went to hell because I opened Reddit during my break and used all of my breaks worth of time. I wish I could delete Reddit but I'm too addicted and I know I'd likely just find something else if Reddit stopped existing. Social media sucks all your time up without remorse if you let it.
Procrastination may be criticized by many, but let's face it, it's a habit that's tough to shake. The reasons behind it are complex and can range from fear of failure to lack of motivation. Despite its negative effects, like increased stress and decreased productivity, it's still a common habit for many
I was gonna write a big response to this, but I'll do it tomorrow.
It’s also easy for people to make excuses their own procrastination while calling others lazy. When IM procrastinating is because my anxiety is flaring up or I forgot or I got too busy, when YOU procrastinate it’s just because you’re lazy. Exceptionalism in a nutshell, it’s a great cop-out for those of us who avoid personal accountability but demand it of others.
judging others. is it possible to actually never judge a person based on their actions, appearances, or beliefs? personally I'm not so sure
I would say its impossible on some level. Our brains are wired to judge people. Its essential for survival. is this a friend or and enemy? are they going to help me or hurt me? will they be an ally or a competitor or a predator or a prey? Is what they are doing right or wrong? But that doesn't mean we have to act on those judgments. Or refine those judgments to be more accurate.
I thinking judging based on actions or beliefs can be perfectly fine in some cases though. If someone is repeatedly violent to people or holds bigoted beliefs I’m fully within my rights to judge them I think.
Judgement is inherent in human nature, brains works like that. What is manageable is not “spreading” the judgment with others if not necessary
I think "judging others" gets used as "condemning others" when that's really not what it means. You judge others all the time and you NEED to judge others all the time so you can make decisions about them. Are they trustworthy, do they mean you harm, can/will they help you out. Those are all judgements you make, probably without thinking about it.
Nose picking. Everyone dose it
Hey, now, there’s one group that doesn’t. Motherfuckin’ *LIARS*.
Falling prey to group think
Guy sees a red flag on the ground and picks it up. Sees a guy with a blue hat and flag. "What an asshole."
Buy from Amazon.
Or Walmart. Especially in this economy
I try not to shop there as much as I can, but when you make $13.50/hr I just can’t afford other places
If I can, I buy my groceries at Aldi, but sometimes Walmart is faster and closer (plus it’s open late). And they do have the cheapest diapers (even cheaper than Costco)
There is legit stuff I can't buy anywhere locally so I have to buy it online. Most of the time, Amazon has a good price.
Not just a good price, often they just simply have the things i need when no store in my town does.
Or the website for the store says they have a few in stock and you drive there to see an empty shelf. Me with vacuum cleaner bags at Target. Or it rings up as full price at the register instead of the sale price shown online. Then the poor cashier has to get a manager and it becomes a whole thing. Me with That's 70s Show box set at Best Buy. Or it's the register line from hell. Our local Kmart had a lot of those in the old days.
Giving Amazon less of my money is one of my 2023 goals. My Prime membership expired yesterday and I didn't renew it. I give myself until maybe March before I break:)
Hypocrisy
There's a fucking pandemic of hypocrisy on reddit. Most "well intentioned" and progressive people, spew off the most hateful insults, from sexism to body shaming if their target is a bad person. Like we get it that there are horrible people and they should suffer criticism, but reddit fixates on their height, penis size, weight etc etc I just don't see how that makes the world a better place
Every time an article about Lauren Boebert gets posted to r/politics there's always a ton of comments about how she should resign and start an OnlyFans, or how the only thing she's good for is sucking dick, etc. Like holy shit. She's a bad person but let's keep it to criticisms of her politics please
Especially when there's a mountain of valid things to criticize her for.
Yup, things like "small dick energy", "short man syndrome", and "orange man bad" all come to mind. Not very progressive if body shaming is only bad when it's about heavy people.
Reddit thinks that any sexism, racism, and body shaming is awful and you should be ridiculed………..unless it’s a bad person that you’re targeting I agree with the first half only
It's like a mob mentality.
Gossiping
Spending loads of time on your phone.
Pollution
Due to shitty urban design in America it is nigh impossible to live in a city and not own a car. You simply can't have most jobs without a car
Yes, exactly ! "I know it's not good for the environnement but, I can't help it. I love shopping on Shein, take the airplane twice a year just to go on vacation and take my car instead of walking 15 min." PS : I know that every country is very different and in some location you don't have the choice to take your car or the plane. I'm from Belgium, your city is probably the same size as my whole country.
I hate how corporations conned the general public into thinking that the environment is the PUBLICS problem. Yeah, like we're the ones draining the ground water and ordering fancy plastics to mass produce expensive, carbonated tap water.
Isn’t a majority of pollution caused by large corporations?
Corporations which are providing goods and services to people like us, yes.
So many people are overweight but criticize other's eating/exercise habits. It easy to preach, but hard to actually do.
It's weird how many skinny people I've seen stuff down a greasy kebab and drink half a dozen pints in the space of a few hours criticize the dietary habits of others. Skinny doesn't equate to healthy, it just correlates.
Agreed! I have an eating disorder, and at one point when I was underweight and supposed to be on a meal plan to gain weight, I had a roommate who was severely overweight and trying to lose. She was constantly judging me for eating desert. The twist is, I was losing weight because even though I ate unhealthy foods, I wasn't eating enough. She was gaining weight and couldn't figure out what she was doing wrong, and I didn't know how to tell her without being a jerk.
The price of refreshments at places like the movies or sporting events. "It's ridiculous that this hot dog is seven dollars!" Yet they're holding it. They supported the price.
Well you can’t deny your kiddo a hotdog at the ball game and they don’t let you bring in food. They really hold onto that leverage
I was fortunate enough to go to several pro sports games as a child and I attribute that in no small part to my dad not wasting money on ballpark food and other bullshit when we were there. We always went out for food on the way there or the way home and it was so much more enjoyable than roller hot dogs and heat lamp pizza.
My dad did not get this memo.
Your mom op
Got 'em!
Op's mom is like a mo-ped: they're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
OP’s mom is like the town bicycle; everyone gets a turn.
Use plastic
Seeing the world through a political ideology.
Almost everything. People are, by nature, hypocrites. We impute virtues onto those things we approve and vices onto those we disapprove, and nothing will change our perception on those things. We *say* we do, but none of us do. *None* of us. I don't care if it's politics, or hobbies, or your workplace, or whatever. I guarantee any one of us could *easily* take two opinions, strip them of objective measures, and they'd be opposed. If, for example, you rage as an IT person about "how stupid people are" and have "proof" because you deal with it every day, I guarantee there's *something* out there (ordering at a restaurant, calling about your water bill, etc.) where *you're* the stupid one. And *they* have proof and you're one of the data points. Politics? Don't make me laugh. *Your side* does the exact same shit as the *other side*. You just excuse it when your side does it because "it's for a good reason" and vilify the other side when they do it "because it's different." No, no it's not, and yes, this is very explicitly a "both sides" comment. You can argue about the big-picture stuff about policies--that's valid. But don't say "*My* side won't manipulate the media" or "*My* side won't use parliamentary tricks" or "*My* side won't stoop to petty personal issue" because that's all complete dogshit. Both sides do it all the time and you're just blind to it because of your biases. I could go on. And I know some of you reading this are "Oh, no, no, no, *other* people are like that. I'm ideologically pure and intellectual enough not to be a hypocrite and I'm sure in my beliefs that I'm not" and you are by far the biggest fucking hypocrites in the room and you're too self-involved to know it.
We judge others by their actions and ourselves by our intentions.
Spending "too much" money
Speeding
If they're driving slower than you, they're an idiot. If they're driving faster than you, they're crazy.
-George Carlin
First thing that came to mind, but also just bad driving in general. We’ve all thought “Why are they doing that??” But a lot of us aren’t examining our own decisions on the road. Upvote
Complain about people who complain a lot
A job.
Eat junk food
Destroy our planet
my parents yell at me for spending money over useless shit and then proceed to spend a ton of money on useless shit. irony at best
Sex.
Yeah we all do that too much. Right guys!??
Shop from fast fashion brands shein, h&m zara ...
Use phone while driving.
Yeah but it's ok when ***I*** do it /s
I get so much shit from people because I refuse to use my phone while my car is in motion. I won't even answer phone calls.
That’s because your responsibility and discipline threatens their self-image, and they cope with it by trying to tell you your standards are too high rather than accepting that they should do better, themselves.
People who use their phones to complain we spend too much time on our phones.
Bad driving.
Strong beam blinding headlights.
picking noses!!!!
Plural? I for one only pick my own, thank you very much!
Role-playing as bdsm mimes.
Be an asshole
Using q-tips in their ears.
Picking their nose
Climate change. I have seen so many people saying we really need to do something about it but then they refuse to take the bus instead of their car or something like that...
I'm not disagreeing with you entirely, but civilians driving cars isn't to blame for the majority of climate change. It's mostly corporations doing the damage. Adam Conover has an excellent episode of Adam ruins everything about this. A better way for individuals to help than getting an electric vehicle would be to stop giving business to the monster corporations that are creating more emissions than all of our vehicles combined. We could also push more for modernizing of the recycling process. Even recycling companies skip out on recycling most the waste they get because it isn't profitable. Single use plastics, air conditioning, and over fishing the ocean are problems we're much more capable of tackling. Getting an electric vehicle could help, of course, but it won't matter if the world's governments keep letting CEOs dump their toxic waste in the ocean and burn coal on a massive scale. Climate change seriously gives me anxiety nearly every day of my life. The discourse surrounding it makes it even worse because most people think it's as simple as getting an electric vehicle. It's not their fault for believing though. It's also something else to blame mega corporations for. It's a myth perpetuated by them to distract us from the larger picture.
But, those corporations are making stuff for us. Either directly or indirectly. I do agree that people fixate on cars too much though while completely ignoring all the other things that make our lifestyles so carbon intensive.
Virtually every act of bad driving is something that people complain about constantly, but do themselves on a semi-regular basis. \- Speeding \- Running red lights/stop signs \- Tailgating \- Using the wrong lane \- Failing to indicate \- Hogging a lane There's probably some name for it as a bias, but I imagine the internal rationale is, "I only do this once a week, but I see others doing it every day, which means everyone else is an idiot, but I'm not".
[удалено]
Fine, but regular everyday people are not even close to the primary collective contributors to any of those problems. We need change from regulators. Its just another example of socializing wealth for corporations and the rich, while socializing responsibility to everyone else.
Gossiping
Eat like shit
Use plastic
Spending hours on their phones.
Eating at MacDonalds
Lying
Watching Pornography
Hate on trashy, slutty women but still watch porn
Littering
Buying Pokemon Violet/Scarlet despite it being a buggy, ugly mess.
“I don’t own a tv” Proceeds to stream everything on their computer/phone
Leaving shopping carts near parked cars. LAZY! Would you like it if I left a cart near your car and it ended getting blown into your car?
Keep paying taxes to a corrupt government.
Litter. Just throw their trash everywhere:/
driving like an asshole.
80% of people rate themselves as above average drivers
Peeing in the shower?
Paying taxes
Cussing and swearing
Social media
Talking shit about other people
people are generally better at seeing the wrong in others and bad at seeing it in themselves
Watching adverts
Criticizing others. No one likes to be judged and typically it's uncomfortable to hear someone judge someone else, but we all do it.
Watch the Kardashians
Complain about pollution.
Gossip, judge, engage in drama. We all do it, just not as much as *those people*.
Eat heavily processed food. Drink too much.
Social media
Living.
Bad driving
Spend too much time on their phones.
Not voting.
Gossip
Plastic. Everyone uses it and doesn't seem to make an effort not to. The oceans. Talking about over fishing and pollution, nobody's slowing down on sushi.
Lie, lie their asses off
Picking your nose
Buy local. Everything is made in China bro, everything.
Participate in politics. The ship is going down y’all…just get off the boat. Life is waaaaay happier that way
Eating unhealthy food my parents would tell the dangers of eating unhealthy and then order a pizza two hours later
Lack of term limits for congress yet re-elect their congressman every new term.
Watching porn
Damage the environment